Not-So-Random Musings

Once Upon a Time: My Experience at Survival School

2026-03-22T14:20:50.801-06:00

It's been a hot minute since I've posted, which is how blogging goes these days.....

I'm in Georgia for work and I'm working with an Active-Duty Joint Terminal Attack Controller (JTAC) and he mentioned something about SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape) School, and it seemed very similar to the Survival School I went to back in the day. In my time the school I went to was "basic" and we called the SERE school the "advanced beatings" course.

Of course the conversation got me thinking & on a trip down memory lane.....

Back in 1999 I knew I was getting out of the Air Force in 2000, although I was planning to go Full Time Air National Guard. I had just been made my Squadron's Unit Training Manager so I got some liberty in assigning personnel to schools. Survival School was a "requirement" for my career-field, but the Air Force expected units to pay for the training, instead of "big Air Force" adding it to the student pipeline, which made way more sense. Needless to say, money was always tight in the 90's and units were NOT sending their TACP personnel to Survival School, despite it being a "required" school.

I needed to have 6 months retainability to attend Survival School, which means I had to be finished before August 1999, or it wasn't going to happen. I managed to get into one of the 1st classes when Big Air Force started paying for the course and made it a pipeline school.

Survival School started off with a week or so of classroom, followed by a few days in the field for the survival portion. We'd have another classroom section, but I'll get to that in due time. I was a SSgt at the time and there were a few TACP airmen just out of Tech School. The cadre's initial plan was to spread the 1C4's around, but I was pretty opposed to that since there was clearly a big disconnect between reality for these Air Force Aircrews and the TACPs. I wanted to be able to have "my guys" together so I could interject as needed. For example, the Aircrews would have Air Force Survival Vests and specific gear tied to their ejection seats, which TACP should have a lot more combat-related kit. The Air Crews might have an emergency radio with a couple frequencies, while the TACPs do have much more robust commo gear and could easily access multiple frequency bands and need to know what the actual emergency frequencies were, because they can't just flip a switch to get one of the pre-sets.

The cadre agreed and I was in a group with all three of the TACPs and a Lieutenant-type (2nd Lt) to round out the group. Our group's Instructor was a Senior Airmen (SrA) and I think we were his first solo group. Now in Survival School each individual was given a single Meal-Ready-to-Eat (MRE) and the group had a rabbit. Normally the group takes care of the rabbit during the four (?) days of the field portion and dispatch it towards the end. As young men tend to do, all the TACPs were practically bragging on how they were going to "kill the rabbit". It's a thing that is needed to be done, not something worth boasting about. In retrospect I think they were trying to psych themselves up about what they really perceived as a dreaded task.

After learning how to use our issued Survival Knives, a piece of kit none of us, save that Lt, would have once we left school, the Instructor wanted us to kill the rabbit to "get it out of the way". Of course all the "brave" Airmen were not up to the task, nor was the Lt. I've probably killed a hundred rabbits in my day, usually with a shotgun, but I've had to humanely dispatch a few that weren't killed outright. I go to pin the rabbit's ears back with a reverse grip around the neck, as I intend to use it's body weight to snap it's neck. It's quick, efficient, and humane......but no, I cannot do that. I'm to hold the thing buy it's rear legs and then whack it at the back of the head with a stick.

"I get it, the academic here is that a sharp blow to the back of the head is a generic way to kill anything", I tell the instructor. No, I must dispatch this animal in the prescribed fashion. Again, I iterate that this is a better method, in this particular case, and I make a point to explain I've likely killed far more rabbits than this SrA has. The Instructor won't budge, so I give this thing a strong whack....and it isn't dead.

Now I do not know if you've ever heard a rabbit scream in pain. It sounds far too much like a small child, and a loud as hell one at that. I'm pissed. I whack it again, and again for good measure, finally killing it with (hopefully) that second blow. I go ahead and then grab the thing as I had originally intended and demonstrate how I had planned on killing the poor creature and how it would have been not only more humane, but silent...which might be important in both a survival and evasion situation. I then proceed to skin and gut the animal so we can cook it as a rough stew.

There wasn't a need to be carrying extra calories around as we were in the mountains of Eastern Washington during late June. We were surrounded by food. Wild Strawberries were in season and while foraging for berries is kind of time consuming, you can pretty much eat the whole plant, and the fields were just FULL of Shasta Daisies. I should note that I had a makeshift spear and got to with 15' of a deer, and while I could've taken the "shot" I knew I'd probably just have wounded it and while it would have been legendary, I wasn't willing to risk it. I wasn't stalking the deer, just came across it while solo, and I think it didn't have a clue what I was for a bit.

We had to do a lot of land navigation training, which for TACPs just out of Tech School it's a bit of a joke as they have a lot more training in much more difficult terrain. As such the Lt got most of the focus and the entire time we're be-bopping around the countryside I'm just harvesting handful after handful of greenery.

Now the Instructor has a Plugger (GPS) and at one point he tells us we need to to to a certain grid and we need to head Southeast. Um, what? "Can you confirm what grid we're at?" He tells us and I tell him he's wrong, we need to go Northeast. He starts to get a bit....uppity(?), restating how he's the Instructor and we have to do as he says. Now of course after a couple decades I have to paraphrase, but I know I basically called bullshit and that this wasn't a Student vs. Instructor thing or even a SSgt. vs. SrA thing, he's just fucking wrong. The TACPs are staying out of it but the Lt is telling me I need to knock it off.

The fuck I do! "Listen....coordinates are just numbers, right? If we are at this number and the 1st half of the number we need to go to increases, we are heading East from our current location. If the second half of the number increases as well, then we also need to head North. If that second half decreases, the we are heading South. Last time I checked if we head North and East from our current location we need to go Northeast. You do not need a GPS or a map to figure this shit out."

The Instructor didn't really pay much attention to my words and countered with something to the effect of, "Well then we should've crossed a small branch heading Northeast from the road we were on." I pointed out there was one not even 100m back "that way". The Instructor stormed off to find said spur/branch while we "rested" and the Lt took the opportunity to try and admonish me, which wasn't going to work....because I was right. It could literally be figured out just by comparing numbers.

We finish that day and then have to make some individual bed-down sites where the Instructors place us. We're quite a distance apart, enough we couldn't see each other if we tried. I took the opportunity to build a nice little camp complete with a small Dakota firepit and was busy brewing some Wild Strawberry Tea when they (pretty sure the whole class was in the general area) came to check on me. It took them a moment to even notice I had a fire, which is kind of the point. "Did you actually build a fire?!" "Was I not allowed to? Nobody said we couldn't....would you like some tea. Tastes just OK, but better than iodine purified water."

I don't really remember much of the next/last day of training except that we gathered all the groups together for the night and one of the Combat Controller (CCT) guys, a Captain, was going around trying to scrounge food for one of his guys. He had this massive CCT Airman that was a fucking brick shithouse of a dude. I have no idea how he managed the swim portion, but these days in the field must have been brutal for such a muscular guy. I was able to give him my entire MRE, save for the instant coffee/creamer/sugar packet I had already eaten. I remember because the Captain was surprised I still had it, but I had been eating like a cow so I hadn't felt like I needed it.

The next day we had to do some escape and evasion, basically trying to make it from the camp to a designated spot. I know some groups got captured and at least my group and another had not, but I don't think that was a skill issue as much as it was who-the-instructors-focused-on issue. We made it to the "extraction bus", but once everyone was safely on the bus, "captured" or not, we were all informed we were now captured and were being the resistance portion of training. All I remember is being slotted into what was basically a large wooden locker tall and wide enough to stand up and turn around comfortably in, locked in, and subjected to way too much Yoko Ono. We had bags on our heads and the "guards" would periodically check in to make sure you were still standing inside and if your weren't, well I do not know what happened but I could hear people being extracted and marched off for a bit and then returned.

This portion only lasted for a day because then we were removed from the field and taken back for a couple of days of resistance/escape classroom training. While several things from training still stick with me, I think I mostly remember the one-handed POW sign language...well at least the letter "Q". After the classroom we went back to the "POW Camp" were they had us strip down naked and went through our stuff rather quickly. It was weird because on some level they did not fuck around and on other stuff, not so much. We were highly encouraged to try and sneak various items in with us. Pretty sure they could have found everything I tried to smuggle in, but they didn't. On the flip side they were harsh with the "strip" portion of the strip search. They did not segregate the women, but they did have them together at the end of the group, where I was. I did see some nude officers, but it was kind of surreal, more like watching a movie with my parents and some nudity comes on the screen and we all just pretend it isn't happening.

History has proven female POWs are not treated well and the course did not sugar coat that fact at all.

One of the items I tried to smuggle in was a fake attempt, as in I wanted them to find it. I had hit the Base Exchange and found what looked liked teacher's stickers to hand out in kindergarten. They were an inch, maybe inch and a half, and said "I did as I was told today." Yeah, that was pretty popular with the guards and I don't know it that helped me smuggle more stuff in or not.

We all had different training scenarios to go through and most everything was being filmed. My first bit was with a "Red Cross Representative" and for the most part it doesn't matter what you do you're going to be "wrong". For example, they might throw, towards your feet, what appears to be a US Flag and if you catch it, it's miraculously the flag of our enemy and if you don't it then looks like you're standing on our flag. With selective editing they can, and will, get whatever they want...eventually.

Now I was trying to be a smartass, because I'm me. I had gotten some info on a guy with the same name as me, and about the same age. There's a few of us. One guy is a concert promoter in NY, another a Principle in Kansas(?), and one in prison for killing a family while drunk-driving. Definitely not me! I knew of a Montana Rancher and had some of his details, so I gave bad info. They had looked up some of my file and tried to verify things and I was able to tell them they had the wrong guy. Some of it was *actually* correct, but I didn't know it was. I did not know the 1st three digits of your Social Security Number (SSN) is based one where you were "born", but not really. I didn't get a SSN until I was five(ish) so the prefix was for where I resided when I got the number, not where I was born. So between my attempts to misdirect and my accidental misdirection, I'm probably more successful than I had hoped. Pretty sure I was actually fucking up this portion, as in not doing what I was supposed to, but whatever.

Then they transitioned to trying to get me to spew out some "enemy" propaganda. They ask me to stand in the corner, pick up this wooden sign, hold it in front of me and read what is written on the back of it. Fortunately for me I can read upside down and backwards so I deliberately hold it upside down and start reading. The Instructor is telling me I'm doing it wrong and I'm all, "No, that's what it says....." He tells me to flip it over, so I do so, exposing the real message they were trying to get me to hold up. He keeps giving me instructions and I'm being the biggest moron possible. "I'm sorry, but it's just so hard to follow directions because I'm hungry and haven't eaten...."

In the middle of all this I manage to damage a cuticle.....a fucking cuticle. Doesn't bother me a bit, but it starts bleeding, which makes the Instructor basically call a "time out" to bring in some kind of medic. I say some kind, because while the guy has a first aid kit, it's a shit first aid kit. He doesn't have any bandage tape or even simple band-aids. Really? I ask if this is "out of scenario" and he confirms it is, so I just drop trousers and flop over my pockets to where I have long strips of bandage tape smuggled in. A small piece and I'm taped up and good-to-go.....but I'm not. Now I'm "injured" and have to wear this yellow armband to show I'm injured so now I cannot do certain exercises.....again....really? It's a fucking cuticle!

I'm eventually released back to my cubby and then pulled out to go to "the box". I can get a little claustrophobic and I really expected to lose my shit when I was folded up like a pretzel and stuffed into a small cubby in a larger bank of small cubbies. The door is locked behind me and it's all I can do to keep from freaking out, at first. Eventually I realize that if I relax a bit, which is difficult but manageable, I can move my hands a bit and wiggle around some. I manage to get out a small flashlight and piece of chalk I had in my waistband. The Battle Dress Uniform (BDU) is doubled up at the waistline and there is room to stuff small items in the space between layers. I'm able to shuffle around a few degrees at a time and end up doing what seemed like a 54 point turn so I'm facing the rear of the box instead of the front like they stuffed me in. Between the flashlight and the chalk I'm able to draw a "Killroy was here" and write the date of a future class (probably not a real class date, but just not mine!) I surprise my captors when they went to pull me out of the box....totally worth it.

We got moved to little POW huts as a group and this is where we were expected to form some kind of escape plan. I wasn't involved in the plan because as a yellow-band the guards tried making me look like a traitor. They handed me a dummy AK47 and expected me to "guard" my fellow prisoners. This AK was pretty impressive as it had a lot of metal and you were even able to make it look like you could cycle it. I pulled the fake bolt back and inserted a stick, making sure it was noticeable to anyone actually paying attention. Every chance I had I had my "rifle" pointed at the actual guards as well. As part of my "job" if anyone had to use the bathroom I had to escort them the the actual bathroom and stand outside saying something like "All you bitches and bastards have to stand back......" I do remember the longer phrase definitely had "bitches and bastards" as part of it. I said it loudly and worth the worst inflections I could manage, I knew I was being filmed but I didn't want anyone to think I was serious.

I had two more exercises, one was an interview with me and one of the TACP airmen where they gave us some food and tried to look all benevolent. I let the Airman eat all the food and insinuated that such rich food (it was just a can of beans) was a bit much for my stomach. I do recall also mentioning how many were in our group, but not much else. The other exercise was basically another interview with the "Commandant" about being released....if we'd agree to something that was against the Geneva Conventions. The one NCO I was with refused and was told to leave the room and after he left I said I'd agree to the the end-effect of what he wanted but not the actual agreement because of the violation. Someone needed to get out.....but I also did not know that a couple of the CCT guys had managed to escape according to their plan, mostly because they had to turn back to finish training.

The POW Camp ended in a spectacular fashion that was actually awesome, but since I assume they still do something similar I would not want to ruin the moment for anyone. Afterwards one of the aircrews bought a keg and we had an impromptu party where I got to do my 1st, and last, keg stand where I did ok all things considered.

Relatively High-Speed Aggressors (Storytime)

2023-12-10T08:21:00.006-07:00

During my time in the Army Air Corps..... just joking.... I was an Air Force Enlisted Terminal Attack Controller working with Army maneuver units ("a drop of blue in a sea of green") we were pretty much red-headed step-children, definitely NOT the poster-boys the career field is today (they literally use some of "my" guys for recruiting posters....). Most of the Air Force didn't know who we were, and more importantly, didn't care.

Now I've never been truly high-speed, jumping out of perfectly good aircraft or swimming to work. While I've never worked with SF or Rangers, I have worked with just about every other type of Army combat unit. Still, compared to "regular" Air Force, I/we were relatively high-speed and I got to learn this during an extended Air Based-Ground Defense (ABGD) training event.

Now for the uninitiated, the Air Force world pretty much revolves around the airfield, which is defended by Security Forces, but when shit-hits-the-fan they'll hand pretty much anybody a fucking rifle and have them man the perimeter..... and in general most Air Force don't really have a clue what a perimeter is and have some issues pointing the bang-stick in the right direction (here's a clue....it's away from the multi-million dollar aircraft). Because of this, anybody that might be assigned to serve as ABGD has to go through some additional training.....and somebody has to be the "bad guys" for this training.

Enter this 1C4 and two of his comrades. Because we're with the Army 24/7 we don't "do" ABGD and command freed us up to help out. We show up at the right time & place with our gear and it's kind of a shit-show. There's a bunch of regular Air Force types and it pretty much looks like they're camping....not being "in the field" but camping....camp fires, smores, and everything....though I didn't recall seeing beer. We show up in MILES gear already setup, our GAU-5Ps (shortened full-auto M16's), and all we have to do is pop the mobiflex (special tent) and dump our gear. That takes all of a half hour and we're just chilling in our tent waiting.......until...

KA-BOOM!

As soon as we hear the explosion, all three up us pop on our helmets, grab our rifles, and start clearing the camp (as we already had our MILES gear on). The rest of the REMFs were quite startled when the idiot accidentally set of a grenade burst simulator and then a bit shocked when they saw us bursting out expecting an attack.....I mean, this was a training event, right? There was one Security Forces rep there and I'd like to think she was impressed, but hell if I know. She just bitched out the moron that was playing with the simulator and decided it was a good time to gather everyone up for a little intro to ABGD Aggressor duties. She asked us to form a line for a little walk-about, but really didn't do shit to actually organize us, so I pulled rank and did so, having one of my guys take point, another trail, while I took lead with "Buffy" (the Security Forces Senior Airman) beside me.

As we headed over towards the training site for ABGD we were able to take a leisurely route along the road. As we got closer she demanded we get off the road into the ditch....reasonable enough. Now I had already scouted the map and at a certain spot I had my point check out the road crossing and when it was clear, started sending everyone over to the ditch on the other side.

Buffy fucking lost her shit because we could be seen crossing the road from one vantage point on the ABGD camp. Frankly I didn't care and I kept the group moving, listening to her bitch and moan. Once we were all over the road my guys linked up on me and I tried to calm Buffy down. Yes, we could be seen if we crossed here, BUT the ABGD camp was basically on a large field at the very edge of the training area. At some point we'd have to cross this one road to access the camp, but what she didn't realize.....not sure if she had actually looked at the map, or walked the area, herself...was that this crossing spot was better than most anywhere else AND it gave us access to a creek bank at the base of the hill. The creek ran along maybe 75% of the camp's accessible side and by entering here we can use the creek and trees as cover to come up anywhere we wanted with near impunity. The only places we didn't have great access to were the front and rear gates, but even then it was better than crossing the roads at the gates.

My guys agreed & backed me up. You could pretty much see the light-bulb moment when she realized that we actually had an effing clue as to what we were doing. Ended up kind of biting us in the ass because now we were in demand for almost every training op they had. Get a quick brief, play out the scenario, rest for a few hours, then repeat......

I honestly don't remember if it was three or four days of missions, but it culminated in a mass night-time attack where we had to push until dead. I still call bullshit to this day, but I got killed rushing a machine gun nest from it's rear. My rifle jammed bad (fucking Vietnam-era POS...got a brass wedged in somewhere it isn't supposed to fit.) and I allegedly got killed by a grenade. Not a simulator mind you, but some REMF shouting "grenade" and them miming throwing one (ok, I assumed the miming part). Dude, I was still a good 30 yards away and you want me to believe you successfully lobbed a grenade through a thick stand of trees, at night, with no NVGs? Whatever, what was I going to do, butt-stroke the fuckers?

The training event completed, we were deemed "high-speed" enough to get on the short list for ABGD Aggressors. I only got to do the training one more time. On that trip I managed to sever their commo lines and just walk in to their ammo supply point. The OCs wouldn't let me steal their Hummer and ammo, nor was I allowed to simulate destroy everything. After that it was like, "What's the point?"

ALS Story (NSFW)

2022-09-12T13:26:00.003-06:00

A lifetime ago, when I was in the Air Force, I had to scramble to attend Airman Leadership School (ALS) because I was going to be deployed, and make Staff Sergeant (SSgt) "downrange". Now my career field keeps us well away from "regular" Air Force and we normally went to a specific Air Force base for ALS, but this small base on the other side of the country was able to do me a solid. Normally their capacity is just enough for the Airmen on base, but I was allowed to attend with five other Airmen as a six-week Temporary Duty (TDY). I was the first from my career field to attend this particular school and at the time most Airmen have no clue what I did, so fish-out-of-water is an appropriate analogy.

The first morning of class is largely just getting to know the other students attending ALS and it is really easy to figure out the six of us there TDY since we didn't know anyone else, while everyone else did. One of the six was this woman who was simply waaaaaay too cocky. Now I'm used to working with cocky guys, but 99% of the time they can back up every bit of smack they talk. It doesn't take much small talk to figure out this Senior Airman (SrA) probably slept her way to her promotion. I say that because she married her supervisor and a few of us speculated openly that he helped her with promotion points and testing. I'm sure any vets, especially Air Force, can say that fraternization is more than frowned upon.

Right off the bat this SrA is telling everyone who is listening (actively or not) how she is going to "win" the Honor Graduate Award for our class. She immediately starts brown-nosing the cadre and I know I'm not the only one who thought we'd be in for an interesting six weeks of ALS. Even though it generally isn't allowed, I had an issued Government Vehicle for this course and got to use it to drive the 40 miles or so from Billeting (Hotel) and the ALS course. Since Uncle Sam is paying for gas I quickly start driving three of the other TDY students, two Security Police and a Weather guy, back and forth. We were all in the same flight with the cocky SrA and we probably spent too much time making fun of her, especially her constant brown-nosing. These conversations usually started with, "Did you see what your sister was doing today?"

Fast forward a week or so and it's my turn to be "in charge" of the students for the day as we had a rotating class leader. Now I did as my Supervisor/NCO would do and took off early (i.e. left billeting earlier than normal) to stop at a local downtown bakery to bring everyone a large assortment of assorted pastries for breakfast, more than enough for the 50 or so students and teachers. I'm making pretty good TDY Per Diem so it really isn't a strain. Of course my "sister" had to complain loudly for anyone to hear that I was just trying to suck up for the Honor Graduate Award. At the end of the course two of the criteria for that award is how the students thought of you and how the instructors thought of you (both were rankings). I was genuinely trying to do something nice because I could and I'll admit the suggestion otherwise left me a little pissed. I had to get everybody's attention and tell the class that if anyone happens to actually think I'm trying to buy a Honor Graduate vote four weeks from now I'd appreciate it if they just go ahead and make use of the trash cans at the front or the back of the room. The "and you can go fuck yourself" wasn't said, but heavily implied.

By the third week things are starting to get interesting. My little carpool group has made going out drinking every Thursday night a thing and for some reason the instructors seem to like the fact we come in Fridays hungover and/or reeking....something to the effect of, "Look, the students are bonding!" or some such. The third week is when we also start student planning our graduation. Due to an on-base exercise we're restricted to using the NCO Club, the same club that we've been hitting up on Thursdays. We had a group study/planning session and as a class we decide we'll have three student speakers....and my "sister" immediately volunteers to be a speaker. Very much a suck-up move because nobody wants to be a speaker. I get it, public speaking is close to the top of most people's phobia list....I know it was on my "sister's" list, just that her need for attention outweighs her fear. I'm guessing she thinks that if she falls on that grenade it will be remembered when it comes time to vote. Now really I only think this, (I kept this suspicion to myself)......because immediately heard from others that they knew she was afraid of public speaking, because she told them, and they mirrored my rationale as to why she is doing it. I have no such compunction and was voluntold to be one of the speakers, and if I'd not been drinking during the study session I think I'd have been smart enough to say "no". My guess I agreed to do it to be a bot of a dick, 'cause I was (am, whatever).

Now I'm thinking something needs to be done to knock this a-bit-stuck-up-SrA down a peg and I'm not quite sure what or how, but I definitely get my chance the next week when I, shit you not, catch her blowing her highlighter during class. She's got one of those big fat pink highlighters and slobbing on it like a $5 crack whore. Best I can do is get one of my buddies to see before she finishes whatever caused her to break out the highlighter in the first place. Now I wish I could say that was the biggest thing that happened that day, but it wasn't. Our classes were 50' long with a 10' break and at the beginning of one of the classroom sessions a few of us were talking and not paying close enough attention, myself included.

"ROOM ATTENTION!"

The instructor called us to attention then singled me out for talking and told me to wait for him outside his office. I am soooo fucked, but I deserve it. For the next 45' I'm at Parade Rest outside his door until the next break. The break finally comes and the students file by, making fun of me...as they should, and the the instructor comes by and ushers me into his office. "What do you have to say for yourself?" My reply was, "Welcome to the 69th Air Wing <Name> Airman Leadership School, MSgt <Another Name> Commanding, Thank You and Have a Nice Day!" Now the instructor has no clue why I'm stating this like a mantra, so I step to the side and open up his office door. All you can see through the doorway is the ALS Welcome Sign on the opposite side of the hallway. I had just spent 45' reading, and re-reading, that sign over and over.

My instructor laughs, tells me to shut the door, and to sit down....I'm not in trouble. Most of the class was being a bit too casual and he figured an example would shape them up and he figured I could take it. He then opens up his desk drawer, grabs something, and tosses it to me. It's a rubber dog bone. He proceeds to tell me that the instructors have noted that some of us have been "bonding" and we could use something else to bond over. I'm to take this dog bone and keep it until someone in class does something "stupid"(?). At that point I'm supposed to interrupt the class, make up some story, and formally present the dog bone as some kind of travelling trophy. Can do SSgt!

Now on the way home I tell the guys about the dog bone and of course about what their "sister" had done with the highlighter. In the course of the conversation I joke about how watching that performance made me hard. Kind of important to note that at this point it is Wednesday of week four......and now we can fast forward to the next day (Thursday).

One of my fellow students does something dumb and I stop class to present the dog bone. I try to make the presentation quick, explaining how I earned the dog bone, yadda...yadda...yadda and I'm still talking as I make my way back to my seat when one of my carpool buddies interjects, "That wasn't the only bone he got yesterday!" The instructor asks for SrA Idiot to explain and I boldly interrupt stating, "I'm sorry, but if SrA Idiot tells that story I will be kicked out of Airman Leadership School." Now if anyone wasn't paying a lot of attention, they sure were now! I continue, "It's not the story itself, but if SrA Idiot continues that story I swear by everything I hold holy I will come across this desk and choke him out." Yeah...that statement went over like a fart in church. I can see a rather uncomfortable look spread across the instructors face and while I was 110% serious, I need to back-pedal. "Thing is it IS Thursday, and if any of you really want to hear this story feel free to join us at the NCO Club at 2100 and I'll tell you the story myself at 2200!"

Much to my surprise not only do most of my fellow student show up for beers and storytime, but three of the four instructors do as well. We all have a few drinks and 2200 rolls around. I get up and I start telling the story of finding a classmate going down on a pink highlighter. I take the time to really work up the details, but I leave out who was doing it. Now there weren't too many women in my ALS class but my sister is just glaring daggers at the other woman from my flight that was in attendance. It occurred to me, in the moment, that the logo/writing on the side of the highlighter had been rubbed off, or sucked off as I put it. As I'm wrapping up what was a extended short story I've managed to work my way around behind my "sister" and I conclude by outing her as the heroine in the story.

This could have completely backfired on me, but it knocked her down a peg and we thought that it'd be the end of her sucking up for Honor Grad. Of course it wasn't but there really wasn't much more I could do......until.....

That base exercise that was restricting us to the NCO Club extended a bit more than expected. We thought we'd have lunch at one location and then have graduation at the NCO Club, but everything had to be at the club. Personally I preferred this, because a bonus was that we'd get to use the numerous TVs around the club to display pictures we all took during class. As soon as we learned about this stroke of luck a few of us started carrying cameras around all the time (this was well before everyone carried a camera phone) and in a stroke of luck I was able to capture a picture of my "sister" once again working the highlighter like a pro.

Guess who was in charge of the graduation luncheon slideshow? All the pictures were on a timer and I made sure the last picture up, for about 3x as long as the others, was of her and the highlighter. The slide show ended pretty much when she was taking the podium to give her speech. I highly doubt any of our guests even noticed, but most of my classmates knew there was a surprise towards the end. After graduation one of the other women (coincidentally the one "sister" was glaring at when I was telling my story) took up a collection of everybody's highlighters, put them in a pencil bag, and gave them to her in front of everyone so she'd have something "for the ride home".

This One Time, at the Strip Club....

2021-08-10T18:50:00.000-06:00

I recently shared this old story from back in my Air Force days and thought, for better or for worse, I should share here because, wel reasons.

Back when I had but one stripe to lose and was stationed at Ft Lewis someone discovered an ad in the paper for some rather busty bimbo making the rounds appearing at the local Deja Vue. The ad had little more than a headshot and the copy stating "THEY'RE HUGE!!!", which became our catch-phrase for the week.

Friday rolls around and since we're paying a buck or two to wear civvies it is decided that we should have a unit luncheon at Deja Vue (THEY'RE HUGE!!!) as they have a free lunch buffet. I'm one of the guys eating his shitty lunch just off of the stage and then "She" comes out. They were rather large and nice, but definitely not "huge" in the comical way some are today. She was damn fine though.

After reverse motorboating one of my brothers, and totally fucking up his glasses, she drags out this little kiddie pool and proceeds to strip and pour a pitcher or water slowly over her body. She's only wearing a lei and a smile. Good times. As part of her routine she flicks some water on some of us. I motion "bring it on" and she tosses some more water at me. Another hand motion and she just empties the pool back into the pitcher, pours it all over me (definitely not as hot as when she did it the 1st time). Then she kisses me on the cheek and gives me her lei.

I remember getting back to the shop and rolling out of someone else's car shouting out to the unit, "I GOT LEI'D!!!".....yeah, it ends up the unit had some VIPs, including some female officers, visiting the unit and it was quickly decided that my ass had to be hidden away for a spell.

Later that evening another brother, Mike, and I go back to the club....why not, my admission from lunch was still good. We see her evening show and Mikey pays for a picture with her, then we stay for some other strip-shows.

Now Mike had this one interesting....peculiarity(?) he had which was that he was convinced that beautiful women were always checking him out. While we're sitting in the middle of the room having a beer and watching this hot blonde strip he starts up (again). "Dude...she's totally checking me out." Sure Mike....sure. After a bit more of this I'm at least humoring him and no shit, it does look like she's paying him waaaaay too much attention. I remember thinking just how painful this attention is going to be for future me, especially when her set ends and holy f##k....she's coming to our table.....

.....Where she totally ignores Mike to talk with me! I got a couple free lap dances and an invitation for a private show, which I got for about half the going rate. Now I've never been so conceited to think anything other than I was her mark of choice for the moment and I'm sure I left the club with no money in my wallet, but to be able to put Mike in his place back then and to remind him almost 30 years later......well worth it!

Twofer Tuesday: Kimchi Grilled Cheese Sandwich and Chipotle Mayo

2021-04-27T22:54:00.004-06:00

So now that I have my homemade Kimchi recipe down I've been enjoying it much more frequently than I had been before. I liked Kimchi, but the stuff I had been buying was downright ......effervescent? The brand I had bought (as recently just tossed) is actually a little carbonated because it was fermented so long.

Since I now had stuff I liked I decided I'd brush off my version of the best grilled cheese sandwich that I ever had, courtesy of a little grilled cheese shop in the Columbus OH, North Market that (IIRC) was called The Best of the Wurst.

I think there are other, more successful places with the same name, but if you're in Columbus and have the opportunity to go to the North Market.....hit this place up. I loved everything I've had there, but the Kimchi Grilled Cheese sandwich rocked my world, for more than one reason. It's great, obviously, but this sandwich introduced me to not just one knew flavor, but two. Because of this, consider this post a bit of a twofer.

The Kimchi Grilled Cheese Sandwich is pretty easy:

Sourdough Bread
Gruyère Cheese
Chipotle Mayo
Kimchi

Now the hard part for me is the cheese.....it's kind of pricey and usually only available in a small wedge, but I lucked out and found one market in town that had it not only at a decent price, but available sliced as thick as you like at the deli.

Lay down your bread, lay down some Chipotle Mayo....what, you don't have Chipotle Mayo? That's the twofer and the best DIY condiment you NEED to be making, so I'll loop around to making that at the end of this post. Anyway, Sourdough Bread & Chipotle Mayo go on first, followed by sliced Gruyère Cheese. Put those identical halves together with a little Kimchi in the middle and grill. I grill mine for about 6 minutes dry (i.e. no butter) on my George Forman grill.

Soooooo good.

OK, so this fancy Chipotle Mayo is the best stuff, but also the easiest thing to make. All you need to do is take one of those little cans of Chipotle in Adobo Sauce and toss it in your blender. Blend until smooth and add a little (like start off with a 1/2 tsp to a couple cups) to some mayo. The color should be a pinkish-orange, but go by taste. I make a small jar of Chipotle Mayo and keep it in the fridge and usually I end up having to throw out the majority of the blended Chipotle in Adobo Sauce because so little goes in the mayo.

I do consider Chipotle Mayo to be actual awesomesauce.

Budae Jjigae

2021-04-03T21:01:00.001-06:00

So I got my second batch of Kimchi made and I loved how it came out. Just perfect for my needs.....not too spicy or overly fermented. The stuff I usually buy is just..OK, but it is quite fermented so it has a bit of a "fizz" to it.

Anyway, now I need to eat the Kimchi. Obviously I enjoy it as-is, but it also can serve as an ingredient in other dishes, one of which is Budae Jjigae, or Korean Army Stew. The link is to the base recipe I followed, and the lead-in graphic is pretty much what I actually used. Cool thing is you don't need to follow either recipe perfectly....

The proteins

I am not even boasting when I say that this dish came out beautifully. I was beyond thrilled how this tasted.....it was better than the last time I had it in Korea at a restaurant. Granted I might be biased, but since I bought the ingredients I was able to tweak things to my personal liking, so it should have been better. Things like choosing all-beef hotdogs and upping the amount of my Kimchi.

Added mushrooms

With my (technically old) job I got to go to Korea for two weeks. The company I worked for was kind of a PITA when it came to travelling because they seemed to not want us to use the company credit card to pay for meals, even though it literally was the reason we were issued one. Their rules were almost draconian and a buddy & I went to this one Korean restaurant for dinner where we had a version of Budae Jjgae. The dinner for two of us was pretty much the price of dinner for one everywhere else, but I was paying for dinner with my company card and we knew the company would loose their shit that I was paying for two....that's just how they rolled.

Kimchi and Sauce

When the receipt came it was completely in Korean! This wasn't actually common on this trip as many receipts were either dual-language or in English. We both got way too much of a laugh thinking about how pissed the ladies processing our travel vouchers were going to be with South Korean Won and Hangul.

Now I would share the recipe here (outside of the recipe card I already did), but since I got it from another site, you should go there instead. Cool thing is on that site you can print out a recipe card and change the serving sizes easily. I would just reiterate that you can be a bit fast & loose on this as you like....it should still be good.

Finished Dish

Pickled Red Onions

2021-03-26T12:34:00.000-06:00

Listen....I know I've been on this food kick, more like a pickle kick, lately. I'm rounding the turn to the end goal here and to be honest all this stuff has been spread out over nearly three months....it's just that I have been shitty about documenting it all, which is partly why I've been blogging in the first place.

Not so much "something to do" as "where can I find my notes to do this again?" If someone else gleans some good details from here, so be it....a twofer.

Now I may have started with the pickled veggies as whole pickles, but the next thing I tried my hand at were some simple pickled red onions. This was so easy to do and a lot of bang-for-your-buck. These make a great condiment you can put on just about anything. I did two batches and gave a buddy one and he happily reports they go great on his morning eggs.

Now I didn't just make this up out of thin air, but stumbled across it on YouTube, specifically Ethan Chlebowski's channel. He's not my favorite YouTuber.......I haven't really thought about why or why not, but I suspect that a lot of his content just doesn't hit home with me (sorry Ethan....keep up the good work though!), but his video on Pickled Onions....is some good content.

Easy to follow along and right off the bat he pitches why you should have pickled onions in your fridge....and I have to agree.

Pickled Red Onions

Red Onions
Water
Vinegar
Salt

Thinly slice the red onion and pack into jar. Boil equal amounts water and vinegar and add a good pinch of salt. Bring liquid to boil and add to onions. Seal jar and place in fridge.

I used one of those fancy-schmancy flip-top jars, IIRC a liter jar, and one bag of four red onions filled it damned near perfectly. I found letting the jar cool down to room temp before placing in the fridge helped the onions "pink up" much faster. I tend to let my pickles stay at room temp for a couple days before refrigerating, but that's how I roll.

More Pickles! Condiment Pickles

2021-03-25T15:55:00.003-06:00

I've clearly been doing a lot of pickles lately. I do like cooking, but big meals....they can be expensive and a lot of work....and if you need to experiment and tweak, that's a lot more money and time and....you can only eat this big meal so often.

Condiments on the other hand. Relatively cheap & easy. Sure some might take a lot of effort, but then I get to use those condiments a lot more often than I would for any individual meal. Condiments get a lot more mileage and can lift up a lot of other meals.

After doing some vegetables, eggs, onions, cucumbers, and even Kimchi I figured I was done, well maybe not done....done, but not really branching out any more. I'm going to go back and tweak my basic vegetable pickles and I have a crapload of other pickles to eat up.

Then I watched this video about food prep. I'm not planning on doing any fancy food prep, but I like the channel and I'm already watching YouTube.....

Hmm......I like the idea of a simple vegetable pickle as an ingredient. My earlier vegetable pickles were to enjoy on their own. This is much closer to the red onion pickles, which are awesome btw (I'll post about that later) and outside of carrots & potatoes.....I really haven't done diddly squat with root vegetables, well maybe Daikon, but that's something I should have totally included....note to self.

Quick Vegetable Pickle Condiment

Rutabagas
Parsnips
Turnips
Carrots

Notice I didn't add quantities here.....I got one big rutabaga and one bag each of parsnips, turnips, and julienned carrots. Peel and julienne all the vegetables and mix well. Pack into jars and fill with brine. Seal and leave to pickle for three days then refrigerate.

2 cups Water
1.5 cups Vinegar
3 Tablespoons Salt
3 Tablespoons Sugar
2 Dried Chile de Arbol
4 Allspice

This is the basic brine........I ended up needing 3x the quantity above, so if following along I'd start with a triple batch of brine. Mix everything together and bring to a boil.

As mentioned before, I could see adding Diakon, but radishes in general would work and if you could get some other colored versions of these vegetables, the final product would look a lit nicer.

Initial Cooking Fail Fixed on a Second Pass: Kimchi

2021-03-25T15:25:00.004-06:00

Spending too much time at home usually leads to just a couple options for me: eat too much, watch too much, or do too much.

I figure why do anything half-assed? I can try to do all three.

My attempt for this is largely to try cooking/kitchen stuff while watching TV (well, more YouTube than anything) and then eating said results. Win/Win/Win....right?

Well except for when my kitchen projects result in failure, or at least partial failures.

After doing all kinds of pickles, a bunch of which I haven't even posted about yet, I decided I wanted to try me some Kimchi. I found a cooking YouTube channel that I adore....one of several, that had a Kimchi recipe. I tried following it as close to the letter as I could and....it did NOT work out. I'd love to blame the video, but there was a warning embedded and I can be an idiot....

Too salty and weak colored

Now I couldn't find an asian pear, so I used some regular pears, which worked fine. Two things I think did not work out, well one definitely didn't work out: I did not get my cabbage rinsed well enough. The end result tasted decent enough, save for the fact it was way too salty.

Ugh.

I had to try again and this time fix that error and one more: I used some Chinese Red Pepper flakes. Nope, you really should use the Korean Red Pepper flakes. Nothing else will work as well, at least according to some other Kimchi videos I watched. I went ahead and stopped by my favorite Korean Market and picked up the good pepper and a way-too-expensive (but so tasty) Asian Pear. As luck would have it I found some cheaper Diakon there and chatted up the owner. He doesn't eat Kimchi, but he makes the stuff they sold there and he told me that he salts his cabbage for 24 hours and rinses it excessively and drains it for a couple of hours.

Kimchi

1 Nappa Cabbage
1 Diakon
2 bunches Green Onion
1 Package Julienne Carrots

Quarter & core the cabbage then cut into 1 inch strips. Heavily salt the cabbage, massaging the salt into the cabbage and allow to sweat out all the water possible. Set aside in an appropriate container for 24 hours. Rinse multiple times and squeeze out as much water as possible. Soak, rinse & repeat until the cabbage is not very salty. When squeezing the cabbage, pretend it owes you money or wronged you in a past life!

Cut the onions into half-inch to one inch pieces, and the Diakon into desired slices and toss all the vegetables with the wilted cabbage.

2" Peeled Ginger
1 Asian Pear (or a couple regular pears), peeled/cored & chopped
6 cloves peeled garlic
1/4 cup Fish Sauce
1/4 to 1/3 cup Korean Red Pepper Flakes

Better color and flavor

Place all the ingredients (just the 5 listed above) in a blender or food processor and blend as finely as possible.

Toss all ingredients together (best wear gloves!) and pack tightly into jars. Cap loosely and use an airlock if you have one. Set aside for a few days (I prefer about 6), up to a week. When the Kimchi is fermented enough, it'll get a little "fizzy" as it ages, cap tightly and refrigerate.

I could easily see adding other vegetables or ratio of vegetables to customize your Kimchi mix.

Fixing my Cast-Iron Pan

2021-03-25T11:53:00.001-06:00

Not so much a hack as a fix.

I recently purchased a new cast-iron frying pan....a big one from Lodge. It's been a while since I have purchased a new cast-iron anything, and I was not aware that Lodge has changed how they made & sold their products.

My norm was to take any new cast-iron home, give it a good cleaning, and then start the seasoning process. These days Lodge has gone ahead and started pre-seasoning their products.

Sounds like a good shortcut, no?

Yeah....not so much.

The pre-seasoning on their products isn't the best. The coating is a bit uneven and the end results are not better than just doing it yourself. Of course I just seasoned over the top of what was there and that was OK for a good bit, but not all, of my cooking. My attempts at seasoning didn't fill-in the uneven areas, just took that uneven profile and basically raised it.

Thankfully there is a fix, which I found here:

Initial Grind

Sanding it down to bare-metalish was easier than expected. I really thought it'd be harder than it was. Cleanup was more difficult, but still nothing to sneeze at. Then I just needed to start re-seasoning. My oil of choice is Grapeseed oil....because it was easiest for me to find at the grocery store.

This is where it started at.

One seasoning later...

After one coat....

Two seasonings later...

After a second coat...

Now I did a total of four coats, and while the bronze color did intensify, it wasn't significant enough in the photos I took. To the naked eye, big difference. I'm not sure if it was the lighting in the kitchen or my camera flash, but the subsequent pics weren't worthwhile.

The finish is nice and smooth now. I'm sure the pan needs to be broken-in and used a lot more, but with a smooth bottom it'll get used more often now.

Bread & Butter Pickles

2021-03-08T20:15:00.002-07:00

Since I've been spending a lot of time home alone trying not to spend money, I've needed something to do. In the last couple weeks I've done a LOT of pickles.

Yes, started with vegetables, and then I went to eggs (which I haven't posted yet), then I went to salt-cured eggs (again, future post) and then pickled onions (OMG, amazing and I'll post that one next). Basically I've been fiddle-farting around with a bunch of new pickles and ferments.........oh yeah, getting back into my Sourdough as well, but the one thing I haven't done is straight up "regular" pickles.

I do have two recipes for pickles from one of my Grandmothers and one of them I've actually been wanting to eat for some time, so today was the day to make some Bread & Butter Pickles....but I couldn't find my cookbook where I recorded the recipe!

^%!$@

Luckily I managed to figure out that I had typed it up on an online Google Document, so I was good to go...after getting supplies from the store. The recipe I had written down was for twice the amount that I ended up making, but the brine/syrup/liquid listed was good for the half batch I made tonight, so lucky me. A big bonus was that I picked up my cucumbers at Walmart where they had smaller cucumbers in 2# bags, which was convenient.

Bread & Butter Pickles

2 qts Thick sliced cucumbers (about 4 pounds)

2 medium Sliced onions

1/2 cup Pickling Salt

Combine and let stand in ice water for 2 to 3 hours. Drain well

5 cups Sugar

3 cups Vinegar

1 tsp Celery Seed

1 tsp Mustard Seed

1/2 tsp Ground Tumeric

Combine mixture with cucumbers and onions. Bring to boil and pack into sterilized jars. Cover with liquid and seal.

Notes: The cucumbers and onions look like they were way too much for the liquid, but they cooked down some as everything heated up. I just packed into clean jars and did not seal, since I just put them into the fridge. I was able to get one half-gallon jar and three pint jars of pickles from all this.

Vegetable Pickle Experimentation

2021-02-26T21:39:00.003-07:00

Yep, this is not only my second post this month, but my second cooking post in a row.......strap in, 'cause I have a few more cooking posts coming up, because I'm stuck at home and haven't got that much better to be doing other than working on projects of one sort or another.

Now that I have some peppered vinegar I decided I should try to use some to make pickled vegetables. While I'm at it I figured I'd also try to make some lacto-acid fermented pickled veggies as well.

I started by gathering a bunch of veggies, mostly cauliflower, carrots, green beans, daikon, and green onions. I did also chop up some peppers (serrano, jalapeno, and thai), but they weren't in each batch of pickles.

I broke out a set of six half-gallon mason jars and filled them about 3/4 of the way with a mix of veggies. Half of the jars were filled with the seasoned vinegar and the other half were filled with a mix of Apple Cider and White Vinegar (roughly 2/3 & 1/3).....I wanted just Apple Cider Vinegar, but I didn't have enough.

Some spices went into every jar, some additional just in the "regular" set, and from there three additional spice mixtures were made so I could compare similar spices in vegetables with the differing vinegar bases.

It gets confusing quick, so I had to make a little chart. Instead of posting that I'll just put down each jar and everything that isn't the veggies:

Jar A : Seasoned Vinegar/Water (50/50), 2-3 whole cloves Garlic, 1T Coriander, 1t Mustard Seed, 1t whole Black Peppercorns, 1t Celery Salt (04Mar21 Notes: Hot & Spicy with strong after-taste 2nd best of the lot)

Jar B : Apple Cider/White Vinegar mix/Water (50/50), 4 whole cloves Garlic, 3-4 whole Thai Chilis, 2 thick-sliced Serrano Chilies, 2 thick-sliced Jalapeno Chilies, 1T Coriander, 1t Mustard Seed, 1t whole Black Peppercorns, 1t Celery Salt (04Mar21 Notes: Not as hot & spicy as Jar A, but sharper "pickle" taste/sensation; best pickle of the group)

Jar C : Seasoned Vinegar/Water (50/50), 2-3 whole cloves Garlic, 1T Coriander, 1t Mustard Seed, 1t Cumin, 1 dried Bay Leaf, 1/2t Oregano (04Mar21 Notes: Kind of a savory [?] compared to others, with hot & spicy undertones; just "OK")

Jar D : Apple Cider/White Vinegar mix/Water (50/50), 4 whole cloves Garlic, 3-4 whole Thai Chilis, 2 thick-sliced Serrano Chilies, 2 thick-sliced Jalapeno Chilies, 1T Coriander, 1t Mustard Seed, 1t Cumin, 1 dried Bay Leaf, 1/2t Oregano (04Mar21 Notes: Very "meh", closest to what I would think of as a grocery store weak pickle; worst of the lot)

Jar E : Seasoned Vinegar/Water (50/50), 2-3 whole cloves Garlic, 1T Coriander, 1t Mustard Seed, 2 Allspice berries, 3 Cardamom pods, 2 whole cloves (04Mar21 Notes: Hot & spicy with "interesting" notes I cannot quite place)

Jar F : Apple Cider/White Vinegar mix/Water (50/50), 4 whole cloves Garlic, 3-4 whole Thai Chilis, 2 thick-sliced Serrano Chilies, 2 thick-sliced Jalapeno Chilies, 1T Coriander, 1t Mustard Seed, 2 Allspice berries, 3 Cardamom pods, 2 whole cloves (04Mar21 Notes: Not as hot & spicy as Jar "E", but weird after-taste that is definitely from the cardamom and maybe the cloves interaction; don't add cardamom again!)

The lacto-fermented pickled vegetables.....evidently I failed to right down what spices I used. Ugh. Looking at the jar I can see Corriander, Black Peppercorns, and I think some Mustard Seeds. I know I didn't measure. Instead of vinegar, a simple brine is used (1T salt per cup of water) along with a couple packets of Starter Culture from Cutting Edge Cultures. These pickles are going to take a while to ferment, probably at least 10 days.

I'll update this post when I get some taste-testing in......

Making Some Peppered Vinegar

2021-02-26T12:02:00.001-07:00

This last Christmas I made my fermented hot sauce again. As part of that "build" I decided to go ahead and make some spiced vinegar instead of using just plain vinegar in the hot sauce. One of my recipients has a wife who's very allergic to one of the ingredients, so I figured the spiced vinegar would have to do for them as a gift.......also, I like the stuff so good enough reason.

The spiced vinegar is essentially a "tea" made from white vinegar, dried peppers, and some garlic. That's it. Everything was placed in a clean 5 gallon bucket with a gamma lid and left to rest for a month. The initial "pull" of vinegar was just what I could draw off the top using a big ladle and a filtered funnel to keep out the inevitable pepper that got into the ladle. I'm not sure how much vinegar was left when I was done, but I essentially had a half-full bucket of wet peppers.

I knew there is a LOT of goodness still left in the bucket, so I went ahead and filled it back up with white vinegar and left it to steep for two months. I only got a gallon and a half or so out of the second steeping, but they peppers still looked good so I'm going for another batch of spiced vinegar. This time though I went ahead and ran all the vinegar-sogged peppers through a food processor, which shredded it quite a bit and compacted the lot quite a bit. I added a couple more heads of garlic, sliced roughly, and almost a pound of red pepper powder from the Korean Store here in town. I was able to get somewhere between three and four gallons of white vinegar into the bucket and I'll let this last bit steep for several months for a final batch.

One thing I did do though is reserve a good bit of the pepper mash, about 2 1/2 pints worth, added two heads of garlic and a little bit of the seasoned pepper and 1.6% salt. Blended well and packed into jars I now have some Garlic Chilli paste for cooking with.

Ok....I'm sure you've gotten to this point and have been thinking...."That's nice Chris, but you haven't really given me much to go on....."

True, but while the reason I was even screwing around with this second and then potential third batch is because one of my brothers asked me if I had any more of the vinegar because he was almost out, and another had asked me how I made it. I figured I'd go ahead and hook the former up with his own setup using a 2 gallon dispenser I literally had laying around:

Pepper Seasoned Vinegar

Ingredients

Dried Peppers

1/3# Chile de Arbol

1/3# Chile Puya

1/3# Chile Guajillo

4 Heads Garlic

1C Korean Powdered Pepper Flakes

2 gallons White Vinegar

2 Gallon Vessel (Bucket, Dispenser, etc)

The dried chilies, and the garlic, were purchased from the local Mexican food market and the dried pepper flakes were from the Korean market. The weights for the dried peppers are just approximate, but by in-the-bag volume I went with a ratio of equal amounts the larger Guajillo peppers and a combo of smaller Puya and Arbol peppers. Do you need to use those exact peppers? Heck no. Grab what looks good, get extra, and just go nuts. These peppers and the garlic came out to $6.35. Now the powdered pepper flakes were $4.50 for a 1# bag and might be a bit much since I only used a cup. You could easily just grab some more/different dried peppers in its place....again, go nuts.

Peel and slice the garlic, and layer what you can in your vessel. I used an extra 2 gallon dispenser I had previously used for making Kombucha (which I learned I don't care for that much). Fill that bad boy up with your dry ingredients and then fill in the rest with vinegar. You should easily get a gallon in and probably more.

Total cost, including the jar and the extra vinegar that didn't go into the jar.....$24....and half the cost was the jar! If you want to be pessimistic and assume we only got in one gallon of white vinegar and were only able to get one infusion's worth of vinegar, then you get a cost of $12 a gallon, or roughly 10¢ an ounce.

When you figure the cheapest peppered vinegar (only one type of pepper) runs 30¢ an ounce and the high-end stuff runs $3.00 an ounce, doing a little kitchen work not only pays off, but gets you some fancy-schmancy dividends, er vinegar.

Companies are "People" Legally, but Should they have a Political Opinion, and Should I Care?

2020-10-22T17:38:00.005-06:00

I know, I know.....I haven't posted much lately.

This isn't a real post, but a short rant and wish. We've got an election coming up in just a couple weeks and I for one cannot wait for it to come and go.

I'm tired of the hate

I'm tired of the idiocy

I'm tired of close-mindedness

I'm tired of the bullshit

...and I'm tired of companies campaigning for candidates, telling me how I should vote. I don't want to know about your corporate politics and I assume your stumping for a candidate means you don't want my business anymore.

A Quick Social Engineering Story

2020-04-20T15:08:00.001-06:00

Shorty story about having fun at the grocery store.....as some of you may know I worked grocery for a few years, but this was me as a customer.

I was in another freakin time-zone and on my way to a game convention when I stopped at a grocery store for supplies. This was one of those places where you needed an established account to get the advertised sale prices*. The cashier, a woman of about 50, asked for my account number and when I told her I didn't have one because I live 2,000 miles away from this chain of stores, she just asked me for my phone number because she could look me up by phone number.

Wow......ok. I replied "867-5309."

The bagger, a young man in his early 20's with Down's starts laughing....he gets it.

The cashier? Not a clue.....just asks me "what area code". I tell her "whatever area code we're in right now". She's clearly confused, but types it in as I suggest...

Of course the "code" works.....

....it always works. Anytime you need a phone number for some savings, try Jenny's Number....it ALWAYS works. There is always that one guy.

*If you make me sign up for an account to get coupons and sale prices basically so you can get me to pay via marketing information, just know I'll be a gay 68 year-old Jewish black woman with 12 children and an annual income of roughly $750k.....and I'll fill in every other demographic just as poorly.

Wow...it HAS been a long, long time.

2020-04-09T19:58:00.002-06:00

I know it has been close to five years now since I last posted to this blog....long enough that anyone stumbling on this site might be all "WTFO?" and "Why bother coming back after so long....or even at all?"

Well to be honest I haven't actually stopped blogging, I just stopped on this blog...pretty much because this blog is personal, with stuff about me and my life. Not too long after my last post I discovered that my wife was...well, the long and short of it is that she chose another guy over me and we got divorced. The divorce itself took 6 or 7 months. I didn't take pretty much any of it well and life really kind of sucked for far too long. I came close to losing everything.......

I lucked out and got an odd job offer....in Oklahoma. The odd parts was I thought I was interviewing for a position, but the "interview" turned more into "You're approved, how freaking fast can you get down here?" I had about three weeks to sell my house, find a place to live, and move across country. This was May 2018 and when I got here I was told I didn't actually have a job

Wait....what?

That only lasted a couple weeks, dumb story for another time, and I got started working as an instructor at Ft. Sill.

I thought I'd rent a house for six months, a year tops, and then I'd buy a house. Remember when I said I almost lost everything? Well that was mostly because, well stuff I don't want to get into, but it screwed with my credit and I'm still in a rental, still with some things packed in boxes.

So my timeline from my last post goes something like 9 months separated, 7 months divorcing, 16 months struggling, and 23 months working at the new job. I've considered getting back to NSRM for a while now, and this whole COVID-19 "staycation" has given me ample opportunity to get it going again.

Still doesn't really answer "Why".....my why is because I still have stories to write, crap to say, and things to docuent.

It's Official, I Grew Up in Redneckistan, IA

2015-09-17T08:14:00.003-06:00

Dayum.....

While I moved around a LOT as a kid, I manged to spend 7th grade through my senior year in one place (with summers visiting another). That place was Davis County, Iowa. There are like 8 or 9 tiny communities in the county and I lived in the 2nd largest of 200-300 people. High School and pretty much everything "civilized" worth a damn in the county was located in the county seat of Bloomfield.

Bloomfield had maybe 6K residents and the county as a while 9K, so you can see how rural the place was. What I found surprising was that Bloomfield was ranked #4 in the 10 most redneck cities in Iowa.

Wow.....

...glad I got out I guess. I do still miss parts of the county though...

You Just Know Somebody Has Thought of Doing This....

2015-09-11T07:06:00.003-06:00

I know I don't post here much because of other blogs I have going on but, I do like to throw down a funny video or random piece of crap now and then.

I think this video qualifies...

An Interesting New Band to Check Out...at Least Once....

2015-08-13T08:04:00.000-06:00

I've been more than a bit busy with my other three (soon to be five) other blogs, but I needed to share this funny/cool band a friend alerted me to on Facebook.

Now I'm not a hug metal fan, but the news of a Metal-Themed Ned Flanders Band is hilarious! I can't embed the player so you'll have to hop over to check Okilly Dokilly out.

You Can't Fix Stupid

2015-07-10T16:30:00.000-06:00

Image via keepcalm-o-matic

Today I've had more than my fair share of stupid and it all piled on in a matter of about 5 minutes.

I stopped by the local Jacksons for a soda and as I was walking up to the counter I overheard a customer complaining to the Manager that there was a guy outside who wouldn't stop smoking. I look up and a fricken Jacksons' employee is standing between two pumps smoking.....seriously? The Manager gets on the outside speaker and tells him to stop smoking. Of course this dimwit just waves her off instead of....I don't know....doing what you boss, I'm sure company policy, and common sense says you should (or in this case shouldn't do).

Wow...all kinds of stupid there.

Of course he eventually puts out the cigarette, when he's basically finished, and comes into the store. The Manager wishes me a good afternoon and all I could say was, "I'd wish you the same, but I think its too late." I get in my car and pick up my phone thinking I'd call my Manager friend that works for Jacksons. As soon as I unlock my phone I get a notification that I got a review on something I wrote and put up on DriveThruRPG.

Since an actual review is a once-in-a-blue moon thing for me I followed the link and read this wonderful 4 out of 5 stars review. I've just cut and pasted so any errors are not mine:
"Enjoy the ease of using this product, ecepecially when you're trying to create a load of npcs. The only problem that I have is that I have had to modify it because I can't find a d30 anywhere around."

Don't like the layout or my font choice....I get it....but having a problem that it is a d30 table? This is the cover graphic for the download, showing the title. The product description mentions the d30 four fricken times.

I just don't get people....why would you even download a free d30 table if you didn't have a d30? If you thought maybe you could tweak it for use with another die, great....but don't consider it a problem after you've downloaded it.

I'm Going to Leave This Right Here......

2015-07-08T10:25:00.001-06:00

Funniest time-travel movie I have ever seen.

Seriously, well worth the viewing.

A Song from my Childhood

2015-06-21T08:32:00.001-06:00

I really haven't been posting here, instead spending all of my efforts on one of my other blogs. Right now I post to or administer 5 different blogs, soon to add another one or two, but in reality I have two blogs.

I've been thinking of what to do with Not So Random Musings because I don't want to just post drivel and...I'm man enough to admit this....I do that way too often.

After reading a buddy's initial blog efforts I realized what type of post excites me some and might actually be worthwhile: real-life stories. If my 12 readers here we at my home socializing with me & the Mrs. undoubtedly I'd be regaling them with stories from my past (of course I'd be "regaling" them....odds are I'd have had a few...)

Carolyn and I aren't planning on having children and there is no way I would be able to pass along all these interesting tidbits (well....I am biased on these stories, so please just roll with it) and stories.

Since today is Father's Day I think it would appropriate to reminisce a bit about the Old Man. Now I do plan on telling actual stories, but I'm not exactly going to be starting here.....

My actual earliest memories I have are about my father. I think this is when he lived in Odessa, Washington. I have no idea why he lived there, but I have to presume it was to be within a day's drive (a painful day's drive at that) of where my brother and I lived, which I believe was Gillete, Wyoming with my mother and step-father.

Of course my memories from that time are a bit muddled, but aside from barely remembering a time he took us fishing with switch-cut poles, I remember him driving us around in his Scout (80?) truck singing songs. The windows would be down and he'd bang on the outside of the car door and sing us some rather stupid songs. Yep, my earliest memories were of bouncing down along some country road not listening to the radio, but listening to a variety of songs. I only remember two distinctly, but something tells me he used to sing all of the old camp songs from Camp Wapello, where he'd been a counselor maybe a decade prior.

Not on the the "approved" Wapello song list (I would have to assume) was one song I remember,

The Little Brown Mouse:
The liquor was spilt on the bar-room floor,
the bar was closed for the night....
When out of his hole came the little brown mouse
and sat in the pale moonlight.

Well he licked up the liqour off the bar-room floor,
and back on his haunches he sat....
And all night long you could here him cry......
BRING ON THE GOD-DAMNED CAT!!!

Here is a way-too-fast version being sung in some "historical" music collection. This one is a little slower (and better, with a third verse)...

I'll Just Leave This Here

2015-05-25T09:35:00.001-06:00

May the 4th be With You!

2015-05-04T14:39:00.001-06:00

This is one of the funniest straight bits I've seen in a long, long time.

May the 4th be with you!

Post 1,001: Must-See Deadpool Clip

2015-04-03T07:44:00.000-06:00

I was only half-assed watching this yesterday because the title kind of cheesed me off, but I had to re-watch it again and again.

So far I have no doubts that the Deadpool movie will be great!

Enjoy...

...and I just realized that this is post 1,001 on this blog. Wow....