The Journey

Shattered

2021-08-29T19:53:00.002-04:00

Photo by Ruan Richard

shatter /ˈSHadər/ v.

cause to break suddenly and violently into pieces; explode
to damage, as by breaking or crushing
to be broken into fragments

The sound of a glass breaking is distinct and unmistakable. Without seeing the event or understanding the circumstances surrounding the event, you instantly know the result. Broken glass. Once shattered, the damage sustained is irreparable. Collecting all the tiny shards is impossible. The fragmented glass may once again take shape when the big pieces are bonded together, but there will be holes and leaks and fractures forevermore. There will always be brokenness.

When the heart breaks, pain emanates from the point of impact throughout the body, mind, and spirit. The once whole person is shattered into a million pieces in a single, life-altering moment. The inward aches while the outward shell goes numb. Breath is painful. Words will not come; seclusion feels safe. The human spirit is crushed.

We are taught that love heals, but if love is what hurts us, how are we supposed to heal?

Human love is imperfect. The Father's love is pure, unequaled, and unconditional. This love is the adhesive that holds us together. He is our only hope.

Psalm 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Becoming of Age

2021-06-19T14:41:00.003-04:00

Photo by Samantha Sophia

To be honest, the book of Job is not my favorite. Though the narrative of restoration is always encouraging to read when you are low in spirit, I cannot fathom the utter devastation Job must have felt on that day of absolute calamity. The heart-wrenching events that unfold in a short amount of time would overwhelm and likely destroy the faint of heart. The Bible tells us Job feared the Lord; he was upright and blameless before the Father. The Amplified translation tells us Job “abstained and shunned evil” because it was wrong. Typically, when one writes or speaks about Job, this is the message that translates. Job was undeserving of all he encountered on that horrible day. He was not only restored but he was given back greater than what was lost. Recently, I saw something I had never really paid attention to before.

In the first chapter, we learn Job was the father of ten children, seven sons and three daughters. As was the custom during this time, the sons would go to the house of each one on his birthday. The sisters were also invited to his home to eat and drink. When the days of merrymaking ended, Job would send for this incorrigible crew to “purify them.” According to scripture, he would rise early in the morning and present burnt offerings to God for each of them in case they had sinned against God in their hearts. Later we read that during yet another birthday bash, a great whirlwind from the desert hit the house causing it to collapse on top of them. All seven children died.

What struck me about this part of the story was after all the revelry ended, Job prepared sacrifices for his kids to sanctify them in God’s sight. The Bible does not tell us how many times he did this, but we can guess at least seven times a year. I cannot recall reading of a birthday feast for daughters. (The unfairness is simply unacceptable to my oldest girl.) However, Job did offer up sacrifices for all ten children. Even so, all ten died while entertaining themselves with food and drink. The burnt offerings on behalf of his offspring did not save them from destruction. Not one was spared.

Romans 6:23 tells us, “…the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Now, we know because of the transgression of Adam and Eve, humanity is not immortal. Putting that physical death aside in this case and as with Job’s children, death comes in many ways. Death to peace, death to joy, death of dreams, death of initiative, death of businesses, death of prosperity, and so on. Jeremiah wrote in 4:22 the words of our Father, “My people are fools; they do not know me. They are senseless children; they have no understanding. They are skilled in doing evil; they know not how to do good.”

I grew up in a Christian home with the values and principles of living a life pleasing to the Lord. We went to every church service and participated in all the things. As a young person, I truly thought I had a relationship with Jesus, that I knew Him for myself. When my foundation was shaken and the house fell on top of me, figuratively speaking, I was destroyed. My parents’ prayers did not prevent the annihilation that ensued because of my disobedience. Was I protected from a natural death? Many, many times. However, my destruction came from stepping out from under the umbrella of covenant with Jesus.

Children raised in Christian homes often believe the prayers of their parents will save them from reaping the harvest of seeds they have sown in sin. This simply is not true. When we become of age and we know to “refuse evil and choose good,” but do otherwise, we are held to account, not our parents. (Isaiah 7:15)

In the case of Job’s kids, I find it hard to believe they were not taught the ways of the Lord. Their father was blameless in God’s sight. Scripture tells us he sent for his children when the time came to offer sacrifices. He did this in their presence. He lived a life of holiness in front of them. My parents interceded on my behalf just as Job did and as I do for my girls. They strived to live a life acceptable to the Lord just as I do. There comes a time, though, that we each must consecrate ourselves before the Lord and enter into relationship with Him. Grandpa cannot do it for us, Mama cannot do it for us, our spouse cannot do it for us. Jesus was the sacrifice given for our atonement and we must make ourselves ready for the work of the Father so we may fulfill our purpose here in the earth.

James 4:14-17, “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.' Otherwise, you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil. Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.”

To the One I Love on Our Anniversary

2021-06-16T21:23:00.017-04:00

Steven,

Tomorrow as we celebrate our marriage of five years, it is not lost on me that the Biblical meaning of the number five is grace. We have each been the giver and the recipient of grace these past five years.

Photo by Renee Daughtry

💕 We have walked through the valley deep and we have walked every inch of our neighborhood a hundred times over.

💖 We have soared on the mountain tops reaching new heights in our relationship with each other and we strive every day for new heights in our relationship with Jesus.

💘 We have cried tears of joy and tears of anguish.

💗 We have enjoyed those deep belly laughs, and we have laughed nervously in some uncomfortable situations.

💝 We have stubbornly sat in silence because there was nothing left to say, and we have reveled in the peaceful silence that comes at nightfall when the house is still.

💕 We have been so angry we did not speak for hours, but from the first time we spoke on the phone, we have always been able to talk as old friends do chatting about everything and nothing at all.

💖 We have danced in silliness, intimacy, and in worship.

💘 We have trudged through some muddy waters, but we are still standing. For every high and for every low and for all the in-between, there has been much grace.

I am so thankful for you and the love that we share and for all the trials we have been through together. Yes, there were some hard, uncertain times, but there have been some amazing, effortless, fairy tale days, too.

There are three scriptures that I believe define our marriage in a most unique way. They are not the typical, happy-anniversary-greeting-card scriptures; however, I do not believe there are any scriptures to better describe us now and where we are headed as we continue our journey together.

The first scripture is found in Luke 7:47 in which Jesus says, “Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.” I love this scripture because we have forgiven and have been forgiven much; therefore, we love much.

The second scripture is how I have seen our relationship evolve from when we were practically strangers with our own goals and expectations. Now I see us as “…agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.” Philippians 2:2

Finally, the third scripture is one that describes our marital destiny. Jeremiah wrote, “They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:8) I see us in a place of strength with deep roots that sustain us. Through every season, our love flourishes and does not wither. We remain standing as one with strong roots and beautiful blooms.

I love you, Steven Laughlin. 💗

Let Freedom Ring

2021-05-30T21:57:00.017-04:00

Have you ever thought about what freedom means? We talk about it all the time. We hear on the news that an entire political party wants to steal it. There are songs written about it. Relationships have ended in pursuit of it. Many have died protecting it. Jesus endured crucifixion so that we all may have it. So, what does it mean to be free?

A quick Google search yielded extensive, revelatory meanings and descriptors of freedom. As I read through each one, I felt the mission of wanting to protect it. I can see why power-hungry individuals would want to take it and I can certainly understand why we would rather die than give it up.

Freedom is the state of being free which means:

-You are not confined to a particular area or forced to remain in a particular place.

-You have liberty as opposed to bondage or slavery.

-You have independence which is the freedom to live as you choose without outside control or influence.

-You have the power to determine your own actions.

-You are exempt from the presence of any unwanted thing in your life.

-You have immunity.

-You are released from ties, obligations, etc.

-You have the right to enjoy all the privileges.

The same holds true in our relationship with Jesus. We know this, but do we KNOW this? The only place where servanthood is synonymous with freedom is in Christ Jesus. Here we find that we are not forced into a place of bondage or confinement. Acts 17:28 tells us it is “in Him we live, and move, and have our being.”

We do not have to live in a state of fear, anxiety, depression, regret, or rejection. Our state of being is FREE! We can choose a life of happiness, peace, and joy where we are immune to the attacks of the enemy. We are not obligated to stay in endless, destructive patterns that others would impose upon us, but we can experience all the benefits of being loved by Jesus.

Freedom is not free. There is a price to pay. Too many servicemen and women have died for our freedom in this country and Christ paid the price for us all at Calvary. So, let freedom ring in your home, in your relationships, in your life, and let us pray every day that the whole world can know the freedom of abiding in Jesus!

John 8:36 “Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”

Lose the Drama, Mama

2021-05-08T21:40:00.008-04:00

Photo by Renee Daughtry Photography

My chin began to quiver as tears threatened to spill from my eyes when a memory tapped on my heart's door this morning. This was not a proud mommy moment and it is not one I have ever recounted to anyone, but this was a defining moment that changed my outlook on parenting and on myself as a mother.

Some of the details of this particular night escape me as several years have now passed. I remember it to be a night like most in which we were going about our usual nightly routine before bed. I tucked both girls in and turned off the lights. I know I was quite annoyed by something though I cannot remember exactly what happened. What I do remember is closing the door and making the off-hand comment, "Well, do it yourself, then. You certainly don't need me. I don't know why I even bother." I left the room and continued the tasks to be tended to before I crawled into bed.

After a half-hour or so, the door to the girls' room creaked open and my little 5-year-old blondie sprang from the darkness and thrust herself toward me nearly knocking me backward. With tears streaming down red, puffy cheeks, she clung to my legs so tight she could have stopped the blood flow. In the tiny people vernacular that softens the letter R and replaces the letter L with a W, she cried in that oh so sweet, tiny voice, "Mommy, I wuv u with all my heart. Pwease don't weave me." My oldest, with big blue eyes sparkling with tears, still sat perched in her bed not wanting to break the rules, but desperately pleading for forgiveness and promising perfect behavior for the rest of her life.

Ugh! The meaningless words spewed out of frustration were a weighted, viable threat to the five and six-year-old who had spent the last half-hour in devastation and fear that their mommy was going to leave them. I honestly do not know which felt worse, the guilt that my careless words had brought fear or the absolute shame of just blowing off steam without thought to the collateral damage. Shame on me. Pushing those feelings aside, I covered them with hugs and kisses and my own promises of stellar behavior going forward.

Listen, Mama, I hear ya. Been there, for many years by myself, in survival mode. Yes, there are messy days. Yes, there are super long days. Yes, there are stressful days and days that it is difficult to hold it all together. Yes, yes, yes, but typically it is one day or maybe one week, or even one season. To a child, it can be that one wound that does not heal, that one traumatic moment that makes them fearful of abandonment, that one word or sentence(s) that changes their behavior, their attitude, the way they see themselves or others.

Today, I had a wonderful day shopping with those half-grown girls who are now 12 and 14 and I could not be prouder of the young ladies they have become. Out of curiosity, I asked them if they remember that night. They do very vividly, but they will tell you I have kept my word. Though I have often explained our home is not a democracy, but rather a monarchy where I am Queen, I will do my best to never be a Drama Queen with those precious hearts!

I still have those days when I feel lost in all of my identities. I am mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, dance mom, chef, chauffeur, housekeeper, mom to two fur babies, friend, co-worker, and so on. I have learned to keep in mind that my true identity is Daughter of the King. In Him, I find grace and mercy, wisdom, strategies, instruction, and balance. This is the place that all of the identities are stripped away and I am me before my maker hiding under the shadow of His wings. I am restored, renewed, and strengthened.

Proverbs 31:25, "Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; And she smiles at the future."

Faith Without Arrogance

2020-11-17T08:22:00.004-05:00

Photo by Priscila Du Preez

Over the summer, I began the tedious process of reviewing blogs I had previously written and putting them into a personal collection. As I read, I was delighted in the transformation of my writing over the years. It was a hot mess in the beginning to say the least. Oh, my goodness the grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors were enough to make me blush! Yet, God blessed anyway! Some of the blogs encouraged and ministered to me from the pulpit of past experiences and deliverances. Other blogs quite frankly embarrassed me. I removed them because the arrogance of my faith was a stench even to me.

Since beginning this project, I have been thinking a lot about the personality of Jesus. God in the flesh walking amongst His creation who undoubtedly told Him things He already knew or knew to be false. Imagine communing with that one "friend" that you knew would ultimately betray you. Yet, He was a teacher walking in oneness with God Almighty leading with love and humility. Jesus had all the answers, after all, but He only spoke what was fitting and purposeful.

As Christians, we often get way out of balance swinging on a pendulum from one extreme to another. From starchy legalism to so much freedom and grace we begin the slow descent into moral compromise. Jesus was Jesus every day of the week and in every situation He faced. His faith in the Father did not waiver nor did His relationship suffer. He walked continuously, boldly, joyfully, righteously, gracefully, and humbly through it all.

The Amplified translation describes faith as "an inherent trust and enduring confidence in the power, wisdom, and goodness of God" and "comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses." Faith endures regardless of the season and despite the circumstances. Just as Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes, there is a time and a season for all things. To me, faith looks like the quiet confidence of a lion walking among his pride and the bold roar when the enemy dares to wander into his territory. There is a time to be silent and a time to declare with boldness, but never with arrogance. Profession of faith should never belittle or degrade but rather make others desire what you possess. It should never come from superiority, but rather as one taking the hand of another and walking side by side as Jesus did with His disciples.

Faith can sometimes be most evident in the messy times when your prayer is only tears as you sit at the feet of your Savior. In that moment, you are acknowledging your humanness and professing His faithfulness as you offer up your brokenness to the Father.

Sometimes our arrogance arises from a place in which we feel the need to defend our beliefs or even to push those beliefs on others to "help them see the light" There is a difference in quoting scripture and living scripture. There is a difference in wielding the word as a sword against your enemy or weaponizing the word to exalt yourself and put your fellow man under your feet. God is our defender. We do not have to defend Him. His word stands forever and if He said it, it will be done. All we must do is trust. That is your truest testimony and light to others who will most certainly want what you possess without you ever uttering a word. Stand on what you know and believe in the God of your salvation!

"God is not a man that He should lie; neither the son of man that He should repent. Hath He said, and shall He not do it? Or hath He spoken, and shall He not make it good?"

Numbers 23:19

A Sober Reflection

2020-09-20T10:26:00.267-04:00

Written by: Carlisle Bilbo

There have been several deaths in our family in recent years. Each time I hear of someone's passing I cannot help but think of the finality of life ended. What is done is done. There are no do-overs. Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes that "sorrow is better than laughter because sober reflection is good for the heart." In these times of reflection, the Bible offers so much insight into the divine nature of God and into the very human nature of people.

Regretting wasted years, I have been thinking quite a bit about God's plan for my life, but in looking back over those years, I can see God's guidance, protection, and His provision. The rain brought growth and the days of sunshine enabled me to stand tall. The years of drought and of plenty taught me stability and the importance of "being content in whatever state I am in." (Philippians 4:11)

I see the missteps, too. For a long time, I have felt like much of the heartache I have endured at the hands of others were injustices perpetrated against me. In some cases, that is true. People passed harsh, undeserving judgments, made inaccurate assumptions, and even fabricated stories to deflect from their own misdeeds. Certainly, I am not the only one who has been falsely accused. Lately, though, I am beginning to understand some of the pain I endured is as much my fault as it is the fault of the ones who inflicted the pain.

Delving into scripture I am humbled by the strong parallels with my own actions and experiences. Admittedly since I was young, I often marveled at how the Israelites witnessed with their natural eyes all the wondrous miracles performed in Egypt and in the wilderness. Clothes and shoes that did not wear out over their 40-year journey, the parting of the Red Sea, manna from Heaven, and so on. How could they forsake the God of their fathers, the God who revealed His presence on Mount Sinai, and wrote with His finger the Ten Commandments on the Stone Tablets? Why would they discard the living God for a man-made golden calf?

With a repentant heart, confession is good for this contrite soul. In many ways, I have been a present-day portrait of the Old Testament idol worshipers. There are no sculptured gods in my home, but I have bowed before men and their expectations. I have sacrificed myself on the altar of good intentions. I have compromised my morals and beliefs to appease people allowing them to chip away at the real person inside to form the version of me that was pleasing to them. Falling from the hands of my Creator, morphing into the man-made image of me, I became a chopped up, soulless, unrecognizable shell of the person I was created to be. I can tell you I did not like that image of me at all. It was not natural, it was not comfortable, and it was not sustainable because it was not me. I was a counterfeit.

Moses had a divine appointment on the very mountain that 40 days earlier had shaken with the presence of the Living God. He would descend with handwritten instructions from the mouth of the Savior to find a lawless, rebellious, idolatress, adulteress people worshipping a god they created because they were tired of waiting for what God was preparing for them on Mount Sinai. God would have destroyed them all, but for the intercession of Moses. The punishment for their idolatry was to drink the ashes of the destroyed image. The people gladly paid gold for the graven image and they were repaid with ashes.

So, I dare ask you to have a moment of quiet reflection. Do you have a golden calf? Have you elevated someone or something above God so you can have what you think you want now? I urge you to consider if you really want to partake of the product of your own efforts or will you wait on the instruction and the perfect timing and the perfect plan of your Lord?

Sometimes waiting is work. We must silence our minds and quiet our spirits. We must control our emotions and be disciplined while we listen for instruction.

You may wonder what qualifies me to write these words?

My experience as a present-day wilderness wanderer who has pursued many gods over the years compels me to share what I have learned the hard way. I have witnessed with my own eyes His unending provision and feasted on fresh mana from Heaven through scriptures. I have seen Him part the waters of impossible situations and make a way where there seemed to be no way. I have pursued affections, relationships, business ventures, goals, dreams, and anything I thought would fulfill that deep longing in my soul all the while missing the treasure God was preparing for me on the mountain. In doing so, I have had to drink the ashes of my own feeble efforts.

Just as the Israelites had an intercessor in Moses, I would have been destroyed if not for the intercession of Jesus! No longer bound by the limitations of another human, but free by His sacrifice! Through His redemption, I can stand in the presence of my Maker as His true work of art, His prized possession, and I can worship Him in spirit and in TRUTH no longer a counterfeit.

My sober reflection is one that acknowledges who I once was, sees clearly who I am today, and longs for the day my image mirrors that of my Savior!

Exodus 20:2-3, "I am the Lord who has brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before Me."

Swim to the Side

2020-07-12T23:01:00.026-04:00

My family and I have just returned from a fabulous vacation in North Carolina to visit family topped off with an escape to the beach for some much-needed fun in the sun! We began the trip hiking in the mountains and ended with the sun and surf on the coast. It was glorious although this trip, as do all our trips it seems, had some bumps. I jokingly told my in-laws on the car ride up that our road trips always seem to bring us closer to Jesus! I did not know that was truly a prophetic statement for this vacation adventure. We had some minor car troubles with an overnight trip to the garage for the Dodge, my hubby lost his wallet for a very stressful ten minutes before remembering where he hid it for safekeeping, and on our first full day at the beach, I encountered a bit of trouble, to say the least.

The Friday before the 4th of July was just gorgeous at Kure Beach! The sun was gleaming on the refreshingly cool ocean water as the pelicans and seagulls soared over us chattering to each other and occasionally swooping down to catch a mid-morning snack. We must have played in the water off and on for a couple of hours without incident. The tide was out, the water deceptively low. The waves were mildly active as we drifted out to a sandbar near the end of the newly renovated, 700-foot pier.

Suddenly, the waves seemed to rise higher and come more quickly as the tide rolled in without warning. One wave after the other violently separated me from my husband and children. Realizing I could no longer touch the bottom, I panicked. In what seemed an endless cycle of waves that relentlessly tried to pull me under rather than pushing me to shore, I began to tire so quickly. My breathing became shallow as I struggled to keep my head above water long enough to take a good, deep breath. I wasn't moving forward or backward. People always say if you find yourself in this situation, you should just roll onto your back and float. I did try this, but the sheer terror of being swept under the tumultuous waves and not being able to fight my way back up kept me in this whirlwind of water that would not let me go. The strength of the current was fighting forcefully against all my efforts to survive. I kept thinking, I'm not strong enough. I wanted to scream for help, but truthfully, I did not want to embarrass my family by making a fuss or by causing undue alarm or attention. I yelled for my husband, "Steven, I need your help!" My voice was barely audible over the sound of the thunderous waves and I wasn't sure he'd hear me in time. I prayed, "Dear God, please. Help."

Realizing I was in real trouble, my husband quickly swam to my rescue only to get caught in the same predicament as the water crept higher than his six-foot stature. With a voice much stronger than mine, he yelled to a nearby swimmer to call for a lifeguard. That beautiful, precious woman looked into my eyes and calmly said, "Swim to the side. You are in a rip current and you must swim out of it. Just swim toward me." In an instant, the nightmare was over as quickly as it had begun. I could stand up on my own. I could breathe full, deep breaths. I was safe!

When I fell into my beach chair moments later, tears began to stream down my face. I felt the weight of another wave that would overtake me. The emotions welled up inside of me and poured out of my eyes onto my cheeks. I could not speak except to thank my Jesus for His protection and sovereign will over me, my husband, and my precious kids who could have become orphaned that day on a beach in North Carolina.

Over the next few hours and days, our family recounted the details, shared our fears, and our eternal gratefulness. We had a good family hug and we talked about how as a family we had overcome once again. Lord knows we have been through some rough stuff in our few short years together. And yes, I do believe we all became closer to Jesus on this road trip! In fact, my youngest said, "Mama, I do believe in prayer now."

"Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen in your life tomorrow. [What is secure in your life?] You are merely a vapor [like a puff of smoke or a wisp of steam from a cooking pot] that is visible for a little while and then vanishes [into thin air]."

James 4:14 AMP

When you experience things like this, there is a tendency to reflect on our frailty as humans. Scripture reminds us our lives are a vapor. Experiences often come to teach us, not to take us out. On the shallow end, one might think the lesson would be a review of swimming safety rules or a reminder to watch the lifeguard flags; however, this traumatic experience would be a lesson in something deeper, something thought-provoking, something life-changing. I left the beach that day thanking God that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Also, I came to the realization that not every battle we face is meant to be fought because no matter how strong we think we are; we will not win. People usually do not change without some Heavenly intervention. Some situations never change. So, the purpose of the battle may not be to gain a victory, but rather to change our way of thinking or to redirect us, to change our course completely.

We can all find ourselves caught up in a strong current with breaking waves. Perhaps, turmoil at work, a personal struggle that you cannot overcome, or a relationship that is chaotic or suffocating. Whatever the current, the struggle has you exhausted from treading water, a vicious cycle of riding the wave to being pulled back under before you can take another breath, your cries for help drowned out by the noise. Living in tremendous anxiety because you are unable to see the shoreline much less reach it, you feel alone. Swim to the side.

Sometimes, you must completely remove yourself from a situation to get a fresh perspective. Change course. You must swim out of it so you can catch your breath and secure your footing. Then, reevaluate. Do not be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. Then, pay it forward. Be that calm voice of reason for a friend, family member, or a stranger that needs to know they too can swim to the side.

Psalm 89:9, "You rule the swelling of the sea; When its waves rise, You still them."

The Naked Truth: What are you hiding?

2020-04-05T17:09:00.001-04:00

When writing, I have always been brutally honest because truth and light are our most powerful tools to combat deception and darkness. With all that we experience in life and all we overcome; our testimony is the fruit of our labor. So, it seems funny to me that I feel a little shy about sharing this experience so much so that it has taken me weeks to sit down and write it out.

The most heartbreak, the biggest disappointments, the greatest anxieties, the worst betrayals, the utmost shame have all been the outcome of taking my destiny into my own hands. This is my life and I am going to live it how I want to! And each time, I imagine all of Heaven stepped back and said, "Okay, let us know how that works out for you." And each time, through tears and brokenness, I would crawl back into my Father's presence longing for His lovingkindness. Relinquishing all control, a life of peace would abound until the next time I thought I knew more than He did. Over and over and over. Run. Fall. Get hurt. Get up. Repeat. Each time losing a piece of myself. The cost was great, and the return was often unbearable.

Finally, I reached a point in my life that I was tired of striving for the coveted outcomes. While the Heavens were surely rejoicing, my breakthrough was not a Hollywood made-for-TV moment. At first, acknowledging my frailty was not even a somber moment of humility. Anger, frustration, and even dare I say bitterness were some of my truest emotions often questioning why I could not have what seem to come so easily to other people. I gave up.

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

Oh, glorious day! The breakthrough was the acknowledgment that I can do nothing on my own. The realization that I do not have to do anything on my own is my freedom! You do not have to either. You do not have to bear the responsibility on your own. You do not have to endure hardships on your own. You do not have to make decisions on your own. We have all become so determined to be independent that we have missed the luxury of being dependent on Jesus for everything. Love, joy, peace, contentment, security, prosperity, self-worth are all the things found only in Christ. What does it cost us? Nothing. It costs us nothing and the return is priceless. We know this, but do we believe this?

A few weeks ago, I found myself in my bathroom applying makeup, smiling, singing completely naked. TMI, right? Well, you see, for more years than I can count, I have never felt comfortable enough with myself to be uncovered for any length of time even when I was alone. Here I was in the buff belting out worship songs. Now that was a glorious moment! Finally, I was okay with me. Flaws, shortcomings, scars, and all. Completely exposed before my Maker and I did not shrink away or hide from Him.

Why is any of this important?

For every wrongdoer hates the Light and does not come to the Light [but shrinks from it] for fear that his [sinful, worthless] activities will be exposed and condemned.

John 3:20

There were times I would avoid praying because I was too ashamed to enter the presence of the King. I felt unworthy to worship or to just sit at His feet even though I knew I desperately needed Him. That, my friends, is how the enemy tricks you into that slow fade. You wake up one morning far from your Creator wondering how you drifted so far away without realizing it.

Every single day, I need grace and mercy and every morning I find Jesus is still right there loving on me with all my flaws, scars, and shortcomings. I do not have to hide them from Him for His blood covers me. His perfect love casts out all fear! (1 John 4:18)

I can come boldly into His presence! Hallelujah!

Hebrews 4:16, "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Wake Up Call

2019-10-06T06:33:00.003-04:00

How long will you slumber? The whispered words from Heaven sent a jolt through my spirit as a blaring alarm clock in the early hours of the morning. I sat bolt upright in my bed feeling a divine transformation taking place in the very depths of my being. It's time to get up! There is work to do.
I cannot tell you how many times in the past few months I have absolutely whined about everything. In part because I have been suspended in the mire of complacency, living an unimpressive life wandering about in an uninspiring, unproductive, lackadaisical spiritual walk. Feeling trapped in circumstances out of my control while being rocked by the waves of indecision and doubt and self-degradation, I had been lulled to sleep. I was not trapped. I was stalled. Body, mind, and spirit. Paused.

I cannot tell you how many times in the past few months I have absolutely whined about everything. In part because I have been suspended in the mire of complacency, living an unimpressive life wandering about in an uninspiring, unproductive, lackadaisical spiritual walk. Feeling trapped in circumstances out of my control while being rocked by the waves of indecision and doubt and self-degradation, I had been lulled to sleep. I was not trapped. I was stalled. Body, mind, and spirit. Paused.

"How long will you slumber, O sluggard? When will you rise from your sleep?" -Proverbs 6:9

We all have "stuff" within ourselves that we would like to be different. As humans, we constantly seek some sort of change whether physical, spiritual, financial, or circumstantial. That is how we grow and evolve into conceivably better versions of ourselves. For many months, in some cases years, I have sought God for deliverance from the "stuff" that ensnares and circumvents the progress I have longed for in many areas of my life. "You are God. You can speak the word and I can be changed instantly! You perform miracles all the time. Why won't you just touch me?" Those words came spewing bitterly out of my mouth. My cynical attitude gave birth to that disrespectful, putrid gripe session I called "prayer time." Honestly, I was a bit miffed at God for not waiving the wand over me. Poof, Changed! Well, guess what? God is not a genie. He does nothing whimsical. On the contrary, our Savior is methodical and EVERYTHING He does is in His timing not in our timing in His perfect way and usually not the way we expect or demand. Even when we believe we are praying noble prayers, God’s purpose and plan is for our good not always for our comfort, and certainly not just because we say so. I was behaving like a spoiled brat stopping my feet in a tantrum that reached a fever pitch.

How humbling when our Father must show us ourselves and reprimand us in our bad behaviors. But, oh how loved and how light I have felt this week! When my spirit man was roused from sleep, my eyes were opened. You know what? God did perform a miracle in me. He transformed my mind and washed me in the water of His word. Proverbs 25:28 leaped from the pages of my Bible and danced about in my spirit all week. The scripture tells us without self-control we are as a city with broken-down walls leaving us vulnerable to attacks from the enemy which is exactly where I found myself. I wrote down three different translations of this passage on an index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror so that I see self-control reflected in my image every morning.

Ever wonder why do these things keep happening to me? Maybe because you are an easy target, my friend. You have become a defenseless city. You see, I wanted instant deliverance, but sometimes we must walk that deliverance out so we will not return to those old ways, to that same captivity. We must do the work. We have to stand up! In doing so, we are in essence putting on our spiritual armor so that we can "take our stand against the schemes of the devil." (Ephesians 6:11)

Let us proclaim today that we are no longer a sitting, sleeping target, but we are standing our ground and we are making advancements in the kingdom! Wielding our weapons of warfare to the pulling down of strongholds, casting down everything that would exalt itself as idols in our lives, we are bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ as we are instructed to do! (2 Corinthians 10:4-5) Then, self-control is no longer just an attribute, it is a habitual way of living and a habitual way of walking. In taking our stand today, we have taken the plunder, we have regained control of self, and we are not going back!

So, get up! There is work to do!

Psalm 32:7 "...You surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah."

To Tell the Truth

2019-07-22T16:39:00.001-04:00

Fight or flight has been a resounding theme of my life for many, many years. Ashamedly I admit, I usually flee. I hide from confrontation. Afraid, I cower down because I just cannot take any more blows to my heart, my mind, my self-esteem, my ego, my reputation, and so on. Well, today my friends, I say NO MORE. Today, the line is drawn in the sand. Today, I FIGHT.

The only way to combat a lie is with TRUTH.

For such a small word, a lie can be a powerfully, destructive tool. For some, lies roll off their tongues as smooth as silk making it is easier to tell a lie than to speak the truth even about the most insignificant things. Those who know better, however, may feel crushed by the heaviness of conviction when they are knowingly deceitful. Let me tell you, lies have teeth that rip flesh, tear out hearts, and shred a person's reputation. Manipulation and deceit often used for selfish gain spill innocent blood. Fibs, tall tales, white lies, just kidding, fudging, are all pretty ways to wrap up such a diabolical weapon. Perhaps this all sounds overly dramatic, but as someone who has lies being hurled from every direction, there is nothing pretty or pleasant about it. Truth: Lying is evil.

“A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.”

Proverbs 19:9

When under attack, I go straight to scripture for the answer. What better source of truth to combat the lies of the enemy? In the past few weeks, many untruths have been revealed. In the beginning, it hurt. Then, righteous indignation rose within me. Especially, when some of these liars, busybodies, and gossipers hide under the cover of Christianity. I made a vow to myself when faced with a lie, I will sling the scepter of truth. Let us start with what should be the most obvious.

Truth: Lying is a sin. Gossiping and spreading rumors is also sin. In my research, I found over 50 scriptures on lying. At least one for every week in a year! The book of Proverbs could not be more clear about the matter.

“There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

Proverbs 6:16-19

Several years ago, I wrote about an Old Testament prophet who because he believed a lie, disobeyed God, and was devoured by a lion (1 King 13). For this poor man, believing a lie was just as detrimental as telling the lie. (To read more, click here: https://brittni-thejourney.blogspot.com/2011/06/truth-about-lies.html.) To put this story in perspective, think about this.

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone only to discover they are not the person you believed them to be? Tears your heart out, right? Have you ever stood up for someone, vouched for them, and then find out they lied? Ruins your good name, right? Have you ever been manipulated into doing something that compromises your beliefs and the person who put you up to it turns on you? Or have you been blamed for something you did not do? It is your innocent blood that is spilled. Truth: Believing and repeating a lie not only has consequences but also casualties.

“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” -Proverbs 12:22

Know this. There is vindication for the innocent. Scripture tells us that God sees and knows and hears all even the secret motives of the heart (Proverbs 16:2). With their lies, the wicked have built the very gallows they themselves will be hanged on (Ester 7:9,10). In time, all will be revealed. When God begins to shed light on a situation, there is no way to stop the unveiling no matter the effort to keep it covered.

"Then, you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

Finally, I want to leave you with a truth I pray you will hear and know with all your heart so that you may be set free! TRUTH: A deserter cannot be the deserted. The person who abandons you cannot claim to be the one who is abandoned. They are not the victim; you are. Sure, they feel alone, deserted, and abandoned because they have wandered into a desolate place in pursuit of something or someone that was merely a mirage, a deception, a lie.

The same holds true in our walk with Jesus. Hebrews 13:5 is a powerful reminder that He never leaves us. We are the ones who are swept away by deceit turning a blind eye and deaf ear to truth. Stay in the light, friends. Always pursue truth, and all will be well with you!

"What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.”

Proverbs 34:12, 13

Don't Be a Mule

2019-01-09T14:13:00.001-05:00

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

New year. New perspectives, right? Many of us spend time in self-reflection and muster determination to do things differently in the new year. A fresh start.

Full disclosure. I began this year in penitence because I have worn the heavy cloak of conviction for several weeks. During the mundane task of taking the pup out for his morning stroll, the Lord dropped a question in my spirit. "Do you believe I am God?" Obviously, I responded readily with prayers of affirmation and praise for Him as the God of my salvation! Then, this. "So why aren't you living as though you believe?" Ouch!

"I am God Almighty; walk before me faithfully and be blameless." Genesis 17:1
Have you ever thought about who God truly is? Do we know who it is we worship? Do we imagine an invisible, mystical being with a booming voice floating around in the Heavenlies making grand entrances just in time to save the day, or maybe we have a muscled-up, temperamental, rogue image drummed up by Greek mythology, or even an animated version of a majestic lion or sea creature with a trident? Regardless of the imagery we conjure up, in Exodus 3, God told Moses to tell the Israelites, "I AM has sent me to you." In the past few weeks, I have felt God nudging at my heart to know who He really is--He is I AM!
A beautiful Psalm brought everything full circle for me this morning. All the pieces clicking together to bring understanding and perspective, but in the most gentle, loving way. Truthfully, I have been an obstinate child. I have been doing all the obligatory, good Christian things I am supposed to do. I read my Bible, pray, attend service on Sunday, listen to Christian music, wear my Christian tees, and boast of God's goodness. However, when my acts of worship become a struggle, an obligation, or just something I should do, all my ritual efforts become meaningless and basically lip service. Honestly, until today, I did not even realize this was the place I had come to in my journey until Jesus shined the light through this verse.
"Do not be like the horse, or like the mule, which have no understanding, which must be harnessed with bit and bridle, else they will not come near you."
Psalms 32:9
Can I tell you how that just broke my heart? I feel my Father’s plea in my heart and the longing is so familiar. Many times, I have actually thought if this person could just see my heart, if they would just get to know me even a little bit, if they would listen to what I'm trying to convey to them, then...they would love me, or like me, or trust me, or understand me, or want to know me more. Can't you just hear Jesus saying that to you?
"Do not humor or patronize Me. Do I not know the very intentions of the heart? Forsake obligation, legalism, and religion. Come visit with me so I can show you my heart. Commune with me so you can know my ways. Search my word so I can teach you and guide you into all truth. Do these things because I AM a necessity, I AM vital, I AM life to you. Do these things because you love Me, too." No one wants an obligatory relationship not even Jesus.

Since we are talking about mules, I looked up the word stubborn and the last definition listed was "difficult to shape." To be truthful, I have been foolishly playing one of those dating games with God. You do not want to seem too needy or too eager so you in fact sabotage yourself by being too independent and too aloof. That game does not work with the One who created you. He has inside knowledge, after all. My sincere prayer has always been for God to mold me and make me into who He created me to be. I do not ever want my pride or stubbornness to keep me from moving forward and accomplishing all I was created to do. Thankfully, God does know my heart and my fear of vulnerability, so He gently woos me back to where my heart always longs to be. The God of all Creation wants a true, honest relationship with me, and He desires one with you. Isn't that humbling? In whatever state or condition we find ourselves in, we can rejoice in knowing His mercies are new every morning and His love for us never fades. Praise Jesus!

Did you know the number 19 represents faith? In 2019, my resolution is to live the most faith-filled year ever! No longer will I be the mule who is pulled begrudgingly to the throne, but I will eagerly run boldly into His presence daily. I will continue to learn of God while walking in constant communion with Him, and I will once again live with the heart of worship and true adoration for the Living God. He is everything we are searching for, everything we need. He is I AM!

"For in Him we live and move and exist [that is, in Him we actually have our being] ..." Acts 17:28

Reach for the Light

2018-11-19T18:25:00.002-05:00

I did the oddest thing the other day leaving my house to get my girls from school. We have a little laundry room that leads out to our garage. In my hurried state, I closed the door from the living room to the laundry room on one end before opening the door that leads to the garage on the other end or at the very least turning on the light. So, I found myself standing in pitch-black darkness. My reaction was to close my eyes. Only a few steps from the light switch, I stood there with eyes closed a slight feeling of panic creeping into my gut.

Then, I laughed at myself. Out loud, for real. What an odd thing to do.

"I am the light of the world; he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness..." ~John 8:12

En route to the school still amused by my reaction, it occurred to me that though I closed my eyes I was still very much in darkness. Eureka! Talk about a light bulb moment! You see, I stood there in my circumstance not wanting to see that I was alone in the dark, so I closed my eyes. My own hurried action of closing the door thrust me into utter darkness. I had been distracted and in such a rush to get to where I was going, that I was engulfed by darkness before I knew it. For that moment I could not see. I was blind and disoriented. All I had to do was reach for the light that was at my fingertips.

Isn't that how we are when we are doing things we know aren't right? Maybe we are not necessarily doing wrong, but we know we are not walking in a way that is pleasing to our Father or we are not walking in His will. When our spirit man is dying, the light in us is being snuffed out. Jesus said in Matthew 5:14 that we are "the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden." How can we be the light if we blend in with the darkness? Sometimes we choose to stay blind to things in our hearts that maybe we are not ready to deal with because they are too painful. Perhaps we are not ready for God to shine the light on some areas because we do not want things to change. We ourselves do not want to change. Regardless of our motives or justifications, if we aren't in the light we are in darkness.

Lord, help me to always keep everything in the light and to never be satisfied with keeping things hidden from you as you see it all anyway. Give me the courage to face the hidden things, turn my back to the darkness, and reach for the Light.

"For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."
~Micah 7:8

Teach Me to Love - My Prayer for Today

2018-10-17T18:24:00.004-04:00

"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:5

Photo by: Leighann Blackwood

When I began blogging nearly eight years ago, I did not really know what it would become. Ever-changing and developing as my path took twists and U-turns and even some sideroads, The Journey has always been my story. Some take offense as if it is a mean-spirited piece about them, some get upset if conviction comes, but mostly I hope God has used my words to bring healing and hope. Coming from a path of utter destruction, I felt as I should share sometimes my most intimate thoughts and emotions as I meander my way to the Cross. So, I am being totally transparent with you all as I say that today, I am writing from a place of brokenness, uncertainty, emptiness, and heartbreak. When I feel this way, the only thing that brings comfort is God's Word and prayer, much, much prayer. My prayer for today is, "Teach Me to Love."

Lord, I am surrounded by so many things I do not understand. My heart aches because of false accusations hurled at me and my little family. I am walking every day in uncertainty as to which path to take and what lies ahead. Some days, Lord, I feel as though I am a caged animal or a bridled horse waiting for my freedom to run in the path you have chosen for me. Teach me to love your ways and to trust You with all my heart.

Give me the strength to avoid at all costs anything or anyone that would bring chaos to my home. I am watching people dangle on the edge of a steep cliff knowing they are building a house on a slippery slope and I am unable to intervene. I know that I am to hate sin and to love the sinner. That is easy. Help me to be okay with separating myself from those things that would bring harm to me or to my family--to guard my heart above all else as your word instructs me to do. Empower me to always pursue peace. Teach me to love without compromise.

Train me to not judge the person or the situation, but rather to judge the fruit. Sharpen my discernment to know the difference between feeling alarmed and evil bodings. Impart wisdom that I may never be the source of pain or divisiveness. Teach me to respond with love and not with fear.

You did not create me to look out for #1, but to look to the One who created me. So, give me ears to hear and eyes to see You, Father. Show me your way that I may find favor in your sight. Teach me to love and to be loved by You.

Amen.

"The secret of the Lord is with those who fear him, and He will show them His covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord..."

Psalm 25:14-15

When the Answer is No

2018-10-05T09:29:00.005-04:00

I hate cancer. Like a thief in the night, the emaciating disease invades the body and steals life. There is no respecter of person, body type, or age and the cancerous tentacles are far more reaching than the person it kills. Cancer destroys homes, crushes relationships, dashes dreams, and shakes rock-solid faith.

Cancer proliferates, devastates, and destroys in a cruel, uncontrolled, meaningless way.

This past year, cancer invaded my life. Not my body, but my life. Someone so dear to me died in his forties. Once the diagnosis came, everything stopped. Then, he was gone. So many faith-filled people prayed, begged, fasted, and jumped through all the hoops we think God wants us to so we can have our prayers answered. There were so many questions as to why God did not answer, but God did answer. The answer was no.

"A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted." -Ecclesiastes 3:2

We know by scripture that there is a time for everything, and everything is in God's perfect timing. The Bible also tells us before we were in the womb, God already had a plan for us. It's easier to believe this disease comes out of nowhere and destroys lives than to believe God never intended for life to go on past a certain time. Because when we acknowledge that truth, we become angry at the one who gave us life from the start. He decides, not us. In our humanity, but I think even more so as Christians, we try to manipulate God into doing what we want rather than asking for His plan. When things do not turn out the way we want, we throw a temper tantrum and make excuses for bad behavior. What must be truly heartbreaking to Him is in our despair we miss all the answered prayers. The prayers that brought supernatural provision, the outpouring of love, support, and compassion that came from friends, family, and even strangers, and the testimonies of a life well-lived.

This morning as my sweet cousin was on my mind, I pondered all of these things. I saw Jesus on the cross. God's only son. We take comfort that Jesus came, died for our sins, rose again for us. We rejoice in the fact that He was born to die in his thirties because He did that for us. Think about this though. Jesus was not honored as a war hero who conquered the enemy in a great historical battle. The Son of God did not go out in a blaze of glory. He did not lie in state for a week or have a beautiful memorial service honoring all that he accomplished in his life. Jesus, the Savior of humanity, died alone half-naked nailed to a tree so brutally beaten he was unrecognizable. His death was cruel, unfair, unwarranted, humiliating, untimely, and inhumane. And it was all for me. And it was all for you.

We will all die one day whether it is today, tomorrow, or 50 years from now. We will all stand before our maker. At that time, it will not matter how we died, or what we endured, but rather how we lived. So, live well, friends.

Genesis 15:6, "Then, Abraham believed in (affirmed, trusted in, relied on, remained steadfast to) the Lord; and He counted (credited) it to him as righteousness (doing right in regard to God and man).

Identity Theft

2018-09-25T11:49:00.005-04:00

I read recently that 60 million Americans have been affected by identity theft. Sixty million. Here is some perspective. The state of California, the most populous state in the U.S., has a recorded population for 2018 of just under 40 million. Victims of identity theft have reported feelings of loss, devastation, stress, anxiety, fear, and thoughts of suicide.

Now, there are 240 million Christians in the U.S. as is documented by Wikipedia. How many of the 240 million would you guess has suffered from some form of identity theft? Consider Jeremiah 1:5 which tell us before we were conceived, we already had an identity.

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you."

Source Unknown

As I look back over my life, there is a definitive pattern of morphing from one personality into another. Through subtle undertones or blatant criticisms, I allowed others to not only take my identity but to obliterate it. I experienced those same emotions of devastation, stress, anxiety, fear, and so on. Several people have asked me over the years why I would ever put up with this kind of thievery. Little compromises. Truthfully, there was never a conscious decision to accept this type of abuse. Fear and low self-esteem were the untrustworthy, mental gatekeepers who allowed the liars and abusers full access. I believed what others said about me. I accepted their labels as if my age, or upbringing, or hometown somehow made me a flawed individual. Sadly, I had more integrity and moral character than the pilferers lording over me.

"I became the true definition of the walking dead."

Song of Solomon declares the "little foxes spoil the vineyard." Those crafty foxes have names such as Rejection, Compromise, Self-Loathing, Abandonment, Failure, Trauma, Fear, Jealousy, Pride. Stop to reflect for a moment and you can probably identify the little foxes in your life, too. People, events, emotions that have reshaped you. Yes, even other Christians. So many of us have not only fallen victim to identity theft, but there is probable cause to convict the church world of felony theft and grand larceny by way of CONTROL and RELIGION. Remember, all life begins and ends with God. No one else has dominion over you. Therefore, God is the One we want to please not mere mortals who are just as imperfect. So, run those foxes out of the vineyard of your heart and allow God to tend to the garden of your soul so that you may bring forth good fruit.

At the age of 42, I'm just beginning to discover who I really am, who God created me to be.
I am finally free to be me. I am enough and no one can ever take that from me.

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

Eruption

2018-08-14T14:08:00.004-04:00

"Anyone can be angry--that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way--that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy."

-Aristotle

When I think of a flared temper or anger, I always envision a volcano. In doing research for my daughter's science project last year, I read several articles about them and learned a thing or two. So much like human nature, volcanoes are reactive under pressure. They can literally blow their top! Now, there are two main types of eruption. The type most people are familiar with is the very visual, most dramatic, fire-breathing, explosive eruption. There is also the more subtle, oozing eruption that seeps hot lava into the ocean and surrounding vegetation burning up everything in its path. Both forms of eruption are volatile and destructive much like human ire.

We are made in God's image. All through the Old Testament you read of God's anger being poured out on His enemies and even on His own people because of His jealousy for them or due to their disobedience and wicked ways. So, doesn't it make sense that we too would feel this very real emotion at times in our lives because we feel an injustice has been done to us? The Bible says we can "be angry and sin not." Unfortunately, that whole "sin not" part eludes us.
"Don't sin by letting anger control you." Psalm 4:4

Out of hostility and frustration with God's people, Moses struck the rock in the book of Numbers and essentially forfeited his destiny--The Promised Land. He could only see it from the outside, but he would never partake of the fruit of the land. Psalm 106:33 tell us Moses became "angry and spoke foolishly." Truly, I can see where I have allowed raw emotions and disappointments get me so distracted, I would wander off the path that would lead to God's freedom in my life. It has taken years to find my way back to a not perfected, but a more focused walk with the Lord no longer blinded by disillusion, anger, unforgiveness, misunderstanding, hurt, rejection, and so on and so on. I often wonder what jewels or blessings I missed along the way.

Think about your reactions of late. Have you blown your top over silly things? I sure have. There have been moments that I can hear how petty or ridiculous I am being, but I cannot seem to stop the spewing while thinking why in the world is this so upsetting to me. When I get over myself, stop sulking, and soul search for a while, revelation comes. Often the reaction stems from something much deeper than the trigger that set me off. Typically, fear, rejection, or hurt is the foundation of the volcano. Other times frustration is at the core of the maddening meltdown. I find that once again I am taking matters into my own hands rather than letting God do things His way.

"People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and are angry at the Lord." Proverbs 19:3

Perhaps, you are more patient in the moment, but you tend to hold a grudge. Did you know some volcanoes can ooze for years? That is what unforgiveness looks like. Bubbling up and out of the mouth hurt and bitterness spill over onto everyone in your path. Rarely the perpetrator is the one who falls victim to your wrath, but it is the innocent bystanders who suffer the consequences. Or, God bless it, the poor sap who must listen as you rehash all the injustices perpetrated on you. I have heard myself recount things that happened and realize I have not forgiven the person that hurt me, or let go of the trauma I suffered, nor have I given God the disappointments. Each time you relive that painful incident, you ooze. From experience I forewarn you, the fake-it-til-you-make-it mentality will tell on you and often in a most humiliating way.
Make the decision to live a life that does not cause destruction. Be a person who, rather than speaking rashly like a piercing sword, has healing on the tongue. Be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." Let your light so shine that He may be glorified in you!

*Know this: Not one person nor one thing on this planet is worth forfeiting your destiny--your Promised Land.

Psalm 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Written by Brittni Laughlin, August 14, 2018

Stillborn

2018-08-06T17:01:00.013-04:00

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief."

-Proverbs 14:13

Grief is a funny thing that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. There is no respect for time and place. Mourning may overtake you at work or in the middle of the grocery store. It keeps you up all night or invades your dreams. Sorrow has many faces. It is loneliness in a crowded room, unwarranted anger, a roller coaster of emotion, or apathy. Everyone is different, and everyone laments in their own way. Some find an inner drive to reinvent themselves while others drown in hopelessness and succumb to defeat.

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."

-C.S. Lewis

In research for this blog, I ran across an article about a female chimpanzee whose baby died. That mama chimp carried her dead baby around for three days. One Sunday morning as I was getting ready for church, I saw a vision of myself so clearly, I began to weep. In my grief, I have also been carrying around dead babies. Have you?

"She smiles, but her heart weeps."

Think about this. Stillborn is defined as "ineffectual from the beginning; abortive; fruitless. While I did in recent months have a natural miscarriage that I have truly mourned, the dead babies I saw were disappointments, broken relationships, dreams that did not become reality, miracles that did not take place, and so on. Many were Ishmaels, things of my own doing to create happiness or fulfill my own desires. These were fruitless and ineffectual from the beginning because they were my plans, not God's plan.

In 2 Samuel 12, King David fasted and prayed for days on behalf of his infant son who became ill because David had sinned against the Lord. On the seventh day, the baby died as was foretold by the prophet, Nathan. The bible tells us upon hearing the news, David got up from the sackcloth, washed, changed his clothes, and went to the house of the Lord to worship.

I believe as it says in Proverbs that there is a time to mourn. The problem is we can get stuck in our grief. I appeal to you today if you are carrying around past hurts, past failures, or past disappointments, perhaps now is the time to get up from your sackcloth of mourning, wash in the water of the Word, and worship! Thank the Lord Jesus for not allowing your feeble attempts to become reality. As we know, anything we build ourselves is never going to compare to what "God has prepared for those who love Him!" (1 Corinthians 2:9) Pray earnestly for Him to fill every void and to heal every broken place. He is faithful to do that for you. How do I know? Because He's doing it for me!

Habakkuk 3:17-18

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails, and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."

In Every Season

2018-07-14T13:40:00.002-04:00

Life is simply hard sometimes. It can be messy and that is okay for out of adversity comes strength. Right? We build faith muscles along the way. Often, though, we tend to take up residence in the mess. We wallow. Or maybe, we find ourselves blindsided and disoriented and it takes time to get our bearings before we can manage to claw our way out of the mire. Then, there are times when someone comes along and throws us a rope. Don't you get tired of that feeling? I do.

I have prayed for several years now that God would reveal himself to me. I want to know Him for myself. Not what I am taught in church or what others say about who He is. I want to truly walk boldly and honestly before God the way He intends and be who He created me to be. Recently, I read in the biblical book of Romans that God makes His invisible qualities visible in the things He made. If we look, we can see God everywhere! The spiritual revealed in the natural.

Did you know that in the Bible, trees are often representative of men? For example, Isaiah 61:3 refers to trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord for His glory. Those trees are God's people. Those trees are you and me or at least where we are striving to be. So, of late, I have been studying trees. I ran across the most awesome description of the outer bark of a tree. The North Carolina Forestry Association site states the outer bark "acts as a suit of armor against the world by protecting the tree from insects, disease, storms, and extreme temperatures." Let that resonate. Selah!

We are all awfully familiar, I am sure, with the scriptural passages, Ephesians 6:10-18.

"...Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand..."

You see now, we have armor just as the trees do. We are to suit up in the armor of God to safeguard from the things that come to irritate and gnaw away at our spirit. We have access to a spiritual barrier during intense pressure and difficulties so that we can stand. We can stand in the heat of the day. We can stand in the winds of adversity. We can stand in every season.

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior, and my God."

Psalm 43:5

Trees Are Trees

2018-07-06T11:59:00.003-04:00

Source Unknown

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. Then, God said, 'Let there be light'; and there was light." Genesis 1:1-3

Creation was a six-day process that began and ended with the spoken word of God. He created the heavens and the earth, dry land and the seas, vegetation, seed-bearing plants, and trees on fruit-bearing land. He created seasons, living creatures, and man. Our Creator then rested on the seventh day, the day of fulfillment, the completion of His perfect plan. In one of my favorite passages in Genesis, the scripture depicts the scene of the "Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day." Can you picture it? The Creator walking through His very own creation in the early evening enjoying the brilliant, colorful flowers with their fragrance lingering in the air. The regal trees swaying slightly with the wind producing a soothing breeze. Wild animals milling about peacefully likely grazing in the grass or lying under shade trees. All creation on display for its Maker's delight. What a sight to behold!

Romans 1:20 tells us that if we want to see His eternal power and know the divine nature of God, we should look at all He has made. Through creation, His invisible qualities were made visible "so that people will have no excuse." Have you ever thought about the fact that humans are the only thing in creation that does not obey God without questioning, reasoning, or procrastinating? Wouldn't you agree that we are not living wholly in our purpose, being who or what we were created to be, God's plan fulfilled on this earth every single day? To go a step further, neither do we praise Him unconditionally with all our being in all that we do to bring Him glory!

Consider the trees for a moment. The largest plants on Earth stand confidently reaching high toward the sun, dancing in the winds, soaking up the rain, and growing deep roots. The towering timbers drop seedlings to reproduce. While some trees have medicinal properties, others bear fruit. However, the oak tree does not mimic the pine tree. The apple tree does not try to produce oranges. The maple tree does not conform to the image of the great cedar trees. There is no competition between them. Trees function obediently in their purpose without hesitation. They are steadfast where they are planted not looking to the right or to the left, but upward. Trees are trees in every season from being stripped of its leaves in the winter season to bearing fruit in the spring. They do not waiver but stand erect in the heat of summer just the same as in the coolness of the autumn season. Majestic and tall, worshiping with their branches extended to the Heavens, they lead us by example. Trees are trees.

All creation obeys God and in doing so all creation praises Him! The ocean does not pass its boundary, yet it is ever moving in a rhythmic tune. The bees pollinate the flowers with a joyous hum, the elements perform on command with thunder clapping and lightning illuminating the sky! The sun rises announcing a new day of fresh mercy and sets in an array of glorious colors and hues. The rivers flow with all their might and the brooks babble a melody. Jesus demonstrated his authority and the wind and waves responded in obedience to His word. When we walk in total obedience just as Jesus did here on Earth, we become an effectual part of the Kingdom operating in the same power and authority. Our lives will be holy praise, a sweet-smelling fragrance unto our Lord.

Scripture tells us that if we do not praise God, He will command the rocks to cry out. I do not want a rock to cry out in my place! The Lord has been too good to me and has brought me through some incredibly difficult circumstances. He IS forever faithful! So, my prayer today is to intentionally live each day in submission and obedience to God’s perfect plan for me, to be only who He created me to be so that He may be glorified in me!

Psalm 113:3 "From the rising of the sun to the going down of the same. The name of the Lord is to be praised!"

To God be all the glory!

Can Beauty Come Out of Ashes?

2018-07-01T19:12:00.025-04:00

Imagine for a moment being wrapped in total darkness. The smell of smoke from all that has been reduced to ashes lingers in the air. Simultaneously, you feel the heat of your surroundings and the coldness of isolation. Everything that once was is no longer. Imagine rummaging through the darkness trying to salvage anything of value. Frantically searching for something to cling to, anything with an inkling of security, you lose your footing as your very foundation crumbles under your feet. Life has spontaneously combusted. Suddenly, you have lost the sense of safety because everything that was secure and steady has now gone sideways. When complete devastation has become your reality, you sit head in hands with no audible words but crying out from the depths of your inner being. "God, help me!" How can something beautiful emerge from these gray, smoldering ashes?

God often gives us answers in the natural to things that occur in us either physically, emotionally, or spiritually. The volcano is an accurate representation of human character, behavior, and life experiences. Inside a volcano intense pressure causes earth plates to move and intense heat causes the volcanic rock to form. So, you have the repetitive scenario of intense heat and intense pressure, heat and pressure, heat and pressure, causing a sometimes-violent eruption spewing rocks, gas, and ash that destroys everything in its path. Volcanic activity can trigger floods, landslides, tsunamis, and forest fires.

Isn't that life sometimes? Things come our way in an almost domino effect. One incident seems to set off a chain of troublesome events. We've all heard and likely used the old clichés, "When it rains, it pours. If it's not one thing, it's another," and so on. Truly, this has been my story for nearly nine months. I felt trapped in the wearisome pattern of intense heat and intense pressure. Then one glorious day, I ran across this scripture in Isaiah and my spirit leaped within me! In chapter 66:9, our Father promises, "I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Nine fatiguing months of immense pressure comparable to labor pains would produce something new inside of me. Something beautiful would emerge from so much anguish.

Did you know, volcanic ash is full of elements and nutrients that regenerate the soil and often develop into some of the richest agricultural lands on the earth? Beautiful flowers spring forth in brilliant reds, yellows, and purples. Combined with other particles propelled into the atmosphere, ash creates brilliant sunsets all around the world. Volcanic activity reshaped landscapes and formed some of the most beautiful islands in Hawaii. So yes, dear friends, beauty can most definitely come from ashes.

Isaiah 61:3, "...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."

To God be the Glory!

A Letter To My Love on our Wedding Day

2016-06-17T08:55:00.002-04:00

You asked me once why I love you so much. There are so many reasons. New ones present themselves every day. So, I know I will be unable to recount them all here, but I wanted you to know how very much I love you!

My single-life journey began nearly 8 years ago and it has certainly been a long one to travel alone. I am thankful for this path because it has been one of growth and maturity, strength building and spiritual awakening, faith-building, and learning to rest in God's plan, one to toughen me up in some areas and to soften me in other areas. Along this strenuous journey, I found you.

You are a sturdy man with broad shoulders and macho-man muscles big enough to carry not just one, but three girls. A beautiful man with strong hands, a tender heart, and most importantly, a love for Jesus. You make me feel safe. Your love for my girls touches the depths of my soul and that quirky sense of humor keeps me laughing all the time. When I am with you, I feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, like the only woman in the world.

Every single day, I thank God for you. I look forward to many adventures together and the start of a new journey, our journey. My cup runneth over.

2 Chronicles 6:4, "Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, Who has fulfilled with His hands what He promised with His mouth..."

Weapons Will Form

2016-03-06T21:13:00.003-05:00

If you had to choose one word to describe yourself, what would it be? Only a few months ago, my word would have been gray. The same word used to describe ashes or overcast skies. I woke up with the new year realizing I had taken up residence in a perpetual state of nothingness. Merely existing. Barely walking, barely talking, barely breathing, no identity. I was melting into the gray walls of life. Going through the motions, but dying from the inside out.

Two failed marriages and a brief, yet destructive relationship later, my prayer was to not become entangled in another relationship, romantic or otherwise, that was not a divine connection. I prayed, do not let anyone cross my path lest you send them. For years, it seemed as though that prayer had been answered until I found myself at the end of another it-wasn't-what-it-seemed and how-could-I-be-so-blind misadventure. The shiny apple with a rotten core. This time instead of shouldering all the blame as was typical, I lashed out at the One who could have prevented the entire situation. He, who was supposed to be my protector and my defender, had surely failed me. The proverbial carrot dangled in my face and snatched away about the time I was finally letting my guard down felt like a very cruel joke at my expense. Years of struggling to keep my head above water in many areas of my life left me feeling betrayed, and quite frankly, forsaken by my Creator. Devastation draped itself around me. My entire faith foundation began crumbling to the point of questioning the existence of my risen Savior.

Many things transpired over the following weeks with several small aha! moments that helped me regain strength and equilibrium. My defenses began to lower as I attended church more often. During one such service, the choir was singing a familiar ballad about self-sacrificing, laying down every desire, every dream, every plan in exchange for God's ultimate plan. That was no problem for me to sing because we know God's plan is always greater than our own. However, I completely froze when we reached the verse that begins with, "Take my heart..." The words would not come out of my mouth. Reality moment. I had no problem trusting God with my life but trusting Him with my heart was another matter entirely. Indeed, there was much work to be done here.

Then, one glorious morning, my resurrection morning, there was a breakthrough! I nonchalantly opened Facebook and at the top of my newsfeed someone had shared a post by Marcus Stanley. A gem left for me by my Father. Such a simple statement. "Weapons will form, but they will not prosper." This comes from Isaiah 54:17 which is a scripture I quote nearly every morning in my prayers with the girls before dropping them at school. As you can imagine, it is a verse I know very well, and yet, I was completely missing the point. Uncontrollable tears streamed down my face. God had not betrayed me. He had not failed me. He is forever faithful, and He alone can be trusted with my heart. All of it.

Out of ignorance, we often pray what we think are humble, noble, or even righteous prayers that are contradictory to scripture or even to the very nature of God. As in my case, those naïve prayers were coming from a place of fear. Fear of hurt, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of making a mistake, fear of disappointment, and so on. The scripture is noticeably clear. Weapons will form. So, rather than praying for the weapons (problems, hardships, traps, etc.) not to form, we should pray for wisdom to recognize the calamitous agenda, discernment to identify the intended purpose for which it was sent, and the strength to not succumb, but rather to foil the enemy's plan against us.

Everything that comes our way ultimately has a divine purpose behind it. The life lessons, hardships, all-out attacks against us will work something in us, work something out of us, or strengthen our spiritual muscles, grow our faith, and heighten our level of trust. Be assured no matter how bad it seems, no matter how bleak your situation, or how gray your life has become, all things will be turned around for your good and the sun will come out on your circumstances. (Romans 8:28)

I leave you with the words of Jesus found in John 16:33, "In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Don't You Dare Give Up!

2015-12-14T20:23:00.003-05:00

Photo by: Timothy Eberly

Driving down the dark streets illuminated only by the occasional house covered in Christmas glow, thoughts swirling in a merciless pattern, Christian artist wailing ballads from the radio, with silent tears, emptiness enveloped me. My children chatting amongst themselves in the backseat were oblivious to the pain that was wrenching my inner being. If I can just hold it together until the innocents go to bed, then maybe I can pour out. So, mustering all my strength, I wandered through the evening busying myself with mindless tasks. Iron clothes for school, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, walk the dog. Finally, time to gather the kids, read the Bible, tuck them in after goodnight prayers. I closed the door to the quieted bedroom. My game face begins to crack as raw emotion flooded my being. Secret misgivings brought to light. Brutal honesty erupted from my mouth, "God, why would you do this to me?" Too many anti-Christ thoughts gushed out with such force my body trembled and ached. Dry heaves overtook retching sobs. A complete outpouring spiritually and physically. I was wrecked. Life became nothing more than long nights and cruel mornings.

Through a series of events I found myself sitting in a Wednesday night church service. I am not going to worship a God who did not protect me, I thought. At the end of the service, I bolted for the door and was headed home in a mad dash, but I returned on the following Sunday and have managed to go more. Each time, leaving a little better than I came. Do you want to know why? One by one, truth dispelled the lies bombarding my mind casting down those thoughts that would oppose the living God. More truth less lies. Reared in a Christian home, my faith has always been a vital part of my life. Having such perverse thoughts about the only One who has never failed me, terrified me. It scared me to death that I was capable of believing and actually speaking horrendous, fallacious statements.

Back in the car some days later, headed to another function with my babes, it startled me to find myself so slumped over my shoulders nearly rested on the steering wheel. The weight of all my circumstances had bent my posture to that of an osteoporosis-stricken, elderly woman. An image of a palm tree formed in my mind. Bending so far as to touch the ground yet swinging right back up to its original height stretching toward the heavens.

Immediately, I straightened my posture, rolled my shoulders back, and lifted my head in perfect alignment. Come hell or high water, destructive winds, or torrential rain, I may bend, but I will not break! I am reminded of Psalms 92:12, "The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree: he shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon."

By evil design, things may come our way to shake our faith, to make us deny the love of Christ, and even to question his existence. We must rely on the truth we know. So, friends, no matter the weight of your circumstances, no matter the depth of the pit or the degree of darkness you have found yourself in, I beg you to come out swinging! Matthew 11:12 tells us, "...the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force."

My dear friend said to me, "Don't you dare give up, woman." Those words have been echoed many times since that day. Now, let the same be true for you. Do not you dare give up. Hold on with everything you have, dig your heels in, and come out of your cornered position swinging Rocky-Balboa-style. You may fall the minute you pull yourself up but get up again and again and again until you remain fixed without wavering. Then, move in forward motion. You will walk out of those debilitating circumstances emerging stronger, wiser, and better than you ever were before. That, my friends, is a promise.

"Let us not grow weary or become discouraged in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap, if we do not give in."

Galatians 6:9

White Christmas

2015-12-07T10:00:00.002-05:00

photo by: freestocks

Ah, the Christmas season is upon us. The time of year where people are a little bit kinder, more compassionate, and even generosity peeks out from the pocket we have shoved it all year when our own needs, wants, and aspirations take priority. Alas, the holidays can also be bleak. Amidst all the festivities and throngs of people milling about the malls, grocery stores, parades, office parties, and grand church productions, loneliness creeps in and overtakes in a sneak attack. An indescribable emptiness brings consuming, tormenting thoughts that seep every ounce of joy from those things that usually bring smiles and makes everyday tasks feel insurmountable. Christmas movies have become more about falling in love and dreams coming true which only adds to the disappointment realized on January 1 when nothing magical took place for you.

This morning, thoughts collided forming something so beautiful in my mind as I heard the words, "white Christmas." Shift your focus from blankets of snow, warm fires, fuzzy socks, and hot chocolate. Imagine a gift not wrapped in bows, but in swaddling clothes. A love that is bigger than the little package born in a cold stable amongst filthy livestock. A baby sent to resurrect us from the grave. Visualize the tomb of disappointments, rejections, and loss opening with the stone being rolled away.

I challenge you to throw off the shame of barrenness, the shadow of lack, and the cloak of loneliness. Stand with arms opened wide, defenses down, and with a heart of humility turned toward heaven allow yourself to be washed clean, white as snow with the understanding that cleansing is not just from sin. A crimson flow removing the stench of those things that would mar you, flushing out the infection of past hurts, rejections, insecurities, or anything that handicaps you is as freeing as the redemption of sins. Deep wounds cleansed so healing takes place. Yes, sometimes the cleansing process stings. Sometimes, it is just painful. In the natural, the debridement of a wound is painful. So, it is with the debridement of a mindset or the debridement of a heart, but the results of total healing are far greater than the pain of the process.

Proverbs 31:21 states, "when it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet." Let us go a little deeper than the face value of this scripture. Envision a moment of desiring rather than fearing purification because you are clothed in the blood shed for you. Your lacerations covered, healed because of wounds inflicted on the Savior of the World.

Psalm 34:18 reminds us, "He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." For that, we should be ever grateful. Now, put on a garment of praise! Let this Christmas be one of redemption, resurrection, restoration, and the beginning of a beautiful romance with the only true lover of your soul. There is nothing more romantic than a man born to die for you. There is no greater love story. A life laid down to give me mine.

Luke 2:10-11 "...Fear not: for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord."