nightshift stevens and other stuff

Update

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 02:17:00 +0000

It will only take looking at the date of my last blog post, the date of this post, and some rudimentary applied math skills to realize my blog has been sorely neglected. Since I lasted updated my blog I have been dating Jennifer. The time needed to allow a relationship to mature is significant and I've been happily investing it for the past four months. True, there haven't been a lot of comics produced during that period but I consider being currently engaged to an amazing woman I love more than anything well worth the hiatus.

Our first date was on April 22. Since then we've spent almost every day together and have decided we'd like to continue doing so for the rest of our lives. We're to be wed in the Boston temple on November 18. I've never liked having a birthday or celebrating it, and this is probably the closest thing I can do to erasing it forever so many thanks for that Jennifer.

A lot of people have asked how I proposed so in the interest of efficiency I'll be henceforth referring them to this post. I asked Jennifer to marry me this past Friday. I'd known when and where I wanted to propose for the last month or so. By where I first asked Jennifer to be my girlfriend there is a large oak tree. I bought and hung around 600 feet of Christmas lights in its lower branches, making a kind of canopy of light. I had wanted to string lights all the way up the tree originally, but after falling out of the tree once I settled on a less potentially paralyzing plan. I had the lights hooked up to a generator two hundred feet of extension cord away and a little device that would allow me to turn everything on with a clicker I kept in my pocket.

this tree is huge. seriously. it's like 70 feet tall and the trunk is at least 5 feet thick.

the field where the tree is located

The evening started with a trip to the Cobleskill Sunshine Fair. Friday night was demolition derby night at the fair and I was really excited to go see cars run into each other. Jennifer said she was excited as well, but I'm pretty sure she was just saying that to make me happy. I had planned on going to the fair for an hour or so in the late afternoon and then getting to the tree at dusk, but Jennifer showing up 45 minutes early forced me to find some filler time. So we ended up walking around the fairgrounds, looking at every exhibit and then reading the placard about every exhibit. It was really boring (like they had collections of Shirley Temple memorabilia and washing machines from the 19th century on display), and most of the produce and food had spoiled and began to mold (the fair is three weeks long and Friday was the second to last day).

Gratefully it began to darken and we left and headed for the area where the tree was. I'd been lying to Jennifer for the past month, telling her about a project for the Pumpkin Patch I'd been working on in an adjacent field. I wanted the proposal to be a surprise, but I couldn't think of a good reason I'd be driving her off into an empty field alone and in the dark other than a proposal (or maybe murder) so I rigged this whole elaborate story about some satellite pumpkin stand she needed to see.

We arrived at the tree where I had Jennifer's favorite dinner waiting in a cooler by a table I had set up earlier. I clicked on the lights and we ate by the tire swing I had hung back on the date when I asked Jennifer if she would be my girlfriend. After we had finished, I took a knee and this time asked Jennifer if she would be my wife. She accepted, and we couldn't be happier together.

Homework

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 11 May 2011 02:53:00 +0000

Dandelions

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 May 2011 12:42:00 +0000

Cards

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 04 May 2011 12:22:00 +0000

I don't like to call it stealing. Be aware though I reserve the right to "repurpose" any conversation we've had into comic form. I also reserve the right to repurpose any good gift you may get your mother for mother's day, because as of yet I've no idea what to give mine. She's recently taken up knitting and has made like 30 afghans. She keeps on trying to give me one and I keep telling her afghans are stupid (why would you want a blanket that, when finished, is equal parts blanket and holes?) but if I don't have anything by Saturday night then I'll count my present as accepting one of her dumb blankets.

Cactii

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 14:11:00 +0000

iPhone Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 01:10:00 +0000

Why are there so many different kinds of tomatoes? They all taste equally gross. Except for those avocados, but that's because they're avocados and not tomatoes.

Isn't that a little redundant? Have you ever seen an old person try and use email? The "dummy" is all but implied in the specification it's for "seniors", coming out and calling them one again seems a little overkill for me, branding notwithstanding.

Shut up. I already passed the handicap parking spot (aka "fat person who managed to somehow snag a handicap ticket" spot), I'm not passing this one just because I have a cooler car than a van. Freakin' bossy sign...

HVCC College Catalog

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 03:27:00 +0000

I have to read the college's catalog for one of my classes.

"The Collegiate Academic Support Program (CASP) promotes the academic and personal growth of traditionally underrepresented students by providing holistic programs and activities within an environment that celebrates diversity, inclusiveness, and diversity."

Apparently they don't celebrate diversity in their list items.

What They're Waiting to See

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 05:10:00 +0000

I don't really see what the appeal is. But without fail, that parking lot observation area always has a few cars in it. I picked my grandparents up at the airport yesterday and drove past a full observation parking lot. And it was hecka cloudy out and raining so there really wasn't even anything to observe. There are a lot of times where I don't have a lot going on and don't really have anything too important to get done. Even still I think I'm too busy to park and watch airplanes land, clear or cloudy skies. Unless the people parking there are just doing so to avoid having to pay to use the short term parking in the airport garage, and if that's the case then I tip my hat to their craftiness.

Braille

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 04:56:00 +0000

True story:

As part of my continuing goal to reach 100% self actualization I've decided to learn how to read and speak Braille. I don't plan on going blind anytime soon, and if I did being able to read Braille wouldn't do me any good because shortly after losing my sight I'd walk right into the middle of a busy intersection. Not because I couldn't see it, but because I was blind.

Paratrooper = 40 tickets

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 06:16:00 +0000

TO SEE THE REST OF THIS COMIC, CLICK HERE

(Blogspot does weird stuff to the sizes of pictures and I couldn't get this one to look right.)

Vengence

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 00:51:00 +0000

I didn't buy any books this semester. There were some that were required for my classes, but I wanted to wait until it was absolutely critical and essential to me passing the class before I paid for them. Eleven weeks into the semester now and I'm pretty sure I won't have to by this point. Not having access to any of the information in the class has necessitated a lot of guessing on my part. Lucky for me, I am a phenomenal guesser. Sadly, I don't currently have the GPA to prove it. I totally spaced a midterm. Well, I didn't forget about it, but I thought it was due by 12am and not 12pm.

She wrote me back, essentially telling me to go suck an egg and that I had a zero for the midterm. Laaame. I didn't learn anything in terms of not procrastinating. I still haven't filed my taxes yet, and now that the government is going to shut down forever the IRS won't ever mail be back my rebate. Which is really too bad because I was going to use that money to buy a really cool laser pointer.

Why is there a tapeworm on the counter? Who knows. Chuck-E-Cheese is pretty gross like that...

Perception

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 06:23:00 +0000

There's also the term "undertaker". If you plug that into Google image search it only returns one image, and it's not of anyone who looks like the two characters featured above. Nor myself, for that matter. I don't know what the rest of the funeral directors in my school look like- the first semester is all prep GE type stuff and I can do it all online so I've actually only been to campus once. Next semester I get to get elbows deep in dead people with anatomy and embalming classes, so I'll get to see if there are any distinguishing features of funeral directors.

Also, I may or may not be addicted to Monster energy drinks, Assault flavor. I don't think I've been addicted to anything in the past, so it's difficult to know what signs to look for. But if having an uncontrollable craving for their delicious flavors every evening between 11pm to 1am constitutes and addiction then call me a crackhead. 1am is a terrible time to put 160 mgs of caffeine into your body, and don't I know it. So if anyone has any suggestions for how to break a bad habit bordering on an addiction, I'd love to hear them. And don't say "exercise self control" because obviously that isn't working.

Your Highness

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 16:13:00 +0000

Whose dumb idea was it to not put the right names over the corresponding actors?

Instincts

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 19:58:00 +0000

Have you ever looked at your mouth palate, either before or after you introduce it a pizza hotter than the surface of Venus? It's funny looking. I wonder if all those ridges and bumps serve any purpose. I wonder if I would talk funny if I got all those ridges ironed out. I wonder why they call that thing an artist keeps his paints on a "palate" and which one came first- the mouth or the paints? I could probably do a little research and find out, but that would take all the magic out of life (and require effort) so I'm content to wonder.

Also, when discussing any painter I'm going to default to the male pronoun because as far as I'm concerned Bob Ross is the only painter there ever was.

Joggers

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 03:07:00 +0000

As the weather continues to improve ("improve" being contingent on if you consider the outside temperature rising preferable to it remaining below the freezing point. The local penguins and snowmen are probably freaking out about the current warming trends) I've noticed a corresponding uptick in joggers. They're for the most part female, and for the all part bad looking joggers as far as form goes. None of them posses any fluidity of motion, which has always struck me as being peculiar as girls are typically the more graceful of the genders. Disagree with me if you want, but if you do you'll be outing yourself as a) a girl who is b) a jogger and c) self conscious about their image while working out.

Conference Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 21:23:00 +0000

Difficulties encountered while watching Conference, respective to location:

April Fool's

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 04:54:00 +0000

Safado

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 04:55:00 +0000

PBS

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 04:27:00 +0000

Wicca

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 03:07:00 +0000

Seriously Though, You Should Probably Donate Something

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 21:57:00 +0000

401K

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 05:11:00 +0000

About a week ago I stopped doing the dishes. The sponge I was using to clean them was old and smelled like the type of bacteria that would turn my digestive track into Bosnia circa 1993 so I had to throw it out. I don't own very many dishes, and it didn't take long before all of them were sitting in the sink. Then I started eating out of Tupperware. Then I was out of clean Tupperware. Since then I've been living off Gobstoppers and Oreos.

Brackets

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 20:23:00 +0000

The Right Track

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 04:57:00 +0000

Wishes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 02:21:00 +0000