JD Kurtz

My not so baby-proofed house.

2013-04-20T01:14:00.000-07:00

When Angel was a baby it was very easy for me to not need to baby-proof my house. She was so mellow and calm all the time and the few things she did try to get into weren't things that concerned me. My method of parenting a baby is simple. I never let them play outside a playpen unsupervised. While supervised I teach them what they can and can not do. I still had people who would ask me "How do you go to the bathroom? Or take a shower? Without the fear that she'll get into something?". Simple, I had a playpen or even better I let their daddy take a turn with them.

Then when I was pregnant with Abigail many people were quick to tell me that I probably wouldn't be so lucky and she might be the one I need to baby-proof for. I, however, don't like to not be able to get into my own cabnets, or lift my toilet lid, or whatever else is locked. Once Abigail became mobile if I was unable to be litterally by her side teaching her what was ok and not ok to touch, I'd simply put her in her playpen with a few toys and go to the bathroom or cook dinner or whatever else I needed to do.

I say teach like that because I believe it's never too early to start teaching your children how to behave. Yes, I said NEVER. They are never too young to start learning. I hear all the time "Well it's ok. They don't know any better". Just because child doesn't know any better does not make their actions ok! "It's ok that my two year old throws her plate of food on the floor every night. She doesn't know any better...." Really? Yes, I heard someone say that to me. You're child will always "not know any better" unless you teach them to know better.

Angel is one of the most well behaved children out there. I still get compliments about that. While Angel is outside playing in the front yard she will come in and ask my permission to play in the back yard. I believe this is because I started teaching her how to behave from the moment she was born.

I will admit that Abigail was a little tougher to teach right and wrong to, but she still follows her sisters lead and will ask my permission before doing things she's unsure of. She's also pretty smart and gets away with a lot more when she's being watched by others. She knows when people don't realize that she DOES know better at the young age of two. She is very stubborn and has a short temper, however, desipite her attitude problem I still have never had to baby proof my house, and I never will.

Stop Complaining!

2013-04-02T03:23:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm back in the working world full force I'm reminded of how many people seem to have given up on life without even realizing it. I recently worked with someone who constantly complained. Everyday there was something new to complain about. A few promotions were given and she didn't get one. She felt that there most be some kind of conspiricy going on with the bigger bosses against her and eventually quit the job.

It seems lately our world is filled with people that bounce from job to job and instead of sticking to something and learning to be the best. They simply complain about it and then quit. Quiting when things aren't perfect has become way too easy. I'm going to assume that's why the unemployment rate is so high while there are so many jobs out there.

Persistant complainers hold grudges like I hold babies. They also aren't good with time or money management. I know this because I use to be one. If there is too much work to do or they don't make enough money, it's obviously the boss's fault. If they are late for work, it's traffic's fault, or their spouse's fault. No matter what their life circumstances become someone's fault besides their own. Complaining then becomes their way of control. They'll complain to any listening ear, and when someone is willing to listening the complaining becomes just in their eyes. (so stop listening to the complaints and they will stop complaining to you!)

A successful person still complains, but the difference is they don't just complain. They see the problem and do something about it. They fix it so they no longer have to complain. They don't quit just because they feel it's not all it's cracked up to be. If you want to succeed, quiting is NOT the first step! If you'd don't want to succeed, please, by all means, QUIT! Complainers give in when things get hard and then look to others to drop what they are doing and come to their rescue after they've been defeated.

Complainers don't know how to love themselves. They have no sense of selfworth. They tend to cling to others who are also complainers or turn them into complainers. Ranting can feel good and it's easy to hear someone doing it and think of reasons why your life might also not be all that great. This creats a downward spiral of "my life sucks worse" competetion. Since these guys have no selfworth they expect the rest of us to show it to them.

Well, here is some news that might surprise you. If you are a complainer than you really aren't anyone I want to be around. When I come around you, I will listen to your complaints for a minute. I won't try and tell you how to fix these complains. I'll simply tell you to smile a little and tell you to be worth it.

Where I work it's easy to complain. It can get VERY stressfull. Those that are successful and know they are worth it complain for a minute, but then move on. The complainers who feel they aren't worth it don't tend to last and they simply go home. My work day goes by so much easier without the complainers. Complainers don't have my sympathy or compassion. As I've said in many blogs passed if you don't like where your life is you are the only one who can change it. No one else wants to hear about it.

If You Don't Like It...

2013-03-02T02:52:00.000-08:00

Change it!

If you aren't satisfied with where your life is or where you're life is going then change it.

Success is not measured by how much money or things you have. It's measured based on weather or not you are happy with where you are in life. The only thing from stopping your from being successful is YOU.

You're the only person who truly has control over your own life, not your family, not the government, not your boss, but YOU. No one is really going to be able to rescue you if life gets you down. The truth is that it's entirely up to do to do something about it.

Life isn't always rainbows and sunshine, and it's not supposed to be. We were designed with emotions for a reason. Those emotions are there to tell us weather or not what we are doing in life will lead to success. It's like the engine light in our car. When it comes on it doesn't mean that our light it broken. It means that there is something wrong with the car and we need to fix it. Likewise when our mental engine light (our emotions) comes on it doesn't mean there is something wrong with our emotional make up. It simply means something in life isn't working and needs to be fixed.

If you run into a light poll with your car, you can't expect to hit your accelerator and expect your car to just go no matter how much gas you give it. You are stuck. You can't move forward. You could yell at your car for not moving, but blaming the car does you no good. You might have swerved to miss a dog, you may have been distracted, or the poll may have appeared from space right in front of your car. No matter who's fault it is that you hit the poll, you are still the driver and blaming those around you isn't going to get you less stuck.

Feeling bad about life doesn't always mean you have some sort of emotional problem and that your mentally damaged. Feeling down simply means your emotions are working! You're supposed to feel bad when life gets hard. You take those emotions and use them to tell yourself " Ok, life isn't what I want it to be right now, and if I don't want to keep experiencing these emotions I need to change how I'm living."

Many times when we feel down we think there is something wrong with us. We think "My brain is obviously depressed and broken." We take the info our emotions are giving us and act like it's a negative thing and not a normal part of life. Then we try and fix the problem with therapy and drugs. That's like thinking something is wrong with your car simply because it ran out of gas. Your car is supposed to run out of gas! Could you imagine having it towed to a repair shop simply because it was out of gas? The mechanic would probably think you were nuts.

I'm not saying that therapy and drugs are wrong, but it is just a quick fix to a life issue. Our emotions help keep us on the right track to success.

If your emotions are telling you that life isn't where you want it to be then do something about it. Don't wallow in your emotions. Change them. Make something happen. It's all up to you.

Love What You Do.

2013-02-13T05:50:00.000-08:00

When I was in the 2nd grade I made the decision that I wanted to be a teacher. Most of the time when 2nd graders tell you what they want to be when they grow up that idea changes thousands of times before they actually grow up, but not for me. Yes I had other things that I would settle for but in the end every time I was asked my answer was always the same. I wanted to be a teacher.

It was no question that once I graduated high school and went to college that I majored in education. Truth be told though, sometimes you just have to take life as it is handed to you. My college path was a slow one, and once I had Angel it only got slower. After having Abigail finishing a four year college degree became nothing more than a dream.

It was really hard to run into people I went to high school with telling me they'd been teaching for 5, 6 or even 10 years and here I am with nothing more than an associates degree. I use to let that get to me, until I started looking at life a little different.

The thing is I have my whole life ahead of me to be a teacher. I know it would be a little more ideal right now, but it's just not a possibility right now. Instead of dwelling on that while I was staying at home I made it a goal to be the best work/stay at home mom I could be. It seemed like just as soon as I'd gotten the hang of being a great work/stay at home mom we needed a more steady income and I had to go back to work.

I work in a grocery store bakery. My official title is cake decorator, but due to recent events I haven't been able to decorate as much lately. Instead I've been filling in anywhere we might be short handed. The other day while I was singing and dancing all alone in the back freezer of our bakery I started to think about how five years ago I wouldn't have enjoyed freezing all alone in that room trying to organize our supplies. Five years ago I would have complained and possibly even cried the whole time reminding myself that this is NOT what I want to be when I grow up!

The difference is I've since learned that no matter how old I am as long as I still have life in me there is STILL TIME for me to be what I want to be when I grow up. I'm still going to be a teacher one day. The cool part is that meanwhile, I've learned that I'm a great writer. I'm a great illustrator. I'm a great artist. I'm a great mom. I'm a great cake decorator and good bread baker (still working on making that great!). I am not only good at all these things, but I love them! I love singing and dancing in that back freezer because it's all part of who I am. It's part of what makes me ME.

If you can't do what you love... Love what you do...

Just Dance

2013-01-15T09:31:00.001-08:00

We all have bouts of emotion. Some are more extreme than others, but none the less we all have our good days and our bad days, our happy days, our sad days, mad days, ect...

Personally I've always been a little more on the extreme side as far as my emotions go. I don't have "good" days I have "great!" days and I don't have "bad" days I have "Oh dear God kill me now!" days. While great days are.. well.. great... the opposite isn't so great at all and frankly I was tired of it.

I've always had a bit of a temper and there have been times when I've simply snapped sometimes at the wrong person for the wrong things. This is why so many say "Don't keep it bottled up. Learn to release your anger". TV and media paint a picture that those who can't let out their anger tend to snap. Which leads people in the same boat as me to beleive that we need an outlet for our anger.. something to make us calm down and feel better. Alternatives to "snapping" are things like squeezing stress balls, ripping paper, screaming into pillows or even smoking or drinking.

When I started back to work I knew I'd have stressfull days. In the past I have had too many stressful days and lost it. I didn't want to lose it here. I looked for alternatives so that I wouldn't "snap". I absolutly didn't want to take up smoking and I shouldn't even have to explain why on that one. Drinking on the job would only cause me to lose my job. It's really hard to decorate cakes while squeezing a stress ball or ripping paper, and it didn't seem logical to hide a pillow in the freezer for occasional screaming purposes.

That's when it hit me! Expressing anger even against inanimate objects doesn't make me less angry. Yes, it makes me feel better for the moment, but doesn't take the anger away at all. In fact, if you think about it... we as humans get addicted to things really easily. The nice way of putting it is that we all have "habits" weather it be good or bad. If screaming into a pillow is going to make me feel better then I'll have a new habit, and therefore will look for reasons to scream into my pillow. I'll look for reasons to get angry so that I can run into the freezer to grab my pillow and scream! When we find something that makes us feel good we want to do it, and we want to do it often.

Basically I'm saying that getting angry can in itself become an addiction and finding a "healthy, feel good" habit to release it makes anger feel good! It's like an alcoholic drinking a beer in order to control the urdge to drink.

I'm not saying that it's bad to get angry. Things happen and it's ok to get mad. It'd be weird if you didn't, but it's not ok to get mad at little things. Most of the time when you get mad at little things its really just masking what's really bothering you. For instance I have a little brother who is truly one of my best friends. A few years ago he moved away almost in the middle of the night. I got mad, and lots of things made me mad while he was gone. I could blame my anger on the little things, but the real truth is that I missed my brother dearly, and I was angry at myself for letting him go. He is back now and I can put that anger behind me.

I started back to work six months ago, and some days every little thing would get to me. "I can't believe I've got to make this cake today!! ahhh!!!" When I looked deeper into it I noticed those would be the days that my mortgage or my electric was due, so really on those days my anger was a build up of the fact that I was feeling like I worked so hard but still couldn't provide for my famly the way I wanted. Sometimes while Angel and I are working on her spelling words and she keeps insisting the the word "name" clearly has a "B" in it somewhere I might begin to lose patience... when I usually wouldn't.. losing patience because deep down I might feel like if only I were home more she would know that there IS NOT A "B" ANYWHERE IN THE WORD "N-A-M-E". More anger that deep down is really towards myself...

While I started paying closer attention to my bad days I also started paying attention to my good days... what makes them so great?? Well.. brace yourself.. this WILL sound silly... but.. I.. DANCE! Seriously!! I dance. Either to music playing or if there is none I'll dance to a song in my head. You can always tell when I'm having a good day because I'll just start dancing and sometimes even singing.

A couple weeks ago I decided to test something. Monday December 31, 2012 I walked into work DANCING. I encouraged others to dance with me. Some did and some didn't, but either way I was dancing my heart out. The more stressful the day seems the more I danced to keep the air positive. I've made it a point to do this every single day I walk into work. It's something I can do while working, while driving (I can bob my head a little), while cooking or cleaning, or even while helping Angel with her homework. The atmosphere at work and at home turned into such a positive one that these little things... were just that.. little things...

Of course there are still things that can, do, and will happen that will cause me to get angry and stop dancing for a moment, and that's ok. It's good and healthy to get angry when really bad things happen, but it's not ok and it's NOT healthy to get angry over the little things, so instead I've decided to just... dance!

The pursuite of Happiness

2013-01-03T03:21:00.003-08:00

My daughter, Angel, loves dolphins. We live on the north side of a large bay that is full of dolphins. I drive across this bay just about everyday multiple times a day. Almost every day I see dolphins swiming in the bay. Everytime I do I think of Angel and wish she were there with me to see them. It seems like everytime we drive over the bay together we never see them, but we always look for them.

Recently someone asked me if I'd ever felt lost with my life with no sense of direction. My heart really went out to her at that moment because I absolutly had felt that way before, and I'm sure most people in the world feel that way at some point in their lives. I felt like that a lot when I use to be a stay at home mom. Some days I just didn't want to get out of bed. I'd acomplish so much in one day and the only ones who saw it was a baby who couldn't talk and a four year old who didn't care. When I did call someone up to talk about my day I didn't have much exciting to say "Oh well I folded laundry and made lunch and dinner all in 3 hours!" Usuaully whomever I was talking to wouldn't be as excited as me and usually felt the need to offer me a cookie...

When you get into a funk like that it can be pretty hard to get out of it. It's too easy to look at the big picture and think "So this is it... this is my life..." Stop doing that! In this moment. Right now. This IS your life, but life right now is NOT the big picture. There is so much more out there going to happen and so much more that can and will happen as long as you make it happen.

Whilist I was in my funk I started several life changing things. I started writing this blog which was a way for my to truly get my mind out there. I illustrated a series of children's books and now you can look up "JD Kurtz" on Amazon and see them. This was the beginning of something new. My new goal in life was not to simply be ther mother of my two wonderful girls. While that IS my life right now it's not everything I am and I do intend to make a real different in this world. Weather it be through my art, my writing, or simply through my children.

Secondly I started getting out of the house more. Even if I didn't want to I'd make myself get dressed every day and I'd take the kids to the park, to storytime at the library, to the free movies in the summer time, or to the beach. I'd do anything to get out and socialize with adults. This meant I drove over the bay with Angel many more times, and she finally got to see dolphins! The day we finally saw dolphins together I pulled over on the side of the road probably looking foolish as I grabbed my six year old and let her sit on the car. I held her still as the wind tried to blow us away. It took her a minute, but I kept pointing them out and then they jumped up right in front of us. That was one of those moments when I said "Yes, this is my life, and my life is GOOD!"

You've got your whole life to do whatever you want with it. Don't let this moment ruin your future! Sometimes you have to just put yourself out there, your creativity, your thoughts, your dreams, your goals, or whatever. Sometimes you've got to get out of the hosue more. Sometimes you've just got to stop and see the dolphins.

My Teacher, My Hero.

2012-12-18T06:18:00.000-08:00

I've been struggling weather or not to write a blog concerning the events from last Friday. I had mostly decided not to until I started seeing and hearing comments from fellow parents saying things like "That's it! I'm homeschooling!" or "My babies will never leave my side again!".

It's truly heart breaking. This whole thing. When I saw the first detailed news report I noticed how this school doesn't look much bigger than my little Angel's school. This town looked no different than my little town. I too thought "That could have been MY first grader!" That's when I saw the story about Victoria Soto and her heroic actions. She reminded me so much of Angel's kindergarten Teacher, Jeanna Meyer.

I truly couldn't have asked for a better first teacher for Angel. Angel didn't adjust well to school, and Ms. Meyer loved on her just a mother would when she stuggled. She would tell Angel daily that she loved her and would give her hugs and assurance. Angel sometimes called me Ms. Meyer, and likewise called her Mommy. It made me laugh all the time, but also showed me what kind of teacher she had. Angel truly was just as much Ms. Meyer's baby as she was my baby. She had a teacher just like Victoria Soto who would have without question hidden our baby and told the gunman she wasn't there. I believe without a doubt that Ms. Meyer would have taken and will take a bullet for any of her babies.

The summer after kindergarten and it was time to meet our first grade teacher I knew there was no way the person I was about to meet would ever compare to Ms. Meyer. I was very concerened that whomever this was wouldn't be able to show the love and compassion that my daughter needed. Then I met Tonya Matlock. It was as if this woman were hand picked to teach my daughter first grade. We truly work as a team in teaching Angel and by seeing how far she's come since the begginning of the year I'd have to say we make a great team! I'll never forget the phone call I got from her when she said "OUR little girl isn't doing so well." That's when I knew for a fact that she had another Ms. Meyer. Ms. Matlock would have been like the teacher Kaitlin Roig, who crammed all of her kids into a bathroom telling them how much she loved them and how they were all going to have christmas. She wouldn't even let police in until they showed her their badge under the door. Yes, I believe Ms. Matlock would do whatever she had to do to keep her children safe.

And of course we can't forget the teachers' assistants. Angel has a special woman Ms. Glass who helps Angel when things get really tough. I've only met her a couple times and I don't even know her first name, but Angel talks about her so much that I know she's made a solid impact on Angel's life.

While what happend Friday is horrifing, I can't imagine Angel's life without her amazing teachers. Teachers in my opinion have always been some of the greatest most life changing people out there and it takes a truly special person to be a teacher. I've always had faith in our teachers and after Friday my faith in them just grows stronger. You can't hide your kids from the world. You just can't. If you notice all the surviving teachers from Sandy Hook Elementary, when speaking about their students, don't call them students. They say "my children" or "my kids". It's something all teachers do. Each year they don't get "new" kids they simply get MORE kids. Let's continue to let our schools help us shape our children.

I'm so grateful for Freeport Elementary School and everyone there who is helping me raise my daughter to be the wonderful person that she is inside and out. A special thanks to Ms. Matlock, Ms. Meyer, and Ms. Glass.

Keeping Christ in Christmas

2012-11-28T06:43:00.000-08:00

When I was a in high school I had several friends who were home schooled. Many were very religious and didn't participate in Halloween. I went to a public school where Halloween was not only widely accepted, but we were all encouraged to dress up and participate. My friends strongly believed that Halloween's pagan roots made it not ok for Christians to be apart of. This opened up my curiosity. I wanted to know just exactly how bad this holiday was, so I began doing some research. What I found was quite surprising. While it's true Halloween does come from pagan roots there was once a time when the Catholic church tried to change the meaning of it's traditions to make it fit Christianity. Most protestant churches didn't easily accept "All Saints Day", but they did accept the other holidays that the Catholic church succeeded in changing the meanings of. The most significant being Easter and Christmas. My findings didn't stop me from recognizing Easter and Christmas. In fact it instead made Halloween an ok tradition for me seeing as all other Holidays also had Pagan roots.

We all know that not everyone is a Christian. Not everyone goes to church, and most certainly not all my friends and family are church going Christians. A couple years ago on Facebook I decided to post the status of "Happy Egg-Day" on Easter. Some of my more serious church going friends were outraged at my disrespect towards Jesus Christ, the church and Christianity claiming "It's called Resurrection Sunday!" I was amazed at how someone could so blindly, without question, follow a tradition and call it Holy. It led me to write a blog about it. Needless to say the very people who were so offended by my simple choice of words that Easter Sunday two years ago haven't spoken to me since.

Now we've come to the end of November when most people's thoughts turn towards Christmas and everything it stands for. For most professing Christians it's a time to focus on Jesus Christ's birth. After all being called "Christ-mass" this is clearly a biblical Holiday with clear instructions on how to celebrate. Social media is filled with posts and pictures encouraging those to think of Jesus and all he's done for us and making it clear that this is surely the reason for all of our traditions around this time of year. The actual message in the pictures and posts don't upset me really. It just brings back the memory of two years ago when a dear friend stopped talking to me simply because I didn't blindly follow the traditions of our culture and call them Christian or Biblical. In Matt. 15:9 Jesus says "But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines and the commandments of men" Biblicaly Christmas nor Easter is not a command of God at all. It's simply a tradition of men. I'm not telling anyone not to celebrate whatever holidays or traditions that you feel the need to celebrate. The truth is just about all the traditions around the Holidays are skewed ideas with very little scriptures to back them up.

Now if you are still reading this please understand that this is in no way bashing the church or it's traditions. I'm not saying that celebrating these things are evil in anyway. I'm just trying to make aware that there is more truth to these traditions and hate seeing people so strongly preaching ideas that aren't completely accurate. Just as my friend did at Easter two years ago. Don't get angry at those who don't celebrate Christmas this time of year, or those who maybe celebrate different holidays with different traditions. I have up a Christmas tree and I may exchange a gift or two. I will feast, because I love turkey and ham! I do this though not in honor of Jesus, but because it's a tradition that I hold dear. Personally I feel a strong connection to the Bible and what it teaches. It's always been something I've kept fairly private as I feel spirituality is more a matter of the heart. Traditions are all in what you make them. There is nothing wrong with keeping Christ in your Christmas, but don't feel the need to throw him onto other people's holidays or lack of holidays as well. There is NOTHING dishonoring or disrespectful about saying "Happy Holidays" as opposed to saying "Merry Christmas." If anything I feel it shows more respect to your fellow Americans who are free to celebrate or not celebrate whichever holiday they choose.

Is public humiliation proper punishment?

2012-09-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

This is the picture that started it all. The mother of this teenage girl found pictures on facebook of her daughter drinking alcohol. As punishment the mother took her daughter's facebook page away and posted this picture to let all her friends know that she would be taking a break from facebook for a while. In my opinion this is effective parenting. It's not abusive and it's not too harsh. Some say it IS wrong because she may get bullied at school because of the picture. I think it's safe to say that if she does get bullied this girl probably knows she can go to her mom about it. That's the thing about effective parenting.

When a parent protects their children from themselves that child knows that their parent will protect them from anything. I have an aunt that use to take me and my three brothers to the beach along with her 5 children and basically any of our other cousins that she could fit into her van and she'd be the only adult with us. Some might think she's crazy, but she wouldn't put up with any of our crap and we knew it. At the same time, however, I was the type of kid that didn't go places with just anyone. I'd go places with my aunt because I felt safe with her. Knowing she wasn't putting up with my crap showed me that she wouldn't put up with anyone else's crap either.

Ever since this picture went viral we have seen a string of pictures displaying public humiliation as punishment for their kids. Most of these pictures are all getting the same kind of praise, but when is public humiliation not ok?

In my opinion. This on is NOT ok. The girl up above was probably trying to be cool among her
friends, and knew that was she was doing was wrong. This child, however, could possibly have another issue.

During my early school days my grades were great. I started with all A's which later turned to A's and B's and then eventually in the 5th grade I made my first C. I worked really hard all year to try and get that grade up but never could. My dad constantly reminded me that he use to always make good grades. He offered us rewards when we made the honor roll and it was really hard for me to think that even though I was trying my absolute best I did't feel good enough because I had that one C. 6th grade was so much harder than 5th and I decided I'd never be as smart as my dad or have grades as good as my dad so I decided to wasn't worth trying. In 6th grade I barely passed most of my classes with mostly D's and a few C's. Had my dad made me stand by the side of the road holding a picture like this it wouldn't have encouraged me to do better, but would instead have made me feel like an even bigger failure. My dad never told me I was a failure, but instead always encouraged me to do better. By the time I was in 8th grade I was back to making A's B's and C's. My parents continued to encourage me and by the time I graduated high school I had a 3.0 gpa that I worked really hard to get. No, I didn't have the 4.0 that my dad had when he was in school, but he still told me and tells me that he is very proud of me.

My daughter Angel has a very hard time at school. Sometimes she tells me she should just go back to kindergarten. I spend time every evening encouraging her with her homework and come up with new and fun games so she can learn to read and write. I guess I'm wasting my time though. I should instead make a big poster-board sign for her to hold by the road that says "Sometimes I refuse to do my school work and have melt-downs at school. I'll probably be in 1st grade forever. Honk if you think I should do my homework."... Yeah... that would help her self-esteem...

Sometimes humiliations is not proper punishment... Just because it's the cool thing to do right now doesn't always make it right.

My 28th Year

2012-09-15T03:19:00.000-07:00

At least for my 27th year, I had a true memory from the day I turned 27. I honestly have no idea what I did on the day I turned 28. I just know I wrote a blog the day after, so to keep up with my new tradition... Here's a recap of my 28th year.

A year ago I didn't have a typical or physical leave my kids and go to work kind of job. I did work last year though. I worked at a radio station where I heard the difference in music today vs. 10 years ago. I learned even more about friendship, and experienced even more mean and childish adults.

Being home more I was able to write a lot about kids and how I feel about where the next generation is going. In the last year my little baby became a bouncy toddler despite my old school style of parenting, which some say is damaging, and that parenting styles need to change. I won't change. No matter how hard it can be sometimes or no matter how many people tell me to.

Last year as I tried to be more creative I named seven blogs after Beatles songs and made them fit whatever I was writing about. One of those titles became my first viral blog, which led me to writing about more current events.

I started getting emails asking for advice, and emails criticizing the way I do things.

Being home more also showed me how twisted many peoples views of our own country have become, and how it seems NO one is really on the same page on anything at all.

Most importantly... In my 28th year I learned where my priorities have been, and where they should be.

"I'd Rather be broke than let [blank] watch my kids"

2012-08-14T07:21:00.000-07:00

I typically don't get online and complain about how hard my life is. I don't go onto facebook and complain about not having enough money for things. I don't whine about how much my husband is gone while I'm left managing what little money he makes for our family of four to try to live off of. You don't hear me complain because while life can sometimes be hard I feel as though my life is very fulfilling. I feel as though I'm a great mom and wife, with a great husband and amazing kids.

Of course, life IS hard sometimes. As fulfilling as it is... There are days while I'm folding clothes or wiping poop off of crib bars that I wonder if this is all there is. Sometimes when I check the mail only to find more bills or more reminder notices that I wish there were more I could do in order to get these bills paid on time. You just never see me say that. You never see me stress over it publicly... and here's why...

I finally DO say something about the bills... about eating spaghetti multiple times a week because it's very cheap to make... about introducing a potty and big girl pants to Abigail at an early age to help cut back on the cost of diapers... about my computer crashing and being completely unable to fix it or replace it due to the lack of funds... about the fact that I haven't had the oil changed in my car in over a year... about my iphone being so broken that shards of glass sometimes rip into my finger when I attempt to text someone simply because they are not "into" physically talking on the phone... I finally do say something... just to vent... for just a minute... and the reply I get is "maybe it's time you accept that it's time for you to get off your butt and get a job. Staying home is a luxury and a privilege."

Please excuse me for one moment. I've got to go grab my soap box...

Ok.. so lets take a short look at my background for those of you who don't know me. I worked form the time Angel was 9months old until she was almost 5. When I first went back to work we found a wonderful woman to watch her. She was old enough to by my mom and was the mother of a good friend that my family had known for years. She took Angel in as if she were her very own grandchild. She was affordable and Angel loved her. She gave Angel a blanket that Angel still totes around to this day. It was perfect... Until our dear sitter needed to go back to work. While she loved Angel dearly she needed more benefits than I could give (insurance and things). I kept working and at this point we began trying our best to work opposite schedules while tossing Angel off onto anyone we could find who would help. (like my brother, her grandparents, my grand parents, co-workers who were off work, ect..) I finally found a babysitter that was in the price range that seemed to work. She did work out for about 6 months. Then I finally got a bank job. Angel was 3 years old at the time. I found a great preschool close to my house. Angel loved it. She'd come home and tell me how much she loved her teacher and her new friends and how much fun she was having. Half my pay went to this school. A year later I became pregnant with Abigail. I worked all through my pregnancy. The preschool decided to start taking children as young as 3 months. I thought it would be perfect. I trusted them since Angel seemed to do so well. Once I was ready to go back to work after my maturity leave I signed Abigail up. It cost me almost $300 a week to send my girls there. That's $1200 a month and doesn't count the cost of food (I had to supply lunch and snacks that met their standards). I made right about $300 a week at my job, but I knew Angel would be starting kindergarten soon and I'd just make due until then...

Sounds great, right? Well pay attention to what I'm about to say next. Every day I'd show up and the girl who "taught" Abigail's class would tell me things like "oh she rolled over!" or "she drank her whole bottle! She was so hungry!" I knew she was lying about Abigail "rolling over" at only 3 months. She was still hardly trying to hold up her head. I thought she might be lying about drinking her whole bottle in one sitting (I would fill them with 8oz instead of 4oz to be safe in case I worked late she'd have extra). I ignored those things because they didn't matter, but one day I showed up and Abigail had a large red mark above her eye that was a little swollen. It doesn't bother me that Abigail got hurt. I understand that things happen, but what bothered me was when I asked her teacher what happened the response I got was "I was hoping that would have cleared up before you got here so you wouldn't see it. The director told me not to tell you about it if the red mark was gone." I did find out later from a different teacher that during nap time the girl took my baby and was holding her at the break-room table. Abigail who could not yet hold up her head was being held like a baby who could and so she fell forward hitting her head just above her eye on the corner of the table. The difference between my 3 month old and my 3 year old is my 3 year old was able to come home and tell me about any boo boos she received. My 3 month old was blindly put into the trust and care of this girl whose boss didn't think it necessary to tell me that my 3 month old baby slammed her head into a table... "she screamed, but once we gave her a pacifier and rocked her a while she stopped, so we knew it wasn't a big deal." It's easy to guess that I quit that job and have been home with Abigail ever since. I've done odd jobs here and there (art gigs, babysitting jobs, retail holiday help, ect..), but when I have to leave my baby with anyone I leave her with family or very trust worthy friends... People that I know will honestly speak on behalf of my voiceless baby.

Things are very tight for my family this is true, and they have been for a while. I have been actively (as actively as I can while raising my kids) looked for a job that paid well enough and was desirable enough for me to pay someone else to help raise my children for me. I found one. I'm going to start working again, but I'll be leaving my babies to a well trusted family friend whom I've known for over 15 years, who I trust to let me know if Abigail decides to jump off the couch and bang her head on my concrete floor (Sometimes she thinks she can fly), and I'll be honest... If there comes a time where she can't watch my kids and I can't find someone else as equally qualified then I'll quit this job (no matter how much fun it is or how much it pays) faster than I pulled Abigail out of that neglectful daycare in order to stay home and raise my children safety and to the standards that I feel necessary to have great kids.

..so I really don't complain much about not having money, and when I do I hate being told "go get a job." Like it's the easy. The truth is I'd rather be broke then have the wrong person watching my kids...

The Chick-fil-A Brouhaha

2012-08-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

First of all I need to throw out there where I stand on gay marriage. I don't give a flying pound of swiss cheese weather or not it's legal.

As far as this whole deal with Chick-Fil-A. I'm very disappointed in our country!

For those of you who don't know, Dan Cathy, the CEO of Chick-fil-a recently said his organization was "guilty as charged" in that they support the biblical definition of a marriage, between and man and a woman. This caused many people to boycott the restaurant. In some cities in America their mayors even went as far as saying Chick-fil-a was no longer allowed in their city because they didn't share their beliefs.

An attempt to boycott someone's business simply based on his outspoken beliefs is one of the most un-american things I've ever heard of! Some of the best hospitals in our country are funded by the Catholic church and even named after saints! I don't always agree with the Catholic church, but does that mean I'm not going to bring my child to one if they are in need of care? Of course not!

Then for anyone to say a business isn't welcome based on their beliefs is even worse! If a mayor really had the authority to kick someone out of town because they didn't have the same views we'd see businesses closing down left and right. Good thing the first amendment of our constitution guarantees us the right to freedom of speech AND freedom of religion to prevent such a thing from happening.

"That man -- Just like you or I -- has a right to say, 'This is what I believe' and not be punished for it" --Karen Kenney of San Fernando Valley Patriots told KTLA.

Yesterday was Chic-fil-a appreciation day. I know a lot of people that went. I saw tons of pictures on facebook with cars blocking highways trying to get in. I didn't go... not because I don't agree with their right to free speech... or because I'm trying to take a stand for gay marriage... but simply because I didn't feel like loading up four kids and driving for 45 minutes so to spend money I don't have at a fast food chain whose food I don't even really like (except the fries. those ARE good).

Tomorrow gay rights supporters are planning a "National Same-Sex Kiss Day at Chick-fil-a". I don't plan on being there for two reasons. 1.) There are no girls out there that I want to kiss at chick-fil-a 2.) I don't feel like loading up four kids and driving for 45 minutes to spend money I don't have at a fast food chain whose food I don't even really like (except the fries. those ARE good!).

Grocery Store Tantrums

2012-07-25T17:37:00.001-07:00

For any parent of a child that was once a toddler you've experienced a scenario like the one pictured. You're in the grocery store. You've only got a couple things left and all of a sudden your toddler completely melts down! That's when you find yourself standing there trying to decide how to handle this while strangers pass you by glaring at you as if you are the worst human being on the entire planet!

Most times when people think of my little Abigail, they think of the cute lovable little girl who is always running around and doing silly things. What most don't realize is her incredibly short temper! When Abigail doesn't get her way she rapidly stomps her feet, clings her fists, pulls hair, and throws whatever she can find, while screaming louder then anyone ever could imagine a little baby could scream!

Because of this... I actually try to avoid taking her out anymore... at least until this phase passes. Part of her problem is lack in communication skills and she just get sooo frustrated!

Today, however, I had no choice but to bring her to the store. I went in for two things, bug spray and children's Zyrtec for Angel. When we arrived at the grocery store Abigail first points to the race-car looking cart and said "Pees! Mommy! Pees!" As she points up. I thought that was sweet. I mean who could resist? As much as I hate pushing those things (they have an extra set of wheels and are way longer than they look and until you get the hang of it you run into EVERYTHING!") I scooped her up and put her in the driver seat. Angel wanted to ride in the larger basket part. She was tired and wanted to lay down. I put her in the big part. I knew I could store my two items on the bottom of the cart with ease.

When we walked in the door the first thing Angel says is "Mommy, can we please have a cookie?" Before I could explain that we would be eating dinner as soon as we got home Abigail says "Cookie? Pees?" I figured one cookie wouldn't hurt, and it might help keep Abigail busy for the entire duration of this shopping experience. We walked over to the bakery and they were out of cookies. Before Abigail knew what was going on I quickly told Angel they didn't have any. She said ok and we moved on. I felt a sense of accomplishment as we passed that hurtle with no Abigail melt downs.

Our next stop was the medicine isle. This is where I made my mistake. I grabbed the children's Zyrtec and handed it to Angel. Abigail pointed at the shelf and said "oooo!!" That was her way of telling me she wanted to hold something too. Angel jumped in and said "She can hold my medicine. I don't care." Angel is always so sweet and thoughtful, but I explained that medicine wasn't a good thing for Abigail to hold. I grabbed a toy from the baby section thinking she could hold that at least until we got to the counter, but Abigail wasn't having it! She threw the toy to the ground and then began to climb out of the cart! She turned around and put her arms around my neck and she climbed up me screaming "WAAHHHH MAAAAAMMMMYYYY AHHHHHH". She eventually made her way completely out of the cart and was clinging to me for her dear life. She was holding on so tight I was still able to push the cart with both hands.

We started making our way to the isle with bug spray. At this point Abigail is now trying to climb down me, so now I'm steering this beastly cart with one hand, while holding a kicking, screaming toddler who was trying her best to remove my one hand from the cart... which by the way was partly out of control and extremely hard to push with the uneven weight of my six year old in the basket. Up until now I'd been fairly impressed by my ability to steer under these rough conditions, but thanks to the help of my wonderful 21 month old daughter I ran into a rack of WINE BOTTLES!! I held my breath as I watch a domino effect of wine bottles fall to the ground, and was literally praising God when not one of them broke. Normally I would pick them up, but I was on a mission for a new cart, and I knew setting Abigail down in this mood was more dangerous then just letting someone know they were on the ground.

Finally we made it to the door, and I strapped Abigail into a regular cart. Angel let me know she would walk to try and make it easier on me. Abigail fought long and hard with her buckle and somehow managed to maneuver the strap around her NECK! I knew this was just NOT going to work. I unbuckled her and stuck her in the large part of the cart... All the while she is SCREAMING at the top of her lungs. At this point I doubt she even knows why she is screaming!

We get to the bug spray and, while still screaming, she manages to climb into the seat of the the cart and from there climbs onto me. Before she could start her climb down I set her on the grown where she then started to grab anything within reach and starting throwing things! I grabbed her arm and said in a very stern voice "Abigail, We do not throw things!" She then began to clinch her fist and stomp her feet and she screamed and screamed and screamed. I had been ignoring all glaring looks from strangers as I ignored my child's tantrum. I remained calm as I searched for the exact spray my husband had asked me to pick up.

Meanwhile an older couple passes by and says "Is everything ok?" I explained "Yes, she's just not getting her way so I'm ignoring her." The woman gave a smirk, and her husband gave a little smile. "We understand that!" As she walked away. Then another woman walks up and begins to rub Abigail's back saying "It's ok sweetie! It's ok!" She looks up at me and says, "you know they have free cookies at the bakery, would you like for me to get her one?"

"They are out of cookies right now" I explained

"Oh? Is that why she's upset? Would a sucker help? Can I buy her a treat? I really don't mind! I have grandchildren and I hate to see them so upset! I always get them a little treat at the store!"

"Thank you for offering, but I'd rather not give her any kind of reward. She'll be fine."

The woman walked away and apologized for prying. I told her it wasn't a big deal and that I understood her concerns. I put Abigail back into the cart where she continued her tantrum and I could better focus on reading the labels on the bug sprays. That's when ANOTHER elderly woman came up to me. She began to pat me on the back and said "You are a good mother! Don't let the other people worry you!" She then points to Abigail and says "She is going to be a wonderful person!" Then she points to Angel and says "I can already tell you have raised this one right! Good for you!"

As she left I felt so much better about my decision to ignore Abigail's tantrum. I finally grabbed the spray I was looking for and we left. Abigail screamed a bit more in the car and before long she stopped and was gazing out the window.

When we are at home I don't put up with her tantrums. I put her in her crib to let her calm down. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of carrying her bedroom in my back pocket for times we are out in public, but that doesn't give me the right to give in, give her a treat, or put up with her tantrums in public.

It is true. Angel is a great six year old and her actions today proved that I did right by her when I ignored her tantrums in public when she was a baby and, therefore, I firmly believe I did the right thing.

So, readers... What do you guys think? Would you have ignored the tantrum? Would you have left empty handed? Would you have let the woman buy your child a treat? I want to know! Leave your comments on this one!

Just say no....

2012-06-18T12:31:00.002-07:00

to your kids!

According to Nanny 911 "NO! is a heavy word. It should only be used when something is completely inflexible or where there is no imminent dander. Unfortunately though, NO! is such a relexive word. Most people don't realize how many times they say it and the impact it has.

Think about it: How would YOU feel if you excitedly said to your partner, 'honey, I was thinking maybe we could...' and he said 'NO!' before you could even finish your sentence. That's how your kids feel every time you shut them down with a no."

I'm not sure who in the world came up with the idea of comparing our children to our partners, but in my opinion that's the silliest and weirdest thing I've ever heard. Am I really supposed to put my six year old daughter in the same category as my husband??

When I was little my parents said no to me all the time. I just had to deal with it, and if I was brave enough to ask "why?" it was always followed by "because I said so!"

I'm not sure where this whole "the family is a democracy trend" started, but good thing for my kids I'm not one to go with the flow of things. When I was growing up my family was a hierarchy, my dad was king and my mom was queen, and it still is today.

I was not "elected" as these kid's mother/aunt. I was placed there by GOD! You have to prove worthy of a vote or say in how things are run.

When a parent/teacher/guardian says no kid's shouldn't be allowed to "debate" it or "discuss" it. Their job as a child is to "respect" it.

Since I'm a self-proclaimed expert on child discipline mostly in part due to the fact that my kids are amazing I think I should write a book about it or something. I currently have seven children in my house ranging in age from 18months to 10 years and I'm able to sit down and write this blog with out interruption...

Why is this?

Because I'm capable of "just saying NO!"

keeping the family close

2012-06-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

Dear JD Kurtz,

I have 3 kids (8, 4 and 2). I am an only child, my husband has 3 siblings but due to family animosity over the years, they don't speak and they are not close. I read in your blog several times how close you describe your family. I want to make sure my kids stay close growing up.....my own parents have had very healthy, very close relationships with their siblings and I want my kids to have that as they grow. Watching the dynamic my husband and his family has bothers me to no end, and it's been a very painful experience for us. We have neices and nephews we will never get to have a relationship with, my kids have cousins they'll never really get to know, and I don't want that for my kids when they're adults. Being an only child myself, I don't really understand what it's like to have siblings. My question is how do I ensure my kids grow up having great relationships and bonds with each other?

--anonymous parent

___________________________________________________

Dear Anonymous Parent,

First let me say, good for you for wanting your kids to be close! I can only think of three things about my family growing up that was different from everyone else. One my parents stayed together. I remember so many of my friends who came from broken homes and while I completely understand that's the norm these days and sometimes you have to make it work, but I strongly believe that the fact that my parents were married throughout my entire childhood and are still married to this day made a difference. For anyone reading this thinking you've already blown it, let me just say I have two older half brothers both with different dads. They both had relationships with their dads, but also were both exposed to my parents healthy relationship. Although we were a "broken" family, my parents really stressed that we were... a family! and they still do!

Second was we did everything as a family. I was the only girl out of 3 other boys, so there were 4 of us all together. It was very rare that my parents ever singled any of us out. Don't get me wrong, we got our one on one time, but that time was always something simple, like my mom teaching me to cook chicken, or my dad and older brother planting a tree in the yard. I remember though, going on a family bike ride by the beach. My parents could have easily tried to do this when my brothers were at their dads. It would have been cheaper and easier, but they didn't. That trip is probably one of my most memorable.

Third, we had a family night. When I was very young we always did family dinners. As we got older and started going our separate ways my dad created family night, where we all got together for dinner and played games. We all always enjoyed those!

We did a lot together growing up. Now we are all grown and all living in a different city as my parents. There are 6 grandchildren thrown into the mix too. Two of my brother seem to be on opposite ends of the world. We aren't able to do family night anymore, but because of that tradition we do still try and have a google hangout any time we can. Don't get me wrong. We are by far from picture perfect. Staying so close has caused it's fair share of drama, but no matter what we never seem to lose touch.

Now the biggest and best part of my family is that not only are my brothers and I close, but even the extended family tries to get together several times in the year. We have created a tradition of getting together every christmas to play cleanish dirty santa. Anytime an aunt, uncle, or cousin who lives far away comes to town we all get together. Even with miles between us (One cousin is in Germany!), thanks to webcams we continue to include everyone as much as possible!

My advice is, create traditions as a family. You and your husband need to set an example of love for your kids and emphasize on the family whenever you can. Have family meal time, and even when life starts to get hectic still set aside time for just the family. I know our society makes it look impossible, but it can be done! My family is living proof that families no matter how big can stay close!

--JD Kurtz

Dear Concerned Reader

2012-06-09T11:48:00.000-07:00

Dear JD,
I read your last blog. I do agree that children need to respect others, but do you think it's really your place to judge others parenting? Jesus tells us not to judge. I know that your kids are good, but not all kids are like yours. Some kids are more difficult and aren't as easy as yours. Just because a kid grows up to be a lazy adult doesn't mean it's the parents fault. You should be careful. Making your kids fear you as children can backfire and cause them to seriously rebel when they are teenagers.

I think it's great how you raise your kids and that's fine, but do you really think it's ok to be the one to discipline others children at your house? You laid out your points and said that even your other children have to follow your rules. Since all kids and all parents are different, I don't think it's ok for other adults to discipline children other than their own. Some ways may work different than yours.

--Concerned Reader

__________________________________________________

Dear concerned reader,

I feel as though you didn't really read my blog with an open mind or full understanding of what I'm trying to say, but that's ok. You're allowed to do that. I also hope you know that just because you wrote me privately doesn't mean I can't post it publicly.

I'm glad you agree that children need to show respect. I'd like to point out though that most kids don't. I see tons of kids out in public completely disrespect their teachers and/or parents or guardians. Most times I hold my tongue.

As far as Jesus goes... You're the one who brought him up, not me. The Bible says a lot of stuff about judging others, but Jesus doesn't tell me I CAN'T. He simply says that if I do then that gives others the right to judge me. If I see a kid disrespect their parents and the parent does nothing about it then I can judge them for it and they can then turn around and look at me and see that if my kids disrespect me (and they do it sometimes!) that I'm not going to stand for it.

You are right some kids are more difficult. Some kids need more work. Sometimes that sucks for the parents, but a good parent who loves their children is up for the challenge.

I never said it was the parents fault when kids grow up to be lazy adults. It is that child's ultimate decision to grow up however they want, but they do need proper guidance. If a parent chooses not to give proper guidance to their kids then they can't really take any kind of credit for the choices that child makes as an adult.

It's not fear that I'm throwing at my children. It's respect. They are two completely different things. If I were to discipline them without love then they would fear me but because I discipline them with love they respect me.While they may turn into a defiant teenagers and rebel they will at least know that I will love them regardless and without being told will know I'm disappointed in their actions.

It's 100% ok for me to discipline children who aren't mine. If they are at my house or riding in my car I don't care who is with me. They will respect my things, my space, and my adult friends that are with me. If the parents of these children disagree then they don't have to come to my house or ride in my car.

I've had friends in the past whose children felt as though they didn't have to show me respect because they weren't made to show respect to their parents and those children don't come to my house anymore. Ever heard the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child"? I agree with that statement with all my heart and feel as though part of our worlds problem is not enough parents are letting the village help and it's wearing us all out!

When I was younger I spent a lot of time with my Aunt Terri. She was never afraid to cram as many kids into her van as she could to take us to the beach or to church or wherever else all by herself. Sometimes we'd fit 15 or 16 kids in her van and she'd be the only adult. She was pretty strict with us, and there were times where she made me so mad. she never spanked us. She didn't have to. She had these looks that hurt worse than any paddle or belt. I always knew what she expected of me and was always too afraid to test her. I also always wanted to go where ever she was going to do whatever she was doing and now as a mother and aunt myself I try and model much of my aunthood after her. (check it out, I made up a new word! Aunthood)

I was recently at her house and we were talking about life back then. She told me that the reason we all loved to be around her was because even though we knew we couldn't get away with anything we felt protected. We knew that because she wasn't afraid to follow through on her discipline she wouldn't be afraid to stand up for us if we ever needed her to.

Even more important than a child showing respect is knowing that they are loved. I make sure that children know that I do everything I do out of love.

If you really think that parents shouldn't let other's help them raise their children then no one should put their kids in schools or day cares - This includes church nursery. This means no more summer camps or sleep overs, no babysitters or nannies (which means no date nights)... let me know how that works at for you. Meanwhile I'm going to go catch a movie with my husband. I'm going to let my mother-in-law raise my kids for my while we are gone.

;)

--JD Kurtz

Respect... more than just a little bit

2012-06-06T09:59:00.001-07:00

My husband has worked as a manager at one of our local grocery stores for about four years now. The company is really great to work for and he has never complained about it, but one thing he does complain about are the people that work for him. He and most other managers at his store tend to put in 6 or 7 days of work a week. These days consist of 10-15 hours each. Why does he work so much? The answer is simple.... They can't find decent help!

Just the other day he came home telling me that someone called in "tired". Someone actually called work and said "I'm too tired to come in tonight."

When I was growing up my parents taught me to go to school every day. Even on days I was sick my mom would say "you need to at least try and if you are too sick to be there they will send you home" When I started working I went to work everyday. Even on days when I felt like crap or days that the baby kept me up all night.

He also tells me that they work very slow and would rather slack off and take breaks rather than do their job. How hard is it to put canned pees on a shelf anyway??

A couple years ago I decided to be a substitute teacher for a year. I was very disappointed at the behavior of the children in my classes. The first time I thought I just had a bad class, but after a while I learned that our world is just filled with bad kids.... lazy, selfish, and rude...

I'm guessing they come by it honestly though. The truth is that most of the adults of today are lazy, selfish, and rude. I've yet to walk into a walmart and actually had a pleasant experience thanks to an employee. Most times I shop anywhere these days I feel like I'm more in the way. I don't get any kind of respect anymore. There is a kid who works at the DeFuniak Springs Walmart in Florida whom I've had to deal with a couple times now. The kid's name tag read "customer service manager", but from my experience this kid is too busy to show actually customer service and lacks any customer service skills what-so-ever....

So what is this rant for? Well... My kids are not the least bit lazy, selfish, or rude... This includes any child at my house at any time. I babysit my nieces and my cousins and I don't care one bit how they are at home, school, or public when they are with me:

They say yes ma'am/sir and no ma'am/sir.
They NEVER argue with me or any adult near me.
They do not throw tantrums.
They take the food I give them, they eat it, and they like it.
They follow all my rules.
They don't complain, lie, tattle, or whine.
They clean up after themselves and understand that I'm not their slave nor their servant.
They understand that toys, treats, and all things fun are privileges, not rights!

They respect those in authority which means as adults they will respect their bosses, their customers, their families, and themselves

They are thankful for what they have which means as adults they will be grateful for their jobs and thankful to the customers who allow them to have jobs.

They are obedient and have responsibilities and understand what is expected out of them which means as adults they will be great at what they do and appreciate every minute of it. It also means they will be successful in life.

For those of you reading this that think this is too much and I'm too strict ask any of my little nieces, nephews, and cousins whose house they love to go to and they'll tell you mine.

Throughout my discipline I also show them love, love, and more love, which means as adults they will understand how to accept love and to give love.

I'm not raising children. I'm raising young men and women. I'd like it if the rest of the world could join me. We can change this world one child at a time.

A 12 year old hero

2012-05-17T12:55:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, 12 year old Justin was left in charge of is four younger siblings. Everything was going just fine. Justin and his three younger brothers all slept in the living room that night. At 2am, Justin woke up to the smell of smoke. He quickly woke his brothers and evacuated the house. He knew his three year old sister was still inside so he tried his best to wake the neighbors for help. With no luck Justin did the only thing he knew to do.

"I had to pick her up" Says Justin, "and she was real stiff. I was just real scared at that point"

Sources say the boy even had to kick down a door!

He then went back into the house to dial 911. The house couldn't be saved, but all five children came out completely unharmed.

Once I read this article I couldn't help but be proud of this young boy and hope that my own children have that same love for each other if they are ever in a similar situation.

Most of the comments commended this boy and his heroism. Some comments, however, were less than flattering "Where were the parents??" Many people were asking. "Why wasn't someone there with them? That's a lot to leave with a 12 year old boy..."

The article mentioned that Justin's parents were both working. While it is true that many 12 year old children in this world probably couldn't handle babysitting four children ranging from age 3 to age 9, but just reading about what this boy did obviously tells me the parents left the young children with the absolute best possible person. A responsible older brother who loves them enough to risk his own life to save each of theirs.

It really saddens me to see that there really are people out there who see the bad in everything rather than dwell on the good things.

Good for you Justin for being so brave! And good job Mom and Dad for raising such an amazing kid! I bet his parents know for a fact they have nothing to worry about as long as big brother is home.

Wrong from Wrong must be Right

2012-05-02T06:08:00.000-07:00

About 5 years ago I subbed for a second grade class at my old elementary school. I was so excited that it just happened to be their day to go to music. These guys were running around like rabid animals so I was grateful to have a break! Once I dropped them off I looked across the hall and saw my old art teacher sitting at a table, her room was a mess, and she looked like she was ready to cry. I walked up to the open door and gave a gentle knock. She saw me, greeted me, and asked me to sit down. She asked me what I was up to. I told her I was subbing and then told her my plans to go into teaching myself... I'll never forget what she said after that...

"Justinn, kids aren't the same as the were when you were here. When you were here I would have maybe 1 or 2 bad, I mean difficult, we aren't allowed to call them bad! kids in each class... Now I'm lucky to have one or two good ones! If I could I'd retire right now and never look back!"

Ever since that day it's often made me question my goal of becoming a teacher all together, but the biggest thing I'd really wondered... What was so different 20 years ago??

Well at first I thought maybe it had to do with how many kids were being raised outside their homes (child care centers). I thought maybe 20 years ago less went, but I did my research and found that's not really that true. While more parents are working the same number of children seem to be going to day cares... So what could it be?

I don't know what daycares were like 20 years ago, because I didn't go to one. Today, however, I know that affordable daycares have ratios like 20:1(per Florida law) for classes with children over the age of two which is perfectly legal! That's 20 three-year-olds running around one adult! (the age of this adult isn't specified) This might not be that big of a deal if these adults were allowed to be stern with their children.

As far as discipline in day cares go.. it's ok as long as it's not severe (makes sense), associated with food, rest or toileting (this is ok to me unless you're taking away a special treat.. like ice cream or a cookie), frightening (so you don't want kids to be afraid of getting punished?!?) or humiliating (So if a kid comes home embarrassed because they went to time out does that make it an unlawful punishment??)

While I completely understand that some people have no choice and I'm not bashing you guys as parents in anyway (Angel was in daycare for 3 years, and I think preschool programs are great!)... I'm just saying something has got to give! It's not fair to our kids to be raised this way, and not fair the the teachers who have to try and teach without being allowed to discipline undisciplined children!

I went to preschool when I was five. I remember what would happen when someone got in trouble. They would be given a book to hold up over their head (no bending elbows) while they stood against the wall, no talking, no moving, for 5 minutes (the books were small children's books and were used so the kids would keep their hands together and visible for the teacher). Now they try to use the "redirecting" approach". Instead of explaining "This is not acceptable behavior and therefore you will be punished" (So sayeth the Supernanny as a perfectly acceptable approach). They say "Oh Billy, instead of throwing those books and Johnny, why don't you read them to him? Want a cookie??" (Ok, so maybe they don't offer them a cookie (although Florida law says they can't deny it based on behavior) Then when Billy throws the books again the teacher says "Billy, do you not like Johnny? Let's not throw the books. Let's put them away and play with the blocks!" Eventually Billy might go to time out as long as it doesn't humiliate him in front of the other kids! (None of what I'm saying is related to the daycare Angel went to. These are all Florida laws that I researched about child care facilities)

I'm not saying that all these new ways of teaching children to behave are stupid... I'm sure they work for some kids, but the truth of the matter is they DON'T work for most kids. Go to any school these days to see that proof, and I think it's completely unfair that parents who can't stay home to teach their kids discipline are subject to sending their kids to institutions that aren't allowed to discipline.

Next thing you know kids will start sueing schools for being punished for doing wrong! Wait... that's already happening... "Lawyer sues school for kicking son out of honors class over copied homework."

Instead of teaching right from wrong... We are going to teach wrong from wrong and call it right.

10 things no one ever told me before I had kids

2012-04-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

I would never pee alone again - It seems even if I wait until my children seem to be completely occupied by a toy or the TV as soon as I step into the bathroom I hear little hands opening the door or a loud voice screaming because I've actually locked the door.

I will always end up sharing my food - Even if I fix them a plate that looks identical to mine, whatever I'm eating seems to look so much tastier to them.

Cheap cell phones are a better investment in the long run - Prior to my iphone I had a fairly cheap phone that was not the least bit smart. During it's 4 years of service as my phone it was dropped in the toilet 3 times, dropped in a cup of coffee once, fell off the roof of my car twice, and was dropped more times than I can even count! To this day... that phone STILL works... However my infant daughter managed to shatter my iphone within the first month of it's life. I've had it for about 6 months now and it is slowly dying.

Buy leather - It costs more up front, but doesn't get stains from pee, and crayons are easier to wash off. I've had my couches now for about 5 years and I think they've been peed of more than 10 times. Even though I clean them sometimes daily, they still have so many stains! My poor couches have been used and abused from all the children that have used them as canvases, jungle gyms, kitchen tables, and toilets.

Childcare is freakin' exspensive and not worth near what you pay! - During Angel's lifetime I had to work from the time she turned about 10months old until she was 5. After paying for gas and childcare I didn't have much left out of my paycheck to show for all the work I did. Once Abigail was born I had nothing to show for it, but a negative balance! That's when I started to realize it just wasn't worth it! I'm not trying to harp on people that have to work and can make it work, but for me I didn't feel like my children got the kind of care and attention they deserved for what I was having to pay out, so Abigail only spent two weeks in childcare. Work can wait until she's in school! Until then I'll keep writing, drawing, and clipping coupons!

They aren’t ALWAYS cute! - That split second when you turn to see your one-year-old covered in wet toilet paper with empty rolls on the floor all around her and a toilet completely clogged.. or you walk into your two-year-old's room after a nap and see her naked covered from head to toe in poop, her crib bars covered in poop, and the wall next to her crib covered in poop... They aren't looking all that cute!

Just because they get older doesn’t mean you get to start sleeping in! - Angel is six now and most weekends I hear her wake up at 6am. I hear her push a chair scrapping across the floor. I hear her open a cabinet door and pour a bowl of cereal. I hear her push the chair back. I hear her spill the milk everywhere and then I hear her trying to clean it up. I hear her turn on the TV and not know how to turn the volume down. When I get up to turn it down I see that she didn't do that great of a job cleaning the milk and that most of the cereal missed the bowl... Needless to say.. I only slept in until about 6:15am

Most little boys require being completely naked before pooping on the toilet - After watching my little cousin Noah for a few days it wasn't until the last day that he was here that I realized the reason He kept pooping in his pants (or on the bathroom floor) was because he couldn't get his SHIRT off in time! Now I know...

You have to explain that it’s NOT ok to play with yourself in public! - I don't think I have to explain this one any further...

Everyone else in the world… even stranger in the check out line at wal-mart think they should have some sort of say in how you raise your children.

Of course knowing these things would not have stopped me from having them, but at least I would have been better prepared!

"From Me to You"

2012-04-19T08:06:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine posted a picture of this house with a caption that said "This guy was told by his Homeowners Association that he couldn't fly the American flag in his yard. So..." Many people left comments giving much credit to this man for being a "true American" with his protest. I found this pretty interested and wanted to read the whole story, so I googled it. I was quite surprised when I found out that the truth behind this house's interesting decor actually had nothing to do with the American flag at all! While there have been cases where homeowners associations have made rules about flying flags that wasn't the case for this guy. He was protesting the fact that his windows were not up to historical code. He found no rules about what colors to paint his house so he painted it like this. He painted his other Victorian house in black.

After reading that it led me to look up another interesting story I read recently on facebook. This was a picture I myself re-posted because I thought it looked cool. One of the most popular versions of this picture has a caption claiming that a young boy chained his bike to a tree in 1914 and went off to war never returning again. People have lots of pride in

our country and love stories like that. It sounded too easily made up to me. I did some digging and found tons of stories about this bike in the tree. There's even a children's book written inspired by the tree that some claim as truth. Key word is INSPIRED!

After about an hour of searching the only reliable thing I'd found was that was in fact real and not photo shopped. I was beginning to give up thinking that this was one of those stories to remain a mystery...

Until I found a story on snopes.com. The true story is that Don Puz was given a bike back in 1954. He and some friends were out playing in the woods. Don was the only one that had ridden his bike out to the woods. He didn't really like it all that much and didn't feel like carrying it home, so he left it there and forgot about it.

Years later when the bike was discovered Don and his mother paid a visit and he recognized the bike right away. Although the war story does sound much cooler it's not the truth.

What I find interesting about all of this is how easily we take facebook news as actual news. A little over a year ago I changed the name on one of my ultrasound pictures of Abigail. I took out my name and stuck in my friends name. I didn't change anything else about the picture and then hacked onto my friends account (with her permission so I guess it wasn't really hacking) and posted the picture. The amount of people who automatically assumed she was expecting was astounding! Especially those who'd seen these exact pictures on my page!

Next viral facebook photo:

Youngest snake handler in the world!

"Paperback Writer"

2012-04-11T07:37:00.002-07:00

I saw an interesting story on the news today about a kid from the town of Bagdad, Florida (yes, there really is such a place!) who won the 2012 masters golf tournament. The most interesting part to me wasn't so much that he was from a tiny town with no more than a gas station and a few houses, but when he was asked how he did it he gave so much credit to his mom. He claimed that his mom worked two jobs while he was in high school in order to pay for all of his golf equipment so that he could play on his school team. He never had any formal lessons, but he did have some amazing encouragement from his parents.

That story reminded me of how my dad was when I was little. When I was 6 years old he noticed how much I liked to draw pictures and make up stories to go with them. He bought me a hard cover journal where I could draw my pictures and he would then write the stories for me next to my pictures. Not only that but even to this day my dad's encouragement and money he's spent over the years in buying me art supplies is the reason I stay home and draw and paint pictures for a living today.

In school I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself. I was very shy, withdrawn, and insecure. Fortunately I've grown into a very confident person. Most of the credit goes to my parents, and all of the other adults that helped raise me (including teachers, grandparents, aunts, and uncles.. I believe every adult who is in a child's life has a hand in raising them), and of course to my awesome hair! (thanks to God and BJ Barre' at Southern Charm Hair Studio)

My daughter, Angel, started showing an interest in art at the age of two. I have several of her art works framed and hanging in my home. The biggest thing I've noticed, however, is her ability to tell a story. She is 6 now and has written several stories that we've illustrated together. They are stories she has written for her baby sister, Abigail. It's my goal to keep her confident in herself and let her express her imagination as much as possible so that she knows she can do and be anything.

My youngest daughter, Abigail, is only 18 months old, but she already loves to "sing" along when music is playing. She loves to play my mom's piano, and my dad's bamboo flutes. She will turn anything into a drum and can already find the beat to any song. That's why we have her very first set of bongo drums hidden in our closet. We are planning on giving them to her when she turns two.

Will my heart be broken if Angel grows up to become a successful employee of McDonald's instead of an artist or a writer, or if Abigail grows up and is successful a stay at home mom rather than a musician? Of course not! I say successful because I know that no matter what they become when they grow up they will be successful! The only thing that would hurt my feelings would be if I didn't do everything in my power to encourage them and shape them now to show them their full potential.

"Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!"

2012-04-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

I was recently chatting with a friend about our babies. I find I do this all the time when I'm talking to a fellow mom, and one thing that always comes up is how other people try and tell us how to raise our kids. We all hear it.. sometimes almost every day "Why are you letting her eat that? You shouldn't let her do that! She's not sleeping in her own room?? She's still using a pacifier? Your baby is almost two... why can't she read yet!"

The funny thing is.. most of the time the people making such comments either have no children of their own or haven't had a baby in over twenty years!

I'm not sure what it is really, but the moment I became pregnant people felt obligated to touch my belly and ask me very personal questions. Luckily for me I ignored the looks I got from completely strangers as I cradled my venti latte on top of my over-sized belly. It made it easier to ignore the looks I got when my newest daughter didn't wear shoes on her feet the entire first year of her life.

When Abigail was first born I'd let just about anyone hold her or feel her soft hair and skin. Often times when I went to my older daughter, Angel's, preschool class I'd kneel down putting newborn baby Abigail within arms reach of the children. This put one of the employees there in a bit of a panic as several toddlers surrounded me wanting to lay hands on my baby.

"No, no!" She would say to the children.
"It's ok!" I said to her as I helped guide the children one at a time on how to gently pet my baby.
"Oh, but they are dirty! You don't know where their hands have been! They can touch her feet and that's it!"

I'm sure their hands have been in dirt, in their mouths, touching bugs, down their pants, up their nose, up their friends nose.. ect.. This wasn't my first time around the block with a newborn! I remember thinking in my mind.. does this woman think I don't bathe my baby or something? The truth is if Abigail were to get sick from one of those kids she'd get sick just by breathing the air in the room not because they touched her...

It's been about a year and a half since then. Abigail is now a bouncy toddler. (looks like she survived the touches of snotty fingers!) She loves to be around people. Many times when I'm in a group I'll hear someone say "Baby's don't like me. They don't go to me." I'll tell them to simply hold their hands out, and just as fast as they do Abigail will reach for them.

Every time we go shopping Abigail smiles, waves, claps, laughs, talks, and blows kisses at strangers. Tell me if you were having a bad day wouldn't it make it so much better if a baby in a passing cart blew you a kiss??

One time as we were leaving a store I saw a girl at a register who looked a little down. This was a store that we frequently shop at and this cashier was one of my favorites to chat with. We stood in her line even though it wasn't the shortest. As soon as it was our turn I put Abigail down and she RAN to the cashier and leaped into her arms and gave her the biggest toddler hug she could...

So maybe I don't always make her wear her shoes. Maybe I'd rather let her play in her cheerios instead of focus on learning shapes and colors. I let her help me put away the dishes even though she doesn't do a good job... at all... I let her give just about anyone a hug! Yes, I let her talk to strangers! (I don't LEAVE her with strangers!)

But honestly my toddler is healthy and happy. She is one of the most considerate, caring, and helpful toddlers I've ever seen...

I can't tell you how many times her chubby smile has made someone's day!

Maybe you look at what I do and see so many things you'd be doing differently, but I won't change what I do or the way I parent. I look at both my girls and how wonderful they are and quite frankly I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job with them both!

"Abbey Road"

2012-03-29T15:51:00.002-07:00

The story of Abigail in the Bible (1 Samuel 25) is a story of one of the most faithful and honorable women mentioned in the Bible. Since I try not to get preachy on this blog, that is as far as I'll go with that part... With that said when I found out two years ago that I was pregnant with another girl, Abigail was the first name that came to mind.

Now, I'm not against nicknames at all. I'm not against people naming their child a particular name in order to give them a nickname from it. It doesn't bother when people ask me if they can call her Abby. (I'll politely tell you we liked to call her Abigail). What does bother me, however, is when I introduce Abigail to someone and they right away call her Abby. Even worse is after I explain "We call her Abigail", some people still insist on calling her Abby.

In fact there are people in this world that I don't think have ever called her anything BUT Abby. I'm sure if the name "Abby" meant more to me than another way to spell a Beatle's Album I might not care about it. In fact I might have even named her Abby! ...but Abigail does have some serious meaning and it really means a lot to me that my daughter is named Abigail.

I really didn't name Abigail to give her the nickname "Abby". I don't want her name to associated with a street name... I named her that because of the amazing Biblical story associated with the name "Abigail". When Abigail grows up and says "Mommy, why did you name me Abigail?" I can tell her the story in 1 Samuel and she'll be proud of who she is.

Of course, I won't be the least bit upset if she grows up wanting to go by Abby, but chances are as long as everyone would just respect my wishes and honor what I wrote on her birth certificate then most likely she'll always be most comfortable going by Abigail...

...The name written in black and white on her birth certificate...

"I Lost My Little Girl"

2012-02-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up we had a small dirt road next to our house. My little brother and I would use little shovels and buckets (or cups and spoons) to create miniature cities and roads to play with our cars on. We would spend hours using our vivid imaginations making our little car world come to life. Sometimes my older brother would pick on us for doing such childish things, but only when he felt too good to join in on the fun. (secretly he longed to play in the dirt with us!)

We played games like that as early as I can remember. We continued playing these games until I was about 13 years old. Back then all my friends had bikes. We'd ride up and down the neighborhood pretending to be police, bank robbers, stuntmen, investigators, super heroes, or whatever else came to mind! Being rebellious was staying out past 5 or pretending we had already done our homework. We were content with a tennis ball, a big stick, and an empty yard.

Now days instead of bikes you can be sure you'll see all the 12 year old children with cell phones. (Some younger than that) Instead of making miniature cities in the dirt, kids play games with each other on facebook. I think it's safe to say that if you handed a child a tennis ball and stick they wouldn't even know what to do with it. God forbid you even make them play outside!

Some of you may be wondering why I bring up suck points since my oldest is only 5 years old... Well I recently read a statement that "5 is the new 7". Which I almost agree with, seeing as when I was 7, I was learning to read while my 5 year old is struggling with the concept in her kindergarten class as I type. I also read that the 12 to 14 year olds of yesterday are the 10 to 12 year olds of today. According to that statement my Bieber obsessed niece who will be 10 this summer will start thinking like the girl I was when I started to let go of my childhood.

While rebellion for me was simply losing track of time and getting home a few minutes too late today's "tweens" (Kids between 8 and 12) are already struggling with pressures of drugs and alcohol and are asking sex questions that go way deeper than just "where do babies come from?". "55% of parents say childhood is over by age 11..."

With all that said it's easy for any parent to draw some concern when it comes to raising their kids up. My 5 year old already comes home from school telling me about the pressures of being popular and liked. I dress her like a little girl (instead of miniature versions of what I wear myself like I've seen in every children's clothing store). I encourage her big imagination. We explore the neighborhood on our bikes. We build miniature cities in the dirt, and she knows exactly how to play stick ball!

Don't get me wrong... I WILL encourage my little girl to grow and mature as she moves forward in life, but for now I refuse to lose my little girl!

"Well I woke up late this morning;

My head was in the whirl.

Only when I realized,

I lost my little girl

-Paul McCartney