All about Love

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE AND WHEN TO STAY?

2009-04-12T00:27:00.000-07:00

SO, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE AND WHEN TO
STAY?

The answer to that is in your feelings.

It's about what you want and how what he's
offering fits into what you want.

It's about making a choice to be at the mercy
of one man, or to have your choice of men.

It's about making a choice to put your life on
hold and "wait" for him as long as he wants you
to, or to take your life in your own hands and
"date" him for as long as YOU want.

Because one thing's for sure: when you're
"waiting," the choice you're making is to NOT make
a choice.

Your choice is to give up your choices.

When you "wait," you're letting HIM choose how
YOUR life goes.

You're putting your life in HIS hands.

You're saying you have no options but to wait.

And it's not his fault.

He's not doing anything wrong, he's just doing
what he feels like doing.

He isn't thinking about your future, or what's
good for you.

He figures that you, just like him, are where
you are because that's where you want to be.

He figures that if you're waiting around for
him, you're doing it because that's all you have
going.

Rori used to blame her "boyfriend" for "leading her
on."

But it wasn't his fault.

He might have been taking advantage of Rori’s
"waiting," but, he didn't even see it as taking
advantage.

He just saw Rori doing what she wanted to do, just
like he was.

He wasn't about to take responsibility for her feelings.

"After all," he thought, "she's a grown-up."

And after all, he wasn't out-and-out lying to
her.

He thought she was waiting because she wanted to
wait.

But that wasn't what it felt like to Rori.

Rori never saw that she had a choice.

Have you ever felt that?

Like you're at the mercy of your feelings for
him, and then at the mercy of your feelings of
helplessness and anger?

And it just doesn't have to be that way.

Just looking at a man's point of view - doesn't
it make you want to scream at him - "Can't you see
I'm sick of waiting for you?"

Even though we know he'd just stare at us,
puzzled. "What?" he'd say.

"I told you I wasn't ready - this was YOUR
decision," he'd say.

And all we can do is stare back.

We know he's right.

And we hate him for it.

And we still don't know what to do.

"Give him time," is what everybody says to us.

Friends, family.

And some say, "Dump him right now."

And it sounds like good advice, but how do we
just ...leave?

After all the time we've invested?

The weird thing is, sometimes we get totally
invested right off. Even after just a date or two.

Ever happen to you?

Where you know instantly that "he's" the one?

And then we just hang on, convinced that we can
convince him to know it, too?

The thing is, men often DO know when they've
met their "one." (Even though it's usually hard
for us to tell by the way they act and talk, and
sometimes it scares us off just to think it might
be true.)

And that's just one more reason why "waiting"
is such a bad idea.

If we just hang around, waiting when a man is
stalled - he just loses interest in us, bit by
bit, day by day.

How can that be?

It's so unfair, because we're TAUGHT to be
patient.

We're taught to be understanding.

We're taught to know that men need "time" and
"space."

When, really, giving a man "time" and "space"
while we "wait patiently" for him is like shoving
him out the door.

It's like putting a sign around our neck that
says: "I'm waiting for YOU."

We close down our hearts to all other men.

We spend our time thinking about HIM.

We WAIT.

The problem with waiting is not what it does to
him - though it affects him about as negatively as
anything we can possibly do.

The problem is what it does to US.

Waiting says to the world: my life is on hold
for this man.

It says to the world: I don't think much of
myself, I have nothing worthwhile to do, there are
no men who are interested in me besides this one,
so I'm waiting for HIM.

And what that looks like to the world, and to
HIM, is a lack of self-esteem.

It looks like insecurity and neediness.

So - how do you wait a reasonable length of
time for a man to make up his mind about you
without looking like you're waiting?

The simple answer is: ~~you don't wait~~. Not ever.

If You're Tired Of Waiting For Him To Step Up...Do This!

2009-04-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

Hi Ladies!

Are you finding yourself
waiting around for a man, and like feeling
trapped and frustrated?

It's not your fault!!!

We've all been taught to let a man take his time -
even with OUR time - and to be steadfast and loyal
with men.

Even if it means our own self-confidence suffers.

If you'd like to take better care of yourself with
your man in a way that will bring him CLOSER
instead of pushing him away...

Then take a moment to learn what makes a
man go crazy for you - and why the "normal" way
we do relationships often makes a man stall any
sort of commitment - by reading about

http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/TargetingMrRight"

Ladies ,

Have you ever found yourself WAITING around for
a man?

Waiting for him to call, waiting for him to say
he loves you, waiting for him to book you up on a
Saturday night, waiting for a lifetime commitment?

If you've ever felt desperate at that moment,
absolutely helpless, you're not alone.

Some of us have waited evenings, watching
television and hoping a man would call.

Some of us have waited years for the engagement
ring to show up.

So, how long is too long to wait for a
commitment from a man?

In the relationships Rori Raye had that lasted more
than a few dates or a few months, she
waited more than a year, only to learn there was
no "real" relationship to begin with.

" I remember hearing a man say things like "I'm
not ready," and just ignoring the words I was
hearing.

I don't much want to remember the nights when
he never called, the weekends when I knew he was
with "old friends" who I was sure were women he'd
once been with.

I don't want to remember wondering why exactly
I was waiting for him, but I do.

I remember pushing those doubts and thoughts
right out of my head.

I remember feeling so tied to him emotionally,
sexually, chemically and every other way that I
made excuses for him.

And I remember that I wasn't the only one I
knew waiting around for a man.

I remember my close girlfriend waiting two
years for a man she was with.

I remember another girlfriend waiting eight
years.."

None of us got those men we were waiting for,
but later, all of us found good men and married
them easily, without ever waiting for them at all!

Right?

On the other side, I have a friend who stayed
with her man for 5 years before he proposed. She
got her man, and she's very happy.

So what makes the difference?

How do you know whether to wait and hope or
leave and start fresh?

Here's a letter from "Jennie":

"Hi!

I have been in a relationship for over
7 yrs. and have read many books, but it's your
book that has helped me the most. I have been
trying to get my boyfriend to move ahead some in
our relationship.

I am committed to this man and this relationship,
but at times I feel he is the one who has one foot
in and one foot out. I have been slowly adding in
your tools, and I have seen a change and your
tools have worked for me. The Lean back works great
and worked right away.

But, I'm wanting a full commitment from him, and
I'm unsure how to go about it. We have talked in
the past but I feel I am the only one who wants
it, I am the only one pushing for it, so I have
been working with your tools to change how I
approach all this.
Is there a faster way to a commitment? And if so,
what can I work on to get him to move forward in
our relationship? Please help me - 7 yrs is along
time!

Love,

Jennie"

A reply from Ms. Rori Raye:

You don't say whether you are
living together, or if marriage has ever come up.
So let's answer this in general terms.

Relationships move forward. They move along
down the road - from dating to exclusivity, to
engagement, to marriage.

If they don't move forward, they stall.

At seven years, you are stalled.

My guess is, he doesn't want to lose you. But
the question I have for you is - if he can't or
won't commit, will you leave?

Before you can speak from your heart at all,
before you can even talk about commitment with
him, you have to at least be able to talk to
yourself about it.

You don't have to leave, but you have to BE
ABLE TO.

And then - you have not just one choice, or two
- but you have many, many choices.

All of a sudden, you can MAKE choices.

You'll stop feeling helpless and desperate and
angry, and start feeling powerful... which you
are. Very powerful.

This is what my friend who stayed with her man
5 years before he proposed was able to do.

She was able to be with him, and still stay
open to other men and the things that were
important to her. Things that had nothing to do
with men.

She felt so comfortable with herself and her
life that, even though she loved him and he KNEW
she loved him, she never gave off that feeling of
desperation.

He just finally realized he wanted to love a
woman and be loved by a woman, and he finally
realized that it was her.

He always knew it was her - he just needed to
take his time.

She never got angry.

She never got suspicious or distrustful.

Because she knew she was making the choice to
be with him.

And when she felt too intensely, or sad, or
upset, she stepped back enough to get her bearings
and see if she wanted to choose to be with him
even one more day.

You can do it, too.

Even if you've felt, or you're feeling now,
helpless because you love him, you can do this.

We're talking here about Circular Dating-
and how you can stay in a relationship as
long as you're able to leave!

What to Do if You're Losing His Attention?

2009-03-31T20:22:00.000-07:00

Hi Ladies!

If you're finding yourself
almost desperately trying to get the attention of
a man you're already deep into a relationship
with, or a new man who you just KNOW likes you,
you may be - instinctively - doing all the WRONG
things.

And it's not your fault. We women have been taught
to treasure men so much, to consider them to be
such prizes, that no matter what we do, or how
"cool" we try to be, our emotions get caught up
when we're around a man we like.

Here's a letter sent to me from Ms. Rori Raye. about her story when she got her man's
attention back and brought him closer to her.

Have you ever felt like everything would be
"okay" in your relationship if you could just
really "get" his attention?

But you find yourself struggling with yourself
about what to do and how to behave?

Whether to run to meet him when he comes home
or just say "Hi," and "How's your day?"

Whether to ignore him or invite him out?

Call him or forget about him?

Turn to him in bed and try to get something
started again, or stay up sleepless?

Were you start to feel like nothing you do is
ever going to get you what you want, whether it's
a new man you've just seen or the man you're with
right now who's been taking you for granted?

And it feels like it's just always going to be
the same, and it's just too much hard work?

I know how frustrating and painful that is.

When Rori was "between" men, and she either had her
eye on a man, or there was no man in sight, she felt
such a sense of competition with other women it
made her feel sick on her stomach.

She always feel so "on edge," like she was always
in a kind of "store window display" if a man
showed up. Like she had to preen and be cute and
clever to get his interest.

And if there were lots of men, it was like
being in a candy store with closed counters for her.

She felt like she had to "go get" the men. Almost
hunt them down - knock on the closed glass cases
they were behind - in order to try to make
contact with her.

And yeah! She hated the results.

She often worked so hard at it that she
successfully went home with a man, or got a date
with a man - sometimes even a “short-term
relationship”.

It never even occurred to her that there was
another way to do it.

Until she met her husband, and she was in a mental
place she’d never been before, where she'd stopped
working so hard.

Her husband approached Rori, and he wasn't a
loser.

Instead of jumping at the opportunity, or
falling into her pit of anger and despair from all
her bitter past "relationships" that never worked out, she
just Leaned Back and let her man run the show and row
the boat.

Rori said, “And he never once let me down. Until we were married.”

Then, a new kind of need and desperation got
a hold of her.

After a year and a half of their marriage, her man pulled
away.

And there she was, stuck.

It wasn't like another one of those Imaginary
Relationships where his man would walk away after 2 months.

“We were MARRIED.

He was a good man, and he wasn't going
anywhere.” Rori exclaimed.

And yet, all she could see ahead of her was this
empty, cold, angry life - not at all the romantic
dream she'd expected when she married him.

Self-esteem is the key to getting love from a
man. If you don't feel good about yourself, you'll
almost automatically be attracted to and attract a
man who doesn't feel good about himself, either -
and so he will be incapable of loving YOU.

No matter how much you do or how sweet and sexy
you are, and how many things you do and say the
"right way" you will never change your
relationship until you start to change the way you
feel about yourself.

And it's actually EASY! And FAST, too.

With the help of this Toolkit. to raise your self-esteem and get
you believing the truth - which is that you are
FABULOUS, and you CAN have EVERYTHING you want.

The Toolkit is all about raising your self-esteem
- from the inside out, and from the outside in,
too - by using words and body language with men
that will HELP you raise your self-esteem instead
of beating it up.

Are You A Stepping Stone For Your Man?

2009-03-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

Hi, Ladies, if you've ever found yourself
being a "friend" to a man you really LOVE and want
to be in a REAL relationship with, you are
probably doing what we've all been taught to do -
beating yourself up and trying to figure out
what's going wrong.

In the new program of Ms. Rori Raye the Modern Siren, you'll learn
how to inspire PASSION in a man, not just
FRIENDSHIP. You can watch a bit of Siren
right here:

Passion and Friendship

Have you ever been with a man, everything's
going great, you're feeling "loved" by him, and
your heart is just jumping out of your chest with
love for him, only to have him start using your
shoulder not to caress and kiss, but to cry on?

Where he calls so often, and wants to see you
so much you just can't understand why he refers to
you as a "friend"?

And he can't seem to do without you, but can't
commit to you, either?

And you're starting to notice that the way he
looks at other women who pass by, or the way he
talks about his "ex" is completely different than
the way he looks at you and talks about you?

If this has ever happened to you, or is
happening now, and you feel like a wonderful
"stepping stone" for a man you've been with -
where after your relationship with him is over, he
marries someone else right away - you're not
alone.

This has happened to every one of us at one
time or another, because after every relationship
that didn't work out, both you and the man went on
to other "relationships."

But just because it's happened to most of us
doesn't make it feel any better.

It feels lousy.

It makes you feel completely unattractive,
unsexy, undesirable, and lost.

It makes you feel like you don't know HOW to do
a relationship.

It always made me feel awkward, gawky, stupid,
clueless about men, and hopeless.

Until I finally, at about six months before I
met the wonderful man who is now my wonderful
husband, "got" that it wasn't my fault!

I wasn't being a "stepping stone" for men
because there was something "wrong with me," I was
being stepped on and stepped over because that's
ALL I COULD HANDLE!

I THOUGHT I was being very "brave."

I thought I was going to turn a man who was
still hung up on his ex, seriously commitment-
challenged, financially unstable, emotionally
unhappy with his life, or even possibly gay for
heaven's sake, into MY MAN.

I was going for the ultimate accomplishment -
getting an "impossible to get" man.

I was stuck in something I finally noticed was
a part of my whole approach to a lot of my life -
I was an OBSTACLE-JUMPER.

I was almost ADDICTED to the thrill of finding
a huge challenge and either jumping over it, or
plowing through it.

In terms of men, the thrill was in thinking I
could make an "unavailable man" want me.

I was so afraid, and on such a deep level, to
actually HAVE a wonderful man close and intimate,
I used all my energy to cover up that fear by
PURSUING men who were either not interested in a
serious relationship with ANY woman, or perhaps
just simply not INTO me in a serious way.

Looking back, it was sort of arrogant.

Did I think I was so special that a cold,
unresponsive, unavailable man would "change"
completely because of me?

Or that if a man wasn't initially attracted to
me, I SHOULD be able to CHANGE MYSELF enough that
he WOULD be attracted to me?

Was it my high school fantasy I was chasing?

For a long time, that's what I thought, and so
I beat myself up about it regularly.

Now I know differently.

Now I know that I just couldn't handle
closeness and intimacy.

I THOUGHT I could.

I FELT so romantic.

It was like the ancient myth of Sisyphus. The
story goes that Sisyphus was forced to spend his
life in exile, with the unending job of pushing a
huge boulder up the side of a hill, only to watch
it roll back down to the bottom at the end of
every day.

In the morning, he would have to start all
over.

And there'd never, ever be ANYTHING to show for
his efforts.

That was me.

Trying to push the rock of a relationship
uphill, only to watch it roll back down again.

And then blaming myself for letting it roll
back.

Blaming yourself and beating yourself up is the
first place we've all been taught to go to.

But I can help you stop that old pattern, the
same way I stopped that pattern myself.

When I discovered, through my own trial-and-
error, how to get out of the relationship pit and
the self-blame I was in, everything changed.

I was able to quickly get myself into the love
life I really wanted by using specific
visualizations, mantras and ways of thinking that
turned everything around for me.

So...instead of making everything your fault -
BECAUSE IT ISN'T! - you can get real self-esteem
and confidence that will ATTRACT your man closer
in an amazing and incredibly fast way.

Author:

Rori Raye

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