SEX

Everything you didn't know about sex, but thought you did

2011-07-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

Rihanna, 'whooping up her love for whips and chains.' Photograph: Rex Features

If there's one thing we absolutely, definitely know about sex, it's that men desperately want penetration and women need more hugs to be happy. Except that, actually, maybe that isn't true at all, because an international survey of couples for the Kinsey Institute suggests that it's men who thrive on non-sexual physical intimacy, while women are remarkably unfussed about being cuddled. All this time we've been enjoining the boys to try a little tenderness, and it turns out that it might be girls who tend to be stingy with their embraces. The Kinsey survey is only a start to understanding how couples feel about sex and intimacy in long-term relationships, but it's fascinating because – despite the fact that we seem to live in oversexed times, when we can all enjoy Rihanna whooping up her love for whips and chains, get the ins and outs of footballers' lives on tabloid front pages and even be seduced into buying cat food with weirdly eroticised adverts – we don't actually know very much about how much sex matters in ongoing partnerships. We certainly don't seem to be very good at valuing sex as a part of relationships. Over the weekend, I was surprised to read a moving confession from a man describing himself as "the rejected husband", who describes the misery and rejection of being in a relationship where sex has died. "I ache for you," he writes. "Not for sex, but for sex with you." It shouldn't be shocking to hear that sex is important, and those who are forced to live within the restricted means of a beloved partner's limited libido are often very unhappy; but it is, because the voice of honest, faithful frustration so rarely gets a platform. And when people like the rejected husband do get an answer on problem pages, it's rarely a sympathetic one. Instead, they're often told that they're the one doing it wrong. Give your partner a break from housework and offer her a massage, suggests Dear Deidre. Talk to your wife about sex, says Luisa Dillner, to a man whose question explicitly states that his wife refuses to talk about her lack of desire for sex. Have you considered, asks Mariella Frostrup of a man whose wife has refused to have sex at all for two-year stretches, that you might actually be a bastard? Sharing out the burdens of domesticity, communicating and reflecting on your own behaviour are all important things, obviously; but the underlying message here is that if you've tried those things and you're still not satisfied, then you'll simply have to live with sexual starvation, or leave. That doesn't seem very fair. It's actually pretty reasonable to expect sex to be a continuous part of a relationship; the partner who's being unreasonable is the one who's decided on their own that physical intimacy is over – not because of health problems, other relationships issues or an immediate obstacle such as just having had children, but purely because he or she doesn't fancy bunking up any more. In that situation, the partner who's been shunted off to the edge of the mattress should be able to say that this is a problem without feeling guilty or ashamed. And the one doing the shunting should be encouraged to concede that, actually, expecting someone who wants sex to go without it permanently is asking them to go way beyond any reasonable definition of fidelity. One other, encouraging way that the Kinsey report went against expectations was by showing that women became more sexually satisfied as they got older (the researchers guessed that this might be a result of children growing up relieving stress on mothers, while reduced anxiety about fertility made sex more enjoyable for women). And the really heartening finding was that, when relationships lasted, they seemed to get better with time. Things do seem different for men and women, but, if the Kinsey research is accurate, not in exactly the ways we expected. Agony aunts, maybe it's time to stop suggesting that rejected husband makes do with giving his wife a neck rub and insist that she gives him one instead. It'll make him happier, even if it doesn't lead to sex; and for her, it's an investment towards a contented middle age where the sex begins to get really good.

The True Origin of AIDS

2011-07-18T03:47:00.000-07:00

The origin of AIDS and HIV has puzzled scientists ever since the illness first came to light in the early 1980s. For over twenty years it has been the subject of fierce debate and the cause of countless arguments, with everything from a promiscuous flight attendant to a suspect vaccine programme being blamed. So what is the truth? Just where did AIDS come from?

The first recognised cases of AIDS occurred in the USA in the early 1980s (more about this period can be found on our History of AIDS page). A number of gay men in New York and California suddenly began to develop rare opportunistic infections and cancers that seemed stubbornly resistant to any treatment. At this time, AIDS did not yet have a name, but it quickly became obvious that all the men were suffering from a common syndrome.

The discovery of HIV, the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, was made soon after. While some were initially resistant to acknowledge the connection (and indeed some remain so today), there is now clear evidence to prove that HIV causes AIDS.
Most people believe that the origin of HIV, the AIDS virus, derives from some natural evolutionary event. Key among these HIV origin theories is the so called "cut hunter theory" in which a human, allegedly African native, received a bloody wound or infected splash while preparing a chimpanzee carrying a similar virus (i.e., SIVcpz). Most recent research, along with the scientific consensus, holds that the origin of HIV and AIDS could never have happened this way.
In 2001, The Royal Society of London's conference proceedings, which sought to determine the initial cause of AIDS and the origin of HIV, were published for the world to behold. The most highly respected scientists and academicians debated the possibility that HIV-1, the most widespread and deadly human AIDS virus, evolved from accidental vaccine contaminations and subsequent transmissions to mostly African villagers. The oral polio vaccine (OPV) received the focus of interest here since that vaccine was partially derived from growing live polio viruses in monkey kidney cells that have historically proven to be contaminated with cancer viruses such as SV40 -- the 40^th monkey virus ever discovered. This virus, like HIV-1, is currently linked by medical scientists to widespread human cancers. By the end of the symposium, the esteemed delegates concluded HIV's origin, and AIDS, was not likely to have come from polio vaccine transmissions as chimpanzees were not proven to have been used during the manufacture of this vaccine The hepatitis B vaccine was not considered by this esteemed gathering. Suspiciously neglected, this vaccine was produced in chimpanzees during pilot testing conducted in New York City, among gay men, and Central African villagers between 1972 and 1974. This was precisely timed for the emergence of AIDS in these exact, demographically distinct, communities by the late 1970s. The fact that this fact was neglected proves shoddy science or gross negligence at best.

Importantly, among the most respected of all HIV/AIDS origin theorists, the U.S. Government's chief DNA sequence analyst at the Los Alamos Laboratory in New Mexico , Dr. Gerald Myers, reported with his colleagues that the origin of HIV could not have begun with "cut hunters" or other single isolated cross species transmissions (called "zoonosis"). He reported that genetic sequencing studies prove some "punctuated origin of AIDS event" took place during the mid-1970s giving rise, virtually simultaneously, to at least ten different HIV "clades" (or genetic subtypes) associated with ten different distinguishable AIDS epidemics in Africa alone. The most likely cause of this widespread bizarre zoonosis was some man-made (i.e., iatrogenic) event involving chimpanzees.

Myers and his colleagues offered the following best explanation for the origin of HIV: "It is not far-fetched," they wrote, "to imagine the ten or so clades deriving from a single animal (perhaps immunosuppressed and possessing a swarm of variants) [as might have been the case with chimpanzees used in the process of hepatitis B vaccine manufacture] or from a few animals that might have belonged to a single troop or might have been gang-caged together. The number of animals required is secondary to the extent of variation in the source at the time of the zoonotic or iatrogenic event. The [vaccine] hypothesis makes a case for such a punctuated origin . . ." (See: Burr T, Hyman JM and Myers G. The origin of acquired immune deficiency syndrome: Darwinian or Lamarchkian? Phil. Trans. R. Soc. Lond. B (2001) 356:877-887.)

So if chimpanzees were not used to make the polio vaccine, and therefore the origin of HIV and AIDS did not come from this vaccine nor time period (1950s-early 1960s), then what other vaccine, given during the early to mid 1970s, might have used one or more SIVcpz-infected chimpanzees in the manufacturing process?

Dr. Horowitz unearthed and reprinted stunning scientific documents and National Institutes of Health contracts proving that chimpanzees, contaminated with numerous viruses, were used to produce hundreds of hepatitis B vaccine doses administered to central African Blacks along with homosexual men in New York City at precisely the time Dr. Myers and colleagues claim the origin of HIV "punctuated event" occurred.

What God says about Sex

2011-07-18T00:04:00.000-07:00

It's not surprising that in a time of growing biblical illiteracy, so few people have any idea what God thinks and says about the extremely important subject of sex. The world holds the Christian view of sex in contempt, considering it prudish, naïve and repressive. But the Bible elevates sexuality as God's gift to us that is both sacred and mysterious. The world's perspective degrades it to just something that feels good—another form of recreation or socialization.

Counselor Waylon Ward offers an insightful way to understand the problem, which he calls "the Pickle Principle." In order to make pickles, we put cucumbers in a brine solution of vinegar, spices, and water. After a cucumber soaks in the brine long enough, it is changed into a pickle. Most of us are like pickles. We sit in the brine of a sex-saturated culture, absorbing its values and beliefs, and it changes the way we think. Even most Christians are pickled today, believing and acting exactly like everyone else who has been sitting in the brine of a culture hostile to God and His Word.

The world's sex-saturated brine includes the belief that sex is the ultimate pleasure. The message of much TV, movies, and music is that there is no greater pleasure available, and that it is the right of every individual, even teenagers, to have this pleasure.{1}nother aspect of this pickling process is the belief that no one has the right to deprive anyone else of this greatest of all human pleasures, that no one has the right to tell anyone else what is right or wrong about the expression of his or her sexuality.{2}

If the purpose and goal of sex is primarily pleasure, then other people are just objects to be used for sensual gratification. Since people are infinitely valuable because God made us in His image, that is a slap in the face whether we realize it or not. The Christian perspective is that the purpose of sex is relational, with pleasure as the by-product. The Bible teaches that sex welds two souls together.{3} It is so powerful that it is only safe within a committed, covenant marriage relationship. It's like the difference between the wild energy of lightning compared to the harnessed power of electricity. God knew what He was doing when He limited sex to within marriage!

God wants to get His "pickled people" out of the world's brine and into an intimate relationship with Him. He wants to change our thinking and beliefs to be in alignment with His.

Sex is God's Invention! The Purpose of Sex

Sex is God's idea. He made it not only efficient for making babies, but pleasurable and deeply satisfying. He designed men's and women's body parts to complement each other. He created hormones to make everything work right and make us want to be sexual. Unlike animals, whose mating behavior is purely instinctive for the purpose of reproducing, human sexuality has several wonderful purposes. God means for all of them to be contained within marriage.

In a lifelong covenant of faithfulness between husband and wife, we can express and enjoy God's two major purposes to sex: fruitfulness and intimacy. His first command to Adam and Eve was to "be fruitful and multiply" (Gen. 1:28); one very foundational purpose of sex is to create new living beings. Fruitfulness is not limited to having children, though. A mutually loving and serving sexual relationship between husband and wife can produce emotional and personal fruitfulness as well. Both people are nurtured to grow, develop, and soar, becoming more of what God means them to be.

The other big purpose for sex, emotional and physical intimacy, is only possible within marriage. In his little gem of a book called What God Says About Sex,{4} Eric Elder says that intimacy really means "into-me-see." It is only safe to reveal the fullness of who we are, "warts and all," to someone who loves us and has committed to be faithful and supportive "till death do us part." The fullest experience and freedom of sex is found within the marriage bed, which God says to keep holy or set apart.{5} God says that we are to use self-control to keep all expressions of sexuality limited to marriage.{6}

Sex also builds oneness, a mystical union of two lives and souls into one life together. The one-flesh union of sex is a picture of the way two souls are joined together into a shared life. In fact, we could say that sex is like solder that is used to fuse two pieces of metal together. Once they are joined, it is a strong bond that helps keep marriages and families intact, which is God's intention for our lives. Another purpose of sex is the pleasure that comes from being safe in another's love. The entire book of Song of Solomon is gorgeous poetry that glorifies married sexual relations.

God also says that an important purpose of sex is to serve as an earthbound illustration of the mystical but real unity of Christ and the church, where two very different, very other beings are joined together as one. This spiritual component to sex is what helps us see more clearly why any and all sex outside of marriage falls far short of God's intention for it to be holy and sacred—and protected.

So . . . What Does God Actually Say?

A lot of people believe the Bible says, "Sex is fun and it feels good, so don't do it." Nothing could be farther from the truth! Sex was God's great idea in the first place! But God's view of sex as a sacred and private gift to married couples, as well as a gift each spouse gives to the other, is at great odds with the world's perspective of sex as simply a pleasure no one should deny him- or herself.

The overarching statement God makes is that sex is to be completely contained within marriage.{7} As I said above, sex is so powerful that it's like the difference between the wild, uncontrollable power of lightning compared to the safety of harnessed electricity in our buildings. God wants us to harness the power of sex within marriage. This means that all other expressions of sexuality are off-limits, not because God is a cosmic kill joy, but because He loves us and knows what's best for us, namely, not playing with lightning! So God says not to engage in sex with anyone before marriage, with anyone else once we are married, with anyone of the same sex; or with prostitutes, or with family members, or with animals.

God says that sexual purity is a treasure to be guarded and valued. It is a reflection of God's own character, which is what makes it so valuable. In our culture, many people have been deceived into thinking that their virginity is worthless, something to get rid of. But God says it is special,{8} a gift that can we can only bestow on one person, one time. God calls us to purity after marriage as well by remaining faithful to our spouse. Purity before and during marriage prevents "ghosts" in the marriage bed; comparisons are nowhere as deadly as in the intensely intimate realm of sex. We glorify God in our sexuality by using self-control to stay pure if single, and by loving our spouse sexually if married.

The good news is that purity can be restored if we confess our sin and put our trust in Jesus to forgive us and give us a new, holy quality of life. The Bible promises, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."{9} God stands ready to forgive and cleanse us, and restore our purity the moment we ask.

God says that sex is to be reserved for adults only. Three times in the Song of Solomon, a beautiful book extolling the glory of married sex, it says, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires," which means "until the time is right."{10} As I minister to sexually broken people,{11} most of them bear the still-painful scars of childhood sexual abuse from people who never should have opened a door to sexual experience. Their entire view of sex has been warped and skewed. God never meant for children to be introduced to sex. It's for adults. Married adults.

God wants us to actively fight sexual temptation. The battle is harder than it's ever been because of our sex-saturated culture. He says to flee immorality.{12} In fact, God says to offer not even a hint of sexual immorality.{13} That means that it is a violation of His intentions to engage in phone sex with strangers, or virtual sex in chat rooms and porn sites. The fact that you're not physically touching another person's body doesn't mean it's not sin, because Jesus said that sexual sin happens in the mind first.{14}

Eric Elder suggests asking a powerful question to help clarify the battle against sexual temptation: will this lead to greater intimacy and fruitfulness with the husband or wife God has created for me?{15} This filter is helpful for both married people and singles. If an action doesn't build intimacy or fruitfulness, it probably destroys them. Another question to ask is, Can I glorify God in what my flesh wants to do? Can I invite Jesus into what I'm about to do? If the answer is no, God invites us to meet the struggle with His supernatural energy instead of our own puny human strength.{16}

Outside of the safety of marriage, sex is wounding and hurtful, but God created it for our pleasure and delight. In the Song of Solomon, God enthusiastically invites the newlyweds to enjoy His good gift of sex, where He says, "Eat, friends, and drink, o lovers!"{17} In fact, God wants married couples to bless each other by enjoying sex often and regularly.{18}

Are you surprised by what God says about sex?

Why Sexual Sin Hurts So Much

Pastors and counselors will tell you that there is a greater intensity of shame and pain in the people they counsel when the issues involve sexual sin.{19} Paul says that all other sins are outside our bodies,{20} but sexual sin touches you deep in your heart and soul.

As mentioned above, it may be helpful to think of sex like solder. God created it to make a strong, powerful bond that creates healthy, stable families into which children are welcomed. But when people fuse their souls through sexual sin without the safety and commitment of marriage, it causes tremendous pain when the relationship rips apart. (Have you ever seen a broken weld? It's pretty ugly.) When sex is disconnected from love and commitment, it also disconnects the body from the soul. This inflicts deep wounds of shame and guilt on a heart that has been used for gratification instead of love.

Waylon Ward says that sex sins expose and exploit our deepest emotional and spiritual vulnerabilities. He writes, "In the counseling office, individuals rarely if ever weep scalding tears about any other sense of loss like they do for a sexual relationship when it ends. There are soul ties that bind two partners together in unseen ways and there is a sense that part of you has been stolen. There is a hole in your soul where the connection was ripped from you."{21}

The pickling brine of our culture's increased sensuality says, "If it feels good, do it. You're entitled." But while this belief about sex may feel good, it is most definitely not good for us. Note the runaway epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases, and the resulting increase in infertility. Note the number of broken hearts and broken families. Note the alarming amount of sexual abuse. Note the soaring rates of depression, especially in teens, much of which is related to sexual activity outside of marriage.

God invented sex for His glory and our benefit. His basic rule—keep sex inside marriage—isn't meant to be a killjoy, but to protect our hearts and bodies and relationships and families. He knows what He's doing, and we do well to follow.

Notes

1. Waylon Ward, Sex Matters: Men Winning the Battle (McKinney, Texas: Allison O'Neil Publishing Company, 2004), 7. This book can be ordered through Waylon's Web site, www.mercymatters.com.
2. Ibid., 8.
3. Gen. 2:24;1 Cor. 6:15-16.
4. Eric Elder, What God Says About Sex (Inspiringbooks.com, an imprint of Eric Elder, 2006). Contact www.WhatGodSays.com for more information.
5. Hebrews 13:4.
6. 1 Corinthians 6:18.
7. Forty-four prohibitions of porneia (sexual expression outside of marriage, usually translated "sexual immorality").
8. SoS 4:12.
9. 1 John 1:9.
10. SoS 2:7, 3:5, 8:4.
11. I have the privilege of serving with Living Hope Ministries (www.livehope.org), a support group for those dealing with unwanted same-sex attractions, and the families of those who struggle. (Or who don't struggle because they are just fully immersed in a gay identity.) I mainly minister to women, for whom a history of sexual abuse is a common denominator.
12. 1 Cor. 6:18.
13. Ephesians 5:3.
14. Matthew 5:28.
15. Elder, What God Says About Sex, 37.
16. Colossians 1:29, Ephesians 6:10.
17. SoS 5:1.
18. 1 Corinthians 7:5.
19. Ward, Sex Matters, 16.
20. 1 Corinthians 6:18.
21. Ward, Sex Matters, 17.

Sex Killed these famous People

2011-07-17T23:56:00.000-07:00

In recent news, a woman with 40 LL sized b*****s almost (accidentally) killed her husband during sex (using her b*****s): http://ow.ly/1y2d9 . In light of this (the husband is fine), we've found the 11 most notable examples of people unexpectedly dying during or because of sex in some way shape or form. The first two are Popes (condensed into one item, for your convenience)!

The Pope(s)

Not one, but TWO Popes have died in delicato flagranto morto (Latin for "caught dead with your pants down"). We didn't want to cheat you into a redundant list, so we've condensed all the sex-related deaths died by a Pope into one item!

1. Pope John XII (955-64) was getting his nub rubbed when an irate husband murdered him out of jealousy.

2. Pope Paul II (1467-71) allegedly died while being sodomized by a page boy. The Pope had it hard back then, not having the resources to delegate his work out to lower Priests. Too soon?

These two popes paved the way for two other casanovas of the same names who would eventually join a rock 'n' roll supergroup and revolutionize music as we know it.

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2 Felix Faure

French President Felix Faure went down while getting his twig and berries harvested. While the official cause of death was "a stroke" the actual cause of death was a little more juicy (please God, no pun intended).

Faure suddenly died from apoplexy when engaging in extramarital sexual activities with his young office assistant.

The poor lady is said to have gotten so scared over the event that she got lockjaw and had to be removed from the president's member via crowbar/surgery.

Clinton doesn't know how good he had it.

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3 Attila The Hun

With 7 wives quite literally under his belt, it should come as no surprise that Attila the Hun liked it a bit rough.

"The Hunster", as he was known by his close bros, retired after a night of tiresome raping and pillaging only to have it dished back to him by his equally well-built and roughplay-loving lovepartner.

He was found dead from a palm-to-nose job. That's right, she probably punched him in the face. He suffered from a severe nosebleed from this brutal hit he took and then choked to death.

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4 Nelson Rockefeller

The Vice-President under Ford (he beat out George H.W. Bush) was found dead after giving some dicktation to an aide, Megan Marshack. He suffered from a heart attack during intercourse with his mistress.

Due to her anxiety about the consequences of the press and political reasons, Megan failed to call the ambulance until an hour later. When the ambulance found him, he was barely alive.

There was an immediate "Weekend At Bernie's"-style put-into-place, and then he was found dressed (and dead) on his desk.

In this clip at the 1960 RNC, he tried to get folks to repudiate the right wing... cuz you know ... they spoil all the fun.

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5 Errol Flynn

With all of his daring do, the this swashbuclker's buckle finally got swashed. After a week long bender in 1959, Errol retired to the back bedroom of his yacht to cut another notch into his saber.

The original "Man In Tights" was found dead within a half an hour, suffering from a heart attack. While a cover up ensued, and there is still wide debate over whether he actually died DURING sex, his legend lives on forever.
Bob Crane

Bob Crane didn't die during sex but because of it; A LOT of sex. HE was found bludgeoned to death by a tri-pod in a Scottsdale, AZ condo.

What was discovered was a stash of of personal sex pics and videos the internet would covet. Several pages and a few carefully cataloged videos were removed. The theory is that he slept with the wrong woman and was whacked... and not in the fun way, but The Sopranos way. A murderer was never convicted.

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7 David Carradine

If you are like most people you responded to the news of David Carradine, found dead and nude in Bangkok, Thailand with
"I loved him, but at least he died happy."

The "Kung-Fu" and "Kill Bill" star was found with a rope tied to his neck, wrist and genitals, hung in his hotel room closet.

While at first suicide was suspected, two autopsies concluded that autoerotic asphyxiation, or "accidental asphyxiation" was the lovemaking culprit in this epic end to a Hollywood legend.

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8 Michael Hutchence

The INXS frontman was found, alone, Shaboo Shabad in his apartment in Australia, hanging by his neck. A rope was bound around Michael's neck and genitals, while his hands were tied behind his back. Though originally the coroner reported the death was a result of suicide due to severe depression, the actual cause of death was actually autoerotic asphyxiation, also known as the "double hang". No word on whether or not the devil inside came out. INXS reference? Anyone?... Moving on.

Lass: "Wasn't rope it was his belt and he was on ......
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9 Kristian Digby

Just last month, BBC host Kristian Digby joined the ranks of Hutchense and Carradine. He died solo, but with a twist, rather than using the standard rope of his predecessors, he used a plastic bag and a belt. Note: Condoms are not for your head.

Calum Knott: "what possible basis do you have for how he......
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10 John Garfield

John Garfield, star of "The Postman Rings Twice" and "Body and Soul" had hit a rough patch. After a year of being nailed by Congress for denying he had knowledge of the Commies, he took on an little extra pink of his own, actress Iris Whitney.

While undergoing a perjury rap by the House of UnAmerican Activities, he was found dead in her bed.

Diagnosed with heart problems, he wasn't feeling well one night when Iris put him to bed and she found him dead the next morning as a result of a heart attack. Garfield was only 39.

How Sex Can Kill You.

2011-07-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

Cosmo Magazine, that bastion of reliable medical advice, declares, “An orgasm almost killed her.”

Intrigued, gynecologist Amy Tuteur reads further, and finds its about case where a woman developed stroke-like symptoms after intercourse, and was diagnosed with an embolic stroke.

The patient was taking the birth control pill, which can raise the risk of blood clots. In this case, it was also combined with the presence of a patent foramen ovale, allowing the clot to travel into her brain, whereas normally, it would have stayed in her heart.

She also discusses other ways sex can kill, writing, “Anyone who has an abnormal blood vessel in the brain is at risk for bleeding into the brain if the blood pressure rises, and sex can cause a temporary rise in blood pressure. For those with heart problems, sexual activity can lead to a heart attack. For those with heart problems who are cheating on a spouse, the risk of a heart attack appears to be even higher. It must be the added effect of guilt on the blood pressure.”

Women Cheat More than Men -study.

2011-07-17T23:37:00.000-07:00

Are men or women more likely to cheat? While men have always had a worse reputation for being unfaithful, recent studies show that women are catching up fast - but we are a lot more likely to lie about it, and a lot less likely to get caught.

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Simply put, it seems that women are better at having affairs than men.

The news that Farrah Fawcett had a secret affair for 11 years without telling a soul is a classic example of the way a woman cheats: discreetly, in secret, and while carrying on with the rest of her life as normal.

It has been met with hot denials by Ryan O'Neal, but - and I'm sorry to break it to you this way, Ryan - you'd be the last to know.

According to Dr David Holmes, a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, women are having more affairs than ever - recent studies say the figure is around 20 per cent for men and a bit over 15 per cent for women - but they behave very differently from men when they cheat.

'The biggest difference is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret,' he says. 'If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven't been fathered by the man who thinks he's the biological parent.'

That's a lot of women keeping a lot of secrets. One woman I know - let's call her Juliet - has been married to Adrian for ten years, and having an affair with Mark for the past two.

She has told me and her sister - otherwise, she says, she's '100 per cent certain' that nobody else knows.

'I won't allow Mark to call me on my mobile or email me, ever. Mobiles and email leave a trail. I insist we talk on our office landlines, and when we meet for drinks or dinner, we pay with cash.

'We work in the same field, so meeting for lunch doesn't look suspicious. If we meet in the evening, I tell Adrian I'm with my sister, and meet Mark a few miles away, where we won't bump into anyone.'

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Does she feel guilty about the affair? 'Not so long as Adrian doesn't find out. You know the 11th commandment: don't get caught.'

Women have always had affairs, but over the past 20 years that number has risen dramatically.

Jobs outside the home - with the ready-made excuse of working late or business travel - financial independence and changing social attitudes mean that modern women simply have more opportunity to meet other men and start affairs.

Mobile phones, internet chat rooms and email also make it easier to fuel intimate encounters.

But while women's lives and sexual behaviour might have changed, their willingness to be honest about it hasn't.

We lie so much that often we don't even think of it as lying at all, but as 'relationship management'

The truth is that we have always lied about our sex lives. British men consistently claim to have had more partners than women - the current average is 13, while women claim to have had only nine.

Plainly, someone is lying here. While men might exaggerate their sexual conquests, the bigger liars are women.

When studies about sexual partners or fidelity use a mixture of face-to-face interviews and anonymous computer questionnaires, men will give the same answers to both, but women will report much higher numbers when the answers are anonymous.

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Why do women lie? Because we must, and because we can. In spite of apparent equality and a more sexually open society, we are still more harshly judged for our sex lives than men.

Can you imagine a leading female politician having an affair and her husband standing loyally by her?

Behind closed doors: Working women have more opportunities to have affairs

Or the reaction to a female CEO having a public affair with her young male assistant?

There is something particularly humiliating for a man about being made a cuckold. So we lie to protect ourselves from the judgments of others, and because sexual 'reputation' still matters more to women, whether we like it or not.

But we also lie naturally and instinctively, as a way to manage and control our relationships, to protect our partners and our families, and to keep our options open.

In fact, we lie so much and for so many reasons that often we don't even think of it as lying at all, but as 'relationship management'.

www.pop97.com

Women are taught to lie from childhood. Those simple, altruistic lies such as saying we've had a lovely time when we haven't, that someone looks nice when she doesn't, or that we're delighted with a gift we don't really like, are just some of the small ways that lying oils the wheels of our social lives, keeps the peace, and makes other people happy.

Girls will lie to protect someone's feelings or to build a relationship. Honesty, in these circumstances, looks highly overrated, and we quickly learn the value and power of being economical with the truth in relationships.

Many women also develop a habit of secrecy about smaller issues in their relationship as a way of maintaining some kind of control.

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It's common, for example, for women to lie to their partners about how much money they have spent - even when they don't need to.

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Top Ten Sex Myths.

2011-07-17T23:20:00.000-07:00

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Let’s face it: Sex is on our minds all the time. We live it, breathe it and will do almost anything to get it. A man’s sex drive is an innate, natural force. With sex and desire playing such important roles in our lives, you’d think we would all have a better grasp on it. However, truth be told, many men are misinformed about sex, from how to get the most pleasure out of their love life to how to stay safe and healthy in the bedroom. Want to test your sex IQ? Check out these top 10 sex myths to see how your knowledge stacks up.

No.10 Great sex comes naturally

The physical chemistry you see on TV and in the movies suggests that when two lovers meet, sparks fly and mind-blowing sex naturally follows. As we all know, in the real world, it’s not always that easy. The human body doesn’t come with an instruction manual. The “tricks of the trade” that pleased a former partner do not always translate with someone new. Good communication is the key to good sex, as is a willingness to be open to trying new techniques and positions to find out what each partner finds pleasurable. It can be a little awkward at first to over-communicate during sex, but think about the outcome: a partner who knows how to do it right every time.

No.9 Men have more sexual urges than women

Though many men would have you believe they’re ready to go 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, the truth is that men experience daily fluctuations in libido, as do women. A man’s readiness to hop in the sack can be impacted by many of the same factors that impact a woman’s level of desire, including diet, sleep, health, stress, medical conditions, self-confidence, and relationship disharmony.

No.8 After a certain age, sex is no longer important

Sex is an important aspect of physical and emotional health and well-being for adults of all ages, even those in their golden years. While some people believe that a decrease in libido is a natural part of aging, a loss of sexual desire can be related to a number of other factors including hormone deficiencies, depression, anxiety disorders, side effects of medication, changes to a relationship, communication barriers, or loss of a spouse or partner.

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No.7 Viagra is the answer

While many people believe Viagra and other similar oral medications are the best or only treatment for men with erectile dysfunction, the truth is that for many men these drugs are not a viable option or they simply are not effective. Oral medications are only a temporary fix to a problem that may have other underlying health causes that should be addressed by a qualified physician. In addition, many men with health conditions, including hypertension and diabetes, cannot take oral prescriptions due to serious potential side effects or contraindications with other medications. For men who cannot use oral meds, there are a number of other options including urethral suppositories and ICP, an injection that produces an erection within minutes.

No.6 Size matters

Even if every guy you know can probably tell you exactly how big his penis is, size is not a barometer for manhood. As anyone with sexual experience knows, true sexual enthusiasm far outweighs any gifted parts. And contrary to another popular sex myth, the size of your member has nothing to do with the size of your hands or feet.

No.5 Certain foods can put you in the mood

Named for the Greek goddess of sensuality and love, aphrodisiacs are said to put you in the mood. While oysters, dark chocolate, strawberries, and tiger penis might make you feel l’amour, there is no scientific evidence to support the validity of aphrodisiacs. However, while there is no science to foods and/or herbs causing arousal, a certain food can trigger an erotic memory or desire in your own mind -- so in a sense, we all have our own aphrodisiacs.

No.4 Oral sex is safer than vaginal and anal sex

From teenagers to former President Bill Clinton, oral sex seems to have the stigma of a “free pass” as far as sexual relationships go. Yes, it does count as sex, and yes, you can get a sexually transmitted disease from oral sex. There is still an exchange of fluids, meaning that diseases can enter your body through sores or small cuts in your mouth and throat.

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No.3 Premature ejaculation only affects young men

Some men do find that premature ejaculation begins at the onset of sexual maturity, but plenty of men also find it to be an issue later in life. In fact, premature ejaculation affects 30% of men at sometime in their lives.

Often, early ejaculation in men who are in their 30s or older is a co-symptom of erectile dysfunction or fatigue, poor cardiovascular conditioning, depression, anxiety, or neurological symptoms.

No.2 Fantasizing about someone else is a bad thing

A large part of the sexual experience starts with your brain, not your body, and sometimes your brain can wander. If you are committed to your lady, and your relationship is in a good place, it’s OK to think about Angelina (Jolie) or Megan (Fox) every now and then.

No.1 Women can't get pregnant if a man pulls out

The “pull-out” method, also known as the rhythm method, is potentially the worst possible form of birth control. Men do not always know when ejaculatory fluid begins to seep out -- and even ahead of a perceptible orgasm, pre-ejaculate (which includes sperm) is released and is enough to get a woman pregnant. In fact, one in five couples who use this method as their only form of birth control over the course of a year will end up pregnant.

Now that you’ve brushed up your knowledge on the top 10 sex myths, you can go out and have the best sex of your life. Just remember: While it is very important to stay safe and be smart, sex is not only a necessary bodily function, but also a very enjoyable bodily function.

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How to Deal With the After Effects of Rape

2011-07-15T04:13:00.000-07:00

Most rape victims suffer from a series of symptoms. There are both psychological and physical effects in the aftermath of rape or sexual assault.

Steps

Do some research on Rape Trauma Syndrome. Learning about the health and psychological conditions effecting survivors of assault has been cited by researchers as a positive coping skill associated with faster healing. (Matsushita-Arao, 1997 ) You can find information at RCIP:
If you are a victim you should also seek help from a professional. Sometimes it helps to understand your healing process.
Ask a specialist in rape trauma syndrome for information about the condition and its effects. You can find a therapist by calling the APA at 1-800-964-2000, or the NMHA at 1.800.969.6642.
Ask a Medical Physician about your symptoms. You can find a Physician at Medline: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/rape.html
You can also do research at your local library. Pathfinders are websites created by librarians that list the best resources on a particular subject. This resource would tell you which reference resources, books, databases (journals) and online resources are best for your topic. You can find your local library here. You can find pathfinders by using any internet search engine.
Rape crisis centers will also provide information on the effects of rape. Some will loan out material or have their own library inside the crisis center. You can find your local crisis center by calling RAINN at 1.800.656.HOPE or going to the site (rainn.org) and accessing the database.

Tips

Symptoms experienced by rape victims are:
- Psychological: rape trauma syndrome, PTSD, OCD, SI, eating disorders.
- Physical: body memories (possible in a brain-related sense, but not supported by current theory. Look up "body memory" on answers.com, Criticisms), headaches, and stomachaches, Chronic pelvic pain, Premenstrual syndrome, Gastrointestinal disorders, Gynecological and pregnancy complications, Migraines and other frequent headaches, Back pain, Facial pain, Disability preventing work. Possible pregnancy.

Warnings

Be aware of victim blame (http://www.ibiblio.org/rcip//vb.html) - "Victim blaming is holding the victim responsible for what has happened to her/him. One way in which victim blaming is perpetuated is through rape myths. Rape myths allow us to blame the victim and are often common false beliefs."

Things You'll Need

A notebook, sometimes called a commonplace book, to write things the PTSD causes you to forget.You may also what a friend there with you to help you cope with everthing and all the aftermath of it all

How to Have a Healthy Relationship

2011-07-15T04:10:00.000-07:00

There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.

Steps

Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Ask yourself why you aren't happy. Too often, relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames the partner. Your life is solely under your control, with your relationship you have to take the good with the bad. You need to give as well as take. This is with the exception of domestic abuse.
Make and keep clear agreements. Respect the differences between yourself and your partner. Do not expect your partner to agree with you on every issue. Reach a mutual agreement or plan, and then commit to it. If you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time or call if you absolutely must be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety.
3
Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can choose to be right or to have a successful relationship. You can't always have both. Many people argue to be "right" about something. They say. "If you loved me, you would..." and argue to hear the other say, "Fine, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that, while you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, you love and share and learn from those experiences. And if you can't reach any kind of mutual agreement, that doesn't mean either of you are wrong.
Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. A true relationship will consist of both partners who need to equally contribute. Not only is that the only type of relationship that will work out, but it will work out in both of your favor.
Tell the unarguable truth. Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or their partner's. Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. For any sort of relationship, to work you need to have trust.
Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It's about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and try to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it. If you can't reach an agreement, it's a bad sign. If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it's a good sign. It's the only way to prevent yourself from more disappointment, anger or resentment. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone, do give him or her the time and space.
Review your expectations.

Review your expectations. Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation.
Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: responsible means having the ability to respond. Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you or your partner are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it and say sorry. You'll be amazed how this works
Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don't want to argue but to talk and make it better.
Admit your mistakes and say sorry. One possible way to do this is to talk after having a misunderstanding or argument. For example you can ask your partner to give you some time to think of the wrong and right things that you and he/she did. Ask your partner to do the same thing and talk to them when you are both ready. Ask your partner to give you time to talk and explain to them why you were angry, the wrong things you did, the things they did that you did not like and what you would like them to change. Ask your partner to do the same thing and give them a fair chance to talk and explain also. This will make your relationship stronger and help strengthen the communication between you and your partner.
Spend some quality time together. No matter how busy you two are, there is always an excitement when you do something together, when you share your precious time. Play a sport, eat at a restaurant, or watch your favorite movies together. You will feel the magic of love and connection that you have with each other.
Laugh Together. Not only is it true that laughter is the best medicine, but it's also true that laughter can make a great relationship. In a tedious relationship, it is hard to communicate with your partner and share humorous feelings. Not only does laughing establish a connection, it can help keep passionate feelings in perspective.
Develop a realistic expectation about sex and intimacy. This should not be based on what is taught in the media or films. This also implies finding new and creative ways to pleasing each other intimately.
Arrange a safe haven (time and place) from the stressful daily hassles of life to enjoy one another. This can include a quiet dinner along the beach, a walk in the park, etc.
Very importantly, support each other. If your partner has to do something for his school, studies or work, support them. This will make them feel loved, and it will make them realize that they also have a friend in you, not just a romantic interest. Be supportive. Be their number one fan.

Know yourself and be honest with yourself and love yourself -- first! Only then can you truly appreciate and love someone else.
Take good care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect and love is as important as respecting and loving your partner. Conduct yourself with dignity, even if you're very familiar with one another, do not exclude your partner from your life, it will only cause resentment.
All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe your partner is losing respect for you, then consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect is the key. If you have true respect for one another, then nothing can go wrong. You have to learn respect, sometimes it can take a while to achieve this, but if they love you it will come.
Ask questions, clarify, don't assume. Do not talk if your mind is not clear or full of anger. When you feel hurt, do not say "it's your fault / you never loved me" or "let's break up" or "when do you want to break up?". You might well regret it one day. Tell him or her you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first, if you don't work together and just blame, it can only do harm. Never just withdraw this always causes more harm than good.
Treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Be gentle and kind. Apologize if your partner feels hurt(but don't let them make you feel bad). Apology does not mean you are bad, it only means you care. When you are full of anger, it will surely burst out of your mouth if you open it. Calm down first, then think it through, then try to talk. When your partner asks to be left alone, do not blame or criticize. Show your respect and support by giving him or her the time and space to calm down and think it through first. But do not leave any unsolved problem for too long.
Be the first to tell your partner, either positive or negative. Trust is as essential as respect. If you want your partner to trust you, trust him or her first. Letting your partner play guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and frustration. But, don't just tell him or her the issue, also talk about your plan to solve it. Exclusion breeds dis trust.
Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship. Stay in touch by, for example, calling your partner even if it's just to say 'hi' and 'I love you', never criticize them for showing love and always make time for each other willingly..
Avoid any activity that could cause your partner to experience doubt, suspicion or distrust - build your credibility and earn trust and respect by always communicating truthfully and proactively, and always keep your words. In this way, if something happens which looks incriminating, your partner will believe you if you claim you are innocent. Past behavior predicts future actions - building a solid foundation of trust and integrity will take you far.
Always make sure to show your partner that you appreciate him/her. Whether it's calling them to check in, say I love you, or just spend your Saturday night together. The possibilities are endless.
Know when to say no, and know when time and space are actually constructive tools.
It is not always a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm. "Do you sometimes think about your ex?" and "do I look fat in these pants?" are both loaded questions. In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example, "I think you have other pants that look better on you" is a helpful answer, instead of simply "they don't", or "they do make you look fat".
Remember what you don’t do is as important as what you do.
Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. This is the way to demonstrate loyalty and devotion to your significant other and this safeguards the richness of exclusivity which monogamous relationships confer. Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you're no longer romantically involved. Don't ever lie or cheat on your partner, however one of those questions it's best not to answer totally honestly is "do you still think about your ex?" If you have fond memories, don't dwell on them, and assure your partner that while you occasionally remember places you went or things that happened, you are so much happier to be with your present partner. Period. Don't launch into a rehashing of the old days with the ex, or talk at length about the good times you had together or things you did together.
'It can help to learn the difference between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships' - That way you can see potential problems as and when they arise (Remember - its likely you would see something Unhealthy at some point so don't be alarmed or shocked as there is no perfect relationship because we are all human and fallible). If you see something Unhealthy in your relationship try and work out why this is and see if you can work towards resolving it together. Do not place blame and then leave them to it, work it through together.
There is no perfect person. So barring an abusive relationship it may be best to stick to a relationship, work things out and make it better. Who knows whether the next person you find is even worse.
Don't fool yourself or the other person. Know what you're capable of and be honest about your intentions. If you know that you have trouble with monogamy, own it but allow room for the other person to make decisions as to whether or not they want to be in a relationship with you under those conditions. Do not be deceitful. A white lie is still a lie.

Edit Warnings

Keep your expectations about the relationship realistic. Marriage should not be on your mind if you've been dating for a week, for example. Nor should you think that the relationship is going to solve all of your problems, or that you'll never be lonely again, or anything like that. Relationships can be wonderful things, but be realistic about them. Just as one can feel lonely in a crowd, one can also feel lonely occasionally when in a relationship - that doesn't mean the relationship is bad, it only means you're feeling a little down. Don't ascribe too much importance to it unless these feelings linger and begin to dominate your days and nights. If this happens, seek help; you may be spiraling into a depression.
Do not assume that any one relationship will be perfect. It is human to experience disagreements and emotional pain. Working past these issues may be an ongoing struggle, but as a couple you will thrive once you get past it.
Do not call it quits when you do argue. When in a state of anger, we can not rationalize and often find ourselves losing control by saying things we don't mean. Hang in there and try to work it out before finalizing a break-up that you will regret afterwards. That said, if you find you are arguing more and more, examine the possible reasons, and talk it over together.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Sure, most of the time you'll be compromising. But don't get shocked or overly depressed because of arguments or fights. This will come for sure. Without arguments and fights, your relationship will not grow stronger.
However, if your partner is scaring you, trying to control you, or deliberately hurting you (physically or emotionally), seek help immediately. Abusive behavior is not your fault. In a healthy relationship, partners need to work together to make each other happy; you should never have to work just to keep your partner from making you miserable. The National (US) Domestic Violence Hotline is at 1-800-799-7233, or you can visit the International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies at http://www.hotpeachpages.net/.

How to Bring Love Into a Relationship

2011-07-15T04:08:00.000-07:00

If you're young and in a relationship, it can be difficult to know how to let it progress. This should help.

Steps

Be open to love.First of all, you have to be willing to let love in your relationship and give love back 100%.
Don't rush into saying "I love you." Take the time to realize what you are saying, and that it means something. Unless you feel like it is a promise, then don't say it!
Make sure you trust, admire, and respect the person you are with. Can you see being with him (or her) forever? Can you really talk to each other? Can you be honest with, and support, each other? Do you have meaningful conversations? Do you mean something to each other? Is the relationship exclusive, serious, long-term, mature, meaningful, loving, trustful, respectful, and so on? If the answer is yes, then you may be heading towards love.
Take the physical aspect of the relationship slowly as well. This will give you time to develop other aspects of your relationship. Like the verbal, psychological, mental, emotional, affectionate, and other kinds of intimacy / closeness that has nothing to do with the physical stuff.
Don't let your life completely revolve around them. Your partner will find it sexy that you have other priorities. It's a sign of self-respect.
If you're not yet ready to say, "I love you," try "I love it when you..." or "I love your..." instead.

Tips

When you are comfortable with that person, open up and let that person in your life.
Trust your instincts.
Make time for each other.
Spend time apart as well.
Connect/bond--on a deeper level (than physical and other ones) with one another---let there be time for the emotional, psychological, mental, verbal, and other intimacy or closeness to grow, expand, develop, etc.

How to Make Your Relationship Work

2011-07-15T04:07:00.000-07:00

Having trouble with your sweetie? Relationships require time and effort. If you're willing to put in the work, here are some tips that could help you.

Steps

Understand that every relationship is different. Don't compare your relationship to anyone else. Not your parent's, not your friend's, not your co worker's, not any other family member's, not that couple's relationship that seems perfect all the time, not anyone's, not previous relationships, because that won't help and can destroy your relationship completely!
Work on your relationship every single day. Do your part to contribute towards the relationship and keep it going and moving along. Maintain the relationship in every way possible. Work on strengthening your relationship, enriching it, in every way possible, on all levels possible, and in all areas possible (emotional, verbal, psychological, physical, etc.).
Get mental! The emotional, verbal, and psychological sides of the relationship are really more important than the physical or sexual aspects of the relationship. Work on creating, developing, strengthening, and enriching the emotional foundation or aspect before any physical involvement occurs.
Use the help available. You have lots of resources to use as an advantage to making your relationship better: Internet articles, magazine articles, and books are various examples. There are tons of these that are just specifically dedicated to giving advice about relationships. Use them! Whatever you can do to improve, enrich, and strengthen, your relationship (with the help of the resources available), do it!

Tips

Remember, relationships are a two-way street, there should be two people involved. So you could do everything you possibly could do to make it work, but if the other person isn't putting in their very best effort (or at least some effort at all) then it won't work out. You both have to actively participate in the relationship and keep it positive to make it the healthiest and best that it can be.
Every couple is different. There is no "right" way to make a relationship work (or a wrong way either). Every couple makes up their own love rules, love habits, love routines, love agreements, etc. Whatever works well for you two, works best for you two.
A good tip is to not become completely absorbed in the relationship. Both partners should have their own group of friends, so no one will feel smothered. At the same time, make room for your partner in your life, relationships are all about balance.

How to Succeed in a Relationship with the Perfect Girl

2011-07-15T04:05:00.000-07:00

So you've found the girl, been on a date or two, what next? Be sure you want to get serious before reading. This article will give you a few tips on how to succeed in a relationship.

Edit Steps

1
Talk. Communication is key. If you are afraid to talk to the girl that you're dating, or if you'd rather do something else, you need to set some priorities. Ask her how her day was. You want her to listen to you, so you should listen to her--conversation is a two way street. # People love talking about themselves. Ask her about her dreams and hopes. It will make her feel like you care about her. Always ask her about school and her day as well.

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2
Try to avoid asking lots of questions about where she's been and what she was doing. If they say "Be right back, I gotta go do something", it's usually best not to ask what she were doing, as it can make a girl feel annoyed.
3
Think before you speak! Try to keep things very very positive. If she's complaining about life, don't agree. Tell her she rocks and support her.
4
Compliments are excellent, but know that you should stop at the point where you're just listening to yourself talk. Girls know when you're sincere and when you're just blowing hot air. But, compliments never hurt anyone.
5
Nobody can write the definitive guide on dating! You need to experiment for yourself! Remember, romance is not always an easy thing.
6
Listen to what she has to say and pay attention.
7
Above all, take care of yourself. Keep your daily and lifelong goals in sight. Nothing turns off a woman faster than a man who chooses to accomplish nothing, even if all his attention is directed toward her.
8
Don't be obsessive. Give her some room. she doesnt need you to be hanging on her, she wants to be able to lean on you, not the other way around.
9
Don't cheat on her!! If you flirt with another girl, to make her 'jealous' then its not going to work, she'll think that you like them and might end up moving on. Not all girls get jealous the same way.
10
Make her friends like you, not love you. If they love you, she will think otherwise or something... Don't fall in love with her friends either!

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Edit Tips

Be a shoulder to cry on; lots of girls love hugs. Hugs are a great way to show affection. If you're there for her when she's down, it works wonders.
Gifts for no reason at all are welcomed. Use the advice from the movie "The Perfect Man", and remember, yellow flowers are for your sick grandmother in the hospital. Go red or pink. Those work great. (Unless yellow is her absolute most favourite colour. Then she'll appreciate the fact that you remembered this.)
Don't forget anniversaries! This can be killer! Flowers are great, jewelry is great, chocolate is great. For big ones, you know, one year, two years, go for a handwritten poem. Frame it, that works really well.
Don't turn away from her when she is hurting no matter the circumstance. She needs to feel safe at that moment.
Picnics are great dates, bring chocolate, cheese, sparkling cider, and pray for nice weather!
Be yourself. You can change, but don't change for the worse for the girl.
Never forget the power of an "I love you". In person is best, it goes great with a hug.
Don't go over the top impressing the parents. "Sir" is great if that's not too out of the ordinary in your region, but otherwise use "Mr". Address women as "Ms". It shows a great deal of respect, and will get you a long way.
If she's sick, do the whole "Get Well Soon" thing. Get her a big balloon, some flowers, and maybe even a small stuffed animal. It seems over the top, but she'll appreciate it.
If she looks sleepy, lean her close to you, and rest her head against your chest or shoulder, and just let her rest. A short nap with the one she loves will give her the energy she needs to love you!
Never forget what it is about you that attracted her to you. Whatever you were doing, keep it up. If she wanted someone NOT like that, she would NOT have chosen you.
Ask around and you will find that desirable women do not want a man 'lying down' for them. They want a man to be a man.
Be careful about becoming friends first. You want her to need her other friends and she probably has plenty of them. Be her boyfriend.
Be kind, but don't patronize. Sometimes giving her the dignity she deserves during hard times goes a lot further than a simple one-liner like "Don't worry" or "It's okay". Instead of riding in on the white horse and offering advice immediately, ask and be interested about what she is going to do about the situation.

Edit Warnings

Avoid negative comments or comments based directly on her physique. Not only are you directing an interest to an area best left discovered later in a relationship, you could come off as shallow, or just plain make her uncomfortable.
Avoid combative, demeaning, non-good-natured sarcasm. This type of sarcasm can lead to arguments, and arguments lead to the blame game. Don't let arguments come down to the "you did this and I know it!" Even your arguments should be constructive and positive steps toward furthering your relationship with this person. If you're unwilling to put in the time and effort to make this happen, then your relationship may not be as productive as you might hope.
Nobody can write a complete guide to this subject, so you need to experiment for yourself.
Asking her to come to bed with you is not sweet...and she won't appreciate the boldness and how unromantic it is.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is secretive and always right, you are probably not dating the perfect girl, and should move on in favour of a girl that will treat you as an actual person.
Never forget who you are and never stop being that person for her or anyone. It's ok to change for the purpose of personal improvement, but do those things for yourself.
Avoid being needy! Even if you are head over heels in love with this girl, don't be needy! All girls need some space, but this depends on the girl. Figure out how much attention she needs and how much you are able to give her, but don't become needy or obsessive.

How to Hug

2011-07-15T04:02:00.000-07:00

Hugs are an important expression of affection. By hugging someone, you remind them that you care about them and support them. Not only being supportive, but you can hug your boyfriend or girlfriend. Hugs are easy but like we said it's not always easy; to hug you need to be friends or more, then smile at the person and hug them. If it is a boy/girl and you have a different gender you have to be in a very good relationship. Just take it slow and steady

Steps

Approach the person. It will be easy. Depending on the person's relationship to you, you might want to approach differently:
- Family Hug: Approach kindly, but not too emotionally.
- Friend Hug (girls): Approach caringly, sometimes humorously, and smile.
- Friend Hug (guys): Approach genuinely, smile sweetly and if he is hugging another just make it obvious you're uncomfortable and he'll feel you deserve a hug too
- Crush Hug: Approach carefully, but do not seem shy. Smile slightly and perhaps say a caring word or two.
- Lover Hug: It doesn't matter who starts this; either can make it just as romantic. When approaching, put your hands on their shoulders and look them in the eyes. Say you love them, how much you care for them, and how much you are loving every second with them. Then fall into each other and hug with all your heart.
Embrace. Lean forward and wrap your arms around the person.
- Family Hug: You can keep talking when hugging; it will not ruin the momentum. Where you place your hands is not important; the hugged won't think it over too much. Press gently; it is not necessary to have head-contact. Stroke your hands quickly across the top of the hugged's back. Smile when letting go.
- Friend Hug (girls): Close your eyes and think about how much you love your friend when hugging. Press as much as you feel like. (But don't squish!) Do not clap the hugged on the shoulders or such; some girls think you don't like them if you do it that way.
- Friend Hug (guys): Embrace strongly, and clap each other on the top of your backs. If it's an emotional moment, keep in the hugged position for a brief moment and do not clap each others backs.
- Crush Hug: Press the hugged warmly towards you. If you are a man, her arms should be around your neck, and you should be embracing her around the waist. When pressing her against you, you can lift her up a bit, pressing her chest and upper stomach against yours. Keep it in that position for a while, and then let go. Look her in the eyes when you separate and continue the conversation naturally. If you are the woman, put your arms behind his neck and press your chest lightly onto his chest.
- Lover Hug: 1) Males: Carefully sliding both your hands down from her shoulders, put them on her waist and slide them around her lower back. Put your head on her shoulder and press her towards you for as long as you like. If you want to, you can give her a small massage with your hands, and try to warm her. When separating, you can look into her eyes, smile genuinely and, if the situation is fitting, kiss her like you mean it and include some hair massage. 2) Females: Extend your arms toward him and hold them around his neck and shoulders. Lean as close as possible and press your torso against his. In situations of extreme intimacy, interlocking your leg in his is appropriate. Avoid holding your arms below his shoulders and/or embracing strongly and tensely, even if you're about the same height as him. It might seem weird but it'll work!
Don't hug too tightly. The best way to judge how tightly or loosely to hug is to let whomever you're hugging indicate what they want by how hard they squeeze. If they are soft, be soft back; if they like bear hugs and squeeze tightly, hug back the same way (but don't suffocate him/her).
Don't let go too early. A hug is a powerful way to communicate your caring for another person, as it can feel great and greatly improve one's mood. If someone hugs you, they may want a long, loving hug (maybe they are upset or down), so just go along with it and hug them until they let go or loosen their hold. If you try to end it early, it may seem awkward for both of you.
- A good approach no matter what your relationship with the person you'll be hugging is...walk up to them from a few (maybe 3) feet away, arms open. When you get to them, wrap your arms around approximately their midsection. Hold for a few seconds, then let go.

Tips

Be welcoming when you hug. If either of you requested the hug, then be warm and loving and just make it feel like the person you're hugging is safe from anything else and that the two of you are the only people that matter at the moment.
Make sure you're clean and showered.
Make eye contact, but also make sure to follow the movements of the other person, to avoid clumsy mishaps.
In a "manly hug", it is common to pat twice on the back before disengaging.
For men, if you hug a girl, do not pat her on the back. She may find it slightly patronizing.

Warnings

Do not confuse a friend hug with a lover hug. Things might get complicated and awkward.
Unless you've hugged the person before, don't hug them without asking first. In addition, use your best judgment in choosing when and where to hug someone. There are certain situations where one might be embarrassed to be seen hugging someone else.
Hug only when the person you want to hug has their arms out, they may not want to be hugged if their arms aren't out.
Avoid a hug with a running start unless the person being hugged is aware you are about to do so, if not, this may result in both of you falling over.
Make sure you are not stinking when hugging, or else she will run away from you next time. Try to use mild deodorant on your body.
Bad breath may drive away your partner. Get your breath check before you proceed.

How to Get Other Guys to Stop Staring at Your Pretty Wife

2011-07-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

Do you hate it when guys look at your beautiful wife as if they could actually have a chance with her? This topic needs talking about because some men can get very irritated by this!

Steps

Learn to control excessively jealous and possessive urges. Allowing yourself to feel them only serves to display a lack of trust in her, and the absence of a sense of self-worth about yourself.
Seek your wife's permission to intervene on her behalf. If she doesn't recognize the problem then maybe there isn't one. More importantly, if she enjoys being appreciated for her appearance, your interference might be perceived negatively. (Are you sure that you're giving her enough of that kind of appreciation and attention?)
Show that you are her man; she married you, not them. If you see a guy looking at her, hold her hand, link arms with her, etc. to show that she is married to you, not just a friend.
Let the other guy know that you see him looking at your wife. If at a restaurant, for example, look at the guy who's looking at your wonderful wife, show him that you are uncomfortable with him looking at her. If that doesn't work, ask the offender politely to stop staring at your wife. Tell him that she is your wife, and you'd appreciate it if he showed her and you a little respect. Most decent people will stop staring at this point.
Be proud of it. Remind yourself that she chose to marry you because she loves you. The stares of other men are a compliment to her beauty, and should also make you realize how fortunate you are. If this woman is so good-looking that guys keep looking at her, and YOU'RE the one taking her home tonight, stand tall, look the other guys in the face, and smirk. Flaunt it.

Tips

Don't ask your wife, when going out for meal or a party, to cover up a lot. Don't try to stop her from showing her beauty off. If she's dressing seductively or provocatively, let her know that she's inviting other men to stare, and that this bothers you.
If you know your wife is not enjoying the attention (the man is creepy!), move to block the socially challenged individual's view.

Warnings

If you do go and ask another guy to not look at your wife, and he doesn't stop, simply leave. Do not get abusive or angry. This will make the other man get angry and it may cause a situation you could've avoided and may regret.
Remember that if you get too worked up over trivial things like this, you will look weak, petty and pathetic. If your wife is a good woman (and we assume she is if you married her), she will know how to reassure you.

How to Find the Ideal Mate

2011-07-15T03:58:00.000-07:00

For the hopelessly single, finding the ideal mate seems like a daunting, impossible task. However, the truth about finding an ideal mate is actually very simple – it's simply that many people just don't know where to look or how to begin. If you're keen to get out of singledom and into a loving relationship, this article's geared at helping you work out how to get started on your search.

Steps

1

Figure out your own mind first.

Figure out your own mind first. The first step to finding your ideal mate is a paper and a pen. No, you're not going to write a personal ad. What you are going to do is list your traits and the traits you desire in a mate. Included in this list should be: your personality traits and those of a desired mate, your physical traits, and the desired physical traits your mate will have, as well as interests and hobbies, religion and beliefs (both yours and if your mate must be the same religion or hold a similar belief system or lack thereof), desire for children and your willingness to accept another's children, your communication style, etc. You may want to draw on the help of your friends for the personality portion, as well as your past relationships. If you take a look over this, it'll be easier for you to recognize what personality types you got along with the best.
Turn the list into a profile of what kind of mate you're looking for.

Turn the list into a profile of what kind of mate you're looking for. This is a skeleton of a person. It should not be a list of demands, but rather a basic outline of the soul you're looking for. The list needs to be realistic and prioritized.
- By looking at the profile, you will see what aspects are important to you that you may not have realized before. For example, suppose you like being outdoors, and exercising, then look for a hiking group - perhaps at a religious group, community group, or a local outdoors club like the Sierra Club.
- Although you don't have to have everything in common with someone, it's a good start to find someone who has some things in common.
A sense of humor is high on both men's and women's wishes

Be aware of what other people tend to look for in a mate. Since there are numerous studies on what men and women look for in a mate, make use of them so that you can understand what others are looking for. This can allow you to emphasize your strengths in whichever area, to signal clearly that you've got the interesting traits, beliefs, or do the activities that your potential mate is looking for. Some of the most popular things men and women look for in one another are:
- Women are looking for (in order): Personality, sense of humor, common interests, intelligence, cleanliness, looks, sexiness, getting to know the man through a friend, voice, spirituality, profession, money, talent, and finally, religion.^[1]
- Men are looking for: Personality, sense of humor, intelligence, common interests, looks, cleanliness, sexiness, voice, talent, spirituality, money, religion, getting to know the woman through a friend, and finally, profession.^[2]
Love yourself and your body.

Love yourself and your body. This is hot tip of the century; your ideal mate is going to be the person that loves you as you are and sees that you do too. If you cannot come to terms with this reality, then some confidence-building is in order and the mentality of wanting to fall in line with whatever your date says has to go out the window. Things to bear in mind to help you on your quest for the ideal mate include:
- You're worth it. Yes, you really are. And prove it by walking tall, with your head held high, smiling and feeling confident. That's attractive and it's going to let potential mates see that you're approachable as well as self-confident.
- List all the things that are great about yourself – why you make a great friend, what your top 10 accomplishments are, what you're proud of in life, and why you're a great catch.^[3]
- Dress to look good, not to fit the fashion, the label, or worst of all, the size on the tag. Whether you're male or female, good dressing that makes the most of your assets is always attractive and sets you apart from other people.
- Be comfortable with your body. It's much more attractive than constantly sending out signals that you're paranoid about your butt size or your wimpy arms.
Work is one possible place

Start looking. Find social groups and events where your mate might spend time, and where there are likely to be plenty of conversations with each of the people involved. It's very important that you put yourself where you're likely to find your ideal mate instead of hoping that that person is the next one to sit down on the bar stool beside yours. The best places to look for your ideal mate are at places where you enjoy spending time, as it's likely that this first shared interest will get things started. Places to spend time looking for your ideal mate include:
- Singles groups. These could be groups in local churches, dating services, or online. They're the most obvious source because everyone has outwardly declared that they're searching for someone, and while they have their pitfalls, the good thing is that everyone is there for the same purpose. You may find that your perfect mate on the hiking trip is married, or that there are no potential spouses in the auto detailing club, whereas singles groups are guaranteed singleness at least!
- Hobby and sports clubs. You will need to know the relationship status of others in these environs of course but if you're participating in something you're enjoying doing anyway, what's the rush? You've plenty of chances to find out about the other people there and work out who is free and of interest to you, all while pursuing a hobby, sport, or other interest. The fact of the shared interest will likely increase your chances of compatibility.
- The workplace. You'll know very early on in a workplace who is single and who is not. The downside is the continued proximity and the wagging tongues; it can also be harder down the track if you're both in the same workplace, married, and going for the same promotion but that's something to contend with later on. A shared career path can actually be really beneficial for some couples and does mean that you're ideal mates.
- On vacation. This is a great time to find people who are in their relaxed mode. The downside is that they might live and/or work nowhere near you, and they might just be in it for a "holiday fling". Do some question asking before falling for someone on vacation.
Don't be too picky up front. You're not configuring a laptop--you and your future mate are both looking for (or at least open to) someone to get to know and make happy. Get to know lots of people in various contexts casually, with a view to a few core attributes and broadly compatible personalities.^[4] Keep an open mind to the little details that you and that special someone can improve or compromise on and not worry about later.
- If you persistently demand a precise combination of attributes up front, you'll probably fail to find it, maybe even drive off someone you would like with your fussiness, and finally, jaded, settle for a relationship not off to a good start for either of you and perhaps awkwardly late for a family.^[5]^[6].
- In particular, don't worry about the finer points of looks: as with a nice car you've had for a while, you won't notice the details over time but just fondly recognize them overall.
Make a good first impression.

Make a good first impression. Dress and present yourself well when you start flirting and dating. People do make judgments based on initial appearances and it might be the only chance you get to make a difference. Good grooming, pleasant manners, and making the most of yourself are important aspects of maintaining your attractiveness.
- Use that sense of humor. Both men and women cite this trait as very important and there's good reason for it. Humor is what helps to reduce the whole awkwardness of dating and it also lets both of you know that you're humble and not full of yourself. More to the point, a person with a sense of humor is definitely the preferable choice for a lifelong commitment over a grouch!
Don't rush things and give the relationship plenty of time to unfold.

Don't rush things and give the relationship plenty of time to unfold. When you find someone who seems to fit the profile, take a deep breath and go slowly! Spend a lot of time talking, listening, and seeing different aspects of this person you care about. Of course, you want there to be attraction, but you want to get to know this person as well. And you want to see how you interact in a range of situations, such as at leisure, during stressful periods, being around family, and in professional situations.
- Put off intimacy for a while - depending on your religious beliefs and age, this may not be a choice but even if not, delaying intimacy can help reassure you that you're with your ideal mate, rather than experiencing an infatuation. The excitement and attraction in new relationships can override getting to know each other if you give into it too soon. Affection can feel a lot like love initially, so make sure of your heart and mind before you indulge in intimacy.
- Use the dating time to test out your mate's reactions to activities and pastimes that you enjoy. If they get involved in a lot of things that interest you, this is a great sign of possible compatibility. Suggest a range of different things of interest to you, and also do things of interest to your date, and see how their level of enthusiasm (or lack of it) leaves you feeling. Also ask yourself if you really enjoy doing the things they suggest; if you're going to spend the next 40 years going to the same horse shows your date loves but that you can't stand now, you'll need to resolve how to manage that early on! Compromises can be reached but better that they're made before you take any serious plunges into lifelong commitment than ending up arguing about such things once you're married.
Aw, I'd like one of these too!

Make sure you tell someone that you're looking for a long-term relationship from the onset. The worst thing you could do to yourself is fall in love with someone who hits the road three months later because they're not ready to settle down. You should tell someone you are looking for a relationship after the first few dates (it's a bit desperate to discuss this on the first date!), or as soon as you know you're interested in this person. Don't be in a rush to commit; just make sure you're both on the same page. Let them know that's all you're doing. And bear in mind that you need to use your common sense when sounding out commitment issues; after all, nobody wants to discuss marriage on the second date!
Oh not again! He's always whining!

Do some reality checking as you get to know your date better. As the relationship evolves and you're becoming closer, how do you know that this person is "the one"? Love can leave you giddy and can lead you to overlook the "little things" that can actually be rather big things once you try spending your life together. Things to find out before you're ready to declare this person your "ideal mate" include:
- Are they moody or do they hide things from you that you should reasonably expect to know?
- Are there money issues? Financial disparity and financial problems can cause you a lot of heartache, so honesty on this point is a must.
- Do you enjoy spending time together for long periods?
- How does your date act around his/her own family and your family? Are they respectful, disdainful, interested, switched off? Is their responsiveness an issue for you?
- Do they seem to have the same mind as you about having or not having kids, about pursuing a career, about volunteering overseas for five years? All of these things matter!
11

Don't settle for less than ideal! If you discover this is not the right person for you, don't hang on to them or convince yourself it'll get better or you're being too picky.

Don't settle for less than ideal! If you discover this is not the right person for you, don't hang on to them or convince yourself it'll get better or you're being too picky. You know what you want in a mate (you've already listed it above). You'll find it too. And when you do, it will be great! But on the other hand, don't be a perfectionist and demand impossibly high standards of the other person. Try to appreciate quirks but not settle for someone you will not be happy with.

How to Get a Guy to Notice You

2011-07-15T03:54:00.000-07:00

If you want to get a nice guy to like you, you usually start off as friends. If he says yeah, then don't make it seem like you're obsessed with him. But if he says no, get flirty, try harder, but not too extreme, and see if you can make him change. And if that doesn't work, lay off. Remain friendly, not stalker-like. Creepy isn't attractive to anyone. If they are looking at you every now and then, then you are doing great!

If you are too shy, when he's near, talk with a lot of friends and laugh. Act like you're having fun. Make sure you don't give off a fake impression. Just be yourself. NEVER change yourself in any way for a guy. If he looks at you then it's a sign of paying attention. If the guy ignores you when he's with his friends, let him go! Also don't be easy with it, Good luck! be your own person.

Steps

You want to feel good about yourself. But you also have to let him come on his own. But don't be too loud or he is going to think you're weird and not at all approachable. Being yourself is good but don't do something crazy to get his attention! You don't want to lead someone on like a puppy taken out for a walk. You could end up in a very awkward or uncomfortable situation.
Something you should consider is letting him know you are single. Be yourself. Everyone probably says this, but it's true. No guy wants a girl that pretends like she is something she is not. Show him that you are a good friend. Listen to the music he listens to. Just don't come on too clingy. No boy wants a girl who just follows him around all day. In addition, if you want to find out more about him, don't stalk the poor guy. Just find out about him from his friends you trust. For example, ask them about his likes and dislikes, what music he is into, what concerts he goes to, if he likes anyone, etc. Be confident in yourself, and it will show that you are an amazing person. Don't be someone you're not. You want him to like you for who you are.
Don't be awkwardly flirtacious. If he's not talking to you at the moment then don't come on too strong. Don't be a bear in hibernation either!
Try to become his friend. Get to know him better. Yes, you might like him, but first, become his friend. Start liking things that he likes, but don't get too much involved. He might become too crowded. First, try by asking him questions. Don't take it wrong if he says something bad about what you like. That's just his opinion, so don't get mad or give up! Just try something different, but don't stop doing what you like to do, because he might like someone who does what they like. If he doesn't like you for who you are, then let him be. Try a new hairstyle, new clothes, etc. It's a good idea to change things up once in a while. Because variety might be the spice of life, and it might help you catch his eye. Try being that girl who is different from all the other "okay" looking girls. Give him the eyes, because "beauty is common, but a good outlook and great energy are very rare." Guys love when girls look them in the eyes.
Smile and make eye contact. If you don't smile, he won't notice you and if he does, he might just think you're boring and not worth talking to. So you should always put on a great smile to attract his attention and you think you're not good at smiling, think of something to make you laugh, find something interesting on his body to like or you can try putting on a fake smile and then you will notice that a real, genuine smile will appear all of a sudden. You have to make yourself happy in order to be happy. Unless it really makes you feel artificial, learn how to shoot people a reassuring smile, letting them know that you're a happy and confident person who wants to enjoy life. The idea is to communicate that you're inviting their company.
Be cute. He will come over and talk to you. Don't be a total wallflower, but if you're just reading a magazine, try and look cute and wait until he can't resist and he might ask what book you're reading and take the conversation on from there.
Flirt. Do it as much as you want, but remember that too much flirting especially with other guys will likely get him to take notice, but perhaps not in a good way. So be careful! Don't do too much, but not too little either. Sometimes you might look too girlie, popular, wanna-be, etc. If he reacts and you don't think it's real, he's just doing it because you're there and you're a girl and he thinks he can do better, but let him know he can't. If he is faking it, call his bluff and say something that makes him know you don't think he is "all that". For example, if he comes close, pull a face and offer him gum. This will unbalance his ego.
Start up conversations that have to do with if it's where you are or if he's talking to you. Make sure you don't go on about nothing. Definitely make sense when you talk to him. Don't twirl your hair, flick your eyelashes or giggle nonstop. He can get kind of scared and make fun of you. No matter how old you are, guys will always be the same. Be yourself! Just be who you are, that's the #1 quality guys look for in a girl.
Hang out with him often but not too often; you don't always want to be hanging around because you might look like an annoying bug that's always around and never goes away. Try to start a conversation about an interesting topic, for example, if you're at a football game, ask confidently but cutely, "Did I miss any action?". This will tell him that you want to know about the game, but also you want to get his opinion, so he will automatically talk to you about the game (or other topics). Start slowly like a movie or party. Try not to make it so noticeable cause he might not be interested.
10

*Whisper Whisper*

Be assertive. You are the girl. You have the power. A lot of guys are shy and awkward around girls they like, so don't hold back. Do what you want to do. Boys like a powerful girl. Be decisive. Which means make decisions! Tell him what you want him to do, etc. Just don't get too bossy!
Make him feel special. There has got to be a reason that you want him to notice you, and that's because you noticed him first. Let him know--subtly--that you're interested in who he is, and that you sincerely want to get to know him better. You know, guys hate girls who wear too much make up. They think it looks hot for a while but then it tends to be like this: They break up with you (think your just a doll) and fall in love with a natural girl.
Don't be a slob. It's a real turn-off for a guy when he notices a girl hasn't brushed her hair, hasn't cleaned her ears (they always look in there) or wears the same outfit every other day. Even if you don't fall within the typical expectations, just looking presentable. It is always desirable--irrespective of who is the guy or girl.
Just talk to him. When it comes down to it, talking to a guy, and flirting with him will get his attention, and if it doesn't, then nothing will.
Walk in front of him. It may be very simple, but it works. When coming out of the class, or playing in gym class, just walk in front of him, and he should be able to notice you. If he walks in front of you a lot, he probably likes you.
If he's looking your way, give him something to look at. If he's looking at you, you can:
- Look away shyly, making you seem mysterious because he can't figure out why you did that.
- Look into his eyes really briefly, then smile and drop something so you can "pick it up". (don't be too obvious, that will make you seem weird and desperate)
- Ignore him. Let him watch you by himself. If he is looking only at you, try to share your thoughts. Ex. You are in a boring class, using your facial expression and pulled a face at the teacher, then looking back at him and smile. Sharing these intimate moments makes you closer to him.
If you catch him sneaking glances at you, then he is probably interested and trying to keep you in his sight.
But most importantly, do not be indecent. Be yourself, not a plastic barbie doll. It's okay once in awhile to show off your body, but do it in a minor way. Don't wear shirts that reveal too much and don't wear extremely tight pants and shorts that look like Megan Fox should be wearing them.
Find out what he likes and try to get into them too. He'll appreciate the fact you two have things in common.
If you love a boy dress how he likes, but try to still be your self.
Guys love girls that don't act mean or make fun of others.
On other terms, if you discover that he's been secretly talking to another girl behind your back: do something. On a personal level, you shouldn't let him get away with treating you like that. He's most likely lost interest in you for some reason, and has decided to follow his (probably) irrational impulses, and "fallen in love" with another girl. Again, don't let him think he can get away with feeding you lies and pretending your potential relationship is okay. Giving him a piece of your mind establishes that you're an independent and knowledgeable woman, and you know what's best for you.
If you have never talked to this guy before, however, just smile at him when you pass by. Subtle hints like that will keep you in his mind. He will be saying "Who was she? Great smile, hair, face, etc." or "I need to find out who she is". He will then be dropping smiles back to you, and one thing will lead to another. There is proof that this will work. Just try it out yourself. If you don't get the same results as me, just try saying a simple "hi". It will show him you aren't afraid or a coward. This could make the start of great friends, which could make the start of a great boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
If you notice that he's trying to flirt with you, don't ignore it! Flirt back and don't be afraid to let out your inner puma!

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Tips

Speak your mind, he will like to know you're not afraid to let your inner mind speak. You're not a drone, and any guy worth having will love it. Just don't scare them by going into a spiel. It's a turn-on to see a girl who loves her mind, not one who's bent on world domination. Likewise, don't get caught up in complaining about yourself this will turn him off. No guy likes a girl who is alway complaining about herself so be confident! Negativity pushes others away, and it lowers your self-esteem. But sometimes you have to have a reason to complain, otherwise don't complain.
Being too straight-forward might mean leaving him bored. One way to get someone's attention is to make him curious, and that means leaving him guessing to some degree.
React to his jokes. If they aren't funny, just smile a little and bat him playfully on the arm, and say, "Hilarious." In your real life, you use sarcasm, right? You should look natural. NEVER OFFEND HIM!!!!
Be mysterious; keep him guessing. Don't overdo this; it will make him frustrated (not to mention confused) if you do it too much.
You have to be able to know how to not be so serious. Be laid back, be fun.
Never ask him out through a friend. He'll be creeped out and he might just say no.
Remember that the boys rarely get asked out because they're the ones who usually do the asking. Take a risk and ask him out. On the negative, he might feel flattered and politely decline. But the positive outweighs the negative. He probably has never gotten asked out by a girl. When you ask him out, you're differentiating yourself. He'll notice and feel complimented, you'll make him feel great about himself and about you, and you'll stand out in his mind. Also, if you've read the signs already and have a feeling that he might already like you (but maybe he's shy) the odds are very high that he'll agree to go out with you.
Be outgoing and make small talk every once in awhile. Just remember not to be nosy, though.
Chocolate releases another chemical that makes you feel very happy. Try it. But not in excess.
If you want a guy to notice you, you have to do something really unexpected. Something you can do is when you are talking to him- kiss him out of nowhere. If he doesn't back off, you have been noticed. Use this tip very sparingly, however, and only if you're fairly sure he would be into that.
Sometimes when a guy knows you like him, they start to feel the same way. It may sound desperate but telling one of his friends you like him means that he will soon find out. This will make the guy you like look at you differently and possibly start liking you back...it happens.
Learn to joke about things. Just be yourself. Don't be an obnoxious freak, but learn to be a little bit humorous; guys find that attractive. Whether your humor is sarcasm, clever/wittiness, just being quirky and weird, or telling hilarious stories, just be yourself and learn to laugh. Don't take life so seriously.
If he's the kind of person that will fall down and play dead and just lie there while playing games, get down on your knees and feel his pulse on his wrist. Say you can't feel it, even if you can, then move your hand to his neck and gently rub his neck as if trying to find the pulse, and maybe even use your other hand to turn his face over if he's not facing your direction. If he still hasn't responded and you're feeling adventurous put your head on his chest and try to hear his heart. He will think about you and your hands on his neck and your head on his chest for a long time afterwards.
Don't let him get away with using you. If he flirts with other girls or is a player, forget about him!
If possible, try and merge your groups, chances are, his friends are like him and your friends are like you so you all will probably get along with each other pretty well. Getting your group to hang out in a spot near (but not right on top of) theirs is the best way of doing this.
Remember, if your efforts don't succeed, you have to remember that it's not the end of the world, there are plenty more fish in the ocean, and try to move on. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.
If you pass by the guy you like all the time in hallway at school, STEP UP. Say, "Hey where's your class at? I don't feel like going to my class just yet". Some guys like when girls make the first move and the next day he'll probably repay you by walking you to your next class.
When you're somewhere that he is, pretend you don't notice him. If you're with your friends, look just a little bit distant and not too interested in what they're talking about (especially if it's about boys). Try to look like you're day dreaming. This will make you look sweet and curious about the world around you. He will be interested.
If you're a shy girl, don't really expect to get the guy you like. If you're way too shy and quiet, the guy will think you're mysterious and then two weeks later, if he still hasn't gotten through your thick wall of mystery, he will move on.
Dress somewhat close to the way he dresses. You guys will look cute together and maybe somebody walking by will ask, "Aww! Are you guys going out?" or even better, "Aw, you guys would make a cute couple!". This may add a little bit of awkwardness, but it will make the guy see you as a girl he could date, same goes with girls.

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Warnings

Maybe guys will take advantage of you because you're being too nice. But make sure that he knows you have feelings too and he just can't touch you up and think he can do whatever he wants to.
You can't get everyone to notice you. Remember that guys come and go, so do not stress yourself if things do not work out in your favor. The world is a really big place, and you'd do well to remember it.
Being too obsessive can do the opposite of what you want to achieve, pushing him farther away. Under the category "Love", obsession or suspicion doesn't fall in. That is "Infatuation".
If he just won't become attracted to you, leave it alone. Do not push it, or things might get ugly, and you'll earn a bad reputation.
Don't show off too much flesh, especially if he would always look. Always keep him under suspense. Also, modesty shows that you are a lady. He will see that you don't need to show off, and in return the right kind of guy will give you his respect.
Do you like cocky people? Self-centered people? Bossy people? In-your-face people? If not, then avoid being any of those, because he probably feels the same way. Don't boast about yourself constantly. He'll think you're nuts and don't think only for your benefit, don't push him around too often (especially when you're doing something in a team), and don't always ask questions about him or you.
If he doesn't seem to be getting all the hints after a week or two, that's okay. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you; it just means he may not be ready for a girlfriend right now or that he is too shy to show emotion back. If after maybe 3 months of being flirty, then he probably isn't into you as much, it could still change. It's completely up to you how far you'll go, how hard you'll try, how long you want to keep it up, etc.
Don't act like a snob to impress him. He will think you are obnoxious. Also, don't be clingy or bother him. He will try to avoid you or think you are annoying, and you definitely don't want that.
You always have to be yourself no matter what. It is very important! If you act like someone else, you could end up with a guy you don't like or want.
Don't force him to like you. If he doesn't, don't feel too bad, he's the one who's missing out. Let him meet you halfway at least. Like everything else, things can change overnight. Sometimes you need to give him some space to think about the idea of you & him. It'll take you a while to figure out how you'll try to get his attention in a positive way, so give him some time to find a reaction that he sees fit.
If he is in the popular clique, don't try to join in the group. If you do, they'll probably talk about you behind your back. This could start rumors, and he may not defend you. You know how cliques are, right? They prefer keeping people inside who stand by their beliefs.
Wish you the best of luck, and remember that whatever happens, no one can change who you really are.
If you are under pressure, just relax, kick back and maybe rehearse a few lines, but feel free to make up something, as long as it sounds nice. Don't do the perfume on the arm and ask him to smell your arm. That will definitely turn him off!
For some reason, girls think guys notice you if you're loud. Don't shriek so loud you hurt the eardrums of the person next to you. It's not going to do anything, anyway; it just makes them think you're too loud and crazy. Just walk up to him and talk normally to him.
Make sure you listen to him (it's good to listen, so you can know how to reply) and not just keep babbling about yourself. Maybe you could learn a little more about the guy you like than just his hair color, eye color, etc.
Clinging is not right. You don't need to sit with him every day and take up an instrument because he does. Sure, he might be impressed, but ultimately, it's your life. You need to learn how to balance your time. Don't sacrifice just to get a guy. Guys can be mean just like girls. We all have our opinion, so get to know his friends and ask them if he has been talking about you or another girl. If he is talking about someone other than you, then layoff a little! Keep in mind that they will probably tell him that you asked. So be careful!
Don't worry about how you look when you're with your boyfriend. He should like you for who you are. But if you do go on a date, try to look nice. And compliment him on how he looks no matter if he's wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. Remember, men like to be complimented just like girls.
Don't always talk about yourself. Let your boyfriend get some words in. Don't always tell your friends what happened on the date, because if someone knows, then everyone will know and some people are quiet so they like to keep things to themselves. But it's more romantic when you don't tell.
Remember that every boy is different so don't try the same things on them all.
Don't be too uptight, he will definitely notice. Try to loosen up and be who you are. You obviously want him to like you for who you are don't you? :)

How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

2011-07-15T03:47:00.000-07:00

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In every long term relationship, there are many fights. Many times, they result in break ups. If you believe your ex-partner is "the one", here are some tips on how to get her back.

Steps

Don't get too jealous. Remember, jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss, such as a relationship, friendship, or love.
Leave her alone. Give her some time to think about the relationship. If you had a great relationship, she'll feel that she misses you and will try to get back to you. When you do speak to her, do not be angry or demeaning. You need to be (or at least seem) cool, calm and in control of your life with or without her.
Cut off all communication. This is tough and it will be killing you, but really it's killing her more. She's starting to realize how much she needs you and how much she misses you. Cutting off communication is the biggest step.
Recover emotionally. You don't have a chance of getting your ex back if you're not emotionally calm and controlled. Women dislike needy, clingy, desperate men - so you need to pull your own life together before attempting to draw her back into it. Just be calm and collected about the whole situation, and make your life happier. Going for a jog or to the gym will make you feel better too.
Start talking to another girl. This helps for many reasons. This will probably be too much for your ex. She will find out that you're talking to this girl, and it will get her back to you. Use with caution as it may give the wrong signals, such as a sign that she should move on because you have a new girlfriend.
Act like nothing is wrong. She's not going to want you back if you're acting depressed. Make sure you're laughing a lot and pretending to have a good time. This is so hard because of the break up depression. Although if you dumped her she may like to see that you are a little depressed from the breakup, it will make her love you even more, because she knows that you care.
Look your best. Make sure your acne is gone, you get yourself shaped up, and looking good. She won't be able to resist.
Build up confidence. This is mostly a combination of the above. The best way to build up confidence is to model a person (real or imaginary) who you consider to be confident. Break down how they act (actions, emotions, speech, etc) and copy it. If you keep it up, you will become a more confident person - fake it till you make it at its best.
If you want to get her back, then you should be the Alpha male. Get back the confidence you had earlier when you just began dating her.
Figure out why one or both of you left. Many times the reason for the break up is a reason not to get back together. When it's not, you should still be aware of the problem and work together to make it work. ^[1]
== Tips ==
- Simply remember that she might have no intention of getting back together with you.
- Your ex will contact you. Even if it takes months, she is going to text you or call you. When she does this, you know your mission is accomplished. Now that she likes you again, bring back your charm that won her in the first place.
- The best way to reconnect with your ex is to invite her for lunch or something equally non-threatening and time-bound. This assures her that you won't overstay your 30-minute appointment, since both of you have to go back to work afterwards. Plus, if the meeting goes well, it provides a great opportunity to leave her begging for more!
- Once you're back together, sit down and discuss the issues that led to the break-up and how you're going to avoid them this time. There's no point going back into a relationship only to see it fall apart over the same problems a month down the line.
== Warnings ==
- When your ex gets back in touch, DO NOT start talking to her about your relationship right away! Even if she desperately wants you back, she's probably not ready to talk about the break-up. Instead, pretend as if you had never dated and treat her purely as an old friend. This will help you put her at ease and allow you to gradually nudge her towards reconciliation rather than running the risk of scaring her away.
- Remember why you guys broke up in the first place, so you can learn from your own mistakes.
- Not every girl is prone to fall for you just because she is jealous, try a sweeter way and just talk to her.
- Never go unprepared when meeting your ex as it’d just draw your ex away from you. Getting your ex girlfriend back is not rocket science and you can win your ex girlfriend back by just following a game plan.

How to React If Your Ex Boyfriend Asks You Out Again

2011-07-15T03:42:00.000-07:00

If an ex-boyfriend asks you out again it can put you in an unexpected position. You may have thought it was over and been very happy about that, or maybe you even missed him too. The main thing to remember is that no matter how you feel or felt about him it still took a lot for him to ask you out again so try not to be too hard if the answer is no,or if you do not know then follow your instincts.

Steps

Tell him how you feel if you don't want to go out with him again. Make sure you are somewhere quiet where people wont overhear and make both of you nervous or embarrassed
Explain that you broke up the first time for a reason. The problems you both had in the relationship haven't gone away. You are still you and he is still... well... him. Maybe you two just don't work together as a couple.
Tell him that it's not a bad thing that you don't work together but by dating again you might just make any problems between the two of you worse by going over old ground again and eventually just hurting each other all over again.
Ask him to see the sense in what you're saying and give up asking, thus saving you the embarrassment of him asking you again, and him the embarrassment of you saying no again.
Accept the offer if you do want to go out with him again. He'll be pleased, but remember why it didn't work first time round and remind him. If it was something you two can fix you should both resolve to fix it, to work on the relationship to stop the same thing breaking you up again. You both may want to take things slowly until you can get over what broke you first time round.

Tips

If it's no, be gentle. Explain that it really isn't him, it's what happened before and that you don't want either of you to have to go through that again
If it's yes, take things slowly. Don't expect to jump straight back to the place you were before you broke up- there may be trust issues
By saying no, this does not stop you from being friends.
If it's yes, make sure he knows where you're coming from immediately, especially if you are truly giving your relationship another chance. It's important to be very clear, as it may be a case where he assumes that he knows how you feel, especially when it comes to him. Honesty is the key to any great relationship.
If he broke up with you and you were devastated, and you are realizing that it is likely that the same exact thing will happen again, go read the wikihow article "How to Get Over a Break Up". That may actually be the most helpful thing you can do if you're tempted to get back into an unhealthy situation.

Warnings

Sometimes once isn't enough but don't get personal. Keep reminding him why it didn't work the first time. Male ego won't let him get knocked back too often
If you decide to go out again, be prepared for the same thing to break you up again
Just because both of you still have feelings for each other it doesn't always mean it'll work. Go for it if you feel it's right for you, but if you do, don't just expect results. Be prepared to work on things or it will crash and burn once more
Remember, if he broke up with you and you spent days crying about it, think about the way you felt, and then realize it might happen again, even if you like him.
If he broke your heart, he's a jerk and you dont need him. You are too good for him! - unless theres the chance he thought you were going to break up with him.
Do not let him get the best of you. Remember when you guys were broken up, and what he put you through. That in the long run you can be without him and because of him you became alot stronger as a person. -if he was a good friend after your breakup, then he's probably a really good guy

How to Show Your Ex You've Moved On

2011-07-15T03:36:00.000-07:00

If you still have to see your ex regularly or have a habit of "bumping into" one another a lot, it's important to be able to demonstrate that you've moved on in positive ways and that seeing him or her again doesn't make you weaken your resolve or pine madly after them again. Keep your self-respect and tame that wish to bite off their head!

Steps

Don't show any signs you care. It isn't unusual to find that an ex thinks it's easier to fend you off with "Yeah, you're great; I still like you a lot" and other unhelpful double-speak that simply means "I gotta get out of here, you are too much for me these days". It is far better to call a spade a spade and not engage in the double-speak. Let your ex know that it's great to see him or her looking so "together" and happy again but do not give any indications of still caring (especially not if you still do!).
Act like you're too busy to notice any attempts by your ex to get your attention or to move you back into past patterns. Your ex might still hanker for you or wish deadly revenge on you but you're above both avenues of possibilities. Knock it on the head with "Knock it off X, that's so transparent and you know I've got a new XYZ to be getting on with. Great to see you but gotta go!"
Flirt with some other attractive person. If your ex tries to woo you in a crowded place despite you having made it clear that there's nowhere for this to go, try a little flirting. Or bring along a friend who is in on this and pretend to be together (same or opposite sex is no matter). Show your ex that you've moved on in the relationship department. If your ex asks after this person another time, just say it didn't work out but you're with Y now. Nothing more irritating to your ex to know you're playing the field!
Keep the conversation short and to the point. Don't even allow your ex to meander down the old paths of love and tenderness. Cut off any waxing lyrical with short statements guaranteed to throw a wet fish on the lovey-dovey stuff.
Find the real you. In order to move on, you need time to yourself to think like,"Who am I? Is this really me?" Spending time on yourself will allow you to truly move on and feel detached from your ex. The more confidence you feel yourself, the easier dealing with confrontations or meetings with your ex will become.

Tips

Show your ex you don't need a guy or girl by your side to be whole.
Keep your mind open and show him that he's not the only guy in your life.
Prove you have some self-esteem!
If he or she is near, who cares! Act like you didn't even know he or she was there!

Warnings

If your ex is an immature pain, act like you didn't hear the words of jealousy.
If he tells everyone that he doesn't care any more, maybe it's because he doesn't. Or maybe he does but he doesn't want to show it. Be careful and don't make a fool out of yourself.
Don't brag to your ex (if he/she still likes you) that you have a new bf/gf...that will make him/her think that you might be trying to make them jealous.

How to Get Rid of a Manipulative Boyfriend

2011-07-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

Radius Images / Corbis

Sick of your boyfriend taking advantage of you? It's time to get rid of him...here's how.

Steps

Get support from a close friend or family member.
Make a solid plan for how you will separate, what you will do after that if he tries to "get you to take him back" and makes you think it will all be better.
Be absolutely solid in what you want for yourself.
Make little reminders for yourself that you will see daily, throughout the day, that will strengthen you. (Things like a phrase or thought that when you read it will make you strong--or will remind you of why you need to do this, such as a specific time you were manipulated and didn't like it).
Add one or two new things into your life that you are scheduled to do. Like sign up for a yoga class (this helps you to focus your mind and body on your own relaxation and strength as well as gives your body good exercise). Take a free class at a local library or museum, join a amateur sports club, or take music lessons. If you cannot afford to do something that costs money, then go to the library and find out about someone that teaches or knows something you'd like to know more about, and offer to trade services with that person so you can have a scheduled class.
Remain strong knowing that you're doing what you want and need instead of wondering what you're going to do.
Find out if there are assertiveness training classes from your local police department or women's center. These are often free and will give you good tips that help you to be strong and assertive.

Tips

Be strong and stay on your goals.
Get some distance, allow yourself some space. Time helps heal.
Do not, under any circumstances, communicate with your ex. If he sends you a friendly text-message just to say hey and ask how you are doing, do not text him back! If he calls you, do not return his calls. If you are truly trying to get a guy out of your life, you need to be as firm as possible. If you break up with him and yet are still talking to him on a regular basis, he will be getting mixed signals and might try to squeeze his way back into your life. Just don't do it.
Call your phone carrier and ask for a new number. Most allow one free change, and charge a small fee for changes after that. Change your email address too. Giving up your number and email address are a small price to pay to cut off two means of communication that he has with you.
Lots of women have had manipulative partners (some that have turned violent) and were able to get out and get help. Seek out these people for good advice and support. Look online for forums to talk.

Warnings

If he's manipulative, he will probably try to get you to change your mind--if for nothing else, because he cannot stand to be rejected. This would be a good time to have that training from the women's center.
He'll probably try to convince you that you're making a big mistake and he's all you have. He'll try to make it seem like you're worthless. Don't listen to him. He's just trying to make himself seem like the best thing that ever happened to you, when really the opposite is true.
He will try to get in touch with you first with promises, second with anger and threats, and eventually with guilt. Don't take calls, emails, or texts. Remember that they are just more manipulation. DO NOT engage in a conversation with him. Try to keep any texts, voicemails, emails, etc. if you can, just in case he begins stalking you. The more proof you have, the better if you need to report him (this is especially true if he contacts you on a new phone number, email, etc. that has been changed in an effort to avoid him).

How to Ignore Insults

2011-07-15T03:24:00.000-07:00

Feel insulted? How do you deal when someone says something that hurts, makes you angry, or is intended to make you look foolish? Try these steps!

Steps

Don't react. Keep your expression completely neutral, and just shake your head.
Ask them why they're attacking you. This assumes that it's an unprovoked attack (you didn't do something to anger or upset them that you're aware of).
Accept responsibility for your actions. If they answer, and their reason actually makes sense, address the problem right then. You have to be honest with yourself.
- Example: You: "What did I do to deserve that?"
- Him: "You snubbed me yesterday, walking by all high and mighty with your friends, pretending like I wasn't there."
- You: "I did?" (look surprised). "Dude, I don't remember it. Are you sure I saw you?"
- Him: "You looked right at me, jerk."
- You: "Really? You know what, we were talking about (insert subject here) and I was really focused on that. I don't even think I realized you were there. Listen, I'm really sorry for that, I didn't mean to snub you. Let me go get those guys, I know they're going to feel bad, too." Bring your friends over, explain how your actions hurt this person, and apologize - get all of them to apologize if you can.
Anger, hurt and insecurity are the root of most insults. If you hurt someone, even unintentionally, they may respond with angry insults. Also, insecure people tend to call attention to the shortcomings of others (even if untrue) in order to cover up for their own perceived inadequacies. Don't retaliate.
Respond with humor. If you aren't at fault, and it's a random insult attack, responding with humor can sometimes disarm them. For example, someone calls you a porker or something like that, say "Really? I like to think of myself as a fatso." or "Why thank you!" cheerfully. That will probably get them to stop.
Walk away. If you've tried to figure out why this person is targeting you, and can find no reason, tried to joke with them to no avail, and they're still bent on humiliating and insulting you, just leave. And until they pick a new target (and they will), avoid them.
Let the bully look bad for the insult. A lot of times, you really don't have to do much to make this happen. Just taking the insult, or responding very mildly can do the trick, and it can turn the tide of public opinion in your favor. Example:
- Bully: Hey dork. Is it hard to find such dorky clothes, or do you just come by them naturally?
- You: (In a quiet, humble voice) Actually, these clothes were my older cousin's. Since my dad lost his job, our family hasn't had much money for clothes, so we have to make do with what we can get. I know they're sort of the height of fashion from 5 years ago, aren't they? Not really very hip. But whatever. We can't afford anything else.
- Bully: (sneering) Aw. Poor widdle baby can't get any better clothes. Wah. You're breaking my heart. Not.
- You: (stay humble) I wasn't looking for sympathy. You asked a question and I answered. (hopefully others are overhearing this)
- Bully: If I were you, I'd tell my folks to either get me some decent clothes or send me to another school.
- You: (sigh) I really feel bad for my dad and don't want to make him feel worse. So I'm not going to ask for anything for myself right now. In fact, I'm looking for a job, to try and help with expenses for my family.
- Others: Yeah. Leave him/her alone, man. S/he's not doing anything to you.
- Bully: Oh, fine. You can all have a little pity party with that poor crybaby. I'm outta here.
  - And that will probably end that bullying, at least in that way. When others join in and defend you, the bully will seek an easier target - one where he feels more sure of finding allies. Bullies don't generally like to stand on their own two feet - they like feeling like a lot of people are behind them. They bully people because when others chime in, it makes them feel better about themselves somehow. When others don't want to join them, they back off.

1
- - - Bullies are usually insecure people and if they are tormenting you do not respond with humour near his or her friends instead of retalliating with an insult just bully him by saying,for example wow you can talk {pick out anything bad about them }that jacket looks like you ugly and weak minded.

this however is not an insult but will get his emotions doown will usually affect bullies very well{basic psychology}. this was written by a 12 year old that has had the unfortunate experience of bullying

Tips

If your best efforts to take the wind out of their sails fail, warn others to expect random insults from that person.
Don't take it personally. Some people are just mean. Mean people suck and everyone knows it. And also look at who they hang out with.
Don't insult them back. It just adds fuel to the fire.
If you're asked why the guy/girl is acting like that toward you, say honestly that you don't know. Don't trash talk them to anyone. In that way, they look like (what they probably are) a loony freak, and you look like an innocent, injured person.
Smirking, acting superior or completely ignoring them is probably not a good idea. Again, react with humor, it usually works best. If the insulter is just being nasty, then you can ignore them.
Don't let anyone mess with you. Try to ignore them as best you can or shoot an insult back to them.

Warnings

If you do respond, even to apologize, and the harassment continues, beware of bullies. Some people are not content to simply verbally harrass you. If it escalates to a point where you fear they're going to get physical, tell someone. Tell a teacher, a friend, your parents. They can help.

How to Deal With an Evil Ex Boyfriend

2011-07-15T03:13:00.000-07:00

Is your ex-boyfriend stirring up trouble? Are you tired of him? Find out how to cope with the situations he creates.

Steps

Laugh off any rumours he might try to spread. Make sure everyone knows that you think he is childish and that you don't care at all. Don't overreact, just tell people that it isn't true. Ask him why he spread the rumour. If he denies it, he's just proving that its not true! If he has naked pictures of you that he threatens to expose, remind him that blackmail is illegal and laugh it off.
Stay calm if he asks your best friend out. He will be trying to make you angry. If your friend says yes, don't go crazy. If she asks you what you think, be honest. In a nice way. Say that you are not meaning to break them up or anything, but you think he is using her.
Make sure it's clear that you two are over. It's possible you are being over-friendly. Stop calling him too much or texting him too much. When you actually tell him it's over, don't laugh or look scared. Keep eye contact and tell him seriously.
Most important if he threatens to hurt you or anyone else call the police, even if you do not believe he could go through with his threats watch your back. Stay by a friend who will be there to support you and never stay home alone if he knows your home. No matter what emotions you hold for him keep your distance. Remember your life is more important than any boyfriend you could have.

Tips

Don't bother losing your temper with him. He is just trying to upset you.
Cut all ties with your ex. No calls, no emails and no texting. Clearly he isn't your friend and is overstepping his bounds as a human.
Take the high road and don't stoop to nasty games
Discuss it with your family and don't let it get too far if he seems dangerous. If you are physically threatened or if he starts harassing you, contact the police and look into a restraining order.
Is he being stupid or is he dangerous? Make sure you know and act accordingly.

Warnings

Do not ever kiss your ex's best friend. You will seem a lot more evil.
Do not ever take him back if you think you should. Even if he pleads, just don't.
If he does ask you out again, just remember all the things he's said about you.*

How to Regain an Estranged Ex's Friendship

2011-07-15T03:07:00.000-07:00

Haven't spoken to an ex in a long time? Don't want to get "back together" but just be on good terms? No problem.

Steps

Ask yourself if you want your ex to be your friend again. If your ex is the type to constantly use other friends, or you remember actually disliking her or his presence in the past, don't try, as it's probably not worth it.
Accept that you will need lots of time and patience. Men can be quite stubborn and women can hold grudges. If you think that you will have your friend back again in a few weeks, forget it.
Communicate with your ex. Just picking up the phone and calling him or her is normally the quickest way, but if you need a bit of help, pretend you were cleaning and found something that reminded you of them.
When you first begin talking to your ex (this is assuming you don't/never hated each other) they're going to want to talk about themselves. Or their current relationship. Or their school. Or their job. No matter what the topic, they're going to talk a lot. Let them. Try not to interject with your own information until they realize they've been talking forever. When they do finally realize it, one of two things will happen: one, they will apologize and give you a chance to compliment them, or two, they will ask you how you are.
Remember things that you had in common to begin the relationship, and try to use them as ways to begin conversations (sex, alcohol, etc. are not examples of reasons to be friends).
Get together for coffee or lunch. Again, let them do the talking. This is not a time to get all physical! A hug, at the most. Again, remember, this isn't about "getting" with them.
Suggest you communicate on a more frequent basis. Suggest another time/place to get together. If you can, tie it in with something you're doing for school/work/etc (ie, "Hey, my buddy's got a photo exhibit uptown. Would you wanna go with me this weekend?"). It will comfort the ex to know it's got an outside source, as it were.
Keep this up and you should be buddy-buddy with that ex in no time!

Tips

Remember, you're not rekindling an old flame, here. You probably just want to be able to talk to the person. Keep this in mind! If you just want to "hook up" with an old fling, this will not help you!
Be friendly and cordial, but don't flirt.
Treat your meeting as just that: a meeting. It's not a date, no matter how much it may feel like one.
If you and your ex were friends as well as lovers, this will be much, much easier.
Don't let a month go by without contact.

Warnings

Do not vanish from the face of the planet after seeing them once. This will leave them hurt and confused.
Do not say or do anything that is ultra-personal from your relationship. For example, do not call your ex by that pet name or play "that song" in the car.
Drive separately.
Alcohol, while always good for loosening the tongue a bit, should be imbibed in moderation. Too much could allow either of you to get emotional, causing those old memories (possibly good or bad... most likely bad) to float to the surface.
Don't turn this into a booty call.
Don't tell your friends you're initially trying to contact your ex, especially if they are friends you had when you and your ex were together, and especially if your friends didn't like your ex. This is a personal matter. Keep it that way, at least for a while.
Don't fall into the old routine you had in your (failed) relationship. Take this time to show that you've grown. Remember whatever you did (because, let's face it, it was probably your fault if you're the one wanting to be friends), accept it, and try your hardest not to show signs of still being like that.
Don't act mad awkward around/towards them.

How to Deal With an Ex Boyfriend Who Wants More Space

2011-07-15T02:57:00.000-07:00

You were in a strong relationship with your ex boyfriend. Everything was perfect, but then he broke things off with you because he has family problems or became insecure in the relationship. Was it this or was he not ready for the big C "commitment"?

Steps

You don't want to lose your pride but you are still in love with him. You may want to try to play hard-to-get or show that it was his loss. If you feel that your ex boyfriend still has feelings for you, try to make small talk.
Once he approaches you and starts making moves then you can reminisce the past with him, including all the good and the bad memories that you guys shared. If he avoids you he is obviously trying to give you a message that he doesn't want to be with you any more. Give him some space.
If your ex boyfriend is giving you signals regarding what he thinks of you, you can try to open your heart to him. Let him know how you feel about him now without not looking desperate and needy. If your ex boyfriend is really showing you that he not interested unfourtunatly you may just let it go or try being good friends with him again.

Tips

When you speak to your ex boyfriend don't lose your respect for him.
Yes you can pour your heart to him but whatever happens you have to accept his decision. Pouring your heart out to a boy who just rejected you is risky and opens yourself up for more heartache. If he wanted more space to begin with unloading all of your feelings on to him will likely push him away further.
You have to tell yourself that it's his loss not yours.
Give him a little time and space. Wait for him to make first contact. If he doesn't, perhaps its time to move on.

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Warnings

Be sure to prepare yourself for a possible heartbreak.
Most guys don't want to be suffocated or tied down. No matter how insecure or needy a guy seems, don't be too demanding with his time.

How to Understand Guys Who Want Long Term Relationships

2011-07-15T02:42:00.000-07:00

This doesn't apply to all guys, or all types of relationships, but the vast majority is still accurate.

Steps

Understand that most guys just don't talk. Guys do not normally discuss feelings and are rarely emotionally open unless they are extremely comfortable with you; men are inherently closed in their feelings to maintain their belief of control.
Be prepared for a little territorial behavior. Guys tend to be territorial and jealous; this is not to be confused with being suspicious of their partners. The feelings tend to be so deep that if their partner shows any attention to another guy, they get slight uneasy feelings; this is a biological instinct. If you are involved with him and you start talking to another guy and in any way say nice things, or touch him or he touches you anywhere, the instinct will kick in; he may not punch the guy, but he will no longer be in a good mood; he will go from "I love her so much" to "I wish I were home watching TV and not dealing with this".
Know that most guys feel the need to be in charge (even if they aren't in charge). Guys want to -feel- as though they are in control; not that they always need to get their way, but they need to feel that things won't happen unless they allow them. No matter how much you feel that you shouldn't have to get the "OK" from your guy to do something or make decisions, it would be best to at least talk to him about it and ask him first -- basically, they want to feel that they are doing things because they want their partner to be happy, not because they have to do it. They respond better to the "lip" and the big eyes than they do to orders.
Let them be a 'man'. Guys want to be "manly" -- make them feel big and strong. They love to be the "knight in shining armor". You are weak, he is strong. You don't really have to be weak, but allowing him to feel that he is taking care of you and protecting you will make him happy.
Be prepared to be touched. Guys like physical contact. Their hormone levels are very high (which can make them act like jerks in certain situations), so they may find a number of different types of physical contact enjoyable. They won't always be able to figure out what's OK, and whats a no-no. It's important that they are told by their partner what they should and shouldn't do. Their feelings will not be hurt. If you prefer, tell him where the lines are drawn on your body. It's not going to ruin the moment for him. If anything, it will be a relief so he knows the boundaries. Don't think, "He'll figure it out". Don't try and give him signals (although the biting of the lower lip is universally known as the "kiss me" sign); tell him verbally.
Even though it isn't politically correct, guys love girls that can cook. Saying something like "I want to be single for the rest of my life" will kill it fast. Prove to him that you can be a good wife, and he will prove he can be a good husband.
Guys 'tend' to call girls "hot" if they are thinking of them sexually, and they will call them "beautiful", "gorgeous", or "pretty" if they have more innocent intentions. This isn't a universal absolute, however; in fact, this applies very little, but it can be an extra hint.
Guys can have obsessions over their partner's eyes, hair, hands, other random body parts, etc. It's weird, but deal with it. If he likes it when you do something with your hair, do it a lot. If he gave you a ring or a necklace or something, wear it whenever you're with him - and point it out in case he doesn't notice, then give him a kiss and remind him how much you like it. He will then know you appreciate the things he gives.
Guys rarely mind feeling like they are owned - many times they like the feeling. A simple way of displaying this is holding his hand with both your hands, and wrapping your arms around his. The idea of their partner hanging off them isn't an unpleasant one to guys. There is a difference between this and being clingy, though. One shows that you are completely devoted to him, the other is annoying him.
Guys like to know that their partner feels grateful to be with him. He'll return the favor a hundred times over. If you make him feel like he isn't good enough, he will be more jealous of other guys - he may leave you. Guys don't like feeling inferior any more than girls do.
If he had a bad day, give him a neck rub or something. Don't ask if he wants one, just start doing it, he'll tell you if he doesn't like it. And say something nice. Not necessarily about why he had a bad day. Just randomly say how much you love and appreciate him. It'll make him feel better.
Guys enjoy the touch of a female; very soft and pleasant. As rule number 5 says, guys don't mind touching - put your hand on his face. Run your fingers up and down his arm. Hold his hand against your face or chest.
Maintaining the relationship is very important. The first few months will be easy; you are in the heat of a young relationship. Don't fall under the false impression that you don't have to put forth anything. He will get bored, or feel unappreciated. Remember what it was like in the beginning, when you'd both do anything for each other. Keep that mindset. Treat him as someone who can't be lost.
Let him know that you will stick with him through anything - and mean it! Tell him you will never leave his side. He will like that. Never give him the "thin-ice" feeling to get your way. Like tell him to deal with it, or make it seem like you'll break up with him over something unless he complies. Using the relationship as a threat will really make him mad, and he may break up with you for doing it.
When he say's that he won't leave you no matter and with assuring you always. He really means it!

Tips

If you want your guy to do something, usually you have enough control to make it happen - however, let the guy feel as though he also has control.
Don't be critical, or try and twist him through nagging into something he's not. This will drive him away. If there is something major about him you want changed before you think you can spend the rest of your life with him, then there will be a serious problem for both of you when he figures this out. This includes changing jobs, careers, religions, life goals, politics, etc; don't expect him to cater to your ideals. Even if he goes along with it, there will be problems later.
If he starts talking about things he enjoys, and you have no idea what he's talking about or plain don't care, try and just sit through it. He listens to you talk about stuff he doesn't care about or doesn't understand all the time. Sometimes, if he's good, he'll try and adjust and learn about what you're interested in and contribute as much as possible. If he doesn't listen to you, then of course you have a serious problem.
Don't lie! I can't stress to this issue enough. If you want to have a healthy relationship, tell your man everything! If you keep something from him or lie, that will not remain as such for long; men are instinctively distrusting and cautious and WILL find out.
Don't be a slut. If you have a track record of having many relationships in a short amount of time, guys who are looking for a long term relationship will avoid you.
Mystery is always good. Don't be wearing clothes that are too revealing. No matter how much he likes your curves he hates it when you show them to others, guys tend to be possessive and they will feel uncomfortable and unhappy the whole time you two are out on the town because he is making sure nobody else is looking at his property! Stop dressing like you did in high school, you are now more mature and in a serious relationship and don't have to advertise yourself or compete with other girls anymore. The prettiest girl is one who dresses "cute" but then again doesn't hang it out like the junior high school slut. The way you dress tells a guy a lot of how seriously your relationship is to you. Don't take this the wrong way ladies still look cute for your guy and yourself, but just think twice before your put that same outfit on you wore before he came along.
Don't let the relationship become one-sided. Let him do most things for you and he'll like it. But you have to do a few things for him too. Give him a present sometime. Setup a date for him. Cook him a meal or some cookies and surprise him with it. Show him that you care about him more than anything frequently and you will be surprised of the outcome.
Some guys will come out and tell you yes and no to your questions. Others won't. If you want them to do something, they may say yes when they don't want to. If you were actually wanting to know what they want, you'll have to figure out what their answer really is. You should know him well enough to figure it out. He won't be mad if you don't figure it out (unlike girls) but he may feel controlled, which guys don't like.
Don't buy presents for guys that involve things YOU are interested in, unless the guy buys you stuff he's interested in.
If you go on a vacation or trip by yourself, and especially if you do it often, expect your guy to be very suspicious. We've seen to many damn movies where the girl meets someone new when shes away, and runs off with him. There is no amount of assurance you can give, as that's the way it goes in the movie. Even if it is just a movie, we are paranoid!
Don't throw away stuff he likes, because you don't like it. He won't do that to you. If he does, there's a problem.
Don't tell your friends (especially if he's there too) that you have him wrapped around your finger. Don't act like you can make him do anything, or can control him. It may be true, but he needs to know that he's "the man" and is in control. If he does everything you tell him to do, he's doing it because he loves you, not because you control him. If you think you control him, he won't be very happy.
Do nice things for him for no reason at all. Don't tell him you're going to do it - just surprise him. Cook him something and bring it to his apartment/house. Give him a little present. You'd like that wouldn't you? So will he.
For his birthday, cook him dinner for just you and him. And give him a present that can remind him of you, that he can carry with him everywhere (spray it with some of your perfume. Although he may never admit it, he'll smell it and guys are turned on by smell).

Warnings

Do not talk a lot about your ex-boyfriends. Avoid talking about how sad you were unless he wants you to share the secret. But really, this applies to almost all other guys. Don't talk about how funny someone else is. Don't let other guys be touching you. Most of all DO NOT flirt, this seems to drive guys over the edge very quick like, do not ever make yourself out to be the flirty type, he will more than likely be gone in a heartbeat if he finds you flirting with other guys. Don't compliment other guys. Guys can be very insecure and therefore very jealous. If your best friend is a guy, expect your boyfriend to hate him. If you work with a guy that you talk to on a daily basis, He will hate him. He will never admit to it. But he will probably hate him. Any sort of long, emotional relationship with another man will be unbearable for him.
If you smoke - unless your guy is also a smoker - stop. Non-smokers do not like to kiss smokers. It's not a nice smell or taste, and will not only detract from any kissing in your future.
Most women plan to have children. If you have no intentions of having kids, let him know now. If you don't do so, it can be a very bad conversation when he finds out later on in the relationship.
Women like feeling needed. So do guys. If he feels unneeded and taken for granted, chances are he'll leave for someone who does need him.
If you want to wait till marriage for sex, make sure he knows this. Also keep in mind men have 7 times as much testosterone as women, and it can be much harder for him than it will be for you.
Never try to get him jealous. It won't work the way you want it to. All it'll do is make him less trusting of you and very angry at the other guy (and even if he's not mad at you, he's mad nonetheless - it's just not a good "mood setter").

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