Blurry Mind

Emotion: is it redundant?

2013-06-25T13:03:00.000+08:00

If emotion is happiness, pain, sadness, love, hate, jealousy, anger, passion and more - does it really help us, or does it inhibits us and brings us only sorrow and pain?

I know, it depends on where we're at. If we're happy or sad right now - the feeling gets artificially amplified by the lense of current feeling and we think accordingly.

Say, right now I'm bummed out, because I'm thinking sad thoughts. It makes me look at the world through a prism of "Everything's shit, and it's just a matter of time till everyone catches up on it if they haven't already"

But on happier days, I am much more optimistic. And I also noticed that even when I'm depressed, I try to cheer others if I see they're sad. It make me feel a little bit better. For a while anyways.

Yet it doesn't really answers my question. Obviously it's fun feeling good and optimistic, but we're living in an ocean of emotions, and the nature of waves is to rise as well as fall. Isn't it better to leave on flat ground?

I know it's more boring on flat ground. No upheavals, no excitement (no emotions), and living in a certain detachment from everything around you can introduce some sadness if you manage an objective outlook even for a little while.

But on the bright side, there's no drama, no sadness, little to no pain. Logic prevails and madness is put aside.

So why do people keep choosing emotion?

End of the World

2012-12-21T10:29:00.000+08:00

Today?

The end of the world is here.

I can honestly say I am glad that it isn't really (thus far) here.

Life is tough enough as it is without having to contend with hungry zombies, or the more mundane issues of escaping a toasty demise, ravaging diseases, serious hunger,or radiation sickness.

Who knows, I might be proven wrong by the end of this day. Doesn't it usually go by "end of business day" with these things?

I know that at least some of the people who were waiting to see what happens will come out seriously disappointed. After putting all that effort into survival gear, canned food, even radioactively shielded expensive bunkers - seeing December 21st 2012 as just another day will sort of burst their bubble, and max out their credit cards in a miserable way.

But I choose to be optimistic. The end of the world can come at any time. Surprise! that's what the universe is all about, right?

Happy Birthday to me

2012-11-22T22:49:00.001+08:00

I spent my birthday from the birds-eye view:

Standing in a capsule in on the Singapore flyer ferris wheel - I thought it can give me some perspective and quiet reflection, but it turned out that the 20 extra people in there with you (should have come at 8am) make it damn difficult to reflect.
So I took a bunch of photos, and didn't come out any wiser.
The noise in my head is still there. It's not going away.

Happy birthday to me.

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold

2012-09-13T20:53:00.001+08:00

Today I finished watching the documentary "The Greatest Movie Ever Sold" By Morgan Spurlock.

Morgan Spurlock, for those who don't know, created the movie "Supersize Me", which was a documentary that checked on how healthy is McDonalds food for consumption over time (Hint: very unhealthy)

In this documentary, Morgan looks into advertising, in general and especially in movies and TV shows. That is, hidden advertisement content and not the commercial breaks between TV shows or before movies.

As part of his research, he recruits companies to sponsor the movie, and shows exactly how things work, and how much of a common practice it is these days.

I personally loved the movie. It isn't an action movie or a plot-driven film, even though you could say it has a plot. Morgan walks you through his search of sponsors, shows you that things can be done differently (With a visit to Sao Paulo in Brasil, a city that banned street advertising completely), and does it all with great charm and humour.

Sadly, the movie did not do too well in the box office (even though it got full sponsoring by commercial companies, the revenue in the cinemas barely reached half the cost), but this is another movie which anyone who gets to watch (Today on dvd, bluray, festivals, special screenings or Internet download - preferably legal) will enjoy and will be better informed as to the methods and volume of hidden and standard advertising.

I'll keep watching out for his movies, since I love the humour, and where else can you see a commercial for a shampoo meant both for horses and humans??

Drown in Music

2012-07-11T14:57:00.002+08:00

I don't about you guys, but when I listen to music, I tend to drown in it.

And it's not just when I listen via headphones. If I enjoy music, the world is pretty much dead to me.

A part of this is my Attention deficit disorder - the music take control of my senses and the brain does not leave much space for any extra sensory perception.

But I see it as an advantage rather than a disadvantage. The ability to enjoy music at this level is a gift more than anything else.

However, it comes in waves. For instance, it's been months since I actually listened to music, as I opted to read more.

Now I've returned to music listening and it's like I never left. My taste in music is pretty standard. Lots of 80s music, some classic rock, Israeli pop and Indie.

Truth be told, I do my best to listen to music without using headphones or earphones so as not to lose contact with the outside world. I would love to be able to multi-task while listening to music, but it just doesn't work that well for me.

I also wanted to mention the substantial difference between listening to a CD at home (or in the car, or on a portable player) and at a live performance.

For me the difference is so tangible, that I completely understand the groupies that follow bands to each and every one of their concerts, because the experience is physical. The vibrations of the volume, the music that surrounds you in a way that no home sound system will ever replicate, and the crowd around you that is an integral part of the experience.

Aside from that, the digital reality of available music on the internet pressures the artists (mostly in Israel but also in other countries) to go back to pounding the ground and find their real livelihood in live concerts.

I see it as a great thing. The ability to make money again and again and again for one performance recorded five, ten or twenty years ago is anything but natural. Not to mention that most of the revenue goes to the pockets of the in-betweens (the record labels mainly) and not the creators.

That's it for now. Responses are welcome as always.

Green eyed monster

2012-05-28T09:09:00.001+08:00

Green eyed monster = Jealousy

We all experience it. Even if we're holier than thou, as long as we're human, we'll be afflicted by it one time or another.

I am always jealous of people who seem to have it made. Now I know that they only have it made in one area (more than others) in their life, and that the same force that driven them to be successful in it, doesn't stop when they reach that goal - thus making for a pain in the ass.

But in our society and time, success is measured by material achievements. Money, property, fame.

It makes for a shallow focus, and when people see other people in that way, the "the neighbour's lawn is greener" effect is magnified incredibly.

This can cause an abundance of trouble, and usually does.

Wars were started and lives were lost because of jealousy.

It also provokes minds, and makes people reach further.

100th Post!

2012-05-25T16:08:00.002+08:00

Here we are at the 100th post!

I stole the graphics, courtesy of Google. thanks Google (and

indierocket)!

As I am running more than just this one blog, it usually isn't that much of a deal. But I noticed that my previous post was no. 99, so I decided to make this one more memorable.

One of the advantage of living in a high-rise (not that high, I'm only on level 8/25), is you get to see a big patch of sky when you're sitting down.

I love the sky, it represent freedom, and also knowing that they look almost the same from everywhere (especially at night), It makes you understand how small our world is. Even when you're thousands of kilometres away from home.

I found what I want for my birthday :)

If you've seen Minority report, you'll know what I mean..

But even if you don't, it's called Leap 3D, and this is what will inherit the mouse-keyboard combo:

It's 70 USD, but I'm sure the price will drop soon after it comes out. and It beats Kinect so bad, it'll be gone from the market soon after. It is much much more accurate and allows to use your hands for drawing, writing, playing games, playing music, and also browsing or anything else!

Endings

2012-05-23T09:56:00.000+08:00

Writing books and stories, I always had trouble with endings.

Even when I try and plan the ending in advance, it doesn't quite work. I actually write the ending, but can't seem to reach it, or doesn't stay happy with it enough to want it.

I can blame it on any number of things, but it comes down to my character. Finishing things, or following through, is not one of my strengths.

And it's not because I don't want to. Consciously, I do. But maybe there are undercurrents that don't really want to in my psyche.

It holds me back from doing a lot of things, not just writing. I got many ideas I don't follow through. I predict failure before I touch ground. It's easier than trying.

Not to say I never try. I do. Even though it scares me.

Stock Market, or 5$ Biotech! (SALE!)

2012-05-15T17:57:00.000+08:00

Over the last year I have been investing in the stock market. some in Israeli stocks, and some in the NASDAQ.

I haven't got rich just yet, but I am learning a lot about the importance of patience, and the belief in what to come.

There are two types of investors, and this is not my idea (it's quoted from many other texts):

The first type is the one that's in it for the quick buck. He buys stock, waits for it to rise by a few percent, and sell fast. To be referred to as "The gambler".

The second type, is the one with the long outlook. Meaning, a year or more into the future. These investors are not deterred by the stock value going down, even by high percentage. They look further ahead than the 5 percent revenue.

I belong to the latter. And I must say, it's scary. Even though I am (by no means) not a big investor, over time my portfolio grows, and these days, value changes are more difficult to ignore.

The temptation to sell is great, and the losing stock pose the biggest tempt. You want to stop bleeding money, and the fastest way to do that is to severe the bleeding bit. But it's not necessarily the smartest way.

The desire to make a profit over time gets you thinking and weighing many times over - in which company to invest your money. Check it's history, make sure that even a company that looks good on paper today, is not bound to tumble due to bad management in the future. Stock market investments come before casino gambling in their level of risk (generally speaking), but the difference is that the house does not always win. Also, you can put your money on the chance that a company's stock will lost money (what's called "Short").

One of the stocks I bought, made about 60% in the first week after purchased. By face value, logic dictates that you should take the money and run.. but if you look a bit further than your nose, It's worth keeping this kind of stock over time. Even if the stock will fall from that value (and it did), in years to come the profit will be significantly higher.

Someone did the math, that a person at his thirties, who invested a percentage of his salary, since 2003, each month buying Mcdonalds stocks, would, after about 25 years be a Billionaire. (about 3.1 Billions to be exact). This has been calculated by the stock true figures that shows an average 30% rise a year, every year since 2003.

This is, of course, assuming that he would not spend some of this money before retirement, and that he actually has the money to invest in the first place. Many find themselves needing available funds at one time or another in their lives, and that's why their financial planning is flawed to begin with, or even non-existent.

When you have money in the bank, the temptation to make use of it is higher the less you are used to the fact of having money in the bank. And even when you are used to having a positive sign next to your bank statement, the higher the number is, the bigger the motivation to use it.

When you raise a family, the needs are obvious, and the ability to put money aside and save, is small and under constant pressures.

When you don't have kids, the ability to save is higher, but the need to fill your life with things (maybe as a replacement for the need of kids) is bigger and that also makes it difficult to save.

In short, create a habit, and stick to it. Just like brushing your teeth, or wearing clothes. If you got used to something, there's is a good chance you'll stick with it over time.

So, we might not all become millionaires, but this raises the chance to retire in a respectable and maybe earlier way than expected - many folds over.

Death as a motivator

2012-05-14T10:50:00.003+08:00

I read a book recently, that claims that all (or most) of man achievements can be attributed to the fear of death, and the need to leave something behind to be remembered by.

It actually makes a lots of sense. the greatest enemy of man kind is boredom. And that is because boredom leads to depression and grim thoughts.

For myself I notice the same and also in the people around me. When you get bored, you get cranky, unfocused, and on the road to depression.

So, what can we do? think about death?

Well, in a way, yes!

If you lack motivation, think about how much time you have left (approximately) and what you achieved so far. Then, ignore the depression that follow, and put a close-by bulls-eye to look forward to. Learn something new, create something, visit a place you've never been to, and do it soon. If possible, now, or at least today. I know, I'm one of the worst procrastinators in the world. Even short texts don't catch my attention long enough to finish reading them.

Yes, I can attribute it all to my ADD but that would be the easy way out. I love the easy way out, but it doesn't solve anything. It just lets you push the blame towards something other than your own character. People do this all the time. We rather not take responsibility for our faults, or for our actions.

I make this promise to myself, to set small goals and follow them, rather then big goals that I never reach.

Bread and Cakes and Cookies

2011-10-04T09:56:00.002+08:00

I can only have gluten free food.

It has to do with a medical condition I got.

I'm used to it, and went through the rebellious part where I ate what I shouldn't and tested my limits.

Now the limits are well defined.

My stomach is sensitive even to milk at large quantities. there are better days and not so great days.

It's a pain to have to keep baking your own bread, and not being able to buy bread at the supermarket. Not to mention checking every thing you eat to see if it contains wheat and such.

You get used to it, but it doesn't mean you like it. I don't.

Here in Singapore, it's double-trouble. It seems that the awareness to Coeliacs (people with my condition) is very very low. That means I have to be extra careful, and even so, I am never completely sure my diet is strictly kept.

With not enough time (or will) to prepare every bit of food I ingest, there is no sure way here to abide my diet.

Back in Israel, the law marks food as having gluten in it. It's a big boon. Didn't quite understood it till now.

Now I know.

First post on the go

2011-07-22T17:49:00.001+08:00

First time posting from my phone, so it's going slower, and maybe without pictures.
So, some time has passed since my last post.
Can't even remember what I wrote.. In any case, things are same same. Still in Singapore, got back to my previous job, living from weekend to weekend, dreaming of more.
Lately I've been giving some thought to career change. On top of starting a sort of online business, I've been looking into an old dream of mine, to become a pilot.
Not a cheap affair, but it never was.
When I think about it, aside from being an old dream, its also back to thrill chasing for me, as I find my life more boring than I intended.
Wish me luck!

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Post flight, with Redbull

2011-04-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

Back at Singapore, after an accumulated 16 hours flights (going to Europe from Israel, then doubling back to Singapore). Can't say it's a great experience..

And I love flights!

Maybe I'm growing softer as the time goes by. More spoiled? I don't know.

I still dream of going on long hikes, even if it means 20 hours on a plane and more than that on a bus.

Always loved good hotels, but my trips are more urban these days. I take responsibility though: it's up to me to plan a more adventurous, rural trip.

I feel like I let myself grow slack. not challenging my body, and not challenging my mind and soul.

Best way to deal with it is to set a plan and go with it.

Wish me luck!

Tsunami and how it looks

2011-03-26T22:21:00.001+08:00

The next four photos are of Sendai Airport, about 300 kilometres from Tokyo:

Bad Stomach

2010-10-15T07:23:00.003+08:00

Lately my stomach has been acting up again.

It's not out of the usual, but there are periods of time that are worse than others, and it is quite unpleasant.

When your body starts acting up, even doctors don't always have much to do. For me, doctors seems more and more as blind men feeling their way around. They know where some of the furniture items are located in the room, but more than a little, they smash their toes against different corners.

After trying western medicine, I went to TCM. To be honest, I did not stick with it for long, but as far as I did - it didn't do much help.

Now the next step is a detoxification diet followed by food additives. Woo Hoo.

Diets are more difficult for me, as I am already on a constant one. So any more restrictions, just makes me pissed.

But my stomach might win this argument. It's still better to feel good than to eat good.

I'll wait and see.

Depressions

2010-09-09T11:21:00.002+08:00

They come to me sometimes unexpectedly, or sometimes triggered or enhanced by an argument or a fight.

Now it's the holidays for the most part. It drops on me like a heavy cloth of thick fabric. Heavy feeling in my chest, smile wiped from my face, feeling like you want to cry, just on the verge of crying.

Some sounds are made sharper, some are swallowed into the background.

All I want is to go home and crawl under a blanket to shut the world away. And I cannot. Life goes on. Work goes on. Got to eat, got to pay expenses. Got to live. Dying is not an option.

Top of the World

2010-08-17T10:57:00.004+08:00

Got me a new job. Sitting at the 26th floor of a building.

It's the first time I worked at a place that's so high. Nor always dressed in a suit (minus a jacket)

I take it as an experience. They say clothes make the person, or the other way around?

But it does feel different being well dressed for work. I'm not sure whether its due to feeling snazzy, or to something else.. time will tell.

Is this existence all there is, or is there more?

Sweating Bullets

2010-08-09T20:24:00.000+08:00

Being in a tropical country is cause for sweating.

Here every day is a new sweaty day. Some evenings its cooler, sometimes its almost as hot.

Sitting here without a shirt and letting the fan cool me off.. what else can I do.

People here move from fan to A/C to fan, to street, to A/C. For me it brought a virus infection, but it's also my weak immune system.

Tropical however, also mean rain, and quite often. I like that. Rain is one of my life favourites. Especially when I'm indoors.. but sometimes I do feel like going out and getting all wet :)

(Almost) All my bags are packed..

2010-05-31T19:19:00.000+08:00

It is said that I should be more psyched, and get excited, scared, or just generally more worried towards this big move.

Well, I chose not to. All in the line of keeping my worry level to a minimum as long as I can.

Of course, my sub-concsious is another matter. At night I grind my teeth and feel the results when I wake up, as well as strained muscles from over-active dreams and flailing.

During the day, I actually look forward to it. It is a great adventure for me to pack up all my belongings, and uproot myself to another place, another culture, so far away from what I know.

I keep myself optimistic and keep reminding myself that where-ever life takes me, it's going to be a good place. both for my soul and for my body.

The fear of change is always lurking behind the shadows, but I will not let it hold me back. Talking about change is cheap, getting the courage and resolution to actually perform a change - that's the real big test.

Signaling Defficiency

2010-05-04T16:45:00.001+08:00

Here in Israel, A lot of people seems to be having trouble with using signaling lights in their cars.

For me it's somewhat of a mystery. Maybe because I took a while to get my license, or maybe because I know how important it is to keep signaling even when there's no one else on the road to see it.

I remember going on a short car ride with my brother, and when he entered my parents neighborhood, or even before, he "lost" his ability to signal.

When I commented to him about it, he said "it's just in the neighbourhood and it's safe".

Well, laws of traffic don't change inside any urban area. and when you stop signaling in one place it gives an opening for doing the same in other places.

A lot of people drive here like they're on a cross-country rally race. Speeding and slowing and weaving (without signaling of course) in and out of lanes. The laws of traffic seem to pass them by as does common sense.

I seen first hand what this can cause. I had an accident happen in front of my eyes because one of those insane people cut in front of me to bypass a car in the right lane, and crashed head on into a car that did an emergency stop so as to avoid hitting a kid who crossed the road on his bike.

Even after he hit the car, the guy went out of his car and went to the old man sitting shocked in the car he just hit, trying to shift the blame to the kid that crossed the road.

If he wasn't driving so fast with no regard to anyone, that accident could have been avoided. I was lucky to keep good distance so I could brake in time to avoid hitting them both.

Sometimes I think these people drive their cars with a death wish in their hearts.

Blurry Mind

2010-02-24T18:07:00.000+08:00

I have been battling with this fatigue for so long. They say that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is diagnosed only after at least 6 months of continued unexplained tiredness and fatigue.

Well, I have been like that for way way way more than half a year. Blood tests show nothing is wrong. Eye tests (so far) show everything's fine. And it makes me wonder sometimes how much of an hypochondriac I must seem to people.

But I know how I feel. and I cannot (I wish I could) shrug it away and get on with my life. It actually affects my life too much to be able to ignore it.

So I continue with tests, and I still go to work because I cannot take too many sick days without losing my job.

And the doctors they don't know. the more time passes the more I see how clueless they really are. Like little boys with toys.

She's Back!

2010-02-18T19:20:00.000+08:00

G is back! Woo Hoo!

I picked her up from the airport this morning, and we had fun opening some of the stuff she brought back.

It was great to see her again. She didnt have a crappy flight for a change, and was in a good mood.

She got me a new watch and a new pair of sneakers. (Photos will follow at a later date)

Life is better now. May it stay that way :)

Relationships

2010-02-14T04:38:00.001+08:00

Never been good at those. Probably for lack of experience.

Making mistakes seems to be the thing I do "best" in them.

It's mostly for lack of thinking, or selfishness. I could always blame it on my ADD, but it just doesn't cut it really.

I think it's like a monster in me that's trying to rebel. against what? against conformity maybe. against being tied up or domesticated. and it's not like I'm not. for the most part I am. domesticated that is. damn, it doesnt read that good.

But I do want a place to call home that includes more than just me in it. I want someone to take care of, and that want and does care for and of me.

So I keep on trying, and as I try I still make mistakes, but I also learn. sometimes not fast enough, or not well enough.

新年快樂

Falling apart

2010-01-31T20:08:00.003+08:00

Thanks to James W Johnson

Lately my body feels like falling apart. My eye got bloody over night, I went thru small surgery and got stitches, and now I broke a piece of my nail and had to cut it off. Also, I suspect its time to change the number on my prescription glasses.

Small stuff, but together it tends to remind me the fragile character of this flesh, bones and blood exterior we carry around and rely upon.

I tend to take it for granted, but now and then I stop and have a short moment of enlightenment as to how lucky I really am. Even with my celiac, short eye sight, and stomach problems, I am still mostly healthy. Got all my limbs and important organs intact.

So thank you god for that. and thanks for the luck I got. It's not always what I want, but most of the time, it's what I need.

Nanu Nanu

2010-01-06T23:35:00.006+08:00

Been watching a lot of "Mork & Mindy" lately. Can you tell?

Love it. The first season was great. The second season was tailored for younger crowd and slumped some, but I still like it.

Robin Williams is a one man circus, and the other actors are basically supporting roles (mostly) to help him deliver the jokes.

I bet (if) he looks back on this show's episodes he wonders "I really was that skinny once? and whats with that hair? what was I thinking?!" But he still smiles.

For myself I see the sadness in him. even with the crazyness and all the joking, he always striked me as a sad person. using humor to hide his sadness and drawing from people laughter the encouragement he needed in life.

I dont know that for a fact, its just a feeling.

That, and he is known to be bi-polar.