Empty Nexting

You've Got This

2018-09-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

I've been spending time in retrospective thought recently. You reach a certain age, it's different for different people, when you take inventory of your life, match up where you are and what you've accomplished against your goals and what you set out to do. Admittedly, I'm immature, so perhaps this milestone has taken me longer to reach than my peers.

This year I'm turning 60. How the hell did that happen? 60 is officially AARP, Senior Citizen Discount, Old AF. Thing is, I don't feel any different than I did at 40. When I look in the mirror I still like what I see. I can still lift a fair amount of weights, walk a few miles a day, and get into my clothes from 5 years ago. I'm in good health, and I have more energy than most of my much-younger friends. But for some reason this milestone is going to take me by storm, I just know it. Mainly because of the gap in my goal/achievement analysis.

The truth is, I've achieved a lot in my life so far. Just not in the way I thought I would. When I was young, I had such high hopes, lofty goals, idealistic expectations. Don't we all? Then life happens. We get married, start families, get jobs, buy houses and cars, and somewhere along the line our dreams change. Our expectations turn inward. What we thought we wanted isn't what we end up caring about. But as our lives change, we often fail to update our goals. So we're left comparing what we set out to do in our 20's with what we've ended up with in our 60's. Not fair!

So what, I haven't written the great American novel (yet). I've written a lot of really good advertising, and people still pay me to write. I don't have a beach house in Malibu. But I've lived in and owned 7 amazing homes in Charlottesville, Austin, Texas, Richmond, and Hanover. I don't have a husband. But I've had two really good ones. And my greatest accomplishment of all are my two brilliant, caring, funny, talented, and ambitious daughters who call me Momma.

I wouldn't trade them for any other accomplishment in the world. I see in them their hopes, high expectations, lofty goals, and while I have every confidence that they will live out their dreams and have amazing lives, I hope at some point they cut themselves a break if, like me, their goals shift and their dreams turn inward to things like a cozy home, a happy marriage, a decent living. There is nothing wrong with that, and I wish society would stop making everyone feel bad about it.

Here's what a good day for me looks like:

I write and produce an ad that I think is awesome and then get-first round approval from my client...sometimes they even say "I love it."
I come home to my loving Raven (cat) and Ninja (dog) who greet me at the door with wagging tails and the occasional love bite (from Raven).
It's a pretty day out, so Ninja and I take a long stroll around the neighborhood. I stop at the community garden and pick some fresh herbs to put in whatever I'm making for dinner.
If a neighbor friend wants to, we stroll down the street to one of our favorite bars and have a beer before the sun sets.
I use the fresh produce I bought from the local farmer's market to cook up something tasty for dinner.
After dinner, I sit on my porch and watch the stars for a bit.
Before bed I watch an episode of some new show on Netflix,
Or, if I'm especially fortunate, I am inspired to write a chapter for my novel that it's in the works.
Before bed, I thank my lucky stars for the life I have and the people who I love who love me back.

That's a good day. And we should all be grateful for these simple-life moments that make us smile, whatever yours are.

And speaking of simple and good, here is a sweet new recipe I tried during the 4-solid days of rain this weekend. It's Fall in a bowl. Try it with a fresh baguette, toasted every so slightly, a cup of brown rice or quinoa, and a glass of good Chardonnay.

A Moment In Time - Take 2

2018-01-15T15:44:00.002-08:00

I am reposting this blog from 2015 in honor of Martin Luther King's birthday. A random writer's group meet up turned into one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I believe this experience has even more meaning today than it did for me three years ago. Here is the recap of what happened that turned a reluctant outing into a moment in time...

There was nothing at all extraordinary about this day. I had an average day at work, a few highs and lows but nothing special. It has been a rainy day but not nearly as bad as the weather channel predicted. After work I had a writer's workshop to attend. I wasn't looking forward to it - honestly the day wore me out and I just wanted to crash on the sofa with Gone Girl, my current book obsession. But I haven't attended this workshop before, and I felt I needed some social interaction, I've been in a bit of a loner funk lately, so I forced myself to go.

I drove nearly 30 minutes, crossed the James River even. There were four people there when I arrived including the chair of the meet up, George. George is an editor and has given me really valuable edits on several of my short stores over Google Docs but we had never met. He was older than I expected, a bit more quiet and unassuming than he came across on line. Among the other group members were two middle-aged women and a young grad student. We started the session by reading dialogue out loud from one of the women's novel drafts. It was fun and a really great way to test the validity of one's written dialogue. The sequence was a Tarot Card reading, something I actually know a thing or two about so I could provide some valuable feedback. We then helped talk the grad student through some edits on his application to VCU for a teacher's assistant position. It is much harder to write about yourself sometimes than to write fiction. Next the group offered George some feedback on a memoir he is working on from the Grandfather of one of his students; George is a volunteer tutor for under privileged and/or handicapped kids. The memoir was fascinating. The Grandfather was a journalist in the 1960's and had covered a Martin Luther King church rally some 53 years ago in Cleveland, Ohio; eight months before Doctor King's assassination.

The most amazing thing happened next. George told us he had a big surprise for us. The Grandfather had not just covered the rally, but had actually tape recorded (reel to reel) Doctor King's speech. It had never been released to the public. George then did an amazing thing. He played us the speech! Other than the 5,000 people who attended the rally 53 years ago and George and his wife, we were the only other people to have ever heard this speech. We set there in silence; four strangers sharing this monumental moment, 23 to be exact. By the end of it we were all in tears, shaking a little and feeling like we had experienced a huge moment in history. I was so pumped leaving that meeting - I felt like I was on cloud nine. I wanted to shout it to the world what I had just experienced.

This seemed like a moment that was just screaming to be shared, but I had no one available to share it with. It was past bed time for my mom. My daughter in LA was in class. My oldest was in rehearsal for a play. So I'm sharing this with you and I hope I can do some minor justice to just how wonderful this moment was for me.

I wish you could have heard Doctor King's voice, the crowd in the background, the fever in the air. Every word was a piece of pure genius. My favorite line in the speech though was when Doctor King said every man should have something he holds so dear that he is willing to die for it…

"If you are 35 and you let a moment go by and don't fight for something you truly believe in and you live to be 80, you were just as dead at 35 as you will be at 80."

Thank you Doctor King for reminding me to make my life have purpose. And thank YOU for sharing this moment with me.

Time To Turn Your Hobby Into a Day Job?

2017-10-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

Aurthor's Note:
After a six-month sabbatical from blogging, I was pleasantly surprised to get tons of requests for a new post from my followers. It warmed my heart to know that you missed our little "chats". I missed it as well, but have been busy getting my new life in Raleigh/Durham together. Never an easy feat. More about all of that later. To get me back on track, I asked for suggestions from you about topics you'd like to have addressed, and I promised the first requester that I'd make my first new post about their topic. I was excited when I read the request to write about turning a hobby into a job. While I've never personally attempted it, I know a lot of people who have and even more who wish they could. Thank you Barb Harvil for your suggestion!
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Time To Turn Your Hobby Into a Day Job?

If you've been thinking about turning that hobby you enjoy so much into a money-maker, there are a few things you should ask yourself. First and foremost, how hard do you really want to work? Next question you should consider is how long can you go without making a profit? A lot of us empty-nesters are re-evaluating our lives, especially when it comes to work. Some of us have "down-sized" our careers and taken a lesser job - less stress, less income, less advancement potential, etc. Others have retired all together and are enjoying volunteerism, travel, spending time with family. And then there are those who either have taken the plunge, or who are considering making the leap and turning their hobby into their job. That's the focus of today's blog post.

I have a friend in Richmond, Virginia who always dreamed of opening a cafe'. Nothing elaborate, just a little coffee house with some baked goods, open mic night, maybe the occasional lunch special. When he investigated the concept, he realized just how big this dream actually was. Even the simplest concept requires a major investment to get it off the ground. The cost of renting the space, in his case he also rented the equipment, paying the staff, finding a reliable source for the product(s). All in all, his initial investment, not counting salary was around $35,000. Add paying staff and giving himself a salary, and he was out about $100,000 first year. Even though the business is doing really well, he admits it will probably take him about 5 years before he will see a return on his investment. That's okay for him, because he counted on it, planned for it, and could sustain himself and his family during the build up process. He is open 7a.m. to 3p.m. 4 days a week, and 7a.m. to 6p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Because he had a very demanding career, his hours now are actually a whole lot better than they were. It's a family business so he and his wife get to spend more time together, and the most stressful part of his day is when one of the coffee machines breaks down. So for my friend, making the move from hobby to job has been largely successful and fulfilling.

I have another friend in Charleston South Carolina who loves to cook and decided to try a second career in food services after he retired from his corporate job. He bought a food truck and became an on-the-road BBQ shop. His initial investment was right around $100,000 as well. While business is booming, the hours suck. He said just to keep up with demand, he's working pretty much 6a.m to midnight, 6 days a week. That schedule works for him, but it wouldn't be sustainable for everyone.

Before you go whole hog, it may be a good idea to start off small. Keep your day job, and start on a very small scale working toward your future job. A young female friend of mine wanted to open a vintage dress shop, but, like most young people today, she is loaded up with student loan debt and isn't making top dollar at her entry level marketing job. She had accumulated a ton of really cool vintage clothes, and enjoyed shopping for that perfect piece. So she started a monthly Pop Up sale on line. She created a name and logo, built a very basic website connected with Pay Pal, and about a week before her "sale" she'd advertise on all of her social media sites, ask her friends to share the post, etc.. It started off slow. One piece would sell here and there. Then she ramped up her photos of the clothes and started writing descriptive stories about where the dress may have been worn in the 20's, what the woman had for dinner while wearing the charming 1950's hat and gloves, etc. Now she has a mobile shop that travels to festivals, parks, farmer's markets, just like a food truck. She recently quit her "day job" and is doing this full time. It took here about 4 years to get it up and running, but now her hobby IS her job. It can be done.

As much as I'd love to be my own boss, for me it's best to keep my hobbies as just that. The minute I am 100% dependent on any of my hobbies to actually pay my rent, the minute it becomes just a job. That's me, though. So for now, I'm going to keep cooking and dreaming up recipes, not for money, for the delightful end results! Here is one of my latest creations. Enjoy, and thanks for reading!

Roasted garlic and mozzarella scrambled egg with fresh organic tomatoes
2 eggs, beaten until yolks are broken up
1/4 cup of evaporated milk
2 tbl of butter
1/4 cup of mozzarella cheese
1 clove of garlic shopped and roasted
1 tbl olive oil, extra virgin
2 slices of your favorite tomato.
1 piece of sour dough bread, lightly buttered and sprinkled with parmesan cheese on both sides

Roast the garlic in a sauce pan with olive oil for about 30 seconds. Remove and set aside.

Beat egg, milk, salt and pepper in a small bowl. Melt butter in a sauce pan and swirl to cover the bottom of the pan. Mix the roasted garlic into your egg mixture and scramble for about 2 minutes or until egg is cooked the way you like it. Remove the egg mixture and use the same pan to lightly "toast" your bread. Cook for under 1 minute on each side. Put the eggs on a plate, top with two slices of tomato, and your sour dough toast. It's okay if you want some catsup, sriracha, or worcestershire sauce, but you really don't need a thing, well, other than coffee..

Empty Nexting: How Low Can We Go?

2017-03-12T09:12:00.001-07:00

Empty Nexting: How Low Can We Go?: So, I know I said I'd stop with the political posts, but I just have to get this off my chest. Recently our President, Donald Trump, ...

How Low Can We Go?

2017-03-05T17:57:00.004-08:00

So, I know I said I'd stop with the political posts, but I just have to get this off my chest.

Recently our President, Donald Trump, delivered a speech to Congress. It was a decent performance. He didn't snort, racially insult anyone, or act like a child. He looked professional and spoke "Presidentially". The thing that has my panties in a wad is that the press, Congress, and just about everyone else on this planet is making a HUGE, pardon the pun, big freakin' deal about it.

Is our bar really that low? Why are we shocked, excited and proud that the President of the United States acted, well, Presidential? That seems like the very least we should expect from him. It's a reminder of just how "off" we are all as a nation right now. I'm concerned that we have already become conditioned to the fact that we should expect the worse from the person we elected as our leader. I don't like the new bar, and I want it raised! I'm not alone, but as much as we try to "resist", here is what we are dealing with...

We still have not seen Mr. Trump's tax returns. Why is this a big deal? Well, I'll tell you. Every American citizen is held accountable to the IRS to file our taxes and pay what we owe. Shouldn't our highest office be as accountable as the lowest common denominator? It is also clear that Mr. Trump has something to hide, or else we'd seen it by now. Dealings with Russia? China? Perhaps even some of those "extreme Islamic" nations that have been banned from traveling to the U.S.? Who knows! But we SHOULD know and more importantly, we should CARE! Why don't we? Why isn't every member of Congress, at the very least, DEMANDING the release of these tax records?
Russian Involvement in the Election. Why the HELL hasn't our Congress and Senate DEMANDED this issue be settled and addressed? This is all-out war and yet we are giving Russia, and Mr. Trump, a pass on this? Come on, what is going on? If YOU care about this issue, and you SHOULD, write, call, hound, harass your elected officials until something is done about this monstrosity!
Our Environment - Do I have to remind all of you about Al Gore and Global Warming?? It's real, people, and we just allowed our new President to dismantle the only agency in charge of making sure we don't blow up our planet! I'm shocked and amazed at how little this issue has been covered by our press and how many people don't seem to give a crap about this.
Our Health and Security - I'm a baby boomer and one of millions who was hoping that the hundreds of thousands of dollars I've put into my Social Security would help supplement my retirement. Fat chance of that happening now, and NOBODY seems to care! Millions of people are about to go without medical coverage, what does that mean? Disease, decay, death, you name it. It isn't acceptable in a third world country, but we are not fighting it here in the US of A?

I could go on and on, but I think I've made my point. We as the American people should hold all of our leaders, especially our President, to the highest standards and expectations. Instead we are lowering the bar just because Mr. Trump cries like a little baby when the media doesn't agree with him. Points his little fingers at the military when a decision HE made caused the loss of a life. Bullies and grunts his way over anybody who gets in his way. I say that's all the more reason to raise the bar! In my experience, people who point the finger at others and go on the defensive over the most minor of conflicts are usually the ones most guilty. Let's hold him accountable! All of the hard core right wingers are saying "give him a chance"....A chance to what, be our next dictator?

I don't like bullies. Never have. When I was a kid there was this guy, much bigger than the rest of us, who used to guard the merry-go-round. When we would be brave enough to get on, in spite of him, he'd run so fast that we would all fly off of it onto the ground. We told the teacher on him. Nothing. We told our parents about him. Nothing. I hated that he controlled my most favorite part of the play ground. I was very small for my age, and kind of quiet. But one day I got on that merry-go-round and planted my feet under the bar, held on as tightly as I could, and dared him to toss me off. He tried and tried and couldn't. It made him so angry. But then, something incredible happened. He stopped running and jumped off. It was no longer fun for him to bully us when somebody stood up to him.

Stand up to our new leader, let him know that no matter which side of the fence (or Wall) you're on, you demand answers to the questions he is refusing to answer. Let him know the bar is raising! He wanted this office and he got it, now if he wants to stay on the merry-go-round, he's going to have to face the fact that we are hanging on to our rights as tightly as we can, and we aren't going to let him toss off off balance.

There are new Resistance movements forming all over the country. Join one. Get involved. Be a part of the solution to this problem that we created. Hang on with all your strength and stand up to this bully. We've got this!

Just the Facts Please

2017-01-22T08:12:00.002-08:00

This is not a political blog site and I have carefully steered clear of that topic in the past. So when I say this will not be a political statement I'm making, I truly mean it. This is a HUMAN statement. I'm not liberal. I'm not conservative. I've always voted based on the issues at hand and the character of the candidate. But I believe we are on the verge of another civil war in this country, and I believe we will all suffer if it is not stomped out quickly.

Friday, 1/20/17, will go down in history but for all of the wrong reasons. I've had to de-friend nearly 50 people on Facebook over this presidential election. Not because of who they support or who they voted for, but due to the extreme, over-the-top hatred that has emerged. Mr Trump has opened up a sore that has been festering among a segment of our population for the past, oh 50 years. And that sore has come to a boil and burst and the goo is getting all over us right now.

For the first time since the Civil Rights movement, a segment of our population suddenly feels empowered and proud to tout their racism. For the first time since the Women's Movement, a segment of our population is openly casting their vote for sexual assault against women. For the first time since the creation of the United Nations, a portion of this country is saying we don't need to play nice with our foreign allies. Whether or not Mr. Trump intended this movement is yet to be determined. But he started it and it's on him to grab it by the ur, um, "balls" and wring it off the face of the American soil.

As a Mass Communications Major, another movement that is emerging frightens me even more than the above. Freedom of the Press. Mr. Trump does not like it. He in fact despises it. It's gotten to the point where none of us really believe anything the press is saying because it is a bi-polar media right now. Either you are for the Trump Movement or you are against it, it appears. Fox, Vox, CNN, MSN, even Buzzfeed and The Wall Street Journal have been under fire for and accused of "fake news". Folks, this isn't a matter to take likely. Freedom of Speech and truth in news reporting are basic differences between the American system and Communists countries. If we can no longer trust the news, we are, pardon my French, "Fucked."

This problem didn't appear out of no where and Mr. Trump didn't create it. He just USED it to get himself elected to the highest office in the nation, perhaps the entire world. His team did their research, and they uncovered this movement. They crafted messaging to target this audience and tapped into the raw hatred that was festering around the nation. They were brilliant in their advertising and Mr. Trump stayed true to the character he is portraying - average white guy. Anyone who has ever watched TV knows that Donald Trump is no average white guy. He is also not a conservative. It didn't matter though because the advertising was so brilliant and the marketing was so strong and the audience was so ready for "THEIR" views to be represented, that they didn't care if the character was a fake.

But the Trump campaign did something even more powerful. They studied the liberal audience too. They found the flaws of apathy, politeness, political correctness, and used those against them. I think it's fair to say they used everything in their means, the FBI, perhaps even a relationship with Russia, to make Ms. Clinton look like a villain. They created a shadow of a doubt that maybe, just maybe, she was worse then Mr. Trump in character. So those voters on the fence stayed home. Or threw their vote to an Independent Candidate with no chance of winning.

Ms. Clinton failed partly because she was too qualified for the job. For the first time in history being prepared, experienced, networked and groomed for a position was seen as a negative thing. Accident? I think not. I think the Trump campaign created that illusion. You have to admit, it was an incredibly brilliant move. I doubt they even realized how smart it was. I'm sure it was a Hail Mary attempt to get a candidate with absolutely no experience in governing and a flawed public image to have a snow-ball's chance in hell to compete with a candidate with Ms. Clinton's background and experience. Bravo, it worked.

But now what? Mr. Trump is our President. He has made promises to the population of haters who think white men have been wronged in some way because men and women of color have received basic rights. He has appointed a cabinet of characters who also play that part. Over 3 million Americans voted for the other "guy", so we are a nation divided. There is no compromise on basic human rights. The liberals have decided to throw manners out of the window. Women are showing that they will not sit back quietly and take it. Shit is getting real, real fast.

On Facebook many Trump supporters are asking for FACTS. Show me facts that Donald Trump supports racism. Show me facts that Donald Trump is a womanizer. Show me facts that Russia played a part in the election. Problem is, when facts are given, these supporters say it's just the liberal media making "fake news". Folks, the facts came right out of Mr. Trump's own mouth. So when the media shows video of Mr. Trump saying "...grab her by the pussy. You can do anything you want." these same supporters, many of them women, say "that's just locker room talk. Don't pretend you haven't heard that before." I'm 57 years old, grew up with a house full of men, hang out with mostly men and I can honestly say I have never heard anyone say that, ever. Even if they had of said it, none of them are President of the Free World. I have been raped. Many women I know have been raped or assaulted in some way by a man. These words that came out of our President's own mouth bring back those horrible memories. It makes me afraid, all over again. That isn't me being political, or a crybaby, or emotional. That is me, being a woman, afraid that the message being delivered by the highest office in the country is that it's okay to abuse women. It isn't okay. It has never been okay. And I do not understand you women out there who support those words by that man. That's a fact.

What's done is done. Trump's campaign beat Clinton's campaign. We have a new President. We have a Conservative House and a Conservative Senate. We are about to have a Conservative Supreme Court. No checks and balances remain. This is now a one-party system, at least for the next two years. Fighting about it on the streets won't solve the problem. Writing hate posts on social media won't fix it either. What will fix it? We the People. We still have a voice. We need strong candidates to put in Congress in the next election. People with moral character. People who are passionate about our freedoms. If you are such a person, it's time for you to step up. Serve this country. Fight the hatred. We did it 50 years ago, we can do it again. This isn't a Liberal cry for help. This is a HUMAN cry for help.

If you are a member of the Press, speak the truth. Write the facts. Tell the stories you are seeing on the streets of America. Photo journalists, capture the moment. Stop playing into the hands of the haters by letting your emotions block you from the facts. Use social media to SHOW the facts.

If you are Donald Trump, seize this moment. You may have been playing a part that your campaign asked you to play to get elected, but you are in charge now. You have a choice. Either you can go down in history as the President that helped cause a civil, racial, gender war in America. Or you can go down in history as the President who brought the country together again. I know you are all about the ratings, so if you don't care from a moral place, I'm hoping you will care about your approval score. You must have seen how many women, and men, marched across the nation yesterday against what your campaign stood for. Make your daughters proud. Say "screw you" to the people who got you elected and be your own man. Be a good man. Rise to the occasion. Give the media something positive to say about you, that isn't FAKE NEWS. Stop being a Bully. It isn't allowed on social media and you could get kicked off twitter. Make America Great Again, by stopping this hate movement that you helped to create. Please. And thank you.

All Roads Lead to Lumberton...

2016-10-16T18:01:00.001-07:00

Growing up in the south, I've experienced my share of hurricanes. So when my city, Charleston, SC, was evacuated due to hurricane Mathew I wasn't that alarmed. I packed my dog, Ninja, a cooler with water and food, a big flashlight and extra batteries, and drove North to Richmond, Virginia where I have family and friends. No big deal.

The extra two days to the long weekend was refreshing. Richmond weather was nice, a little over cast, but no rain. I had a blast with my daughter and some of my friends. And Charleston didn't end up getting hit as badly as anticipated so my friends who stayed behind where safe and sound. I had planned to stay in Richmond until Monday or Tuesday, but the weather report was good, sun was shining in Richmond and my Charleston friends said the coast was clear to come home. So I started my journey, which under normal circumstances takes about 6.5 hours. I left Sunday morning around 10a.m., top down in my convertible, sun shining, a little breeze, traffic was light, piece of cake, right? Well, yes, for about 2.5 hours it was.

I passed this gas station right before the Dam broke

Then my adventure began. And when I say adventure, I mean the absolute most terrifying experience of my life. You see, what the news had not warned and GPS had not alerted was that interstate 95 was shut down just past Raleigh, NC due to flooding and debris. For those of you who do not know, 95 is the only major highway that takes you North to South. Thousands of people who had been evacuated from deep south and who had sought safety further north were now all trying to get home, only to find out that the main way home was closed down. And they detoured us all through a little-known town called Lumberton, North Carolina. Barely a dot on the map.

Okay, no worries, safety in numbers. I wasn't alone, not really. There were 18-wheelers, other evacuees like me, some folks heading south for vacation, etc. And I had GPS so I was good, I thought. My friends who were reaching out to me as the news updates hit the wave lengths, were telling me a variety of different things. "95 is open past Fayetteville" was the biggest of the inaccuracies. Still, I was hopeful. I had filled up my gas tank in Raleigh, thankfully, I had water, it was still early in the day, around 2pm when I started my Lumberton nightmare, and the sun was still shining.

What no one could have predicted was that the marshes in North Carolina were already saturated and the dam walls were weak. So as the day went on things got progressively worse. Roads that showed "open" on Waze and GPS were closing on a dime. Through the little town of Lumberton, Google Maps and Waze tried desperately to find me a road out. Each detour I took led me to yet another flooded road. No police, no fire trucks, no blockades anywhere. Just water, rising higher and higher with each "dead end". And Lumberton was completely "dark", no electricity at all. In most cases my GPS wasn't even working due to lines down. And no gas. Not a drop. Anywhere. After a long search, I found a way out on route 72 South. I was in a long line of vehicles, bumper to bumper to get to the highway, which was the only way out that wasn't flooded. From about 4:30 pm to 8:30pm I waited in line, moving every few minutes for an inch or two. I was about 5 miles from the clear when I heard a loud roaring and saw water jet up in the air ahead. Immediately the line of vehicles starting turning around and as a truck passed the driver yelled out "Turn around fast - the Dam broke!"

Remember, I was in a sports car....

By this time I was down to 1/4 tank of gas, had no place to stay (all hotels were either sold out or closed, remember no electricity in the entire area), and it was dark. Looting had begun and shit was getting real. Ninja was crying, I was trying to keep it together, and all of my friends kept calling with advice on how to get out.

They meant well, but the reality was not portrayed on TV, GPS, or anywhere else because it was happening minute by minute. I decided my best bet was to try and get back to The Holiday Inn I had passed a few miles (and hours) back and sleep in my car in the parking lot. I figured I'd be safer there than on the side of the street. When I got to the hotel, there were tons of people hanging around outside by the lobby area. I went in to see what was going on and found that they were allowing stranded people to camp out in the lobby, handing out water, pillows and blankets. It was a miracle, and I felt so lucky to have a safe place to sleep. But I didn't want to leave Ninja in the car alone, so I took my pillow and blanket and went to crash in the car with her. Then the nicest thing happened. An elderly and frail woman who worked the front desk knocked on my car window. "I don't want to scare you, but this is a really bad part of town and you shouldn't sleep in your car here," she said. "I found you a room. There's no electricity but if you have a flash light I can get you in, and you can bring your dog too." It was then that I was reminded of how sometimes when things get bad good people pop up. She was a good person, and not the last one I'd find on my journey home.

After a little sleep, Ninja and I headed out to find gas. Someone told me there was gas available in Fayetteville, about 45 minutes North. If I could get to Fayetteville I could get gas, and then I'd regroup and find a way out of this crazy town. By now I was convinced the Zombie Apocalypse was real and I was living it. Fayetteville DID have electricity, but after three stops I was beginning to doubt if there was any gas. I followed signs to the Airport figuring there would be more gas stations on that route. I finally saw one, with a man pumping gas, just as my gas light came on in my car. Fingers crossed, I waited in a short line hoping they wouldn't run out before I could get some. When it was my turn, I filled my tank and paid with my credit card. The man pumping gas next me, a mid forties Afro American male, asked me where I was headed. When I told him Charleston, he said "Mam' you can't get there from here, but you've gotta get out of HERE." He went on to tell me that I was safer fighting the hurricane than staying in this part of Fayetteville. As he put it, I was in between Crackhouse row and Prostitution Lane. Okay then. Time to go back to Lumberton because 95 was shut down both North and South.

This wasn't under water on Sunday when I passed it twice...

I was not going to spend another night in Lumberton. From the looks of things this town wasn't going to see electricity or clear roads for at least a week. I think they are still out. So I did what any stranded traveler should do - I looked for 18-wheelers. I found a row of them parked in the Wal-Mart parking lot and a group of other travelers had gathered around. One of the drivers had a real map, imagine that! We forged a union and came up with two ways out - the most desirable one taking 701 toward Myrtle Beach. The truckers couldn't make it because of the side roads, so about 6 vehicles including mine formed a convoy and headed out. After a a couple hours of driving through back roads, we saw a sign that said Myrtle Beach 20 miles. I was so excited! It was only about 11a.m. so I knew I'd be back to Charleston by 2 or 3. But the Universe wasn't done screwing with us. Just about 15 miles from Myrtle, 701 flooded. We had to regroup and turn around to try our alternate route. We lost two vehicles at this point because they were about to run out of gas and needed to find a place to refuel. Sadly, everyone with electricity was out of gas it seemed. An Uber Driver from Myrtle Beach led the way and we tried our backup plan - take 421 to Wilmington, really far out of the way but hey we didn't have any other choice, and then 17 South to Myrtle, 17 South to Charleston. This time it worked. I made it back to Charleston by 7:00pm Monday night. I was pumped with adrenaline and it hadn't quite hit me just how lucky I was to be home. Ninja, however, was astutely aware as she crawled under my bed and stayed there all night.

I learned many things from this experience. First and foremost, pay better attention to the warnings and do not drive the day after a hurricane no matter what other people are telling you. But most importantly, I learned that there are good people left in the world. Just when you think you are alone and things can't improve, somebody proves you wrong. The hotel lobby worker at The Holiday Inn, the man at the gas station, and the Uber driver from Myrtle Beach all came to my rescue. As did my friends. One in particular who texted me throughout the entire ordeal and joked with me and made me feel almost normal. Almost.

I also learned that I would never want to live in Lumberton, North Carolina, not even on a good day.

Don't Give Up On Us Baby...Boomers

2016-10-02T09:27:00.003-07:00

As I grow older, watch my friends age, some not so gracefully, see my mother struggle with life's simpliest activities, it's easy to judge and be judged. It's easy for others to see us as "old people" and think we are not worthy of respect, admiration, or even basic courtesy. Younger groups, especially the Millennials, seem to have little or no regard for experience, seniority, knowledge accrued over years of learning the hard way. They look at our graying hair and not-so-toned bodies and think we are "has beens", irrelevant, out of touch. But what they don't see, can't know, is where we've been, what we've done and what we still have to offer, especially in the world of advertising where most of the money spent on services and products come from, guess which age group? The Baby Boomers. Gen Exers save their money, Millennials don't have any because they are strapped with student loans, so if you want to speak to the audience that actually buys things, you better have some folks on your team who know how to communicate with them. Or at all.

If I sound outraged, I kind of am. Recently I've seen several of my friends turned down for jobs that they are more than qualified for with no good reason or explanation. Their applications are impressive, resume's even better, they do awesome on their phone interviews because they actually know how to speak with people, not just text or email. Then the in-person interview comes and things go down hill. The hiring managers want young people on their roster with their fresh faces on their website profile. They can get them for cheap, but guess what folks, you get what you pay for. Look around your offices and see who's there after 5pm. And it's not because they are slower. It's because for the most part your Baby Boomers give a shit. They care about the work they are doing, the companies they represent, the products and services they are promoting. They care what others think of them, and that's a shame.

Recently I was doing a pro bono job with my firm (one that is brave and smart enough to hire a 50 plusser to head up their content division I might add). It was for a local government run food delivery program for seniors and shut ins. We were interviewing recipients of the program for a promotional video when I met Mr. Gibbs. Mr. Gibbs is a 75 year old shut-in who has experienced 5 strokes in the past 2 and a half years. He can no longer cook for himself due to dizziness. Walking is a challenge for him now. He lives on a very tight budget, under $1,000 a month. When we walked in he was in a recliner wearing shorts and a cotton shirt, excited for his interview and chance to introduce himself to the community. He wasn't embarrassed to admit he needed help and appreciated the food he was given. But mostly he wanted to tell us a story and share a secret. His eyes were bright, his smile infectious. He had a story to tell and boy is it a doozy!

Behind the pale, tired eyes there was a vibrant brain, a creative genius. Mr. Gibbs told his story and chills popped up all over my body, and the 20 something camera guys and sound team with me got schooled. For nearly 30 years, Mr. Gibbs had been a sound engineer for the Charleston Symphony. He built his own sound studio in his home including making all of his own cables from pieces he bought at Radio Shack. This highly sophisticated set up did not include any computers, no software of any kind. Every piece was custom built to serve a very unique purpose. He even built the surround sound speakers that were located all around the sound room.

Nowadays he has to keep the electricity shut off in that part of his home because he can't afford to pay the utility bill, but he turned it on long enough to give us the thrill of a lifetime. In his perfectly adorned acoustic sound room, he played us a limited edition version of Hotel California mastered in Japan in the early 80s. I teared up it was so amazing. Watching Mr. Gibbs watch us as we listened to it made my day. He had a purpose again. He was important, again. He had a reason to get out of his chair, again.

You never know what someone has been through or what contribution they have made or still will make when you meet them. My plea to you all is to stop judging a book by it's cover. Embrace our differences and realize that Baby Boomers are still capable, vibrant people who bring a lot to the table. We were the first generation to get high, play hard rock, burn bras and have open, free-loving sex. We are funny, fun, smart, interesting contributors to society and we want to work our butts off even though a lot of us don't need the money. So the next time you are on an interview panel and someone from a different generation is sitting across the table, stop judging and just listen to what they have to say. You may be surprised at how much we have in common.

Love Is Blind

2016-06-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

Searching and dreaming for a better life has left me empty in this one.
If I stop to think for any length of time, I drift into regret, and what if’s.
Second -guessing, always over thinking. If only I had done this or that….
If only he had loved me back.

Running away from myself was the only solution in my short sight.
But no matter how far I go, I end up right back where I start –
Staring at my faceless image in the mirror of my mind.
Wondering what would happen if he hadn’t made me blind.

The one thing I do see, ever so clearly, is that he is happy.
She has made him happy and for that I can never forgive her.
Never forgive myself, really, for not accepting the plain fact.
There was never anything I could have done to get him back

I ran away from everything I knew chasing a boy, a dream of a boy.
I always promised myself I’d never be the dumb one,
Never put my fate on someone else’s shoulders, no matter how strong.
Now I sit gazing at the stars knowing what went wrong.

I wonder if there’s time for me to get myself back on track.
Will there ever be a strength so brave to wipe him out of my heart.
And if that happens, how sad will that make me, how much worse can it get?
I have to find a way to live forward, but not regret…

Working out the Kinks

2016-06-05T18:18:00.003-07:00

As some of you may know, I lead seminars and do training on creative work flow and process efficiencies. Lately I've made an effort at practicing what I preach professionally on a personal level. Trying to work out some kinks in my time management and efficiencies at home.

I currently have three jobs; I work for myself as a content writer and speaker, work at an ad agency as a content strategist, and work part time at CarMax as a sales consultant. So it goes without saying that I'm a busy girl. Plus, I'm in a new town and trying to make friends and be social. And, by the way, I am trying to get to the gym at least three times a week.

Here's what an average week for me looks like:

Day Job Part Time Job Freelance Work Gym Social
Monday
8:30-5pm 6-9pm

Tuesday
8:30-5pm 6-9pm

Wednesday
8:30-5pm 8-10pm 6-7pm

Thursday
8:30-5pm 8-10pm 6-7pm

Friday
8:30-5pm 6-9pm 9-11pm

Saturday
9am-6pm 7-8pm 9-12pm

Sunday 11am-7pm 9-11pm 9-10am

As you can see, there is very little room for error in this schedule! I have to be super efficient with my personal time (yep, didn't really schedule for that!) to do laundry, walk my dog, feed and play with my cat, talk on the phone with my family, make meals, pay bills, get my hair cut/colored, etc. Now the good thing is I get a weekend off a month to catch up...or to do a road trip, etc.

Funny as it may seem, this crazy schedule leaves me less tired and stressed than it did when I was working my one day job that I had before. My hours for that job were more like 8am to 7pm and the stress level of the work was much higher. I never seemed to have any time or energy to do any of the things on my current schedule, and my social and gym time overlapped.

I guess the point I'm trying to make with all of this is that time management can help not only with your day job but also with your life job. Plus hours worked do not equate to the same level of stress/tiredness. My two 13 hour days a week now leave me feeling more energized, for example, than my 11 hour work days did before. Different type of work, more variety, less stress in the environment of the work all help me maintain a more even keel.

I like being busy. I prefer to not be idle. And I enjoy feeling like, at the end of the day, I've accomplished something. So for now, this is working for me. I acknowledge that it is perhaps not sustainable but I am hoping to keep it up for at least a year to help rebuild my savings that I dipped into when I was unemployed or only working freelance. That's the goal. And I"m not suffering. Some of my friends tease me about my Facebook posts at the various beaches and bars around Charleston. So obviously I'm making it out to do things and enjoy this fine city.

But if you ask me to hang out and I say I'm too busy, or just too tired, be a sport and understand.And refer to above Social scheduled times as a reference of when I may be available. Or come hang out with me at the gym. I can talk and walk as well, so a long walk with a friend can be subbed for gym time on occasion.

Thanks for understanding and as usual thanks for your support!

Beyond The Comfort Zone

2016-05-22T06:36:00.004-07:00

Lately I've been feeling off my game. As I've been trying to analyze the situation, because that's what I do, I think, and overthink everything to try and figure out the root cause, it dawned on me like an ah-ha moment...I'm too far out of my comfort zone.

I've always excelled and enjoyed being beyond my comfort zone. It's exhilarating to stretch yourself and push your limits, and I've tried to always do that just a little, enough to keep life exciting. But lately I may have over done it. Let's take a look at the past 6 months...

December 2015 - I put in my notice for retirement with my Company I'd been working with for 18 years
January 2016 - I packed my car and a moving truck with all of my possessions, including my pets, said goodbye to my family, friends and RVA, a city that I truly love and have lived in for 23 years, and moved to Charleston, SC where I had only visited a hand full of times
I started my own company - did I mention I was in a new town where I knew no one? Yeah.
I began speaking engagements at conferences - I am painfully shy in front of a crowd and out of practice at public speaking
I joined several business networking groups to sell my services - see above. Closet introvert that I am, this one really hurt
I took a part time job, selling cars, yep, introvert selling used cars, awesome
I'm under contract to write a children's book and just signed a publishing deal with Pegasus Publishing for my first novel - okay this part is pretty cool!
I had to do a make-over to fit in with this hip, but southern town - I've had the same personal style for, well, ever, but it became obvious really quickly that it wasn't going to work here partly due to the heat and humidy but also to the southern-ness and conservative nature of the area, so I had to buy some lighter weight and lighter colors, I even added some patterns, ee gads!
I joined a gym and got a personal trainer - I think this is what has kept me going and helped me manage the catastrophic change, but it takes time as well
Dating? Yep, I've been trying that too. The men here are pretty awesome but there are 5 women to every man so it isn't easy

So, as you can see, I may have pushed myself over the edge just a bit with all of this change. At first I was running on adrenaline and just going with the flow so it felt okay. But lately it is hitting me like a ton of bricks. Too............much...........change........too.........fast! It's hard to breathe, difficult to relax but all I want to do is sleep, I have a sudden urge to crawl under a rug and stay there until I'm safely back in RVA with my friends and family and familiar places (Belle Isle is calling my name lately as well) doing a job I have done forever and know inside out. Then I wake up and realize I'm here and this is what I'm dealing with, and I just have to push through it until this change is my new normal.

Every night before I go to bed I walk my dog and say to myself and the moon, "I'm going to be okay. I can do this. Things will get better soon. " And every morning when I wake up I try and face the day with a positive, can-do attitude. I keep reminding myself that I asked for this, I made this happen. There had to be a reason, right? Six months from now I am hoping I'll look back on this time and smile and say it was all worthwhile. Stay tuned!

Meanwhile to save me some time and money, I signed up with Blue Apron, a menu and food delivery service. It's pretty cool - you choose your meals and they send you everything you need to make it yourself including the recipe, seasonings, etc. Keeps me out of the grocery store (where I spend way too much time and money) and forces me to eat proper, healthy meals. I'll share some of the recipes with you soon, but feel free to visit their website and check it out for yourself...

http://blueapron.com

Until next time, "I see the moon, the moon sees me. The moon sees someone I'd love to see. So God bless the moon and God bless me and God bless the ones I long to see."

Chef Ben is live on Amazon!

2016-04-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

Want to get lucky?

For the past four years I've been working on an erotic fiction novel, Chef Ben. It's finally complete and available on Amazon and Kindle. For a limited time I am sponsoring a giveaway where you can be one of eight lucky winners to get a taste of Chef Ben for free. I warn you, this is highly explicit, daring and unorthodox, but the love story is compelling and the characters are fun to get to know. Make sure you are over 18 to enter!

https://giveaway.amazon.com/p/d76667da2e7e2f23

	Title:	Chef Ben, Tough Love

Basic Training

2016-03-11T07:52:00.004-08:00

Have you ever wondered how some women or men seem to always get the "guy/gal"? And others of us who are hotter, smarter, cooler, etc. don't? I've been doing some research on this topic lately for a client and have stumbled onto some very interesting data and advice. And in doing so I've uncovered perhaps one of the most successful social media trends today.

It used to be advertisers relied on push communications - ads on TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, that require folks to go to the source to get the information. Today with everyone glued to their smart phones, tablets, laptops, it's easier than ever to talk with them, you simply have to be where they are. And oddly they don't seem to mind the interruption. The same audience that hates it when you interrupt their TV show with a commercial doesn't get the least bit upset when you interrupt their google search with a mobile video clip - as long as the message resonates with a need they have. So very targeted digital ads not only work, but are in high demand by consumers.

As a relationship blog writer I've been targeted with tons of relationship self-help messages. "How To Get A Guy To Notice You," "What to Say To Get The Ring," "What A Guy Really Wants," - you may have seen some of these. They lead in with a "personal" story about how this woman was about to get dumped and she stumbles onto a relationship coach quite by accident and they give her three questions to ask the guy which suddenly makes him want her and only her, for the rest of his life. It all seems to good to be true, the video's go on forever and when you get to the end you are being sold a monthly subscription to some online newsletter or audio podcast series that reveals all of the secrets to "getting the guy."

For kicks and giggles, I signed up. Wow. This stuff is gold! After reading and listening to three different manuals, I'm convinced that the girl who got MY guy definitely used these techniques. It can turn a commitment phobe, a player even, into a pussy cat who wants to settle down and get a dog with you (yeah, he got a damn puppy with this woman) and it apparently only takes 6 months. If he knew he had been tricked, do you think he'd mind? According to the podcasts, no he wouldn't because she revealed in him exactly what he always wanted - to be loved, desired, needed, and respected by his perfect dream girl. It's that easy folks! You just have to be everything he/she wants. In order to do that though you must understand the male/female brain thoroughly. We are very different from each other you understand so it does require research, a bit of physiology, and according to the research, we have to make sure we are very very happy, all of the time.

It's no wonder I have failed at relationships. Here I thought being myself, not playing games, being honest was what a guy wants. Nope. He wants you to pretend to be happy with everything he says and does, smile at him as if he is your GOD, make him feel needed in every way. At first this made my blood boil. It felt that the women's rights movement had never happened. Seemed like games and tricks to me. But the closer you analyze the data it really makes a ton of sense. A man wants to be with a woman that makes him feel like a man. And a woman wants to be with a man who makes her feel like a giddy school girl. Duh.

Problem is us women have been taught that in order to succeed in our careers we have to be more like men. We have to be independent. Self reliant. Too perky kills your career path. Too nice and you are walked all over. And too happy, well that's just weird. So we've become highly successful in our careers and have lost, big time, in relationships with men. The same guy that won't respect a woman in the work place who behaves like a "girl" won't date a woman who doesn't make him feel like a "man." Interesting. And not surprising when you think about it. Surrounded by aggressive women at work all day, not knowing how to interact without appearing sexist, patronizing, condescending, feeling insecure about their manhood because woman are their bosses, etc., the last thing a guy wants to deal with at a bar is the same situation. So when a demure woman, dressed in pink, showing a little cleavage, sits at the bar, no cell phone in sight (that's a big rule to follow ladies, keep your phones in your purses when you are trolling for guys) and smiles at him sweetly, well he melts. When she makes eye contact with him and listens, really listens to what he has to say, asks him questions and tells him she is curious and interested in what he does, well, it makes him feel good about himself and then he wants to spend more time with her so he continues to feel that way. It seems so simple.

I'm going to follow the advice of these podcasts and let you know what happens. I'm headed out to a happy hour this evening and I'm going to try a softer, more feminine approach. Smart phone tucked away, lipstick on, "girls" out, soft hair style, smile, happy happy, keep opinions to myself, and see what happens. I'll report back in on my progress. If it works, I'll share all of the secrets with you. If it doesn't, well, it will be like any other Friday night, lol.

I just can't believe my guy's woman got this trick before I did. She doesn't even like social media - oh, wait, that's probably part of the trick, huh? Pretending to not like social media so the guy is the man and can tell you all about it? Boy, I've got so much to learn...

Meanwhile, here's a recipe I got online, from a digital ad that interrupted my search for a good seafood restaurant. I not only allowed the ad to run, but copied it, tried it and am now sharing it with you. This digital advertising stuff really works...

Seared Tuna with Green Beans, Lemon, and Wasabi

4 sushi-grade tuna steaks (3 ounces each)
Salt and freshly ground pepper
nonstick cooking spray
12 ounces of slim green beans, trimmed
1 lean, juice and grated zest
1 clove of minced garlic
2 tablespoons wasabi paste
4 scallions sliced thin on the diagonal
3 tablespoons black sesame seeds

Bring a pot of salted water to a boil and preheat a grill or grill pan over high heat. Season the tuna with salt and pepper and scary them with cooking spray. When the gill is hot, add the tuna and for about 2 minutes per side (medium-rare). Transfer the tuna to a platter and allow to rest, uncovered for about 5 minutes. Cook the beans in the boiling water about 3 minutes and drain. In a medium bowl, whisk the lemon juice, zest, garlic and wasabi paste. Add the beans, scallions and sesame seeds and toss to coat, adding salt and pepper to taste. Thinly slice the tuna, fanning each portion onto each 4 plates. Pile a mound of the beans on top of the tuna and serve.

Each serving only has about 166 calories! Now, that's how to get a guy...

Some things change; some stay the same.

2016-02-14T07:49:00.000-08:00

Folly Beach Pier

It's been a while since we've spoken and I'm sorry about that. But I've been quite busy. In the process of writing my Just Reboot blog post, I began searching for my next adventure. For many years'' I've dreamed of picking up and moving to a beach town to just start over. That fantasy has been tugging at me and giving me hope for a better future. Then I did the thing I never thought I'd do in a million years; I followed through. To everyone's surprise, especially mine, I signed a lease, quit my job, well retired actually, and moved to Charleston, SC. I didn't move for a job. I didn't move for a "boy." I moved for me. It seemed crazy to almost everyone I know, but it somehow just felt right. This town in the low country makes me feel new again. It's hard to explain to anyone who doesn't live here, but those that do, well, they get it. Oddly they all have very similar stories.

If you follow my blog you know that moving is one of my least favorite activities, now maybe my LEAST favorite one of all, and this was a BIG move. Real movers were required, not just a truck and some helpers. And this one was brutal. I was scammed by the movers and ended up paying nearly $2,000 more than anticipated which ate into my "nesting" money and left me feeling stupid (I'll write more about that experience later.) And hauling pets 6.5 hours away in my convertible sports car was kind of a blast (sarcasm.) When I finally got myself and my animals settled into my new place, I went to buy some necessities and realized my bank account had been hacked and had to shut it down for investigation. I was here for two full weeks living off of $200 in cash, not knowing a soul and without internet, TV or real food. Oh, and no job. Then I had car trouble and had to spend over half of my cash to get a new battery and head light. I convinced myself that I was part of some very dark experiment to test what a human mind can handle without breaking. It became almost comedic just waiting to see what next prank was hidden around the corner.

I didn't give into it and sink into depression though and I'm not sure why. There is just something about Charleston that makes you feel oddly happy. Maybe they pipe in that happy gas from Disney, I'm not sure, but even with all of the bad mojo that was going on around me, I was peaceful and content. I drove my car to the beach every day, a 15 minute drive, hiked a trail or two, and made salads. I knew it was temporary and that the curve line had to start going upward at some point, so I drifted into it and let life happen. It's been a while since I've done that. I'm a fighter and usually I try and wrestle my way through things. This time I just hit the pause button.

One thing I DID do was join networking groups. Charleston is full of them. Every little town here has it's own Greater Business Networking group and they are all full of people just like me who moved here to find something new. I've never met nicer business people either. I've been blog writing for Real Estate agents, building and writing content for web sites for Construction companies, conducting seminars and panel discussions for Digital Advertising conferences, covering local events for a weekly blog site, you name it. These folks took me under their wing, gave me freelance work, more than I can handle actually, and treated me like family. I have been overwhelmed at the sheer goodness that this place exudes onto people. So I was able to get some quick cash to get me over my hump until my banking issues were resolved, and in the process I gained many new friends and contacts. If I had not experienced the difficulties in the beginning I probably would not have joined the groups, met these fine folks and gained these career experiences. Cliche' as it is, everything does happen for a reason.

Through this networking experience I did something else I haven't done in a long while; I met a guy. Now he may not be THE ONE and it's very early on, but he is the best prospect I've had in four years. Those of you who follow me also know that I've been hurting for a while over a broken heart caused mainly by my lack of good judgement. Every guy that I went out with was compared in my mind to him and no one could measure up. Strangely moving here also helped me move away from him; even though he lives less than a mile away, yes more on that little coincidence later. If you look at my list of what I'm looking for in a guy, you'd be shocked at how almost exactly New Guy matches up. He's tall, 6'2", loves new music and going to shows, moved here from Seattle and understands and appreciates great coffee, enjoys craft beer but isn't dependent on it, and seems to like crazy red heads with crooked eyes and a curvy body. And he has a boat. Who knew a man like him really exists!

Having a few weeks off from a real job has also been a blessing. I loved my job, you all know that, and appreciated the income and friendships I have made there over the past 18 years. But it was killing me. I look at pictures of myself before I moved and now and I honestly look and feel 10 years younger. It's crazy how much stress I was carrying on my face (and my mid section.) Having down time to relax, go to the gym (yes, I joined a gym and actually go there to work out,) read and write has done wonders for my soul. The beach doesn't hurt either. I'm now ready to start a new job with renewed energy and understanding that the job can not be my life, it's just one piece of the puzzle.

James Island

So about the "boy." Shortly after I decided to move to Charleston and began my interviewing process I found out that, let's call him Past Guy, had moved here. It was a shocker because he had a girl friend and a step daughter in North Carolina so I really never expected him to leave there. As I was looking for apartments and found the perfect place to live, I also discovered that he lives less than a mile away. With his girl friend. The universe really has it out for me, right? Anyway I had been here a month before we actually saw each other, not that I haven't thought about him every day and wondered when it would happen. I thought seeing him would crush me, and that I'd be right back to that very dark place I was in before I moved. But that Charleston magic kicked in again. Seeing him made me feel, good, peaceful, content. So strange but being beside him, we even hugged, made me happy and made Charleston feel even more like home. I could see on his face how content he is with his new life and it didn't make me sad or jealous or envious. It made me have hope that I will be able to find that with someone else as well (maybe New Guy, maybe Future Guy, who knows.)

One of the best things about Charleston is the food. Everywhere you go there is amazing food, and not just BBQ even though that is outstanding. My daughter and her boyfriend are both vegan and when they came to visit I was a little concerned that this quite southern town would not offer a good variety of vegan options. Wrong! There are over 25 vegan friendly spots with several dedicated completely to vegetarian and vegan fare. One of the best food treats I've had since I moved here was the Charleston Omelet from 39 Rue de Jean. You know I love to cook so of course I have come up with my own version. Here's the recipe and a picture from my Valentines' Day brunch I made at home, for just me, to celebrate my new love, Charleston S.C.

Chesapeake Omelet

Two large eggs
1/4 cup of half and half
1/3 cup of lump crab meat (remove all shells)
2 tablespoons of crumbled goat cheese
Dash of Sriracha
Salt, Pepper and Italian seasoning
Sprig of Rosemary
1 tablespoon of Parmesan cheese
Pam cooking spray and 1 teaspoon butter, melted

Fluff eggs with fork, add milk, crab salt and pepper and put in warm skillet with melted butter and PAM. Rotate skillet to let egg mixture coat the bottom. Let sit for 2 to 3 minutes. Add goat cheese, italian seasoning and flip so omelet is a crescent moon shape. Turn burner off and top with Parmesan, a dash of Sriracha and Rosemary. Serve with an English muffin and fruit. And of course coffee. I prefer mine fresh ground and done as a pour over with steamed milk and raw sugar.

Chesapeake Omelet

Week Two - Rebooting

2015-11-08T13:18:00.002-08:00

I made it through 7 days of rebooting. Some things were easer than I anticipated and some much more difficult. It surprises me where those two lines crossed. First off, thank you to all of those out there who have provided me with support and inspiration. Everyone is working through something, and I acknowledge that my "shit" is far less heavy than a lot of yours, so I appreciate your words of encouragement so much.

This past week just as I was putting my action plan into place, some very big changes took place in my work environment. Change is always tricky but most of the time it has been for the better and perhaps this will be the same. It just comes at a tough time because my emotional curve is at an all time low making my change tolerance meter a bit off. In spite of that, I am proud of myself for keeping to my plan, for the most part. Here are the highs and the lows of the week:

Wins
Goal 1 - Get Healthy
Diet and Exercise
I did great with this part of my plan, who knew that this would be the easy part! I stuck to my meal plan, exceeded my exercise plan and actually dropped 5 pounds. I believe the extra exercise played a large part in my ability to keep somewhat of an even level this week in the face of work drama. I have already updated my meal tracker for the new week and stocked my frig and pantry with the week's healthy food.

Emotional Well Being
Another one that I feel good about this week. I managed to keep my cool in spite of a trying work situation, no word from the fellow that I'm trying to get over (but who I still love madly,) and a financial set back. It always seems to happen that when I make a real effort to fix my finances, some big unexpected thing happens to throw me off balance. Oh well, we'll talk about that later. The good news is, I didn't break down or cry in my soup or lose my temper. I maintained and I'm proud of myself for that. I have looked up a few counselors and have on my agenda for tomorrow to make an appointment with one to help me through this hump.

One thing that helped me this week was spending time with my friends and family. I am so lucky to have such amazing friends. Whenever I'm low they run to my side and hug me and hold me and drink with me and laugh with me and cry with me, and it makes everything feel better, if only for a while. I also have amazing daughters who make me so proud and fill me with love and joy. I'm a lucky girl for sure. I took a drive to Warsaw and visited my Mom on Saturday, which was also lovely. We drove to the village of Montross and took pictures of the amazing new street art, I've posted some here but you really have to understand the little village to get the full sense of how totally cool this is for them. My brother met up with us for coffee and dinner and that helped too.

Set Backs
Financial Health
I made my budget and things were looking great, then I received a letter from the IRS that I owed $6,000 in back taxes. Nice. I'm not sure how that happened, but it appears to be legit and now I have to pay them $500 a month until I can pay off the total amount. Awesome. Budget blown. So much for saving $1500 a month now. I readjusted the plan to save $1,000 a month and have a long range plan to pay off the total by March. Still, sometimes don't you just feel like the world has it out for you? Timing is everything.

Goal 2 - Live up to potential
Get Published
I did not even look at my writing this week. I couldn't. My emotional state wasn't strong enough to edit and reread my short story series. You see, it is largely about the fellow with whom I'm in love who is now in a relationship, a serious relationship, with someone who isn't me. I know that I need to separate the story from him so I can move forward with it, but I wasn't strong enough to do it this week. Maybe next week will be better. I'll try.

As promised, I have a healthy recipe for you. I'm going to make it Tuesday night for my vegan daughter and her boyfriend, also vegan. It involves cauliflower so keep an open mind! I swear it tastes great...

Roasted Red Pepper Cauliflower

You'll need:
1 head of cauliflower, florets pulled off
1 clove of garlic
1 large red pepper
3 oz of tofu, firm and drained
2 teaspoons of kosher salt
Fresh parsley
2 tablespoons of olive oil
Sesame seeds and bread crumbs

Saute garlic in olive oil until lightly browned then remove garlic. Saute cauliflower florets in oil and salt for about 10 minutes, stirring frequently. You can cover to make it go faster, but I prefer to keep the lid off and "stir fry" it for crispness. Roast the red pepper until charred and let cool while you are preparing the cauliflower. When the pepper is cooled, remove the seeds and stem and cut into strips. Add the pepper, tofu, and remaining olive oil to a food processor and pulse for a minute or two, or until the mixture is creamy. Add mixture to the pan with the cauliflower and stir gently to mix. Move to a baking pan and top with sesame seeds, bread crumbs and parsley. Bake or broil slightly to allow bread crumbs to brown.

Just Reboot

2015-10-31T09:15:00.000-07:00

When your computer isn't working, what is the first thing you do? Reboot. Simple, easy solution and it usually, 9 out of 10 times, works. You could just stare at the laptop, shake it, etc. but you aren't going to make progress, get the results you want, unless you shut the thing off and start over again

What I'm doing with my life just isn't working. The choices I'm making every day aren't the choices I want to be making. My old habits keep coming back and my waistline isn't decreasing. My love life isn't improving. My bank account isn't growing. So today, 10/31/2015, I am going to reboot my life. In order for this to work I must be completely honest with myself and acknowledge that I can do better, I MUST do better. And it isn't going to be easy. Big changes need to take place in order for me to get on track, and change is never easy and rarely comes without sacrifice. I'll probably be grumpy, sorry family, friends and coworkers. I won't be as much fun because some of these changes require giving up things like breweries and restaurants for a while. But I can't expect anyone else to fall in love with me if I'm not in love with myself and right now, I'm just not. In fact I'm a little disappointed in myself. I have so much potential and always have had the opportunity to use it. I don't have any more excuses; no small children taking up my time. No husband putting demands on me. I have been wallowing in self pity for the past three years because some guy doesn't love me. Why should he? I'm not living up to my own potential and it isn't his fault - it is 100% on me. So today, it ends. All the excuses, all of the distractions. It ends right now. Reboot.

In order for this fresh start to begin I need some reach goals. Not just the normal "lose weight, find love, save money," but REAL, attainable concrete goals and a strategy plan for how to get there. This is my new job and I am going to take it very seriously.

Goal Number 1 - Get healthy - Okay so I don't have any major heath concerns. For my age, I'm actually very lucky to not be on any medications or have any pre-existing conditions that require ongoing treatment. But I plan to be on this planet for good long time so I want to make sure my body keeps up with me.

Objective: Live a longer, healthier, more productive life

Strategic Plan to obtain Goal Number 1
- Eat well - my nutritionist advised me years ago to eat 5 small meals a day rather than 1 or 2 large ones with bad snacking in between. Eating well for me means low carbs, low sugar and low fats. In order to achieve this goal I need a good, solid road map that includes a daily and weekly menu, grocery list, intake analysis and weekly review.

Game Plan
Sunday, 11/1/15 - Build a tracker to input my menu, check off as meals have been eaten and count sugar, carbs and fats.
Friday, 11/6 - Review tracker and adjust plan as needed to ensure best results
Sunday, 11/8 - Meet with nutritionist to review menu for week 2

- Exercise better - I already exercise 4 to 5 times a week so it isn't a matter of "more" it's really "better" that I need. I need more of a variety, better management of results and someone else to help push me toward my goals.

Game Plan
Saturday, 10/31/15 - Look over all of the Living Socials I've bought for fitness and choose the ones I want to actually begin using
Sunday, 11/1/15 - Take a group hike
Monday, 11/2/15 - Begin new exercise routine
Friday, 11/6/15 - Review exercise plan and adjust as needed for the next week

- Get My Emotional Health in Order - I have been in a depression for over 4 years and nobody knows it. Now you all do so that's a good start for my recovery. I have had suicidal thoughts. I have eaten my feelings. I have had self doubt. I have lied to myself and my friends that "everything is okay." Everything isn't okay. I'm a mess, emotionally, and in order to fix that I needed to say it "out loud." It is embarrassing to me that I'm not strong enough to handle this on my own. I've tried doing it my way, pretending, acting, covering up. That hasn't worked out well for me. I'm highly intelligent so I have been able to fool several counselors into thinking I'm fine. They have laughed and joked with me as I've convinced them I don't need them. Question, why do they think I went to them in the first place? I was hoping they would catch me in my lie.

Game Plan
Sunday, 11/1/15 - begin searching for a good counselor.
Friday, 11/6/15 - make an appointment and keep it.

- Get My Financial Well Being in Order - I am horrible at managing money. It has always been a problem for me. I don't like money. I don't want to be a slave to it. But in this life, in this world, money is important so I need to stop pretending it doesn't matter and make the management of it a priority.

Game Plan
Wednesday, 11/4 - Prepare a budget
Sunday, 11/8 - Review the week's spend and set up incremental reviews and adjustments
Monday, 11/9 - Contact a financial planner and make an appointment (and keep it)

Goal Number 2 - Realize My Potential - Since I was in third grade I've been recognized as a very high potential writer. I'm good at it, made a living at it for over a decade. Then somebody told me I wasn't good, put me down another path, and I allowed that to crush me. I stopped having confidence in myself and became afraid that I couldn't succeed. All artists out there know this is the kiss of death for creativity. My writing now has been more for fun and for me, but I think I can do better. I want to publish and in order to do that I need to get back to where I was before I was wrongfully judged.

Objective - Get My Creative MoJo Back

- Get Published - I have a publisher who actually wants my work and I have been procrastinating for fear of failure. Reboot! They like my work so I need to give it to them. They may ask for rewrites, that's okay. Writing is fun so I need to stop fighting it and just do it.

Game Plan
Monday, 11/2/15 - reach out to the publisher that wants my story and make a deal
Saturday, 11/7/15 - edit story and submit it
Sunday, 11/8/15 - begin next story

I have a lot of work to do so I'm going to end here and get busy! Next blog will include some of my recipes and meal planning. Be on the look out and wish me luck!

Withdrawal

2015-08-15T06:15:00.000-07:00

Your words, not even spoken, travel through my veins, into my chest and press so firmly against my heart that I can barely breath.

The pain reaches my throat and forces its way out while my knees make contact with the cold bathroom floor.

My body twitches, my hands tremble. The pain throbs in my blood, yearning for one touch, one kiss, one morsel of you.

How many days will I wait for the pain to stop? How many nights will I purge the pain out until there is nothing left and dry heaves turn to still in my soul?

There is no remedy, no cure for this emptiness. No soothing can subdue the longing, the craving, the need that was once filled with the thought of you.

I wait. I occupy myself with distractions. Knowing the pain will come with the moon. Feeling the urge rise within me and consume me once more.

I wait. Knowing that you are gone from my life and nothing will make the pain stop. Until my heart stops beating and my mind is void.

I make peace with the pain because it is all that is left of you. The only memory I can allow myself to feel. So I wait for stillness to come and you to leave my blood.

I wait.

Men Are From Mars, No Really...

2015-05-04T18:53:00.001-07:00

I've been meaning to blog about this for some time now and it became a priority after a series of recent events. Why is it that some older men, much older, constantly hit on younger women, MUCH younger, at bars, the grocery store, in the work place, just about everywhere?

I was with a girl friend of mine at a restaurant the other night. We didn't have a reservation so we sat at the bar and ordered our food. While we were there two men, mid 50's, came in and hovered behind us with their drinks. I'm in my mid 50's and I wouldn't have given either of these men the time of day. My friend is late 20's and quite attractive. One of the men, the less attractive of the two I might add, swiftly headed toward my friend. She smiled but refused when he offered to buy her a drink. She rolled her eyes and ignored him when he asked her "do you come here often." She showed her annoyance when he continued to bug her even after her food arrived. I watched this play out, smiling to myself because this man, this unattractive mid to late 50's guy, really and truly thought he had a chance of getting with this really pretty 20-something woman.

I was sitting next to another really attractive young woman, probably 22. She said to me while this incident was taking place, "does he really think she's going to take off her pants and "do" him right here?" I laughed and we discussed the scenario. She said it happens to her at least once a week. Gas station as she's pumping gasoline into her car. Grocery store in the frozen food isle. Every single time she goes to a bar without her boyfriend. Always much older guys, usually not as cute as her Dad, and yet they don't give up.

My daughter who is 26 works at a high-end organic grocery store as a barista and juice bar manager. She told me that in the past few weeks she has been hard core hit on by clients, three different ones, who have been coming in at the same time nearly every day. They tell her about their wives and kids, did I mention most of these men are married? They gain her trust by pretending to be "nice guys," then they go in for the kill. "Did you really think I was coming here for the juice," one actually said.

My youngest daughter, 22, runs into this problem with her college professors. One has such a reputation for it that many female students refuse to take his class. This guy is famous and so his ego is to blame. For every girl who turns him down there are probably two that are victimized by him.

I was on a date with a guy a few months ago and we went for breakfast to a trendy hipster donut shop in Durham. My friend was just making small talk with our waitress and complimented her shirt - it was a band t-shirt of a group he likes. She almost cut him with her eyes. She, I'm sure, thought he was hitting on her with me sitting right there. She was so nice to me, almost in a guilty way. It took me a while to figure out why she was being so mean to my date, but then I realized. This happens to her all the time; some older guy, married or otherwise not single, probably hits on her and makes her feel uncomfortable.

But they keep doing it. That can only mean one thing; they have been successful in the past.

I understand why the guys want to be with a younger woman. It makes them feel young. Makes them forget about their balding heads or their viagra prescription. It also is easier than being with a smart-mouthed mature woman who won't let them walk all over them. I get it. But I really don't understand why a beautiful young woman would choose to be with one of these guys. Daddy issues maybe? Low self esteem? Or are they just manipulated into it? There is also always the money factor to consider.

As a mature woman who would really like to date a man in his 50's but can't find any decent single ones out there, this is a rather serious concern. If the guys my age, even the ones I wouldn't consider dating, are having success with really pretty 20 year olds, where does that leave me? I made eye contact with the man hitting on my friend at the bar and he sheepishly grinned at me as I gave him a disapproving eyebrow. In his mind I was too old for him. In my mind he was being pathetic and embarrassing himself. That night at least he left the bar alone.

On the reverse note, when I'm out with younger women I am the one who always gets approached by younger men. They want to dance with me, get my number, tell me how much they love red heads, it's crazy. I had to put in my online dating profile that if you are under 40 please don't message me. And I'm sure there are older women who take full advantage of this situation as well. I'm just not one of them. I guess the old saying is true, the grass always seems greener on the other side.

Speaking of green, no matter your age or your gender, you'll enjoy this healthy delicious salad - I made it this past weekend with my daughter. We had it with iced green tea and grilled corn on the cob. Perfect way to end a weekend.

Watermelon, Arugula Salad

4 cups of rinsed arugula
1/4 red onion diced
1/2 lime
1/2 avacodo cubed
2 cups of fresh watermelon cubed (core removed)
1/4 pound of almond cheese or mozzarella cut into 1/4 inch pieces
4 tablespoons of olive oil
sea salt and pepper to taste

Marinate the onion in juice of 1/4 of the lime for 15 minutes
Saute the cheese in 1/2 of the olive oil for 4 minutes (2 on each side)
Combine agugula, avocado, salt and pepper, water mellow, marinated onion (drained of juice), and sauteed cheese. Drizzle remaining olive oil and lime juice on top . Perfect no matter which planet you live on.

Deep Breaths

2015-04-12T08:59:00.003-07:00

I did something today that I haven't done in years - I meditated. I sat under a tree in a park, exercised deep breathing techniques and communed with nature letting the energy of the universe surround me and blend with my energy.

Sounds like hippie talk, right? It may be, but it sure did feel great. I look and feel like a different person. My eyes are brighter, I feel lighter and there is this new sense of hope and excitement burning inside me screaming to get out. It's amazing to me what a change in seasons and a little time with nature can do for one's soul. I needed the day to start this way because a series of stress was about to hit...

Who, Me?

The day began well enough - I met my brother for an early breakfast, then came home and had my hair dresser come to my place, she's in between jobs right now. Her baby sitter cancelled at the last minute so she brought her adorable 9-month-old baby. Back story, for several months now I've been teasing my oldest daughter about making me a grand-baby. News flash - I'm not ready! This baby started out cute enough, giggling and playing in her stroller with her toys. But about midway through the color job, she started screaming to the top of her lungs, which frightened my dog and sent her running to my bedroom. I was so jealous because I had nowhere to go to retreat. This baby, small and seemingly harmless, spent the next hour and a half throwing her toys, screaming and kicking, no matter what we tried to do. We held her, we fed her, we played with her, we played music and danced with her, nothing stopped the screaming. It got louder and more nerve wrenching by the minute. I nearly stopped the cut mid stream, my left side didn't really need to match the right side, but "Mom" continued through it all. At the end of the cut, hair still wet and kitchen a wreck, "Mom" was in tears and I was whisking her and baby monster out of the door. Poor Ninja was traumatized as was I.

It wasn't the baby's fault. "Mom" should not have brought the baby or committed to doing my hair if she did not have a sitter. The point here is not that babies are bad, they just require a lot of attention. And patience. And help. This poor single Mom had nobody to turn to when her sitter bailed and she needed the money. I've been there and it sucks. It's the most helpless feeling in the world. It reminded me yet again how important friendships are, true friendships. And networks. There are a host of single Moms out there. What if they formed a group where they took turns helping each other out. Mom's For Hire kind of thing. I know I could have used that in my single-mom days and I'm sure I would have been thrilled to bail out my friends when they needed help knowing I could get the same in return.

Next on the stress list - my insecurities kicked in about mid afternoon, probably in part due to the whole screaming baby monster incident and the flash back to my anxious single-mom days. I did a horrible thing and texted a guy that I'm trying to impress with what can only be described as a needy, desperate, pathetic message. Ugh. Months of hard work to turn this relationship around shot to hell in the blink of an eye. Of course he responded with a typical male reaction "Wow." Lol, what the heck does that even mean? Anyway, we worked it out and it's okay but I felt like such an idiot. So I hit the trails and went for a long hike in the woods. Breathe in, breathe out. Awwwww. Much better.

Then, phase 3 of stressful day kicked in. My daughter came over after work with her puppy to play with Ninja. We took them to the dog park and they had a blast. It went so well that we pushed our luck. We left two dogs alone, one is only 1-year old and not potty trained, btw, in my house while we headed out to a bar for a beer and some food for her. What could go wrong? Let's just say what we saw when we got home was an amazing site. Two trash cans full of garbage spread out all over the entire house, remains of dog poop that had clearly been eaten, ewwwww, books and magazines ripped apart and scattered about the living room. Breathe in, breathe out. Deep cleansing breaths.

Was it the dogs' fault? Of course not. They are dogs. That's what dogs do. It was totally our fault for thinking we could leave them for an hour alone in the house (did I mention all this damage was done in one hour?) The point again is that pets, like babies, require a lot of attention, time, patience.

The world we live in is and will always be stressful. How we handle the stress is what separates people. We can let it take us over or we can overcome it. These are little, simple stresses, not like the big ones of finances, divorces, health issues, that we have to face in our lives. But little by little if you don't tackle them as they come along you can lose yourself to them. Turn inside and become numb. Don't let your insecurities cause you to make bad decisions. I know because I've done this in my past and it has caused me major set backs. Life lesson is learn to handle stress a little at a time and deal with it as it happens. Don't hold it in and let it fester and turn into a screaming monster or a pile of garbage in your soul. Get rid of it. Find a way that works for you. For me, I'm going to continue to just breathe.

To kick off spring I am doing a low carb, low protein diet that is helping take some of the winter weight off. I started this morning with a lovely breakfast on the patio. Here is the recipe for anyone who may wish to give it a try:

Green Kale and Eggs

1 hand full of curly kale, de-stemmed and rinsed
1 small shallot chopped
1 clove of garlic minced
1/4 small red sweet pepper
2 baby portobello mushrooms
Pam cooking spray
Salt and pepper to taste
1 fried egg over easy

Saute shallot and kale in warm pan sprayed with Pam. I covered the pan and let this simmer for about 5 minutes stirring occasionally to keep kale from burning. Add garlic, peppers and mushrooms and saute for another 3 to 5 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add more Pam if you need to.

Remove kale mixture to a serving plate. Fry your egg how you like it, I prefer over easy, and top the kale mixture with the egg. I drizzle sriracha sauce over the egg.

Own It

2015-02-18T19:31:00.003-08:00

I hate being older. But I'm happy for all the lessons I've learned. Life is full of contradictions like this. For instance, I'm so sad that I'm alone but happy that I'm not with someone I do not love. I'm thrilled that I have a great job, but sad that I haven't written a best-selling novel. I'm happy to have raised two amazing daughters and taught them to be independent, but sad that they are not living with me anymore. I'm fortunate that I have finally found true love, but depressed that he doesn't love me back. I'm relieved that I no longer have the burden and responsibility of a home, but sad that I can't plant an herb garden because I don't have a yard. I want to even things out and have fewer complexities in my life, but I fear I'd miss the drama.

When I was in my 20's my goal was to graduate college and get a good job. Then in my 30's my goals changed to include having a family and buying a home. 40's it was getting my kids through school and keeping them safe, keeping my job and being able to get a bigger home. Now I'm confused about my goals. For all of my life it's been about getter a better job, making more money, buying a nicer home, taking care of my kids. Now it's more about simplifying my life. I don't want a better job, I want a job that makes me happy. I'm not sure I want to own a home anymore. An RV and cross country tour is even too complicated. I still want to take care of my kids, but now it's more about being there with good advice or sharing stories when they call or text or email.

There is no manual for this stuff. How do we adjust to this new train of thought with no help? I mean, there are a ton of us 50somethings out there and somebody should have some answers, right? Where the hell are you all? I'll tell you - you are all like me. In denial. Refusing to admit you're getting older and that your goals are changing. We don't talk about it because then we'd have to own it.

I'm ready to own it. I want a new kind of life. I want to write blogs and novels for a living and spend my days walking on a sandy white beach. If my kids want to visit, that's awesome, as long as they are willing to take a turn cooking dinner and cleaning up. Same goes for my friends. Just bring plenty of beer and wine. And, if the guy I love wants to move to said beach with me, well, that would be nirvana. But he'd have to take turns cooking and cleaning up as well. (He's a chef so that wouldn't be an issue, by the way. )

Just imagine, walking hand in hand to the local farmer's market, picking out the perfect heirloom tomatoes, fresh mozzarella and basil, and a loaf of home made bread then taking it all home in our recycled hemp grocery bags and having a feast on the screened-in porch over looking the ocean while we sip wine. Before we turn in for the night, we'd roll up our pants legs, take off our sandals and walk along the ocean's edge, stopping to toss some flat stones into the water while we watch them skip. That's what I want. That's my new goal.

Maybe getting older isn't so bad after all. Who's in?

You don't have to move to the beach or retire to make these treats, but they will put you in the mood for sipping wine and skipping stones....

Caprese Salad Kabobs

Fresh mozzarella balls, about an 2 inches round. Trader Joe's usually has these in a pint container.

Large leaf fresh basil

Mixed heirloom tomatoes

Extra virgin olive oil

4 inch wooden skewers

Fresh ground pepper

Alternate the mozzarella balls, basil and tomatoes on the stick, will take about 2 of each per stick. drizzle the olive oil over the skewers and add fresh ground pepper before serving. Serve with a good bottle of Pino Noir and some warm homemade multigrain bread.

Change is good, right?

2015-01-31T08:53:00.000-08:00

As I look around my friend and family groups I am observing a lot of change taking place in many people's lives right now. Work, moves, new relationships, old relationships ending, diet and fitness changes, you name it. With all of this transition comes a certain amount of stress in addition to excitement, hopefulness and anxiety. At what point does positive change turn into emotional breakdown? That's the topic for today's blog.

Work Change - let's start here because there seems to be an enormous amount of transition in the work force right now. Not just people moving jobs but also change within existing work environments. My office, for example, is going through a complete space redesign. We are moving away from offices and cubes to an open work environment where everyone, regardless of level or job function, shares one big open area, 4 people to a work station - no walls, no doors, no privacy. This is designed to foster a more collaborative and innovative work environment but will it? Or will it simply result in less productivity? We'll see. Meanwhile it is causing a certain amount of anxiousness among the team members. It's a fairly big change. Add with that reorgs, job reassignments, new vendors and an uncertainty about the future state and many folks are pretty stressed out. The cool thing though is that it will be new and different and therefore you may have an opportunity to redine yourself and your role. That is what makes work fun for me so I'm looking at it as a way to add some spice to my work life. You all know that I get bored easily so for me it's a way to get out of a stale routine.

Several of my friends are down-sizing their careers. Some due to retirement, others have been laid off, some just because they no longer want to be a part of the "corporate ladder" climb. Regardless the reason, this move requires a lifestyle change for the entire family. Less money = less amenities. Many of them are looking for alternatives to traditional family recreation. Movie night may, for instance, turn into Netflix and mircrowave popcorn rather than the $50 + night out for a family of 4. Amusement park days costing as much as $200 for a family can become a day hike to Hump Back Rock or the Pipeline, both free. Family vacations that used to include airfare, fancy hotel suites and dinners out have become cabin rentals in the Blue Ridge Mountains with outdoor fire pits for roasting hot dogs and marsh mellows. The alternatives are just as fun and a lot less expensive and stressful than traditional options. I for one am digging this trend. You avoid long lines, stressful travel arrangements, and get more quality time doing the fun stuff. But making a work change from say running a team of 10 to being a part time sales person or bagging groceries, etc. can be hard for your friends to handle. They may pity you or judge you, think you're lazy, lack ambition or any number of other negative reactions. Truth is they may just be jealous of your new laid back life. Or they just may not have gotten to the stressful place you were in that caused your change of mind set. No worries, they will get there sooner or later, either by choice or by chance.

Location Change - I have seen a lot of my friends move recently. My daughter moved back to Richmond leaving New York, it's amazing food, comedy scene, most of her friends behind. Her choice was both a financial and lifestyle one. The cost of living, well you know, is out of control in New York. A 6th floor walk up cost more than my 3 bedroom townhouse. And the pace of life is just, well, vastly faster than it is here in RVA. For her, it was a tough decision and may not be a permanent one. But the change has allowed her to "down size" her stress level. She's getting more acting gigs here, living in Jackson Ward which is kind of like living in Brooklyn (?) in that you can walk to some amazing restaurants and bars like Rappahannock Oyster Bar, Saison and Saison Market, Max's, Momma's, Tarrent's, the list goes on and on. And she has a better chance of being able to some day open up her vintage store. Another friend just moved back from Seattle where he had a highly paid but super stressful job with Amazon and an overpriced apartment. He was able to buy a really cool condo in Scott's Edition and got a great job with less stress at Capital One. One of my girl friends moved to North Caroline to be with the "love of her life" who she met when they were both in their mid forties. That's an intense change of lifestyle and I'm sure has its share of ups and downs, but how freaking cool that they met each other and can enjoy this part of their lives together? My Mom recently left her big farm house and moved into a one bedroom cottage three cities away from where she had spent her entire life. Now that's change. It did decrease her financial stress but that kind of change is anything but easy. I know because I did that move about 4 years ago. It was more intense than I had imagined and it has taken me a while to really appreciate the new life described best as "less".

Health Change - I think the hardest change of all is that brought on by health issues. A few of my friends are no longer able to maintain the level of fitness and exercise that they are used to due to injury, aging bones or heart conditions. When your brain still wants to do everything you used to do and your body simply says "nope" that's some tough change to deal with. There are work arounds, however. Say you are used to running 5 miles a day and you have a knee that has decided it won't allow you to do that anymore. There are many things you still may be able to do like hike, walk, play golf, do cross fit, etc. It doesn't mean you have to STOP exercising it just may mean you have to find another way of doing it. And a low fat or low sodium diet doesn't mean you have to stop eating out - it just means you have to make different choices when you order.

Whatever the CHANGE you happen to be faced with keep in mind that you and only you are in control of how you handle it. Face the change head on and decide that you are going to make the most out of it. You can turn negative stress into positive adventure just by making a decision to embrace the new and putting the old to the side.

2015 - What Are You Going to Do With It?

2015-01-01T09:54:00.001-08:00

It's the first day of a new year. Clean slate. Fresh start. So what are you going to do with it?

Every year I make a list and it usually consist of things like lose weight, find love, save money. I've decided to change it up this year and make it really simple. This year I'd like to be ME, 100% of the time, every day, the best "me" I am capable of being. Of course in order to do that I have to define what that means, what I mean.

The Dali Lama has 6 rules to live by for a peaceful happy life:

1. Think of everyone you meet as a young child - just think how much more patient, kind, understanding you'd be if you did this? But no spanking! (unless they ask nicely.)
2. When you've got nothing nice to say, learn to say NOTHING - my mother used to always say this to me, even though she rarely practiced it herself. To this day I always check my butt in the mirror to see if it really is "as big as the side of a barn"….but that's another story. Point is, be nice with your words or keep your mouth shut.
3. Remember everyone you meet is fighting their own battle - tag onto this one that "everything isn't always about you". Sometimes when someone is unfair or disrespectful to you it may have absolutely nothing to do with you and much more to do with what is going on in their lives at that moment.
4. Don't sweat the small stuff - what he means by this are material things but you could also apply it to things like who's taking the trash out, if someone was a few minutes late meeting you, or many of the small things that we judge others on (how they hold their fork, for example.)
5. Choose the thoughts that serve you. Disregard the ones that don't. I think this one speaks to me the loudest. Your mind, at least mine, can conjure up all kinds of crazy connections. When someone cancels on you, for example, your mind can go to dark, crazy places. "he hates me, he has a new girlfriend, he's hiding something…" In reality maybe, just maybe, something really did come up that altered the plans. You and only you are in control of those thoughts. I'm going to try really hard to choose the ones that cause me the least amount of pain.
6. Be yourself - the best version of you - here we go. Dali Lama says it so it must be true! I think what he really means by this is be true to yourself. We are all a work in progress so if we work on being the best we can be every day sooner or later we improve.

That takes us right back to where I started - in order to be ourselves we need to figure out who we are and what we want. In 2015 I plan on working, focusing really on discovering this. Flaws and all, I want to love myself and embrace who I am. Once that happens, and only when that happens, can I improve. At midnight last night I took a Zen bath with some sea salts my daughter gave me for Christmas. I lit some candles, drew a hot bubble bath, put on some music and floated away in thought. Oh, I had a Legends Chocolate Porter as well which helped with the "floating". The soft silence for those 30 minutes, the stilling of my mind, calmed me and gave me hope that 2015 really can be MY year. Make it yours as well.

Would you rather...

2014-11-22T07:36:00.001-08:00

It's Saturday morning and I don't have any plans until 2:00pm. The sun is shining brightly through my patio french door. I'm lingering over a freshly brewed French Press coffee with "Take Me To Church" playing on blue tooth while texting my daughters to laugh about our latest dating escapades. Life is good. So good.

Last night was Friday night. There was a time when I would have been sad because I didn't have plans. But not now. Now the freedom to do nothing is blissful. I could have showered after my work out, put on make up and heels and gone trolling for company, I'm an adult and have that right. But I chose, wisely, to take my best friend, Ninja (my collie/shepard) for an extra long walk in the park, finished reading "Gone Girl" and had hot tea with my neighbor while watching Rachel and Ross's first kiss one more time on my favorite "Friends" episode. In this time and space of my life it was the perfect Friday night.

I'm meeting my daughter for coffee at 2:00pm, then off to meet a friend for some peanut butter porter at my favorite local brewery. I'm 55 years old and I think for the first time in my life I am at peace with my status in this human race. My purpose may not be to solve the world's problems, write the great American novel, or find my true soul mate. Maybe my purpose is simply to be happy. What if it really is that simple? How many wars would end, divorces prevented, murders undone, if we all just chilled the freak out and took in a deep breath of oxygen.

Tick Tick Tick. We live by the clock. Time to get up. Time for work. Time for the meeting. Time for lunch. Time to go home. Time to pay rent. Time to make dinner. Time for bed. What happens in between the ticking of the clock can get wasted, ignored, forgotten. But it's those minutes in between that we should cherish. Stop the clock and let time stand still for just a bit while you breath it all in.

So here is the question to ask yourself - what would you rather do? If you weren't doing the thing you are doing right now, what would that thing be? I made a date with someone recently that I really don't enjoy being with. As I was complaining about it to my friend last night she gave me great advice. "Don't do things you don't want to do." Brilliant. Simple. Sometimes impossible. But it's a good guideline to follow for things you don't HAVE to do, for situations that you can control. We HAVE to do many things we don't want to do (work, pay bills, etc.) so for those situations where we actually have a choice, choose to be happy. Choose to do things you WANT to do.

Let's give it a try and see how that impacts our mood for the next few weeks. Let me know how it goes for you and I'll update you with my progress. I'm going to start right now by choosing to have another cup of coffee.

Coping with SAD

2014-11-08T08:11:00.002-08:00

I love Fall - I have always looked forward to the change of seasons, colored leaves, cooler temperatures and the beginning of the Holiday season. It's the best time for hiking, cooking, cute sweaters. But recently I came to a shocking realization - I believe I have suffered from seasonal affective disorder (SAD) every Fall for as long as I can remember. About the middle of September it starts - this fog wraps around my brain. At first it seems like a head cold but without the sniffling and coughing. Then the fog moves and takes over the part of me that is responsible, reasonable and cognitive. I stop getting the mail or get it reluctantly. I fall behind on my bills, just enough to add stress to an already stressful existence. Get off my healthy diet and exercise routine, ever so slightly but enough to put on 10 or more pounds. Reality is replaced with some kind of weird fantasy world where nothing is really BETTER than reality, just altered. I "float" around in this state, performing all of my normal duties, but robotically. Then right before spring I come to - just in time to freak out that I've put on extra weight and bathing suit season is right around the corner.

About three months after my second daughter was born, birthdate 9/20, my then husband discovered that our garage freezer was full of boxes of frozen broccoli - FULL. There must have been 100 boxes of it. He confronted me about it and I was baffled, had absolutely no recollection of buying it, or why I would have bought it, but I did. Then he noticed that our pantry was full of boxed macaroni - tons of it. Same thing, no idea why it was there but I'm sure I was the one who purchased it. I blamed it on post par dome depression but now I'm wondering if this was my first seasonal depression. Because that's the kind of thing you do. You just seem to the world that you are fine, because you are going through the motions of being fine. It isn't until the fog lifts that you realize you were anything but fine, you were numb.

As I realized this was happening again this year, I looked back and noticed that my credit scores always take a dive in the fall. I always gain weight in the fall. I always have some kind of relationship issue happen in the fall (both divorces took place between September and April,) my work always suffers in the fall, right before performance review time which is "awesome". So I did some research. This is an excerpt from just one of the articles I found, but it sums it up nicely:

"It is estimated that half a million Americans are negatively affected by the changing seasons and darkening of the summer light. They feel depressed, irritable, and tired. Their activity levels decrease, and they find themselves in bed more often. This depression disorder not only affects their health, but it also affects their everyday life, including their job performance and friendships. This disorder is known as Seasonal Affective Disorder, appropriately acronym-ed, SAD."

If you are one of the lucky half million, here are some things you should know and some tips that I'm going to try to make me feel, well, less SAD:

10 Things You May Not Have Known About SAD

1. Did you know that between 60% and 90% of people with SAD are women? It’s true. If you are a female between 15 and 55, you are more likely to develop SAD. Great, so not only do women have PMS, Menopause, and child labor to worry about, add SAD to the list, too.

2. Even though the harsh chill in the air might bring you down, SAD is believed to relate more to daylight, not the temperature. Some experts believe that a lack of sunlight increases the body’s production of a body chemical called melatonin. Melatonin is what helps regulatesleep and can cause symptoms of depression.

3. SAD can be treated. If your symptoms are mild, meaning, if they do not interfere in and completely ruin your daily life, light therapymay help you beat SAD. Using light therapy has shown highly effective. Studies prove that between 50% and 80% of light therapy users have complete remissions of symptoms. However, light therapy must be used for a certain amount of time daily and continue throughout the dark, winter months.

4. Some say that light therapy has no side effects, but others disagree. We think it simply depends on the person. Some people experience mild side effects, such as headaches, eyestrain, or nausea. However, these light therapy users say that the side effects are temporary and subside with time or reduced light exposure. Most scientists agree that there are no long-term side effects, but remember to consult your physician before any treatment decisions are made.

5. There are some things to consider if you want to try light therapy in your home, otherwise you will not receive all the benefits that this type of therapy offers.

When purchasing a light box, do not skimp as far as money is concerned. Buy a larger one so that you will receive enough light to be beneficial.
The best time for light therapy is in the early morning. (If used late at night, it could cause insomnia.) So, even if it means waking up earlier, set aside some morning time to relax and use your light box.
Many people are not aware of this, but you must have your eyes open and face the light during therapy. Do not stare at the light. That would be silly. Simply face the light, eyes open.

6. It takes more than just one winter depression to be diagnosed with SAD. Individuals must meet certain criteria:

The symptoms and remission of the systems must have occurred during the last two consecutive years.
The seasonal depressive episodes must outnumber the non-seasonal depressive episodes in one’s lifetime.

7. SAD can be treated with certain medications that increaseserotonin levels in the brain. Such medications includeantidepressants, such as Paxil, Prozac, and Zoloft.

8. There is actually a device that conducts light therapy and allows you to walk around while treated. The device is called a light visor. Just wear the light visor around your head and complete your daily chores and rituals. A light visor still can potentially have the same side effects as the standard forms of light therapy, so only simple activities, such as watching television, walking, or preparing meals is advised. We do not recommend you operate heavy machinery while wearing a light visor. (You would look pretty silly with it on out in public, anyway.)

9. If you have a friend or loved one who suffers from SAD, you can help them tremendously.

Try to spend more time with the person, even though they may not seem to want any company.
Help them with their treatment plan.
Remind them often that summer is only a season away. Tell them that their sad feelings are only temporary, and they will feel better in no time.
Go outside and do something together. Take a walk, or exercise. Get them to spend some time outside in the natural sunlight. Just remember to bundle up!

10. Although not as common, a second type of seasonal affective disorder known as summer depression can occur in individuals who live in warmer climates. Their depression is related to heat and humidity, rather than light. Winter depression does cause petulance in many cases, but summer depression is known to cause severe violence. So, it could be worse.

Now that I'm aware of this SAD twist in my life, I feel like I can fix it. A friend of mine bought me the sun box and I've begun using it in the morning as I'm waking up and getting ready for work. I've also cut back on my caffeine and alcohol intake, painful for sure, but I think it's helping. I've also decided to avoid any major decisions until May, when my brain is fully functional again.

You know how I love food and cooking so I decided to do a little more research and see if there are certain food groups that have a positive (and those that have a negative) impact on SAD. Turns out that there are. That amino acid that puts us to sleep on Thanksgiving, tryptophan, oddly boosts mood for SAD victims. Besides turkey other foods that have high levels of tryptophan are chicken, fish, avocados, nuts, milk and eggs. Great news! There are a ton of awesome recipes using these ingredients that make for tasty and healthy meals. Here are a couple that I enjoy:

Baked Egg In Avocado

1 California avocado
2 eggs
Miso "Butter"
Japanese Chili Pepper (Ichimi Togarashi), for garnish

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.Directions

Cut avocado in half and remove pit. Scoop out a little of the avocado to make a bigger hole to hold the egg as it may not all fit depending on the size of the egg. Slice a little piece off the bottom of the avocado so it sits flat on a small baking tray (lined with foil).
Break an egg into each half of the avocado.
Bake for 8-10 minutes for soft boiled egg consistency or longer if you like a firmer egg.
Remove from oven and drizzle some Miso "Butter" on top. Sprinkle with Japanese Chili Pepper, if desired.

Notes

I simply baked this in a toaster oven.

Scallop Ceviche with Orange and Avocado

Prep time

6 hours

Total time

6 hours

Serves: 2-4 servings

Ingredients

½ pound fresh diver scallops, cut into ½ inch cubes
2 tablespoons fresh squeezed lime juice (approximately 1 lime)
2 tablespoons fresh squeezed orange juice (approximately ½ orange)
1 jalapeno or serrano pepper, diced
2 oranges, segmented
1 ripe but firm avocado, diced to the same size as the scallops
1 tablespoon fresh basil, chiffonade
2 tablespoons shallot or red onion, diced

Instructions

Place the scallops in a small bowl. Add the lime and orange juice and stir. Cover and refrigerate for 5-6 hours, stirring every 20-30 minutes.
Drain most of the excess liquid. Toss scallops with the peppers, avocado, basil and shallots.
Season with salt if desired.

Notes

The avocado should be ripe enough to easily cut but not soft enough that it will become mushy. For best results it should hold its shape when stirred with the other ingredients.

A Moment In Time - Take 2...

2014-10-15T20:01:00.000-07:00