The Ins & Outs of Everyday

Treasure Hunt : Chicago Apartments

2013-09-05T08:59:00.000-05:00

In Chicago you have a few options for living situations:

- Apartment

- Condo

- Single Family Home

The majority of the 20-40 somethings I know go with an apartment. It is temporary, nothing is your responsibility to fix or maintain, if you find a nut-job roommate off Craigslist you ONLY have to sleep with a knife under your pillow for one year. Water off a duck's back.

A year in, I have lived in two apartments here - The first I left because of "louse" issues. Coming from small-town Ohio, I was not prepared to shop around for the things I assumed came standard in an apartment because I never really had to - it was typically trashy, so-so or nice. I promised myself that the next time I box up and scoot into a new pad, I would be prepared and know exactly what to look for/consider & what absolutely won't work. I'm clearly not a pro but I'm one particular guy and I pride myself on having a comfortable home.

I present you with:

My Guide to Neighborhood Apartment Hunting

in Chicago

Important Terms (and what they really mean)

• Charming - Small

• Vintage - Old and probably a bit busted

• Renovated - New Microwave

• Easily Accessible - Within 1 mile

• Carpet - Run. Run away fast.

A lot of the apartments buildings here are very old. At least the structures are old. Now one of the things I do love about Chicago is that there is always a building somewhere being completely gutted and renovated beyond a new microwave or light switch cover. The masonry and architecture here is pretty much stunning as well and there are a lot of hidden treasures tucked into random nooks and crannies.

Old units, while they have their charm, come with a slew of issues with which you might not be accustomed to dealing...

Vintage

Old Pipes

Garbage disposals became more readily available in the 1940-50s but that doesn't mean they were installed or, if they were, updated in apartment buildings. Pipes gunk and close off smaller and smaller until they are almost unusable without the assistance of a plumber. Some landlords will pay for a visit and some won't. Check for a garbage disposal and know that if its not there, u need to be careful what goes down the kitchen drain. If you cook a lot, that could definitely end up an issue. I don't know about you all but those little drain catcher things that let water through but hold all the food parts... gah-ross. That totally freaks me out touching a bunch of cold, wet food nibblets. Water is always included in rent in Chicago so check how everything drains. Just pretend to use the restroom or I mean, I guess you could actually use it but they still might wonder why you turned on the sink, shower, and flushed the toilet.

Paint/Fixtures

The walls and baseboards in a vintage unit have probably been painted 100 times. Anything like a built in cabinet or old French doors will probably have that thick-with-paint look and stick whenever you open or close them. Don't expect clean lines and the paint is usually super glossy white. I mean will this affect your living situation? Not necessarily. But depending how old the building is and how it settled you can have separations between baseboards and the floor WHICH can lead to bug problems. Also, buildings in the 1950's weren't made to accommodate 6 TVs, a computer, 8 iPhone plugs, etc. There usually isn't an abundance of electrical outlets peppered throughout every room so keep that in mind when you mentally place you furniture.

Water Pressure

Water pressure issues happen more often than not. Older buildings can have TERRIBLE water pressure. Ever tried to shave or shampoo your hair on a campground and rinse off in front of a mist of needle-water from those terrible, cheap shower heads? Yea, that's what was in my new apartment and it was a complete gut/remodel. Thankfully I was able to really address the problem with a replacement shower head from Bed Bath & Beyond for about $60. This clearly doesn't affect the water from the sinks though or if you have a dishwasher or washing machine in your unit. This is another easy thing to check for when you're taking the pipes for a test drive.

Sound

Things are gonna creak. They might even rattle, bang, shebang, wiggle, and thwack. Wood floors are great for cleaning reasons but if your upstairs neighbor does... well, anything, you're probably going to hear it. Babies crying, dogs barking, sex (sounds hot in theory but you end up feeling like a fucking creep even when all you're trying to do is read the latest issue of Marie Claire). If you check out a new place in the day this is going to be a hard one to judge but if you can get in around 6ish you should be able to get a good idea of what goes on after dinner.

Careful Considerations

Location

If you don't have a car the CTA becomes your lifeline. Or is it the bane of your existence...? Either way your distance from the train will factor into your daily commute, the noise level from the tracks, your rent, and your neighborhood.

I lived very close to the tracks at first and I couldn't open my windows without hearing trains zooming by. Trains are not quiet. But I was 100ft from the entrance so I was basically home as soon as I got off the platform. When I moved I went to a location that's about a 7 min walk to the nearest platform. Doesn't seem like a lot but if you miss that one train you can be standing there for another 7 minutes and u just added 15 to your daily commute.

Most people live close to the redline followed by the brown and blue lines. Rent tends to be more expensive near the red line, being the main north to south line in Chicago #convenience. The further north and west you go the lower your rent but clearly the longer your commute to do everything centrally located off the redline.

Floor

It matters. Garden units are darker, usually have tiny windows, are more susceptible to bug infestation AND they are easier to break into. Personally I couldn't imagine feeling like I am living in someone's basement but I think the pull is that they are usually a little less expensive.

The higher up you go the hotter your unit is going to be and in a vintage building with radiator heat it can get PRETTY toasty up in there. I prefer the highest possible unit because of noise. Ever had a morbidly obese person stomp around on your ceiling at 2:30 in the morning? Yea, me too until I snatched 'em up and hung them out to dry... and by that I mean I just laid in bed and talked shit about them to myself until I passed out again.

I've had two apartment buildings and I have seen roaches in both of them on the ground levels. While roaches don't always make it up to the tip top of the buildings if they do regular, monthly spraying, you might save yourself a headache by trying to make it up as high as possible. This, of course, hinges on whether or not it's an elevator building which I'll get to in a few secs.

Phone Reception

Look at your phone. Does it work? Does it work in the bedroom but not anywhere else? Are you going to have to keep it on a window ledge to make sure you receive your texts and phone calls? The nice thing about some phones is that they enable wi-fi calling which can be a quick fix. It's nice to know this before you lie down in bed for the first time in your new place and realized your phone is basically only good for an alarm clock.

"LUXURY" Items

No, I don't mean angora stolls and crystal chandeliers. Air conditioning/Central Air, washer/dryer hookups, a dish washer, a separate kitchen/dining space and/or a kitchen with grown-up sized appliances - all examples of things you shouldn't expect to find unless you are WTP... Willing. To. Pay.

Kitchen

If your appliances are smaller some of your cookware might not fit. If you cook a lot (everyday) you could find yourself washing dishes for hours a week without a dishwasher. Walking down two floors to do laundry isn't too bad until you start losing dollar after dollar in broken machines that don't drain the water out or dryers that don't get hot... Plus you start finding random panties stuck in your pillow case which makes me a little uneasy. #bedbugs

Central Air

You nasty beast. Since when did u become reserved for the elite?! Chicago isn't always hot but when it is, expect to sweat through you sheets, take cold showers, and walk around completely naked STRICTLY out of necessity. Some buildings let u install window units and some don't. Some make u pay to have one and some will let you buy your own but schedule a time for maintenance to install it. I thought I could make it this year... I got to June 23rd and refused to go anymore.

Radiator heat comes with its own set of special characteristics too. First of all a radiator is hot so yes, you CAN burn/melt things on one. They can also bang if cold water stays in the pipes when the hot steam starts to go through it. They hiss, they make bubble sounds, they can melt your floors if the building uses laminate rather than hard wood and they can warp hard wood if they leak. Keep it in mind when ur placing furniture bc whatever is by it is gonna get warm.

I woke up once bc I rolled over and slapped my foot right on it. Just right down on it.

In Unit/Building Laundry

I would say 85% of the buildings I have seen have an in-building laundry area. That can mean a few things:

1. It's in the basement of your building and you can reach it from the interior

2. It's in the basement of your building and you can reach it from the exterior

I have been fortunate enough to live in buildings where I could walk downstairs to the laundry room which has about 3 washers and 3 dryers. More expensive buildings (closer to downtown) have larger and newer facilities where you could be looking at about 8 washers/dryers. Now if you're someone who just throws it in and forgets it, the location of the facility probably doesn't matter BUT if you're like me laundry can go a little like this:

- Haul everything downstairs and hope the washers are free.

- Load em up and then hope the washers actually fill with water after you've put in your money.

- If they fill up you have 18 minutes before you have to come back down and pour in your fabric softener (I don't care what you say - dryer sheets do NOT make your clothes soft).

- If the washer is broken and doesn't drain you get to wring everything out, put it in a laundry bag and wait to switch it into a washer that does work in another 20-25 minutes.

- Come back downstairs and switch everything into dryers. You can select the temperature setting but it's usually, in reality, "Hot", "Super Hot", and "Surface of the Sun".

- Come back down in an hour and haul it all back upstairs

NOTE: I would not recommend leaving soap, softener, or quarters unattended or leaving your clothes in a machine too long. Even in a 3-5 floors low-rise people are fighting over the machines.

If your laundry room is accessible from the exterior just know that your "commute" time is going to be even more and you will have to deal with going out in the dark and the weather. Ever had to wear snow boots to walk and snatch your whites?

Laundromats are my favorite (always have been) because you can wash 12 loads at once and be done in two hours PLUS you can watch Spanish soap operas. If you do a load once a week though you can alleviate a lot of this hassle but who has time for that? This is Chicago and we've all got fun shit to do.

Elevators

If you are in the market for a smaller building in one of the neighborhoods you may or may not have an elevator. On a normal day it's really just a minor inconvenience. On moving day, though, it can severely affect your progress and level of perspiration. Are you moving yourself or are you hiring movers? Will your furniture fit up the stairs? You are going to have to put down a move-in deposit but if you bang the shit out the stairway you might not get it back.

Grocery day can prove difficult as well. I have a small cart I can use when I really need to stock up but then I'm wheeling 75 pounds around with ease and giving myself a hernia walking up 4 flights of stairs. It also can become an issue if you have someone elderly visit who can't easily go up and down stairs or if you travel a lot and have to travel with medium or large suitcases.

I don't even have to revisit the laundry situation if you're on 6 and it's in the basement, right?

In Building Maintainence/Management

My first building didn't have it and my second did. There are actually differences in renter laws that hinge on whether management is located on the premise:

If your management is on-site it seems to be a "better" option. There is always someone in the office to address issues or concerns, it's easy to let someone know about a repair that needs to be done, and the small things tend to be handled a bit faster. There is also somewhere to have packages delivered.

Now... I'm gonna be honest here - dealing with any kind of landlord is a fucking nightmare. Sometimes things get fixed if they HAVE to be fixed but other things can still fall in the cracks. I've been where I am a year and I still don't have my name in the call box outside but they installed my AC the same day I called. Pick your battles?

Conclusion

Whew! So hopefully this gave you a bit of insight into apartment shopping in Chicago neighborhoods. As I said before - I'm no pro. This is a blog and it's just for fun but if I missed something you have experienced drop me a line!

Happy hunting folks. Good luck. God speed. Mazel tov.

Crew

2013-06-05T12:22:00.002-05:00

Before Chicago I never knew gay men watched sports. I thought we had Oscar parties and perfected our needle-craft. I have since been schooled and although I still don't quite understand the rules of football (and I certainly still can't sit through an entire baseball or basketball game) I'm thankful for Crew -

"Chicago's premier gay sports bar + grill"

I've been to Crew about ten times. I'm a beer fan and, growing up in Ohio, a sports bar fan.

Side note - I miss my Fricker's

The bar is located on Broadway & Lawrence in Chicago's Uptown and has a full menu, seasonal and rotating drafts beers, daily specials, and an outdoor patio. (Who doesnt like a patio?). They have 21- some TVs to fulfill the sports bar standard, host GLBT community events like a Chili Contest and fundraising events as well as bar staples (trivia, karaoke, DJs, AND a Hot Jock jockstrap contest - which I accidentally happened upon one faithful Spring evening ).

$1-2 Taco Tuesday

The staff is friendly and always familiar, the food is great and the prices are fine (especially when you check out the daily specials). The sports bar sans-douche! They are open Sunday-Saturday so even if your waistline doesn't support the decision, you could easily find an excuse to visit multiple times a week.

At least try the $1 Tacos. #idie

If you want to try a fun neighborhood-y spot check it out. They keep the calendar up to date so you can easily check out what's on and poppin'.

I give it 4.5/5 Beergaritas. It's probably not everybody's cup of tea but if you're a Midwesterner, sports nut, or grub/bubbles enthusiast I think you'll make out like a bandit.

C U Next Tuesday!

(...it's Taco Day.)

Inspiration

2013-06-03T09:18:00.002-05:00

Have you ever realized that the older people become the more they say things like "Where does the time go?" Or "It's been 10 years since high school?!" You know - all the shit you never say when you're taking 18 credit hours and working 20 hours a week at Starbucks grinding coffee beans. Then you find yourself waking up at 28 on Monday morning about to start another 40 hour week wondering why you look so tired and why the hell your belly button is showing more and more through your shirt.

Because the real world" is boring. Most people work 40, 50, 60 hours a week and try to balance a social life in the dead space while maintaining a clean house and making sure there's at least cereal AND milk available for those nights you just can't fathom dirtying the entire kitchen. That is, if you even have a full-sized kitchen.

For those of you who were like me and the handful of my friends who were the first ones to go to college, it's super convenient to adapt to the concept that your life is meant to be a job or, if you're lucky, a career. Step 1 - college. Step 2 - job. Step 3 - marriage. Step 4 - die.

Say whaaat? You think about it that way and it sounds ridiculous but how many people that you know are doing anything different? I look on Facebook at how people live their lives and spend their time and I'm saddened that the reality seems to be a lot of people lay down and die at 25 because there is no longer a plan" to follow. If you don't go to grad school for your Masters or Doctorate you're just kinda left to your own devices and told to figure it out yourself.

Work for 30k and if that's not enough find a partner, combine your income, and then it'll all make sense.

What if you're gay? What if your goal isn't to get married and have 8 babies? What if your goals don't have anything to do with work and you want to live on a beach and sell hemp bracelets and play the ukulele? The gays end up drinking themselves into oblivion and lonely at 40, the straights feel unaccomplished bc all their girlfriends are paired off so they settle for the guy who hasn't stopped partying like its 1999, and the beach bums are "immature" and need to "get their shit together."

Well I'm here to tell you I think that is fucked up. 100% - fucked. up.

I've met all kinds of people - professionals, young professionals, people who are self-employed and successful, people who are self-employed and unsuccessful, students, adult students, artists, etc etc. You know what I found out? The people who are the most unhappy are the ones who thought they were following the "rules" and doing what they were supposed to do. I was conditioned to think a 35 year old bartender missed the mark and couldn't grow up and the self-employed business woman was the brave one; the smart one. But the bartender is the one who has filled his life with passion and let's his job be that - a job.

I realized that life is a series of small moments that, when combined together into weeks/months/years make up a story. Who wants to read a novel about a guy who works a full time job drafting documents and drinks after work until bedtime? Boring. Who wants to talk to a person who only talks about money and his/her career and all that blah blah bullshit? Nobody. Who are the interesting folk? It's the 65 year old woman who was a lounge singer, and a flight attendant, who partied through the 70s, lived in Rome in the 90s, and who still enjoys a whiskey on the rocks and grows her own herbs and cooks with butter. It's the couple who got married because they WANTED to - because they love each other and want to experience the entire world together. It's the person who raised a middle finger to the norm and did whatever the fuck they wanted to do because, the simplest reality is, it is their life.

It's not about money. It's about passion. It's about experience and love and being moved to tears because you allow yourself to feel what the world has to offer - not what it takes away.

So you got a late start - who cares. So you're single at 30 and your girlfriends have 4 kids - you're still young. You don't make 90k and live in and apartment with your cats - at least they won't judge you when you need to sit in your bathrobe and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

The point of this post is to share my inspiration because I have been lucky enough to feel inspired by other people. If you are happily married with a gaggle of babies I commend you because that is not for everyone and if you raise those babies with love and support them and teach them how to be happy and successful and appreciative - that is more amazing than any other gift they'll ever receive. To be taught how to be happy inside and not always think its "out there somewhere"... invaluable. I would never look down on a stay at home mom or dad who absolutely loves what she/he does. I just wanna see people living. I wanna see people chose to live.

We're all trying - trying to glue together the pieces and figure out how to make sense of it all. It's a big world and it's a scary world sometimes which is why I hope everybody can stop and feel that sunshine, smell that rose, and steal a hug and a smooch from whoever or whatever makes your heart beat.

It's never too late to be the boss of your experience. It's never too late to start a new chapter.

Somebody, somewhere, at some point will want to read your book.

Wang's (Boystown)

2013-03-18T12:25:00.000-05:00

Wang's is interesting. It's small and on the "Broadway" part of Boystown (Halsted being the "main" drag). So it's one street east and an obscure little spot denoted with an ornate Chinese door and windows covered in newspaper.

Needless to say when I walked in the gravity of the situation became immediately apparent because I, as always, had to pee. I walked through the bar (about the size of a studio apartment) and felt along the wall for the door knob. Once inside the bathroom it hit me - WANGS.

No, literally - I was visually barraged with image after image of dicks. They are plastered on all the walls, the door, the ceilings. It was dick for days and I had no idea why until halfway through my personal undertakings I saw the hook:

"Send cock pics to: wangschicago@gmail.com"

I was standing in a restroom covered in the genitalia of decades of former patrons. I stood in awe, thinking of how many men, like myself, were confused, curious, and then compelled to submit their dirty favorites so as to be immortalized on this... this wall of wieners!

Then I wondered what all the women thought when they walked in there.

The bar resembles an opium den - deep woods, ornate bar, it's pretty much totally red. There are a few small tables hidden in dark corners and, I can only assume, a lot of secrets hidden in the back-room. One of those joints that makes you feel like its midnight even when it's 3pm.

Needless to say I did not walk out with a Mogwai like I was hoping but I did have a great Karma martini. It was gin and Asian treats. There is no tap (*tear* for beer drinkers) and the cocktails are moderately priced ($8-$12), Asian-inspired, and incorporate lotus, ginger, etc etc.

I'd go back. In fact, I have to go back... Otherwise I'll never see if I made the cut.

Or uncut.

Zucchini Party #forever

2013-03-05T09:34:00.000-06:00

I dedicate this post to my vegetarian pals. Without you I would eat nothing but chicken and Doritos. Your influence is inspirational and good for my waistline.

So I have a weird relationship with food; I love to cook but hate to clean up and love eating vegetarian but know I'm going to end up starving and will eat a bowl of Gummi Bears. But I do love zucchini and think they deserve a little spotlight.

I found two recipes and, of course, had to experiment with them because I think directions are SstuUuuuUupiiIiiIiD. Here's what happened:

Grilled Zucchini Pizza

by: Erin Brooks
"she cooks, she gardens"

http://shecooksshegardens.com/2012/12/grilled-zucchini-pizza/

Ingredients:

1 Wholemeal Wrap I don't get it. What is wholemeal? Is that wholegrain? I used wheat.
2 tbs Hommus I had hummus, not hommus. I don't even... whatever.
1/2 Medium-Sized Zucchini Finally, something I understand. I used my mandolin slicer.
1-2 tbs Verjuice (optional) You know what I have to say about this. Is a "ver" a cactus? Like...
aloe VERa? #skip

12 g Feta Cheese

2 tbs Sunflower Seeds #skip
1/2 ts Lemon Myrtle Again with the nonsense. Lemon Myrtle was a dragqueen I met in Virginia Beach in the
90s... and I'm CERTAINLY not putting that bitch in my toaster oven. Substitute lemon juice.

Salt & Pepper to taste Plus red pepper flakes
Garnish - Snow Pea Sprouts No.

Directions:

1 - Turn on grill.

I will kill you so hard for telling me to turn on my grill. I live in a studio apartment - it's a toaster oven or I'm not doin it.

2 - Lay wrap out flat on an over tray.

Paper plate and then directly on the rack.

3 - Thinly slice zucchini into coins and, if using, sprinkle over a little of the verjuice

I spread em out nice and perdy. I overlapped them a little because I really like zucchini.
4 - Spread out hommus onto the base to cover.

Nice and easy - treat it like a lady.
5 - Top with zucchini, a little feta, and some sunflower seeds

I skipped the seed and added sun-dried tomato. I win.
6 - Sprinkle a little lemon myrtle over the top and then season with salt and pepper.

Cut a lemon in half and squeeze a little taste over all your goodies. NOT too much.

7 - Pop under the grill for about 10 minutes until lightly browned.

Ok... I'm not sure what kind of grills they have in Australia but the only one I am familiar with you put things on top of, not below. I'm not sure if she means a broiler or what. I popped it in my toaster oven, on the rack, for about 12-15 minutes at 350 degrees.

8 - Garnish with some snow pea sprouts and serve.

F the sprouts. They taste like grass. DO serve with a seasonal ale.

Baked Zucchini Chips

by: Erin Brooks

"Vittles and Bits"

http://vittlesandbits.blogspot.com/2012/03/baked-zucchini-chips.html

Ingredients:

1 Zucchini

Canola Spray LOL... we'll get to this.

Salt & Pepper (Or any other seasoning) Again, plus red pepper flakes.

Directions:

1 - Preheat oven to 225 degrees Fahrenheit. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or nonstick foil and spray with canola oil. Set aside.

Simple enough... Turned on the oven and lined a pan with foil. I tossed my zucchini in a little EVOO instead.

2 - Slice zucchini into thin medallions, about the thickness of a quarter. (You can either use a knife & a very steady hand, or a mandoline slicer.)

I used a mandolin slice because I'm not too steady with a knife at my age.

3 - Lay out slices on prepared baking sheet, and spray tops lightly with additional cooking spray. Sprinkle with seasonings of your choice. (A note on seasoning, however - use LESS than what seems appropriate. These shrink considerably in the oven, and if you use too much it gets very concentrated. It's better to end up underseasoning and add more later.)

I had already tossed mine in a little seasoning so I didn't really feel the need to season any more. I got this whole zucchini chip thing on LOCK.

4 - Place in preheated oven and bake 45 minutes. Rotate baking sheet, and bake an additional 30-50 minutes, until chips are browned and crisped to your liking. These are best eaten within a couple hours of removing from the oven, as they start to get chewy if left out.

One zucchini makes one serving

(1/4 C. - 1/3 C. of chips depending on the size of your squash).

HERE THEY ARE!!! ZUCCHINI CHIPS!!!

Wait. No it's not because I never GOT ANY because I can't make this recipe fucking work. Let us examine the deets:

1 - I thought I would be smart and just toss them in olive oil. I burned them to an absolute crisp.
2 - I didn't heed the warning about salt and they shrunk and tasted like black flakes of burned salt.
3 - Re-did the recipe and followed the directions exactly but the slices literally baked flat into the pan and became zucchini paper. There's no coming back from that.
4 - 45 minutes...25 minutes... I don't get it. I really just don't get how to make this one work.

Overall opinion is that Zucchini Pizza is easy, worth it, tastes good, and hard to mess up. If anybody else has a tasty recipe throw it at me because I'm all about a crunchy treat... except when it's burned up crunchy pieces of zucchini "chips" and then I say no thank you - Pretzels are juuuust fine.

What do YOU do?

2013-02-26T15:32:00.001-06:00

It's finally happening; it's my turn to play the leading role in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. Having seen the movie entirely too many times (upwards of 125) I've been practicing my tell-off speech for Christy Masters since I was 14 and in the closet.

The film won absolutely nothing and rightfully so. But what did we all learn from Mira Sovino and Liza Kudrow's self-actualization?

When in doubt sound as fancy as you can. And if that doesn't work, wear something slutty.

I remember when I was younger I thought I would be married with kids and living in a castle on the moon by 27. 27 sounded like a good age for babies. Well here is 27 and it's not such a cute idea anymore. I have tailored-suits to buy and teeth to whiten. I can't be throwing money at babies who rarely ever say thank you. And people almost always think it distasteful to set a bucket seat on the barstool next to you. So strike out the reproduction option and pump more effort into the career muscles.

One of the first things people ask you when they meet you is "And what do you do?" I'm always daunted. I don't know... I do a lot. I sing and whistle all the time, I blog about recipes I almost always mess up. I talk to myself and crochet when I'm stressed out and have dance parties in the middle of the day when I get woozy. Not to mention, is it just me or do you ever feel like a showboat when you spout off a job title? Ohhhh you're in real-estate development? So you do drywall. Ohhhh you're an associate fashion editor for Vogue? So you clean the coffee pots and write a quiz bi-yearly about how to tell if your boyfriend is cheating with the Barista.

In all seriousness, you know what I mean. After 25 it's all a matter of what you do for work. Because, and sadly you can't deny, it is because people are interested in how much money you make so they can gauge their own success in comparison to your success, and discern whether they could/will benefit from being your acquaintance. Shame on you for denying you've never done it. You've never made a strategic decision to be nice to someone who you perceive to have more clout? I know I have. Call me shady but someone once told me it's all about who you know and who you b!@# and I'm certainly not trying to b!@# my rolodex. Again.

But what if you just don't know what you do? What if your grand plan doesn't include an amazing and prestigious career? What if a person's goal is to make as much money as possible by doing the least amount of work so they can enjoy their time off more regularly and fanciful? I'm not so sure I entirely disagree with that philosophy.

I have NEVER had one plan and I used to be fine with it. I have worked retail, in visual merchandising, as a makeup artist, a manager, a photographer, a designer. I have a good job now but I still want to act again - do a play, be an extra, trip at the Golden Globes ad accidentally fall into/in-love with Hugh Jackman. Isn't that... alright? Shouldn't we all be able to do whatever we want to do without someone making a snarky comment about over-extension or adopting the jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none mentality? Because if what we do is more on the philanthropic side nobody turns up their nostrils. If you volunteer for the ARC, Children's Hospital, The Human Society, and your local community farmer's market your a peach - a gem among garbage.

80% of college freshmen are unsure of their major...

The New York Times last year said that 80% of college freshmen are unsure of their major and 31% are able to obtain their Bachelor's degree within (the standard) 4 years. Another 56%, on average, finishes theirs in 6 years. Those few lucky ones know what they want (or what their parents want them to want) early and hit the ground running with college courses during Study Hall. I did not fall into that category.

I envy those who have only one option. It's kind of like when you go to Cheesecake Factory and have to read the 40-page menu to decide on what to have for dinner. It's too much. When you only get to choose chicken, steak, fish, or vegetarian it's a 5-minute decision and then on to witty banter over cocktails.

Mmm... cocktails.

When you are a searcher and think about the thousands of majority/minor combination, what school to go to, what position to take/turn down, where to live, etc., I mean Lord have mercy! How can anyone know 100% what they'll do for 60 years? Is there REALLY someone out there who went to college and worked in the same industry their entire career? If so I'd love to by you a cup or coffee and figure out how the hell you pulled it off. I'm serious. I'm really serious.

I think about when I'm old... Like, really old. When I'm old and stuck in a nursing home on the moon I want to have stories. "Oh I went to Venice once for blah blah blah," "Once Jennifer Lawrence and I had ice cream and played slots all night in Fiji, "Once I did Meredith Baxter Bernie's makeup for a survival story about rape and ugly divorce on WE."

You get where I'm going.

I work a lot. I work a lot and when you wake up and work and go home, work out, make dinner, go to bed, repeat... Where the hell is the excitement. All work and no play makes Ricky a cranky bitch. And I think a lot of people feel like that. If I learned anything from my year in network marketing it's that people are always searching for a way to stop feeling sick and tired. People are searching for whatever it is that makes them happy. Sadly, I also learned a valuable piece of information from a previous manager. She told me that the majority of people aren't happy with what they do and, because of that, search for happiness as best they can outside of work/a career. Bleak? Maybe. True? Ehhh... maybe.

So my goal for the reunion is that everyone will take a Xanax and just go for the hors d'oevures. And when someone asks what I do I'll just smile, sip my dacquiri, and whip my hair back and forth. OR, better yet, maybe we can not make it a popularity contest like it always used to be and help each other reach Nirvana? I'll be sure to fill everybody in on the gory details come August.

So what do YOU do? Keep it simple. Keep it cute. Your future relationships depend on it.

...But write a really great tell-off monologue. Just in case.

A Boozy DIY : Infused Liquor

2013-02-13T09:48:00.000-06:00

photo by Vinna Katz

I like to have cocktails. I've liked having cocktails since I was 8. Aunt Patty and I would sip Crown Royal straight from the freezer and play illegal slots in the back room of Vera's Lounge. I was in it for the purple, velvet bag at first because I just KNEW I could fit all my gemstones and Tigers Eyes inside.

#WestCarrollton
#BabyGay

This past Christmas my buddy and I decided to do a DIY gift box filled with homemade goodies sporting trashy labels. It was a big success. We did two infused vodkas and, after countless tastings, I decided to give myself a yummy treat and do MYSELF a bottle.

I found the instructions all kinds of places (its all the same) but here are a few:
• About.com : How To Infuse Spirits
• A Beautiful Mess : Adventures in Infused Vodka
• wikiHow : How to Infuse Vodka with Flavor

I'm not going to reiterate their instructions.

What I AM going to do is tell you everything not to do.

These are anti-instructions.

If you're anything like me you learn from fucking something up.

If you are using berries or anything that absorbs liquid, understand that they will ABSORB liquid. After a week and a half and two bushels of strawberries I had lost maybe 25% of my booze which, clearly, wouldn't do at all.

OUTS

• First of all - don't buy a handle of Papov and call it fancy-pants. It tastes like cheap vodka with a strawberry in it. I bought a smaller bottle of a mid-quality vodka because something happens as the berries ferment a little that makes it smell even more like potato water and burning. Personally I have never tried the Brita trick of filtering it 6 times but something about that doesn't seem realistic. If YOU have, let me know the results.

• Don't try to squeeze the vodka out of the berries with a paper towel. You will probably squeeze them straight through it. Not even Brawny can handle it and before you know it you've plopped them right back into the vodka and splashed it in your eyes. If this happens, take a sip and carry on.

• Maybe you can blend the strawberries and just strain them out?! BRILLIANT! That way you don't have to squeeze them in your filthy little paws. Well it is a great idea until you realize straining vodka filled with berry mush is a fucking mess. It won't strain through paper towels or coffee filters. Before I knew what had happened my kitchen was covered in booze and I was drunk and eating I Can't Believe It's Not Butter off a makeup brush.

INS

After much frustration I gave up until I figured out how to get my mush out of my vodka. I put it in a pitcher in the fridge and gave it dirty looks every time I snatched a Coke Zero.

Must Have - Cheesecloth.

You can't find it fucking anywhere but Bed Bath & Beyond. I looked at TJ Maxx, Marshalls, & Target. I mean I don't know about you all but if I cant find it at Target, I'm straight convinced that shit ain't real-life. BB&B sells one brand of it and it's a strange waxy kind of cloth that doesn't seem to absorb liquid.

#BlackMagic

I folded it on itself twice and went to town. My mush didn't stand a chance of ending up in my vodka after that. I strained mine twice and rinsed the cloth in between

All the trouble aside I think it's worth it. The vodka is bright pink (enough said) and smells like strawberry jam. If you like giving boozy gifts, give it a whirl. You can also do the same thing in a smaller bottle with a few split vanilla beans and let it sit for a few months to make vanilla extract.

If you've done this or have yummy infusion ideas, well, put a sticky on it and drop me a line.

I think Gummi Bear is next for me. The kids on the playground all seem to love it.

Drink on, friends. Drink on.

Dear Diary : Variety

2013-01-23T19:21:00.004-06:00

As someone who struggles with my personal identity and who is constantly searching for the next component to add to my Personality Resume, I had a breakthrough recently over Subway cookies, Italian meats (I can't pronounce), and a chilly 312. Lemme tell ya about it.

So making friends in the city is complicated. If you want to meet people you have, primarily, a few options; work, some type of extra-curricular, a bar, or online. In my experience meeting friends through work is one of the best ways IF you have a job where you come in contact with a large amount of people fairly frequently. Macy's is still the best meeting place for gals and gays this side of the Mississippi - I'd bet my entire collection of Chanel lipsticks on that. But sometimes you sit in a cubicle or behind a drive-thru window (or worse, although I cayn't imagine anything worse) so you try out a book club or art show. Well the snag there is they actually expect you to read the books AND they're almost never about Edward, Bella, Bill, or Sookie. And, as I can vouche, artists are self-centered and want to talk about their OWN creative process and how deeply rooted their painting of a dot goes and how it's a "representation of the societal differences and social class blabbity bloop blahbitty". I'm like, "Dude, I wanna eat this pizza, drink a beer, and talk about scary movies and where to buy good weed." I kid, I kid - I only like romantic comedies.

But if you do want to chat about art, e-mail me. I'd be glad to talk to you about myself.

ANYHOO, that leaves bars - where everyone is wasted and forget your name as soon as you say it. Next, onto the Internet. Need I explain Grindr? I didn't think so.

So I met some people on a job... to keep their identities a secret we'll call them Jim and BJ. Jim and BJ are two gays who recently got married and actually followed through and meant it when they said "we should have a drink sometime!"

So I swing by my buddy's and have some drinks with him and his bf before heading over to BJ and Jim's palace. That's palace - not place. I'm younger and wasn't sure what to expect. I mean, I've seen the good, bad, and fucking crazy at weddings so I didn't know what to expect. The last thing I wanted was for someone to say "Oh hey… didn't you walk around with a light and a bag at BJ and Jim's wedding? Neat…" Then there's the ever popular "Who are you again? ... Aaaand HOW old are you?"

Please Note: This is NOT because I expected anyone to be a dick-face. This is simply because I have an engrained fear of someone not liking me. I could walk into a room and woo 24 out of 25 and still kick myself in the shins because I didn't get all 25. This is probably because I was made fun of for years, everyday, because I couldn't shoot a fucking basketball in gym class. Unfortunately people don't forget... But everyone that made me miserable got fat. So, in a lot of ways, I win.

Again, I digress - Back to business...

Well I was tickled pink at what happened. I spent the night with gays and lesbians, in a beautiful condo and chatted about everything from peeing the bed, racial slurs, food, whiskey, and wall sconces.

What I love, and what inspired me to write on it, is that over the course of that evening I spent time with a doctor, teacher, photographer, business owner, a painter, a designer (you get it). And - it was fine, which is a lesson I needed to learn. Nobody looked down on anyone else or talked about money, or anything else terribly embarrassing. I realized that sometimes people aren't assholes. Sometimes a person is just that - a person. A person isn't their job. A person is bigger than their bank account.

AND people like to shoot the shit. A lot.

I stress about money and, unfortunately, I do base some of my pride on how much money I'm making. Give me a break, I didn't grow up with money. The parents split and I went to college which I'll be paying for, apparently, for the next 743 years. But I want to wear nice clothes, have a cute apartment, own a car again (at some point) and I'm a shopper, Hontey. And all that combined gets in the way of really doing your life and experiencing the fun and not-so-fun of it and being around interesting people.

One of the things I truly love about being here is meeting and being around people that are interesting and quirky and fun. I've maintained a fairly consistent core group of friends up until now and, sometimes, it does feel like a selfish decision to have left that group to explore a more exciting career-route and meet other folks. It kind of makes you feel like a turd when you say you felt like you "outgrew" somewhere or "just had to get out".

I do believe that a place is only as good as the people in it. If a teacher can talk to me about convincing someone else that HE pee'd the bed and then we can all nosh and smoke cigarettes until 2am, there's no reason why someone should feel like there's nobody out there to meet, be it platonically or romantically.

Long story short:
- go places when you're invited
- never underestimate the power of the Subway
- talk to strangers, ESPECIALLY when they offer you treats
- worry about making friends more than you worry about making more cash. They last longer, they talk back, and they're always good for bumming cigs and shooting the shit.

And, lastly, a big hug to BJ and Jim for embracing my crazy and incorporating me into theirs. May we all end up in straightjackets in Miami by age 85.

Zuppa Toscana (Copycat Olive Garden Recipe)

2013-01-09T09:23:00.000-06:00

So I took Monday off to recover from a super long work day (17 hours) on Saturday and to catch up on my housewife duties. Since I'm not married and live alone I slept uptil 1pm and then took 7 hours to put away my 2-foot Christmas tree and do 3 loads of laundry.

I decided around 7:30pm that I should at least leave the apartment building once so I felt like I reeeeeally took advantage of the extra day off. I told the old ball-and-chain I was headed to the market and he needed to to do something productive since I had been slaving over the Christmas tree for decades. He lives in Ohio and we were Skyping so I think he ignored me and started watching porn.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Anyhoo, I went to the Morse Market around the corner and through the hood to grab some veggies and other goodies so I could make some delicious treats for myself this week. I was stumbling past the tomato pyramid (and yes, I squeezed every one of them) when I stopped dead in my tracks in front of a bunch of kale. Have you ever seen kale on the stem? It's like 6 feet long.

So I'm standing in the isle, trying to figure out how to fashion this shit into a head-dress, and it hit me - I hate Olive Garden! BUT they make the best soup I've ever had - Zuppa Toscana. It's a creamy-ish potato, kale, and sausage soup that I got every time I went. Since I've been to Olive Garden 3 times total in 37 years you can IMAGINE how badly I wanted it. So I goorgled a copycat recipe, stocked up on the goods and decided to give it a whirl.

Here's what happened:

Olive Garden Zuppa Toscana

by: Cycle Michael

http://www.food.com/recipe/olive-garden-copycat-zuppa-toscana-38298

Ingredients:

1 lb Italian sausage (I like mild sausage) NO - use spicy. Unless you're a puss.
2 large russet baking potatoes, sliced in half, and then in 1/4 inch slices
1 large onion, chopped
1/4 cup bacon bit (optional) NOT optional. And don't use "Bacon Bit". Be a grown-up and use you
some real bacon crumblies.

2 garlic cloves, minced

2 cups kale or 2 cups swiss chard, chopped Kale.
2 (8 ounce) cans chicken broth I don't know if you notice or not, but this is the same as 16 ounces…

Also I used chicken stock, not broth. I don't know what the difference is.

1 quart water WTF is a quart? I didn't even add water.
1 cup heavy whipping cream

Directions:

1 - Chop or slice uncooked sausage into small pieces.

Or you can get it in the tubes and squish it out the ends. Makes me sick every. time.

2 - Brown sausage in your soup pot.

3 - Add chicken broth and water to pot and stir.

Like I said earlier, I didn't even add water. I totally forgot about it. I just put in the chicken stock and the cream and called myself Giada.

4 - Place onions, potatoes, and garlic in a separate pot.

This is where I got confused. Two pots?! Ain't nobody got time for dat. I threw the garlic and onions in with the sausage when it was about half cooked.
5 - Cook on medium heat until potatoes are done.

This I did. Kinda. I basically just poured all the liquids in and cooked in on medium until the taters were easy to cut in half with my spoontula.
6 - Add sausage and bacon.

I clearly didn't do this because the sausage was already in there because I used one pot. Because that's the eco-friendly thing to do. I crumbled up about 4 pieces of cooked bacon and tossed it in.
7 - Salt and pepper to taste.
8 - Simmer for another 10 minutes.

I ended up cooking mine for like 15 minutes on medium heat.

8.5 - Have 3 cocktails

9 - Turn to low heat.
10 - Add kale and cream.

When the potatoes were soft I tossed in the kale and simmered it on low for another 5 minutes.
11 - Heat through and serve.

And… VOILA!

Let me just pat myself on the ass and tell you all that this soup… is the shit. It's spicy and filling and totally put me in the mood to watch a movie and eat ice cream out of the container. It's not really easy because I tried to be all Food Network about it and cut the kale off the stems until I got good and drunk and just ripped it all off and threw it everywhere. Everyone deals with stress differently.

In retrospect I should have waited on the cream but I had already mixed it with the chicken stock and I needed the liquid… because I forgot to add the water. I think I maybe heated it up a little too much but it's delish all the same.

I give this recipe 4.5/5 kale stems. It's going in my recipe book just as soon as I buy a recipe book.

Long Distance Realness

2013-01-03T14:35:00.000-06:00

I woke up one day and realized I was in a situation I vowed never to be in - a long distance relationship. I'll be the very first to admit I've never even been great at close-distance relationships. I never had amazing role models to show me how to have a "good" one.

So I'm in Chicago, having left my home of 26 years. In all honesty I assumed my relationship would quickly fizzle out. I mean, I moved to Chicago... Why not just find a new beau to skip over to The Bean with?

I learned an important lesson relatively quickly; quality trumps quantity. Yes, there are oodles more gays here than in Dayton, Ohio but that doesn't correlate to better, more compatible gays. If there are creeps in Michigan there are creeps in Florida if you know what I'm saying. The ratio of "normal" to "creep" is the same there are just a lot more examples to weed through.

So I realized that you don't find a great person under every rock or around every corner. I had spent ten years looking for someone who didn't make me want to punch his mouth off after being around him for more than 72 hours.

So I decided to hold on. And on this roller coaster, holding on is the best way to describe it.

I wanted to write about this because its something I choose to deal with, everyday. It is a situation I hate. I absolutely hate. Maybe someone out there has questions or had found him/herself hundreds (or thousands) of miles away from their partner and this will help? Maybe I'm just trying to make sense out of it for my own sanity. Either way - here you have it. It's not perfect but it's how we attempt to make it work.

• My Tools/Tips •

Skype - Everyday. We Skype everyday unless one of us is out of town. If you're anything like me when you don't see a person it becomes easier to forget them. If you think about it, Skype and FaceTime or Tango or whatever you use weren't really available 10-15 years ago. It was ICQ and Yahoo messenger and it wasn't a constant connection. We actually leave it on at night so we can roll over and see each other. His snoring wakes me up but you pick your battles.

Texts - We keep in contact periodically throughout the day with pictures, emoticons, this and that. all the normal things you'd do if you lived in the same area code. I guess it's the new love letter. It feels good just to have a reminder that he/she is there AND if you have iPhones you can see when each other is actually typing which makes it all seem more real and personal.

Respect - It is important to respect the relationship and understand that there are really (really) shitty moments and we can't physically be there for each other. But if we could, we would, and I had to learn to find comfort in that. It's also kind of a struggle between respecting personal freedom and the importance of communication. I don't like someone keeping tabs on me BUT if you want someone to give a shit about you, you don't get to tell them where and where they are allowed to.

Expression - I am very emotional and if I don't express the gamut of what I'm feeling I will eventually explode and then it's a whole big mess trying to piece my feelings back together. Speak up bc he/she can't know what you're feeling if you don't. I think it's a really special and important thing to see and hear "I miss you". I think it's also important to know what it's like to constantly miss someone.

Hope/Faith - You have to accept that life doesn't always follow the mantra "It is what it is. What will be, will be." Sometimes you have to grab it by the nuts and direct it. If you have someone, I say just take the risk. Even if this doesn't work out, I've experienced loving someone and really learning to appreciate the time I do have with him. It really is a luxury to be able to cuddle up with your man/ladycandy every night. If we broke up tomorrow I'd still walk away knowing I learned how to love and let myself be loved better.

Intimacy - Everyone wants to feel good about themselves. I like to feel attractive and sexy - so he tells me I am. He likes to feel strong and special - so I tell him he is. (He's way better at it than me though, that's for sure). I think, at least for me, I needed to learn to put more weight on being told "I love you". And don't get me wrong, it's not easy always reading it in a text or hearing it from a voice over the phone or on a computer screen. But, it's important. When you can't massage someone's shoulders after a long day or (my personal favorite) get a back tickle while you fall asleep, you gotta find it where you can.

Be Sexy - Are there really rules to a relationship or is everybody different in their thinking of normal? If you need an open relationship try it out. If you need 100% monogamy to feel secure then do that. If you want to date a man and woman, give it a whirl. Know what you need and know what your partner needs. Send a dirrty pic. Text a little filth. It's reeeeeeally easy to find someone else online who'll spark those naughty bits so let your hair down and show your beaver... or whatever else.

Humor - He makes me laugh and when I'm feeling daunted by the fact that I have no car and live 5.5 hours away, it means so much to be able to smile through the tears... and I cry a lot. Be cute, be creative, call each other stupid nicknames. Be a kid sometimes. Your partner really is just someone you should enjoy spending time with and my friends are my friends because we are able to laugh together.

Sacrifice - Money, time, whatever comes easily. It's a lot of work to visit another city and, equally so, to have someone visit. I know when I have a guest we are going to run around and spend money, go to eat, experience life. We have to squeeze 1-2 months worth of goodies into 4-6 days on average. That's no easy task when you aren't willing to save a few bones to throw towards celebration. It's a lot to ask a person to drive to see you once a month. I'm lucky to even see him that much (which would have sounded crazy to me a year ago).

Compassion - Sometimes it's easier for me than it is for Eric and sometimes it's the opposite. People deal with their emotions differently and I had to understand that my Gorilla hurts too. He's my gentle giant and when he breaks down it's my responsibility to be strong. I can't carry him but I can give him a tiny shoulder to put his head on. Honestly, I think he taught me how to give a shit about someone else. When I was able to understand that, I was able to stop being as selfish as I was always had been.

Realness - Above all, be real. Be honest. If you want to fall in love then let someone see your good and your nasty. If you fake it to fall in love you're going to look in the mirror one day and flip the fuck out because you've denied some part of yourself to coerce someone into thinking you're the bee's knees. If you need something, say it. If you don't want something, say it. Be tactful, be considerate, but be yourself. You don't want someone looking at you in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years wondering who the hell you are and what happened to the person you "used to be".

This ended up longer than I initially intended. I hope that it reads as... kind of what I have come to realize works for me. Obviously I am no relationship expert. I do not know how to fix a broken one and I certainly don't know how to be the perfect husband/boyfriend/partner. Everything I learn is because I've fucked something up. I'm just one of those girls and I've had a lot of bad relationships.

Long-distance is hard. I had to make a decision to throw up my hands, tell Jesus to take the wheel, and try something that I hadn't ever tried before. This could end up being the best decision I ever made... or it could all come crashing down when I move my Eric into my studio apartment and we live on top of each other for another 6 months. Who knows?

If you find yourself in a situation where you have to leave, or your partner has to leave - maybe it's for work, or because they are in the military, or because they are having a mid-life crisis and have to eat their way through Italy, India, and Bali (wait... is that "Eat, Pray, Love"?) REGARDLESS, just because it isn't ideal doesn't mean it isn't worth it.

I read that you should do something everyday that scares you. When it started I was afraid it was going to end before I had a chance to fall. Now I'm afraid of what would have happened if I had never taken the risk and let myself love the man my heart needed.

Hopefully this all made sense. If I can do it, you can do it.

Belie' dat.

Home for the Holidays

2012-11-27T09:24:00.001-06:00

Preparing to go home for the holidays is exciting! Having been gone from Ohio for six months now and working like a maniac during this past wedding season, I was MORE than ready for a week-long vacation.

But...

Nobody can prepare you for the emotional whirlwind caused by going home for the first time. Since I work out a lot of my feelings by talking and sharing with whoever will listen, I decided to blog about my experience; the good and the bad.

Before I left I was alllll atwitter with anticipation but I was also kind of anxious. When I snagged my position here in Chicago I was gone. Two weeks and I uprooted my life and plopped myself down into a roach-riddled apartment. I have since moved to a new one.

I was nervous about being an outsider. A lot happens in six months and when you try to reincorporate yourself back into the mix it can seem a little... Disconnected? Luckily I have a great group of friends that always make me feel like a queen, err, king. My biggest fear was having to hear something along the lines of "Oh what? You think you're better than us now that you're in ChIcaAaAaAago?!?" Needless to say that didn't happen.

I think the most difficult part is trying to remember that there IS a reason I moved. Everyday in Ohio wasn't a party when I lived there. I worked a job I hated, I felt like there was nothing to do, my best friend lived down the road and I never saw her bc we worked together... Etc etc etc. But when you come home for a few days, it's oooon and poppin. Everyone is more than willing to drink at 11am or drive you around, have big dinners and invite everyone you know. You can hang out all day, sleep in and pretend you don't have a job and you KNOW I didn't ride the damn train two hours a day in Dayton.

But even though all of these things aren't representative of reality it's not easy to leave it all behind and come back to your studio apartment and sit by yourself all night. No dog. No big apartment. No bedroom. I could go on. Going home is what causes homesickness. I'm so glad I went but part of me wishes I wouldn't have.

I am grateful for who I have in my life. Making friends really isn't easy at 27. I work with one person (if not alone) all week, I commute an hour to and from work every day and u can't rely on making buds at bars bc they never remember your name the next time they see you. I think this trip made me realize how valuable relationships are. Doing all this shit by yourself every single day isn't fun. I'm pretty independent but a gay needs his girlfriends.

So to all of you who haven't left the nest, I have some words of hisdom if I may:

• Call your parents. Go see them if you can. You'll need them one day for something big or for nothing at all and you should take advantage of them being close while you can.

• Be grateful for good friends. When you move, you'll realize some of your "good" friends are actually "great" one while some aren't as good as you thought.

• Always smooch your pets. They just wanna love you.

• Love your boyfriend or girlfriend as hard as you can. Even if you think it's not going to amount to anything long term. He/she may help you keep your sanity one day which is nothing to take lightly.

• Do things for yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, ad don't be slow to offer help if someone else needs it. Pay it forward, bitches.

AND REMEMBER:

You are never alone.

Galway Bay : Chicago (Lincoln Park)

2012-10-24T09:27:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine interns for Chicago Magazine and was given the responsibility of visiting some the best-rated dive and LBGT-friendly bars in the city. As a dive bar connoisseur (self proclaimed) I immediately jumped on the opportunity to explore the 4 & 5 stars of hole-in-the-walls. Our first stop was a basement bar in Lincoln Park called Galway Bay.

The neighborhood of Lincoln Park in Chicago, at first glance, is a beautiful neighborhood. I love Chicago for its architecture so the areas I've seen are beautiful in a modern architectural sense - Clean lines, new windows, red brick entry ways and tri-level condos for 500k. The neighborhood also (and this is my OPINION) is one of the less gay-friendly hoods I have visited and is more so an area for young professionals and early thirties couples. Straight couples. So I wasn't particularly thrilled at the idea of spending my night with bro'skies but I did, in the name of exploration! Plus he gets two drinks per bar comped. Pick your battles.

Regardless, Galway Bay is nestled in the bottom of another building (maybe a bar/snackaurant). And by nestled I, of course, mean its in a basement. If you didn't know it was there you wouldn't know it was there, kinda thing.

Immediately when you walk down the stairs into the exposed brick atmosphere you feel a little like Norm is going to greet you with a pint and "hey how are ya?"

Galway had two bars - a central, circular bar (just like its Cheers counterpart) and a back bar with the big TVs and pool table. When I was there a group of, you guessed it, 29-32 year old guys were screaming at the game while enjoying $2 PBR. Ladies to the left spent there time throwing darts and I sipped a 312 and snapped a few photos.

One of the more signature parts of the bar is located in the front, near the main entrance and main bar. A messy, equipment-cluttered area houses a few TVs, microphones and amps, and a Nintendo, SNES, N64 (more systems in boxes) and every game, controller, and accessory you could shake a stick at. We didn't play but if you like drinking an playing Duck Hunt on a 50 inch TV, you might want to check out this spot. They MIGHT even have Zelda.

Overall I liked this spot. As dives go it was clean, the people didn't act a fool, there was enough space to walk around without standing chest-to-back and it seemed like the type of joint where you could easily learn your bartenders name and vise versa.

I'll give it... 3/5 Mario & Luigies. I'm tempted to go 4 but I can't set the bar too high just yet.

Lets Play Pretend - I'm It

2012-09-21T09:05:00.001-05:00

Life (cf. biota) is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have signaling and self-sustaining processes from those that do not.

SELF-sustaining. Keyword. Operative.

Have you ever wondered how children perceive the world differently? The majority or kids are happy, right? You give them a Barbie or Optimus Prime, let em snack on a chicken nugget or two, and they're off. Aside from a skinned knee or stubbed toe, boys and girls don't talk to their mommies and/or daddies about the economic crisis or Chick-fil-a... Children don't understand more than whether or not something makes them happy.

Pleasure seeking. Id, Ego, Super Ego. Debunk Freud if you must - that's neither here nor there and I'm not even getting into penis-envy. But really, what's so bad about playing dumb? Do you ever want to look at yourself in the mirror and channel the late, Mr. Ledger - "Why so serious, Ricky". Feel free to use your own name.

Personally, I'd consider myself emotional - empathetic to my environment. I'm the type that cries at strangers' weddings and when I see a stray dog. Overly sensitive? Maybe, but I'd rather that than the cold, unloveable opposite.

Easily daunted? Probably.

My head hums with "what if??" "What if I make an omelet for breakfast? Eh, then I have to wash things." "What if I wear THESE shoes? Eh, then people might think I'm loserly." "What if I sell out and make a ton more money so I can afford the 4k a month apt downtown that I'd looooove to show off to my pals. Eh, but then I'd have to... Do things." Push or pull today? It's a mixed bag.

So what's the harm in playing dumb? If every now and then we just shut it off. All of it. Instead of thinking about work and money and showmanship and competition, we simply ask ourselves "what will make me smile, today?" What would happen if once a day everyone did just one thing that really made them feel it... Like a kid at McDonalds in a pit filled with Hi-C covered balls. Ahhh, the good life. Easy, simple, sticky.

And a vacation doesn't count because your life always sucks when you get home. Vacations are like diets - you get immediate results that don't last very long.

Today I decide to play dumb because I played smart this entire week and I barely remember any of it. Be a doll and throw me that Barbie. I'm taking a Simple Pleasures Day. If you need something, please call my assistant. Her phone number doesn't exist.

Duped in New Releases

2012-09-17T23:22:00.001-05:00

So I'm at Barnes & Noble on State, looking for a book so Eric and I can start our book club. I make my way to the "New Fiction" table and read the back of one book before a woman walks up to me.

"find anything good yet?" she asks with a smile.

Me being me, I immediately run the gamut of possibilities through my head; she's a creep, she's homeless, she's a lesbian, she's hitting on me.

So then I stop myself to give ol girl the benefit of the doubt. I figure I maybe could use a new friend... She seemed ok... Hangs out in bookstores so she's probably at least a little smart.

So I talk with a girl for ten minutes. Thinking I made a new friend - she tells me about the business she has with her husband. "We work with big names like B&N, Best Buy, blah blah blabbity, and they share part of the profits with us. We work with a great team of experts who show us how to do everything! BTW, would you be interested in making extra money on the side?"

Bitch. I thought you were about to be my new friend and you only talked to me bc you thought I looked like a network marketing go-getter.

Met your husband on a bus here in Chicago. You might wanna reevaluate your future with a man who makes money by convincing others that he has happened upon the greatest opportunity known only to a select privileged few.

At this point my feelings are hurt and I stomped out bookless and in the rain.

Network marketing. At its finest. A total stranger makes you feel like they're interested until they dupe you into joining their team of sick and tired professionals just looking to change their stars. Aka- a group of phonies on the search for other phonies who alienate themselves and everyone around them along the way.

The next time you go out "recruiting", remember this - pretending to give a shit about someone so they come to a business seminar, PBR, networking party, or webinar makes you the kind of person who would rather meet someone for financial gain than to find a common interest and make a friend.

And at a Barnes & Noble, connected to DePaul University? Why don't you just carry around a sign that says "College Is A Waste Of Time! Calling ALL Simpleminded and Easily Influenced!" Try the self-help section at the local library. They might have their guard down enough to let u more easily, weasel in.

Anybody else been had??

The Growling Rabbit

2012-08-20T15:34:00.000-05:00

NOW OPEN at 6981 N. Sheridan Road Chicago 773-654-1444. The Growling Rabbit - a café in Rogers Park offers a variety of hot foods, sandwiches, soups, salads, along with baked goods, BYOB and great coffee and tea!

This weekend I skipped over to The Growling Rabbit - a cafe less than 1/4 a mile from Loyola University, on Sheridan. I judged the book by the cover (the 6-foot rabbit on the front window) and decided to give it a whirl.

The menu sounded tasty - a mix of breakfast, brunch, lunch, & dinner with a college-town vibe and a comfort-food influence. I opted for a cheese and mushroom quiche with vegan slaw and a cup of black coffee with a granola scone.

Total price $12

In regards to taste I was fairly satisfied. The vegan slaw was boring but I only had 1/8 of a cup to try. 3 bites later and I found myself wondering if I had imagined it, or if it was just so bland I forgot I had eaten it. The quiche was delicious but, and I'm not sure what this says about me, I was disappointed with the portion size. When you can get a slice of pizza big enough to use as a baseball glove for $2.95 and then you get a piece of quiche smaller than a piece of pie, you can't help but be a little sad clown.

BUT...

I will say this - granola scone with my coffee... A+. Eric got a cinnamon roll that was as wide as a small dinner plate and so rich I asked it to start paying my rent. Homemade baked goods will always win a place in this country girl's heart.

My biggest complaint would be the decor. Lime-green walls with strange photos of rabbits kind of throw around. I think I felt a disconnect between the food prices and the way the cafe looked unfinished. Thankfully it was a beautiful day so we sat outside and escaped having to stare at those odd little bunnies for too long.

I think they're onto something and I can't give a definitive review until I have at least one more chocolate-chip cinnamon roll. But for now I give The Growling Rabbit....

3 out of 5 carrots.

Gay.

2012-08-06T15:08:00.001-05:00

I'm appalled.

I do not want to have a straight marriage, but I would never tell you that you are going to hell because you want one. I would also never speak for God and claim to know what He/She/It wants and/or thinks is morally permissible.

This is so saddening, it's it?

We can't get over ourselves. Still, in 2012, we are fighting the same battle with different players;

"YOU need to be this and do this and be this way and not be the way that comes natural to you because that is what GOD wants! It says it right here in the Bible - GOD wants it and GOD hates FAGS."

Really?

...Really?

Fuck you.

I spent so much of my time being afraid of life. I was afraid to be me and say what I wanted to say. I was afraid to go to school because everyday I had to deal with being called a faggot and wondering how many times I would have to pretend not to hear it in a 24-hour period.

Do you know what it's like to be 13 years old and have to figure out alternative ways to get to class so you don't have to walk by certain people? Kids are committing suicide in middle school for SOME reason.

Do you know what it feels like to fall in love with someone and then have everybody around you tell you that your love is disgusting and unholy and repulsive?

I just don't understand it. Why the controversy? Why do you STILL insist on telling us all that what we are doing is wrong? Does it make sense that we would purposely put ourselves through all this controversy because we woke up and decided to be different - to be hated.

Do you REALLY think that we need to pray about being gay and ask God to take it away from us? It's a lifestyle, it's a sexual preference... it's not cancer for fuck's sake.

I hate to burst your bubble, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

Since I moved to Chicago I have met some of the most amazing people. Artists, actors, painters, cooks, friends, lovers, sports fanatics, booze hounds, execs, lemmings, and so on and so on... I don't think they would pray for forgiveness either.

GodHatesFags.com? I would like to think that 1-God doesn't hate, and 2-If God did hate, He/She/It would hate, hate.

I don't know... It's all becoming extremely hurtful. I don't LOVE the thought of having sex with someone who is morbidly obese but what kind of person what I be to post all over Facebook/Twitter/G+/Blogger/MySpace how disgusting and damnable a person is who does, is? I mean seriously, someone PLEASE explain to me...

What. The. Fuck. Does. It. Matter?

Don't like gay-sex? Don't have it. Me marrying someone I love won't make you queer. I promise. I'm not going to have sex with my husband on the front lawn of your church.

I'm grateful to be in a place like Chicago because this place gets in your blood. I never realized how much of my personality I had to hide living in Dayton, Ohio. Again, it hurts my feelings knowing that there are places in the world where you really can be whoever and whatever it is you want to be and I suffocated myself and allowed the Southern Baptist agenda to beat me into the dirt over...and over...and over again.

Change takes time and this is going to be a long journey. But for the sake of the gays in your family, and believe me, YOU have gays in your family and they're probably terrified to tell you because of all the negativity you spew, keep your fag-bashing off of social media. It all started as a place for friends and look what we've done to ourselves.

Rogers Park

2012-07-19T15:19:00.000-05:00

My Neighborhood, or "hood" (as a lot of people here seem to say) is called Rogers Park - NOT to be confused with Roger's Park. It's about 750miles from downtown Chicago.

Just kidding. It's fairly far north though which has its ups and its downs. On the good side I can always find a spot on the train because the majority of people don't get on until further south. On the bad side, I am always one of the last people ON the train trying to get home. That puts me in a shitty mood come 6:30pm when all I wanna do is peel off my sweaty clothes and sit naked in front of my AC.

Did I mention it's hot here?

Rogers Park is a community-driven area that is made up mostly of gays, african-americans, and latinos... so, naturally, when looking for an apt, Missy made sure she put me right in the mix. Ironically, this is also where she has lived for the past 5-6 years. Go figure.

The one thing you'll notice about Rogers Park when you come into it is that it is very green. A lot of Chicago actually is. That's why you hear people say "well, it's a CITY but it's still the MIDWEST... you know?" Well, I didn't know, but I'm explaining it to you now so listen up. There is no Meijer or Kroger. Speedway does not exist here (gasp... I know. I'm still dealing with it). If you want groceries you go to Morse Market. Wanna see a movie - Go to "The New 400" on Sheridan. There are small theaters and a brunch spot, 2 gay bars, a new restaurant, coffee shops and a bookstore etc etc. They even do a local farmers market every Sunday during the summer to help boost small business and allow everyone to stick it to the man.

You know the man... It's Walmart.

I appreciate the quaintness of Rogers Park but there IS a downside to being the way it is. It's less expensive than areas closer to the city. That = more riffraff. Now I'm ok with a little "raff" but when it turns into "riffraff" I start to get a little nervous.

There's a homeless lady that screams at me and sings along with her radio that doesn't work. She lives on the corner, she's always drunk, and has a homeless boyfriend she nags. Money can't buy happiness so I guess... No money can't buy happiness either? A=B, B=C, so A=pissed off, drunk, poor lady. It's fine, I'm sure she'll freeze to death during the winter.

I'm kidding. If she keeps drinking like she's doing she won't even make it that far.

I'M KIDDING!

....

Anyhoo, I argued with landlord and withheld my rent until they started doing repairs so I'm in the process of winning as we speak. I DID take some photos of my apt as it stands right now. It's not complete but I think after my last blog I should at least do it the justice of showing what I turned the mess into so far.

I still need some small things like a storage shelf, pub table, trash can, curtains.... fuck, do I have anything? At least I have food in the refrigerator. And, YES, for those of you who think you know me I mean solid food. Christ.

More to come and lots to say. Stay tuned friends.

Chi-Town Welcomes You

2012-07-16T17:14:00.001-05:00

The Chaos of Relocation

7-10-12

Moving - what a bitch.

I have moved approximately 13 times (give or take a few) and it never gets easier. And junk drawers... what the hell are you supposed to do with a drawer full of twist-ties and dried out flower seeds? But imagine this if you will:

You're dying to get the fuck out of dodge because you've spent your entire life bouncing around Dayton, Ohio. You're the type of person who can't fathom moving to a different city/state without having a full-time job ready and waiting for you. So you sit around after college just waiting and waiting (and waiting).

Then you lost your license because you almost get a DUI and, because of all that extra free time, you concentrate on your studies and start a business. 8 months later a friend asks if you'd be interested in working for her wedding photographer in Chicago. You say absolutely, visit a few days later, land the job a few weeks after that, and move 2 weeks after that.

Yea - that's what happened to me.

Yes, I shit my pants.

So I packed up everything I had as best as I could because I knew THIS time I could make 18 trips back and forth in this car and that car and Jason's car and Nikki's car, etc, etc, etc.

The Nightmare Ensues...

My landlord is a waste of space. I can say that... because it's a fact, not an opinion. I didn't get my keys until around 11pm the night before I was to move (we were leaving at 2am to get to my 8am move-in time). We pull onto the highway to start our journey... cherries and berries. The lights on the back of the Uhaul weren't working.

Again, I shit my pants.

So 30 minutes later we get them going and start back onto the highway. I later found out that the lights came on just long enough to get away from the cop and then went out again. What the hell ever, we made it.

So we get to Chicago and my road is closed for repairs to the train stop. Super, we'll just drive around the block. 30 minutes of backing down one-ways and circling while looking for the alley, we find it... AAAAND we don't have a key to the back gate.

*Shit my pants and cry

Missy randomly knows a tenant at my building who DID have a key and let us through. So after all this drama I FINALLY get into the building and up to my beautiful, new, APARTMENT!!!

Not quite.

Ricky Looses His Shit...

Here's what I find:

Broken Light/Fixture

Whatever is missing here...

Cracked Paint

Missing Screen

Missing Fixture

Broken Baseboard

Nonworking Microwave

Missing Drawer

Not to mention the place hasn't been cleaned, it hasn't been painted, the closet door was hanging off the closet into the entryway, the sink didn't drain... what else...

Oh, that's right. You ever seen a cockroach? I have.

To wrap everything up as tightly as possible, I lost my brains, threatened legal action, withheld my money, and now things are getting repaired. BUT I will tell you this - people will always move at whatever pace they find comfortable. I've learned a few lessons about moving during this experience. Hopefully you all can avoid a fucking disaster like the one I found myself in.

1 - Never sign a lease until you know the repairs are COMPLETED in a unit.

2 - If you have an owner, leasing agent, condo complex, multiple owners, etc... have ALL the phone numbers prior to signing any document or agreeing to anything.

3 - Don't let up on anybody. If you need something, call until you get it. People don't like to call back but they like it even less when someone is persistent.

4 - It's a pretty good idea to see your place BEFORE you move into it ESPECIALLY if you are not getting to see the exact unit into which you are about to move.

5 - Don't talk to your weird neighbors, even if you're trying to be nice. Weirdos are weirdos and you don't want them trying to come over for dinner or asking for cup of ... whatever it is they cook with.

6 - If you're moving to the city, get an iPhone. It's the only guaranteed way to ignore the homeless.

7 - Ignore the homeless.

8 - Know that sometimes people pee in places you would like to stand or sit. Try not to do that. If it looks sticky and smells like regret, yup - that's homeless pee.

9 - If your landlord's name is Eloisa Henthorn, quickly run away. Far away.

10 - Put your name on your mailbox. The post office will not deliver to an unmarked box.

Whew.

Good things next but I wanted to give an accurate description of what it was like for me to move from Ohio to Chicago. That's a wrap.

Stay UNcomfortable

2012-03-07T19:58:00.000-06:00

Stay UNcomfortable

(3.7.12)

This morning I received an email that was forwarded in error. A member of upper management was replaced and accidentally copied a lot more people on her message than she meant to. She has worked for the company for over 10 years.

It's hard, we all know that. Money is tight and it seems like everybody is stroking out. An Associate’s is the new GED, a Bachelor's; the new HS Diploma. Deferment, foreclosure, bankruptcy, reverse mortgages... These are probably words on middle-school spelling tests now.

The lady who cleaned our building recently lost her job as well. She is very sweet and accidentally told us how much money she made before she left. Her company was outbid by another company who, and I mean to be entirely honest here, must be paying their staff $7/hour.

We are facing a time where "over-qualified" is a true reality. Think about what that actually means - you are literally TOO good at what you do. You are so good, in fact, that the company would rather higher someone with less education and experience because, financially, a green candidate is chomping at the bit to make 30k and work up that ladder for the next 20 years.

Spring is here which brings with it an integral facet of rebirth.  I’m not sure who all reads what I write or if anybody that does has been affected by the decline in the job market.  Today I feel thankful for my job.  Ideally I’d love to jet set from coast-to-coast and sip rum from coconuts and photograph poison dart frogs but my reality just hasn’t caught up with my dream world yet.  I don’t know if it ever can (or should for that matter).

While thankful, I’m not complacent and I can’t condone attributing a lack of self-growth to a stifled economy, but I do acknowledge the fact that this is a prime opportunity for all of us to become something bigger.  If you lost your job as an Executive VP of Sales at Meade and always wanted to design handbags, well work at Hobby Lobby and study online.  If you had a kid at 16 and have been stuck at Big Lots since ’96, here’s your window.

Read a book, look at a magazine, smell the air, feel the sun.  You might not be where you dream of being right now but you could very well end up somewhere you dread… tomorrow.

The cliché is “Nothing “good” lasts forever,” but offers no explanation of what happens after that.  Maybe “good” gives way to “great” and “great” flows into “amazing”.  We’re given an opportunity to sparkle… and if I’ve learned ANYTHING from Mariah Carey, it’s that even if we don’t always want to accept it, Glitter always catches everybody’s eye.

Whether they accept it, or not.

Stay UNcomfortable

2012-03-07T12:38:00.001-06:00

This morning I received an email that was forwarded in error. A member of upper management was replaced and accidentally copied a lot more people on her message than she meant to. She has worked for the company for over 10 years.

It's hard, we all know that. Money is tight and it seems like everybody is stroking out. An Associate’s is the new GED, a Bachelor's; the new HS Diploma. Deferment, foreclosure, bankruptcy, reverse mortgages... These are probably words on middle-school spelling tests now.

The lady who cleaned our building recently lost her job as well. She is very sweet and accidentally told us how much money she made before she left. Her company was outbid by another company who, and I mean to be entirely honest here, must be paying their staff $7/hour.

We are facing a time where "over-qualified" is a true reality. Think about what that actually means - you are literally TOO good at what you do. You are so good, in fact, that the company would rather higher someone with less education and experience because, financially, a green candidate is chomping at the bit to make 30k and work up that ladder for the next 20 years.

Spring is here which brings with it an integral facet of rebirth. I’m not sure who all reads what I write or if anybody that does has been affected by the decline in the job market. Today I feel thankful for my job. Ideally I’d love to jet set from coast-to-coast and sip rum from coconuts and photograph poison dart frogs but my reality just hasn’t caught up with my dream world yet. I don’t know if it ever can (or should for that matter).

While thankful, I’m not complacent and I can’t condone attributing a lack of self-growth to a stifled economy, but I do acknowledge the fact that this is a prime opportunity for all of us to become something bigger. If you lost your job as an Executive VP of Sales at Meade and always wanted to design handbags, well work at Hobby Lobby and study online. If you had a kid at 16 and have been stuck at Big Lots since ’96, here’s your window.

Read a book, look at a magazine, smell the air, feel the sun. You might not be where you dream of being right now but you could very well end up somewhere you dread… tomorrow.

The cliché is “Nothing “good” lasts forever,” but offers no explanation of what happens after that. Maybe “good” gives way to “great” and “great” flows into “amazing”. We’re given an opportunity to sparkle… and if I’ve learned ANYTHING from Mariah Carey, it’s that even if we don’t always want to accept it, Glitter always catches everybody’s eye.

Whether they accept it, or not.

Spaghetti Squash & Grilled Zucchini

2012-02-16T15:40:00.000-06:00

Spaghetti Squash & Grilled Zucchini

(A vegetarian, garden-fresh meal)

Ingredients:

1 Spaghetti Squash

2 Regular Zucchini

2 Tomatoes

1/2 Red Onion

Olive Oil

Salt

Pepper

Garlic Powder

THIS is a Spaghetti Squash. If you've never seen one before don't feel bad because I hadn't either. They are in the produce section in the cold, wall units. It is a much healthier substitute for using pasta noodles.

Step 1:

You'll need to split your squash down the middle. I won't lie - they are very dense and can be hard to cut so be super careful not to slice your fingers off. Try to cut the squash into two equal parts.

Step 2:

You'll notice at this point that your squash smells a lot like a pumpkin (which, honestly, grosses me out) not to mention the middle is full of that stringy, sticky mesh stuff and seeds. Use a spoon and scrape out all the seeds and gooey mess.

Step 3:

Once you have two very handsome squash halves, rub a little olive oil on all the exposed insides. Sprinkle with garlic powder, salt, and cracked black pepper

Step 4:

Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil and place your squash, skin sides down, into a 450 degree oven. Bake them for 35-40 minutes (until a knife will pierce the flesh with very little resistance). You'll notice a collection of moisture inside each squash half. Once they are done baking and cool enough you can just pour this out.

Step 5:

Slice up two regular-sized zucchini into 1/4-1/2in slices. Lightly spray with olive oil and season with salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Slice up half a red onion into strips.

Step 6:

Place your zucchini slices onto a grill-pan and cook over medium-high heat until tender - approx 4 minutes per side. They'll get nice grill marks.

Step 7:

While your zucchini slices are grillin' away, toss your onions into a hot pan with a little olive oil or butter. You just want to brown the onion strips, not carmelize them.

Step 8:

Once your onions are nice and browned, turn your heat down to low. Again, you just want to cook out some of that raw-onion taste and give them a nice crisp.

Step 9:

Dice up a few tomatoes and add them to your onions. You aren't looking to cook the tomatoes, just heat them up. IF you sprinkle your 'maters with salt, beware - they will release A LOT of moisture so be careful not to incorporate too much of the water when you plate everything.

Step 10:

Remove your squash from the oven when they are tender and allow them to sit at least 5 minutes. This will let the skin cool and the water pools inside each half to stop bubbling. Once you can handle them carefully, pour out the extra liquid and use a spoon to shred the flesh inside away from the skin. You will literally be able to pull ALL of the squash out of the skin and it will look like similar to cooked pasta.

Step 11:

When your zucchini slices are tender and have been cooked on both sides, turn off the heat. Plate your spaghetti squash, top with the grilled zucchini, and add in the tomatoes and onions. AGAIN - watch the amount of liquid you add to the dish. You don't want squash/zucchini soup.

BON!

Repurposed Wine Bottles

2012-01-28T15:46:00.000-06:00

Wine Bottles - Recycled

(1.28.12)

Glass bottles can be recycled in a lot of ways and SHOULD be recycled in some way - even if it's just going in the recycling bin. Glass lasts a long time - it takes at least 1 million years to biodegrade. So I decided to use a few wine bottles to replace a few uglier things in the kitchen. Let me explain...

This is ugly. We all have dish soap but who wants a huge bottle of dawn sitting on the counter? It looks like a college dorm. No, wait... it doesn't, because college kids just rinse things off with water and flick the dried food off. Whatever it looks like, it's ugly.

This is not ugly. The soap is still readily available but in a much more visually appealing bottle. All I did was soak a St. Michelle's Riesling bottle in some soapy dish water for about 15 minutes. The labels will soften and you can peel them off. If they don't peel clean use a little alcohol or nail polish remover or adhesive remover (Goo-Gone) to get the sticky off. Fill it up and cork it with a pour-topper.

The hardest thing is finding the toppers but you can run across them in craft stores, kitchen sections, here and there - just keep an eye out.

You can pretty much reuse your bottles for any type of liquid, I suppose. I also did one for olive oil because I thought it looked fancier than a plastic bottle sitting on the counter. This bottle is a Cupcake Wine bottle.

See! The bottles aren't just fun when they're full of alcohol. Wine - how versatile.

Happy fillin'

<3 R

Decoupaged Planner

2012-01-10T15:48:00.000-06:00

Decoupaged Planner

(1.10.12)

So I hopped on the Planner-Wagon because I'm such a mess and forget everything. I bought one and thought it was boring looking but it was only $8. So I grabbed some old Details magazines, cut up some text and pictures, mixed up some glue and water and went to town.

I basically made my own Modge Podge (1 part glue, 1 part water). Brushed the cover, placed the pieces, brushed over top of them and let them dry. After that I coated the cover with 100% glue and a paint brush aaaaand here you have it. $8 planner that's the only one like it.

You could do this to bottles, picture frames, furniture.... you could cut out specific pictures or shapes rather than covering something entirely. It's easy, it's inexpensive, and it gives you something nobody else has.

Happy gluin'

Suburban Loco Moco

2012-01-06T15:38:00.000-06:00

Suburban Loco Moco

(1.6.12)

When Ashley and I lived in Hawaii they had plated burger “platters” called Loco Mocos. Traditionally it was a little bit different than what we made (we cut out the gravy and regular rice) but these are easy, versatile, HEALTHY and tasty.

Step 1:Make your rice according to the package. We used instant brown rice because if you have ever tried to use regular rice in a rice cooker you know how f@!*ing hard it is to make. I make mine with chicken stock rather than water, a couple splashes of soy sauce, and a tablespoon of butter.

Omit the butter if you want OR just use a substitute. DO NOT omit the chicken stock and soy sauce bc it makes the rice delicious.

Step 2:While your rice is simmering throw your patties on a grill pan. We used ground turkey patties but you could make your own hamburgers, use veggie/boca burgers…. ie your favorite patty. The grill marks are the best part so make sure you get 'em nice and branded.

You shouldn’t have to continually flip your patties over and over. They cook about 10 mins.

Step 3:Lube up a pan with some cooking spray/oil/butter/butter-substitute and fry your eggs. We used one egg per person but you could easily get away with using 2.

Any style egg will work but we did a simple fry, flip, pop (the yolk). I think the only thing that wouldn’t work would be scrambled.

Don’t forget to salt and pepper your eggs.

Step 4:Plate em up:

- Brown Rice

- Black Beans

- Patty

- Sliced Onion

- Egg

- Salsa

NOTE: These are the ingredients I had available. You could easily add anything you wanted… tomato, avocado, sprouts, spinach, mushrooms, etc.

Step 5:Eat and be thankful for Hawaiian traditions.

Let me know if you try it out and thank Ashley for the inspiration.

~R

Fireplace Smell-Goods

2012-01-03T15:50:00.000-06:00

Fireplace Smell-Goods

(1.3.12)

These little babies are made of all kinds of things that smell good and cozy. There are all different versions you can find on Pinterest but this is how I decided to do mine.

Step 1:

I bought a big, 3-wick pillar candle and hammered a screwdriver right down the center to bust it apart. Then I took out all my aggression relating to the past winners of American Idol, the Presidential Election, and the fact that Danity Kane is STILL not back together...*sigh* on the remaining chunks. I hammered and hammered and busted them up until I had a sack FULL of candle pieces.

TIP: Double bag the candle pieces while you are busting them apart to help keep wax dust from getting onto everything.

TIP 2: Save the wicks from the pillar candle and you can use them later with left-over pieces from this project (and there will probably be a lot) to refill an old candle container you don’t want to throw away.

Step 2:

I made “snow” by shaving a different, lighter candle with a razor blade. This part is optional… I suppose. But when you’re crafting, go big or go homo. Am I right, or am I right?

Step 3:

Pick a nice decorative cupcake paper. Be smart – don’t pick the foil ones. I’m pretty sure that would do something bad if you burned them. I got these from a craft store. Put the papers (2 per cup) in a cupcake pan and fill about ¾ the way with your wax pieces.

Keep in mind they will melt and will go into the crevasses of the pine cones so don’t be shy but don’t do it crazy. You hear me?

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: The wax will get into your cupcake pan. I would recommend, if you think this is something you really want to do, getting yourself a cheap “craft” cupcake pan OR treat yourself to a new one for all your tasty treasures and use that old, burnt up one shoved somewhere under the stove.

Step 4:

200 degree oven, 5-10 minutes. This depends on how big your wax chunks were. Keep an eye on them so you don’t burn the house down. It’s wax after all.

Step 5:

Gather up your smell goods. I had dried orange peels, cinnamon sticks, and fragrance oil… not to mention the pine cones were cinnamon-scented. Pop your cone right down into the wax and let them cool about 10 mins. You can decorate them with dried herbs, dried peels of citrus fruit, etc. DON'T use the fragrance oil yet. It will burn up and you'll waste it. YOUR kitchen will smell good but don't be stingy.

Step 6:

Once they are cooled, wiggle them out of your cupcake pan and transfer them to an aluminum-lined cookie sheet. Sprinkle them with your wax snow and shake off any excess.

Step 7:

Put them back in the cupcake pan. (you’re almost done… calm down). You want to put your cones back in the oven for literally only about one minute. This will just slightyly melt the snow into the insides of the cones.

Take them out of the oven and re-sprinkle them with snow. Use a few drops of fragrance oil on each one (optional) to kick it up a notch.

Step 8:

Stand back and look at your little guys. Put them together in a basket and give them to the person who has the worst smelling house. They can use them to burn in their fireplace or just set them around for smell goods. Personally… I think they should be put in a fire because they’re a good amount of work to just sit around and be potpourri. I really hate potpourri.

I have no idea how they work but if you have tried them or some version of them let me know. Still waiting to hear back from Miss Nikki as to how her’s burned. Take care, and smell fancy.

R~<3