With Open Heart

Maximizers vs Satisficers

2026-05-13T11:27:02.642+01:00

I have recently come across this idea of maximizers and satisficers, and I have found it insightful and helpful!

Basically a maximizer is someone who looks to always take the best possible option, to always choose the best alternative. You will research intensively and exhaustively until you are convinced you have the best solution. You have high standards and are often a high achiever. But also you often experience high stress, have fear of missing out on something better and can procrastinate and take much more time (and energy!) as you keep working to find a good alternative.

A satisficer looks for a good enough solution. They will often define a previous criteria and once you have a solution that hits it, that is it. They take that choice or solution and you move on. They decide faster, with less regrets and are often less anxious.

Please note that we can be different things in different areas of our lives! we might be relaxed at work just focused on delivering what is strictly required while investing significant ammount of time in finding the perfect gift for your partner or designif the best possible holiday for your kids.

I am clearly (and these days somewhat unfortunately) a maximizer in most areas of my life. Whilst it has for sure helped me get where I am in my career (due to dilligence, delivering high quality work, hard work and effort), now it is not that helpful. As I am mostly a senior manager and cover a fair ammount of different areas, to be efficient and sucessful, I am expected to take decisions, that is what people most expect of me. If I dawdle thinking about something, take time to reflect, things start piling up significantly and dramatically! I stop helping my team, topics start to get stuck at my end, and worst of all I start to get anxious and to feel ineffective and not good enough!

Also unfortunately, I seem to be this way in most areas of my life! for sure at work but also in things like finding the best flight (for a weekly commute!), the best pull-up bar (!), the best gift, the best diet... Damn it is tiring, and for sure it consumes a hell of a lot of time! For my weekly flights I spend hours! and then delay booking in the hope that something better pops up (eg with miles opening up) and once I book it I start immediately questioning myself and regretting the booking I did! Cannot seem to win!

After reading about it, there are a few solutions I will aim to try out:

- go for a rough 1st draft. See it for what it is, a 1st draft. Measure of sucess is getting it done, not about its quality! it can be just a few bullet points, some ugly slides, does not matter! (I think this will really help me... it takes the pressure of, because I accept it will not be about the quality. and it gets me started! then I will have something to work with, and invariably it will be surprisingly good! I will feel relieved that I have something!)

- similar to the above, go for a MVP (minimal viable product). Define what is the minimum I can accept, eg let's aim for 3 conclusions, of 1 overall picture, or a choice of 2 flights to decide!.

- define a time box, not a task box. Don't think (or say) I will now get this done, but say I will invest 25 minutes in this task! Thinking I will now get this done is stressful... because I expect high quality, so I avoid it. I am afraid of it... of the work it entails... and what if its not good enough... Framing it as I will now work on it for 25' it's about progressing it! And again, invariably, by the end of those minutes I will have something that I will be happy with.

Let's try this and see how it goes.

The power of questions - harness your brain

2021-11-04T15:20:00.000+00:00

Often we may feel our brain, or the voices we hear in our head, are actually not helpful. For sure, I am regularly haunted by very negative or critical thoughts - "you´re not good enough" a common one!

On this post I will not dwell about why we get these thoughts, but want to talk more about how we can harness the power of our brain and channel it in a more positive way.

There is something that is always true: your brain will give you answers to the questions you ask of it. So be aware of the questions you ask and aim to direct them.

Often, if we are feeling bad, we will think "Why am I feeling this bad?". What does your brain do? It will aim to give you answers to this question: eg bringing up examples of what is not going well in your life... what things you are unhappy about... and so on. Can you criticize your brain? Not really, it is just looking to answer the question you have asked!

Try instead to ask positive questions. Try now this process:

1. Think about something you want. Visualize it. Example: you may want to have a productive day. Or you may want to lift your spirits. Or you may want to clarify a direction for a specific project. Visualize your ideal outcome: you ending the day feeling great about everything you have achieved. You in a good positive mood, happy. Or you progressing a specific project, seeing it landing successfully.

2. Ask yourself the question "What can I do to make this happen?". Keep asking and capture the answers. Your brain will do its best to answer you, going through previous learnings etc to give you the best suggestions. For example: for a productive day, it might suggest to list all the key tasks and prioritize them. Block time to do each of them. To start with an easy one to get momentum. For lifting your spirits, it might say go for a walk! it might say to remember what you are thankful about, to list it. Or to call a friend and open up. For the project, it might give you ideas of desk research you can do. Stakeholders you could interview. Potential customers you could talk to.

3. You can then take the answers and choose the ones that you feel good about or that you feel will drive things forward towards the desired outcome.

4. Extra tip: if the suggestion you get is not clear enough, just take that suggestion and ask your brain again: "what can I do now to make this happen?" - and sure enough your brain will give you more detailed suggestions.

Point is your brain is powerful and is at your service. It will aim to answer the questions you give him! So do aim to take that power and direct your questions. And watch out for questions that will not give you positive or nurturing answers.

Skin in the game

2018-04-20T15:07:00.000+01:00

He is not easy to read at all, but at the same time he is so engrossing. And true. Nassim Nicholas Taleb and his latest book, 'Skin the Game' - just unbelievable and badly needed in today's time.

It is about how the world needs skin in the game. People that can benefit from something, need to also be able to lose. No upside without potential downside as well. Commentators... who just comment but are not involved and have nothing to lose - what to they add? Nothing. And what is their merit? Questionable. Stay away from them.

I love a story that he tells, about being in a TV talk show where some other journalists were commenting about a specific stock. When asked about this stock, Taleb refused to comment, his reason being that he neither had that stock in his wallet, neither did he have it on a short position (eg would benefit from it dropping) - so he couldn't really comment. Other commentators were shocked, as the common held belief is that you can comment about something if you have no relationship with it, since you have no interests. He defends the opposite. If you have a vested interest, you know a lot more about it. Your opinion has strength, as you have something to gain or to lose, you have skin in the game. You have taken a stand on it already, where you may lose or gain something. You are invested. While others with no participation, then for them their opinion is really easy to give - whatever may happen as a result of their opinion will in reality not impact them at all.

Taleb points out how the financial system has lacked skin the game in the last few years. Banks stand to gain from their loans to successful ventures. But if these ventures fail, very often the banks get saved by public entities like the state. That is not healthy at all. They only stand to gain, no risk of losing. That is unhealthy and leads to poor behaviors from the banks, and they are comfortable, always comfortable. And a system that allows for this, that is a weak system that can collapse - as indeed it is happening to the financial system, that has lost all credibility.

He reminds us how this was not the case. Hammurabi's law - an eye for an eye. Let's take a house builder. The law in Hammurabi's time was that if a house collapsed and killed the son of the owner of the house, then the person who built should also lose his/her son. An eye for an eye. So the builder is invested, he has skin in the game. He makes sure he builds to the best of his knowledge. And he can also demand and expect quality from his suppliers, who are also exposed to the same law. It is a virtuous system. Currently, today, architects are by and large more worried about impressing other architects or winning prizes. Often resulting in houses that are simply not best suited for what they're supposed to do. He gives the example of new trains on a NY line. Most commuters traditionally have to stand in rush hour, holding their coffees, that they usually would place near the windows, which had some flat places that would serve for this purpose. New trains were brought in - absolutely stunning and appealingly designed, lots of organic round shapes. But designed by people who knew nothing about the commute, probably had never done it themselves - so designed something not fit for purpose. Eg no space to put your coffee cup... Done and not well done.

This applies to so much. I have been doing central roles professionally - eg not market roles with clear P&L accountability, but more coordination and direction setting roles. You can definitely have skin in the game, take visible ownership and hold yourself accountable when big things go wrong. But it is also very easy to escape this and keep chugging along with no risk, easily deflecting bad occasions to others - the people in the markets, other functions, external conditions. And actually a lot of people thrive like this, and I have come across a few, like my old boss in the company that I've left. You produce stuff that looks good, but that in reality has no application, no one will ever use. But it looks good, and some senior people, removed from the front line, think it is great and praise it. And thus the game goes on. Nothing good comes out of it, rather than frustration for the people who are actually trying to make a difference and make things happen.

There is so much more to be said about the book. It is a huge inspiration to me and makes me think about everything that I do. I want skin in the game. I am willing to suffer for it. But also recognize how easy it is often to shy away from things, there are always easy excuses, other people or situations to blame. Always. And good excuses that people will buy. But that is not living. And you will not grow. You grow by exposing yourself.

In Taleb's views, entrepreneurs have skin in the game. They invest themselves, often their family's life savings (and credit) into something that may work or fail. 'Corporates' don't. They are part of a huge corporation... usually their actions do not yeld immediate effects, and certainly not dramatic ones that can lead to the demise of the organization, which is huge. In my old job, so so often marketers would be promoted because they created a beautiful campaign... which 1 year after they had left, proved to have zero impact in the market. But it looked great and they were rewarded for it, and moved on quickly. The ones afterward were left to pick up the spoils. There, in these situations, the secret to thrive is timing... do you join an organization that is already on the up and you benefit from it, even though you played no role in it... Not what I personally want to do.

I want to contribute. I think I was brought up like that. My sisters also have this. They are doers, they want to make stuff happen. I am often afraid of taking risks but am at my best creating something. Creating, be it a strategy, a product, something. Creators by nature have skin in the game - they are putting something that they made out into the world, and this exposing themselves to criticism - or praise - from others. To elation or rejection. Skin in the game. If you are just commenting, you have not a lot to lose. But you are also not living... you are standing on the sidelines and speaking, to whomever is listening (usually other bystanders)... while the doers do, suffer and thrive, live and progress.

If this appeals to you - do check out Taleb's book.

Hello again

2018-04-20T14:41:00.001+01:00

Invested some time revisiting the posts I have place here over the years. So much richness, so many good insights. Reflection is the richness that makes us human, and I am thankful for having those thoughts captured here.

I have had some tough times in the last couple of years. Still in the mix right now of crazy, unsettled times. But I am thankful for good things in my life. Starting with my sister who has stuck with me through thick and thin and helped me get perspective. Who made me see that actually in some situations, I was ok. I was reacting humanly and well. We need these sounding boards, especially if they come from good people, with the heart in the right place.

Thank you.

I have learned a lot, a hell of a lot. It is completely true what I have written in the past to myself - that it is in times of great difficulty that we grow more. That we take more learnings and evolve more. It can be extremely difficult, but you will survive and come out stronger. Sometimes (often!) you may feel that you are not coming out, but you will. And stronger and better. And you will be thankful for the experience. I am not there yet, but for sure I am now much stronger than I was 1 year ago. Dramatically stronger. I've experienced a lot in the last 12 months, from break ups, changing company of 17 years and starting in a new company, culture and country. Living by myself again. Rebuilding some sort of life by myself. Being able to survive by myself, even doing the basics, from paying bills, grocery shopping and planning events for the weekend. Being human to my friends! Being there for them and recognizing that it is important to invest time in this. God, how often I have forgotten that in the past and how bad that is for me or for any human. We are built to be connected. We are built to live in society. By nature I am extremely independent and self reliant. But even that can be too much for me, and yes, I have definitely overdone it in the last few years.

Such a pleasure to be writing again. Such smoothness that thoughts just stream down and by writing it, it helps me make sense of things and get more clarity. It is emotional.

Life is short. Quite a lot of evidence of that in the recent past. My parents getting visibly older, my father, what can I say... can't put it in words. Losing everything physical, all strength, and of course with impact on the mental side. Last week, the father of a very close friend died - I hadn't spoken with her for years and years, but called her on this occasion and we had a chat. Like we had been speaking every day. It was so honest and transparent. I felt her pain, her thoughts, what she was feeling. I am so sorry for her and I see her pain. I am scared and sad that such a moment will come to me and my family.

Winding down my relationship. Broke up 9 months ago. Still not closed. Was with her yesterday. So difficult. I love her so much, and we together have had so many special things, and on top we have built a fantastic HOME together. Which is where I still live and which I haven't really changed since she left. She also hasn't wanted to move her things out yet. It is too painful. I can't bring myself to tear apart this home that we put together, I think there is some magic in it, I fear that bringing it down will remove the layer of protection that it gives me... I am scared. But I do know deep down that change brings freshness, it brings badly needed things.

The best example is on my professional life. I have worked for 17 years in one of the worlds largest multinationals. I was on the ladder, on the mouse wheel, fighting for a promotion for the last 3 or 4 years. I actually landed that promotion, only for it not too happen due to restructuring. Twice! Had external opportunities until I finally decided to leave and go for one of these. Such a hard decision, such hard times. Incredibly difficult and emotional to leave. Uncomfortable. But God I have gained from it. Incredible amounts of confidence - starting with that I can survive and dramatically thrive in other environments! Realizing actually how good I am and the strength of my background! Having others be surprised by some actions and personal touches, that went largely unnoticed in my previous organization, but are now extremely appreciated.

the world is like this. Luck does play a huge role. While also, if you are good and practice the good, the universe does balance itself out and reward you accordingly. Same if you are bad, if you are disrespectful or mean to others, the universe pays you in kind. But opportunities extremely often do not come from extreme planning for them to come - NO. They come from us being out there, and engaging with people and the world, being out there exposing ourselves and being unconfortable - then the world throws something at you, often something fantastic, that will challenge you but is exactly what you needed, or even what you deep down wished for. But we DO need to be out there, be in the game, be exposed. Show ourselves, warts and all. Show everything we are, the good but also the weak. And by doing that, we are so much stronger. And by doing that, we can open ourselves to meeting the people we need in our lifes - people who are the same, who are authentic, who are human and who will appreciate you.

The power of 'Morning Pages'

2014-10-08T14:56:00.000+01:00

This is one of the most powerful tools for self development and awareness that I have ever used.

About 1 year ago or so, I came across the idea of writing morning pages, an idea originally created by Julia Cameron in her book 'The Artist's Way'. Julia explains it here: http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/
Originally Julia recommends it for helping you being more creative, but to me it has done a lot more than that.

For about 1 year now, I write my 3 pages of morning pages everyday, in the morning, after I wake up. I've got a couple of important rules:
- don't edit anything, just write write write as fast as your thoughts come! You are literally putting your thoughts onto paper as they come - so don't worry about how well you are writing or if you can read what you have just written! that is not the point. Just let your pencil/pen flow at the speed of thought
- in this sense, for me it only works if I'm writing by hand really. If typing on a laptop, I can do it speedily and it will block the flow of thought, my 'internal editor' will come in to play

What does it do to me?
Basically it's been absolutely amazing in a number of ways!
- it gives me awareness of my key thoughts! How many times do we have thoughts going on in our heads that in reality we're not so much aware? or we are aware v lightly? by writing them down, it brings them to a more conscious level. You will be surprised!
- As I write first thing in the morning, usually the things that come up are the most important things happening at the moment in my life. And it is helpful again to be aware of what they are - often you are worried about something at a conscious level (eg a task you have to do at work) and you think that is the key thing that is driving your anxiety. But morning pages might actually bring out first a commentary that a friend has made to you that was hurtful and is causing you pain; probably a commentary that you brushed past consciously when it happened, you tried to put it away, tried to make it irrelevant at the moment, not to be hurt.
- it puts all these emotions out, from the subconscious to a conscious level. And when they are at a conscious level, we can better do something about them, or at least accept them, which is the first step to deal with emotions.
- and finally, last but most definitely not the least... as you put onto paper what is going on in your mind, you may become aware of really unrealistic and critical thoughts! Eg self criticism, why haven't I done this, etc. Often, these thoughts are going on a loop, on and on and on, over and over again. Bringing these to awareness will allow you to see how unrealistic they are and this will help deal with them!

Do give it a go. It's more than worth it.

The power of meditation

2013-02-12T13:47:00.000+00:00

Since the beginning of the year, I am back to meditating everyday, so now over 40 consecutive days. In another post I'll talk about how to create an habit (which is hugely helpful) but on this one I want to talk about the benefits of meditation and what it's doing for me.
Basically at the hear of my return to meditation was the book 'Full Catastrophe Living: using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness' from Jon Kabat-Zinn.(Full Catastrophe Living)
The book basically reminded me of the benefits of meditation and since I had a very stressful year last year and want to cope better this year, I decided to get my practice back into shape.
Basically I started by doing 12 mins of meditation each morning. Started by normal sitting meditation and lately have been doing also lying down body scans.
What has it done for me:
- really helps lift the cloud of obsessive thinking... very often I can get stuck on thoughts and worries about work (eg what if this happens? or oh, I need to do that task). Meditation puts things in perspective
- helps me relax. While I meditate, I become aware of tensions I am carrying in my body, and by just becoming aware of them, I already relax it a little. Also by 'looking' into them with my breathing, I can relax them further
- helps me more in the moment. This is very closely linked to the 1st point, of escaping the incessant thoughts. Without this cloud of thinking, I can actually pay attention to what is happening and respond adequately. And this has immediate impact: for example in sport, I find that my reaction times are better and I am also able to use my instinct much more and therefore perform better
- by being more aware of the moment, I engage more in conversations with others, that are then more pleasurable and rewarding!
- by being much more in tune with my body, I am now much more aware of what my body needs. For example, usually after work I would get home and try to wind down by doing a number of things, sometimes even pushing myself to do them, like watching tv, reading a book or playing a game. Now, sometimes I understand that I just need to lie down and go to bed earlier... or that a walk would be great... or yes, a book would be very nice. I can listen more to the body and give it/me what it needs. And this has impact on my energy.

Of course somedays it is really difficult. My mind is just going everywhere at the same time and it can actually feel stressful to meditate. But even then (maybe even more so then!) meditation helps. It makes me aware of this. And every time I become aware that my thoughts are somewhere else, I just pull them back into the breathing or into the body scan, and that in itself is helpful.

1 more interesting point that I am finding is now the need to do it for longer than 12 minutes in the morning. After 12 minutes I put the alarm for at least another 6. And often I start meditation and only start the alarm after 2 minutes of settling down. In the last week or so, I've also meditated for a bit at night... my body is now craving it. From fighting it, the body now feels the need for it.

It's really healthy and good for me. I'm over the moon that I am doing it again - and I think setting the habit up was the trick that helped me the most. So more to come on that, on habit setting.

An interesting exercise

2012-12-19T13:29:00.001+00:00

I did an interesting exercise yesterday, that I recommend anyone to try.
I've been feeling low lately (for quite a while!) - as work pressure gets to me, working long hours and often not getting the results from it. To be honest, it's been going on for a long time.
Quite often, I just feel bad, like there is something wrong, and it's difficult to put your finger into it. And quite often, I just get my head down and go back to work, push onward and forward!
That can be ok, and sometimes problems just go away. But also sometimes, you just start to allow inside you the space for a bad feeling - which if not addressed, can become bigger and really drain you.
I can be quite bad at reading myself and understanding what's happening and why, why I am feeling such a way, etc.
So yesterday, with a friend, she suggested for me to do an exercise: for 7 minutes, just talk. Keep talking and don't stop. Let it all out, the thoughts that are coming into your mind. Just let them out as they come, don't think about it, just speak them.
What did that do?
- first it did give me a feeling of relief, just throwing all those things out! you feel good about taking them out, even though some of it is probably quite critical of you! but it's good to put it out. I guess maybe a bit like the 'big mind, big heart' (see post here) approach - you have different voices inside you, all they want is to be listened - in that sense, by speaking it out loud, you are reassuring those voices that they have been listened to. Don't get spooked, it's not that crazy, read the post and it'll make more sense!
- second and most importantly... it was really interesting to having someone listening to it! My friend was able to provide me with a detached view and see through what I was saying - eg the key topics and issues coming out. It can be really difficult for ourselves to do it, as we are too involved in the thoughts. but listening from the outside, sometimes it is really visible what are the real issues.

This definitely does not solve the problems! But starting to get them out in the open is hopefully a first step to understand the issues and therefore - giving clues on how to address them!

Juggling

2012-09-13T13:43:00.000+01:00

I read yesterday an interesting article where an Ex-CEO from Coke says something along these lines: life is like juggling balls. You have the work ball, the family and friends ball, the physical health ball and the spiritual health ball. There is only 1 difference... The work ball is made of rubber, if you let it drop, it will bounce back later. All the other ones are made of glass... if you drop them, it will harm them, scar them, or even break them.

Feeling in control

2012-06-01T17:40:00.001+01:00

In the beginning of the year, I approached everything with a great sense of energy: my work, exercise, etc... all the things for which I had spent some time crafting my objectives for the year!
I kept going strong for months! Motivated, energized and it showed.
After 3-4 months of hard work, I started getting swamped... too much to do. And I started to forget to look at my objectives, didn't remind myself of them as often...
Slowly (I only realized that much later) my energy had dropped. Significantly. Noticeably.

I think that for a human being, it is key to feel somewhat in control. You need to feel you are going in the direction you want to go. It's demoralizing to feel that you are drifting with the current, going where things take you... You feel without a sense of control, with no impact on what happens, powerless! And that will drain your energy.

It's key do define your objectives: what you want to do, what you want to have, what you want to experience, have a vision of who you want to become. Of course it's important that this list is real, that it reflects what you really want deep down - but to be honest, if you're not sure, still do it anyway! A step in a defined (by you) direction is better than no step. Revisit these objectives frequently - at least once a week!
Have yearly ones and then break them into monthly ones (this works best for me). Than figure out what you will do that week to achieve your monthly goals.
Just this, just doing this... will give you a great feeling of control. You know where you want to go. You will look at things that happen to you (there will always be things happening to you, that you can't control or choose) and you will see how they can fit or help in your objectives. When you have spare time, you will know what to do with it, rather than just wanting to rest and recharge from the rat race. You will be working towards what you want.
That is motivating. That will prevent loss of motivation and loss of energy. That will keep you going. That will keep you positive.

The importance of thinking about the future

2012-04-27T07:48:00.001+01:00

Just reading another book.
It says that we spend most our time trying to fix problems - but often fixing one problem just opens up another one. Eg our company is not doing well financially, we cut costs by 10%. Then a couple of talented managers might get frustrated perceiving cuts in investment and they leave, creating a bigger problem. Or you might want to lose weight, so you start heading off to the gym 3x a week. But then your family starts getting annoyed, as you are not spending as much time with them...

The issue seems to be that whatever you focus on, expands. Focus on problems, you get problems.

What the book says is that we should focus on the desired future. Visualise where we want to get to. Draw this ideal picture of the future. If we do this, our actions will naturally flow towards reaching and achieving this future. Your mindset and mood will be more positive, as you will be working towards a desired and wished for outcome.

It's quite interesting. Food for thought.

Raising self esteem, raising self confidence

2012-03-17T15:49:00.003+00:00

I recently had a session with a facilitator at work: my team got together with this said facilitator to understand and agree how we could work better together.

At the beginning of the session, the facilitator talked a bit about self esteem and self confidence. How self esteem is something we build up since young age, whilst self confidence is also built up but varies according to different situations (eg we might be very confident at playing tennis, but not at all speaking in public). An interesting point that she mentioned was that self esteem though is the base, the foundation - from which self confidence builds on.

Imagine a chart: if your self esteem is low, draw an horizontal line at number 20. Self confidence than varies from that number, eg can go +5 up to 25, or -5 down to 15.

While if your self esteem is high, say at 80, self confidence could make it vary between 75 and 85 - at a much higher level.

Obviously it is not that simple and numerical but anyway it did sound very credible and reasonable that self esteem is actually the base, the foundation. If we have low self esteem, we will approach new tasks with a dread for failure... Whilst with high self esteem we may be more positive and believe we can do it, therefore dramatically increasing the likelihood of a good outcome.

In summary, my take out has been to highlight the importance of self esteem. For the last few years I have been thinking how my self confidence has been low... and figuring ways to improve it, reading about it, etc. While actually, it might be more critical for me to work on my self esteem.

In fact... I am quite sure it is mainly on my self esteem that I need to work on. I know I am quite hard on myself, I do tend to be a perfectionist. It makes highly critical. And I know I do have a little critical voice that is quite intensive and persistent sometimes!

As I went back home, I came across a book I had ordered years ago, but never really had read: Maximum Achievement, by Brian Tracy.

There is a lot of richness in the book... as I read it, it hooked me.

I picked up a very useful technique or exercise there, something that I had actually done years ago, with great results: repeating mantras or affirmations to myself.

I used to repeat 'I like myself' or 'I am good, I am very good, I am excellent'. Or write down quite a few times. It does wonders!

The fact is that our subconscious can only hold 1 thought at a time. So, at least for a while, we make it positive! (and probably much more realistic!). And for a while we quieten the negative critic inside.

The amazing thing is how visibly sometimes I noticed my body relaxing! Letting go and feeling better about myself! And a positive outcome taking over me! Absolutely unbelievable.

It does have a much stronger effect if you repeat these sentences to you while relaxed.

Brian also refers to an exercise that I learned years ago, about autogenic relaxation - the exercise where, lying down, you say 'my left arm feels very heavy...' then 'my left lef feels very heavy'... and they do start to feel very heavy and you relax very deeply. You can use this exercise as a starter to then speak more powerfully to your subconscious, as it is more relaxed. Just say 'I like myself'.

I promise: it is really powerful and life changing.

Back :)

2012-02-26T21:00:00.002+00:00

I'm back...

So much as changed!

I am back living abroad. New role, new challenge.

Tough challenge in fact, I had a bit of a career change and at a stage where I was already doing a senior management role, that is not easy, I can tell you.

You don't get a lot of time to adapt and the pressure is on.

My start was tough, compiled by a bad boss, who fortunately moved on after a few months. (She is now terrorizing people in other department!).

On the personal side, I am living with my girlfriend, for the 1st time in my life! It's been a nice experience! More on that later.

Life has not been easy for the last few years, I have struggled to find the energy and passion I had in the beginning of my career. But at least I am throwing myself out there and trying new things, taking chances, taking difficult routes instead of remaining in the comfort zone.

It's tough, but could be tougher.

It's tough but also having some rewards.

Better times will come.

I am blessed with my family. My family is amazing. I am blessed.

Sports has always been crucial in my life, and over a year ago I had an injury in one knee that has kept me form playing football like I have always loved. I've been moving between specialists, looking for a solution outside surgery. Let's see where it goes. On the positive side, the place where the injury is, is not too bad, it's somewhat protected, so maybe I can have a good recovery.

I love writing, it is a bit therapeutic to me, so hopefully I will find the time and willingness to come back here and write.

The Winner's Bible

2010-03-18T11:13:00.003+00:00

Following on from my last post, I'd like to mention a book I am reading, which I am finding absolutely fantastic.
The book is 'The Winner's Bible', written by Kerry Spackman.

I've read a lot of self help books and to be honest, I haven't bought anymore in the last 12 months or so, as I have grown quite skeptical... there's a lot of rubbish going on. For example 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne has some good concepts but then they are milked to exhaustion by some mumbo-jumbo about talking to the Universe and things will happen... Other books are quite 'mystical', talk about repeating mantras and so on...

So, if you are quite rational approaching these themes, maybe 'The Winner's Bible' is for you. What I like about it is that Kerry Spackman is a neuro scientist and all he proposes has a scientific proven logic to it. On top, he has trained a number of top athletes, so he knows what he is talking about.

Again: probably ideal if you have a rational practical approach to these themes.
Check it out at: http://www.kerryspackman.com/

I have been building my Personal Winner's Bible, am really excited about it and already gaining from it. Just building it helps me sort out what is relevant for me and above all... it is a fantastic and effective motivating tool.

Let me know what you think.

Progress in 2010

2010-01-19T17:23:00.004+00:00

I've spent a bit of time thinking through some areas of my life and deciding what I want to do in each. I've looked at:
- career
- social
- personal development
- phisical
- material
- family
For each area I've then defined a set of actions (clear expected result with timings).

This is quite interesting and good because:
- it puts targets on my mind
- it gives me a sense of control, that I am leading my life where I want it to go (and I am in fact more in control)
- it get's me moving!

This last one is the most important part. There's no point in setting objectives and then not act on them. In fact, it is negative... because it generates frustration, that I am not achieving what I expected I would... and then it starts mining my self esteem, my self confidence, etc
But if I act... then I feel good, because I am moving, in the direction of what I want to achieve.
Action is key.

Many times though, objectives will lose relevance, we will not want to achieve them as much as before. This might be because we started working towards them and realised that they are not actually what we want. That is life! It's the road, the route... If this happens, then think about what I want to achieve. And be positive, as walking towards the previous objective helped me understand that that wasn't it - I've progressed!
Other point: even if at some stage I'm not over excited about some specific action to lead towards some objective (but can't think of a better action)... just do it! Acting will lead to think of other ways, other ideas, other actions.
Action is key.

JUST DO IT!

A journey of a 1.000 miles starts with a single step.
How to eat an elephant? Break it into small pieces and start eating...

2010 Expectations

2010-01-06T09:35:00.002+00:00

2010...
I've got a strong feeling that this will be a year for change. Above all, a year for starting new things, new long term projects. A year for new challenges.
I've yearned for change amnd been thinking about it for quite a while, I'd say since 06! But this time I feel it is really time... I am certain it will happen. Anyway, it is down to me to make it happen, so if I believe it will happen.
I'm not getting the retail job, not imediately at least. Despite being pissed off originally, in other ways I am relieved. I'm not sure if I wanted to stay in the same country for another couple of years. Though it would be quite a good professional experience, that would allow me to learn in a more supported/safer environment, I also want to go abroad again, and also have the personal experience on top.
On the personal side, it is also time for something to happen. Either move in with the long term relationship or make a clean break and start over.
Change, change, change! Let's do it, let's go for it!

Some thoughts as we approach the end of the year

2009-12-27T22:19:00.002+00:00

Hey, just a few days till the end of the year.
Some news in the last few days...
Things at work were hectic: I asked for clarity regarding if a move to the retail job was possible until the holidays and none were coming. And in the last day, for a debrief session, the girl I was replacing was supposed to come.
Had a quick chat (by accident, for 2 or 3 minutes...) with the retail mkt director, he had a chat with my other boss, they are willing (and he wants to) to make it happen but don't have a solution yet. So I need to start handing things over.
That really pissed me of. I got totally annoyed, angry, furious. I poured so much of myself into that job, was so passionate about it, could see future possibilities, but it was not happening for me. Funny the following day one of the secretaries (who has known me for years) picked up that I looked unhappy again... she said I had looked happy again, and now unhappy... How canny.

The day the girl was over for the debrief was quite hard to deal with. I moved my stuff back to my old place. The debriefs were hard, I have my strong oppinion but it's gonna be her job and her calls.

One thing I know is that I don't want to move to my old job. I will look for a good move out.

Towards the end of the 23rd I started feeling hot. Getting home, after football, I was feeling quite bad actually. Got into bed, had fever. That night and the following day were very sickly... High temperatures. In bed. Sleeping. 24th was mostly spent in bed. Missed family lunch on the 25th.

I guess I've been working for 1 year non stop and need a break. And the stress really built up in these last days at work. And my body reacted, making me stop.

I like the way I am. I am surprisingly strong and resilient. But I need to let go, work should not get to me the way it does. I will learn to do it. Never again will Christmas be spoiled by work.

On the girlfriend front... no real support where expected.

Learnings from the assignment

2009-11-29T13:27:00.003+00:00

Learnings from the job assignment I am going through:
- fantastic start with loads of energy and will to do stuff. Great impact on people around me, really impressed most people and energised the ones that work with me. Great energy, working late and doing stuff, moving things forward
- I was cool with everything, there was no pressure, the expectation was just that I would manage things until the person I was replacing would come back
- a few weeks later, I started to worry... one driver could be that I had a chat with my boss and I told him that I would like to stay and he said we would like me to stay. So the pressure mounted... I put that pressure on myself!
- Then... the energy started going. For a few weeks (more!) I was trying to stay afloat! Not to sink. Not to defraud expectations from others... this was in fact one of the key concerns
- performance started going down, I was always more cautious. I was a lot more concerned about what people would think. I was not as decisive. I wasn't energising the people around me. I was having a few clashes with some people reporting to me.
- chat with my boss... he didn't seem as keen as having me stay as before. He talked a bit more about the person I replaced.
- This chat moved me to another level in my mind. Took the pressure off 'ok... so I'm not getting the job. So I don't care. I'll just move things.'
- and... now for instance instead of spending Sunday fretting about the work I sould be doing and which I would only pick like really at the end of the day and for 1 hour (to float... not to sink)... now: I don't care. I think I am the most important thing, me, the most important person. So I'm gonna do stuff that I want to do, get out instead of staying at home, thinking about work I should be doing or 'resting' (not really) to recharge for work. And after going out I'll probably do some work, but I am sure I'll do it with a much more positive attitude and I will get more done and take more pleasure out of it.

Learn from this!!!
How can I get rid of that pressure I put on myself?

2009-10-28T18:10:00.000+00:00

'The whole thing is to keep working and pretty soon they'll think you're good.'
Jack Nicholson

In love

2009-09-27T17:53:00.004+01:00

Absolutely enjoying myself in the new job, that I am doing covering someone else's maternity.
Love it.
Why?
- because it is about categories and brands that I've known and worked with for years, and grew to love;
- because there is a lot to learn, lots of interesting stuff;
- because the situation is appealing to me: we are suffering a bit, market going down, loosing share and people are not expecting a lot... I am the guy who can come from behind and unexpectedly deliver great stuff (the underdog! I love being in this position);
- because the guy who is my boss has a great depth of knowledge and is taking a very didactic approach, taking opportunities to teach his team;
- because also it is a good situation, not a lot is expected from me (just covering a maternity) so the pressure is relatively low;
- because there is a very visibile lack of knowledge in the rest of the company in this category... I am really a goldmine with the depth and wealth of insights and learning I have from having worked (through different jobs, functions and regionalities) with these categories and brands
- because I have colleagues! It's a team of 5 of us, reporting to 1 guy. We are all around the same age and experiencing the same things! Being in the senior team, I am also quite respected by the younger managers which is something I also appreciate... And also the young managers are cool, intelligent and nice (also to look at!:) )

And... I am loving it so much that I am finding huge ammounts of energy, I am amazingly much more positive and... contaminating everybody around me with this energy! I am also a lot more confortable taking and making decisions and... coming up with a lot more cool ideas.
It's amazing the difference it makes when you actually are enjoying a lot what you are doing. When you are passionate about it.

Enthusiasm!

2009-09-08T16:09:00.002+01:00

My boss came to me and asked my oppinion about a job. On top of what I'm already doing, to cover the maternity leave from a colleague.
I said yes: it's a category that I know, but a different channel.
I didn't think much of it, apart from 'well, I need some spark, I'm trully and well bored'. After saying yes, I went a bit... 'hey, am I going to deep on this? Am I gonna go over the head, into areas I don't know? And destroy my reputation?'
Then the weekend came and I forgot about this, nothing really.
Only when I returned, it was a 3 day weekend as I took monday off, my boss called me into her office 1st thing in the morning where I met her and the other future line manager. And... from then on, full energy just flew!

The key reason I think is that I really like the category. I've worked in it for years and years and I know quite a lot. So very, very quickly I picked up on the projects.
But the excitement...! Huge. Overwhelming. Couldn't stop working. Time totally flew by.

Why?
Because I'm good at it?
Because I am much better than the rest of the people?
Because I can quickly add value?
Because I like that category a lot.

Don't know.
But it'll be interesting to find out as the passion and willing to work was extremely intense!

2009-08-11T18:14:00.001+01:00

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Mark Twain

Lost

2009-07-30T11:55:00.003+01:00

I feel lost.
Don't have direction.
Feel lonely. Don't want to be lonely in this stage in life. In the past sometimes I made that choice. I don't want it now.

That part of my life (partner) is key at this stage. It is what fills my mind. With hindsight, probably it has been on my mind for quite a while now, since 06?
But only now I think I start to understand how important it is.

And it seems so important that it influences other areas. Can't find motivation and objectives at work. As the personal side needs work, it shouts for attention, it drains energy, it requires me. And nothing else can get attention if that part is not solved.

Sad.
Also, not sure how to solve it. How do you know who is right for you?
How can you tell if someone is 'the one' for you?

Yes, with some partner there might be huge passion. But does that last? Is that enough?
Sure, there is also great values and personality, which breeds great respect. But does it mean more than a great friendship? Don't we also need more there?

A mix of both is ideal. But I can't seem to find it. Am I really looking? Am I overlooking something? Do I need to look more, or do I already have exactly what I want and need?

Life lessons and priorities

2009-06-25T14:10:00.005+01:00

Quite tired in the last few weeks...
Pressure mounting at work, a few clashes with people on the board (due to one of them wanting to steal somebody in my team), also discussing and wondering whether I should take a great job opportunity that came along (another country, same company, central category role), a bit of travelling, issues with another person I manage (not delivering the goods)...

Pressure mounts up and is tiring. What I fail to do and definitely need to improve at is to switch off after leaving the office. I do do a lot of sports, have a great network family and friends, but still find myself mulling over stuff at home, after dinner, before going to bed.

Meditation does help, but I find a lot more difficult to do when I am tired and this then builds into a negative circle: I am stressed, get tired, don't meditate, anxiety accumulates, am stressed...
It is a lot easier to meditate when fully fit and on form!!!

On other stuff, the job offer I got was quite good. It came via my boss, as it was a great opportunity and she felt that despite not wanting to lose me she felt it was too good to miss out, and in the end she could bring me back as a more valuable resource.
Anyway, great opportunity, expat package, really cool role but in the end... I didn't take. Gut feel said no. Why? It's not the first time, so I wonder why I turn down great job opps?
- suspected reason 1: I want to do it with a partner, not by myself as I did it last time... Want it to be an adventure for 2, no patience for building a social network again all over again by myself...
- suspected reason 2: no great connection with the guy who would be my boss. Could also be, as I do like inspiring bosses
- suspected reason 3: chicken?! Afraid to risk it? Don't think so! It wouldn't be much of a risk and in the event of things going wrong the financial pay off for me would be quite nice
- suspected reason 4:....?

I think wanting to be with a partner is one of the key priorities for my life now. When I sit down and start wondering what I want to do, what objectives I want to achieve, most things that come up are personal. And I think that rationally I struggle with this! I've spent the last decade focusing on career and achieving stuff at work, jobs, roles, moves... now I find it hard to deal that personal life becomes important!

Also, I do have a really nice job now. And I get along great with my boss. And, above all the rest, I am learning! I am getting exposed to people management, dealing with very experienced guys who've 'been around' a while and know how to play the game...
Though sometimes through difficulties I just want to leave, it is great to be exposed to difficulties. It's a learning experience. Learn and grow.
And I don't want to leave the current job without delivering stuff. I've been on the job for just over 1 year. And the prior one was the same. I now need a job where I will leave a mark. Deliver an emblematic product. Something that will still be around 10 years from now. Something that I will be proud of.
And I can do that now. And... settle my personal life at the same time.

Time for reflection, time for Action

2009-05-26T11:58:00.003+01:00

For quite a while I have been thinking and turning my head around, trying to figure out what my passion at work is. What is it that I should do that will make me feel more fulfilled? And if I am more fulfilled I will enjoy it more, do it better and ultimately, be better at it, be successful.

I've read or am in the process of reading all the books you can think of. I take notes. I summarize. I think a lot.
But real progress has been somewhat limited. I do have a much greater, incomparably deeper, understanding of myself. Of my strengths, of my mind chatter, of my likes and dislikes.

I don't have a clear vision of what I want to do. I don't know what it is. But I've got some clues, not very strong no, but some pointers.

I've been waiting for this clear vision, 100% pure and obvious to come along but I don't think it will. Probable that is not the way things work! Apart from a fortunate few who seem to know since they are kids what they were born to do, most of us need to keep at it. Digging and doing stuff, progressing.

Reflection is good, but it comes down to nothing if you don't act on it. It is time to ACT.
It reminds of meditation: I read loads about it on the internet, all kinds of comments and adivces, methods... But it did nothing for me. I started thinking of it as somewhat of a new age bullshit... Until a friend convinced me to join a course and I actually invested some time in TRYING it. In getting of my butt and actually doing something, ACTING. And then I understood its impact and its benefits. And all that I had read started to make a lot more sense.

Though I don't have the clear career vision I would love to have, it is time to ACT. To capitalize on all I've read. To move, to take risks. To leave the state of limbo and get out there, expose myself, do things, talk to people, take courses, joing classes, get out, sell, buy, experience, try... ACT.

The Power of Positive Affirmations

2009-04-21T13:20:00.003+01:00

I woke up a few nights ago in the middle of the night. I was having a restless night and when I woke up I distinctively heard a voice in my head, saying 'Are you really adding value?'

I had been dreaming about my job, about a presentation I was to hold in a few days to the CEO, giving him an update on the projects I am leading.

The weird part was... how much the voice was clear, how clearly I heard it in my head but as if someone was inside my head whispering it to me. With hindsight, this brought back to me memories of the book 'The power of now' by Eckhart Tolle (http://eckharttolle.com/the_power_of_now). In this book, Eckhart describes how one day, lying in bed, during a rough stage in his life, he heard a voice constantly repeating in his head: 'I cannot live with myself any longer.' He then realised how peculiar this thought was and questioned himself: Am I one or two? If he could not live with himself, than he must be two. the 'I' and the 'self' he cannot live with!
This realization stopped his mind, suddenly he was fully conscious but with his mind free of thoughts. Full of energy, no fear. This was a turning point, recognising this incessant chatter in his mind.

We all suffer from it. I've realised it from time to time, the incessant flow of thinking in our minds... sometimes critical, sometimes afraid, sometimes buoyant. But not real.

I am still learning how to deal with it. Becoming more mindful is also about quietening your mind chatter. About just being, in a state of full acceptance, in the present moment.

Preparing for my presentation, what I found really helpful was repeating to myself positive affirmations! Ideally, we should aim for mindfulness but since for most of us 'non awakened' this is hard... a good solution is to fill the mind with positive affirmations!!!
If the mind is to talk, might as well be positive!!!

PS - My presentation went really well and yes, the voice in my mind was deceitful... I proved how much value I was adding to the business.