HAKUNA MATATA

COMFORTABLY NUMB....!!!!

2011-08-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

Its hard how I sometimes sit thinking all that I have done so far is of no use any more.... Helpless is not what I feel... I feel Numb...I am sick of trying...fixing...ignoring...understanding...adjusting.... contemplating.... reasoning.... feeling dumb....

Excruciatingly dead my brain does not want to go for a new start... how are things gonna take turns... I don't want to think... I will accept.. a faded memory recasts all the dreams I had... It feels like that distant rescue motor boat while you are drowning in the middle of the sea....

hails...cries...wails....damn you's....all going on in my head at the same time.... i want everyone around me to shut up.... and i want to lock myself up in a room... forget everything... like formatting my C: drive.... I dont mind an Alzheimer too.....

I am too young they say to feel all of this... but i cant deny the fact that I AM feeling this....and am not a teenager....

Let's see...................

I often think...

2011-05-07T01:33:00.001-07:00

I often think despite of where I am... That am afraid that i might end up suffering from schizophrenia... I dont know why I have this fear...somehow it runs in my genes as my grandfather suffered from it too....

You Raise Me Up...!!!

2011-03-22T21:42:00.000-07:00

How many times have you told your mother that you love her? How many times have you made her feel special.... ?? No, I am not talking about her birthday or anniversary.. I am talking about a random day when you only went out with her just to see that smile on her face...

People have time to take their respective boyfriends/girlfriends out... to take care of what they like and keep looking for excuses to give them presents... Do we try to do that with our mother...??

Have you ever questioned, why?? I'll tell you the answer...Its because you know that no matter what you do or dont...she will be there... she will take care of you even when you are in a fight with someone else..

Not for a moment will she think of hurting you because even the thought of hurting you hurts her... Then why do we think sometimes that a little interference by her in our grown up life is bothering...

Why dont we share everything of our life to our mother like we do with our best friend(s)... How can we forget that she is the only LOYAL friend in the world... the ONE and ONLY...

Why do we treat our mothers like nurses.. Dont you remember those nights whe she would stay up late just because you need to study.. she would not eat just because your stomach aches.. She would cancel her plans and everybody else's because you cant be a part of it.. she would always know where the thing is when you have already spent hours looking for it in the wrong places.. she would clean your messed up closet and room and bathroom and beyond that your guilt, your mistakes, your destiny, your way to success...

Wasn't she the one to fight with dad for all you needed... wasnt she the one making your bed... getting things handy for you.. feed you on time... take care of your skin, your hair, your clothing... to make sure that you grow up into a wonderful human being..

Then why when she calls your name more than twice and you are on the phone with your friend you yell ather tell her to shut up... Not fair...

She is much more than JUST a mother... and its impossible for me to put what she does in words in a mere blog....

I use the opportunity to tell my mum that I love her... and I know:

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk in stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be....... <3

Holi - My way...

2011-03-20T02:20:00.000-07:00

Different people in this world and different opinions, and here I go typing mine... Though this festival is pretty much a chaos for some.. for some it is one of the most lovely festival with joy and wholesome madness...

If I look back and try to recollect some of my memories of this festival am shocked to think there are so many... Not that am extraordinarily in love with this festival but yes.. I like the nasty part attached to it and the after bath chaos and pain.

Having said that I remember my school days when it would fall between the exam schedule and we friends still wouldnt care and go around playing pranks putting colours... here in this city called Delhi..its more like getting drunk and dancing on the DJ on any random song... I happen to love the holi in those street corners where all kids have their plastic pichkaari molded into different shapes... for some the default, for some a super soaker, for some a gun.... I somehow miss that cold breeze and we all drenched in those strong colour water solutions...

Where are my friends.. come back to me.... where are you all.. do you remember how much fun we had??? do you remember calling me and wishing me once to recall and relive all those moments... where art thou... i miss My holi.....

just another day...

2011-03-19T03:00:00.001-07:00

All right... I havent been into this whole writing thing from quite a long time but the only problem is even if i havent .. I havent... people have been forcing me to put in whatever/whenever i think of anything and everything... its not like i am a writer or something.. the only way I write is when i really feel like doing it.. it hasnt got anything to do with whats going on with my life or procrastination or whatever.. its just my mood...simply.. what and how i feel sometimes...

In the middle of all the everyday crap I keep hearing put yourself into what you write what i dont understand is which "yourself" are they talking about.. I mean its not like am living a secret life or something... Its just so damn annoying.. and then since am the "good girl" .. i dont say anything to their face.. all i say is "oh sure...i think you are right .. I will"...phew.. i mean what the hell... why does anybody need to write anything just because they want to be themselves when they are writing.. shouldnt it be an everyday practice..rather than just an impulse or mystery for that matter...

some people after reading this might think am crazy or something.. but the thing is am not... i dont think writing a blog is to highlight yourself... its better for creative advertising i agree... or making other people think you are superior or updated... or simply because you are "cool"...

I write because i suddenly feel that streak to just log onto blogspot and scribble whatever comes to my mind....

I mean why would i want people to know if i am going through a dilemma or confusion or misery .. yeah with joy I agree... i would want the world to know that am happy... but wouldnt really want to unfold secrets... cuz after all they are "secrets"....

dont feel like writing anymore because am distracted.. pardon all the spellings and grammatical mistakes.... ciao.

Betrayal...!!!

2010-12-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

An echo fades into the night,

an eerie mournful sound.

A shooting star disappears from sight,

and I crumble to the ground.

There is no life within this garden;

my sobs are the only sound.

I have poisoned the honeyed fountain

where your love could be found.

Dazed, I stare at the stars above,

my grieving howls fill the night!

Unintended betrayal of love

has hidden you from my sight.

I remember how it used to be

when we shared our fears and delights.

You are a treasured friend to me.

How can I make things right?

Feeling afraid, cold and lonely,

I long to tell you how I feel,

but you dont want to hear me.

The pain for you is much too real.

Should I back away and build a wall

and block away how I feel?

Or, should I give you a call?

We both need some time to heal.

An echo fades into the night

as our friendship disappears.

How do I know what is right?

How can I ease my fears?

If I do call you again,

would the old wounds reappear?

I cant stand to cause you pain.

Hurting you again is my worst fear!

Love makes the world go around...!!

2010-10-10T06:52:00.000-07:00

If you were to figure out how a person is... what would you do?? Mark his behaviour...Try to spend time with him/her... ask his/her friends... go through his track record.. his past.... his deeds...misdeeds... etcetera etcetera...

Well I say... on a very non-spiritual and non-philosophical note... it's a waste... I mean what makes "you" eligible to judge someone... you are not perfect yourself...plus.. everyone has their own way of living.. a few fall and a few rise.. it's a personal game...

Its pretty abstract a topic I know... but very prevalent.. something that we practice everyday... We try to be "aware" of everything around.. we are suspicious about all that surrounds.. we get on a rickshaw and suspect the rickshaw driver... don't we??

So, judging or marking people is an everyday practice...

Now let's talk on a more serious note... a person who is in agony and is not able to fulfill his daily requirements would not bother to care about if his words or action has hurt you... he is not in that mental state... and in that very moment we term that person as 'inhuman'... just because he wasn't nice to you...We need to understand that EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS EARTH is good.... there is good and bad in you and in everyone that you come across everyday...

So don't just judge people by their behaviour...for they also have hearts which is thirsty for love... and its only your welling LOVE that can save this earth...

L-O-V-E,
Moe <3

INDIAN PREFIX...!!! - Courtesy - Sanjay Agrawal...!!!

2010-08-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

Very often I am dragged into a controversial discussion that majority of us don’t identify ourselves being Indian. We take pride in our state, religion, caste, sub-caste, language, city but not our country. Every fortnight I get an e mail from one of my friends/ acquaintances that we should feel proud, being an Indian. I am reminded on the mass media as well.

Let us look at the following words. To me, each of the words have a positive connotations. And then prefix with the word Indian. The meaning changes dramatically.

# Road – Indian Road ( potholes )
# Train – Indian Train ( filthy, not punctual , unsafe )
# Street – Indian Street ( Filthy, crowded )
# Cow – Indian Cow ( malnourished, low productivity )
# Judiciary – Indian Judiciary ( slow )
# Goods – Indian Goods ( Can’t think of a single manufactured good of an international standard, produced without any foreign collaboration or technology )
# Whisky – Indian Whisky ( invariably made of molasses and not grain)
# Liquor – Indian Liquor ( country made liquor, unsafe )
# Sports – Indian Sports ( ill-equiped, lack of proper training )
# Mind – Indian mind ( manipulative )
# Air – Indian Air ( polluted )
# City – Indian City ( chaotic )
# Education – Indian Education ( learning by rote )
# Films – Indian Films- (dancing around tree, melodrama, photocopy of Hollywood )

I have travelled extensively through out the country. A villager, labourer, porter, hawker or poor never ever uttered to me, that we should be Indian first.

Who are these people who keep reminding me. Invariably they have benefitted from the system (Good Bad Ugly); God-Men, Con-men, Service-men, Bureaucrats, Contractors and Politicians to name a few. They are used to three P’s : PERKS, PRIVILEGES & PENSION.

Footnote:
I think, through my deeds or words I have not harmed my country in any way.
I love my country

The Confessions of an "Artist's mind"....!!!

2010-07-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

The little yellow light...
Flickering at a distance...
Makes my conscience take a turn...
Makes me think for an instance...

Have I been correct always?
Have I always made things right?
When I made all the clouds myself...
And kept away all the light...

In love, i did make my heart beat...
To every tune that made its way...
But did I keep all my faith..
or I just let them go away...

The tiny little raindrops...
Somehow hide my tears for a while...
But then I look for that solitude...
And wait for an exile...

Why does my memory last so long?
I sometimes think and wonder...
When will my heart be ready...
For that ultimate surrender...

The hopes of hope make me insane...
And I feel falling is eternal...
So, I pack my luggage...
In search of vein and disposal...

I confute the feeling of revenge...
Cos' vengeance is never ending...
As that one tree that grows and makes a stand...
While the rest are all left bending...

The homeless Cuckoo peeps through my window...
May be it asks for shelter...
Despite the fact that it cant stay...

In search of a miraculous wonder...

To Etta...!!!

2010-02-14T20:09:00.000-08:00

There's got to be something in the world that satisfy you... Well... I haven't been able to figure that out... I mean when I was unhappy at school... my buddies said it would be "Oll Korrect" in college.... so I waited until I was in college... it was different, refreshing, fun, enjoying, sometimes very interesting but.... satisfying??? nope... my buddies then told me everything's going to turn out just right and satisfactory when I'll start working... so I waited until I started working... it's fun, interesting, hectic, stress building, travelling, writing, reading, fighting, sabotaging, but satisfying??? nope.... my buddies now say I am gonna get it when I'll be married... now hold on.... while reading this... can you figure out something...?? It always were my buddies who told me when I'll get it and I happily waited for the stage to come that THEY suggested, I have always been satisfied with their answers.... Is it so hard to figure out what and who is satisfying...?? It's my buddies... my FRIENDS..... I guess you all got the message...Spend one moment to thank all your friends and cherish all that they have given you... Cheers to friendship and all our friends.... hip hip hurray.... :)

This article is entirely dedicated to my friends.... and specially to you ETTA..... Life is so much different knowing that someone on the other side of the world cares about me.... I adore you....

PAIN.....!!!!

2010-02-12T06:21:00.000-08:00

Pain sometimes has no definition, specification or explaination.... Imagine how much pain a person is going through when he cant answer a simple question like "Kya hua?"....

You cry and cry and cry more... it doesn't help then you go all quiet, tired and sick of letting things out and start to suck things up inside and dwell in it silently..... you want to get cut off of the world and be yourself.... you don't want any company or any shoulder as the tears are dry now....the next stage brings nothing but numbness.... you are senseless... eating food to run metabolism and to survive, breathing so you don't choke yourself to death and working to keep the brain active.....

Slowly-slowly, like a mercury rising up in titration you lose the last thread of hope.... and cling to a place which is nothing but a black-hole.... nothing but a void that you never were able to fill... the sun is gone for you, even when it shines bright on a red hot afternoon... rain is nothing but those dried up tears substituting and trickling down... cuts and burns are pleasures as they accidently let out the fire of sorrow bottled up inside... you can hear the heart cracking, the mind bursting, getting slow poisoned to an effect that you can feel every pulse, every blood every movement inside your body, people think you are going crazy or losing it but the truth is you lose "yourself".....you're surrendering...

The unsteady knees somehow manage to keep you standing while inside..... you limp like you're craving for water on an empty wide desert.... you creep, you freak out and you get sleepless nights...you bad-dream and look at the mirror to figure out.... you take a shower and you still don't feel fresh and rest and peace are words forgotten long back....

what do you do....?? The answer... is nothing but..... D.E.A.T.H..... seems easier than life...

and those who still live are STRONG.....REALLY STRONG....

Witness...

2010-02-10T10:45:00.000-08:00

There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean?

But in a relationship, you're promising to care about everything.

The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day

You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.

Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness'."

HAPPY TO BE CHANGING.....

2010-02-08T00:08:00.000-08:00

"Change is the only static word in the world" - hitherto trying to get the meaning out of it I get to yearn a lot of things from my life so far..... Have you ever experienced that restless feeling at the nape of your neck.... that burning desire to not stand or sit or lie down.... or a curiosity and anxiety for something you can not figure out....????

thats when you know, you need a change....

There could none the less be one person in the world who can live without change...

Here I go casting a few examples:

CASANOVA - a man who changed women like clothes and fell in love with each of them..... he betrayed none ... and this changing instinct made him what we call as history.

MAHATMA GANDHI - From a simple boy to a lawyer to a womeniser to a so called freedom fighter to the father of the nation....and see today.... he is symbolised as the brand ambassador for non-violence but has his face on the root cause of violence, money. Wonder what he is endorsing. For more details - read "my experiments with truth".

ADOLF HITLER - From homeless shelters and eating at charity soup kitchens to a totalitarian leader of Germany and perhaps one of the most historic personality ever, he changed his life and became eternally viable. For more details - read "Mein Kamph".

HARRY POTTER - From a miserable boy to the most famous boy wizard on earth, he not only changed kids reading him but also the actors portraying characters in the films, I mean what other way could Daniel Radcliffe be what he is today...

YOU - You were a kid, then an adolescent, then an adult and so on..... you've made a mark everywhere... you created history for yourself, your family, friends and everyone you knows you.....

Change is an integral part of everyone's life....

My point is not to be a paraphernalia critic here.... but to say a few things that I have observed around.

There are a few people.... in fact a lot, who are scared of changes, I am not saying its bad.... its just that what is the point in being scared if its gonna be good for you... Change for good and life is better....

So, next time you think of doing something different to surprise your better half....don't step back... do it... to see that astonished look on his or her face.... be happy...

Don't be afraid.... to change for making your own and your parents' life better.... move out, explore the world, think of that one change that can fade away your sorrows, anxieties, tensions, stress, and above all monotony.

I do it too.... and you know how....???

I change......

Hakuna Matata

Moe..

WHY ??

2010-02-05T23:58:00.000-08:00

World overflowing with development

Spirits high and kicking

Beauties all over extending to infinity

And as echoing as ever

But all these developments seem to be in vain

WHY?

Do we shed a tear when they die?

Do we care to wipe their eyes when they cry?

Do we help them endure and not die of starving?

Do we really care if they can’t even stand as all of us want to fly high?

It’s a pity, pity for our country as it fails to take care of its future.

Pity for us to say they are our counterparts.

It’s a fake development if the glossiness and glamour is overshadowing the crude realities which the naked eye is unable to scratch and read

It is time not to let it get accumulated in a forgotten iron safe of presumed perfectionism.

When we have the power to achieve

The belief to widen every horizon

The power to build a new world

Then can’t we be of any help to those little twigs of lives

Yes, we have forgotten humanity,

But

WHY?

RED'''''

2009-08-25T11:22:00.000-07:00

I sit in this RED hot afternoon,
As it seems from my greenish-black sunglasses,
As the pinkly red bougainvilleas calm down my mind,
And the warm but soothing wind passes

Nothing can I see but the colour of RED
As you just went away and the only thing left was RED
but as you walked away lately
I realise you were wearing RED

"It" , the colour RED, is the only thing that made me get all carried away
I know you just left but in my eyes you made it stay

I know, I say that I hardly care,
And it doesn't really matter if you go anywhere,
But you know it very well and so do I,
That losing you forever is the only and biggest fear,

This RED reminds me of the times we spent,
This RED reminds me of how two beautiful years went,
This RED reminds me of the nights we stayed,
This RED reminds me of the times we prayed

I sulk in RED tears,
You gloom in RED rage,
As I suffer from the agonies,
You give me RED roses through all time and age

Oh mercy my Lord . for what this RED has caused me
Mercy for my own RED pain
For love is commingling always
Without a loss or any gain..............................

Signed

Moe