Duck and Cover

That damned Fat

2012-02-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jeans, Fat People

I think Mallard Fillmore is unfamiliar with the concept of "jokes" and "humor".

That damned Raccoon

2012-02-26T00:00:00.001-08:00

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

Snakes, Raccoons

Mallard Fillmore has lost what existed of his mind.

That damned Smartphone

2012-02-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Butt Calls

Here we see the duck confusing "Butt Calls" with "Direct-to-Voice-Mail" logic applied to calls coming from Mallard Fillmore by his closest associates, none of whom can stand talking to him.

That damned Wait

2012-02-24T00:00:00.001-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

The same thing as the last 5 days.

I'm beginning to understand why Mallard Fillmore hates poor people. I mean, in his world, he is able to make a living with no effort, talent, or value whatsoever.

That damned Call Volume

2012-02-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Tech Support

And with today's new low, with its plethora of duck crotch, we have reached a point where I would rather sit on hold waiting for tech support than read Mallard Fillmore.

Those damned Representatives

2012-02-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Tech Support

Day 4 of the Mallard Fillmore bore-a-thon.

Those damned Problems

2012-02-22T00:41:00.001-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Tech Support

Mallard is like a toddler, he thrives on repetition. Unlike a toddler, however, Mallard's use of language is not improving. Nor are his fine motor skills, if his drawing is any indication.

That damned Woman

2012-02-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Tech Support

The Mallard Fillmore cavalcade of petty grievances, accompanied by poor drawings and over-wrought text, continues...

That damned Tech Support

2012-02-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Tech Support

Why do you hate capitalism, Mallard? This is just a by-product of your beloved job creators exercising their right to make a profit by whatever means they choose. Do you suggest we regulate the free market? Why don't you just take your business elsewhere?

Also, exactly how long do sit and listen to mistaken calls? You have nothing better to do with your time?

The thing that's so maddening about Mallard Fillmore sometimes is it can't even be internally consistent in what he whines about. And since whining is all he does, Mallard is 100% maddening.

That damned Like

2012-02-19T08:54:00.001-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Facebook

At first I was going to make fun of Mallard Fillmore for putting words into the mouths of characters which bear no resemblance to the way people actually speak to one another.

Then I realized that, of course, Mallard has never been involved in a conversation with another human being in which "like you" was used in this way. So, you know, he can only guess at correct usage.

By contrast, I am sure he's intimately familiar with usage such as "I'd like you to leave now."

Plus, Facebook! Hilarious and tech savvy!

That damned Commerce

2012-02-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Commerce

Right, because GE-owned NBC is anti-Capitalism. It really takes a special kind of know-nothingness to write something like this. Luckily, Mallard is just that special.

Those damned Bankruptcies

2012-02-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Green Companies.

Great timing.

Those damned Things

2012-02-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Mallard Fillmore: conflating assertion and fact since 2004.

That damned Wish

2012-02-15T00:16:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Joe Biden made that statement in 2008.

Care to compare how many times Newt Gingrich referred to President Obama as a "Food Stamp President" this week?

Care to compare to racist comments on Right-Wing sites, such as Townhall or Fox?

That damned Feeling

2012-02-14T00:12:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

I'm sure Mallard wishes the most embarrassing thing the Republican clown car of candidates said came from 4 years ago instead of yesterday.

Dear Mallard: Better a knee-jerk than a regular jerk, such as yourself.

That damned Derision

2012-02-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Mallard Fillmore, confusing "assertion" and "facts" since 2004.

As near as I can tell the only derision Joe Biden has come in for recently is for mixing up the nickname of the San Franscisco football team at a fundraiser in San Francisco, creating division between fans of two teams about to meet in the playoffs.

Shocking and, truly, grounds for impeachment.

That damned Conscience

2012-02-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Valentines Day, Occupy Wall Street

Mallard Fillmore is a joyless, spiteful, horrible waterfowl, in every possible way, and proud of it.

Those damned Kids

2012-02-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

"Occupy Kids"

Mallard Fillmore accusing anyone of being an "arrogant fool" wins the coveted 2012 Pot Calling the Kettle Black Award.

Those damned Stars

2012-02-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reality TV Stars, Viewers

Apparently, ordinary Americans deserve a lecture, not a break.

That damned Change

2012-02-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Unemployment

I could comment on the horrible poetry on display here since this may be worse poetry than one would expect from a 5-year old child..

Instead, I will post this chart to illustrate that, unfortunately for Mallard, he is a liar (although facts have a Liberal bias).

That damned Kook

2012-02-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Iran

Strange how, in Republican calculus, there is always enough money available to launch a new war.

I guess Grandma will have to buy less cat food each month.

That damned Pipeline

2012-02-07T19:20:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Keystone Pipeline

If it weren't for Republican hostage-taking, the decision to say no wouldn't have been rushed...

That damned Brickbat

2012-02-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Republicans, Democrats

It's not the insults, Mallard. It's the fact that the longer this goes on the more people learn about the republican Candidates.

That damned Timeout

2012-02-05T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today

The Superbowl, Commercials

I, for one, applaud Mallard Fillmore's new direction.

If Mallard continues to comment on non-political matters (with the same sense of humor and artistic capabilities he brings to his political comics), he will soon lose his welfare status and cease to be carried by any newspaper, anywhere.

Thus, my long torture in maintaining this blog can end.

Those damned Odds

2012-02-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Super Bowl Commercials.

Someone got paid for this.