Mom Moments

Beauty for Ashes

2009-10-03T06:45:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Isaiah 61:3: …to give them beauty for ashes. The entire verse describes how God can take something that is ugly, painful, troublesome and difficult and turn it into something truly wonderful. Not only can we exchange an ugly pile of ashes for something beautiful but we can also experience joy in place of mourning and praise instead of heaviness (liken that to depression).

I recently shared my testimony with someone that was a reminder of what God has done in my life. Over the years I have shared many different parts to my story, however, the very beginning…that moment in time where I experienced salvation; it has been a while since I shared that. There is something powerful about hearing the story of redemption and even recounting my own story was faith building for myself, let alone for the person who I told it to.

Now my past…that part of my life that was so messed up, a big pile of dirty, sooty ashes has become something very beautiful. Not that my life is trouble-free or that I have been perfected in character—far from it! The beauty is found in my relationship with the Lord. My life was a pile of ashes…one day I was living for myself, living for the next drink, the next party…the next day I was living for the Lord. Now that is what makes my life beautiful!

This seems as good a time as any to also share with you that beginning experience of salvation. I don’t have to tell you all that my past was…I can simply say it was just that, a pile of ashes. But then my next-door-neighbor was invited to church by her friend. She was afraid to go alone and asked if I wanted to come with. My attitude was, “What the heck? I might as well try it...” I figured I couldn’t lose out trying to find something else to fill the hole in my life. After all, I had tried virtually everything else. I was a new mom, my oldest son Daniel was only a year old and my marriage was on the brink of disaster. I figured it was worth a shot.

Now let me tell you that I have NO religious upbringing. I might have been to a church maybe two times and that was with my grandma. So I didn’t really have any expectations—which I think can be a good thing. But the first time I stepped through the doors of Oak Creek Assembly of God and experienced the joy of others around me, my guard went up. I didn’t see it as joy; instead I saw it as fakeness. All the smiles, hugs and shaking of the hands, it didn’t sit well with me. I don’t remember what the sermon was about because I spent the entire service wanting to disappear. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and was so relieved when it was finally over with. I declared to my friend, who lived next door—who by the way had been touched by God and was all teary-eyed—to never ask me to go again. I would never, I said, step through those doors again.

I remember going home and telling my husband about the service and how these people were brainwashed. I didn’t know it at the time but God was doing a work that was so deep within me, I couldn’t see it. So I stop right here in the story to ask you about someone in your life that maybe God is doing a work so deep inside them, that you can’t see. How many times do we get frustrated with loves ones, friends or co-workers because we don’t see anything coming of our prayers for them? We think they are a hopeless case. We don’t see how it’s possible for them to ever surrender their lives to Christ. Don’t give up! We only see what is happening on the outside…but God knows what is going on within.

Now granted, for many people who reject God, it usually takes time for them to realize their need for a Savior. Sometimes it can take years and that may sound very frustrating for you to hear. We don’t know what someone has to go through before they get to experience that surrendering of their lives to Him. But every moment in time is not a loss, it all counts for something and even the years I spent running, God was still doing a work. I can look back on the time without Him (not that He wasn’t there but I just didn’t see it) and see how He is able to use all that to help others.

So back to my story…I had absolutely no intentions of going back to that church. My friend, however, wanted to go back. I told her to have fun. Now it’s hard to explain how this happened but I will just tell you how it unfolded. The following Sunday, without any real thought being given to it—and by that, I mean, I don’t remember consciously making the decision to do this—I got up, got dressed, called my friend and asked if she was going to church. She said yes and I said I was coming with.

What happened? I can’t explain it. I can only say that the Holy Spirit was drawing me to that place. It wasn’t me. My flesh had no intentions of going. But something so deep within me knew it needed to go.

This time, when I walked through the doors of Oak Creek Assembly of God I didn’t see fakeness. I saw joy and it was something I wanted. I knew I didn’t have it. I wanted to be able to smile like that, to feel such joy within. As I sat through the sermon, I thought to myself, “Who in the world told this pastor about me?” My pastor, Pastor Brooks, preached a message that I was convinced was for me alone. I was also convinced he had somehow found out personal things about me.

About a month ago those same thoughts were conveyed to me when the foster kids’ mom came to church and after sitting through a sermon about the prodigal son, she asked, “Did you tell your pastor about me?” She was experiencing exactly what I had experienced--God speaking through a man. Sometimes it won’t be our words that make the difference. We can get wrapped up in thinking that we have to be the one. If you are trying to reach someone for Christ and your words haven’t done the “convincing” then maybe it’s time to release them into the hands of someone else. You can begin to pray that the Lord would bring someone into their life that can minister to them.

So when the sermon ended, the one thing that stood out to me was that I had been on a path of destruction—not just in the sense of living a party life but that I truly was on the path to destruction, in that my destination was not heaven, it was hell. The reality of that, the reality of the emptiness of my life hit me like a cannonball. I went to the altar and cried like I had never done before. It was a releasing of all the pain, all the hurts, all the wrongs in my life. It was an emptying of me, my past was being poured out and the Lord would begin to fill me with new things.

Some people experience a radical conversion. Mine was pretty radical. I lost all desire for that party life. I began to walk a new path and here I am now, 15 years later, living a beautiful life. The ash pile is gone. Now don’t get me wrong, there may be remnants of my past…little pieces of dust particles floating around that still need to be dealt with but the progress is going forth.

Because of my past, because of the pile of ashes that was once my life…I have a very deep desire to see very single woman released from that type of life. I absolutely hate seeing the devil have his mangy hands all over the life of a woman who is meant to experience so much more. God has recently put two women into my life that I am ministering to and even in the past week, a co-worker has begun to seek me out for answers to why my life is so different. You see, that is the key to living a life for Christ. You don’t want others around you to see nothing more than a pile of ashes…you want others to see beauty. If you have been saved, you have a beautiful story to tell. No two stories will be alike but they are all powerful and are meant to encourage and inspire others. My challenge is for you to get out there and share with others what God has done.

I also want to end this blog with this…please, please, please, allow yourself to see past the pile of ashes that so many women are living. It’s almost in our nature, as a woman, to size a woman up. Many women feel threatened or inclined to compete with other women. Sometimes it’s all about the outer beauty of a woman. Sometimes it’s the house she lives in, the type of job she has. We almost instinctively start comparing ourselves to other women and then judgment sets in.

I have a friend that a couple of years ago, I confessed to her how when she first started attending our church, I was very judgmental. I was appalled by her dress, her mannerisms and thought she had no place at that altar when she was looking and acting that way. I can bet that many of you reading this now have felt the same way. You have seen nothing but a pile of ashes. So in turn you chose to look away, to walk away. You didn’t see the opportunity that was before you.

If someone had told me back then that I would one day become friends with this woman, I would have laughed in their face. But God took a pile of ashes and created a beautiful woman of God. It’s too bad I missed out on seeing the transformation take place…but no more. I will not allow that opportunity to pass me by any longer. Now when I see a woman whose life is a pile of ashes, I see the potential beauty within.

It is time that we declare to others what God has in store for them: to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified. (Isaiah 61:3 NKJV)

Praying for Your Children

2009-09-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

There is something very powerful and faith building when your children have been enlightened. As a parent you invest so much into your children that even when you receive just a nugget of your investment bringing something forth, it gives you hope and increased faith.

It can be easy to get discouraged when as a parent you are pouring and pouring into your children’s’ lives but nothing seems to be coming of it. You wonder if your prayers are bouncing off the walls of heaven. You wonder if your example has been for nothing. There are seasons as a parent when you may go through times of hopelessness. Your children may be making choices that grieve you. Your children may have lost that passion and fire for God. Your children may be on the fence and you are so fearful that one wrong move and they will end up on the wrong side.

Recently I began something new. Being a writer one of my favorite things to do is journal. I went out and bought three nice journals for each of my children. I began to write daily prayers in them. One day I would pray for their health, another day for their friendships and then another day I might pray for a specific situation they are going through. What I like about this method of prayer for my children is that I can cover so many different things. They are also written in ink, permanent memories of the things that I have brought before God so that I can look back and see how God faithfully answered those prayers.

I seem to be going through a season of answered prayer—not that God doesn’t answer our prayers mind you, but there just seems to be this immediate moving of mountains lately that have really boosted my faith. It has also been an opportunity to show me that God cares not just about the spiritual things in our children’s lives but even the everyday things we may take for granted.

For instance, my oldest son has always struggled to get good grades. Not because he doesn’t understand the material. In fact, it has consistently been that he gets A’s and B’s on his tests but he fails to turn in work. He just doesn’t see the importance of getting his work done. I had more control over that in his earlier years of school; however, now that he is in high school, I have a lot less control.

I have never been able to understand how he could let the potential final grade of an A or B drop to a C or D, simply because he didn’t feel like taking the time to turn in an assignment. So this has been a huge frustration for me as a parent. How do you motivate a child who doesn’t care? We have tried everything—punishments and rewards but the truth was that it needed to come from within. He needed to make the decision that turning in his work is important.

So this summer in his prayer journal, I began to ask for God to change his heart with regard to this. When school started I didn’t lecture him. In fact only one time did I say anything to him about his grades and that was something along the lines of “You have a fresh start this year.” I left it all to God. I didn’t nag or scold him. Now I’m seeing the fruit of my prayers get answered. He is striving for A’s in all his classes and is doing that…if not, at least getting B’s. He suddenly cares about turning his work in. You see, it wasn’t me lecturing him. It wasn’t me warning him. It was God being allowed to move because I moved out of the way!

Here is another example. Throughout the time we were fostering the two little ones, my daughter had grew to really resent the situation at times. She couldn’t see the good in what we were doing…she was too wrapped up in judging the mom, seeing the negative side of things and how our family had to give up so much. I knew it was selfishness oozing out of her soul but she didn’t it. So again, in her prayer journal I began to ask God to change her heart. I stopped trying to convince her that what we were doing was the right thing because I knew she had to come to that conclusion on her own.

It wasn’t until last Wednesday, after all these months of being in the situation, that she was enlightened. Not only has the children’s mother begun to have a relationship with the Lord and faithfully coming to church but she brought her friend with last Wednesday who has four daughters. Her friend is living in a battered woman’s shelter and the whole story is a very sad one. We are now able to be an example and an influence to yet another family.

Well after I shared with my family all that God was doing, my daughter made the comment that maybe this was why we had become a foster family and how God wanted to save their mom and now her friend. Do you think I didn’t try to express this to my daughter through the course of our journey? But she couldn’t hear it; she couldn’t receive it because her heart was closed off to the idea. God had moved in her heart and opened it up to the truth.

Her whole attitude toward the mom, the situation and the little ones has completely changed. She is seeing God work and I know this will be a huge impact on her life forever.

Finally, I have to share a story about my youngest son. I’m not sure what my husband and I were thinking when we named him Jacob but let’s just say he has lived up to the reputation of that name. Don’t get me wrong…he is not a bad kid. But he is definitely the one child of ours that is more drawn to do the wrong thing. He is the child that keeps me praying much more. I see in him that he has the potential to do great things for God if he can just stay on the right path.

So of course, I pray about this frequently in his prayer journal. Just last week I got that nugget of my investment in prayer bringing forth something tangible. He was telling me this story about how at recess he was with his best friend Victor, who attends our church and another boy from school. Now keep in mind these are 10 year old boys. This school friend of theirs was saying how he thought a particular girl was “hot.” My boys are well aware of what I think about that phrase. It is a very demeaning way to describe any female.

So this boy asked my son and Victor who they think is hot and my son said no one. This school friend then asked him if he was gay and he said no, that he doesn’t think those things about girls and then his friend Victor said they were too young for that. These boys stood up for their beliefs and risked the ridicule that would be received. I was so proud of my son and saw that my prayers are not in vain. He can stay on the right path and it won’t be me taking him by the hand and forcing him to stay on that path. It will be God working through my prayers.

I don’t know what situations you are facing with your children. I don’t know what struggles are in your relationship with them or the poor choices that they may be making. It could be that your children are young yet and you have only begun to really think about how your prayers can make a difference. Know this…God can and does move on behalf of your prayers! They may not be immediate but they will happen. It may not always be in the way we like or in the method that we would choose. God’s ways are higher than our ways. His plan is always a good one.

Take the time to really lift up those prayers to the One who created, formed and shaped your children. I do recommend prayer journals as being a way to keep track of the times you have brought these things before God and then be able to look back and see how God answered them. I think it’s a wonderful legacy to leave to your children. Every single notebook or journal that I have written in for my children, I will one day give to them. What a treasure that will be for them.

Meanwhile, we have a treasure of written words from God. We have the Word of God to stand on. This is the legacy that He has given to us and not only must it be something we read but it must be something we treasure. Use the Word as your sword to combat the things in your children’s lives that would try to destroy them. You cannot go wrong with the Word!

Every word of God is tested; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. Proverbs 30:5

Whose Report Will You Believe?

2009-09-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

So I have a question for you…whose report are you going to believe? I can still remember years ago when we would sing the lines to this song frequently in church:

Whose report will you believe?
I will believe the report of the Lord!

Well not that long ago one morning I was reading the account of the 12 spies who were sent by Moses to check out the Promised Land. The story is a riveting account full of all kinds of good lessons to be learned.

During this particular time of reading the account, what stood out to me was the name of the land…it was the Promised Land. Especially in biblical times, names carried a lot of meaning. There is a lot of meaning behind the naming of a land with the word promise—that means what God says is going to happen, is going to happen! The Israelites were told ahead of time that it was the Promised Land; it wasn’t like a surprise to them.

So we know the story, that 10 spies…10 out of 12 (bad odds!) came back with a negative report. How do you come back with a negative report when God has already promised you good things? The problem is that the spies only saw the things that looked impossible. Their eyes were fixed on the difficulties.

But two of the spies, Caleb and Joshua, came back with an entirely different report. See, it’s all about perspective. They didn’t see the difficulties and impossibilities…they saw what God could do. They saw beyond the circumstances and believed that God’s word was true.

But isn’t that just like us, most of the time? We become so fixed on the way we see things that we fail to put on God’s eyes. Wouldn’t you love to have a pair of “God goggles?” These would be goggles that we could slip on at any time and suddenly see things through His eyes. How differently we would live each day!

However, I think that’s exactly what God expects of us. We may not have a literal pair of goggles to put on but we can certainly choose to view things through the eyes of faith. Faith really is a choice. We either choose to believe or we choose not to.

Recently my daughter came back from a friend’s house where she has spent many a time in their pool. Several months ago she had taken my husband’s goggles with her and came back empty-handed. She had no idea what happened to them. After all these months, on this last visit to her friend’s house she very happily pulled out my husband’s goggles declaring that they had been found. We asked where she found them. They had apparently gotten stuck in the filter.

Think about it. We often get our goggles stuck in filters. We see things very dimly or we see things with a very cloudy perspective. Then we take that and run with it. We make choices based on that or worse yet, we try to tell others what they should do as we are looking through those cloudy lenses.

You know, over the course of these last several years, I have run across a lot of “regulating” from other Christians. These are believers who are trying to “look after” other believers. Yet they fail to see how critical, judgmental and cloudy their vision is. I come from a background of homeschooling my children. My reasons for doing so were directed by God. It was the right choice at that time for our family. Then we entered into a new season when the right choice was to put my children in school. At each season, whether I was homeschooling or my children were in school, I was following the direction for our family for that time.

I can look back and see why we were in those seasons. I have never regretted any decisions because I knew we were doing what was right for us. Yet often I have been told by other believers that my choice was wrong—whether it was a non-homeschooling family criticizing my choice to homeschool or a homeschooling family criticizing my choice not to.

Whose report are you going to believe? Where has God sent you? Where is He leading you right now? Are you going to look through the eyes of your flesh? Or are you going to look through the eyes of faith? It might be time to dig around and see if you got your goggles stuck somewhere. Wipe them off and be amazed at how clearly you can suddenly see when you have God’s perspective.

Lessons in Life and Death

2009-09-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

Last night I attended one of the most impacting funeral services of my entire life. Over 1,000 people were in attendance for the funeral of a beautiful woman, Lori Dykstra. At 40 years of age, her battle with cancer was finally over with and the victory was hers as she is now with her Lord and Savior. She left behind a husband and four children, whose faith seems to be only stronger with her passing. Her life has truly made a difference!

This funeral service was more than just one of those times when you think to yourself, “What would others say about me at my funeral service?” It went beyond that. Instead of thinking about what others would say at your death, it prompted you to think about what others would say of your life. What are you doing now? What difference, what impact are you making in the lives of those around you and those you may not even know?

I guarantee you there were people in attendance last night who never personally knew her, but her impact was so far reaching. I am so thankful to have been one who did know her. We met many years ago in our Tuesday morning mom groups at church, Heart to Heart and Moms in Touch. What I most remember about her is in Moms in Touch, which is a group that meets to pray for their children and families. I remember her prayers, how she was especially praying for a particular family member. Her prayers were sweet and I can still hear her soft-spoken voice uttering them.

As I was journaling this morning, I asked God that what He stirred up within me last night would cause the woman of God that He has called me to be to begin to rise to the very surface…that my life could be so impacting. I can only imagine the hundreds of others who feel the same. It was just one of those experiences in life that you couldn’t possibly be the same afterwards.

Of course, I realize that there are many reading this blog who may not have ever heard of Lori, who weren’t able to attend her funeral…but let me reassure you, there is much that can be learned without having that firsthand knowledge of her and the incredibly beautiful life that she led.

Think for a moment about what you are doing with your life. What kind of a wife are you? Could your husband stand before others, as her husband did, and share how she truly lived as the Proverbs 31 wife? Would your son or daughter be able to declare to the world that you truly are the greatest mother they could ever wish for?

There were moments in the service last night that I felt almost like I was being disciplined. There are areas in my life that God was showing me needed some work. For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines… (Hebrews 12:6). He loves me enough to point out those areas. What areas in your life has God been trying to get your attention with?

A song came into my head this morning as I was typing this blog. The lyrics are a testament to the life of Lori but should also be a testament to each and every one of our lives. It’s called The Blessing by John Waller:

Verse 1
Let it be said of us while we walked among the living
Let it be said of us by the ones we leave behind
Let it be said of us that we lived to be a blessing for life

Verse 2
And let it be said of us that we gave to reach the dying
Let it be said of us by the fruit we leave behind
Let it be said of us that our legacy is blessing for life

Chorus
This day, You set life, You set death right before us
This day, every blessing and curse is a choice now
And we will choose to be a blessing for life

Verse 3
Let it be said of us that our hearts belong to Jesus
Let it be said of us that we spoke the words of life
Let is be said of us that our heritage is blessing for life

Bridge
'Cause blessings and curses are choices
Will we build up, tear down? The moment of truth is now

Tag
For your kingdom, for our children
For the sake of every nation
For your kingdom, for our children
For the sake of every nation
We will choose to be a blessing for life

I am so thankful for how God used her life and death to make a difference in my life and in turn, a difference for eternity!

When Things Get Difficult

2009-09-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

Do you easily walk away from difficulties? When the heat gets turned up, do you run away? In the midst of battles, difficulties and problems in life, we can get the wrong perspective about things. Unfortunately sometimes we are duped into thinking that if it doesn’t feel right, it must not be right.

When our family first entered into this journey of becoming foster parents, one of the warnings I received was to guard my family. It was a fair statement. However, the logistics of that, what that exactly means could be questioned. Does it mean that if things get uncomfortable, it’s time to bail out? That question plagued me after a conversation with someone concerning the difficulties we were experiencing.

I was expressing to someone who was close to the situation, that we were feeling overwhelmed. It was not easy to take in two children who were not our own. It was not easy suddenly caring for little ones when we had already gone through that stage. There was an invasion of our space, our time, our finances and our hearts. The truth was that it was more difficult than we had ever imagined it would be.

The response from the person I was talking to? Then maybe we need to rethink what we are doing. If it is disrupting your family so much, then it isn’t worth it. You have no idea how easy it would be to feed into that! My flesh would love to say, “Absolutely! This is too much for my family. I need to guard my family so it’s time we bail.”

It’s interesting how believers will use what appears to be a good and logical reason for getting out of a difficult situation. It sounds so holy to say your family needs to come first, that they shouldn’t have to suffer. But aren’t we called to suffer? Aren’t we all called to carry our crosses? Who are we to say that just because something is difficult, or uncomfortable, or maybe inconvenient, that it isn’t meant to be. If everything in life came so easily, we wouldn’t need to trust in and rely on God.

Believe me…I have had to preach that to myself almost daily. I have gone into this situation with my heels digging in the dirt. Although my flesh has fought it, I have not given into it. I have chosen to follow the Lord. If I were to act on my feelings, to say that this is too hard for our family, I know in my heart of hearts that I would be disobeying the Lord….that we would all be disobeying the Lord.

Think about some situations in your own life. As a mom, our job is to protect, nurture, love and care for our husbands and children. We are to guard our families, no argument there! But guarding our family doesn’t always mean we try to fix what’s broken or what is difficult. It’s in those broken and difficult situations that we find growth and deeper trust in God.

If everything goes to plan, in just five days our foster children will be returning home. Many have asked us about how we are going to feel. We went into this knowing it was temporary. It was never a question as to whether or not these children would be returned…it was when they would be returned home. We never had it in our hearts to keep them. We knew this was for a season and for a reason.

God has done so much through this situation. At another time, when I feel its right, I will be sharing about this journey through possibly a blog or something. For now, we are quietly waiting for Wednesday, to hear the word that yes, they are going home.

We will continue to trust, even if our saying goodbye to them does turn out to be more difficult than expected…He has carried us through so much…He will continue to. God is faithful and no matter if you walk through the fire, the rain, the floods or the valleys…He is there.

Strengthened in the Lord

2009-09-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

It’s said that before you can win the war, you have to win the battle…or something like that. All I know is that a war is something much bigger and it lasts longer. The outcome doesn’t happen in a day. Many battles, however, have been fought in a day. Battles are almost like smaller nuisances of a much bigger problem.

This past week it was all about the battles of life. Nothing major happened, no large scale conflict that you could compare to a war. No, it was one small thing after another that when put together…well, it felt like a war!

Believe me…I do try very hard to keep things in perspective. There are others around me dealing with some real hard hitting situations in life. They are those punch-in-the-guts without warning type of situations…cancer, death, divorce and the list goes on. No, my life is not that difficult but it has certainly been more than a little bit uncomfortable.

As challenging as I found the summer to be with taking in two young children and the struggles to become their foster parents, the lifestyle changes we have had to make and the schedule we have had to maintain…I had no idea what I was in store for when I went back to work this week. It was not just going back to work but it was also my children returning to school and our foster children returning to daycare. It was quite an adjustment for all of us. Of course, I tried my hardest to make it as smooth as possible for my family, which unfortunately meant that I took on the brunt of the stress.

Going into this week, I tried my hardest to alleviate the stress. I am an organizer by nature so it was nothing to get my house ready and in shape, to have the school supplies where they needed to be, to put together a schedule, to get all of the kids’ clothes organized, and whatever else was necessary to face the week.

I was not prepared, however, for the little battles that would creep up during the week—the chaos at my work, at one point not even knowing if there was a position for me as a preschool teacher, new co-workers as four of them left over the summer, new children—getting up so early again—waking five children up at 6 am and trying to get them all out the door within an hour—carpooling—figuring out how I was going to get the foster kids to their mom’s house—trying to keep on top of laundry—just one thing after another.

My first day back at work I got a headache that later turned into a migraine and throughout the remainder of the week, I was either dealing with headaches, migraines or just having that feeling of the edge of a headache. I was worn out, frustrated and discouraged. I thought to myself that there was no way I could do this.

Then one morning I was reading in I Samuel 29-30 about David. One small verse jumped out at me that really hit me. David wanted to help the Philistines fight their enemies but the Philistine rulers didn’t trust him. He and his men were sent back home. Unfortunately, while they had been gone, the Amalekites had raided their homes. They found their city burned by fire and all of their wives and children taken captive. Not only had David experienced great loss but so had the men in his company. They were so upset about it, that they were ready to stone David.

David wasn’t in a war…but he was facing some real battles. He had been rejected and distrusted. He lost his home and his family was no where to be found. The men he was leading had lost all they had, as well. I am quite sure he felt a tremendous amount of responsibility for that. Then to top it off, his followers were ready to kill him. Everything seemed pretty hopeless. Yet…I Samuel 30:6 says But David found strength in the Lord His God.

I had a sneaking suspicion that my headaches all week were because I had not found my strength in the Lord. I was trying to do battle on my own. I don’t know how it works for you but I know when I have allowed stress to take over me I experience headaches. That is almost always the way my body reacts. When I have been strengthened in the Lord, the battles don’t go away. Oh no, they are still there but suddenly I find ways to face my enemies. David found strength in the Lord and went to action. He didn’t give up.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have wanted over the summer to give up. It was at times a daily battle to not call up the caseworker and say, “That’s it! We are done!” When I went back to work this week, I wanted to give up. I wanted to say it wasn’t worth it, that I needed to quit. I would beat myself up often over the way I felt…that it was wrong to feel such a desire to quit. I told a friend one time that everyone thought our family was a hero for stepping in and taking in these children. I didn’t feel like a hero because I knew the attitudes of my heart and the thoughts that swam in my head. Yet…God began to show me that even though the desire to quit was there…I didn’t.

I know there are battles out there that you are all facing…in fact; you might even be in the midst of an all out war. DON’T QUIT! Don’t give up! Don’t retreat! Don’t turn tail and run! Face the battle but do as David did, find your strength in the Lord!

It's Not Our Job to Judge!

2009-08-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

I was standing in line at the grocery store today and the man behind me asked what happened to the lady who was bagging groceries. I laughed and said it always seems to happen to me. I get in the line I see a grocery bagger in and sure enough, when it’s my turn, they disappear. Well he didn’t find it as humorous as I did and went on to complain how ridiculous it was. However, he used a lot of expletives as he shared his opinion with me. I just smiled and reached down to get my milk from the bottom of the cart and then he bent down and got the second one for me. For the next few seconds, we had idle chit chat and of course I thanked him for getting my milk for me.

For some reason this insignificant incident sparked a thought in me. What if I had said to him, “Um, sir, could you please not use that kind of language around me? I find it, well, a bit offensive.” Do you think he would have bent down and grabbed my other milk for me? Do you think we could have continued to have friendly chit chat? In fact, I don’t know for sure but I would bet that by the time it was his turn and I was long gone, he had calmed down…simply because I had engaged in a friendly exchange with him. Do you know that your simple acts of kindness and friendly demeanor can really change a situation?

Now compare that to this. My daughter has a Christian friend who attends the same school as her. At one time this friend would go around correcting other students about their language. She would tell them how wrong they were to be using that language. After some time, this friend began to really turn off other children. They not only stopped listening to her but they stopped being her friend. What kind of a difference do you think she is going to make as a believer when no one will even talk to her?

I don’t want to get hung up on the whole issue of cursing. That really isn’t what this is about, although those were the two best examples I had. It extends beyond that to other things we see people in the world doing—smoking, living with someone they aren’t married to, drinking and the list could go on. Is it our job to go around pointing out the sins of others?

If you think it is, I want to challenge you on that. You see, one of the things I have tried very hard to teach my children is that we are not to judge others. People who don’t know Jesus are going to sin! It really shouldn’t come as a surprise when we see sinners sinning. They are only doing what they know to do. If they don’t know Jesus, how can we possibly expect otherwise from them? And if we want them to know Jesus, in most cases the way to do that is not to point out everything they are doing wrong.

The greatest example of this that my children have seen has been with our foster care children and their mother. In the beginning I battled with a lot of judgmental thoughts toward the children’s mom. I didn’t want to see her through my judgmental eyes because I knew it would keep me from seeing her through the eyes of Jesus. So I did ask for prayer from others about that. Through the course of time, I was able to see her in a new way. I was able to see that not only was she in need of a Savior but that I very well could have been in her situation if I had never come to know the Lord.

What ended up happening, I never would have imagined could…we started to talk. We started to share. I got to know her in a new way. And through the course of time, along with the example that my family has set for her, she began to seek what we had.

One Saturday when I went to pick her children up after a visit with them, she asked about coming to church. Now think about this…if instead of getting to know her and talking with her, I had spent the last few weeks berating her, do you think she would have ever asked to come to church? If I had pointed out to her everything she was doing wrong, instead of pointing out to her everything she was doing right (and believe me sometimes that took a lot of creativity to come up with), do you think she would have been interested in pursuing the path our family was on?

Not only did she end up coming to church but she had an experience that has changed her life completely. She is now serving the Lord, has made incredible changes in her life, loves our church and wants to see her children living for the Lord. Now we talk on a daily basis and we talk about prayer, the kids, church, what God has done—it is just incredible to me.

In just over a month, the children will no longer be living with us. They are slowly starting to get weaned back home. She now gets two nights a week where they stay over. We continue to build a friendship. I am able to share with her things that at one time I couldn’t have—because there was something standing in the way. It was my self-righteousness.

We can’t win people to Christ by pointing out everything in their life that is wrong. That isn’t our job. It’s not the job of our children, either. So if you want your children to be a light, they need to be sure that they don’t snuff it out before it ever has a chance to glow. These are reminders that I will be giving to my children as we begin to start a new year of school. I want them to be people that are others are drawn to, not put off by.

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:1-2)

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven (Luke 6:37)

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? (I Corinthians 5:12)

Children Need to Experience Difficulties

2009-08-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

I think every child/teen should get to experience what my 15 year old did last week. He was able to experience something that most of us will never have the opportunity to—and frankly, knowing the details, would probably choose not to.

The truth is we are a spoiled people. We are so used to convenience; instant cash, coffee, food, and the list goes on; and being handed things, that we hardly know what it is to go without. After all, if we have to wait more than 3 minutes for our fries, how many of us are quick to complain? Or if our beloved gadget breaks, how many of us have almost a nervous breakdown?

My son had to go through eight days without his modern conveniences. He was without his Xbox, guitar, cell phone and access to his family and friends. He didn’t get to sleep in until his usual time of Noon. Instead, he was woken every morning at 5 a.m. And it wasn’t by his sweet mother (yes, that’s me) delivering him a bowl of cereal. No, it was it to lights being turned on and shouts of having 10 minutes to brush your teeth and get dressed.

In case you don’t know, my son belongs to an organization called Civil Air Patrol, which is the official civilian auxiliary of the United States Air Force. The cadet program provides opportunity for growth in leadership, promotions and education in aviation. He has learned about integrity, respect and obedience to those in authority. It has made a real difference in his character.

On Friday, August 21st he graduated from Civil Air Patrol’s summer encampment. It was a nine day (for him only eight days since we got an early release for him) introduction to the structure and mission of both the U.S. Air Force and CAP within a military atmosphere. Part of the learning experience was hands-on activities that were designed to promote teamwork, along with developing their social and leadership skills.

My husband and I had driven the 8 ½ hours it took to get to Little Falls, Minnesota so we could enjoy the graduation ceremonies. My first glimpse of him, after a long eight days without any word from him, was as he was in formation. His “flight” marched in preparation for the Pass & Review parade. I took one look at his face and I was shocked to see utter exhaustion. I had never seen him look so incredibly tired.

Later that night, when he returned to our hotel with us after the awards banquet, he shared what he called the longest eight days of his life. Not only was he awoken early each morning, but the day was filled with activities, most especially things like drill, learning how to make hospital corners, how to take care of your uniform (which includes pressing the shirt and pants and polishing the shoes), marching in formation, classroom, and other hands-on activities. It was go, go, go. He said that one day felt like two. He would eat lunch and think it was dinner, only to realize he had only gotten through half the day.

They would go non-stop until lights out at 10 p.m. Then for two nights he had to serve guard duty—one night from 10 p.m. to Midnight and another night from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. He missed quite a bit of sleep on those nights and said that during classroom time, he was falling asleep. So he would have to stand at the side of the classroom to keep from falling asleep. He was given a real work over!

Now lest you think it was only a week of torture, he had some great moments, too. He was able to fly a 172 Cessna (and that meant taking over the controls completely), use a tank simulator that the soldiers on base actually use for practice, participate in a confidence course and witness other memorable things such as a tank driving by while he was eating. He also made some new friends. He loved the activities during the week but hated the lack of sleep.

I think he learned a lot about himself that week…that he can do more than he thought he was capable of. And even if he doesn’t realize it, I believe he also learned to appreciate his life. Who wouldn’t after an experience like that? In fact, Saturday afternoon when we finally made it back home, he stepped out of our van and said, “If I didn’t hate dirt, I would kiss the ground right now.”

As I have had opportunity to think about everything he went through, it has made me feel so incredibly proud of him. I have also come to realize that he experienced something that will stick with him for a long time. If he does decide to join the Air Force, he knows better what to expect. If he doesn’t join, he has still learned valuable lessons that I think all children could benefit from.

How quick are we to try and make our children’s lives so comfortable that we fail to see the need for them to experience discomfort and yes, sometimes even pain. I am definitely one of those moms that would much prefer to rescue my child from any sort of pain. I would love to solve all of their problems. But as they have gotten older, I have come to realize more and more the importance of them going through the rough times.

It is during the difficult moments in life that we learn the greatest lessons. It is when our faith is tested, our character is molded and we discover how very much we cannot make it on our own. To miss all of that is to miss some of the greatest blessings that our children could ever receive. Life is not handed to us on a silver platter. It has highs and lows, mountaintop experiences and moments in the valley. We have to learn how to make our way through all of it.

Next week my oldest will be going into 10th grade. He only has three years of high school left—a short amount of time to begin planning and preparing for his future. These are crucial years for him. My middle child will be entering 7th grade…in the midst of those sometimes turbulent middle school years, there will be opportunity for a lot of growing, change and difficulties. My youngest is at the end of his elementary school years, going into 5th grade. This is a time of where there is that pull between still being a little child and wanting to become more independent.

Like it or not, they are probably all three going to experience some difficulties this upcoming school year. I have no idea what they could be but I do know that anything that comes their way is for their good, and not their harm. And guess what? I know that I need to stand to the side. I need to let them work through it. I can’t rescue them or solve their problems. But what I can do is be there for them…to encourage and support them. I can offer my wisdom when and if it’s called for. But most important of all, I can pray for them.

Mom, it is okay for your child to experience pain, difficulties and challenges. Remember all the things that you have gained from the same troubles in your own life. But most of all, remember that your child is not alone. He/she has the greatest Helper, Counselor, Advocate, Friend that they could ever hope for—the Lord Jesus Christ.

Letting Go and Letting God

2009-08-15T10:01:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite songs by Matt Redman is "You Never Let Go." The chorus goes this way:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

I am so glad that He never lets go of me! But I am also glad that He never lets go of my children! Yesterday morning I left my 15 year old at his Civil Air Patrol unit, where he would be traveling with cadets from his unit and other units to Ripley, Minnesota. He is going to be spending eight days there, on an active military base.

My son has never been away from home for more than a couple of days. And even then, it was only by his cousin's house. Still, I would find myself really missing him when he was gone for even a couple of days. I knew letting him go to this encampment was going to be very difficult for me.

For those who know my family well, you also know the history of my son and the many struggles and challenges we went through with him. At 7 years old he was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome. The next few years proved to be very difficult as he battled with this condition and in turn, a sleeping disturbance that eventually required medication. The result of his sleeping disturbance was anxiety and irrational behavior. Throughout those years I homeschooled him and it wasn't until he entered the 5th grade that I put him into public school.

By the time he entered his middle school years, the tics had disappeared, the sleeping problems ended, he was off medication and his behavior began to calm down. From that point on, I watched a brand new child and now, young man emerge.

Civil Air Patrol has been the best thing that could ever happen to him. He has always been very patriotic (at 9 years old one Memorial Day he walked along the gravesites of veterans at the cemetery brushing dirt off every single little flag he passed), a WWII enthusiast, and intent on having a career in aviation. This has been since he was in the 1st grade. His love for the military has only grown.

It has been a pleasure and joy to see him take part in this program. When he earned his first promotion and I had the privilege to take part in the ceremony by placing his pins on his uniform, it made me so thankful for how far he has come.

To leave him yesterday morning was to leave behind a part of him in a way. I know he cannot possibly come back the same after an experience like he will have. He is going to participate in drills, classes, tank simulators, helicopter simulators, small-arms marksmanship simulators, land navigation courses, orientation flights, marching everywhere he goes, living in the barracks, and the list goes on.

He is really growing up! I cannot believe this is the same young man who at one time would sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" over and over and over again (smile).

Leaving him yesterday wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I knew crying would do him no good. It would only embarrass him. When we got there, the cadets who had already arrived were lined up in formation. My son suddenly looked very serious and I knew this was not the place to bemoan the fact that I was going to miss him very, very much.

It wasn't until later in the day, toward evening when I began to feel sad. I missed him. I wondered if he was going to be able to sleep. I wondered if he had regretted going or thought it was the best thing in the whole world. No cell phones, so no way to contact him. All I have is the hope that he actually uses the calling card I provided him whenever he gets free time. So it took a while for me to fall asleep.

When I woke up this morning, I wondered what he was doing. I knew he was up at the crack of dawn and had probably already accomplished more than I could even imagine. The sadness set in again.

Letting go is very hard. No matter what stage of life or what event in your child's life, it can be very difficult to let go. I am so thankful that even as I face those times of letting go, I can know that at the same time, I am also letting God. I am letting God have his way in my child's life. I am letting God take control. I am letting God work and move and form and shape my child's life. I don't have to fear (although that can be a battle) for if my God is for him, than who can be against him?

For me, at this moment in time, I am letting go to not only the experience my son is going through but to the possibility that this could turn into a career move for him. He could end up joining the Air Force. That both excites and frightens me. But I have never, nor will I ever, stand in the way of my child's dreams if they are what God has for him.

I don't know what you are facing today. You may be a young mom who is watching your baby suddenly emerge into a more independent toddler. It can be hard to let go of the baby stage. It may be your child is starting middle or high school for the first time. This is a brand new and sometimes worrisome time for parents. It could be that your child is making some choices that you don't agree with or know are bad for your child. Wow...that is really hard to let go of!

No matter your situation or circumstance, remember that as you let go, you also need to let God work. Loosening the reigns, entrusting your children entirely into His plans, watching your child change...it is all part of letting go. But remember that as you let go, God has His hold on your child. And as Matt Redman reminds us, He will never let go!

When Your Heart Isn't In It

2009-08-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

Have you heard the phrase that goes something along the lines of “My heart just wasn’t in it”? I have often heard that phrase used when someone has stepped out of ministry. They will say it was time to step down because their heart just wasn’t in it. Most of us would probably nod our heads in agreement and say, “You’re right. You shouldn’t do it if your heart isn’t in it.” But is that true? I would challenge you that it isn’t.

Let’s take that same phrase and apply it to a marriage. “You know, I have to get out of this marriage. My heart just isn’t in it.” Not so quick to defend that, are we? The truth is that we can’t pick and choose where our hearts can be “in it.” In fact, many times our heart, the part of us that relies on emotions and feelings, cannot be trusted. Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that: The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Indeed…who can understand it?

Thankfully when I am most un-understandable, not only to my husband (face it ladies, many times our husbands just can’t understand us!), but to myself, there is Someone who not only understands my heart, He searches the deepest parts of it and He knows it. I don’t know what that means to you but I know for me it speaks to me very deeply. It tells me that I don’t always have to understand my heart because God does and whatever needs to be uncovered, in His timing, it will be done. Whatever is in my heart that needs to be dealt with, He will do it…again, in His time.

There are some days I don’t have the heart to go on. It could be that a struggle in my marriage has been weighing me down. I don’t have the heart to keep trying. There are some days that my children wear me down and I feel like I don’t have the heart to carry on. There are some days when a relationship with a family member or friend may disappoint me and I feel that my heart just can’t take it. There are days when my work or my ministry involvement is more than I can handle and my heart just isn’t in it.

What if we always listened to our heart and reacted upon our immediate feelings? I probably wouldn’t still be married. I may have run from my responsibilities as a parent. I could miss out on the callings that God has in my life both in my career and in ministry. I could be suffering from broken relationships.

There are times when the pull in our heart is so strong we feel we have no choice but to follow it. It’s a dangerous thing to do. Whenever we are faced with something that involves a pull in our heart, we have to be sure the tug isn’t the enemy or our own flesh, rather than the tugging of the Holy Spirit.

How do we keep our heart in line with the will and plans of God? Proverbs 4:23 says Above all else, guard your heart… Notice, it says above all else—in other words, this is more important than reacting, following your feelings, making a choice, deciding, and the list goes on. In other words, before you make a hasty decision, guard your heart. Be sure that your heart is protected from making wrong or harmful choices.

You may be wondering how you exactly go about guarding your heart. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ (Philippians 4:7). There is a peace that will come from God. The best guard, the best defense in your heart is one that results from a peace that passes all understanding—the kind that only God can give you.

Mountains of Adversity

2009-08-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

Do you have mountains of adversity in your life? I believe we all do. The size of the mountain may vary but I know that many moms are dealing with some difficult circumstances in their lives. I know of one mom who is in the process of going through a divorce, an obvious difficulty. I know of another mom who is struggling to understand why love hasn’t been enough to heal a young girl from the demons of her past. And then there is the mom whose child is running away from God, making very poor choices in their lifestyle. These are definite mountains of adversity and may feel impossible to overcome.

Other mountains can be just the daily tasks that moms face—the surmounting struggles just to stay on top of things, to keep it all together, to balance everything that needs to be done. I know that I have had my share of struggles in this area; taking on two additional children has seemed to more than double my workload.

Last Sunday morning one of our pastors preached an awesome message called “Running on Empty.” It was a very practical, down-to-earth and yet spiritually impacting message. Running on empty could very well describe many moms. Sometimes we are running on empty and don’t even know it. There have been times when I have hopped into my van to run from one place to the next and suddenly I realize that I am very low on gas and need to get to a gas station now. I was oblivious to the fact that we needed gas because I wasn’t paying attention.

If we don’t pay attention as moms, we can think all is well but then suddenly something small happens and we almost lose it. Well last Sunday morning I lost it…not in the sense that I blew a gasket but in that the realization of those mountains of adversity hit me hard. I knew I was being stretched…taking care of five children, dealing with so many issues of being in the foster care system, dealing with the birth mom, working our lives around their visits with mom and dad, trying to stay on top of chores and keeping the house clean, maintaining peace and unity, finishing up an online course and trying to fulfill my writing assignments. Like I said, I knew I was being stretched as so many moms are. I don’t know too many moms who are not busy!

But I was running on empty and didn’t even seem to notice. As I listened to that message being preached, I knew God was talking to me. I decided to go up for prayer at the end, thinking that I was going to get my little boost to carry on for the rest of the week. However, as soon as my feet hit that altar, something inside me unleashed. I began to cry uncontrollably. It just seemed to come out of left field.

When prayer time was over, I was doing everything I could to try and stop crying. But I couldn’t stop the tears…they just kept coming and coming. All my mountains of adversity suddenly seemed so big, too much for one person to handle. Most times I will leave a service and feel like everything is going to be okay. I didn’t leave with that sense. It almost felt like I was bearing a heavier burden now.

It wasn’t until later that day that I realized I was in a season where my mountains were a bit bigger than normal. I wasn’t going to get a quick fix at the altar. I had to take a journey and face the trek up over those mountains. If you have ever read the book, “Hind’s Feet on High Places” you know about the journey that Much-Afraid had to take in order to get to the High Places. Although the Shepherd walked with her, she was not kept from the difficult journey she had to make.

Moms, if you are facing mountains of adversity, don’t wish them away. Don’t look at them as obstacles. Instead, look at them as opportunities to grow in Christ. Look at them as a time of being refined and changed. If you run from those opportunities, you are the one losing out. Deep inside I do wish my mountains of adversity could be gone. I would love to find myself back in the place I once was, comfortable with my life as it was. Yet I will not run from this because I know that once I overcome those mountains of adversity, I will be fulfilled in a greater way than I probably could ever have imagined.

And the great thing is…God can be found in the mountain! Send forth Your light and Your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to Your holy mountain, to the place where You dwell (Psalm 43:3).

Unhindered Prayer

2009-07-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I have been dealing with, in all that our family has been going through, is my prayer life. I have always had one. For over 10 years now I have been getting up before everyone else and making sure that I get that time with the Lord. My prayer life has never been non-existent yet I have sensed in the past couple of months that God wants it go to a deeper level—a deeper place of intimacy with Him. He wants me to really grasp what “unhindered” prayer is all about. Of course, I don’t believe this is something just for me. He desires that all of us would have unhindered prayer.

So what exactly is unhindered prayer? A couple of definitions that I found for the word unhindered are:

o Not prevented or obstructed (unhindered access)
o Not hindered, slowed, blocked or hampered

Prayer can easily be obstructed, prevented, slowed, hampered or blocked for a few reasons. Here are some of them:

• Our prayers are for man rather than God – And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full (Matthew 6:5).

• Our prayers are nothing more than babbling – And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words (Matthew 6:7).

• We don’t believe – If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer (Matthew 21:22) and Therefore, I tell you whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours (Mark 11:24).

• We have unforgiveness in our hearts – And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins (Mark 11:25).

• Our prayers are reserved only for our loved ones – Pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:28).

• We give up too easily – Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up (Luke 18:1) and He is always wrestling in prayer for you… (Colossians 4:12).

• We only pray for those things we want, “gimme” prayers – Pray that you will not fall into temptation (Luke 22:40) and “Why are you sleeping?” He asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.” (Luke 22:46).

• We worry instead of pray – Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Philippians 4:6).

• Our prayer life is inconsistent – Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful (Colossians 4:2) and …pray continually… (I Thessalonians 5:17).

• We are not confessing our sins – Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other… (James 5:16).

This is a list worthy of taking special note of. If you have ever felt that something about your prayer life just isn’t clicking, it could be that one of these areas is an issue in your life. God did reveal to me the area that I needed to work on and as I have begun to do so, I have felt a deeper connection to Him.

It is amazing how quietly these things can slip in and begin to put up walls between us and God and we don’t even realize it. Examine your heart and ask the Lord to reveal to you anything in your prayer life that needs to be changed.

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints – Ephesians 1:18

Are You a Pharisee?

2009-07-11T18:42:00.000-07:00

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
Luke 18:9-14

Are you a Pharisee? Now at first you might be taken aback by this question. I know I would be if someone were to have asked me this! At least…that is until I discovered the truth. That yes, there is some degree of Phariseeism (I made that word up) within me. It’s an ugly truth to come to reckon with. In fact, I would rather tuck that truth away and move onto bigger things. But God won’t let me.

I think He won’t let me because it’s an issue that I am not alone in. It’s just that I have become recently aware of it. As of Tuesday, July 7th our family legally became a foster family. As you know for nearly two months we have been helping to take care of two children who were removed from the daycare that I work at. My boss had emergency temporary custody of them but we became their legal foster parents this past Tuesday.

I have had limited contact with the birth mother up until this point. Now I am going to be responsible for transporting them to their visits with mom three times a week. This has created an opportunity to be a witness to her. Well, at least that’s what I was thinking until God stopped me dead in my tracks and put the brakes on.

He began to show me that I couldn’t truly be a witness until I got rid of my Phariseeical (another word made up) attitude. You see, even if my life reflects Christ, the way our family lives, the choices we make, the love we offer…it will all mean nothing if I continue to think the thoughts that I have thought.

It has been quite easy to look down upon this birth mother. After all, she is the one who has lost her children and I know of the reasons why. At first I felt anger about her choices, then I began to see that I was no better…I could just as easily have been in her position…it’s just that I came to know the Lord. I came to know His grace, love and forgiveness. She is not there yet.

Although this might be a more severe issue because she has lost her children, I think moms can easily fall prey to Phariseeism with other moms. We can look down upon other moms because they have not made the same choices. It might be that one has chosen to educate her children one way, we might not like another mom’s discipline methods, or perhaps we don’t agree with the way a mom runs her household.

I was recently participating in a discussion board exercise through an online class that I am taking. It’s a class about effective communication and the topic was regarding the roles we play. One of the students had commented how when she is out in public, in her role as a mother, she is more cautious. She has two small boys and fears what others will think of her. I think this is very common for mothers. But why do mothers have that fear of what others think? It could be that for some they aren’t strong in the area of confidence. But I also think it is because moms can be so critical of other moms.

I have preached for years that moms should not try to put on other moms what their family’s choices have been. We are all unique and we have been called to different things within our families. At the same time, I failed to recognize that even if a mom is doing something obviously wrong, who am I to criticize? Have I not failed in some way with my own children? God isn’t judging our mistakes as moms in different levels. This birth mother’s choices are not at a higher level of sin than my own. The difference is that I have the blood of Christ who covers my sins. I have a relationship with the One who forgives.

Who am I, or who are any of us, to think, “At least I am not like….” “At least I don’t…” Does it make me feel better to think I am more righteous? That is putting confidence in my righteousness rather than in the One who made me right with Him. I can spout off a list of all my achievements as a mother but can I also say that I have been perfect, that I have been sin free?

If I am going to stand any chance at being a witness in this woman’s life, I need to first let go of the Phariseeical attitude and humble myself. If you are going to make a difference in anyone’s life, especially someone who does not know the Lord, you must do the same. I Peter 5:5 makes it clear: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

Deeper Love

2009-07-04T08:39:00.000-07:00

The deeper your love, the higher it goes…Psalm 57:10 (The Message)

Sometimes a scripture verse will hit me a certain way. Its meaning could be one thing but oftentimes you will find that a verse can be applied in other ways.

I got a new Bible last Christmas which I love. It’s a parallel Bible, one side has the New American Standard version and the other side has The Message. I love the way verses in The Message speak so clearly.

Now in our bathroom we have this flip book with Bible verses for each day. Last Sunday the scripture verse was the one above. Then Monday morning I opened my Bible to continue my reading in Psalms and guess what? Psalm 57 was the very next chapter I was on. I read that verse again and suddenly, I knew God was trying to tell me something.

Last week was a bit rough for me. Life has just really been ramming its ugly head against me and I definitely feel like I am in a battle. I am in a battle for my emotions, my thoughts, and my relationships with others. It is usually very hard to avoid struggles in relationships when you are warring against other things in life.

I thought about the fact that in my marriage we have gone through many, many times of testing—just as I am sure all you married ladies have gone through. The difference this time is not that we are being tested in our marriage but I think we are in a proving ground. I think we are beginning to see what we are really made of. Our marriage has passed many, many tests…from the early days of our marriage when we were unsaved to the journey that we have gone through for the almost 18 years of our marriage.

The proving ground is a deeper facing of what our marriage is really all about. It has not been easy. At times I have felt the work of it all—everything going on—has just been too much. Maybe it’s just my personality but when things are really tough, I would prefer to slink away and be alone. I would prefer to be left alone, to not be bothered by anyone. I don’t want to talk about my feelings, about what is going on…I just want to be by myself.

Loving someone is not a feeling, not an emotion. It is a choice. At times, when things are difficult, you may feel that loving is a choice you don’t want to make or you may feel you don’t have it in you to do. Frustrations, irritations, miscommunication, all of these things can create blockages in relationships.

So through all of this, I have learned that I need to make the choice to love. It has not just been in my marriage, as we have been going through this period of what I call our proving ground…it has been with others. Because like I said, I would prefer to be left alone. I would not choose to also be taking care of five children in the midst of this. So I must make the choice to love. But here is where the above scripture verse comes in. The deeper I choose to love…the higher it goes. To me, that means the more love I give, the more selfless I am, the more I give up to meet the needs of another—the closer I get to God. The higher up is Him. It is connecting to Him in a deeper, closer way because I have chosen to love others.

Dear, children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. I John 3:18

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. I John 4:7

Weak and Powerless

2009-06-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

A couple of blogs ago, I revealed a meltdown moment I had. It was one of those, in-your-face, angry moments. Well this week I had another meltdown moment but this one was a little different. It was one of those crying, I-can’t-take-it-anymore kind of meltdown moments. It was after a night of 4 hours sleep…and not even 4 hours straight sleep because even that was broken up sleep. It was a combination of that lack of sleep, along with being emotionally worn down by the ups and downs of our foster care situation.

I just sat there and started to cry. I felt like I couldn’t take another whiny request from the almost 2 year old boy, or another protest of “NO!” in my face from the almost 3 year old girl. My whole summer “vacation” has been anything but that! In the midst of all this, I have been trying to do my work for an online class and working on my online writing job. There is also a lot of driving…getting my oldest to summer school four days a day, various days taking the little ones to daycare so they can go on their visits with mom…appointments to be fulfilled…it has all just been one huge challenge.

I finally said, “I can’t do it!” In my mind I declared that I was done. I was not going any further with this foster care situation; I was not going to see my life go down a road I never asked for. I wanted things back to the way they were.

I think I am not alone in this. My situation might be unique in that I have foster children involved but as moms we go through various seasons with our children. When they are very young, the biggest challenges seem to be lack of sleep, not getting out of the house, dealing with sickness, temper tantrums…you get the point. As they enter the elementary school years, it is homework, juggling all the after school activities, friends…so on. When they become preteens, hormones start to kick in. I know I don’t need to say anymore! Then the teen years arrive and well, let’s just say that’s a whole new set of challenges. I can only imagine that even when your children are out of the house, you have other issues—no longer are the children in your care—you are leaving them to figure things out on their own. I can imagine that must be difficult.

With the challenges of each season, it is easy to give in to those feelings of “I just can’t do it!” We get our meltdown moments when we cry and cry and feel completely unable. Well, God wants to meet us in those very trying moments. The next day, after a fairly good night of sleep, my perspective started to come back some. Then I read K-Love’s (Christian radio station) encouraging word for the day: He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless (Isaiah 40:29).

I knew that word was for me. Well, God’s Word is for everyone, however, we get those moments when He especially speaks to our heart. It pierced my heart. I felt weak and I definitely felt powerless…but He was there ready to do His thing—to empower and strengthen me. I had to let go of the situations…I had to let go of the stresses…the worries…the challenges…I knew I had nothing, absolutely nothing in me to do it. But He had all I needed.

What are you feeling weak about as a mom? Where are you feeling powerless? Have you had your meltdown moment? Don’t give in to that temptation to give up. A wise woman shared with me that it always feels like the worst strain right before the victory…it is darkest before the dawn. But…Psalm 30:5 gives us hope…Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.
As a special bonus, when I started crying, my daughter was sitting next to me on the couch. I didn’t even state why I was crying, I just started crying. She didn’t need me to say why. She put her head on my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry…we will help you.” I felt like the love of God was working right through her. I think that’s why we need to make sure that we are not keeping these struggles inside. There are others around you who want to help you. Don’t keep these things to yourself. Allow God to work through others to help you, as well!

Mom Moments

2009-06-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

Life is full of lessons. They can be found in everyday life, if we would only be willing to see them. If we aren’t able to discover those lessons, life can easily become mundane. I can pretty confidently say that my life has not been boring or mundane! At the most, I might have a dull week but even that is very rare. Instead, I have found that along the way, God puts forth many lessons to be learned. Sometimes they are in the very simplest of things—taking care of a basic need for your child or they can be found in the very trials and troubles of life that can weigh you down.

Throughout the lessons we learn, as believers, we also recognize the need that we can’t make it through the lessons without a measure of faith. We are told in God’s Word that if we have faith as small as the size of a mustard seed, we can move mountains. I think that is very significant and worth really thinking about. Have you ever seen a mustard seed? I bought a container of them one time. I had been given a necklace that the children’s pastor’s wife had made for me and the focal point of the necklace was this tiny box that could hold a mustard seed.

When I opened the container of mustard seeds, it became very real to me, how very little faith we actually need in order to see God do big things. Sometimes I think we get it all mixed up. We think that in order for God to really move, we need to first muster up a huge amount of faith. But it really doesn’t require much which shows me that first of all, God really is gracious and second, if He can do that much with just a little bit of faith…I can only imagine what He can do when our faith is even bigger!

Faith has been central to our latest journey through the foster care system. I have heard many stories, from those who have been on the end of being in the system, to those who have become foster parents and even from a caseworker. It is a system filled with holes…but God is the hole-filler. He can do wonders and if my faith…small as a mustard seed…can see Him work miracles, then most certainly you can see the same thing in your life and in your situations.

One evening I was doing some journaling in a book called Streams in the Desert and this thought was put into my heart that I wish to share with you: Prayer is the means of sending a message but faith is the substance of the message. May your faith, small as it may be, see those mountains be moved!

Lion and the Lamb

2009-06-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

Things are calm…I am sitting out on my deck as the sun is beginning to set. It feels good to sit and relax. It has been a good day but it has also been a long week. At times I have felt much like Peter. Our guest preacher said it best this morning at church…that Peter was one of those people that said what others were afraid to say. Sometimes that got Peter into trouble. Believe me; I know what Peter feels like!

I have always been one that cannot hide how I feel. That can take some people aback. It probably has offended a few. There are others that seem to appreciate my genuineness. But sometimes I just feel like I need to be a voice. Lately I have been the voice for the foster children we are desperately trying to get. We were so close…supposed to have them in our guardianship this weekend. Then one phone call put a damper on everything. Never mind the fact that these children will be in a safe, loving, and nurturing home. Never mind that we have invested time, money and relationships with them. Never mind that these children know us and love us. Suddenly little details like square footage in a bedroom and what constitutes a bedroom are putting a halt on things.

It’s a broken system, I have heard it said. Not until our family became intertwined in it did we realize how very true that is. It’s a broken system with broken people…broken children and some of them just don’t have a voice. Well, I am willing to be that voice. You know, sometimes that is exactly what we need to be—a voice to those who don’t have one or who aren’t able to use theirs. We need to have that gentle spirit but we also need to have that passion for the right causes. Remember, Jesus was called a Lion and a Lamb.

I think most of us can safely say we have been both as a mom. We have been a lion when courage and toughness was required. Yet we have been a lamb when gentleness and softness were needed. I think we can also say that sometimes it is hard to know when to be which one. We can’t allow moments to lead us. We have to allow the Spirit to lead us.

Through all of this, I have found one incredibly amazing thing. I have been constantly in awe of my children and their love. They have loved and been willing to sacrifice. They have given up their space, time, and hearts to love on these children. We have been very open about everything—the story behind the children, what we are going through, what obstacles we need to overcome. I think this has been a great way to see their faith strengthened…to see them learn how to trust and lean on hard on the Lord. We have seen that there is no other choice.

My children have also seen that I am not willing to give up. I will not allow brokenness to take away. I will speak up and I will speak loudly if need be. I won’t be overbearing, tyrannical and insane—I will be passionate, confident and in control (of my emotions, hopefully!). It would be easy to back out. It would be easy to let the fight go. It would be easy to say, “Well I tried.” But I know that some battles require a bit more fight than usual. Jacob wrestled with an angel. It was a battle that took a long time. He didn’t give up. God does not call us to give up when we know what’s right.

Is there something you are fighting for? Maybe it’s for your marriage, the salvation of family or friends, a backslidden child, a dream you have yet to see fulfilled, or a career change…it could be anything. Is this maybe the time to put away the lamb and bring out the lion? Don’t let obstacles; don’t let trials and troubles hold you back. Don’t allow them to keep you from fighting the good fight. And remember…the battle is not yours! The battle belongs to the Lord!

Meltdown Moments

2009-06-06T06:32:00.000-07:00

Meltdowns…ask any mom and she will tell you how familiar she is with them. Ask especially any mom of a 2 or 3 year old, and she can probably tell you about a very recent experience. You could even ask any mom of a teenager and she could give you a blow-by-blow description of one that has happened at some point.

However, ask any mom if she has had one lately—yes, a meltdown. I think sometimes as moms we are afraid to talk about those moments when…well, we just would rather pretend they never happened, that they don’t exist. Mom Moments is meant to be a real blog, a place of connection. I truly believe that you can’t connect if you can’t relate and I also believe that you can’t relate if you can’t be real.

So here I get to be real and yes, sometimes that requires being honest about things I would rather not be honest about. But if Mom Moments is going to be real, it is going to address those moments that are less than admirable.

Very recently I had a meltdown moment. It was one of those moments where you say things you should never say, you act in a way that is very unbecoming and well, you are basically just like a 2 year old having a tantrum. There is always an unfortunate target and it happened to be my 12 year old daughter. Although I tried to convince myself and her that she was the cause of my anger, the truth is that she was just an easy target.

After my little explosion—okay, it was a big explosion—I deposited her at her friend’s house (yeah, I’m sure she had a grand old time). I cried the whole way home. It was a combination of still feeling sorry for myself and also feeling like a big schmuck! I was also a little worried that she was going to tell her friend, who would tell her mom, who would probably unsubscribe to Mom Moments—smile. Yet as I finally got over it and got my senses together, I realized it was the perfect opportunity. My insanity, my failure could be used to encourage others.

You see…moms do have those moments! Sometimes I think we are convinced that we are the only moms in the world who…fill in the blank. We are so quick to beat ourselves up, so quick to pile on the guilt and feel like failures. We can be our own worst enemies! I think it takes longer to forgive ourselves than it does to feel God’s forgiveness. We may have a harder time letting go of our failures and imperfections and letting God do His work in us.

I had to really think about the reason I had exploded. I wanted to pin it on my daughter’s selfishness. That was an easy answer. But it wasn’t the answer. I felt like I really needed to dig down deep and discover the root of my anger. I think God was showing me it was a combination of things. You see, meltdowns for moms are usually the result of built up frustrations or resentments. They build and build and build until finally we cannot take another brick on our load and we unleash.

I am so thankful these moments are few and far between for me. But I still hate that they happen. The fact that I could say the things I said, act the way I act and then also drive when I am angry—I throw that in there because I realized later on how dangerous that probably was—shows me how very much I cannot do this on my own. I cannot be a mom without some heavenly help. Yet at the same time, we also need help in the flesh. We need to be able to share with someone our struggles, admit our faults and ask for that prayer support. As soon as I am done writing this blog, I will be emailing my best friend and freely sharing with her how much I messed up. But I will be doing it because I know she will listen, she will understand and she will say a prayer for me. She will not condemn me or judge me. She has been there herself, I’m sure! 

After we have experienced a meltdown moment, we do need to be sure that we ask forgiveness to the unfortunate target. It wasn’t until a few hours later, when I picked her up from her friend’s house that we were able to discuss what had happened. I didn’t make excuses for my behavior, but I did let her know that I had allowed the pressures of life to build up and then released them in the wrong way. The truth is that we need to do whatever we can to keep that pressure from building up. Instead of letting the little things go, we need to deal with them immediately. Catch for us the little foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom (Song of Solomon 2:15).

Think about some of the things that happen in life that build up: lack of sleep, stress, difficulties in relationships, communication breakdown, worries, and the list could go on. We may be dealing with one small thing at a time but over time, they can create a huge burden that we are not meant to carry. Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens (Psalm 68:19). Are you giving your burdens to Him on a daily basis? If not, you are carrying a weight that you were never meant to carry.

Of course, part of my discussion with my daughter included asking forgiveness. May we never be too prideful to ask for it! It doesn’t matter who the person is, how old they are, what role they play—we need to be willing to humble ourselves and admit when we have messed up. The harder part, however, may be forgiving ourselves. It is sometimes difficult to let go of something we have said or done. We keep replaying it in our mind. Two things could happen if we do that. One, we could end up becoming angry again by thinking about the original reason we were upset in the first place or two, we become weighed down by guilt. That will create a whole new set of problems. So we need to be able to forgive ourselves and move on.

Life can be rough. Things come at us from all different directions. It sometimes can feel like all we are doing is deflecting arrows. Don’t let the battles of life bring you to a meltdown moment. Remember the battle belongs to Him!

Your State as a Traveler

2009-05-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

My last blog talked about our family being on a journey. The truth is, we are all on a journey. The route we take and the final destination…that is about the only difference between us. Otherwise, we can pretty safely say that each of us has some road to take.

There is a lot that can be said about traveling. We could talk about the terrain—whether the journey is smooth or rocky. We could talk about whether we are walking this road alone or with others. We could also talk about how long of a trip we have ahead of us. Some trips are quick and easy, others are long and arduous.

But there is something else to consider when we are taking a journey. That is the state of the traveler. Have you ever taken a journey where you were so excited about the final destination, that nothing bothered you? It didn’t matter how cramped your legs got, how many hours had gone by, the number of bathroom stops you had made…all that was before you was the final, glorious end. Then there are journeys that are more difficult. The final destination, as wonderful as it may be, may not be in the forefront of your mind because you are so focused on how uncomfortable your seat is, how squished you feel, the driving or rocking sensation that is making you sick.

What state are you in with the current journey you are on? Are you feeling tired, overwhelmed and cranky? Or are you excited, full of joy and just feel so ready to burst with happiness? Sometimes the answer is in the circumstances around us. I find it difficult to be in a good mood when I take a long drive. I guess I’m just not that much into scenery. I prefer a quick trip via air travel, rather than driving long distance. Two summers ago we drove to Niagara Falls, Canada. It took us about 12 hours to get there. Although I knew we were going to see one of the most amazing sights in the world, it didn’t seem worth it as we traveled. Yet in the end, once I saw Niagara Falls, the drive was more than worth it.

Sometimes we need to take a step back and not consider the path we are on or even the final destination but what state are we in. It does no good, if you really think about it, to complain on the way to wherever you are going. It won’t change much. The only thing it really does is make you more miserable. How much fun is that? And if you are miserable enough, the final destination may be less enjoyable. Your discontentment can take away from the joy of it.

I say all this because I have recognized that as our family ventures on this current journey, I have to be careful about my state. It may not be easy (taking care of five children suddenly is not easy!), it may be filled with uncertainties (how will we do this?) and I may run into some bumpy spots along the way (just dealing with social services in itself is bumpy)… but will I focus on the difficulties? Will I focus on the uncertainties? Will I focus on the problems? They are going to be there. As much as this may be from God, the reality is that it will also be filled with difficulties and struggles. It does no good to pretend it won’t…to act as if this road will be smooth sailing. Yet at the same time, it does no good to complain. It won’t make things any easier. I will have to really guard my heart and my mind. You need to as well.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).

Too Busy to Sacrifice?

2009-05-23T07:57:00.001-07:00

Our family is on a journey. It is definitely an uncertain one. We don’t know the path we will have to take, we don’t know how we are going to get there and we don’t know where we will ultimately end up. I wonder if it’s anything like how Abraham felt when he was called to leave Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan. He only knew he was called to go…he didn’t exactly get a roadmap from God, a step-by-step list of instructions. He wasn’t given many details. He was just told to go and he obeyed. Our family is obeying the orders we have received…we are taking the steps necessary to become foster parents. We know what we want, what we would have happen and what we would like the end result to be. However, we also need to understand that God may have something totally different in mind.

So far the start to this journey has been an interesting one. Not only are we learning things about our family (for instance, how incredibly selfless our children are) but we are also learning things about others (their support or lack of support). For the most part, we have tons of support. We have people cheering us on, offering help in one way or another. But I have also received a couple of comments that weren’t outright negative; however, both of them contained a word that I can’t seem to shake from my mind…busy.

Both comments had something to do with the fact that weren’t we busy enough…again, not outright negative comments but the fact that I heard something similar from two people has gotten me really thinking.

If someone were to ask that of me…aren’t you busy enough? I would most definitely agree! As with any family, yes, we are busy. We have three children who are involved in various activities. My husband and I have activities either together or apart that keep us busy. We both work. We are involved in church and ministry. We are most definitely very busy people. But the bigger question is—does that mean we are so busy we don’t have time to do God’s bidding?

I wonder how many people fail to do what they have been called to do simply because they thought they were too busy. I don’t know too many people who can say that they don’t lead busy lives. However, does busyness give us an excuse to cast aside the needs of others?

If we end up with the two little ones we are seeking to be foster parents for, it will require some change in our lifestyle. Some things will remain the same…however, many things will change. We are at a point in our life when we can finally just get up and go somewhere—we don’t need babysitters. Our children are old enough to stay home. When we go somewhere with them, we don’t have to pack a diaper bag, a sippy cup and a bag of snacks. They can take their own showers, they can get dressed themselves—they can even cook for themselves. So to go from that point in our life to one where now we need to drag diaper bags, sippy cups, snacks, have children in bed by 8:00, rearrange our plans, and give baths—well yes, it is most definitely going to require some sacrifice. But isn’t that what we are called to do as believers?

To sacrifice is to surrender something for the sake of something else—it is giving up. It is letting go. It is not easy…believe me! I anguished over this decision in the beginning. At first I wasn’t so willing to take on a responsibility that I wasn’t ready for. I am enjoying my life and the stage that I am at right now. I am especially enjoying my children and their ages—yes, even with having a teen and a preteen—I truly am enjoying it. So to change things…to give up my freedom is not easy. Yet…I know that to not do it is to miss out on a great blessing.

Is your busyness preventing you from sacrificing? There are moments in our life when we become so comfortable that God has to do something to shake things up. He wants us to sit up and take notice—He has something more for us but in order to get that more, we have to be willing to give something up. What is He calling you to give up?

When you finally obey…when you finally choose to take the path He calls you to, even if you don’t know the way, He will give you confirmation that it was the right thing. It happened to me one morning when I received my morning scripture verse from my favorite radio station, K-Love. It said:
God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.
~ Ephesians 1:5, NLT
Don’t let the unknown journey before you scare you from taking that first step. It’s once you take the first step, that the next becomes easier. You can know that you are not walking it alone—you have the very One who called you, to walk beside you and if need be, in front of you.

In His Hands

2009-05-17T11:20:00.001-07:00

I told my best friend this morning right before our morning church service started that I am running on God fumes. It is the only explanation for how I have been able to even function this weekend. Our family has gone through an emotional week. We have found ourselves in the midst of a situation that I quite frankly, would never have imagined we would be in.

Last Monday two children, who will be turning 2 and 3 in the months of July and August, were removed from their home. They attend the daycare/preschool center that I work at. It was a very sad scene—the mother actually beat the social workers to our center and so we each had a role to play—one was a lookout for social services, another hid the children, a couple of us tried to calm the mom down. It was hard to keep it together as you watched these children get taken away by three complete strangers—the sounds of their cries in that car as they drove away can still be heard in my mind.

Through the course of events, my boss ended up receiving emergency temporary placement of them. However, my family has stepped up and offered to take them in as our foster children. We have been spending lots of time with them this week and have been amazed at how quickly they have adapted to our family. There is a lot going on—there are still unanswered questions as to the timeframe of how long they will be out of the house, how becoming a foster parent works, the issues concerning so many hearts that have been drawn into this. We know that most likely, in the end, we are going to face heartache. The chances of us getting these children and keeping them forever are unlikely. So we know that it could be anytime soon or even further down the road that they are no longer in our keeping.

Needless to say, a lot of emotions have been at work this past week. I have had many a sleepless night. I was up early Saturday morning for a prayer breakfast and up early this morning for church—so I haven’t even been able to catch up on my sleep. On top of it, having these young children has required more energy than I would have thought I could muster. Just getting them dressed, bathed, in and out of car seats, picking up what they dropped, getting them a “passy” (pacifier) or “cuppy” (sippy cupy) and doing it ASAP or you will be hearing it…it has been a task that while I have questioned “How can I do this???!!!” it has also come quite easily. What makes it easy is that it’s not me—it is all God. He has been empowering me, equipping me, and strengthening me for this glorious task.

Of course, I cannot fail to mention the efforts of my children. My younger two immediately took to them. My oldest tried to pretend they weren’t there at first—but now he is picking them up in his arms and I heard him tell the little girl, “I love you too,” when she crooned, “I love you Daniel!” It has just been absolutely amazing how helpful and loving my children have been. Of course, this could all not be done without the support of my husband. Not only do I have his support but he desperately wants these little ones, too. Our entire family has connected to them.

What lies before us is uncertain. The social services system is confusing and disorganized. We are not getting clear, concrete answers on the future of these children. We are not sure where we stand as a family—if we are just very temporarily helping to take care of them or if we are going to eventually become their foster parents. We know what we want but it rests entirely in God’s hands.

The idea of having five children sounds insurmountable—can we raise teenagers, preteens and preschoolers? Can my mind and heart handle all of the various scenarios associated with the wide range of issues to be dealt with? Can we afford this? Can I physically and emotionally do this, day in and day out? What will become of us? What will become of them?

I don’t have the answers—just as you have many questions going on in your life—you may not have the answers either. It is time for us to wait on God. There is nothing we can do. We can’t make things happen. We can’t know the outcome. We have nothing in our control. It is all in His hands and it’s where we need to be, too. Whatever you have going on in your life, put it in His hands. Allow yourself to be held by Him as well. When you feel you can’t go on, you can’t make it another step, He is there to pick you up and carry you.

The Confident Parent

2009-05-10T04:56:00.001-07:00

I am thinking about writing a book called “The Confident Parent.” I don’t know how catchy that title is but it has been lurking in the back of my mind since a recent Facebook discussion.

I had taken one of those dumb Facebook quizzes…you know the kind I’m talking about, where you have nothing better to do (or maybe you do but you are wasting time anyway) and so you take a “fun” quiz. It was about your parenting style. It claimed that I leaned more toward “Attachment Parenting.” Apparently I am into natural births (hmmm...that doesn’t fit with the epidural I received on my first birth), homeopathic remedies (pass me the Children’s Motrin please!) and living green (I stubbornly refuse to buy a reusable bag—Al Gore wouldn’t like this, but give me paper bags any day!).

Now there were some aspects of the results that I do agree with—I am not bothered by the way some may question my parenting style. I do feel strongly about the way I am raising my children. And I do tend to trust my instincts when it comes to raising my children. I believe those are God-given instincts. I think that comes down to being a confident parent…not a perfect parent, mind you. It is also not a confidence in my own abilities. It is confidence that I believe comes from God, my faith in Him. I trust Him to show me the way when it comes to parenting.

When I posted my results on Facebook, I received a couple of comments that I found interesting. One was about negative criticism of their parenting rubbing them the wrong way and the other was about being sensitive to criticism of their parenting. I think these feelings are probably the majority when it comes to moms and how they view the negative feedback or comments they may receive. I appreciated hearing that feedback because it was honest feedback and like I said, I believe the way most moms feel.

When it comes to parenting, we protect our little treasures. If someone questions the way we are raising them, the choices we make, I think it is pretty natural to become protective of that. I have been there many times. I have had to defend my reasons for doing things over the course of my children’s lives—why I homeschooled, why I stopped, why I chose to not medicate, why I didn’t take a doctor’s advice—I finally reached a point in my parenting that I decided I no longer needed to defend my choices. I could spend my whole life defending or I could spend my life confidently following the direction I felt was best for our family.

This has not happened overnight. My oldest recently turned 15, my middle child is about to turn 12 and my youngest just turned 10. It has taken a few years for me to reach this point, where I don’t question every decision we make as parents. My husband and I are pretty cohesive when it comes to making decisions about our children. We both have learned to trust in one another and in God.

One of the comments made on Facebook was how God knew which child was right for which parent. That is the amazing thing about families—they are all different! No one family is supposed to mirror another. When you look about creation, all that God has made, you find diversity. You find uniqueness and creativity. If every flower looked the same, if ever animal looked the same, it would be a pretty boring world. So I like the fact that as families we choose different ways of doing things, whether it’s how we choose to educate our children, the discipline methods we use, and so on. We need to value those differences and we need to go about parenting our children with God-given confidence. I hope and pray you each have a WONDERFUL, AWESOME, and CONFIDENT Mother’s Day!

Are You Ready?

2009-05-04T06:13:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting past few days. Last Wednesday I received a phone call, in the midst of an extended family drama unfolding, that my younger children’s school had been closed due to the Swine Flu. The only good thing about that news was that it stopped the drama and put that on the backburner, hopefully permanently.

At any rate, panic seemed to hit our city. We had two “probable” cases of Swine Flu, which has since been changed to H1N1 (yeah, that makes a world of difference!). Suddenly five public schools, one of which is our neighborhood school that my 4th and 6th graders attend, have been closed indefinitely. Thursday and Friday they were home. By Friday night I was starting to wonder if I’m the only one not being fed into what I believe is an unnecessary frenzy. As most times, I feel the media is stirring up the pot and causing more worries than are needed.

So then Friday the number of probable cases goes up to 27. Not looking so good now. I am wondering if my children will ever return to school. I am frustrated not having clearer answers and not feeling as convinced about the seriousness of the whole situation. By Saturday evening we now have 34 probable cases and 2 confirmed cases. The health commissioner indicates, however, that it appears to be a mild condition of the flu. So now I am wondering, is this really just the flu? Now we are being told to be prepared for the possibility of the whole school district being closed down.

Well as of yesterday, the entire school district isn’t closed, however, my children’s school will be closed for an entire week and there is the possibility it could be closed the following week, as well. It has really gotten me thinking about things—if something like the Swine Flu—oh excuse me, I mean the H1N1 flu can stir up such panic, what is going to happen when this world really gets hit with difficult times?

Our church has been going through a new sermon series called “Signs of the Times.” It has been a fascinating series. So far we have learned about the connection that Israel has to end times and what is going on in Europe today and how that plays into it all. Next week is the one I am really looking forward to, the Rapture. It has been an exciting series but it has also been incredibly eye opening. We are truly living in the last days! Is the Swine flu a part of this? I really don’t know but I do see how the world has begun to panic and fret…they have no idea what is yet to come.

So it gets me thinking about the day the trumpet sounds and we who are believers will be caught up with Jesus—I truly do believe that is going to happen very soon. In fact, I wonder if my children will ever experience life as adults—will they ever marry and have children? Or will Jesus come before then? I have heard many people talk about all that they want to do—all that they want to experience—all that they want for their families—they are not ready for the trumpet call because they still have things to do.

Would I like to see my children grow up and fulfill their dreams? Would I like to see them get married and give me grandchildren? I most certainly would. But do I desire that more than seeing Jesus? I think it’s a question we all need to ponder. Where are our priorities? Are they really where they need to be?

There is nothing wrong with having a dream, a desire or a want for something that is good. To see my oldest son become an airline pilot would thrill me. To see my children find mates that God has chosen for them excites me. To think about holding a grandchild someday touches my heart. But do I desire all of this more than I desire Jesus? If I would rather have all of that over the rapture, perhaps my priorities are not in order. Perhaps it has become more about me than about my God.

I see my church heading in a direction that is clearly focused on equipping us to make a difference in this world—for whatever time we have left, we need to make sure that others know about Jesus—because there will come a time, a day when it will be too late to let them know. We will be gone…who are we going to leave behind? As much good as we want for our children, will they be left behind because we were so busy pursuing other things in their lives that we neglected to point them to the way of the cross?

In the next year I hope to see my oldest son be able to fly solo and be prepared to go for his pilot’s license. But will my focus, my time, my energy be so caught up in that, that I neglect to point him toward his Creator? I would hope not! I think we are seeing that in this time, we need to put aside our will and our wants and ask God what He would have us focus on. Who needs to hear about Jesus? Who needs to be pointed to the way of the cross?

I was listening on my Ipod yesterday to this song and it really struck a nerve. I pray the lyrics really speak to your heart as well:

Life was filled with guns and war
And all of us got trampled on the floor
I wish we’d all been ready
The children died, the days grew cold
A piece of bread could buy a bag of gold
I wish wed all been ready

(chorus)
There’s no time to change your mind
The Son has come and you’ve been left behind

A man and wife asleep in bed
She hears a noise and turns her head he’s gone
I wish we’d all been ready
Two men walking up a hill
One disappears and one’s left standing still
I wish we’d all been ready

(repeat chorus)

The Father spoke, the demons dined
How could you have been so blind?

(repeat chorus 2x)

I hope we’ll all be ready
You’ve been left behind [3x]

Leading By Example

2009-04-25T17:32:00.000-07:00

Recently my 6th grade daughter and I were having a conversation about one of her friends from school. It was kind of a sad story, how her friend was trying to wake her dad up, so he could take her to school. It was something like 7:30 and school starts at 7:45 am. His response was to wake him up in 5 minutes but she kept trying to tell him that school starts in 15 minutes. He finally snapped at her, “Then take the city bus!” It was a good opportunity to share with my daughter that not every family is a healthy one. I also used it as an opportunity to help her appreciate her own father. She is just entering into those sometimes volatile years as a young teen and recently things have been tense between her and dad. Their relationship is changing and I think they are both just trying to figure it all out and find their footing in it.

As I spent some time trying to point out all of his good qualities—because unfortunately at times she only sees the things she doesn’t like, I began to feel a little convicted. Here I was preaching to her about the way she should appreciate her father but I had this nagging question in my heart, “Am I doing the same?” “Am I appreciating my husband and showing that example to my daughter?”

You know, it’s behind closed doors, when the world isn’t watching, that we allow our true selves to be seen. Unfortunately, at times I can be quick to point out a fault in my husband, or even roll my eyes when he says something I think is stupid. No, it’s not nice but I’m just being truthful. I think we all have our moments where we would like to keep it all behind closed doors. We wouldn’t want the world to see some of behavior, hear some of our responses or even worse, know our thoughts. But much of this is right out there for our children to see. How we treat our husbands speaks greatly to our children. It could even possibly affect the way they treat their father.

Perhaps you have seen a sitcom or some type of show where the wife “wears the pants,” so to speak. Or she may treat her husband like dirt. Most of the time the children of that family treat him the same way. They have no respect for him because it has not been modeled. If I say to my child, “Don’t speak that way to your father,” I need to consider if I have led them by example.

I think we all need to show more appreciation for our husbands. The more we value them, the more our children will do the same. If you are tearing your boss down at work, pretty soon your co-workers will join in. The same is true in a family. We must be encouraging, supporting and lifting one another up. We need to remember that we are serving as an example before our children. I think it’s time I call my husband up and tell him how much I love and appreciate him…

You Are Being Watched!

2009-04-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

My prayer has always been that Mom Moments would be a place that mothers may be able to hear from God. I desire to be His mouthpiece, in whatever way He sees fit. Sometimes it takes the story or experience of another person, sometimes it comes through a teaching, or a thought to be shared. It has also been through my personal experiences that God has been able to speak to others, just as others speak into my life through their personal experiences.

Hopefully this Mom Moments testimony will be yet another encouragement to you that God is good and He is in control and sometimes we go through things and they may not make sense but in the end He can always, always, always be trusted.

I feel so blessed to be able to say that God has answered our prayers and we received a report back from the doctor that my daughter had a benign cyst. The thought crossed my mind, why did we ever have to go through this? If in the end—and believe me, I am NOT complaining—all was going to be well, what purpose did the “scare,” the possibility of cancer serve? You may need to reread my last blog for part of the answer but I think there are other possibilities that need to be considered.

One of the things about the world around us, especially those who do not know the Lord, is that they are watching us. You may find yourself being more closely watched by some more than others. There are people who are intently watching your life because they either want to see you trip up—in other words, they are looking for a way to see you fall—or they want to see if what you believe is for real—in other words, they are looking for some hope and want to know if what you have is really worth anything.

I had co-workers, all unbelievers, who I believe were watching me during this. Some were just casual observers but there are others who were more focused. Those who were more focused had genuine interest in my daughter’s situation and I am sure felt curious about how well I handled the entire thing. However, I would guess that I had at least one co-worker who was not looking for the good in the situation. Unfortunately, I do have a co-worker who seems intent on seeing me mess up. I don’t even want to guess what her reasons are—I am learning to not care enough, to just let it go and go about my business. But a part of me wonders, did God want to show her I was genuine? That I am the real stuff? That I don’t just talk the talk of faith, but I live it? It could very well be. I can’t say that I know for sure. But I do understand that we have a watching world and the way we respond, the way we handle a situation, the way we carry ourselves…all of this is being watched by a bigger audience, one that goes even beyond our children.

My daughter’s 6th grade teacher has some religious beliefs, as he is a practicing Catholic. I look forward to when spring break is over and sharing with him the good news. I look forward to sharing with him how I believe God answered our prayers. He was yet another observer in our lives.

Think about all the people that surround you and are watching you. Are you complaining about situations in your life? Are you worried and anxious? Are those who are waiting to see you trip up being given the evil satisfaction of knowing they were somehow right? Are those who are looking for hope able to look at your life and say, “I want what she’s got!” We may need to consider our words, our responses, and our behavior more closely as we think about the situations in our lives and what the world around us is seeing. We have children watching but we also have others watching. May they see the hope of glory in you—the Lord Jesus Christ!