Stop Motion

Random.

2018-01-07T19:30:00.001-05:00

It's been a while. Hasn't it?

What has been going on in this world? Is it always moving in the right direction? Oscillating but still edging one bit by one we are nudging the borders of our intelligence. Our determination to bring a better future for us. Or, is the oscillations undetermined? Random?

Glimmer.

2013-05-04T22:12:00.001-04:00

Make it dark.
Turn out the lights.
Maybe then you will see
tiny lights all around you.

*

I want to share this article on the Verge with you.
Some of Paul Miller's words are very close to things I would like to have said.
Things I've thought to be "problems" are sometimes just the distractions that kept my focus away from the real problems. When you face the real problems though, it is often my wish to delude myself like the way I've been.

Bitter.

2013-01-29T17:38:00.000-05:00

Don't be bitter son.

I'm not bitter.

Okay. Don't be.

Okay. I'm not. I'm... You can't help the way you feel, you said that.

You're right. I did say that, that doesn't excuse you to entertain the feeling. You know better.

Let me sulk and get over this on my own.

Sulking is nothing but a waste of time. You feel better at the end of it but you've also wasted time doing nothing.

How do you deal with this sort of thing?

That's personal. My way works for me, doesn't mean that's the right way or it would work for you.

So, what do you expect me to do?

Figure that out.

How?

Not sure, but I know you will. You are more than capable of it. And that time is better spend than sulking.

Gutter

2013-01-21T17:59:00.000-05:00

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”― Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

There are very many planets in this universe. In our very own galaxy there are far too many to even comprehend as a number. Some of them might be inhabited like our very own planet. Like a petri-dish experiment in microbiology. We are a mixture of life left on a planet with limited nourishment and a timer. Figure out how to get out and survive as a species or die and dry up with the planet.

All this development, technology, beauty, philosophy, theology, education and understanding of our universe will look no different and serve no better for our universe once it is dried up and crumbled in to dust. And there will be no one to lament the loss and no one to ever know that it existed.

Maybe billions of years from now, from a far off planet in our own galaxy or a different galaxy in our universe, someone will look at our planet from theirs. Like a microorganism "looking" out at a petri-dish across the room and wonder the same as we wonder today...is there life over there?

Crooked Picture Frames.

2013-01-13T17:41:00.003-05:00

Sometimes that will have to do. Unadorned these walls are nothing but a containment. With these stains and shapes to disturb the pattern, I can face the past and re-live the memories. Each day differently.

Honestly, I don't pay much attention to them every day. Those days that I do it is often just faces looking back, with no emotion. At times it is the livid memory of the moment that it captured. Rarely it is the feelings of joy and sadness that have come to pass between then and now.

White Paper

2012-12-31T11:42:00.003-05:00

What do you see in front of you?

What? This?

Yes, what do you see?

Um, it's a paper.

Yes?

And it's white. There is nothing on it.

Yes?

Yes. Is this a trick question?

No trick. Just a question.

Yes, well, then I see a plain, white, blank sheet of paper.

I... Did you ask me this before?

Yes.

Yes! I remember... That was so long ago... How old was I?

Just a child then.

So long ago...

Do you recall what you saw then?

I... Yes, it's... I remember some or all of it, I think. It's coming back to me.

What did you see then?

That was so long ago... A child's imagination, nothing more.

It was.

I guess I've grown up to see things differently now.

What would you rather?

Rather? What?!

Would you rather see what you see now or what you saw then?

It's just a blank piece of paper, now and then... I just saw what I wanted to back then and I see what is now.

And which do you rather?

I don't know... They both have their uses.

Hollow Bells

2012-11-14T18:54:00.002-05:00

I am aware of what is not here just as much as I am of what is here.

I want to provide but I don't want to disappoint.

I like to hit the publish button most when I am happy with what I wrote, and it doesn't matter if the post is good or bad but at least I am happy with where I decided to stop and hit that button.

I read the web-comic, The Oatmeal and his post was something I found to agree with a lot. Not making excuses.

"[I]nspiration isn't something you can schedule, harness, or control." - Matthew Inman (The Oatmeal)

Working.

2012-09-01T15:16:00.000-04:00

So I have a story to tell you, and it is a good one. I think so. But, maybe because of all the emotion that goes in to it for me, I am having trouble finding the words to say it.

Give me a minute.

Play.

2012-07-29T10:44:00.001-04:00

I know this game.

Then you know you'll lose.

Yes.

You want to play?

Yes.

Why?

What do you mean?

Why would you want to play knowing you'd lose?

Haha! I don't know. That's the game, right?

I guess so?!

Okay, so...you don't want me to play?

No. Yes. I mean, let's play.

Okay.

Son it's a situation

2012-07-08T08:28:00.002-04:00

[I have been listening to "There will be Tears" by Mr. Hudson and also the Frank Ocean cover of the song this whole weekend. These words are resonating in my head.]

there will be tears
i've no doubt
there maybe smiles
but a few
and when the tears have run out
we'll be numb and blue

i can't be there with you
but i can dream
i still dream

*
Here is the link to the song.

Stolen Story

2012-07-05T18:15:00.000-04:00

[This story below is true and is not mine.]

**

It must have been 3 in the morning when the child walked in the room and tapped on Mom's shoulder.

Mommy, I'm scared. She whined in a whisper.

What is the matter, honey?

I'm scared.

What are you scared of, honey?

I don't know.

Mom groaned. Okay come on, I'll put you back to bed.

They walked down the quiet hallway in to her room, illuminated by the slight glow of the night light. Her blanket and stuffed animals scrambled on the bed. She climbed into the bed as Mom pulled the covers over her. Mom sat on the side of the bed, gently rubbing the child's back and the child laid sideways looking at her mother.

What are you scared of?

The child didn't respond.

What makes you happy?

The child thought for a few moments.

What makes you happy, honey?

I don't know...

Okay, close your eyes. The child reluctantly closed her eyes. So, you are on your bike and we are outside, and you are riding your bike down the street and you turn in to all the parking lots and ride your bike all around the parking lots..

The child was smiling with her eyes still closed. Her tired eyes, and gentle smile.

And as you ride your bike as fast as you can through the parking lot, you hear that music. Oh! What is it? The child opened her eyes, grinning. It's the Ice Cream Truck, so you ride your bike fast to the ice cream truck and get yourself an ice cream. What ice cream do you want?

The child kept smiling. Vanilla? Mom asked. The child shook her head. Chocolate?. The child nodded still grinning, her eyes wide open. Chocolate. Mmmm....and get yourself a chocolate ice cream. Yum!

The child was happy, she loved her mother. Everything about the way she looked at her mom was filled with that adoration. Okay sweetie, dream about that. Sleep a little. Okay? The child nodded. Mom leaned forward and kissed the child on her head and got up and walked to the door. Mom paused at the door to look at the child under her covers, already falling asleep.

A sad little boy.

2012-07-03T20:32:00.000-04:00

Every Sunday afternoon he was quietly excited. It was the day that the family sat together before lunch, when the television was turned off, the newspapers were already folded away and there was nothing to do but talk. He shared the stories from the week before about the kids in his class, who he likes now and who he doesn't like as much. The new allies, the new enemies, the new troubles and the new fun. The stories he says sometimes are redundant, but the emotions and enthusiasm he had for them were always new. He had passion in his eyes and vigor in his tone. He spoke with a pace, measured to hold the attention of the adults in the room.

That was when he was happy.

Stupid notes I scribbled once.

2012-06-30T20:21:00.000-04:00

[I've had the habit of scribbling small and big notes here and there. Some of these are the notes I made on my phone or notepad in the past few years, they are stupid but I wanted to share them anyways. Again, just so people who know me don't take it the wrong way, none of this is real, all of these are fictional writings I've made...I wouldn't be blogging them if it was real.]

**

When she sat down next to me, I knew what she was going to say to me. Maybe not the precise words or even how she would broach the subject, but I knew what the outcome will be for the both of us after we talked.
Funny thing is, I wanted this long before she did. I knew this was the right thing to do. This was the only good decision we can make together or separate to preserve what little good feelings we had for each other. Yet, we both fought against it for so long. When I even came close to this topic, she would tear up and it broke my heart to face the reality that was ahead of us.
Maybe she will be braver than me when she sat next to me to tell me that this is how our story ends.

**

The jungle is a pretty place. Wild and free and lured me days. I gave in once and wandered the trees. I walked through the woods, the dirt and the leaves. I stumbled, I fell, flat on my face. I was shoved out the jungle and headed home in a prance. I turned around and saw the jungle, still a pretty place. Maybe one day I will walk in there and make my stance.

**

it is the rise of emotions

like tides, like waves surging to the top of the rocks

rushing to the shores, washing over everything

pushing everything deep inside, pulling out the hidden

I am a wingless butterfly
waiting for a bird to pick me up and fly

Better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie - The Kite Runner

TIAiU#189

2012-06-28T03:30:00.000-04:00

Things I Admire in You # 189: You remind me to look towards the light when I get lost in the shadows.

I don't want to talk about it.

2012-06-26T20:09:00.001-04:00

So, I was talking to a friend of mine who follows my little blog and she gave me some feedback. So to clarify, the posts that I make these days are mostly fictional work. There isn't any real events that took place but I was in the processes of developing a few characters. To be quite honest, of the characters that I have come up with, I am not sure how they all connect with each other or if they all belong in the same story even. They are just characters and occasionally I put them in some scenes and have them play it out. It is nice to direct the flow of the story. In this exercise, I also try to be fair to both sides of the story. There is no hero or villain, or side that wins or loses. There is a side I talk about and then there is a side I do not talk about. I would like to eventually get around to the side I haven't talked about yet, and maybe address them as well.
Now, where were we?

**

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"I don't know...anything?"

He took another sip from his cup of coffee but didn't look at him. Just sat there looking down at his coffee.

"Listen, I don't mean to push you about this. You guys were great and you obviously were together for a really long time...it couldn't have been easy to..."

"What are you doing this weekend?"

"Nothing really. Why? Do you want to do something?"

"No."

"Okay."

His cup was empty by now and he just ran his finger along the rim. His head rest on his left palm, just glaring out in to an invisible world, neither here nor there.

"I need to get going. You'll call me later, right?"

"Yea"

"Alright man, take care of yourself. Go on a vacation if you can"

"Yea"

**
I don't tip the people who pump gas for me, is that cheap?

Um, no...I don't think a lot of people do.

I also don't tip the hotel maids.

You are a cheap bastard! You know that?

Drops.

2012-06-17T15:50:00.001-04:00

Drop by drop these thoughts flow in to my head and they don't seem to do much more than cause a few ripples, but now it has come to a critical mass where each drop is amassing to a tipping point, leading to a rift in perspective, a transcendence of ideology. It is transforming me, my being, my views and my wants. It is refreshing and it is a release. It is positive and I welcome it.

I'm not looking for a fight.

2012-04-29T19:15:00.002-04:00

*
I am trying to be mature, and be an adult about this. Can we just talk out our differences, settle our emotions and try and be...

Fuck you!

Have it your way!

*
Two things: I am going to try and draw something on a post-it and then post it on this blog some time in the near future. I tried doing that for a friend and I enjoyed making those single frame comics.

Speaking of comics, a friend of mine recently discovered The Oatmeal. Her excitement and joy in discovering and talking about the comic made me slightly ashamed that I haven't shared some of these comics I enjoy online. So here are some of my regular reads: SMBC, XKCD, A Softer World, Questionable Content. If you are someone who enjoys comics, or creative thinking you should visit these sites at least once.

Pickled Lemons

2012-04-08T20:22:00.002-04:00

So tart in my mouth.

**

Why don’t you say a good story?

Are you saying my stories are bad?

No....they are just sad.

So you want a happy story?

Yea, could you tell me one?

Sure, I guess...why would it be any different.

Go on then...

Hmmm, I guess it is a bit harder to think one up on the spot like this. Can I get back to you on it?

No. Now.

That is tough.

Okay, never mind then.

I’m sorry! But, I will work on getting you a good story, okay?

Whatever.

**

Did I tell you of the dream I had once?

No. What?

Well I think it was about you, or us.

Ooh! Tell me. I want to hear this.

Well, it was you and I in bed and it was still dark outside. I woke up before you this morning, I think it was a Sunday.

Psht! Like that is ever going to happen.

And so I turned to you and kissed you on your cheek. You smiled in your sleep and I sneaked out in to the kitchen. We had two pups in my dream. Strange, no?
I guess we could have two pups. But I’d rather have a cat and a dog. What are their names?

Not sure, don’t think it matters. I set the coffee machine up and I walked out to the back yard and there is a stream in our back yard and some wild flowers growing by it.

Mhm.

So, I walked bare feet, and I remember having the feeling of the soft damp morning dirt under my feet, and walked to the stream, listened to it in solitude. Not even the birds chirping this early in the morning. I plucked one single stem of a wild flower...it was white with the yellow in the middle.

Ew! A daisy?

Yea, I guess. I can’t remember for sure. Just the colors are impressed on me. I walked back into the house. Oh yea, the pups were following me around too. We walked into the house and I put that single stem in a glass of water.

What? Just a glass? Didn’t we have any vase around in your dream?

And I put the glass on a tray with the fresh pot of coffee and two mugs and walked into our room to wake you up. I placed the flower on your nightstand. Poured you a coffee and we both sat in our bed and drank our coffee and stayed in till sunrise.

That was a sweet dream! It will never happen, but I guess that is why it is good to have dreams!

I suppose. I wished it did though. I thought you might like something like that.

I would. You should do something like that. I promise to act surprised and totally smitten by the sweetness of your gestures. I promise!

A violent episode.

2012-04-01T16:11:00.000-04:00

It didn't always start with a warning.

This one instance, he was walking in to the room and he sensed that everything wasn't okay. He will soon find out it wasn't okay. Starting with a finger pointing at his face. So close to his eyes, so close to his senses that the rest of the world disappeared, and he focused on the tip of the finger in front of him. It was fear, and some anxiety that is left to feel. He knew that the finger was a warning of what is yet to happen and so he prepared his skin, his muscles, his bones and his soul for it. He made sure his tongue was far away from his teeth and that his teeth were tight against each other and not biting on his inner cheek. A slap across the right jaw later, he felt a bit relieved that it wasn't as bad as he anticipated it to be. One more across the right cheek and he opened his eyes to see the finger right where it was before the slap. The angry eyes piercing down his moist eyes, the growling, hissing, angry spits through gritted teeth landing on his lips and his face. He would have liked to wipe them off, but moving his hands towards his face only resulted in the finger pulling away and the palm coming back to the right side of his face.

Slap! This time it hurt. The bones in his face seemed numb. His face was so warm, no, it was hot and it was getting hotter. It burned. The burning rushed across the right side of his face and the rest of his body shivered cold. The left cheek got slammed, rushing the blood flow to both sides of his face. His head hurt from the narrowness of the time within which all this is occurring. He barely had time to process what is going on. He couldn't think how he could stop this. What could he say, or do to avoid another hit? Slap! Clap! Both hands came pounding at the same time from both sides, ending on his cheeks, holding them in the palms. He was pushed back, his head thud against the wall and he felt his neck hurt. He rose from the ground as his entire body hung on his face. He was quickly released to stand on his feet and another slap across his right cheek.

The anger must have subsided by then. The glaring eye looked at him with disgust. Another slap across his left side and the vision of shame reflected in his eyes. Vulgar disgust filled his eyes. Shame. He couldn't even take his punishment like he was supposed to. The air seemed to cool around him. His face still throbbing, and burning. He walked in to his room not knowing what just happened, or why it happened. Not enough time to meditate on the matter, or to even consider if it was fair or not. He was just glad that it was over, at least for now.

Mind at play.

2012-03-27T20:31:00.001-04:00

Let us play pretend.

Okay. What do you want to pretend?

Um...let us pretend...anything you want.

In that case, I would like to pretend that we are grown ups.

That is silly. We are grown ups!

I know. So, why are we playing pretend?

Fine. You are boring!

Well, can we pretend that I am not?

I do it all the time. Why else would I be here?

***

There is action "x", which is considered wrong and will therefore induce the feeling of guilt once executed but during the execution itself and the progression towards the execution, you are happy.

Eternal guilt for momentary pleasure. Is it worth it?

Journal: Saturday

2012-03-18T09:26:00.001-04:00

I haven't made much of a Journal entry to this blog in a while. For a good reason too. I have been trying to change the style of this blog from one of an "emotion dump" to that of a "creation dump". The past 48 hours has been interesting for me. I thought I would share the story with you.

On Friday, I volunteered to work some over time with my good friends at work. So, I picked us up some Pizza hut dinner and prepared ourselves for the long hours. It wasn't that long of an overtime for us, but it was 9:45pm by the time we left our work. Even though "over time" is usually considered a burden of sorts, this time around it was actually fun. We made fun of the fact that we were spending our Friday night doing a menial task instead of going out and having fun. We just laughed and joked around while doing what we had to get done. The laughter made the time at worth it. I have to admit, the atmosphere at my work place is quite relaxed and we laugh every day about one thing or another, and make an honest effort to make work fun.

Saturday I had appointments to service both my cars. So, 6:45am the alarm went off and by 7:30am, I was driving my RAV4 to Halterman's Service Center. I have heard horrible things about Halterman's service. That they were all about the money and would try to insist on expensive service packages for your car. I was dreading this a bit, because I have a bad habit of choosing the expensive options because in my mind, expensive is always better. Lindsey at Halterman's however made by morning by convincing me that I don't need the expensive option but should stick to the cheaper alternative. She was polite, courteous and honest. I was impressed. So as far as I am concerned, those stories are lies. Halterman's even gave me a rental car for the 3 hour wait.

The Mazda 3 service was at Ray Price. My family has bought 5 cars from this dealership but I have grown to dislike them. The service here is slow. The buying experience is not good because they have three or four sales associates hawking around while you look around their showroom but not one around when you got a question for them. The one guy was even yelling at my brother for not buying the car he test drove. An hour of waiting in the crowded waiting room, I was back home with the Mazda as well.

Now, there was left over pizza from last night, so I figured I will eat a couple slices. I did that. Then a couple more, and a couple more. I finished the whole box. I know! Terrible of me. But, I justified to myself that I am going for a long run so I am just "carbing up" in preparation for it! :-) So I left my house around 5:40 for a 12.5mile run.

The first 5 miles were awesome. I told myself to slow down, don't put too much effort in to speed but focus on keeping my feet moving. So I did, and I kept moving. All the steepest hills which I purposefully put in the beginning of my route so that I won't chicken out on them were tackled. By the time I was running my 4th mile, the head games had started to play. I started telling myself that it is okay for me to walk a bit because there was still a long way to go. So I stopped and walked after 5 miles and it felt strange for my feet to walk because it had gotten used to the rhythm of the run. I picked up running again and mile 7 yet again I made myself walk. The interesting thing with these walks is that it wasn't triggered by my legs or my body but my mind. I tried repeating the mantra my friend Gayle had told me, "it's all in your head." It usually does the trick for me, but not today.

By the time I completed 10 miles, I had stopped three more times. I had that final "umph" in me to keep going for the last 2.5miles without a stop so I tried that but by now my feet were telling me to stop. So that tiny hill close to the end of my run put another stop for me. Terrible! Well, the last mile was a solid run and I did it even though my calves were starting to feel a bit like jelly wrapped around my knees. I made it in to my development and walking up the half mile hill to make it home, I am thinking to myself, a hot shower, some dinner and TV with Rue. Tonight is set.

When I got home, the sliding door was a bit ajar. I thought that was strange, maybe it bounced back when I closed it. I entered the room and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Rue had opened both the doors! She ran away from home! OH NO! What do I do?! I need some water! I drank some water and took my car and started driving around the neighborhood calling out for her. Rue! Rue! Rue! Rue! I must have annoyed all my neighbors but I didn't care. On top of my mind is a recent story of a man shooting two dogs because they wandered in to his yard. Rue wasn't even wearing her collar and it is already dark (close to 8 at night).

I stopped at my one neighbor's house where Rue b-lined to once and knocked on their door. No response. So I got back in my car and drove around more and the house with the party lights had people standing outside, so I stepped out and asked them if they saw anything. Well, the guy there was so nice that he grabbed a flashlight and got in his car to help me look for Rue. After making an entire lap around every street in the development, I called my good friends at The Lifting Leg. Asa was over in a matter of minutes. I won't lie, I kind of wanted to cry at this point thinking the worst things that could have happened to Rue because I was careless enough not to lock her in.

Asa brought a couple of flashlights and we started scouring the area by foot. I walked through every street, that I just drove through, yelling out "Rue" with every step I took and listening carefully for any rustle or barking sounds. I walked it all and finally started to settle in my mind that maybe someone saw her running around and called the cops. So, once I get back home, I should check with Asa about calling the Police and finding out if they had any reports of a found dog (or worse, a road accident involving a tan dog)! Boy, I think of the worst things when worried! I was getting closer to home with each step, getting sadder, more desperate with each step and as I approach the neighbor to whom Rue b-lines to, I hear someone saying "hello". Oh cool! They must be back home, I should go ask them for help..."Oh hello officer!" So, apparently my earlier visit to the house has triggered the alarm in their house and here is a Police officer investigating the alarm.

Have I ever mentioned that I am deathly afraid of cops? I don't know why exactly. In India, with all the corruption around, cops pretty much have all the power they want. So, maybe that? Or is it all the cops shows and Rodney King-isque videos that I watched when I arrived in the U.S. in '03? Anyways. I immediately confessed to the officer that it might have been me that set off the alarm because I am looking for my dog. Oh wait a minute! Hey officer, would you help me? Can you check to see if there are any reports of a lost and found dog? So he does it for me. He radioed his colleagues to check on any reports of such and started taking down my information so he can contact me if he does get any information.

As he is writing down my information, I hear Asa close to my house using his "cutesy" voice. I stopped my conversation with the officer mid-sentence and yelled out, "DID YOU FIND HER ASA?" No response. My phone rings, I pick up, and it is Asa. Rue is back home. She just showed up out of no where. Never mind that there isn't a place within this community that we haven't been yelling at, but she just shows up at 9:45pm. I excused myself from the officer and ran home. Ouch! It hurts to run right now! I hop around till I can see her just lying with her belly up having Asa rub her up. "Ya friggin b*tch!" Asa immediately says, "Don't yell at her, she is not going to want to home after that!"

I couldn't help but smile at how happy Rue looked. She must have had a bloody good time where ever she was. She farted when Asa was rubbing her down and stank up the whole room! Glad to have you back home Rue! Now for that shower, dinner and some TV.

Vegan Experiment

2012-03-11T10:26:00.001-04:00

I have been in the mood to experiment with different things. Last year I let my hair grow for an entire year with no haircuts. It might have started out as sheer laziness to go get a haircut, but it ended up being a good long project for me and I liked having gone through with that experience. In my opinion, long hair is a different look for me and it is a bit annoying for me to keep up with as well. Not easy to maintain! I give credit to the people who grow it out long and sport it like champs.

This year I am attempting to be a vegetarian. Of course, the first week of vegetarianism and I had to make a few sacrifices...do I eat fish or do I count that out? For the first week, I let myself have fish, mostly because I did not want to be a burden to my hosts. Since then I have been trying to be a strict vegetarian with the exception of eggs. I love eggs and beyond just the pure love I have for it, I can't seem to find very many rich protein sources which is easily accessible for me. So, I am letting myself have eggs as a vegetarian.
In February, I started to experiment a little further and attempted to be a vegan. First day of the vegan experiment, I had myself a toast with honey before my friend pointed out that honey is not vegan. Then here and there throughout the month, I found myself half way through a meal before realizing that something I had been eating is not considered vegan.
In my opinion, veganism is a bit extreme and tad bit impractical. For example, vegans refuse to eat anything that was ever in it's lifetime an egg or a product of something that was ever in the form of an egg. So, eggs are out, honey is out since bees come from eggs, and bees produce/collect the honey, milk is out...okay I can get with all that, but now it goes a bit further, sugar...not all sugar is vegan, not all beer is vegan and the reason for this is that the purification process involved in the manufacturing of these products might contain fish or animal bones. I did a little bit of searching to find out how this might be..and the fish and animal bones used (if used at all) is in the form of charcoal, or carbon. Now, that is going a bit extreme. It is not like fish and animals are slaughtered so as to manufacture sugar or beer. But because the manufacturers cannot guarantee that animals were not part of the pile of charcoal, they will not be considered vegan. If we go that far to say something is not vegan, then isn't essentially all food in the same category? Fruits and vegetables are often the product of pollination by bees, distribution made by birds. If we are taking fruits and vegetables from the plants, then we are taking it away from the bees, birds and other animals that depend on them. In terms of farming, most farms use fertilizers, natural or otherwise. Natural fertilizers are often manure from animals (an animal by product), or phosphate rich fertilizers that contains crushed animal bones.
When I talked to my vegan friend about this, she said she agrees with me but that we will have to draw the line somewhere. I agree with her, but I do not agree that the line drawn would eliminate sugar or beer which doesn't actually contain any animal product or by-product but might be using something in the manufacturing process. Again, all of this is just my opinion. I respect my vegan friends for what they do.
My vegan experiment concluded as of Friday and I couldn't wait to enjoy some eggs and cheese! I am trying to keep up with the vegetarian diet for the entire year even though I am constantly tempted by meat all around me! For now, I am satisfying my hunger with vegetarian alternatives like Boca & Morning Star.

sorry

2012-02-18T17:53:00.002-05:00

we feel sorry for the dead and gone and not for the living who is suffering
we feel sorry for spilling ketchup on a friend’s shirt but not for the oil spill out in nigeria
we feel sorry for an aborted child but not for the bombed children
we feel sorry for a gun shot victim but not for the people living under oppressive governments
we feel sorry for the guy who lost a job but not for the ones who never had one
we feel sorry for the rich who lost it all but not for the ones who died without having any
we feel sorry for the tv star whose marriage falls apart but not for the families ripped apart by society
we feel sorry for the starved and abused pets but not for the humans living like worms
we feel sorry for ours and not for theirs
we are a sorry bunch, we are ignorant and we are loud
I feel anger, disappointment and sorry for myself for failing to be more aware of what we have and those who don’t. and if you disagree and say that no, you did feel sorry for them all, then why didn’t you show it? no. you truly didn’t feel sorry. you just said it out loud to fit in with the rest of the world, to seem like you have an empathetic and whole heart.

I will keep this one short.

2012-01-19T20:06:00.002-05:00

The thoughts that flow through my mind are sometimes never to return. It flows through stirring up much or sometimes nothing at all, but neither persists. It all ends in decay, like all forgotten thoughts are bound to be.

Then it occurred to me that I can close my senses and let the currents inside me take me to where I want to be, give me what I want. If only I will indulge them. If only I let go of them. If I will just let them flow.

The blabbering mind.

2011-09-20T20:02:00.001-04:00

“Dad”

“Mhm?”

“What if zombies and monsters are real?”

“Why?”

“What if they are real? I mean….why can’t they be?"

He lowered the magazine he was reading to glance at his boy lying on the floor gazing out the porch at the starry sky.

“I don’t know kiddo. I guess they can be out there. Are you scared of them?”

“No….I mean, a little, but I am okay though.”

“Okay. You sure?”

“Yea.”

***

The night that has been, the night that it is, in the shadows I sit and wait for the morning.

***

As she sat down she heard the voices of the past few days echoing off the walls that seemed to close in on her, the shadows from her memories projecting on them like ghosts.

***

“Do you want to step outside for some air?”

“Yea” She was smiling.