Slow down and smell the Roses

2019-08-29T20:16:00.000+02:00

Every day is a school day
A long time ago I read an article somewhere about how you can learn something from everything and everybody you meet in life. It sounded so simple and it intrigued me from the minute I read it 👀

Now I know the feeling when something resonates with me because it has to tell or teach me something 💝 However, at the time I had no idea that this article would change my outlook on life forever...

Mirrors
In my previous post I told you about my therapist who offered me a crucial part of the puzzle to get my life back on track after my concussion. This is just one of many ‘presents’ that I have gratefully received and embraced since I got the message about learning lessons from looking in the mirrors that are being offered to me through life 🎁

It’s just a matter of paying close attention to what you hear and see and to do something with whatever speaks to you. Now this may seem simple, but it isn’t always easy or straightforward. I’ve always been eager to learn, but I’m also human. I find it a lot easier to learn something that I'm curious about then to learn something that doesn’t appeal to me 😏

Lessons
A few months after getting my concussion I was done with it. Despite the fact that I knew there was probably more for me to learn from it (otherwise it wouldn't take so long) all I wanted was to move away from it as far and as fast as possible ❌

One of the obvious lessons I ended up learning from this experience was being patient. Allowing myself to go with the flow without forcing things. Even if the flow at the time was slow as molasses. It turned out to be a valuable lesson
Another thing I’ve learned from my experience is being present with whatever there is. I had no trouble being in a situation that gave me joy or that I chose to be in, but experiencing pain or fear and being limited in what I was able to do didn’t speak to me at all. Yet, it was an opportunity for me to learn and I am grateful now that I went through it all, gaining new wisdom I hope to use again whenever I may need it 🙏

You only see it
In Holland we had this famous soccer player and coach Johan Cruijff who had a very distinct way of looking at the sport and how to put a strategy together that will make you win the game. When facing people that didn’t understand him he used to say: “You only see it once you got it”. He was so right… 💕

Looking back it is amazing how many things I did learn from going through the motions of life and from the various people I met along the way. It makes me aware of the fact that everything is somehow connected and that we all have a place in it 🌎
But you don’t necessarily have to meet someone in person, as the example of the article I read many years ago shows. I don’t even know the name of the author, yet I am very grateful that he or she wrote that article about learning lessons from life.

Impact
Now if you look at this from a different angle, you yourself will be a mirror to others as well. With or without being aware of it or intending to, you have an impact. We all have an impact on the world that surrounds us by the things we do or say or leave behind.
So having a chat, sharing a smile, singing a song, lending a hand, writing a letter, sending a gift, making art, adopting a rescue, volunteering time to any cause you may want to support, picking up garbage from the street, it all matters 🍀

Finding purpose
This knowledge helps me in my search of finding purpose. It comforts me at times when I feel overwhelmed by things I cannot change or that lie beyond the responsibility of my own life. It keeps me aware of how precious life is and how lucky I am to be a part of it all. To me, that’s the Magic of Life ✨
Learning to trust that leading my life by continuous learning is ‘enough’, is going to take more practice and experience. Hopefully I’ll get the time to work on that…

With Love and Gratitude for Life,

Sandy McPhee

2019-07-20T19:58:00.003+02:00

Things happen for a reason

Before my concussion in May 2018 I was a busy bee 🐝 Due to my capricious and slow motion recovery I haven't been able to do a lot since. As much as I have been struggling with this, the situation I found myself in did enable me to learn some valuable lessons 💝

I guess this is the benefit of slowing down: You see more if you walk a certain route than when you are driving it by car 👣

Stress

After failing to pick up my work in October (I was teaching business courses in communication) I slowly became aware of how stressful my work actually was. I had to acknowledge my cramped body and mind as a result of it. Despite my experience, the raving reviews of my clients and the money I earned, I knew I was done teaching ❌ By the end of November I decided not to go back into my old profession. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Just before Christmas the neurologist told me there was no permanent damage done to my brain and that I should make a full recovery. I just had to be patient (not an easy one for me!) and listen to my body 🌸

I did my best to pick up the signals. I really did. But despite my efforts, I wasn’t able to build up any activities beyond going for a walk, reading a book or cooking a meal 😒 I knew I needed help to bring me to the next level.

Rehabilitation

In February I was accepted at the rehabilitation centre and my main therapist was called Anne 💁 A cheery young woman with curly hair and soft eyes. I liked her immediately and if it wasn’t for Anne I don’t know where I’d be today.

Anne gave me exercises to make me aware of how my activities and the world around me affected me. She told me to take breaks after everything I did to allow my brain to recuperate. I started of enthusiastically, happy to be able to finally ‘do’ something 😀

Soon I learned that using the computer had a huge impact on my brain, increasing the problems I had with my balance, eyesight and energy. The computer had become my savior and I was spending way too much time behind the screen, thinking I wasn’t ‘doing’ a whole lot.

‘Doing nothing’ was pretty hard for me, so Anne gave me tips. For short breaks she told me to peel and eat an orange or to sit and wait for my tea to be cool enough to drink. If I felt really tired, Anne said to allow myself to take a nap 💤

I felt like being 98 years old, but I tried to follow Anne’s advice.

Our third meeting was crucial. As Anne was asking questions about my experiences, it suddenly hit me ⚡

It wasn’t that my body didn’t give me any signals when I crossed the line. And it wasn’t that I didn’t notice the signals I received either.

But as soon as my body started protesting, my head took over, simply ignoring my feelings, telling me to go on with whatever I was doing. Once this happened, my body’s signals didn’t come through anymore while I kept busy ‘doing’ things.

As a result of this I kept pushing myself into the red zone, over and over again. Without being aware of it.
But now I knew. I just had no idea why I was doing this. Let alone how to stop it❓

Putting on the pressure

Looking at this a bit closer I learned how head strung this internal mechanism was. I became aware of the fact that I was constantly draining myself because I honestly thought I was doing the right thing.

Weather it was to ‘stand tall’, to prevent complaining, to avoid feeling shy, ashamed, afraid or stupid, to live up to the expectations of others or simply to help someone else before I’d help myself, this automatic response system kicked in as soon as I was facing any of my personal boundaries putting me in ‘keep going’ mode❗

Looking back in time, I came to the conclusion that ever since I started working, I trained myself very well in putting on the pressure. And this goes back 30 years…

At first I was shocked by my unexpected discovery but beyond the shock I felt relief. I knew that my observation was right and I felt grateful for being able to see and recognize what was happening. It was amazing how clearly this insight was. I felt as if being reconnected to my Self. An experience of true revelation 🙏

Some things had to drastically change to find my way to recovery and I was ready to make the changes.

New ways

It has become my priority to help release the tension that has build up in my system through the years. I know this will take time, but I have learned to become very patient going through the process🌱

I respect my boundaries and I take care of myself first now. It is not an easy thing to do, but I know it’s the only way for me to be of any meaning to others. As this is very important to me, it motivates me to stay on track.

I tend to stay within my comfort zone for a change enabling myself to enjoy more of what I am doing, learning and experiencing 🔆 This way I also prevent stress building up again. As a bonus, I am never ever in a hurry again. I’ve learned to appreciate and embrace the slow pace. And you know what? There is time enough!

I believe things happen for a reason. When this beautiful horse called H 🐎 hit me in the face last year, I had no idea what was about to come my way. By forcing me to a complete stop, she offered me an enlightening perspective to my life I would have never seen otherwise 🍀 I am forever grateful for this unique opportunity given to me by such a special animal... 💖

With Love and Gratitude for Life,

Sandy McPhee

2019-06-07T22:35:00.001+02:00

A Courageous Conversation

Today I went to see a dear friend of mine. On a regular base she organizes 'Courageous Conversations' as she calls her small scale, informal gatherings (after David Whyte) held in a beautiful Grand Café in the city centre.
There's no set group, so you never know who will be there. I love these mornings filled with love and unexpected surprises, meeting new people and sharing life experiences over coffee with a scattered tissue, like old friends do. Every time I go there, I learn something new. Always.

After we started talking, a common theme was slowly revealed. No matter how different our lives, our backgrounds, our dreams or hopes may be, we all had experienced feelings of loneliness. And neither of us had sweet memories about it. The inevidable sensation of feeling all alone, despite or sometimes even without the consolation and support from others, have been a tough lesson for all of us to learn.

Being with what Is

Looking back on the past year, I've had my share of loneliness as well. After a horse hit me in the face, leaving me with a concussion, I failed to recover from it. Every improvement I made was followed by a set back and time just seemed to be passing by without any real progress being made. At some point, almost seven months after the accident, I didn't know what to do anymore. I was almost unable to move, literally. Despair and solitude was all there was left for me to feel.

Constrained by my situation I couldn't do much else than giving up the fight. Unconsciously I let myself sink into my feelings, facing what was in front of me.
After I allowed myself to do this, the opposite from what I had expected, happened.

I did not disappear. I was not being swallowed, nor over flown by my emotions. In fact, almost immediately after giving up resistance, my feelings started softening and my spinning thoughts came to a rest. It was a revelation and it taught me the valuable lesson of 'Being with what Is'.

Despite the fact that it has been a bumpy road, I am very grateful for this experience that I wouldn't have wanted to miss for the world.

Friendship

This sunny Spring morning in the Grand Café, seven courageous people shared their stories about loneliness. They showed their vulnerability and offered each other friendship. It was a magical, heartfelt moment in time and I feel so fortunate to have been a part of it. Thank you!

Today, again, I've learned something. I've learned that we are all just wanderers going through the motions of life, trying to deal with whatever we have to face, as good as we can. Nobody on this planet holds all the answers, but we all do have a piece of the puzzle.

It's worthwhile to listen to each others stories. To spend some time together, to share a meal or to have a drink and to be the best friend you possibly can. For there will be a time you may need one yourself...

With love and gratitude for Life,

Sandy McPhee