Period Of Transition

Happy New Year

2015-01-23T06:28:00.003+08:00

A belated Happy New Year to all reading. Wishing all of you a blessed year ahead.

I am now sitting in my hotel room (Ibis Manchester Portland Street, which for 50 pounds per night with an ensuite bathroom and its central location is a darn nice place for a business hotel if you ask me), in the middle of a two week histopathology slide seminar course in preparation for my final! exam in April.

I have some colleagues with me in the course and during our near daily dinners we have had some very interesting discussion. One of those involved money.
As everyone already knows, Singaporeans in general are v.e.r.y interested in money. It won't be surprising that after spending a good amount of years living in Singapore, one will be sucked into this money-consciousness thingy too. You become the company you keep, as the wise say. Recently I could feel myself going in that direction (being over conscious about money), but at the same time being really unhappy that I was becoming like that. I think back to the days when I was working in Perlis, with hardly any savings left at the end of the month, but feeling carefree and 'couldn't care less' when it comes to feelings about my financial state. Well now circumstances have changed slightly, I have a family and lots of bills to pay, but in tangent with that my income has increased exponentially too. However, I occasionally find myself fretting about money, and that troubles me, the fretting. Hence I have decided to let go, and gosh do I feel liberated in that. I have a colleague who cynically reminds me to not always talk about money, ha!, and while I do not appreciate his sarcasm, I am secretly thankful for this reminder. Recently we were discussing salaries, and while my colleague was slightly appalled by the lower salaries pathologists are commanding, in my heart all I felt was this pride that I was not the least bothered by her comment, I am very satisfied with my salary, I love my job and I find satisfaction in it, things money cannot buy. I feel happy that I have a little of that zest left in me, that really, money is not all there is to it.

I love the liberation of thoughts and realignment of perspective that comes from being away from Singapore, even for a while!

2014-11-26T01:33:00.000+08:00

Haiya it's the end of November and I had not had a single post for this month. Anyway I am on leave for two weeks, so whatever, I am writing something although I am having writer's block. I miss those days where I would write all kinds of nonsense with careless abandon.
Okay to make it easier, I will write my thoughts in point-form. We all love point forms when we read textbooks, I love point forms because they help me focus!
1. I can't be a stay-at-home mum, much as I love doing laundry. My days will melt into each other and I will lose my orientation. And my sense of purpose.
2. I enjoy spending time with my daughter, kids at her age (she's 22 months) do insanely cute things.
3. Having said that, my girl sometimes drive me up the wall. Especially during meal times.

4. My house is in a mess (mum went off for holiday, haha) and frankly, after the first two days, I couldn't care less anymore.
5. Most people don't want their kids to grow up too fast, seriously, I want mine to grow up faster. At least to be able to understand and FOLLOW instructions. And poo in the toilet.
6. I have to seriously stop spending so much time on the Internet and more on my books.

So anyway, here are some baby words I have managed to decode during my leave:
'Ter, ter' = WATER
'Aapen, aapen' = OPEN
'Kut, kut' = BISCUIT
Crying in a screeching type of voice = I WANT IT AND I WANT IT NOW!

Some cute things she does:
Clasps her hands together and closes her eyes tightly when we pray before a meal, ending with an emphatic "AMEN" at the end.
Saying "MMmmm" appreciatively as she is served plain white porridge after two days of purging due to some nasty GI bug.
Lifting her face to give me a kiss on command (hah, mama is bossy).
Saying 'Theeerrre' when I ask her where some things are.
Picking microscopic dirt from the floor and putting them into her mouth (the pincer grip is cute, you gotta believe me)
Saying "Write write" multiple times and shoving the pen into my hand (looks like she inherited my bossy trait).

When you are a mother and a trainee.....

2014-10-04T23:36:00.002+08:00

you won't have time to blog much. Haha. Actually, most of the time, like 99.9%, you don't even remember you have a blog. This is really a far cry from my med student days when I would blog about EVERY SINGLE THING that happened EVERY MINUTE OF MY LIFE. Good grief, I scarcely have time for a bath now.

Well, ok, it's not so bad. But if anyone asks me whether it is a good idea to have a kid during training, I would say, unless you are fighting your biological clock and racing against time, best to hold it off. That's my personal opinion, I know tons of people who have had kids during training and trained successfully, so this is just my honest personal expression. I say that not because my kid stands in the way of my training and robs me of reaching my best potential, but seriously, kids need love and time. They need having their mother around. And training needs time, time to do training stuff. And there is only 24 hours in a day. I am both a mother and a trainee, but really, both require a lot of attention. Sometimes (most times, actually), they require exclusivity in focus. And having to balance a job, exams and a child (and guilt) is not fun at all.

Having said that, I have no regrets having Elizabeth, many a times she is my motivator to persevere, and she is the light at the end of my tunnel when I am in a dark tunnel. (Admit it, at some point in your trainee life, you have thought that this 'training' hullabaloo is surely going to kill you.) She is my constant joy, all I have to do to give my heart a leap of happiness is think of the cute, funny and weird things she does on a continual basis.
And I have to admit, my mother is really my saving grace. She takes care of Liz when I'm at work, and at times when I have to prepare for my exam. I wouldn't have been able to do 'this' if it were not for her helping me with Liz. That shall be another post for another time, but I really am so grateful to have my mum taking care of my daughter. (There are people out there who are against grandparents taking care of their kids, actually, I'm really surprised at this attitude. I know what their points are - it's time for their parents to enjoy their retirement years is the main one, but I don't see why you wouldn't want your parents to take care of your kid if they are willing to. Like ???) See, even with my mum helping me (which is like a lot x 100 of help), I still struggle with the balance thing (and I have a sneaking suspicion it may be more of a guilt thing).

Anyway. Judgemental people are everywhere. One thing I have learnt since having Liz is that it is in us women when we have a child, to know what is best for our kids. Guide books and whatever people say may give us some sort of framework to go by, but ultimately deep down in our hearts we already know the answer to our questions. Seriously, we don't need other people/books to INSTRUCT us on how to raise our kids. It is a job God has given mothers an inate ability for.

Paediatric pathology

2014-07-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

I am doing a rotation in Paediatric pathology at the moment, and I have seen quite a fair number of pretty cool stuff. Well, cool for me to be able to see them but definitely not-so-cool for the patients and their families. We see quite a number of aggressive childhood cancers; in my short 4 week stint I have had an atypical teratoid/rhabdoid tumour of the brain, a handful of neuroblastomas, two retinoblastomas and a metastatic teratoma. At first, I cringed when I got an eyeball (for retinoblastoma) from a kid who hasn't even started school. And then there are the foetal 'academic' autopsies for intrauterine deaths and termination of pregnancy for some fetal anomaly. I have learnt through the years not to attach too much emotion into the cases I've seen, other than 'Wow, this is so interesting!', or 'This is bad news for the patient' or maybe 'Sigh, another mastectomy' but going through this posting made me stop sometimes and think about issues. Issues like termination of pregnancy for fetal anomalies. I try not to be judgemental but sometimes I wonder if we are overstepping our boundaries as a medical doctor. Issues like what happens to a family if their child gets cancer. Issues like how does a child/adolescent react in the face of a malignant diagnosis? And then I brush these thoughts aside while I concentrate on the cute Homer Wright rosettes staring at me and those pretty ganglion cells disposed within schwannian stroma in a ganglioneuroblastic tumour. Sometimes it's the only way we get any work done.

By the way, this is my daughter Elizabeth :)

2014-07-19T00:56:00.001+08:00

2014-07-19T00:46:00.002+08:00

I passed! The road ahead is a long one, but this is one hurdle I am glad I got through. Praise be to my Lord Jesus Christ.

So anyway, the husband and I are going to Vancouver in August. I am tagging along for his course, and instead of the usual Canada then America itinerary we have decided to head to the Canadian Rockies after his course (mainly because we are lazy and put off applying for US visa). Well, not exactly. Have you seen the Canadian Rockies?? It looks so spectacular in pictures, so breathtaking in its splendour we knew from the start we have to visit!

2014-05-23T19:12:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow is my slide exam, and I have to admit, I am nervous. I am going through the WHO series of the classification of tumors, looking at the pictures and their short little descriptions. Pathology texts can sometimes be abit long winded but the good news is, pathology is about images and less about words. So I do find it very helpful to revise just by looking at the pictures. I am blogging because something has to come out of my brain before anymore information can go in!
The thing about Histopathology that I know early in my training but only fully realize later, is that much of the information leading to the correct diagnosis lies in low power examination. As new trainees there is always the temptation to breeze through the low power view and quickly go on to high power. Much information, especially of circumscription, architecture and growth pattern is obtained through low power examination, and selective high power views are for confirmation of diagnosis, counting mitosis and maybe looking for subtle clues.
Ok, I feel great now, just talking to myself!
I am going to be awesome, and by God's grace I'll pass.

One year and a little more on

2014-05-15T23:51:00.001+08:00

So hello.
First of all, let me just say that I am glad I still remember my Blogger password.
Secondly, can I just say that sooooo much has happened over the last one year?
I did not have another baby, no no. I did however, fail my exam. I was excruciatingly devastated, in retrospect more because of shame than because of failure. Well, what changed over the last one year is that I finally came to accept that failure in this instance is probably not a bad thing. In fact, it has turned out to be a good thing for me. If nothing else, I was humbled by the entire experience. It gave me a strange motivation to withstand stress. I was emboldened, if I can say so. It made me shed my "escape work if I can" mentality and to take on the "the more the better for my arsenal of experience" mindset instead. And I found out that it really is not as daunting as it seems. And I can say I love Histopathology now more than ever before. The adrenaline rush and elation of getting a diagnosis right is something hard to describe. I love my job. I believe The Lord leads and guides, and in retrospect I failed because I wasn't prepared for it. It would have been harmful(for me and my patients) if I had passed and had the power to sign out independently, without having adequate knowledge and experience. The failure had not impeded my career progression (and pay rise, lol, am I being singaporeanised or what), and I was promoted to Registrar regardless, since I already had my UK part 1. So like one of my professors say, the failure is of no significance in terms of my training, but my oh my, what a great significance it did have. A good one, I would like to believe.
So here am I now, attempting this exam for the 2nd time.
Since this is sorta like an update post, I'm sure you would like to know how it is on the home front; all I can say is, it's not perfect, we are not always happy ( in fact I have MORE arguments with my husband), sacrifices are made, our social life is practically zero...but nothing beats the joy of FAMILY. And having a cute little girl who just melts away problems is truly heaven sent. All of which, shall be the subject of a future post, if there is to be one.
Cheers!

2013-03-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty sure nobody's reading anymore, haha.
Anyway, just to let nobody know that we now have an amazing little girl, her name is Elizabeth, and she is so delicious I have been tempted more than once to seriously bite her. She is 5 weeks going on 6, and already starting to be full of teenage angst (never really cries but complain quite a bit). She is full of expressions, smiling n frowning n pouting n what not. I would show u a picture, but i'm blogging from the ipad, n i can't figure how to post pics with this gadget.
Some things never change.

2012-12-12T18:03:00.001+08:00

Haven't written in a long while. 30 weeks pregnant now. We're having a girl! Her current favourite activities are kungfu and sleeping. She kung-fus at odd hours though, like 3am in the morning, with the target being my bladder. I am falling more and more in love with her.
Think I'll take a hiatus from blogging, so much going on and so little time/energy. My posts are getting uninspiring and sometimes I'm just writing for the sake of writing. It's been great sharing my life so far, thanks for reading.

2012-10-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

It's Saturday, and I was soooo bored. Usually this complaint is entirely my husband's, but today, out of a sudden I was just simply at a loss at what to do. And then I remembered that I have to study.

I guess I just have to accept the fact that I have become a boring person with little else to do, except study, sleep and worry about the mundane things in life like laundry, food and bills. Blergh.

Anyway, I am taking the RCPA Part I next May, and quite a few people have looked at me like I am planning to fail, since the exam will be 2 and 1/2 months after the baby arrives (according to the EDD). And then there are the naysayers, who of all are those who irritate me the most. Everyone has choices, if you have yours, fine, don't impose them on me. Somethings might seem impossible to you, maybe they are, but I'd rather start out with a positive mindset. And it's not like it hasn't been done successfully before. I am not brave nor confident nor think I am so clever, dammit I just want to sit for an exam! I love taking exams! It won't be the end of the world (for me at least) if I fail, so just let me be. (sorry, ranting that has nothing to do with you all)

I love challenges, I love to think about them actually, and imagine myself a hero that emerges through adversity. Oh c'mon, don't tell me you never had illusions of grandiosity. Ok, so I'm a little wacky, but whatever, I'm harmless. So anyway,although it wouldn't be the end of the world if I fail, I really really REALLY want to pass this exam. It is not going to be easy, however. There is an essay component and a practical component consisting of 20 cases. Some of the cases are esoteric things never encountered in daily work. And there being thousands of conditions that can be tested on, the breadth is indeed magnanimous. The people who have passed this exam in my department seem to be exceedingly committed, brilliant and work very very hard. Even some who possess those qualities don't always make it, I guess it's a combination of effort and luck. Even so, that is what my aim is, to be exceedingly committed, brilliant and work very very hard. Oh, that's easier said than done. I just want to pass, help me pass please. For myself and for the baby. To prove the naysayers wrong. To do it once and fruitfully. Please let me pass. I have decided to get a home microscope, so that I can review test slides at home and never feel bored, ever. I am going to push slides till my eyeballs pop out of their socket. That will at least make me seem heroic, wouldn't it. I am hoping to get all the preparation more or less done before the baby arrives, so that I can spend at least the first month of its life devoted to my child. Oh, the future is so uncertain! Please don't let me get baby brain, please help me Lord, I really want to pass!

2012-10-12T19:23:00.000+08:00

So hello again.
As the end of the year draws close, I am faced with many decisions to make. Life would have been simpler without an impending baby in our lives, but this is what we've been blessed with, and save for the 1st horrible trimester, I have not looked back with regrets. I am excited to be having this child (I'm not too sure about my hubs, he still seem quite scared at the prospect of fatherhood. I initially ketuk his kepala whenever he expresses fear, then I gave up and just let him be. He better get a grip on himself soon, is all I have to say), and I am grateful to be given a privilege to experience this.

So anyway, there are some child care issues to be sorted out. And then there's the Aussie rcpa exam that I'm planning to take next May. And then there's the question of where to have my maternity? And then there's the one week course in Sydney I signed up for without much thought, and now I wonder if it is indeed a right decision, since it's going to be 4 weeks after my EDD. Will i be depressed and crying then, leaving my baby with my parents? And then there's the worry about baby brain ( some myth about being forgetful during pregnancy). Then there's the worry about milk production, about baby being neglected in my selfish ambition,

My fellow colleague who is pregnant has postponed her exam, but I think it would just be harder to do it later than immediately after baby is born. But really I do have my doubts. My fear is that I would put my priorities wrong, and live to regret it.

These are some thoughts swimming in my head at night. But for now, I'm going to fully utilise my time for exam prep, while baby is still in the tummy, and enjoy motherhood when the baby arrives. That sounds like a grand plan to me. I tell myself that when the time comes, mothers don't really think about juggling work and family, they just instinctively know what's important and make things work. Enough of worries, fears and philosophies now.

So are you a boy, or a girl?

2012-10-07T20:37:00.000+08:00

Hello, hello. It seems like it's been a really looooong time since I updated this space. long update ahead, I guess? I'm really excited about this pregnancy at the moment, but a little hesitant to rave and gush on Facebook for fear of annoying people, lol, so here I am.

I'm happily in my second trimester now, it is bliss compared with my first.

My first trimester was horrible terrible. I had nausea everyday, the whole day, from the time I'm awake to the time I fall asleep. I had terrible food aversions, and I couldn't stand the smell of the detergent we were using. Loud sounds made me nauseous. I screamed at my husband for playing his shooting computer games. I ate bags and bags sweets and drank lots of coke and fizzy carbonated drinks(I know you are giving me a dirty look, but it worked) The smell of coffee made me nauseous. I was so crazy tired all the time. I cried myself to sleep some nights and implored my husband to unpregnate me. I regretted not using contraception. I considered a hysterectomy after the birth of this child. Basically I was psychotic, and very hormonal. I was still in my Forensics posting at that time, but funnily the smell of dead bodies didn't put me off that much. (but i did take quite a fair share of medical leave, like once a week for 3 weeks-pregnancy is a physiological not pathological condition so says those who were never pregnant/had symptomless pregnancies). I really thank God I passed my assessment at the end of the posting, managed to eviscerate the organs independently and all without puking into my N95 mask. I was really worried I would fail because I was mostly practicing evisceration in parts prior to the exam.

And then the 2nd trimester came. The symptoms started decreasing at 13weeks, and by the 16th week it was as good as gone, save for some residual tiredness. We travelled to Italy at 16weeks, and the timing was just perfect. I surprised myself at the amount of walking I was able to do. We skipped the climbing stairs parts though, and we slept quite early at night. We took trains all over Italy, and managed to visit Rome, Florence(including a day trip to Siena, San Gimignano and Pisa),Venice, Bologna, Como and Milan in 2weeks. It was one of the best holidays we had, in terms of sights, food and people. I couldn't resist and stole a few sips of alcohol(this is a secret ok, I'd like to believe the ethanol evaporated before it got into the bloodstream).
So the second trimester has been a honeymoon period so far, as what my colleague said. My bump is starting to be visible so I get to seat on reserve seats on the MRT, hehe.
Just a few days ago I started to feel the baby moving, and it is really very nice. I am falling deeper in love with this little person inside my uterus. We had an anomaly scan a few weeks ago and everything was normal. We were really in suspense to find out the sex but the little one kept his legs crossed, maybe shy :)

Ps: the other thing about being in the second trimester (don't know if it's good/bad), I get really horny some days, and often have horny dreams too, lol. Ah, this is too much information, but what can I say, it feels great

Nausea and its cure

2012-07-05T22:57:00.001+08:00

And so we are pregnant alright. Although we only managed to get an OB appointment end of July. I'm so curious to know what's inside my tummy, but my hubs is hmmming and humming when I suggested we go somewhere and do a SCAN first, DEAR.
So anyway, I'm having pregnancy symptoms, no doubt about that. Morning sickness is a lie, I tell you. My nausea is worst late at night, around 11pm-ish. It has a tri/di?-urnal pattern, coming on in the late morning, late evenings and late night. It took me a week to get used to this, but now I'm happy to say I'm coping so much better. The key, for me, is to keep eating throughout the day. I don't know what kind of unorthodox theory is this, but eating prevents me from having nausea. I just eat all sorts of stuff, including junk food like Twisties, fizzy cola candies, Bin Bin rice crackers. And I have been craving for beef. I feel so contented when I get to eat BEEF! I eat my lunch at 11am and my dinner at 5pm. My life rocks. The thing that doesn't rock, is the fatigue. Can sleep the whole day, can't stand for more than 2 hours. And less able to concentrate. I have been talking nonsense to my baby too, it's so fun! And I have great dreams for my kid, it's either Harvard or Cambridge or Oxford, kiddo. Beware the Tiger Mother!

2012-06-26T22:49:00.002+08:00

Well nobody but my husband, the GP and the two clerks at the doctor's office knows this, but I need to tell someone! It's way way way early, and I think there is some kind of taboo about about not spilling this in the first trimester, but whatever, I'm not saying I'm pregnant or anything. Just that I tested positive on the urine pregnancy test today! We (my husband and I) are both in a state of shock at the moment. It's something bound to happen, no surprises actually, it's not like we were using birth control or whatever, so yeah, it is BOUND TO HAPPEN. But still, SO SOON? So, the shock (his more than mine). My husband first reaction when I told him over the phone was "Oh. No.", it was so classic I wish I had witnessed it. Then we came home and he started playing Baby Einstein on the HiFi! LOL! Well, I had been craving tomyum the last one week and been having nausea, which I blamed on eating unhealthy food. Vomited on the MRT on the way back from work yesterday, and was nauseated and bedbound practically the whole of today. So, it was either a nasty gastro flu, or I'm pregnant. Well, the pregnancy was a little unexpected, mainly because my periods were really irregular, and I think I wasn't ovulating most of the time. So anyway, I was offered (more like I strongly suggested) a UPT at the doctor's and hey hey, it was (quite strongly) positive. Whatdaya know there's always false positive and there are tumours which secret hCG (well, I'm not too sure about this, I'm a quack), but I really do think I might be pregnant! LOLOL! Which means, I'm going to have a baby! How insane is that?

Oh by the way, how do you break news like this to your parents and in-laws?

2012-05-29T18:54:00.001+08:00

Haiyoyo, the new Blogger settings are making me pening kepala man. I don't like change, especially when it comes to computers. I'm dead-set in my ways (i.e: I'm a computer dummy, what does Ctrl mean anyway? why do they call it Shift? why are there blue and black icons on the keypad?), and now I have to look all over the page for the icons!
Ok, I have been a real slacker when it comes to blogging...I know I told you I'd blog about the house, but uh, I'm too lazy to take and upload pictures, and I'm actually, really, just enjoying this abode. Ok I admit, I'm lazy. I'll get to it someday!

Anyway, I'm addicted to something new now....something not very good, but something fun!
And, it's online shopping at the Sales Section of ASOS. I bought 2 tops and 2 dresses for 120 dollars, and man, I felt so happy. As if I'd regained my womanhood back. Ok, I know that sounds wrong, but that's the only way I know how to describe my feelings. Throughout the renovation and post that I'd let myself slip into UGLINESS, I tell you. And now I've gotta do something about it. Well, at least that's what I tell my husband to shut him up.

Haha.

Ok, now I'm going back to being a slob.

Cheers!

Jingle bells

2012-05-18T17:52:00.001+08:00

Jingle all the way. Whatever.

So I passed the UK Part I! Well, it's not such a big deal, the passing rate is what, 75% anyway, and as my boss said "You are not expected to fail." But! Still! I passed! Phew! Most of all, thank you Lord! As with most of the exams I take, I get paranoid even if I feel fairly comfortable while doing it (comfortable as in I know most of the answers). In fact, I get even more paranoid if I'm comfortable doing it. Did I fill in the correct answer on the correct row? Is my 2B pencil dark enough? Did I confuse the answer for question 100 with question 101? Am I being over-confident/proud? Did I write my name correctly on the answer sheet? etc etc.

So, it's now on to the Aussie Part I next year, which apparently is the killer. (but by God's grace, all things are possible). It's one exam a year for the next few years, till I grow up and graduate!

In the meantime, I'm going to pop myself a champagne. With my husband.

Voila

2012-05-05T11:20:00.001+08:00

Finally, we have moved into our new home!

The renovation process had been enjoyable, painful and nearly cost us our marriage (kidding!-half), but most of all, it has been very rewarding, we can say that now because we survived to enjoy its fruits, with our marriage intact, LOL!

We've still got some work to do though. Our contractor forgot our guest toilet doors so its having an 'open concept' now, hehe.

I've also gotten over my fear of dead people reaching out from the autopsy table to grab me (have you seen rigor mortis in action? with the arms raised and suspended in the air?), so hopefully there'll be more time to blog in days to come. About the house and life of course. Work's boring, there's nothing to talk about. (and I'm sworn into secrecy, not that I know any secrets)

Cheers!

2012-04-06T23:01:00.001+08:00

Doing Forensic Medicine/Post-mortems for the next 4 months. Ughh. Want to cry.

2012-03-09T23:03:00.002+08:00

Oh yes, we have finally confirmed our contractor, and hopefully renovations will start in 2 weeks time (some paperwork and approval process to sort out with the management first).

We went furniture scouting last Sunday. We are really keen on getting a round marble table for our dining room. Did you know that round tables foster togetherness and intimacy? And that everyone can see everyone on a round table, so it makes communication easier. Brings about a sense of closeness. I'm sold on the idea!

I also saw some curtains. I'm loving Laura Ashley-like curtains, they're so... English. Love! But most likely we'll go with those track type rails instead of the pole-type, although I do love oak coloured pole rails. Apparently the track type are more lasting can hold more weight.

Ah, I'm having so many ideas for the house!

Last but not least, my greatest blog discovery from last week is this: Maria Killam
She is an interior designer who specializes in colours and she is so insightful about colours!(Duh) Now I know why certain rooms may look like they have the right colour but the "feel" is not right. It's all about the undertones. Do you know Beige is categorized under pinky beige, green-beige and yellow-beige? I'm now obsessed about colour coordination for our house!

On the studying front, well, what can I say? I'm studying.

2012-03-02T21:53:00.008+08:00

I can finally understand and relate to my senior's frustrations at failing her final FRCPath exams last year. The first time she failed, she said she was "gutted". The second time she failed, she said "I can't go on living like this. If I fail again I'm going to quit this and leave for good." At that time, we were naive, wide-eyed wonder new trainees with little responsibility. Our primary concern was that we grossed the appendixes and gallbladders well, and that nobody came back to us to ask "WTH is this??? with regards to some organ/tumour/whatever we chopped up. So of course we didn't have a clue as to what she meant when she said "I can't go on living like this" and why she wanted to leave if she failed again. I mean, after 5 years of training, you're just gonna give it up like that? This place is heaven on earth man! Thankfully, she passed on her 3rd try. She's our tai ka che in the department, someone we look to when we lose hope :)

Well, as I'm preparing for my FRCPath part I, I have gotten a glimpse into this "I can't go on living like this" thing. It's ok for now, bearable and masochistically enjoyable at times, since you know, it's just theory and does not yet involve actual slides, but I can see where it'll go from here.

Fine tuning

2012-02-25T17:28:00.003+08:00

I have no idea how the title is related to this post. I always have great difficulty coming up with a title for my posts. Anyhow, just some updates: We have yet to confirm a renovator. Which is kinda upsetting to me at times. I'm the type who wring my hands and just want to get things going and moving you know? Well, we have gotten quotations from 2 and nearly wanted to employ the services of one, but my husband didn't have a good feeling about him, although the price was quite reasonable. Anyway we did quite a bit of research on the forums (renotalk.com is a good and widely used one) and guess what, we found out that this guy had a bad record in the past although he was quite good at one time. He was highly recommended but ended up in some financial problems with the company he and his wife shared, and couldn't complete some of the projects he was involved in. Scary thing was, he now uses a different name (ya, they can just change their English name around). This guy was Jason and now he is Jack. Scary? Thankfully someone posted a picture of him (It was hard to find though. Hubs stumbled upon it.) and we heaved a sigh of relief for not having engaged him.

So anyway, we'll be meeting another renovator today. This guy is from an ID firm recommended by Brian's friend, so we'll compare his quote with the other contractors' and hopefully, finally get to decide and start renovation works!

2012-02-22T14:56:00.002+08:00

I am just reminded afresh of God's love for me after listening to this song,

Tears just flowed, I wasn't sad or depressed, but just feel so loved though undeserving.
He freely gave. Thank you, Lord.

Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love poured out for all
This is our God

(This is our God; Hillsong)

The process of buying

2012-02-17T21:14:00.005+08:00

Ok, I promise to go study after this, but since I'm so 'engagingly distracted' by the internet now, let me just write a little about the property buying process in Singapore (since when we started out we were practically almost clueless and had to ask around and google for any type of advice we can get. Thankfully one of my consultants is very knowledgeable regarding the process and was extremely helpful.) It is actually a rather simple process, but for someone who is "clueless" there can be a lot of anxiety involved. Uncertainty about money always make people anxious.

First of all, have to put disclaimer first. I'm writing this from what I can remember (and for fun, hopefully I can help someone reduce their anxiety), so the nitty gritty details may not be 100% accurate.

2nd, we bought the house when we were both Employment Pass(EP) holders in Nov 2011, just weeks before the Additional Buyer's Stamp Duty (ABSD - an extra 10% stamp duty imposed on foreigners, but not permanent residents) was imposed.

3rd, we were naive 1st time house buyers in Singapore. A lot of things could have been done better in retrospects, hence also the reason for this post.

4th. We bough a private property (only (married)PRs/citizens qualify for HDBs), so no HDB rebates/whatever rebate/subsidy stuff for us.

So here goes:

1. View the house, and decided we want it.

2. Call the agent (negotiate a price, we negotiated with an agent rather than the house owner, she called him and called us back, blah blah... not sure if we could have negotiated a better price if we had spoken directly to the owner)
*To decide whether the price is reasonable, refer to this website URA. It gives a history and psf price of transactions within a development, so you can know whether you're being ripped off or getting a good deal. (We only found out about this website after we put the 1% down, else we'd have negotiated for less!)

3. Put the 1% downpayment (eg, if the house costs 100k, 1%=$1000. This money is not refundable, even if you decided not to purchase in the end.)

4. Once the 1% in put down, you will be given something called "Option to Purchase". It's a 2 page (or was it 1 page) letter stating your intention to purchase, the owner's name and the exact address of the property. And the agreed purchase price.

"Practicing the option"
5. We're given a 2 week period to "practice our option". If I'm not mistaken this is standard. Hence started our hunt for a bank loan.
In retrospect, a bank loan should be "obtained" before you put the 1%. It's called "in principal approval-meaning the bank agrees to loan you a certain amount of money "in-principal". This is a no-strings-attached service provided by banks, so do not hesitate to get you 'in principal approval" before you even start property hunting.

6. The job of hunting for an appropiate bank was delegated to my husband. At first we called a few banks up, in the end he went down to the respective banks and finally we decided on DBS. They have different loan types - the board rate, floating rate, bla bla rate (3 types in all I think). I'm a dummo in these things so I shall refrain from commenting further.

7. Our bank loan gets approved in 2 days, and they threw in free lawyer's fee of up to SGD2500 (don't be so happy they gave it for free, this is standard. And apparently, you can ask for shopping vouchers too sometimes!). We don't know which lawyer to choose, so we asked the bank to recommend one near where my husband works, for convenience sake.

8. We meet our lawyer, a young chap who probably just graduated from law school. The secretary seems to be more experienced. During this 2-week option period the law(yer)/ firm will make sure the owner is not the bankrupt, nothing illegal in the transaction, etc.

9. Within the 2-week period another 5-10% of the purchase price needs to be paid up. Also, remember to factor in an additional 3% stamp duty (applies to all including citizens and PRs) - which is payable to the government. They have a special formula 3%-$5ooo or something like that, so in the end it amounts to slightly less than 3%. We gave all these things in cheque to our lawyer (so ya, a cheque book is kinda necessary too). They will settle the rest.

10. Once the 2 week period is up, there will be a 10 week completion period. Not too sure what really happened during this period, but it was good for us as it gave us time to start digging into our resources for the rest of the 20% downpayment!

11. By a week before the completion period ends, the lawyer would have sent you the payment instructions (i.e whose name to buy a cahier's order in). 3 days before the completion period, my husband went to buy Cashier's Orders from the bank (no cheque allowed this time, in case they bounced!).

12. On completion day, we got our keys.

THE END OF THE BEGINNING

Add: The maximum home loan amount allowable (by law) is 80%

Focusing, with a strategy

2012-02-16T15:41:00.002+08:00

My study break has started, and I will be on leave/protected time for the next one month. One of the difficulties I face when I'm on a study break/leave is staying focused when I'm at home to study. I constantly go on Facebook, open the fridge, have a sudden urge to do laundry, watch mindless TV programs, etc. Anyway, I found an excellent post on staying focused.

1. Priming
This is probably the most important step of all. It is described as "setting up your environment and work routine to make you want to get work done". I find the waking up early and starting work immediately tip to be really useful. It's not really about having more time to get work done, but rather it's more of tricking the subconscious mind to be "primed" for the task ahead.
I shall do this tomorrow. Up at 730 to start studying.

2. Distraction-free breaks.
Oh, now I know not to kill the momentum with engaging activities! So, no Facebook, no Internet surfing, no magazines during the supposedly 15minute break. (it always stretches to 1 hour if I go on Facebook). Stretching sounds good :)
"Breaks are about strategically recouping your energy and focus to reattack the work at hand" - well said.

3. Active work
In contrast to passive work.

4. Fixed scheduling
Schedule lots of work in the earlier part of week or day, and then spent time after to relax and have a life!