Harman Farm

Fall 2013

2013-11-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

Life has changed for us so much lately. It is much calmer; hard to believe with 6 kids at home, I know. But, we no longer have any babies, we don't foster, and life is so very different than it was 5 years ago.

For instance; we are down to 4 trick or treaters.

And these 4 are sooo close; they watch out for each and other and each others' best friends. Don't get me wrong, they also fight, but they are quickly "over it" and moving onto their next adventure.

Our 13 year old joined us for decorating pumpkins.

And we used their pretty pumpkins to decorate our farm sign.

We took a trip to Boyds Orchards and had a great time.

We have had lots of bonfires.

And Tammy and I celebrated our 15 year anniversary. We are making it "legal" in June 2014.

Happy Fall!!

Summer 2013-our first few days

2013-06-03T06:35:00.001-07:00

The kids got out of school on Wednesday, May 29th and it has been a whirlwind since then. We have had a multitude of injuries, worked on many, many projects, and managed to break the kitchen sink, the washer, and the sink in the kids' bathroom.

Here is a photo of our 2 youngest....I love this photo...they are FILTHY and it is so them....(we do bathe them but they little boys and they get dirty 5 minutes after getting out of the shower-lol). A friend modified this photo for us a bit...she says that they look like Tom Saywer and Huck Finn here :)

The kids hadn't even been home an hour from the last day of school when our youngest son broke a glass and our youngest daughter cut her foot on it before we could even clean it up. The next morning, our youngest son somehow got a cut between his toes and it started bleeding.

He didn't shed a tear, but when Tammy told him she wanted to take a picture of it he plopped his dirty little foot right out. Then he put on his "fake crying" face....

Sawyer then got poison ivy...Tammy wanted me to post that picture too, but it is just gross.

Sawyer then dropped a board on his foot when he was "building."

He was also "helping" me paint the fence....although he painted his leg instead.

We had our first campfire of the year and roasted marshmallows and hot dogs.

Robert read the kids a story.

And doesn't our 13 year old daughter look thrilled to spend the summer with her younger siblings???

The kids have eaten LOTS of popsicles.....

We have spent lots of time with our goats....

This is a photo of our 2 "adult" boys; Eddie and Romeo.

Jack insists on running on our pallet walkway and got his knee....

(no fake crying this time)

We have spent lots of time on and around our big front porch.

All I can say is THANK GOD I get to go to work and my girl stays at home with them...I love them all so dearly but there is no way that I could do it 24/7.

Here is a photo of her that I took yesterday in her "look" that I love the most.

Next blog will likely be of the many, many projects that we have in progress.

Happy Summer!!!!

Life with a 3 year old boy

2013-05-10T10:58:00.001-07:00

Life with a three old boy is never dull...Yesterday ours decided that instead of continually asking for popsicles he would just go get the box and hide them all over the house so that he could eat them whenever her wants. Great 3 year old logic....we have already found 2 melted popsicles under the couch.

Three year old boys never stop moving..unless they are asleep and then they crash and waking them is quite a feat. Three year old boys don't like to take showers or baths and they like to play in the mud. They are extremists and are either throwing fits or they are just as loving as a person can possibly be.

My 3 year old boy is the baby of our very large family. He is a true clown. He makes us all laugh and has a big smile on his face 95% of the time. I love him with every inch of my soul. Tammy brought him to me when he was 3 weeks old. He was supposed to be with us in foster placement "for a few months" and we adopted him 15 months later.

He opened my heart.

Health

2013-05-07T12:04:00.002-07:00

What is health? Physical, mental, emotional, financial?? I think that it is a combination of all of the above. The changes in our lives of late have merged to make us much healthier people. I never thought that moving to a farm and beginning to produce our own food would lead to my explosion into the healthy way of living but it has.

I have always been a reader; and the more I read about junk food, GMO's, etc., the more frightened and disgusted I become. I have been on a weight-loss/health journey for about 3 years now; and it fits well into homesteading. Over the last 3 years I have lost about 70 pounds; and still have plenty more to go. I am making changes to switch over to clean eating; and I have become a runner...I still can't believe that. Couch to 5K has become my friend and I love it more every single day. I have had some great motivators in my journey; my family, my partner, my best friend in the world, and "Girls Gone Healthy" (FB page and blog). It is an awesome site that is full of realistic advice of the ins and outs of changing a person's life; for the better.

Controlling what you eat is a lot easier when you make and grow your own food. Therefore, we grow and eat a lot of vegetables and make most everything from scratch. This way of eating and cooking is a lot less expensive as well. Does it take a lot more time? Ummm...yes....but I think that it is very well worth it. My family just looks healthier all of the way around.

I have missed blogging...happy to be back :)

70 pounds and counting

Half Hippie/Half Redneck

2013-01-13T18:43:00.001-08:00

I have always felt like a bit of a square peg; never really "fitting in" anywhere. We don't fit in here in Kentucky but we didn't really feel like we were made to live in Albuquerque either. As a teenager, not fitting in is disastrous, but the older I get, the less I care. I am about as liberal as a person can be. I am gay, I am a social worker, and adoptive parent of (many) children who have special needs, and a first-generation college student who would not have been able to pursue a post-secondary education without the help of student loans. How could I not be a democrat? I love Obama. I love the Clinton's. They represent so much of what is so close to my heart.

However, I was raised in the South and that is such a big part of me. One of the best things about moving back home has been getting my drawl back :) I love living in the country, I love my garden, my chickens, my goats, and my bees. I love that living here; you can put about anything in the ground and it grows because of this crazy humidity.

Do I believe in gun control? Absolutely. Do I think that people should be able to own guns? Absolutely. Do I think that common citizens who have had no training should own assault rifles?.....umm....no. To be very honest, I hate guns. I can't stand the look of them and I can't stand the sound of gunshot. I never liked them, but after my brother died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, my hatred for them grew. I can't stand violence..of any kind. I cannot believe that in this day and age, this is how society is still attempting to mediate conflict. However, my oldest son wants to be a Marine and I am 100% supportive of him in regard to attempting to reach this goal.

I do my best to take care of my family; financially and otherwise. In some ways we are far from traditional, but we also run a lot like every other family does. Parenting is the hardest thing that I have ever done; but I give it my best. The kids were a large reason that we decided to move back to Kentucky from New Mexico. We wanted them to be close to their extended family; and my family is right here and Tammy's is a short drive away now; rather than the 30 hour drive from Albuquerque.

I try to be healthier every day. I have struggled with my weight all of my life; but I am down 49 pounds and I could not be happier. It is truly a lifestyle change and although I still have a long way to go, the difference in the way that I feel is incredible. I try to make life healthy for my kids. I cook more and more from scratch and we are growing and producing more of our own food on our farm every day.

I will close with......I truly don't care what anyone else does as long as they don't hurt anyone else. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own beliefs. However, I will never understand how one person (or human-as my 4 year says) thinks that they are superior to anyone else due to the color of their skin, their income level, their occupation, their education level, or their "lifestyle." I think that you should treat people the way that you want to be treated. And that is definitely the hippie in me.

In this house...Barbie always dumps Ken for GI Joe

2012-12-08T18:01:00.001-08:00

Our lives have been incredibly insane lately. The kids returned to school, we have had activity after activity after activity....blah blah blah.....and sometimes you just need a change of pace.

So, we started a new tradition at our house today. The kids "drew names" among themselves and then we took them shopping to buy gifts for the person who they picked. We all had a great day and they really took the time to find a great gift for their person.

We also went to lunch today WITHOUT a diaper bag (first time in many, many years), did not have to ask for a high chair, and only had one drink spilled at the table. They were all so incredibly well-behaved. This Santa stuff really works.

"Santa" also did a little shopping today, and we were looking at Barbies, which are often paired with Ken in the packages these days. Well, at our house, Ken never makes it out of the toy box and GI Joe always takes his place. Love it. And love these kids...sometimes I need days like today to remind me just how much.

Pay it Forward

2012-12-05T18:34:00.000-08:00

Treat people the way that you want to be treated. I wish I knew how many times that I had said this over the last 10 years during this time that we have been parents. I have been following Harvest Moon Farm on FB and when I saw the tragic event that occurred with their goats; I knew that we had the ability to fill a need and help them out by offering one of our goats. The kids are excited that we are able to help another farm.

I haven't blogged since July...just couldn't find the motivation. I don't know why. But I think it is back.

We have made some changes since the last time that I blogged. The biggest change; the kids returned to "regular" school. I think that there are both positives and negatives to this decision, and I will probably blog on my many, many feelings about this subject at another time.

Pay it forward!!

Chchchanges

2012-07-15T15:51:00.000-07:00

Because of my lack of patience, I often get frustrated and feel that we should be further along in this process....both Tammy and I are ready to make goat cheese, make lotion and soap and get the ball rolling. But when I take a deep breath and look around at all of the changes that we have made already, not only in regard to the farm; but homesteading and becoming more "green"and it really is significant. Little changes really do add up....we haven't used a dryer since March and line-dry all of our clothes, haven't used a dishwasher in over a year, use cloth napkins, we are re-sealing our baseboards to save energy, we don't use our central air conditioner, we can a lot of our own food, we only use eggs off of our farm, make our own noodles, bake a lot of our bread, have given up cable (since March 2011), and spent a great majority of our time in the great outdoors. However, two things that I will never give up are highlights and the internet. :)

Here is a photo of Sawyer on his 4th birthday; just because I like it. He is always so serious and it is nice to him being silly.

Organization

2012-07-15T05:23:00.002-07:00

This used to be my strong-point...I write everything down...color-coded...etc. I always had a calendar or 2 and a multitude of lists, etc; and I was always so very productive. What has happened to me? In the time that I need it most as we are building a farm and attempting to build a small business, I seem to have lost my ability to organize. Maybe it is because all of these children "suck up" my brain cells? Maybe it is because I feel torn in 20 directions all of the time? I am not sure. I am really trying to get back on track and it is certainly more of a "need" than a "want."

I am researching programs for farms and small businesses...ideas??

Taking the Plunge

2012-06-22T14:19:00.001-07:00

I had truly fallen off of the wagon....no, I am not a drinker, but I had lost my motivation for our farming adventure and home-based business...I felt like we were spinning in circles and I was getting so very frustrated with everything. So...I decided to contact the County Extension office and see if we could get a "farm visit" to determine if we could do what we are doing on our farm. I got a pleasant response from the extension office, also with an invitation for the "goat expert from the state" to accompany him to our farm.

So, the 2 of them came to visit us today. I was able to take the day off of work to be here when they came so that we could both take in all of the information and ask all of the questions that we had. I am thrilled to report that it went better than we could have ever imagined. Yes, we can do what we want to do on our farm; goat cheese, goat soap, goat lotion, etc. We can run a herd of the size that we want (15-20 does) and all of it is very feasible. It is going to take a great deal of hard work, but neither Tammy or I are afraid of hard work; in fact I think that we both function at our best when we have too much to do.

We also obtained a lot of important contacts in regard to visiting other farms, alfalfa hay, etc. We have learned that there is a vastly growing market in this area of the country for the products that we want to sell. We were also told that we are on the right track. We have only been here for 18 months and they told us that we are "right where we should be" in regard to building our herd and making plans for our future. It is time to start trying out recipes and firming some of our plans. We are going to a new farmers training on July 7th that is being held on the only goat cheese creamery (Bleugrass Chevre-Susan Miller) in our state and have already started making contacts through just registering.

Tammy always worries that she is "too old" to start a new career. However, she goes non-stop and that is certainly not the case. The men who were here today told us about a sheep dairy in Bath County (Owingsville) which was just established and is the only one in the state; it is run by Sanford and Colleen Dotson and is named Good Shepherd Farm. They are a retired couple and just starting out. We found it to be a "sign" when we were at Kroger this afternoon and picked up a Kentucky Monthly magazine and Tammy opened up the magazine right to an article about this couple and their 2 year old farm.

So...there you have it....we are going to do this...... at a pace that we can handle financially and with a house FULL of children.

My patriotic kids

2012-05-28T05:14:00.002-07:00

I have to Tammy all of the credit on this stuff. All of my kids, including the 2 years old, throw their hands on their hearts and stand up when the Star Spangled Banner is being played..or when the Pledge of Allegiance is being said. It kind of shocked me one Saturday when we were out running around and the Pledge came on the radio in the car at noon and I looked in the back seats and they all had their little hands on their hearts...too sweet. Tammy and I have a lot of veterans in our families; my dad, my brother-in-law, our grandfathers, and our boy is going to be a Marine soon; so I am glad, on many levels that she has included this in the homeschooling of our children.

Our first doe

2012-05-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

Our first doe was born this afternoon; "Harman." After 4 boys...we finally have a baby girl. She is so sweet; and has a very "laid back" personality. The boys were mouthy from the minute they delivered, but not her. She has made her share of noise, but not as obnoxious as the bucks. Nina will always be queen bee around her, but Harman is our princess.

You know you don't realize how much kids pay attention to things, but our 2 little girls were thrilled that we finally had a girl. Kind of like last week...I am generally fairly dressed up for work, but on Wednesday night, Sawyer decided to stay up until 3:00a.m. and when my alarm went off at 5:30a.m., I was not happy. So, I reset my alarm, went back to sleep, and went to work in khaki's, a polo, loafers, and a ponytail. When I got home from work that night, my 16 year old says "so, was it casual Thursday at work?" It really through me off guard, because I would have dreamed that he would notice. But he did, and he knows how I generally dress in my professional world, and it just reminded me that they "watch what you do, they don't do what you say."

Back to my original subject....it's about time! We were beginning to wonder if we were cursed for all boys...

If they were only like this all of the time....

2012-05-27T07:29:00.001-07:00

I love this photo...took it late yesterday afternoon. We have had an insanely hot Memorial Day weekend and our "outside time" has been very late in the evenings. The kids have watched a lot of movies in the last 2 days..but I turned the TV off and I went back to cleaning the kitchen. When I returned, this is what was going on in the living room. If they could only be this sweet and serene all of the time...heaven...

What a busy week...

2012-05-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

We have been incredibly productive this week on our farm; but my never-ending "to do" list is still more than half-full. We have planted all of our vegetables and herbs, weeded our berries, tilled 1/2 acre for the grapes, trimmed the goats' hooves, had a baby goat, cleaned up our fence lines, wrapped up our school year, worked on our business plan and made some decisions in regard to our "direction," cleaned the barn (daily), cleaned the house (nearly daily-with all of these kids.....), milked the goats, bathed the dogs, along with caring for a houseful of kids and my "regular" job...and I wonder why I am exhausted? :)

But I love this new life. It is not what I EVER imagined that I would be doing...but as Tammy's new favorite phrase says "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think that I have ended up where I intended to be." (Douglas Adams)

Oh, and on top of all of this, we have decided to "officially" get married in D.C.; the place of Tammy's birth. The kids are thrilled with this, which makes it even better. I have been shopping for vintage wedding dresses, and I can't wait to put these boys in tuxes.

Kenny

2012-05-19T04:24:00.001-07:00

Our brother would have been 52 years old today-wow. Unfortunately, he ended his life in 1999 at the mere age of 39, which seems so incredibly young to me now. Suicide is such a hard concept and such a confusing one, even if you do have training in mental health. And no matter of the training, when it hits so close to home, the training and education doesn't matter anyway. The internal struggles that he faced were unknown to me.

Kenny was a quiet man; tall and slim and handsome. One of his daughters and my nephew look just like him, and it brings me a sense of peace to see them or see photos of them. I will never forget when he showed up at my graduation from UK; I was thrilled and so surprised.

When Kenny died, we chose to donate his organs. I remember sitting across the table from the KODA (Kentucky Organ Donor Association) representative, along with my mom, dad, and both of my sisters, thinking that he would have wanted us to do this. Life truly comes around full circle, as I am now working in the transplant center in the hospital where he died.

Today I wonder what he might be doing, what he what have looked like with a little grey in his hair :) I miss you big brother, and I think of you every day.

Some of the things that having 48 kids has taught us

2012-05-10T16:39:00.001-07:00

1. Two year olds like to eat under the kitchen table. Haven't had one yet that didn't eat a meal under the table at least once a week.
2. No child should be raised without green chile.
3. Fashion statements are truly set by four year olds at Thrift Town.
4. Flat bread PB and banana sandwiches go a lot longer than "regular" PB&J's.
5. The recent research is true...hamburgers and french fries from McDonald's really do look the same a week later...just ask Timmy..a dog from the west side.
6. Macaroni and cheese is a staple.
7. Homework is over-rated.
8. So is reading aloud for 20 minutes EVERY night with every kid...trying having 11 kids in your house at once..when you are both working full-time...and in the midst of the dinner/homework/showers/visits chaos-they are also all shoving papers at you to sign for school.
9. Kids are like elephants..they remember everything. We haven't fostered in 18 months and they still play "social workers and visits."
10. They are absolutely precious when they are asleep; and with hours of planning, you might get all of them to sleep at the same time for a few hours.
11. Children really learn best when they are not in a portable.
12. Kids LIE and LIE and LIE. It is a fact.
13. Once you become a parent, you never get to finish a glass of anything because one of them always takes it.
14. After 9 years of parenting, I have never gone to the bathroom without someone banging on the door or saying "what are you doing?"
15. Being a parent should come with a rearview mirror.
16. When its your turn to do "school and daycare drop-off" make sure you carry an extra set of clothes....for yourself.
17. Just let it go.
18. Pick your battles.
19. Let them do it themselves..you can always wash the ketchup bottle.
20. A clean house is overrated.
21. That white sheet becomes a lot more...i.e. a tent, a superman cape, a parachute, a stretcher, a slingshot.
22. You will have to replace many of your doorknobs...it is just a fact.
23. Your laundry will never be "done."
24. Kids are ALWAYS hungry...and it is not always because they have been deprived of food..they just like to eat.
25. Buy the more expensive washing machine and dryer; and get the warranty.
26. Infants require that you take the whole house with them when you go to the grocery.
27. Never take a reactive attachment disordered child with blonde hair and blue eyes across the border until you have rehearsed that you MUST answer the questions that the border control officers ask of you....
28. You should have to be a pharmacist for the amount of medication we dished out when we were doing respite...my God.
29. Don't be too hard on yourself.

And #30....my all-time favorite saying "IT IS WHAT IT IS."

We started fostering in May 2003; and it has been a long 9 years. Those of you who have been with us since the beginning of our journey know much of what we have gone through. But you know the crazy thing? We really miss it. We miss the chaos. We miss getting a call asking "are you ready for another one?" We miss having kids in and out of our house. We miss working with their birth families. We miss trying to help kids and their families heal. And we REALLY miss some of our kids. There are a handful that really come to mind and I think that they would have flourished in our new environment.

Setbacks

2012-05-06T05:18:00.000-07:00

Any goal in life that you have can have setbacks....and your "regular" day-to-day life can have setbacks as well. They can be a necessary part of life; to assist a person in taking a look around them, determining what they want, tweaking things that need to be changed, etc. Building this little farm/business has been a lot more difficult than I ever imagined, and we have had a lot of setbacks. Every project takes such a great deal of time, and there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day. I have been incredibly frustrated with all of it lately, and needed something to ground me.

We visited another farm yesterday on our way to Dinosaur World, and I think that it was just what I needed. This lady's husband died a few years ago and she had initially sold her animals, etc., and had decided that she wasn't going to do it anymore. But, as she worked through her grief, she realized that her animals make her happy, and she is slowly building back up. It is nice to visit and talk with someone who is doing the same thing that you are see that they are successful....just what we needed. Here are some photos that she took and emailed to me.

Hey Lady, can I go home with you?

2012-04-28T19:19:00.002-07:00

About a month ago, I met one of the other moms from the homeschool co-op after work one day, because she had a "few" chickens that she needed to find a home for, including 3 silkies. Well, we had been debating getting some silkies, and they were free..so, why not? Well, not only did she bring 3 silkies, she also brought a rooster and THIRTY NINE baby chicks..good grief. And these little chicks are white leghorns and the type that usually live in the dark 24/7..and factory-produce tons of eggs...and they mature very quickly so that they can produce as soon as possible. Well...I am happy to report that these little chickens are greatly enjoying their free-ranging life on my little farm :)

Anyway....to get back to my title of this blog...I didn't realize it, but this mom is an adoptive mom too. She had her 2 kids with her in her van and were talking about kids and fostering (she also fostered for 7 years); and her son, who looked around 9ish, pipes up and says "hey lady, can I go home with you? I want to live with more kids." Some days, not only do I think that I have "social worker" written across my forehead....but also "mom" as well. And isn't it funny how we always want something different than what we have? This little guy thinks that he wants a lot of siblings...and I am sure that there are many days when my crew would wish for being an only child. There are definitely advantages to both...and the grass is certainly not always greener....

I thought that the 3 year old had out-smarted me.. (written by Tammy)

2012-04-23T19:23:00.002-07:00

This turn of events started at 6:30p.m.

I am being out-played by “Preacher” right now. Sawyer (who will be 4 in July) is currently lying on a couch cushion, on the floor in the laundry room. Why you ask? Well it seems he has decided he needed to be alone in his own room, so he struck a deal with me that if he stayed in the laundry room for the night I would turn it into his room. The deal included that he could have his tractor blanket, Tigie, and army pillow. Somehow the bubble bee also made it in there, but “I’m not sweating it.” This needed to be in place because he was already requesting that I remove things from the wall and was talking about painting.

8:45p.m. My first concern arose while everyone was getting ready for bed; brushing their teeth, putting on pajamas, etc. He did the bedtime ritual as usual, but instead of going upstairs with the other kids, he began arranging his “stuff” in the laundry room to prepare for bed…including asking me to move some of my things to get out of his way.

9:15p.m. So…he has now gone and gotten his Transformer backpack, which is full of toys and taken into his “room…” This was not part of the deal, but…we will see what happens….

9:21p.m. Now..he has gradually moved himself and all of his things to the landing upstairs that is between the kids’ bedrooms….hmmmm……

9:24p.m. I am hiding in my room; and Angie went to check on him.

9:30p.m. Sawyer is back in his “regular” room and I have won.

10:22p.m.. Just heard Sawyer say "get in bed, Jack Henry"

I didn't think she had it in her....

2012-04-22T18:09:00.001-07:00

Tammy's new decorating idea...using purses as a border. I LOVE purses and bags...I have many, many of them...all from thrift stores. I don't think that I have any that cost more than $5.00. So, after we painted, she decided to use them as a border and we put them up today. We only made it halfway around the room, so I will continue to be on the look-out but I love the way that it looks; photo attached :)

Happy Earth Day-we planted T-shirts

2012-04-22T17:30:00.001-07:00

A pretty cold Earth Day here in the Bluegrass State…. however, we still managed to get a lot done in honor of Earth Day. We planted cotton (homeschool project-supposed to grow well in our zone), weeded our strawberries, and set fence posts for our climbing beans and the back part of our farm. Tammy and Robert also started building a new kidding pen; as we have 3 more goats that will be kidding soon.

It amazes me to watch the kids learning as we do things, and helps me to know that we have chosen the right path for our family and the education of our children. Before we moved to our farm, our kids were “city kids” and we lived right in the middle of suburbia. They have been learning about farming, gardening, etc., as we go, just like we have, but a conversation with our 7 year old made me realize just how much they have to learn. We got the cotton seeds out to plant, and at first she thought that they were seeds for cotton candy. Then I explained that they were cotton seeds, and I was telling her all of the things that are made of cotton. About a minute later, she says “so there will be T-shirts growing out of the ground?”

It really threw me off, but I was able to use it as a learning moment for all 4 of the little ones. It reminded me how much our society thinks that we just “go to the store and buy stuff” and there is often not a regard of the work it took to create the product that a person purchases, whether it be food, drink, clothing, or anything else. And this is a definite reason for a day to celebrate our earth.

And here is a question…do any of you do raw milk?

Going from being a foster kid,to an adoptive kid, to a "regular kid" (written by Tammy)

2012-04-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

Making the decision to Adopt is not an easy process. But we found that once we made the decision our lives became whirlwinds of ups and downs. After all; a kid is a kid, right. How very wrong we were. Even as professionals in the field we new that it would not be easy to bring children from multiple backgrounds into our home and run a cohesive family. Well I am here to tell you that we have taken 2 moms from very different backgrounds and many children, and turned our house into a home. I think back to the number of times as a young social worker I would be required to take children from bad situations and place them with others willing to protect them; while their family worked on their identified needs.
So when Angie and I tried to create our own family we hit all of the stumbling blocks that other foster/adoptive homes experience. Such as when a child comes into your home from foster care there a multitude of professionals telling you what "your " child should be doing, tie this in with the wishes of the biological family who often blame you for the situation their family is currently in, well you can see where I am going with this and the amount of stress that piles up with all the parties involved. Everyone has differing opinions on the solution to provide this child the goal of returning home or forever families if they are unable to return to their birth parents.
So you've decided to make this child a part of your family forever. My advise is remember that this child had a forever family before and they bring with them their believe system, genetics, ways they did things and how they react to different events so incorporate the more appropriate positives.So as I write this information which has been all said before. TIME TIME TIME is important and I will never say to my kids "grow up."
Foster/Adoptive children often have so much lag time in age development, it is a struggle as a parent to remember this, BUT TRY I OFTEN HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF REMINDER SOME DAYS.They do catch up and one day all of those silly little task are being accomplished and they are no longer labeled. They are our children they have picked up some of our bad habits and good.
I say all this as my four little ones are currently in the kitchen making a mess pretending like they are making coffee. While they were doing this it came to me that this family has been through some real ups and downs we had kids leave that didn't get to go home and lingering regrets hang over our heads because we did not have them stay with us. We have had children in our home that were so damaged by the trauma they endured that they were unable to stay. I could make this list go on for ours. But as I listen to my 4 little ones playing and our oldest clicking away on his x-box I realize that through all of the ups and downs; we have a family.The kids are so attached to each other and all though the back grounds have similarities each child was affected differently it has been a struggle. The point to this big long rambling is each one of children came in and in the beginning of fostering we always had services and place and would talk about how well the children were doing. But as I look back today at my kids I was naive when I used the words "They are doing great." It has been a long hall looking back my children have struggled to academically catch up with their peers as they often missed school for visits, or other appointments. When trips were planned they had to wait anxiously for permission from everyone to go (from the social worker), they often struggled with the simplest things as sitting down at the dinner table to eat with others.

Now they play together, and when I see them with other children playing I realize the struggle was well worth it. I love to walk in and be greeted by kids that missed me because I was gone for a little while. My children have beat the odds they are "Normal Regular Kids what ever that is". This family we have created is truly a blessing, and we are ready for the everyday trouble kids get into. THEY JUST NEEDED TIME TO HEAL.

The Empty Nest

2012-04-14T04:26:00.000-07:00

Will our nest ever be really empty? Not likely...I certainly hope that our kids are always around and always a big part of our lives. But, after having a baby in our home for the past "many" years, we are a little lost not having one. Our youngest will be 3 in September...and is certainly not a baby anymore. He is a toddler; through and through. My father called me the day after Easter and said that he was worried about Jack Henry because he sat so calmly and held a conversation with him (Jack is generally a live-wire and never sits still). But his vocabulary is absolutely incredible, he reasons, and he has absolutely no problem keeping up with his siblings. We no longer have bottles in our house, baby gates, sippy cups, bouncy seats, cribs, infant seats...on and on....And we are on the verge of potty-training him (AMEN) and diapers will gone as well. We had up to 3 babies in our home at a time for a while and Tammy said that she kind of feels like she has lost her identity not having one around.

In the midst of our fostering/adopting, I was also trying to get pregnant. I got pregnant twice, but miscarried both times. After the second I insisted on testing to determine what was going on and after they took 6 vials of blood and sent it to Knoxville, it was determined that I had antiphospholipid syndrome (later testing then stated that I no longer had it-apparently it can "come and go" according to my fertility doctor). The second miscarriage completely broke my heart. I didn't feel like myself for a very long time. I was so devastated and so ANGRY. But, that chapter is closed too. No more babies...not going to try anymore..and certainly not going to foster/adopt anymore. So...our babies are growing up....and it is just fine. We are able to do more things, no one has to be carried anymore, and going on outings is slowly becoming more fun. Onto life's next adventure.

This is a photo of Sophie and Kennedy taken in July 2006, about a week after Sophie came to live with us. Sophie is 22 months old here and Kennedy is 2 1/2. This is one of my favorite photos of all times. Our "twins" have been best friends since day one :)

Chemistry and compatability

2012-04-13T18:43:00.000-07:00

Chemistry and compatibility...does your relationship have both? I read one time (probably in Cosmo) that these 2 elements were essential for a relationship to last. I couldn't agree more; and I am thankful that our relationship has a lot of both.

Tammy and I are very diverse; and I think that this greatly contributes to the chemistry and compatibility between us. The nature of our relationship calls for it..but we are also diverse in a lot of other ways. We both have graduate degrees, weren't "raised" in rural areas but are now farmers, are/were social workers, and have incredibly liberal views on some matters; but also incredibly conservative views on others. And my girl, as butch as she is, can pick out the perfect purse for me. Now that is diverse.

We are also very close; and in the nearly 14 years that we have been together have spent only 24 nights apart. If we didn't have the kind of bond that we do, I am positive that the children...the 48 that we have taken care of in our home..would have divided us. Chemistry and compatibility...essential.

Our old farmhouse

2012-04-13T08:14:00.000-07:00

I love my house. We are 10 miles from "town," on 3 acres; and when I sit on my front porch, I don't see row after row of houses...I see farmland...lots of it. It is green and beautiful and has cows and turkeys scattered around; oh and the donkey that the farmer keeps with his cows to deter the coyotes. Our house is not fancy...or modern....at all. In fact, it is 80 years old. The walls are crooked.... In the floors, you can feel where it has been added onto and reconstructed (multiple times) over the years. But I love it and it is ours. We needed a fresh start..in so many ways.

So...in our "thrifting" we are slowly adding "old farmhouse stuff" to it....for instance I bought a VERY old breadbox at a thrift store that looks just like the one that my Granny Newman always had in her kitchen. We also got an old fireplace that we have put in the living room. Tammy tore up the carpet and there are old "real" hardwood floors that were covered and are now being cleaned, buffed, and shined. I have attached a photo of the house that I took on my phone last winter when we first moved in. We have a great deal of character to it since then.

I loved our house in Albuquerque, but this is our home.