The Other Side of Midnight

THE DEATH OF THE LAST "REAL" MAN.(The final Blog)

2012-09-21T18:25:00.001-07:00

There was a time... way back in the memories of My mind. A time when I was seen for who I am and respected because I was a "real" Man. And then....

There was a shift... in My reality.

Funny, when I was 470 pounds, I found more pure and sincere love than when I lost half of Me and went down to 275. I guess... whoever loved Me at such a size.. had to appreciate far beyond the physical cause... I was far more... "matter a fact-ish" back then. Maybe it was foolish of Me to think that when My shell changed... nothing else would change except, I'd have a wider selection to pick from cause now.. those who wouldn't be with a Large Man... would now want to be with a.. "Thick" Man??

What was I thinking.

Can I blame it on the geographical theory? or... blame it on the... its.. 2012 and folks just.. don't give a shit anymore theory?

What I do know... is that I keep seeing all these posts.. and all these comments... and hearing all these conversations about... wanting to find... a REAL MAN.

Well... that is utter bullshit. Its a.... cover. A... silent lie.

Women don't want a good man. Women don't want a sensitive man. Women don't want.... a dude that's there for them.

See.. that Man...??? isn't a Man. He's... a
"Trick". A Toy. A... instrument to be used and lied to and led on and... eventually... left in the dust.

Each time I've been dogged out.. and its been more than I dare speak since being here in GA, I speak of My experience.. and how its... getting to be a bit too much to bear... and what do I hear???

"its the women YOU pick."

"YOU need to change your standards."

"It's YOU. It's YOU."

"if it keeps happening..it has to be.. YOU.. so have some ACCOUNTABILITY and realize its... YOU."

Never.. is it.. the female. Oh..and the lovely often used... statement:

"Its the women you pick cause I am not like that".

And months later.. they do exactly what the others did. Then.. it switches back to... Emanuel..its YOU!!!

See.. a woman gets dogged and she's a victim. She now has to right to retreat within herself and have all kinds of issues and STILL go out and fuck with NEW Men and complicate THEIR lives and when the shit hits the fan... they bring up the.... I got issues.. I'm a work in progress.. I need time excuse... and they expect all to understand.

When a man gets dogged.. its simple...

HE'S A TRICK.

Well... for the past 10 months... I was a fuckin.. TRICK.

Oh.. when I met her... she was a ride or die chick. In the group I met her.. she's like.. the belle of the ball. The all around sweetheart. The... funny, lovable... I'm down for My man type. Cause.... that's what she projects.

And that.. is what drew Me into the web.

10months later.... I don't know who the fuck she says she is??? but I know who and what she really is...

A user. A manipulator. A... type who never ever accepts responsibility.

Dogged... used in her past and I... the only one in years who ever treated her right.. and she fuckin did Me like a mob hit.

And get this... Last dude got taken care of on all levels, and I didn't even get a 99cent birthday card on My birthday. In fact.. I got cancelled on. Oh.. and the rain check date.. cancelled. But.. the I'm thinking bout the dick texts.. the... send Me a pic of your dick texts.. the.... bullshit comments on FB page to make it seem we soooo fuckin cool... that didn't stop. And when I called that ass on all this... what do I get..

I got issues E. I'm withdrawn E. I'm bitter and am scared of love... E.

So.. why did she look Me in the eye and say...."I love YOU". Not once. Not twice.. not.... twenty times... Many Many Many times.

And when I get upset... I... have issues???

I need to work on My attitude?

I.... have anger problems?

She cussed Me. She called Me out My name... I never did that to her.

And if I were to speak this to others... I'd be the FOOL. I'd be the.. IDIOT. Cause...I tried to keep whatever that was.. alive???

Women do it and they are warriors.

Men do it.. and they are....

TRICKS. Jump offs. Fools. Jesters. Idiots. Too sensitive.

Yet.. when we get fed up.. then we are angry beasts. we have issues.. they are now.. afraid of us.... and fingers are poised over the 9 an the 1 and the 1.

I'm fed up on being fed upon.

So.. I give options. Be real or be gone.

As of yet.. nothing. Cause you know what??? There is another on deck. I bet My soul on that.

Yet.. she still... lingers around. Why?

And this.... is the norm. This.. is how it is. I have had a woman come to My house.. stay some days. I take her to the bus station and as we go there.. we make future plans.. and while on that bus ride.. she meets another.. marries him.. yet.. still calls Me. Still misses Me. Still wants to keep in contact with Me.

But not realizing the pain I went thru.

See.. that's the fuckin problem...

They can't even seeeee. The pain. The agony they put Me thru when I told them what I've been thru and they promised not to be that... chick.

And ultimately.. they do it.. but ten times worse...

and then... blame me for believing in them

and then... they walk away.

go on with their lives.

Like...it aint shit.

And it hurts

and I'm tired.

and I can't take this shit any more.

I'm at at that point....

where there is no point.

I'm at fuck it lane... and I just got out the car and walked away.

I'm done.

I hurt so bad.

and no one cares.

no one to talk to.

and the demons... oh... the demons that are talking in My head.

no one knows...

I was doing so well. Why did she have to fuck up My world??? Make My life fucked up like hers.

Well... this has been a message from the last good man. the last sensitive man. the last.... REAL man.

I can't do it anymore.

I'm done.

I can't get the pain to go away.

and it hurts soooo bad.

I can't even cry anymore.

Everyone thinks I'm this rock. That I don't hurt. And when I say I do... I"m told to get over it. To move on.

wow.

life is sooo fucked up.

Allah will take this pain away... cause its.. a pain given by man. But until that time comes... i gotta deal.

and.... I'm not dealing well.

FAKE ASS REVOLUTIONARIES.

2012-06-13T17:14:00.000-07:00

In Florida.. on a cold and rainy night.
A young Black Man lost his life.

And We yelled..

That ain't right.. That ain't right.

And to show.. this murder wasn't no good..

We wore our Hoods. We took pictures..in our Hoods. We...posed...in our Hoods.

And we Marched. And we protested....

We wanted this murderer..arrested.

Then...out the shadows..someone had a solution.

ITS TIME.. FOR THE ...

REVOLUTION.

Oh yeah.. We gonna take a Stand.

We tired of the Injustices perpetrated on the BLACK MAN.

We tired of this...BULLLLL..SHIT.

And WE gonna FIGHT...until WE..Git...

Just..Us.

Wellll.. I've been standing on the Front Line.

And the only face I see... is Mine.

Where are those folks who posed in their Hoods???

Tellin folks what they shouldn't or Should...

Do?

Where are the Soldiers in this New Revolutionary Army?

Cause when I go to the Headquarters...

Its...just Me.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

But all I hear...

Is Silence...

But.. The Black Man is still a victim of Hatred and Violence.

Fake ass Revolutionaries.. with your Fake ass speeches.

Talking bout being on the Playing field..

but always in the Bleachers.

None of em gonna eva do shit..

Before you remember...

you already forget...

About the REVOLUTION.

And there will never be a solution...

Half you mutha fuckas too high to fight.

so... lets give up on this revolutionary shit..

Aiiight??

Its over.. so go back to your smokin and drinkin..

go back to your "comfortable" thinking.

That is.. till the next Outrage..

when all you fake ass Revolutionaries..

come out your Monkey ass Cages.

E.c. 20120613

THE POETRY HOE

2012-05-09T06:35:00.001-07:00

This thing called poetry..

It..haunts Me.

As I lay in the bed..

Words swirling around in My head.

Sometimes it too much to handle.

My life.. so dark..

Poetry... My candle.

All around My house.. you'll find pages and pages.

Poems that will outlast... the ages

Even as I write this..I'm thinking of the next.

Always trying to do better than My best.

I even have a poem ready for when I meet GOD.

After I spit My flow..

He's gonna give Me that "I feel you" nod.

Poetry is like a disease..

I create a paragraph with just one sneeze.

But all these words falling in My Brain...

Like huge drops of rain...

And if I can't express Myself...

I'll go quietly insane.

But I keep on writing cause..that's all I know.

Poetry is My Pimp.

and I'm...

its Hoe.

E.c. 201209 05

FOUNDATION CRACKED

2012-05-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

Maybe its my 6' 5” frame. Or the meaning of My name. Maybe its cause I've hidden feelings way too long. But I'm not that strong.

I'm not... that strong.

Maybe its because I always smile. Or..because I'll go that extra mile. Maybe its because I try to stay positive..and avoid being negative.

Maybe its because I continue to give and give.

People seem to think I'm a rock..but they are so wrong..

I'm not that strong.

I get wet when it rains.

When I'm done wrong.. I feel great pain.

And if you look past the gleam in My eyes.. You see... My Soul cry.

Cause I'm not that strong.

I'm not.. that strong.

Maybe its because My lips stay silent.

They don't speak of My torment.

In silence I live.

Love and support.. I constantly give.

And instead of treating Me right...

this world... seems to treat Me wrong.

So I stand at the top of the Mountain and Proclaim..

I'm not that strong...

not

that

strong.

E.c. 201201 05

HIGH YELLA CRACK

2012-04-29T12:03:00.000-07:00

4 in da mornin and I'm sittin in My car.

Wonderin.. where you are.

Hands shakin... vision blurry.

I need that fix... and in a Hurry.

Tappin on your window...

I got this watch to sell.

For just one touch.

For...just a lil smell..

Of that sexy yella thang.

that... sweet wet... poon..tang.

Walking in the darkness..

eyes wide as fuck..

If I could just kiss those lips...

give them nipples a suck.

Knockin at her door...but she won't answer.

I'm feeling sick.. this desire is like a cancer.

I try to stop... but I always come back...

to that sweet addictive...

High Yella Crack.

I just need to take My finger and dip...

get that sweet yella juice...on My finger tip.

Then rub it ... on My lips..

I got less than two dollars in the fuckin bank.

Haven't taken a shower... My ass is startin to stank.

I need rehab...

cause self control???... is something I lack.

cause I'm addicted to...

that

High yella crack.

E.c. 20122*04

THE WRITING ON THE WALL (A Revolutionary Joint)

2012-03-25T09:53:00.000-07:00

The writing has been on the Wall...
but We didn't read it.

Its like.. We didn't want to see it.

Now...all the sudden.. this world is fucked up?

All you had to do...

was Look up.

Cause.. the writing has always been on the Wall.

No one answered... when We made the call..

To pull up ya pants...and be a Man.

But all the warnings were like they were written in the Sand.

All washed away.

And now.. we are in the final act..
of a tragic play.

The Writing has been on the wall.

We can't say it wasn't there.

We just went on with our lives

like we didn't care.

Suddenly now..its a issue.

Watery eyes

boxes of tissue.

Now its time to teach our children the facts.

Time to wake up..

Time...to act.

Racism is alive and We...are the prey.

And if we DON'T READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL

It will always be...the way it is...

Today.

WAKE UP.

LOOK UP.

The writing...is on the Wall.

E.c. 20120325

ILLUSION OF THE BLACK-NESS

2012-03-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

We still think our Skin...
will get us in..
That exclusive club of Races
But there's no membership card
for the Black faces.

Instead of coming together and finding a Solution..

We drifted off into an ... Illusion.

We've become relaxed.
Like its all good
Cause Men aren't riding horses
wearing White hoods.

The Hoods are still there..just locked away.
We still the same Coon today...
as we were
Yesterday.

But we are in an Illusion.
That we are just like them

And no matter how Many times We score..
We are NOT..going to Win.

Cause...we have...Black Skin.

Ready for the Revolution???

Another... Illusion.

How can you fight with your pants below your ass???

If the Revolution began today...you know how long it would last??

Less than a Day..

The Black Race would be wiped away..

And not even a History book would mention Us.

Cause we thought we became their equal when we began to sit in the front of the Bus??

Its all... an Illusion.

And We refuse to see..

We can stand at "that" Door all day...

But We will never...

Get a Key.

Be...cause...

They will forever see US as the "Suspect".

Which means we will never earn "their"
respect.

That's why our Neighborhoods suffer from
neglect.

And that application you just put in...

will get stamped... "reject".

And we still think things are ok?

Its all...an Illusion.

and I hope we Wake the Fuck Up!!

one Day.

E.c. 20120321

THAT THING I DO (LUSTFUL CONTENT)

2012-03-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

As I lay here in the aftermath of some deep penetration.

Things I just did.. were beyond My wildest imagination.

As erect penis broke thru flesh and pierced the Mind...

Ohhh...that feeling was so sublime.

As We lost touch with Space and...Time.

Bodies shiny from Lustful Sweat..

Positions and secretions... so memorable, I'll never forget...

nor will I regret..

How I took it sooo deep...

As I type this...

She's...laying here alseep..

Smile on Lips...

My hand print.. on Hips..

Cause I penetrated her Soul...

Giving her the most memorable Fuck...

was My goal.

And I did what I "came" to do..

Now I'm waiting for her to wake up...

cause... I...ain't...thru.

E.c. 201203018

ODE TO MY FRIEND

2012-03-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

I tried to write about My Friend. I tried to...express how much I miss Him.

And I deleted all of it.

Cause... I can't take that emotion...and send it thru fingers to the keyboard.

My Best Friend is James Jackson.

And...I loved My friend as if we shared the same DNA.

And now...My friend is gone.

And honestly... I still don't know how to...

deal with it.

Cause.. when someone is embedded in your heart and soul...

They may leave this world...

but...their essence. Their.... energy..

still remains in the fiber of your Soul.

How foolish of Me to think he was immortal...and would never Die.

I guess... I was a fool.

I HAVE a Friend.. His name is James Jackson.

I wish Heaven had Skype.

Love ya Man.

See ya when I see ya.

E.

REBIRTH OF THE WORD

2012-03-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

I'm a Poet with no words to write.

No Vowels...no Nouns

in sight.

Mind Blank of Rhymes

and quotes

No paper for Me to take

notes.

My Mind blank like the

Universe before the

Big Bang.

Like a Choir

without

Song to Sang.

I'm a Poet

without a

Soul

If I can no longer

spit the game..

I will lose

Soul.

So..I take a breath

so Deep.

Stand at the Edge

of Darkness..

and

take a

Leap

Into the Depths

My Mind

And if I allow

My creativity

to flow

I'm sure I'll find.

That no matter how

far from the

Light I may

Be.

That Wordsmith

that

Poet

Will forever..

Live in Me.

The Fifth Letter

I can never

Fail

I can only

get

better

Cause the Rhyme is

within

and to not

write

Is the ultimate

Sin

Cause..

Poet

E. c. 20120315

UR..BAN BLACK MAN

2012-02-28T15:17:00.001-08:00

My feet...walk on Urban Streets.

Ghosts of the past...once walked this path.

Seeking to be understood.

Back when this was a Neighbor"hood" instead of being...just the.."Hood".

Pop Locks and Beat box...

lil kids playing Hop scotch.

People laid on the couch..with doors unlocked...

Before our women were bitches.

When neighbors helped neighbors and weren't called snitches.

We fought with hands and not with the trigger..

Didn't call each other nigga

I guess back then our Pride was bigger.

We fought so hard to get here...

now we don't remember all the tears..

that fell

Oh well...

We here now. Even though many don't remember how.

Cause we got swag. We walk with our sag. We sell those fat ass dime bags...

And we die...for that "gang" rag.

And we think we made it?

This illusion we created.

Cause we still America's most Wanted.

No respect..cause we still a Suspect.

We need to find a solution..

Cause..My Peoples..

we ain't ready...for no Revolution.

Time to get out our DRUMS..and create a positive beat.

So we can go beyond...

these Urban Streets.

E.c. 02282012

INNER EMAN

2012-02-08T14:20:00.000-08:00

I'm intoxicated. Scratch that... I'm inebriated.

So if this starts going awry...I've been drinking...so that's why.

So..on that note..let Me introduce you to something My Mind wrote.

One day I heard a voice. This voice said I didn't have a choice. It was time for Me to step out on Faith. And if I happened to get tired...He will help Me keep My pace.

I had to go on a journey to a place I've never seen. The skies won't be blue. The fields...won't be green.

I won't see happiness and Joy.. I won't see the smiles of lil girls and boys. I won't see the light of day or the darkness of night. In fact...

What I'll see...I won't need the use of sight.

So...I started to walk this rough and dusty road. Recording everything in My mind...so this story can be told.

Eyes shut...but I could see.

Not things of this Earth...no buildings or trees.

What I saw....

Was what was inside...of Me.

Dark. Cold. Fear.

No faith at all...even though... GOD was near.

I let this ole World turn Me cold.

50.....but I looked a Hundred years old.

No smile on this face. No hope for the Human race. No love for Me or any other Man. No dreams of the future...cause for the future... I made no plans.

I was walking... inside of Me. Eyes closed...but I could see.

I was made of unrecognizable stone.

And I wondered...why I was all alone.

But...in this small space...I saw a glow.
And this glow..began to grow.

And what I saw...was Hope's flickering Light. A lil bit of Day..when all around Me...was dark as Night.

And the voice told Me...to open My eyes...and walk toward the flickering Light..cause that's where Hope lies.

And next thing I knew...the light...wellll..It grew. And soon I was surrounded by a light ....so magnificent...so..bright...

colored...the Bluest of Blue.

And with eyes no longer blind. I opened My heart...I opened My mind.

I began to Love....all of Mankind.

Because GOD took time to let Me see...
the darkest, coldest, part of Me.

And that's not the Man...I am destined to be.

I am Greater than I ever knew.

Old Emanuel...has become

Emanuel anew.

Now I see...what I was Born to be.

Amazing.

Magnificent.

Wonderful...

E.

E.c. 20120802

I.Q. (That Knowledge Joint)

2012-02-08T11:08:00.001-08:00

I don't need no pen or paper..to pull off this Lyrical Caper. Every Line..comes from the Depths of My Mind. Cerebral Knowledge... I outta be a Course in College. Even in the Darkness... you stand in My Shadow. You..are the reason I have a Ego. So..pay attention as I teach this Class.. better take notes cause I spit this knowledge fast. When it comes down to Me and You... I'm the one with the Highest Lyrical...I.Q. (drops Mic and walks off stage)
20120802

GOD'S TRUE CREATION (A Inspirational Joint)

2012-02-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

They say on the Seventh Day GOD rested.. but that's not true..

On the Seventh day GOD went to HIS quiet place..and HE created You.

With a vision of all that is perfect and pure......

HE took stardust from the heavens.

And using HIS tears of Compassion...HE mixed and formed....

You.

A radiant Being born from the Pure love of GOD.

Your eyes sparkle like the center of a Nebula. Your skin...soft as virgin silk..spun by cherubs.

Your glow so bright..you part darkness as Moses parted the Red Sea...

How can I not stand in awe of what you are? How can I not...weep at the very sight of you as you walk toward Me..glowing in the Light of GOD's Love.?

Your beauty extends and transcends beyond the physical...and become a spiritual experience.

Even the Angels...kneel when in your presence.

To touch you...is to touch GOD.

To know you...is to know GOD.

To speak to you...is to speak...to GOD.

I have Kissed your Lips...and felt the All powerful Kiss of Love from GOD.

If I could see you thru Angel's Eyes...I'd see the fingerprints of the Almighty all about you...

For...on the Seventh Day...GOD went to HIS special place.

And with a smile on HIS Face...

He Created...You.

A Beauty...that will never be....

repeated

or...

replaced.

E.c. 20120202

THE EVO-LU-TION OF MY KINK

2012-02-01T13:30:00.000-08:00

I think...I know...My kink. But My kink..is much more than I think.

What does this mean???

Welllll... At the ripe old age of 50, I thought My erotic Soul had grown to fullest potential and was now...dormant.

Kinda like a sleeping Volcano. A lil steam escaping every now and then... a lil rumble here and there...but basically...A sleeping Giant.

So...it was much to My surprise..to find..that My kink...was not dormant at all. My kink...was quietly...secretly....Evolving.

Mutating. Change....ing.

Now...we all have...our kinks. But..there is this..ONE kink that is above the rest. Some of us embrace it. Some of us...deny its existence. But..its there.

Now..you might expect Me to reveal what My kink is... but that ain't happenin. I've been around way too long to know...some may understand...but many..my stand in judgement, and I don't want to have to nutt the fuck up on anyone for judging Me on...My kink. Cause..l embrace My kink like a Mother embraces her newborn baby.

Sooo...My kink has evolved to another level of kink. Its on a level of kink..and it's a nasty ass kink. Its...sooo...amazingly kinky... I dare not speak to any Mortal about...My kink. Well..except for that person who will assist in immersing Me in this evolved kink.

And so..here I sit with My analytical ass trying to understand how My kink has evolved to such a nasty state. How...this pure innocent soul..can have such a corrupted Kink.

This Evolved kink has invaded My thoughts. My dreams. My daydreams. Its like...injected into the folds of My brain and with each stage of its mutation...it constantly reminds Me that its growing...

its...alive.

its...hungry and wants to be fed.

50 years old..and I've become a slave to My kink. That kink I thought was sleep.

So..whats a Man to do...when the Kink is on a mission to be fed.

For..to find someone to feed the kink...would mean I'd have to find someone as kink..eee.....and as nast..eeeee

as ME.

And...that ain't a easy thang to do.

hahaha.

Cause...I can be nastier than nasty.

I can make nasty say....dayum!!!!!!

And now... I got this....Evolved..Mutated...off the fuckin chain...Kink that is hungry.

My prayers go out to the one...who has to feed...

The EVOLUTION...OF MY KINK.

Emanuel

2012-01-29T15:01:00.000-08:00

I was formed....and given the breath of life from the Almighty.

I was given the knowledge of the Pharaohs. The wisdom of Solomon...and the Strength of Samson.

I placed a Ring around Saturn and Married the Solar System.

I've walked with Angels.

Talked with Prophets.

Traveled to the Heavens and saw Paradise.

I speak with one voice..but in Many tongues.

I am magnificent.

I am amazing.

I am the light in the eye of GOD.

I am all these things and so much more....

So...

I deserve sooo much more.

To settle for less...

Would make Me less...

that what GOD has made Me.

And this....

is the truth.

E.

NOCTURNAL DAYLIGHT

2012-01-27T19:38:00.000-08:00

Esoteric Dreams of things...so real it seems.. to be drawn by invisible hands on ghostly canvas.

Visions of kisses and laughter never felt and never heard...but somehow...the imprint is stained on the fragile layer of the Hearts skin.

Wanting what is...but receiving what was. And neither satisfies the hunger that the soul desires...

Looking into eyes that show love...but their lips speak otherwise. Is there truth..within the lies.

Or is all this.....around Me a...disguise.

A shapeless entity taken Human form, dancing on the strings of My emotions and filling My mind with intoxicating music of illusions.

And...I dance.

And...I dance.

I dance with the Devil...to the sounds of Angelic tunes. Spinning freely and wildly around the room....

Till all around Me is nothing but a blur.

And blackness fills the room as if God blew out the candle of My Cerebral visions and I stand in the midst of My own self....

Folding the fabric of space..and time...

Reconnecting with My mind.

No longer there.

But not quite here.

Esoteric Dreams...

of what never was....

but I touched it....

I felt it...

because its branded in My...Soul.

E.c 27012012

KNOWING

2012-01-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

Knowing and not knowing...is a crazy thing to know. And what's more crazier..is that I know..but I don't really know because even though I know... I can't say I know, cause...I what I know isn't from knowing..its from knowledge.

See.. knowledge is knowing without being told you know. So..you really don't know..but you do know..thru knowledge.

And I...have knowledge.

So...you don't have to tell Me I know..and I really don't have to know...cause I know...from the knowledge..I know.

Cause...life...its consists of patterns. Day turns to Night. Night turns to Day. Noon is always at Noon and Midnight is always at Midnight.

And when these patterns suddenly change....when...Noon comes at 12:05 and Midnight comes at 12:10, when Things that were..are things that aren't....

You don't have to be told you know..the difference. You don't have to know...you know there is a difference. Knowledge..will show you..there is a difference. Therefore..knowledge...is the knowing.

And right now... I'm knowing. And what I know...I know...cause...Knowledge tells Me so.

So...although I'm knowing..that I don't know... I know..cause knowledge tells Me so.

Ya know?

ONE DAY..SOME DAY

2012-01-26T12:05:00.000-08:00

One day...and I do not know when... This life will end...and a new..will begin. I will cross over...to a place never seen by Human eyes. A place I yearn for..yet fear..and I don't know why. Maybe it's the unknown. Maybe it 's the thought of being all alone. Wondering in a space...a unfamiliar place. Searching. Searching for the Light...to guide Me.

Or will it all...be....Dark.

One day..and I don't know when. I will have to stand accountable...for all My sins. All the things I did...and never had a second thought. Thing I did..and never got caught.

Now..I'll have to own up to it all.

When I hear that call.

And see My last Sunset or Sunrise. When I will forever close My eyes. As My Soul lifts to the sky...

This life.... it will end.

My new life... it will begin.

One day.

Some day.

But not...to day.

E.c. 20122612

T.l.E.o.A.v.R.e.S. (Tears of Love.)

2012-01-25T18:48:00.000-08:00

Tears...

Fall like rain. But not from pain.

Tears...

I have shed for so many years.

Heavy is the load I must bear. It takes so much...to love..to care. But this is what GOD has charged Me to do.

To take a dark cloudy day...and make it sunny and blue. To absorb the negative..and replace it with the positive.

Both loved and hated..

Always Underrated.

But I love anyway. I loved yesterday..and I'll love today.

Tears...flow like...the rapids of a river.

When I look at this world...I begin to shiver.

Where is that love for one another. That Mother love...that love for Sister and Brother.

It would be best to drink a poison potion...
than to show....emotion.

When did Love become a weakness.

When did Love become a Myth.

How did we forget...

Love..is a gift.

As I stand on the frontline...I'm a easy target.

But I'll fight for Love...cause We should never forget.

Love...is a part of the soul.

A living...entity

Tears...

I wish you could see...

These Tears are for you...

and not....

for Me.

E.c. 20120125

DEAR DIARY (THE THROWBACK)

2012-01-22T19:04:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I had such a awesome weekend. I went to see Red Tails with My friends. She's sooo fuckin awesome. We have this.. like..Romantic Comedy type relationship...

like..you know... if she wasn't like..My friend...she'd be like..the perfect girlfriend.

She's soooo awesome and cute and smart. And she doesn't know..but sometimes when we are out and she gets up to go to the potty...

I smell her seat. Geeee...she smells good too. hehe.

Soooo...Red Tails was like...this totally cool movie about Black Pilots back during WWII. I think they did a really good job making the movies. Terrance Howard should get a nomination for his acting. He's sooo intense.

Today.. I went to Gamestop. I was only going to get one game but they had this buy 2 get one free thingy going on so...I ended up coming home with 3 games. I'm so stoked. I haven't played any of them yet cause when I got home...I kinda fell asleep.

Its really been a nice weekend. Lots of fun and no stress. And that..is a good thing.

Well Diary... I guess I better go. I'm hungry and don't really know what I want to fix to eat.

later gater.

A FUCK...I DON'T GIVE(A joint...joint.) Jul 28, '08 11:18 AM

2012-01-20T19:00:00.000-08:00

I don't give a fuck about what you think.

I don't give a fuck..if your shit don't stink

I don't give a fuck that one plus one equals two....

I don't give a fuck about me....
so ya know...
I don't give a fuck about you.

I don't give a fuck about all the shit on the news

I don't give a fuck about your political views

but I do give a fuck about good
Jazz

and good Blues.

So...I guess I do...give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck about gossip'n hoes

I don't give a fuck about wearing "popular" clothes.

I wonder what happened...to the Counting Crows....

oh...I'm talking bout not givin a fuck. haha.

I don't give a fuck about a Fat or a Skinny Bitch.

I don't give a fuck about those..who make my balls itch.

I got love for the Poor....
and Fuck...the Rich.

Cause..I...don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck about Baby Mommies

I don't give a fuck if you shave your punany

But I do give a fuck...about making...money.

Sooooo....I guess.....I can...give a fuck.

I dont' give a fuck if you do...or don't tell.

I don't give a fuck about going to Hell.

What the fuck is the difference....
between a Motel....and a Hotel???

The answer to that???
I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck if you like what I write.

I don't give a fuck....if you think I'm wrong...
when I "know"...I'm right.

Fuck with me..at the wrong time of day..or..night...

and I'm on the next flight.

And you'll know...just how much...
I
don't

give

a

Fuck.

copyright 2008, Emanuel Chrisentary

WALKING WITH...WE.

2012-01-19T20:33:00.000-08:00

I took a walk. And had a talk with Myself the other day.

We discussed love and life..and life and death...and death and resurrection.

I never knew just how much I appreciated Me. How much I looked up to Myself. I never thought...I..would be My greatest role model.

We shared dreams of the future...and we reminisced about all the crazy shit we did in the past...and how some of those crazy moments...actually helped to mold us into what and who we are today.

I reminded Myself of things We did...that I had forgotten about.

And it was then...when I realized... GOD was with Us sooo many times in Our life. GOD watched over Us..and kept Us safe. Cause...We were doin way too much some times. And...We didn't give a fuck...like We do now.

I remember looking at My face. No longer young and care-free looking. I look older. Wiser. More...relaxed and at peace. I don't have that..."I've been to hell and back" look. More like.....

"I saw the burning bush..and went up the Mountain....and spoke to GOD"...kinda look. A look of Wisdom. A look of Knowledge that can only be given by the Most High.

Even My voice...had changed. Not as Loud. Not as...childish. Not....full of bullshit and senseless gibberish.

My voice had...strength. It has a echo of....power to it. It had..patience. It was both....two edge sword.. and instrument of peace.

As We walked together...laughing and talking. Enjoying the warmth of the Sun and the coolness of the breeze...

We came to a fork in the road.

I looked at Me.

and...

Me looked back.

And...without uttering a word.

We continued our walk...

but on different paths.

We didn't say goodbye...cause We both knew that one day...We'd cross paths again and once again....

We would take a walk.

and ....

Have a talk.

E.c. 19012012

HOMAGE TO THE "V" (Warning..EXPLICIT CONTENT)

2012-01-18T19:10:00.000-08:00

As she walks in the door... I greet her with a kiss. Running My hands over the side of her body...felling every curve...every dip..every layer of her soft...warm...flesh.

I take her face in My hands...as I kiss her lips. Tasting her tongue...sucking on her bottom lip.

Like a sexual Ninja...I silently..and quickly.. unzip her pants and pull them down around her ankles.

As...I kneel before her...as to worship that
"V" shaped mound of flesh.. I press My nose against the fabric of her panties...

and I.... Deeply...In..hale.

The aroma of her moist..warm...pussy fills My nostils.. and rushes to My head..where it fills My brain with desire.

Not wanting..to wait.. I pull the fabric to the side...and press My lips against the lips of the "V". Using My tongue to part them...so I can...softly lick...the clit.

I feel her knees get weak...I hear her breath get deep. But I continue to taste and lick and lick and taste as I slowly insert finger into the hole of the "V"...and find that spot...

and as I lick the clit..and manipulate that spot...her body begins to shake...

moans escape lips...

and suddenly....

a flood of sweet, sticky...slightly pungent fluid flows from the "V"...

and baptizes My face with its thick sweetness.

She's weak now.

She's...light headed and confused.

As I take her by the hand...and lead her to the bedroom...

Where I will take her to a place...

she both...

desires..

and

fears.

The "V"...is calling Me.

E. 18012012

130 IN DA MORNIN (WIDE AWAKE BLOG)

2012-01-17T22:50:00.000-08:00

Soooo..Its like..130 in the morning and I'm up like Chuck. Awake like Blake.

And...I'm drinking Me coffee and thinking about things.

Like: I posted on FB talking about getting married before the world ends. And...I got ta thankin....

Can I do the marriage thing for the third time? One was ok. Two was REALLY GOOD. But...can three really be a charm?

Cause... I've been living alone since 1995, and that...is a long..assssssss time. A LONG ASS time.

I'm so used to My own space. And My freedoms and having shit in My house...My way.

I mean...now..when I have company..I don't trip cause..its a temporary stay. Soon they will be gone and its back to...ME and MY home. I can strip down and scratch My ass and fart and burp and not give a flyin shit. hahahaha

To have someone around 24/7, 365 days.. and having to share...spaces and... have to compromise on certain...housekeeping issues. I don't know. That will take a lot to adjust to. Like...I fold a towel one way..and they fold a towel another way. Or...they want the bathroom to be Pink and Yellow. Pink and Yellow? Nawwww. Gotta have some Male..Testicles kinda color up in there too. hahahaha. And on that note... I'm used to the toilet seat being UP... it may seem small..but to wake up in the middle of the night...and go to take a piss..and I have to raise the frickin seat??? WTF???? too much to do when you're half sleep..holding your dick...and ya gotta piss.

But the even more insane thought I have on this issue is;....

I love..the concept and thought of being Married. but...

why can't they live in their place...and I live in Mine...and we visit and kick it at each place equally??? hahaha.

But...then... I guess they would want a key to My place.

ack!

But...I guess.. for the right one...with the right vibe..and that magical cootchie....

I'd make a few...concessions. hahaha

Ahhh.....yeah... magical cootchie will make Me give up the house keys and the code to the security gate. hahaha.

Hell...magical cootchie would make Me deal with a Pink and Yellow bathroom.

not!

I will not share any domicile with any pink color.

I just...can't...do that.

magical cootchie or not.

hahaha.

ok.... time to go game.

I'll ramble on this shit all night long and still make no sense.

fin.