Flatland Howler

Tiger Woods In Weird Car Wreck

2009-11-29T08:50:00.000-08:00

The Tiger Woods car wreck story has now become possible domestic abuse with him fleeing the scene at about 2:00AM with his wife in pursuit. News media has reported that his wife attacked him and inflicted facial lacerations and may have even used golf club to attack SUV Woods was in. The story is now getting almost as bizarre as O.J.Simpson/Nicole Brown marriage saga.

Really Strange!!

Motorized Lazy Boy To Be Auctioned

2009-10-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

DULUTH, Minn. (AP) -- A motorized La-Z-Boy used by a man who pleaded guilty to driving it drunk is going up for auction. But police said interested bidders need to keep it off the streets. The chair, powered by a lawnmower engine, comes equipped with a stereo, cup holders and lights.___(AP copy and screen capture)
______

This was off the radar until this week. The chair was seized as evidence and it's now going on the "auction block".
Tally Ho!!

Talking Parrot

2009-10-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

Taxpayers fleeing New York

2009-10-27T17:27:00.001-07:00

New York,New York - New Yorkers are fleeing the state and city in alarming numbers -- and costing a fortune in lost tax dollars, a new study shows. More than 1.5 million state residents left for other parts of the United States from 2000 to 2008, according to the report from the Empire Center for New York State Policy. It was the biggest out-of-state migration in the country._____(ANDY SOLTIS/New Your Post copy)
______

This is a direct result of city,county,school and state taxes in New York. Taxpayers there have had enough.

English Only At New Mexico Hotel

2009-10-26T15:26:00.000-07:00

Taos,N.M., Oct. 26 (UPI) -- A New Mexico hotel owner confirmed his policy of having Hispanic employees use Anglicized versions of their names and a ban on speaking Spanish in his presence. Larry Whitten, who took over ownership of the Paragon Hotel in Taos during the summer, has been the subject of numerous protests outside of the hotel and The League of United Latin American Citizens has threatened legal action against the owner, the Albuquerque Journal reported. Whitten confirmed telling Hispanic employees to use Anglo versions of their names; for example an employee named Marcos was told to go by "Mark" while on the clock, and banning them from speaking Spanish in his presence.
______

This editor believes that English should be spoken in the workplace all the time. This is America and other languages should be for private use only.

Clowns rob jewelry store

2009-10-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

MEXICO CITY – They aren't laughing now. Prosecutors in western Mexico say they have filed robbery charges against two alleged members of a gang of thieves blamed for a "clown jewels" caper. The gang — some of whose members dressed up in clown costumes — burst into a jewelry store in the western city of Guadalajara on July 26 and made off with at least 1.2 million pesos ($900,000) worth of booty. The clown costumes were later found abandoned in a car._____(Newswire copy)
_____

Clown suits are always good until the clowns rob somebody. This is not what any merchant would want,"clown robbers"
WRONG!!

Flatland Howler merges with West Texas Times

2009-04-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

Flatland Howler entries have been imported to http://www.westtexastimes.blogspot.com/
Future weird,offbeat and other Flatland Howler subjects will be posted at the following blogs.
http://www.lubbockcountyregister.blogspot.com/
http://www.westtexastimes.blogspot.com/
Cordially,
Clif Burnett
Editor/Reporter

Senior prank produces flower garden at Texas high school

2009-04-14T06:47:00.000-07:00

AUSTIN (KXAN) - This is the time of year that high school seniors traditionally carry out some sort of on-campus prank to celebrate their graduation. Though the pranks are usually harmless, there have been instances of vandalism and other destructive behavior at some Central Texas schools.
So students arriving for class at Westlake High School Monday morning were shocked to discover the handiwork of a group of graduating seniors. Not only was it not destructive, it was constructive.(WIVB/Jim Swift copy/KXAN screen capture)
______
Flower children pulled a "flower garden" prank at a Texas high school. Oh guys,Are You fellas the "limp-handed" bunch?

Gator at used car lot

2009-04-14T06:37:00.000-07:00

ORLANDO, Fla. (CNN) - Sticker shock is one thing, but imagine the surprise of seeing an alligator as you shop for a car. That's what happened to a woman at a Saturn dealership in Orlando, Florida. "We actually saw it coming across the lot. I think the customer was going to test drive a vehicle and saw it hanging out from underneath the vehicle," said Anthony Angle. "It's scary because you never know what's underneath your car if you're not parked inside a garage, it can move around," said Gladys Frankey. The seven-and-half foot gator was reportedly calm until a trapper showed up to "repossess" him.____(WIVB screen capture)

______

Gators are common in Florida,especially at Florida University. REAL gators are not on most used car lots.

Somebody call animal control!!!

Mohawk hairdo set ablaze

2009-04-13T09:39:00.000-07:00

PRESTON - A lecturer at a British agricultural college was arrested and may lose his job after setting fire to a student's mohawk hairdo at a bar. The lecturer admits to having been drunk when he set the fire and said he intended it as a joke. Timothy Packard was at a St. Patrick's Day celebration for students and faculty of Myerscough College when he reportedly used a cigarette lighter to set Jennifer Tattersall's mohawk ablaze.___(WIVB/ANTHONY BARTKEWICZ copy/WIVB screen capture)
____
This has a "nut" lecturer at British college being arrested for setting fire to a student's mohawk hairdo. Some girlie had her hairdo "set ablaze" at a bar and the fella has been thrown in jail.
HAIR FIRE!!

Endangered red-haired orangutans discovered

2009-04-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

BORNEO, Indonesia (CNN) - Orangutans aren't as rare as conservationists originally thought. A new population of the endangered red-haired primates were found in a mountain region on the island of Borneo in Indonesia. Conservationists estimate the find raises the total number of orangutans by at least a couple of hundred, maybe thousands.____(WIVB screen capture)
______
These were discovered in the trees grabbing a vegetarian meal.
Need Something To Drink THERE!

Chicken Coops coming back

2009-04-12T07:13:00.001-07:00

AUSTIN (KXAN) - There is more than one way to skin a chicken, including not skinning it all. "My husband and I, we watch chicken television," said East Austin chicken raiser Ixchel Granada. "You start just watching them and they have such amazing personalities." "Me, I like them for the fertilizer and as pets," said Tracie Downing, another East Austin chicken enthusiast. "I'm actually vegan so I've been giving away eggs like crazy." Granada gets all the eggs she wants with just one chicken. Downing's coop contains six hens and a couple of chicks. Just down the road, however, Boggy Creek Farm, an organic operation that supplies food to customers all over town, boasts a much bigger coop. Sixty birds populate it now and owner Carol Ann Sayle plans to add 50 more.____(WIVB copy/KXAN screen capture)
_____

Chicken coops were popular in the 50's and earlier. Some country residents still have them.
Eggs,Anybody!!

Creek polluter in Washington state is state Department of Ecology

2009-04-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

Washington state environmental regulators say they've finally found the source of pollution that has been fouling a creek near Vancouver Lake: the agency's own sewer pipes. City workers have discovered that an office building's sewer line was mistakenly connected to a storm drain, rather than the municipal sewer main. The 1970s-vintage building houses Washington state Department of Ecology regional offices, as well as those of the Department of Fish and Game and U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. Sewage from the building has been making its way into Burnt Bridge Creek and eventually into the lake. Jay Manning, the environmental agency's director, says the discovery was "embarrassing and upsetting."______(WIVB copy)
______

This is some west coast liberals caught polluting a creek with their sewer main. They were looking for the polluter of the creek and discovered that their sewer pipe was mistakenly connected to storm drain instead of sewer main. The building also houses a Department of Fish and Army Corp.of Engineers. It's documented fact that government agencies(DOD-military goons)are the biggest polluters.

Example:A Lubbock,Texas U.S.Air Base(Reese)was recently closed after Air Force polluted groundwater of their own wells with airplane cleaning solvent.
Big Brother,Making Hell Of A Mess!!

Bow Shooter spears neighbor's house while intoxicated

2009-04-10T12:05:00.000-07:00

BURNSVILLE, Minn. (AP) -- A man was charged with a felony after prosecutors alleged he tried to impress a woman by firing arrows at his neighbors' homes with a powerful bow. Police found arrows in the siding of townhomes in the man's complex on Saturday. Another arrow went through a patio door, shattering the glass. The charges allege the 30-year-old man was "extremely intoxicated" when questioned by police. So was his female friend. She allegedly told investigators that they had been drinking all night before the man grabbed his bow and walked onto the deck. She thought he wanted to "play Rambo." The man was charged Wednesday with first-degree criminal damage to property.
____
This is a "drunken couple" that decided to play "Shoot The House Next Door" with arrows. This is foolish and illegal.
Oh Robin Hood,You Are Arrested!!

Humongous cellphone bill gets phone hammered

2009-04-10T11:56:00.000-07:00

CHEYENNE, Wyo.(AP)- A cell phone used by a Wyoming 13-year-old to run up a nearly $5,000 phone bill will text no more thanks to her angry father and his hammer. Dena Christoffersen of Cheyenne sent or received about 20,000 text messages over about a month, and her parents' phone plan didn't cover texting. Gregg Christoffersen told KUSA-TV of Denver this week that he thought texting had been disabled on her daughter's phone, which he smashed hours after getting a phone bill for more than $4,750.

_______

This is an adult toy in the hands of uneducated child. Father has hammered the cellphone and now will negotiate the bill with phone company. Stupidity runs in families,this one it appears.
Kid,I'm Hammerin' Your Cellphone!!

Reckless gun owner shoots self

2009-04-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

RAPID CITY, S.D., (AP) A stop at a fast-food restaurant's drive-through on Tuesday afternoon led to a trip to the hospital after a man accidentally shot himself in the leg with a pistol. The 24-year-old man was apparently trying to clear the weapon when it went off and hit him in the calf. Police said the man didn't need a permit because the gun wasn't concealed, so he didn't break any laws. His name was not released.____(CBS copy)
____
This knucklehead was trying to clear chamber and bullet discharged injuring him.

Gun Nut with loose ammo!!

Funeral home loses man's body

2009-04-09T12:12:00.001-07:00

HOUSTON (AP) - Relatives of a man whose body was mistakenly cremated last month filed a lawsuit seeking $2.7 million in damages against the funeral home and crematory involved in the mix-up. The Houston Chronicle reports seven children of Fred Woods accused Carnes Funeral Home and Cremate Texas , both owned by Jay Carnes, of negligence, post-traumatic stress disorder, anguish and humiliation. Woods' body was mixed up with that of a woman, according to the lawsuit.____(WIVB copy and screen capture)
____
This is sheer incompetence on the part of mortuary and courts should bankrupt these lame businesses.

Police chief arrested for using taser on wife

2009-04-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

OAKWOOD, Texas (AP) - The chief of a small Central Texas town's police department has been fired and jailed for allegedly using a Taser gun on his wife. Former Oakwood police chief Oly Ivy is in Leon County Jail in Centerville on Wednesday, charged with aggravated assault. Bond is $100,000. Ivy, 30, was arrested near Palestine on Monday. The city council fired him that night. Ivy's attorney, Charley Johnson, tells KXXV-TV in Waco that his client "is taking these allegations very seriously." He says he intends for Ivy to "be treated the same as anybody in this situation."____(WIVB copy/screen capture)
_____
This is "taser madness" as a police chief in Oakwood,Texas has tased his wife,been fired and arrested for assault. He's currently on a "big bond". This character(see picture at swear-in) is now in "heep big trouble" in Texas jail!!

Man using gasoline to clean apartment sets fire to entire apartment complex

2009-04-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

CHILTON, Wis. (AP) - A man faces an arson charge after telling authorities he wasn't thinking when he decided to use gasoline for cleaning up his apartment, and then tossed a lit cigarette into a pile of gas-soaked cushions and clothes. A criminal complaint filed Monday quoted a 47-year-old man as saying he knew gasoline is flammable and never should have used it. The complaint said that when the fire began Friday, he didn't pull the fire alarm but instead shouted "fire" a couple times and walked to the Menasha police department for an ambulance to take him to the hospital where he was treated for burns. Firefighters said the blaze extensively damaged the apartment and caused heavy smoke damage throughout the building, putting tenants of 11 other units out of their homes.____(WIVB copy and screen capture)
____

This ignoramus used gasoline to clean apartment then threw cigarette butt into pile of rags used for cleaning and set fire to his apartment and 11 other apartments. He has been charged with arson,stupidity with fire is illegal.
"Nut Of The Day" in Wisconsin!!

Lost dog found on island

2009-04-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

ST. BEES ISLAND, Australia - A dog who fell overboard in the rough seas off the coast of Queensland, Australia was reunited with its owner four months after it went missing. According to the Daily Mail , Jan Griffith's cattle dog, Sophie Tucker, was spotted by locals on St. Bees Island, which is 6 miles away from where she was last seen. Locals said they found several bodies of young goats and figured it was probably the "wild dog" who was killing and eating them."We wondered whether it could be Sophie Tucker but we thought 'No way,'" Griffith said. "She would have had to swum through five miles of sea to get there and then work out how to survive." Griffith decided to wait for the dog to be delivered back to the mainland, just to see if it might be Sophie Tucker, and it was. "We called her name and she went crazy -- whimpering and banging on the cage, so they let her out and she ran over to us and almost knocked us over with excitement," Griffith said._____(WIVB/LILY FU copy/Wikipedia screen capture)
____
This dog was tossed overboard and swam to an island and ate goats for 4 months. This is a happy ending for Sophia!

Easter Bunny costume thief in court

2009-04-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

SPRINGFIELD, Ohio (WDTN) - A high school student in Clark County faced a judge Monday after police said he stole the Easter Bunny's head. It happened last week at the Upper Valley Mall while the Easter Bunny was greeting customers and taking pictures with children. Eighteen-year-old Benjamin Couse, a Greenon High School senior is facing a long list of charges for what he called a "prank". Couse said he was at the mall last Tuesday with his friends, when they thought it would be funny to take the Easter Bunny's head off.____(WIVB/Sonu Wasu & Don Hatcher,WDTN/WIVB screen capture)
_____
This kid snatched a costume head from the Easter Bunny and now "off-the-wall" rent-a-cops have dragged him to court. This is waste of taxpayer money.
Oh,Judge,Dismiss The Case AND Fine The Rent-A-Cops!

Man gets ear bitten in roadrage incident

2009-04-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

NEW CASTLE, Ind. (WISH) - New Castle police said a road rage incident escalated to violence Wednesday when a driver actually bit off another man's ear. Jefferey Guffey(see picture)said he was riding his bike and stopped to talk to two kids on the side of the road when Curtis "Alan" Cross sped by in his SUV. Guffey said he told Cross to slow down. But he said Cross pulled his SUV in front of him and put it in reverse. "(Cross) encountered a bicycle that he found frustrating to get around," said Detective Ross Frame with New Castle Police Department. Police said both men exchanged hand gestures. Guffey said Cross then got out of his car and started yelling at him. "Jumped out and said, 'What did you say?', and I said, 'You need to watch where you are going, there's kids here'," said Guffey. Guffey said Cross, a man he had never met before, then started attacking him. "He come bum-rushing me and grabbed me like this, and started taking chunks out of my ear and spitting them at me," he said. Police recovered some of the pieces of Guffey's ear at the scene, but doctors were unable to re-attach the ear. Guffey said if he could do it all over again, he would still call out Cross. "When it comes to kids, I'll get involved," he said. The prosecutor’s office charged Cross with battery. He told investigators he bit Guffey because he thought Guffey was going to bite him on the neck.____(WIVB/Jennifer McGilvray copy/WIVB screen capture)
____

This "biting business" is out-of-control. First Mike Tyson and now this idiot in Indiana. I thought Frank Burns was the token nut in Indiana(Ft.Wayne) but now another nut has surfaced.
"No Biting" signs will be needed on Indiana highways!

Star Trek-style casket

2009-04-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

FARMINGTON HILLS, Mich. - Death doesn't have to be the final frontier for hardcore Trekkies: Wired reports that Eternal Image plans to offer Star Trek-themed coffins and urns in 2009. The look of the coffin is based on the photon torpedo seen in the movie "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" and the urn is a 3D representation of the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet logo.____(WIVB/Anthony Bartkewicz copy/screen capture)
___

The Star Trek craze is still alive and now caskets are in fashion.
Dr.Spock,This Is Your Style!!!

Drunken dames fighting at wake arrested

2009-04-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

MAGNOLIA, Ark. - Sheriff's deputies say a Texas woman started a brawl at a wake in Arkansas when she arrived with a beer can in her hand. Anna Sindelar, 52, of Splendora faces a third-degree domestic battery charges, as does Cynthia J. Hall, 46, of Magnolia, over the fight Sunday. Deputies say Sindelar arrived at the Christies Chapel Church with a beer can in hand and that she refused to leave.____(KWTX copy)
______

This is some 52 year-old broad walking into a wake at a church with beer in hand starting a brawl. Some dames are just drunken slobs with no respect for anybody or anything.

Pillow Fight cancelled

2009-04-04T18:35:00.000-07:00

DETROIT (AP) -- Police in Detroit have ruffled some feathers after they cracked down on an organized pillow fight at a downtown park. The Detroit News reports that police at Campus Martius Park prevented the feathery fight Saturday by disarming pillow-toting participants. The bout was part of a worldwide event organized on social networking Web sites. Michael Davis of Hamtramck says police confiscated the 32-year-old man's pillows but returned their cases. He says he was told that he needed a permit.
____
National Pillow Fight in Detroit failed to get a permit and police have impounded the pillows. Pillow cases were not impounded and "pillow fight" will have to be rescheduled.
No Pillow Fight Today!!