Finding ME

Just one little thing and one big thing

2011-07-06T09:46:00.001-05:00

First off, if anyone actually reads this, they might notice that some of my posts are gone. That's because I'm changing things up a bit.

Now on to the big thing.
Marriage.
As a person who has tried marriage, being married and divorced and through hell all in 4 years, I'm pretty dead set on avoiding it. How lucky am I that I have a guy who feels the exact same way as I do?! Now you'd think that a guy who doesn't want to get married equals no committment? Not this guy. I am very confident that if things ever went south, I would be ok. When my marriage ended, it was a flippin mess.

Now I'll admit that when I see weddings, like on TV and in movies, I get that sad feeling thinking that I'm never going to have that. Yeah, the first wedding wasn't THAT. But when I see people going through nasty divorces, and when I see that I have everything a marriage has except the piece of paper and a ceremony, it makes everything OK.

I see it too often where marriages end suddenly and unexpectedly. In my first marriage, my (ex)husband was stupid and wanted everything in my name and we rented...so when the divorce was final he had the clothes on his back. Not my fault--I didn't even fight for anything. I didn't even show up for my divorce. Now when two people are married and have everything together, things get messy. No matter what, someone gets screwed over.

If you're reading this and you're married, how sure are you, really, that your marriage is solid? If it all came tumbling down tomorrow, do you have a plan? I ask because marriage does not equal "today is how it will always be." Now I know that there is the minute percentage out there who stay married forever and it's awesome, but not everyone can be a part of that percentage.

Took a break...

2011-06-10T11:12:00.000-05:00

So I'm back...kind of? I have made some changes--I am working part time in retail and part time for a marketing company. My goal is to actually have a job in my field by the end of the summer and to have money stocked up.

A lot of my focus has been on my kids. One with ADD I'm trying to control without meds and the other who is so smart that it makes him a difficult child. Things are getting better and better. For me, my children are my full time career and my 2 part time jobs just make me a person with 3 jobs!

Possibly too independent...

2011-03-31T17:27:00.000-05:00

When I make plans to do something on a day off at home, I don't expect that I should have to share my plans of doing laundry and cleaning out the closet. This usually results in chaos and arguing due to the fact that I get a tad pissy when I am asked to do other things. And while we are going 5 years strong, I am having a hard time letting go of my [independence]. For some reason I find it so difficult to say "Actually I had plans to clean the closet and do laundry today" without sounding like a complete bitch.

It's not that I have big secrets. I have nothing to hide, I just don't care to share my every thought and I prefer to do some things alone.

I guess I'll just leave it at this -- I like my space. Period.

Being a Mom

2011-03-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

Being a Mom comes first before anything else in my life. I'm not perfect, by any means, but I am proud to say that my kids are ok.

My daughter endured a lot of things she shouldn't have as a baby/toddler because of her father and my lack of getting out of the situation; and I have worked hard to make sure that she has gotten through that barely scarred. She has some focus issues and likes to lie to me, but isn't that all kids? I hope so! I bought her a flute for her birthday. She is going to learn early so she'll be ahead in Middle School when she takes band. I am looking forward to teaching her!

My son, well he's lucky, I must say. He has his Mommy and Daddy together and things are swell in his little world. Things are so swell that we're a little spoiled and think it's ok to cry to get our way. With that being said, I am still trying to reach the goal of one day of his life with no crying. And he's 3. Every day I wake up and think to myself, "Today might be the day!" HA. Ha. It's hilarious because it's always a given that he will cry about something by 10 AM. Other than crying two to 3 times a day he is a joy. He is going to grow up to be such a good man--he's already very good about helping me and loves when I ask for his help around the house. He gladly helps and proudly states, "I take care of my Mommy."