WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Back in the swing of things

2013-03-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

I think I am finally getting back in the swing of things. Things specifically being running. I have been able to do my last 3 long runs outside here and it is gorgeous. The first time it was 28 degrees and I had on my capri's, leg warmers, 3 layers and a jacket on top, gloves and a hat. I was able to lose the gloves, hat and jacket during that run. I was surprisingly comfortable. The views of the snow covered mountains against the huge blue sky was inspiring, even if I did just run around the high school track.

The next run I just went for the capri's a long sleeve T shirt, socks, leg warmers, a jacket, and a band to cover my ears. It was 34 degrees out so it was a little warmer, ended up shedding the jacket, but again, surprisingly comfortable. Again, snow covered mountains, blue skies and the high school track. I ran my 6 miles in about an hour and a half.

Last weeks long run I was brave enough to try out the Spanish Fork River trail-6 miles. Still had blue skies, but also I also got to enjoy the river, even if the trail suffered some damage over the winter so there are work crews repairing the asphalt and removing trees in places. Blue skies, but none of the trees have leaves yet, so I bet the trail is even more beautiful as spring rolls in. I wore my standard Capris, a long sleeve T-shirt and running jacket. I don't know what the temp was, I think in the 40's and it was very comfortable. I ran my 7 miles in an hour and a half, apparently the trail is more motivating to run on. Although the last mile was really fast because I could see that I was almost home.

For my normal run today I ventured out on the trail system again, dressed like I was last time, I didn't know what the temp was today, but there were blue skies. The moment I stepped out the door I realized the jacket was too much, so I headed out in my Capri's and a long sleeve T-shirt. Waaaaaay to much. I was sweating like crazy when I got home I checked the temp and it was 58 degrees! Looks like it is time to switch to my running shorts and tech t shirt. I can't help but think about just how hot it is going to get....and I can't wear anything less than that. I am not the kind of person to run in a sports bra, the thought makes me shudder, and think about the biggest loser, probably not a visual anyone else wanted either. Sorry. Hopefully the weather change will be gradual so I can get used to it.

I signed up for the biggest loser half marathon in Seattle, in October, this should be enough motivation to keep me running through the summer. The idea is that if I can stay healthy and run through the off season i may even attempt a full marathon next year, at least that is the idea....

Happy running!

Run Like a Mother

2013-01-25T13:12:00.001-08:00

I registered for the Utah Valley half Marathon in June, which means it is time to start training!
I have the training program I used for my last halfs, but I am looking for something different, I want to be a little better preparede overall this time. I don't just want to finish, I want to be able to function later in the day after I finish. This means I need to be better prepared than I have been in the past.

To start with I joined Gold's Gym and got a few sessions with a personal traininer to help me learn some exercises to work the muscles I am not using when I run. So far so good, I didn't sign up for very many sessions (because let's face it, they are too expensive), but for right now it is helping me get to the gym on my non-run days.

I am also continuing to work on my biggest loser weight loss challenge-I have moved a sum total of 10 clothes pins since I started. I say sum total because I had a couple clothes pins go the wrong direction at one point, but I am back on track>

Finally, I made a trip to Barnes and Noble yesterday for some written motiviation and training plans. I found a couple books that look helpful. The first one is called "Run Like a Mother" by Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea. I am about 3/4 of the way through it, and while some of it doesn't apply to me because I don't have small children at home anymore, there was enough motivation in the pages to get me to the gym for my long run today. I also got a few ideas for training and it is good to see that others play the same mind games as I do at times to get themselves to the gym. Like the ploy of telling myself I don't feel like running, so I will just walk the distance today, or run a little bit, knowing full well that once I get going I am going to run, not walk. Let's be honest, there are a lot of runners like me that don't wake up in the morning saying YEAH... It's long run day! But hey, feels so great when it is done!

On an Awkward note-While I was on my long run today I younger guy kept staring at me, I thought boy, you are way to young for me! Seriously flattering myself, until I realized that I am very pale skinned, so when I run my face turns beat red, the poor guy was probably watching me thinking I was going to pass out! Thankfully that didn't happen, at least not today. But I did get in my 4 miles!

2013-01-13T22:43:00.001-08:00

Getting settled and IT'S BIGGEST LOSER TIME!!!!!

It's been a while since I posted. I have been busy settling in to our new home and my new job. My life here is vastly different from my life in Washington.   Sometimes it feels like I have gone in to an alternate universe or something. I get to see my kids and grandkids so much more often, I love my new house and I am getting more comfortable at my new job every day.

With all the changes, especially sitting at a desk all day, and the holidays I have gotten way out of shape and gained some weight.  It is time to make a change! I am not calling it a new years resolution because people don't keep those.  I am calling it a life change and I am using all my resources to help me. I am continuing with weight watchers, going to Gold's Gym and I signed up to run the Utah Valley half marathon. I know from experience that having a huge goal like that really motivates me to get out and run, even when I don't feel like it, because I know that if I am not properly prepared I won't be able to enjoy the experience as much and I will deny myself the wonderful feeling of accomplishment I have when I finish strong.

Also, I was on pinterest and I saw a pin where the person had taken 2 clotheslines and put a clothespin for every pound she wants to lose on the top line. For every pound she loses she moves a clothes pin from the top to the bottom. I decided to do the same thing, I like the visual impact, only I am doing it a little differently. I am using a large belt, the one that fits me now for the top line and I am using a small belt, the one that will fit me when I reach my goal on the bottom. I started last week and if I can figure it out I will include a picture of it. It will help add some accountability.

Probably my biggest motivation has been watching The Biggest loser. I love that show and this year one of the contestents is from Utah, and part of the Ogden outreach, so there is a more personal connection. Go Jackson!

Everyone was upset by Jillians behavior, saying she was too mean to the contestants, but if people stop and think back to the fiasco that happened at the end of last season I think that the producers probably encouraged her to pressure the people that might create issues like that again. Did you notice the contestants didn't get to pick teams this year, and seems like all the people struggling attitude wise were on her team? I think I would want Jillian as my trainer if I went on The Biggest Loser because she gets the best results.    This has ended up to be a long blog, thanks for reading it if you made it to the end.

Teaser: I am planning on doing a give away of something scentsy (because I sell that now) just need to work out the details.

Awkward and Awesome Thursday-lots of goodbyes

2012-10-11T00:55:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster between awesome and awkward with a mix of sadness in it. It was my last day of work at Multicare and my last day in Washington before I head down to Utah to join Bob, who has been there since the first week in September.

Awesome-The people at the Allenmore PACU and in general, so supportive and kind, I am really going to miss them, I don't think I have ever experienced such a feeling of teamwork and unity in the workplace. When people told me they would miss me I actually believed them, and I am so going to miss them. I wish I could transplant them all to Utah with me, however that would create a chain reaction of events that would mess up a whole lot of lives, so instead I will say goodbye and thanks for the memories.

Awkward-being separated from my husband so much the last 6 weeks. I married my husband for a reason, well, for a lot of reasons, one of the big ones being I wanted to be with him forever, so being apart from him so much these past few weeks has been awkward and sad, I am really looking forward to seeing him in a couple days.

Awesome-This morning I head for Utah (after picking up my Grace Adele order of course), it's a long drive, but well worth it when I know what is waiting for me at the end.

Awkward-I wanted to make the drive with my mom, but the way the schedule fell that's not going to happen, which is not only awkward, but very sad. I wish I could transplant her with me too, but that would also create a chain reaction that would mess up other peoples lives (hers mostly) so that can't happen. We will have to do our road trip another day.

Awesome-I start a new job Monday, I got a call yesterday that said "Good news, your background check came back and you aren't a serial killer!" I was so excited. I am transitioning in to a whole new position/area of nursing. Totally out of my comfort zone, but it fits with the whole fresh start thing in Utah.

Awkward-family dynamics....I just want everyone to love everyone, and they do love each other, they just don't all agree. That sometimes puts me in a very awkward position when I just want to love them all. I seem to be ending up in the middle a lot and that is not a pleasant place to be.

Awesome-Our savior loves us all and through his atonement all will be made right. I know that God has a great plan of happiness for my life, and my kids and other family members lives. I have seen a lot of prayers answered first hand lately, that is reassuring, it helps me know that even if I don't understand everything, that is OK, because he does, and I have enough faith in him to understand that he is in control and everything will work out for our good.

Time to head off to start my new life with my husband and family in Utah, I changed my mind, no goodbyes, just til we meet again, after all, with facebook it will be like we are still neighbors.

Tie dye is so cool, just saying...

2012-09-30T17:50:00.001-07:00

The past few weeks have been a crazy whirlwind, it seems like time is continually accelerating! We moved our stuff to Utah. I say we, but actually there were about 20 people from Lacey 2nd Ward that came to help load our truck, Bob and Greg drove the truck down, and people from our Sunset Park ward helped unload, so pretty much we is actually they. I just packed the boxes and I am now unpacking the boxes. I told Bob he coudln't unload anything, because I am afraid if he unloaded I would never find some of my stuff again (although there is some of his stuff he will never find again...). I need to say a great big thank you to everyone that helped us load and unload, it was incredible, made me feel so loved:)

I was able to find a job in Utah, so this trip up to Washington will be the last of this phase in my life. I will be staying with my sister and her daughter in Purdy....yes Purdy, it is really the name of the town, it is right by the Purdy spit. This makes my commute so much shorter and it will give me the unique opportunity to focus on being a great sister and aunt.

I will miss everyone in Washington, but I am really loving my time in Utah where I can see my family and enjoy their company. I am looking forward to being here full time and exploring all the trails and activities like the farmers market that Spanish Fork has to offer. I also have a lot more family members to catch up with once I am settled in here.

These past couple weeks I had the unique opportunity of living in my mom's motor home, located in her back yard. This basically meant I was able to be a kid again. We had some really good long talks, excercised together and we had a blast making body butter, lip balm, coasters, and best of all Tie Dye! I never really had much opportunity to tie dye in the past, and I am pretty sure my attempts were never worn. This time, thanks to a few U-tube videos, mom, Alyssa and I were able to create some really cool designs. Mom is selling some of them in her shop and I brought a couple shirts home for Bob and I. I had so much fun, I want to tie dye everything, however my husband has informed me that tie dye really isn't in fashion much anymore, however, I have decided I don't care. I love that moment when you remove all the rubberbands from the shirt and see how your design turns out, it is so exciting, it makes me feel like a real artist! So next time you see me, I will most likely be wearing a tie dye T-shirt. Unless of course I am at church or work where I of course will dress appropriatly, although tie dye scrubs might work, I may check that out.

What about you, have you ever tie dyed and had it turn out?

What a difference a few weeks Makes!

2012-08-20T10:26:00.001-07:00

It's been a busy few weeks. I got back from Girls camp and Bob and I turned around and went to Utah for the boys baptism right after that. It was fun, I can't believe they are 8 already. When I got back from that I started a new job in PACU. The very week I started in PACU Bob and I learned that he got the position in Spanish Fork Utah, so we will be moving...soon! I did tell Susan, the PACU nurse manager, that when I discussed the position in PACU with her that Bob had applied for a position in Utah and that we would most likely be moving, I just didn't know when. Within a week of learning of his new position we have found some to live and are working on planning the actual move, oh, and we had a garage sale Saturday too! talk about a whirlwind!

Originally my plan was to commute from Utah to Washington, pretty much indefinitly, I have a very sweet set up here with my job, and I don't want to just walk away from it. I have been floating to PACU for about a year now, in hopes of getting a position there and I finally got one! I was also recently asked to be on the Multicare Nursing Research oversight committee, and I am so excited about it! I have a mentor, I have things in place to finish my Masters degree in nursing, I have the schedule I want, I work with awesome positive people and I actually could go on and on about all the fantastic reasons I should continue to commute here to work, including unfinished projects. There is only one huge problem, my husband won't be here, and the closer it gets, the more real it gets that he will be in Utah and I will be here the less I want to do that. I mean, I married my husband for a reason, choosing to be apart for him just because I love my career doesn't make much sense because I definitely love him more than my career. I am sure I will find a position that is just as rewarding and uplifting as the one I have here, it is just kind of hard to see that right now. For the mean time I will be living in Utah, but staying with my sister in Tacoma the majority of time while trying to figure out exactly what step the Lord wants me to take next and when. I do have a little time though, because Bob's job will keep him extremetly busy until the Costco opens there in Spanish Fork, so we wouldn't really see each other much. Time to get on my way to work!

WHAT WAS I THINKING?: Girls camp

2012-07-29T17:50:00.001-07:00

WHAT WAS I THINKING?: Girls camp: I love it when I have the opportunity to go to girls camp for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. It is such a spiritual high...

Girls camp

2012-07-29T17:14:00.001-07:00

I love it when I have the opportunity to go to girls camp for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. It is such a spiritual high. They just don't make activities like this for adults. The spiritual high starts the minute you get there and doesn't end until you leave. I completely agree with the statement Elder Lee, the missionary helping to run the camp said the opening evening that the only place on the earth more spiritual than the church camp is the temple.

Our girls were awesome, it does my heart good to see the compassion and kindness demonstrated for girls that they barely knew at the time during high adventure.

Our sixth year girls were there for us whenever we needed them, they set a good example for the girls in our tent.

Our 5th year girls were so sweet, not only did they certify the girls, but they came to our tent and shared in our devotionals.

Our hike was beautiful, although the people at the campsite we walked through were probably wondering what the heck was happening.

I couldn't have asked for a better tent mom to work with, what I didn't cover she did and vice versa, we learned several things we want to do in the future (well she wants to do, I will be moving before then). Our ward is going to be super prepared for next year at Ensign Ranch.

random quotes of the week "I told her she could bring caskets to girls camp" "I lost Jesus, oh wait, I found him" "She is a green so she doesn't care and I am an orange so I lost mine".

I came home exhausted but with a lot of great memories and I really hope I am blessed with the opportunity to be a tent mom again in the future.

Doing the Dirty Dash June 2nd

2012-04-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

OK, I may be crazy, but I signed up to do the dirty dash with my kids in Utah on June 2nd (I will be out of town for the one in this area). It sounded like great fun, however I just watched a YouTube video with highlights from one of the races and I am questioning my sanity. Why would I want to go run a 10K through mud and over obstacles?    Hopefully the answer is because I can and it looks like fun.

I got really out of my running routine while I was sick and getting back in to it has proved to be challenging. I decided I would go back to the roots and start with the couch to 5K program, thankfully I discovered that I am not starting at the beginning of the program, because otherwise I would be no where near ready to run a 10K in June. I also added Richard Simmons "Sweating to the Oldies" as my crosstraining on my off days. Yeah, that's right, Richard Simmons, it is embarassing to admit it, but I just love exercising to those videos. I guess I figure I can't do any worse or look any more ridiculous than some of the people on the videos, they are beyond oldies now and the clothings shows it.   I was actually able to get 7 different ones for 25 dollars through amazon with free shipping. Hmmm what does that say???

Oh well, I don't care what people think. I need a boost to get back on track. My friend Heather has been encouraging me to work out with her, that helps. I am open if anyone wants to work out with me, however just know, that I am slow....really...r e a l l y slow, but I get there. So any friends that are not worried about me crimping their style or holding them back and want to work out let me know, If I am not working I will be there.    PS... I am not really reliable in the early morning hours, just saying

I'm Mormon, my son is gay, and I am proud of him...its that OK?

2012-04-12T15:18:00.002-07:00

I have needed to write this blog for a while, but I wanted to make sure I was clear on my feelings and my son was completely out of the closet so I wouldn't surprise anyone. Well, the "it gets better" video he participated in made it pretty clear, he is out. If you haven't seen it you can watch it here
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtzEdArmqLU   There is also a compilation video called "it gets better at Brigham Young University" that he is a part of.

The reaction has varied from "so what?" to "you are going to lose him forever and burn in hell for supporting him".  If the statistics are accurate there are 1800 gay students at BYU. That means there are 1800 sets of parents that have either dealt with this issue directly, or will have to at some point. This is my story, my reaction, you might call it my it gets better blog to those Mormon parents that might be looking for support in dealing with this issue.

First of all, I have to say, this issue is very different when it is someone you love. I always suspected that Kevin was gay, his behavior from the time he was very small was different from his brothers, although we never took the time to discuss it with him. I guess we really didn't want to know, or plant any ideas in his head, like that might make him gay (not). My husband and I always said that if he turned out to be gay it was something someone was born with, because of what we saw in him. So I was not surprised when he told us, but it was still a shock. One thing was clear, this was not a choice, in fact, if he had any choice in the matter he would choose NOT to be gay.

Initially I had a pain go through my entire body, like watching a child touch a hot iron or fall into a fire. I knew this was not something I could fix as a parent. My focus at that point was making sure Kevin knew that Bob and I loved him and would not turn our back on him like we had heard others do, and that God loved him, no matter what.  We discussed that we are blessed for the good that we do, and that if he reached a point he felt he could not stay celibate, that didn't mean he couldn't work to keep the other commandments and teachings of the gospel. Basically if he acted on his feelings of being gay he didn't need to throw the baby out with the bathwater and turn his back on the church and God. Not believing in his ability to live the gospel should never be a reason that it is no longer true. Kevin understands the teachings of the gospel, and what the ramifications of his actions would be if he engaged in an open relationship with another man. I wanted my son to be happy, and to be clear that it is better to live life and sin (because lets face it, we all do in one way or another) than to die before he could commit a huge sin.

Once this initial phase was over, and Kevin went back to BYU I was left to determine how I really felt about this whole issue.  Half of me believes it is totally OK to be gay, God made them that way and they should be allowed to marry and have children. The other half says no, that's not God's plan, you are wrong to feel that way, the scriptures and leaders are very clear on this subject. So how do you reconcile 2 things that are so clearly opposites? I had never had to do it before, it was never personal, I could believe what I wanted, but there was not conflict. Initially, I cried a lot, and prayed a lot. I couldn't give up on who I am and what I believe, but Kevin is who he is, how could I deny that? I want him to be happy and be with me forever, and for a while it was looking like I would have to choose, and that felt very wrong.

Initially the solution seemed to be that the church needed to change. I know, ridiculous, but we do believe in modern revelation and things have changed in the past. I never felt good praying this way, the tears and turmoil continued, I couldn't understand why I couldn't get a confirmation that eventually the church would change and everything would be OK. Just like praying away the gay doesn't work, praying that God will change the church for your son doesn't work either, but accepting it was not an option for me at that time either.

It wasn't until I changed my question that I got my answer. When I changed my question and started praying asking what was supposed to do, how did he want me to deal with this? that my answer came, loud and clear "Love him, let God judge him, there are things you don't understand." That answer brought me peace and calmness that has persisted, not matter what anyone else says. I know that if I love my son and accept him for who he is, and let God do the judging, I will be OK, and so will he. It is OK to be proud of him, he is a good person, and he is helping others by speaking out.

Some people think my conclusion is not OK, and supporting and accepting him as a gay person is a sin in and of itself. I should be preaching repentance to him. If I love my son I should be more concerned about eternity than now. That's not the answer I received personally. Christ lived and loved even the worst sinners. He didn't preach long sermons to them, he taught, then loved, and said "he who is without sin cast the first stone". God will decide what is a sin and what is not. God knows the difficulty of the challenges we have in our life. Just like in diving, where the score for how well you did the dive is multiplied by the difficulty of the dive, in this life I believe how well we live our lives, given the difficulty of our lives will be taken in to account.

One thing for sure, I have grown tremendously through this whole process, and even though there are still struggles, now that I have accepted who he is I am OK with it and I have peace. The angry comments don't bother me anymore, because I have peace. So my initial question was really rhetorical, because I don't need to ask if it is OK, I know it is.

AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSDAY

2012-03-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

Time for another Awkward and awesome Thursday....hmmm, should I start with the Awkward or the Awesome? I think I will mix them up today.

Awkward: Driving 45 minutes to work in the rain and rushing in at the last minute only to discover the meeting was cancelled.
Aweseome: Getting more time to spend with my mom at lunch because the meeting was cancelled.

Awkward: Finding a black hair in my fettuccini at Olive Garden
Awesome: They gave me that meal free

Awesome: Having the strength to turn down the free fresh baked cookie that smelled so good while I was at work
Awkward: Making a batch of cookies when I got home and eating half of it by myself....literally

Awkward and Awesome conversation overheard when I got to work last week...."can you please clarify for me our policy on 2 people sharing the same bed together, naked?" love my job, although the really awkward comments that conversation evoked cannot be posted here:)

Awesome: Going back to work and not being low censused!
Awkward: Getting 5 calls in one day to work the next day, all from different people, and telling them all no, I hate telling people no! But hey, I had a good reason, I had the afore mentioned meeting to go to, and more importantly a lunch date with my mom.

Awkward: Going to church alone, teaching Sunday School and Primary and leaving without getting a chance to talk to anyone else
Awesome: Going to choir practice and getting that chance, we have great people in our choir..and if the rumor is true one of them even blog-stalks me, I feel so special:)

Awesome, awesome and more awesome:
Getting a chance to visit with all mykids and grandkids in Las Vegas, play games, eat at buffets, enjoy the sunshine go flight lining in boot leg canyon (like ziplining, only faster), go zip lining on freemont street and even go swimming for a short time with my grandkids (only a short time because even though the sun was shining it was not really warm the day the time we decided to go).

oh, and one more awesome, the estimated graduation date for my Masters program is October 2013

I am going to go pray for sunshine then get some sleep, good night!

Good bye lap band hello running!

2012-02-22T13:25:00.000-08:00

It's been quite a month, another bout with pneumonia pretty much consumed most of my time. I decided I have had enough a being sick, so when the doctor recommended that I have my lap band removed, in hopes that it would reduce the amount of reflux I was having and hopefully reverse some of the esophegeal issues I had developed, I didn't even hesitate to say yes. At the time I felt very confident that I would be able to maintain my weight loss, I have developed a lot of good habits, like running and eating better. I strongly believed that these would carry me through, and quite frankly at that point I didn't really care if I gained back all of the 120# that I had lost, I just wanted my life back, I was so tired of being sick.

That was then, this is reality. The good news is that I can eat again, with only a small amount of residual swallowing issues. The bad news is I can eat again, with only myself to restrict what and how much I eat. The first couple weeks I had no appetite, well, it's back! I am pretty sure my scale needs a new battery, otherwise I have been gaining 3 # a day the past 3 days, and I seriously have not had that much to eat or drink, that would be a ridiculous amount of calories. I need to jump start my metabolism!

The way I have done that in the past was to run, well, it is so nasty outside, and I don't have a gym membership so i haven't wanted to do that. I decided I would do the insanity work-out with my son, a very modified low impact version. It felt OK when I was doing it, I just needed to back off when my lungs started to burn, the next day however all of the muscles I hadn't used in way too long were complaining....LOUDLY. I tried it one more time, it was easier, but it was a short work out. It was enough for me to decide that running in the rain didn't sound so bad after all.

So today I ran. I got lucky and was able to get out and back with only a few sprinkles (thank you hourly weather forecast!) Honestly, to say I ran is a gross exageration. What I actually did was more of a walk/shuffle. I did get a few good running strides in there to start with, but when my lungs started burning I figured I had to back off. I didn't want to just walk, that is not my goal, walking does not do for me what running does. Instead I did what my son refers to as the "lineman's shuffle" where I am going through the motions of running, but putting as little effort as possible in to the running process. I believe I was actually going faster on my walk breaks than during my running portions. But it was a start, and psychologically I have started running again, that's what matters because that is what motivates me to get out there and continue my runs, I am a runner, albeit a slow one. It is very different than thinking I need to start a running program, or start excercising, I may be slow, but I am doing it, and that makes all the difference in the world.

Running helps motivate me to eat better, because why waste all that effort by putting junk food in my body? So, I am off to buy a new battery for my scale, and to look up motivational quotes to keep me moving forward. I really do not feel like the same person I was before I lost weight, I see and do things differently and it carries through to all aspects of my life. I feel like losing weight gave me my life back and I don't plan to let go of it without a fight so bring it on!

AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSDAY (and thankful post in one)

2012-01-12T20:42:00.000-08:00

Part 1 AWKWARD AND AWESOME

AWKARD
Forgetting about a meeting and having the hospital administrator be the one to discover you forgot about it, thankfully I was able to make it to the meeting after her "reminder".

Being caught in the middle, there was a miscommunication in planning of skills lab which created a conflict in schedules and a lot of waiting for people. I was stuck going back and forth between the 2 parties and I hate that. I need to remember to stand up for myself and say "could you please talk to them directly, it leads to fewer misunderstandings" I am so eager to help that I have found myself in that situation before, I am learning....obviously not perfect at it yet

Getting a call from someone in help and not being able to go to their aide because they are too far away. Only so much you can do over the phone.

AWESOME

I got to help with skills lab and I loved it. This confirmed that my choice to pursue the education pathway for my masters instead of the leadership pathway was the right choice.

Getting to see every nurse, CNA, MT and US from all the inpatient units in their regular clothes. Everyone looks so much better when they are not in scrubs, not that they look bad in scrubs.....

The people I work with are awesome, they give a lot of positive reinforcement, which is always appreciated. When they use words like Excellent, beautiful, great job and exceptional it makes me feel good, who wouldn't? I have never heard those words after cleaning a toilet at home or cooking a meal. However, tonight my husband told me that the dinner I fixed was "the epitome of good meals" and I now have an inside joke with those that know me, the word exceptional is always going to make me laugh/smile.

PART 2 THANKFUL POST

All of my facebook friends should know by now that I am trying to write a post listing 5 things I am thankful for every night. It makes me focus on the good from the day, and not the bad. I am told it increases happiness and positivity. I can always use more happiness, so I am not giving up on it yet, although I have been missing more days...

1) I am thankful I got to help with skills lab, I learned a lot and hopefully others did too.
2) I am thankful above skills lab went well today and it is over.
3) I am thankful our administrator accidently walked in on my while I was teaching the PCA class so I was reminded I needed to hand off the class to the other nurse and attend the research meeting I was supposed to be at for that hour.
4) I am thankful I am on the clinical Nursing research committee (CRAC). I am a geek and I really enjoy the research. Being on the committee has given me direct access to the people and resources needed for our project.
5) I am thankful that there is snow in the forecast, I love it!

AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSDAY

2011-12-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

AWESOME- going visiting teaching with a friend and getting to know a couple ladies in our ward better, thanks Dedra.
AWKWARD-the fact that I haven't done my own visiting teaching this month

AWESOME- my fudge turned out wonderfully this year, even the new peanut butter one
AWKWARD-my mints and other chocolate candies developed pock marks on them, like they had little air bubbles on them that all broke after a day or so. I am so not giving those away., it looks like they have chocolate acne. I really hope they didn't show up on the candies we gave away before I noticed it.

AWESOME-going back to work yesterday for a meeting and getting the opportunity to help with skills lab this year. (I love to teach, usually)
AWKWARD-the panic attack I had to fight off when I got home because I realized I would be helping with skills lab this year

AWESOME-all the people that helped with my dad's service and the state patrol escort. It was a beautiful day and I am sure there were people that helped that I wasn't even aware of. THANK YOU!
AWKWARD-the fact that I noted anything awesome related to my fathers death

AWESOME-Black Friday shopping....I love it, some people say it is stupid, but I just love the crowds and the excitement that comes from knowing I got a great deal. It is also a mind numbing activity.
AWKWARD-realizing that most of the stuff I got on black friday was for myself, not others, I have to rethink my christmas gift plan. Oh yeah,and being hit not once, but twice by an old man trying to back up so he could get in to a parking spot at the mall, I wasn't being rude or trying to take his spot, but there was a car behind me. OK so I was being a little rude, I backed up some, and after the cars behind me all backed up I could have given him a few more inches, but I just thought what he was doing was so ridiculous and after he hit me the first time I thought he would take the hint that he didn't fit. I got out of my car, rolled down his window and I said (calmly) You hit me.... twice!. He ignored me so I repeated myself, to which he replied..."it won't happen again" no sorry or anyting. Next year I am taking a driver. Any volunteers?

AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSDAY...it is Thursday, right?

2011-11-10T23:49:00.000-08:00

My days seem to be running together, with all the stuff going on with my dad. (for those that don't know my dad has fought valiently, but is losing his battle with Pancreatic Cancer, kind of ironic that this is pancreatic cancer awareness month) Thanks to other awkward and awesome posts I realized that is Awkward and Awesome Thursday.

Awkward: Trying to help my dad to the bathroom and bathing. He absolutely does not want me to see him naked, which I totally understand. But for goodness sakes, I have been a registered nurse for more than 15 years, believe me, I have seen plenty of naked bodies. I told him I would close my eyes, but he wasn't buying that for a second. Before he started having memory issues he understood this and was ok with me helping....no longer. Thankfully Mark is here to help in that arena.

Awkward: Dad wants to continue chemo, but it's killing him. How do you help him understand it's time to stop without taking away any hope he has left or his will to do anything? Thankfully the doc took care of that by telling him he wasn't strong enough and "we'll just take it one week at a time" but none for now.

Awesome: The amount of help and support Dad and our family is receiving from those around us, both family and friends.

Awesome: Tender Mercies....I was feeling really down, wondering if Heavenly Father had forgotten me. I returned a phone call from a sister that has been having struggles of her own. She proceded to tell me how much my visits meant to her, and how glad she was I was her visiting teacher again because I could understand some of what she is going through. She told me how much she appreciates me and all I do. This was just exactly what I needed at that moment. Confirmation that my Heavenly Father does know me, and cares for me, and he knew just exactly what I needed at that moment. I have learned that Thank yous mean so much. Even a small thank you can make someones day.

Awesome: The sunshine we have been blessed with, always nice to have bonus sunny days in the fall.

The difference between learning something and understanding it

2011-11-09T11:56:00.000-08:00

There is a big difference between learning something and understanding it. As a nurse I have learned the 5 stages of death and dying (Elizabeth Kubler Ross). They are denial, anger, bargaining, grief and acceptance. People go through them at different rates and sometimes in a different order. Some stages take longer than others for people, and sometimes people will get stuck in a stage like anger or denial, but from what I have seen everyone goes through them.

This is a concept I have worked with for many years, because I learned about it and I had seen it in other people. As a daughter I now understand it. I could read all about it, and see it in others, but until I experienced it I didn't really understand how it felt. Now that I have felt it I believe it will enable me to be much more compassionate with those that find themselves dealing with it. Eveyone is different, so I would never say I understand exactly how someone feels, but I do know some of what they are feeling.

A lot of things in life are like that, we are taught by our parents and teachers a lot of things. We learn about kindess and charity, about praying and reading the scriptures, about keeping the commandments. But until we practice them, really experience them, we don't understand them. A brief trial of them isn't going to bring the understanding that living and experiencing them will.

I believe we were sent to this earth to have experiences and learn and grow, some of the experiences are more painful than others, but all of them beneficial in some way, if we look for what we are supposed to learn from it. Quite often what we learn is how to help someone else deal with the same thing at some point in the future, or to help us know how to help and what to do, or when there is nothing you can do but be there and listen.

I am very grateful that I have had people willing to sit by and listen during the past couple months. Not one of them said...."This again, really, haven't you dealt with this yet? because I am getting tired of hearing it" They all just patiently listened. Listening is a highly underated skill. I think it should have been one of the commandments "Thou shalt listen to each other" because when we listen to others we learn how to live the other commandments, how to love one another, and strengthen each other. We learn what others need and how we can help. Listening can be very empowering if you are good at it.

So I would like to say Thank you, to all that are good listeners, you make things easier.

AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSDAY

2011-10-27T23:18:00.000-07:00

This week I am starting with awkward...

Thanks to the new medicare laws, any time a patient comes in with any kind of skin breakdown or wound the admitting nurse has to take a picture of it for the chart. To prove that we didn't cause the wound. This week a very old man came in with a breakdown on his buttocks, inner thighs and very red and swollen scotum. So I had to take a picture of the skin issues, including his genitals for the chart and it's not just a picture, I have to stick a measuring tape and a piece of paper with his name on next to it too. Talk about awkward! No, I was not measuring the size of his genitals! I did my best to be professional about it. When the printed picture came back the supervisor discretely handed me the picture for the chart. Now generally we post these things right in the front of the chart, I started to do that, but I just couldn't, I ended up burying it way in the back somewhere......Nurses have to do some crazy awkward things and act like they are routine every day things. It is a weird thing, the profession of nursing sometimes.

That's enough awkward

I always try to come up with at least twice as much awesome as awkward, some weeks it's tougher than others:)

Today's awesome was that my sister gave me a whole bunch of apples off her tree and I was able to spend 14 hours making applesauce (I did take a time out to run in the middle of it, but thanks to a sore ankle it turned in to a walk). I now have 4 cases of applesauce. It always feels awesome to be able to look at canned goods and know that you did that. Being as making applesauce doesn't take a lot of thinking and it is something I almost never do, it was a real change of pace, si it gave me a good mental break.

The biggest awesome is having a husband that is so supportive. After a rough day he was willing to go to the store and get me the stuff for nachos and rootbeer floats for dinner and not say one critical or judgemental word.. I have decided that while 2 plates of nachos and 3 rootbeer floats over the course of the evening tasted awesome, they were not what made me feel better. It was the thoughtfulness, love and kindess of my husband that did that. Sometimes just being there is all it takes. Of course the extra housework he did this week helped also:)

I like awesome and awkward Thursday, it reminds me to recognize the humor in the awkward in my life, and watch for and focus on those awesome moments.

What about you? Have you started your awkward and awesome thursday blogs?

waiting...waiting...waiting...for bad news

2011-10-27T00:02:00.000-07:00

Today was a day of waiting. Waiting for labs, doctors, tests, radiologists and then the doctor again. Although it turns out I really didn't want to hear what they had to say.

Being on the other side of the "waiting game" has sure taught me a lot about nursing and what my patients and their families want and need from me and the place I work. Like a more comfortable chair to sit in and good food available at the time when I can go get it!

I am in kind of a weird place, it's like I am in this bad dream that I am waiting and working to get through, but I know what the end is, and I don't want to reach it, so I keep waiting.

Having the chance to spend with my dad is priceless and I am very glad that I am living where I can be close and I have a job that is allowing me to be there as much as I need to. I am blessed with the experience of being a nurse that helps me explain all the tests and labs and medications decisions etc that seem to be coming at my dad so quickly. My dad worries he's a burden, and in a sense he is, but, that's one burden I don't really want to let go of, so he just needs to deal with the fact that yes it may be inconvenient at times, or painful and difficult, but at this moment in time I wouldn't want to be or do anything different. I love my dad and I want as much time as I can get, making up for a little lost time here, but i don't want him to suffer any more than he has to.

Sometimes I just have to cry and get it out of my system, that's just the way I am, then I can move forward and do what needs to be done. I have a lot of great people supporting me, as do my dad and connie. I am very thankful for that.

I heard a new Martina Mcbride song today where she says "I'm gonna love you through it" and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Gotta find that CD.

PS I have no magic ball that says how much longer my dad will live, I am a nurse, and I can see he is not doing so well, but I am not God, and only God knows when he plans on bringing him home, so please quit asking me, it's stressing me out.

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

2011-10-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

Lets' start with the awkward (I hate to end on a down note, so always the awkward first and awesome last)

Today I met with my nieces teacher, counselor and principle to help set up a plan for her to succede. She is having trouble in the teachers class and while I am open to give and take to work on a solution the teacher had only one thing in mind. I am right, you are wrong, if you child isn't successful in this class it's on you she must not be doing her homework. I know for a fact alyssa works hard on her homework, so I wanted to ring her neck, but we set up a plan and I went home to help work it. After an hour to do 6 math questions (no ADHD meds today) we turned to the makeup work the teacher referred to that was supposed to be just so simply, she can't understand why noone would not do it. Here is why....first you have to figure out why you missed the question, which is kind of hard because you don't know the right answers.....so we figured something out, but not sure if it is all right and we were to write all of that down. Second you need to do the worksheet, teacher made it sound simple, I was going to help alyssa catch up tonight. I was dumbfounded when I looked at the paper. There are over 100 questions! do the math people , who has time to do that? I also noted that the thing alyssa had trouble with on the test were not really addressed in the homework it was stupid details like not rounding to the correct number of decimal points, now I am stuck. Anything I say to the teacher is going to be awkward again, but I need to say something, gonna sleep on that one.

Food poisoning and a lap band, ,not a good combination, definately awkward and uncomfortable.

Awesome:

Getting to see my sister and my niece and picking a huge basket of granny smith apples from her tree to make for applesauce in a few days. Probably not the best way to pick apples, but we resorted to shaking the tree, we figured any that fell were ripe. May have some bruises, but we didn't have to climb up ladders to get to the top, and it was quite fun.

I was able to run 3 times this week, yeah! getting back on track

I got everything done today that I planned to, I am up a little late, but the satisfaction of knowing I did what I set out to do this morning is awesome!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

2011-10-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

It's time for another installment of awkward and awesome Thursday!

Gonna start with awkward and work my way to awesome.

I was in a meeting with a bunch of people from work today for a "Look at Leadership". During one of the sessions I was trying to make a joke, but in doing so I inadvertently revealed that I didn't know what I was talking about. I had misunderstood some initials. I would have just laughed it off, but the presenter said something like "you helped us learn, even without meaning to" and elaborated on my mistake so everyone could learn from it. I don't know about you, but having my mistake not just pointed out, but elaborated on to be sure everyone in the group understood the mistake I had made was a bit awkward.

I think that moment was plenty of awkwardness for my week.

Awesome!

The new Scentsy thing that my sister got me, my house smells awesome!

Dinner with family at my dad's house, and the fact that both he and my sister were feeling well enough to be there-Awesome!

The aforementioned Look at Leadership meeting. I learned some skills to use for crucial conversations and I was able to network with a lot of other great nurses. Today was the second half of the 2 day program. The first day kind of had me doubting whether or not I even wanted to be a leader. After today I felt encouraged, it provided tremendous boost in my confidence in myself and my abilty to lead. I will also be able to take additional classes in leadership and be matched up with a mentor. I am really excited! Also Awesome!

Most awesome of all....knowing that I don't have to get up for anything tomorrow so I can sleep in as long as I want! Oh, and I almost forgot, tomorrow is payday, that makes it even more awesome!

Back from Vacation!

2011-10-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

Back from vacation and so much happened I am not sure where to start.

Conference: So awesome to be with so many people that believe the same way I do, I love hearing the prophet and the other leaders speak, it is uplifing and encouraging. Its a little confusing to me how I can spend 2 days listening to people talk about Jesus Christ, and how to be more like him and the blessings that come through his atonement and through believing in him and then hearing on the radio later that others don't consider Mormon's christians.   Makes me wonder what their definition of a christian is?

I got to visit with 4 of my kids and with my grandsons, always a good thing, no matter what!

I was able to read stories to my grandkids before bedtime, including stories from the Doctrine and Covenants Childrens edition. Kudos to Greg and Tyla for doing that for their kids, wish I had done more of that with our kids when they were young. We were also able to play card games and have some good talks with them. In case you haven't heard, our family LOVES to play games together. We also had the chance to go up the canyon and take some pictures with the beautiful folliage, I am going to attach some of the pictures. You will note that there are a lot of rocks in the area. In my typical graceful manner I managed to fall a couple times and bring home some bruises as a reminder of my vacation, but the pictures were worth it.

Bob and I were also able to take a Razor ride with Kellie and Mark over the mountain to Hoover's restaurant (that's Hoover's with an R, not a T). It was so beautiful on the way over, and so exciting on the way back. Bob has decided we definately need to get a razor, although it is not currently a financial priority:) We were also able to play more games at Kellie and Marks, which is always fun, love their new house, wish we had gotten some pictures inside! Kellie and Mark are doing a great job getting it set up and decorated.

Since it was a road trip Bob and I had a lot of good quality hours together to talk and relax, I read a couple books, I also got a sore on my left elbow from leaning on the arm rest for so many hours! I need to get myself elbow protection before I do that again!

Weather was crazy, 80 degrees in Provo on the way down, had to stop and get some capri's and t-shirts because I thought it would be colder there so I took all long pants and long sleeve shirts. Turns out I was prepared though, because it was snowing on our return trip less than a week later.

I wasn't able to run during my vacation, but I did do some walking, I checked with my doc yesterday because I have still been having lung pain on the right when I run, turns out it isn't lung pain, it is chostochondritis, an inflammation of where my sternum meets my ribs, hopefully a little rest and meds will get that solved and I can get back to running in the nice and raining Washington weather in just a few days.

Speaking of running, my friend Amy had some struggles with the marathon, but she finished it, Yeah Amy!   I have included a link to her blog, it is awesome, she has a picture on the front of it today that I found very accurate for myself. or you can go directly to http://amyrnelson.blogspot.com/2011/10/maybe-little-ocd.html

Last but not least my dad did just fine without me, looks like I need to be here more than he needs me here:)   Dr Kang did call me and update me, he is an awesome doctor and Connie does a great job caring for him.

All and all a pretty great vacation, I am going to go and try and figure out how to use the cricket I got for my birthday to make my first sign. I already know what it will be....

Families are forever...no matter what!

VACATION

2011-09-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love vacation? This year I get to go visit my kids and grandkids and catch a couple sessions of conference live (if you are curious what that is see mormon.org). I am excited. I spent the last couple weeks working as many hours as I could get so I would have a little extra spending money. Thankfully I was blessed with a lot of overtime and consecutive weekends, both of which have been very scarse with the crackdown on overtime lately.

Did I mention this is a road trip? I get to spend a couple days in the car with my husband on the way down and on the way back. Right now I am excited, my guess is that when I come back I will be much less excited with a very sore bum. This is the first really long road trip we have taken in a very long time, that is probably why I am looking forward to it, I have forgotten what they feel like.

I am a little nervous about leaving my dad, It's not like he doesn't have his wife to keep an eye on him, but it is going to be tough missing his doctors appointment, I hate getting information second hand, but thanks to cellphones hopefully his doctor will give me a call and I won't have to. Having the cell also puts my mind at ease knowing that he or his wife can call me anytime if they have questions. I am praying for good pain control and no complications or issues while I am gone.

For any of you criminals out there I have people watching my dog and house for me, so don't even think of trying to steal our old junk! (although that would mean I could get new stuff that wasn't junk...)

Last, a shout out to my friend Amy that is running the St George Marathon this weekend, I am very sure she will meet her goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. It makes me feel just a little guilty about not running lately, I have had a rough time getting back in to it since my pneumonia, I still get pain in my right lung when I run (which is supposedly healed) so I am taking it easy. I need to find a 5K on a Saturday to give me motivation because I am not one of those people that run because they love it so much (like Amy), I run because it keeps me in better shape and I like running in the races and lets face it, I like calling myself a runner. Guess I should probably actually get a little running in while I am on vacation so I don't have to give up that label:)

I have a confession to make

2011-09-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I just can't live a lie.... September 17th was a day of service at church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints). Brown paper bags were passed out to all the members, we were to pass them out to our neighbors. Each bag had a letter on it explaining that we were doing a drive for the Thurston County food bank. The letter asked that people fill the bags with food and leave them on their porch on the 17th and we will pick them up. Those bags sat on our table screaming to be delivered for 2 weeks, yet for some reason we couldn't get them passed out. Doesn't seem like a big deal handing someone a bag and asking if they could help the needy in our area, but for some reason I just couldn't do it, either I was too tired, busy, or caught up in other areas of my life.

Here comes the dishonest part. Friday night, when I realized the bags hadn't been delivered, rather than bug my neighbors, I filled them with food from our cupboards. Saturday morning I delivered the bags to the church, leading people to believe I had done my part and collected food from my neighbors. It's not exactly a BAD thing, because the people did get the food, but how much more would they have gotten if I had delivered the bags AND donated the food I did? In the Good, better best scenaria I would say my actions were marginally good at best, but at least I did it.

Part of repenting is confessing your sins, so that's what I am doing. Next year I plan on doing better.

The bright side of this is that it was pouring down rain on saturday and I got soaked just taking the bags to the car and then in to the church, so had I actually passed the bags out picking up the wet bags might have been a miserable experience. I also ended up getting called in to work, so I was really in a hurry and having the bags already filled on my kitchen floor expideted the whole process. I guess everything happens for a reason. I promise, next year I will do better!

PS. if you would like more information on the church go to Mormon.org and check it out! My profile is http://mormon.org/me/3QD5?

Awesome and awkward Thursday

2011-09-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

Awkward and awesome Thursday

Start with awesome....
48th birthday this week and my husband sent me beautiful roses made from what I thought was white chocolate with red velvet cake pops dipped in white chocolate.    What better birthday gift than chocolate?

after spending a long day at the hospital with a relative I came home and found my house spotless, thanks to my wonderful husband. This was no small feat since I was canning blackberry jam the night before and in my effort to get out most of the weeds I got berry juice on just about every dish I owned and every spot of the kitchen.

Homemade blackberry jam,   awesome, had to buy new jars and a canner (for the second batch), but it was worth it. Even if it doesn't taste as awesome as I might like it to, just seeing those jars sitting on the kitchen counter gives me a real sense of satisfaction. I left them there extra long, just to admire my work:)   Hopefully there will be one more batch, only not getting out all the seeds this time, too much work and mess. Doing little stuff like that helps satisfy the part inside me that keeps nagging at me, telling me I need to be more of a Molly Mormon. Like canning my own jam is going to get me into the Celestial Kingdom...NOT!

Kind of awkward...
Construction/working on the water system in my front yard starting bright and early at 0800. Did you konw they start with a drill that looks and sounds a Goliath sized dentist drill?   I hate dentists.

Awkward....
Anyone that knows me knows how much I hate spiders!    I shutter just thinking about them. I currently have a massively huge garden spider outside my window, which keeps distracting me and making me shutter. They like the blackberries, I think I will be letting Bob pick the rest of them..... I tried to get a picture to add to this post, but apparently all of our cameras have dead batteries and my phone has something wrong with the lense making it all blurry. I sent the blurry picture to my facebook if you want to check it out. I decided I didn't want a big old spider picture on my blog anyway.

Really awkward!!!!
Realizing that the nurse taking care of my family member had worked agency with me before and I am pretty sure someone had asked that she not return to our unit because she worked so slowly.    Not sure if she recognized me or remembered because she never mentioned it, but she gave my dad great care, so it all turned out ok.

CAUTION! EXLODING CHEESEBURGER!

2011-09-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

I know it's a lot in one day, posting 2 blog entries, but I had to share, figured someone else could use a good laugh at my husbands expense also....

I am not the best cook in the world, but not the worst either. After watching an hour of Rachel Ray I decided I needed to put on my Molly Mormon apron today and try something special for dinner tonight. My husband reminded me of the burgers I made once before that he referred to as Julie’s Juicy burgers (a name I am sure he stole from some show on the food network).

Julie’s juicy burgers are not hard, the recipe isn’t that original either, you just smash out the hamburger patties really thin, put some very good cheddar cheese, Ortega green chilies, salt, pepper and garlic salt on the bottom patty, seal it with a second patty on the top then barbecue. Top with caramelized grilled onions and your other favorite hamburger toppings and voilla….an awesome, juicy cheeseburger.

We tried something different tonight; we fried them instead of barbecuing them. Not a good idea…Actually, I am not sure if it was that, or if I sealed them too well, but there was an issue tonight. I took a small bite of my burger and there was a small explosion of hot juices on my cheek, nothing serious, but I warned Bob to be careful. To his credit, he did let his burger sit a few minutes, but obviously not long enough. I was concentrating on enjoying my burger and I heard him yell, I looked up and he had hamburger juice all over his glasses and his nose. Apparently he had taken a very big bite of his hamburger and the scalding juice from the burger had exploded and shot directly up his nose. I wasn’t much help, you would think as a nurse I would jump in to action to alleviate his pain, instead I sat there and laughed at him until tears were pouring down my face. Thankfully there were no serious burns, but every time I looked at him the rest of the meal I started laughing again. It’s a miracle I didn’t choke on my own food. I haven’t laughed so hard forever. OK, I’ll have to admit that when I signed a recent E-mail Boob and Julie instead of Bob and Julie on accident I had a pretty good laugh. Good thing my husband doesn’t mind me laughing at his expense.

We decided that if I wanted to open a restaurant and serve these burgers I would need to post a warning that said “Caution! Exploding Cheeseburgers!”

Disclaimer: the writer of this blog is not responsible for any burns incurred when others attempt this recipe