My promise of positivity.....

Digging deep.....

2013-01-29T18:17:00.002-05:00

So, the past couple of months have been some rough ones. No need to elaborate, though it is possible that it may all turn into it's very own blog so stay tuned!

I won't lie and pretend that I am doing this blog post all for you, the readers. Sorry, but I am definitely gonna get as much good out of this one as any of you possibly could. There's things I need to tell myself.....out loud....in writing. Things I need to convince myself of.

For those of you that know me, you know the inner struggle and the daily fight with myself that has taken place over the decisions I have made in my handling of recent events. I had several options and I chose the high road. That high road has led to some of the lowest of lows that I have encountered in quite some time. To see someone you love go through pain and not know what to do to be able to alleviate it is quite possibly the very worst feeling in this entire world! You begin to second guess yourself. You begin to question every single thought and feeling that you have had for years leading up to this day. You wonder where you could have done something different and where you could have changed the course of events and prevented what has happened. You go through your days, one after another, going through the motions. You get up out of bed, go to work, eat, go to bed and then wake up the next day to do the very same routine again. All the while, you feel as though you are kind of floating above it all. You feel like an outsider watching all of these normal activities take place but knowing that, in reality, that "get up out of bed" part is the last thing you feel like doing each morning. And then.......

......you check yourself!!!

Of course I took the high road! Of course I face my daily routine! It's what I have taught myself over the past fifteen years. It's what I have tried so hard to encourage all of you to do. I sit here shaking my head wondering how on Earth I have found the strength to stumble through. I have said it a million times and I will say it again. When tragedy strikes, we have two paths to choose from. We can use what has happened to strengthen ourselves and become better or we can use it as an excuse to become a failure. I refuse to become a failure or stand by and watch anyone I love become one!

Each one of us has the same power inside of us to go down the right path. It definitely leaves you with a feeling of pride in yourself when you get to look back on it!

That being said, I am now in a new home with new responsibilities and schedule at my same job. I am embracing recent changes and realizing that they really are in my best interest. I am attending a new church and have met many wonderful and supportive people there. I have made some new friends and re~connected with some old ones. All in all, I am looking forward to all of the wonderful opportunities that 2013 is sure to bring! POSITIVE people, POSITIVE changes, and POSITIVE blog posts :)

C'mon get Happy ~ 100 different ways

2012-05-08T15:58:00.000-04:00

100 different ways to be HAPPY

Ahhhh, so good to be back. It has been a rough few months in a number of areas in my life and I know others who are going to be reading this have been struggling as well. As I am reading a book called The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven, I realize that I need to share not only yhe secrets themselves, but my take on them, with my readers. I have decided that rather than limit myself by discussing the 100 secrets by the order in which they are listed in the book, I will instead choose daily which to discuss based on what I feel my readers (yes, YOU!!) need to think about. Through daily conversations with people, I have learned to be in tune with what others need to hear. So let's take a journey together and see just how happy we can get together by disecting and being mindful of these 100 secrets!

#1 ~ Limit yourself to thinking about only one subject as you lie down to sleep.
#2 ~ Your life has purpose and meaning.

C'mon get Happy ~ #2

2012-05-08T15:46:00.000-04:00

Your Life Has Purpose and Meaning

Pick a person that you have met during your lifetime. Now think about who you met this person
through. Think about who you have met through them. Think about things that you may have done or
experienced that you may not have, had you never met them. Think of things this person said to you. Think of thoughts this person caused you to think and opinions that may have either been formed or changed by this person's influence. Most people have their own little map in our lives no matter how simple or detailed that map may be. Thinking about all of these things, it becomes clear just how much effect people have on our lives in their very own way.

Now consider this. Have you ever paid an extra dollar during checkout at the grocery store? A child you will never see or meet had a meal instead of going to bed hungry because you paid an extra dollar for groceries. Have you ever left your parking spot while there was still time left on the meter? Someone was able to run into the store to quickly grab what they needed without the worry of scrounging for change or having to juggle their purse and chiled while feeding the meter. Have you ever left change in the penny jar after payment somewhere? Someone who made a purchase after you had enough money to pay for their items because you were kind enough to share.

Do you see how one person can affect the lives of not only those that they meet, but also many who they may never lay eyes on? Each and every one of you is so much more important to so many more people than you can ever imagine. Let me give you another example.

I started writing this blog because I wanted to be able to use my experiences and insight to help my friends through tough times. I could have never imagined the impact that it would have in just a few short months. I have not only made new friends, but at the point where I took a break from writing for a bit, it was those new friends who were often asking for more of my blog. My words had touched people that I had never even met. Then I met someone while I was out and when I introduced myself, they immediately began telling me all the reasons why they love my blog. I asked how they had started reading my posts and their answer blew my mind. It brought about a realization to how influential we can be without being aware of it. This person and I had a mutual friend. When the mutual friend began reading my blog last October, this person said that they had noticed a major change in their friend's mood and attitude. When they made a comment about the difference, my friend had shared the link to the blog with them. That story showed me how the number of views on my blog is not even close to the number of lives that it has affected.

This is the case with each and every one of us. Once you realize how much effect your attitude has on others, you begin to see how really powerful you are as a person. You realize how a smile between you and a stranger could be the making of a day for someone you will never meet. How can that not make you happy??

"Some people strengthen the society just by being the kind of people they are." John W. Gardner

5/8/2012

C'mon get happy ~ #1

2012-04-27T20:41:00.000-04:00

So here it is...the big announcement!! The first secret we will concentrate on is:

Limit yourself to thinking about only one subject as you lie down to sleep.

The other night I commented on a status that someone had posted and it became very clear that I was not the only one having a hard time falling asleep that night. The book gives an example of what happens as we try to fall asleep and our thoughts wander but I have one of my own to share.

Picture this: I get ready for bed and I go to set my alarm. I work at 1:00 tomorrow, or is it 11:00?? I decide to set the alarm for 9 just in case. Do I have bus fare?? Where is it?? Do I have correct change?? Are my work clothes ready?? What bus should I take in case there is traffic to still be at work by eleven even though I think I really do work at one?? What if I oversleep?? What if I miss the bus?

How can anyone expect to fall asleep when the thoughts continue on and on and on and..... I allow one though to lead into another and another and another and before I know it, I have been awake in bed for hours and I have gone through the day ahead about 16 times in my mind. Not the actual day ahead, but the imagined one in which I have to manuever through every catastrophe known to man before I arrive safely home the following night. The problem is that I have had days like the imagined one. We all have. Days when anything and everything can and does go wrong.

**This is the part where I remind you all how I feel about worry**

*********************************************************************************

Stray with me for a moment, will you? Worry has never paid a single one of my bills. Worry has never written a final for me or taken a test in my place. Worry has never gotten up for me when the alarm went off or made the traffic go away when I was running late to somewhere. In fact, what I have found, is that worry most often does nothing but complicate matters. More often than not, I have found that I have worried needlessly over something that never wound up happening. Worry will waste time, can make you physically ill, and worst of all, it will eat away at your happiness!! Remember this!!!

*********************************************************************************

Back to that imagined horrible day that was preventing me from falling to sleep. Since worrying about it will not change the course of the day but to make it less pleasant, I suggest we make a conscious decision to avoid worry at all costs. The best method for avoiding worry and roaming thoughts at bed time is to pick one topic to focus on. It would be in our best interest to pick something that invokes happy thoughts and feelings. Each and every one of you need to come up with your own personal thoughts. They can change from day to day (as long as tonight's thought doesn't lead to yesterday's or tomorrow's thought.). Make sure you pick something easy at first since this is going to be something new and I want you all to succeed and get better at it.

After hours of consideration, I have chosen bubbles as my thought for tonight. Don't laugh!! Blowing bubbles and chasing them around to pop them is something that I see as nothing but fun and happy and positive. I feel that if my thoughts begin to stray to a bubble floating toward my eyeball and popping as it hits my eyelashes, it will be easy to steer my thoughts back to the joyous activity of blowing bubbles! :) Please remember that the bubbles are just my example to share with you. Please feel free to use my suggestion or come up with one of your own. I would love to see some comments sharing what you have decided to focus on before bed tonight and also comments tomorrow about whether limiting your focus helped you to fall asleep any faster.

In studies of college students, shifting between pre~sleep thoughts was found to be related to difficulty in sleeping and lower sleep quality. Better sleepers are 6% more satisfied with their lives than average sleepers, and 25% more satisfied than poor sleepers.

(Abdel Khalek, Al-Meshaan, and Al Shatti, 1995. "Themes of Pre Sleep Thoughts". Journal of the Social Sciences)

4/27/2012

Day 14 ~ Someone I don't get to talk to as often as I would like

2012-02-24T03:52:00.001-05:00

Dear Dan,

I wish you lived closer. I wish we talked more. I wish we were better at timing. I wish she treated you better and let you be you. I wish you didn't have to tip toe and hide our friendship. I wish you knew from the beginning, what you know about me now. I wish you would walk away and run straight to my door. I wish I could say everything I want to say at the exact moment that I want to say it. I wish I could address this to you instead of to your secret identity.

One day..... **sigh**

2/24/12

30 letters in 30 days

2011-11-18T15:38:00.001-05:00

A few years back I sat with a bottle of Jack and wrote ten things I wanted to say to ten random people without using names. Someone had posted that as a facebook note and I thought it would be something to occupy me for a bit. I could have never imagined how fulfilling that note was going to be for me. Not only did I enjoy it, but I knew I wanted to share it. I was able to say so many things to all these people without them even knowing that I had ever done so. I was surprised to find after I was done, that the person I thought I had so much to say to, wasn't even in my top ten. I learned that night that I had a love for writing and although it has taken me until now, I am grateful that I had that evening of realization. Here is my list of ten random thoughts for ten random people, without telling you who they are.

1. I am so glad we talked tonight!! We don't agree on some things.....okay, alot of things, but I understand where you are coming from. I think the whole bottom line we got to tonight is that we are completely different in our way of thinking. Thats why you are puzzled by me, right? While I don't agree with how you feel about certain things, I 100% can see why you feel that way and it's not wrong.....just wrong for me.

2. You are the best and worst thing ever!! You give me the guts to say whatever to whoever and thats great!! Given the right situation, thats great!! But, hello?? Do you ever just say, "Shut up, stop talkin!!?" Oh, and uh....what in the world does "charcoal mellowed" mean??

3. You were absolutely the MOST wonderful person, on a whole, that I could've been in complete contact with. You had your views but understood everyone. Hell, you understood me at my worst. You knew that if you got involved I would hate you for it. How does a ****** do that?? Please help me with that in the coming years....knowing how to be supportive but still make my feelings known but back off when necessary! Our relationship could have been so different with what I was going thru if u didn't read me....know what to say and do....and because of that, my memories are nothing but positive! I know I disappointed you, but you supported me, regardless, and I hope I can be exactly that to her.....

4. You never say a mean thing.....WTH?? I love you for that, but I see thru it!! U have to have a malicious thought now and again, right??? I mean, c'mon, she hurt you....ULTIMATELY!!!!, however, never have I ever heard a negative word out of ur mouth about her!! I know you loved her and up until three years ago, had she asked you back, you would have gone, right? Given up everything and ran back? ....as an adult I see that! And I know I would never hear a single thing negative about it from you....that's who you are! That's why I love you!!

5. LMAO....U make me dance....who would've ever guessed it could be done????

6. Thanks for posting this. I loved you back then and even tho I haven't seen you in like 15 years (OMG we r getting old), I love you now too!! Can't wait to see you this weekend!! I can remember when this whole crazy, turn my world upside down, shit started about a year and a half ago..... and we talked on the phone for probably the first time ever.....and you made it so easy to talk about whatever I was feeling!!! And I hung up feeling better about talking to you than anything!! U rock!! U say whatever....U curse, like me! LMAO!! And waiting.....haha, yeah, that sucks!! I feel ya!!

7. HAHA....it's you!! Who else could make number seven??? U were "that"!!! I wish things could have stayed like they were forever.....lol!! Doesn't work like that!!! Someone that different than you could never be completely content, right?? U don't understand me and you never will!! The things that matter to you and the things that matter to me r completely different. Sad!!! I hope that you will be happy one day. Don't waste too much time dwelling on me, please!! Get it together!! Figure out what you want and go for it. Find it!!! Took me awhile to accept that I wasn't it, but I am good now!! I understand.

8. You are THE best friend a girl could have. We r crazy different, but somehow you understand me and I understand you!! He kept me from u for so long but in the random conversations, there was never any catching up. I could just tell you the most recent and u knew what to say. When I left that first time and came to ur place, I shoulda handled it then. That's why he hated you, I am sure!! Thnx for the week when I first left for good!! I needed that vaca! That helped me get back to the me that was right b4 him!! I thought that that was me, but was only just a start....I know you see the difference. I feel like I picked up from where I left off but also moved foward....that week at ur place started that and I don't think you realize just how much it meant!

9. Wow....of all the things I have to say to you, not very many are suitable for facebook! I LOVE you. U r the most wonderful lil thing I have ever laid my eyes on!! Alot to handle, I grant you that, but great just the same!! U r so like me and so not at the same time!! I am sorry that you have been thru so much already. That sucks!! It is all a part of you tho! And it is all making you the exact person u r meant to be....that I am sure of. We never understand why until later! I just hope that my honesty with you sets an example of how honest you can be with me. Thats my goal!!

10. Oh, this is awesome!! My favorite, by far!! You, are so not what I expected!! Yikes!! Wasn't gonna include you in this list but, hey, u bumped some people!! LMAO!! Its a tough job you have right now....making me happy!! And I have to say, ur doing a damn good job. And rock on to you for knowing when was right! I was so in the dark....never even suspected. Was even a lil, shall I say offended, when you said "never" that night!! Like....OMG Really??? Happy freakin bday to me, right?? Am I that bad? LOL But to find out it was a front to protect me and be sure I was ready...thats cute!! Real cute! Almost as cute as karaoke!! ;)

It's pretty funny reading over some of these now. Some of them still apply and some show me just where I was at that time in my life. They definitely show me how much things have changed in my life since that day in March of 2009. Today, I stumbled upon a blog where the writer was partially through writing 30 letters in 30 days. This challenge is a bit different since it requires naming people. Starting Saturday, I will post a letter each day according to the list below. I encourage all of my readers to take the same challenge and see just how revealing and healing such a challenge can be. I am posting this blog knowing that I am committing myself to a time consuming task. Since writing this blog has been me opening up about everything in my life to any number of readers, I am willing to do just that in the next 30 days.

I have used the list I found online and modified it to include all of the people that I wanted to write to. Here is the list I will follow:

Day 01 - God

Day 02 - My dreams

Day 03 - A stranger

Day 04 - My favorite internet friend

Day 05 - My hero

Day 06 - My mother

Day 07 - My father

Day 08 - My ex

Day 09 - My brother

Day 10 - the OTHER brother

Day 11 - My best friend

Day 12 - Someone who is deceased

Day 13 - My child

Day 14 - Someone I don't get to talk to as often as I would like

Day 15 - Someone who is going through the worst of times

Day 16 - Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 - Someone who inspires me

Day 18 - Someone from my childhood

Day 19 - The last person I pinky promised

Day 20 - Someone who changed my life

Day 21 - Someone I wish I could meet

Day 22 - My younger self

Day 23 - A bully

Day 24 - The person I want to be

Day 25 - Someone I treated unkindly

Day 26 - Person I miss daily

Day 27 - Someone I have drifted away from

Day 28 - Someone I have learned a great deal about myself from

Day 29 - The last person I kissed

Day 30 - Who I see in the mirror

11/22/11

Let's get to know each other.....

2011-10-08T10:00:00.000-04:00

My name is Alison and I am 32 years old. I, despite rough times, am a genuinely happy person. I have been asked many times, by people who see me daily, how I can walk around with a cheerful attitude when I am going through hard times. That is what I want to share with those of you who will take the time to read what I have to say. I have been through being bullied as a child, a ten year relationship that was more abusive than I even realized until much later on, shoplifting and theft issues and the legal issues that resulted from them, losing my mother/best friend to a head~on crash, fleeing abuse and starting over with nothing in an unfamiliar place, learning to forgive those who had hurt me the most, countless moves, breakups that broke my heart, jobs that were unfulfilling, and being let down by countless "friends" that I thought I could count on. I will go into further detail about these things as my blog progresses but I think that gives you a pretty good idea of the lows I have faced along the way. Instead of allowing these "things" to break me, I have found a way to learn from each and every one of them. I have learned how to make sure that I take the steps I need to take to avoid going through some of them again. I have learned to identify how each one has made me better and stronger as a person. I have learned how to look at each of them truly accept them for what they are. Circumstances. Each one devastating in their own way but carrying one common denominator. Each and every single thing we face has a POSITIVE. I can promise you that. Don't give up on me yet. I will explain, I promise! I am sure you want to know how the loss of my mother could possibly carry a POSITIVE. As we go on, I want to make sure that this becomes as obvious to you as it is to me. And it will. You will see how it works and then one day you will notice that you are pointing out POSITIVES to a friend. It will become like second nature to you, as it has become for me. There will be times when people tell you things because they want sympathy and pity. They will either embrace your POSITIVE attitude and want to know how you do it or they will seek out sympathy elsewhere. I hope that you share what I teach you with everyone you know. Keeping it a secret does no good, that is why I am taking the time to share it with you.

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it" -Mary Engelbreit

10/08/11

UA-26846584-1

They said it before I had a chance to....

2011-10-08T05:45:00.001-04:00

"For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else" -Winston Churchill

"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty" -Winston Churchill

"If you think about your disaster you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience" -Swami Vivekananda

"There are always flowers for those who want to see them" -Henri Matisse

"I have found that if you love life, life will love you back" -Arthur Rubinstein

"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results" -Willie Nelson

"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them" -Epictetus

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes" -Mahatma Gandhi

"Every person is the creation of himself, the image of his own thinking and believing. As individuals think and believe, so they are" -Claude Bristol

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world" -Buddha

"Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different" -Katherine Mansfield

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars" -Oscar Wilde

"Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost" -Helen Keller

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world" -Anne Frank

"I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death" -Nelson Mandela

"One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself" -Lucille Ball

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence" -Helen Keller

10/08/11

UA-26846584-1

21 Habits of Happy People

2011-10-08T05:32:00.002-04:00

I recently posted a link to my facebook with this title. As I read it, I realized that most of the 21 habits were things that I practice on a daily basis. Lets go through them together and discuss why each one is so important.

1. Appreciate Life ~ Wake up each day and be thankful that you are alive. Each day that we wake up is a new opportunity to make friends, share ideas, learn new things, and change the world. We can wake up each day and let others determine how our day will go or we can take charge of our own lives and make them what we want them to be. Although I have my opinion on which is the better route to take, whatever you decide, at least appreciate that you have the choice. Be truly happy to be alive. If you struggle with this, think for a minute about how many others would have given anything to take your place.......That kind of puts it into perspective, now doesn't it?

2. Choose your Friends Wisely ~ Take notice of how you feel mood wise when you hang around different people. Make an effort to surround yourself with happy people. This will aid in your own happiness. Aligning yourself with people who have a joy of life and the things that it brings rub off on those around them. The more you hang around these people, the better your days will seem. They will show you by example where true happiness lies. When you get good enough at it yourself, you can swing back around for Debbie Downer and maybe rub off on her a little bit at a time. After awhile, you will begin to see exactly where you do and don't belong and where your happiness is stifled and where it is cultivated. Being aware of how others make you feel is always crucial to maintaining your happiness.

3. Be Considerate ~ You have the unique ability to touch lives every single day. You do not need to be responsible for changing any one's life but your own. Let your willingness to accept others for who they are serve as an example to them. Let your desire to help when possible without expecting anything in return resonate with those you come in contact with. I have found greater joy in doing for those who can offer me nothing than I have ever found in receiving favors from anyone. My reward of seeing someone else happy is all the reward I could ever need.

4. Learn Continuously ~ Learn everything you can about everything you do. Having knowledge about things is not only valuable to you, but to those around you. Share what you know and help others gain knowledge along the way. When sharing what you know, be sure to avoid being frustrated if someone does not catch on. When you share with others, you can either rejoice in the fact that you have helped them figure something out or rejoice in the time you spent with them while trying. Either way you win!

5. Creative Problem Solving ~ All of us face problems. It is our way of dealing with them that differs. Those who waste their time feeling sorry for themselves will never be happy. Make a decision to search for answers and make changes. Look at each problem as a puzzle and figure out the best way to approach it and overcome it. Do not allow it to overtake your mood in the process. Remain POSITIVE and find a POSITIVE solution.

6. Do What You Love ~ People who wake up every morning and go to a job that they hate are not happy. I have to tell you that I have been there. Let me share with you my solution to this problem. List for yourself anything you can think of that you like about your job. For me, number one is that I enjoy the interaction I get to have with my customers. I have the opportunity to see many of the same people often and some new people as well. Each person who crosses my path is viewed as someone who may be a piece of my puzzle. With nothing but a kind word and a smile, I may be able to influence someones day. I try to keep that in mind when someone is in front of me who is really testing my patience. When you find your list of the things you enjoy, keep them handy and remind yourself of them as often as you need to. Focus on then during the rough moments. In the rare case that there is not a single POSITIVE thing about your job, hit the classifieds and get a new one. It does not matter how much money you make if your job leaves you miserable and unfulfilled.

7. Enjoy Life ~ Often times we get so caught up in running around and getting things done that we fail to notice things. Life contains so many beauties that are right in front of our eyes and we do not stop for a second to enjoy them. There are sunsets, flower gardens, playgrounds full of children, and leaves that change colors every fall that hold more joy than some can ever begin to imagine because they do not take the time to stop and notice. Think of the world as free admission to an art museum on a daily basis.

8. Laugh ~ Happy people most certainly laugh! When you find the humor in situations they become considerably easier to deal with. Laugh with and at your friends. Laugh with and at yourself. Taking life too seriously leads to stress and stress leads to unhappiness. :)

9. Forgive ~ Here is one that has been argued by the best of them and my position has never changed. The biggest favor you can do yourself on your road to happiness is to forgive. It can be done, of that I am sure. I have forgiven unthinkable wrongs that were done against me and it was probably the single best favor I have ever done for myself. By forgiving those who have hurt you, you strip them of any power they have over you. You take all control from them and it is an instant release. (we will get back to this later)

10. Gratitude ~ Be grateful for every single thing. This goes hand in hand with finding your POSITIVES. As you learn to pinpoint the POSITIVES, you will find it easier to be thankful for even what appears to be the worst of situations. When you see the lessons you are learning through every one, you will be thankful for the knowledge gained by each of them. It takes time and can sometimes be a struggle but the reward in it is so great!

11. Invest in Relationships ~ Take the time to make sure that the people in your lives know exactly how much they mean to you. When you are clear about your feelings and the part people play in your lives, they tend to take that into account and have more respect for how they treat you in return. It also just plain feels good sometimes to tell people just how much they mean to you!

12. Keep Your Word ~ Lets face it.....liars downright suck!! I do not like lying and do not tolerate it. Therefore, to do so would be hypocritical. When you say something, mean it. Be someone that others can count on. Be trustworthy!

13. Meditate ~ This is the one that I have never done. The reasons why are exactly what it is supposed to help so perhaps I will start. From what I hear, meditation is a way to rest your brain which may be thinking a million and one things at any given moment. For me, I never seem to be able to stop thinking about all the things I have to do and accomplish long enough to focus on complete nothingness or even just one solitary thought. In admitting this, I think perhaps one blog post will be completely on meditation and maybe we can learn together. There may be some tips that you all can offer me that would help in my quest to begin meditation. (This takes me back to number 4 where I told you to learn continuously.)

14. Mind Your Own Business ~ Now I have to admit that this one can be a real challenge. Taking a step back and seeing what stress other people's drama can cause you is a big eye opener though. When we are making an effort to find our own POSITIVES and change our own lives for the better, this added outside stuff just begins to get in the way. When we get good enough at finding our own POSITIVES, there are times when not minding our own business may be beneficial to others. You will begin to find that you look for positives everywhere and it feels so good that you feel compelled to show others how to do the same. At that point, I urge you to pass along what you know. If other peoples business is not causing you stress and you do not find yourself in the midst of business when you are unwanted there, by all means, point out the POSITIVE!

15. Optimism ~ Ahhhhh, my favorite!! Learning to see the POSITIVE makes optimism inevitable. How can you possibly be pessimistic when you always find the good in every thing your confronted with? I was where many people are. I would wake up and wonder what was going to go wrong that day before I even got out of bed. When things were going good, I would wonder why and when was it all going to go bad. This way of thinking is typical after going through trial after trial. Training your thoughts takes conscious effort but the rewards are well worth the work you put in.

16. Love Unconditionally ~ When we love someone, we cannot just love the parts of them that we approve of. People you love will disappoint you almost daily but it is sometimes your love through the hard times that will get them back on track. It is your love of them regardless of their shortcomings that will bring them to you for advice and guidance when they need it most. It is your love that could quite possibly be their example of how to love themselves! I want to make this part very clear ----> Without first loving yourself unconditionally, you will not be able to love someone else unconditionally!

17. Persistence ~ When you decide that you want something, do not ever give up. There is nothing that you cannot achieve when you set your mind to it. You may have to change your approach in order to attain your goal but when you finally get there, you can look back with a sense of pride at the hard work you put in and what you were able to achieve by not giving up.

18. Be Proactive ~ Wasting time and energy on things that are out of you control will be counterproductive to your quest for happiness. Accept that some things can just not be changed. There are indeed things that are not possible for us to change as humans. The time we do not waste on these is valuable time that we can focus on improving things that are within our control.

19. Self Care ~ Take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually and whatever else-ally :) Being healthy will save you plenty of time on doctors appointments and feeling crappy tends to make thinking POSITIVE a bigger challenge than it has to be.

20. Self Confidence ~ Look at you!!! You are absolutely fabulous! You are wonderful just because you are you. There is no law written that says you must look or act or like any thing. You do not have to be anything other than exactly what you are. When you discover that and truly love yourself, you will be better suited to be an inspiration to those around you. When you exude a love for yourself (this can be easily be confused with cockiness which is never good) others have no choice but to want to be around you and want to know you. (I will share how I learned this later on as well!)

21. Take Responsibility ~ Do not allow responsibility for any piece of your life to fall on someone else. Not a single person but you is responsible for your actions, your moods, your attitudes, your thoughts, the words that come out of your mouth, or most importantly, your happiness! Depending on anyone else to make you feel better is setting yourself up for disappointment. You have the power!! Don't ever give that away!

10/09/11

UA-26846584-1

Speaking of things that bring happiness....

2011-10-08T04:11:00.002-04:00

There are few things that cost nothing but truly make you feel good. Doing things to help others is definitely one of them. You can never understand the positive effects on your own life that stem from giving your time to help others and and expecting nothing in return. This is what we call volunteering. Sometimes those that we choose to help are our friends and sometimes they are people we have never met. Sometimes our efforts reach people and become a blessing in their lives without us even knowing.

"In every community, there is work to be done. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. In every heart, there is the power to do it." ~ Marianne Williamson

The selfless people who take the time out to do volunteer work are special angels to those that they help. These people are never doing the work that they do in hopes of receiving compensation. It's the simple pleasure that comes from knowing that you have helped another that needed it that fuels these special people. In the process, you gain much in the way of knowledge and friends.

An all time favorite quote...

I was lucky enough to have met, through an elaborate string of events, a gentleman who has become a very dear friend to me. I could have never known that travelling to a show in West Chester with friends would lead to the type of friendship that I have developed with Mr. Dan Mangini. The show I met him at was one of his many volunteer projects. Even knowing that he had organized the event that I attended, did not give me a clear knowledge of the extent of his work. A great deal of the work I have seen Dan do is for Siloam. Not only has he organized fundraisers to benefit this organization, but he is also there several times a week helping out in whatever capacity they need him to. For more information on Siloam or to make a donation please visit:

Siloam

As the months have gone by, I have seen Dan face numerous devastating events. The type of things that he has endured recently are events that have the ability to weaken spirits. The ability to break people. I have seen it happen. Remaining in close contact with Dan at these times and having many heart to heart conversations with him, has shown me just how alike we are in our beliefs and the strength we posses to put one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard the next step seems. Our desire to share what we know with others about how to view things and the effect it has on your mental well being, is another common bond. I got a message from Dan one day asking me to help him find something to share and discuss during a group meeting. I was honored that this man would look to me for suggestions on something that obviously was very important to him. The kind words of gratitude that I receive from Dan, no matter what I share with him, lets me know that he enjoys our friendship as much as I do!

Recently, there were nominations announced for the 2011 5th Annual Philadelphia Rainbow Awards. Dan was nominated in two categories; Humanitarian and Volunteer. As I said earlier, recognition is never the motivation for volunteering. That being said, it sure feels good to hear that your selfless efforts to benefit others have been noticed and appreciated. Dan was shocked by his nomination and will, without a doubt, be even more shocked to wake up this morning to the news that he has won the Rainbow Award for Volunteer. I am so proud to call Dan my friend and could think of no better way to express that pride than to give him his very own post in a blog that he, through our conversations, had inspired without even knowing. Before I invited others to read this blog, I sent the link to this man who's opinion I have learned to value so much. I am happy to say that this post has been the easiest to write :)

Dan and I at Outfest 2011

10/20/11
I <3 you, Dan! Congratulations!!

UA-26846584-1

Bullies~R~Yucky :/

2011-10-07T02:39:00.001-04:00

"Difficulties are just things to overcome, after all." ~ Earnest Shackleton

"The human race only has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." ~Mark Twain

To reach a point where we love and respect ourselves so much that the harsh words of another person serve no other purpose than to amuse us, is a level that should be the goal of each and every student in each and every classroom across America. As adults, we have an opportunity to figure out what role we play in each child's life and work towards building their self esteem sky high so that they are able to achieve this state of "untouchable". Serving as an example of happiness and positivity at all times, goes a long way. Young people are drawn to happy people and they begin to want to mimic what they see displayed constantly. Teach those around you the way to live happily and positively at all times in all circumstances. Your day to day happiness should have nothing to do with your obstacles but rather your way in which you look at them. Your perception and frame of mind is in your control at all times. Make a commitment to yourself to always be in control of your own thoughts and then don't let yourself down.......LIVE IT!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Being Bullied:
When faced with the actions of a bully, instead of being hurt or upset, choose to look for the lesson you are able to learn from that situation. In what way are you able to be in control of the exchange between yourself and someone who is obviously on a mission to intimidate you or belittle you? By finding a way in which you are in control, strips your bully of all of their power. At the point where you have made a conscious decision to be on the lookout for ways to be POSITIVE in all things, you immediately hold every single moment in your own hands. At the point where you may be approached by a bully do you feel scared or powerful?? When someone places them self in your path full of negative behavior, have they not helped you by revealing their need for your help instead of making you search for them? Look at this as your chance to make a lasting impression on them. Force yourself to see them as someone who is unhappy and needs help. When you think of them as needing help, they become severely less intimidating. Their need to bully others to make themselves feel better is merely a cry for help and an easily identifiable sign of weakness. I am quite sure the bully will soon forget the names and faces of those they made cry as the list grows but the one who smiled in the face of their nastiness will leave a lasting impression. They will feel confused and try to figure out why their tactics were ineffective. They will instantly recognize the one they were unable to affect as different from the rest and will most likely have no desire to risk being unsuccessful again.

"At the end of the day, love and compassion will win." ~ Terry Waite

Understanding the Bully:
Knowledge is power. When you start to think about what must be going through the head of someone who feels the constant need to hurt others either verbally of physically, you begin to realize just how ~~strong~~ weak they are. Often times, the people who pick on others do it to feel tough or strong because they have been made to feel powerless somewhere else. They are unhappy in some other area in their life and their bullying is an outlet for the frustration they feel about being unable to fix their own problems. A bully’s background and family life are often times to blame for their lack of empathy when they deal with others. While it is difficult to feel sorry for someone who may cause you a great deal of stress and embarrassment, your changing of your view of the situation is your first step of empowerment. Bullying has been around forever and will forever remain in all areas of society. Your only defense is to refuse to let it frighten or affect you negatively.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." ~ Ghandi

Make a difference:
As important as it is for you to make sure that you are not open to being bullied, it is equally important for you to stand up for those who have not found a way to defend themselves. Being aware of a situation and doing nothing to improve it, is little better than taking part in it your self. If you feel that your safety will be in jeopardy by stepping in, then find someone close by who is more able to do so. To acknowledge a situation and call attention to the wrongness of it, is to take a step toward changing it. Stand up for yourself and others. There is great joy and self pride in helping others and making a difference. And never, ever lose hope that change can be made.

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the whole ocean does not become dirty." ~ Ghandi

10/20/11

UA-26846584-1

Finding strength.....

2011-10-06T05:38:00.000-04:00

Everyone has struggles. If you told me you didn't struggle with anything, that would probably be the last conversation we ever had. (Lying is not one of my favorite traits in a person, just sayin') Our struggles are where we learn and where we grow. They are also an opportunity for discovery. We gain the knowledge, when we are at our lowest, of who really cares and who turns away until everything is sunshine and rainbows again. I like sunshine and rainbows as much as anyone, but I have learned to be grateful for the struggles in between, as well. After all, the beauty of a rainbow would likely be diminished if I could look to the sky and see it whenever I wanted, right? It's the rainy storms that make evident it's beauty!

"Continuous eloquence wearies. Grandeur must be abandoned to be appreciated. Continuity in everything is unpleasant. Cold is agreeable, that we may get warm." ~ Blaise Pascal

During our struggles, we search for answers. We search for comfort and support. We search for peace. All of these can come from obvious places like our families and friends. Sometimes they come from the not so obvious places. I cannot pretend to know what works best for everyone, but I can share what works for me in the hopes that it may help another. When I speak of my faith, I ask that you keep an open mind and apply it to whatever you believe in. The only thing that I will ever adamently insist on, is that you believe in SOMETHING. There has to be SOMETHING that you attribute the impossible to. There needs to be SOMETHING that you turn to in the times when you feel like everyone else has turned away. The greatest thing you could possibly ever do for yourself is to find SOMETHING to put your faith in. If, after me saying that, you think reading about what I choose to believe in is going to offend or bother you, please find another post to read. I can assure you that my faith is unshakeable and no questions or debates will change what I already know.

"In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't." ~ Blaise Pascal

I can very proudly say that I believe in God and let you all know that I believe that it is through Him that I have made it to where I am in life. There are things that I have been faced with which I would have never believed, until recently, that I could truly be grateful for. Believing that these things were placed before me by SOMETHING, or in my case by God, helps me to accept that there is a reason for them. My struggles have all been mine and only mine because of a plan that is beyond anything that I could have possibly constructed for myself. My faith that they are of God for a greater purpose in my life brings me comfort when I am handling them since I believe that He would not give me what I cannot handle. I have found that worry is nothing but a big, old waste of time. Worry time is much more productively spent seeking the lesson I am learning while locating a solution to the obstacle I face. When I am hard pressed to find an obvious or possible solution, I wait. I wait and I pray because I know that God ALWAYS makes a way for me. I know because I have seen proof. I know because He has provided for me time and time again.

"People are more generally better persuaded by the reasons which they have themselves discovered than by those which have been discovered by others." ~ Blaise Pascal

I have seen people go through extraordinary circumstances. I have been through extraordinary circumstances myself. Sometimes we look at others and wonder if we could endure what they are going through. That is where I am tonight. There is a family that I know is fighting a battle harder than any I could ever imagine. In October of 2010, my cousin's son was diagnosed with Anaplastic Astracytoma. An 8 year old boy with an inoperable brain tumor and an extraordinary will to live has become known to thousands through a Facebook page that is frequently updated by his parents. Christian's Crusaders has become more than just a page where Christian's parents can update on his status. It has become a place where kind words are shared among people from all over the country and beyond. It is a place where people tell Christian "good morning" when they wake up and "good night" before they go to bed. Some come to tell jokes to Christian, while others come to share stories of their sports teams progress as they all wear their green ~Be Brave - Be Strong~ bracelets. Their are pictures and touching stories posted by Christian's parents along with countless posts telling Christian what a hero he is. The outpouring of love and support that I have been witness to on the Christian's Crusaders page is beyond amazing. To see how many people respond to a post, having never met this family, displays the ability of one little boy to reside in the hearts of so many. It makes me happy to see each and every person respond because it has to be a great comfort to this family as they live everyday with a situation that is out of their control. I am sure that they are well aware that they are not alone in their fight. I am sure because they frequently let everyone know how much they appreciate the support. One example would be a post from yesterday that received 480 likes and 64 comments. Here is what it said:

"Joan and I have prayed 2-3 hours a day since Christian was diagnosed. He's been blessed by 2 Cardinals, numerous healing priests and he has been touched by more religious artifacts than I knew existed. We've witnessed him clinging to life but he has always pulled through. Doctors can't explain it but its pretty obvious to me: God is in control. If God's will is to grant this miracle, smile, and know you were all part of it."

One post details so many things. You learn of Christian's amazing courage and strength. You learn of the multitudes of people who have become interested in the well being of this little boy. You learn of parents who are comforted through their extraordinary faith and who still find time in their busy days to pray. You learn that these parents have a way of including every single one of Christian's Crusaders in every step of his fight and their need to include them all in the miracle that they are all waiting for. Last night came another post. The most recent news was that Christian was on his way to the Emergency Room at Children's Hospital. Within seconds, the comments and posts started pouring in. During the past ten hours, with little more that we could do but wait for an update, the posts have continued. We all wait, knowing we are not alone!

Please join in supporting the Clopp Family.
http://secure.campaigner.com/Campaigner/Public/t.show?O0nk--ACMr-v0YUi7

UA-26846584-1

Its not Halloween.....

2011-10-04T08:56:00.000-04:00

Today is October 31st even though for the purpose of organization of this blog it will be dated otherwise. For many people October 31st means costumes and candy and haunted houses. It used to for me as well until October 31st of 1986. Other than the day my daughter was born, that day in 1986 is the best day of my life. (This would probably be a good time to mention that going to Jimmy Rollin's BaseBowl charity event follows right up in third place but I am sure that doesn't surprise anyone!) So this is where I tell you the story of how October 31st became so much more than Halloween to me!

I had a brother. He was born when I was 15 months old. He was mine and as far as I could remember, he always had been. Alison and Jarrod. Jarrod and Alison. He was part of my identity. I, obviously, did not remember a time before he was my brother. It was just the two of us and Mommy for awhile after Dad "moved". Then one day when I was 7 and Jarrod was 6, mom told us that she was going to have a baby. I would love to detail how I felt at that exact moment but I really do not remember those details. (Recalling a story from 25 years ago sure does have a way of making you feel old.) I do remember though, very clearly in fact, that I wanted a sister. Anyone who knows Jarrod would understand my disinterest in anything to do with having another brother! Anyone who knows Jarrod would know that I was only half joking in that last statement. It makes me feel a tiny bit better knowing that Jarrod didn't want another sister either. Then months later, I am going to guess around August or September, Jarrod and I spent hours in the front yard playing with his Tonka trucks in the dirt. (That was probably the last time Jarrod and I ever "played nicely together" for any length of time.) By the end of that day of play without fighting, we both had a little secret to tell Mommy. Jarrod decided that he was okay with having a sister and I realized that maybe another brother wasn't the end of the world. I actually wanted another brother. I decided that moving from the bigger bedroom to the smaller one by myself could be a big adventure. Although no one, not even Mom, knew yet the gender of the new baby, everyone should have known that I always win. ;)

So it was October 31st of 1986. I am sure we both woke up excited that it was the day we got to go Trick or Treating. I am sure we both had costumes and close to sure that they were completely awesome and handmade by Mom. We always had cool handmade costumes and that could be why I am so intent on making Lex's costumes now. We went to school like any other day but after school it got kind of weird. Instead of going home, we got picked up by Mom Mom Annie. Mommy was having a baby!!! I cannot remember going to collect candy that year at all! I am sure we did but also sure that the excitement of getting candy could never compare to the excitement of getting a baby! And then came the news. It was a boy!! Joshua Stephen had joined our family. I could have never imagined that day just how much that little boy would affect my life. Never in my wildest dreams could I ever have fathomed what a special young man that little baby would become or the extent to which I would be proud of him! Looking at that baby boy, I would have never guessed that he would wind up being one of my very best friends. The next day when we went to the hospital to see Mom and Joshua, I thought he was cuter than any doll I had ever owned and I was excited that I would be able to hold him all the time once he came home. At 8 years old, I had my own real life baby doll to play with. I thought that made me just the luckiest girl ever. As the years have gone by, not much has changed but these views have certainly evolved. Josh is quite possibly more of a doll than he ever was as a baby. The fun I have playing with him has reached all new levels. It helps that he is potty trained. One thing hasn't changed though....I am still the luckiest girl ever!

As with all siblings, we had our times when we weren't as close. Most of that was due to my being older and moving out and having a baby. Not willing to take all the blame though, I will gently remind Josh that for some reason having a big sister around wasn't always considered to be the best way in which to aquire the coolest~kid~in~school award. Luckily, as you manuever your way through life and all of its ups and downs, you figure out that growing up under the same roof does not eliminate the ability to devolop a close friendship. I am not sure if it was the unexpectated death of our mother, our shared ability to resemble black sheep, or our similar views and attitudes on so many various topics, but during the last five years our need for each other has significantly greatened. When taking a trip, it is each other that we check in with when we have arrived. Major events are quickly discussed and assessed. I call for his opinion on things and he calls for mine. We share secrets and stories and on good nights, wine! We share a love for many of the same colorful (if you know what I mean) hang outs! I cannot begin to communicate how proud I am of him for what he has overcome and his continuous steps toward the end goal he has envisioned. His non willingness to waiver on what he believes and how he feels about things just to appease others is quite comparable to my own and this doesn't make us stubborn or hardheaded, . but rather certain of our beliefs and willing to defend them regardless of resistance.

I think I have made it quite clear why today is so much more my brother's birthday than it will ever be Halloween. No amount of chocolate could ever compare to a Pickle Rootie. No amount of hay could be more of a comfort than the love of my Joshie. I have yet to see a haunted house scarier than the thought of not being able to share the ups and downs of life with my Lil One. The best witch's brew ever, could never hold a candle to the glasses of wine we share. No costume could ever disguise or mask the importance he holds in my life!

Lil One:

It breaks my heart that I was unable to make it there this weekend for a surprise visit. If there was any way, I would have been there. While I know that you would have enjoyed a visit, I also know that you completely understands my inability to do so. I am pretty sure that working on a blog post all night long has to have some kind of excitement value. And the fact that you now have some editor's responsibilities will make it feel like you are working with me on this birthday! Right??!? I hope this post serves as a reminder that you can read over and over again of how much I love you and how much I value the friendship that we share! I am proud of you beyond words for all you have become and all you have yet to be. There is no doubt in my mind that you will achieve every goal you have set for yourself. I thank you for your support when I have needed someone to lean on. I thank you for sharing your hopes and dreams and secrets with me and allowing me to do the same. There is no doubt that there is a perfect brother...I am just glad that I get to call him mine! I hope that you have a wonderful day full of laughter and happiness! I cannot wait to celebrate with you, but then when have we ever needed a reason to celebrate? I love you and I promise to make it up there soon. Now get to editing! :)

Love,

Sibling relationships - and 80 percent of Americans have at least one - outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship. They flourish in a thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth, loyalty and distrust. ~Erica E. Goode, "The Secret World of Siblings," U.S. News & World Report

10/31/11

"Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero". ~Marc Brown

~ This picture is one of my favorites everrrr. That's how we roll!! ~

UA-26846584-1

My toughest day....

2011-10-03T18:56:00.000-04:00

My Mommy <3

Seven years. That's how long it has been since I could call her on the phone and tell her Happy Birthday. The last time I made that call was 2004. The year she turned 48. Going off of experience, six November 2nd's worth of it, today (yesterday) is going to be a rough day. When she first passed there were four days a year that seemed unbearable. Four specific days a year that seemed nearly impossible to make it through and the entire Christmas season. To say that they have all gotten better would be a complete lie. It hasn't gotten a bit better any day of the year. Every day she is still gone. Every day I wish I could ask her advice or share a story of something that occurred during my day. People say that time heals and when they say it, you are under the impression that they mean that it will get better. Maybe that is what they mean. Maybe, if they have been through it, that may be the way they have found to put into words how they feel over time. I disagree. Adamently, in fact. The notion that the death of a loved one gets better is a lie! It does not get better. You simply learn to better deal with the loss and your feelings regarding it.

There was always so much anticipation leading up to the day we were born as kids. When we were younger, there was always party planning taking place. As we got older, the parties stopped but Mom always baked the cake of our choice for us to have when we opened our gifts. My favorite cake was of course the most tedious to make since it used egg whites and required hanging it upside down to cool, but there was never a complaint about making me my Angel Food Cake. I remember one birthday where Mom was sick with pneumonia. She ran a daycare and I had never seen her take a single day off. She was never unable to be less than energetic for the kids that were left in her care. The night before my birthday she had called all the parents and asked them to make other plans because she was literally unable to make it off the couch other than to use the bathroom. She woke me up for school and said goodbye as I left to go and get on the bus but she did not say "Happy Birthday". I went through my day completely thinking that she had forgotten it was my birthday and how could I not understand with how she was feeling? When I got home, there was Mom laying on the couch bundled in a blanket with a box of tissues within reach. I put my stuff away and whatever else was my normal routine after school in those days and then I walked into the kitchen. Smack dab in the middle of the kitchen table was the most beautiful Angel Food Cake I have ever seen. At that exact moment I realized how crazy I had been to think that my mother would ever let anything keep her from making my cake, let alone remembering my birthday. These expected acts of love made this a very difficult day to get through once Mom passed. The special loving things she said and did on that day were never going to happen again. On my birthday, I have learned to look forward to the company of my friends. I have used the love that is showered upon me by those that care about me to distract from the fact that I don't receive that one phone call. I have even been lucky enough to be able to look forward to the Angel Food Cake that was made for me every single birthday. The best part is that I think that Kimmy is fully aware that when she bakes my cake, she is not baking it alone. The fact that she puts so much effort into making it and worrying that it is just right is the most beautiful thing someone could do for me on that day. My birthday didn't get better, it got different.

Mother's Day was hard. The first one especially so since it took place four days after her death. Thinking back on it now, I am amazed at the resilience of my brothers and I. We had dinner reservations for us all including my mom. We went and took advantage of those reservations minus one attendee. She was there, there's no doubt about that, but there was no need for a seat at the table. We shared memories and laughed and joked and picked on every staff member who approached our table. By "picked on" I surely mean "flirted with" which is a fine skill the three of us learned from somewhere. Since I am sure that this was not learned from Mom, I will take full credit for not only my own skills but those of my two younger brothers, as well. Had Mother's Day been a week or two later, this may have been a bit of a different story. Shock enables you to coast through some pretty extraordinary events. The combination of shock and the need my siblings and I have to make sure others are taken care of, enabled us to hold our heads high and do a great deal more laughing than crying in the week immediately following Mom's death. The amount of smiles exchanged, even at the funeral, was nothing short of amazing. It took a few hard Mother's Days before a friend pointed out to me that although I had lost my own mother, I was a mother myself. This day was my day as much as it was hers. Immersing myself in joyful activities with my own daughter made it impossible to sulk the day away about the fact that I couldn't spend it with my own mother. I had to change the way I viewed the day and focus on the good instead of the bad. Mother's Day didn't get better, it got different.

Thanksgiving dinner, for as long as I could remember, had been held in our home. This meant that Mom would be up all night long cooking and cleaning. We would be joined by early afternoon by my grandparents and any number of other family members who were able to join us. My great grand mom, otherwise known as 'lil grand mom' due to the fact that I can't imagine she was a fraction of an inch over four feet tall, was also a yearly guest. There were countless different dishes to choose from. Every possible Thanksgiving dish you could possibly want was followed up by a wide variety of desserts. Each and every single one prepared by our mother. That is the pretty side of it. The aftermath is probably part of the reason that I am so horribly against

the chore of doing dishes to this day. I would prefer to clean ten toilets than to do a sink full of dishes and I think this, can at least partially, be attributed to the massive mountain of dishes that awaited me each and every Thanksgiving just about at the same time that the triptophan was kicking in. Our dishwasher was never once, in all of my memory, used as anything but a place to store any snack food. This meant that each and every dish needed to be hand washed and put in the strainer. Please do not be fooled into thinking a full strainer led to a break of any kind, unless you consider drying and putting away dishes to make more room for washing to be a break. As we got older and members of the family moved further away, we did a few years of reservations at a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. I cannot tell you how cool we thought this concept was. I don't even think that we realized that places were open for business on Thanksgiving. After Mom's passing, it struck me that I was not sure where I was going to go to eat for Thanksgiving dinner. I did the only logical thing. I stayed up all night and prepared countless dishes and desserts to feed any family or friends who wanted to join us. The closeness I felt to my Mom as I cooked for hours on end was a feeling that no number of sinkfuls of dirty dishes could diminish. I remember enjoying every single second of preparing that dinner and the time spent with family directly after. It was only then, that I understood exactly why Thanksgiving was always held in our home. Thanksgiving didn't get better, it got different.

The end of Thanksgiving tradition was closely followed by the Christmas season. This was a magical time of year in our family where the focus was always on giving, sharing and time spent together. Christmas Eve was spent next door at my grandmother's house every single year. When Nanny passed, a funny thing happened. It got different. It became evident that the organization of it all was Nanny's doing, since people came and went as they pleased on their own time schedule. That's what it seemed like at the time, at least. It was only after the passing of my own mother that I realized the lack in interest had a lot less to do with planning and a lot more to do with heartache. It was quite a lot of strength to summon to participate in holiday events in a home where the person who belonged more than anyone was not in attendance.The feeling that making others happy carries with it, is something I have learned to seek out on a daily basis as the years have gone on. Although I enjoy the visiting with family members at holiday time, it is the personal rewards that come with giving to others which has brought me the most joy during the holiday seasons following Mom's death. The Christmas season didn't get better, it got different.

There are two more days that would need to be mentioned. One that has never been an issue and one that simply always will. The day my mother didn't come home was a Wednesday that happened to be the fourth day of the fifth month in the year of 2005. I will never forget the date and I am well aware that the date of death is something that many people struggle with every year in their own personal circumstances. I seem to have escaped that fate and eliminated a day from my list of ones that needed to become "different". Somehow, each and every year, May 4th comes and goes without a second thought. I am often left realizing on the 5th or 6th that the 4th has already passed. The only explanation for my fortunate avoidance of this extra day of sad thoughts, is the fact that it never held importance in my life before that year, so why should it after? I don't miss her any more on any specific day.

To the contrary is the second day of November. It's not any better, it's not any different, EVER!

After two days of working on that last paragraph to tell you how I feel on Mom's birthday, that's all I have. I mean, I had about fifty different paragraphs worth of crap. Each one not adequately describing the day and being erased. As it turns out, two sentences is all it needs!

11/03/11

Daddy's boy

2011-10-03T07:18:00.000-04:00

This is a poem written by a friend of mine that I thought was absolutely beautiful. He shared this with me just moments before I was to begin my post about how I felt about missing my mother, Amazing how many of his feelings are the very same ones that I experience in my day to day thoughts of her. Thank you, Keith Heisler, for allowing me to share the feelings that you were so eloquently able to put into words.

Daddy's Boy

Today would have been your Birthday; you’ve been gone for far too long.
It hurt’s to think about you still; I’m feeling all alone.
I hope that you found happiness; on the other side.
I hope that we will meet again; when my days are gone.
It’s hard for me to let go, I need you in my life.
Where do I go for comfort, or when I need advice?
I need you here for guidance, to help me figure out this ride.
I know I’m being selfish, and it was just your time.
But Inside I’m still that little boy, who needs you by his side.
I know that I’m no child; I have children of my own.
I wish you could see them; and see how big they’ve grown
They never got to meet you; for that I’m sorry every day.
I love you dad you’re in my heart; and that will never go away.

Keith Heisler 9-28-2011
In the memory of Thomas Robert Heisler
I love you dad Happy Birthday!

11/02/11

UA-26846584-1

Being Content........

2011-10-02T16:38:00.000-04:00

(This was written a few days ago but finished up today. I think it may be needed by a few people who follow this blog so I figured I would get it published!)

Let me start by saying that as I began my post today, it had not a single thing to do with being content. That post was started but has taken a back burner to what I am going to share with you now.

Tonight, I went to work at a job that is not year round. This evening was my last night of work at this job until right around the beginning of March of next year. After my shift was over, I went out with some friends to a Halloween party. I will tell you that I was dressed up as a hippee, and a super hot one at that ;) , but that is just a detail. When I arrived at the party, I knew quite a few people. I said hi to them all and went about my night. A little later on, I received a text from one who had left saying that seeing me had made a big difference in their day and how much it was appreciated. I asked if everything was alright and opened up the conversation in case this person may want to talk about it a little bit. As it turns out, they did. Of course they did. If they didn't, they wouldn't have let on that my presence made a difference, right?

Once I made known that I was interested in hearing about what had this person feeling down, I got the whole story. I will not discuss any details that will make obvious who this person was but I will tell you the story because I am sure that what I said brought some comfort. I am also sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the person involved would want me to use this story to help if anyone else was struggling with the same feelings that they were. All of my friends know why I write. I write so that I may share with others what I have found to work. There are things that comfort me when I am feeling a little less than chipper. It has taken time to make these ways of thinking feel natural. Several years of these habits having to be forced have led to a point where now they are automatic. That brings me to the situation at hand.

My friend, and I am happy that this person has become a friend, felt that they had worked extremely hard on a certain project. A lot of research and dedication went into preparing something and due to the weather we are expecting tomorrow, the event in which all of their hard work would be displayed was rescheduled. Not only that, but the date in which the event was now going to occur is during a time when this person will be on vacation with their family and unable to attend. Come to find out, this is not the first time that my friend was unable to fulfill their duties due to weather. Their text consisted of blaming Mother Nature and the disappointment they felt over being unable to display their work at the proper time.

Now, I do not think there is a single one of us who is a stranger to disappointment. Disappointment is a tricky emotion to conquer. I will not deny that for even a second. And the advice that came to me immediately is probably the same advice I would have to remind myself of in the same situation. Don't be fooled! Just because I know what I should feel, doesn't mean it is always easy. Sometimes I have to do a little work to convince myself. It was not me who needed convincing this time, however, and I was not about to show any weakness as I gave the advice that I know this friend was seeking. My advice was this:

"Every single thing happens for a specific reason. Never forget that! Please do not for a second think that Mother Nature knows better than God. Do not question His timing. Take what is given and accept that there is a reason why you were not meant to do it. There IS a reason. Be at peace and know that. When you truly BELIEVE, there is no letdown, just the wait till u figure out the Plan. Love you!"

This same advice could go for any disappointment we face in our lives. When something doesn't go my way and I begin to feel disappointment creep in, I quickly remind myself that I did not belong doing what I anticipated and remind myself to be thankful that Someone knows better what I should and should not be doing at any moment in time. Disappointment is closely related to worry. They are two feelings that serve no POSITIVE purpose. In my quest for a POSITIVE life, such feelings have no place. If a POSITIVE life is something that you seek, the elimination of such negative feelings will only make your journey more easily travelled. Since there will certainly be roadblocks that are out of our control, it is to our advantage to find ways around as many as we can.

11/04/11

UA-26846584-1

What I want her to know...

2011-10-01T06:46:00.000-04:00

My mini showing off her Christian's Crusaders bracelet :)

When watching Oprah Winfrey's final show several months ago, one of her surprise guests was Dakota Fanning who was surrounded by a crowd of other young people who had grown up watching the Oprah show. Several of them spoke about the change that she had encouraged in their lives. One young lady had such an infectious smile as she spoke. She looked as though she had surely found the secret of happiness. I have heard the words that she said to Oprah so many times in my head since that day. With her glowing smile she simply said, "Because of you, every morning I look in the mirror and say ~Good morning, Gorgeous!~" What a wonderful way to start each day! Could there be any better way to remind yourself daily just how beautiful you truly are? Now that the Oprah Show is over, do I not have an obligation to instill the values in my daughter, that so many have learned from watching Ms.Winfrey?

Over the past few years I have grown a lot. I have learned a great deal about myself and learned to take what I am given and make the best out of each and every situation. One of the most important lessons I have learned is the reason why this young girls message grabbed me as it did. It sounds easy. Actually, it is easy once you get the hang of it but most people are so focused on others and their opinions that they rarely take time to love themselves. A friend's Facebook status one day made reference to entering into a whirlwind love affair with yourself. This friend is someone who exudes confidence in everything she does. I can only hope that others see the same when they look at me. There is something about loving yourself that makes everything other than your own well being and happiness seem secondary. As it should be, I might add! Imagine living your entire life aiming to please others. How will you ever find what makes you happy if you are always doing things to ensure the happiness of others? Each individual has their very own chance to do what makes them happy. Take advantage of yours!

As I began this blog, it was with the hope of helping others. I hoped that by sharing my stories and how I have used them to better myself, I would be able to encourage others to do the same without waiting for them to feel comfortable enough to ask me how. In only a few short weeks my blog has exceded 250 views and I am receiving feedback daily on the effect that my writing is having on others. I have made new friends and had the opportunity to encourage some who I may never have met otherwise. My blog has become much less of my struggles and much more of the techniques I have learned in the process. Coping mechanisms, of sorts, have become more of a way of life than a temporary fix in times of trouble. Often times I think that I wish I had known all that I know now before entering middle school. That thought quickly gives way to the knowledge that each and every struggle I faced and learned from made me better able to identify with those who may be going through some of the same things. By my own experience with suffering, I know the pain that some may be struggling through and that is the fuel that ignites my fire to teach what I know.

As much of a reward as it is to hear the stories of those I don't know who have said that my words inspire and uplift them, I couldn't help but wonder if I could possibly let my daughter in on all these secrets early on. To me, seeing her struggle less with adversity and trying to fit in would be the ultimate reward for my efforts. To see my child walk around with the same self love that I have found would eliminate much worry on my part that she may ever fall prey to someone who did not have her best interests in mind. To teach her to love herself would be the first step toward eliminating the rising problem of bullying where my own child was concerned. Although directing her to my blog meant I would need to be more careful when sharing details of my past, the benefits that could result made the limitations well worth it. This blog meant that I would not have to wait for her to ask advice, nor would I have to initiate a conversation where she may feel I was responding to a certain action on her part. By simply sharing in my blog, she can learn how to achieve self love and happiness by reading what I have written to others on her own time. My words in the blog combined with my example of finding the POSITIVE in any number of situations, should serve as a good basis by which to start her on the path to a healthy love of self.

When I first shared the blog address with my daughter, it was because we had wound up in a conversation about happiness and I wanted her to read the 21 ways to achieve happiness and my personal description of each. I was thrilled several days later when she started pressuring me to create new posts. How many parents can say that their teen children seem to WANT to hear what they have to say? When I posted my blog about Christian and his Crusaders, Alexis had plenty of questions. We talked for quite some time about Christian and the fact that if she was going to commit to wearing the bracelet, she would have to promise to pray for Christian as often as possible. I could have never imagined what an effect Christian's story would have on my own little girl. She has used the Crusader's bracelet as not only a reminder to pray for Christian, but also as a reminder to herself to ~Be Strong, Be Brave~. She has statused about Christian, made her profile pic to include her bracelet, and most recently asked me to help her start her own blog where she can share her own thoughts now that she has been so touched by the story of the Amazing Mr. C. Last night, she created her first post and I was overcome with pride as I read what she wrote. Her post was thought provoking and compassionate while calling for the same from others.

While shopping the other day, I purchased a card to send to my mini in the mail. It was a card to remind her of just how special she is and how proud of her I am. In the letter I wrote to her in the card, I told her that I wanted her to look in the mirror at the beginning of each and every day and say, "Go get em, Gorgeous!" I sent this card on Wednesday morning and by Friday night had a post on my Facebook wall that said those exact words with a smiley face and a heart. If there was one thing that I wanted her to take from that card, it was that. That every morning I wanted her to acknowledge just how wonderful and beautiful she really is before facing a single second with anyone outside. Those words are now being repeated daily in her posts on my page and it overwhelms me with joy that she really got what I was trying to say. Of course I think she is beautiful and can acheive anything because I am her mother. My thoughts about this will do nothing to help a child who does not believe the same about herself. After this recent string of events, I began to think about what I expect her to gain from my writing. Its all the same things that I want all who read my blog to gain. This is what I have come up with.

***~She will grow up knowing that her view of herself is worth more than all the views of everyone she faces daily combined. ~She will know that her thoughts and feelings can never be wrong, simply wrong for someone else. ~She will know that her thoughts and feelings are not necessarily right for those she meets so she must not be fooled into thinking that she can help the world. ~She will know that she has the right to make her own choices regarding her life. ~She will know what is right and wrong as she makes those choices and take pride in the choices she makes. ~She will know that she is strong enough to walk away from anyone who ever tries to take control of her thoughts and actions. ~She will know that bullies are sissies who need to control others to feel better about themselves, whether in school or later in life. ~She will know that there are bullies everywhere, no matter how old you get. ~She will know that God has every answer she could ever need whether she like His answer or not. ~She will know that God's timing will most likely not be to her liking more often than not but should never be questioned. ~She will know that harsh words cut deeper than she could ever imagine and that much more can be said in love than in hatred and anger. ~She will know the pride that follows walking away the bigger person, is no comparison for the instant gratification of acting hastily in a negative manner. ~She will know the joy of giving. ~She will know that bringing a smile to another can be one of the greatest and easiest accomplishments that is within her reach daily. ~She will know that love will come and go. ~She will know that the only time that breakups are really 'The End' is when the other person had no place in your life to begin with. ~She will know that hard work in school, relationships and life itself, pays off. ~She will know that money never has and never will buy happiness. ~She will know that happiness is not anything of a destination, but rather a life long journey that should be fully enjoyed along the way. ~She will know that caring and compassion for others will add greatly to her own life experiences. ~She will know that the more respect she has for herself, the more respect others will have for her as well. ~She will know the difference between cocky and confident and she will know the proper way to exude confidence in every move she makes. ~She will know that lies and gossip will never produce anything but negativity. ~She will know that POSITIVE thinking is the best way to ensure that negative thoughts don't stand a chance. ~She will know that every single struggle has a lesson buried within. ~She will know that she deserves nothing less than the best out of every single moment. ~She will know that a mother's love is beyond compare regardless of time or distance. ~She will know that she is a gem and demand to be treated as such. ~***

Yes, these are all things that I try to instill in my daughter at all times, but her reading my blog gives her the chance to focus on each and every one in her own personal quiet time and discuss them with me as she feels the need. I am sure that there is not one single thing that will surprise her here, since I share my thoughts with her every chance I get. I believe that the way in which I conduct myself and my daily moods are a first hand example to her that I have found a way to live positively and happily. Her interest shows me that she is looking to do the same. That makes me one happy Mommy! :)

The following is one of the best videos that I have ever seen. When I wake up feeling less than chipper, I have learned to rely on lil Jessica to show me what needs to be done! Jessica's method of saying, "Go get em, Gorgeous!" is something that I am sure you will never forget.

11/6/11

UA-26846584-1

November's lil Reminder

2011-09-30T15:21:00.000-04:00

What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.

- Oprah Winfrey

One of my first posts on this blog was 21 Habits of Healthy People. That post has been a big hit and I will occasionally pick one of the secrets to elaborate on. I figured the month of November was the perfect time to go into more detail about number ten which was Gratitude. With Thanksgiving fast approaching, its hard not to think about all we have to be thankful for daily.

Gratitude ~ Be grateful for every single thing. This goes hand in hand with finding your POSITIVES. As you learn to pinpoint the POSITIVES, you will find it easier to be thankful for even what appears to be the worst of situations. When you see the lessons you are learning through every one, you will be thankful for the knowledge gained by each of them. It takes time and can sometimes be a struggle but the reward in it is so great!

The ability to be grateful for the things that outsiders may view as the worst of circumstances, is a practice that has changed my life for the better. Its easy to see the blessings in the joyful times of your life. Real character building comes when you can see blessings in the darkest times. When you can look behind the pain to see the way in which you will be better because of it, your gratitude comes more naturally all of the time! I force gratefulness in all situations and find that my problems are blessings in no time!

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.

- H. U. Westermayer

Since this is the month that we celebrate Thanksgiving, I have decided to blog about what I am thankful for in November of 2011. Rather than make a list where the actual number may become the focus, I will just write them out, one after another. I will follow them up with a list of things that my dear friend, Dan, shared with me of what he is thankful for. I am happy to include Dan in every possible way during my blog writing, since he has been a major factor in promoting my blog on a daily basis. That would bring me to my list.

~I am grateful for friendships that I have developed over the last year. Some have come about in the craziest of ways and this only adds to their value. The roundabout way in which I met Dan, paired with the relationship we share now, proves what I had already been aware of for many years. Some people are meant to play a role in our lives and will regardless of the obstacles placed between you! ~I am grateful for a friendship that I share with my brother that rivals that of any I have ever had with anyone else. It makes me happy that when I have news to tell, he is the first person that I want to share it with and he never disappoints me with his reaction. ~I am grateful for my daughter who is becoming so much like me that it is scary. This kid takes no crap and calls people on theirs. What I wouldn't have given to have that same ability when I was her age! ~I am grateful for the home I live in and the family that I have found behind the walls of 39RP. Feeling truly valued and loved in my own home is priceless. ~I am grateful for the ways in which I have grown since moving to this area. My life has changed so much over the course of the past five and a half years. I have learned so much about myself and those around me. When I chose here to live there was really no rhyme or reason to it but it is clear to me now that I belonged here for any number of reasons! ~I am grateful for jobs that afford me the time I need to concentrate on my schooling. I admit that my money is way tighter than I would like but I chose this route in order to be able to get to where I want to be in the long run. My choice to struggle was, above all, MY choice and that makes it okay. ~I am grateful for the nudge from a friend to go back to school and pursue my degree. Assignments and discussion questions and participation and Algebra get overwhelming sometimes, but I am ultimately excited about where it is all leading me to. ~I am grateful for my many gifts that all add to my life in so many ways. I have discovered that things such as my writing ability and my ability to talk to anyone about anything, have opened a great deal of doors for me and enabled me to reach out to so many people. ~I am grateful that my love of the Phillies for 25+ years has become such an exciting ride in recent years. Seeing my future husband pitch every few days is a joy that is beyond words. Cliff Lee....marry me pleaseeeeee!!! ~I am grateful that I had the opportunity to take not one, but two vacations this year. I never thought that I would ever be that chick that fell in love with the West Coast, but it surely happened in the past year and it has opened my mind to the possibilities of a future in another place somewhere down the road. ~I am grateful for my current relationship in which I am learning to be as comfortable sharing things with someone again as I have learned to be comfortable on my own. ~I am grateful for this blog which has become as much of an encouragement to others as it has become an outlet for me. To be able to share with others and encourage them through stories of what I have endured, has become a major victory in my healing process. ~I am grateful for notifications that tell me that I have comments to moderate. The input of my readers is valuable so please, if your taking the time to read this, take the time to leave a comment letting me know what it means to you.

So there's my list. And this has taken me four days to complete because while living a life full of gratefulness, it's difficult to decide where to end such a list. What it comes down to is that all of the little things that I am grateful for daily, fall nicely under one of these main reasons why I am thankful. Now moving onto Dan's list. When I commented on one of Dan's posts that referenced my blog and told him I was writing this piece on gratefulness, I asked if he may want to share a list of things that he is grateful for so that I may include that with my own. Within minutes I received his response.

"I am grateful for so many things Ali and was going to formulate a list but I have to say off the top of my head that although this past year has been filled with many trials and tribulations along with loss, it has been such a year of learning and lessons for me...I have learned and am grateful for my lesson in the resilency of the spirit....my life has been touched by those around me in many beautiful ways...i am grateful that I have been thru each expereince and learned to find a way past the obvious pain and disappointment..my new outlook has encouraged me to look deeper into myself with each happening and to understand why He has presented me with each challenge and has presented those around me with everything they have gone thru..I truly believe, as taught by Siloam, it is so that the glory of God could be revealed thru each of us! We are able to to put away all the negatives that society wants to put on us and to realize that we are truly gifts to the world, flaws and all! I am grateful for beautiful freinds such as yourself for sharing the good/bad/and ugly along with the beauty of your lives...for each inspires me to be a better person and to realize that I am loved and likewise...I am also grateful for all the blessings in my life..I have amazing family who have granted me another chance. For friends who have become family....I have two beautiful little chickens who have taught me that a broken heart can truly mend after losing my beloved Metro and for Steven who stands behind me no matter what and encourages me to do the work I love so much despite the fact that my fatigue often leaves me with very little to give to him at times. Beth Dougherty also has lifted me up when the rest of the world would have buried me....my diagnosis continues to be the biggest blessing in my life for it has fueled a great passion inside me, brought me back to home to myself and the realization of my gifts and has lead me on a journey where I see all my dreams becoming reality in the next year! Hows that???"

To be able to so quickly formulate such deep response to such a question, should be the goal of each and every one of us. To sit down and write this type of list is a great way to focus, for at least as long as it takes to write it, on all of the things that we have to be grateful for daily. I then suggest reading over your list at any time when you begin to feel like things are not going your way. Whenever you feel as though you want to feel sorry for yourself, concentrate on how much you have to be thankful for. Anyone who would like to take the challenge of formulating their own list of things they are grateful for after reading this, I would love if you shared them.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.

- Melodie Beattie

11/14/11

A challenge for my readers:

2011-09-29T14:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, here it is.

I saw a blog the other day called 30 Letters in 30 Days. It has taken me a few days to decide how to make it my own. When I write, it has to be important to me. It has to have a purpose. The first thing I did was read the letters the blogger had already written. The fact that I had read the twenty that had been completed in a matter of ten minutes, was my first sign of what a challenge this would be for me. I decided that I had better go through the list and make sure that I amended it until I had 30 letters to be written that would be valuable in some way. It is my hope that my letters will be valuable to not only myself and the recipient, but to you all as readers. I have gone back and forth on whether to limit myself on this as far as the length of my letters and decided against it. I did so for this reason: I do not limit myself when I am writing any other time, so why start now? I want to be able to get all of my points across without having to exclude some due to length restrictions. Lastly, I considered whether or not to do this on my own before sharing it. My decision on that was that although I know I am commiting to a very time consuming challenge, it is your expectations of each new letter that will hold me to making sure it is done. I am including you all and want as many of you as possible to accept this challenge.

I was really nervous about the commitment that comes with this project. I spoke to Dan on Saturday and was reassured that I could do it. He also had a great idea to expand on this project. Why not write these letters on some nice stationary and send them out to people this holiday season? I cannot think of a single person who would rather receive a tie or slippers this Christmas than a letter written from the heart. Listed here are the list of 30 that I originally stumbled upon:

Day 01 - Your best friend
Day 02 - Your crush
Day 03 - Your parents
Day 04 - Your sibling
Day 05 - Your dreams
Day 06 - A stranger
Day 07 - Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 08 - Your favorite internet friend
Day 09 - Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 - Someone you don’t talk to as often as you’d like
Day 11 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 - The person you hate the most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 - Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 - Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 - The person you miss the most
Day 16 - Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 - Someone from your childhood
Day 18 - The person you wish you could be
Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad
Day 20 - Someone that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 - Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance
Day 23 - The last person you kissed
Day 24 - The person who gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 - The person you know is going through the worst of times
Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only a day
Day 28 - Someone that changed your life
Day 29 - The person that you want to tell everything to, but are too afraid
Day 30 - Your reflection in the mirror

I want you to compile a list of 30 people to whom you have something meaningful to say. Use this as a guideline to write your own. There are really no rules. I will announce my list tomorrow and begin my letters on Saturday to avoid interfering with anyone's hectic Thanksgiving schedule. This means you have until Saturday to complete your list. Take your time and make it count.

11/21/11

Day 1 ~ God

2011-09-28T22:35:00.000-04:00

Dear God,

Since I was a toddler, I was involved in church and Sunday school and youth group and paying attention while a pastor gave a sermon telling me what exactly my relationship with You should be. It was only at a time in my life where I was forbidden to attend such activities that I realized exactly what my relationship with You meant. When I was kept from fellowship with others, my personal relationship with You became strengthened beyond belief. I learned that while fellowship was a wonderful addition, it really did not make or break the relationship that I was able to have with You on my own. The point where I am now is something that I am truly grateful for on a daily basis. What it took to get here is nothing short of amazing and could never have been accomplished on my own.

I was faced with a situation where every single aspect of my life was a secret. I had to cover up one lie after another as people began to question the situation that I was involved in. I played a big game of pretend with everyone I had ever known or loved. Everyone except You. I knew that there was no hiding from you. To attempt to lie and cheat the One who had so carefully placed me here would be a joke. You knew it all and also knew that I would find my way out. I would be lying if I said I came to You in trust right away. That was my bad and most definitely cost me some valuable time. I was, after all, human. It is human nature to attempt to fix things on your own. To believe that you have all the answers you may need. I thought this way for years. It took me reading a book called The Power of The Praying Woman by Stormie Omaritan for me to remember what I had known all along. You are every single thing I could ever need. There was an entire page that listed all the roles that You play in my life daily but at the time of my reading this book, Protector, was the one I needed most. I began praying every chance I got. The more I prayed, the more I heard Your answers. I knew what needed to be done and I knew that I was going to do it. Most of all, I knew that if I continued to keep the line of communication open with You, I knew that I would know when and how to do it. I stopped lying about what was going on and began to tell others exactly what my situation entailed. I asked that they pray for me as well. Each and every person I told asked why I hadn't left yet. Every one received the same answer. I said that I was praying about it and that I was confident that when the time was right, You would make sure that I knew exactly what to do. I trusted You fully to show me the way. I was right! The day I left was exactly like I expected. The details are not needed. You know each and every one. And I know that I could never have had the strength and courage that day took on my own. Thank You!!

Since that day, I have grown so much. I have surely gone through some things that others do not agree with. Being open to Your voice has allowed me to follow along different paths and see the lessons that I am supposed to be learning in each and every one. I look at the sudden loss of my own mother as not only the catalyst which brought me to the point where I knew I needed to leave, but also as an experience which has led me to a point where I can speak to others and comfort them in times of loss in their own lives. You know the names of those who's lives have been forever changed by my personal experience with abuse, Lord. Because of my knowledge in that area, combined with the ability I have to share my thoughts and feelings with others openly, lives have been saved from years of hardship. Just one would have made it worth it to me but I can see that You are not done leading me to those I am supposed to share with. Please know that it is my pleasure to be able to help in any way that I can. My relationships, and You know what I mean by that, have led me to many people that I otherwise would never have met. These relationships that I have built over the past few years have become so valuable in so many ways. Seeing how I have been able to use my own experiences to help others makes me grateful for each and every hardship that You have placed before me. Thank You!!

I do not pretend to know where my life will go from here. Not for one second do I believe that my learning is done. I do know that no matter what is placed before me, it has been placed there with purpose. It is part of my story that You were fully aware of before I was conceived. Knowing that and the fact that You are by my side through each and every single second, allows me to look beyond the struggle to see how I can use it to better myself and others. You are as much a part of this blog as I am. My fingers type the words that You place in my mind and on my heart. My passion for this project comes from You. For that, I thank You!!

11/26/11

Day 2 ~ Dreams

2011-09-27T22:11:00.000-04:00

Dear Dreams,

The easy way out would be to simply ask you why I never remember any of you unless you take place after I wake up and go back to sleep. Perhaps I could question why only twice in six years you have contained any image of my mother. Maybe I could use the time to convince you to reveal the powerball numbers the night before the next drawing. If we really got on a roll, maybe you would give me a glimpse into the future or allow me to revisit the past. Maybe we could discuss some guidelines on what I want to dream about and what is off limits. Then I would let you know that you are not really that big of a deal. My memories of you are so rare that its like you barely even exist. I would then tell you how happy it makes me that you are not the only kind of dreams I have. Its the other dreams that shape my daily life. It is those dreams that I have plenty of feelings and thoughts about. So let's start over.....

Dear Dreams,

As a young child, calling you "dreams" was more appropriate. You were the things that I always wanted to do. You were the things that seemed so unreachable. You were the things born in a child's mind that seemed possible for others. A mind so young could never conceive being able to achieve such things of greatness. As the years have passed by one by one, the dreams that once seemed so far out of reach have become more like goals. As an adult, you begin to see that these childhood dreams are your hopes and goals for the future. They are the things that you want to accomplish and experience in your lifetime. You begin to look at them differently. What once was something that only happened in storybooks, has now become an end result that can be achieved through focus and hard work. Step by step as we navigate through our daily lives, we learn that we are travelling the path that leads straight to our dreams.

11/27/11

Day 3 ~ A Stranger

2011-09-26T17:56:00.000-04:00

I have chosen to write my letter to a stranger who is currently staying in the shelter that I stayed in because they have made a choice to walk away from an abusive relationship. I will contact the counselor at the shelter and ask that she pick who to share my letter with.

Hello Beautiful,
We have not met but I know you. Five and a half years ago, I WAS you. After ten years of harsh words, accusations, and strong arms I walked out the door never to return. I would love to say that was the scariest day of my life but the ten years prior to that had contained so much worse. I went to the exact place where you are staying now and stayed the entire month. There are so many things that I learned during that time. Ten years is a long time to let someone else control your every move. It's a long time to give up every feeling or opinion you could possibly have in order to please someone else. I did it and so have you. It may not have been ten years in your case but the time is not relevant to the things I want to share with you in this letter.

I can remember when I first left. It was such a major change that I felt lost. I went from having every single move I made being determined by someone else to making a decision to walk to the "green store" by myself. There were times that I thought it would be easier to just go back home. I knew how to handle being beaten better than I knew how to make choices on my own. I walked into that shelter at 27 years old but I may as well have been 12. Years of doing as I was told had left me with the feeling that I couldn't possibly know how to make the right decisions on my own. It was all of the people who doubted me and were so sure that I would go back to him that kept me from doing so. For so long I had gone back on my word to people and let them down for reasons that were out of my control. I could finally prove that I was not that person. I could finally prove to everyone that I was stronger than they could possibly ever imagine. I urge you to stand strong and not waver on your decision to leave. Take your life back and make it your own.

I remember those group sessions that you have to go to in the office downstairs. At first I hated them because I was so fragile. I hated that every single meeting would result in me breaking down in tears. Then I started realizing that this was the first that I had cried in a long time. I learned to see the healing in my tears and I began to look forward to the meetings. I don't think I realized how bad my situation was until I would share in the meetings and see the other girl's faces as I told my stories. During the course of ten years, I had gotten used to living with the things that took place in my house. To watch the hurt in the eyes of people who had also left abusive homes made me realize that the things I endured were horrific. I learned to use those group sessions to talk about everything. I talked and shared and felt every single word that was shared in that meeting room. They started me on my way to where I am today. Allow them to do the same for you.

During the last five years, I have gone through many changes. I would be lying if I said that I have not struggled. Learning to use the struggles to better myself was when the positive changes began to take place. I made many decisions for this new life that I intended to lead. I made a conscious decision that I was not going to allow anyone to ever have control over my life or my decisions ever again. I made a decision to love myself. I made a decision to show my daughter how to never fall prey to the things that I had. I made a decision to make sure that she thinks so much of herself that no one could ever possibly find a way to make her question herself. I made a choice to share as much of my experiences as possible in order to help others see that they do not have to endure the same. I made a decision to forgive which took any lingering power away from anyone who had ever hurt me. I made a decision to see the positive in every single moment of every day. Please consider what you want your life to be like from here on out. Make decisions that will make that life a reality.

Most importantly, I am sending you this letter to tell you that I am proud of you. I do not need to meet you to know that you have taken a step that so many others are afraid to take. You found the strength inside of you to walk away from the possibility of winding up being a statistic. I wish this same strength for every woman who is victimized, yet many never find it in themselves to make a change. Many more make the choice to walk away and wind up returning. I hope that you do not choose to take steps backwards. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I promise you that there are people out there who will become a part of your life and will treat you in the way that you deserve to be treated. There are people who will love you in the way that you deserve to be loved. Redefine love for your own life. Let it be all that it should be. There is no love in abuse. Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve.

I have started a blog. My writings all pertain to using the bad things that have happened to better yourself. They are about seeing the positive in every single moment. I would love if you took a few moments to read some of what I have written. I am currently working on a 30 day challenge and sharing it with my readers. Many of us are writing 30 letters in 30 days to people with which we have important things to discuss. A stranger (day 3) could have been anyone but I chose you. I want you to know that you are strong and special and you deserve nothing but the best. I also want you to know that if you choose to, you can contact me if you ever feel that you need to speak to someone who knows exactly what you are going through. This is a major way in which I have been able to make my ten years less hurtful.

Good luck on your journey. You have taken the first step to becoming a better you.

11/28/11

Day 4 ~ My favorite internet friend

2011-09-25T13:05:00.000-04:00

Michelle,
It has always been my belief that certain people are just plain meant to be a part of our lives. Sometimes I will run into the same person repeatedly in random spots until the day that an actual conversation is started and then the conversations just continue. Sometimes there is someone that no matter how much we disagree, I always find that I there is still a need for them in the world of Ali Eb. And then there's you. Someone I have never actually "met" yet I love as if I have known you forever. I don't know when it happened exactly, when I fell in love with you and your family, but I know that I will never forget being at pool that night and getting the text from you. The text telling me that they were going to give Gabby to her aunt. I cried before I was even finished reading. My heart was breaking for you. I remember trying to figure out how my heart could literally hurt for someone who I have never spent a single moment in their presence. And then it was completely clear. No moments in a room with you could ever make me love you any more or less. You (and Gabby) stole a piece of my heart long ago and that will never change :) I knew that night that all we needed was to remember who was really in control. I continued to remind you of all those things that you already knew but are so hard to focus on in the heat of the moment. I just somehow thought it was a stretch to think that the Big Guy somehow bumped his head and lost sight of where she belonged. I mean, surely a cloud wouldn't knock the sense out of Him, right? I never stopped believing that she was YOUR daughter and I wasn't going to let you stop believing either! I am so glad that He proved me right! I don't take to kindly to being wrong, ya know! So now we are here and I am writing my Day 4 letter to my favorite internet friend. That's gonna need to be handled!! Let's do lunch :)

11/29/11

Day 5 ~ My hero

2011-09-24T14:56:00.000-04:00

The AMAZING Mr. C

Christian,
I began my first letter to you on Day 2 of my challenge. That was Sunday. It quickly became evident that it was not possible for a letter to my hero to be just one letter. There are three letters required here. As I tried to write this letter, I received many updates about your health and became distracted to the point where I was unable to continue writing it. I wrote a letter that day which I am sure did not get the attention it deserved. I am fine with that. I was too busy talking to God about you to fully focus on a letter to my dreams. But now here we are. Day five is to my hero and that is most definitely you, lil man!

I am amazed by you on a daily basis. You have strength that someone like me could only hope that I would possess in the same situation. I have followed along as you have beaten the odds time and time again. The amount of people who have been reached and who's lives have been changed because of your story and your example of courage and strength is an accomplishment that most people go through their entire lives without accomplishing. You have brought people to a closer connection with each other and surely brought people to a closer connection with God. You show us all what courage and strength look like on a daily basis. You teach us the value of the little things that we so frequently take for granted. You teach us how to love and fight and most of all how to live.

I cannot begin to tell you how much you are a part of me. I go to sleep thinking about you and I wake up thinking about you. I adore you with every fiber of my being! Thank you for teaching me what the will to live really looks like! You are more of a hero than any of us has ever seen in any movie or book. You are more of a fighter than any of us has ever seen step into a ring. You are more of a gift than any of us could ever have received under any tree or for any birthday. Stay strong, Mr. C! I love you!!

Mark Jr.,

How could I possibly write a letter to my hero without including one to you as well? I want to tell you how proud I am of you. I know that it must be hard to focus on things like school and sports this past year but from the things I have seen, you do it well. I also have seen that you help to take care of Christian every day. He is very lucky to have you as his big brother. Your support and courage serve as an example for him on how to be strong. Keep up the good work :)

Joannie and Mark,

Wow! Where do I begin? The two of you have raised these boys that teach all of us adults things that we thought we knew all about. I have learned more from your family about love, strength, courage and faith in the last few months than I had in 32 years. I cannot begin to imagine being in your position. I think you and I both know as well as I do that God gave you the unique job of being parents to a hero because He knew that you had what it took to prepare him for this role. Every single ounce of courage and strength he possesses was instilled in him long before last year. He is strong enough to fight as he does because of the support that he has in the both of you and his brother! Thank you for keeping all of us updated. I know that must be hard sometimes as well. I am sure I speak for all of the Crusaders when I say that if you ever need anything at all, just ask!

11/30/11

Day 6 ~ My mother

2011-09-23T00:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Mommy,

Six and a half years since the last time you hugged me, yet you wrap your arms around me every day. I can feel it. Six and a half years since our last face to face conversation, yet each and every time I ask you a question, you still answer. I can hear it. Six and a half years since the last time you sprayed your White Linen, yet from time to time it still lingers. I can smell it. Six and a half years since you reprimanded me for biting my nails, yet you smile at the length of them now. I can see it.

The bond that you and I had is something that so many girls are deprived of. The times we shared together and the conversations we had, created a connection. It was a connection so deep that it could not be broken by the things that life tried to throw in the way like my crappy home situation or the childish decisions I made as a result of it that caused that last year to be so stressful and hurtful to you. Turns out that he never stood a chance at ruining a relationship as strong as ours. How could he when even death couldn't diminish its effects? You are as much a part of me today as you always were and the values that you instilled in us as children are more evident today than ever.

For ten years I put you through unnecessary drama. My strong will and need to fix someone else is something that I undoubtedly inherited from you. It is exactly those traits that led me to a place where I was the one who needed fixing most of all. It pisses me off to no end that I allowed myself to become part of something that deposited me into such a deep hole of despair. It was a hole that it took me way too long to garner the courage to climb my way out of. I had turned my back on the ones who really loved me and wanted the best for me, to try and find happiness in a situation where none could ever possibly be found. It is here that I find my POSITIVE in your death. (Wow, my proof that there is positive hidden in absolutely everything) With the knowledge that I could never again lie to you since I knew that you would have already seen from high above, I made my decision known. I was clear about the fact that one more time would be the last. I was vocal about the fact that if you ever saw what I had denied for so long, that it would surely be the end. I will admit now that I actually wanted it. For the first time ever, I wished for it. I was more afraid that it wouldn't happen than I was of the pain that I would have to endure if it did. It was the line I had drawn and I wanted it to be crossed. That was what he knew. The thought that me saying I would leave could possibly prevent a "next time", was foolish of me to even consider as a possibility. And then the day I knew would come, did. I was so scared and in so much pain but at the same time relieved. I had given the last chance that I had offered. I had stuck by my word. I am just sorry that you had to see that because thinking back, I know that the last time was by far the worst. It still took me months of prayer to get to where I had the courage and faith to walk away. All I remember of those months was that I stopped lying and I stopped trying. I spent every single chance I had begging God to make the way out clear to me. Then I sat back and waited, fully trusting that He would do just that. And then one morning, He did. I was not afraid. I did not doubt myself. I walked away and never went back. It saddens me that it took losing you in the most final of ways to get to that point, but God knows what He is doing. Never once have I ever questioned that fact.

I know that in these years since then I haven't always done the smartest and purest of things. I have made some mistakes in the last five years that I am sure left you scratching your head and begging God for one last day here on Earth so that you could smack some sense into me, but I have worked through them. I have used what you taught me growing up to mold myself into this person that I am absolutely positive that you would be proud of. Knowing that has made this letter so much easier to write than I expected. I wish I could say the same for the next few on the list, but hey, some people need to hear some things. I know that no matter what needs to be said, I will say it with dignity and grace. How it is received is another story which is purely up to them. I have learned that the best use of my time is to focus on my own actions and responses. It is a losing battle trying to worry about the actions and opinions of those around me. It is my hope that they will not just read my letters once, but repeatedly, until they see that all these judgements they have pinned on me are completely baseless and unfair. Perhaps a little whisper from you in their ear as they read will speed the process up a bit. Or maybe not. Either way, I will say what needs to be said.

Mom, there are still times six and a half years later where I lose a day or two to my grief over losing you. While these times frustrate me, I have learned to embrace them and accept them for what they are. I have learned to see that they are my excuse to do absolutely nothing at all but be alone with my thoughts of you. I have learned that the pain of these times is well worth the undivided time that I get to spend with my memories and my feelings of loss where you are concerned. It is these times that keep me right where I need to be in order to be able to support others as they deal with grief of their own. I have been the rock for others countless times since then and I am thankful for the opportunity to help someone else. Too few people allow themselves ample time to grieve and in turn expect others to follow suit. Shame on anyone who finds it in themselves to put a time limit on another person's grief. I will not stop grieving over the sudden loss of you until the exact moment when I am able to be with you again and not a day sooner. Anyone who has a problem with that may find it in their best interest to keep it to themself.

Thank you, Mom, for all of your countless hours of hard work to support us. Having a child of my own leaves me unable to imagine how hard it must have been for you to raise three of us all on your own. Thank you for showing me how to truly love the unlovable, although I am sure you never imagined that it would be my own brother who would test this trait the most. Thank you for the lil one you gifted us with that Halloween in 86. I am sure you could have never dreamed of the beauty of the relationship that he and I would one day share. He has become my ally in this family that has become so good at judging others during time that could be much more productively spent judging themselves. Thank you for your display of faith and trust in that faith. Following that path has become my sanity in this crazy world. You showed me daily that loving God is the only way. You showed me that we could never begin to handle the things of this world on our own. You showed me that no matter how dire the situation seems, that He will always provide exactly what I need. Thank you finally, for showing me just how important it is to be supportive of your children no matter what. Even when you and I both knew that I had screwed up 100%, you still supported me and defended me. That lesson has come into play more than ever recently and following your example will surely bring us through it. I cannot tell you how happy it makes me looking back and knowing that there was never a time when we were at odds for more than a day or two. I cannot imagine the hurt that some are faced with due to the fact that they do not have that same relationship with their own mothers. I intend to make sure that an issue such as that never arises with Lex. She will have quite a losing battle to fight if she ever intends to try to find a way to navigate through life without having me be a part of it.

Lastly Mom, I watched you be a prayer warrior for Analise. Oh, how I wish you could see that beautiful young lady now! But there is another child now who needs that same amount of prayer and devotion and he is part of our family. I do not know the details of how it works up there but I know that if anyone can find a way to move Christian up to the top of the miracle list, it would be you. With you and God working together, its no wonder that I am so positive that it's only a matter of time until we are blessed with this miracle!

I love you and miss you!

12/1/11