It's Almost Naptime!!

Retreat

2012-01-26T22:12:00.002-06:00

So the truth is, I don't want to think about, much less blog about, juice. And I've felt under the weather. And frankly I've been moping the last couple of days because the revelation that we have about a snowball's chance of having our daughter home in 2012 is hitting me and I've just been having little crying fits between getting fingerprinted for the fifth time and writing over $1000 worth of checks as I redo yet more paperwork.

So the fact that I am going to the Created for Care conference tomorrow really could not have come at a better time. My plane leaves in ten hours. I should probably pack.

See ya next week.

Juice Fast Day 7: Big fat - make that little skinny - loser

2012-01-23T23:37:00.002-06:00

Sunday morning weigh-in: 138.2
Monday morning weigh-in: 139.6

I have two people to blame for breaking my juice fast before the ten days were completed.

First of all would be my husband. It's always the husband's fault, right? Walker has concocted two of the approximately 21 juices that we consumed in the last seven days. One was a fruity breakfast drink, which is honestly pretty hard to mess up. It is the lunch and dinner juices that require a little skill. Not a lot - just a wee bit.

The second juice he ever made was for yesterday afternoon's lunch.

Here's the result:

That wee bit of skill - so far beyond his grasp.

(If you wonder why I am looking so, um, natural on a Sunday afternoon, it's because we worshiped at Bedside Baptist yesterday. Just keepin it real y'all.)

That was the beginning of the end.

The second one I blame is Groupon, for making a $6 for $12 worth of Smashburger deal appear in my inbox.

Because Smashburger is some kind of good.

And Smashbuger's fries - their rosemary garlic fries - are what angels serve in diners in Heaven.
Really. I read it in the Bible.

I posted that Smashburger Groupon on my facebook wall and then got to working on Smockaholics. After a while I clicked over to the Smashburger website and read about the Spicy Baha Burger pepper jack cheese, guacamole, lettuce, tomato, onion, spicy chipotle mayo and fresh jalapeños on a spicy chipotle bun. Then I'd pay a bill. Then I'd browse the Avocado Club chicken sandwich fresh avocado, applewood smoked bacon, lettuce, tomato, ranch dressing and mayo on a multi-grain bun. Make a phone call...read about the fried pickles served with buttermilk ranch dressing and finally I walked into the den, asked Walker to pause his football, plopped down on the couch, and said,

"{deep sigh} Can I {deep sigh} {stifled sob} Oh honey, am I a loser?"

Walker looked at me. "Are you a loser? Why are you a loser?"

"{deep sigh} I just {stifled sob} I just {deep sigh} I JUST WANT SOME FOOD!!"

Walker looked shocked, awestruck, then quite gleeful. "What kind of food do you want?"

"SMAAAAAASHBUUUURGERRRRRRRRR!!"

"Missy! I can't believe you. You are a failure! Oh my gosh! We've gone seven days with nothing but juice! We're in this to win it, baby! Only three days to go, and now you want a Smashburger? A big, hot, greasy, dripping with Smashsauce and glory, running down your chin hearty BURGER on a hot buttered BUN and some crispy golden garlic fries dipped in ranch? Is that what you want?"

"{SOB} YEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!"

"Okay I'm gonna go get one. YES! I'll be right back." A few more football YESes, and he was gone.

I imagine I made my man just as happy on our wedding night - I don't know, cause the lights were out. But there is a distinct possibility that my decision last night surpassed even consummated bliss.

So, there you go. I'm a loser.

We made it seven days. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday.

And we discussed the terms of our surrender. For the next three days, we will:

drink juices for breakfast and lunch
then eat a regular dinner
and I will go to the Y every day as penance for my Smashburger sins.

Then, we indulged:

And all was right in the world.

Tomorrow I'll tell you what I've learned from this juicy experience.

question

2012-01-21T16:06:00.001-06:00

I think my feed is messed up.

Can you see me on your reader?

If you subscribe by email, could you reply back "yes" if you got this?

UPDATE - dangit! My feed has not been delivered, for, like, at least a month!!! ARGHHHH!

I seriously was beginning to feel unloved!

I think I fixed it - please check and see if you can see me in your reader. If you can, you have a lot of catching up to do....

Juice Fast Day 5 - A wee reward for all my sufferings

2012-01-20T19:56:00.004-06:00

I really should not have gone to Costco.

But the juice I made Walker for lunch, I actually had to apologize for. We were way low on our fruits and veggies and he got the bottom of the barrel so to speak. Not too tasty.

What is the deal with Costco samples on a Friday?? I am not exaggerating, there must have been 15 samples. I did try the broccoli salad and the Fage. I refrained from the taquito and the empanada and the tortilla soup and the Chinese chicken and the pestosomekindabread and the frozen PB sandwich things and the tortellini and the pigs in a blanket.

And I was okay with passing on all those. I actually was not even tempted by them. They're all tasty but processed blech and my tummy just said, um, no thanks.

I was beginning to think my tummy had indeed gotten a little bit elitist.

And then, there, at the end of of the crackers and pickles aisle...a sweet old lady in a hairnet...graciously offering a big, hot, perfectly greasy bite of sausage enthroned on a magnificent mound of potato salad in a dainty little pill cup accessorized with a spork...

I gazed at it....I fed four pill cups of glory to my four beloved children...then took a cocktail napkin from the sweet lady and with it wiped a little tear...that began to trickle...ever so silently...down my flushed cheek...

That be the almighty power of sausage.

THEREFORE, tonight, to mark the midpoint of our juice fast and to celebrate the fact that -

Weigh in:

Walker: 236 (because he is not following directions.)

Missy: 138.2

SIX POUNDS!!!

I'm going to "cheat" with this:

Baby's ready for some solids!!

It only has lemon juice, salt and pepper for dressing, and that's okay. And I am eating all the fiber which you're not supposed to do on the juice fast, and that's okay. And maybe I'll curse myself on the scale in the morning after I chew ever...so...slowly...each...beautiful...bite...and that's okay.

We interrupt this juice fast

2012-01-20T06:27:00.000-06:00

to bring you this.

This is exactly how Walker proposed to me! Except it was nothing like that.

Our proposal was perfect for us...even without a touch of Bollywood. But this guy did awesome.

(am I the only one who always wonders, what if she really wants to say no??? It's just like William and Daisy on Downton Abbey. Except it's nothing like that.)

Juice Fast Day 4 - really, is there any more to say?

2012-01-19T21:04:00.002-06:00

I've lost 5 pounds since Monday.

Juice Fast Day 3 - Juicy McCrankypants

2012-01-18T21:35:00.000-06:00

The day started off with some fabulous news:

The weigh in:

Missy: 140. YES. I've lost four pounds in three days. YES to the YES.
Walker: 226.5 - three pounds down.

Question of the day: Aren't you hungry?

Amazingly, no. After I juice I feel fine until the next meal. If I start to get a little hungry I drink some tea or water and it goes away. I definitely don't wake up hungry.

Here's breakfast: grapefruit, cantaloupe, kiwi, pineapple, mint. And green tea.

It was delicious.

Then I went to the dentist and found out that my teeth are a big ole mess. A big ole expensive mess. I never got a cavity until college, and now they are just about to rot out of my mouth. It's very discouraging. And it's very, very expensive. I blame the kids. I think they sucked all the vitamin D and calcium right out of me.

I got grouchy. So grouchy that I walked around a Stein Mart clearance extravaganza and was not even tempted to buy one outfit or even one turquoise bauble. That's how bad it was.

I came home and made lunch: kale, tomatoes, radishes, jalapeno, cilantro, beet, eggplant, onion. No rubber band. That's not on the fast.

Now, this I loved. This tasted just like a Bloody Mary to me. I closed my eyes and dreamed of the day when it will be.

Here's my dilemma. I put all that stuff in there, and yielded just this amount of juice.

That's just a little over two cups, or one serving. Doesn't that seem low to you? That's why I said I am worried about the yield. But I dunno.

The juicer also got a little cranky (I guess I'm contagious) and I had to unjam it a couple of times. I hope this is not a trend.

Kids came home, blah blah blah, made them dinner, and then this for us: onions, yellow pepper, cucumber, cilantro, jalapeno, pineapple, lemon.

It was HOT. I liked it.

Then I made another one for my beloved husband.

Who immediately afterwards might or might not have complained about liking the juice and I might or might not have told him that juicing was a lot of work and if he didn't like the juice I made him he was very welcome to make his own freaking juice and clean the freaking juicer after he was done. He might or might not have spent the next five minutes apologizing.

I read that juicing can make you cranky. I think they meant it.

Then the kids and I watched The Long Walk Home (love me some Sissy Spacek) for their civil rights (late) MLK Day lesson. Which totally ticked them off. Which totally made me proud.

And now I am going to top it off by watching some children who did not make their mommas proud in their American Idol auditions.

Good night.

Juice Fast Day 2: Miracles abound

2012-01-18T11:41:00.000-06:00

Weigh in:

Missy: 142!! I forgot to weigh this morning but I weighed at about 2pm and I had lost two pounds! WHOO HOOO!

What'd you say? You call that water weight? Well I call you JEALOUS.
Walker: He was at work all day and forgot to weigh

This morning we both woke up very well rested but a little grouchy. Or maybe we're just always grouchy in the morning. Anyway we both slept great.

The coffee pot was calling my name but I rebuked it in the name of all things raw and holy and got to work on breakfast. I just threw some things in, no recipe. A whole cantaloupe, some oranges, some kiwi, and the magical ginger. It was delicious.

Walker left to work and I took the kids to school and then Miracle Number One happened: my mom walked in the door.

Maybe it wasn't a true verified miracle. Evidently she had left me two voice mails and sent me an email saying she was coming and I never listen tsk tsk whatever, she appeared in my kitchen in all her GG glory and I was thankful and amazed.

I had a banana for a mid morning snack. Don't judge. Bananas don't go in the juicer.

I also had one tablespoon of flax seed oil, which was really nasty.

For lunch I made Kickin Salsa Verde with kale, spinach, jalapeno, red pepper, cilantro, and tons of tomatoes and I LOVED it. Tasted like just salsa. It was so yummy. Then Amanda asked if I could find one that tasted just like queso instead and she almost caused me to stumble.

Walker was at work and had nothing for lunch. Which I completely scolded him about. I bet he didn't drink any water either.

After lunch my mom went and got Ike and I took a nap. Because I still feel like a slug. I have a lot of energy but...no motivation.

Could one of y'all please come put away some laundry? Kthanks.

Around 5pm, the headache started to come up again. But then I remembered that I had read on some blog that magnesium can make headaches go away - I took some and within one Judge Judy case that headache was gone!! Yea!! Miracle Number 2!

Dinner: more Kickin Salsa Verde. I made it with a jalapeno for Walker and he was just like, meh. Ingrate. I loved it. My mom bought HEB pasta salad for the kids and THAT was BRUTAL. I just had to back away.

After dinner we watched Downton Abbey and then Walker went straight to bed and here I am sharing my life with you.

Did I mention I lost two pounds??

What I Learned:

Miracle Number Three: My friend Chara told me that if I had a cup of hot water with lemon before I drank the juice, it would help with the hunger and the side effects - and she was totally right. I drank lots of 'lemon tea' today every time I was hungry and it was amazing how well it worked. Like, I was thinking, I'll probably continue that habit after this is all over because I found I do so enjoy a piping hot cuppa water with lemon. The things you learn between potty breaks.
Magnesium works for detox headaches! Yea!

Juice Fast Day 1 - Big Pooping Slugs

2012-01-17T23:02:00.001-06:00

Please hold me, I am about to do something absolutely ridiculous.
I'm gonna tell you my weight. On the internet. The freaking internet. I'm putting my freaking weight on the freaking internet. Hold me.

Weigh in:

Missy Day 1: 144 (exhale.)
Walker Day 1: 230. (that caused me zero pain, for the record.)

I need to lose fifteen pounds. I am short but dense (keep your comments to yourself please.) My wedding weight, when I was in the best shape ever, was 126. For giggles and snorts, let's just revisit that golden era:

Let's raise our drinks to Skinny Missy! Long live Skinny Missy!

Three weeks later I was with child and so long, Skinny Missy. I believe that 126 is a long ago dream but 130 seems completely reasonable.

Since Ike was born I've dieted, I've bought 10 pairs of Spanx, I've hired a trainer, I've spent a lot of time googling about the hcg diet - none of it has caused me to lose weight. I'm convinced it's a hormone/turning 40 thing. Or maybe caused by the "low-fat" processed junk I was eating.

So, yeah, so, whatever Fatso.

On to Day 1:

So, yesterday we were bottoms up with a "Hawaiian Sunrise" that we got from this blog.

It had oranges, grapefruit, and pineapple. Walker was like, this is awesome! I was like, meh.

I don't have a sweet tooth. He does. This shall be a recurring theme.

And, we felt fine, full-ish. For about two hours.

Then for lunch I made a "Southern Garden" from the same blog with collards, Romaine, carrots, eggplant, red peppers, celery, tomatoes and Tabasco. Now, this one I loved, because I am a big V8 fan. Walker whined a little. See the theme?

Okay, so the juicer:

The juicer is a Kuvings Centrifugal Juicer from Costco. It was a good price ($129), got good reviews on Amazon, and I love buying things from Costco because they have a lifetime guarantee, which I have ~~abused~~ partaken of mercilessly.

So far, I am happy with it. The only issue is the yield - like, that recipe above said 26 ounces, and I doubled it, and there is no way that I got 52 ounces worth of juice. But I have nothing to compare it to - ?

Anyway, it was a very good thing that we started this on a holiday because all day long we were, as Walker so poetically put it, "big pooping slugs." Very lethargic and lazy and took turns letting the other one nap. And pooping. Because you can't talk about juicing without talking about pooping, it's a law.

Juicing makes you poop. A lot.
I consider this a good thing, because, well, I like to poop.
Moving on.

By 2pm, I would have sold my firstborn (sorry Shep) for a cracker. Not even a Club. Just a saltine. Just carbs, any carbs, any carbs would do.

In between naps, I hauled myself to the nail salon to wax my scary brows and get the girls a manicure. Maggie girl has an oral fixation - and she gets it from me. Hello, I'm Missy, and I'm a chewer. Nothing pliable is safe around me. But Mags was not only chewing on her fingernails but her TOES. She'd sit on the couch and stick her toes - her dirty, playing in the mud, walking barefoot in WalMart (AS IF. You didn't believe that did you??) nasty little toes in her mouth and gnaw away. It was time for an intervention.

Beth told me that she had kicked the habit with one of her boys with the help of pediatric methadone called Thum. Maggie checked herself in to a 30 day outpatient program and got that monkey off her back and chose the purplest nail polish they had to celebrate.

After the 20 minutes of beauty we went to Food Town, right by my salon/torture chamber. In my neck of the burbs, we have a old and lovely HEB, a newer and amazinger HEB, and a perfectly respectable Kroger, which where I usually shop because the lovely amazingness of HEB comes at a lovely amazing price and there are a lot of lovely amazing open mouths in this casa.

And then, occasionally, I pack some heat and hand sanitizer I go to Food Town. (Just kidding. About the heat. Not the hand sanitizer.) I call it Ghetto Grocery. Cause it's not like the cleanest, fanciest place and there isn't one organic item in the whole store. But sister, it's cheap. And when you're going through a small garden of veggies in a day, cheap is a lovely amazing word. The cucumbers I was paying .69 for at Kroger were 4 for $1 at Food Town. Slum me down.

(Later I'll tell you what I buy organic and what I don't.)

Brought that home, gasped to Walker about how much cheaper it is to shop in the ghetto (he is so interested in grocery comparison shopping. I can tell by the mumbling and nodding) and then around 5pm, the headache happened.

I'd been warned by every website that when you begin juicing, your body detoxes and one of the side effects is a headache. Whether I got it from the detoxing or from the caffeine wd's I'm not sure. (Walker and I were really brilliant and forgot to taper off our caffeine last week.) It wasn't a horrific headache, but it was there. Constantly. Heeeeey girl! Not letting me forget it.

For dinner I made another juice which we'll call the Green Dream: kiwi, Granny Smith apples, cucumber, parsley, spinach, and ginger. We both loved this one. Ginger seems to be the secret ingredient. Makes it soooo refreshing.

Then I went to meet some girls out at a restaurant called Truluck's. Just to torture myself.

Trulucks was a good place to go because I am not a huge fan of seafood, cooked or otherwise, and by the grace of God the girls didn't get any nice soft piping hot bread dripping with real butter served in a pretty basket with a napkin wrapped around it to preserve it's perfect doughy temperature...

I ordered tons of water with lemon, green tea, and a salad with no dressing and then...then...I cheated. Just a little.

I had the rest of Amber's salad, with dressing, and the rest of Jill Ann's winter vegetables which were mostly sauteed mushrooms and ohmygosh they were good.

But really it was only like, 3 bites. I still felt like I was cheating on my husband.

Then I came home and confessed. He didn't even seem to care. Hmph.

What I Learned Today:

I need to drink more water. It is so easy to forget to drink water when you're juicing. But when I drank it, I had so much more energy and the headache was got better.
Juicing makes me pee like nobody else. I could bring home the gold in the Peeolympics. Even without drinking enough water.
Truluck's winter vegetables are reeeeeeaaaaallllly good.

Juice Fasting - no sissies need apply

2012-01-16T10:46:00.000-06:00

About a month ago, upon the reccomendation of a friend, Walker and I watched a documentary on Netflix Instant called Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.

Here's a trailer:

Now, I know that the title doesn't sound like the most uplifting movie in the world. But it is a really great movie, very funny, and very encouraging.

Note the word encouraging.

The whole time we're watching this movie I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh! I want to do this! Oh my gosh! I so want to do this!" because I am kinda like a hyper Yorkie puppy when it comes to cool new things. "When can we try it? (pant pant) Where do I sign up? (lick lick) SQUIRREL??"

I was a little shocked and oh-so-excited when the much more recalcitrant Walker turned to me at the conclusion of the movie and said, "Wow. Let's do it."

SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I immediately ordered a juicer and it sat waiting for us. We needed to get through Christmas, get through surgery, and then get through our supper club on the 14th.

Sunday after church, I googled some recipes and went to the store and stocked up on all manner of roughage and we ordered a last hurrah of Chinese food.

Monday morning we took it out of the box, figured out how to set up the contraption, threw in some grapefruit, oranges, and spinach...

And we're off on a ten day juice fast.

And of course, I'll be journaling it right here for your enjoyment, fascination or ridicule.

Bottoms up!