It doesn't get any better than this!

Heidi's pumpkin party!

2011-11-09T14:54:00.000-08:00

Every year my friend Heidi comes back to our neck of the woods from hers and her in laws host a huge pumpkin carving party on their farm. It is very fun and something we look forward to all year! This was Heidi's first meeting of Torin.

I love Fall.

a little behind.

2011-11-09T14:42:00.000-08:00

I hopped in yesterday to find something I had posted and realized I only had to go back a few pages before I hit last year. I keep saying I am going to try and be better but the reality is that I am just under water most of the time. With three boys under 5 I am busy and exhausted. So I will try to catch up a bit and see what happens. I will hope to be better about posting this coming year...

Grayson is enjoying preschool for the second year. We are still at the coop and this year I am the class rep/coordinator. It is a lot more work than I expected it would be but overall it ~~isn't~~ horrible. (read: I won't be doing it again as long as I have babies) He has really come into his own this year and loves to build elaborate marble runs out of various materials Teacher P pulls out for him. He has become known as quite the little architect to his friends and they all wait for him to come and help them construct these fun tracks. He also still really enjoys art and imaginative play. He is a lovely helper and awesome big brother too!

Jaxon has learned the word no. And says it quite often. I think I hear it in my sleep he says it so much. He loves helping me clean the house and play with his toys and coloring. He loves learning new things and watching Grayson do things and trying them too. Usually he is successful. He is very social and loves to play with friends and say hi to people. He is also a great big brother, always asking to hold Torin or nurse him. Yes you read that right, he seems to think he too has breast milk and Torin needs it. He has asked to nurse him more than a few times. No matter how I tell him he doesn't have milk, he wants to try anyway. lol

Torin just discovered his smile and uses it often. He is a VERY happy baby and a great sleeper already like Jaxon was/is. He smiles non-stop and is learning to laugh. He enjoys nursing, "playing" with his brothers and sleeping with mommy. Oh and nursing. :)

Zack's job is going well and is almost to the two year mark. It is hard to believe the 18 months of joblessness is so long ago. It is almost just a memory. We are still recovering but we are almost there. Life is mostly ok.

I am learning to juggle 3 little boys the house and everything else. I will admit that usually one of them is "hitting the floor" but I am quick to "pick it up" and keep on trucking. I think this is all a really great lesson for me in what is a priority and what isn't. I have always been a bit of a control freak and I just can't control it all now, or most of it in fact. I am a quick learner luckily.

SO on the fun stuff... up next Heidi's pumpkin party!

From Jaimey to Mommy in 4.2 seconds

2011-10-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

I just looked down a realized my leg hair is probably longer than my husbands. Hot. If you are in to that, that's cool but I am not. Er, never was.

Somewhere along the way, I went from Jaimey to Mommy. It happens to the best of us, in the blink of an eye and before you know it, only shreds of your former self remain. I SWORE it would never happen to me. I would never get lost in my marriage, never be the slave to my kids and my role as mommy and wife. It's one of the reasons I hyphenated my last name. Marriage was an addition to my life, not a hostile take over.

And yet, here I sit with mile-long-leg hair. My hair in a perpetual Mommy-tail and frumpy cozy clothes after the kids go to bed, folding mountains and mountains of laundry. The sea of tiny clothing, begging to be put on tiny squishy bodies. Bodies that came from mine that I would give my life for, that as a mommy you put on this earth and it's as if your entire soul is walking away from your body with a mind of it's own and free will. You will feel every hurt they feel, every achievement and in that time you teach them and hope that you taught them everything they need to know.

So while I swore I would never be that woman, the woman who loses herself in her family I realize that I have and I am. And man am I happy I did. I could not be happier about my choice to be a mom. I love my life and my kids, through every tear and laugh. With mile long leg hair and my perma Mommy-tail and mountains of laundry. I am good with it.

Baby bean

2011-10-01T22:56:00.000-07:00

Torin James 3.5 days old.

8lb 11 oz

Photos by Elle Zober of Zoberimages.com

Torin James is here!!

2011-09-16T20:47:00.000-07:00

I am slightly delayed but here is his story!

I woke up on Aug 30, his due date feeling like things were different. I started noticing contractions about 30 minutes apart from 6 am- about 1pm when I laid down to take a nap. I woke up an hour later with them closer to 15 minutes apart. I told Zack things were getting quicker. I busied myself getting the last minute things into bags for the boys and myself and toward the door.

About 3 I said it was time to get the kids to our friends house and head to the hospital. I had planned on going to the same hospital I had Jaxon at but when I called and told them I was headed there and had been 4cm for a few weeks the nurse freaked out a little, given my vba2c status. I was urged to go the the hospital that is closer. I hung up and told Zack what they said. I drove the kids to my friends house so I could give her my car as well with Zack following closely behind.

Once I got there my phone started ringing again. I answered knowing it was the nurse, she said that two the major highways around the hospital had been closed due to fire and the traffic on the one I would be taking would be horrible. She was very concerned that I wouldn't make it the 35 miles in that kind of traffic. It was decided I would head to the other hospital.

Zack and I left my friend Diana's house and headed to the hospital. The kids were in great hands and it was so nice to not have to worry about them while I was busy. My contractions picked up in the car on the way to the hospital. Once we got there and and got me up to the check in area the nurses seemed to think I wasn't in labor or something, this seems to be common practice I think. Assume you are crazy and can't figure out a 9 lb watermelon is trying to exit your body... One nurse says, "Let's get her to triage and see if she is in labor." I confirmed "This is labor, 4th baby, I am pretty sure I know labor. And I have been 4 cm for weeks. This baby is coming!" I was a little ticked off.

DO NOT PISS OF A LABORING MAMA! seriously. who does that?!

So I got checked in and was indeed 6cm and in labor (duh). A few minutes later, I was escorted to my room. Upon entering I was greeted my a midwife, one I had been told was great so that was a relief, who told me if I wanted an epidural I should say so now. My doula (same amazing woman as last time) wasn't even there yet, and I said as much and passed.

Shannon (my Doula) got there about 6pm and thank goodness because so did the back labor! She was amazing as she had been before. She rubbed and massaged and pressed as hard as she could on my lower back. She was great at keeping me grounded. When I forgot to breath, she would breath really loud and remind me. When I needed more pressure she pushed. I can not recommend her highly enough. I wish everyone I knew would use her. They would not regret it.

Zack was in charge of photography during this time.

Hours of laboring like this, eating ice chips (which was no issue for me! I was pretty anemic this time around and ice was my favorite treat!) and being monitored and timed. I learned that I had roughly 2 hours to get to 8 cm because of my vba2c status (vaginal birth after 2 cesareans) and they were concerned about uterine rupture and hemorrhage because I lost so much blood with Jaxon.

Around 930 or so I was getting tired, I had held it together pretty well except when I went to the bathroom and for whatever reason that position had made my body contract in such a way it scared me! The most guttural hollers were coming out of me that I couldn't control. The midwife walked back in after stepping out and upon hearing this started yelling to get me out of there, I could hear the concern in her voice. I could see something going very wrong and so could she. Once I got back to my spot on the bed things calmed down quickly, my doula resumed her position and I regained my composure. Not long later I asked for something to take the edge off. The midwife basically said Fat Chance Charlie. Something about being too far along at 9cm. She broke my water and I got to 10cm quickly.

You are ready to push! She proclaimed.

GREAT?! REALLY?! NO I AM NOT!!! Holy hell, I wanted a c section in that very moment. I wanted to rewind and pretend I had never asked for any of this! You know that feeling you get of dread when you see the mess you are in and worse yet when you CHOSE to put yourself there?!

She kept yelling at me that I could do this and that I WAS doing this. That I needed to push. Honestly, I tried so hard to not push, but since there is only one exit that late in the game I had no choice. So I pushed. Luckily for me only a few times and he was out.

The nurse said I pushed for 9 minutes but "the first set didn't could cause I was pulling him back in" Lovely. :) So 6-9 minutes depending on who you ask...

Of PURE. TORTURE.

Holy hell child birth hurts. Natural child birth sucks a lot! And if you asked me in the first few days you would have heard no way in HELL was I doing that again! But I have come to my senses and would do it again. The healing has been much nicer than a c section.

So I got my vba2c! I am very very happy about that part.

Without further ado, welcome

Torin "Bacon" James
8 lb 13 oz
22"
14.5" head
(cause that is really all that matters!)
@ 10:39 pm

compare to Jaxon's Birth.

Hiccups

2011-07-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

I am watching my belly bounce and jiggle around. Baby boy has hiccups.

Again.

He gets them a lot. So did my other children. All except for Jonathan. He never had then that I remember.

It makes me very thankful to watch my belly jump and poke out as this little boy tries to get comfortable. I am thankful this little boy is healthy and headed into our arms. I can't wait.

Literally.

Get out. :)

You have less than 6 weeks little boy until your eviction notice gets handed to you... but 4 weeks would be lovely. Just sayin'.

I'm alive

2011-07-14T23:24:00.000-07:00

I can always tell when I have been away too long. Thank you for Melissa for calling me out of hiding. :) I am fine. All is well. I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and the bean is fine. He is another boy, not sure if I updated that before I wandered off... Apparently we only make boys.

Anyway, Zack's job is going well. He has been working a lot of hours and we miss him. I keep joking that we are going to name the baby Jim after his boss, since he is always with the guy. He doesn't think I am funny somehow. Honestly, I am just thankful he has a job and that we have less stress on that end.

I am still staying at home with the boys, struggling to keep it somewhat clean as they work their messy magic in circles around me. I heard it said once that cleaning while you have young children is like shoveling snow while it is snowing. I firmly believe this. Unfortunately, you can't stop either, then it just get completely out of hand. So I just keep on trucking and then at the end of the day curl up in the fetal position and rock, hoping when I open my eyes the mess will be gone. Hasn't worked for the record.

Beyond that, life is calm. We are enjoying our mild summer. I just smile when people complain that Oregon isn't sunny right now. We have had rain all week. I just say my little prayer to the Universe that it isn't hot and boiling and say KEEP it COMING! Sorry friends, it's me, I admit it. I keep the sun at bay! :)

I will try to check in soon. If I can get out of my fetal position more often.

g mail!

2011-04-07T22:54:00.000-07:00

Even since I was a little girl I have always loved getting mail!
As a grown up with responsibility and bills that has only intensified, because it's so far between "fun mail". My favorite mail one of my favorite letters on the front of it...

A few days ago this came in the mail and I couldn't even get home before I ripped it open!
I was SO excited.

Who is that gorgeous kid on the front of the new wetbag package?

Grayson!!!

Jaxon is on the package for the liners. I am one proud Mama!! :)

a little late

2011-03-28T07:06:00.001-07:00

BUT! All is well. Thank you if you are still reading my cobwebbed sporadic postings. I wanted to come back briefly and let you know that the baby is fine! All of our numbers came back good on the AFP test. 1/26000 for neural tube defects (Anencephaly), 1/25000 for trisomies and downs. (or something like that.) All within normal range. To put it in perspective, Jonathan's numbers were 1/5. that is the highest they give for any given abnormality because it could be a false positive.

We had a higher level ultra sound the day after our tests came back to confirm the diagnosis which was great to see our sweet little baby and HIS very round little head.

And yes, you read that right. It is another boy. Apparently, there are NOT girl sperm to be had and there will probably not be any girls in our family other than me! Though I did reserve the right to have one more child, I am resigned to it being a sweet little boy too.

So that is the news. All good. Thanks for reading.

Overwhelmed

2011-03-21T22:29:00.000-07:00

I feel lost.

There it is.

Maybe it is coming from all the emotions from taking the test today that will tell me if or Not that this baby is okay and does not have a neural tube defect like our sweet angel baby Jonathan. I hate that test and I love that test. It is the test I took that initially told us that Jonathan would not live, that the sweet baby I felt kicking inside me would die with in minutes of birth. I was his only source of life. I love that test and it's ability to tell me in advance, sparing me such anguish when I don't bring home a healthy child as I would have expected otherwise. I loath it because it tells me such horrible things.

That day will never leave my mind. I think a part of me was naive until that day. I took that test without a care for the results. It never even crossed my mind that it could come back as something other than fine. That doesn't happen to people like you and me.

I hope in the next few days to know again, as I did with Jaxon that all is well and baby is fine.
I will report back and maybe feel a little less lost.

This too shall pass right?

Ooops

2011-02-01T20:01:00.000-08:00

It seems with my day to day life getting in the way of this here blog I am forgetting to update the few followers I have left on the goings on that might matter a bit. :)

We found out December 24, that we are expecting again. I am hoping for a girl, obviously, and since I am 10 weeks tomorrow and still not the slightest bit sick I have a suspicion it might be! (Well, if there are any girl sperm to be had from that man anyway, he doesn't seem to be so good at that so far!) SO ya, there you have it. I am pregnant! Due date is officially Aug 31 but knowing my children s/he will be a September child, which would make her either a Virgo or a Leo depending on if you go by the "new" or old zodiac signs.

STUPID I tell you, that is what that is. Whatever, I don't pretend to be smarter than those scientists but really? Come on, it's like all of a sudden saying Pluto isn't a planet, does anyone not say Pluto when they say the planets? Whatever.

Anyway, this time around I am not nearly as stressed out. I hardly have time to be, those boys of mine are keeping me quite busy. Jax just turned one on the 16th and Gray turned 4 on the 13th. We were in California. Jax is having his party this weekend, a slight delay from last week when we were all dying of the flu. Joy. Gray will have a 1/2 birthday party again at his request.

So thanks to the "5" of you who still read. That is what is new, I would love to update more and plan on it just don't know when... cross your fingers.

Playroom redo!

2011-01-26T11:35:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to redo the playroom for sometime, it was just NOT conducive to play the way it was. Unfortunately, I forgot to take before pictures. As usual. :( There was a huge armoir in one corner with things tucked in laundry baskets for organization. Then a big self unit on the wall the toy box is on. It was hard to play, little space and just plain ugly. The boys got quite a bit of money for Christmas and birthday's so it went to this. I love it! Let me know what you think in the comments!

I have the idea that where the cushions will be can also be a stage. It can serve many options the way it is or we can always add more storage later and "build" up.

Thank you to Papa and Grandpa Merchant for helping us make this happen!

brain block

2011-01-06T22:24:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to write. I feel like I should write. But I don't know what to put down. It's like high school/college where that paper is due tomorrow and yet a blank piece of paper sits in front of you. Now everyone uses computers but in school I was still using paper. That was a long time ago.

This post really sucks and honestly, if you are still reading, I'm sorry. :)

Tomorrow we leave for San Diego for a bit. It should be fun, we are really looking forward to it. We have not taken a vacation in what seems like forever. I am procrastinating. I should be finishing the Christmas gifts for the family down there. I should be finishing packing. I should be cleaning the house so I come home to a decent looking mess rather than a trash heap we usually come home to but here I am procrastinating. And sadly, not even doing it well.

So off I go and I hope to have some stuff to post soon and maybe an end to the brain block and time crunch I seem to be experiencing lately. Thanks for hanging with me my faithful 25 followers.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours !!

2010-12-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Ho-ho. Have an amazing Christmas!

Love ya! ~J

Merry Christmas!!

2010-12-18T08:25:00.000-08:00

You know it's been far too long since you posted when your URL bar has no idea what you want when you start typing and your user name and password are no longer saved. Sorry. If a little blog could collect cobwebs this one would be for sure! So let me blow off the dust and take a second to gather my thoughts....

pardon my morning hair

ah yes, that's better. How is this holiday season treating you?! We are well. I am SO happy to be able to say that. We honestly have not had any major sicknesses and we are actually doing fairly well financially too this year. I am not working at T, and that is something to be Thankful for!

I discovered the joy of Amazon Prime this year. Prime entitles it's subscribers to free two day shipping on anything Prime eligible, which is most everything Amazon sells directly. I have done ALL of the shopping on their. The best part is I got prime for free! I signed up for the amazon mom club which gets you discounts and such and Prime for free for 3 months. Every $25 you spend in the baby store you get an additional month, up to a year free. I am up to March. I know this is not the most helpful post since it comes the week before Christmas and I am sorry for that. Also, you don't have to be a mom, anyone who is in the presence of children and would buy from the baby store (clothes toys, diapers etc) can sign up.

Anyway, we are mostly the same as the last time I posted something of value. Zack is working a ton. He has been traveling 2-4 days a week for the last 5-6 weeks. It makes for a long week for everyone involved and Jaxon has started to think Dada lives in the phone since when it rings he calls it Dada and gets very excited! But I think that is done for a while. There was some job restructuring at work and the person who was traveling wasn't anymore. It won't be in Zack's permanent job description we don't think... we hope.

When he is home on the weekends we have been trying to pack in as much as possible. I will try to get to that stuff soon. This month of travel has just slammed me. Noone to help with anything makes for a very tired mama at the end of the day.

I have been working in the classroom for G a lot. He loves it. We really love the school. I can't say enough about Teacher P and her way of doing things and I expand my parenting tool belt every time I am in her presence. I am so glad I made that choice. Jaxon on the other hand is not so happy to be away from me. He has just turned 11 months (HOLY cow how did that happen!?!) and is pretty much in the thick of separation anxiety. He screams most of the time I am gone at preschool. :( Not sure if he isn't digging the situation or that he isn't home or if it's simply that I am not there but I am going to play with it and switch caregivers/ locations (Grandma/Nonny and our house) and see if anything changes.

Grayson is loving school and asks every single day if it is a school day. The next 2 weeks are going to be interesting. Hopefully we will get together with some of our school friends over break.
He is learning so much. Teacher P just charms them all. One of our favorite new catch phrases that we learned at school is "friends help/love/? friends" it helps him to think less of himself and more of the other person but with out so many words. It works well for brothers too. I use it a lot. Teacher P is full of them! And everything is sung. Did you know that you could be saying the WORST thing and if it is sung it takes the edge off and makes it so much less threatening? Child doesn't want to clean up and move on... sing it! I have always used that because I learned it as a nanny but it's a lovely refresher.

Jaxon is getting big and learning something new every day. This week was how to take off his diaper. more than once I would see a naked bum streak by and then this on the floor not so far away.

Oy. I guess I need to get on that diaper stash I have to make, his diapers are on their last legs. I have already thrown out 12 that have been in rotation for almost 4 years, and most of them were hand-me-downs. I just dread making that many diapers again. It's daunting. But I have wayyy-too-many-yards of fabric stating the obvious... I gotta get on it.

Next month we fly to San Diego for a week. We will be there for the boys birthdays. We are all very excited to see everyone. Grayson can't wait to fly on a place. We are flying in super late on Friday night, but it was over $200 cheaper than Sat morning. I am hoping they sleep instead of scream the whole flight!

Anyway, I hope this post finds you well this holiday season and thanks for still reading, as sporadic as it may be. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2010-11-25T14:27:00.000-08:00

Thankful Thursday!

2010-11-04T20:18:00.000-07:00

Hey! Guess what?! I JUST remembered that thing I used to do, Thankful Thursday, remember? I can't really remember the last time I did it... pre Jax maybe? Ah, here it is. I guess my little brain just couldn't hold onto Thankful Thursday's when Jax was about to come. And after, forget-about-it.

Well, my brain is clearing and I have a new-to-me Lappy. (Thank YOU!) Life is good!

Today I am Thankful for:
1. Zack having a job. If you have read this little blog a while you understand.

2. New-to-me Lappy. Dino is unhappy and old and groany. This makes life easier. Again, THANK YOU!

3. That Jax is adjusting to his cast and can now crawl (army) and get back up when he falls over and even pull himself up on the ottoman. The pediatrician says he is fine to do whatever he is able while he is casted.

4. Our new pediatrician. We were forced into "looking" for a new ped when our beloved ped retired. One of the boys needed to see someone for something and I said we would just see whoever was available, we met Dr. V and LOVE her. She is through and kind and friendly. Oh and she likes the kids too. :) She called us personally today, TWICE to answer questions I had about J's cast/break.

5. Having my mom here. I never thought I would say it. She came over today to help me out and play with the boys so I could get some cleaning done. Jax has been quite the cling on since his break. She tidied up while she and Grayson played and Jax took an extra long nap. It was great not to have a trashed house for a few minutes.

Laws of Motion

2010-11-02T19:40:00.000-07:00

What is Newton's 3rd law of motion? For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So basically when I made the appointment for a family photo session with Elle for last Sunday I should have seen it coming. I mean who hasn't seen the kid with the black eye or the cut on the face only to have their mother turn and say "yup, school pictures this week. Figures!"

I should have seen to coming!

Saturday when we were hanging out at home after I had slept in a bit (yum) and Jax was playing on my lap in the recliner. He would hang over the left arm and pull himself back up. Over and over. The last time he did it he pushed with his feet with all his might. I had an arm over his back for support but it wasn't enough. I tried to catch him with my right hand but his little foot slipped through.

My baby fell on his head. :( Worst. Mommy. Ever.

I scooped him up. He was crying pretty hard. I tried to access this situation, looking for blood and bumps. Nothing. He had no raising lumpies to speak of.

After a few more minutes of comforts and love he was done with me. I set him down on the floor by the slide (yes we have one in the family room) and tried to get him to crawl up. He cried. So I helped him do down. He laughed and had fun doing that a few times. Then I offered for him to try again. He tried to crawl and he just fell over and cried.

I thought maybe his equilibrium was off, being that he just smacked his head on the floor. More snuggles. A bit later he tried to crawl again with the same result. At this point it was about 5 minutes from the fall and I looked at Zack.

"I think it's broken. His arm. I think we need to take him in now"

He wanted to wait a bit and see if he felt better in a few minutes, but I knew. Something was wrong. I gathered us all together and headed for Urgent Care. $40, 2 Xrays and 1 screaming-held-down-looking-at-me-like-HOW-COULD-YOU-MAMA baby later and it was confirmed.
Broken Wrist. Both bones. Our best guess is he had his hands down when he fell and "caught" himself with his hand. It was tiny and hard to see on the Xray and our photo is even worse so I will spare you. He is in a temporary cast for at least a week (though our apt for a real cast is the 11th- does that seem too FAR to anyone else? They said they would see us again this week but then the apt person called she said they wanted to see me NEXT week. Almost 2 weeks after the break...)
I feel horrible. Poor little guy!

He can't crawl, though he tries to arm crawl sometimes. Mostly he just gets annoyed because he loses his balance and falls over and can't get up on his own. Luckily, he doesn't seem to be in any pain. He has been quite the trooper through it all. Now to get a cast to look 'cool' for those family photos I have to reschedule.

I shoulda seen it comin'

9 months!!

2010-10-29T23:04:00.000-07:00

Jaxon Ryan

~stats~
weight: 21 lb 12 oz (66%)
height: 2' 7.5" (99%)
head: 18.5" (89%)

He seems to be falling down the charts for weight, just like his brother did. My family tends to breed skinny little beans. Apparently our children will not be left out. His last stats can be seen here. And the ones before here. And here.

Loves:
milk
playing with Grayson
clapping (learned yesterday)
milk
anything edible, and even some stuff that shouldn't be
laughing
snuggling
sleeping on his tummy
milk
crawling
being "independent"
being carried in the Ergo

Dislikes:
loud noises
being sat on or tossed around by G
being cold
the stroller
being kept from a nap

9 month shoot with Elle

tomorrow we have family photos with Elle, stay tuned!

PILA Month day 29

2010-10-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days

I have learned in the last few years when planning for the future, hope for the best, plan for the worst and enjoy the ride because that is the best you can do. There are no guarantees, just now.

I guess my short term goal is to be the best mother and wife I can be. I know I have a lot of room for improvement in both areas and work daily to do better.

In the next year I would like to (in no order):
1. make our back yard less of an eye sore
2. make and put drapes in our formal living room and dining room
3. get pregnant
4. work things for my etsy site
5. work on the children's scrapbooks

PILA Month day 28

2010-10-28T00:25:00.000-07:00

Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse

Wallet
keys
a ton of loose receipts
female products... just in case
a few loose candies from the movies the other night
a chapstick
2 lipsticks
camera
old checkbook
coupons
lotion and
a few granola bars

PILA Month day 27

2010-10-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

Day 27 - your worst habit since your child's death

My worst habit has become letting too much time pass between contact with the people I care about while I hide under a rock. Whether it be a neighbor I enjoy chatting with or a family member I miss and wish I got to chat with more, excuses seem pleantiful since we found out about Jonathan. I don't know if it was THAT phone call that did it in for the phone conversations or what but since then I would prefer almost any form of communication that the phone.

I am finding it easier to get out and about as time passes. When I was still pregnant with Jonathan I wanted nothing to do with life outside my house. People would ask me about my pregnancy. "Is it your first" No. "Are you so excited?!"... at which point I was faced with a) dump the whole pile of stinky shit on their feet... NO! MY CHILD IS GOING TO DIE! b) lie and say Yup! Sure am! Meanwhile I am dying inside. or c) avoid. avoid. avoid.

I avoided. It was hard to recover from that habit, but I am trying. If you haven't heard from me in a while know that it is not personal, I am working on it and in the meantime, pick up the phone and CALL ME!!

PILA Month day 26

2010-10-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

Day 26 - your week, in great detail

Ooooh! This should be fun.... or not. :)

Yesterday Sunday: wake early (630) with Jax after having already been up twice, not that I am complaining, feed, play. 930-130 work the children's consignment sale so I could shop at the presale last week. Supposed to have family pics but we got rained out. Head home to clean and play with the boys. 630/7 boys to bed. Start evening projects: working on cloth diaper gift baskets for the preschool auction. (email me at jsbuquet@gmail.com if you are interested in coming or bidding on anything! It helps keep our school running) I offered to make 3! baskets with 2 cloth diapers, 10 wipes, a wetbag and a gift certificate for 2 more diapers.

Me to bed, 1130/12.

Jax is up 3x in the night/morning, 10, 4, 6. He might be working on more teethers....

Monday: wake with the kiddos 730. Coffee!!, feed, eat, coffee! Preschool 9-12. Errands, Jax nap and work on diapers while asleep. Pick up G. Help auction chair get a glass table top donation to her home, my car is bigger. Lunch at home. G work on art projects while I attempt to get Jax down for a nap. Make dinner in the crock pot. Cloth diaper party 3-5 (like a tupperware home party but cloth diapers.) Home, feed/eat. Zack home play with kiddos. 630/7 boys to bed. Clean kitchen. Mom calls to remind me I said I would pick up a desk she bought and drop it off. (forgot!) Stop by $ tree to get baskets for diapers and find out debit card I activated today doesn't work. grrrr.

Home to work on diapers and folding my own so my baby has a clean bum tomorrow. Diapers finished except for snaps on the tabs! YAY!

bed tonight 12.

Tuesday plan: wake, eat, COFFEE! 10-11 Boob group for bf advice and Halloween party. 1130 Jax has his 9 month apt. After that: lunch, play, attempt to clean something (it's a bit like trying to shovel snow while it's still snowing.) Make dinner, play, clean something. 7-9 parent teacher training for preschool. Wish on stars as I leave that Jax is semi kind to his father and doesn't scream too long while I am gone. Come home, put snaps on diapers. Make two wet bags.

Bed hopefully by 11.

Wednesday: preschool 9-12. Nothing else planned which really means there is a LOT of room for chaos. :) Get home and work on wipes for diaper baskets.

Thursday: 930 meet with friends for walk at the library if it isn't pouring. 11 library to swap out books. Possibly out of this world pizza for lunch. pm: work on diaper baskets etc.

Friday: Diaper baskets DUE! Hopefully they are finished. preschool 9-12. Trick or treating at the mall 3-5. Harvest party 6-9

Saturday: attempt failed photos at 130. Halloween party with kids 4-530. Halloween party sans kids 6-...

Sunday: neighbors get together for games and spooky fun then trick or treating around 5? 630-930 harvest party at another friends church.

Somewhere in there I plan to feed us all, bath us all and clean things... though judging from the usual laundry mountain (which is DONE right now!!) I usually suck at that by about mid week. Happy Halloween week!

PILA Month day 23

2010-10-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

Day 23 - a youtube video that makes you laugh.

PILA Month day 22

2010-10-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

Day 22 - a website that has been meaningful since your loss.

www.nowIlaymedowntosleep.org

is a wonderful website devoted to people who have lost their infant or any number of tragedies. There is information on just about everything and a forum for grieving parents to talk to other grieving parents and try to make sense of it all. I met many wonderful people in there who were very helpful and kind and loving while we were on our journey with Jonathan. I don't really frequent it anymore but I highly recommend it to anyone who is faced with the death of an infant or child and is looking for a place to reach out to. If they don't have the answer they can at least point you in a direction.