Suburban Eschatology Part Two

The Little One's Bucket Ride – July 2009

2012-02-26T13:28:00.001-08:00

Pacific Northwest Lineman Rodeo. Gresham, Oregon. July 2009.

Good views of our neck of the woods…

from tag Little

Suburban Eschatology Part Two: The Little One's Sparkler - July 4, 2009
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: Burnout Tastes Like Burning: Welcome Solstice & Goodbye 2011
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: Pause when agitated…
Rubble: Obligatory Snow Photos... January 15, 2012
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: 2009 Raingutter Regatta
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: Permissive parents: Curb your brats
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: So many miles behind me, still so far to go… Some notes on Life
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: The World According To Jason… Part One: xMass Dinner
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: Too early, too late...
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: Home alone: 2011 is not 1983
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: Parenting disturbing and discomforting children... "Why Don't I Like My Own Child?" - Family & Parenting - Your Life - MSN Lifestyle:
Suburban Eschatology Part Two: Choices... Or, what's weak this week in the lives of the broken, the deranged, and the damned

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It was snowing a few minutes ago..

2012-02-26T13:22:00.001-08:00

Obligatory snow video... Gresham, Oregon.

This is why I am shooting so many of these little videos these days, practice with the new camera... I had my finger on one of the microphones this time. Better on a little snow video than on something really dramatic and exciting.

from tag Big

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The Little One's Sparkler - July 4, 2009

2012-02-24T15:34:00.001-08:00

Thought there was more from 2009, but this was it. Berry Ridge. Gresham, Oregon. July 4, 2009.

from tag Little

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Pause when agitated…

2012-02-21T15:32:00.001-08:00

Writing helps too. Fair warning, this might be a bit whiney.

Monday falls on a Tuesday in our house this week, and today was a wash due to issues with the boys, tomorrow is filled with long walks to and from appointments, so Monday falls on a Thursday in my life this week.

And there is so much to be done…

Today it is issues with the big one. Several issues. Old behavior. With consequences. I will probably have to skip my meeting tonight to deal with them. Pause, wait and see. Too early for a final decision.

Issues with the big one leading to a good check in with the ex one today. That part went well. We were able to talk about a few things, her health issues, vague outlines of plans for the rest of the year as far as who will be living where and when, and some preliminary foundation laying for a big sit down talk and budget planning session Thursday morning (that will be the only calendar item for Thursday while the boys are in school).

Long story short, this is not going to be an easy year, but I already knew that.

The only times I really have to work on anything are when the boys are in school or after they go to bed. There are just enough distractions and chores while the boys are in school that daylight hours have proven to be a fairly ineffective time for me to make much progress on the big ticket projects, like job hunting. Unfortunately, most nights the last few weeks, by the time the boys are hitting the pillows, I am pretty much done myself.

This weekend was tough. My body is starting to break down from the long hours, the long walks, the lack of decent sleep, and some malnutrition. Yes, the food budget is that tight, but better me than them. I didn’t get much done this weekend, but I was able to spend some time with the boys and I was able to knock a couple of short and brainless personal projects out, but I didn’t accomplish anything I really needed to accomplish.

So… Well… Next week. But with the on going issues with the boys and the ex, after pausing and praying for a bit, I realized that I need to relax a little. I am putting too much pressure on myself to accomplish tasks that I clearly am not able to accomplish right now. If the needs of my family are preventing me from even looking for work right now, what the hell would happen if I actually landed a job right now?

This is not to say that I am not going to look for work. I will keep trying. The solution to this problem is very organic. When I have time to get a job, I will have time to work a job. But for the last few weeks the only time I have had available for job hunting has been late at night, and I just haven’t been up to pulling any all nighters for awhile.

This too shall pass. One way or the other. Either things will smooth out and I will have time to start getting this work done while the sun is up or, if I quit trying to push myself past burnout and start pacing myself a little more evenly, I will physically recover enough from the last long months to start putting a little more umph into these things, pulling a couple all nighters here and there when needed.

But this week? It is already Tuesday and I won’t even be able to start any of this until Friday, unless I pull an all nighter. I think I just need to let it go for now. Let go and let God…

I am not being lazy and I am not making excuses. I am just working hard at the immediate tasks that need to be completed. If I push myself too hard, into more severe physical health problems, then I stand to lose too much and that is not a risk I can take right now.

So deep breaths and just take these things one day at a time, just keep my eye on the next right step, and keep on trudging the path.

I’ve been stressing myself out over things I have no control over. This is a sort of future tripping that I am very susceptible to. Not worrying about what is going to happen next month or next year, but worrying about what is going to happen later this week, or even later today.

The little one is home now. Time to move on from this… Once more into the breach. I do feel a bit better now. Breathe in, Breathe out…

from tag gazing

from tag Ex

Suburban Eschatology Part Two: Sunday… Test Driving Microsoft Live Writer on a self-declared National Day of Nothing

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Bella & The Laser

2012-02-17T21:46:00.001-08:00

Gresham, Oregon. February 12, 2012.

My good camera was out of batteries so I had to use the old one. Unfortunately, the high pitched whine is back on the audio track, so I tried to drown it out with some Ramones.

from tag Bella

from tag Life

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Halloween 2011

2012-02-16T18:00:00.001-08:00

from tag Bella

from tag Ex

from tag Little

Rubble: The Final Cut: June 2009

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A long way back towards home…

2012-02-13T10:47:00.001-08:00

Note: Cross posted from Rubble.

Permalink

A long way back towards home... Tiger Mountain from the Volunteer Park Water Tower. Seattle, Washington. June 30, 2011. Photo of the Day, February 13, 2012. First Anniversary of my Photo of the Day.

This is a picture taken on a trip from Gresham to the neighborhood in Seattle where I lived for ten years, looking east towards the town where I grew up. In my original blurb about my photo of the day, I mentioned that some pictures would be chosen for sentimental value over technical value and this would be one of those.

I do like this picture, but I doubt it is the best picture in my files that has yet to be featured as the photo of the day. I have years worth of unedited pictures to go through and I am sure that there are some really spectacular shots in there that I have overlooked so far. This one is merely nice, in my book. But because of way the subject matter intersects with the date, this shot spoke to me as I put together today’s post.

The tallest peak in the background is Tiger Mountain, the dominant geographical feature in the town I lived in from ages four to eighteen.

Larch Mountain seen from Gresham reminds me of Tiger, but it is more distant, not looming over downtown itself as Tiger looms over Issaquah. I find the familiar profile comforting, though. It is one of many things about Gresham that remind me of Issaquah.

Which is strange to me in some ways. During the ten years I lived on or near Capitol Hill in Seattle, if you asked me if I would ever want to return to Issaquah or to live in a town that reminded me of it, I would have laughed you out of the room.

So many years later, with children of my own, I still have little desire to return to Issaquah. That time of my life is behind me now. Beyond that, the town I grew up in has changed so much that it is practically unrecognizable to me. Even if I wanted to go home again, I could not. The town I lived in does not exist anymore, I have no family there any more, and most of my friends have scattered across the country. There is little there for me now.

But raising my kids in a town that reminds me of the town I grew up in is very nice. I had a pretty good time growing up in Issaquah. Though, technically, I grew up in Sammamish, that town did not exist when I lived there. And I did go to high school in Issaquah proper, right at the foot of Tiger Mountain.

It was a good place for me to spend my childhood. I hope Gresham treats my boys as well as Issaquah treated me. If you’ve ever really wondered what the Part Two on my Suburban Eschatology blog represents, well, there it is in a nut shell.

So… This post is supposed to be about the photos of the day, not this particular selection. Well, there is a reason for those sentimental musings, but for now I’ll turn to this on going series of photos…

I’ve been at this photo of the day thing for a year now. It, too, has treated me pretty well. All the goals I mentioned in the original blub about it have been met in spades. It has kept me focused on my photography, it has forced me to become a better photographer, it has gained me a fan or two… All good things.

This anniversary comes at an interesting time in my life. There is a reason why I chose a sentimental picture for this milestone. I find myself at a crossroads where I will soon be returning to work for the first time in a couple years and I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about what directions I would like my career to head in from here.

I must admit that, for the last ten years or more, I have been wandering a bit. I became a tech writer by trade because it was what I had become in practice already. Though it was not my specific title until 2007, it made up a large share of my job description in every position I’ve held since 1999.

But I never really chose it as my profession. It just sort of happened. It is not a bad way to spend my time, it pays my bills, but it is not where I imagined myself when I lived in the shadow of Tiger Mountain, nor when I lived on the hill with the water tower.

Likewise, I never really wanted to be a “Photographer,” though it has always been a hobby of mine. I’ve been taking pictures since I was in the first grade and people have always liked them. My only formal training was a couple of elective classes in middle school where I learned how to work in black and white and where I learned that I love working with enlargers making prints and that I hate the actual process of developing film.

In high school, I was the photo editor for my school’s newspaper for two years, along with wearing some other hats on the paper’s staff. After high school, though, photography faded into the background for the most part. I could not have a dark room in my apartments and in the pre-digital era, it was hard to be a “serious photographer” without access to a darkroom.

In Seattle, by the end of the 1990s, I didn’t even have a decent camera any longer, though in the couple years before I moved to the Portland area, the photography bug would pop up from time to time. Recently I started running through and scanning a shoebox full of pictures I took during those years. Some of the later prints were shot with disposable cameras, but I still managed to get some decent pictures. I am sure these will be trickling out into my photos of the day over the next few weeks.

I was given my first digital camera in 2002. It was a pretty sad little piece of gear, but it was better than nothing, and as I’ve written before, I was happy to have it. But the 2000s were a difficult period for my family and I. It wasn’t until the second half of the decade that I was able, from time to time, to get out and take many photos beyond the obligatory snapshots of the kids.

I didn’t really start taking photography seriously again until I bought myself a somewhat decent point and shoot camera in April 2007. With a decent digital camera and access to some mediocre photo editing software, I found that I didn’t need a darkroom any more for “serious photography.” A clearance priced HP Photosmart, a bundled consumer photo editor, and I was back in the game. Still, I didn’t think of photography as anything more than a minor hobby.

Though that is not entirely true. In my role as a technical writer with ESI, photography actually played as big of a part of my job as writing and editing. In fact, I was hired not because of my writing, but because of my photography skills. The manager who hired me was looking for a photographer more than a writer - a technical writer, for sure, but one who actually had demonstrable photography skills as well, and tech writers such as this were a bit harder to find.

For the duration of that contract, I spent as much time working with cameras and photo editing software as I did actually writing and editing text. For that time, at least, I do feel that it would be acceptable to call myself a professional photographer. As acceptable, at least, as it was to call myself a professional writer during the years where I was writing a lot for work but it had not yet been promoted into my official job title.

Still, in my own mind and in my heart, photography was not my passion, it was merely one of many activities that I enjoyed. As Joseph Campbell would have put it, it was not my bliss.

When it comes to the arts, I’ve always thought of myself as a writer first, a musician second, and a photographer as a distant third. While I did start taking pictures regularly a little before I started writing, first grade versus second grade, and while I didn’t start playing music until the fourth grade, I’ve spent much more of my life working on my writing and music than on my photography.

So, photography rising as my primary creative outlet over the past year has been quite a surprise to me in some ways. Sure, I have been taking a lot of pictures since 2007, but I wasn’t doing anything with them except throwing a few up on Facebook from time to time. I did not consider my pictures to be anything more than a mild hobby and sanity saving distraction, not a serious artistic or professional pursuit.

Over the last year, though, I haven’t had the focus or attention to work on much writing or music. For me, those are solitary pursuits and I have not had more than a very occasional hour or two of solitary time over the last 15 months or so. When I was in California, I did have a lot of time to work on some research and development for a novel I will write eventually, but when I came home and took on the challenge of getting my boys put back together, that project was put on indefinite hold.

But one thing I have been able to do is to take a lot of pictures. Rather than being an artistic pursuit that keeps me away from my children, it is something that I can work on while spending time with my family. I want to go take some pictures? I throw the boys and dog in the car and off we go and everyone has a good time (though there are the occasional complaints that I stop too often on our hikes and walks to take pictures).

And photography has helped to keep me sane through the past year. With so many challenges coming from having two special needs children (not to mention their disabled mother crashing in their room since last June), having to put my entire life on hold for the last year to put them back together, photography has been the one piece of me that I have been able to hold onto, to not set aside for my family, and to find some comfort and refuge in.

So, at risk of being a bit overdramatic, for the last year, photography has been instrumental in keeping me from going bat shit crazy.

Now, a year into my photo of the day, I find myself approaching a crossroads. Where do I go from here with my career, now that it looks like I will be able to resume one?

For the first time in my life, I really do consider myself to be a Photographer. Not a writer who takes some pictures, not as someone who likes taking pictures, but as an actual, capital P, Photographer. For the first time in many, many years, I would actually consider making a career out of this. And for the first time ever I could see it as not being a subset of my job, but as it being the primary focus of my job.

During the time from middle school through the end of high school, I did see photography as playing a big role in my future career life. Through those years, I wanted to be a journalist and I saw myself eventually working both as a photojournalist and a writer. By the end of high school, I was in a position to have a very successful career as a journalist. However, some experiences during my senior year of high school soured me on those plans. Those are stories probably better saved for Democracy In Distress, though, rather than Rubble.

After the last year, though, for the first time in twenty years I find myself drawn to journalism as a career path because it seems like such a perfect way to combine my writing with my photography, the same draw that profession held for me so long ago. Unlike back then, this time around I actually could see myself working purely as a photographer, though I would still prefer it if there was some writing involved.

To me, for my abilities, I just think it is the best way for me to tell stories, with words and pictures .

Over the next few years, instead of continuing the aimless career drift that I’ve been suffering for the last twelve or thirteen years (this is not entirely true, I had definite career plans while I was back in school from 2004-2008, but my education was completely derailed by the continual health and stability issues that have plagued my family for the past decade and those plans are now indefinitely, if not permanently, unattainable), I really see myself steering towards journalism.

This is not to say that I am going to drop everything and completely start from scratch, just a couple hours ago I submitted a resume for a likely looking tech writing contract, but I will start looking for more opportunities in the journalism field, and I will pursue them when I find them.

Tomorrow I will start this process by applying for a position as a monthly columnist for a national website. A position that would not be full time work with a self-sufficient income if it is offered to me, but one that would be a nice foot in the door with a little supplemental income as a bonus.

I also have a couple of other photography related goals that I will pursue this year as opportunities present themselves, ones that are more artistically oriented.

So, I’ve come full circle. From Gresham, through Seattle, and back to Issaquah. What do I want to be when I grow up? Exactly what I wanted to be when I drove to school in the shadow of Tiger Mountain on the first day of my senior year of high school, a little over twenty-one years ago.

I will admit that I’ve recently been feeling the ache of so many “lost” years. This will be a harder profession for me to break into now. Back then, I had contacts and references from Washington DC elite and cabinet members of the National Press Club. Today? A year’s worth of photos of the day, a few good references from work in semi-related fields, and some blog posts. But that is a lot more than nothing.

I have to remember that I’ve played the hands I’ve been dealt to the best of my ability. Sometimes my ability was lacking and, here and there, I blew some pretty good hands, but there was also some long periods where I was dealt nothing but crap. I blame no one but myself for my mistakes and I have faith that God wanted me to learn a few things from the tougher hands in life, so I try not to be bitter, but sometimes it can be a bit dispiriting.

Sometimes it too easy to look backwards and see so many junctions in life where slightly different choices could have lead to me being in very different places in life today, probably more secure places, as well. A couple different twists and turns in the past, in the days under Tiger Mountain, or on Capitol Hill, or even more recently here in Gresham, and I could very easily have achieved many of the goals that I am just starting off towards today, but where I am in life today is exactly where God meant for me to be in life today. Without that simple truth, I am lost, but with it, I can find a tremendous amount of strength.

It is easy to get lost in the woulda, shoulda, couldas… It is best just to avoid them.

Fortunately, even more than this sad, semi-remorseful and frustrating sentimentality, what I have been feeling recently is a lot of optimism. For the first time in almost two decades, I feel like I am really at a point in my life where I can finally apply all the lessons I’ve been learning and find some success and security for myself and my children. I feel like I am at a junction where all the different experiences of my life are coming together in such a way to really prepare me for some solid successes in the near future.

That is a very good place to be in life. When I look backwards ten years, twenty years, it is easy to feel frustration and regret, but when I look ahead ten years, well… It looks pretty damn good from where I stand right now.

My photography, and my photo of the day series in particular, has a lot to do with this optimism.

So tonight I spend a moment looking backwards towards a home that no longer exists. Tomorrow, though, I turn towards the future and all the promises of hope that greet us as we awake each morning at dawn.

Products featuring photography by A. F. Litt:

deviantArt: Prints, cards, mugs, mouse pads, magnets, puzzles and other products.

Cafe Press: Calendars, etc.

from tag Work

from tag Rubble

from tag Music

from tag gazing

from tag Job

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On the way to The Big One’s first dance…

2012-02-12T15:39:00.001-08:00

This American Life on NPR has a great piece on Middle School Dances. Sounds a lot like the little I saw on Friday.

449: Middle School | This American Life:

ACT TWO. STUTTER STEP.
We sent several correspondents straight to the epicenters of middle school awkwardness: School dances. Producers Lisa Pollak and Brian Reed, plus reporters Eric Mennel, Rob Wildeboer and Claire Holman spoke with kids across the country during the nervous moments leading up to the dances. And Lisa even ventured inside, to the dance itself. (9 1/2 minutes)

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/play_full.php?play=449&act=2

Thank god we didn’t have these when I was in Middle School. My class was the first one through the transition from Junior High to Middle School in my district back in the mid-1980s and, if I remember correctly, while there were very few changes overall between Junior High and Middle School in those early days, one change that we all protested (while many of us were quietly relieved) was the dropping of evening dances.

At the big one’s school, the dance was limited to seventh and eighth graders. This sounds wise to me. The younger, less mature ones seemed a little bewildered as it was. I know my son’s most exciting memory was hiding in a dark corner and jumping out to scare people. Though he did dance some, and even had his first slow dance, these did not seem to be the defining moments of the evening for him.

Most of the girls were dressed up in nice dresses, make up, hair done up, looking like they had been planning for this night the whole school year. Most of the boys, except for a few of the more mature ones, with more developed interests in those girls, were in jeans and t-shirts or what every they put on for school that day. I think that sums up gender relations my son’s maturity level pretty well. He is starting to gain some interest in girls, but any practical pursuit of these budding desires is embryonic at best, completely absent at worst.

And I am a little relieved. At this point, he has enough to deal with. I have enough to deal with!

I stood in the hallway for the last few minutes. Chaperoning sounded dreadful, so I didn’t. I could see through the door into the dark gym, hear the DJ… The ending was just as described in the article, without the song. The music died, the lights flipped on, and promptly at nine, everyone headed towards the doors and home.

from tag Big

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Parachute racing at the kite festival, September 13, 2008

2012-02-11T12:02:00.001-08:00

from tag Big

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So many miles behind me, still so far to go… Some notes on Life

2012-02-09T14:35:00.001-08:00

So Many Miles Behind Me

A little sore and tired today, but I am taking to day off, mostly. Focusing on some light projects at home…

Saturday, 5.52 mile walk with the big one and the dog, down the Gresham-Fairview Trail and looping home past the big quarry.

Sunday, short 2.5 mile walk with the big one and the dog up the hill to Binford Reservoir..

Monday, 12.5 mile bike ride on the Springwater Trail with the big one, who had the day off of school. This one was a little rough on the boy, not realizing that it was a little uphill into a strong headwind the whole way back, but he did well.

Tuesday, four mile bike ride down the hill to pick the big one up from school after he threw up, two miles on foot, round trip, to Safeway, and another four miles, round trip, for my Tuesday meeting, for a daily total of ten miles on bike or foot.

Wednesday, 7.3 mile walk to and from the little one’s school for an appointment that was canceled five minutes before I arrived and another two mile round trip walk to an appointment with the big one. 9.3 miles for the day, total.

For a total of 39.82 miles on bike or foot, mostly foot, this week (so far). I am going to call it 40 miles in five days. Try and stop me. Considering those are two of the first three bike rides of any length I’ve taken in 20 years, while they are short and flat rides to many, they felt fairly substantial to me.

Though tempted to declare myself ready for some decent backpacking trips this summer, I must be cautious. No heavy pack on my back for these trips and not much elevation on any of them.

Unfortunately, all of this necessary running around has completely derailed my plans for the week.

The Boys Being Boys

Things are going pretty well, for the most part, but it wouldn't be life without some ups and downs. It helps me to sit down and write through these things from time to time.

Right now, the toughest issues are with the boys, the little one in particular. Last week the little one had a bit of a relapse into old behavior. Definitely the worst he's had at his school this year, matching what I was seeing when he first started at Serendipity after moving in with me last spring, though still not as bad as what he was doing in Beaverton.

Things, overall, are running pretty smoothly, so the recent set backs are not due to any transitions or anything like that. I think it is just a little bit of boundary testing and, since he has been doing pretty well for the most part for so many months, I think a part of it was just forgetting that there are consequences for violent behavior. I am not too concerned, but it was really important that we clamped down on this right away and made it clear to him that these behaviors were not acceptable and would not be tolerated.

So this has been a bit of a distraction this last week, a lot of extra time spent working with his teachers and counselor. But I do think this is just a part of the process with him.

We'll probably see this happen every once in a while, for a while, with decreasing intensity and frequency until he is back to "normal." Also, everyone is in agreement on this, that these behaviors are choices, bad decisions that he is making, and that he does have control over these behaviors. No one is running around looking to put him on anti-psychotics like they were before he moved in here last spring, trying to figure out "what is wrong with him." It's just left over behavioral issues from too many years of running feral.

Last week, I was relieved that I wasn't back at work quite yet because it would have really been difficult to handle this situation if I was. Good timing on the little one's part to get this step out of the way now and not in a month or two.

Unfortunately, we may not be out of the woods on these issues yet. As I was about to post this, I received this email regarding the little one’s transition back to his mainstream elementary school:

…[he] should be brining his data sheet to our school because we have issues going on that probably aren't being documented well. He needed to be asked to leave his gen. ed class today because he was disruptive. He was mad at another student. I think we should probably have another meeting before he adds time. We received 4 restraint reports from the SSC, he has hurt students at recess at our school, not listening to adults here, I was told that in resource room for math he is not working. He often sits with hands in hair not doing work. With all this happening I'm a little concerned with his readiness and how this transition should go.

The big one also had a bit of a slump the last week, week and a half or so. I've been pretty much letting him fly solo on the homework while I focus on the final push towards employment, and his work has slacked off a bit as a result. For the most part, he's turning most of his work in (though he did miss one or two assignments recently), but it's just not being done very well when I am not checking it for him and holding him accountable.

Accountability in our current system happens when his grades are posted online and he gains or loses privileges based on his marks. But I will say that he is making a lot of progress. He even earned a second positive behavior referral recently.

The last time I let him fly solo, he stopped completely. This time he only slumped a bit.

He had some major tests last week that have not been graded yet, but hopefully he did well and he gets out of the woods in science, at least. I was able to spend quite a bit of time helping him study last week.

Tests have been his big problem this term. On his assignments, the big one has been getting Bs and Cs for the most part, but he's been failing most of his tests, and this is killing him in the two classes where tests carry a lot more weight than the assignments. Unfortunately, this keeps him right on the line between passing and failing, so if he blows a couple assignments or forgets to turn them in, they drop him down to Ds and Fs really fast.

He is learning that he doesn't have a lot of wiggle room and that it is better to go ahead and take a few extra minutes on his homework than to slack off on it and then have to deal with the consequences... A few extra minutes one evening can save him from weeks of no video games or being grounded.

Don't get me wrong, all of these issues are just a part of the process and everyone, for the most part, I feel is doing really well overall. These incidents and issues are all expected, minor hiccups, but everyone is definitely moving in the right directions. As long as, over time, more steps are taken forwards than backwards, we can deal with these small slides in the wrong direction.

Getting Daddy PAID!

Then there is the search for a new writing contract… Looking for work…

At this point the job hunt is only frustrating because the active job hunt hasn't gotten off the ground yet, not because of a lack of leads or results.

Because of these unexpected events with the boys, I am falling about three weeks behind schedule on this right now. Most of the last two weeks was spent taking care of boy issues, and I was running about a week behind schedule before that on getting more than a couple resumes off in the first place.

I have one or two solid days of prep work left before I feel comfortable sending out resumes in mass (though I have sent off a couple when I've stumbled on possibilities). I still need to clean up my websites a bit (about one day's work, most of the heavy lifting is done now) and to finish the portfolio I just started on Behance (probably no more than a day's work, mostly spent figuring out how I want to present my work samples and then reviewing and posting this material - the difficult part is selecting or editing samples that display my abilities without revealing the proprietary information of former employers).

After this, I plan on starting a run through the job sites, updating my profiles and then applying to everything that looks like a possibility (shotgun blasts of resumes, not sniping at select prestige targets). At one or two sites a day, that should keep me busy full time for about a week to ten days. After that, the process will be one of keeping up to date with new postings on these sites and starting a run through the old temp agencies, looking for short term and long term opportunities.

The agency part of this process can fill up two or three weeks. It can be pretty time consuming because I usually have to run all over the greater Portland area for interviews and skills tests. It is difficult to be certain, but I hope to be starting some sort of a job four to six weeks from the time I start getting resumes off in mass. Looking at past job hunts, that is a realistic timeframe, I feel.

The Ex One

Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen financial issues the ex one is having, which has created unforeseen financial issues for myself and the boys, sending out resumes is going to have to be on hold until the ex one can resolve some issues she has been having, because, right now, I am limited to walking/biking distance and I need a new printer cartridge to print resumes and work samples for interviews.

She needs to dig herself out of the hole this time and deal with the consequences. The longer I am out of work, from here out, the more we'll have to rely on her income, delaying or even permanently derailing her long term plans, so there is incentive for her to get this specific incident and this on-going problem resolved.

I do have some distasteful back-up plans if she is not able to resolve this in a week or two, but I am not ready to go there yet. Rent and power are paid and we have enough food to get through.

It's been so long since I've had any money that it doesn't really make much of a difference to me one way or the other, and since we are finally through the two months of on again off again school breaks, it won't effect the boys much either. This isn't the time of the year where we are doing a lot of running around anyway.

She may have to make some choices about how she spends her money, such as the cable and internet. These are not critical issues to me. The boys and I don't watch that much television, and I discovered that there is free wi-fi in our complex’s rental office/resident lounge for the tenants to use, so I don't need an active internet connection in the apartment for job hunting, especially after the first week to ten days.

But I am shut down until I have bus fare for transportation and until I can print resumes and work samples.

I think the issues she's had with the finances are helping to bring her to terms with some long term issues about her current abilities and about her future. She is realizing, slowly, that some of her plans may need to be modified or changed. That some of her plans may not have been entirely realistic (buying a house while living on a limited income from Social Security).

She is making significant progress in the parenting department, but I don't think she is quite up to dealing with the tough situations solo yet. For example, I wandered out the other night to find the big one, who was grounded without gear because he was flunking math and dropped his grade to a D in science, playing video games on her computer. When I reminded them that he's not supposed to be doing this she sighed and rolled her eyes in a sort of "you can’t expect me to keep track of this" sort of way...

She knows better than to say that this isn't her job, but I think she still hasn't accepted that this is a part of her job, especially if she ever wants to live on her own and have significant parenting time. However, I think her thyroid may be more to blame for these difficulties than anything else.

Both her and I are realizing that she is still experiencing some pretty severe issues with her thyroid that are making it difficult for her to make clear decisions and to maintain a healthy emotional balance, so she is going to start following up on this more with her doctors, making this a bigger priority in her life.

We received some test results a couple days ago that reveal that this gland is getting more and more out of whack. She may be looking at surgery later this year to have it removed. If so, that will really be a game changer for everyone’s plan for 2012, but it may be what is necessary for her to get her life back on a stable track and to be the parent that she really wants to be, has been in the past during her one healthy stretch the last ten years, and can be again.

In the long term, if she can step up and be a more successful parent, that will help all of us tremendously, and I am glad that we have some light at the end of the tunnel on this.

Unfortunately, the tunnel may be a bit longer than any of us realized a week or two ago.

So Many Miles Ahead Of Me

I do feel that, by the time I take on a new writing contract, I'll have had at least a couple more weeks to make sure that things are running smoothly (as much as possible) around here. It is time to start the next phase of the getting back to work process, to start actively searching, and I am eager to get started.

Like I said, once I pull the trigger on the resumes, I should still have at least four to six weeks to get the home front prepared for me being out of the house more than I am in it. A little longer depending on how long it takes Jenna to resolve her financial issue or a little shorter if I am lucky and God is willing. But it is definitely time to get this process started. I do not think the family will gain anything from having me wait any longer than necessary to get this started.

As for myself in all of this, I am feeling pretty weary and burned out. It is a little daunting to be looking at such a major change in my own life when feeling like this, but I think making these changes will help me more than hurt me.

It's been a long year plus of taking care of everyone and I really haven't had a break since I left for California to help my mother with her issues at the start of November 2010. I am feeling that a bit, and I know my productivity has been down a bit for the last month or so. It is not depression or anything worse, it is just being tired and burned out.

Getting back to a regular job should be a refreshing change of pace for me. While it might be a little tough on the boys and Jenna, it will be nice to get back into a more "normal" pattern of life. I also think that will help everyone else get back into a more "normal" pattern of life.

Until then, I am hanging in there and trudging the path.

So, there's the big update with everything going on right now.

Considering that my greatest need, financially and mentally, is to get back to work, this pause for the last year has effected everyone else too. While I've been focusing on the day to day needs of troubled children, we've all had to make sacrifices. Now that the children are healed enough for me to take on a job, we'll all benefit from increased financial security and, hopefully, the ability to have a little more freedom and fun during weekends and breaks.

I really look at this next step as being a very important part of the healing process for my whole family, reflecting the progress the whole family has made since I returned from California a year ago.

As for the ex one and the boys, it took years for them to get as messed up as they were, and it will take years for the boys to recover from those experiences, but I am constantly amazed at how much progress they have made in such a short period of time already.

The last couple weeks have dealt out some tough hands to play, but nothing impossible and these are the challenges we all must confront as we heal. For me, I am just looking forward to getting my life back on track this year after a long pause. This past year has been frustrating, because I've put so many of my needs on hold while taking care of everyone else's.

But watching the boys’ successes and growth has been even more rewarding.

It just shows me that, fundamentally, they are good kids who have just been confused and distracted by too much crazy crap from the grownups in their lives over the years.

I am also very thankful that, since last spring, at least, that I have been able to be a part of the solution for them, not a part of the problem. I thank my father very much for having that opportunity, because without his help last year, I would not have been able to be there for them as much as they needed me.

from tag Bella

Suburban Eschatology Part Two: A Boy, His Dog, & A Mountain (2011-07-31)

from tag Ex

from tag gazing

(more..)

There & Back Again... (On the Gresham-Fairview trail) – January 27, 2012

2012-02-03T10:18:00.001-08:00

A little glitch with the photo, but not worth reprocessing...

from tag Randomness

from tag Suburban

from tag Life

(more..)

I am pretty sure I worked for this company before…

2012-01-27T03:47:00.001-08:00

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: New Hire Form Letter For the Modern American Worker.:

Our staff consists of many talented former professionals who were unfortunately laid-off without warning during the financial collapse: surgeons, engineers, educators, pilots, medical technicians. We understand that you might consider this new position somewhat of a “downgrade,” both financially and mentally; that screwing metal pieces together is “mindless labor.” But we think your skills will prove invaluable considering the number of hands accidentally severed off in our factory. Perhaps you could invent new prosthetic limbs or concoct an amazing super drug that prevents workers from ever falling asleep. Who knows? Don’t be shy. Be creative! IMPORTANT NOTE: Please know we cannot offer additional compensation for these services. You wouldn’t pay an office’s designated Fire Marshall for his or her volunteer work, would you?

…
We encourage growth and career advancement through our “Spread Your Wings”™ program. Many of the upstanding gentlemen carrying whips and prodding tired laborers awake started at this company in the same position as you find yourself today. With a bit of hard work and offering turn-coat information about secretive organized revolts, you too can work your way to the top of the food chain.

from tag Randomness

from tag Humor

(more..)

2009 Raingutter Regatta

2012-01-27T02:46:00.001-08:00

As you may have noticed, I am sweeping through my old files and throwing some old material up onto the interwebs. Just getting organized and practicing with my editing software.

The title on this one got cropped a bit. Not enough to reprocess it, though. I used a lower resolution than usual and I forgot to compensate. Oh well.

from tag video

(more..)

Peas & Corn…

2012-01-26T16:29:00.001-08:00

Spotted by Cameo Massey on Facebook..

from tag Comic

from tag Humor

from tag Parenting

(more..)

Getting back on track…

2012-01-24T16:57:00.001-08:00

Mid term grades… One blown math test, but other than that, things are really turning around for him!

Between Thanksgiving, Winter Break, Budget Reduction Days, and the snow day, there hasn’t been a lot of school this term yet. I think these grades would be stronger if there had been more class, but it is hard for anyone to stay in good routines with so many interruptions. I think this is what happened in Science.

Even better, he’s been working pretty independently at home. These were achieved without having to home school him for six hours an evening.

I’ve already started sending out resumes looking for a new writing contract. Whoo-Hoo!

The Evolution of Dumb People & Energy Vampires

2012-01-22T14:47:00.001-08:00

Exactly. Not much to add here. Spotted by Daniel Young on Facebook.

from tag video

(more..)

The World According To Jason… Part One: xMass Dinner

2012-01-19T13:10:00.001-08:00

The Little One has a new video camera...

from tag video

(more..)

Jack's Carl Sagan Video (2011-12)

2012-01-19T00:02:00.001-08:00

Hard to describe, but funny...

from tag animation

from tag Humor

(more..)

Animated GIF by Jack

2012-01-18T22:44:00.001-08:00

Been trying to get this posted forever. Other than an appearance in a video about the video editing difficulties I was having (hopefully resolved now), I’ve failed to get it up. However, I think I figured out a workable way to get these posted now.

And there it is. He made this using Flipnote on his DSi.

from tag animation

from tag video

(more..)

A Boy, His Dog, & A Mountain (2011-07-31)

2012-01-18T22:19:00.001-08:00

Timberline/Pacific Crest Trail. Mt. Hood. July 31, 2011. Happy birthday, Bella! (January 17)

from tag video

from tag Family

Suburban Eschatology Part Two: Update from California

(more..)

Things are definitely heading in the right direction...

2012-01-16T08:17:00.001-08:00

Not only is he getting great grades (I'll over look the unfortunate math situation today), but last week we got a nice notice about this...

Tuesday Take Home
School Newsletter, 2012-01-17" border="0" alt="Clear Creek Middle School
Tuesday Take Home
School Newsletter, 2012-01-17" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-NnuzeKciGMM/TxRNtGXuRDI/AAAAAAAAOI0/9Ctb2j6dyrw/Microsoft%252520Word%252520Document%2525201162012%25252075758%252520AM_thumb%25255B1%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="644" height="238">

Obligatory Snow Video… January 15, 2012

2012-01-15T17:08:00.001-08:00

from tag video

from tag Family

(more..)

Video Fail on an Animation by Jack…

2012-01-14T03:41:00.001-08:00

Wanted to throw up a short clip The Big One made using Flipnote on his DSi, with a couple title cards to lengthen it up a little and just for the fun of it. It should have been a five minute project...

Something is going very wrong. Can’t upload these things with out them jumbling. Can’t watch them on my computers (that is almost certainly due to the age of my PCs). But they look great in the editing software and, sometimes, they load all right to YouTube…

Not this one…

This is what I’ve been dealing with the last couple months… One issue, at least, on each video. Usually both.

I should clarify. The first run through is the full screen preview mode in my editing software, the second is the YouTube file, and the final run through is the MP4 viewed with Quicktime.

This seems to happen in a few, specific cases… The One Day On Earth video was jumbled by Vimeo but not by YouTube. It was a 720p MP4 file. It worked on Vimeo when I clipped the front end so there was no silence at the start of the video before the title card and when I uploaded a lower resolution file.

This is a known issue with these uploads, I guess, if the sound and the video “start” in different places (the audio track for the One Day video did start at the beginning, it was just quiet for the first couple second, but that seemed to throw the whole upload a couple seconds out of synch). However, I did have the audio and video starting simultaneously on the animation video, but still got the poor result.

These problems seem to happen no matter where I upload the MP4s… The animation looked the same, jumbled in the same ways, when uploaded to YouTube, Facebook, and Tumblr.

Until I figure out how to resolve the uploading issues, I am really hesitant to start working on any of the more complicated video projects I have in the works. Ones that I have already filmed, but haven’t edited yet.

When a little 30 second throw away clip like the animation video ends up taking a whole night to work on (and ends in failure), I am really not motivated to work on much more.

I have a couple ideas on what may be causing these issues. Unfortunately, most of them are fairly far fetched and not likely. Most likely is that the editing program I am using is just crap. Unfortunately, it is the most sophisticated one I have and the only one that will handle native apple files.

Blah… Just bitching and moaning here, mostly. But still, since I have a lot of video projects I want to work on right now, this is still a major pain.

I am a beginner when it comes to video editing, so I may be making some rookie mistakes that I just don’t realize that I am making, but since the results are inconsistent, sometimes videos work just fine, other times not, I am having a hard time getting to the bottom of this.

from tag video

from tag Family

(more..)

Bella Fetching... [Video]

2012-01-08T20:32:00.001-08:00

Bella playing fetch... Ur, no. Bella playing chase!

from tag Video

(more..)

Springwater Corridor, Gresham, Oregon.

2012-01-07T18:38:00.001-08:00

from tag Family

(more..)

Suburban Eschatology Part Two

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