Super Serena Saves the World

I Didn't Quit, But I Kind of Quit. Here are More Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Mon, 08 Feb 2016 17:13:00 +0000

Okay, yes. My super intimidating goal of drawing-a-picture-everyday-for-a-year did not exactly pan out. It fizzled out before January (mostly due to traveling to NJ and WI in a short amount of time), and I just never posted the pictures. It's kind of like a reverse new year's resolution.

Anyway, I wanted to go ahead and share the pictures that I did draw before I scrapped this thing forever.

But this doesn't mean my silly pictures are gone. Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iggins, just you wait.

There is more to come. I don't know when. I'm not sure what. I have some ideas, some crazy ambitious plans that will take some time. And, hopefully, they'll be really fun.

Anyway. Here is Dec. 18 - Dec. 27. Some of the prompts I forget the exact wording on, but I remember the gist of it.

Prompt: Fashion Giraffe

Prompt: Extreme Whale Fest

Prompt: Something about Ghost Adventures

Prompt: Something else really specific about Zak Bagans of Ghost Adventures

Prompt: Swedish Chef in a Bergman film

Prompt: Something about Sloth Bear

Prompt: Serena watching Star Wars

Prompt: Pool Skeleton

Prompt: Taking a shower on a mountain, I think

Prompt: I'm sad and living in pumpkin for some reason?

Prompt: Me as a bored extreme sports athlete? Maybe that was the prompt.

Still Doing This

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 23:34:00 +0000

DONE! It took me half of December to get caught up on pictures, but I did it. I know you all missed my stupid pictures.

Star Wars comes out today, but we're not seeing it until the day after Christmas (in Philadelphia on IMAX, yay!). This means total hibernation mode until then.

So everyone else enjoy Star Wars. I'll be deleting my Facebook app and wearing the Sensory Deprivator 3000. Check out this post's final picture for a dramatic representation of our internet hiatus.

In the meantime, here is Nov. 30 - Dec. 17. Finally.

Prompt: Potato and Asparagus death match

Prompt: Mashed Potato Spaceship

Prompt: Kangaroo jumping over a fence

Prompt: That touchdown

Prompt: Using glassware for the wrong thing

Prompt via Jen: Spot Coffee

Prompt via Jen: Dogtown

Prompt: Fish seek vengeance on Brett for eating them

Prompt: You try to hang up Christmas lights but get tangled in them

Prompt: I'm trapped in a snow globe and Brett tries to find me

Prompt: Robot Love

Prompt: Don't look in the closet

Prompt: Serena has dug herself a hole with all these pictures she has to draw

Prompt: Frog Chair

Prompt: Serena takes care of Brett

Prompt: Emo Doctor

Prompt: Rubbing your feet on the carpet to get static electricity and using it as a weapon

Prompt: Brett and Serena don't go see Star Wars

Thankful for Cell Phones

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 04:34:00 +0000

I'm obviously thankful for my family and friends, but I am also very grateful for the decent cell phone app I used to draw all of my pictures this week.

Hope everyone enjoyed whatever it was they did with their time off this weekend. And now, into Christmas.

It's Nov. 23 - Nov. 29.

Prompt: George Lucas is now on the $1 bill

Prompt: Something you don't want on your sandwich

Prompt: Sad house

Prompt: Sad mouse

Prompt: "Wake up, Sheeple."*
*Channeling "They Live"

Prompt: A fish catching a human

Prompt: Santa leaves something strange under the Christmas tree

This is Me Being an Adult

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 02:46:00 +0000

Today I was a total adult and got my oil changed, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed the apartment, paid my rent, jumped on my couch when the Packers won for the first time in four weeks and drew three pictures in MS paint.

Don't forget that you can join me in being an adult and suggest really adult-like things for me to draw by visiting this link.

Here is Nov. 16 - Nov. 22.

Prompt: Something sinister lurks in a pile of leaves

Prompt: You wake up and your cat is now a Jedi

Prompt: Serena tries to pour coffee into a cup and misses

Prompt: There is a monster coming out of a sink like in It, but it is a cute monster

Prompt: Kaiju in his native London*
*Crested geckos are actually from New Caledonia, a "special collectivity" of France off of Australia. We just like to pretend Kaiju is British

Prompt: Serena hits the streets to find the prompt for her next picture

Prompt: A tomato and a cucumber sitting on a couch together

Yoshis and Penguins and Guy Fieris, Oh My

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Mon, 16 Nov 2015 04:46:00 +0000

This weeks includes what I consider my most detailed "work" yet, and probably (definitely) my favorite picture I've drawn so far.

This is Nov. 5 - Nov. 15. Enjoy.

Prompt: All of the knit things in this apartment come to life

Prompt: Guy Fieri as James Bond

Prompt: A giant man-eating pepper puts humans on its food to make it spicy

Prompt: Person sells the weirdest stuff on eBay

Prompt: Weird Bear

Prompt: Brett as a Mario character

Prompt: Kaiju plays N64

Prompt: A pizzeria makes clocks out of pizza

Prompt: Serena gets trapped inside the television and Brett won't help

Prompt via Jen: Pickle Dance

Prompt: Penguin fight

I Am Turning Into a Cartoon

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Wed, 04 Nov 2015 23:27:00 +0000

Fell behind this week and had to double up on some of my days. So while I'm not literally drawing a picture every day of the year, every day of the year will have its own picture.

That makes sense, right?

So here is the presumably highly anticipated Oct. 26 - Nov. 4.

P.s. Please give me ideas here. I am so sick of Brett's ideas. And you can tell him I said that.

Prompt: Raven and Cardinal Battling

Prompt: Mr. Mashed Potato Head

Prompt: Casual Mocha Wednesday

Prompt via Anonymous: Mickey Mouse as vindictive overlord

Prompt: Laundry day for the Orcs from Lord of the Rings

Prompt: Brett wearing a funny t-shirt

Prompt: Beer turning into blood

Prompt: Mormon Bar Trivia*
*Easily the worst prompt ever in the history of life. If you disagree, draw your own and send it to me.

Prompt: Brett intently playing Animal Crossing

Prompt: Pretentious art person analyzes stupid painting

What Autumn Does to My Insides

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 21:50:00 +0000

Despite being too overloaded on pumpkin beer the past two years and deciding to take a break this October, this is pretty much how I see the world when the leaves change.

Movies and Food

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Sun, 25 Oct 2015 21:37:00 +0000

Coming off a short week, so there's only six pictures today.

On a Packers-less Sunday, I'm sipping boozy apple cider and watching football I don't care about.

This week, the pictures are mostly about food. Remember you can tell me what to draw by making suggestions here. Make them extra spooky since there's only one more week until Halloween!

Here is Oct. 20 - Oct. 25.

Prompt: Guy Fieri at McDonald's

Prompt: An abominable snowman wearing a t-shirt that is too tight

Prompt: You're speeding and you get pulled over by a Stormtrooper

Prompt: What's for dinner?

Prompt: Pizza Pirates

Prompt: Me turning into a bunny like in The Fly

This Week Got Dark

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Tue, 20 Oct 2015 04:27:00 +0000

Featured this week are the worst cell phone pictures I've ever drawn along with some spooky/scary/creepy pictures because Halloween is upon us.

Also, my internet did not go out before, after or while watching the Star Wars trailer. In case anyone was worried.

Remember you can be bossy and tell me what to draw by suggesting something right here.

Here is Oct. 12 - 19.

Prompt: A Halloween version of this

Prompt via my mom: A rabbit pulling a magician out of a hat

Prompt: The truth about where sponge candy* comes from
*Found out there is gelatin in sponge candy this week

Prompt via my mom: An octopus' garden in the shade...because it's a bamboo garden

Prompt: This pie is a miracle

Prompt: Cloud animal zoo

Prompt: Cheating cheetah

Prompt: Serena wants to watch the Star Wars trailer but the whole internet has crashed

All I Need is Pumpkin Picking

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Sun, 11 Oct 2015 22:14:00 +0000

It's another spooky week in October. A win by the Packers, a visit from my mom—this week is a good week.

Every single one of these is improved upon by making them full-size. So do that, if you dare.

Also, I drew more houses this week than I possibly every have.

Here is Oct. 5 - Oct. 11:

Prompt: Group of astronauts upset they can't watch football because they were sucked into a wormhole

Prompt: To celebrate Halloween, the NFL replaces the football with a pumpkin

Prompt: Stretch Bear in real life*
*I have a new obsession

Prompt: If Things* was happy
*Things is a 1989 made-for-VHS horror movie everyone should watch

Prompt: Brett, Serena and kaiju visit Albuquerque*
Inspired heavily by this song

Prompt via my mom: A horse trick-or-treating as a ghost

Prompt via my mom: Frog doing karaoke

Welcome to Spooky Town

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Sun, 04 Oct 2015 15:51:00 +0000

It is finally the spookiest month of the year! I'd like to do a lot of creepy crawly pictures for the month of October, so think of something fun and make the suggestion right here.

This might be my favorite week of pictures yet. I give you Sept. 28-Oct. 4.

Prompt: Yoshi meets Kaiju

Prompt: Moon Farm

Prompt via Catherine: Third Eye Blind eating dinosaur chicken nuggets playing Catherine and Serena private concert

Prompt: Brett and Serena living in a pumpkin house

Prompt: Kitty riding a red Loch Ness monster

Prompt: The truth about where pumpkin waffles come from

Prompt: If a witch were president

Dogs Are Spectacular. Everyone Should Have one.

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 22:59:00 +0000

This is what life is like when you do not have a dog but see dogs everywhere you go.

Brett and I basically turn into zombies that feast on cuteness. In a totally nonviolent way.

Anthropomorphic Animals and Sadness

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Sun, 27 Sep 2015 23:43:00 +0000

This week's pictures were much sadder than anticipated. How about some upbeat suggestions? Suggest away right here. I have to draw it, it's the rules.

Enjoy Sept. 21-Sept. 27.

Prompt: Scene Serena

Prompt via Jen: A whale and a kitty who are best friends

Prompt via Jen: A butterfly that is a spy

Prompt via Jen: A balloon that falls tragically in love with a cactus

Prompt: Pizza

Prompt: Mets Victory

Prompt: Brett working on his movie list

Football Sunday or Picture Sunday?

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Sun, 20 Sep 2015 14:30:00 +0000

Another week down in my experiment to draw a picture every single day. Thanks specifically to Bridget for the suggestions this week.

If you have a strong opinion of what it is I should be drawing, please share them with me. You can submit as many things as you'd like.

Here is this week in pictures, Sept. 13- Sept. 20.

Prompt: Cat and Snail

Prompt via Bridget: A ninja with low self esteem trying to bake a cake with his pet platypus

Prompt: Experiment between a pumpkin and a kitty

Prompt via Bridget: Famous dictators riding a merry go round

*BONUS* Fidel Castro merry go round outtake

Prompt via Bridget: a man gets a mail order bride from Hungary only to find out she's actually a velociraptor

Prompt: If Blue Velvet wasn't scary

Prompt via Bridget: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it do the other trees have a party?

Prompt: A panda that hates bamboo

This Week in Pictures: I'm Actually Following Through with This

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Sat, 12 Sep 2015 14:21:00 +0000

To avoid posting a bazillion times a week, I'll be uploading my picture-every-day pictures whenever I feel I've accumulated enough of them. This week, that would be six pictures.

I've added a tab at the top of the page where you can give me suggestions of what to draw. You can get there by clicking right here. And you can submit as many times as you'd like. This is an easy way to track suggestions, so please only use the form.

Unless otherwise noted, all my suggestions are given to me by Brett. If I come up with an idea on my own, it will most likely be a blog post. And the blog posts don't count for this experiment.

Enjoy Sept. 7 - Sept. 12.

Prompt: Hops, Water, Yeast and Malts at a Party

Prompt via Arielle: Arielle as a Sith Lord

Prompt: Brett and Serena's Dream Vacation

Prompt: Zaat
*More information on Zaat the major motion picture here

Prompt: Kaiju the Packers Fan

Prompt: Is your refrigerator running?

Pros and Cons of Having a Pet That Can't Love You Back

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 22:56:00 +0000

In early July, Brett and I adopted an adorable six-month baby gecko from a local Rochester breeder, ROC Geckos. We named him Kaiju, the Japanese word for monster as well as the alien creatures from the movie Pacific Rim. He is mostly named for the alien creatures.

He also goes by "Kash" and "Kashi Go Lean." For short.

Kaiju is a really cute guy (we think he's a guy) who loves his little leaf palace.

Here is the terrible monster in all his glory

While he's hands down the cutest thing in the world, one could say that Kaiju does has a flaw: the inability to love. (He also doesn't quite understand we're his friends and have no intentions of squashing him).

That's why I've decided to list the pros and cons of having a pet that cannot love you back.

Pros

1.You don't feel bad if you forget the pleasantries like "goodnight" or "good morning."

2. He won't jump on you and demand attention while you're trying to do work.

3. You can be verbally abusive, making empty threats he doesn't care about because he already basically hates you.

Cons

1. Instead of responding with joy when you reach out to pet him, he recoils with the hope he will turn invisible and you will forget he exists. This is pretty ego-bruising.

2. His apathy fills you with sadness.

3. He will not reveal his true self to you.

And for all I know, his true self might be a gecko demon.

I'm Drawing a Picture Every Day for a Year

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Sun, 06 Sep 2015 20:15:00 +0000

It's been roughly a year since my last post. I've been drawing more pictures than usual lately, and it's gotten me thinking about blogging.

I guess shortly after restarting the blog the inspiration ran out. I wanted to take it another way, but I couldn't figure out in which direction. I even considered making this blog political rather than arbitrarily comical and posting about the things I'm passionate about: the environment, animals and human rights issues.

Plastic bags and water bottles are awful for the environment. Reusable fabric bags and steel canteens reduce waste.

But that seems like an uphill battle, and there are already so many of those blogs out there.

That's when picture-a-day was spawned.

Every day, I'm given a prompt (by Brett, or anyone else willing) and I draw a picture. (Note: I've been doing this for four days).

It's a way to get me inspired again.

Being employed full time is definitely a positive thing, but it also hinders me from being as creative as I want to be in the ways I want to be.

For my own mental health, I need to be creating something, no matter how small and shitty it might be.

So Super Serena is here on some level. I probably won't be posting daily—and I might not post every picture I make—but at least daily I'll be making sure I do something. It might sometimes be political. It will most likely be silly and nonsensical, and almost certainly it will be shittily crafted in MS Paint.

Just as everything should be.

Here are most of the pictures so far in the order they were created:

Prompt: Brett in an Ice Cream Factory

Prompt: Gecko Sushi

Prompt: 2001: A Serena Odyssey

Prompt: Whale Hunting*
*"Whales" is a term for rare beer often hunted down by beer enthusiasts

Prompt: Brett and Serena, Life Among the Geckos

Follow the jump for a bonus picture drawn a few months ago!

This is Brett nearly every night: Reading Star Wars novels meant for teenagers and wishing he was a lightsaber-wielding Chewbacca. Can't say I don't relate.

Feel free to make a suggestion as to what I should draw. Brett can only think of so many things.

This is My Impression of Brett

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 23:27:00 +0000

I was going to expound on this, but I think it speaks volumes.

Questions No One Asked Me That I Will Answer Anyway

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 00:29:00 +0000

What is it like living with a stupid boy?
I don't think he's very stupid, he just happens to be a boy. It's okay. Sometimes he does the dishes, and he carries heavy things. If I ask him to do something, he'll usually do it, even if I have to ask him six times.

I can't really complain.

How do you like your apartment parking spot?
I like to call my parking spot "the bitch spot," considering it's the one spot in the lot under a tree and my car has turned from blue to green and is consistently covered in bird poop. Brett says it's "tree droppings." Trees do not have droppings, birds have droppings.

Is it super duper cold in Rochester?
The only place that is super duper cold is our apartment, where the A/C is blasted because it is super duper hot and humid in Rochester right now.

How does Brett like his graduate program?
The graduate program is Brett's favorite thing in the universe. He's already touched film and learned a few things. He gets into two theaters for free, and he gets to bring a guest each time! So far, I've been that guest twice.

But he gets two hour lunch breaks and is sometimes home by four. So I can't imagine the program is very difficult. I like to imagine they're just watching Kevin Smith movies and having ice cream parties.

What have you been up to?
My days are pretty much filled with freelancing, running errands and cleaning things. Sometimes I also take a walk and get coffee somewhere, but I always forget to say "decaf." Then I stay up until 2 a.m.

Do you like the Wegmans you go to almost every day?
No. It is hell. There are always 400 cars in the parking lot and a billion people inside. The first time we went there, we spent an hour and a half buying everything we needed. I just about had a panic attack. I don't know how people can work in Wegmans, I would faint under those fluorescents while trying to figure out what section the tzatziki sauce belongs in.

What is the biggest thing in your life at this moment?
Pumpkin lattes and snarky comments about NFL games. The Bears still suck.

*Disclaimer: I am not mean to Brett, even though he thinks that first answer was being mean. He is just very sensitive. But he is pretty great minus that one character flaw.

*Disclaimer No. 2: That first disclaimer did not satisfy Brett, I am apparently the meanest person in the whole world. Roar.

Football Is Here

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 16:46:00 +0000

I told you I like sports now.

Dishes Get Dirty Sometimes: Hello, I am Writing a Blog Post

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 01:01:00 +0000

I'm not sure how much world saving I did the first time I wrote in this thing, and I'm not sure how much world saving I plan to do in the future. What I do know is a lot has changed since I wrote as Super Serena.

I now rent an apartment that my bearded, football-loving, blu-ray-owning boyfriend also lives in. I was adamant the other night about him living in my apartment. He then told me that since it's mine, I should wash all the dishes. So I guess we both rent it, then.

At this moment in my life, I own more beer tees than band tees, and I actually like sports. I even do freelance copy editing for an online sports magazine, and I even understand some of it (what a terrifying thought).

We've only lived in this apartment a little more than a week, but I've already learned a few things.

The first? I really hate washing dishes. I already knew that, knew I was bad at it. But now I'm absolutely positive about it. We had to wash every single dish, fork, glass and whisk before using anything. And it just about destroyed my sense of being.

I mean, how dirty can the things really be straight from the factory? I'm willing to take that risk.

Working from home kind of leaves you restlessly wondering what is happening outside. Especially when outside of your window there are what seems like perpetual bunnies. It's like they're taunting you to feed them carrots, which I would really like to do.

I also get easily distracted. I already knew that. After all, every time I say "I'm going to read my book," I wind up on the internet for another hour an a half before picking up the book for 10 minutes and then falling asleep. But I really am worse than I thought.

Whatever else I might have learned this week will have to wait for another day. Because, at the moment, I can't think of a thing.

I'm not sure if I'll be updating weekly, daily, up-to-the-minute-ly or not at all. I'm not even sure what I'll be writing about.

I'll decide between now and the next post (if there is one) exactly how much world saving I will be doing. After all, for a blog that supposedly had me saving the world all of the time, I did little except complain about minor inconveniences in my everyday life with the use of some pretty substandard drawings.

In the mean time, just know that measuring spoons are the most frustratingly shaped things in the world to clean. My cutting board is heavy and takes up my whole sink, and I don't think I should have to wash it.

I'm not saying Brett should have to wash it, either. I'm just saying, we need to spend our lives doing something other than washing all these stupid dishes after making all of this yummy food.

This is what it feels like inside my head right now:

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 02:41:00 +0000

Let me explain.

I applied for the worst freelance job ever. I have to write a "viral video" for a 69-year-old woman from Minnesota. It's for an app and it makes no sense.

So, after I got home from doing this all day with my friend Bridget:

I decided to get to work on my new task!

Yeah. Okay.

When I don't want to do something, I just give myself a ridiculous amount of tedious projects. I went to Walmart twice and Kohls searching for picture frames. I bought myself new clothes and then went through my entire closet and seriously halved it.

Then I vacuumed my room and dicked around on the internet.

Then I wrote it, drew that picture, and put together this awful blogpost.

That thing I wrote? Worst thing ever. Hooray. Wow. Fuck this blogpost, I'm really trying to waste my time.

Sl;dkjfal;dkfjawioerjaowir;eifajweriaj;efijaw;efija;woiefja;ioewfjawiejfa;wieofjiaweflaiefja;weilfjkadjfakljfaljfaiejlafkadljfvnnr.

Yay.

Super Serena: Then and Now

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 05:35:00 +0000

I think it's pretty clear that I've always been cool, and awfully super! But it's really interesting to look through things from my past and recognize consistency between what I did then and what I do now.

I'm not sure if I should be scared out of my mind or happy that some of my habits haven't changed.

I've always written. Not just stories or in a diary, I use writing as therapy. I didn't know that's what I was doing when I was 11, but I understood that the world made sense when I wrote things out. To this day, I feel so much better getting something out of my head and onto paper. Even if it's just, "Launch SKS website? :) Get yo shit together, GIRL!"

Here are the three types of writing that I find myself doing in the past and present:

1. Self-Affirmation (And the occasional tough love.)

2. To-do lists (Everything goes on the to-do list. "Go to work" is on the to-do list.)

3. Comics (Did you know I write comics sometimes? And YES, I'm counting comics as writing.)

And before you think to yourself:

Yes. Yes it is.

Let's rip this band-aid off, people.

Self-affirmations, then:

"Serena Raymond Dear me, Hey. A reminder that, I should do well in school. School's important, no matter how boring it is. Any way, I should always do my homework! It's very important! Just so I/you/me knows! Serena Raymond"

Self-affirmations, now:

"Monthly Goal: Stay focused, do not give up on your ideas. Cool your frustrations. Calm yourself, concentrate. What do you want? It's time you work towards it. It's time you turn passionate. Finish a project, move onto the next. This is your career. Act like it. <3"

I like to think I've gotten more eloquent with these. Also, I don't have to remind myself of my name so much.

To-do lists then:

"Take polaroid to school!! Purple. Downstairs. Where pants w/ pockets. Remember $30! -Serena (10:23 p.m. June 19, 2001)" [Side note, yes that "alounece" is me trying to spell allowance. I still keep track of my finances like that. I swear I can spell now.]

To-do lists, now:

I now give myself time constraints and get specific with my breakfast.

As a bonus, here's the to-do list I make within the confines of my timed to-do list:

I remind myself to shower. I am this neurotic.

I've given up signing my name and writing the exact time and date. I'm, like, really easy-going now.

Comics, then:

"Alien Fund Donate A Brain"

"Brain Box" Human says, "You'll love it, changes ya life!"

A "Going in" sign and lots of excited humans.

The alien says, "Thanks for the brain! It will be fully controlled by tomorrow." One human says, "Ok. Ok. Sure!" while the one with his skull opens thinks something to the effect of, "So soon?"

Two exits: "Going out" and "Somewhere"

That "Somewhere" leads to "World Domination." ....I think.

Comics, now:

Yay for out-of-context pictures from a blog post you've never seen!

I'm not sure my comics have gotten much more intelligent.

So, for the past 11 years I've essentially been doing the same things. Though, with a few minor exceptions, I've been doing these things better.

After making this post, I have answered one of my childhood quandaries. I totally understand why boys didn't like me in middle school.

I don't think making these pictures made me seem like much of a catch:

I'm not captioning this, it's just strawberries killing people. Fucking go with it.

To sum up. Me, then:

Me, now:

Eleven years in between.

The Time I Accidentally Worked at a Sex Shop

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 00:09:00 +0000

To ring in the new year and to make up for the fact I have not been doing much blogging, I'm going to go deep into my story arsenal and pull out one of the stranger (and more embarrassing) moments in my life.

It was early 2009 and I really needed a job. I dropped off resumes at approximately ten locations. One of them, which I was really excited about, was the Halloween store at the mall.

The man who owned the store was one of those people who stared a tad too long as you spoke to him and didn't have much to say in response. After every word that came out of my mouth during the interview he just looked at me for a few seconds. I took this as a cue to speak more.

Because of his mild and somewhat creepy responses I was surprised when he offered me the job.

During the interview he mentioned owning a store one level lower, Sweetness and Lace. I had never gone into the store and had no idea what it was. Like a good interviewee, I pretended. I should have known from the name of the store what type of merchandise was sold there. In fact, I should have gone down stairs and checked the place out.

Guess what? I didn't.

From here on out I will refer to the employees as Creepy Owner, his Pregnant Girlfriend, the "I'm not racist" Racist Girl and the Apathetic Twins.

My first day working there I was in the Halloween Store and met the "I'm not Racist" Racist Girl who who proceeded to tell me about her boyfriend who hates black people.

The apathetic twins were about as responsive as Creepy Owner. They had worked for him for a few years and I think his creepy, silent tendencies eventually wore on them.

It's possible my questions were dumb, but that isn't just cause to stare at me and walk away.

Creepy Owner hardly ever spoke to Pregnant Girlfriend. Watching them interact was a lot like watching me try to talk to my cats.

So, this brings me to the sex shop (sigh). And I'll tell you my absolute favorite story from the entire time I spent working the store.

I was downstairs working in Sweetness and Lace when some woman dragged her loser boyfriend into the store. First, they look through the merchandise on their own.

Finally, they ask my advice.

Immediately I walk them over to something I'd deem "classy sexy." It was conservative and not pink. It sure as hell wasn't crotchless panties. This was the lingerie she was looking for!

I picked up another item.

Eventually I just started point at things.

This is about the time I decided to quit.

What's This?!

noreply@blogger.com (Serena) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 06:35:00 +0000

You might think I'm jumping the gun, but I've been done with my Christmas shopping for a month.