Paranoid Android

2013-04-20T23:26:00.001-07:00

Samsung Galaxy S4, Omantel says 1st week of May for 3G. Last week of May 2013 for 4G LTE.

Like that Nokia strategy, when Nokia was the best, 6610 first and then 6680 later.

So is demand and anticipation really high that they can screw people who really want it now and they know Galaxy fans will buy that 3G and then feel regret later and buy again to get that 4G, in effect, double sales?

Or does it reflect the realization of people that, no, 4G is not here, it's here, but it's not here, you only get 3G most of the time, so might as well just get a 3G version, but then, when you buy it, you don't get the bragging rights of having a 4G phone.

So recent feedback from Android user. "I've been to S2, I tried iPhone, and iPhone is number 1." Reinforces the observation before that really, no matter what you do, flip it upside down, rotate it, spin it, iPhone still leads.

Which confuses me. If you want the best, do you get an iPhone? What if you can only afford one? Even if you're rich, are you willing to split your phone into two, an iPhone and an Android? Only one fits in your pocket, and it weighs you down if you bring two phones.

So you buy an iPhone, but the screen, it has no bragging rights. It has retina display but then the brightness setting is set to battery save, so what's the point?

Likes to curl up into a ball and meow.

2013-04-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

So Mom is going home from the States, and I'm contemplating, like that raptor with a talon, whether to ask her to buy me a Nexus 4 or not. I just created this omanelectronics.blogspot.com blog because I want to say there how I feel about it. It's expensive in Oman!

Expensive by as much as 50 Rials for the 16GB version.

But then, Nexus 5 might be coming out soon. When is it? May?

Well, Samsung Galaxy S4 is coming out soon.

Bluestacks, I installed German lessons,

But I don't really use Bluestacks. For some reason, on my AMD, it's slow!!!!!

But AMD owns it!!!

But so.. if I ask her to buy it, I estimate it will cost me only about 90 Omani Rials.

I want it!!!

What I don't like about it is, it has no expansion drive. It's so stupid.

2012-09-29T01:11:00.001-07:00

500! EXPENSIVE!

But hey, you get the best. No matter how you turn it, flip it, rotate it, it's number 1. It can't get any better than that.

But was thinking, if the screen is a benchmark, then they lose. Like read an article that said, oh, it has the fastest processor, we benchmarked it. Well yeah, so if you benchmark the screen too...

Was observing the sales. The price was nice, that's the lowest I've seen it, but have been out of touch with retail shops so don't know what prices they have there, if it's the same or more. But look at it, Sammy responded with a price cut, and how many bought? Not many. Like discovered a new phrase recently, wisdom of the crowd, and if the crowd responded that way to that discounted price, the wisdom is no one wants it?

It's like some people have been responsive to the latest, the greatest. they want it. But noticed too that some have been fatigued at the price of these new things.

Phenomena observed was, no one bought S3. Only one. Compared to SII or 4S, there were a lot. So what happened? At the first moment that they could buy, they bought. Will they upgrade? Don't know.

Hey, that could be a new phone. Samsung Phenomena.

Some have been buying mid-range pieces.

Not really sold on these Androids now. Like any experience that is less than a full fledged computer is unwanted.

Am I missing out on something?

Tried the apps, oh my goodness, the apps that I like, I'm not allowed to use, the app that I do like to try and see how the filter will be like, it doesn't show my pictures.. like this Bluestacks doesn't point to My Documents. How do I do that? Hmm so I need File Manager.

Let me try it again.

Computer has been acting weird lately. Looks like I have upset the ones who can control it.

So decision is, don't want to buy a phone. Very liberating! No worries that it will be lost! No worries when you're leaving, oh I have to get my phone, because what if it get's stolen. No worries that you do pull ups and you lift your legs and it slips out of the pocket. Like how I grew old and when could finally afford to buy a PSP, you lose interest in it.

Yeah going old school low tech natural.

Like hmm it's like I do this, let's see how the reaction will be. Like what can you do, nothing to track.

Hmm just living life. The positive aspect of having this paranoia is having a simple life free of a smartphone. Would love to have one, but pretending you're not smart enough to know how to use a smartphone is kinda a trendy experience, in a kooky kind of way. Plus it keeps me always wanting one!

So Bluestacks, it's the same experience! Emailing mp3's to you because you don't know how to transfer them... Kinda ridiculous still.

HOW TO ATTACH FILES???

So about bipolar symptom of hyper you know what. I give up. I tried to do it and kept attempting but you bought all the sandwiches!!!

Will be just content with lotion.

OMG I'm smiling but OK I get it so I give up and will just spend time studying. Because I'm thinking, no, this can't be happening, must be just a coincidence, so I tried and tried until it got to a point that was hell bent to succeed because something was stopping and realized, wait, this is nonsense, why is behavior like this, I know it's stopping me but the more I'm stopped, the more I fight, this whole scenario is totally ridiculous, so I'll just take a breather, see it from afar, and saw it, OK, yeah, was doing things that wouldn't do in normal, clear state of mind.

OK I'm going to be so annoying, here's my game plan, I'm trying to get a way to get a sponsored phone ^_^ OMG I'm so evil.

But even without a phone, surveillance would rely on good old eyes.

It's just coincidence, nothing is happening.

So it actually works on Viber. Now it's kinda of no use now, gave up.

It's kinda nice because you get familiar with this instead of knowing nothing about how to use it. But it's very primitive. Perfect for getting email on the go, but for what other compelling to reason to use it, will still have to discover.

2012-09-09T10:53:00.001-07:00

concept: layaway for gadgets...

layaway for gold

Cash basis - you want the files, you buy the memory stick.

Proprietary - cannot be copied... sell movies on 16GB USB sticks, soon everyone will copy me

Problem is where to sell... dubizzle isn't much of a community

So where to buy cheap and where to sell high?

Buy low in Lulu. Sell high where?

Solution: Buy cheap cellphones, sell in ruwi at a higher price.

Find out how much the phone prices are in Ruwi when you sell your phone...

Apple 4, 4s, Galaxy S2, S3.

Has to be quick or else prices will drop quickly. So when do you buy, after iPhone 5?

iPad 2 16GB wifi - 77/150

Or basic computer lessons for 50 rials per hour ^_^ it's so evil.

The problem with buying low is, yeah, you bought it low, but where will you sell it? You only need 1 buyer. Auction sites doesn't have much activity here.

I could buy co-worker's Apples and then what...

375

or 285

So far, the condition that has been set has been very effective. It has garnered views from quality people, but I think they're just curious at the absurdity of it.

Well yeah it said cut to the chase, so I cut to the chase, direct to the point...

Which ends up in failure o.O

This condition is very effective indeed. How do you tweak it so that you get results while at the same time keep it absurd?

There's something missing. Maybe I should make the conversations more light-hearted and fun, instead of being cut to the chase dead serious.

Yeah

2012-09-05T23:31:00.000-07:00

Droid Razr M

Looking at the keywords, it's the edge-to-edge phone?

That's it?

Where's the one that's supposed to bring awe?

$99.

Like how the Lumia from last year was priced.

So maybe $99 is the new magic price point to fight Apple with.

If you use it, will it bring the same status symbol effect as an iPhone?

It looks more light a contender for the new Nokia Lumia than the iPhone...

Why is it that here, you don't have price points comparable to $99?

It's always full price. And then you're spending monthly anyway for credits, so it's the same, might as well get a subsidized phone, but it's non-existent!

If you think the free 1GB for six months is it... you still need to spend for SMS and calling.

I don't like how people here are flushed with cash, it makes everyone with no cash suffer. High prices apply to everyone, even the poor.

Guess it's understandable that to make money, they have to push out this phone first out the door before they bring out the true edge-to-edge phone...

But the iPhone!!!! It's coming!!!! They have to fight that!!! And they chose to fight with a lower price!!! Not to have the best phone!!! Because Samsung already fought with a superior phone and Apple still wins!!!

So yeah, they learned from Lumia 900, you just have to make a good phone, not the best phone, a safe phone...

Oh my goodness, so wait until September when that Intel phone comes out...

Territorial... do I become territorial? Just realized this box is encroaching on my space. Not only did he not have the initiative to be gracious enough to share space, he's pushing it. Good thing I have the patience of infinity. Let the box be ^_^ Just a box

Or maybe I should snarl... woof, ggrrr

Oh my goodness, I don't want to get wrinkles.

Starting to notice wrinkles already. Elastin!!! I need you!!!!

VPN is gone. Maybe they don't like too much bandwidth.

Hmm... so what I want... I want to stop transferring files. Too much trouble using SD cards. So maybe that's why they created the Atrix...

Saw a phone fail today. Wonder why that device didn't go as fast as what was expected. Forgot to ask if it usually was quick, or it was just today that it slowed down. And what kind of service it used.

Imagine if I used that phone, I would have gone out of my wits and a vein would have sprouted on my forehead.

Confirmed: stay away from that kind of phone.

Evaluation: If I had used an internet device today, outcome would be, heart pain for seeing AGI fly!!! My goodness... Oh well.

Who was that musician at the Motorola event? Nobody? Why not use star power?

PSP, it had the same effect if I had used a smartphone playing games.

I hate being so antisocial. So be it.

I guess Lumines, she knows what's good, she has good taste.

Observed social interaction today, a new one. Before, when you had a gadget, people would gravitate to it, be interested, and see what the fun is all about. Now, if you played something on your smartphone, people don't come to you. It's become commonplace, it's not special anymore. They leave you alone. Effect is no sharing of what is fun.

I don't like that. I like the previous times, when you brought something to school, and your classmates are intrigued by it and see, hey, that looks fun, I want to try that, I want one too! And then you play multiplayer.

Now, you watch a movie on your own, you play on your own. Guess each person have their own personal tastes, their likes and dislikes.

Nokia, well if their die-hard fans bought the 808, and now they see that the new flagship is the 802 or 902 or whatever, because they're Nokia fans, they will buy it, but would wonder in their mind, my 808 was higher!!! 41MP!!!! Why is this flagship not any better than the old phone???!!!

And it looks exactly like the 900!!! Why would I upgrade!!! If you bought the Nokia 900 last year and you see this year's offering... you would think, it's the same!!!! What benefit do I get??? Windows 8??? Nokia you screwed me, why, you made me think Windows 7.5 Mango was it, it's the best, and now, it's sucks, and Windows 8 should have been what I bought???

Well, Apple can get away with that. iPhone 4 and 4S it's like a rehash of the past lol and suckers would like it. Like how Nokia had the 6610 and then the next model was 6610i hahaha the i made it superior.

Like a conversation I had before, what's your phone, ah, 6610. And then, she corrected me, no, it's not, it's 6610i. Oh, it's better, as she tried to imply to me. Ok, your 6610i makes you superior from everyone else.

Earthquakes... have been noticing the earth is shaking more frequently...

What's up, it wants to slim down too?

Seriously doubting cellphone coverage in that area. So you buy a device but there's poor coverage. So what's the point, self with device and self with no device is equal.

But yeah there's signal. Think yes.

Wonder if I can AFK while at work...

And broadcast the soundtrack.

So we're all going to die but this guy just happens to have something that makes it more imminent for him. Can't judge him. You can sense anger has instilled itself upon him. He has it. But I've regressed to the mean, I no longer care, just like everyone else. I am now like everyone else.

Whatever this status quo is, it's very effective, it's degraded me, sadness is also upon me, like what's the point of making an effort, before, I was like, I stay true, I make an effort, I care, I know. Empathy. Now, I still know, but the next step to reach empathy comes up short. Don't care anymore. Just let him be. Let the natural course of life come forth. If he suffers, it's the natural course of life.

I know the solution. I have to be free. I have to do what I have to do. Parents like to control. I don't like to be controlled. That brings sadness to me.

So, what? Adapt within this control setting? What can I do? Jump as high as want, hit the sky, fly and be free? And plummet back to the Earth as gravity pulls me down, as nature intended. Splat and I'm dead.

So yeah, this control setting is good. Keeps me from going splat.

So how can you be at the forefront of civilization while at the same time be physically distant from it, that is the challenge. I want to be like DARPA and find out how.

It's like arriving at a place, you're expected, they know you come from a far away place, and when they see you, they're alerted, with eyes surprised. Even though you hail from the middle of nowhere, you look like you represent the height of humanity.

Chatrooms. Everyone wants to be in chatroom number 1. No one wants to be in the last chatroom. There's nothing interesting in there. So what happened? It's like the juiciest, most interesting chatrooms, it's the ones that even you don't know, secret chatrooms, the one you always search about, the ones you know exist but can't find it. That's what it feels like right now. Need to counter this, to battle chatroom number 1, create my own chatroom that brings it's own satisfying happiness.

So I'm starting to imagine, it does exist. How could it not? They have the taste. They know class. They have the surplus. It might be delayed because the best doesn't originate here, but when it comes to procuring it, success rate is 100.

So now the notion of not trying to be the best but staying at the best of what you are is the prevailing thought. I like it.

Like you know you're body is not a model's body but you embrace your curves.

Hmm someone doesn't approve...

I need to separate my critical self and feed my butt-licking, eager to please self more and make it plumper, bigger, more dominant.

Nothing like Kylie to make me happy ^_^

So how do you do it? Earth is a valid place to live, and this is Earth, so it's valid. See the mountains, see it's shape, feel the warmth, appreciate the beauty. Earth is a serene place to live in.

So clearly, a reorganization of thoughts, of standards. This is home now. This can be the best.

Snack time ^_^

See, it's already starting to be the best

2012-09-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

How will Google call the Motorola speaker that's also a screen?

I hope Moto doesn't call it in a sucky way like they did MotoBlur.

Call it SpeakerScreen. Yeah, Motorola SpeakerScreen.

So they have CrystalTalk, now they have SpeakerScreen with Tactile feedback. Cool.

So they patented it. Others will copy the full screen, but they need to leave some space for the speaker... Or just put the speaker behind the screen, covering it.

Or make it slide, flip or attach it...

So what can you do with a full screen? Hang it around your neck!!!

OMG I already see it, it's back in fashion.

So where do you put the hole... or maybe make the lineyard like Apple Geniuses wear it. Or make an accessory so that you can wear it on your wrist. It's so cool!

Then enter the luxury space and make the back precious.

2012-08-29T14:42:00.001-07:00

Did you just see that? Apple wins, and then Samsung's public relations cooks up something that goes like, oh sales of Samsung phones in the major carriers have gone up, presumably because consumers want to buy the phones before they get banned. And the Apple's side says something like this, oh the aftermarket prices of Samsung phones, it dropped because so many people are ditching their Samsungs.

lol

Well, was thinking, there's so many Samsung shops now.

Compared to Sony, at least Sony could sell. Now, Samsung could also sell.

But initially, thought, huh, Samsung is really confident.

So they will sell the upcoming tablets, computers, galaxies in the form of wifi only, phone galaxies, big galaxies, etc.

Oh hey, another announcement!

Samsung ATIV!

What's an ATIV?????

Windows Phone 8.

Ativ, is it active?

Oh, this is something new. Ativ is vita spelled backwards.

So what else can I spell backwards?

Samsung Rzar

Samsung Dapi

Samsung Iiw

Samsung Diord

Samsung Suxen

Samsung Aimul

lol they ran out of things to copy so they just spelled it backwards

2012-08-27T21:39:00.001-07:00

Promotions!

If you're like me and you like to read, I recommend:

Issuu ^_^
-They've got tons of magazines and booklets here, from all over the world!

Carrefouroman.com ^_^
-Their ad book is sometimes late, and I don't know how to save it, but I come back here often, very often, to see if there's something new

Luluhypermarket.com ^_^
- Their ads are pretty competitive!

y-oman.com ^_^
-I kinda don't like this one but still, I look at it for the ads ^_^

theweek
-I love this one! I read it every week :)

Alatool
-They had a great sale at a great price of the Samsung Galaxy S3! I missed it!!

OmanObserver
-This one is always new, it's always updated! Although the font is small. What can I expect, it's a newspaper! I like the colored pages

facebook.com/ModernDigitalWaves
-I like this one too :) But sometimes, you don't know when it's going to be updated. But still, it's phones! So I love it!

So the dual core Android 2.3 Gingerbread phone prices are dropping!
Well, it's last year's phones

Which one!!!!

I'm still on the lookout for more

Ok I still haven't played Skyrim!

2012-08-25T02:25:00.001-07:00

So why the rant.

I came in, round one had a camera, and I was standing, but he failed a click, so awkwardness, and then, he said, join, OK, I joined them, so I walked, and then I heard, yeah someone will just crop out what needs to be cropped.

I thought, yeah, I'm not the only one who knows Photoshop.

Oh my goodness.

So anyway, paranoid me is thinking, what the heck are they talking about me when I'm not there. I don't even know these people.

So I thought it was going to be peace. I thought it's the first step for a fresh start.

I was invited, and I already said no, going to Madinat Al llam. Then was invited again. I mean I wanted to go. Maybe peace. So kinda thwarted my own errands. So I went. Bottom line is I went.

So yeah, other than that incident, I didn't feel any other unwelcome.

But really, please forget about me, because I'm forgetable.

I am ignorable.

I am not worth gossiping about.

So what I learned from this, priority is my own interests. Forget sociability.

It's kinda odd that when something happens, all my other excursions get lined up too.

So yeah, I'm ready to just toss out this shopping gig. It's too much trouble! I wonder how I can make it fun. I don't like waiting for the delivery. There's nothing to do while waiting. Just nervousness.

But what else will I do? I have to think of something productive to do.

Or just enjoy life.

There's another one in K but maybe I'll just see how the first one goes and for the K gig, I'll enjoy it more.

All about attitude!

Practice some more, aspiring to be a YG trainee lol

I want to be a star!

Well, a star's body, the pizza made it fat! OMG why is delicious food so fattening. I need to have the discipline of a pornstar.

Oh was thinking, I'll be like the evil godmother witch who made Sleeping Beauty sleep. Not invited in the grandest ball lol like a grand entrance, so you didn't invite me! Hmm should have just stayed in my batcave.

I mean I regret not going with A. Gosh we could've had fun. Well, I said we're just going to talk, and then I was bid bye bye... missed fun. And then I would not have gone to the grand socialization. And wouldn't have declared rant, hurt more feelings. Or could have gone to R and also avoided encounter with gossipers. Or just shopped and just did my thing.

See, I'm so bad. I don't know what to do. Like I coop up alone and I get thoughts to venture out. So must think of R.

I need guidance.

I mean it would've been great if I got what A wanted. But this other entity didn't answer the call. And extra security measure was super effective: no credits.

Hmm so I was asked, is there someone, you plan to get hitched, but there's nobody yet, so yeah, I was heartbroken, because the reality, she married for a greencard. I couldn't give her that. So coworker said, there are many out there. Yeah, that's right. I think I have evolved. That's kinda dangerous. Because I can be replaced by anyone, because there are a million people out there, and the one I love, there are a million replacements too? That's got me questioning love... so will leave this for further pondering. Like the current plan was to just wave the dough, here, who wants it? I want something from you.

This pizza! It doesn't nothing to achieve gay baitness.

Hmm I see a glaring hole. When I'm wrinkled, what will I fall back on? I don't have a good inside, so what, ugly outside, ugly inside, vile all throughout.

Too much thinking.

I need guidance. I need to contain all these bad thoughts, because the more I let it out, the more damage it does.

Keep being meek.

2012-08-18T12:28:00.000-07:00

Hmm It was kinda fast-paced. Chapter 2 now and they're already leaving Mtoni. It's kinda inspiring me already, how Jilfidan said, it was already ordained ^_^ I'm thinking, so you're choosing, but then it's already ordained, so it's kinda like I can still decide not to go, or you can decide to go, so which is it... but then she decided to say yes...

Like today, I was waiting for a taxi, no one's coming, the roads have few cars, it's a holiday today, so it's like, it's ordained, so I just waited, and one eventually arrived ^_^ I was hopeless but then I just thought, patience, and one taxi was ordained :)

Hmm I'm thinking of when I had a choice... so I'm thinking, don't think too much, if it was already ordained, that's it ^_^

Like I'm scheming and planning too much but there's already a good plan ^_^

Like how I was late for work today. Well, maybe it was ordained. Already in the past. So what I learned is, check the schedule.

I'm kinda sad about what happened to Jilfidan, but hey, back then, that's how things were, parents die, there are tragedies, but then see how life progressed, so she had a baby, and she's the Authoress, and then she had a life, and now I'm reading her book. It turned out happy ^_^

Hmm like grandparents were like, ok, war-ravaged city, they're taking the single ladies, they don't take married, so they got married ^_^ ... years later, poof, Pokemon.

Or like great great grandparents, hmm, I see a chinese mestiza, she looks fine, OK, I'll court her, and pretty great grandma was thinking maybe, hmm, this spanish cabo, he's Ok too, ok let's get married ^_^ Love!

And then they had a baby, and baby grew up, and her parents were like, oh, meet this guy in the next town, so she saw him, and she's thinking to herself, oh he's so dark! Where's he from? He's tall. OK, let's see how he's like. Oh! He's kind, gentle, caring ^_^ I love him! So they had a fun life with 5 children.

Or like, oooh, I gotta hide, where can I hide, I know, they'll never find me here, middle of nowhere, OK, forget about war, and he thought, here, time to start a new life, so like from bad to good, and then, hmm, OK son... so son sees local lady, maybe there was attraction, and then, poof, like a whole brood, brown and white ^_^

Or like I like this one, great great who knows how great was like, OK, you're Gregoria? I'm Gregorio. Hey, we match! Let's start a family ^_^ So simple!

I'm also thinking like, oh, we got goods to trade, Ok, we'll sail... hmm journey from Portugal to here is so long, I'm horny...

Like hmm @_@ but it was love!

So that's why cousins were like, I get it all the time, I'm asked, where you from? Thailand?
Or when I told them the story, and how I had to say, well, it was passed down from parents to children, dunno if Dad was exaggerating, he kinda said it in a loud way, like it was, oh, you know they said we're from Portugal lol

Hmm so I'm thinking, back then, they were going to their Dad's house everyday and get sweetmeats, what were mine doing? Probably playing in the fields or forests or feeding the ducks or picking fruit, who knows ^_^

Hmm OK wait I just remembered something, Ali was like on guard, maybe because I asked an odd thing for him, so I'll ask for him also a car ^_^

Sweetmeats, lol I was thinking beef, because it's meats but I was also thinking, sugar and candy, so how do you combine sugar and beef lol
So it's only sugar ^_^

2012-08-11T07:21:00.001-07:00

So I'm excited about the upcoming episodes of Hunter X Hunter. The spiders are coming. I like them because they're a group, and to join, you have to be really strong. And it was mysterious because you don't know what the other member's powers are. They just show a few of them.

I like it too because Killua is very strong and he can kill anyone easily but he found Gon and they become friends, and Killua isn't saying, oh, I'm from a family of assassins, I'm not a nobody...

Anime, OK.

Deathnote... it's too much talking. The first episodes were interesting, but now, too much talking...

The other cartoons that I watched... um I kinda forgot about them because they're in Japanese.

Like that Ouran High School, where rich kids go to school to be taught how to spend time with the children of other rich kids... I kinda lost interest when the main character turns out to be a girl...

And I don't like the cutesy nature of it... I don't find it cute.

But the premise that some really rich people have really nothing to do, that was interesting.

So I didn't delete that from my hard drive yet.

Goodness, I can't believe I've written about that Anime, it's not worth my word-of-mouth.

I like the X-men Anime, animated by Koreans, the artwork was nice... but it's not in English. So I hope they hake English dubbing.

Gantz, it was interesting.

Project Runway, it's like they eliminated those who couldn't sew...

Walking Dead, I'm waiting for it.

Top Model, not interested anymore. Why didn't Crazy Chan win!??? She looked far more interesting than the winner. It would have been great because she was a meme and then if she won, she could've gotten back at all the haters. I would have loved a comeback story like that. But no, they went to the route of Susan Boyle, where they made Susan lose and get second place, because she's already a sure win, and they made this dancing group win... which is now forgotten...

Well making them not win helps contain ego...

If I apply that to me, make me second place so that I will be humbled...

2012-08-08T06:50:00.000-07:00

So I'm monitoring android...

very tempting

New releases are going out at a snail's pace

Not much new, it's like the same old, same old

Yesterday, encountered an S2 that wouldn't charge...

Or hmm paranoid me is thinking, it's a plant ^_^

Can it really be that powerful that it can clearly receive even if it's that far?

I just thought it's a plant just now.

Because yesterday, I thought, huh, it's a new phone, so it's broken already, like S2 just came out a year ago... like strengthening my idea that after a year, these phones are designed to break down, making you start the phone buying process again.

Hmm I wonder how I can make myself get a new phone...

Evil me

so yeah, Samsung, we had experience before of it not charging, it was an Olympic phone lol so that means it's old, one day, it didn't charge.

Ok I'll charge my phone ^_^

So I tried Tango. Word of mouth was effective

But I have no one to Tango!

So, epic fail

...

So I keep going back even though I noticed I'm blocked, or like everyone else is cut off

And then I used a glove...

then passed out

Then woke up and still, bad thoughts persist

Now hungry, still thinking...

It's like what am I going to do for several days?

Thinking of going to the mall, but for what? What do I need to buy?

I want to experience the mall at night so that I can say I experienced it... are there sales?

Hmm Crazy Prices and crazy sales, that's what it said...

I'm so weak and hungry, after I eat, still weak, that I don't want to go out anymore...

Such a whiner

2012-08-03T21:10:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, I finished Magic: The Gathering 2013.... now, I have no more toy again...

Today, I woke up I had an idea, what if I sit and squeeze...

I checked my email, and Accenture was still hiring. 30-35K for team members 60-80 for team leaders. I wonder if Rhaissa and Rocky would be interested. But Rocky's studying right now, I think... Rhaissa has a family...

My teeth have been moving. Not good. Need calcium, vitamin C, and need to move so that my body doesn't use the calcium on my teeth. But I don't want to drink milk anymore... so maybe sardines...but then, uric acid... so, water...

The calcium from apples isn't really that much...

I'm getting paler and paler... like no more blood

Dream last night was a surgically removed leg... what a weird dream again...

So I think I'm being groomed to be subservient... um all you gotta do is ask

Omg here I go again saying things, like talk is cheap, you know, I say it but do I do it?

So back to Magic. I like the Planoptic Mirror + Time Warp infinite turn combo! It's so much fun. Was able to do it 3 times I think.

2012-07-31T03:45:00.000-07:00

We are psych, right?
And we get paranoid patients, right?
And when these paranoid people hear someone whispering, they get paranoid, right?
They think you're talking about them, right?
Or when you talk and they don't understand what you're saying, they get paranoid too, right?

So what do we do?

We can stop whispering, right?
And we can talk in a language they can understand, right?

Can we do that?

Yes, right?

Omg so today, my psychotic symptom is perseveration

right?

2012-07-26T02:22:00.002-07:00

So I haven't printed it yet. I don't know where to print it. Do I go to the city and then go to the computer shop and then find out it's closed? So do I go there at night, and they're still closed?

So I print it, write it, then go to the office, pay for it, and then wait...

And then print out that other form and write it too...

And then send it home, and then send it to the US, and then wait again...

And then sit for the exam

And then what? Fail, I still have time to retake it. Pass, then good. But let's look at fail... I don't know why I can only see up to September...

So pass, then within two years, I have to finish. September 2013...

Wait, 2014...

Do I wait until all the ingredients are complete and then I move?

I'm looking at 2008, and I think I should've placed myself in line...

She was right, Mrs. Gray was right... but then... I don't know...

So, Sentosa?

2012-07-22T22:41:00.001-07:00

Ramadan, I read it's a time to clarify one's thoughts. It was effective. I thought, ok, it's either yes or no, do I believe, I answered, clarity of thoughts, then no...

So I fasted. Motivation was, first, I will get a flatter tummy. Plus, I will feel and understand what it feels like. At the same time, maybe if I'm hungry, I will not be interested in sex. Also, save money.

And then yesterday, it was like oh maybe it's possible he will convert...

I'm so evil... I think I did not understand properly the concept... I fasted but my intention was something else... maybe good or bad... but I still think I will not convert...

Benefit was I got my blood pressure down. So that's why I was feeling woozy, was high blood... the salty chicken...

I like how tummy was indeed slimmer. I don't like how my favorite part is smaller. I want it to be big...

So now, I don't know what my protein source would be...

Milk makes my tummy get bigger again...

So was afraid, during fasting, my immune system will not be strong, was thinking maybe I will get tooth decay, or whatever disease I'm fighting, it will win...

Did notice yesterday, I was particularly smelly. It's like the bacteria that gives off a bad smell was winning because my immune system was low...

So about Australia, since my thoughts was clear, I was thinking, oh, I have to think realistically, nothing's going to happen to me here, so I looked at Australia. It's like I can buy my way to get a license there, it costs 9 months worth of salary... the problem is the proof that I have enough funds because I may have 9 months but I still have to have extra in the bank... So there's this loan that I could take. It's a painful loan, but end result, ultimately, is Australia.

So what made me think of an exit strategy. Recently, they were talking about IELTS. I mean I know it's not like back home, back home, you had to wait a long time because the slots are full, so I was thinking, oh, I'll take it, I'll prove it, next month, I could have it. But then that got me thinking, if I did take it, I gotta send it right away, or else it will expire. So that spurred me to plan.

Just today, I thought, Canada. Yesterday, I was feeling like I wanted to pursue Australia. The thing that changed my mind was, I can't have an annual leave longer than one month. So the Australian bridging course that takes 3 months minimum, I have to resign if I do that. I don't want to resign. It kinda made me realize it's kinda stupid because they want you to be presently employed but if you study for 3 months, not everyone can do that if they're working... Plus, it's like, I'm back to zero. I like how Australia is smart and it's like a business so I kinda want to think that way too but I don't like how I'm at the other side, I'm getting sticker shock. So with Canada, I can take an annual leave, go to Canada, and then continue working here...and then after a few months, leave? I'm afraid to take the IELTS. Because once I take it, if I pass, it means I have to use it, and maybe two years, I will have to leave, before it expires. I think I will pass. So that prompted me to write again...

I imagined, so would I really leave? Would I really give up my delusion?

So now I was thinking, hmm, what if I really do convert...

I was thinking like, oh my goodness, if I'm going to do it, they will copy me like how they copied me. So if someone converts first and then I convert, it will look like I copied them...

But I believe the goodness if I convert. I like the peace of mind, the love, the caring.

I just got my appraisal and it was positive. Will I just throw that away? I admit I am not the best when it comes to skills and knowledge, I still don't know much, I compensate for my dumbness by being hardworking. If I go to Canada, life will be tougher there compared to the Ward where it's easy. Compared to other workplaces, the Ward is great.

I think I'm being too harsh on my fasting, because it's hard to fast, and I think I did a good job of being in control of my desire to eat...

But sex, oh my goodness, I failed easily...

So I used facebook to research the recruitment agencies.

I was too lazy to log out and log in to a clean account. Or because I like it.

I observed that I still had an erection even if hungry...
And when I took a nap and woke up, I had an erection too...

And it's like these facebook messages are testing me.

I'm thinking, I have to be realistic, they're not your cops, so I said yes. If I cut my balls, maybe I will not be interested but now I still feel like I want. They have no picture and I was imagining, hmm what if they're hot

So a while back, I was thinking, hmm I gotta think of an exit strategy, if I'm going to stop believing, I gotta wish for more people before I stop. What if it's true? That's what I was thinking... it's like two sisters are asking me, do you need help?

I already planned for Plan B in case Plan A fails...it seams feasible, I could do it, Australia or Canada...

Oh, about my acid comment, you can't give me western experience

It's like my realistic side, it can hurt

Hmm so Renaissance Day ^_^

So I kinda slipped and said Happy Renaissance Day

It's a happy day so yeah if my delusion is more of happy, I like it ^_^

So um I want to ask for Ali, Maryam

I kinda feel sad because before, I asked for people who, I imagine, if we were in a queue, they're at the back

My thoughts are just so disorganized that it's like I ask for the oddest people...

So um, Maryam, it's like, her reaction was, this guy? Like a question mark. She could see through me and she sensed that I'm not, like if I auditioned to be an emcee of MTV Asia, I'm not going to be picked, I don't have the charm, I don't have the smarts, I don't have the personality.

So um, may I ask for her good things. It's like if there's a baby, it's always nice, positive, if you help this person, nothing can go wrong. So I ask for her a car.

Ali, now he has the personality. We were playing chess, and I don't know, why did I say it, I'm like hungry and I'm not thinking straight, I meant the chess piece was annoying because it moved to a position that stopped me from making a great play, and what I said was, this guy's annoying, and I thought oh no! He didn't seem to think, but me, I was thinking, oh my goodness, just when you get a friend you say a tactless thing.

So um what does he need. I don't really know. He's young, so maybe he will get married. So maybe mahr for him. Or a car too.

Almuatasim. So he has been nice. I like how at first, he was real, I can take it, he said like, oh I hate you, maybe because there were so many of us who flew to his country and we're like invading, but how I wish I could tell him, dude I will do what you tell me to do. Of course, within reason.

So um I don't know what the story with him is, I don't know what he needs

I'm trying to think of the word so I thought, I need to push my brain with energy... umm I kinda slipped...

So this camera..

Wait, I wish for Almuatasim a car too because he was true to me the first day we met

So um the camera, I'm thinking, what can I do, I just do whatever, watching or not watching, I just do what I do...

Just thinking about the camera makes me want a glove...

I need to tone it down, I need to be hungrier and weaker, I need to shout to my balls, please not now, after a month, we can play all we want

See it's the wrong kind of thinking... I'm supposed to do all these because I truly want to stop...

...

So, about the appraisal, if there was a way I could improve the ward, tell us. So I thought, we can have a feedback form that the patient will fill out when they leave. So I live in a perfect world where everything is nice and feedbacks will be nice. I just realized, if we implemented that, the patients are going to give negative points because they hate us, what they're saying is, what is this, prison?

Hmm let me look at this

So they don't want to be monitored all the time, they don't want that if they're doing something, I'm checking it, I was described as a sponsor lol because he goes somewhere, I follow him, he does this, I say no, he wants that, I say no... hmm so I think what I did wasn't good... now when I relaxed a bit and did not monitor him, he went to the other side and then I should watch him...

Hmm what if the ward gets an image change and it does become prison like

Ok I gotta rest

2012-07-13T18:16:00.000-07:00

So from 270, now to 170.

100 smackers

And last year's technology ain't that bad.

Still does the job, but slower if you had been using current tech.

I'm kinda disappointed that Ultrabooks aren't catching on, which means prices are still high, although I did spot a Vizio, but it was still kinda expensive.

I hate how I couldn't find tech here... or maybe I didn't search enough.

It's like, at the end of the shift, I'm pooped. I think I need to eat because really, that would help. So, snacks.

No exciting news about Windows 8...

Nexus 7, I wish I was in America.

Well, if Asus made it, I wonder what Asus thinks. They have the transformer. And they did start EEE PC. So maybe they will make EEE tab. Hmm, yeah, that could be it. Oh, they call it EEE Pad

RIM, what do I think... I think no one wants it...
They don't think like moto or HP. Moto did the painful thing of dumping what they had, HP dumped Palm too, so Blackberry, it's like it's not acting like a money-driven corporation, they're not dropping their OS and keeps being patriotic...so, Microsoft? They have Danger... and did the moto and HP thing when they abandoned the... can't even remember, the phone that looked like a stone with blackberry keys

So yeah, epiphany was phones are becoming PC's. I hate Apple, they're too expensive...unless I buy an iPad...I hate how the iPad doesn't have phone and text

2012-07-12T21:50:00.001-07:00

So it's not fun if I'm not responding

I think I need to go back when it was fun

I need to think delusion is fun, exciting, instead of scary, abnormal, I am sick

So my balls

I like it

And I think it did it's job well ^_^

Was able to beat two in arm wrestling

I didn't know!

Still not convinced

I am not very convincing

A fluke

So go balls! Make more manly hormones

except sleep when we need to hide

when you see things that we like

just stay calm

and admire secretly

2012-07-08T07:19:00.000-07:00

So yeah I have to continue because Ahmed 1, Ahmed 2, everyone is counting on me,

It's like at one point, I said, delusion is not good... so I brought it down to the simplest level, and became so weak so the answer was no...

Then it brought things back into perspective, I remembered

So what was I thinking... Al Khaboura

I mean, it sucks that I went all the way there, and nothing. No sex!!!
And I know there's no one there
Positive was I got to see what it was

The taxi ride, I was sweating... so I guess that was good because I lost weight, bad because I lost electrolytes.. but anyway, I was happy to go there ^_^

The road, the shops, I was watching, it was like spirited away, when chihiro visited the granny's sister

So about a phone... I was thinking, like, if I bought an expensive one, and then I lost it, bummer... brother lost Note, I was like... hmm

And if I go to places, I don't want it to be stolen

And no one texts me anyways

I was thinking, my goodness, I don't to have a phone that I have to worry about, I don't to worry about it getting lost, dropped, scratched, too much trouble charging it... (but maybe it's like something that at first, I thought it's no good but after buying it, it's one of the best things that I had)

I was thinking, if I could make apps for it, maybe that could be the reason why I would buy one... android - no one makes money out of it. It's iPhone

And I don't want my ideas to be stolen

It's like Catch-22, you want to make apps but you don't want people taking that idea

So I was thinking, how do I adapt, I did it with the fifi, so how do i busy myself... was thinking of ways to be productive... the twin websites are zero... texts are screened... police watching... I was in Sultan Center, and I saw him when I came back... so it was coincidence... the cash register had a problem, and then I realize, I had not weighed the bananas and oranges yet lol so absent minded, and then when I came back, he was there, with bread, he followed me all around Ruwi, when I was buying chicken, his expression was like, oh, don't recognize me...

So ummm... maybe 3 weeks ago, left phone behind, went downstairs, waited, with PSP, nothing.. only Ibrahim, who invited me to his house...
So I did it, I tried, end result, nothing

Got the idea from pinoy who was standing there, and I thought, why he's standing there, by the ATM... Ah I get it...

I want sex!!!!

but nobody because I'm watched!!! lols paranoid android

So uh last night, waves were cold, body itching, I knew something was wrong so I immediately started going to the shore. Why I didn't tell anyone, I didn't want to bother them, I want to be alone/independent, so walking back, I was in a hurry, and it exacerbated things, I wanted to lie on my back as soon as possible but if I collapsed on the water, I would be in more trouble, so I put effort, which kinda got me out of breath, oxygen going to head was not enough, I felt it, vision changing, then ears muffled, had to take frequent rests... and then I reached the shore, vision was going out, and that's when I said help. I think I also said not yet, because vision was going out and I kinda knew it was going out and I felt like if I lost it, I would be a goner, so I said, not yet, not yet... rested on my back and starting there, I felt better... was afraid to get run over by that vehicle...

I think it's a combination of cold water which triggered allergy, which constricted lumen, and then anemia, plus fatigue (no sleep), plus I was exercising before going, plus masturbating, so that's a huge energy loss, was not eating because I was thinking, oh, I was talking about how flat my tummy was, and then if he saw me (if he's really there or like watching on a satellite telescope of course he's not there, it's just my delusion), and then my belly is still round...so gotta not eat...

It was like cells died in head so I got the headache, plus if I stood up, orthostatic hypotension... so I just sat and rested... the mountain dew helped, plus the doughnut...

So anyway, today, I ate chicken liver, feel better, still I feel something's a bit off... what I'm not doing, what's bad, is I'm not resting... why do i have to have such a workaholic personality... I have to stay still and rest...

What else am I doing wrong... the twin websites!!! omg I like sex.... I know I'm watched... because I'm jailable for this.... I'm so bad, there's no excuse, it's so bad I even know what I'm doing is bad and I still do it

I mean, the white SUV last night, he was parked outside Sultan, was it the same...?

I'm thinking, nope, I'm just paranoid, nothings going to happen, I won't get money, I won't get sex if I don't act...

So why do I like money???

because I'm bad...
I think because you get to meet a lot of nice people. The free ones, they're not really kind
Also, it's a control, to stop me from sex

I don't do anything with it. I don't buy a phone, I don't buy a tablet, it's just there, if I need food, I buy using it...

it sucks to have no motivation

Well motivation, I opened my facebook, and Mom wants to buy a house. A HOUSE! Oh my goodness, her life was fine back home but she moves to the states and now she's going to be stressed by this house...

So I was bad and tried to ask for it

I mean, what if it came true

What if it didn't come true, it's like I broke a promise or a spell

I was also thinking too, omg, when I'm 80, I don't want to regret, what if I requested for that... so that's kinda one of the bad thoughts this old and wrinkly regretting has brought

So patient once told me, so you think the oil, it's his, no it's for everyone, and that enlightened me, what if back home, the president also thought that way, I mean, they're fighting over this shoal in the ocean with oil, so what if his mentality was also like, oh, it's not mine alone, everyone owns it...

...

Also, it's like, I'm saving and saving and what's the point if I don't spend it, if I die, I wouldn't even have enjoyed it.

And I was looking at that Google Nexus, if converted, it's only 150 I think... or cheaper... I love bargains and I hate overpaying

It's like I get happy when I buy something cheap and I'm sad if I spend on something really expensive...

I'm so abnormal...

I do things to be happy and if I buy an expensive phone, that will make me sad

I think I need a reboot because the way I'm thinking is wrong

like go to outer space and see the big picture from there

There's something good about expressing this but at the same time, I'm reinforcing my delusion... and this argument just keeps repeating

So um, if I find a paint bucket, I will be happy ^_^
I already destroyed 2 plastic buckets.. the plastic where it meets the handle is not very strong... So I was walking home, I saw the cleaner who wipes the cars, his bucket is the paint bucket! Heavy duty, sturdy, plus, saves mother earth! Recycling... Now where do I get one...

So action plan is, stop using the twin websites... but where will I channel sex? Fifi, it's great... but I still like bj, so must say goodbye to bj??? will I do that?? Papaya I think... it kills the urge...or become hypoglycemic again so that I'm more concerned for my survival than sex

what if I make pottery so that I'm busy.. or I make crafts... selling duck eggs was an opportunity but there's really no buyers...

I have to do something that makes me happy...
I'm happy if I get money...

So reprogram??

So um I was reading about that gay wedding, and yeah, I envy them too they love each other

I'm incapable of love

I miss my yaya

So how do I become happy?