The UnaDater

The Return of SEXYtary!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 17:38:00 +0000

Sexytary is my super mad hot executive assistant who has gotten a raise in position and dollars since the last time you spoke to her and yet still has not let me raise her to the top like she belongs if you know what I mean!

Still married and still faithful... that is why I love her:

The following is a conversation between she and I about the return of UD and marriage!!!

UD:
read read

SEXYTARY:
i read last night on my way home
very entartaining
but something was off
it did not feel like unadater

UD:
im a little rusty

SEXYTARY:
i guess ur a lil rusty
lol
but nevertheless i did like it
i was entertained

UD:
k
rusty

SEXYTARY:
you need to come back to ny "where the vajajay is soooooo easy"
thats where you get inspired
you were soooo goood

UD:
yes yes
i mean that story was a year ago

SEXYTARY:
no its just there is something missing in the writing
it doesnt feel like UD
once a ud always a ud
u just need to come .....where UD can be himself

UD:
you just want me

SEXYTARY:
............................no.....................................u know im a married woman

UD:
2 things I have learned over the last year is.. 1. i am not a homewrecker but that doesnt mean I wont try
and 2. being married means shit

SEXYTARY:
ud?
is that you?
no seriously i still havent cheated

UD:
confession time
in the past year i have had sex with 3 married women
and one bj
probably because they knew I was from out of town and the drama would be less

SEXYTARY:
i agreee with you completely
but im just saying .....i havent done it,

UD:
i believe you

When Ken F'd Barbie

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 11:00:00 +0000

When I first set out on my magical journey across the world.. (that is over dramatic UD talk for, "when I was required for work to go to Florida,") I immediately wanted to sew my royal oats upon a palm tree, or actually splash my baby batter on some Waffle House waffles! However glancing over the scenery that will have you blinded by all the silicone headlights poking out of those itsy bitty teenie weenie, well you get the idea, I realized that all though I have the hottest shoes and the most stylish John Varvatos clothing out there I would be nothing more than a goat herder to these women without a new pair of stunning shades.

So immediately I traveled to South Beaches' high fashion district which is really in North Miami Beach and is not the famed Lincoln Road, which is just an overpriced Mexican flea market now. No friends when shopping in Miami you must go to the Bal Harbour Shops. Everything from Prada to Dolce to Louis to Cartier to Gucci and everything in between. It's probably the only place in all of Florida where you can at least feel as if you are shopping in London or dare I say NYC.

I must have tried on every name brand pair of shades I could find but nothing fit right until I got to Gucci! Gucci had the idea all along. Bold, simple, aviator, and vintage! I liked those Gucci's so much my bi-polar shopping mind forced me to go with the black and the tortoise shell.... Shit sometimes I'm a little country and sometimes I am a little rock n roll!!!

So feeling a lot more comfortable when approaching ladies in SOBE I began to see what would happen. This is where I began to drink a hell of a lot more than normal. You see in NYC I was good to go after one drink, probably had 3 numbers and still a full wallet. But, I could go on and on and on with talking to a beautiful biatch in SOBE and feeling as if I was in the clear like I would be in NYC for some sheet rockin' only to find out that:

A.) she is married
B.) she is married but her boyfriend owns the club you are at
C.) she is married to the owner of the hotel you are staying at
D.) she is really a stripper and you are actually in a strip club without even knowing it cause everything is over priced and everyone is half naked no matter where you go in SOBE
E.) yes she may be 27 and look like a model but she also has two kids and a baby daddy locked up in prison for sexually assaulitng a minor... (true story)

uhhhhh.... yeah at this point UD is thinking if only he were gay then he would have easily made his quota for the month in Florida by now... so yes I do strike out we all know that... but going O FOR A MONTH!!!! What the F!!!!????

Desperate times cause for desperate measures... so I did what any notorious serial dater would do, lowered my standards. And by that I mean I had sex with younger girls. Ok well just 1 younger girl. 18 is legal you know but I never went that far. Now 19 is all good cause you know most 19 year old girls these days have had at least 3 maybe even 5 guys and at least 1 girl. I like experience. I do not and let me say this again I DO NOT like to train girls how to have sex. You either know or you don't but I am not going to show you what to do. If you don't know what gets you off and how you like it well that is between you and god and not UD!

So our fairy tale begins where all good fairy tales should, A HOT TUB!!!! In Florida the best place to meet younger girls is in a hot tub, because the idea of being in something that you couldn't go in without adult supervision for the longest time still excites a soon to be 20 year old! So with the Gucci's on and pasty white skin I hopped into the hot tub and immediately began Operation "Standards? What Standards?"

After a few preliminary questions I.E. "are you at least 19?" I was ready to see if UD really could actually get a date in Florida! Our 19 year-old who I will call Barbie loved every moment talking to someone so cool, so mature, and more importantly someone with incredible tortoise shell Gucci sunglasses, (Did I mention they had the Gucci Crest in the middle of the frames?)

I offered to take her out, and yes to a place that was 21 and older... Please do not have me arrested for this, I know not what I do sometimes! "God I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall become one"

So after a quick little shopping spree to get her something appropiate to wear, you know something that had high quality fabric and boosted her perfect 19 year-old 34 C's right up to her neck, we were headed to a lesson on what it is like to pretend that you are a V.I.P. I really have no clue what happened between our point of entering the club and the moment our faces became glued to one another in the service elevator just before I began munching on her peach like I had never eaten a day in life. Before long our tongues never left each of our bodies and we not only did it in that elevator, we did 2 times on the ride home.

Living in NYC I was use to doing it in many weird public places in and around the city, but I had not had sex in a car since high school. Man I forgot how hot it is to fog up windows and fit into her super tight place in a well super tight place. I was soaken wet from my sweat and her legs spread so far out that her foot prints left marks on my rear window, something I refused to wash off because I am sentimental like that and I loved it whenever I would look in the rear view window at incoming traffic and be reminded of my sweet little 19 year-old sex barbie that I could fuck at all hours of the day, and sometimes twice during lunch hour!

After awhile our sweet Ken and Barbie romance ended about as fast as it began. Mainly because before long the idea of just having sex all the time was just not enough even for a sweet girl who went to community college. So when the thought of being in a relationship came up we both went our seperate ways, and I am sure she is having the time of her life with someone she will undoubtly break the heart of not too long from now when some other older more mature dude comes along and she gets the urge to act like well the way grown ups like to act if you get my idea.

As for your hero, he finally sealed the deal in Florida and was ready to see what it was like to fuck someone his own age again!

The Florida Mako Shark

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 16:30:00 +0000

If there is one thing I learned about Florida women vs. New York women (besides the obvious fact that Florida women are so much hotter, have way better bodies, are extremely tan, can eat Cheeseburgers and don't mind their innocent slaughter, and still look curvaceous in their little bikinis with nice voluptious titties, a sexy little waist and can fuck nothing you've ever seen outside a Stanley Kubric film with the exception of "A Clockwork Orange" but I digress) is the fact that they can sure use their va-jay-jay way more to their advantage than a New York cougar ever tried.

A strange, unique creature unlike any I've encountered before, the Florida woman lurks around the swamp-like infestation of South Beach nightclubs, hunting their prey with hawk-like precision for Saudi Princes who own not one Ferrari but 8 and at least 12 nightclubs. Maybe its the slow-paced life and cheap drinks that easily bought for them that keep these beauties from spreading their legs so fast. You have to admit a New York las is always on the go and does not have time to play the games when they are need of a good rogering. NYC is a go go go world and Florida is a wait for me to catch up world. So women in the sunshine state use their lack of lust for male members to be inserted inside of them way to their advantage. Or maybe they just haven't had their back side blown out yet.

Now I will say this... New York Women, you do have the most intelligent, classy, charming, debutaunte minds.. dare I say brilliant minds probably more than any other woman in the world. And I love it when it gets warm out and you really express your amazing fashion sense and ability to show skin and stay classy unlike a Florida whore who shows skin by wearing as least clothes as possible leaving nothing to the imagination, however you are not.. and i say this with only the truest intentions... you are not the sharpest with your poonany as a Florida woman is... Meaning, you give it up way too easy than a Florida girl.

Even the holiest of all gold diggers in New York, will get fucked 12 times on a Sunday morning before brunch before a Florida woman will come close to fucking once in a month.

Now of course I'm psychic and the UnaDater so I know what you're thinking. You're saying to yourself, "UD you are just bitter because you didn't get laid as much as you were use to in NYC."

Not so fast, my friends. I've definately kept to my ratio of women, I've just really lowered my standards. 18 is legal you know?

So what have we learned? Well obvbiously the FL women know the motto "the power of the pussy" more than any Fortune 500 model CEO ever will.

Women in NY may run Fortune 500 Companies, but women in Florida run men that run Fortune 500 companies.

And yes, that includes the men that live in New York, and that might even be your husband. I've got news for you-- you don't stand a chance against the Florida Va-jay-jay.

I bring to the table exhibit A-- the Upsell.

You may be asking yourself, how can a tourist destination like Florida charge $6 for a grey goose with a splash of cranberry when bars in NY charge 14... the answer.. the upsell.

When you go to an LES bar for a cheep beer-- you are always being served by a man who bartended in the 80''s who has bigger boobs than your last out-of-town 'girlfriend', who you fucked in August but still yet feel a sweet connection to, and just want to be held.

And while we are talking about the upsell let me talk about a bar in Florida. First of all, if you have a penis, there is no way you will ever serve a drink in this statie. 2nd of all, if you are just a plain Jane and do not possess the sexiest body in the whole world, or a bad tit-job, or hair that looks like a Hollywood actress.. you have no chance in holy hell of being a bartender and/or cocktail waitress in the state of Florida.

Your best bet, if you are just an everyday plain Jane, is to be a server at Applebees. Only, you'll still have to compete with the rookies who have the platinum blonde hair, super huge boobs, and amazing tan, that will leave the job in 2 months to go work in a real bar as soon as a job becomes available.

Florida waitresses just have more hustle in their bones than a Russian fresh off the boat working the diamond stage at Scores west (I am not sure about east haven't been there yet)

Sidenote: many of those Russian females specimens can be found loveplanet.ru in case I made you horny again with my talk of Russians... google translate does the trick

anyway...

So to recap the key to Florida's nightlife success is the Upsell... no attitude on these lasses.... no "I dont give a fuck if you buy another drink or not"... no no no... the hottest women in the world litterally treat you like you are somebody even when you are just a country boy in a Tommy Hilfiger shirt holding a bud light. They even give you their number and shit you didnt even have to ask! When a man in Florida goes to a bar, he is not greeted b y 1 woman, but 40 women. The service industry has new meaning down here and it starts with that beautiful waitress that makes you believe you have a chance to get into her pants only to get you to come out and buy shots and take them off her tits all night!

At this point in the post if I still have you New York and you think the Florida sun has baked my brain cells away then allow me to explain exhibit B: MTV did a Spring Break show about Makos a bar that might as well be a strip club in downtown Orlando. Here you can see our Mako Shark waitresses snatch their extremely horny male customers with their very short skirts and pink bra only uniform. "Buy a shot buy a shot, buy my whole tray!" UD bought 3 one night hehe!

An MTV producer who must have fallen into the same shark trap when he went to his bosses over at 1515 development and told them to produce a Spring Break show about how crazy Makos is with all the body shots going on. I do recommend this place if you want feel like you are in a strip club but don't want to go to one! A body shot can be almost as a good as a lap dance in the champagne room, but that all depends on the stripper you choose for the champagne room.

The World's Serial Dater

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 15:30:00 +0000

Living the life as a serious Bi-Polar serial dater is risky, true, but only because someone such as myself can not live by a certain set of rules. I.E. I like many of you currently would much rather spend all my means rather than save up on that college tuition for a little UD.

Living by no set of standards and rules gets me in more trouble than I would like to admit. Over the past year I have met my fair share of thieves, hillbillies, law enforcers, celebrities, strippers, hookers, bartenders, rappers, rockers, drinkers, beaters, delusionals, coke heads, meth addicts, sluts, bankers, welders, and everyone in between. And surprisingly enough I feel that no matter who I run into they are not any different than the person I just met a day before. Everyone has the same agenda whether they are a bum on the street or a CEO they all need the same thing. COMPANIONSHIP.

Most find companionship in many outlets, such as, alcohol, sex, robbing, drugs, banking, cooking, arresting, photographs, red carpets, beating, singing. Whatever allows these people to not feel alone is what makes them make it through the day. Sex is my drug and without I am no different than someone homeless sleeping in the cold January air of NYC.

It was one year ago that I set out to create who in my mind would be a superhero to all. A man with flaws sure but could finally express himself without having to wear a mask. A man you could live vicariously through, someone that would not be afraid to make the mistakes you don't want to make and the risk you refuse to take. Someone that will not be scared of all the fears created by the media and someone who could care less if the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. I wanted to be real and fantasy all in its own and I want you to be able to feel what I have been feeling all the way.

But, was I truly this person, or was I only someone who would wake up only to come up with his next story for a blog. In order to be credible I had to prove to myself that I could be your hero without having to do it just for the sake of writing about it. I had to live it as if it was everyday life for me, and after a year of going through this I know three things; I am truly the real and everlasting UnaDater, I am flat broke and busted, and I am 30lbs heavier!

So on my year anniversary I will set out to bring back the world you and your friends want for yourself but are not willing to make the sacrifices that being a manic serial dater requires.

I not only went on a sexcapade around the country but around the world only to have a new story for you each day, and as I lay in my bed in San Jose, Costa Rica with a woman who looks exactly as I want all my women to look like naked laying right next to me I can only think of one thing I want to do, fuck her brains out for the 5th time in 8 hours!!!!

I'm BAAAAAACKKK!!!

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Sat, 31 May 2008 23:30:00 +0000

"Where have you been Unadater?"

Ask so many of you each and every day.

No matter how many times I'm desired, I can never get over myself enough to actually complete a full sabbatical to the Dhali Lama.

I need stimulus. I need activity. I need movies. I need Poonany.

Even the kind that's violent.

I need my Gold Calculator Watch AAAND my Amazing Gucci Black and Tortosie Shell Sunglasses.

I love flip-flops more than ever.

Yes, I've been in Florida, and no, my heart did not miss you... But I am so honored that so many of you have missed me.

Most New Yorkers cannot understand Florida. They think its boring. They think there's nothing that Florida can actually add to the excitement that is the Big Apple. They think it's full of pastel colors and beautiful sunsets and old people who couldn't care less about how much they weigh.

New Yorkers... I've got news for you. There are more old people, more-physically fit, than most bankers you'll find in Wall Street.. and their beautiful leathery skin... and there's enough Viagra floating around so that yacht boat sex is made possible throughout the Intercoastals while sweet-sipping on Mojitos. With fresh Mint, of course.

Florida is... Heaven. New York is... the Gate that Leads to Heaven.

Or maybe... that place in-between purgatory in Divine Comedy.

Anyways, I'm back. I landed at approx 2:05, Friday, May 30th at LaGuardia's Airport.

New York.. I may not have missed you, but believe me when I say this.. the 3 month spring break that I endured has given me, beyond all reasonable doubt, the strength to continue on, in mass quantities, my extreme, sociopathic.. compulsive.. manic spending, serial-dating ways. Especially now that I have a super-hot tan, even bigger muscles... and, have I mentioned my Gucci's-- both black and tortoise-shell... and an abundance of flip-flops.

You may wonder, "Why is he so cocky and not glorifying his journey home?"

Well. I just wanted you to remember just who you are dealing with here.... I am not a hero-- I am an anti-hero.

I am not someone you worship like Carrie Bradshaw--- I'm someone who Fucks Carrie Bradshaw.

I am somebody who wants to have Anal Sex with Carrie Bradshaw.. though I don't think she's ever had it. But I know that other Whore has.. what's her name? Tabitha?

And you know the redhead has-- Because all redheads have had anal sex.

SOOOO I just want you to know that I'm back.. not really.. well no, I did want you to know that I'm back

And don't worry-- plenty of Spring Break stories to come.

I just need to have my scar marks on my back healed. (Note to self: never have sex with a violent, kinky girl named after one of the 50 states when you have a sunburn on your back and have one of your friends play golf with her the next day. She might fall in love.. and stalk you.)

Oh how I miss Florida already.

UD in SOBE for Spring Break

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:22:00 +0000

Where have you been UD? We miss you! Wish I could say the same, but I have to be real honest here, as I always am, I am in freaking South Miami Beach, and I do not miss anything that has to do with cold and snow and leafless trees, and that means the people who live in that atmosphere either!

Now normally Spring Breaks are a week and sometimes two, but I do nothing in moderation and I am going to be spending at least a good 3 months on Spring Break. I mean if god intended all of you to spend a week off in March once a year he would have called it One Week in March Break. No, it's Spring Break! SPRING BREAK!

SPPPPPPPRING BREAK!!!

Take the entire Spring off, thats what I do. So here I am in a condo on South Beach overlooking the Atlantic sitting out on the balcony feeling the breeze in 78 degree weather!

Now I will admit after going out last night and seeing the beautiful skin of all of Miami's finest I am a bit overwhelmed. It might take me a day or two to adjust but never fear I already got my first number today while shopping for new sun glasses at Gucci in Bal Harbour Shops. The beautiful blonde showing off her incredible assets while hypnotizing me with her deep blue eyes slipped me her card and wrote her phone number on the back without me asking! Of course she also managed to get me to buy not one but two pairs of Gucci glasses. I'm gemini we know and honestly sometimes I am a little bit country, but fuck it sometimes I am a little bit rock n roll!

I have a disease!!!!!

WHO CARES! I'm in South Beach now!!!

So here New York City's most notorious serial dater is now NYC's and Miami's most notorious SD!!!

The Thoughts of SEXYtary

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:33:00 +0000

UD:
Good morninggggggggg

SEXYtary:
Good morning
You are soooo sweet writing about me in your blog

UD:
The people demand it
They love you
How do you feel about that?

SEXYtary:
It feels good, very good
Hehe

UD:
We have to have weekly dialogue on the blog
Today it is your thoughts on women that don't cuss

SEXYtary:
Lolz
I don't know any except my mom and I cannot hate on my mama

UD:
Is your mom freaky?

SEXYtary:
Ewwww
No my mom is not freaky

UD:
But you are suggesting that if a girl doesn't cuss she deserves hating on correct?

SEXYtary:
No actually
I would think she comes from a good background and that's like wifey material, or psycho material lol
Actually, I don't know it's confusing
I never met a person who refuses cuss
I wouldn't like someone who is so fuckin uptight
I mean nowadays kids cuss at like 5
Even being called a bitch is no longer offensive to a woman
Hey look at Myspace every other bitch is proud to be a bitch
And someone who does not cuss would be just fuckin weird
But then again I don't exactly attend royal dinners either

UD:
This is why I'm in love with you...

Who Do You THINK UnaDater Looks Like?

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 14:01:00 +0000

I'm curious to see who the blogosphere actually believes the UnaDater looks like.

Send me a link to someone you have in your head that I might look like and I will post them in a follow up blog tomorrow!!!!

Annnnnd I will even post a photo of someone I feel I look like!

Have fun, can't wait to see what you people think!!!

Kind regards,
UD

send your emails to una.dater@gmail.com

Never Trust A Tiger Who Doesn't Curse

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:42:00 +0000

So I met Leopard Print Kitty Kat on Tuesday at Fig and Olive on Lexington between 62nd and 63rd. For the first time since I could remember my date was actually waiting for me rather than me showing up on time and having to wait patiently another 20 minutes or so for my date to arrive. As I walked in I saw her big curly hair sitting at the bar and noticed her bright orange sleeveless halter top that I believe the whole restaurant was aware of. She has great arms and obviously works out, and once again I was excited by the fact that she was willing to show some skin on a cold rainy night.

But then we get to talking, well she more than me, and I find a sweet wholesome family girl who lives with both of her sisters in a beautiful Upper East Side pad. For the most part this Italian beauty from Pennsylvania grew up surrounded by great food and family in a suburban atmosphere. Despite what she was wearing she came off as wholesome and not much of a closet freak that I would hope she would be. She seemed genuine and pure and sure she had dated here and there but men do not seem to be a necessity in this independent household cat.

I love conversations about family and small towns because I too share a great deal of affection for my immediate family and come from a small town as well. So rather than me undress the tiger with my eyes I found myself looking actually into her eyes and listening to the worlds coming out of her mouth. Very proper, very poised, very sincere and honest, and yes no cuss words.

How do I feel about a woman who doesn't cuss? All women cuss, all women have a naughty side, but not this persian cat. She is truly genuine and honest and that scares me. I dated someone like her before and even though we slept with each other within a week of our first date the sex was awful. I had to teach her basically how to enjoy herself during sex and that will instantly turn me off.

It is not all about sex for me, but it is all about GOOD wait no FUCKING AMAZING UNPREDICTABLE EXPLOSIVE sex for me. I guess I am not just looking for a full time lover, but the sex has to be great too. I can be patient when dating someone to get them in the sack if I feel they are as genuine as this tiger cub seemed to be, but if the sex is bad there will be no chemistry.

If a woman does not cuss, then she cannot be someone who has naughty thoughts about sex when tied up in a meeting. Maybe I am wrong, I am sure she thinks about having her poonanny tickle every now and then, but that doesn't mean she can satisfy a Gemini.

She emailed me yesterday early in the morning thanking me for the wonderful time and conversation which I wholeheartedly agree. She was a delight to talk to, pleasant and charming, and loved to hear about my nephew. Who knows maybe going through a whole dinner and not thinking about how good this Lion would look on all fours and me pulling on her big brown curly hair while I break her back side out is just what I need.

But I doubt it....

In Defense of the Leopard Print

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 20:03:00 +0000

Two weeks ago while out with CFO in the Lower East Side we stopped off at some dive bar filled with the typical Saturday night crowd for the LES.

Discouraged by the lack of beautiful babies I suggested we head west mainly because I was more in the mood to show off my new Armani blazer that I was wearing that no one in Lower East Side drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon would ever admire or even notice. Also I might add have you ever noticed the lack of sexy bartenders in the Lower East Side? For the most part it is old dudes who have been buying weed in LES for decades are the bartenders these days, and that just does not whet my palate.

With my coat on I am prepared to walk out when I see the extinct animal sitting waiting patiently at the bar. Her tight little behind was covered interestedly enough by leopard print shorts which were covering her black fishnet stockings! Immediately turned on by her wild curly hair and her great legs she decided to show off in the cold I immediately picked up her phermones and realized this kitty was on the prowl.

Noticing that the bald arrogant 50-year-old bartender was not paying attention to my pussy cat I walked up to assist her. Shocked by how not busy he was and how he refused to acknowledge her I began playing good cop bad cop by making her out to be the sweet good one and myself the big fucking ass hole.

We exchanged pleasantries in which he did not find so pleasant and before I knew it, Max the big black bouncer was escorting me out. Remember we were leaving anyway.

Seeing my beautiful cat woman sadden by the fact that I got thrown out defending her honor I knew I had a fast track to her number. I motioned to CFO to go back in there with my incredible business card and apologize for me.

Whatever he said had to have worked because first thing Monday morning she emailed me. Within 4 email exchanges we have made a date, and tonight is that date!

I have no idea if she will be nearly as hot without the leopard print shorts, but anytime a girl gets freaky on a Saturday night that is always a good thing!

Sunday Brunch With... I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 18:20:00 +0000

I have no idea who I just dated.

I can understand the confusion that my friends must feel when discussing my love life. I literally date a new girl everyday, and even I get confused and forget names. I have to put their names into my Blackberry calendar on the date we went out and where we went just so I can go back and text them the next day without forgetting who they are.

But yesterday I meet a certain kind of woman who I go to brunch with that is sexy, confident, and I can talk to quite easily but as soon as our brunch is over I have no idea who she is or what she does or really anything about her?

Now I know what you are thinking, "he is so full of himself that he must be constantly going on and on and on about what he does and likes and blah blah that he forgets to let his date talk?" Not the case my pretties, not at all.

I know very well the importance of letting a woman talk, and how to ask questions that show my interest in my new friend especially on a first date. This girl in particular I was very intrigued with because I had been trying to go out with her for months after our initial conversation we had at the gym back in September. Yes she is that hot that I have waited that long.

I finally get her to go out with me and I have a million questions to ask her because I really am intrigued about what she does and what she brings to the table for this planet. Now it is also important to note that I have interviewed some of the biggest celebrities in the business including crazy deranged Brittney Spears before she went mental, and I never get intimidated or never allow my interviewee to divert the conversation and take over the interview. However, this girl completely did.

Before I knew it I had told her everything about me, and no matter how many times I asked what she did or why did she move to the US she would just give very vague answers and never follow them up with anything of substance. She would just turn the attention back to me, and took advantage of my love for myself and of course talking about myself!

I am actually scared off from this girl rather than attracted to her, and I feel that her sexy British accent is nothing more than a disguised voice diverting her true identity as a spy working under cover in the US to find out all our secrets. Honestly is it that far fetched, a beautiful intelligent woman as a spy? They would be the perfect spies! It's why god gave women a poonanny to begin with; to prevent men from falling to far off the scale, and keeping their sins in check.

What am I to think of this girl, really? She seems to want a relationship with someone in her life because a lot of what we talked about is what I was looking for in a significant other, but I felt more like I was on an interview for a job rather than a nice fun Sunday brunch date!

Depending on how good the benefits package is I am going to have to turn down this job offer!

Saturday Night Wingman for CFO

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 17:51:00 +0000

Sometimes you have to back off and let your entourage get the golden compass towards a woman's va-jay-jay. So on Saturday I took a break as hard as it was for me and played wingman for the evening.

I would like to think I am an excellent wingman because I can start a conversation with anyone and force the issues very bluntly without my friends having to make fools out of themselves.

CFO and myself took to the West Village stopping first off at Centro Vinoteca where my friend Anne, Sous Chef for Mario Batali, is the head chef there. The food is incredible. It's like eating all that fantastic food you dream about when you watch Iron Chef America on the Food Network. I could devour the whole menu in one night!

Having already eaten we decided just to have a digestivo which is an after dinner drink the Italians sip on after ingesting all that garlic, shellfish, and spices. Think of it as the Tums of liquor. However, it does not keep your farts down nor from stanking up the place, but it does make your belly feel better.

We moved on to the Village Tavern where we both had to take a leak. However, a super hot Jewish girl playing pool by herself as her blond French friend looked on diverted my eyes. Sacrificing my bladder for my sex organ I decided to strike up a conversation and neg her on her skills or lack there of in using the white ball to put the color balls in the holes.

Feisty and stubborn she persisted that she did not need help from moi and eventually got all the balls in. We continue to flirt and the infamous "What do you do?" question pops up. She is an accountant and audits companies, and I am like "What a coincidence, all I do is spend money and CFO counts it."

Finding out what I really do she immediately begins to offer her 2 cents on my occupation, which most people do? Actually I love it when people do that instead of just being like, "oh that’s cool." Makes me feel more important even if they are criticizing me constructively.

Having something to talk about I was able to get her away from Frenchie so CFO could talk with her. While I argued with Ms Know-It-All accountant CFO and Frenchie actually had a great conversation. Knowing that the seed has been planted we head over to a nearby club playing house music and I begin to rip up the dance floor. The girls came with.

Now girls love it, like cream their panties love it, when a guy ditches them to show off his moves on the dance floor all by himself. It shows confidence and an assertive sexiness that as a dude I am not going to just stand on the wall all night while the girls grind on one another. Naturally within 2 minutes Ms Accountant and Frenchie are on the dance floor coming out of their opinionated shells and grinding their collective booties all over my crotch. CFO joins and the party is underway.

I received the "FUCK ME" eyes from my number cruncher and immediately went in for the kiss. Knowing CFO would follow suit he closed in as well and operation make out was in full warfare.

After about of hour of sweaty sexy dancing you could see the girls beginning to fade and stated it was time for the night to end. Naturally like gentlemen CFO and myself acted as if we were leaving as well and walked the girls out. Number exchanges happened long before we began dancing so with a quick kiss a cab came by and whisked our smart girls away. Immediately the first words that CFO belted were, "Do you want to go back in?"

OF COURSE!!!

However, we noticed that the club was in fact empty and so we opted out quickly and headed to Bar 55 nearby. It too was closing down, but CFO noticed a hot little Asian sitting all alone in the corner smoking a cigarette and decided to set up camp next to her.

I bought the 3 of us shots and got the ball moving quickly by bringing up naughty topics just to see if she could be down for crazy casual sex. Insisting that she was already drunk she took the shot anyway and my warm up words did in fact excite her. She even mentioned that I need to settle down or we are going to have to get a cab before we get more shots.

Telling us she worked at an adult lingerie store I immediately asked to see her panties and to feel how soft they were. She obliged and from that point on it was all CFO.

Horny myself from her freakiness and her willingness to play the game I had to back off considerably. So I opted out of Bar 55 and cabbed it home.

The next morning I got a text from CFO at 1pm.

"She came home for a late dessert and suckle'd on my roasted pork!"

I have no idea what that means actually, but I do believe I succeeded in my duty as a wingman on Saturday night.

See I'm not all bad!

UPDATE! Challenge Moldova FINAL DAY

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:59:00 +0000

Yo Moldova can dance. Belly dance! It was mad hot. She was in this little gypsy skirt belly dancing at the gym today! Turned me on of course but also made me realize if a sexy little number is willing to do that in front everyone she is definitely nothing more than cock tease. So I officially threw in the towel and began doing my push-ups. It might take a week though. I'm already frickin sore!

You should see the FUCKING smile on Plexico's face!

Anyway... so I failed, and after the crazy wild annoying time with Russian Model that is also going to come to end, I am from this day forward swearing off all Russianesque women.

Unless SEXYtary gets a divorce!

UPDATE! Challenge Moldova Day 5

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 18:41:00 +0000

Moldova and I spoke today on the phone... I was trying to say how much I want to cook for her and have her come over to my apartment tonight, but she has to study.

zzzzzz

Girls that play hard to get suck, but I am going to be even harder to get after Tuesday! Or maybe not, this hard to get thing might actually be working on me. Whoa! The power of withholding the poonanny!

NEVER SAY DIE!!!!

My SEXYtary

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 18:18:00 +0000

Can I just say that I am thrilled that everyone loves SEXYtary as much as I do? We hit it off immediately when she first interviewed for me and showed a witty side to her that most girls hate to show upon first meeting them.

I knew we would get along right away. Our relationship is more than professional it is very good friendsessional and as much as we both fantasize equally about how amazing our alone private sexy time together would be, well hehe me more than her, I am afraid our relationship can never be more than just friendsessional.

SHE IS MARRIED!!! AND HAPPILY, I think!

I love SEXYtary very much and would break my arms and legs for her, but I do not pursue a married woman. NO WAY NO HOW!

Besides she is one of the few people who knows my true identity and I could only imagine what she must be thinking when she reads this everyday. She wouldn’t go with me if I were the last man on the earth! But that doesn't mean I won’t try nor continue to flirt with her on a daily basis!

You know you love it SEXYtary!

SEX'D IN!!!

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 16:46:00 +0000

With the sight of the first REAL snow fall, you know the type that falls in massive flakes and makes you feel like you have been whisked away to an enchanting never never world that only exist in your mind, I immediately felt the need for romance. And as no one including myself would have predicted the most romance I am receiving as of late is coming from Russian Model.

Not only did she take me to lunch on Friday and pay for the entire meal she took me back to her place for some afternoon delight that lasted until we were so tired we had no choice but to fall deeply asleep into each others arms. That kind of sex just doesn’t happen everyday. The kind that you just never want to end and you continue to just go with the flow until your body absolutely shuts down.

I know it was the weather because honestly there is nothing more that can charge a sexual desire than the snow. So for the kids who got to experience a snow day yesterday, myself and Russian Model had ourselves a sex day!!!

Once you glance upon this Russian beauty naked it is honestly easy to see why my manhood could last a full day of sexual pleasure with her. She is tall, and has such great presence; she has curves like you wouldn't believe. An incredible petite yet round ass that your hands grab a hold of and won’t let go. A perfectly shaped rounded 36 c breast that my mouth sucked continuously on for hours as if I was once again a baby feeding on my mother's teat. She is so nurturing and soft and sweet that making love to her is easy and caring. She can squirt a load so fast out of her poonanny and then make you cum yourself 8 times in one day. She is a sex goddess and I worshiped her on this day of white fluffy snow.

I worshiped her body I fucked her delightedly and I plugged my ears every time she tried to talk. Our kisses were magnetic and soft, and helped prevent her from speaking at all to me. When she wanted to say her weirdness, I simply put my mouth in an area that would prevent her from putting together a complete thought.

Going down on her is not something I enjoy to do on all women but there is something about the shape and softness of her pussy that my mouth is addicted to her peach. I suck on it for an hour and my jaw does not once feel tired. She has the most intense orgasms and a scream so loud that my picture frames crack and my cock grows another inch. Her Russian while she yells is poetic and my baby batter washes her down, soaks her and puts out her fire.

It was a day of nothing but raw sex, movies, talk shows, munchies, delivery from the best invention since the air conditioner and that is SEAMLESSWEB.COM, and more sex. I can only imagine how her pussy must feel after getting pounded to death continuously while she walks the runway today.

The snow turned to rain and the powder to slush, and yet another day is upon us. Walking today won't feel as magical, the coldness in the air will once again hurt your skin, but no matter what I am still horny and thinking about the beautiful girl from my gym that wants to have dinner tomorrow.

And so the life of a Serial Dater continues.

UPDATE: Challenge Moldova Day 3

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 18:45:00 +0000

With 4 more days to go, a booked up schedule, and only 43 bucks left I am beginning to feel as if Plexico is going to win this Months challenge.

At stake 500 push-ups in an hour (yeah right) and lunch w/ a smoothie from Jamba Juice.

Saw Moldova today at the gym and she was frantically in a hurry. She had to get to a chiroprator because she pulled a muscle in her right shoulder which by the way was the basis for her excuse of me slaughtering her in bowling the other day.

She ran off and I kissed her goodbye on her hand and she blushed.

She says she will call me later....

Meanwhile I have a lunch date right now at Barbounia, and I am going to a concert tonight.

Moldova is fading fast... I must regain momentum!

Stay tuned... wish me luck...

When the Moon turns Russian Red.

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:58:00 +0000

Something in the Moon

I think there must have been some sort of weird thingy going on with the moon last night because not only was I like a poodle in heat it seems that every girl last night was too. At about 630 my phone rang and of course it was Russian Model. She was concerned that something might have happened to me because not only for the past 5 days had I not been returning her calls or texts but after she emailed me I decided hmm maybe this girl is starting to realize what it will take to keep me in her heart and that’s screw me until the skin literally comes off my dick. So I email her back and played the, "I thought I told you I was going to be in London this week?" card.

Relieved to know that not only I am still talking to her she was also happy to know that I was out of the country and had no communication to the US. Wow, wait a minute that sounds like a dream!!! Maybe I should try that someday! Anyway so I answer sounding excited to hear from her. With the way she was talking its as if I could see her thighs getting soaked with the sound of my voice and her pussy convulsing to the point that I could have made her cum over the phone without her touching herself.

I know this because she did the, "let me call you back thingamajig," and when a girl does that it means you have gotten them so hot that she has to either rub one out and she is too embarrassed to do it over the phone, or she has to go compose herself in a cold shower and wash off the stickiness from her thighs. Or she had diarrhea, which is entirely possible. Or all of the above!

Either way in the time it took her to call me back, an old flame who I am probably still in love with talked on the phone with me. She is from my college days and sadly we never hooked up, probably because I was such a virgin UnaDater back then. I think I knew dick goes into vagina, and what 69 was and that is about it. Why do we enjoy 69 by the way? I mean don’t get me wrong the idea of a girl sitting on my face so that I can suck her like a stranded survivor on a desert island sucking coconut milk out of coconut while getting my dick inhaled sounds incredible but in the end the execution never seems to pan out correctly. But I digress.

So I rekindle the flame with the old wick and still find myself excited today that even though its been like 5 or more years that neither of us are trading pictures of our 2 year old named Demetrius or some other name that is not cliché! Hmmm one never knows what the future holds.

Ok the weird part is the number of text I got while on the phone with her.

Russian Model, "I miss you so muchhhhh"

Moldova, "What are you doing tonight?"

Steak Girl, "I'm studying, but I need a break! What are you doing tonight?"

Dominican, "Yes Papi"

Russian Model: "I wish I was with you."

Trannie, "I can not take it anymore the operation will be Monday, please tell me you will still love me?"

Uhhh wait a minute!

Lucy Lingerie, "I really need to fuck a young bitch, tonight!"

CEO Friends with Bens, "Hi honey, I am in my robe thinking about you and lotion, when are we going to play again?"

Even my BFF, "Do you have any chick flicks at your house if I come over?"

So while on the phone I had to text back a few, and I realized that Russian Model is passionately horny and not nearly as moody as she normally that tonight be the best night to F-U-C-KKKKKKKK.

So I begin planting the seed for her to come over, and even though her divaness ways forbid her from traveling to Brooklyn she contemplated doing so in a cab that I informed her would only be a 10-minute ride. Thrilled and excited by this, she then pulls the but I am in my sweats which excited me because I seriously love it when a girl who is always dressed up dresses down and wear no make up.

Seeing that I might lose her I get off the phone with my true love in Green Bay and call her up immediately. At this moment I use the M&M line, you know one that melts in your mouth not in your hand. I tell her that you know that feeling when you just get off a plane and you are looking for someone to hug immediately because you are so happy to be home. She says yeah she hates it when no one is there to pick her up, and I said well you are that person. I want to bear hug you so bad right now. Feel your warmth.

She was over in 15 minutes…

Soon after our faces were sucking each other and I actually felt the need to wanna suck her pussy, and I did until she came. It took a little bit but I was so excited and happy to be feeling her soft lips in my mouth and she tasted clean and fresh that I did not want to stop. Of course now she knows I am definitely the boss making her cum through oral.

She goes for my cock and I love it when a girl grabs her hair whips it around her head and takes her hand to hold it up and then gives you that stare right into you eye as she takes all 7 and half inches of you in her mouth and deep throats it. She does this 5 times and on the 5th she gags and spits it all over my cock. She then begins to jack me off hard while sucking my head. She gets violent and demands for me to cum all over her face. I loved it. The best head I have gotten since I broke up with MY FUTURE WIFE a year ago.

I came all over her face and she licked it like her favorite ice cream.

Feeling relieved that I had finally conquered Russian model I began to sit back and relax and look up at the ceiling, only to be reminded why I canceled my subscriptions in the first place.

"Don’t you think you should have better artwork on your walls rather than these watercolors?" BITCHHHHH those are pictures my nephew did that I molded into a frame art thingy, and I love it!

Annoyed again I role over and she falls asleep knowing she has to be up mad early for a photo shoot in the morning. I am happy to hear this because I am convinced I do not want to fuck her in the morning!

It was a wild evening and I was left wondering what came over me. Why the F did I want Russian Model to come over and not someone else. Only to see that there was a Full Lunar Eclipse which obviously makes women turn into tiny ants in search of a sugar cube.

It even makes sense to hear that the clubs were empty last night as CFO texted me during my oral sesh. Every girl who had a man was getting that magnetic pull towards sexy time that only a lunar eclipse could produce!

So my question is, how many people actually had wild crazy unforgettable unexplainable sex last night, and did things you would not normally do?

If you are feeling guilty this morning because you licked your boyfriends ass all night and maybe if you are a dude your ass hole it sorer than usual, no worries.

Just blame it on the man in the moon!

Bowling for Moldova

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 18:08:00 +0000

"I hate it. You are so much like me. You use all my tricks and I know why you do them," My Moldovian Beauty shouted out loud to me during our 7 hours of fun in the Union Square area!

So last night believe it or not was a lot of fun! First we went bowling at Bowlmor on 12th and University! Now I love bowling, especially when on a first date with a girl. Bowling is an excellent way to really get to know someone and let your charm and personality shine. Plus you can flirt constantly and put your hands all over your date if she is truly interested. I was able to touch her all over and I could slowly feel her loosening up to me. However, she is a strong Gemini and the force is equally strong in her. Just when you could see her melting her powers would quickly come back.

The problem with bowling in the big city is that when you are dating on a budget Bowlmor is the most over hyped over priced place in New York City! 10 buck a game!!!! Sweet Jesus!!!! We played 4 games and that actually equals 8 total so yeah um that was 80 bucks!!!! FUCKKKKKK!

I only have $120 to go. Of course she didn't offer once to pay for the game, which I would have let her for challenge purposes only. She wanted to hang out more, and she actually couldn't believe it so we went to eat at this raw food vegan place... FUCK again! God help me. She is not a vegan, but she is into raw foods lately. She is a trainer after all. I managed to appetize myself with enough broccoli and cauliflower to satisfy for our next big adventure, A CHICK FLICK!!!

We saw "Definitely Maybe" with Isla Fisher (RARRRR) and Ryan Reynolds! I actually like this movie. It was a good story and you always need a good story once in awhile. Plus the whole time Moldova had her head on my shoulder and held my hand and let me caress her inner thigh. Suddenly bird start to appear and chirp and the sun is shining bright. UHHHH relax UD, breath, and breath!
Still wanting to hang out with the overly funny charming cute guy that has flirted with her for months at the gym, Moldova now wants to go into Virgin Megastore and pick up some cds. Now I know a lot about music and so I had to make the perfect choices for her. Remember she has only lived in this country for 3 years so I had to get her caught up on a lot. You can see she liked to rock out so I suggested Linkin Park's newest and pussiest album Minutes To Midnight so she can see what everyone that is not a music snob is buying. Linkin Park is after all the highest selling band of this decade I shit you not. So that was a mainstream way of warming her up. Then I went right for The Police. As much as I wanted to get her Synchronicity, I thought it would be best just to get The Best of The Police. Then of course she needed what I feel are the 2 only good albums to come out in the last 5 months. Kanye's (fellow Gemini) The Graduation and Lupe Fiasco's The Cool! I wanted to go with Radiohead Ok Computer but I know she is not ready for that yet, so I went for Prince Purple Rain which I can still listen to for 3 days straight all the way through! One of the greatest albums of all time!!!!

Ok now really bonding and laughing and having a blast at this point I had to keep in mind the mission at hand. Now knowing I have a week to get the booty I was not going to force that tonight, and after dinner and movie my $200 budget is now at $70. But she definitely became more than just a challenge, she was becoming someone I could see myself spending weekends with romping in every position around the house and maybe even in the bathrooms at the places we eat.

It was time to call it a night I thought so I pushed her up to the check out line, and now awkward moment of the night. Bitch really thought I was going to pay for these. I was like hell no! You haven't even made out with me yet and you want me to buy you things.

SEXYtary was not least bit surprised… you can see from our conversation this morning below:

UNADATER:
Hey SEXYtary?
How do you sleep with a hard to get russianesque girl that likes you and you turn her on?

SEXYtary
Money$$$$$$$
Way over the budget

UNADATER:
I knew it
At the end of the night she took me to Virgin Megastore
And was like I need cds

SEXYtary
Typical

UNADATER:
When we got to cash register she thought I was going to pay
When I didn't she did not get any
It was awkward and ended the night weird

SEXYtary
Ewwww
I know girls like that, how stupid did she feel

UNADATER:
Guess Plexico was right

SEXYtary
She's under the impression you have $$$$$$$$$-a lot?

UNADATER:
Yah
Either way I didn't buy her thank god

SEXYtary
Well ... she might be really in to real you, but chances are-sorry she wants to milk you
And not in the way you're thinking

UNADATER:
Guess the challenge will fail

SEXYtary
She thinks you are a big timer with a lot of money and she is thinking why fuck him just cuz he makes me laugh and i like him
Ill milk him for money, hmm ill start with the small things test

UNADATER:
So I have 5 days left...
And about 60 bucks
What are my odds?

SEXYtary
Well ...i honestly don't know, after the Cd story I'm 99%percent sure she's one of those (take me to dinner, with champagne, shopping, some shit for my house, and then to a really nice hotel and then ill put out)

UNADATER:
Well the challenge will continue

SEXYtary
With 60$ i hope she likes McDonalds

My mom has a friend that does that all the time
I mean the lady is like 40 something but she would test every potential "milkshake" she calls them
She kept saying I use all her tricks but they won't work because she know why I do them

UNADATER:
See now you are just motivating me to not fall and fuck

SEXYtary
YOU ARE THE UNADATER
Now get the fuck up and go Date

But I like her, I like the way she plays hard to get, and then wilts from my charm.

Honestly she is more than just dateable and fuckable, she is long termable, but there is a negative side to her that I find appealing but also equally unappealing.

Hmmm this is definitely going to get interesting...

A woman who appreciates the finer things in life and likes to be spoiled always turns me on.

Maybe that is why I am in therapy!

5 days left in Challenge Moldovian
Money left: $46.29

Hahahaha... you win some you lose some

UPDATE! Challenge Moldovian

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:27:00 +0000

I have secured a date with the Moldovian Trainer tonight at 5pm!

We are going Bowling and I am going to slaughter on the lanes!!!!

Stay tuned! Live blogging for sure!

Last Night Over A Steak Dinner

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 18:46:00 +0000

Don't you hate it when you connect with someone emotionally, talk about sex with them and find they are exactly like you sexually, and finish each others sentences religiously and yet this one person is not attracted to you!?

This happen to the UnaDater last night while he was inhaling his perfectly cooked Rib Eye at B. L. T. Prime probably the best place in all the city to get a steak without all the fine dining hassle. Anyway, no matter how amazing our time was and how many times I reiterated how incredible sleeping together would be she insisted that we are just friends and we are not sleeping together.

In typical UD style I simply said, Never say never. She agreed!

God please grant this lass with enough ounce of pleasure from me!!! I will treat her good I swear, or at least as good as she wants to be treated!!!

ps: She is by the far the hottest woman I have ever been around and yes that has a big something to do with this comment

3rd Week of the Month Challenge!

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:34:00 +0000

Feel free to play along at home if you like!

Its officially the 3rd week of February and every month on the 3rd week I am issued a challenge from Plexico my trainer and head of my security.

This week's challenge involves a young Moldovian trainer who as luck would have it shares the same Gemini birthday as me. Ok people who share the same birthday and finding a connection to that certain someone is relatively easy for most, however a Gemini is next to impossible!

But if one thing is for sure its that she is probably a female UnaDater, and has the same whacked out cravings and sexual desires as your favorite male serial dater.

Plexico wants me to not just date her this week, but hook up with her, and engage in sexual acts with her more than once. That is not really the challenge. The true challenge comes with his final stipulation. I have to do it on a budget. I have to do it without spending more than $200.00. That will include cab fares, dinners, sex toys, and an std test.

As it turns out our 20-year-old Moldovian gang bang trainer has had her fair share of men from the gym, including her 50 year-old sugar daddy and a latin trainer who I thought was gay. She like most from that part of the world are money hungry biznatchies and truly want to enjoy the finer things in life not necessarily the finest cock!

But I like having a budget, the only problem is I really want to turn this trainer hoe out like never before so I might go over budget because I am manic and have no limits!

Plexico: "Your Challenge will begin in 3, 2, 1, GO!!!"

Stay tuned!

Hi Lindsay, It's The UnaDater

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 22:34:00 +0000

Greetings Ms Lohan,

You know me as someone else but now more people know me as The UnaDater! We met briefly when you were on my show and still just 16, blonde and looking like you were 14. You talked in the hallway about what club you were going to while standing next to Kelly Osbourne. You scored coke from one of the PAs on the show and Kelly had already done 3 bumps of it in the Green Room. I remember you asking me where is the Victoria Secret in Soho, because you were excited to see your BF at the time Wilmer Valderama. You were so innocent then!

Of course our paths have gone differently. I am now New York City's most notorious Serial Dater, and you are Hollywood's most notorious alcoholic. After rehab though I am glad to see you are now choosing a new path, and one that has me once again excited to see you live and well!!! And blonde, and looking like Marilyn Monroe. And my how your body has come into its own! I have grown very exciteable to see you are looking so healthy.

When you are not playing around with boys, please give me a call. Lets start over.

Kind Regards,
UD

Happy One Night Stand Day!

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:22:00 +0000

As another Vagina Day has come and gone it is time for me to celebrate my real favorite holiday, ONE NIGHT STAND DAY or better known to the general public as President's Day. Now most hardworking soles of the female sector that do not work for the government or post office actually have to work this day, however you will always find a few call-in sick girls out of office knowing that it would not be proper to work on a day where we should be honoring our favorite president of all time.

Or it just so happens that the night before she and her single girlfriends decided to go out and have more wine than normal for a Sunday and she found herself like Pavlov's dog salivating over a man, or what women like to call "A Random," that they would normally never talk to for fear of getting hurt or played. But, after not getting any on Vagina day her pussy has been throbbing for 3 days strait and her rabbit thingamajig has not satisfied her once this weekend.

Hence it was time to feel a rocket rather than a rabbit between her legs and the guy with the shaved head and trimmed beard is decent looking enough, or "FUCKABLE," that the devil inside her mind begins to scream, "WHY THE FUCK NOT!" after all, tomorrow is sort of a holiday, right? You can always indulge yourself on holidays with an extra turkey leg, or 3 scoops of ice cream, or even a Lava Cake dessert after that sushi feast you had the night before One Night Stand Day!

So of course she will indulge herself in sex tonight. In essence, sex itself is like a Lava Cake, sweet and moist chocolate serving as the aphrodisiac, a warm and exhilarating sticky inside, and an explosive dripping of cold ice cream inserted into the warm cake that makes your mouth convulse repeatedly until you put more of that juicy bliss back in your mouth!

That is why One Night Stand Day is the best holiday ever, and what a holiday it turned out to be for our Cinderella! Not only when the clock struck midnight SEXerella became a slut maid, she did it with no inhibitions and was able to explode mercifully all over a condom covered cock on her Prince's beautiful queen size bed while riding him reverse cowgirl. She had not felt this free in months and was so excited to stain Prince Fuckables sheets with her girl cum, something he did not mind either!

Tipsy and worn out from the rocket rogering Sexerella decides to turn over put her naked ass in the air and grab her Prince's super soft down comforter and pass the fuck out!

Only to wake up at 630am feeling her new super hard broomstick cradling her ass crack and like clockwork her pussy throbs or salivates again! The sex in the morning is sweeter and more intense and quickly she remembers why she does not fuck randoms anymore. Suddenly she finds herself caught up in the moment having this "sort of" good looking stranger look deep into her eyes as she stares intensely back and she puts her hands around his strong back and begins to caress it while he gyrates ever so slowly inside of her. At that moment the emotional attachment has struck and she is no longer Sexerella she is Cinderella looking once again for her Prince Charming. Deeper and deeper the connection continues to grow. She wants to cum but wants to hold out this time so that she can have her most intense orgasm yet. She is starting to fall now for her Prince and she can feel that he loves her soft extra curvy body. To hold back the explosions she begins to name their children and then all of the sudden like clockwork the sweet passionate love became like a steamed locomotive en route out west. Painful now, Cinderella is beginning to feel like Sexerella again and has lost all her momentum for that huge O she had been saving. However, amazingly its starts creeping back and just when she starts to feel good again…. BOOOOMMMMMM he cums!

After composing himself he rips the condom off and jumps off his new dirty little slut saying, "WHOA! That was awesome babe. You hungry!? I'm gonna make some pancakes." Disgusted by the fact that the man she was naming her children with in her head 2 minutes earlier had just said the word awesome Cinderella's vagina has turned back into a dried up pumpkin and her glass slipper or panties that she willing ripped off the night before are no where to be found.

Knowing she is definitely calling in sick today she does however keep in her head that there is a chance the incredible massive orgasm her loins have built up inside of her can still come out on Presidents Day. Unfortunately, that attention Sexerella couldn't beat off with a broomstick the night before has now been solely devoted to his burnt pancakes.

And for the record, normally I do not burn pancakes so she has to understand that I was very distressed about this. I always want to impress a stranger who is in my apartment for a sleep over that I make the best breakfast ever only my mind was foggy from the two great O's I just had and perhaps the 3 glasses of wine I shared with my new friend with the nice shapely body night before who made out with me from the time it took me to get from Soho to my Billyburg pad!

I think it must have been the fact that I told her I could bench-press her a 100 times and when challenged to do so I did and managed to pop out 5. Not too shabby actually.

Anyway, here is wishing all of you a Happy One Night Stand Day!

BTW: the day is 11 hours from being over so you still have a chance to get ya some!!! You know you naughty girls want to!

It's ok today, that is why the Government and Social Workers have off today! The Government worker always needs a random day off because they are so use to fucking everyone else that they forget to fuck themselves, and of course Social Workers are fabulous lovers too because they derive sexual pleasure from helping others!

Just food for the thought on a day where you should be able to have a one-night stand quite easily!

GIRLS IT'S A HOLIDAY! IT'S OK TODAY!!!

I'm free the rest of the afternoon.

REPOST: A Chat With My SEXYtary!

noreply@blogger.com (The UnaDater) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 23:36:00 +0000

BACK BY OVERWHELMING POPULAR DEMAND!!!!

The following is an instant message exchange between me and my super hot, tall, blonde (AND ALSO RUSSIAN!) secretary. Who I simply call SEXYtary!

SEXYtary:
Um, r u ever coming into the office again?

UD: I think sometime in April sounds good!

SEXYtary:
Btw I had a total vagina day yesterday
No gifts flowers or anything like that and I still gave it up
R u proud of me?

UD:
Were you horny?

SEXYtary:
No I was tired beyond words

UD:
Did you let him cum within the first 30 seconds?
Or did you want it to go on

SEXYtary:
No I didn't say nothing, I was totally compliant

UD:
Oh wow
Really?

SEXYtary:
Yeah all my friends were like, what did u do what did u get
What he gave u
I told them it was vagina day not valentine's day
Lolz
Awww
But I'm kind of sad
Today I think I deserve at least flowers but its over
So I've declared February 14 the official vagina day
1. I will not expect presents
2. I will not expect flowers
3. I'll let him cum in the first 30 seconds, 3a) and I will not ask for more

UD:
God that just made me horny
And your UD boss didn't even get any last night
Just some dry humpin on the dance floor and a hot little make out session with a very sexy Jewish girl
She had nice tiggle bitties

SEXYtary:
Also I will not do my hair, my nails, shave my legs. Wear sexy lingerie, or do kinky stuff, or strip dance

UD:
Wait?
No
now you are missing the point of va jay jay day

SEXYtary:
ha!

UD:
I do not think it is right of me to know about your sex life
Considering I have yearned to be a part of it for 2 months now

SEXYtary:
lolll
I really try very very hard not to tease you

UD:
I know
It's impossible
You are sexy
Witty
Intelligent
And completely off limits
I almost forget what is like to actually want to have sex with someone
I just have sex with those who want to have sex with me
It has really not been mutual since last summer

SEXYtary:
U poor baby and yet somehow I'm jealous of your sex life

UD:
Right
See that's the point
Did you at least have fun yesterday?

SEXYtary:
Honestly nooooo
It usually requires a margarita or 2 for me to have fun
But Tony didn't give me day off, and i decided not to go to margarita Ville
So it was short sober sex with no fun
Lol

UD:
Well I prefer sober sex
But... hmmm
No fun is no good
What's the deal with your man?

SEXYtary:
2 words, securely attached

UD:
Ball and chain

SEXYtary:
That's funny I should get that tattooed
On my forehead

UD:
Nooooo
Well wait
Yeahhhhhh
Then i will never want to have sex with you again
I think

SEXYtary:
I don't know i find ball and chain sexy
And forehead tattoos are the shit right now

UD:
Russian women are really just sex slaves

SEXYtary:
Yes you pretty much got to the bottom of things
I have friend her name is mistress Victoria
And her full-time job is being mistress Victoria
I wish u would tell her that
You would have a different reaction to the word ball and chain
Lmao