body language

2009-10-25T16:35:00.002+00:00

Here are some brief pointers concerning body language variations and gestures in cultures which differ from Western behaviour. Filipino people (and in fact many other people of all races) can find it offensive/uncomfortable when beckoned by a repeatedly curled index finger - the gesture evokes feelings of having done something wrong and being chastised for it.In some Australian Aboriginal cultures, it is disrespectful to look an elder, or person of a rank above you, in the eyes. It is a sign of respect to drop your eyes, (whereas in western culture not meeting somebody's gaze is commonly considered to be a negative sign, indicating deceit, lying, lack of attention, lack of confidence, etc). Showing the soles of the feet is insulting and rude in many Asian and Arab cultures. Similarly pointing the foot or feet at anyone is rude. Feet are considered dirty. In Arab culture the left hand is commonly considered unclean due to associations with toilet functions, and should therefore not be offered or used for touching or eating. When in doubt in Arab environments, using the right hand for everything is a safer idea. In Arab countries the thumbs-up gesture is rude. The eyebrow flash may be considered rude or to carry sexual connotations in Japanese culture. Informal male-female touching is less common and can be considered improper in Japan. The American-style 'OK' sign - a circle made with thumb and index-finger with other fingers fanned or outstretched - is a rude gesture in some cultures, notably Latin America, Germany and the Middle East. Beckoning gestures in Eastern cultures are commonly made with the palm down, whereas Western beckoning is generally palm up.The offensive British/Western two-fingered V-sign is not necessarily offensive in Japan and may be considered positive like the Western palm-outwards 'victory' or 'peace' V-sign in the West.In some countries, for example Greece, Turkey, Iran, shaking the head sideways may mean yes, and nodding the head may mean no. In Bulgaria shaking the head sideways may mean yes. Arab handshaking tends to be more frequent and less firm - on meeting and departing, even several times in the same day. In Japan the male bow is still commonly used, when the depth of the bow increases with the amount of respect shown, and is therefore a signal of relative status between two people.In The Netherlands people touch the temple with the index finger in order to indicate someone (or an action) is smart or intelligent. Touching the forehead with the index finger means someone (or an action) is stupid or crazy. In Russia these meanings are reversed.Here are some Japanese body language insights, especially for doing business in Japan (thanks R Wilkes):High-pitched laughter means nervousness.On introduction, do not offer a handshake. Depth of bow is impossible to judge without immense experience: it is sufficient for a Westerner to bow shallowly. Business cards should be exchanged at the first possible opportunity. The card received should be held in both hands and examined carefully, and then stored, preferably in a wallet, on the upper half of the body. Holding a person's identity in one hand is casual/disrespectful. The trouser pocket is a rude place.Blowing one's nose into a handkerchief in public is obscene. Japanese businesses (unless they cannot afford it) have two types of meeting room: a western style room with central table, and a room with sofas. The sofa room is for non-antagonistic meetings. In general, the 45 degree rule seems to apply here - better to sit on adjacent sides than across from one another. This room can be a great place to cut deals. Nevertheless, the 'table' room is where transactions are formalised. There the host of the meeting sits nearest to (and preferably with his back to) the door. (This is probably chivalric in origin - he is first in the way of any invader to the room.) His team sits on the same side of the table in descending rank. The chief guest sits opposite him and similarly the minions decline to the side. The head of the table is not generally used in bilateral (two parties) meetings except by people brought in to advise on components of the agenda. A great boss may spend much of the meeting with his eyes closed. He is considering what is being said by the subordinates and does not need visual distraction. However, if he has a firm steer to give, he will instruct his deputy and this will be relayed immediately.Loss of eye contact is quite normal with lower ranking people: if they drop their head, this indicates deep thought.Otherwise, pure body signals are quite similar to western ones, with one notable exception: touching the tip of the nose from straight ahead signals 'I/me'.The Japanese language does have a word for 'no' but it is rarely used in business for fear of causing offence or loss of face. "Yes, but..." is substantially more acceptable.

2009-10-25T16:29:00.001+00:00

mirroring -

matching body language signalsWhen body language and speech characteristics are mirrored or synchronized between people this tends to assist the process of creating and keeping rapport (a mutual feeling of empathy, understanding, trust).The term synchronized is arguably a more accurate technical term because mirroring implies visual signals only, when the principles of matching body language extend to audible signals also - notably speech pace, pitch, tone, etc.'Mirrored' or synchronized body language between two people encourages feelings of trust and rapport because it generates unconscious feelings of affirmation.When another person displays similar body language to our own, this makes us react unconsciously to feel, "This person is like me and agrees with the way I am. I like this person because we are similar, and he/she likes me too."The converse effect applies. When two people's body language signals are different - i.e., not synchronized - they feel less like each other, and the engagement is less comfortable. Each person senses a conflict arising from the mismatching of signals - the two people are not affirming each other; instead the mismatched signals translate into unconscious feelings of discord, discomfort or even rejection. The unconscious mind thinks, "This person is not like me; he/she is different to me, I am not being affirmed, therefore I feel defensive."Advocates and users of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) use mirroring consciously, as a method of 'getting in tune' with another person, and with a little practice are able to first match and then actually and gently to alter the signals - and supposedly thereby the feelings and attitudes - of other people, using mirroring techniques.Speech pace or speed is an example. When you are speaking with someone, first match their pace of speaking, then gently change your pace - slower or faster - and see if the other person follows you. Often they will do.People, mostly being peaceful cooperative souls, commonly quite naturally match each other's body language. To do otherwise can sometimes feel uncomfortable, even though we rarely think consciously about it.When another person leans forward towards us at a table, we often mirror and do likewise. When they lean back and relax, we do the same.Sales people and other professional communicators are widely taught to mirror all sorts of more subtle signals, as a means of creating trust and rapport with the other person, and to influence attitudes.Mirroring in this conscious sense is not simply copying or mimicking. Mirroring is effective when movements and gestures are reflected in a similar way so that the effect remains unconscious and subtle. Obvious copying would be regarded as strange or insulting.

2009-10-25T16:19:00.002+00:00

Personal space

The technical term for the personal space aspect of body language is proxemics. The word was devised by Edward Twitchell Hall (b.1914), an American anthropologist and writer on body language and non-verbal communications, especially relating to cross-cultural understanding. His 1963 book, Proxemics, A Study of Man's Spacial Relationship, no doubt helped popularize the new word. Here is Edward Twitchell Hall's website - he's an interesting character, and one of the founding fathers of modern body language theory. Robert Ardrey is cited by Julius Fast as another significant expert and writer in personal space.
Proxemics - personal space - is defined as (the study of) the amount of space that people find comfortable between themselves and others.
Personal space dimensions depend notably on the individual, cultural and living background, the situation, and relationships, however some general parameters apply to most people, which for Western societies, are shown below.
There are five distinct space zones, which were originally identified by Edward T Hall, and which remain the basis of personal space analysis today. The first zone is sometimes shown as a single zone comprising two sub-zones.
zone distance for detail

1. close-intimate 0-15cm0-6in lovers, and physical touching relationships Sometimes included with the 2nd zone below, this is a markedly different zone in certain situations, for example face-to-face contact with close friends rarely encroaches within 6 inches, but commonly does with a lover.

2. Intimate 15-45cm6-18in physical touching relationships Usually reserved for intimate relationships and close friendships, but also applies during consenting close activities such as contact sports, and crowded places such as parties, bars, concerts, public transport, queues and entertainment and sports spectating events. Non-consenting intrusion into this space is normally felt to be uncomfortable at best, or very threatening and upsetting at worst. Within the intimate zone a person's senses of smell and touch (being touched) become especially exercised.

3. Personal 45-120cm18in-4ft family and close friends is possible in this zone, but intimacy is off-limits. Hence Touching other than hand-shaking is potentially uncomfortable.

4. Social- consultative 1.2-3.6m4-12ft non-touch interaction, social, business
Significantly hand-shaking is only possible within this zone only if both people reach out to do it. Touching is not possible unless both people reach to do it.

5. Public 3.6m+12ft+ no interaction, ignoring
People establish this zonal space when they seek to avoid interaction with others nearby. When this space is intruded by another person is creates a discomfort or an expectation of interaction.