Our Life as We Know It... The Next Chapter

Looking Back: 2015 in Review

2016-01-01T13:59:00.003-06:00

I can't believe it. Another year has come and gone. And while I look back and reflect on 2015, it seems as though nothing has changed, yet at the same time, everything has changed. I know... it doesn't make much sense. But let me explain. While on the exterior, my life might look the same but if you dig deeper... if you look at it from the inside out, you will see nothing but change. Because this year I have found myself more patient and more accepting of God's timeline and plan for my life (our life). The amount of time I spend kicking and screaming when my plans get changed or my hopes and dreams still remain month after month has greatly diminished. This year has changed my thinking and I have made it an effort live in hope. And to constantly expect and anticipate something amazing and far beyond what I could ever imagine to happen on and given day. As a result, I smile more, laugh harder and love deeper.

I am also thankful for many of you. All the support, prayers, and encouragement has help me to not give up but to press in.

Friends, my number one hopeful change for the year 2015 was to grow my family by two feet. While that didn't happen, I can't help but smile and be thankful for all that did. I can't help but reflect and acknowledge that no matter what I am facing; God truly is working and weaving to cause all things to come together for my good and his glory. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me and you this new year. I believe it will be nothing short of amazing!

I have challenged myself to keep that hope. Allen and I have decided we are going to prepare for the baby girl or boy that he will give us in his perfect timing. We put back up the crib with a mattress and crib sheet. Since its assembly on Wednesday, there have been no tears of sadness for the baby not in it but rather a smile of hope and promise that will one day be fulfilled.

“If we hope for what do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.” ~Romans 8:25

Chapter 1...

2015-12-22T10:20:00.004-06:00

For those intrigued:

My favorite time of the year is Christmas. I love buying gifts for others, earning the Christmas songs being played non-stop on the radio, watching Christmas movies over and over, making homemade hot chocolate and all the ornament exchanges. I also love decorating my house. Allen puts the Christmas lights outside and I have the inside. Unfortunately, the devil knows it's my favorite season and so he has been working overtime to steal and destroy my joy this holiday season. In fact, I'm starting to think that he has my number on speed dial.

When Allen and I first began our fertility journey 4 years ago, we were told we had a 3% chance of having children on our own. I've had countless blood draws, daily pills and shots to try to correct a problem that I was believed to have. 4 years of feeling that we might never have the family we've talked about since before we were married. This last appointment was the best news we have heard so far. The doctor didn't see any reason why we couldn't have children on our own. My tests came back normal as did Allen's. There is no other way except a divine intervention from the Lord that my hormones could level out from where they were. This brought a new light into our home and marriage. The idea of children isn't so far fetched anymore.

About a week later I got a call from the doctor that insurance will not cover anything that deals with infertility. They won't cover the doctor appointments, the testing or anything labeled "fertility". We were devastated. How would we be able to do it? Where do we go now? We can't afford it. After a day, I began to feel peace. "Okay, God we will wait for your timing." The Holy Spirit nudged me not to seek any fertility testing or treatments. We have started praying specifically, by name, for the children He will give us. Praying with the blanket that he/she will be swaddled in for warmth.

The Bible says, "Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Confidence: firm trust

Hope: joyful, confidence expectation

Assurance: A strong and define statement that something will happen

Hebrews 11:1 can be read like this, "Now faith is having a firm trust in what we are joyfully and confidently expecting and we have a positive statement about what we do not see."

I know our journey hasn't been that long as others. For us, whose families are VERY fertile, not being able to conceive in such an easy fashion has been a hard journey. It hasn't been easy watching everyone around me announce their pregnancy news while doctors tell me methods and medications I should try. It hasn't been easy sitting and waiting. But I will continue to wait. And I will do so patiently. Because He who promised is faithful.

"The LORD will grant you abundant property- in the fruit of your womb..." -Deuteronomy 28:11

His great plan

2015-02-28T09:29:00.001-06:00

I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: “Look! Look! God has moved into the neighbourhood, making his home with men and women! They’re his people, he’s their God. He’ll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone—all the first order of things gone.” Revelation 21:3-4

Most of the time, for us, cancer isn’t a daily reality in our lives. And we like it that way.

It’s hard to completely forget though when that yearly scan comes along to remind me that I had brain cancer at the age of 14. It’s one of those things you know you have to do but you dread because you might not like the outcome. We always pray it’ll be clear just like the year before. Is there really any other way to pray? Even praying, “Let your will be done,” seems risky. I only want God’s will to be one thing: a clean brain scan.

As I was reading a devotion that was sent to me, she so eloquently put exactly what I've been thinking: "So often I feel that as a Christian I’m supposed to be accepting of bad things because it’s part of “God’s will”. I know God is in control. I felt it when I was first diagnosed and we have witnessed miracles when it comes to my health. But I don't think cancer is part of his will. God can use cancer to fulfill his purposes, but I don’t think God condones cancer. I think God hates cancer as much as I do. I find it pretty strange that cancer would be part of God’s will, when Revelations 21:3-4 says that when God takes us home to live with him forever there will be no sickness, pain or death. Sickness, pain and death: three words that could sum up the cancer experience for millions of people."

Yet God chooses to have none of that in heaven. In fact, he hated those things so much that he sent his own son to die, so that we could live forever without sickness, pain or death.

I’m not sure why there is sickness, pain or death now. I wrestle with the idea that a good God can allow bad things to happen. I don’t have all the answers to why God needs to wipe so many of our tears away.

All I have is, hope. A steady confidence that God doesn’t waste anything in my life and that he definitely does not squander sickness, pain or death.

Well our BIG day is finally here. The past few months have been an awful road to travel on and adding to it the disheartening memory loss and excruciating headaches have made it difficult to keep my eyes on the "prize". As we prepare our heart and minds for whatever happens Monday there is a sense of peace (for the most part). When I say we, that includes everyone that has been walking with Allen and I the past few weeks of waiting. You have been praying with us, been a shoulder to cry on, an encouraging word or even a comforting hug.

We don't know the outcome of our days here on Earth because we are not promised tomorrow. I just have to believe, what ever His plan be, that it is BIGGER than I could ever imagine. I am prepared for whatever comes our way whether it be complete healing or fighting cancer. I've done it once and I can do it again.

prayer appreciated

2015-02-11T20:30:00.003-06:00

I have always know God does miracles. They don't always jump out at us but sometimes just the subtle things are little miracles in the making.

At the young age of 14, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor on Mother's Day 2004. After surgery, I was up walking and talking like a normal teenager. I was told I wouldn't be able to be a normal teenager and probably wouldn't be able to play my clarinet anymore. Band Camp started in July and so did I. When school started in August, it came with its own challenges but I prevailed and maintained my good grades. Come October, I started having seizures as residual effects from the surgery and tumor. Four months of changing medications, in and out of the hospital many different times, and countless seizures left me mentally drained. Four years long years after surgery, the seizures became manageable and under control. I graduated in the top 40 of my graduating high school class. Continued into college and graduated with a degree in Chemistry and Biology. After being told that college might not be in the picture after surgery, God had different plans.

I know I am a strong person. God made me that way. He knew that in order for me to survive I would need a little more extra strength. Some of the things that have happened in the past 11 years most people won't have to deal with in their life time. Every year when it comes time for the MRI and doctors appointment my blood pressure rise. Laying there while a machine takes precise pictures of my brain...I know God has control and has a plan for my life.

I believe in the power of prayer. I believe praying for each other is part of our job. At this moment, I am calling on all of my prayer warriors. The past few months, mental and physical red flags have been thrown that have cause some alarm. After much discussion, Allen and I agreed that it needed checked out. My Neurosurgeon is concerned that the cancer has returned and an MRI is scheduled for March 2. I believe God is our ultimate healer. We are praying that whatever His will be that peace will flood over us.

If you've read all of this, cookie for you :). Definitely easier than posting to facebook.

Busy house

2014-10-05T14:15:00.000-05:00

The Harvey house grown by 6 feet for the next few months. Allen and I, after much prayer, offered our home to a family while the father is in Afghanistan. So, no we didn't have two random children that you see on Facebook or Instagram. We are helping a dear friend raise her two beautiful children during this rough time.

Meet Knox, 16 months, and Jane, 5.5 weeks.

For the past months Allen and I have braved helping raise a rambunctious toddler while Sarah was in the hospital with Jane. Now, we have learned how to deal with have a toddler, a new born, and their momma in our house that we only had to deal with the dogs just a few weeks before.

New fun

2014-04-16T13:44:00.001-05:00

For the past week, Allen and I have had a toddler in our midst pretty much 24/7.

Allen and I love kids and want some of our own but throwing a toddler into our lives with no prior knowledge except for the one night sleep overs and play dates is kind of exhausting. Granted, we asked for it, well not really asked for it. It was one of those The Holy Spirit puts it on your heart until you listen kind of deals. We offered to open our home to a friend and her little ones. While mom is in the hospital until the baby is born, we are here with Knox. A 15 month old sweet little boy.

Before Knox our house not child proof with breakable stuff everywhere and now toys are scattered in a matter of seconds, sippy cups in the dishwasher and stepping on bath toys In the shower. Who knew kids poop that many times a day! No wonder diapers are so expensive because the companies know you will go through them so fast and they make a bigger profit. Working in the nursery, I've learned a lot about children but until you have one live with you for a couple days you have no idea.

Allen and I love having Knox here. It livens our house a little and prepares me a little for when God gives us our miracle. I love hearing him squeal and laugh, listening to him run circles around the house and the sweet smiles he gives. Sarah, you are truly blessed with a sweet little boy.

Growing up

2014-02-20T12:13:00.002-06:00

My little sister and I are four and a half years apart.

We shared a room for 16 years and, at the time, hated every minute of it. We tried everything to have our own separate spaces. Did the bunk bed thing and took them apart more times than I can remember. Duck taped down the middle of the room so we each had separate halves (didn't really work).

I guess it didn't really hit me that I would miss sharing that tiny room until I moved out and got married. I missed sharing that room with her. I would miss all the fun times we had in that room. Like making a hammock on the side of the bunk bed (BAD IDEA!!!). Putting stuffed animals on the fan and seeing how far they would fly. Convincing our brother to jump off the bunk bed (another bad idea). All the bad ideas we had that were turned into fun memories.

Now, we're all grown up (well almost). She's leaving for the Navy and I couldn't be prouder of her. Yeah, we have had our bad times as all sisters do but through it all she has always been one of my best friends.

In sickness and in health

2013-12-31T20:58:00.001-06:00

As 2014 is knocking on my door, it makes me remember how 2013 turned out. We got both of a precious babies, Bella and Kirk. We bought our first house. Allen got a new job. We lost my grandfather to a stage 4 brain tumor. I got a new car. Allen and I grew close together than the year before. We have truly been blessed this year beyond belief.

The past few weeks have been probably the most emotionally and physically draining this year. A week and a half before Christmas, I went to the doctor with intense abdominal pain. She did a xray of my spleen and colon and they both looked fine. Two weeks worth of two different antibiotics and we were on our way back home. Two days of vomiting and nausea and a ultrasound later, they discovered "spots" on my liver and waited for the radiologist to make the next move. Before we could get the doctors instructions of what to do next, I was at the ER with the pain again. This time it was in my back and abdomen and nothing I could do could relief it. 3 hours and a CT later we find out the cause of my pain: inflamed intestines. She saw the spots on my liver but wasn't as consurned. Could be fatty spots or calcium deposits but were a big deal. Inflamed intestines usually mean IBD (irritable bowel disease).

Ordered to rest and change diet until appointment with GI next week.

Christmas Eve, had an appointment with the gastroenterologist. Because of the family history, she ordered a colonoscopy and endoscopy for the following week. If you've never had a colonoscopy before it was an experience like no other. You have to drink this stuff the night before that for better words, clears you out. It is an awful mixture of salt water and cough syrup that I had to gag down not once but twice. You can only have a clear liquid diet. So I spent the day with wonton soup(no wontons), jello, and butter scotch hard candies. At least that was the worst part of the whole experience.

After all was said and done, the dr said it went very well. Imflamation had receded, no polyps to biopsy or signs of Chrons disease. They took some samples to biopsy and test for Celiacs and to check for microscopic colitis.

Glad to have some answers and glad that part is over with. Hopefully won't have to have another one of those for another 26 years.

We are praying that 2014 is going to be our turn around year. That I will get the right job that God has for me. That my health will bounce back. That our marriage will continue to blossom more next year.

If you actually finished reading, you deserve a cookie.

a prayer for me

2013-12-06T14:11:00.001-06:00

As I sit here in my warm comfy chair and watch the rain/sleet coming down I realize that I have to go out. I can hear the sound of it hitting the back door but other than that, udder silence. The dogs are down for their afternoon nap and it's almost as if no one is home. I know one day I will pray for silence such as this. Praying for the moment that I can sit in this comfy chair and be by myself and write in peace and quite.

The past few weeks have been crazy busy but I have found a few days to myself. Allen's Birthday was the second week of November. I got him Predators tickets and he went to the Mighty Men's Conference up in Nashville with our church. Even though the women couldn't go, well I mean I guess we could go just would have gotten some weird looks, but even though it wasn't for us we were secretly watching. Well, probably not "secretly" but my husband didn't know I was watching. Yes, it was catered to men but I got a lot out it too. At the end, Angus was praying and started praying for the sick. Those with high blood pressure, depression, and many other illnesses. He then mentioned those facing infertility. Allen and I both said he was speaking to us. Angus prayed that whatever was causing the infertility that it would be lifted and God would grant us the family we had been praying for and the desires of out heart. Many people, friends and family, came to me and said that they had watched the conference and immediately thought of us.

When I see/hear/read people complain about being pregnant or their babies/children it makes me upset and sad for them. They don't know what a special gift they have. Yeah, I know they can been stressful and a headache but they are your headache. Be thankful everyday for your children born or not. Be thankful that you were able to be pregnant easy or not. Be cautious of what you post on facebook because you don't know that it might offend someone reading it.

Food for Thought,

Breakfast of champions

2013-10-18T13:30:00.001-05:00

I, like so many people, am addicted to Pinterest. Finally a place that my plans/ideas/recipes can be saved so I, like most people, won't forget them.

This mornings pinteresting breakfast was scrumptious. Cinnamon Rolls! Even though they were gluten free they tasted like they came from Cinnabon. Below is her website with the recipe. She eve has a video when it comes time to roll them.

http://recreatinghappiness.com/breakfast-recipes/gluten-free-cinnabon-copycat-cinnamon-roll-recipe-updated-and-now-easier-to-make/

This recipe is going to be a definite "make again".

Going gluten free

2013-10-18T13:24:00.001-05:00

Since August, my household has gone gluten free. Well, Allen is on board at home but outside of the house it's wheat overload. The first few weeks were the hardest. But then they would be for any lifestyle change. Learning what has gluten and what doesn't. Cleaning out the pantry and fridge. Learning to grocery shop more often. Keep more fresh stuff than we did. Not saying we ate horrible but definitely a lot of gluten.

I am enjoying trying new recipes especially the sweeter ones. Last week I made white chocolate walnut chocolate chip cookies.

They were delicious if I do say so myself and so did everyone who tried them. If Allen eats anything gluten free it must be pretty good. So finally, here is the recipe once I remembered all what I put in.

Ashely's white chocolate Walnut chocolate chip cookies

1 1/2 cups rice flour

1/2cup potato starch

1/4cup tapioca starch

1 teaspoon Xanthan gum

1 teaspoon backing powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup butter

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup sugar

2 eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla

1/2-1 cup chocolate chips

1/2-1 cup white chocolate chips

1 package of chopped walnuts or pecans

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Combine flour, potato starch, tapioca starch, baking powder, baking soda, salt, Xanthan gum. Set aside.

Combine soften butter, brown sugar and sugar in bowl. Beat at medium speed until creamy. Add eggs and vanilla. Gradually add flour mixture, beating until well mixed. Stir in chocolate chips and nuts.

Drop dough with table spoon two inches apart. Bake 9-12 minutes until light golden brown. Let stand 1-2 minutes.

Packing up

2013-06-07T16:27:00.000-05:00

Last December, we were coming up to our lease expiring on our apartment. Not having a place to move to or any idea where to move, we renewed for another 6 months. Come February, I began getting kind of antsy. Only 4 more months and we haven't even began looking. Of course, Allen is like no big deal. "It will all work out" he says. It wont work out if we don't start looking and end up on the side of the street. So, we begin looking. We intended on renting again since I didn't have a permanent teaching job yet, but God had different plans. 3 months later we are only a few weeks from buying our first house.

So, while I am working in the nursery 18 hours and the WISTEM Progams Director for the summer 20 hours a week, I am suppose to pack up everything that has accumulated in our tiny apartment this past year and a half. And search for jobs. Can't forget about that.

If you know Allen and I at all, you know how much we love kids. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a mommy. Just ask my own, she will tell you. We have been praying for God to give us that gift for quite a while. We have been praying for over a year that my health would be restored for us to be able to be parents. After being so persistent, we were kind of smacked in the face with reality. I guess we weren't listening very well and that's what it took to get our attention. We told that our chances of having a child is slim to none was devastating. I cried and cried not understanding. It made me sick. I know God has plans and obviously our plans are not exactly lining up with his. What now? We go on. Go into teaching this fall. Allen starts his new shift and goes back to school. and when it's Gods timing, it will happen.

Losing my mind

2013-04-18T10:26:00.000-05:00

I can definitely say without a doubt that God has a major plan for my life. Through the cancer, MRIs, seizures, hospital stays, medications, horrible teen age years, and the PCOS; He has always been there even though I don't always see it.

The past few weeks or so have been a real trial of faith for both of us. We found out my neurosurgeon of 9 years is moving to Pensacola, Florida to join the Sacred Heart Children's Hospital and build their pediatric neurosurgery program. I know..... It for a good cause and he has other children that need his help now. If you know me, I am not good with change and it resulted in lots of tissues and doing absolutely nothing. So, it has not been an easy transition to grasp the thought of having to get a new doctor.

Since the surgery, my academic abilities are no where to where they were before. But, I graduated with a great GPA and got into college. 5 1/2 years later and a B.S. in chemistry and biology and I am going to be a teacher. Little did we know what affects the seizures and the tumor will have years later.

Well, it's years down the road and I have lost/losing bits of my memory. Childhood memories, when Allen and I were dating, but the biggest thing is most of my Chemistry information. I was suppose to take my Chemistry praxis test to get my liscence to teach but I can't remember anything. I have tried reteaching from chapter 1 but it is all a foreign language. Doctor said it could come back but studies show it only gets worse. I know that God is the miraculous healer. If I am meant to remember it then it will all come back. If not, then this is where we are and I will be a great biology teacher.

Change of plans

2013-03-28T10:51:00.001-05:00

It's been about a month since my interim was completed. I realized subbing wasn't wasn't my forte. For the past 3 weeks, not only have I been recouping, but Easter planning has been in full swing. It feels weird that Easter is only 3 days away. All the preparation is finally going to pay off. The past week I have been at the church more times than a normal week. Not that its a bad thing because everyone could use a little more church. 4 weeks of prep for 2 days of celebration is well worth the work. So, What's next?

Next week I plunge into chemistry. Yes, I graduated with a degree in chemistry and biology but in all of those chemistry classes I got to use a calculator for the most basic of problems. With the chemistry praxis test at the end of April, I am having to reteach myself how to do all the math by hand. T-minus 30 days till test day.

If you stalk me on Facebook then you know about the house. About 2 weeks ago, Allen decided that
We should buy a house instead of renting one. So, the hunt began. With our lease ending in June we didn't know how long it would take to find one and get the ball rolling. We found some we loved but all of them were either already in contract or went off the market the day after we looked at them. God surely shut the doors on the houses that weren't for us. Then last Friday we found the perfect one. It was a little more than we wanted to pay but after much prayer I felt reassured that we would, financially, be able to do it. The next day, the sellers accepted our offer and we got pre approved for a mortgage. When do we move in? Not until June. The sellers are buying a house and it isn't done until June so instead of breaking our lease, we both will just stay where we are. A win for both parties.

A good house wife

2013-02-28T11:02:00.000-06:00

The past two months we have been on a grand adventure. We finally learned how our lives would be when I started teaching come fall. I took an interim position at a local high school for 7 weeks teaching biology. It began on January 3 when everyone came back from Christmas break and ended last Friday, February 22. What I learned from my experience is that I miss the middle schoolers! If I could teacher chemistry or biology to middle schoolers I most definitely would. This experience helped me see what kind of teacher I currently am and what I want to become. How do I want to do things? How do I want my students to behave? How do I want to be treated when it comes to my own classroom?

We realized how much we cherish time with each other. Now, this was close to student teaching but on a much grander scale. With Allen working second shift (2-10) our time together is valuable. It was more hard on me than him. The way he explained it was this. He sleeps all day until about noon, gets up and ready, works from 2-10, comes home unwinds until 2 or 3 in the morning then goes to sleep. There is no real down time for him to think about it. Now for me, its a completely different story. Get up at 6, get ready and out the door for school until 4:30, come home cook dinner (or not) and clean up a little (or not), then down time until 9 almost every day. So there is plenty of time for me to get lonely and it took a major tow on our relationship. The past few days I haven't been able to get enough of him and now he says I can be a housewife which means that everything stays clean and tidy, dinner is waiting when he gets home and I am not so grumpy anymore. We will see how that goes. :)

I am still learning that God has his reasons and timing for everything. One thing I am not good with is turning things over to Him. I like control and holding onto everything. But I realized something i guess about December (yes it took that long), once I gave our fertility issues over things began to change. He placed a new doctor at our feet and she actually knows what PCOS is and how to actively treat it. Her first words weren't "The only way to treat it is by you losing weight." She looked at me as a person. She looked at Allen and I as a couple wanting answers. She got my PCOS under control and is now helping us trying to begin writing the next chapter in our book of life. I think God was waiting for us to come back to Him and let go of the hold of control that was so tight for so long.

What now?

2012-12-15T21:51:00.001-06:00

What a day! People have asking "So, do you feel any different?" And the answer is I don't know. I don't think it has really hit me yet that I just graduated from college. Even sitting in the rows waiting for my name to be called didnt really help everything sink it. Graduating from high school, yeah that felt different. . But college not so much. This was a humongous step in my life. If you haven't been following along this little journey of mine then here's a quick run down of my timeline.

September 1, 1989- born
August 1992-started kindergarten
February 5, 1993- became a big sister
October 5, 1994- became a big sister again.

(Skipping the boring stuff)

August 2003- began high school
May 13 2004- diagnosed with an Astrocytoma Brain tumor
June 11, 2004- surgery to remove said tumor
August 2004- sophomore year of high school
October 2004- began having seizures
February 2005- first day back to school since seizures began
April 2005- first date

(Skipping more boring stuff)

May 2007- high school graduation
August 2007- began college at MTSU

(More boring stuff)
December 25, 2010- engaged to high school sweet heart (first date guy)
August 11, 2011- married high school sweet heart
December 15, 2012- graduated from college

So do I feel different? Not really. But i have realized how thankful I am for all the people that got me to this moment.
-I am thankful for the amazing parents I have that we're always there through the good, bad and the ugly.
-I am thankful for my mom. Who has always been my best friend. Held my hair back when I was puking, held my hand when I was scared, and always open for a much needed hug.
- I am thankful for my sister and brother. I don't know how things would be today without them. After sharing a room with my sister for oh 16 years, I still miss it today.
-I am thankful for all the friends and family that kept encouraging and praying for me throughout my life.
- And finally I am thankful for my husband. I am glad it was raining that April day otherwise We might not be together today. Thank you for always being right beside me in everything I do. You always believed in me with everything I did and will do. I am so happy to be able to share this time with you. I can't wait to see what God had in store for us on the next leg of our journey.

So, what's next? I am a college graduate with a degree in chemistry and biology and a minor in education. I survived cancer, epilepsy and I am going to be a teacher. I want to inspire students just as I was to reach for the stars. With hard work and perseverance you can be anything you want to be. Just look at me!

Christmas Lights and puzzle pieces

2012-11-14T20:53:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet and I have already changed my layout but what can I say, I love Christmas. I have already put lights around the living room window. Christmas cards a almost filled out. The only things that has not been done is the Christmas tree and playing the Christmas music. Soon enough though.

31 Days until graduation! That means I have spent 5 1/2 years, that's 84 weeks, 588 days, 14,112 hours, 846,720 minutes, 50,803,200 seconds of college and it all comes down to 31 days left. That's insane and scary at the same time. Who would have thought that a girl who had a brain tumor and has epilepsy could graduate college with a degree in Chemistry and Biology and a minor in education. Life is like a puzzle and God has the box. At least some of the piece are beginning to fit together.

Since our year anniversary, people have been saying or asking something about children. "It's been a year, you know what that means?" I don't mind the asking but the last few days it has brought back memories. I have my days when the memory gets triggered but overall, we were just going with the flow of things. It has almost been a year since our little one went to heaven. This year hasn't been the easiest. Since the PCOS diagnosis in April, our lives have changed directions again. It was an answered prayer because now we know what is going on. I just have to trust in God that he has a plan for Allen and I and this was just a step in the journey. He never gives us anything we can't handle, right?

We have decided to take the next step since my regular doctor has no clue about PCOS and how to treat it. We finally made an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist for December 4. I guess I was scared to make the appointment. I was unsure of the unknown and another doctor on top of the 5 others. But one thing I do know is that in order to begin our family we need to find out how to help this PCOS or at least how to get it under control. So, a new journey has begun. The only thing is that I want a cup of coffee that is actually caffeinated.

Never too old to learn something new

2012-10-27T12:57:00.001-05:00

9 weeks down 7 more to go! During the past 9 weeks I have learned several things. Like never leave your favorite pen on your desk or some child will take it. Bribery still works with students especially with ice cream sandwiches. When something happens unexpected, like almost catching the school on fire, don't freak out! Yes, it did in fact happen.

My first placement was definitely....... enlightening. I learned a lot about myself as a person and a future teacher. I also learned that college did not prepare me for the classroom. I learned that students think you are older than you look because you are classified as a teacher. I learned to never turn your back.

I have now moved on to my second placement. On my first day, I learned another new concept. Middle schoolers are totally different than high schoolers. Sadly, I want to stick with high schoolers. I can blow things up and set things on fire. They don't wear their hearts on their sleeves. I can definitely do more of what I like to do.

How has this experience effected our marriage? Considering we see each other 2 nights a week, really it is only 1 since i have to work one of those, it is going.....who am I kidding. It is crap. I think it is harder on me since I am the one that is home ALONE after school and while he is home he is asleep then goes into work so he doesn't notice it as much. When Allen first got put on first shift I was excited. Get to have him home more, actually sleep in the same bed, not be home alone at night. It would be great! yeah, it was up until, oh 9 weeks ago! If this is how it is going to be when I start teaching then I want a change. WAHHH! (stomps feet)

No, I dont always act like a child when I dont get my way. The Lord convicts me of it for sure. Sometimes, I would just like to cook dinner a hot dinner for two instead of a hot dinner for one and a microwave plate for the other. Oh the joys of being the wife of a second shift security Sargent for Nissan.

Interesting Night

2012-09-25T10:09:00.000-05:00

If you know Allen and I pretty well, you would know that we are very different when it comes to our movie selections. Allen has been watching scary movies since he was little (around 4). He loves a good scary/bloody/halloweenish movie. His favorite holiday is halloween because of all the new movies that come out.

I however grew up never watching scary movies. The scariest movie I watched as a child was Sleeping Beauty and Snow White with the evil queens. As of today, I still hate scary movies because I over think things and freak myself out. Don't even think about movies that spew blood because I will most likely puke on you.

Well, monday night I tried to be a good wife and let Allen pick the movie and where we at dinner on our date night. I think I only watched maybe 30 minutes of the whole movie because my eyes were either dug into Allen's shoulder or trying to read my ebook on my iphone. Needless to say, my nerves were shot when it came time for bed. My husband, being the concerned guy he is, said I should take 1/2 of a sleeping pill so I am not up all night. Ok, 1/2 of a pill, that's not that much. I'll be able to get up at 5:45 no problem. LIES!!!! Yes, I did get up at 5:45 but I fell asleep in the shower, eating breakfast, blow drying my hair and almost driving to school. So, me being so smart, I stopped for coffee with 2 shots! I'm awake now and it's a good thing I was not teaching anything new yesterday hahaha.

Changes

2012-09-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

Fall is finally here! I love fall and everything that comes with it. While grocery shopping today, I found the cutest wall hang of which I hung on the outside of our door. I love the cool days and nights, pumpkins, apples, Hoedown, and the homemade soups.

Well, I have some news...... No I'm not pregnant and I'm sorry if that was your guess and you are totally bummed.
Marley is no longer with Allen and I. No, she isn't dead just was sent to another family. The morning that became aggressive with me was her last week with us. She was sent to a family that has no child (she doesn't like children) and they have another chihuahua. Her new own says she has adjusted to her new home with ease and is very friendly.

11 weeks until graduation! This student teaching experience has been going well. So far, I have learned that students can be bribed with ice cream sandwiches. Luckily there are only 2 1/2 more weeks left at this placement. Student teaching is definitely an adjustment for the both of us. My day starts at 6 and lasts until 4, not including the days I work at the church. Allen is at work from 2 pm-10 pm. Most nights, I am in bed before he gets home and he is asleep when I get up and going. We really only get 1 night together because I work on the other one. I have learned that I am a jealous when it comes to time and it is something I need to work on.

Other than marley's departure our life has been pretty boring. I guess it is time to shake things up again.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.

Greetings from Philly!

2012-08-21T11:25:00.001-05:00

I just learned there is an app for blogger so now I can write on my phone. So in my three days in Philadelphia I have learned many things

1) 97% of the streets are one way and the green light is your signal to walk
2) being other shoes besides heels and flip flops
3) don't ask for sweet tea because they will laugh at you
4) hashbrowns doesn't exist above the mason Dixon line.
5) dont speak to anyone because southerns, including tennesseans, will be laughed at immediately.
6) instead of saying excuse me just push your way through.
7) scrapple is like the southern equivalent to hash.

So far, the convention has been wonderful. We presented our posters yesterday afternoon and last night. Yesterday afternoon was all the undergraduate students. The following presentation was a mix of everyone( including professionals, professors, graduates and undergrads) however, they only excepted 25 of the undergraduate posters out of 400 total and both of our posters were accepted. We go a certificate, pretty ribbon to put on our name badges and popcorn. Overall it has been a great trip but, I miss home. Especially my husband. i think this will be the last research presentation for me.

1 year and counting

2012-08-15T17:45:00.001-05:00

Well, we made it! It's hard to believe it has been a year already. People say that the first year is the hardest. I, however, disagree. Our first year was actually really good. Now some days weren't as easy as others and it did require lots of prayer and perseverance but overall not a bad first year of marriage.

As I was growing up, Walt Disney was a big part of my life. In every movie that contained a princess, she and the prince lived happily ever after in a HUGE castle with no care in the world. But he forgets to mention that in the real world when a princess finds her prince and the marry that things are a little different. You don't start off in a castle, you now have added families members and there aren't dancing kitchen objects that cook extravagant meals for you. Oh, the imagination of a child.

To celebrate, monday night we went out to dinner to The Stockyard in Nashville. Let's just say it was worth every penny we spent. This is my steak. it was HUGE. I ate a 1/3, Allen ate 1/3 and the rest was for lunch the next day. Yes, it did come with one onion ring. We then came home to dig into the top tier of our wedding cake. I hope it tasted better the first time because the only person who liked it was Marley, well she not really a person but you get my drift.

Since we didn't do the whole smash the cake in the other persons face deal we decided to have some fun with the dry crusty cake.

As I lay in bed that night, I just kept thinking about how blessed we have been. The Lord says not to worry about anything which I am really bad about. Everything was taken care of this year. We paid off Allen's car. My yearly MRI was crystal clean. My hormone levels are dropping. I got a wonderful student teaching assignment although it seemed kind of sketchy at first. and I am graduating in December. Everything is just falling into place as far as I know, but only he knows the true plan for this journey.

Day 2

2012-08-07T17:00:00.001-05:00

Whew! I am pooped and it's only my second day. If you didn't know this already, I am student teaching this semester. I am four months shy of being a High School Chemistry and Biology Teacher. I'm crazy right? Who in their right mind would teach chemistry and biology let alone with high schoolers? I guess this girl is. If I can teach college students then high school should be easy peasy. Maybe? Tomorrow is the BIG day. I get to meet my students, well first period anyway.

This whole student teaching this is a real adjustment. Instead of sleeping until 8-830 (sometimes 9), like the past 3 months, it's 6 AM for me. That was a real shocker yesterday. My body did not want to get up let alone try and get ready. But I did. My cooperating teacher is really nice now to see how the kids are tomorrow.

As far as any yummy concoctions from the Kitchen goes, I got nada. I cant remember the last real meal that I have cooked beside just cooking for me or picking at leftovers. Last week I did make these scrumptious whole wheat garlic and herb pretzels. For being healthy, they were actually pretty good.

baked not fried

2012-07-21T10:28:00.002-05:00

Yep, you guessed it, another recipe. But this isn't just for your knowledge, it's for me too. I can come back here for pictures and the recipe if i ever lose the paper copy.

If there is one thing I love to do that is go to the farmers market in town and get fresh veggies every week. This week I decided to make something I haven't made by myself yet. Eggplant Parmesan! Allen was really excited when he asked what was for dinner that night but I had high expectations to keep up with. The first time Allen had eggplant was when his mom made it a few years ago and this night would be the second.

Traditional Eggplant Parmesan when the eggplant is fried has an about 550 calories per serving (1 cup). So, I decided to make my own that has almost half of those calories.

Beaked Not Fried Eggplant Parmesan

2 sm eggplant, cut into 1/4" slices
1/4 c + 1 1/2 tsp olive oil
1 tsp salt
1 clove garlic, thinly sliced
2 lb plum tomatoes or 1 can (28 oz) tomatoes, chopped
20 fresh basil leaves
1/2 tsp black pepper
3/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan

1. Heat oven to 400°F. Generously oil 2 non-stick baking sheets.
2. Put eggplant on pans and brush tops with 1/4 cup of the oil. Sprinkle with 1/4 teaspoon of the salt. Bake 30 minutes or until softened.
3. Heat remaining 1 1/2 teaspoons oil in medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring frequently, 1 minute.

4. Add tomatoes, basil, pepper, and remaining 3/4 teaspoon salt and cook until sauce is thickened and reduced to about 2 cups, about 15 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

5. Transfer tomato mixture to food processor and puree until nearly smooth.

6. Coat bottom of 8" x 8" baking pan with 1/2 cup of the sauce. Add one-third of the eggplant, and top with another 1/2 cup of the sauce and 3 tablespoons of the cheese. Repeat twice (eggplant, sauce, cheese), ending with remaining 6 tablespoons cheese.

7. Bake until browned, about 30 minutes. Let rest 10 minutes before serving.

Nutrition (per serving): 300 cal, 10 g protein, 24 g carbs, 11 g fiber, 20.5 g fat

Now, When I first bit in I wasn't sure. I am a TOTAL Texture person. So tofu, cottage cheese, sour cream, ricotta cheese, refried beans, peas out of the question. The texture was.... different (not crunchy or gooey), not bland tasting but needed a little more cheese but overall pretty good. And to my surprise, Allen enjoyed it too. It wasn't his mamas but then neither and I.

scrumptous

2012-07-05T20:13:00.001-05:00

Happy 4th! a day late though. Allen and I got to take a mini vaca for a few days. We drove to Crossville and went camping. No internet. No facebook. Just him and I for 3 days. Monday we did head farther east to visit his mom and our new nephew. Zamsom Alexander Gillis- 5lbs 12 ozs. Allen was so scared to hold him worried that he was going to drop him. Precious he is and I can't wait until we get to see him again.

So I have a new recipe... I know your dying to hear what tasty treat I have made now. A picture says a 1000 words so here is a picture.

Yum! right? Strawberry Oat Muffins.

1 1/4 cups whole wheat pastry flour
1 1/4 cups rolled oats
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1/2 cup strawberry puree (toss a few large hulled berries into a food processor and pulse until you have 1/2 cup of puree)
1/2 cup low-fat buttermilk
1/4 cup honey or other liquid sweetener of choice
2 Tbsp canola oil
1 tsp vanilla bean paste or pure vanilla extract
1 large egg
1 cup hulled & diced strawberries (measure after chopping)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Coat a 12 cup muffin pan with canola oil cooking spray or line with paper cups.
In a medium bowl, combine the first 6 ingredients (through cinnamon), and set aside.
In a large bowl, whisk together the next 7 ingredients (applesauce through egg).
Add the dry ingredients into the wet, stirring until moistened. Gently fold in the diced strawberries.
Use an ice cream scoop (for uniformly-sized muffins) to spoon batter into prepared muffin pan.
Bake for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the middle of a muffin comes out clean.