Kristina Elyse Butke

Moodboards and Magic!

2021-12-04T10:30:00.002+09:00

I'm in a bit of a block right now with revisions, and so usually what I do if I'm creatively stuck with a book is to try and do something else creative related to the novel, just to keep the gears turning. For example, maybe I'll watch a movie or series that takes place in a fictional world like mine, or in similar settings or time periods. Or maybe I'll make a playlist of soundtracks that keep my mind in the world I've created.

Or, I could just make moodboards!!

I have an old Pinterest board for Son of the Siren back when it was still supposed to be a comic series, so the images (and plot!) are pretty outdated. However, if you want to take a look, feel free.

The moodboards I made yesterday are closer to the type of stuff I see Book Twitter share frequently -- small, bite-sized collages of images related to the book or WIP. I made two of them.

This one represents the book in its entirety (all images licensed from Deposit Photos):

I've got the three animals the royal children are transformed into, then images of mermaids and the sea, and then the three materials from the sky that must be woven into robes to bring the children back into their human forms.

If these motifs sound familiar to you, it's because I took aspects of three fairytales and smashed them together: Allerleirauh, The Wild Swans, and The Little Mermaid. The largest influences come from Allerleirauh -- if you are unfamiliar with the fairy tale, I recommend a quick read of it!

The next moodboard I made focuses on the wandering forest of Elythia, which is home to the Fae, giants, tricksters, and other magical creatures (all images licensed from Deposit Photos):

Some of my favorite scenes in the book take place in Elythia, and that's also where readers get to meet Kitra -- she's a fae fox, a special kind of trickster who can shapeshift from a fairy to a giant fox that breathes balls of fire that lead people off of their path. Her ability is inspired by kitsunebi, will-o'-the-wisp, and foxfire, and I took that "foxfire" part kind of literally, ha ha!

This collage features gilt flowers, the golden blooms that control the flow of time in Elythia, a red fox, pretty glitter textures and gold, Autumn Wood (one of the four forest realms inside Elythia), one of the fireballs Kitra can make, and of course, a pretty golden fairy to show you that it's where the Fae live.

After playing around with moodboards, I discovered (thanks to author Aiden Thomas on Twitter) that you can get an AI to render artwork of your book just by typing in the title of it -- just like magic!

Here's a collage of all the auto-generated art the Wombo Dream App made using the phrase Son of the Siren:

I'm really pleased the app interpreted "siren" as "mermaid" as opposed to something like a police or ambulance siren -- go AI! It also seems to have focused, on at least two pictures, something that looks like a creepy pair of eyes. Not sure what's up with that, but whatever! You can at least see a kind of mermaid creature shape in the rest of them.

It's a really fun app to play with. Again, if you want that link, it's the Dream App by Wombo.

Even though I'm a bit blue about the book, making moodboards and magical AI-generated art cards has kept my mind attached to the book even though I'm blocked on it at the moment. It's a way for me to stay connected to the work even as I take a little break trying to figure out what's happening next.

If you're ever feeling stuck but don't want to detach from your work, may I recommend doing little creative art projects on the side to keep you going? They're so much fun! I hope you enjoyed looking at these!

The YA Fantasy Reading Project: Oct. - Nov. 2021

2021-12-03T14:23:00.002+09:00

Photo by Anna Gru on Unsplash

I'm busy dealing with some seasonal mood swings that I get every year, unfortunately, so that means a lot of stuff I've been working on has slowed down considerably, and that means this reading project is one of them.

I was so disappointed with the last offering (not the book itself, but the fact that I only got through one in two months), so I thought I'd read something I knew I'd probably zip right through, based on an author whose works I've consistently love. I'm talking about Margaret Rogerson. Every book of hers I've picked up (An Enchantment of Ravens and A Sorcery of Thorns) has been excellent and she is definitely one of my favorite authors in YA.

Her third book, Vespertine, was released October 5th and I snatched it right up, knowing that I'd probably zip right through it as I had with all of her other books.

It's December 3rd as I write this and I'm only 48% through the book. I have completely stalled on reading it. I've picked it up several times and just can't get through it. Not because it is a bad book -- it's really good so far -- but because my brain is officially messed up with anxiety and depression and I cannot concentrate to get through a single book.

And this also has added to my depression.

So, I'm including Vespertine as my October/November selection even though I haven't completed it yet. I hope to get it done before I do a final wrap-up of this year-long project, with a final entry coming up in January 2022 to mark a full year of reading YA fantasy.

I hope I can actually get some reading completed, but if my mood persists, I doubt it. Please wish me luck anyway!

Plans Change When You're Broke

2021-11-14T11:13:00.000+09:00

Photo by Jp Valery on Unsplash

I wrote all the way back in March of this year about pursuing traditional publishing because self-publishing was likely too expensive for me to do. My exact words:

[...] as much as I want to self-publish, I literally cannot afford to invest in it.

Then by July I started having second thoughts about going traditional due to some industry changes I'd heard about, and by August I did my about-face and went ahead and decided to fully embrace self-publishing.

It's November and I've already blown through all of my funds, and I'm nowhere near close to being finished with the publishing process. Of the nine-jillion steps in the publishing process you have to take, I haven't even made it to the copy editing stage yet--I'm still revising based on beta reading feedback. Plus, as I continue to do research, I've realized that there are so many more things that I didn't budget for but need to (like audiobooks, which are now purchased more than ebooks). The more information I get, the more I have to do, and the more I have to save for, the more overwhelmed I feel.

But let's get back to the main idea -- I'm broke. I blitzed through my $1400 economic stimulus on self-publishing, and the rest of the money I'm saving is for moving back to the USA in August. And, thanks to my dinky little kei car, I had to tap into those savings already to fund car repairs.

There is no guarantee of income when I come back to the USA, so the money I'm making in Japan is considered the only money I've got. It's going to take me a while to build my savings back up, and that means I can't spend more money on the self-publishing process if I want to have any sort of safety net in place in case I can't find a job when I get back to the states.

I don't expect to be able to pay for anything for at least a year or two. So...

The gears started turning in my head. If it's going to take me such a long time to self-publish due to lack of funds, in the meantime, why don't I just try to go traditional anyway? It's going to take me forever to save money again, and during that time I could be finishing revisions and querying agents. At worst, everybody says no, and I'll still have that backup plan to self-pub with some steps of the laundry list already completed, so I can just pick up where I left off.

At best, I'll have representation and a book deal where all of the stuff I have to worry about in terms of the publishing process will pretty much be taken care of by the publisher. It's giving up the control I want, but honestly, after seeing how much I have to actually do to be successfully published, I think it will be a relief.

So...that's the plan for now. In the meantime, the most immediate action I'm taking is working through revisions, which is slow-going, and when I'm not doing that, I'm making a spreadsheet of potential agents.

Ever onward!

What Do Three Stars Mean?

2021-10-16T12:51:00.001+09:00

Photo by DDP on Unsplash

I got my beta reading reports from Independent Book Review earlier this month, and I've sat on them for about ten days or so, trying to process them.

They had pages and pages of compliments, yay! But the critical parts of their reports threw me for a loop, with contradictions that make me unsure of what changes I should implement. I know I can't please everyone, and based on the reports I got, I think it's showing me how impossible it is to, given how each reader had very different tastes and often the opposite opinions.

Overall I was very happy with the reports despite still being confused about what to do, and I plan on using the service in the future for other books. But I'm still trying to work my way through everything that was said, and the largest one is that my book, which I thought was finished, is not.

The clearest indicator of that is the rating they used--the most popular method, the five-star rating system. They explained that the rating they gave my manuscript reflects what they thought if the book were to be published today. My scores: 3, 3.5, and 3.

It felt like a slap in the face, especially after all of the glowing commentary I'd received. Why did they say such positive things about my book if it was only worth three stars to them? I thought for certain I'd handed them a four-star book at least, and that it was ready to go.

Three stars is only one star less than four, yet the difference between them seems so huge. Why did I have such a strong negative reaction to three stars? What do three stars mean?

I thought I'd reflect but also do a little bit of digging into whether or not three stars is a negative review.

My initial thoughts: Three stars is in the middle, therefore three stars is average, or a C. Not bad, but not good; just meh. And in a world where everything is competing for your attention, why would you spend money on something that isn't going to wow you? Who signs up for so-so? This is why I thought 3 stars was a bad rating.

Let's see what the rest of the internet says.

Author Teyla Rachel Branton, like me, compared the star rating to letter grades in her blog post, and refers to the three-star rating as the "kiss of death." She writes,

3 stars is a C or a C-. So only average or NEUTRAL. You neither liked it or disliked it. This really is the kiss of death rating. The “okay” novel. If you give a novel this rating, there should be SERIOUS issues because, remember, many advertisers won’t accept novels with this overall rating. So the 3-star novel should be one you didn’t feel compelled to finish, or one whose overall plot didn’t quite make sense (and you feel wouldn’t make sense to others). This is a novel that you wouldn’t recommend unless it was the only thing someone had to read and they were stuck in an airport for two hours.

This kind of aligns with my own thoughts about the three stars! This is why my star rating hurt me, because after I got the compliments that I did, and was told that I had a really strong manuscript and that I was a talented writer, I wondered why I didn't score higher. Most of the issues the beta readers brought up were valid, but I didn't think it would lower the score so much. This is what indicated to me that the book needs more work than I anticipated, and admittedly brought me down a bit.

Author Duncan Ralston did an unofficial Facebook survey asking whether three stars was a good review, and the majority of participants marked it as a positive, followed up by the next most-popular response, neutral. From his comments, he discovered,

Most people agreed that a 3SR [3 star rating] meant the reader liked the book but it wasn't stellar. Something might have been lacking, or the reader may have been expecting a different book entirely than what they got. There seemed to be a general consensus that if a book is 3 stars across the boards it is likely mediocre.

That phrase, "mediocre," really stings!

And yet, despite these interpretations that align with what I think three stars to be, there are other people out there who say that three stars is good.

Brenna Clarke Gray over at BookRiot wrote a whole article titled "The Truth: A Three-Star Review is Not a Bad Review."Gray assures us that it's not so much that the book is mediocre, but satisfactory. Here's what she says about three stars from her point of view:

this book was totally fine
I didn’t hate reading this book
at no point did I regret purchasing this book
some things in this book were good, and other things were not
generally, the good outweighed the bad, but not so much that I forgot the bad bits
there’s nothing terribly wrong with this book
there’s nothing terribly outstanding about this book
this is a book that other people will probably also not regret reading
if I knew someone who liked this kind of book, I would tell them to maybe read this one
I will probably read the next thing this author writes

The majority of these points are positive! But the ones stuck in my mind are "nothing terribly outstanding about this book" and "generally the good outweighed the bad, but not so much that I forgot the bad bits." I want people to think my book is outstanding, and I don't want people to remember bad things about it, so, by Gray's explanation, I would still consider a 3 a negative review.

Other book bloggers who have their own ratings systems tend to consider threes good ratings, with their own explanations.

Victoria Papers at Paper and Vices argues that three stars is a good review, and her specific breakdown says,

Three Stars –
Solid book. Good plot, interesting characters/dialogue. Would consider recommending it. Decent editing and worldbuilding. Possibly some things that took me out of the narrative a few times, but overall an enjoyable read. I Will likely read the next installment if in a series, or look at the author’s other/future work. Possibly worthy of a re-read when the mood strikes. This is a good rating.

Of course, my eyes focus on the "possibly some things that took me out of the narrative." There seems to be a pattern here where I can't accept anything positive and only hone in on the negative!

Girl Plus Books offers a specific breakdown of three stars in "Discussion: The Curse of the Three Star Review,"

•This book was totally fine.
• I didn't dislike this book.
• I don't regret reading this book.
• Some things in this book were good, some were not.
• The good outweighed the bad and there is nothing terribly wrong with it.
• Maybe other readers would enjoy this more than me.
• I would recommend it to readers who enjoy the tropes/themes it employs.

This makes me feel a little bit better, but again, I can't help but bear in mind that this score notes that there were still bad things in the book to prevent the score from being higher, even though there isn't anything "terribly wrong."

Éimhear at A Little Haze Book Blog goes into further detail about what merits a three-star score.

Reasons for a book getting three stars from me will include one or two of the following:
too many stereotyped characters
a bland ending that fell too safely into the realm of well-worn tropes
writing that was a little perfunctory rather than lyrical
overtly obvious attempts to create a plot twist that never surprises
an initial book in a series that serves only as a means to sell the subsequent book instead of truly focusing on having its own solid storyline. Note this does not mean cliffhanger endings.
One or two of these issues together is really not that damning and thusly means that I will very much have enjoyed the book.

Based on my feedback from the beta readers, I don't think my book suffers from these specific issues, but they're still something to bear in mind when I consider what to revise in my book.

Annemieke at A Dance with Books writes that "a 3 star rating might not be stellar but it certainly gets a passing grade" and adds that:

Often to me 3 star reads are either:

Books that I had high expectations of that were not met
Books that were not for me character or plot wise but still well written that I can other see [sic] really liking.
I enjoyed reading it but it did not stand out.

Lastly, Rosie Amber writes about the star reviews on her website, breaking down the Amazon Star Rating system versus Goodreads. According to Amazon, three stars means "it's ok" while on Goodreads it means "liked it." That's a little confusing seeing as how Amazon owns Goodreads, so there's no consistency there, but whatever.

It looks like that the constant thread among all of these reviews is that three means "passable," "satisfactory," "average," "mediocre," but also that there were things to like about the book.

I did walk out of my beta reading experience feeling like everyone did like the book, but there are issues keeping it from reaching its full potential, and that's probably where the threes came from.

I have a lot of work to do if I want to meet my goal of putting out a four-star book.

Please wish me luck!

~*~

Readers, what do three stars mean to you?

The YA Fantasy Reading Project: Aug. - Sep. 2021

2021-10-10T13:02:00.002+09:00

Greetings, friends.

I'm sad to report I didn't get much reading done during this two-month period. I was busy reading a friend's book that was a bit of a whopper in size (558 pages!!) and at first thought it might be YA and I could count it, but it's not. It's a traditional coming-of-age high fantasy.

So, after just wrapping my friend's book, I realized on the last day of September that I hadn't gotten through any YA novels during this period, so in a panic, I reached out for one at the last second. I finished it the next day, but the next day was October, and usually I don't count books in my reading project until I finish them.

However, I'm going to go ahead and count this book as part of my September reads just so I have something here to post!

And the other caveat, is technically it's not fantasy. It's a YA horror novel, and there's no magic in the story, but it's filled with ghosts. Horror is often called dark fantasy so I just figure I'd give myself a little leeway to count this as a YA read. Plus, it was excellent and I couldn't put it down, so I thought I had to spread it on the blog for people to see.

I read Ryan Douglass's novel The Taking of Jake Livingston. It had been on my list for a long time just on the basis of the cover, which definitely pulled me in and let me know we're dealing with spooky things.

So, technically not fantasy. Definitely horror. But...here we are, and I want to share it. Check it out!

I hope for the next two months I get caught up and read a lot more YA fantasy so I can share the good books I've been reading with all of you.

Thanks for stopping by!

#auswrites - October

2021-10-05T07:49:00.001+09:00

Source: Twitter

Confession: I saw this on Twitter but I have no idea what the #auswrites handle is referring to or what it stands for. I’m supposed to do this on Twitter every few days I guess, but I just thought it would be a nifty idea for a blog post instead, so here we are.

What genres do you usually read?

I primarily read fantasy and horror, and as of late, it’s mostly been YA fantasy. I also continue to read comics and manga in these genres, as well as BL webcomics through Lezhin, Manta, and Tappytoon, among other apps.

What genres do you write?

I write fantasy. I originally thought it was going to be adult fantasy, but I’ve discovered and accepted through comments from my fellow writers that I seem to be more suited towards YA, so I’ve decided to embrace that and fully commit myself to writing YA fantasy. Maybe I’ll do some NA too, but so far, YA is where it’s at.

As much as I would love to write horror, I haven’t cracked how to do that, let alone have been able to envision a straight horror plot. I used to call myself a fantasy and horror writer, but have since dropped that part of my bio since I haven’t produced anything in the genre. Maybe someday in the future I will!

How much planning do you do before you write a book?

Characters are usually who I envision before I come up with a plot. The plotting itself is a nightmare. It’s been very difficult. I started using Novel Factory software to try and put together some kind of plot before drafting so usually I’ll fill their template out first…and then completely destroy it while writing. Based on how my last book went, I seem to do a lot of extensive thinking and preparation while I write the manuscript; not beforehand. It’s very much a write-pause-think pattern of creation. I got a book out of it, but it certainly was not an efficient process.

Write a tweet-length story with your childhood toys as characters.

No thanks. Short stories and micro/flash fiction are just too hard for me.

Your new work has just become a bestseller! How will you celebrate?

I would love to throw a small get-together with my closest friends but that’s not realistic. So what I’d probably end up doing is exploding over social media about it and live in a state of bliss where nothing registers in my brain except for the news of being a bestseller. Then after the glow has dimmed a little, I’ll find out what that means financially and work on a budget towards the next book. I don’t expect to make a living, as awesome that would be, but I would love for the publication of one book to be able to finance the next one.

Show and tell: an ornament in your home.

I’m guessing “ornament” has a loose meaning here, so I’m going to focus on my Japanese festival masks. I’ve got a kitsune mask and a tengu mask. I probably should’ve gotten the traditional white kitsune mask but I’d never seen a black one before and I thought it was gorgeous, so I snatched it up. I got the kitsune mask at Amanoiwato Shrine in Takachiho, Miyazaki, and the tengu mask at Izumo Taisha Shrine in Izumo, Shimane. The kitsune and tengu are famous creatures from Japanese folktales and mythology, and since I love myth and legends, I thought they were a great purchase. My head’s too big to wear them, but as you can see, they look great on my wall.

Is there a specific time of day you write?

For the longest time I wrote late into the night (like 3am!), but the older I’ve gotten, the harder that is for me to do. I also seem to only write on weekends now, based on my work schedule. I may start writing on my computer around noon or so, maybe earlier (but no earlier than ten) and spend many hours on the pc with breaks. I try not to be on the computer past nine at night now. So…I just do marathon writing sessions on Saturdays and Sundays when possible.

Share a photo of yourself from the past.

This picture is from 2012 or 2013, I think? I’m cosplaying at Colossalcon in Sandusky (as a female Gankutsuou/Count of Monte Cristo) and the camera person was unavailable at the booth so voice actor Ian Sinclair took this selfie of us. It’s one of my favorite pics with a guest ever.

What do you look for when you edit your own work?

There’s far too much to look for, and far too much I miss. But one thing’s for certain—I repeat myself all the time. I try to look for duplicate words as well as an overreliance on certain kinds of punctuation (I have a tendency to use ellipses and em dashes all the time). I try to replace repeated words where I can and cut down overused punctuation styles. I’m a fan of semicolons too, and sometimes I have to go back and just make things into separate sentences. Of course, I still miss when I have repetition, so I will always need another set of eyes on my work to catch these sorts of mistakes!

Write a tweet-length story which incorporates romance.

I plead the 5th!

A movie you loved that we probably never heard of.

Oh, wow…this is kind of hard! But I’ve got one—there’s an old anime film that I grew up watching that I’m sure nobody remembers, and it’s called Sea Prince and the Fire Child. It’s sort of a Romeo and Juliet tale and I remember it made me really sad, but I also liked it because I thought it was a sweet love story. I don’t know if the anime is from the late 70s or 80s, but it definitely has a vintage look to it.

What has made you stop reading a book before you finished?

If there are errors in the book…more than just an occasional typo. Every book has one or two typos, even though editors have combed the words closely, so I can let a couple slide. But when it’s excessive, I want to stop. Unfortunately, I've seen my fair share of books that were published without a proper copy edit.

Problematic terms (like “brute” or “exotic” for a POC) or cavalier mentioning of mental illnesses (casually calling someone “bipolar” as an insult, for example) makes me pause or quit--it depends on the context and how it’s used, but more often than not, there’s no justification for it and it’s lazy writing.

Pace and voice also make me quit reading, too, if I find issues with them. I usually will stop reading a book if it takes an effort to wade through a text because the pace is a slog with not enough happening, or the narrative voice gets on my nerves.

I DNF frequently. Life’s too short to read books that aren’t appealing.

What is a challenge you want to overcome in your own writing?

I’ve got two of them. The largest one is to overcome my inadequacies with plot. I just have the hardest time giving my characters enough to do to move things forward, and to have all of what they do be relevant and with purpose. I frequently feel like I have no idea what I’m doing as I write, and I generate so much work for myself in the drafting stages as I try to figure things out.

The other challenge is with romance. I am not a romance writer or reader, but I love it when there are love stories in fiction. I want to root for couples being together and I love relationships that blossom along the way. As a reader I do find relationships hard to believe, though, so it often takes a lot of convincing from the writer for me to accept a couple’s relationship as organic and “real.” Because I’m so critical as a reader, I’m even more critical of myself as a writer. I doubt my ability to write relationships so, so much. I’m always worried that it doesn’t come off as natural, or that the relationship is built on a shaky foundation where people can’t accept the relationship as legitimate. I will probably always have some sort of romantic aspect in my books, but I’ll always be afraid that they won’t be authentic enough. I’d like to get over this and write believable romance.

Show and tell: what do you collect?

Since I’m in Japan I collect omamori, the amulets that they sell at shrines. I think the fabric and embroidery on them are beautiful, and each shrine has their own unique prayer amulet. I like to think that I am supporting the shrine while getting some good vibes from the kami.

As you can see, I also collect little anime goods from gacha machines or from anime shops like the Jump Shop or Animate. I’ve made what I call my little wall shrine that celebrates the things I love about Japan – shrines and temples, and anime.

Share the opening line of one of your works.

“Late on the night of Lirien’s eighteenth birthday, his father walked into the sea.” -- Son of the Siren

Do you believe in ghosts?

I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I do. I’ve seen something freaky growing up that had absolutely no rational explanation to it; everything about it was unreal, and I could only think of calling it a ghost or spirit because that was the best fit for it at the time. It still is the only way I can think of to describe it.

My Brain is Bankrupt!

2021-09-22T18:39:00.003+09:00

Photo by Levi Meir Clancy on Unsplash

I finished Son of the Siren in August. Since then I made it through developmental edits and completed a third draft of the book with revisions, and sent that draft off to beta readers who will report back to me by October 6th. I know I did this very quickly, but I feel confident in my book, especially after the feedback I got from my developmental editor, so I thought it safe to move on to the beta reading stage. I’m really proud of where the book is at and don’t anticipate it needing any more major overhauls—just little bits here and there. And probably a great deal of copyediting because I seem to go overboard with my commas.

In the meantime, I thought to myself, what do I do during all of this waiting? I’ve continued to read YA (I’m on The Taking of Jake Livingston right now) and even squeezed in my friend’s book mid-project. But also, I wanted to see if I could try my hand at coming up with ideas for new books.

At one point, I did have ideas. I had a book idea for a Hades-Persephone story, a Beauty and the Beast adaptation, a book about demons and grimoires, a book inspired by the French Revolution, and of course, the prequel to The Name and the Key (this was before I decided The Name and the Key needed its massive overhaul). Then, when writing Son of the Siren, elements from those project ideas kind of leaked into it, so I can’t reuse those little bits and pieces. I’m at a loss with how to proceed. They are little kernels with no real plots attached to them.

During the last quarter of writing Son of the Siren, I did write a full chapter to The Step and the Walk, which is The Name and the Key’s prequel. It came out of nowhere. It combined elements of the demon/grimoire book idea with the world and characters of The Name and the Key. And then my brain switched gears back to finishing Son of the Siren.

I realized that maybe I should follow the path I laid with The Step and the Walk and try to come up with some kind of plot. I filled my idea notebook with scribbles, and then hit a brick wall. Then I switched gears and decided to try my hand at plotting another book idea, the Beauty and the Beast adaptation. My graduate thesis, The Name and the Key, was supposed to be that adaptation, but it morphed into another monster altogether and didn’t resemble the fairy tale anymore. All the while I kept thinking I’ve got a Beauty and the Beast story within me somewhere…so I whipped out my idea notebook again and jotted out some plot points and characters. I got as far as the Beast’s part of the story, then blanked on Beauty’s part of it.

My friends advised me to take a break from all of this planning, and since my brain keeps blanking out on my ideas, everyone is probably right.

It’s tough getting mixed advice. I read books about self-publishing that advised writers not to sit on their hands and work on the next book right away; then I’ve read counter-advice that says “don’t start projects” during the period after you finish your book.

Then I got advice just to write anything, letting the words flow out freestyle, and maybe a spark could come from that. At the moment, it seems blogging is how I’m choosing to write. I knocked out the #52 writing cards post in one sitting, and today I’m trying for catharsis, to share how nervous I am to not be working on a project—whether it’s Son of the Siren or something else.

I am an antsy, anxious person by nature, and this is all one great big test for me, to see if I can be comfortable with just being and not doing. So far, I’m failing at it. Please wish me luck as I try to relax and let things run their own course. Thank you!

#52 writing cards: Prompts from Shaun Levin's Writing Maps - no. 18

2021-09-20T16:08:00.003+09:00

I am not a patient person I have trouble waiting for things to happen especially when it has to do with my writing Oh my gosh I have three beta reading reports coming in but not until October 6th and I feel like I'm going to explode because I want to know what each of them think -- one is a librarian, one is a YA book reviewer, and one writes literary fantasy -- and I think they are a good assortment of appropriate people to review my YA fantasy I'm especially nervous about what the librarian has to say and I am concerned that my book may not necessarily be age-appropriate because of the little bits of jokes and musical innuendos and a fade-to-black sex scene and some cursing but on the other hand I read a book by an author who wrote something traditional publishers classified as YA and it contained fingering and assault and violence and a prince fucking a sword stab wound in a dragon and a whole chapter about his penis so maybe I'm worried for no reason

A tree fell on my car the other day because of a typhoon and thank goodness the car is ok but I can't tell if the marks on the roof of the car are dirt marks from the branches or if they are actual scratches and the only way to know for sure is to take the car to a car wash but every time I've gone it's been a disaster because I keep forgetting the Japanese and how to do it so I usually have to call for help after hitting the wrong buttons maybe I should just clean the car myself and speaking of that I have a problem using my car as a garbage can I have so many empty bottles of drinks and empty cartons from the chicken tenders I would get at the conbini and I believe I may be a disgusting person and while I'm on the subject of the car again or more like the tree they haven't bothered removing the tree yet and I'm really annoyed because I don't know where to park my car so I've been using the parking lot to the onsen next to us and I'm so nervous that I'm breaking some kind of rule in doing so We got a letter from the school in charge of our teacher apartments announcing the falling of the tree and that they notified kencho of the problem and there was a last part about parking and not disturbing neighbors that my phone translation couldn't quite interpret in a way that makes sense but I hope it's not saying that I can't park my car in the onsen lot In the meantime there's no official word on when the tree is going to be moved and the fence repaired so it all goes back to my inability to wait for things

I write really fast and I've only written for about eight minutes but I don't want to explode this blog with 20 minutes' worth of words so I'm going to stop now

II.

Larry slipped into his bowling shoes Why do the shoes always smell like that, like mold and feet and old car fresheners? and followed his teammates down to the lane.

The team always went in alphabetical order Alex Jim Larry Rich and Alex considered himself the leader of the team, so he always insisted on sitting at the machine and entering everyone's names onto the screen. You could give someone else a try for once, but then again I guess it's no big deal, I'll just shine the bowling ball to calm my nerves

Why am I so nervous? I've played this game hundreds of times. Except it was the state championship, and the winner would qualify to represent the Midwest region, and the team hadn't been able to crack the top five in about ten years. Their glory days were over.

Glory days

Yeah they'll pass you by

Glory days

In the wink of a young girl's eye

Glory days

A vision of his wife as a young girl of sixteen flashed in his mind, winking at him, when she wore a sundress to the county fair and picked off pieces of her cotton candy to put in her mouth, making her hands sticky with spun sugar. She kindly gave him the blue part of the sweet cloud since blue was his favorite color -- "There, it'll match your shirt" she said, smiling.

She couldn't make it to the game tonight. She was his good luck charm, but she hadn't been feeling well and she said to do his best without her. He wanted to stay home and take care of her with some chicken soup for the soul but he couldn't let his teammates down. Tonight was their night.

He finished shining his navy blue bowling ball, looking like molten liquid with a marble luster, and put the cloth aside. His hands were clammy. He took out a separate cloth to wipe them off.

Jim adjusted the collar to his polo shirt as he sat next to Larry. Powder blue is such a weird shade, why did we choose it for our uniform? We look like...and for some reason the word "poodle" popped in Larry's head, although it made no sense. Huh. Poodles. What am I thinking?

"Ready?" Alex interrupted his thoughts. "Let's get this show on the road."

Alex bowled a spare, Jim a strike, and when it was Larry's turn he couldn't get Bruce out of his head, the phrase glory days repeating over and over in his brain while he pictured his wife eating cotton candy. He bowled an 8 the first try and got a gutter the second. Could've been worse.

For the rest of the evening his mind was a jukebox of 80s music with the songs switching from one to another mid-lyric. He even heard the scratch of the record in between the song changes. His bowling reflected his scattered thoughts. He only got one strike for the evening, while the screen lit up with turkeys from his other teammates. Despite his teammates' good performance, they didn't crack the top ten.

Larry apologized to his teammates and without waiting for them, he put his bowling ball in his case and headed back to the shoe rental section of the alley and slipped out of his shoes. Maybe they spray these shoes with Pine-sol.

He got in his car to drive home to his wife, who was asleep in bed. He peeled off his clothes and in his boxers, crawled in with her. He turned over on his side, facing away from her, visions of cotton candy in his head.

~*~

Can I say that part two of this was really hard? I'm not good with short stories. I just poured it out of my head and all I can hope is that it makes sense and fit the exercise appropriately, and it entertained you a little bit.

Thanks for reading!

The Self-Publishing Journey...How It's Going So Far

2021-08-28T13:01:00.004+09:00

Photo by Laura Kapfer on Unsplash

I thought maybe it would be interesting to chronicle my journey into self-publishing Son of the Siren just in case it could help people out who are also considering self-publishing their work. Also, it's a good space to vent, because there have been hits and misses so far.

The Cover

So far, so good. I decided to make the portrait of Lirien by Juhaihai the cover art and I was able to get permission and the commercial license to do so. I am also allowed to use it for all promotional materials, so I'm going to have fun thinking of what to do with the art (I was thinking along the lines of postcards and bookmarks, for example).

Then I joined Book Brush in order to take advantage of its Cover Creator, which makes both eBook covers and paperback covers. I chose my fonts and pretty much designed everything the way I want it to look. The only thing I'm not sure about is the readability of the font. There's a drop shadow feature in Book Brush, but the shadow isn't very defined, and against the dark background of the cover, it doesn't show up very well, so it doesn't really help the text stand out. I am debating whether or not to keep this as my official cover design (it does look good) or if I should bite the bullet and commission a cover artist to make all of the written content stand out more. We'll see. It all depends on what I can afford.

In other news, I practiced writing the back cover copy. This is quite the challenge for me, trying to decide how much information is too much. Presently I am debating whether or not to include a paragraph describing the fairy tales the book is inspired by. I modeled my back cover copy after descriptions I saw on Amazon, and some of them do list the book's inspirations. And I did let my author friends take a look at it, too....but then I got a variety of opinions, all of them different, that threw me off. So at the moment, I'm struggling. I hope the answers about this come to me soon.

The Editing

I've mentioned before that books need to go through several rounds of editing. Here's the standard:

Developmental editing - goes over the meat of storytelling (characters, plot, etc.)
Line Editing - covers grammar and syntax and the language of the story
Proofreading - final check for typos and other niggly bits

There are additional kinds of editing that you can add in here and there, depending on what your needs are for the book, but these three are the minimum edits you should have for a decent product. I was worried because this collectively costs hundreds to thousands of dollars, but so far I have found an affordable developmental editor in Katie Kenyhercz, a romance author and fellow Seton Hill Writing Popular Fiction graduate who's been vouched for by other writers. She offered her services to me for a beautiful price and on top of that, I selected her because I need someone with an eye for romance, because there is a romance in the book that's integral to the plot and its resolution. She's got the manuscript in her hands now (I have already completed the second draft and decided to send it off) and I eagerly await feedback!

I also have two more people taking a look at the manuscript, another fellow SHU author and then a family member who has quite the critical eye. It feels like I'm back at Seton Hill with critique partners and a mentor giving me feedback on my work. What I'll do is look for consistencies among their criticism and address those issues if I feel they are warranted, and hone in especially on spots that I know were giving me trouble (like the romance).

The Formatting

I bought a beautiful template from Book Design Templates, who I used before when I formatted The Name and the Key to be bound and printed for family and friends to easily read my thesis. The book looked gorgeous and it was easy to format, so I figured I could use them again. The templates are designed to work for both print and eBook, which is what I wanted.

But then I ran into some problems. I formatted chapter one of the book and saved it as a sample pdf, and then uploaded it to my Kindle to read. I did this because some people like digital ARCs as a pdf file instead of an eBook file, and Kindle allows you to read pdfs. It ended up being a disaster. The fonts were pixelated and difficult to read. On the PC, the pdf was fine, but on the Kindle, it was such a mess.

I was thinking that maybe the template I bought wasn't going to work out. I bought another one and tried it again and the same issue happened.

However, when I uploaded Book Design Templates' own pdf sample manuscripts with the same templates, their lettering showed up on my Kindle just fine.

I took screenshots of everything and emailed customer service a while ago and have never heard anything back from them. I figure I just wasted my money.

The good news is that Katie also formats books, and she offered to format mine. I believe I will take advantage of her services and cut my losses with Book Design Templates, which is too bad, because it would have been a beautiful book. However I'm sure Katie will be able to work her magic!

The Imprint

This is probably the biggest problem I've run into so far. I decided to publish my book under my own imprint, which means when the book is listed on Amazon and other places, instead of being listed as Independently Published, it will actually have a publishing company name listed instead. This is a common practice for indie publishers who want to set themselves apart and look more professional.

I made a list of about twenty different names for an imprint and found that they were all taken. Then I found the name "Lailoken," which is one of Merlin's early names (as in King Arthur's Merlin), and it was the first name I found that didn't have a publishing company listed under it. I ran it against the state of Ohio's business listings and trademarks, and it wasn't there either. It seemed good to go.

There is a personal connection to the name Merlin, and thus "Lailoken." I used to live in Carmarthen, Wales, when I studied abroad as an undergrad. In Welsh, it comes from Caer Myrddin, meaning "Merlin's fort." When I was selecting names I tried to think of things that meant something to me personally in some way, and "Merlin" and "Myrddin" were already taken, so I settled on "Lailoken."

I snatched up the domain name because it was encouraged to do so before someone else took it. And then I created a business email through Google Workspace, and a website through Wix (unpublished). My goal was to have the Lailoken Press website up and running in 2022 for when I published the book, but purchased all of these things immediately to make sure it wasn't taken.

I also hired an artist to make a simple, modern logo for the business (which will be a sole proprietorship) and stuck the logo on the site design as well as the book cover of the novel.

And then the other day, while I was trying to come up with my "About Us" business statement to add to the site, I found a new search result that showed indeed a Lailoken Press exists out there in the world. It was listed inside a Google Books preview, the only search result to bring something like that up.

Reader, I was both pissed and devastated.

The good news is that I was able to cancel the domain and close the business email account. The better news is I had the foresight to leave my website unpublished so nobody knows about the existence of a duplicate Lailoken Press.

The hardest thing on my plate now is going back to the whole issue with finding a name. I continue to come up with names that are taken and it's getting discouraging, so I figure that's a sign to take a little break from the name search for now.

There's still a lot to do!

I'm waiting on the developmental edits to come back to me, and once I get them, I'll be diving into making a third draft of the novel. Once that is completed and polished, I'll give it to a line editor for grammar checks.

I'm anticipating some work needed on the book, so I think the third draft might take up more time. I don't want to do too much rewriting, but it's very possible that it might be needed depending on the feedback I get.

I have decided to release the book December 1st, 2022. This is largely because there are things I need to do once I get back to America (like setting up the imprint) that I just can't do while I'm here, and I don't know how long it's going to take. I want to give myself plenty of time to get things right. I also plan on releasing it wide instead of giving Amazon exclusivity (so you should be able to read the book on Nook, Kobo, etc.).

I have to buy ISBNs, work out the distribution angle, register copyright, and many more things. And I need to save my money while I'm here in Japan because there's no guarantee of a job waiting for me once I get back to the States, and all of this costs money.

Despite how scary and overwhelming this endeavor seems, it also has me very, very excited. I love being in control of all of this and it's so fascinating finding everything that makes a book come together.

Please wish me luck!

The Fantasy Tropes Book Tag

2021-08-25T14:59:00.002+09:00

Photo by Laura Ollier on Unsplash

Greetings, readers!

I found this fun book tag post from And On She Reads and thought since I've been reading lots of fantasy lately (though limiting it to YA), I could do one of these, too!

Rules

Mention the creator ( one’s peculiar )
Answer the questions
Tag as many people as you like
HAVE FUN!

1 – The Lost Princess

A book/series you lost interest in halfway through.

Sisters of Shadow and Light by Sara B. Larson was a book I DNF'd at almost the exact halfway point. I thought it took far too long for characters to be introduced and for the main plot point to occur--where the sister gets pulled into another world and the main character has to travel through it to save her. Exactly half of the book was setup and I completely lost the will to continue. Arguably I abandoned it at the best part but the rest of my TBR pile was screaming for attention so I gave up and picked out another book instead.

2 – The Knight in Shining Armour

A hyped book/series you were swept up by.

Holly Black's Folk of the Air series is rightfully hyped. I have a love-hate relationship with the books (The Cruel Prince, The Wicked Queen, The Queen of Nothing, and How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories). There were so many things I loved in them, and then so many things that bothered me, too. But I found the series enthralling and I couldn't put it down. I wouldn't give it five stars because of the objections I have to it, but I'd solidly give it 4 stars for readability and the emotional experience I had while reading it.

3 – The Wise Old Wizard

An author who amazes you with his/her writing.

Margaret Rogerson. I loved An Enchantment of Ravens and Sorcery of Thorns. Her prose is effortless and immediately throws me into the story and I've adored her plots and characters, so much that there were moments reading where I thought, "this is so cool. I wish I could write this." I'm looking forward to her forthcoming book Vespertine to see how she'll surprise me.

4 – The Maiden in Distress

An undervalued character you wished had a bigger storyline.

In What Big Teeth by Rose Szabo, the whole family is a bit dysfunctional and mysterious, but out of everyone I wanted to know more about her werewolf grandfather. I just thought he was interesting and I wanted to know more. Actually, reading that book, which I would give three stars to because it was interesting but frustrating, most of the characters were a mystery to me the whole way through. Out of all of them, though, I wanted to know more about the grandfather.

5 – The Magical Sword

A magical item/ability you wish authors used less.

Surprisingly enough I haven't run into a power that I felt was overused yet.

6 – The Mindless Villain

A phrase you cannot help but roll your eyes at.

"Scrambled for purchase." I've seen this phrase or variations of it in a lot of YA fantasy.

7 – The Untamed Dragon

A magical creature you wish you had as a pet.

Does a demon count? I'd like to take care of Silas from Sorcery of Thorns. He is a cat from time to time, so I think it's ok.

8 – The Chosen One

A book/series you will always root for.

I really enjoyed Brigid Kemmerer's Cursebreakers series (A Curse So Dark and Lonely, A Heart So Fierce and Broken, and A Vow So Bold and Deadly). I love Beauty and the Beast adaptations of all kinds, but this series went far beyond that into something I found totally unique. The books are told from multiple first-person POVs which I think authors don't often pull off successfully, but Kemmerer did. Though I enjoyed all the characters, I've got a soft spot for Grey.

Tagging...

I hate tagging people, to be honest. So I hope that YOU can participate in this, either in the comments or on your own blog. Let me know what books make your heart beat faster!

I finished the book!

2021-08-13T11:25:00.002+09:00

Photo by Arno Senoner on Unsplash

Thanks to a series of back-to-back holidays, one vacation day, and two sets of weekends, I have nine days off from work.

What did I do during this time so far? I essentially locked myself in my apartment and wrote, wrote, wrote. And that's how I finished the book! Huzzah!

282 pages.

79,032 words.

Is the book really finished?

HECK NO.

I have to revise it, and to be honest, I finished the book with sections missing. I wrote little placeholder notes and highlighted them in yellow for me to come back to, then just pressed on without fixing those scenes.

So the book is complete in that I made it all the way to "the end" of the story, but the story itself has some plot holes and unresolved issues that need to be hammered out in the second draft.

I feel like a huge chunk of the middle is still missing. There's a romantic relationship that just comes out of nowhere, and I have to go back and lay a proper foundation for that. And I have an ending, but the ending leaves out some information that I think readers will want to know, so I might end up totally redoing that, too.

The last time I had drafted a book in full was my thesis, and when I finished it, it felt finished. This is the first time I've experienced a finished draft that still feels like it has a lot of work. And it's a bit on the short side for me--I was expecting at least 80,000 words.

I was advised to sit on the draft for a month before hopping back into it again. Honestly, I don't know if I can last that long. I have a tendency to forget things if I don't address them right away, and I'm worried that's going to happen. I will take a week break at least, but I don't think I can stop thinking about what to do with the novel while I don't touch it.

I'm also working on all the things I need to do to self-publish it. I went ahead and got the cover art licensed; made cover mockups through Book Brush; paid for interior formatting from Book Design Templates (I used them before for my thesis and was pleased with their work), and downloaded some art for advertising. All of this was relatively inexpensive for me, so that's why I nabbed this stuff so quickly.

Now I'm trying to save my money for proofreading and copy editing. They are going to be the largest expenses, and I'm legitimately scared about it, because what I need to be saving my money for is the return to America (my work contract in Japan ends July 31, 2022). I'm not sure how to do both at the same time, but I'm going to try it. Honestly, I'm still waiting on two of my economic stimulus checks and that would probably pay for copy editing at least.

Again, it seems like I'm jumping the gun, but knowing how awful I am with money, I feel like I need to start saving ASAP for these things.

In the meantime, I'm going to sit on my hands to try not to touch the book while I stress about the future! Whee!

I Bit the Bullet...I'm Gonna Self-Pub!

2021-08-04T12:50:00.002+09:00

Photo by James Tarbotton on Unsplash

My, what an emotional journey I've been on trying to decide what to do while writing Son of the Siren. And as you know, I don't really hide my thought processes or how I make decisions on this blog, so you've seen articles like Why I'm Trying to Go Traditional and On Second Thought...Maybe I Spoke Too Soon...where I hem and haw back and forth on how to bring my baby into the world.

It seems like I shouldn't put the horse before the cart. Why should I think about publishing when the book isn't finished yet? But I've been talking to people, and they've confirmed this isn't something I should really be putting on the backburner. I need to have some kind of plan of action, and I'm coming up on the home stretch of writing anyway, so I need to start thinking about the next step.

There's lots of work to be done before a book goes to print. I'm in the drafting stage but then there's rewriting based on developmental edits, then rewriting based on copy edits, then proofreading...a manuscript goes through several stages before it's ready for the world to see. So even though I've decided right now the way I want to go for Son of the Siren, there's still many things I have to work on.

But I'm mostly thinking about it now because I need to save my money while I still have a job.

I mentioned that the primary reason I originally wanted to go traditional was because the author doesn't have to invest or be financially responsible for the things that publishing entails. They write the book, then they get paid for that book (although the way authors are getting paid keeps changing). But for self-publishing, you assume the costs and risks yourself.

There is technically a way to publish for free, and ways to design your book yourself for free. So...affordable self-publishing is out there. But usually it's a risk doing things on the cheap side. There are services that I want for my book and there's a certain look and feel that I want for it, too...and it costs money. Like, lots of money. I'm trying to find cheaper alternatives to these things, but so far, here's what I've come up with from doing lots of research (all quotes are based off of an 80,000 word novel):

Editorial letter - $650 - $1200
Developmental editing - $1450 - $6,000
Copy editing - $1600 - $3,000
Proofreading - $900 - $1200

This is just for everything that goes into the manuscript before it's ready for publication. I have been pricing book formatting, ISBNs, promotion, book reviews, etc. Self-publishing is a huge investment.

What sparked my interest in self-publishing Son of the Siren (or rather, what changed my mind) was some good conversations with experienced writers, some blog articles that kind of freaked me out, some first-person accounts from Book Twitter, and then really sitting down and thinking about how much control I want to relinquish over a book.

That's the question, isn't it?

I thought about my experience writing in my life. I've always done it my own way. It's what I'm used to. When I wrote for the stage, I had other people helping me, but I always had the final word on how things looked, how they felt, and how they went...I am used to being in control of my product. If I've done it this way for years, how would self-pubbing be any different (aside from more expensive and a bigger undertaking)?

And I'm a bit of a control freak, to be honest.

I've heard stories about all sorts of changes requested to do to someone's work creatively in order for it to be considered acceptable for an agent's or publisher's eyes...and some of those suggestions went against an author's core beliefs about their own work. If someone told me to change the title to my book, I'd bristle. If someone wanted me to rename characters or cut the love subplot I'd explode. There's got to be some flexibility and trust when you hand your work off to someone else to sell and promote it, and as terrible as that sounds, I am finding out I'm not that flexible.

Just the other day I was looking at artwork different artists had made for me and there was one piece, by Juhaihai, that really spoke to me. It hit me hard: this is going to be the cover to my book. And I realized I didn't want anything else for it, I felt so strongly about it. I realized I wanted to be more in control of my work than I thought I did.

And I also realized something else, just from working directly with an artist -- things might not be as expensive as I thought. I was given a great deal on the commercial licensing of the image, and it didn't break my wallet. Maybe, if I did even more research, I could find more affordable ways to pull off the publication of Son of the Siren. Maybe things weren't, and aren't, as insurmountable as I think them to be.

But the most important thing is that no matter what, this book is going to be out there, in some way, in your hands. And the fact that I don't have to worry about that anymore has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders, and I'm already feeling less anxiety as I work on completing the book. The fact that I've finally made a decision on what to do feels so good!

Please wish me luck on this endeavor! And right now, it's back to writing! Go, go, go!

The YA Fantasy Reading Project: Jun. - Jul. 2021

2021-07-31T10:20:00.002+09:00

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

The course of this reading project has seen many ups and downs, starting out with a very ambitious reading amount in the first period, then dwindling readings for the other months. I'm pleased to report that this time around, I've actually read more than two books! Woohoo!

I decided to start including books with a little bit of horror in them as part of my "fantasy" reading, because horror is considered dark fantasy and if there's magic tied to the horror somehow, I definitely consider it to be fantasy. There's a lot of overlap in those genres, I think, so I'm counting them as part of the reading project. This explains why during the last piece of the project, I included both books in the Anna Dressed in Blood series by Kendare Blake. They were horror but definitely fantasy as well.

So what kind of books did I see in June and July? We're talking a new view of Camelot; a land where our world and Faerie collide; the open seas where mermaids dwell; a futuristic Canada where magic still lives; and deep in the countryside where music summons spirits.

Here's the collage of covers, and like always, they're so beautiful!

Stay tuned -- we'll be coming back in the fall to recap August and September!

Lirien of Ardeth from "Son of the Siren"

2021-07-25T10:32:00.002+09:00

I am delighted to show you this incredible artwork from Juhaihai of the lead character from my novel, Son of the Siren.

Here is a quick description of Son of the Siren:

Eighteen-year-old Lirien of Ardeth, bastard son of a king and a mythical siren, unleashes a forbidden power to save his father from the sea creature's clutches... but there is an even greater danger close by that threatens to possess him and destroy everything he loves.

This book is a love letter to fairy tales. I play with motifs, imagery, and concepts from three stories: The Little Mermaid, The Six Swans, and Allerleirauh, all woven together in this fantastical tale of love, courage, and obsession.

SUPPORT THE ARTIST!

Juhaihai is on:

On second thought...maybe I spoke too soon...

2021-07-24T17:18:00.003+09:00

Do remember this post? I talk about being a broke writer and how I'm trying to go the traditional publishing route because I priced out some services for self-published authors and I didn't think I could afford to pay for a good cover, developmental edits, proofreading, formatting, etc. because it would total thousands of dollars. Plus there are some benefits to traditional publishing that self-publishing doesn't necessarily have.

So I've just been humming along, and then I saw this on Twitter, from Ellen Oh, author and co-founder of We Need Diverse Books.

I was completely shocked to read this. I talked to a few authors from my Seton Hill MFA days for more details about this and they confirmed that this is a legitimate part of the business. Then more people hopped on and essentially said, "Self-publishing for the win!!" when they learned of this practice.

Which got me thinking...the first thought that entered my head was a sad/angry, Nobody wants to pay authors and no one can make a living writing, because I keep hearing of so many instances where that seems to be true. And then I remembered a lot of articles that I've read that include quotes like these:

The more I read about where traditional publishing is going in this new century, the more I wonder why any writer with sense would join traditional publishing. -- Kristine Kathryn Rusch

If you want to see someone point out some of the darker/more disappointing realities of traditional publishing, these three articles bring up some interesting points that also, in addition to the tweet I shared, made me think that maybe I should reconsider my publishing path:

Business Musings: Heads, Sand, and Traditional Publishing by Kristine Kathryn Rusch
Business Musings: Traditional Writers by Kristine Kathryn Rusch
Traditional Book Publishers... by Dean Wesley Smith

I'm still pricing services for self-publishing. It's still too expensive for me on the whole, at least right now, anyway. But it just seems like there are advantages to self-publishing I've been overlooking.

I've mentioned several times over the course of this blog that I've been nervous about the current book I've been working on, and one of those stress-inducers is that I've been writing under the pressure of trying to predict what an agent and major publisher would want...instead of serving the story. I even took a month-long break working on it because writing became miserable for me.

When I was confessing my stress to my sister, she asked me to consider something: what would happen if my book never got published? I had a visceral reaction to that question, almost a feeling of sickness. Obviously this made me realize publishing was important to me, but that the only way to guarantee the book makes it into print is to self-publish it. Traditional publishing is risky -- you could go that route and might never see the book come to fruition.

I know it's still a little early for me to be thinking about these things, but I'm nearing the end of my draft and getting closer to the next step in my writing and publishing journey. I have to be thinking of where all of this work is finally going to go, so these thoughts have been a constant hum in the back of my mind.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. But self-publishing is definitely looking more and more appealing to me.

The YA Fantasy Reading Project: Apr. - May 2021

2021-06-07T00:00:00.002+09:00

Photo by Mimipic Photography on Unsplash

Well, isn't this project becoming more and more of a sinking ship!

In December and January, I read 24 YA fantasy books. That decreased significantly to four books in February and March. And now, drumroll please... for April and May, I have a whopping TWO books completed! TWO!

I'd like to ask myself what the heck happened during this time period, but I know the truth: I read things other than YA fantasy.

I read a lot of comics. 17, to be exact. And 11 of those could probably be counted as YA or MG fantasy comics, but my project is about traditional, good-old fashioned prose, so I left those off my list.

I have also increased my DNF list to 6 books, and some of those additions shocked me. Truly shocked me. I've got a book that was nominated for a Locus Award that I absolutely hated eight pages or so in thanks to the pretentious narration. I've got a book by a beloved author who I never thought I'd DNF, but the story got bogged down in worldbuilding and histories and I just couldn't keep up with it.

Life is too short to read bad books. Or books that just don't pull you in.

So...which books actually managed to hold my attention this month? TA-DA!

These are books in a short series, Anna Dressed in Blood. And technically they're horror, but another buzzword for horror is "dark fantasy," and considering there's magic in these books, I'm calling them fantasy.

They were quite easy to read and I gobbled them up easily. If only the other books I attempted were the same.

Who knows what I'll accomplish in the next two months? Will it be just one book? Or will I be inspired to read even more?

IT ALL DEPENDS ON MY MOOD, BWA HA HA!

See you in August!

The Terrible Ticking Clock

2021-06-05T11:56:00.001+09:00

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

I've talked about it on the blog a few times, but I'd thought I'd go into it a little bit deeper for today's post.

I'm riddled with anxiety as I write my YA fantasy, Son of the Siren. I've never experienced this kind of fear before. It's been an emotional journey because the book has dipped into some trauma from my life, so that was something I needed to work through and process as I wrote. And then there are the usual fears surrounding publishing -- will I ever get an agent? will this book ever see print? will people even read it? Add on to that pile of pancakes additional fears that come with writing for an audience of young people and the responsibilities that come with it.

But the biggest fear I've experienced, and am STILL experiencing, is of the ever-ticking clock that makes me feel like my time is running out. WHEN will this book be done? WHEN will I see it in print? WHEN will people be able to read it? WHEN will I finally be successful?

I've always known -- honestly, from birth, it feels like -- that I would be a writer. I gained experience with my playwriting from a very early age and was lucky and privileged enough to see every show I've written make it to the stage. I didn't switch to writing fiction until graduate school, but early on in my life I knew I always wanted to write books. And, being the idealistic little ingenue that I was, I had a timeline in my head already figured out. I thought for certain by my late twenties I'd be published; whether it was a play or a book, one of those things would be in print.

Ha. Ha. Haaaaaaaaaa.

Graduate school was a wake up call, and that adjusted the timeline. Graduate school showed me that I had no idea what I was doing when it came to writing fiction, and I was basically learning the same time I was pumping out a book. But then, after grad school, I thought for certain I'd see my thesis in print before age 35. I started querying agents immediately after graduating, and the rejections rolled in...and based on feedback from an agent I started rewriting my thesis, and then later had an epiphany about the cultural appropriation in the book (which was unintended, but as we know, good intentions mean nothing when you're causing harm). I decided to rewrite the book from the ground up, and while working on Son of the Siren, I just decided to give up on the book altogether. I don't know how long I'll stick with this idea, but for now, everything with The Name and the Key is shelved.

Now I'm looking at the timeline with Son of the Siren. It took me one year to write 100 pages. Another year to write 100 more. My gut is telling me this book will be around 300 pages or so, and I'm panicking, going, "COME ON! Does that mean I'll still be writing this book another year from now?" My hair is standing on end. I'm itching to have the draft finished and working on rewrites (my most recent reading of the book definitely revealed to me that some chapters need redone). I want things finished yesterday. I want to be working with beta readers and getting editorial letters today. Tomorrow I want to be querying agents. But my fear and my emotions keep halting me, begging me to take a breather.

Yet all I hear in the back of my mind is tick...tick...tick...

It's hitting me that I might not realistically see any success for myself until I'm in my forties. Maybe even fifties.

This really bothers me for some reason, and it shouldn't.

It's not so much the age number itself that gets to me. I don't think people are old in their 40s or 50s. It's more like, "I'm 37 years old, soon to be 38, and if I don't get published until I'm 50, that means I've got 12 more years of struggles ahead of me."

Readers, I just don't want to struggle anymore.

...I don't want to end this post on something so negative. Let me pull some things I found from social media (both originally from Twitter, reshared on Facebook) that speak to how I'm feeling right now.

The two key takeaways from these:

"The only thing that art asks of you is to do it."
"The thing you love doesn't care."

My ticking clock is telling me that I've got to be working all the time, but right now my emotions and my fear is telling me to take a break.

What would happen if I stop doing art for a little while? While author C.L. Polk says that art is asking to be done, the main point is that there is no timeline for doing so.

What would happen if I stop doing art for a little while? The Swamp Witch says nothing, what I love will still be there.

If it takes another year for me to write another 100 pages? What's the worst that could happen? Nothing. Because I WROTE 100 PAGES.

I've long felt guilt for not writing every single day as countless authors say you must do. Now I'm considering taking a bit of a break from Son of the Siren just to get my headspace in working order, and I'm feeling guilt about considering it, because OH MY GOD IF I DO NOTHING, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN!

But nothing will happen to the book while I sit there and not touch it. The book will still be there, and that's what's important: I have a book. A book exists. It will still exist whether I work on it today or tomorrow or a month from now or a year from now.

While I can't shut the ticking clock up, I can try to come to terms with it. It's difficult for me, but I hope that I can continue to reexamine my relationship with time and my writing, and realize that neither are working against me.

I hit 200 pages of the novel!

2021-05-23T10:18:00.001+09:00

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

This took a really long time, with many starts and stops, but I finally broke 200 pages of writing the book.

I like to use the Pacemaker app to keep track of my word count and according to the word count planner, I am at 57,987 words and am 73% done with the book. My goal is 80,000 words minimum, which is about the standard for fantasy novels. At the rate the book is going, I might go over that amount, but for the time being, this is my goal.

This is the longest I've ever worked on a book. I conceptualized Son of the Siren as a graphic novel years and years ago, like in 2013 or 2014, and made the cover and first page of art and gave up because it was too difficult.

Then in 2018 I decided to make the comic into a YA fantasy novel. This means I have been outlining and plotting and drafting this baby for three years, and based on my timing it'll probably take a fourth year before I wrap this up. My goal is to have the draft completed before I return to the United States in 2022.

I wish I could write faster. I wish there weren't moments of self-doubt and moments of relived trauma that occurred while writing. That may account for a lot of the stalling I experienced as I write this book. I admit this is one of the most challenging pieces I've ever written thus far.

But 200 pages is a pretty big milestone for me, after five years of not writing anything, so I'm pretty proud of myself. Thanks for being here with me on my book journey!

Yesterday's Blogger Debacle

2021-05-16T17:31:00.002+09:00

Photo by Andrey Metelev on Unsplash

So, I put up a panicky emergency post yesterday because I didn't know what was happening to this website (I deleted it because I wanted to give you the full story here now).

Google emailed me to tell me my blog violated their terms and conditions for viruses and malware, and they started deleting both my pages and my posts.

Reader, I freaked out.

Then when I tried to access my website, I got the red screen of death warning me my site was dangerous for phishing, and URLs not affiliated with my blog started popping up.

I did my research and couldn't find anything about what was going down at the time, so I did more research to try and find a way to remove the malware. I was pointed to a security company who you could pay for malware removal (plus add things like a firewall and additional monitored protection). Thinking I was going to lose 10+ years of posts, I ponied up the dough (and reader, it was expensive. I'm too embarrassed to share the amount here).

THEN...Good friends started sending me information.

According to reddit this was happening to different people who use the Blogger platform. My sister confirmed it happened to her, too, and then a bunch of us piled on a post in the Google Blogger Help forums and a rep finally told us what happened (before lecturing us about posting on a resolved thread).

So, I wasted my money. A lot of money. I am currently trying to see if I can get a refund since the malware removal request actually didn't get completed. We hit a snag with technical stuff that I didn't know anyway, like FTP or whatever the heck that is.

In the meantime, Google restored the deleted content from this as an unpublished page, so I had to republish them to get them to reappear and I see now that they're working.

I also downloaded the .xml file (which I don't exactly know what it is) which apparently backs up all posts in case there is an emergency or I want to switch to a different blog provider...

Which is exactly what I started researching. I've been thinking about transferring to WordPress, because between this episode and Google doing away with subscriptions by email through Feedburner, and the "new" Blogger interface they made like a year ago that I still fight with to get my posts to look a certain way...I just thought it was time to look into switching.

The other website I worked with, Speculative Chic, uses WordPress and I'm just so impressed with our site and what we've been able to do with it, so that's largely what sold me on WordPress.

Then I did research. Transferring domains to a new host is freaking expensive. Then there are expenses involving blog design and features as well.

I just don't have the money to switch right now, and the technical aspects of it are blowing my mind.

So it looks like I'm going to be here with Blogger for a good long while.

I really hope that they have a handle on whatever happened yesterday and we don't see something scary like that again.

What was so frustrating about all of it is that Blogger just arbitrarily deleted posts without giving you a chance to rectify the situation. This means that we are beholden to Blogger's whims. I know it was probably in the terms and conditions when I signed up for this blog over ten years ago, but you never really think of it being relevant until something like this happens to you.

*Sigh...*

You're in for a Wild Ride: A Review of "Invincible" Season One

2021-05-04T00:00:00.011+09:00

Image from the Invincible Wiki
via Fandom.com

On March 26, 2021, Invincible premiered worldwide on Amazon Prime, and its first season of eight episodes wrapped April 30. As someone who has previously read issues of the comics and enjoyed them years ago, I was looking forward to seeing Invincible finally make it to the screen, and animated, no less! I was counting down the days for it to come, hoping and praying it would make it to Japan so I could watch it.

It did. But as I suspected, it was only available in Japanese. I watched it anyway. There were some changes from the comics, but it followed them closely enough I could still understand the gist of what was happening despite the language barrier for me.

Then over the weekend, something magical happened. I went to rewatch the season finale again (it was so amazing!) and suddenly the whole series flipped over to the English. I didn't hit any buttons or mess with settings. It just happened!

Out of fear it would revert back to the Japanese on its own, I rewatched Invincible all over again in its entirety with the original English cast and decided I had to write a review of this season or else I'd explode.

WATCH OUT! SPOILERS AHEAD!

The Premise:

Seventeen-year-old Mark Grayson is just like every guy his age, except that his father is Omni-Man, the most powerful superhero on the planet. As Mark develops powers of his own, he discovers his father's legacy may not be as heroic as it seems.

Story: I love that with Invincible we get a coming-of-age story with Mark (played by Steven Yeun) finding his way as a teenager and a brand-new superhero, while at the same time we have your standard plots that secure this series in the superhero story pantheon, with heroic teams fighting off superpowered villains, aliens, and everyday criminals. But the heart of this series lies with the characters and relationships with each other. Mark grapples with his identity as a regular teen, a student, a boyfriend, and hero, and tries to balance each identity with the people he cares about. Who he is is very much tied to his purpose, and he's trying to figure out both. Then you've got his father, Nolan (aka Omni-Man, played by J.K. Simmons), who's the greatest superhero on Earth. There's this similar current there. Mark thinks it's the same for his dad. His identity is tied to his purpose: Omni-man is a hero, therefore he is good and saves people. Omni-man is his father, and therefore his father loves him. It all seems crystal clear that people are what they do, and yet we learn through this show that it's just not that simple. There are many harsh lessons throughout this series, and they are learned in painful ways that tug at your heart and even fill you with horror. This is one of the most emotionally engaging superhero series I've encountered in a while.

Characters: Here's an official clip from Amazon that gives you a peek at the type of relationship that Mark has with his dad. (Click here to watch on Youtube.)

I love the dynamic of the Grayson family. Mark and Nolan's relationship overall as father and son is touching, and I love that Debbie (Mark's mother, played by Sandra Oh) and Nolan have an active, romantic love life. I love that Debbie isn't afraid to call out her teenage son when he's being a jerk, yet can turn around and say "I love my asshole son" and still make it sweet. That's why when this family broke apart, it was so devastating to see.

Image from POC Culture

I like that the series gave both Debbie and Amber (played by Zazie Beetz) more agency and made them more active heroines. In the comics, Debbie doesn't actually get into real estate until much later, but here she's already into it and is very good at it. In the comics, she doesn't take an active role investigating the deaths of the Guardians of the Globe. She's very much a reactionary character in the books, but here, she is continually suspecting something is wrong and is trying to do something about it.

Image from CBR

And Amber was really just a pretty face in the comics, and later took on a victim role, whereas here in the series she has more fire to her and seems like a genuinely interesting person. Plus, they decided to make the character resemble her voice actress more, which added even more diversity to the characters, which is always good. (As a sidenote, they made Mark seem far more obviously Asian here than in the comics, which is also good!!).

Image from Rotten Tomatoes

Atom Eve (played by Gillian Jacobs) is largely the same, but I like that they toned down a lot of the pining/unrequited feelings she had for Mark in the comics. You can tell that something is brewing, but it seems a little less...annoying? She also seems to have a lot more agency this time around, though I would say she was pretty powerful in the comics, though, too.

Image from Den of Geek

William, Mark's best friend (played by Andrew Rannells), has also been improved. They skipped over the delay in William's coming out and pairing up with Rick, and made William openly gay immediately, his infatuation and relationship with Rick clear from the get-go. I liked how they handled this much better than in the original comics. And I like that they cut out the offensive gay jokes with William's love of flying. Those did not age well in the comics.

Image from tumblr

When it comes to favorite characters, though, I have to go with the entire Grayson family. I truly loved their relationship, how they interacted with each other, their care for each other, and how all of that evolved over time, despite the painful surprises in Episodes 7 ("We Need to Talk") and 8 ("Where I Really Came From").

Image from Comics Beat

Animation: I like the look of the characters. They are more streamlined than what's in the comics (which usually happens when you switch to the animated medium) and their straightforward, colorful designs are a good contrast to the lovingly detailed backgrounds throughout the series (the universe, planets, cityscapes -- all are rendered with great care).

I think one of the most incredible things the series pulls off is facial expressions and character tics. You can see Omni-Man at war with himself through the changes in his eyes. You can see Mark's hesitancy when he has a habit of looking downward and placing his hand on the back of his neck. These little details enrich the characterization quite a bit.

The action sequences are also top-notch. For an example, take a look at this clip of Omni-Man taking out the Flaxans on their home planet (click here to watch on Youtube):

There's a lot to enjoy in terms of animation, and yes, the series does get incredibly violent, but even that is rendered beautifully. You may disagree with me, though, and that's fine -- I'm somebody who likes horror so this aspect of the show satisfied that for me. There are plenty of horrific moments in the series, to be sure, and that's not everyone's cup of tea.

Voice Acting: The reason why I was so overjoyed my Amazon Prime switched over to English magically was because as soon as I heard who was cast in this series, I knew I had to see it. Even supporting characters are voiced by a knockout group of actors, from Mark Hamill to Jon Hamm to Jonathon Goff to Seth Rogen to Djimon Hounsou...there are so many stars voicing characters in this cast and I knew I was going to love their work.

Again, I have to give a shout-out to the cast of the Graysons, consisting of Steven Yeun as Mark, J.K. Simmons as Nolan, and Sandra Oh as Debbie, for rendering full and emotional performances. Zachary Quinto, who also plays Robot, gets a mention, too, for his excellent job voice acting.

This was really a dream cast and I can't wait to see who else they bring into the fold in future seasons.

Image from Screen Rant

Low Points of the Season: I had a hard time thinking of low points this season because this series is off to such an excellent start. But, to me, there's no such thing as perfect, so if I was going to choose something that would be considered a "low" point, it would be that some of the villains are annoying, like D.A. Sinclair. Of course, I'm pretty sure they are supposed to be, so...well done, I guess?

Image from We Live Entertainment

High Points of the Season: Guys. Guys. Guys. Episodes 7 and 8. Oh my God.

These are the episodes where everything changes. I knew what was coming, but the series added much more than what was in the comics, and so everything still shocked me to my core, especially the season finale. The first part of Episode 8 is the fight between Mark and Omni-Man, and the second half is the aftermath of that battle and a glimpse of the future.

The battle between Invincible and Omni-Man had to be one of the most emotionally devastating, and violent animated sequences I've ever seen. There was true horror and pain there and I literally shouted at my TV the first time I watched it, "HOLY SHIT!"

I have never seen a season closer like that before. I've watched the episode twice now in two different languages and I'm still thinking about it days later. What a way to end the season and what a great way to get us excited for Seasons 2 and 3!

Image from Horror Geek Life

Final Thoughts: As soon as I finished the first season of Invincible, I went ahead and purchased all three compendiums of the comics, so now I own the story in its complete iteration. Again, I read a couple issues back in the day (but never continued when I saw how many freaking issues there were), and I enjoyed what I saw. I know what's going to come but there is still much I don't know (as of writing this, I just started the third compendium and am on issue #97, but I know what's coming in issue #110 thanks to a spoilery internet). I don't know how things are going to end. Part of me wants to stop reading so as not to spoil my experience of the series, but now that I see how the show improves on the source material, I know no matter what, I'll be in store for some surprises.

If you like stories that go deeper into what it means to be a hero, full of surprises and twists and turns, with a solid emotional core, then I highly recommend Invincible. This series made me laugh, tugged at my heartstrings, put me on an emotional rollercoaster, appealed to my taste in horror, and it isn't afraid to go to dark places, which I definitely love. A powerhouse cast, vivid animation, and a brilliant soundtrack rounds this out for a memorable viewing experience.

#52 writing cards: Prompts from Shaun Levin's Writing Maps - no. 17

2021-05-03T13:17:00.003+09:00

Image from the #52 Writing Cards Project. For all of their maps, click here!

Shoes for exercise -- I've got my hiking boots that I purchased in the USA right before coming to Japan. I knew that I wanted to get back into nature, and hiking is my primary form of exercise because I love it so much, and it's always beautiful here wherever I go.

Hiking isn't easy for me. I'm obese and really out of shape, and I have bad knees, so I have to go very slowly when I go out. My proudest hiking moment in Japan, though, was when I went to Yakushima to Shiratani Unsuikyo in 2018 and hiked for about six hours straight. And there is some legitimate mountaineering that happens on some of that trail, too, and I hadn't done any mountaineering since 2004 when I lived in Wales.

I was terrified of strenuous hiking after so many years, especially because I definitely was not the shape I was from my 20s, and I remember packing my backpack like I was going to die. Lots of water, lots of emergency rations, a compass, an emergency whistle, etc. It was a serious endeavor and I made it! It was also my first significant solo trip in Japan, too, so there were a lot of things that had me nervous. But Yakushima may be one of the most beautiful places on the planet, with its primordial, lush green forests, and the effort was definitely worth it.

Shoes for work -- I own four different sets of work shoes, but they are all in the lockers at my different schools (in Japan you have a separate set of shoes for indoors) so I don't have any pictures of them. So, these are my work shoes for going to work.

Because I have to be somewhat dressed up for my classes, these are the shoes I wear everyday to and from work, and I never wear them for any other purpose. This is my third pair of "going to work" shoes. Something about the landscape here, and tons of concrete and gravel, wears my shoes down so easily. My last pair of shoes were completely destroyed. I can't find what I did with that photo of them, but I posted it on Facebook and people were like, "Those shoes are from The Grapes of Wrath." They were literally in tatters.

We'll see how long these shoes last me!

Shoes for glamour -- I don't wear very fancy shoes anymore. I did when I was younger. But I did make sure to own a pair of fancier shoes while I'm here in Japan, just in case I needed to.

I ended up wearing them for cosplay when I dressed up as a female Gankutsuou but haven't had any other reason to wear them for a special occasion. You can't really tell from the photo, but what makes them fancy is the fact that they are velvet and at the heel is some knockoff gold metal running through it. I got them from Modcloth, my favorite place to shop while I'm in Japan (because they have plus sizes and ship to Japan!).

Shoes for leisure -- This pair of sneakers is my official go-to in Japan. I've worn them all over the place here. I did buy them in Japan instead of bringing them over from America. I can't remember what happened to my American sneakers but these were purchased as a replacement pretty early on into my time here.

They were originally my indoor shoes at my special support school, where we did a lot of indoor athletic activity with the children, but when they removed that school from my roster, I decided to make the shoes my regular everyday pair. This is how I found out I'm a size 26.5 in Japan! I can never find women's shoes here, so when I'm not ordering them from overseas, I'm buying men's shoes instead.

Before we reached a Level 5 emergency here in Kumamoto prefecture (the highest level on the emergency scale for coronavirus), which we are currently under during our Golden Week holiday, I managed to travel to Itoshima in Fukuoka prefecture right before the travel restrictions to other prefectures were handed down. I still have sand in my shoes from that trip.

II.

As soon as this prompt came up, I couldn't help but think about my ballet shoes. I started ballet when I was six or seven years old and stopped at age fourteen when my ballet instructor retired. Then I took a long break from dance, and briefly enrolled in ballet classes again at Ballet Met in my twenties, then stopped again (I wish I hadn't ever stopped 😔).

Photo by Merve Sehirli Nasir on Unsplash

In ballet, women wear two types of shoes. The first pair of ballet shoes are usually canvas or leather and they are form fitting on the feet. Then, perhaps the more famous pair of shoes are the pointe shoes, allowing ballerinas to dance on the tips of their toes. Made out of satin, hard glue, leather, and other materials, these shoes are not comfortable. I first danced en pointe when I was twelve and continued until I stopped at fourteen. I managed to dance in a recital in them in addition to using them in class.

I have saved my pointe shoes, which are currently in America, and one of the key things about them is that they are filled with my blood. As in, my blood has stained the box inside the shoe, and it's not like a dab here or there. The blood is in noticeable patches.

The toe pads I used as cushions for the pointe shoes were made out of cotton and not very thick, so they didn't offer much protection. And because my shoes hurt my feet, I have some souvenirs from my time en pointe.

I have these very faint, circular scars near the knuckles of my toes where the skin was rubbed raw off of them. My pinkie toes are also completely turned on their sides from going up on my feet all the time. There are still callouses from my time dancing, and I have not danced for quite some time.

I often wonder about the state of my feet, what would've happened to them if I ended up pursuing ballet professionally. I kind of feel like they would've become quite hideous, but that's the price you pay when you dance on the tips of your toes.

Cue smarmy person saying, "I suffer for my art."

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

55 Quirky Questions for Readers

2021-04-25T21:50:00.003+09:00

Photo by freddie marriage on Unsplash

Today's blog post comes courtesy of The Literary Lollipop. Considering I'm reading a lot of stuff to familiarize myself with the YA fantasy genre, I'm finally in a place where I can probably answer more than one question about books! Plus, it'll be nice to talk about things I read outside of YA, too.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

1. Favorite childhood books:

The Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark series; Goosebumps; Fear Street; Bad News Ballet, and many others.

2. What are you reading right now?

The Invincible Compendiums. I'm in Japan right now and while Invincible is available on Amazon Prime for me to watch here, they did not include the original English cast that I want to see so badly -- it's all dubbed over in Japanese with no English subtitles. While I can remember the gist of the couple issues of it I had back in the day, I forgot most of it and never finished the series, so I decided to just read all of Invincible because I can't wait anymore to see what happens.

3. What books do you have on request at the library?

I don't use the library here because I don't know enough Japanese to figure out how to get a library card.

4. Bad book habit:

For a long time, I wrote my name in pen on the inner cover of all of my books. I did this for at least a decade. Dear God, WHY?!?!

5. What do you currently have checked out at the library?

Nothing; see answer to #3.

6. Do you have an e-reader?

Yes, I have a Kindle Fire and I might invest in a Kobo, too, because I have books on the Kobo app that are exclusive to Kobo, and I can't access the app on my current devices here.

7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once?

I prefer to read one book at a time, but I do read multiple web comics at a time. Right now I'm actively reading 28 comics on a single app alone. I subscribe to five different web comic apps.

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog?

Yes. This blog is ten years old and over the course of its existence my reading has waxed and waned. When it started out as a homework assignment, I read all the time because we were required to, and I wrote about what I read in actual reviews. Then it became sort of a journal about my writing journey and I stopped reading for a very long period of time. Then I started reading more because of Speculative Chic, and now that I'm doing my YA reading project, I'm back to reading regularly. However, I don't know if I'll ever go back to writing book reviews like I've done in the past. This is largely because I dislike way more books than I like, and I don't want to put that negativity out there into the world.

9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far):

Winterwood by Shea Earnshaw.

10. Favorite book I’ve read this year (so far):

A Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson.

11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone?

I buy books out of my comfort zone all the time -- nonfiction and literary fiction, mostly. But reading them depends entirely on my mood. The last time I read nonfiction was over the summer...so it looks like I'll dip into something else once every six months or longer.

12. What is your reading comfort zone?

Fantasy, horror, and comics (manga/manhwa).

13. Can you read on the bus?

Nope!

14. Favorite place to read:

In bed!

15. What’s your policy on book lending?

I do not like doing it. Every time I have done it the book never comes back to me or it comes back damaged. I don't like to borrow books, either, because I think of the anxiety that I feel when I'm separated from my own books, and I wouldn't want to wish that on anyone else. Plus, I take way too long to read if I'm not overly enthused about a book being recommended to me, so I feel guilty if I end up borrowing a book for months on end.

16. Do you dogear your books?

I did when I was little. *SMACK*

17. Do you write notes in the margins of your books?

Not unless they were textbooks for school, otherwise they're sacred!

18. Do you break/crack the spine of your books?

NOOOOO!

19. What is your favorite language to read?

English because that's all I can read. I have attempted to read manga in Japanese several times and I'm literally just sounding out noises as I do. I don't actually understand anything that's happening. Sometimes I can still remember a little French if it pops up, but I'm not fluent in anything except English.

20. What makes you love a book?

The characters!

21. What will inspire you to recommend a book?

If the characters and story are memorable and the pacing is excellent. If the book has solid imagery, too, I'll recommend it.

22. Favorite genre:

Fantasy.

23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did):

Romance. I've read maybe three in my life but I feel like we all have something to learn from romance authors when it comes to writing.

24. Favorite Biography:

I don't really read biography so I'm just going to say My Life by Isadora Duncan because that was the first biography I ever read and my mother gave it to me as a present because I was a dancer.

25. Have you ever read a self-help book? (And, was it actually helpful?)

I read writing and publishing self-help books all the time. As I read them, I feel like there's power surging through me, and then when I finish the book, I instantly forget what I learned.

26. Favorite Cookbook:

I don't read cookbooks so let's just bless whatever cookbook or family recipe handed down through the generations that enabled my mother (and I!) to make the best damned cake frosting in the world.

27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction):

Cinderella is Dead by Kalynn Bayron ended on a surprising inspirational note!

28. Favorite reading snack:

Popcorn, but only if it's light on the butter! (Don't want it on the Kindle screen or on the book pages!)

29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience:

It didn't hurt my reading experience while I was reading it, but while I reflected on the work itself afterward -- Holly Black's Folk of the Air series, starting with The Cruel Prince.

30. How often do you agree with the critics about about a book?

I usually disagree with the "blurbs" authors put on each others' books for each other, and I disagree almost always with the "for folks who like Title of Book by Author" because I think those comparisons are almost always wrong and they're only connected in the loosest ways. I tend to avoid critical reviews from the New York Times and similar publications altogether, so the only other time I look at criticism is through Amazon and Goodreads. Reader reviews are very important to me. I pay attention the most to the two-star reviews because I think most books I've read lately have been two-star books, and I read those reviews for validation of any negative experience I've had with a book. I find one-star reviews and sometimes five-star reviews wildly off the mark.

31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?

I used to be open about sharing how much I disliked a book and didn't really censor how I felt about it. Sometimes I got downright snarky. But I'm a writer and I'm friends with writers and now that I've seen behind the curtain I *know* how personal it is for writers when they are given any feedback whatsoever. So I think I want to curb how and where I criticize a work. I will still openly admit what I've liked and disliked, but I don't think I'm going to bash anything publicly anymore. I might razz heavily on a book in private, but I'm not going to devote time on my blog to negative reviews anymore.

32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you choose?

I want to read in Japanese SO BADLY! I have soooo much manga on my Kindle that I can't read! I keep buying it without understanding any of it!

33. Most intimidating book I’ve read:

I was going to say Les Miserables but I just remembered I didn't read an original version, just an adaptation...so now it's The Lord of the Rings. If you haven't picked up on it yet, size is very intimidating.

34. Most intimidating book I’m too nervous to begin:

Every book in George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire. I will probably never read them.

35. Favorite Poet:

Edgar Allan Poe. He's the most-memorized poet, anyway.

36. How many books do you usually have checked out from the library at any given time?

Usually eight to twelve books.

37. How often do you return books to the library unread?

Pretty often, if the book doesn't grab me right away. But I do try to at least skim books before returning them.

38. Favorite fictional character:

Josephine March

39. Favorite fictional villain:

Loki

40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation:

Comics

41. The longest I’ve gone without reading:

I've always been reading something, but good old-fashioned fiction novels had an almost ten-year break there.

42. Name a book you could/would not finish:

Over the Woodward Wall by A. Deborah Baker. I dumped this within a few pages. I could NOT stand the narrative's simultaneous pretentiousness and whimsy.

43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading?

Sound and movement.

44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel:

Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings adaptation. I'm surprised it's still held up over all these years!

45. Most disappointing film adaptation:

Ok, I *never* read these books but I couldn't get through about 20 minutes of the Mortal Instruments movie before finding it absolutely ridiculous, so I'm sure if I was a fan of the books I'd be devastated because the movie made those books look awful.

46. Most money I’ve ever spent in a bookstore at one time:

Over $100, easy.

47. How often do you skim a book before reading it?

Maybe just the first couple pages of the LOOK INSIDE feature online or physically in the book store. Sometimes I do skip to the end.

48. What would cause you to stop reading a book halfway through?

It's been happening a lot lately. I will stop halfway through a book when I realize all of the other things I could be doing with my time and that spending my life on something mediocre isn't worth it. It shouldn't be effortless, but it shouldn't take a huge amount of effort to wade through a book, either. If it feels like a punishment to get to a reward, or there is no reward in sight, I'm done.

49. Do you like to keep your books organized?

I do but I can never *keep* them organized.

50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once they’ve been read?

I prefer to keep them but over the years I've gotten rid of them by giving them to Half-Price Books when I've been in desperate need for cash. Hence my frustrations at writing my name in the front covers of my books for many years. I've essentially ruined them.

51. Are there any books that you’ve been avoiding?

I follow book twitter and read Goodreads reviews a lot, and trust me, once I know an author is problematic, I avoid their work.

52. Name a book that made you angry:

The entire Folk of the Air series by Holly Black. I loved reading these books but they pissed me off.

53. A book I didn’t expect to like but did:

Heartless by Marissa Meyer.

54. A book I expected to like but didn’t:

Between the Water and the Woods by Simone Snaith.

55. Favorite guilt-free guilty pleasure reading:

Yaoi! 😘

"If Your Dreams Do Not Scare You, They Are Not Big Enough"

2021-04-18T00:00:00.002+09:00

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

The title of this blog is a quote from Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, which popped up in my inbox recently. It got me thinking about my big dream, which is to publish my novels.

The good news, which sounds braggy, is I already hit some other writing dreams during the course of my life. I always wanted to write and produce a musical, and in my twenties I did that with Melancholia (2006). I always wanted my writing to be published, and I've done that through my poetry with various online journals. (It's been quite a long time since I've put something out, though, given all my free writing time is currently devoted to Son of the Siren).

The next big whopper is seeing my books out there in print, on the bookshelves, in major bookstores across the nation, and maybe across the world, too.

But I have some fears with this goal.

This post might take you on a different journey than what the inspirational quote intended. I'm going to vent about the biggest thing that scares me about publishing my work.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I'm writing YA and I feel an incredible responsibility towards my readers to be inclusive, to not tell the stories that do not belong to me or to appropriate cultures that are not mine, and to proceed with heavier content with the utmost care and consideration. There is the fear that my work will harm others, because I legitimately think the stuff I wrote in the past did harm people to some degree.

I remember a friend of mine apologizing for leaving one of my plays before intermission, In the Hands of Mr. Hyde (2007), because his girlfriend was exceedingly uncomfortable with the attempted assault depicted on the stage. She had to leave because my work harmed her. There's no other way to describe what happened.

We had no notice printed on our advertisements nor in the program that we were going to depict some adult themes, violence, and sexual situations, and we totally should have. It's one of my great regrets that the shows that I wrote -- which shared similar content -- did not contain these notices, and I did not consider my audience or my actors as I wrote these scenes.

I see nothing wrong with content warnings. I don't think they encourage people not to read. I think they are a way of alerting readers to activate whatever coping mechanisms they have developed for themselves to handle topics that may be a challenge to them. A content warning is the mysterious old man in the cave who tells the hero, "It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!" and the "this" is what you need to get through a text, the thing every reader determines for themselves to equip when they encounter heavier, darker subject matter. We should have had them with my work, and I should use them going forward when the situation calls for it.

The book that I'm writing, Son of the Siren, contains similar sexual situations as in my earlier works, because it's based on the fairy tale Donkeyskin. In that story, the king tries to marry his own daughter and the implications of that are horrifying. In my story, the Queen goes after her own stepson, Lirien. I do not depict rape, but the Queen technically assaults Lirien by forcing her kisses on him, or touching him against his will. I am proceeding cautiously but there's still the fear that what I'm doing may be a lot to handle, especially for YA audiences. Sometimes it's even too much for me, as it's brought up a lot of trauma from my past as I write. But I'm working through it and I'm using it as a barometer for what readers may potentially feel. I hope I'm doing my readers right by the way I've approached this content, and it's part of the reason why I've been taking so long drafting the book.

I have so many other fears about putting my work out there with the goal of mass consumption. What if I never get an agent or become published? What if my books won't sell? What if people hate what I have to say? How the heck do I write and publicize at the same time? How well known do I want to be? Should I have used a pen name instead of my real name? I was a shitty person in my past during the early era of my bipolar disorder -- will my mistakes come back to haunt me even though I've worked through them, paid for them, and changed myself completely? What is the price of becoming a public figure, even if nobody knows who you are? And you can add 37 different et ceteras to my laundry list of fears.

A lot of these are irrational. A lot of this is putting the cart before the horse. I get that. But sometimes when I'm doubting myself or going through imposter syndrome, these fears hit me hard.

It's something I expect to be working on over the course of my life as a writer.

Much thanks to all of my friends, family, and writing colleagues who have, over the years, listened to me ramble about this stuff. You've helped me cope immensely; now the rest of the work lies with me.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The YA Fantasy Reading Project: Feb. - Mar. 2021

2021-04-11T19:59:00.001+09:00

Photo by Alice Alinari on Unsplash

It occurred to me I forgot to update everyone about my the reading project. I got off to a great start in December and January, reading a total of 24 books! I was so ambitious I even made little graphs with a plan to statistically analyze the books I was reading to determine what I saw as trends in the genre!

As much as I wanted to continue reading at the same speed and in the same vein, something happened these next two months.

Reading became really difficult for me again.

I'm sure it's a couple factors. I was really sick in January so I missed a lot of work and had a lot of time on my hands. When I wasn't sleeping, I was reading in bed. Plus, the holidays meant more breaks from work in general anyway.

I was also dealing with a huge case of writer's block. If I'm not on Netflix, my free time is spent at the computer writing. So, with that time freed up, I also continued to read.

I read voraciously because I was looking for an answer to my problems with writing, and it was all with the goal of pulling me out of my writer's block.

When February rolled around, I was back at work, back to the daily grind, and...back to writing! There went a huge chunk of free time.

But that's not to say I didn't read during these last two months. I just also spent time reading things outside of the project. I read graphic novels like Flamer and The Magic Fish and every volume of Given available. I read other YA outside of fantasy, like Ghost Boys.

I also started compiling a list of DNF titles (Did Not Finish) for my own amusement, and this month, I DNF'd three YA fantasy titles (I've decided not to name and shame).

After that preamble, here's what I managed to read in two months, with very little concentration and attention span for reading.

I seem to have chosen books with beautiful covers, though!

I've been reading in April but I'm still going very slowly. I haven't finished the book I started in March yet.

Apparently my brain can only handle so many things at one time, and reading seems to be the first thing to go. I have to admit I'm disappointed in myself, but this project is going to last a year, so maybe I'll pick things up again in the later months.

The good news is, this girl is writing again, so maybe the project was a great idea to help with writer's block. If you're ever stuck, may I suggest reading to get inspired?

I'll update again for April and May...so stay tuned!

"Writerlicious" is featured in Flipboard's Today's Picks!

2021-04-10T18:40:00.069+09:00

I got some fun news in my email!

Writerlicious, the Flipboard magazine I've curated for years and years, was chosen for the April 10th Today's Picks!

I *think* I started Writerlicious in 2010 or 2011 -- it coincides with when I started graduate school, because my graduate school gave everybody iPads and Flipboard was one of the first apps I downloaded.

It was originally a magazine for my own personal use, but I accidentally left it public, so when I started getting large amounts of subscribers I just thought, what the heck, I'll curate it for everyone. So I subscribe to numerous email newsletters, digests, and websites in order to find articles worth flipping into my magazine for others to read.

I didn't realize Writerlicious would grow to the size it has today.

As of writing this:

I've added 19,593 stories to the magazine.
I have 64,399 viewers.
I have 13,699 followers.
People have flipped articles (added to their own curations) from my magazine over 818,000 times.
Writerlicious was also featured as part of the Gift of Flipboard campaign
Writerlicious was also included in Janice Wald's article "How to Get Swarms of Free Blog Traffic With Flipboard"

Pretty cool, huh?

I try to add articles everyday. You do not need the Flipboard app to read Flipboard or Writerlicious. So why don't you stop by and take a look at my magazine? I hope there's something there you'll find useful and encouraging.

Thank you so much to the editorial staff at Flipboard for selecting my magazine as Today's Picks! It's much appreciated.