coming clean

Perceptions

2018-12-09T15:26:00.002-08:00

On my last post I used the word placate in conjunction with my current housemates and know now that was wrong. Perception is a tricky thing, you can think you know what someone is saying, what they mean but miss the connotation entirely. What sucks is that I've also learned how insensitive I've been these last 6 or so months. I've had a lot on my plate but didn't realize that the ones closest to me were actually getting spoken to (by me) in ways I would normally never dream of. Things that they perceived were definitely not the way I meant them. Perception... so tricky.

Updates...

2018-12-04T03:10:00.000-08:00

Since the last time I've actually sat down and written sooo much has happened. I realized that I was in the midst of a mentally, verbally abusive relationship and in the end worked it out so that he was the one that broke it off so that it stuck. Since then I've found an amazing man, someone that so far loves me better than I've ever been loved before. A relationship that makes me think that I had to go through all the others, learn all those lessons to be ready for him... to be prepared for this. We're planning to move to Fort Bragg soon. Another chapter... I feel that I've gotten what I needed from the Big Island and now it's time to move on. I also need to be closer to my family again, coming back to visit has made me aware of how much I missed in the last 2 years and I'm not willing to be absent for any more. This is not an entirely popular decision. The people that I live with currently are not entirely supportive of my new journey. As much as I wish that doing what's best for myself didn't make them upset, but I can't stay stagnant just to placate them. I had a stroke for life to teach me to put myself first in the big moments, the big ways. I'll write more later...

Genyus Network's Roundtable for Australia's Annual Stroke Forum

2018-09-14T20:07:00.001-07:00

https://youtu.be/mw2qCdnRSqA

Opportunity

2018-09-03T22:18:00.001-07:00

Cal, the courageous founder of Genyus Network gave me yet another incredible opportunity. I was part of a global roundtable for a Annual Stroke Forum in Australia. It was for all the healthcare professionals there that deal worth stroke survivors and their caregivers and open to anyone online. It completely reinforced my dreams of becoming a motivational speaker and inspiring people by telling my story. I am so excited right now I can't even put down words.

Lost

2018-06-14T21:12:00.001-07:00

I'm lost, looking to men to entertain me rather than taking the time to nourish my soul or do the hard work on myself. I'm tired and just want to enjoy myself for a bit but the universe no longer seems to want to foster this. I have to go back to the pursuit of my goals and my higher self... I'm just soo fucking tired. I know before the stroke I wanted nothing more than to HAVE to do nothing but focus on working on myself, I just didn't imagine that I'd be starting almost from square one again, this time with the knowledge of just how far I'd have to go. I have come an awfully far way though, even just from the beginning of the year; a lot of the credit I must give to my loved ones. They are amazing and foster growth every single day. I am blessed. Just exhausted, deep in my soul exhausted.

Sorry so quiet...

2018-05-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Hi family, I've been quiet lately going through a lot causing my brain to be more mushy than usual. There's been a hard breakup and taking on running a stand for my best friend at the local farmers market here. Things are amazing though. I've been getting out I've started online dating and put my stroke history right on my profile weeding out people that might have a problem with any residual effects that I'm still working through and guess what.... most adults are understanding and don't have any problems with them. I'm having a lot of luck and meeting a lot of great people. Lots of new friends and some good prospects. I'm also learning that I can take on more than I could even 6 months ago. Regardless of what well meaning healthcare professionals tell us, we can get better no matter how long ago our injuries were as long as we keep working at it and our minds as hearts believe we can. Please do not give up hope, there is always light. I love you all.

Oh and there's also been multiple volcanic eruptions and earthquakes on my island!

Who's to say?

2018-05-25T01:14:00.001-07:00

I'm testing my boundaries... learning what it is I REALLY want...

Friday 2/16/18

2018-02-18T18:10:00.001-08:00

Tripped going up the stairs at Kaiser and broke my fall with my head! I'm okay, walked away with a Minnie concussion and possibly soft tissue damage in my neck and right shoulder. All I have to say as I get ready for an ill advised pre- planned trip to Oahu is; power through, you got this!

Just anotherday!

2018-02-17T11:28:00.001-08:00

So here's the aftermath of my day yesterday. I fought with the stairs at Kaiser and lost lol. I tripped going up the stairs and my head broke my fall.
I'm okay just a minor concussion and possibly soft tissue neck damage. #nobigdeal #imfine #toofunny

New Day

2018-02-16T00:19:00.001-08:00

Hurt feelings...

2018-02-08T11:57:00.001-08:00

Same lesson...

2018-02-08T00:39:00.001-08:00

Apparently I still have more to learn about accepting rejection. I honestly think that's why we were put together.

Gratitude

2018-01-28T08:32:00.001-08:00

Always grateful for the good and the devastating.

Updates

2018-01-07T21:16:00.001-08:00

I moved! I now live with an AMAZING group of friends who are supportive and foster, greatly encourage my creative side. They are musical and going to help me strengthen my vocal chords and are going to help me with my painting technique. I feel welcome and at home already. The house sits on 8 acres of property with trails, fruit groves and vegetable gardens; not only providing access to fresh produce but also a wealth of fitness opportunities. I couldn't be happier with the start of this year. I hope this is your best year yet!

First time...

2017-11-30T21:59:00.000-08:00

This is the first picture of a man I'm involved with on here. I don't know where this is going or how long we'll last, but this is different than any relationship I've ever had; it didn't start in any way that I've ever experienced before. He's not great with words sometimes but he shows me a world of caring, consideration and affection... Which do I go off of primarily?

I'm a founding member...

2017-11-30T21:45:00.001-08:00

This support group caters to young stroke and TBI survivors. If you fit this demographic, check us out on Facebook and find a community of people ready to welcome you. We share stories, offer support, help each other among other things...

It's imperative...

2017-11-30T21:42:00.003-08:00

What I do to help myself get through the worst days

2017-11-30T21:42:00.001-08:00

Communication

2017-11-30T21:41:00.001-08:00

The best advice...

2017-11-30T21:40:00.001-08:00

Trouble adulting

2017-11-30T21:39:00.003-08:00

Daily reminder

2017-11-30T21:39:00.001-08:00

2017-10-17T17:17:00.001-07:00

Listen to Ep 4 - Conversations with Cami - Chisa Bush by ExpressedByCamille #np on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/expressedbycamille/ep-4-conversations-with-cami-chisa-bush

Aunty P

2017-10-06T06:45:00.001-07:00

Aunty P visited me Tuesday October 3rd. We ended up walking into her casual hangout bedroom. She was lying comfortably in her back, hey smile almost upsidedown due to the positioning on the bed. Happy, serene she said " Don't worry, I have all my animals to keep me company. " Sadly, that's all I remember.

Horrible News Today.

2017-09-26T22:13:00.001-07:00

Rest now lovely.