Luc's Blog

The Most Memorable Troll Yet

2018-04-03T22:00:00.000-06:00

If you woke up this morning prepared to have your childhood ruined in one fell swoop, then boy, are you in luck! Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, a beloved children's book and film, has been hiding the most sordid of euphemisms this entire time.

In the famed scene where Wonka shows the children and their guardians his latest invention, lickable wallpaper, the eccentric candymaker invites them to sample the wallpaper for themselves. As his guests proceed to lick the various flavors, he famously touts: "Lick an orange. It tastes like an orange. The strawberries taste like strawberries! The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!"

We all giggle at the reference to "snozzberries," and as kids, we assumed it was an innocuous made-up word for some sort of awesome, delicious fruit. Turns out, the book's author, Roald Dahl, had a sick sense of humor and snozzberries have been dicks all along. Yes, snozzberries are dicks, and Charlie and his grandpa were licking dick-flavored wallpaper.

As Cracked points out, Dahl revisited snozzberries in his 1979 novel My Uncle Oswald, 15 years after Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was published. The adult novel involves Oswald Hendryks Cornelius, aka the "greatest fornicator of all time," and his accomplice Yasmin Howcomely. The two scheme to sell the semen of famous men to women who desire to child famous progeny.

The "Snozzberry" reference is made when Howcomely details her rendezvous with George Bernard Shaw:

"How did you manage to roll the old rubbery thing on him?"

"There's only one way when they get violent," Yasmin said. "I grabbed hold of his snozzberry and hung onto it like grim death and gave it a twist or two to make him hold still."
"Ow."
"Very effective."
"I'll bet it is."
"You can lead them around anywhere you want like that."
"I'm sure."
"It's like putting a twitch on a horse."

So, there you have it ladies and gents. Roald Dahl, history's biggest troll, made kids taste penis paper and we didn't even know it.

How Love is Like A Rainbow

2018-02-18T19:59:00.000-07:00

There's a decent part of me that still believes, eventually, everyone is able to find their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You have clearly only found pots of those shitty gold covered coins.Which, as far as I am concerned, only shows that you've followed the wrong rainbow time and time again.
The really shitty part of the rainbow situation is that the rainbows aren't labeled. The average person sees nearly 80,000 "rainbows" in a lifetime. (rainbows being an alternate word for people in this case.) Assuming you are heterosexual, and assuming half of those rainbows are the opposite sex, you're down to 40,000 rainbows to search. Assuming half of those rainbows are the opposite sex, but are strictly homosexual, you are down to 20,000 rainbows. You are then left with the chance to explore those 20,000 rainbows in the best way you see fit. Assuming 10% are just what you are looking for, you are left with 2,000 rainbows, one of which is meant just for you. . .

That's a lot of rainbows you are expected to sort through.

Assuming that you are looking for a rainbow with someone your age, you're looking at reducing that down again to 10% more, leaving 200 to explore. Obviously, you can't spend 1 year on all 200 of those rainbows, and you can't tell in 1 day if that rainbow is for you. So, as humans, we are troubled with the situation in addressing how much time you need to spend on each rainbow.

But, each time you slide down a rainbow, you get the butterflies in your tummy that make it even more difficult to really tell if that rainbow is left for you. Slowly, you will find that there was (XYZ) in the person at this rainbow you don't like, narrowing your search even further.
Eventually, statistically, leaving you with the perfect rainbow, sooner or later.

(yes, super nerd just used math and rainbows to describe love. . . )

Becoming stagnant in pursuit of love does not disable you from being involved in rainbows.You just sit there, at the end of a rainbow, waiting. And, as with all people, as long as you don't refuse everybody hopping along, searching those rainbows, once again, the opportunity awaits.
It is coming, eventually.

Human time is just so shitty because moments can crawl, but overall time flies.
(there's always the possibility that the rainbow you are supposed to slide down has not yet been created because both of you were rainbow-hopping, but that is a different can of worms.

NEWS: KCWY's Parking

2018-01-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

Courtesy Photo

From law enforcement, to news stations, Casper's Finest Drivers, a Facebook group where members report the issues they see on the road and in parking lots, is helping raise awareness of troublesome drivers. Some have learned the hard way to behave while on the road, others just don't get it.

KCWY News 13 in Casper is no stranger to being put on blast for employees bad parking. They also have a history of failing to handle criticism in the most professional manner. Today, they have once again been caught failing to respect Handicapped Parking Only signs.

KCWY's Dean Johnson has previously reported on this subject.

The police department has openly encouraged reporting of illegal parking in the past, and encourages people to call the non-emergency number at 307-235-8278, or file a report online at https://casperpolice.org/file-a-online-police-report/

BLOG: Net Neutrality

2017-12-02T00:28:00.001-07:00

Net Neutrality is a huge deal. Without it, the internet would follow along the same ideas that we fought so hard to protect with SOPA and PIPA.

For the benefit of others, I'll post the wiki links to the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), and the PROTECT IP Act (PIPA), with which it goes hand in hand.

You can think of it like this. You know YouTube's policy of removing a video based on a claim of copyright infringement from literally anyone? And you know how it's then the accused's responsibility to prove they aren't violating copyright before the video is put back up?
SOPA and PIPA were basically trying to codify that policy into US law. For entire websites. An entire website could be pulled down because someone--anyone--said they were violating copyright, and it would be the accused's responsibility to prove they weren't. That would be disastrous for the internet, and a complete reversal of that "innocent until proven guilty" thing the US has been doing for a few hundred years.

Reddit, Wikipedia, Google, and several other websites (I can't remember the exact list, but here's an article I found about it) took their sites completely offline for a day in protest, and replaced them with messages explaining the law and what could be done to oppose them. Many more sites placed large banners on their site (Amazon being one I remember off the top of my head) explaining their opposition without taking their websites down.

Fortunately, the bills were defeated, but they're constantly being resubmitted under different names. It would be good for society if you educated yourself, tried to educate others, and opposed legislation like it. Google is an advocate to protect your rights, in general, and you can Take Action with a few easy clicks of a button, like this one Google offers.

Please stand with me in supporting the protection of Net Neutrality. The future of the internet literally depends on it!

Letter for Commission on Presidential Debates RE: Third Party Debates

2017-11-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

Commission on Presidential Debates November 25, 2017
1200 New Hampshire Avenue NW, Suite 445
Washington DC 20036

Dear Board of Directors,
As you are undoubtedly aware, in September 2014, Level the Playing Field filed an administrative complaint with the Federal Election Commission against the Commission on Presidential Debates (“CPD”) and its directors. The complaint argues that the CPD and its directors, in violation of federal law, have used nonobjective, biased rules designed to exclude independent or third-party candidates from the presidential debates.

We have reviewed the complaint and the original supporting research it includes, and we agree with its core conclusions. We believe the current rule requiring non-major party candidates to average over 15% in five polls taken just days before the debates does not meet the governing legal standard and is harmful to our democracy. Because the current rule affords independent candidates no chance to get into the debates, it dissuades men and women with extraordinary records of service to this country from running for President.

As a director of the CPD, you could ignore this complaint and wait for the ensuing legal process to play out. We think that would be a missed opportunity and an unfortunate mistake. Instead, we urge you to change the rule now in order to have a new, more democratic 2020 election that breaks free of our current tired and failing politics.

Sixty-two percent of Americans do not think the federal government has the consent of the governed, and 86% feel the political system is broken and does not serve the interests of the American people. Eighty-one percent believe that it is important to have independent candidates run for office, and 65% say they wish they had the option to vote for an independent candidate in a U.S. presidential election.1

Moreover, these problems of American democracy—including rising disenchantment and declining voter participation—are increasingly shaping the way the rest of the world perceives the United States, eroding the prestige of the American model and its capacity for moral leadership abroad.

We think your current position requires you to pay close attention to this overwhelming public dissatisfaction with the two-party system. Americans are clearly saying that they want a more open and competitive political system. As a director of the CPD, you occupy a position of enormous public trust with a responsibility to make decisions in a nonpartisan manner.

The current rule, however, serves only the interests of the Democratic and Republican parties in maintaining their duopoly. It creates a barrier to entry into the debates that since 1960 no American running outside the primaries has been able to overcome. It requires a non-major party candidate to spend an incremental amount of money that no independent candidate has ever raised nor has any billionaire ever spent. It relies on polls that are biased against third-party and independent candidates and are grossly inaccurate in predicting a three-way race. Furthermore, the selection and timing of each poll used in calculating the average is easily subject to manipulation.

Today, a majority of Americans believe that the most convincing reason to reform the presidential debates is to end the exclusion of independent candidates. Therefore, we strongly encourage you to embrace your public responsibility by improving the prospects for an additional qualified Presidential ticket debating during October 2020.

Right now you have the opportunity to reform the flawed status quo. A simple rule change that enables a candidate to qualify for the debates by some means other than polling and is resolved sufficiently in advance of the election to enable that candidate to compete on a level playing field will allow a credible alternative to emerge.

Before it adopted the 15% rule, the CPD endorsed fundraising ability, operational capacity, and numerical demonstrations of popular support (for example attendance at campaign rallies), as criteria for debate selection. A rule designed to capture these types of indicia of support could spur many outstanding men and women who are highly qualified to be President to consider running. And since a new rule would be applied well in advance of the debates, a third-party or independent candidate who qualified under it would enjoy the media coverage that a guaranteed spot in the debates would prompt. This would give the American people time to get to know a qualified, non-major-party presidential nominee who would be in the debates. Our democracy would be much better for it.

One possible rule change could keep the existing 15% polling requirement as one way to qualify for the debates, but add the following, alternative means: On April 30 before a November presidential election, any candidate, party, or nominating process with ballot access in states that collectively have at least 270 Electoral College votes would notify the CPD of that access. If there is more than one, then whoever has gathered the most signatures as part of the ballot access process will participate in the debates with the Democratic and Republican nominees.

We believe that the competition under such a rule would be vigorous, enabling, and a legitimate third candidate would emerge. We estimate that the winner of the signature competition will need to collect some 4 to 6 million signatures, obtained from a broad cross section of Americans – a clear demonstration of popular appeal. The cost and scale of that endeavor would not be insurmountable, but it is substantial enough to ensure that only someone with significant fundraising and operational capacity and public support could win. This signature drive competition – which is not unlike the early state primaries – provides one objective, fair, and measurable way to qualify for debate access.

It is certainly possible that implementing such a national signature drive competition – or any similar fair and unbiased rule – may confront unexpected logistical difficulties and indeed, a qualified candidate still might not meet the new criteria. However, we believe these risks pale in comparison to the opportunity to open up the political process and fundamentally improve the way we pick our President and Vice President.

Merely changing the polling threshold – for example by reducing it from 15% to 10% or simply deferring the issue to a later date, will not address the structural impediment to a truly fair and competitive presidential election.

By controlling access to the debates, the CPD effectively determines who has a credible chance to win the election. That is a solemn and historic responsibility we know you take seriously, and we strongly urge you to open up the debates and allow more choices for the American people.

Please do not assume that any of the signatories to this letter are committed to voting for an unaffiliated candidate in 2020. Individually, they may decide that the Democratic or Republican candidate is superior. What each signatory wants is the same thing the American people want: the restoration of honest competition in the way we select our president, as required by the law.

The best solution is to change the rule, level the playing field and discover which great Americans will run for President.

Given the looming 2020 presidential election cycle, we respectfully request a prompt response.

Sincerely,

Lucas Colgrove, CTA
Casper, WY 82602

BLOG: My Friend's Relationships and 20 Signs Your Partner is Controlling

2017-10-24T00:00:00.000-06:00

All too often, I have found myself as an outsider, looking into my friend's relationships.

One of the most startling, disappointing trends I have noticed is the amount of women that are willing to settle for the sub-par men available in the world. The scum of the earth.

The biggest trend is a guy who is so upset about his girlfriend having a male friend that he controls her. It is because of this trend, I wanted to bring you 20 Signs your Partner is Controlling.

Toxic relationships can sneak up on almost anyone. And controlling behavior on the part of a partner knows no boundaries—people of any age, gender, sexual orientation or socioeconomic status can be in controlling relationships, playing either role.

Many of us visualize a controlling partner as one who openly berates everyone in their path, is physically aggressive, or constantly makes overt threats or ultimatums. We picture the grumpy bully who belittles every server he or she encounters, or commands their partner how to dress from head to toe. While those signs are indeed troubling, there are many additional signs that might show up quite differently.

Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners— whether they or their partners realize what's happening or not. Sometimes, the emotional manipulation is complex enough that the person who is being controlled actually believes that they themselves are the villain, or that they are extremely lucky that their controlling partner "puts up" with them. Whether controlling behavior leads to more severe emotional or physical abuse or not, it is not a healthy situation. If you notice more than a couple of these signs within your relationship or your partner, take it seriously. And if you are concerned for your safety or want to learn more about possibly abusive relationship patterns, check out www.thehotline.org.

1) Isolating you from friends and family. It may start subtley, but this is often a first step for a controlling person. Maybe they complain about how often you talk to your brother on the phone, or say they don't like your best friend and don't think you should hang out with her anymore. Or they try to turn you against anyone that you're used to relying on for support besides them. Their goal is to strip you of your support network, and thus your strength—so that you will be less likely or able to stand up against them whenever they want to "win."

2) Chronic criticism—even if it's 'small' things. Criticism, like isolation, is also something that can start small. In fact, someone may try to convince themselves that their partner's criticism of them is warranted, or that their partner is just trying to help them be a better person. Or they may try to rationalize it that it's not such a big deal that he or she doesn't like the way they dress or speak or eat or decorate their house and that they shouldn't take it personally. But ultimately, no matter how individually small a criticism seems, if it's part of a constant dynamic within your relationship, it would be very tough to feel accepted, loved, or validated. If every little thing you do could use improvement in your partner's eyes, then how are you being valued as a true equal, let alone loved unconditionally?

3) Veiled or overt threats, against you or them. Some people think that threats have to be physical in nature to be problematic. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats by the controlling person to harm herself or himself can be every bit as emotionally manipulative as the threat of physical violence. It is not unheard of for the partner being controlled to feel stuck in a relationship not out of fear that they themselves will be harmed, but that their partner may self-destruct or harm themselves if they were to leave. Other times, a person may be threatened with losing their home, access to their children, or financial support if they leave a controlling or abusive partner (or are left by them). Whether or not the threats are genuine, it is just another way for the controlling person to get what they want at the expense of their partner.

4) Making acceptance/caring/attraction conditional. "I love you so much more when you're making those sales at work." "I don't feel like being intimate with you. But if you keep working out and lose a bit more weight, you'll be more attractive to me." "If you can't even be bothered to make dinner, I don't even know what I'm getting from this relationship." "You'd be hot if only you spent more time on your hair." "If you'd actually finished college, you'd have something to talk about with my friends and wouldn't feel so left out." Though some of these examples are more blatant than others, the message is the same: you, right now, are not good enough. It's the common-denominator theme of many a controlling relationship.

5) An overactive scorecard. Healthy, stable relationships have a sense of reciprocity built into them. It's inherent that you will look out for each other, and not bean-count every little time you do something to help the other out. If your partner is forever keeping tally of every last interaction within your relationship—whether to hold a grudge, demand a favor in return or be patted on the back—it could very well be their way of having the upper hand. And it can be downright exhausting to be on the other side of. (This is one of the most frustrating things for me in friendships too. So often do my friends feel like because I did something for them, that it is thereby demanded that I expect immediate reciprocation. Typically, as long as we are sharing some sort of responsibility, I am not concerned with the fact I have bought you lunch 7 times, and you have only been able to afford 3. One day, I trust you will get me back!)

6) Using guilt as a tool. Many controlling people are skilled manipulators at making their partner's own emotions work in the controlling person's favor. If they can manipulate their partners into feeling a steady stream of guilt about everyday goings-on, then a lot of the controlling person's work is done for them—their partners will gradually try to do whatever they can to not have to feel guilty. Often this means relenting and giving up power and their own dissenting opinion within the relationship, which plays right into the controlling person's hands.

7) Creating a debt you're beholden to. Controlling people may come on very strongly in the beginning with seemingly romantic gestures. But upon closer inspection, many of those gestures—extravagant gifts, expectations of serious commitment early on, taking you for luxurious meals or on adventurous outings, letting you have full use of their car or home when they're not there—can be used to control you. Specifically, they create an expectation of you giving something in return, or a sense that you feel beholden to that person because of all they've given you. This can make it more emotionally and logistically difficult to escape when further warning bells go off.

8) Spying, snooping, or requiring constant disclosure. A controlling partner typically feels that they have the right to know more than they actually do. Whether they keep their snooping secret or openly demand that you must share everything with them, it is a violation of boundaries from the get-go. Perhaps he or she checks your phone, logs into your email or constantly tracks your Internet history, and then justifies this by saying they've been burned before, have trust issues, or the old standard: "If you're not doing anything wrong, then you shouldn't mind showing me." It's a violation of your privacy, hand-in-hand with the unsettling message that they have no interest in trusting you and instead want to take on a police-like presence within your relationship.

9) Overactive jealousy, accusations, or paranoia. A partner's jealousy can be flattering in the beginning; it can arguably be viewed as endearing, or a sign of how much they care or how attached they are. When it becomes more intense, however, it can be scary and possessive. A partner who views every interaction you have as being flirtatious, is suspicious or threatened by multiple people you come in contact with, or faults you for innocent interactions because they may be "leading someone on" may be insecure, anxious, competitive or even paranoid. Additionally, when this perspective becomes ingrained within your relationship, they very likely are attempting to be controlling as well.

10) Not respecting your need for time alone. It's another way of sapping your strength: making you feel guilty for time you need on your own to recharge, or making you feel like you don't love them enough when you perhaps need less time with them than they need with you. It is natural that two partners may not automatically have the exact same needs in terms of alone time, even if they are both extroverts (or introverts). In healthy relationships, communication about those needs leads to a workable compromise. In controlling ones, the person needing the alone time is made out to be a villain or denied the time altogether, taking away yet another way they can strengthen themselves.

11) Making you "earn" trust or other good treatment. Of course you will trust someone you've dated for five years more than you trust the person you've been seeing for a month. But some amount of trust should be assumed or inherent within the relationship. For instance, as mentioned, you shouldn't always have to detail your whereabouts for every moment of every day, nor should your partner automatically have the right to access your email or texts or Internet search history. If trust or even civil treatment is viewed as something you need to work up to rather than the default setting of the relationship, the power dynamic in your relationship is off-kilter.

12) Presuming you guilty until proven innocent. Again, a controlling person is often very skilled at making you feel that you've done something wrong even before you realize what you did. You may walk in the door to find them already angry about something that they found, thought about, or decided in your absence. And they may keep "evidence" of your wrongdoing to a point that you may feel they've got a whole case against you—even if you don't quite understand it. From where you put their favorite coffee mug to whether you had lunch with a coworker without them knowing, you will always be assumed to have had criminal motives. Why do they do this? To use it as justification for punishing you in some way, or preemptively trying to keep you from making that "error" again—to keep you acting in ways they want you to.

13) Getting you so tired of arguing that you'll relent. While some controlling people like to exert their influence under the radar, many others are openly and chronically argumentative and embrace conflict when they can get it. This can be especially true when their partner is more passive and the controlling person is likely to triumph in every disagreement that comes up, just because the partner being controlled is more conflict-avoidant in nature or simply exhausted from the fighting that they've done.

14) Making you feel belittled for long-held beliefs. Maybe it's your faith, or your politics. Maybe it's cultural traditions or your view of human nature. It's great when our partners can challenge us into interesting discussions and give us new ways of looking at the world. It is not great when they make you feel small, silly, or stupid, or they consistently try to change your mind about something important to you that you believe in. Openness to new experience is wonderful—but a controlling partner doesn't see it as a two-way street, and only wants you to be and think more like they do.

15) Making you feel you don't "measure up" or are unworthy of them. Whether by subtley making you feel less attractive than they are, constantly reinforcing their professional accomplishments as compared to yours, or even comparing you unfavorably to their exes, controlling people often want you to feel grateful that you are in a relationship with them. This creates a dynamic where you will be more willing to work harder and harder to keep them and make them happy—a dream for someone who wants to dominate a relationship.

16) Teasing or ridicule that has an uncomfortable undercurrent. Humor and even teasing can be a fundamental mode of interacting within many long-term relationships. The key aspect is whether it feels comfortable and loving to both parties. In many controlling relationships, emotional abuse can be thinly veiled as "I was just playing with you; you shouldn't take it personally." And in one fell swoop, not only does the original criticism stand, but now an additional criticism of you having the "wrong" reaction has been levied. And you're basically being told that you don't have a right to your own feelings—a classic move by controlling people everywhere.

17) Sexual interactions that feel upsetting afterwards. An abusive or controlling dynamic within a relationship can often make its way into the bedroom. Sometimes things feel not right even in the moment, but other times it's a pattern of feeling uncomfortable after the interaction. Either way, when you feel consistently unsettled about goings-on within your sexual realtionship, it's a sign that something is wrong.

18) Inability or unwillingness to ever hear your point of view. You may notice that you are constantly interrupted, or that opinions you express have been quickly forgotten or never been acknowledged in the first place. Perhaps the conversation is always so overwhelmingly dominated by your partner that you can't remember the last time they asked you a meaningful question about how you were doing and actually listened to the answer. Think, too, of whether you've ever tried to give them feedback about how their behavior makes you feel—and whether they've actually been able to take it in, or whether they've dismissed it out of hand (or perhaps even blamed you for having an invalid opinion.)

19) Pressuring you toward unhealthy behaviors, like substance abuse. Undermining your fitness goals, constantly tempting you with cigarettes when you've quit, not respecting your decision to only have one drink rather than three—these are all ways that controlling people can try to thwart your attempts to be a healthier (and stronger) person. Since controlling people thrive on weakening their partners, it's a natural tool for them to use.

20) Thwarting your professional or educational goals by making you doubt yourself. Maybe you always assumed you would go to law school, but now your partner is making you feel your grades weren't good enough to get in. Maybe you used to have a lot of drive to own your own business, but your partner tends to think of your ideas as silly and you find you've lost confidence to pursue them further. Often a controlling partner has a way of using you as a weapon against yourself, by planting seeds of doubt about whether you're talented or smart or hard-working enough to make good things happen in your life. This is another way they can take away your autonomy, making you more beholden to them—and serving their purposes quite nicely.

Recognize your relationship or your partner in these? Coming soon are some next steps to start thinking about.

This content was largely based on psychologytoday.com

Breaking News - 20+ Dead in Active Shooter Situation in Las Vegas

2017-10-02T00:48:00.003-06:00

Officers Beleive they have found Ms. Danley and the vehicles at this time.
**OFFICERS ARE SEEKING MARILOU DANLEY, A 4'11", 111lb ASIAN WOMAN IN CONNECTION WITH THIS INCIDENT. IN ADDITION TO MS. DANLEY, A Chrystler Pacifica Touring - NV PLATE 19D401, AND A Hundai Tuscon - NV PLATE 114B40. CALL 911, OR 702-385-5555 IMMEDIATELY IF YOU SEE THIS WOMAN**

A shooting at a music festival on the Las Vegas strip has killed at least two people and injured at least 24 others. Police are looking for the shooter. Local media reports hospital is treating "Several" gunshot wounds. As of 4:30 AM, MST, it has been reported that at least 20+ are dead, and 100+ are injured due to this event.

People run from the Route 91 Harvest country music festival near Mandalay Bay after apparent gun fire Sunday night in Las Vegas, Nevada.

KTNV: Police arriving on scene near the Mandalay Bay resort amid reports of active shooter, multiple injuries pic.twitter.com/jwaaVFpFN3
— Josh Caplan (@joshdcaplan) October 2, 2017

Video courtesy of Drew Akioshi. He was attending the concert at mandalay bay when shooting started. pic.twitter.com/2OwcoaO0zx
— Wired Sources (@WiredSources) October 2, 2017

EYEWITNESS: More horrifying footage of moment active shooter opened fire on concert goers near Mandalay Bay resort in Las Vegas pic.twitter.com/DKtiIQyDST
— Josh Caplan (@joshdcaplan) October 2, 2017

EYEWITNESS: Shock footage of moment active shooter opened fire on concert goers near Mandalay Bay resort in Las Vegas pic.twitter.com/x8XoNrfJ3G
— Josh Caplan (@joshdcaplan) October 2, 2017

Dan Bilzerian, running from shooter at concert near Mandalay Bay resort in Las Vegas, says “a girl just got shot in the f*cking head.” pic.twitter.com/FaS0VfeF7I
— Josh Caplan (@joshdcaplan) October 2, 2017

Shooting at Route 91

A post shared by Randy (girl) Kindred (@randy_kindred_girl_) on Oct 1, 2017 at 10:56pm PDT

Covering the worst mass shooting in US History.
#BreakingNews #Update
#DomesticTerror from Las Vegas, NV, USA tonight;

3:30 AM UPDATE - 50+ DEAD, 200+ INJURED, 1 Las Vegas Off Duty Officer Dead, 1 in critical, but stable condition.
Shooter - Steven Paddock DOB 4-9-1953 IS DEAD
"Numerous Firearms found in the room that he occupied."
FBI and CSI are involved in the situation.
FAMILY AND FRIENDS, CALL 1-866-535-5654 FOR UPDATES ON LOVED ONES THAT MAY BE INVOLVED IN THIS SITUATION.

Officers believe they have located the female person of interest, and vehicles at this time. **OFFICERS ARE SEEKING MARILOU DANLEY, A 4'11", 111lb Asian Woman IN CONNECTION WITH THIS INCIDENT. IT IS BELIEVED THAT MS. DANLEY IS/WAS THE DECEASED SHOOTER'S ROOMMATE. IN ADDITION TO MS. DANLEY, A Chrystler Pacifica Touring - NV PLATE 19D401, AND A Hunday Tuscon - NV PLATE 114B40. CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY, OR 702-385-5555, IF YOU SEE THIS WOMAN, OR THESE VEHICLES! PLEASE SEE THE LINK BELOW FOR A PICTURE**

Video has confirmed that a shooting at a music festival on the Las Vegas strip has killed at least two people, placed 12 in critical condition, and injured at least 12 others. Police are looking for shooter(s). At least 1 shooter is down, and 2 are dead.

Sources report that the shooter was several stories high, shooting into the crowd below. One video at the link below shows a man explaining that a woman was shot in the head.

Jason Aldean was on stage during the shooting. CSI is arriving on scene.

Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department is reporting they do believe that the suspects are all accounted for at this point.

"It sounded like firecrackers." several witnesses are reporting.

Grabbing at Straws - Part 1

2017-05-28T02:33:00.000-06:00

Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room? Or maybe it wasn't as crowded as you felt it was, and you know that you were perfectly safe because you were with your closest friends, but in that moment, two felt like twenty thousand and you couldn't breathe because everyone's watching you and they took the air from the room and. ....

Stop.
Breathe.
"Sorry."

You're in control. . . Nobody's watching you. They love you and they are glad you are here. But. .... what if they are not glad you're here and you're a third wheel, and you're useless anyway. . . They'd be better off without you here anyways. They wouldn't even notice you being gone, and even if they did, they'd be happy you are gone. . . .

STOP!
BREATHE!
DAMNIT, BREATHE AGAIN!
"I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything. It's so annoying that you say sorry so much!"

Great job, fuck up! You're gonna lose another friend. . . Why can't you just be normal?!?!

"I don't know how else to respond other than to apologize..."
"You're fine, it just gets annoying."
"I know." I just don't know how else to respond. . . . Don't you see that I'm suffering? I'm not really fine. Please see the signs. . .

Text someone. . . They will help you. . .

A001 I need your help
A001 What's wrong?!
A002 My head
A012 I can't get control of my thoughts. . . My mind is racing. . . Please help me. . .
A026 hello?

Stupid fuck! She's busy . . . Try someone else

Okay.. .

B049 Heyyy
B049 what's up?
B050 I need you.
B109 my mind is racing. . .
B129 hello?

Nope. They are busy too. .. They don't care.You are wasting their time. They have better things to do than to mess with you and your bullshit.

A303 forget it
B304 nevermind.

A304 sorry. . . My phone died.
A304 are you okay?
NO
A304 Yeah. I guess. I am fine.

A319 Good. :)

You fucking fool! You should have told her. She can help you

But, I thought you said that she doesn't care. I thought you said that I am wasting her time.

I never said that. I am your friend. You're fucking stupid to believe your head is against you.

But. . . you said.

Nevermind that. You should have told her you needed her help. Idiot.

SEE! Like that.

Like what?

You said I was an idiot.

No I didn't.

A320 Actually, I need your help. I feel so alone and . . .
*deletes*

A321 Yeah. . . Good. Can't you feel what kind of pain I am in? Can't you read the signs. . . PLEASE push harder. Please try to help me. I NEED YOU!

Why can't you be like everyone else, and just be normal?! You would see the signs if someone reached out to you, right? Or would you. Would you let your friends suffer in silence too, or would you reach out to them? You're stupid enough you would probably miss all the signs. You would probably not even notice the difference if someone needed you, would you? Stupid stupid.

ENOUGH!
STOP!
NO, SERIOUSLY, STOP!

IT'S WINNING!

BREATHE!
NOW DO IT AGAIN!

AND AGAIN!
BREATH.
"I'm sorry."

NO YOU IDIOT! DO NOT APOLOGIZE, YOU ARE ANNOYING, REMEMBER!?

STOP!
BREATHE!
GROUND YOURSELF!

But, I don't remember how to ground myself. You've invaded my head. . . haven't you? You took control so you could win. How can I fight when you stole my weapons?!

C425 C?
C435 Lucas

C437 I am freaking out for no damn reason. . .
C447 should I message again? Naw. I don't wanna bother her. She has other shit going on. You're the last thing she needs to worry about. She's not going to reply. . . She has other things to do. Just let it ride. You're not alone. . . you still have me!

C1251 see, I told you that she wasn't going to reply. You're not a priority. She has other things going on. The last thing she needs to deal with is your bullshit. You live halfway across the globe, and she's never met you. She just says the positive things to help you because she has a big heart. It's nothing personal that she cares about. How could she? She's not even met you.

LIAR! She cares!

Oh really, how come she never replies? Why don't you two talk like you used to. You fucked it up! You brought feelings into your friendship. Idiot.

She. . . She has a life.

And obviously she doesn't want you to be a part of it.

Ye. . . yes she does.

But does she? She would reply if she wanted you in her life, right?

. . . I . . . I don't know.

EXACTLY!

A1301 I need you. . . PLEASE. PLEASE BE AWAKE.

B1301 I need you. . . PLEASE. PLEASE BE AWAKE.
C1301 I need you. . . PLEASE. PLEASE BE AWAKE.

D1301 I need you. . . PLEASE. PLEASE BE AWAKE.
E1301 I need you. . . PLEASE. PLEASE BE AWAKE.

F1301 I need you. . . PLEASE. PLEASE BE AWAKE.
G1301 I need you. . . PLEASE. PLEASE BE AWAKE.

Annoying fucker, aren't you?

E1335 You're fine. . . Just be happy. Think positive thoughts.

Don't you realize how hard I try? It's not that easy. Should I say that. . . no, that will be rude. . .

But, it's true, right? I try so hard to be happy. . . And I am just failing at it. . . Just like everything else I am a failure at. . .

He goes to lay down for the night. Looking at his phone, he realizes that it is nearly 5AM. . . and that he has to be to work in two and a half hours. He stares at the ceiling, as the morning sun begins to crest the hillside. His thoughts continue to consume him, as he lies there, assaulted by his own mind, losing the battle. He slowly fades into sleep, if only a few moments, so he can function for the next day slightly better than nothing at all. As he closes his eyes, his alarm alerts him it's time to start a new day.

Just another disappointment in this hell we call life.

TO BE CONTINUED. . . .

STORY: ______?

2017-04-14T00:52:00.001-06:00

The girl sat across the green park bench, the wind softly blowing her black hair to and fro. She sat there fidgeting with her black hairband, wrapping it around her index and middle finger, and then undoing what she had just done. Staring off into the distance, with her back against the wall, she recounted stories of her past; those past wounds that have never quite healed the way they were supposed to. For only knowing him for a few weeks, she opened up several things from her past, as the clock pressed forward, never interrupting her. He could only sit there and listen, contributing a minor story or two to show that he was both listening, and understood how she felt, but never wanting to take away from her story. After all, she was the focus. For whatever reason, she felt that these things needed to be said. He wasn't going to stop her.

As she remembered, he noticed the employees of the funeral home across the street closing up for the day, turning off lights and preparing to leave. He found this symbolic of what was happening, but was not sure how or why.

He reached his hand across the table, inviting her to take it in hers, just to calm her down. They shared a friendship which was platonic. He was not trying to evoke romance, but knowing the serenity that a hand could provide. They say holding someone's hand, even in a platonic nature, can help decrease anxiety, and as she remembered more about what she's been through, he could see her displaying several signs that she was getting worked up. After all, any type of physical contact can help release oxytocin, which helps establish feelings of trust and bonding. And in this situation, that support seemed to be the best form of support he could offer. She reached out and took his hand, confirming his suspicions of anxiety, and allowed her to continue with her recounting, pausing only briefly to grab another cigarette out of her car, and reaching for his lighter on the bench, inhaled a deep breath of smoke. A deep breath is a deep breath. He smiled somberly as she pressed forward.

Her stories continued escalating, each portion more personal than the last. He watched her, reading the expressions in her eyes, as memories flashed in front of her mind's eye. Occasionally, her eyes would well up, but he didn't catch her cry, although he could tell she wanted to. She was presenting herself strong.

The memories finally caught up to her, as she pulled her knees to her chest, folding her hands in front of her knees, in what he took to be a sign of retreat. He knew the stories would not gain intensity until she opened herself back up, but that was her choice. Again, he reached out for her to take his hand, if she so chose. She was not going to experience the horror of her memories alone, if she did not want to. Glancing at their phones, they realized that nearly an hour had passed, and remembering prior commitments, they started to say their goodbyes, however the stories started again, and they remained talking, although standing up, reminding one another simply by body language that they would soon have to depart.

A fine rain began to assault them, with a small whisper of wind, and a chill running down their spines in the early spring air, they parted ways. But he sat in his ran down car for what seemed like hours considering all things that were said, and what he can do with this knowledge. He contemplated what his life's mission was supposed to be, and considered the possibilities open to him. One thing he felt certain of was that he was needed to help her, just like so many others before her. He was needed at least one more time.

RANT: A "free" rant; you must pay to read, but you can't read it between midnight and 6am.

2017-04-08T01:22:00.000-06:00

Let's talk, shall we?
Seriously looking for answers.
Why the hell, does a park that my tax money pay for, close ever?!? "It's too stop drug addicts" some may say. . .
Install blue street lights so that druggies can't find their veins. Increase police presence. I'll gladly pay my share to utilize this option.
If I can't even sit at a park for 15 minutes without being harassed, I'm sure they can catch druggies. Matter of fact, allowing them to be there later might actually bring more people out of the wood works. . . . More bullshit revenue for the city, right? They make more criminalizing people than they will for a citation.

What benefit does it do me as a citizen to pay for something that I can only utilize 18 hours of the day? I pay extra for a gym membership that has a 24 hour site for a reason. And what the fuck will not happen at 11pm that could at midnight?!? If the city was smart, they would utilize that space as a herding spot to catch illegal activities.

I vote that we rally to petition the City of Casper to eliminate public park closing times. But I would love to hear why you believe public city parks close at midnight. Comment below with your thoughts.

Ignoramus: An open letter

2017-03-24T08:30:00.000-06:00

Dear Friend,

I know that you get busy in your life, and I know that you have other priorities, but I wish I could tell you how badly you hurt me when you ignore me. I would so much rather you tell me that you're busy, or that you hate me, or that you'd rather me harm myself in the most painful way over being ignored.

My anxiety has been through the roof recently, and I've told you this, and then when I reach out to you to try to just find some level ground you don't even try anymore. Days pass by, and I hear one or two words from you, if even that. Can you possibly imagine what that does to me? You're literally feeding the beast within.

With the one person I trust to talk to about my issues blows me off, I then an stuck battling thoughts of inadequacy, in addition to the situation that started the episode in the first place.

You have then started a vicious cycle with me because I'll get clingy, looking to be saved from my anxiety. You will continue to do what you're doing. Things will get worse until I'm convinced you hate me and that you never want to talk to me again, no matter how irrational it may be. I don't realize it. I just know what I'm feeling.

I just wish I could find the words to express how badly I hurt when you ignore me. It makes me feel like you've given up on me, so maybe I'll give up on me too.

5 Things You Should Know When I'm Depressed and Text You at Night

2017-01-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

There are two types of people reading this. To the people who have been there and have seen those dark nights filled with depression and anxiety themselves and get it, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for understanding these things. To the people who don’t understand me at night, it’s not your fault. I know you mean well, and I know you really want the best for me — you just haven’t been there yourself. And that’s OK. Heck, that’s great. I don’t ever want you to have to be there. But there are things I want you to know when I text you at night in a craze of depression and anxiety.

1. It took everything in the world for me to text you. I typed that text and erased it at least five times, and I probably threw my phone on the ground after I closed my eyes and hit send — embarrassed, scared and full of shame. Terrified you’d actually respond, I curled myself up in a ball and cringed when I heard the vibration of my phone signaling a response. I felt so bad for bothering you again. I think to myself that you must hate me and be so annoyed with me. And I look at the text you sent me, and I just cringe even more because you responded — you cared enough to do that. Just please know that the anxiety I get is at an all-time high when I reach out for a hand to save me from drowning in depression. It took a lot for me to reach out to you.

2. I am not thinking straight. At all. I am so far into my own head by the time I text you. I’m going to wake up the next morning and get this pit in my stomach from half of what I’m saying. I’ve been ruminating and spiraling in my thoughts and I just need someone to talk to. It’s not that I don’t want you to take me seriously, I just want you to know that not everything I’m saying is coming from a clear state of mind.

3. More than anything, I just need to hear that it’s going to be OK. Some people hate hearing that it gets better, but when it’s 2 a.m. and I’m shaking in bed, tears either soaking my pillow or refusing to leave my eyes as I lay hollow — it’s all I need to hear. It’s everything I need to hear. In the moment, I might not even believe you; in fact, I probably won’t believe you, but those words are words I need to read and see and hear. I need hope. And those five words do the trick. I feel terrible that I have to ask you for them so often, but they make a world of a difference to me.

4. I’m not really texting you for advice. I don’t mean for that to sound mean. But after years of therapy, I know a lot of coping mechanisms and alternatives. It’s not that I don’t need or want your advice, because I’m sure it would be a good reminder. But in the dead of night I don’t think I’m going to have the energy to exercise to get those endorphins going, or do breathing exercises, or go play an instrument to feel better. I want to, and I know it’ll help, but I more just need someone to talk to. I know you mean well and it means so much to me that you care enough to want to help me, but sometimes advice just isn’t really what I need most in the middle of the night.

5. I am so thankful for you. You have no idea. Whether you get it or not, you’re there for me. Even if you don’t respond, you mean a lot to me because if I text you, you must be a pretty special person in my life. Thank you. Thank you for getting me through these nights, thank you for caring, thank you for being the light on a night where I can’t find any stars. You mean the world to me. Thank you.

2016-12-18T21:54:00.002-07:00

Merry Christmas 2016

Lucas Colgrove update:

Wowza! Another year gone by in a flash. Who would have thought that time could fly?!

Merry Christmas, part 1

2016-12-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

NEWS: Back to School Nights for Casper

2016-08-24T08:00:00.000-06:00

The 2016/2017 school year is right around the corner, and back to school nights are upon us. The Natrona County School District posted a reminder of the schedule on their Facebook page late Tuesday afternoon as a friendly reminder. Below, we have included a calendar which you may use to reference these dates. Please feel free to utilize this feature as much as possible.

PRESS RELEASE: We Need Help NOW

2016-08-24T00:53:00.002-06:00

Casper, WY — Someone I care about needs help NOW!

What can I do? Where do I go?

Call 307-237-9583 if you need to talk to some right now!

If it is during office hours, our receptionists will connect you to a therapist over the phone, or invite you to come in and see a therapist right away.

If our office is closed, our answering service will have the on-call therapist call you back just as soon as possible.

If you or a loved one is in danger, call 911.

Founded as a charitable organization in 1959, Central Wyoming Counseling Center is Natrona County’s non-profit Community Behavioral Health and Substance Abuse Treatment Center. For 55 years, CWCC has been dedicated to helping all Wyoming residents through prevention, intervention, treatment and continual support; serving adults, teens, children and families through individual and/or group treatment. While most insurance is accepted; all Wyoming residents are eligible to receive services, regardless of their ability to pay. CWCC receives funding through grants, foundations and private donors.

# # #

For more information on CWCC, it’s facilities and services contact: vziton@cwcc.us

BLOG: August 2016 Life Update

2016-08-23T01:30:00.000-06:00

Greetings my little stalkers!
This month has been quite the eventful one. I had my second story published, which is an incredible feeling. I am beyond proud of myself for the leaps and bounds I have made in the past year and a half or so towards my success as an adult. I am still overcoming many obstacles imposed upon me by the government organizations based in my local area. I hold many ill feelings, mainly regarding distrust and fear, which may never be defeated, unfortunately. Maybe one day I will be accept the ill past with which I have been handed. I am blessed that that is a part of my past, and although I am not at peace with it, it has provided me with a learning opportunity that I may not have ever been afforded otherwise. I've learned that although our government may be a decent form to maintain organization, and assure the blind masses that they are taken care of, in the wrong hands, the power is too much to overcome. I've learned that evil resides everywhere, and I have learned that very very few can be trusted.

I post on this blog semi-regularly only for the fact that I believe in keeping record, and unless the internet crashes, by some apocalyptic fate, this record shall be available for many years to come. It allows you, the reader, the opportunity to know me. It's also somewhat fun, and provides me a central-hub to base my content on.

I am currently working on a short story, which I may present in a series as I did the last time. This story, as most, is based in fact with fiction to enhance the story line. People seem to enjoy my works, from photography, to writing in many mediums, and I am contemplating pursuing my future as a journalist. It would be incredible to find something that I am good at, with which I may make a living. The only pitfall is overcoming the mental disorders which I have been awarded. This too, will end in a learning opportunity which I am grateful for, however in the present I have difficulty facing it.

The time is currently 1:00 am, and I have appointments in the morning, so I must bid you farewell until next time. God be with you. <3

Weekly Recap 6/5/2016

2016-06-06T02:09:00.000-06:00

Honestly, I've had a very intense week. There is no other word to describe this past week, other than maybe "eventful."

Let's start from the beginning. My Aunts Lisa and Shelley, Grandma, and cousin Jessica went to Utah last weekend to visit some family, spend some time with my cousin Aspen to honor her High School Graduation, visit my sister Ashlyn, and drop Jessica off so she can do a clinical-typed program for her Occupational Therapy degree. To say I am proud of her would be an understatement. My family is a very strong-willed group, who can easily obtain whatever goals they may set their mind to. They are all dedicated individuals with this amazing talent.

While they were gone, my cousin Richelle, and myself took turns watching Grandma's dogs, making sure they had food and water, putting them to bed, ect. I got the opportunity to spend some time giving them attention and taking some time to enjoy some hard-earned relaxation. Having a job with only one day per week off on a normal schedule can wear you down at times.

My mom had her birthday early this week as well, and I was able to take some time to enjoy her, and my little brother Robert's company on her birthday. We went out and got us a treat, and I had a pretty good time with just mom and her boys.

Midweek was a fairly mild week, where I basically stuck to my traditional routine.

In addition to my mom, happy birthday to my little nephew, who turned 1 this past week. I got to spend some time with him, and his mommy and daddy this week, starting on Thursday when they arrived in town. After nearly six months apart, it was very nice to see them again. They stayed over at my house while in town, and it was a blessing to have them here. Takes me back to the good times when we would crash at eachother's place for the night, just because we could.

Friday, my friend had back surgery, in an effort to correct an ongoing source of pain which has caused immobility for longer than it should have. With any luck, she will hopefully be back up and feeling great in a short time. *Knock on wood* I would hate to jinx anything for her, because she deserves so much more than the pain that she has been struggling with for years.

Also on Friday, I started helping two other friends prepare their trailer for them to move into. It is with great pleasure that I am able to report that we have finalized the preparation stage, and have begun moving belongings into their house. Sunday was a pretty packed day for that, especially the afternoon.

A poor situation ensued over the weekend, that ended up causing a lot of pain for many people. This is not something I know for certain what all the facts are, and it is fairly personal to some parties, but I will say that it was not a positive endeavor for those who were involved. Fortunately, I do believe that nobody was harmed from this situation, and according to what I know, it was done with the best intentions in the effort to help others overcome issues. Additionally, I hope that the people involved learned valuable lessons to help them become stronger individuals with the desire to change the world.

Saturday was a relax day again, where I spend some more time with my Utah family, and we celebrated the little one's birthday in a pool. I got pretty crispy from that, as I spaced sunscreen, but I was glad to see the little one having so much fun, and I had quite the enjoyment horse playing with my brother.

Today, my utahns returned to their home planet, where they will reside until I can afford to take the 8 hour trip down there to see them. It is my goal to one day vacate the state of Wyoming and reside in nearly any other state. The poor situation took continued on into today as well. But I guess I'm burying the lead, aren't I?

Finally, I ended my day off by spending over 12 hours with two of my closest friends, helping them start moving their belongings. I do believe most of the big items are finished, and all we have left is the small stuff, but it's a project I pretty much started with them, and I want to see it finished.

BLOG: Meeting Goals

2016-06-01T03:00:00.000-06:00

Over the past few years, the State of Wyoming has done a lot to make me seem like I am an incredibly scary person. They see only things the way they want to, and never consider the truthfulness of the things that they have been told. These things weigh me down constantly, with the depression that I struggle through. I do not try to hide my mental shortcomings. Matter of fact, I wish to express them, so that others may come to realize they are not alone.

The State of Wyoming does not seem to care what they do to others, and who they hurt in the process. They took me, a teenager, although I was 18, and they destroyed my life for a period of time. I will make every reasonable effort to restore my life to one which is bearable, but they attacked me without regard to the long term consequences. The district attorney, ironically enough, had a daughter who was friends with the "victims" in my case. At this point, if you know nothing about my allegations, you can looks for them if you choose. You're free to believe whatever you wish, but I maintain my innocence in the allegations, and I was forced to plead guilty only after threats were received from the District Attorney prosecuting my case. He had told me that if I did not accept his deal, then he would press more charges against me, false or not, and ensure that I, a barely-turned-18 year-old would spend the rest of his life in jail for posting on Facebook. I want to overcome the barriers imposed on me from allegations of something that I didn't do. And I am only bringing this up because it is a significant part of who I am today. My faith in Law Enforcement Officers is next to nothing based on action where action was not needed, and inaction where I needed them. I am cynical about peoples intents because of this, and honestly I am terrified. I have developed a severe case of Social Anxiety, and I am terrified to meet new people. I can fake a smile and give you excellent customer service while being scared shitless that you're going to do something to hurt me. Now tell me, is that really how someone is supposed to live their life. But, because I have a penis, I am automatically someone that is a horrible, terrible person.

I do apologize if you are offended by my rights to speak freely, and publish content through free press. That is all the swearing you will see in this post. I promise.

Now, onto my goals. I'd like to take a moment to evaluate what I have aspired to do, and how I have managed to meet these aspirations.

Journalist

My first job was working with the Casper Star Tribune in the Sports Department.
I reported on sporting events via live tweeting throughout high school. This drew the attention of the Star Tribune.
Through perseverance and dedication to meet my goals, I have obtained a freelancer position with a local news source. Although this is not a full time position, it is a way to help me gain experience and has provided me with an opportunity to press forward for this life goal

Petition for Cyberbullying

2016-05-23T18:00:00.000-06:00

https://www.change.org/p/wyoming-state-house-wyoming-state-senate-wyoming-governor-stan-cooper-ray-peterson-bruce-burns-henry-coe-gerald-geis-dave-kinskey-michael-von-flatern-cale-case-james-anderson-charles-sc-make-cyberbullying-a-crime

BLOG: A Significant Other

2016-05-23T03:07:00.000-06:00

Stop and think for a moment. . . . Single men, this is especially for you.

How many men does she really have in her life? How many men would drop everything just to be her fabled "one-and-only?"

Whether she's in a relationship or not, you now have a woman in your mind, and you are probably, if doing as you've been told, thinking of every man that could possibly be involved in her life, in one way or another.

Has she recently broken up with someone? Is she currently in a relationship? Does she have a kid from a loser in the past? Or is the loser still somehow involved in her life? Honestly, the possibilities are endless on what has happened, and there's not a thing you can do about it.

It seems like more and more, guys are trying to get with other guy's girls. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BRO CODE?!? If you're interested, stay interested, but keep looking. She may have already found her soulmate, and you going in there to try and take her away is not only a dick move, its fucked up. Why would you want to ruin her life, if shes happy with him now. And if you really do have feelings for her, say something. If she's not happy in her current relationship, there's a chance you saying something could be the perfect way for her to leave. Maybe she's too afraid to be alone.

On that note, all you little fuck boys need to chill. There's a reason that there are nearly 9.6 million "families" in the United States alone are lead by single mothers. Let's write that number out, shall we?

NEARLY 9,600,000 CHILDREN ACROSS AMERICA BELONG TO FAMILIES WHERE THE MOTHER IS SINGLE.

Does that number seem big? It should.

With that being said, there are statistically more women than men in this country. BUT! Out of ever 10 single-parent households, at least 8 of them will be ran by MOTHERS.

To the mothers out there; single guys who are looking for a long term relationship, and who don't care whether you have children do exist.

Let's take this a step further, shall we?

Take a look at me.

You must admit, not matter what picture came up, you puked a little bit.
It's okay. I know that I am ugly. Nobody has to remind me of that. And even when I find something in my life that is remotely close to good and positive; no matter what the circumstances are, something ALWAYS, inevitably has to come along and ruin it for me. It doesn't matter what stage of my life I am in, I will always be weighed down with oppression.

I faced a situation shortly before I graduated high school. I've talked about it a few times. And every time I think I am doing better. Every time I seem to be doing well, that damn situation raises its ugly, deceiving head, and reminds me that no matter what I say, people will always be judging me. People will always think they know the story. People always think whatever they want to in order to make themselves feel like a better person. And the aftermath of it is colossal. Who would have ever thought that my life could have been destroyed based on lies? I sure as hell didn't.

Nobody ever realizes how much torment I endure because of that bullshit. Nobody has any idea how badly it fucked me up. There are many nights, just like tonight, where I am up wayyyyy later than I want to be, stuck with thoughts that will haunt me for the rest of my life. How many people realize that a lie can destroy someone's life a hundred thousand times worse than anything a truth ever could.

I used to be a soft, caring person who was always there for someone that needed me, regardless if I knew them or not. The tables have turned, ever so slightly, and when I am in need of someone, there are few people available to me, and even fewer genuinely seem to care.

Many of the people I call my closest friends, I honestly believe that they are annoyed by me. I honestly believe that they do not care about me at all, and instead they just put up with me. And the more time I spend with the people that I do believe care, the less I feel that they really do. I am a destroyed, damaged, and wounded piece of crap that deserves nothing. And anyone that shows me more than that I instantly start to doubt, because I don't deserve it.

You could literally ask almost anybody in this town around my age group what they think of me, and I garuntee you will get one of three answers. The first answer you may get would be that they don't know me. The second, would be someone who wants to talk shit on me. The third is going to be people that know me. They would tell you their honest opinions, which I would hope would be positive. They would, hopefully tell you that I am indeed not a bad person, but an unpopular, poverty-stricken poor kid that was targeted by the "popular" crowd. Hopefully, they would tell you that they don't believe everything they hear, and that I deserve more of a shot to life than what I have been provided.

Unfortunately, the life I have been given seems to be one destined for isolation and loneliness. This life seems to be one where I will never be ahead. Rather, I will always be getting by with the skin of my teeth. Because, let's face it, no matter how smart you are, or how fast you may learn, or even how much you dedicate yourself, there will always be that one person that singlehandedly destroys everything you've ever worked for, whether you try to stop them or not.

I will never be an important person. I will never be someone who finds love. I will never be someone to overcome a small fraction of my obstacles. I will always be one who hurts, especially emotionally, I will always be afraid to reach out for help when I need it, and I will always be one who is too distrusting of the system to ever support it. I will always be shy, and always be scared, that no matter what I say, or who I say it to, it will always come back to bite me in the ass.

And to the few friends I have that really do care, thank you for loving someone as worthless as me.

May Twentieth, Twenty-Sixteen

2016-05-20T02:32:00.001-06:00

Today was changed for me into a date I will never forget about 2 years ago. While I was in surgery, my grandfather passed away in the hospital, just a few floors below where I was. I dont know how to express how I feel about this, but it isnt positive. I miss him so damn much.

BLOG: The Best Support

2016-05-16T03:00:00.000-06:00

Isn't it incredible how fast life can change. In a heart beat, a stranger could become a best friend. Over the past few months, I have met some incredible people, and I am so honored to have them in my life, even when I don't deserve it.

Some of my best friends I have never physically met, yet we are able to connect on such a level which renders that simple fact invalid. Melissa, this comment is especially for you.

The majority of my friends have been met at a gas station. How crazy is that?!?! I would have never thought that my life could be changed by such a simple place. No matter what my life throws at me, I have a much brighter recovery, and an easier change based on these wonderful girls, and the two guys. ;)

If it is not a gas station, a simple Facebook post has connected me to several other friends. I found my brother from another mother on a Facebook post, and I am glad to be a part of their lives.

No matter what I face, my support network is constantly growing. I am so honored to know these wonderful people. They have done so much to change my life for the better, and I don't know what I ever did to deserve it.

As some of you may know, I suffer from social anxiety. Many times, I can't go to the grocery store without having a panic attack. If I am able to go, usually I have to bring headphones, and focus on the task at hand to successfully complete my goal.

When I face a hard time, I know that these friends are here for me, and I know that I am able to reach out to them to continue fighting through whatever issue is at hand. Sometimes, I call certain people. Other times, I cry so hard for anyone to sit on the ground with me and help me out, sometimes literally.

I continue to meet life goals through the help from these wonderful people. I constantly develop stronger bonds and connections, and with their hands out as far as they can go, I know that my friends will help me become a better person, and that they wont let me down.

SHORT STORY: The Foreign Letter (Final Part)

2016-01-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

Galaxy pulls into the driveway, and lets herself feel again. Tears pour down her face like a waterfall, as she says her final, silent goodbye to her mother. The letter that arrived while she was gathering her mother's belongings sits on her passenger seat, and calls to her like a gypsy. As she reviews the letter, she begins to sob uncontrollably, as it details the end of her mother's life. "28 December, 2015 My Dear Kelcey, I hope you get Alzheimer's. But I don't want you to suffer too long. Hopefully it comes to you a week before you die. But not because I want you to suffer. As much as that would be rewarding, that's not what I am after. I want you to remember me. The things were said. I want to be the last thought you ever have, 50, 60, 70, 80 years from now. Whenever it's your time to go. And I hope the things that were said comfort you. I hope they bring you peace. I hope they make you feel loved. I hope you know how much I cared. And in your final minutes, you have a crystal clear realization. I hope you realize how much I could have given you. How much I cared. I hope you feel every bit of pain from the loss of me, as I did, so many years prior, of losing you. I always loved you Kelcey. ~Sam"

SHORT STORY: The Foreign Letter (Part Two)

2015-12-31T12:00:00.000-07:00

Kelcey's daughter, Galaxy, sorts through the possessions that remain in the nursing home. The young nurse peers in. She rattles a light knock on the door as she steps in. "Ellie! So good to see you again!" Galaxy squeals. "You as well, Miss Galaxy" Ellie replies as she reviews the wrinkles below her eyes. "I have a letter here for your mother. It comes from the U.S." "Thank you. We should meet for tea sometime." "Of course Miss Galaxy. I'm so sorry about your mum." Surprised, Galaxy gasped. "It will get better. Thank you," she muttered as she offered a half-smile and turned away.