Underneath the Scars: Living with Amniotic Band Syndrome

Are you growing or dying?

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Wed, 18 Jan 2023 15:06:00 +0000

Have you ever had a period where you just existed in the world but didn't really live?

I went through this a decade ago. It was the most challenging time of my life. I wasn't able to work. I lay in bed most days and cried all day. I read books to distract me from the emotional and physical pain.

All I had to do during that period was get up and take my kids to school, yet I struggled. My life felt so hopeless that I didn't want to face it. So I lay in bed as long as I could. Then, when I finally got up and got my kids ready for school, I returned home and crawled into bed. Usually, I cried myself back to sleep.

Now I realize I was depressed because I had no hope for my future. It broke my spirit when my doctors told me I would never get better, only worse. It was the darkest period in my life because I had just accepted my diagnosis and didn't even try to overcome it.

I became so fearful.

It was hard to leave my house to go to church. I felt as if something terrible was always about to happen. I took three nerve pills daily and still had anxiety attacks. I remember the fear as I struggled to breathe, feeling as if I was going to die.

In some ways, I was dying a little each day. I've learned that we are either growing or dying every day. There is no in-between. My spirit was dying because it didn't have any hope. I couldn't look beyond my circumstances and see a way to overcome them.

Then, God blessed me to start imagining the life I wanted to live. As I fell asleep each night, I imagined holding my books in my hands with children around me. In my dreams, I was healthy—without chronic pain. Seeing the visions of the life I wanted to live helped me get out of bed.

Sometimes all it takes is one step in the right direction.

I started excising every day. The first few times, I cried through my workouts. Oh, how I wanted to stop and climb back into the safety of my bed. But I persevered and fought for the life I wanted to live.

God made way for me to overcome my circumstances.

Instead of accepting my fate, I prayed. Each night I started going out onto my deck and talking to the Lord. I told Him of my hopes and dreams. And He heard me. With each challenge, He increased my faith.

During that time, I learned that when hardships come upon us, we can lay down and give up or fight for the life we want. God can make a way where there is no way. He can help us with our every hardship. And He can take our problems and use them to help others.

When I look at where I was and how He delivered me out of my pain, I am so incredibly grateful. God is a way-maker. He is our strength when we are weak. There is nothing beyond His reach. God can help us with all things. We need to ask Him to help us and believe that He will.

How do you know God is real?

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Mon, 16 Jan 2023 13:02:00 +0000

I’ve had an experience with God. His soul has met mine. When He introduces Himself, it is not something we will ever forget. I remember where I was sitting the first time I heard the gospel and how it made me feel. I didn’t have to ask anyone else who was speaking to me. I felt the power in His presence. And I knew in my heart that He had just presented me the truth of His word. While I didn’t understand everything, I believed in Him and wanted the salvation He offered me. The moment I accepted Him in my heart, my burden was gone. I felt peace, love, and joy like I had never felt before.

Since that day, I have had numerous experiences with Him. When I was younger and out doing things I shouldn’t have been doing, He would warn me of the dangers. I would hear His voice whenever I started to do something I knew I shouldn’t do. My heart would pound and burn within, and I knew it was His presence.

Have you ever been so troubled that someone spoke the words you needed to hear? That is God. He knows what we need. He is the power behind the words.

Have you ever asked God for something and then forgot about your prayer, but He answered it anyway? That is God. I love it when He answers my prayers and then takes me back to where I prayed for them.

Have you ever had a desire in your heart that you didn’t speak out loud, yet it was given to you? That is God. He is the only One who knows the desires of your heart.

Have you ever been sitting in church and the preacher spoke your thoughts? That is God. He knows what we are thinking.

I tried for seven years to get my books published and got rejected many times. Then, God sent the publisher to me. That is God.

Photo by Cayden Sullivan

I prayed for years as a child that God would heal my hands. He used a fall to get me to a hand surgeon, who made me a thumb. Even though the amniotic bands damaged my nerves, my thumb still moves and works for me. That is God.

I cried over my scars for years and tried to pray them away. Instead of taking away my scars, God just changed my thoughts about them. He gave me a new way to look at them that changed my life. That is God.

I could write for days and never tell you all my experiences with Him. My belief in God comes from experiences with Him, not what someone else told me I should believe. He spoke to my soul, and my soul answered Him.

Believing in God is personal. No one else can do it for us. I have NEVER regretted giving my heart to Him. It is a gift that keeps on giving. His mercies are new each morning. His love is unexplainable. The moment I opened my heart and asked Him to save me, He did. And He flooded my heart with so much love. His love helps me to love everyone. I want everyone in the world to know God and to feel His amazing love for themselves.

Have a wonderful day!

Being aware of my choices

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Fri, 13 Jan 2023 14:52:00 +0000

Submerged in my prison's depths of pain and dissatisfaction, I forgot that I could open the door and set myself free by making better choices.

I've been with Eve and the serpent many times in the garden. Whenever I choose between good and evil, I decide whether to help or harm me. And most of the time, the choices feel as small and insignificant as eating an apple, but the impact can be devastating, especially if we choose the wrong things daily.

Anytime we choose the enemy over the Lord, we harm ourselves in some way. The hurt may not show up immediately, but it compounds over time. It's hard to be in tremendous pain and realize it is a self-punishment for my actions.

I have so many examples of this in my life. Some of them are so small that I overlook their importance. But I follow the enemy every time I do the opposite of what I know I should do.

Satan is the one who steals our time. He is the one who beckons for me to sleep and skip my Bible reading time, skip my workout, my writing time, or eat foods that harm my body. The enemy wants us to watch over people's lives so much that we become jealous, discouraged, lazy, unmotivated, and unproductive. And then he wants us to claim that we are happy.

I can see his work in my life when I read my Facebook memories. Some of my older posts were so negative. I was in total misery and pretending to enjoy it.

Journaling has helped me to see what I'm thinking and be honest with myself. Sometimes pulling those negative thoughts out of my mind and putting them on paper is all I need to see and recognize the enemy. Once I am aware of him, I can make a better choice.

Every day I need to ask God to help me see Satan and defeat him.

Drifting through our days and barely getting by doesn't require much effort nor yield great results. It is like treading water and barely keeping our heads above the water. In that state, I don't have any accomplishments to feel good about, so I seek that feeling somewhere else.

Shopping, eating junk food, scrolling social media, watching TV, or reading helps me. It gives me a sense of false pleasure. But it doesn't last long, so I need something else to help. That's why it's so easy to scroll one more time, eat one more thing, read one more page, watch a few more minutes, etc.

However, the pleasure I get from working out, reading my Bible, creating content, walking, or writing is much better. It lasts longer and doesn't make me feel bad afterward. It fills me up instead of making me feel empty.

When we don't spend time with the Lord, aligned with His purpose for us, we feel an emptiness that nothing else can fill. Trust me I've been trying to fill it the last few years with snacks and social media. I should have realized something was wrong when my thoughts centered around food and social media. But I didn't.

I continued on the path of unfulfillment and self-sabotage for years because I didn't want to work hard and be uncomfortable. It was easier to lie to myself than it was for me to be honest and open my eyes to the truth.

Today, I am so thankful for new beginnings. I'm grateful that God helped me to turn it all around. While I still do these things sometimes, now I know why I am doing them. There's a difference between using them occasionally to enhance our day and using them to avoid our day and our lives.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Have a beautiful day!

Candida

Twenty years of writing, growing, and overcoming

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 16:01:00 +0000

It's been 20 years since I started writing. The tears stung my eyes as I typed that sentence. Oh, what a journey it has been with my Lord. When we started this process, I didn't know my reality of it all would be better than my dreams.

Yesterday, I had a photoshoot with my books. My son used his gift of photography to capture my gift of writing. As I looked at the pictures, I cried. When he was born, something inside of me changed. I wanted to be more and do more for him. I wanted to be a mom with a career he would one day be proud of. He was the reason I started searching for my purpose.

My son, Cayden Sullivan
Photo by Samantha Blondell

It hit me as I sat there with my books and my son taking my pictures for a magazine to showcase me as an author. I did it!

Photo by Cayden Sullivan

When I started, I didn't know it would take 20 years to discover my true passion for writing and fully see my purpose. But I can see it now.

I'm tired of fighting it and unintentionally sabotaging myself. I'm tired of playing small and believing the enemy as he tells me I'm not good enough to do this work.

I am the perfect person to do this work. Why? Because God chose me. That's the only qualification I need.

During this process, God has given me so many unexpected gifts.

I love reading my Zippy books to kids. I love sharing my personal story with them and letting them share with me. I love encouraging them to be kind and to dream big. School visits are my favorite days. Even though I saw it in my dreams so many times, nothing prepared me for the gift of being there and experiencing it.

It's so special to connect with another person. My vulnerability with my scars and sharing my emotions have blessed me to connect with so many people. When our eyes connect and, for a moment, we understand each other's pain, it is such a special moment. It lets us both know that we are not alone. Underneath the scars and flesh, we are all the same.

For so many years, the enemy isolated me and made me feel as if I was unworthy of love and friendship. But through my writing and speaking, God showed me that we all sometimes feel that way. We all have scars, heartaches, fears, insecurities, and trouble feeling good enough.

While I've made money, received five-star reviews, and had my story featured in TV interviews, radio, newspapers, and magazines worldwide. My books hit the best sellers list on Amazon, and one of my books even won an award. Nothing, however, compares to helping someone who is in pain.

I still remember the boy who hugged me and told me he was suicidal, but my story gave him the hope to keep going. That's why I do it all. I've been there. I've been in so much pain that I didn't know how to break free. God showed me the way. Now I want to spend the rest of my life helping others learn how to overcome their pain.

Thank you, sweet friends, for reading my blogs, buying my books, and supporting me fully. You will never know how much your support means to me.

I'm so thankful for every word I've written in the last 20 years and for the hands that have typed them. Each word has brought me closer to the person I want to become.

Photo by Cayden Sullivan

Good things are on the horizon. I can feel it.

Have a wonderful day!

Opening my eyes to the truth

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Mon, 09 Jan 2023 11:52:00 +0000

One of the things I have enjoyed most about this challenge is the sunsets. I've witnessed it many times, yet it still mesmerizes me. Most times, I walk while the sun dips beyond the mountains.

God created it all for our benefit. So many times, however, I overlook His creation. I get so absorbed in the things that man has made that I fail to enjoy what God has created.

How often have I been thinking about my problems or listening to the radio and never even glanced into the sky? How many times have I wasted my day trying to live in the past or the future? How many masterpieces has God created that I never even noticed?

In the present moment, I can find peace. When I am fully present, seeking God with my whole heart, I can see Him. The wonder of Him is all around us. Most of the time, I am just too busy to notice.

Lately, I have been working on being present. I love it when I can be fully present at the moment. I love it when I can quiet my mind so that I can hear the still, small voice of my Lord. The more I seek Him, the more He speaks to me. When I'm having a conversation with someone, I want to give them my full attention. When reading my Bible, I want to concentrate and try to understand it. Instead of living on autopilot, I want to enjoy my life.

I wash my hands numerous times each day, but I can't even tell you the smell of the soap because I am just going through the motions without paying attention. But I want to start paying attention to the small details of life. I want to take time to enjoy my coffee—instead of rushing through it. Sometimes I finish my cup without even realizing it because I am distracted. Then, I felt disappointed because I didn't enjoy it.

I don't want to finish my course one day and realize that I rushed through my life but never fully lived it. I want to slow down and allow God to show me how to live.

We don't change what we don't acknowledge and measure.

Regardless of how fast I walk or run, the 45-minute workout doesn't go any quicker. It's still 45 minutes. Knowing this has blessed me with the gift of slowing down and being present. That has been one of the benefits of the challenge.

When I slip into the stillness each day, it helps me to see my problem areas so I can work on them. There's something profound about being in cold, rainy, windy conditions that cause me to reflect on my life and where I am. Being in the elements with the Lord helps me see things I wouldn't have seen before.

God loves a sincere heart. It's an honest moment, and it makes me feel vulnerable. However, in the vulnerability, I can make changes. I must acknowledge where I am before deciding where I want to go.

One of the most difficult parts of this challenge has been getting to know me on a deeper level. Going through hardships introduces us to ourselves. God knows right where we are. He sees through our facades. While we might be able to impress others, God sees what is in our hearts. And amid the battle, we also see beyond our pretenses.

It breaks my heart how many times I have settled for heartache and tried to convince myself that's what I wanted. The enemy will try to starve us to death and have us pretend that we are full.

The only way to break the stronghold is to follow the Lord and let Him open our eyes. It's an excruciating process. Some things are so hard to see, sweet friends. But the wider I open my eyes to the truth, the closer I get to God.

Have a wonderful day!

Choosing my thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Fri, 06 Jan 2023 15:43:00 +0000

Yesterday, as I put on my shoes and went for my daily walk, I struggled. My left hip, leg, and foot were hurting. And the last thing I wanted to do was walk for 45 minutes. To say I am over the 75 hard challenge is an understatement. After doing the challenge for 57 days, I have proven to myself that I can do it. So now it's just a matter of showing up and doing it. But I really didn't want to do it.

With a frown on my face and ugly thoughts in my mind, I started my walk. Each time the cold wind blew in my face, I wanted to scream. I knew if I continued with my bad attitude, my walk wouldn't benefit me, so I decided to change my thoughts.

We don't have to feel like doing something to be able to do it. I decided to do this challenge, and I will finish it. God put this on my heart for a reason, and instead of hating every minute of this walk, I will embrace it and be grateful.

As I started searching for things to be grateful for, more things came to mind. I recapped my journey. I worked out at midnight, in the rain, snow, and 6-degree weather, and even while a goat chased me. I've laughed, prayed, cried, and been inspired on my walks. During this challenge, I received the idea for my new book and clarity for my life's work.

The enemy wants to steal what God has purposed just for us. He will cause us to be sad over our blessings. Doing this challenge with the Lord is a blessing to me. And every single day, He has blessed me with exactly what I need to be able to do it.

The circumstance didn't change. I still walked for 45 minutes. But my attitude and mindset changed considerably.

We can't help having negative thoughts. After all, we are only human. But we get to decide if we want to stay in the negative thought pattern and cause ourselves misery.

I was making my walk more challenging than it needed to be because of my attitude about it all. I resisted it and caused myself unnecessary pain. But my feelings changed when I embraced the challenge and changed my thoughts. The walk went from a burden to a blessing.

Throughout our day, we can do this as well. If we have a thought causing pain in our lives, we can decide to change it and choose a better thought. The circumstance won't change, but our reaction to it will change.

We give the enemy so much power by choosing to embrace negative thoughts. We believe that since it is true, we must stay in pain. But we have the beautiful gift of deciding to break free at any moment. No one can make us believe anything but us. We can dismiss the hurtful ones at any point and search for something better.

Sweet friends, choose powerful, loving, grateful, healing, and inspiring thoughts. When we decide to live a beautiful life, regardless of our circumstances, there's nothing the enemy can do. The Bible tells us that when we resist him, he will flee from us.

Have a beautiful day!

Understanding and overcoming anxiety

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Wed, 04 Jan 2023 13:57:00 +0000

Do you struggle with anxiety?

I hope you all said no. I hope no one can relate to this blog post. Because if you understand it, you know how it feels to struggle with anxious thoughts and feelings. While I don't have a quick fix or a 5 step program to overcome it all, I have some tips and tricks that help me.

Before we get into the solutions, I'd like to discuss the causes.

Sometimes I feel like a fear magnet. I go through life feeling other people deeply. I've always been this way. In some ways, I tuck away other people's tragedies and worry that they might happen to me. Do you remember the movie, My Girl? Her dad was a funeral home director, and she feared she would die from the same things that killed each person. In some ways, I understand her. I try to carry tragedies that aren't mine to carry.

I can't even watch movies that have violence. It truly upsets me. Even though I tell myself it isn't real, it still bothers me. When I watch things or read certain things, it triggers emotions in me. I've caused unnecessary pain by not understanding how my mind works.

Food allergies or reactions to a medicine can cause the same level of anxiety. For the longest time, I didn't know I was allergic to almonds. Since the response didn't happen all at once, it took me a while to figure it out. About an hour after I have almonds, I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack. My heart starts pounding, I start shaking, I have trouble breathing, and I itch.

Suppressing my emotions also causes anxiety to build up in me. If something happens, and I stuff it down inside of me and ignore it, it will surface when I least expect it. And usually, that's when I am trying to fall asleep. The negative emotions need to be processed and sorted, so they don't cause us harm.

Usually, if I am struggling with anxiety, it is because of my thoughts. It is normally one thought bouncing around in my mind. It's like a toddler trying to get my attention. If I ignore it, then it continues to bother me. But if I sit down and write the thoughts down, I can work to process them.

Our thoughts create our feelings. I've heard that thoughts cause all of our emotions. Therefore, I want to be very careful with my thoughts. It's not even our circumstances that cause our pain. It's our thoughts.

This was true for me with my scars. Let me show you how I was able to break it down.

Circumstance: Amniotic Band Syndrome affects my hands and feet.

Thoughts: The bands shouldn't have attacked me. I shouldn't have to live my life with scars. I shouldn't have to struggle every day of my life to do simple things.

Feelings: Sad. I feel like a victim.

Actions: Complain, shove my hands in my pockets, allow my scars to limit me, and make me feel bad about myself.

In the following example, I will show you how I changed my thought, and it changed everything else.

Circumstance: Amniotic Band Syndrome affects my hands and feet.

Thoughts: I'm so thankful that God spared me and blessed me to live when the bands attacked me.

Feelings: Grateful. I feel so blessed to be alive to love and be loved.

Actions: Overcome it all and write books to help others.

Changing my thoughts was such a powerful experience for me. I spent so many years crying over my circumstances. But when God helped me change my thoughts, it truly gave me a new perspective on it all. Something that once caused me so much pain transformed before my eyes. My scars went from being a burden to a blessing.

Next, I explore anxiety and see what it wants to teach me. When I feel it, I want to know why. So I question it.

Am I creating fear in my mind?

Am I reacting to something?

Are my thoughts creating pain?

Am I somewhere I shouldn't be?

Am I doing something I shouldn't be doing?

As much as we would like to, we can't altogether remove anxiety from our lives. It signals pain. Therefore, we will continue to suffer if we try to cover up the pain without understanding why it's there.

I have learned to embrace it and try to understand it. It doesn't feel as scary when we shine a light on it. And take an active approach to resolve it. Journaling and prayer are beautiful ways to gain an understanding of it.

I also read books about the mind and how to process my thoughts. When I am in situations beyond my control, I take a CBD supplement made by SOUL CBD (if you'd like a $20 off coupon for your first order, use this link HTTP://RWRD.IO/7UN6NUE). It doesn't numb me; instead, it helps me slow down the anxious feelings so I can work through them.

In an active attack, focusing on something else helps break the pattern. If I find something to count, then it breaks the stronghold the anxious thoughts have over me. Singing also works because I am focusing on the words. Also, I remind myself that God doesn't give me the spirit of fear, so I remind myself I am safe. The sudden, overwhelming fear is from the enemy.

Lastly, learning to process my thoughts and emotions daily helps me greatly. If not, I will react in a way I don't want to. This happened to me a few years ago. When we shut down in 2020, and a family member had been diagnosed with cancer, I was stuffing down my emotions, and so many things were happening simultaneously. Then, one day a dog attacked my cat on my deck. My control snapped, and I lost it. I scared myself with my deep level of emotions. As all the carefully stacked emotions exploded on me, I knew I never wanted it to happen to me again.

Now I journal every day and attempt to pray. When I start feeling anxious, I address it then. I don't want it to become rage or total panic. I also check in to see where I am living. Usually, in the present moment, I am fine. But it's the fear of the future that causes me to be anxious. The present moment is the only time we can live. Therefore, I try to stay where my feet are planted and live in this moment.

Fighting against reality also causes me to feel out of control. However, it loses its power over me when I can accept what is. I may not like it, but fighting against things that have already happened steals my peace and cause me pain. God can help us to accept what is.

I hope this helps. If you need a friend, please reach out to me. You're not alone, sweet friend.

P.S. I learned the thought model from Brooke Castillo.

Exciting News for 2023

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Mon, 02 Jan 2023 15:03:00 +0000

EXCITING NEWS

I am relaunching my blog and rededicating myself to it for the New Year.

While I have used Facebook for my writing, I haven't been posting on my blog. Honestly, posting what I want to share on Facebook is easier. While I will still use Facebook and Instagram to share my life, offer encouragement, and try to provide hope, I also want to write on a platform I own.

My website belongs to me. Therefore, I have more control. And it is a way for others to read my writing without using social media. So for all those who want to spend less time on social media, I've got you.

I will post a blog on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday by 12:00 p.m.

Blog posts will be longer and more in-depth on the topics I want to discuss.

I have grown in the last few years and have learned so many new things that I know will benefit you all. I want to share it with you.

Here's what you can expect from my blog.

My journey with the Lord

I love to talk about the Lord and how He helps me. I will share scriptures that I love and support me. Not in a judging way, but in a loving, we're friends kind of way. Reading God's word gives me hope, and I want to share that with you.

Thoughts = feeling = actions

Learning about thoughts and feelings has helped me greatly in my life. Changing my thinking about my scars changed my life. Now I continuously question my beliefs and search for better ideas and perspectives. I have formulas and specific questions I use in moments of pain. I'd love to break it all down and show you how I changed my thought process.

Food and exercise as medicine

When God showed me how to heal my body with food and exercise, I knew in my heart that I had to share the knowledge with whoever would listen. Therefore, when I share my workouts, supplements, exercise tips, or food, I feel great and want you to feel great as well.

Living with Amniotic Band Syndrome

I want to share my thoughts, feelings, and perspectives on living with Amniotic Band Syndrome. Sometimes I write about what it's like to be different. As a little girl crying in the bathroom stall, I begged God to send someone to help me. Now I want to be that person for others.

My word for 2023 is OVERCOMER.

I prayed about my word of the year, and overcomer kept coming up for me. I knew that was my word, whether I wanted it to be or not. But I knew in choosing it that I would have problems to overcome. Let's just say I had some significant anxiety and resistance, but I want to share my journey with you on overcoming challenging things.

The truth is that I don't want to have problems. I want to live safely tucked in my comfort zone forever. I would love to sit on the porch with a blanket tucked around me, a wonderful cup of coffee, a fantastic book, and a fire in the fireplace. I could read all day long. But I can't help others in that state.

So I know that I have to leave my comfort and seek discomfort. Jesus didn't seek comfort. He sought the Lord. If I want to be the person God created me to be, I must strive to be more like my God and follow the example Jesus set for me.

Therefore, I can't stay in my comfort zone.

This year I am committed to my goals. I am committed to being uncomfortable and doing hard things. I am committed to helping as many people as God will bless me to help.

My soul needs to make progress in my life and follow the Lord. I hope you will join me on this journey. Let's give God some things to bless in 2023.

If you enjoyed this, please share it on your social media.

Are you struggling with the Christmas season?

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Fri, 09 Dec 2022 20:36:00 +0000

Perhaps you're struggling financially, with your health, grieving the death of a loved one, going through a divorce, or dealing with waves of depression. While our struggles may vary, the pain is very much the same.

The pain of it all can feel overwhelming, primarily through times when we feel as if we should stuff the pain inside and get through it.

I can remember one particular Christmas very well. I was sick, in constant pain, and couldn't work. Money was tight, and my hope was diminishing. Although I didn't have much money for gifts, I wanted to give—the desire to give overwhelmed me. I remember crying and asking God to provide a way for me to give something to those I loved.

God hears our prayers, sweet friends. Even though we may feel alone sometimes, God is always with us.

That year He helped me to understand that it's not about the money at all, but about the love, we feel in our hearts. He blessed me to write a Christmas letter and to give it to others. So many said the words gave them hope and touched their hearts.

While I didn't have money to give everyone I loved a store-bought present, God blessed me to give hope that year. He also gave me more time to play with my children and their new toys. Honestly, I don't know if I have ever felt more love on Christmas.

During one of the darkest times of my life, God gave me priceless gifts that money simply can't buy. God also gave me hope for Christmas. He showed me how He could use my writing to bless others. And that moment gave me the courage to start blogging and finish my books.

The world tries to sell us its version of Christmas. But the most beautiful part of it is LOVE. Love is free and abundant. We get to decide what Christmas means to us and how we want our children to think about it.

Baby Jesus was born in love. He became poor so that one day we could be rich. If we have Him in our hearts, we have everything we need to celebrate His birth and love others.

The enemy wants us to focus on what we don't have and what is missing in our lives. But when we focus on the love of Jesus and how we can share that incredible love with others, we will realize we already have everything we need.

How to live inspired when you feel overwhelmed and stressed

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Fri, 02 Dec 2022 18:20:00 +0000

Do you ever feel like you are drowning in chaos?

The demands of everyday life can hit us hard. Maybe you feel stretched thin. As if there is more work than time. Add social pressures to do it all while looking like a Pinterest board. And you have a recipe for stress and overwhelm.

I remember sitting straight up in bed, panicking, wondering if I had paid the electric bill.

I've tossed and turned and let all of my next day's to-do's run through my mind.

I've struggled with parenting, marriage, pain, body image, finances, and career. You name it, and I've probably struggled with it at some point.

I've had significant anxiety kneeling on my bathroom floor in the middle of the night, convinced I may die from the pressures of it all.

I've cried.

Prayed.

And asked God, through the worst of it, to help me overcome the crippling anxiety. I didn't want to panic and feel like something terrible was about to happen. I never wanted fear to control me.

Fear makes me feel weak and magnifies my insecurities. I don't make the best decisions when I am afraid because it comes from fear instead of faith. But something extraordinary happens when I can take all my questions, fears, insecurities, heartaches, and stress and talk it over with God.

I do this in a journal.

Suddenly, it's not just my wisdom and knowledge making tough decisions or guiding me through life's hardships.

When I talk things over with the Lord, I invite Him into every part of my life. I like to do this in a journal to get it all out. My mind doesn't wander as much when I'm writing. And even if I pray while walking or doing something else, I still like to journal our conversations.

Because I don't want to forget, and I can't work out problems in my head. But on paper, I can see things so much better. I can also write reminders to myself.

I feel inspired when I invite God into every part of my life. When I allow Him to give me my daily orders, I feel peaceful, joyful, and loving. I don't forget important things because I ask God to help me. And I pay attention to the little nudges that make me question essential things.

Journaling is something I wish I had started years ago. It helps me keep focused on what's truly important in my life. When I focus on my heart's desires, it inspires me to live my best life.

Are you going to give up so easily on your dreams?

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Fri, 03 Dec 2021 16:55:00 +0000

Are you going to give up so easily on your dreams?

Every time I sit down to write or even think about writing, the resistance shows up. The enemy bombards me with everything I need to do instead or makes me feel sick. He tells me I am not smart enough to write a book nor accomplish my dreams. If I quit before I even try, he becomes right because he outsmarted me.

Satan plays mind games. If he can defeat us in our minds, then we will follow after him. We will believe his lies as the truth and give up.

When I think of all the times I have given up because he told me it would be too hard, it makes me want to cry. Not tears of self-pity, but tears of anger and determination.

Satan tells us that our dreams are too big, so we give up. He tells us that eating healthy food is too expensive and yucky, so we eat the chemicals he creates. He tells us to watch someone else's life instead of living our own, and we spend hours scrolling social media. These are just a few ways that he defeats me each day. And I'm so tired of it.

I'm not okay with living as a fraction of the person I could be. I am so tired of playing small when God created me (and us all) for greatness. God wants to give us the promised land, yet we wander around in the wilderness.

Every decision we make will either help us or harm us. So I am taking back control of my life and my time. I will not continue to waste my time and regret it all one day. When I close my eyes to death, I want to know that I gave everything to my life that I had to offer. I don't want to die with the words still inside of me. I want God to be pleased with me, and how I used the gifts and talents, He gave me.

My life should never be just about me, but rather how I can help someone else.

If you enjoyed this, please share it with someone else.

Letter of encouragement

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Thu, 20 Jun 2019 10:19:00 +0000

Dear Candida,

Do you remember all the times that the circumstances of life knocked you down? Do you remember how it felt to lie face down in the trenches for life and to struggle for each breath? Do you remember what it felt like to have your dreams snatched away? Do you remember the pain of feeling hopeless? And every single time you found a way, through the grace and love of God, to get back up again.

When the enemy tells you how weak that you are, then I want you to tell him about all the trials you have been with through the Lord, and how He helped you to overcome each one. Through God, you are an overcomer.

If you doubt this, then remember these trials.

Remember how you were lost, dying in your sin, but God saved you. Remember how you got back up after you got fired from a job at eighteen years old. Remember how you continued to submit your manuscripts after each one was rejected over and over. Remember how you sat on your bathroom floor and wrote your first book during the night, while your family slept. Remember how it felt to have a sick child. Remember how you ran a race after your legs went numb. Remember all the times you cried through your workouts. Remember how you fell in the bathroom floor and the determination you had to get back up. Remember how you overcome your fears and shared your story with the world. Remember how your body healed, when the doctors didn't give you any hope of getting better. Remember how hard you fought to get better. Remember how you had surgery and endured the pain without pain medication. Remember all the times you wept bitterly and how many times God heard your pleas and answered your prayers.

When the enemy tells you that you can’t do something, then you remember all that God has already blessed you to accomplish. And you get back up, regardless of how many times you fail and get knocked down. Because giving up is not one of your options. You can do hard things!

Now, my sweet friends, I encourage you to write your own letter of encouragement. Let's stop listening to the lies of our enemy and fight back.

P.S. If you enjoyed this please share it so your family and friends can read it as well. :)

I am loved

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Fri, 31 May 2019 11:08:00 +0000

I am loved.

My mind cannot even comprehend the love of God. It is such a beautiful gift. The Creator of the world loves us and cares for us. While I know this truth, it is such a blessing to be able to feel this magnificent love in the depths of my soul.

When my soul feels weary, I like to think about the love and goodness of God. He gives me everything that I need, when I need it. Even my trials are blessings. God is the only One who can take our heartaches and turn them into blessings. When we humble our hearts and go to Him, then He can show us how to overcome our hardships.

I remember when I used to cry over my scars. The pain in my heart was so great that I didn’t always feel loved by God. In my mind, I felt as if He had forsaken me. That it what the enemy wanted me to believe. Satan wanted me to think that God had turned His back on me and that He didn’t care what happened to me, but it was a lie.

God gave me a new perspective on it all. The day I realized I could have died, as the bands entangled me, changed my life. I could have died, but God spared me. I am alive to love and be loved. That day I stopped seeing my scars as a burden and started seeing them as a precious gift. They exemplify God’s love and mercy for me and my life.

We are His precious children.

1 John 3:1 (KJV)

3 Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.

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I am overcomer

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Thu, 30 May 2019 14:40:00 +0000

I am an overcomer.

John 16:33 (KJV)

33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

Regardless of what happens to me, I know that God has the power to help me to overcome it. Sometimes, without even realizing it, I put Him in a box and limit His power in my mind. When the tidal waves of hardships wash over me, I believe the hopelessness of the situation. For some reason, it is easier to believe that the worst case scenario of my mind, then it is for me to believe that God will work it all out to my benefit.

This verse, however, assures me through each hardship that God will work it all out to my benefit.

Romans 8:28 (KJV)

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

God has helped me so many times. It shames me to admit that I still struggle with trusting Him and believing that He is in control of it all. But when my doubts emerge from my fears, I can revisit previous battles with Him. He has left me speechless and in complete awe of Him so many times.

I love it when my God moves and helps me. Nothing can separate us from Him. God loves us and He wants to help us. We are so blessed to be loved by Him. The hardest battles are the ones that have the most glorious testament of His power.

The God who parted the Red Sea for Moses, slew Goliath for David, protected Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the fiery furnace, and protected Daniel from the lions is my God, too. My mind cannot even fully comprehend His amazing power. But, I know that He can help me overcome whatever challenge that awaits me. My mind might struggle with that knowledge, but my soul believes in His power.

Through my amazing God, I am an overcomer.

P.S. If you enjoyed this please share it so your family and friends can read it as well. :)

I am strong

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Tue, 28 May 2019 11:06:00 +0000

The devil torments us all and fills our heads with lies about what he perceives us to be. Instead of listening to him and allowing him to defeat me, I want to focus on the positive affirmations of my Lord, and who I am in Him.

I am strong.

Even though this statement is true, I don’t always feel the truth of it in my life. More often than not, I feel weak and broken. I try so hard and yet, at times, I feel as if my life is a mess. Sometimes I just want to give up.

I want to quit. And declare my own defeat. Because that how my life feels at times—defeated. But, in the midst of my sorrow and pain, I always manage to keep going. God is my strength. He might allow me to get knocked down, but He won’t let me stay down. When I am lying on the bathroom floor sobbing, feeling defeated and scared, He reminds me of our previous battles. God has been victorious in every single one.

I love it when He gives me the proof that I am strong in Him. God lives in me. Therefore, He is my strength.

Isaiah 41:10 (KJV)

10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Exodus 15:2 (KJV)

2 The Lord is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

The enemy has never been able to defeat my Lord. Therefore, I want to rely on the great strength of my Lord. He can help me to make the impossible things in my life possible.

P.S. If you enjoyed this please share it so your family and friends can read it as well. :)

Use me, God

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Fri, 24 May 2019 10:30:00 +0000

Sometimes I can be so selfish. Especially when I make my life all about me. When I take a step back and examine myself, then I can usually see where I am at.

Are my thoughts centered on me and what I want or on God?

Are my prayers all about me or am I praying for others?

Am I doing what God wants me to do or what I want to do?

I hate it when I make my life all about me and what I want. Living in a me-centered world makes me feel bad. Then, I start expecting other people to act in a certain way and get mad when they don’t cater to my plans. I usually feel overwhelmed and unfulfilled because my soul desires more. My soul desires connection and the blessing of helping someone else.

Therefore, I want God to use me—according to His will. I love it when He uses me to pray for someone else. I love it when God uses me to give someone else hope. I love it when He blesses me to serve His people. I love the blessing of working with God.

With a humble heart, I love it when I can whisper…please use me, God.

P.S. If you enjoyed this please share it so your family and friends can read it as well. :)

Is it true?

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Thu, 23 May 2019 11:01:00 +0000

I am a storyteller. All day long, my mind narrates my life. Only it doesn't just tell me the things that happen. My mind likes to tell me what other people are thinking about. And it likes to argue with reality by being dramatic.

When my mind starts running crazy with made up stories, I like to take a few moments to just breathe and to look for the truth. Without the pause, then I just accept the stories as truth. In doing this, I cause myself a lot of heartaches for myself. Especially, if someone else is mean to me. It is so easy to go inside myself and make up a story about why they are being mean. My default story used to be that I am not good enough. Then, I would allow the hurt of the thought to blow the made-up story totally out of proportion.

It always helps me to ask myself this question: is it true? That simple little question gets my mind to stop making up stories and to look for the truth. If I can just slow down and ask myself to search for the truth of each statement, then I can see the situation with a new perspective.

I also like to ask God to help me see the situation as it is, not as I perceive it to be. I want to interpret my circumstances with the lens of kindness and love. I desire to see the goodness in everything and everyone.

The majority of the time, when someone else is mean to me it has nothing to do with me. Their anger is another form of fear. Inside, they are hurting. Therefore, I want to react with love and compassion and take the situation to the Lord in prayer. God can help us with all things. He has grace for our every need.

P.S. If you enjoyed this please share it so your family and friends can read it as well. :)

Victory in Jesus

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Wed, 22 May 2019 12:41:00 +0000

God doesn’t always answer my prayers like I want Him to answer. Most of the time, I want my answer immediately. Regardless of how hard I try, I have discovered that I can’t rush God. He does things in His time, according to His ways.

Sometimes the greatest blessing is not in the answered prayer, but who I become while I wait on Him to answer. The waiting increases my faith and brings about many wonderful blessings. Through every hardship, I can see some type of beautiful gift.

For one particular prayer, I have been waiting for over twenty years for God to answer. During this time, I have learned so much about faith, unconditional love, and how to be patient. Kicking and screaming do not make God move any faster. It only steals my peace. However, when I can surrender to Him and be willing for Him to teach me what He wants me to learn, then I can grow through what I am going through.

When we learn that each trial is for our benefit, then we can embrace each one, and get just as close to God as we can get. He is our friend and guide. God wants us to do well. He wants us to walk in His marvelous light and to be a witness for Him. Sometimes when I’m in the depths of the fire, I just remind myself that God is going to show me how to overcome my hardships so that I can help others to do the same. I want my life to be a living testimony of what is possible with God.

Therefore, we have to keep fighting our battles with faith, love, and patience. My sweet friends, we have victory in Jesus.

Photo by Andreia Alexandre on Unsplash

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Somebody prayed

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Tue, 21 May 2019 12:08:00 +0000

Somebody prayed me out of harm’s way. What a blessing it is to know that we are not alone in this world. Not only do we have a Father who loves us unconditionally, but we also have a multitude of spiritual brothers and sisters to help us along our journey. During the hard times, when our hearts are broken and we are in the trenches of life, then God burdens someone’s heart to pray for us. We don’t even have to ask for the prayer. God always supplies our needs. He gives us exactly what we need when we need it.

I am so grateful to be His child. God controls it all. Nothing is too hard for Him. Even the toughest battles are easy for God. When we stay humble and seek Him with our whole heart then He will help us.

God even takes care of us when we are going in circles in the wilderness. He doesn’t just leave us there to figure it out for ourselves. Once we have learned what He wants us to learn, then He will deliver us out of our troubles—just like He did the children of Israel. God will give us instructions to overcome our hardships. When we turn our hearts back to Him and become obedient, then He will deliver us.

While it’s so great to get to go on the mountain with Him, the work is done in the valley. My daddy says that prayer is the greatest tool we have. When we humble our hearts in prayer, then we get to talk to God. Sometimes that truth still amazes me. The Creator of the whole universe will listen to my pleas.

I desire to be a prayer warrior and to fight my battles with love. The greatest gift of love that we can bestow upon another soul is the gift of prayer. When I was lost, desperately needing a savior, someone prayed for me. I want to pay that gift forward. And every single time that the Lord blesses me to pray for a lost soul, then I want to desire one more.

P.S. If you enjoyed this please share it so your family and friends can read it as well. :)

God gives us the desires of our hearts

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Mon, 20 May 2019 10:31:00 +0000

God gives us the desires of our hearts. Sometimes I forget this truth. Especially, when the devil magnifies my heartaches. But oh how I love it when God shows me that He is God—and besides Him, there is no other. I love it when He works out a problem for me and overflows my heart with His blessings in the process.

Our precious Lord looks into the depths of our hearts. He sees the heartache and understands our tears. We can’t fool Him or lie to Him and tell Him everything is okay when our hearts are really breaking. It is His great pleasure to give us the desires of our hearts.

We just need to trust Him to work it all out. In His time, when everything is just right, God will move. And everything will just fall into place. God makes everything so easy that if we are not careful, we may overlook His blessing.

A while back, I made a list of things troubling my heart. Then as I was looking through one of my journals, I discovered the list. I stood there in amazement as I realized that God had taken care of so many things on my list. It would have been so easy for me to write off those blessings as something else. But I am so incredibly thankful that God revealed it to me. I love it when I can see Him move in my life. I want to give Him credit and praise Him for all the ways that He blesses my life daily.

We have such a wonderful God. I don’t praise Him enough for all that He does for me. God is so good to me. I love it when I can feel His wonderful spirit move in the deep recesses of my heart. Nothing compares to the joy of when God speaks to my soul. The joy is unspeakable.

Psalm 37:4-5 (KJV)

4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

Photo by Tim Graf on Unsplash

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My scars are a blessing

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Sun, 19 May 2019 11:08:00 +0000

Some people look at my scars and view them with pity and shame. While others see the pain and a broken body. I’ll admit, for a while, I felt the same way. I felt as if I was burdened with scars.

Until one day, God changed my perspective. I am alive to love and be loved. In the womb, as the bands attacked me, God spared me. He gave me favor. I am forever grateful for His love and mercy.

Therefore, I see my scars as battle scars. The enemy attacked me, but he did not defeat me. He challenged my life, but he did not take it. I am a warrior for God and I fight on His battlefield with love, kindness, and gratitude. I love my life and I love my scars. They exemplify God’s love and mercy for me and my life.

If you see a broken, scarred person when you look at me and feel pity and sadness for me, then you’ve never fully seen me. I am strong, determined, and inspired to use my gift to do God’s work. Nothing is missing in my life. I have a family that loves me and a God that loves me unconditionally.

Please don’t weep for me. My life is blessed abundantly. Cry for someone who doesn’t know the Lord.

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Having favor with God

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Fri, 17 May 2019 10:46:00 +0000

God doesn’t make deals. When we go to Him trying to work things out and offering Him certain things if He will just answer our prayers, then it doesn’t work out. All God wants is for us to be honest with Him. We have to approach Him with an honest heart and tell Him about our heartaches. Then, we just need to allow Him to be God and do whatever He tells us to do.

I can tell God that if He will only answer this prayer for me that I will do anything. But He knows the truth. God knows the moment He answers our prayer that the majority of us will fail to even praise Him. God makes things so easy that we often overlook His presence.

When I go to Him with my face to the ground, with tears rolling from eyes, truly desiring His help, then He will help me. God listens to us when we are humble and obedient. That’s all He will accept. Everything else is just trying to manipulate Him.

But oh how I love it when He answers prayers for me. I love that moment when I just know that my Lord stepped in on my behalf, and made the impossible possible. Every time He answers my prayers, I feel so loved by Him. If He doesn’t answer my prayer, then I know the time wasn’t right or He has something better for me.

Having a real relationship with God is so wonderful. It is such a blessing to have favor with Him and get to pray to Him and to praise Him. And to be blessed by Him.

Photo by David Kovalenko on Unsplash

P.S. If you enjoyed this please share it so your family and friends can read it as well. :)

Accepting God

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Thu, 16 May 2019 10:15:00 +0000

I remember very vividly the moment that changed my life forever and for all Eternity. The church was having a revival and I didn’t want to go. My parents made me go and I was mad about it. At the time, I hated church. I really didn’t see the point. I didn’t understand the Bible. None of it made any sense to me.

For years, the devil had been lying to me. He had told me that Hell wouldn’t be that bad. At least I wouldn’t have to go to church anymore. The devil painted me an ugly picture of Heaven and God.

During the day, I was fine. But at night, when the house was quiet my fear consumed me. I couldn’t sleep. I was so afraid that I would die during my sleep and never wake up again. Therefore, I held my eyes open as long as I could. Living like that was miserable.

That night at the revival, God asked me one question. Do you want to be saved? His one question tore down all of my beliefs. I could feel His power in my heart. At that moment, I knew He was real. He spoke to my soul. I ignored the chatter in my mind, telling me all the reasons to not be saved. My soul cried out. Yes, Lord! I want to be saved. I stepped out of the darkness and moved toward His marvelous light. As I kneeled down at the altar, with a broken and humble heart, I asked Him to save me. And He did!

Being saved by God’s amazing grace is the GREATEST thing that has ever happened to me. He took all the fear and hatred in my heart and replaced it with His amazing love and peace. I still don’t know everything about the Bible. But I know the Spirit of the Lord when it moves in my soul. It is the Spirit that teaches me and comforts me.

We don’t have to know all about the Lord to know that He loves us. He sent His Son to die for our sins. It all comes down to this one thing: accept Him or reject Him. Accepting Him was the greatest decision of my life. I have NEVER regretted accepting God’s gift of Eternal Salvation. The older I get, the sweeter it gets. Now I know that when I close my eyes in death that I will open them in the presence of my Lord. I don’t know what Heaven will be like, but I am satisfied with it because God created it for His children.

One day, I will get to live Eternally in a place of peace, joy, and love. My soul rejoices at the thought of how wonderful Heaven must be. If you feel like it, please share your experience with me in the comments.

Photo by Davide Cantelli on Unsplash

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Enjoying the moments

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Wed, 15 May 2019 12:52:00 +0000

One of the greatest things that I have learned recently is to how to enjoy the little moments. Every day is a new beginning. This brand new day is filled with possibilities and it’s ours. We can use this beautiful day however that we want to use it.

I love to watch the sunrise or sunset. It is a beautiful process. The little birds are so joyful. They sing and create such harmony. I love to walk and just take it all in. The process of walking helps my body and the stillness of the morning revives my soul. It prepares me for the day. If I have my coffee with God, and then go for a walk, I am calmer all day. I can better handle the stressors of life because I am centered.

Recently, we built a garden area with a fire pit. I love to build a fire at night and sit with my family. It is so peaceful and the time around the fire is precious. We talk and laugh and just enjoy being together.

Every day I look for moments to appreciate and to enjoy. Sometimes the little moments can bring us the greatest joy. I am learning to slow down and appreciate the moment I am in right now. For so many years, I wished my life away. I was always looking to the next moment, without enjoying the one I am in. But this moment will never come again. So I am learning to enjoy it all. Every day God gives us an abundance of gifts. I believe it pleases Him when we are grateful for them.

Photo by HongSang Lee on Unsplash

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Love deeply

noreply@blogger.com (Underneath the Scars) — Tue, 14 May 2019 11:57:00 +0000

One day it will all be over. My life will come to end. God knows the date. He knows the exact time. Right now my life is on a timer and it is counting down the seconds, minutes, hours, etc. And yet, I live like I have all the time in the world.

If I knew that tomorrow would not come for me, it would change how I decided to live today. It would change my list of things which I deem important. Piddly things would not matter to me. So why do I allow them to matter today?

My death will not affect the world at all. Everyone will still go on as usual. Wars will still happen. Hatred will still be. Problems will still exist. Therefore, I shouldn’t allow the problems of the world to affect my life or my ability to live fully today.

In order to fully live today, we need to love without restrictions. We can’t change reality. People will do things that we don’t like. But we get to decide how we want to react. Do we really want to allow small, insignificant things to prevent us from loving others as we should love them?

Love should rule our lives. It should direct our every decision. When I am gone, I want my family and friends to know that I loved them deeply and that I loved the Lord. Therefore, I have to live each day in that truth. Every day I want to find as many ways as possible to express my love. I want to make others feel loved just by being in my presence. The more that we give to others, the more love that we feel in our hearts.

Every night as I close my eyes, I want to know that I lived fully and loved deeply that day.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

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