LIVE LOVE

KEEP LOOKING UP

2012-01-13T04:00:00.000-08:00

Praying that you receive a blessing, healing, and hope to realize you are again held tightly by the strong love of our faithful Saviour who is very near to the broken hearted.

Most of you that know me, know that it is hard for me to leave out details when telling of life's journey. I still struggle to convey only facts and attempt to leave out excessive emotional bunny trails. Somehow, I have managed to not really write any updates with the exception of writing a few small blurbs on my blog. In any case, please know that I miss you and until Jesus comes I will be waiting to hear from you and your heart.

This last year ended with Dylan and I visiting his family and some of our friends in Missouri from mid December until the 31st. We met up with my sisters and their husbands and children in Tennessee January 1st through 7th. The cabin we stayed in was called above the clouds. I thought it was awfully appropriate seeing how the Lord has kept all of us children and grandchildren since Mom's been gone. Kept us so close to Him and close to each other.

One of the first family vacations I remember ever taking in my adult years with Mom, Terry, Michael, and Michele was right there in TN, in a cabin, in or near Wears Valley. This is all of our first holiday without Mom, her birthday would be the 22nd of Jan, and it is healing for us to be able to be together and thank God for each other...even if it is for just a few days.

The Lord is my Shepperd. Psalm 23 has taken on a whole new meaning this last year. He leads me through uncertainty, hard decisions, difficult circumstances, anxiety, stress, delirious confusion, sleep deprivation, emotional wreckage, and for the last eight months...through a season of grief.

It is still hard to process in my little brain that Mom's not here. Eight months ago was the funeral and everything that follows. She passed a few days before Mothers's Day. All of us sisters were there when she passed and we gave thanks to God for what a wonderful mother she has been to us all. So thankful for the time we did have with her. My brothers arrived literally a few seconds or minutes later...no doubt, broken hearted. We tried our best to call them, but it's overwhelming what comes to your mind when you realize --- it might not be much longer. We're all so thankful that we have been given the greatest gift of all THE UNCHANGING WORD OF GOD that continues to take us up when our father and mother forsake us. Two weeks after the funeral I began to think of the two greatest gifts my mom had ever given me. The word of God and my brothers and sisters.

All of us six children muddling through a crazy whirlwind of emotions, life circumstances, and struggles in our minds. Ups and downs and the reality that death is part of life is almost enough to numb you temporarily. (Leaving out plenty of details for various reasons.) Thank God for Donna, Melanie's mother in law, had all of us girls (the four sisters) over to her house and loved on us, fed us a good meal, and let us just 'be' in her house...such a blessing.

Dylan had gotten to Pensacola the day Mom was getting out of the hospital. A week before she died. I had not seen him since our engagement in February and now this was the last week in April. Mom had just been told she had a brain tumor and was not necessarily remembering everything. When she got home from the hospital she was in a bad way. She could hardly stand up or use the bathroom, she was not really eating or drinking anything substancially. A day or two later was not able to speak or see. Her very last words to me were, "Marcie, I know you are about to have a baby and I'm trying to hang on, but I am tired and I can't do this anymore." She wanted God to take her. And I thought oh maybe she thought I was my older sister who had just had a baby in February (Noah=God's Comfort), maybe she meant to say wedding. Because before Noah was born, my Mom was in some intense amounts of pain and was also wanting to be there for Monica when she had him. I told Mom it was okay and I understand. It was going to be alright.

The last few days before she passed or a few days after she was out of the hospital had to be some of the most terribly intense days I have ever experienced. Mom was a nurse so she had been pretty adamently against having hospice come in. I see why, now. The nurses meant well, I am sure, but all that seemed to come across was an all around sense that ''there's really not much you can do except leave the patience alone and allow her to transition naturally." Warning us that trying to feed or nurish her could actually cause her pain at this point. Try to make her comfortable...ie., medication. With the exception of one of the nurses finally catherterizing her and allowing what looked like over a gallon of fluid to be released, they honestly did not do too much else. One nurse came in and changed her meds, and then the next nurse might change them again. They had medication fed-xed to the house multiple times, and then we still had to go pick some up.

I remember the Dr saying he was going to put her on 3% sodium to draw the extra fluid away from the brain. Can't help but think...I thought sodium helps you to retain water? I was feeling so much frustration from conflicting information. Was wondering what suddently taking her off her blood pressure medicine was doing to her, not to mention the other medications that were recently prescribed. I read the list of possible side affects. Made me so mad I cried. All of the side effects seem to be the exact same symptoms they said she would have because of the brain tumor and cancer. I was crying because I felt my faith even in the midst of the chaos and pain. Mom was hurting so bad she couldn't tell us...but was making groans. Eventually she was not even doing that. Trying to breath and cough and it appeared she needed assistance doing that too. Hospice does not sustain life so they told us that oxygen or an IV was out of the question. We would need to put her back in the hospital again. You can imagine the absolute disgusting amounts of strain those sort of decisions put on a human being. So she was dehydrated, unable to communicate, soon couldn't swallow anymore... and us girls never gave up trying to give her some liquids, a bedbath, as much encouragement as we could muster. We would take turns reading scripture to her and playing music and telling her how much we loved her.

Mom took her last breath May 6th, 6:24am, two days before Mother's day. I wrote this in my journal:
MOM, You are the WIND AT MY BACK. Beautiful in every way. You have encouraged me. Your faithulness to press on in the midst of difficulty and struggle and pain. Your constant confession of your need for His help. Since ever I can remember you have taught me by your life to call on Jesus. I am so thankful for your selfless love and your thankfulness to God. Your deep love will always be lived out in your children. P.S. I got the dress you liked on me, and I'm so glad you were there when I tried it on.

May 24th journal entry: As it turns out ducktape doesn't fix everything. From one minute from the next I feel okay, then I feel sick, I feel like I'm going to break. I miss Mom. I dialed her number on my phone last night. Sat at the gas station and crying while I got gas in Mom's van. Thought of her face, her voice, and how I could always tell her anything...and the last time she hugged my head to her stomach. No one will ever hug me like she did. So thankful to have known her and that she loved so deeply. Her love lives in me.

There was much to be done. Mom's storage to be emptied out and sorted through. The rental house mom was staying in had to be emptied and cleaned. Many important papers to be sorted through. Michele did the majority of the sorting papers and certain items that might be meaningful to each of us. Mom's things were mostly donated to Loaves and Fishes.

Two weeks after the funeral one of my dearest friends (and Dylan's twin brother) Jared was getting married. I wrestled with whether to go or not, because so much still needed to be taken care of and there was a limited amount of time to get it done. Dylan was the best man so either way he was going. [Dylan was such an amazing support to me and my sisters through some of the hardest times of dealing with all the details and questions and trying to figure things out.] So I did end up going with him to Missouri and was able to help out a little bit with the wedding. Despite the sadness that was heavy on my heart from the circumstances following before and after Mom's funeral, I felt thankfulness and joy to be able to witness the faithfulness of the Lord and answered prayers from long ago in Jared and Jean's wedding.

Ten days later Dylan and I were married on June 11. How everything was done and taken care of was a miracle in itself. My incredible sisters also shouldered that load and took care of most all the details. Friends showed up from all over wanting to help. Monica and Nelson, my older sister and her husband handled rehearsal and reception and so much more than I could ever thank them for. My dearest friend Malea showed up at least a week early to be there for me and with me through so many decisions. She was a huge support to my family and to me...not only for the wedding but over the last few years...she had lifted my heart and helped me to refocus. Jessica showed up days early and did all she could to pray and help and paint. Not too mention all the things I cannot mention, bc it would take forever to explain what all my dear friends have been to me. Aunt Pauline and Uncle Leon treated me and my family (and still does) like we belong to them. They gave and gave and gave and still just want us to feel the love God has for us. They volunteered their property for the wedding which was a huge gift in itself. Not to mention all the watermelon we ate and figs. Aunt Sandy helped me by asking me some hard questions and crying me through an ocean of mixed emotions and prayed me through so much. Not to mention her and Uncle Tom cattered the wedding. Sarah and Jonathan have always blessed me. Sarah & Betsy hosted a bridal shower. Francis and Caroline sacraficed alot and showed up and worked like they were getting paid. Dan Seidel, Tom Herder, James Liu, Pastor Bill, Emeka and Juliet, Richard G, Josh Kezer, Rebecca B, Stephanie, and any others I've forgotten to mention - THANK YOU so much for your severe dedication and extreme love for us. Mark O - DAD showed up days before in His normal hero fashion. I cannot thank God enough for him and Julie and all the years they have held my heart up to heaven.

The wedding day was a beautiful day that ended in a severe thunderstorm. Intense winds and lighting striking the ground. To some degree I thought it reflected what was taking place in my heart and mind. I had a very bad sore throat the day of the wedding and it continued on escalating into flu like symptoms for the next few days. The discomfort did not really surprise me. I had been running on E from sleep depravation and crazy amounts of what I sensed was spiritual warfare, but it's hard to discern when you feel like your discernment has gone out the window. The only thing I could think to pray and to go by is to pray God's will be done and nothing else. God's will does not always feel good.

Thank God for the patient sweetness of Dylan's servant heart. We have both passed through some rigorous realities and are still learning how to relate to each other day by day, by God's grace, we have joy in the midst of pain. I guess it's just human nature, but I was thinking maybe I should pass through one major life event before I begin to take on another. In some countries when a close family member dies they postpone the wedding for a year.

Since the beginning of two thousand eleven it has been one transition after the other. In February, I had been beside myself with excitement and newness of mine and Dylan's engagement. At the same time, my heart was overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions, heavy sorrow, and sadness for what I might be passing through in the months to come. Trying to keep myself encouraged to hope in God and believe that there is nothing He cannot do. At any moment everything can change.

And it did. Not necessarily in the way I would have liked. All of it happened so quickly. Mom's radiation treatment/hospitalized twice, diagnosed a week before she died with a brain tumor. Mom passing away a few days before mother's day. Dylan's twin brother and one of my dearest friends Jared got married, ten days later Dylan and I are married. . . then Dylan and I moved to Canada, he starts school and leaves on trips for the first three weeks we were there.

The human heart cannot help but grieve what is lost, so you can imagine what that looks and feels like when two people that are just married are barely spending any quality time together, in a foreign place, and yet one of them are constantly fluctuating between what is reality and what feels like a dream, a bad dream. Losing your Mom is like losing home. When people say, "So where's home?" I normally assume people are referring to where one's parents are located.

At the place we are staying now, the lady upstairs is a family counselor. She gave me some papers about grieving and loss. In there it was saying that three of the hardest losses to bare and why. Parents = past. Spouse = present. Children = future. This makes alot of sense to me. She also said she thinks I might have a tendancy to 'trivialize my feelings.' She is correct.

While we were back in Missouri, I picked up this book on a shelf... Furious Longing of God by Brennan Manning. If you read it more than once you are liable to be encouraged and inspired. I thought this applied and explained why it is good to not 'turn away' from our own flesh and blood or anyone for that matter that Jesus has died for. Here's something I just read and could not stand to keep it to myself.

Healing is a response to a crisis in the life of another person. It's enough of a response, a satisfactory response to a crisis in the life of another. And wherever the word CRISIS is used in the Greek New Testament, it is translated in English as judgement. That's right---judgement. Healing is a response that I make to a decisive moment in the life of a brother or sister; whether I respond or not, I have made a judgement.

Healing becomes the opportunity to pass off to another human being what I have received from the Lord Jesus; namely unconditional acceptance of me as I am, not as I should be. He loves me whether in a state of grace or disgrace, whether I live up to the lofty expectations of His gospel or I don't. He comes to me where I live and loves me as I am.

And then these are a few more words that might help you to see into 'where I've been' inside.

FOG IN THE VALLEY
Something about park benches and rocking chairs

Taking long walks in cool clean mountain air

Watching blue clear skies as the sun melts fog in the valley

Coming to the plain simple truth of life's always changing melody

Admitting there's so much more to learn as I travel down this road

Being still while you feel reality burn the weight of the load

Adding another unexpected piece to the puzzle

Ever aching within from the constant struggle

Of nothing more than this day to day life

Exceedingly thankful for right now, and yet still grieving at the same time.

I WILL REMEMBER

I remember you laughing to tears

I remember your squeeze tight hugs

I will remember you Mother

For always and ever your love...

You have touched my soul like nothing else

Your words, your prayers have carried me

All your sacrifice and pain and suffering

Continues to challenge, encourage, and comfort me.

My Dear Friends, some of you have asked how is married life? How's life in Canada? How's life without Mom? Being married to Dylan is a true gift from the Lord. Starting out a marriage when you are in a season of grief has its own set of ups and downs. Thanks to the Prince of Peace reigning in our hearts and in our home...each day is getting brighter. Being up north for seasons at a time also includes some interesting factors, but has been just another avenue the Lord has proven His faithfulness. For me, it has always been difficult to be away or apart from the ones I love. So from now until Jesus comes... I will KEEP LOOKING UP. Thanks for all your prayers, calls, and letters...they have ministered to me in ways I cannot explain, and it has made the hard times for both of us a little easier.

The Giver of life is always giving...He knows how to love...therefore He gives. KEEP LOOKING UP. His love conquers all. The Lord is exceedingly generous and kind. He is all wise, ever mindful, constantly pursuing, selflessly giving to all who are in need. He is utterly amazing even when we cannot find the words to tell Him so. KEEP LOOKING UP. Nothing surprises Him or catches Him unaware. He is unlimited in showing His faithfulness in this earth. Never give up. Never stop pouring out your heart in prayer. The Lord hears and answers. Do not be discouraged when cirmcumstances come upon you that you feel are too hard to bare. The Lord is right there. KEEP LOOKING UP. He is and was and will forever be the only way, truth, and life. He is the promise keeper, the faithful healer, the hope and anchor of our souls. His Kingdom rules over all. He is more than enough. KEEP LOOKING UP. Eternal life is nothing to be sad about though for a moment our earthly hearts seem to be overwhelmed. The Lord strong and mighty will not be silent. He will not let the righteous be forsaken. He will come and save us. KEEP LOOKING UP. Those who hope in Him will not be put to shame or dissapointed. He saves every one of our tears in a bottle. Those who sow in tears will reap joy! KEEP LOOKING UP. Soon and very soon we are going to see the KING! Our faith and hope and trust in Him in this temporary life and momentary circumstances will be the living sacrifices of praise to lay at His feet. His mercy endures forever! KEEP LOOKING UP.

LITTLE IS ACCOMPLISHED WITHOUT PRAYER

2011-12-01T20:00:00.000-08:00

Words are powerful, yet meaningless if they are not backed up by genuine concern, sincere interest, daily deliberate sharing of your time, effort, and thoughts. Investing time, substance, and heart into your relationship is necessary. It is the same with your relationship with God. How much time do you spend with Him? Are you going as deep as you could go? DRAW NEAR TO GOD AND HE WILL DRAW NEAR TO YOU.

Very little is accomplished without prayer.

Over the years I've asked couples ARE YOU PRAYING TOGETHER? Nine times out of ten the answer is NO. Praying together invites the Prince of Peace to come in and guard your hearts and lives and give you divine insight into the details of your lives and interactions with one another. Whoever said, "If you are desiring to lay down your life for her, it is only prudent that you inquire and petition the One who created her. Otherwise, you will be lacking wisdom and understanding and direction." That guy knew what he was talking about.

I would like to exhort all of you to RISE UP! LOVE WILL. Love will stop being lazy, half-hearted, disinterested, cheap, and unthoughtful. It is critical that you take some action for the cultivation of your intimacy with your spouse, and for your children sake, spend time in prayer, to be an example at all times. Many are influenced by you daily, by what you do and do not do. So please do what you should have done long ago. Ask and You shall receive. Ask for wisdom in your relationships. The Lord can teach any man or woman who is humble in heart and who is willing to ask for help. This generation needs to see an example of true intimacy who is willing to RISE UP and LOVE WELL.

HEAVENS EYES

2011-11-30T22:46:00.000-08:00

When you least expect it words come through like sunshine on a rainy day. If only we would see life through heavens eyes...

I'm convinced that's why I was born into the family I was born into, have lived the life that God has given me, experienced troubles, trials, and victories, made the choices that I have, invested in certain few friendships over the years, and married the man that I did... by design. The pure, sweet, mercy and grace of God's perfect gifts enabling me to see life through heavens eyes.

More and more often I am running across folks who are telling me how lonely and unfulfilled they are in their relationships. One or the other person in the marriage or friendship is 'not really there.' Checked out. Clearly have other priorities. Some folks just decide to get used to it and politely distract themselves from the real issues instead of actually attempting to go where not many are comfortable going. Communicating. Being honest. Taking responsibility. Facing reality.

If you are not honest with yourself, most likely you will not be with others either. You might be playing games and possibly not even realizing it. You will act on what you feel and you will feel what you think about. Let me spell it out. It is an either or situation any given day. Human beings make choices moment by moment every day. Each of us decide what is important and who and what is worth our time and efforts. If we dared to reflect back, some of us might notice that at times, our actions are screaming louder than our words. Our decisions will either be building or tearing down the people in our lives.

Here are some words and their opposites to remind us of what clearly is our choice hour by hour of each day. We CHOOSE to be willing or unwilling, confessing or denying, committed or neglecting, reality or escapism. secure/Insecure, All there or in fantasy land, Responsible/Irresponsible, mature/Immature, truth/lies, agreement/disagreement, trust/distrust, understanding/confusion, faith/fear, consideration/inconsiderate.

The Lord is patient and says to Let The Little Children come unto Him. God gives us our children or puts children in or around our lives to help us see life through heavens eyes, should we ever forget there is a such place. The Kingdom of heaven is such as these...

Children notice and realize what's going on parents. They are very gifted at saying it how it really is. We are teaching our children by what we do and do not do in front of them. Please take time to acknowledge them. Do not speak to them in such a tone that makes them feel like a terrible bother or a horrible inconvenience. Children mirror everything they see and hear, including our unloving responses and attitutudes and lack of concern and care when it comes to interacting with our spouse and friends.

It's uncomfortable to admit it, but I wonder if our lives are helping the world to see life through Heavens eyes?

COME HOME

2011-10-04T03:00:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving and Christmas was always a big deal to Mom, and very important to her that we (her six kids) try (if at all possible) to come home for these two holidays and for our birthdays. It's important to come home, to realize where we are and where we've been, and where we are going.

Thinking about my Mom, who has now gone on to be with the Lord a few months ago, spurs me on to write.

I have been thinking about this generation coming home. Teenage girls and young adults. I wonder if you realize your worth and what you have. In every sense of the word. God has given you a gift, many gifts, and some of the gifts he has given you were meant to be given to 'a certain someone' who cherishes you, and protects and encourages all that God has put in you.

Distractions, main attractions, and satisfaction have been drawing us away from the truth, turning our eyes and attention to ourselves.

The truth is it is time to do our laundry. The pile is too high and it's stinking up the whole house. Our laundry is our responsibility. It is a compilation of our choices, our thoughts, our actions, and eventually what we PUT ON and wear every day of our lives. It's the picture we are projecting to the world, it's what we believe about ourselves, what we hang in our closets, and what we tuck away in our conscience that enlightens or disguises.

I've contemplated whose job it is to confront the younger ones, or the youth at church, or those who seem to be clueless. I cannot help but wonder IS ANYONE ELSE CONCERNED? Where are the parents? Why are they silent? Are Sunday school teachers, the youth pastors, the older women speaking up? Have we grown accustomed to our lustful society? Are we unwilling to say anything afraid we will cause an offense? Our compromise offends God.

Sometimes the Lord is whispering to us and we continually ignore the little warnings and keep on going. To our own hurt. When 12 and 13 year olds are getting pregnant and having babies in our youth groups I would say it's a sure sign it's time to break the silence. I was walking up to stand in line to partake of holy communion on Sunday, and I must have seen more cleavage walk past me in the sanctuary than I have ever seen at the mall on a busy weekend. Granted, some people may not realize their situation. Some do realize it and accentuate it, and contemplate the multiple ways they could get people to notice them.

It is an attitude of the heart. THE CLOTHES YOU WEAR and HOW YOU WEAR THEM says alot about what you truly believe. Ladies (of all ages and status), It is not cute to seduce men, single men, married men, men at church, men at work or school. Precious Women, If you are wanting to live for the glory of God I beg you to consider why you wear what you wear next time you get dressed. Before you dart out the door with skin tight jeans, super short shorts, low cut blouses, outfits that are clearly too small to provide coverage of certain body parts... seriously consider if you would like your son, or brother, or husband to be looking at another woman dressed like you. Are you an example of a Godly woman? How so? Do you turn eyes and attention towards God or do you spend the majority of your time, money, and resources investing in your outward appearance in hopes of gaining approval, affirmation, or some special status. Have you been neglecting your insides? Sometimes our human tendency is to overly compensate on the outwardly, because we have sorely neglected our inner core. (The temporary superficial will always attempt to take the place of the deeper genuine eternal.)

So many of us want to go deeper. Want to have close family connections. We want to want the things of heaven. Want to make the necessary changes. Want to walk as we should. Want to be healed. Feel the pull deep in our guts to call home, to make the effort, and get there. I'm telling you to listen to that little whisper, it is the strength of the Ancient of Days leading you in the way you should go. It is the pure in heart that will see God. COME HOME.

GIVE ON PURPOSE

2011-09-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

Something about face to face that cultivate deep friendships and close relationships. Letters are great. Calls are thoughtful. Face to face is giving and receiving time and heart and presence. It really is a great present, a gift that says more than anything else. . . giving yourself, your time, your efforts, your willingness to set everything else aside and learn to focus on your friend, your family, your relationship with God.

I am realizing more and more, if I do not deliberately decide or intentionally make up my mind to do one thing or another in regards to another person (especially if it is important to me) I just won't. And I'm not talking about brushing my hair or doing my laundry.

Life goes on. People move on. Time is passing by. Opportunities are missed. What matters most to us?

I will draw upon the ever living WORD OF GOD. Give and it shall be given unto you. That is pretty simple. Quite plain. As I do unto others, so it will be done unto me. Stay encouraged. Get moving! Do what you do on purpose and with your whole heart.

MAN ON, MAN COMING

2011-08-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

In Soccer there is a familiar term you hear on the field multiple times: MAN ON, MAN COMING. You pay close attention to your next move... who you are passing the ball to...and where the goal is in relation to where you are on the field.

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU. Start with yourself. Have you failed? Forgive as your Heavenly Father has forgiven you.

Treat your children well. They will mirror your behavior when they grow up. They will treat others as they have seen you treat your husband or wife or children. They will either be examples of self controlled, gentle, kind human beings or they will be irrational, discontent, undisciplined, rude individuals. Your choices now make a huge difference in this world for generations to come. Please make the effort to make right decisions and prayerfully consider all that you do or do not do unto to others.

You want freedom and love and consideration in your relationships? Then BE YE KIND one to another. Give what you want to receive, starting at home, one day at a time. You want powerful faith that can heal the sick and transform lives? Do not argue. Do not Criticize. Choose Joy. Walk in Love. (Quoting what I heard from Uncle Leon.) It stuck in my mind and I hope it keeps on sticking there for a long long time. God help us all to remember MAN ON, MAN COMING... others are looking to us and copying the moves we make more than we might realize.

JESUS WEPT

2011-08-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

Shortest verse in the bible. Says a lot. What do you suppose Jesus was weeping for?Weeping because their eyes could not see and their ears could not hear and their hearts could not comprehend or begin to understand the resurrection life that is available to whosoever would believe. I have listened to a few hearts lately that are weeping. Weeping for the promise. Weeping for the day when our King will return. Weeping for the day when all things are made new. Aching for His glory to fill the whole earth.

If we would only seek Him while He may be found. If we would take His word upon us; the yoke that is easy and the burden that is light...we would find rest. We would weep for joy - His every word proves true. His love will never fail us.

Blessed are those who mourn (weep) they shall be comforted. I am comforted knowing that when I seek Him I will find Him. When I draw close to Him, He will draw near to me.

LITTLE THINGS

2011-07-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

Little things matter. A simple note, a word, a call, a smile can make a world of difference in someones life. My mother made a difference in my life. The little things are worth while, that keep on keeping on even after we're gone. I was just thinking the other day: the greatest gift my Mom ever gave to her children was the Word of God, and second to that each other...my brothers and sisters. She made mention of the Lord since we were old enough to understand. I remember her lifting her hands and giving thanks and singing to Jesus. Confessing her helplessness and her need for His direction. Teaching us to talk to God and look to His word when times were good and when times were not so good. God is the only one who will never leave us and never forsake us.

THE GRASS WITHERS, THE FLOWERS FADE, BUT THE WORD OF OUR GOD STANDS FOREVER.

Mothers be diligent to teach your children well. Teach them by your life how to trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not depend on your own understanding. Acknowledge God in ALL your ways and HE WILL direct your path.

STRUGGLING WITH OUR STRUGGLES

2011-04-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

Everyone longs for a bit of excitement, something out of the ordinary to find its way into their lives. There are many substitutes available this day and age to fill the void, to feed the hunger, to occupy our time. The majority of what holds our attention and focus is what owns us. Our society operates on internet and cable services. No face to face anymore, just poor simulations that can give you a feeling that you are actually connecting with someone, but in all truth you are worlds apart and very much alone.

I am certain there are plenty of reasons why so many of us neglect making even a small effort of getting in touch with someone or sharing what is really going on in our lives. Everyone is too busy and besides it does take too much of our time to communicate and clear the air. So we struggle with our struggles and carry our burdens so long we forget they're there. We begin to believe that no amount of prayer could pull us out, we are the problem, and that there must be something we're missing.

As it turns out there is something we're missing! You cannot go forward until you stop looking back. You cannot pick something up until you put something down. Your appetites will grow as you feed them. It does not take long to form habits and to make mistakes. I think one of the biggest mistakes we could make is to ignore God's word that instructs us clearly to take hold of Him if we want to grow, and dump the worthless dirt of despair that causes us to see things from a wrong perspective.

Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings,

As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:
If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious. (I Peter 2)

TIME DEVOTED

2011-04-03T22:47:00.000-07:00

When all the noise and chaos stops, then what do you got? When you cease to live for the approval of others and are no longer in competition with the best of them... suddenly you've got more time on your hands.

It seems it is always a good time to reflect, review, and acknowledge what could be stealing precious time and resources and keeping us from being devoted to who and what really matters.

The WORD of GOD and PRAYER.

“The poor and needy search for water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst.

But I the LORD will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. (Isaiah 41:17)

IF WE WOULD DARE TO ADMIT IT, we are the poor and needy. We all need prayer and immediate assistance and direction and help even just to call on the name of Jesus, or pick up His Word daily. Pray for me to spend time as I should, not neglecting the little things.

HOLD ON JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER

2011-03-26T17:54:00.000-07:00

What would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living! WAIT FOR and HOPE FOR and EXPECT THE LORD; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, WAIT FOR and HOPE FOR and EXPECT THE LORD. PS 27:13, 14

BETTER OR WORSE

2011-03-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

Strange how easy some females think nothing of being critical, accusing, and complaining about the one they vowed to take for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death separate them. That sort of ugliness would kill anybody. What would prompt you to think his passion and desire should flourish towards you in that kind of vomitis environment? Fault finding, name dropping, nagging and harassing him until he can hardly see straight. You expect him to rise above your slander...lavish you with gifts, praise, and kindness? WOE WHOA LADY!

You cannot plant weeds and expect delicious fruit to grow. Silence your foolishness, get control of your cold heart and bitter tongue. The very one you resent, disrespect, and treat with contempt is the man that you once could not live without and would do anything for...until the day you changed your mind. You are out of order.

God has designed creation in a certain order. The head and high priest of your household is your husband, not you. You are not the Holy Spirit. You need not attempt to convict him of sin, correct him, or examine him daily. Examine yourself. Realize the spirit in which you are speaking evil of him. Get control of yourself. Seek God instead of trying to fix another human being. Ask God to heal you, change you, and give you some heavenly perspective. So that you build your husband up instead of tearing him down. When you bless him, you bless yourself. When you curse him, you curse yourself.

LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE of wrongs. Stop keeping a mental list of every mistake he's made. What if God treated you and dealt with you in the way that you so harshly and oppressively deal with him? The mercy you do not give is the mercy you do not get.

God is big enough to discipline, correct, admonish, and get to the very heart of the matter in you and your husband. He most likely will not deal with you both in the same way so stop wasting time trying to figure it all out. Save your energy and commit all things to the One who created you both.

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/the-peasant-princess/the-little-foxes

'Woe is me' mentality only drives the other person into the desert. It does nothing for your marriage. Please take some time to listen to this Peasant to Princess series and encourage yourself in right thinking. Repent for where you have erred and forget what is behind and press on! Let the LAW OF KINDNESS be in your mouth...honor the Lord with your words and attitudes and choices. There is victory in the Lord.

LAST CALL

2011-03-11T23:58:00.000-08:00

Last call. No more time to figure out the future. Are you ready to lose everything that you may be found in Him? Eternity is knocking at the door. What are you doing with the time that you have been given? Where is your treasure?

In a moment nothing will be the same. Everything that can be shaken will be shaken. It is of utmost importance that you make knowing God's Word a priority in your life. Really knowing Him. Really listening. Truly obeying. Genuinely, deeply loving others.

This could very well be the LAST CALL to surrender all to Jesus. He alone is the anchor for our souls. If we do not have Him, we have nothing. If we do not know Him, we know nothing. Praying you return to the Lord with all your heart and do what He first told you to do. If you are reading this note, it is not too late.

Repent. Obey. This could be the day that our King returns. Last call. The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. I Peter 4:7

DARE TO HOPE

2011-03-04T12:06:00.000-08:00

BLESSED IS THE MAN THAT TRUST IN THE LORD, WHOSE HOPE THE LORD IS. Jeremiah 17:7

As my Mom has pointed out too many folks have been drinking the koolaid. The blood of Jesus has cleansed us and redeemed us and healed us. The Word of God alone is what each of us needs. Not all these other things that you can buy, try, wheel and deal, drink, or eat. Putting your trust in anything more than the Living Eternal God is a mistake.

It is awfully encouraging to reflect on the Word of God as our answer. The Woman at the well, the blind man, the woman with an issue of blood (spent all she had and still no cure until her faith made her whole), Elijah and the woman and boy who trusted God with the jars of oil who never seemed to run empty. History proves the Lord glorifies himself in circumstances that are definetely too difficult for the human mind to figure out.

Dare to hope...

DO WHAT YOU SAY

2011-02-11T23:39:00.000-08:00

If we avoid professing the truth of what we believe for fear it might put ourselves on rejections path or if we value the temporary approval of dirt over the living, eternal Word of God...Houston is not the only one with a problem. Can you spell danger? Wishy washy. Passivity. Mmm just whatever. Carelessness. Not hot. Not cold. Who cares? It doesn't matter or so it might seem harmless for a time. In the end, when time runs out, your choices will matter much. Your attitude will arrive at it's destination, I promise.

If you often find yourself around those who have a form of godliness, but zero demonstration of its power... I do not care where you met these people - I'd be taking a long hike in the opposite direction if I were you. Fear grows there. Constant confusion. Misunderstanding. Posers. Pretenders. Religious, controlling spirits. Manipulation. Deception so deceptive you could hardly see it for what it is.

If you do not cling to the pure WORD OF GOD and call on Jesus, you will find yourself absorbed in meaningless nothing and too busy to pray or discern anything at all. The church and the world are full of all 'basically good people' that may not realize they are wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked without the mirror of God's word to reveal the simple truth. Every one of us need to confess with our mouths and believe in our hearts that JESUS IS LORD. (Romans 10:9,10) And once we believe, we must live what we say we believe.

Words are plentiful. Actions are nil. Many say they love God and love others. Few prove that love with their lives. Jesus said that if you love me you will do my words. .LOVE.

When Jesus comes...He is coming for His desire, for love. For the one who knows him, desires him, is waiting and watching for Him. Anticipating the fulfillment of His promise. Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess His name. Those who believe and those who believe not. It will not matter how much community service you have performed, how many accomplishments and credentials you have gained, how many awesome people friend you on facebook, or what church you attended, or any of the other seemingly relative possibilities. There is no salvation outside or aside from the Saviour. You either freely receive the perfect sacrafice made for you (The blood of the Lamb) or you reject it. Both have certain outcomes.

Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. Psalm 97.10

2011-01-27T22:17:00.001-08:00

DIVINE ORDER

2011-01-26T00:21:00.000-08:00

Praise God for His word! Without His word we are lost. Without the Holy Spirit we are without true discernment and understanding of His word. We might have a limited knowledge, but without the Holy Spirit enabling us we have zero power to apply the whole truth to our lives and circumstances.

I was having dinner with a friend last week. Our conversation started out with a short discussion on divine order. How necessary it is for us to grasp the simple basics of the gospel that we might know our place, and function properly as a member of the whole Body of Christ.

If you're feeling lost or overwhelmed, LOVE is a good place to start. It is a good measuring line when you are examining yourself to see if you are still in the faith.

The specific details we were tossing around over a ceasar salad was: an individual not providing for his own family. The divine order that God has set up is MAN as a husband and father, protector, provider, and head of his household. WOMAN as helper, wife and mother, caretaker, and keeper of the home.

Loving God is obeying His word. His word instructs on how He would like us to conduct our lives in this world. If we claim to have a 'ministry,' but do not obey His words (like providing for our own family members when there is a need or honoring and respecting the authority that God has given a man or loving your wife)...we negate and make worthless any possibility for ministering.

We must not rely on others to do what we should be doing ourselves. It is not someone else' responsibility to provide for you or your family. It is not alright to have occasional attitude problems and be unkind to your husband. It is not acceptable to ignore your wife just because you would rather not deal with the issues. Why on earth would you expect your children to have right behaviour and great manners and all the right responses; when you do not take the trouble of training them or bother exemplifying right behaviour yourself?

The Word of God encourages us to work with our hands, to lead quiet lives, and to work so that we have some left over to give to those in need. It teaches us to train ourselves for godliness. To do all as unto the King. That in this life we will have hardship and difficulty...but we can take heart, HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD! You want something divine in your life? Follow God's word and experience the freedom that comes from simply obeying His word. Doing what God says will bring divine order to your life.

OLD FASHION

2011-01-17T16:48:00.000-08:00

Old fashion thoughtfulness. Why is it so touching to see a younger person move out of the way or be considerate to someone twice their age? Why is it so rare to ever see a gentleman open a car door for a lady? How did we get so lazy and careless? How is it that a simple Thank You can be so life changing? Little things mean alot. The way of the Kingdom can seem so old fasion and can seem like hardly anyone does that anymore. Well, are you just anyone? And there are numerous ways in this cold world to show thoughtfulness.

Old fashion kindness. Since when did kindness wear out and become unnecessary? Love is the more excellent way that never fails. Make a call. Write a letter. Show up on someone's doorstep, visit for a while. Say hello to the people next door every once in a while. Share your thoughts. BE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER and DOING SO YOU ARE FULFILLING THE LAW OF LOVE. Take a risk. Be old fashion. Influence those around you by being thoughful and kind.

YOU ARE THE GIFT

2010-12-25T13:45:00.000-08:00

I pray for each of you my Dear Friends, believing that as you read these words it will somehow make way for you to let go of all that is holding you back from going forward. Move on. Grow deeper in love. I pray that your hearts will be healed at once. Thankfully and freely receive all that our faithful Father has in mind for you as this year comes to a close and another one unfolds. He is upholding everything by the word of His power. Giving us the greatest gift of all ... HIMSELF.

Everyday is a celebration as we acknowledge the ALL KNOWING, magnificent, King of Kings and Lord of Lords who reigns on high...every circumstance of our lives must bow to His holy name. He is near. Ready to comfort and to sustain the weary, able to make whole what is broken and transform the old into new. His strong love is for you. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Start a fire. Stand still. Behold the beauty around you great and small. Light a candle. Take a walk. Feel the warmth of the sun. Throw a snowball. Write a note. Call a friend. Share your thoughts. Pour someone a cup of something hot. Realize the greatest gift that you could give is not something you could buy, but the simple treasure of just being you. Give yourself, your time, your thoughts, your presence, your life.

Brief update on me: My physical body has recovered from the accident last summer. I am able to do all and more than I was able to do before I was in the accident. The issues were all resolved with the insurance in the spring. Thank God for true friends that prayed me through the difficulties, came to visit, and took time and made the effort to ask questions. Encouraging me to remain steadfast no matter what I was temporarily feeling and regardless of what I was passing through. I earnestly thank you. My Friends, You are God's gift to me.

At the beginning of the year I visited a few friends in a couple of states briefly. I have continued to paint pieces of art, distributing them all over, and I am looking forward to how the Lord might use the gifts He has so generously given in days to come. I have spent quality time with my family for the last six months. Watching my nephews and nieces grow up and teach me all they know. I am about to be blessed with another nephew in two more months. (Noah, I cannot wait to meet you!)

Still praying for my brothers to overcome their obstacles (we all have much to overcome) and stand strong as the mighty men God has called them to be. All of my sisters continue to be the rarest, most precious jewels in my life. So thankful for each of my siblings and find that I miss them more and more each day...cherishing and looking forward to any time that we are able to share. Each of you are God's gift to me.

My mom has been my greatest example of selflessness, sacrifice and overcoming hard times. Working hard as she always has, I don't think she realize she was sick, just thought she was tired and worn out. She was very ill when I came home at the beginning of the summer. She was diagnosed with pnuemonia and cancer and given about 8-12 weeks to live. After much prayer and deciding to undergo chemo treatments...six months has passed and she is being restored daily. Yahweh is merciful! Faithful to the uttermost. You are God's gift to me Mom.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart." The Lord keeps His every word. He answers prayer, prayers from long ago. Only God knows what is truly inside each of us. There is a very good reason why He says to seek Him first. He knows what is to come. He has seen us when we were yet unborn, when we were in our mothers womb, as helpless infants, and has been companions to us as small children, never forsaking us in our teenage years, and encouraging us all along in growing up and taking one day at a time. He alone knows the end from the beginning and everything in between. In seeking our Maker we will understand what is the next step in the story He has written for our lives. Let your expectation be of Him...who does not disappoint.

Usually my updates are more detailed and lengthy, but we all need to spend less time on our computer screens and more time in the company of those we love. Speaking of...I will bring this one to a close by sharing the overflowing joy of my heart. My friend of many years, who I deeply admire and love, has recently spoken of His heart towards me. The story of God's amazing grace and mercy in both of our lives is still being revealed daily. I find it incredibly kind of the Lord to orchestrate our circumstances as He has. What an incredible gift! It is beyond exciting to let love lead, and take time to truly be thankful and realize what that means. A novel size writing might be forthcoming. It's hard to keep it all in. For now, I'll just say - so much awaits those who dare to trust in what they cannot see. Forget all the stuff you think you know and just be content to know Him more. Steer clear of anything that tries to deminish your hunger for the Lord and His word in any way.

BTW, Dylan is the name of the Warrior Knight that has my heart.

Praise Jesus name forever!! He is the God who speaks! He is the one who turns the hearts of Kings... He confides in the ones He loves. He makes himself known. He speaks of things before they come to pass. He is eternally All in All. May the God of all comfort fill you with peace and confidence enabling you to rely fully on His great faithfulness and come to the place that you need to be in your hearts and minds this season. Praying that we all fall at His feet in worship and hear Him whisper, "You are the gift." Go into all the world and tell them about our King's unfailing love.

DEAR CHILDREN OF GOD

2010-12-23T00:31:00.000-08:00

As seasons change, anxieties creep in; doubts attempt to steal your peace, and cause you to second guess your decisions…slam the door on despair! Bride of Christ be aware and alert, ever watchful, remaining & abiding in Him. Open your ears, hear what the Spirit is saying to you. Do not entertain thoughts of accusations towards one another. Speak evil of no man.

Realize who you are and the words of reconciliation that you have been entrusted with. (II Corinthians 5:17) Be reconciled one to another. Be reconciled to God. Reconcile all men unto God. Endeavor to keep the bond of peace. Forgive one another as God has forgiven you. Remember that He does not treat you as your sins deserve. That grace is not a excuse to keep on sinning, but merciful compassion that makes way for true repentance. So let’s get to it without delay!

“GIVE NO OFFENSE IN ANYTHING THAT THE MINISTRY BE NOT BLAMED.” (II Corinthians 6:3)

“Love keeps no record of wrongs.” (I Corinthians 13)

“The anger of man does not work the righteousness of God.” James 1:20

He desires truth in your innermost parts. Holding to the promises of God; cleanse yourself from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit. Ask God for wisdom on how to go about and accomplish the things that are pleasing in His sight.

The secret to abiding and remaining in Him is continual praise and thanks to God. He has given you all you need for life and godliness. If the Lord is your Sheppard, YOU SHALL NOT WANT. He leads you and guides as you are acknowledging Him in all that you are doing.

You will not have time to complain, gossip, or slander when you are focusing on giving praise and thanksgiving. Slam the door in the enemies face by not allowing your thoughts to roam. Set your mind on things above. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Resist the enemy. Talk to God; give him your burdens and concerns. Remember His faithfulness. Respond to His goodness. Give out of what God has given you.

Let God’s L O V E be the greatest in you. Ask for heavenly perspective on all of your life, circumstances, and relationships. Be confident not in your flesh, but in His compassions and mercy that fail not.

COME HEAR

2010-12-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

Look unto Jesus. Silence the critical, cynical, whispering lies that plague your mind. Step into the light. Choose to cast down doubt. Whatever the disappointment, difficulty, or day to day problem is, take it to the cross and leave it there. Come hear...

COME AND HEAR, ALL YE THAT FEAR GOD, AND I WILL DECLARE WHAT HE HATH DONE FOR MY SOUL. Ps 66:16

How can you declare what the Lord has done for your soul, if you are consumed with comparing, measuring up, and plans of how to get what you want? Too busy to realize you still have not let go of the controls? Let go. If you want to breathe, let go. If you want the headache to subside, step aside. Put the bonoculars down. Stop analyzing other peoples motives and consider your own. Be the change you want to see so bad in others.

COME UNTO ME ALL WHO ARE WEARY AND HEAVY LADEN Jesus said. Answers are waiting for you if you will take the time to COME and HEAR. Do not forget to declare what the Lord has done for your soul. Remind yourself. Remember His faithfulness. Tell others.

NOTES FROM JOHN MACARTHUR

2010-11-21T23:05:00.000-08:00

What God desires from man? How do I know what God's will is for my life? He wants you to know it, he does not hide it from you. It's not dependant upon your intuition or coincidence. The Holy Scripture is God's will.

1. God's will is that you be saved

"This is good, and pleases God our Savior, ⁴ who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." I Tim 2:3

That you embrace the Son.

God's will that you repent.

John 6:40 Believe in Him, have eternal life.

I Cor 2:9

2. God's will that you be spirit filled

Eph 5:17-20 filled with praise and thankfulness

submissive, loving, respectful, obedient

not operating in foolishness and ignorance

not be drunk with wine

controlled by the Holy Spirit and not another spirit

John 16:6 Luke 6:11 5:26

so dominated by that force, under it's complete control

alcohol is a controlling substance

Romans 8:9

Col 3:16

3. God's will that you be sanctified

sexually pure

In every way

do not compromise

not living to please yourself
but doing what is pleasing to Him and best for others

4. God's will that you be submissive

James 4 Eph 5 Hebrews 11

I Peter 2

Wives be submissive to your husbands in everything
Servants to your masters
Fathers do not provoke your children to wrath
Husbands love your wives as your very self
Submit yourselves one to another in brotherly kindness

5. God's will for us to suffer

I peter 3: 4:19 5:10

II Tim 3:12

suffer for doing what is right

humbled and strengthened

When I'm weak the I'm strong

Mature complete not lacking anything

6. God's will that we be thankful

Constantly grateful heart

overwhelmed with thankfulness

Romans 12

I Thessalonians 5

If you are walking in obedience to God's word then you can know the desires of your heart born out of obedience will be HIS WILL. Your desires, your wants are (saved, filled with His spirit, sanctified, submissive, suffering, and thankful.) given to you by the One who has given you everything you need for life and godliness. He is accomplishing His word/work inside of you.

"...I being in the way, the LORD led me..." Genesis 24:27
"Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37:4, 5

PREACH THE WORD

2010-11-12T12:50:00.000-08:00

Stand to your feet or fall to your knees, The King is coming! We all have been called to preach the Word. Temporary excuses keep us from focusing on the eternal. Somehow our intentions are like the roads that seem to always be ever 'under construction,' with signs flashing, EXPECT DELAYS. Words are plentiful these days, actions are nil. We have everything we need to accomplish the work we have been sent here to do, but we are unable to complete the task at hand because we insist on relying on our own abilities to figure things out during the technical difficulties of every day life.

Then we wonder why we got problems. The Word of God is our solution. There is nothing else. No word that is more comforting, instructive, or more sure than the Word of the Lord. Nothing else is health to our bones and to all our flesh. He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. The Father that takes us up when our parents forsake us. He knows every little detail about us, strengths and weaknesses, and still invites us to come and be with Him and find rest for our soul.

Feel far away? Too busy? Exhausted? Distracted? God has not walked away from you. God has not forsaken the work of His hands. We neglect Him, we forget Him, we turn our eyes away from Him. We exalt things and others above Him in our minds. Our actions prove what we are truly seeking and living for.

Until we come to Him and learn of Him we live in a state of unrest, confusion, anxiety, doubt, and unbelief sway our decisions. We cannot preach the Word unless we are willing to live it out first. It must be our only source of truth. The proof of God's word in us is an attitude adjustment, a character corrector, an unrelenting determination to seek and find the One whom our soul loves. Nothing else should mean so much to us, but to know we have His approval...that we are pleasing Him.

Preach the Word by the way you live your life.

AMPED

2010-11-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

I CHARGE [you] in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, Who is to judge the living and the dead, and by (in the light of) His coming and His kingdom:

Herald and preach the Word! Keep your sense of urgency [stand by, be at hand and ready], whether the opportunity seems to be favorable or unfavorable. [Whether it is convenient or inconvenient, whether it is welcome or unwelcome, you as preacher of the Word are to show people in what way their lives are wrong.] And convince them, rebuking and correcting, warning and urging and encouraging them, being unflagging and inexhaustible in patience and teaching.

For the time is coming when [people] will not tolerate (endure) sound and wholesome instruction, but, having ears itching [for something pleasing and gratifying], they will gather to themselves one teacher after another to a considerable number, chosen to satisfy their own liking and to foster the errors they hold,

And will turn aside from hearing the truth and wander off into myths and man-made fictions.

As for you, be calm and cool and steady, accept and suffer unflinchingly every hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fully perform all the duties of your ministry. II Timothy 4:1-5

DEPOSIT THIS

2010-10-24T02:32:00.000-07:00

Does your heart live or is it burried under the paperwork on your desk? Is it hiding behind all you are striving to be? Did it wave goodbye in the 9-5 of the daily grind? Does your heart live? Really live. Every day you are making a choice to use what you have been given. Are you barely hanging on? Wondering why you're here? Are you longing for something more, but fear of the unknown keeping you down? Does your heart live?

"THE MEEK SHALL EAT AND BE SATISFIED: THEY SHALL PRAISE THE LORD THAT SEEK HIM: AND YOUR HEART SHALL LIVE FOR EVER." Psalm 22:26

There is no good thing outside of Him who created all things. Alot of the frustrations we meet with on a daily basis is due mostly to our overlooking the simple truth... what we SEEK we will find.

No ones journey is the same. So maybe we should stop comparing ourselves to others. There is no one like you. God made you for His glory. Why not ask the One who made you to tell you what He was thinking when He put you together in your mother's womb. He alone knows the end from the beginning. Yet another good reason you and I should seek Him.