effing the ineffable

2010-11-23T16:22:00.000+11:00

mice & men

2010-09-21T11:11:00.000+10:00

My plan (as far as these things go with me, i.e. not far) for September was to attempt a post a day. Nothing big, just a few lines and a pic maybe. Which all got fairly spectacularly derailed by the earthquake back home.

The resulting time in Christchurch really should have provided me with plenty of blog-fodder but I found myself far too exhausted and busy to write much. Since I've been back it's taken the better part of a week to recover from the aftershocks, sleeplessness and general agitation so writing has been pretty non-existent. Plus I'm missing being in New Zealand so much at the moment - despite the circumstances it was wonderful seeing so many friends and catching up.

Again I'm wondering what I'm doing in Sydney and how long I'll be here.

still

2010-09-13T22:37:00.000+10:00

Back in Australia now. In geologically torpid Sydney. Christchurch saw me off with a lovely rolling magnitude 4.0.

So the earth hasn't moved for me here. My heart races when a heavy truck goes past though - fortunately my apartment doesn't suffer from that very often. It's going to take a little while to completely shake that reaction - there's something deeply unsettling about the ground on which you stand shaking so often.

Right now I'm off to my bed to sleep long and deep.

outta hair like, well.. me

2010-09-12T23:42:00.000+10:00

I've had enough. I'm off back to el Syd tomorrow and Sydney's firm geological footing has never looked so attractive.

The earthquakes are getting much more sporadic but they're still pulse elevating. We just had a little one about 15 minutes ago - it's not on Geonet yet but I reckon it was only a 3.8 tops. I think I'm getting pretty good at gauging the strength of tremors - to within a couple of decimal points.

Anyway, I hope the big aftershock doesn't happen tonight 'cause it's freezing and bucketing down out there. I'm more concerned about being cold than of being crushed to death. What can I say, I more about personal comfort than safety.

I'll be following the clean up and recovery from Australia and will be back again in a few months to see how things are progressing. I have to say I'm not so hopeful for some of Christchurch's lovely old buildings. The whole architectural tone of the city is going to be changed long-term. I just hope someone with an eye for aesthetics gets a say...

shattered

2010-09-11T19:46:00.000+10:00

Shovelling silt, carting bricks and carrying furniture has killed me. I'm exhausted and beginning to come down with a cold. I have to get back to Sydney and recuperate. Eight hours a day of data cleansing has never looked so attractive.

Of course the late night drinking last night hasn't helped matters either. On I think my fourteenth trudge up eight flights of stairs carrying a table my legs started to shake - partly from the exertion, partly from hungoveredness.. It's been awesome seeing people and hanging out, even amidst the devastation, but my liver and sleep patterns will thank me for leaving.

Right, I'm off back to bed.

clean up

2010-09-09T18:34:00.000+10:00

Spent the day shovelling silt out of peoples homes and gardens. Am too knackered to write coherently. Sleep now.

This is my shovel. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My shovel is my best friend. It is my life.

rude awakening

2010-09-08T19:43:00.000+10:00

Today started with a serious jolt - at 7:50am there was a 5.2 magnitude quake with a bunch of smaller mates. Centered pretty much on my folks' house too. I'm beginning to feel a little persecuted. Though the rest of today has been much calmer.

Tomorrow I start early with the volunteer clean up crew. It's going to be a long day of shovelling silt I think. Wheee.

I think I mentioned yesterday but the Christchurch Quake Map is a brilliant, if rather unsettling (ha!), site. Check it out.

Right, must sleep now and focus on not dying in the night.

tired, so very tired..

2010-09-07T21:18:00.000+10:00

I don't have many words - I've been using them all on Facebook and in text messages. Apologies if I've missed keeping in touch with anyone but it's been a bit of a busy few days. The quakes seem to have quietened down now and I choose to believe this is because it's all over rather than (as some geologists are saying) there's a bigger aftershock to come. Fucking doom merchants.

I've gone from flippant to excited to nervous to shit scared to edgy to numb. Adrenaline and coffee can only carry you for so long - the nerves fray and catatonia sets in. Especially after a few beers. I'll put up the email I sent last night at some stage, it encapsulates Monday pretty well - even though it was written just before the wee swarm of 4 to 5+ strength shakes around midnight. It wasn't a restful night.

Anyway, here are some photos from the days after the quake. Credits to Eroica and Greg.

a few cones should solve that..


a good fixer-upper

al fresco dining

we're going to need a big broom

hand of god..?

wall, meet car - now be friends

I can see your crack

illiterate teens

just a minor pothole

no morning papers today

plenty of free bricks

the front fell off

PS: Like many people - when I can I've been glued to GeoNet - it's been an awesome resource and a great way to focus on something other than being frightened.

PPS: This Christchurch quake map is the best way to explain the number and intensity of the quakes over the past few days - makes me incredibly glad I wasn't here on Saturday. All it needs is a percussive soundtrack.

update

2010-09-06T21:50:00.000+10:00

I'm in Christchurch - it's still shaking. I'm over it. Australia has it's problems but at least the ground doesn't try to kill you.

like living on a jelly*

2010-09-05T13:49:00.007+10:00

Bugger this - I'm off to Christchurch. Hope there's some of it left when I get there.

Here's Eroica's blog about the quake - I'm torn between being so sorry I'm not there (yet) and so glad I wasn't there when it hit. Plus a photographic round-up of the wreckage from a site appropriately (and unrelatedly) named crashbang. Love the obligatory drunken yobs cavorting in the ruins shot halfway down.

Here's my fave though - by Eroica:

Clock stopped at 4:38am...

* my dad's description of what it's like with all the aftershocks. He seems to be at most faintly amused by the whole thing - my parents are annoyingly unflappable..

all shook up

2010-09-04T17:19:00.000+10:00

Sucks to be away from home when all the exciting stuff is happening..

Still I'm very glad not to be still working at the aquarium, that'll be one hell of a clean up in there. It's also encouraging that the earthquake preparedness of buildings in NZ has been pretty effective - although if it had been 4:30 in the afternoon rather than the morning I'm sure the casualties would have been much worse.

This 7.1 quake is bigger than we've had in my lifetime. I'm kinda glad I wasn't subjected to it but I wish I was there for the people I love. Wish I was there to take some photos too..

link lasso

2010-09-03T14:37:00.000+10:00

A few things that have been amusing, interesting or horrifying me lately (you can figure out for yourself which label is appropriate..):

Bugger iPhones - I want one of these! Well, only if they actually work.
Pictures of men of unflappable coolness: #10 and #4 are the best I reckon.
Smiling tubes of fat. Awwww.
Pulitzer prize winning but still difficult to read.
I knew it!
I know I've plugged it before but Digger is ramping up to a climactic ending. Start here - it's funny, touching and beautiful.

Finally, it's pretty crowded out there. I hope they don't visit any time soon..

from little things..

2010-09-02T16:12:00.000+10:00

Something I like: urban decay. Especially when plants sprout out of cracks in walls and paving, which is quite a common thing in Sydney: ferns would take over this city given half a chance. Most days I come to work more than half hoping that there's been a miraculous explosion of plant growth overnight and the place has been swallowed by jungle.

Perhaps one day...

sproinnggg

2010-09-01T11:48:00.005+10:00

Today is the first day of the rest of the sweating season. Spring has arrived with the implied threat of summer heat to come, and swiftly. In the meantime it's beautiful in Sydney at this time of year with the trees tarting themselves up like the wanton insect-whores they are.

Well hello Sphingidae...

it's an allegory, apparently..

2010-08-26T18:42:00.000+10:00

I may have alluded in the past to the giggling man-crush I have on Paul Verhoeven (no, not the director) and Luke Ryan (Tramdalf was one of their earlier escapades) but their 'see no evil, hear no evil' review of The Human Centipede had me squealing with glee*.

And retching. Violently. Especially after reading the synopsis on Wikipedia..

Read the review here. It's a brilliant piece and it'll save you watching the film. Although if you have any desire to watch it after seeing the time-lapse footage of their reactions you're a sick sick puppy..

Actually, if you're at all squeamish you shouldn't even read the review. Best to ignore that the movie even exists. I hope never to see - or hear - it.

On the other hand - Scott Pilgrim v s The World is awesome. I lesbians it.

* in a manly way, of course..

prolific

2010-08-24T12:54:00.001+10:00

This is just so cool I think everyone should be watching it:

To be honest I rate P. K. Dick slightly higher than Bradbury but that's very much a personal taste thing.

Happy birthday Ray!

issues

2010-08-23T23:47:00.000+10:00

Here's my considered commentary on the recent Australian Federal Election:

(with a photobombing assist from Eroica).

Normalesque transmission to resume shortly - once work calms to shorter than 9 hour days and the epic email exchange with my ex concludes..

orse like a horse*

2010-08-17T23:46:00.000+10:00

My Girl Friday is staying with me at the moment so I'm taking the rest of the week off to hang out, drink coffee/wine/beer, talk shit, people-watch and buy books with her. It's already wonderful.

* This is an in-joke. By which I mean not a very good joke. You're not expected to get it and if you do you probably won't laugh anyway. That's not what in jokes are about. Look, just ignore it ok? And forget we had this conversation. Jeez.

animated

2010-08-10T17:47:00.004+10:00

I've had a pretty busy life over the last week what with social outings, boozing and the Sydney Graphic Festival on the weekend. That was where I saw/heard Neil Gaiman read his story The Truth is a Cave in the Black Mountains with music/sounds provided by FourPlay String Quartet and paintings by Eddie Campbell. It was fantastic.

Neil Gaiman got a rock star greeting from the adoring fans - among whom I definitely place myself although I've always had difficulty with hero-worship, I'm just instinctively mistrustful of anyone who inspires adulation. He was good though, very good - as he should be since he wrote the story and does these things a lot. With the haunting sounds provided by FourPlay and the lovely illustrations by Eddie Campell shown on a big screen it was a darkly magical reading.

The Q and A between Gaiman & Campbell afterwards was a humorous affair - it seemed more like two old friends slinging witty insults at each other than anything, and appeared to be pretty much off the cuff. It was quite lovely to watch.

Sunday saw me back at the Opera House for a screening of Akira with a live score provided by Regurgitator. Which was particularly awesome. And loud, rib-rattlingly loud, especially in some of the full-on action scenes. I hadn't seen the movie for twelve or fifteen years and was taken by how modern it is - and how influential it's been in the twenty-odd years since it was made.

I think the friend I went with got more out of it than I did since he was able to focus on the movie, the subtitles and the band. I tried for a few minutes but gave up - partly because I can't multi-task but mostly because I was just totally absorbed into the movie. It's still pretty brutal by today's standards. Of course there are hundreds of imitators that are even more graphically bloody, but the almost off-handed way a lot of the violence is dealt with in the movie adds to the shock value. Plus the condensed nature of the adaptation from the comic books makes for a curiously more subtle story - less time for explanation equals more of the 'show, don't tell' principle.

If you haven't ever seen it I recommend you do. Preferably on a big screen with a good sound system.

subconscious

2010-08-09T08:07:00.004+10:00

I must be over-thinking things again: I had a dream incorporating not one but three ex-girlfriends the other night. No, it wasn't a wet dream. Or a nightmare, oddly enough.

It was probably sparked by the email exchange I've had with my ex last week where we raked over some of the coals of our relationship and (in a very civilized manner) gave our somewhat differing opinions on the demise. It was interesting and a little illuminating, although I'm not sure that I got quite as much from her as she did from me. Admittedly she has yet to respond to my last email so that might change. Also there are few people who can ramble as much as me in text when I put my mind to it. Or my insomnia to it in this case..

It's nice, in a weird way, to be able to talk about it rationally and openly with her. Although it's probably something we could only do through email otherwise, as she admitted, she'd just end up crying. There are certainly some things that needed to be explained on either side, and nothing really bad has cropped up. It's just, as should be expected, sad.

Blah. Need to think more about that stuff before I splurge here. Will come back to this at a later date. Possibly.

ggg*

2010-08-02T17:12:00.004+10:00

Currently obsessed with Dan Savage's sex and relationship advice podcast - the Savage Lovecast. I advise everyone with an interest in sex to listen - you will be informed, amused, surprised and probably repulsed by at least something in there. I loved the latest 20ish 'casts so much I've downloaded the entire 200-odd and am listening to them from the start - back in 2006.

Seriously though - go listen to some of them, even if you don't learn anything (and, oh my god, the things I've learned about dolphin fucking..) you will be highly entertained. I've just about doubled over on the street laughing so it's best not to listen when you're on public transport. He's also very often right, or at least offers good advice. Obviously though: not for those who can't handle sex-talk or plentiful profanity.

It's made me realise that despite my kinks there are people out there (LOTS of people) who are so much more freaky than me. Makes me want to up my game..

* ggg

location location location

2010-07-31T23:43:00.002+10:00

My old house has been put on the market.

My ex and I lived there for five years. They were very good years on the whole - although the mosquitoes were pretty unwelcome and the slugs a little too voracious. And of course the last few months were less than fun. But it's a place I remember very fondly and had a long happy time at - and wish I'd managed to take more of the plants from.

We raised Griffin from kitten hood there: on a diet of rats, lizards and minah birds. It was where we first got Rufus (originally named 'Whiskey' when we got him from the RSPCA). Where we got broken into twice. Where I spent countless hours pottering in the garden. Where we had dinner parties and legendary garden parties (one in particular is horribly memorable due to all the regurgitation endured afterwards..). Where we had many friends and family come stay when they passed through town (sorry about all the animal fur on everything..).

There are a lot of memories that I'd though I left behind when I moved out eight months ago (Wow. Was it really only that long? Feels like so much longer..). They resurfaced and got relived painfully on the day of the clean-up when my ex left for Canberra. Now this discovery brings them out again - it was surprisingly sad to see the house and my garden in the real estate photos. Especially since they'd cut down one of my avocados. Bastards..

It's nice to have it mentioned in the real estate blurb as a "peaceful garden" though - I worked hard on making it so. And enjoyed many peaceful hours in my hammock.

But it's just another ending. Bittersweet as all endings are, but much less painful than the earlier ones. We move on, life goes on - and gets better in many ways. Change is good and this one has been very good for me. The one I'm not looking forward to is when I no longer get to hang out with Rufus - which will probably happen when my ex gets married and he becomes their family dog.

But for the moment he's sleeping at my feet, twitching and snorting as he chases squirrels in his dreams*. It's so lovely having him here. Tomorrow I take him to the park to sniff dog asses and pee on trees. Good times!

* He's never seen a squirrel but if he ever did he'd certainly chase it. He's basically Dug.

gadabout

2010-07-29T23:33:00.002+10:00

I've been getting out & about a great deal over the recent weeks, it's great to have an active social life and be discovering more of Sydney and what it has to offer the adventurous urbanite.

Last week I went to see Bill Bailey, who must be one of the world's top comedians these days. Despite his claims to being still a 'fringe' performer. He'd at least be one of the smartest, weirdest and most talented comedians about: not many people could make a slide-show on Renaissance painters' depictions of Doubting Thomas a side-splittingly hilarious* part of their show.

The other night I saw the inestimable Stephen Fry on stage doing, first, an improvised monologue on subjects that had been tweeted to him earlier in the day, followed by a q&a session with Jennifer Byrne. He was, as expected, witty, erudite and very entertaining - holding forth on, amongst other things, the three writers that so influenced him as a child (P G Wodehouse, Evelyn Waugh, and - of course - Oscar Wilde).

Tonight was Tim Rogers doing his cabaret show Saligia down at the Opera House. I had no idea what to expect only really knowing him through You Am I and never being a big fan of them anyway. It was in fact quite wonderful and funny and touching. He had a great band to back him, all great performers in their own right and coming together to make some great music. And he wore an awesome red velvet suit. Win.

I've also been eating out a great deal, so much so that it occurred to me that last night was the first night for a couple of weeks I had actually cooked at my place. Which was good since the mushrooms were beginning to develop sentience.. Spending time discovering new (at least to me) restaurants has been a bit of an eye opener though. Not that I'm about to become a (blah, hate the word..) 'foodie' but spending time with people who not only appreciate good food but do so in a professional capacity has opened my eyes more than a little. I still occasionally eat cold beans out of a can though..

Finding new bars is much more my thing, and I've been doing a bit of that too. Everything from hip, schmick cocktail lounges to funky, laid-back bars to seedy, disreputable pubs. And some other places I really don't remember too much about. The only thing I can say with authority is that hangovers bear no relation to the cost of the drinks - they're always consistent..

* Although, it has to be said, he made me look at Caravaggio's painting in a new light - and use the phrase 'Christ porn' in a sentence..

patterns

2010-07-27T14:00:00.001+10:00

I've been pondering something (so unlike me..). I was talking with my ex a couple of weekends ago and, while it was lovely and we're getting on really well (probably helps that we only see each other every couple of months..), I found myself falling into the same ways of communicating. Or not communicating, to tell the truth.

We talk well together and we always have, that hasn't changed. But one of the reasons I felt I needed to get out of the relationship was because I just didn't feel that she was particularly interested in me. She certainly wanted to know what I had to say and what I know but wasn't so concerned about what's going on inside my head. Our discussions and topics always seem to revolve around her and her questions/problems. I don't mean to imply that she's self-centred (well, she's an only child so there's a small element of that - but she's a very generous, giving person) she's just more concerned with her own stuff. Naturally so: I think we're all like that to an extent and we should be, there's no-one more important in our lives than ourselves.

I was more concerned with how much I went along with it, both in the recent conversations and, thinking back, through the later years of our living together. I'm much more comfortable letting other people talk about their stuff and simply adding comments/opinions or advice to the subject of their choice - it's partly the problem-solver in me. And I don't tend to steer things around to me, or even offer much up – which is the low self-worth coming out. In our relationship I seldom talked about myself - and she rarely asked. If there is any criticism that I can level at her it's that: she never seemed to want to hear about my stuff and was too easily distracted if we ever did get into it.

So the last time we met we talked for a couple of hours about a bunch of stuff, mostly around her friendships, current relationship and impending marriage - stuff that's obviously on her mind and that I found interesting. It's understandable that she'd be a bit reticent about asking about my personal life but it simply didn't seem to occur to her to find out. This hasn't exactly upset me - that relationship is very much over and the rebuilding into a friendship will take a long time - but it was the way I reverted to type that worried me. My instinctual self-deprecation and concealing behaviours came back far too easily.

I think I'm getting better at it - meeting people and getting to know them through dating and just being more social has made me realise that I'm not actually boring and what I have to say about my life does engage other people. I'm learning to have the confidence to talk about things without being overly self-effacing and steering the conversation quickly back to talking about the other person's interests. It also helps that I've been talking with people who share many of the same interests.

I guess this is always the way with personal growth - being able to identify the times when you slide back into old habits and to try to figure out ways to prevent that in the future. I think I'm getting a handle on it and generally I'm happier with myself these days than I have been for a long time. It's kinda nice to feel good.

hullo internet

2010-07-26T23:50:00.002+10:00

Sorry we've not been talking much lately, I know been remiss in my attention to you. I've been so busy with work and social life recently - and while I know that's no excuse for neglect I hope you'll understand if I'm a little run ragged lately.

I'll find time for the two of us soon, promise.

In the meantime here's a pretty song just for you (or this version if you prefer).