Perspectives

Stop Fighting, Start Being!

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Karlin) — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 13:24:00 +0000

Years ago, in my previous career, I learned a valuable lesson; to stop arguing my point and to just be as great as I could be.

When I was at McGill University, what seems like a lifetime ago, studying music performance, I was one of the very few women in Percussion. It was quite the rarity back in the late 60's and early 70's and a very difficult program to be accepted into. I practiced constantly so I could ace the audition. I had 12 years of piano under my belt by the time I was 16 and my keyboards were fabulous.

I was accepted into the program, however getting stage time was another story. You see, when I challenged my teacher on that and asked why I never seemed to get parts in the orchestra, jazz band or other ensembles, his response was, "You're a woman. You know you're going to get married and have kids and not make a career of this, so I'm going to give the parts to the guys who are more serious about their career. There are fewer jobs for percussion than most other instruments and I might as well weed out those who won't be serious about it at this stage rather than let them graduate and never get a job."

Yes, I have a temper and was going to argue with him. Instead, I asked him to partner with me doing sight reading duets on keyboards. He accepted as he needed practice as well. We booked a set time twice a week to play and when I consistently played him under the table, he started rethinking his stance.

I could have argued with him until the cows came home but decided that instead of arguing about not getting parts, I would be so good that it would be a no-brainer for him to give me a place on stage.

Eventually he didn't limit me to only keyboards and I was an equal participant on stage.

You can get angry, butt heads with someone because you feel you've been wronged, or, you can be as great as you can be. If you do the former, chances are they'll never change their position as people become very protective of their opinions and positions. If you do the latter, without rubbing their noses in it, and show gratitude for them helping you get better and better, there's a good chance they'll change their mind as they had a role in helping make you great and are happy to show that to the world.

Funnily enough, after I finished at McGill and moved away, I got a gig in the orchestra and other groups and loved every second of it. Being in a world-class orchestra had been my dream for as long as I can remember.

However my teacher's prophecy came true. I had to leave the orchestra to care for my newborn son who had mobility issues and a long, 19 year journey of surgery and rehab. Still, life guided me in the direction of what I'm doing now which is a gift beyond measure.

Fairly recently I had a long talk with my percussion teacher. It seems he'd been following my career in coaching psychology and was so proud of what I was doing. I'm glad we were able to have that conversation as he passed shortly after, but still, even now, I figure if I live my life from a perspective of personal integrity, I don't have to fight for what I believe is right. I live it. It's not always easy, but it's right.

Which One Are You?

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Karlin) — Tue, 25 Aug 2015 14:28:00 +0000

This morning I came across a wonderful narrative; the kind that coaches use to illustrate a point for a client, but one that really makes you think of the story you carry around with you and who you are as a result.

It really makes you think. It went something like this...

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Use this story, step back and think about a situation that comes to mind when you read it. Are you a victim of circumstance or can you keep your core values and be everything you can be in spite of it? If you were looking at someone else living through the same situation, how might you advise that person to be the coffee bean? What if you could be that bean?

Extraordinary Things in an Ordinary Day

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Karlin) — Thu, 20 Aug 2015 14:13:00 +0000

Years ago I came upon the book "Romancing the Ordinary: A Year of Simple Splendour" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. To quote Sarah, "I had discovered the miracle of the sacred in the ordinary." This book became a reality check for me. I read it every year and as it's laid out in a seasonal format, a great way to see whether or not the choices I'm making from day to day honour the gifts a so called ordinary day brings to me.

I remember years ago when my father was first diagnosed with cancer and was so overwhelmed, he wanted to disconnect and give up. I asked him and my mother as well, to let me know 5 extraordinary things in an ordinary day. I started doing that myself, quietly, silently, but paying attention to the people who come into my life by chance, to the learning that is unexpected and for the ways I can give back.

I also find I'm pushing myself to make choices I might not have made if I didn't ask myself, "If I do this, what might I experience or learn that I wouldn't any other way? What impact might this have?" A few days ago, my neighbour of 30 years passed away. I knew I could ring the bell and visit with the family at any time; they live 2 doors away, so really didn't need to go to the visitation. My day was jam packed to say the least but I had a one hour window where I could go to the funeral home and pay my respects. He was a beloved doctor in the city who had touched many, many lives so I knew the visitation would be busy and they wouldn't necessarily miss me if I didn't go. So I went.

If I hadn't gone, I would have missed amazing conversations and perspectives of my neighbour I would never have experienced any other way. They might not have missed me if I weren't there but they were so grateful that I was. I met his siblings and heard stories about him through them. I heard about their lives growing up on a farm and what happened with them and their kids over time.

It was a beautiful hour. I can still see the smiles on their faces as I shared some of how he had touched our lives over the years.

So every day I ask myself, "What extraordinary thing happened in an ordinary day?" and have decided to share them with you and ask that you do the same. I would love to hear what delighted you, surprised you, or gave you an inner smile if you'll share.

1. I reconnected with someone I haven't seen for 45 years since camp.

2. I wished my mother a fabulous day (she's a fabulous mom!).

3. I woke up to the love of my life (albeit at 3:30 am) which always gives me a smile, even if he's fast asleep and can't see it!

4. I took a half hour to sit outside under the trees listen to the birds, clear my head and consciously chose what to put my energy towards for the day.

5. Helped spread the word about my brother who is searching for meaningful work.

And one extra: Eagerly anticipating hearing from you about what's extraordinary in your ordinary day.

May it be a great one!

Waiting for Others to Help Us Get it Right

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Karlin) — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 17:43:00 +0000

I'm recently back from TEDWomen 2015, its theme Momentum. As always after one of these conference, my head is about to explode. Not only do I get a myriad of ideas for how to do my work differently or view situations and solutions differently but I connect people and ideas. That is one of my jobs when I'm at TED. I'm blessed to work with TED Fellows and one of the ways I can support them is to connect them with others who can help them more powerfully impact the planet.

Mia Birdsong, of the Family Independence Initiative made a statement that really resonated; "We can't wait for others to help us get it right." Something else she said which resonated was, "My humanity is inextricably caught up in yours".

We don't live life in silos. We don't work in silos. As much as one might want to feel they have a great deal of power in an organization and might hoard information...want to be in control, ultimately one person is intricately connected with another and so on and so on. If we don't listen to others, reflect on their wisdom, not believing we know more, that we are better or are more important, we will succeed. Everything we do, say, believe and share impacts someone else in some way shape or form.

Those who believe in the power of social connectedness do better than those who don't. Organizations that promote this way of being ultimately succeed.

Social capital gives companies momentum. How high is your organization's SC?

One Day I'll be Ready

noreply@blogger.com (Donna Karlin) — Thu, 09 Apr 2015 13:23:00 +0000

"One day I'll be ready..." I hear this statement every day from clients, friends or family. "I'll be ready for that vacation when..." One day I'll be ready to change my job" and so it goes.

If you're saying "One day I'll be ready" then you're already ready. It's not a matter of figuring out when that day will be. It's a matter of looking at what is standing in your way right now for taking the plunge, and seeing how you can remove those roadblocks. Most of all it's no longer listening to the voices in your head telling you that you don't measure up or that the realization of one's innermost dreams happens to others but not to you, a regular kinda person.

Achieving Mastery as an Executive Coach

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 09 Mar 2015 14:22:00 +0000

Learning the Shadow Coaching® technique differentiates a coach from a Master Coach. This becomes even more evident when I teach abroad, whether Brazil, Australia, or Italy. Coaches are becoming even more impatient than their clients to make a difference and adopt a methodology that is impactful, present and powerful.

Recognizing the essence of the conversation with a client and understanding how to ask the question that will illuminate exactly what they need to focus on in the moment is where Shadow Coaching® training beings.

As our clients become more and more demanding and their lifestyles are increasingly chaotic, they are going to expect us to have the set of skills that schools hadn’t been teaching until now. That was evident when two practitioners from EcoSocial in Brazil came to check me and my methodology out when I was teaching in Boston. Two hours or so into the class, they walked up to me and said “You will be coming to Brazil to teach”. I looked at them and said “Oh really?” to which they replied,

“Definitely”.

The rest is history. Just short of a year later, I was standing in front of 35 master level practitioners eager to dive into the unknown. The level of respect and openness from them was second to none. Not only did they absorb whatever I threw their way, but they questioned, challenged, integrated and starting figuring out how they would approach their current clients with a new way forward. This group just got it. They saw the value of going much deeper with their clients and how that could bring forth dramatic shifts and change.

In the executive realm we need to speed up to their lifestyles while we get them through clarity and awareness to the point of what I call slowing down to the speed of life instead of reacting to whatever comes their way. It’s also going deeper with the client without wading through traditional ways of assessment and the self-discovery process that might take years. This is not therapy although we look at ‘programs’ and behavioural drivers.

I feel we need to take the industry of coaching that one step further way beyond the “box”.

The reason I am teaching my model is because I feel it’s important for a Coach to walk into a person’s total life or business and be able to see the central truths of ‘what is’ within an hour….not days, weeks, or months.

I believe it's possible to give the kind of quality work where we're simply incredibly aware and in tune with all that's happening or at least the critical elements of what is happening that may not appear in any textbook or in any traditional measurement device. I think as coaches we can devise what these measures are.

The role of a Shadow Coach is to be able to go and recognize the intangibles that won’t show up in any reports, either financial or managerial or for that matter, performance reports. There are too many things going on behind the scenes to be measure on a balance sheet.

Traditional coaching delves into the client’s present awareness. The Shadow Coach goes way beyond that level into what the client doesn’t see, i.e. the client becoming aware of skills, behavioural patterns, Shadows (Jungian) and cultural tethers.

Shadows give suggestions in the form of questions. For example, “Forget time management for a moment. What would your life look like if you eliminated delay? How do you respect yourself in relation to time?” How do you see them as different?

We are an accelerant or a catalyst.

We immerse ourselves into the moment completely like a diagnostician, using all the technology and all the experience to get to the bottom of things, not just treat symptoms. We've got to bring everything together and be able to sum up the past, the present, the future for that client as quickly as possible to generate that accelerant, to get them there so much quicker, because people are demanding that. They want it now. They don't want to wait any longer.

We basically help them understand themselves at a much faster rate versus the self-discovery process that can take years to find things out about themselves. They have plenty of time to discover things on their own but for me I want to make sure they get it and get it fast so they can move on to what they hired me to do.

I believe that clients are unwilling to take the time it used to take to solve their problems or to make the changes even in an organization. So people are dissatisfied with the delay and are looking for ways to shorten it. As well, I personally believe that awareness is curative, that it's not just the prescription or a Band-Aid that cures but it's the awareness of something that cures. So part of what we're doing is increasing awareness with our discernment and with our sharing and language. That, plus the strategy one might offer, plus the insights or the simple ways we phrase what we're observing can actually, overnight, make changes that might have taken three or four years to implement in more traditional methods .

It was an honour to teach this group of amazing individuals who, not only realised this, but who were eager to absorb ways of applying this method, not sometime in the future, but immediately.

I look forward to my next class in Milan, Italy and to go back to Brazil in the near future!

Mindful

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 07 Aug 2014 04:30:00 +0000

Recently I was asked how I define Mindful. I had written a piece about it way back when and decided to revisit it...

Mindful….being present….living right now in this moment, not clouding it with what was or what might be. It’s being in tune with what’s happening and our place within that moment in time. It’s awareness at its best because it’s not clouded with judgment, expectations or assumptions. It just is. And because you’re totally present in that moment in time, you are free of the burdens of the past and the ‘what might be’ in the future. You can observe, accept, …..move on. And because you’re totally aware, leaving the emotional and intellectual baggage behind, you can be free to think of possibilities, have the mental space to create new ideas and grow within your life.

Being mindful, as a client described to me, was watching me be like a huge rock in the center of a fast moving river. The water is hitting it from all angles, but the rock remains calm, steadfast. Being mindful within a chaotic moment is a way for you to create mental space within which you can create, grow as an individual and be open to whatever it is that comes your way.

It gives you a balance between what is happening and what you’re doing within that event. There is no good, no bad, just the truth of the moment. It transcends you.

You are mindful when you no longer identify with emotion or feeling. You are no longer afraid, confident or outlandish. You are a person who is experiencing those feelings right then. You are not at one with them. You are more than each emotion. Mindfulness is a part of life, work, personal, all parts of your life. When you are open to all that is around you, you grow in leaps and bounds and learn without filters. And in experiencing each moment in time, you free yourself up to invent your future, one day at a time.

The first step is in eliminating the ‘whens’. I will be happy when….. I will be content when…… I will no longer be afraid when….. When emotions are conditional upon what might happen one day, you will not be truly alive in the present. That day in the future begins right now.

Wisest Advice Shared and Three Cents of my Own

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 17:55:00 +0000

“The single raindrop never feels responsible for the flood.” If you’re taking part in something bigger than yourself that has detrimental impact, whether spreading gossip or not stopping others from spreading it, or, not “getting involved” when you see something happen that is terrible, you are responsible whether or not you like it.

“Remember, you’re just a walk on part in everyone else’s play.” You might believe you’re the most important person in the world, or you might think your opinions are the ones that should be heard and followed, but you aren’t the end all and be all in anyone else’s life other than your own.

“Stop looking around for the right person and try to BE the right person.” You get back what you “are”.

“Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” (No more needs to be said on this one.)

A reputation takes years to build and only seconds to destroy. Don’t ever, EVER let anyone in any way negatively impact your reputation. You are your word.

By living, there’s a risk of dying. If you don’t risk then you’re not living. It’s an existence.

“Call your mom.” Hey, as a mom I love this one!

You can judge the character of a person by how they treat people in the service industry.

Being old and being a grown-up are two different things.

Our lives are short but the things we can do within that time are infinite. The thing is, the more you put things off for “another time” or “later” the less you’ll do, the less you’ll be.

Everyone in this world, no matter where they come from and what they do, knows something about life and living that you don’t know. Find out what that is.

Always keep your promises. If you can’t make them happen, then don’t promise in the first place. Broken promises beget broken trust.

What do you want your legacy to be?

Who Do You Need to Know That You Don't Know?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 13:52:00 +0000

In all my work with clients, whether in turbulent situations, corporate settings or in the lecture hall, I ask the same reality check questions "Who do you need to know that you don't know?" and "What do you need to know that you don't know?" You know what you know. You know many people, but do you know what they know? How often do you sit around the table when a long time friend comes out with something and you turn, dumbfounded, because they shared something you didn't know of them?

Successful leaders don't know it all; they know who their go-to people are for what they do need to know. The more expansive your network is, the more thought partners you have access to. The world isn't slowing down any time soon and we can't be expected to keep up to its pace. It's even more critical that leaders align with people outside their immediate realm so they have access to a breadth and depth of knowledge and experience they need in order to lead.

But how can we grow the leaders of the future? In most cases, the traditional education model will not prepare them for thinking on their feet, nor for how fast the world is evolving through innovation and technology. Therefore some of the fundamentals have to change. Years ago, I was driving with my son and talking about just that. What he said to me stays with me for this day which was, "The traditional education system is failing not because of bad teachers, bad kids or low standards but because the content is not interesting and the environment isn't stimulating, but the rest of the world is. The educational model as we know it has lost its relevance. People learn more in online communities. The physical environment is too structured and doesn't allow for individuality".

Well, that's being addressed, I'm happy to say. Enter TED-Ed, Lessons Worth Sharing. Users can take any educational video as well as a TED video and easily create a customized lesson with it. Now there are TED-ED clubs, school-based programs that supports students in discussing, pursuing and presenting their big ideas in the form of short TED-style talks. Many of my clients now invite their staff to share a favorite TED talk and then discuss why they shared it and what the learning was.

Today, I'm happy to say, I read a position paper from the British Columbia Ministry of Education on their Curriculum Transformation Plans where they state "The current curriculum has too many objectives to cover and with so many objectives it can in some ways restrict student learning. Moreover, its highly prescriptive nature puts it at odds with the vision of a more personalized learning experience. With the improved curriculum, students will have increased opportunities to gain the essential learning and life skills necessary to live and work successfully in a complex, interconnected, and rapidly changing world. Students will focus on acquiring skills to help them use knowledge critically and creatively, to solve problems ethically and collaboratively, and to make the decisions necessary to succeed in our increasingly globalized world."

This is exciting! It's time leaders enabled their people to learn, share, create strong thought partnerships and evolve all those around them. For parents and teachers, it's about helping the next wave of leaders-to-be learn, and integrate the learning every day and to use the outside world as the global classroom it can be. You want to have a sense of where your kids are heading in the future? Bring back those dinner table discussions around something that blew you away that day and ask them to share the same. Watch a TED talk with them and then discuss it. Invite them to embrace curiosity and inquiry. We will never know all we need to know which opens the door to global relationships, to percolate on and design what we need to build a strong future.

Disconnecting

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 07 Jan 2014 13:08:00 +0000

This post brings a different slant to what I usually write. I'm all for connecting, networking, having global conversations and sharing my perspectives. I also usually write a new year's letter sharing all that happened in the past year with my intentions for the year to come. However this year I disconnected instead.

For a while I felt guilty about not writing my letter and then came to the conclusion that those people in my life, who are interested in my life, already know what I've been up to. So I disconnected. I didn't post on Facebook, barely looked at LinkedIn unless I got a direct email through there. I didn't respond to work emails and didn't do all the administrivia I usually do at the end of the year.

And you know what? The world was still there on January 2nd! What a concept!

This morning someone I greatly respect shared an article with me and I was mentally whooping and hollering "YES!" Someone else did that as well! It's an amazing post which I'll share with you called Logging Off by Kevin Conroy Smith. In my mind, he really does have 'A Better Perspective'. I am reminding myself why I used that phrase as my company identity. When I was naming my company and was going to call it "A New Perspective", a dear friend told me that sometimes the old ways are better. That conversation comes to mind more times than I can count.

Kevin's post brings it all full circle. In being so connected, we're disconnecting from life. So instead of posting everything I was doing, I just did it. Instead of sitting with my tablet or laptop, I shared life with my life partner. We puzzled, watched movies, went shopping, saw family and friends and cooked great meals. That is what connecting is all about.

Wishing you a year filled with connections, relationship, fulfillment and a better perspective on life.

The Most Powerful Leadership Position of All: Parenthood

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 26 Jul 2013 17:37:00 +0000

A friend's daughter posted a link to this Huffington Post article on Facebook and I knew I had to write about it. It's called The Sweet Spot by Julianna Miner.

So many memories came to mind as I read it, a sweeter spot for me as it's my mother's 85th birthday today. And when I say 85, that's 85 years young. I do want to be her when I grow up.

The article brought smiles and tears...memories of when my son was young. We did so much together back then. We were closer than close. When he moved out to go away to school my friends and family were worried that it would be really hard for me. Then puzzled because it wasn't. When they asked me to tell them the truth about how I felt, my answer was a simple one. "He is exactly where he should be...finding his life and his way within it." He has and so have I.

Last night we were on a call with him and his wife, both sides on speaker phone so we could all hear and discuss what we were going to do for my mom's birthday. Of course we got off topic and joked, teased and laughed. It was the greatest conference call I ever had.

Which got me thinking...the most important leadership job we could take on is parenting. Our kids watch what we do more than pay attention to what we say. My mother can attest to that. She always told me I would look at her intently when she told me something and then would do what I wanted. I'm grinning now just thinking about it. The thing is, my parents taught me what I needed to know so I could make decisions. They enabled me every step of the way and when they didn't understand something, they looked at it from my perspective and then supported me in trying it out.

Is it any wonder I do what I do?

I am in my sweet spot being surrounded by amazing people. And as we all grow through life, I know I have to pay attention to how it all comes together; work, home, learning, experiencing, and how I share it all. And tomorrow, when we celebrate my mother's birthday, I think I'd love to sit around and share stories, memories, wishes and dreams and then figure out how to make them happen.

As Julianna says "If raising children is like baseball or swimming, getting it right must be a cocktail of luck, faith, and showing up every day to do the work. And of course, never quitting (even when it all seems like a hopeless goat rodeo). And if you do it well, they won't just leave you. When they go, they will soar away. And all you can hope is that you set them up TO BE COMPLETELY AWESOME."

Thanks for the reminder, Julianna!

Leadership Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 11:17:00 +0000

I've been in discussions with many people of late on the topic of leadership; role vs. way of being, competencies, performance appraisals and every other perspective you can imagine.

I'll be part of a panel of leaders to discuss Understanding the DNA of a Good Leader at the DPI conference in May and was thinking about the approach I'd like to take to really dive into this conversation with participants.

This morning's Leading Blog post on Avoiding the "Mediocre Me" Mindset is one great perspective to discuss with the panel. What we do as coaches is help people shift their thinking about how they do what they do, why they do what they do and how they show up to the world in the process.

It's about being reflective, a self-observer to synthesize and process experiences as they emerge rather than worry about performance, what people think and how you are perceived by the masses. In other words, how can you let go of the need to please and impress people to cultivate your authentic self?

Thought Leaders

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 15:43:00 +0000

I am thrilled to spread the word about John Spence, (Chapter 1 in my book Leaders: Their Stories, Their Words) who was named as one of the top 100 thought leaders in trustworthy business behavior for 2013 by Trust Across America! Read on...

I first 'met' John Spence years ago when we were co-authoring a blog with other leaders from many parts of the world. He is not only insightful, knowledgeable and authentic but a human-based leader in every sense. He looks well beyond the bottom line and works with his clients to lead joyful and fulfilled, not to mention successful lives.

To quote John "Very few people have someone from the outside to be there for them, who’s there 100% for them. Let me help you, let me serve you, let me do whatever it is I can do to assist you." That's John in a nutshell. He has your back, helps you see beyond what you're currently seeing and turns people's and organization's worlds right-side up.

I'm at the stage of my career where I want to be teaching whatever I can to those willing and eager enough to learn. Through the teaching I in turn learn and so the circle continues. I'll have more to share with clients and continuously create the shifts in my life that I need to be making. How are you keeping your knowledge fresh, current, and relevant? We live in a world that is never static, therefore we have to continue to dance in real time with our worlds as they unfold.

When you start getting comfortable with your work, start questioning what you don't know, partner with others to stretch you, have those percolating conversations until you're back to uncomfortable. That's when you'll be truly dancing.

Meetings Generating More Meetings?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 01:57:00 +0000

When was the last time you took a good look at why you're holding meetings? Walk into the meeting and state your intention and desired outcome. Then, periodically through the meeting, revisit both to make sure you're getting what you need. If not, redirect or adjourn it. Stating your desired outcomes shifts you to working smarter, faster and better.

Time is your most precious commodity. Don't waste it for you and others.

Cultivating Authenticity

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 12:59:00 +0000

I hear so many people tell me they want to be taken seriously and viewed as a strong leader. If you try to please the world and be the end all and be all to everyone, people are going to start to wonder about who the true you is and you know how you feel when that happens to you. It starts to erode trust.

Are you willing to let go of what other people think? My motto is "What someone else thinks of me is none of my business, It's theirs.

The Gift of Laurier LaPierre

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:38:00 +0000

I'm sitting here with memories of Laurier running through my mind, as I'm sure is the same for so many others right now. All bring me a smile, make me laugh or shake my head in wonder. I remember sitting with Laurier and Harvey at a friend's birthday party (pre Ray) when Laurier turned to my date and told him he was an idiot for not appreciating me enough. That made for an interesting rest of the evening! Still, I found myself gravitating back to the two of them as the conversations weren't anywhere near as fascinating with anyone else. That was what it was like being in their company. Never enough time with them…always treasured moments.

Sitting with Laurier in his living room in conversation to capture for my book, we bantered, conversed, laughed and cried while the dog sat between us, looking back and forth at us, perplexed as if he understood every word. I wish I could have captured the spectrum of emotion for you in Laurier's voice as much as his words. No one loved our country as much as he did. And he let us know it through every word and action.

Having them over for dinner and seeing my kids and family touched by his magic was a gift beyond measure. I am so glad they had a chance to get to know him, even a bit.

Harvey and Laurier were generous enough to have a dinner party in honour of the launch of my book. At one point I found myself sitting next to Laurier. He insisted I do a reading for the group. Of course I picked the piece about him, to which Laurier kept stopping me until I would choose someone else. He teased me and taunted me until I couldn't think straight never mind read! One of the guests turned to me and said "He must really love you. I've never seen him tease anyone like this ever!" That too stayed with me. I think my whole being was smiling at that point.

Last year I made a cake for them for the holidays. This cake is present at all our family functions; holidays, birthdays, and impromtu get-togethers. Harvey was only worried that Laurier would find it in the freezer and start munching on it before the family gathering so was trying to figure out the best time for me to bring it over. I walked into their kitchen with the cake and another small wrapped package. Laurier was about to commandeer the cake before it hit the freezer, but instead, I gave him the small wrapped package. I had made him his own personal loaf which I told him I'd only give him if he'd leave the big one alone at least until the family dinner.

As the cake issue was settled, we dove into conversations about friendships and what that means, who was a true friend and who really wasn't, family, holidays, politics and everything else under the sun.

Those times were precious. Never enough. But when you're lucky enough to have known someone like Laurier, could there ever be enough time?

I'll leave you with some of Laurier's words of wisdom. I asked Laurier "What message do you want to give to the next wave of leaders in Canada? What spark do you want to light in them?" to which he replied:

"Be more conscious of our freedom in this country. Get to know people. Travel, first in our country, then through the world. Get to know Canadians. We may not have fought as many wars as other countries, but in the ones we did fight, no one has ever denied our courage. We are great conciliators. A fundamental flaw is our own people don’t know this country. They only know their region. They go to the U.S. and travel before they’ll travel in Canada. Go to Nunavut. Get to know the people who live in the snow. Watch Canadian programs! Write more.

We are the first country to believe in diversity. The question of language is no longer necessary. Get to know people's souls. It's in their art and literature. Learn languages. Travel. I want the people of my country to know the stories of my country. Look at human courage. Education is more than knowledge…it's an instrument of discussion. Know what makes our country be right now. Connect with people. We used to have pen pals. Now, through technology, it's even easier. Use technology that is available to you to be better human beings. Better human beings make a better world. Ultimately, if you fail, you will be the generation of the greatest failure in the history of mankind." (Excerpt from Leaders: Their Stories, Their Words - Conversations with Human-Based Leaders.)

I didn't have a chance to say it before, but thank you, Laurier, for all you've brought to my life. Be at peace. You'll be in our hearts forever.

They Have Our Backs, Who Has Theirs?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 13:22:00 +0000

It recently came to my attention that the Canadian Forces and their families are dealing with some devastating issues with regards to Home Equity Assistance (HEA) due to relocation for their jobs. Systemic HEA denial has cost these families dearly in every aspect of their lives.

They have our backs. Who has theirs? This community has reached out to ask Canadians for their support. Please help them spread the word as, if you're like me, someone who is not in the military but one who is grateful to live in this amazing country, you had no idea that this was going on either.

In the words of one family (of many) who are affected (and let me add that it took a great deal of courage to speak out):

After over three years, I am speaking out about some very significant issues facing Canadian Forces families upon relocation, ours being one of the more significantly affected. To date,a systemic denial of 100% HEA entitlements has cost families out of pocket and continues to keep them in the red each month.

Systemic HEA denial has cost families their relationships, bankruptcy, careers, health, quality of life and welfare. I would encourage anyone to read into this group and involve yourselves in the upcoming debate in the House of Commons on Tuesday, 27 Nov 2012 by contacting your MP. I have started this discussion group so that ensuing discussions can be an informed one.

To put this into context, since having our first child (12 years ago) we have relocated five times. Our single income family has lost over $200,000 due to the blanket denial of Home Equity Assistance entitlement during our last relocation. As for other CF families, between 2007-2010 there were 149 applications for HEA and ALL OF THEM WERE DENIED by Treasury Board Secretariat.

This has left our family doing without, our retirements savings gone, significant debts and exhausting the redress system. The only option left now is a Judicial Review costing tens of thousands of dollars, and even that does not provide a solution, but opens the door for a class action. Members in our situation do not have money to pay a legal team and are therefore denied justice.

Should our Canadian Forces soldiers be forced to wait 3+ years, take the Government of Canada to Federal Court and sell off their assets in order to get an "entitlement"? That's exactly what had to happen with the SISIP clawback lawsuit recently. Surely, there must be some accountability for TBS decision making process.

I know that after almost three and a half years of patiently applying for and grieving our entitlement decision, I have little left to sell, and am therefore out of time. I am not willing to declare bankruptcy for an issue which is clearly identified and supported by the Chief of Defence Staff, the Canadian Forces Ombudsman and the Canadian Forces Grievance Authority. All of whom are supportive, but have no authority to provide relief.

24 years of service in my situation equates to an unsustainable financial situation. If people knew what we have had to do to survive these last three years, they would be horrified. This is only one family's case.

After 24 years of service, having to take on the Treasury Board in Federal Court, at a cost of tens of thousands of dollars, to obtain an entitlement is not "supporting our troops".

I have taken on this issue on behalf of many, many soldiers and their families. Knowing full well the effects of suffering huge financial burdens, the effects on health, career, family, opportunity and relationships.

I encourage your assistance in passing the word and engaging this discussion in a public forum. Please help us. Share your opinion and support with your Member of Parliament.

The Essence of Great Leadership

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 13:58:00 +0000

Some leaders can have a meeting or retreat with their executive team over an eight hour period and basically give a state of affairs of that organization, what strategies they believe are key to the success of the organization and of what to improve and how. And yet they don't look at the critical pieces to this puzzle which are the people who will be implementing the change and how.

"Leadership for today's world requires enlarging one's capacity to see the whole board as in a chess match - to see the complex, often volatile interdependence among the multiple systems that constitute the new commons." - Leadership Can be Taught, by Sharon Daloz Parks

Great leaders play chess rather than checkers with their people. They understand that all the pieces move differently, that people aren't motivated by the same things, or learn in the same way. Great leaders discover what is unique about each person and capitalize on it. They must play a unique role. to rally people toward a better future. They instigate. They are driven by their compulsion for a better future and do everything in their power to get other people to come together to make this future come true.

By definition they’ll be successful in leading only when they find a way to make many people, regardless of each person's uniqueness, excited by and confident in this better, shared future. That is the essence of great leadership.

The Power of One

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 12:11:00 +0000

I love Seth Godin's blog this morning The Power of One a Day. I can't tell you how many people ask me how they can market themselves, their work or an idea and look at their marketing plan as this huge entity that, even in concept, is overwhelming. Because it's so big, they park it and just get on with their every day lives and what they've always done. They don't do what they have to do, even what step at a time, to be remarkable.

I maintain that life can be complex but doesn't have to be overly complicated. Seth's post is a perfect example of that.

Before you go diving in and doing everything on Seth's list, I'll ask you to answer a few questions for yourself. First of all, what are you really great at? It's much easier to market yourself and your work if you're brilliant at it and others can see that you are.

Start there.

Secondly who don't you know who you need to know? Start meeting and having those percolating conversations with people who will 'grow' you and your way of thinking and vise versa. Lastly, what don't you know that you need to know? Make everything you do a learning and growth experience for you and those you interact with.

Now go build your mountain. Get ready. It's going to be HUGE!

Work / Life Balance is a Myth

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 13:53:00 +0000

Work / life balance, in reality, is a myth. To believe we can balance our work and life to the "nth" degree so that everything fits perfectly in its place assumes that life is controllable and static, at least long enough to control it. Nor does it take into consideration all the external factors at play which we have no control of.

Years ago one of the lead performers for the Cirque du Soleil was asked how he can keep his balance. His answer, which definitely applies to this was, "I don't keep my balance and stay still. I'm constantly readjusting".

To have any sort of a balanced life we have to learn to dance in real time with whatever comes our way. That's what keeps us resilient, readjusting and being able to stay psychologically balanced no matter what.

What Do You Suck At?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 13:50:00 +0000

Danielle LaPorte asked the burning question "What do you suck at?" A GREAT question!

For me there are a few answers. I'll get the ball rolling and ask you to throw in your three cents as well....

I suck at accepting praise. When someone compliments me, I give them every reason in the book as to why "it" happened but I'm not a part of the equation. I have to learn to say thank you.

I'm horrible at delegating. I eliminate delay in all its forms (whenever possible) so have a hard time waiting for someone to get something done.

I'll add to this over time.

I live by "When at first you don't succeed, try something you've already been successful at and become masterful at it". That frees up others to step up and show their mastery in areas where I suck. Thus a great partnership or team is formed!

What do you suck at?

What Does Your Picture Look Like?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 13:20:00 +0000

Life is a puzzle. How you put the pieces together will paint what your life's picture will look like. What pieces are missing? How do you find them and complete the picture?

I was reading Peter Bregman's piece this morning about "Who Are You Really Mad At?" How we treat others is a huge puzzle piece and creates a ripple effect for how others will do the same and whether or not we'll be viewed (and treated) with respect.

A part of that are the questions "Are you living your own story or one that others have of you? Are you living the life others think you should be living or one of your own choosing?" Answer the question and then put those puzzle pieces together.

Getting Out of Your Own Way

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 17 May 2012 13:34:00 +0000

I'm just back from speaking at the International Congress of Coaching Psychology in Sydney Australia, To say it was an extraordinary experience is an understatement. In the sharing and teaching I learned many things, which is, for me, the beauty of teaching; not only to share what I know and do but to see how it's absorbed, viewed and how people might integrate what they learned into their current practices.

This was probably the most advanced group I've ever worked with. What occurred to me, and I believe is relevant for leaders, teachers, professionals in the human systems realm and all others who help people grow for a living was how so many extraordinary people hold themselves back from being remarkable.

So I asked just that question. "In what way are you standing in your own way of being remarkable?" Some had a difficult time embracing the label remarkable in any way. When we dove into that question, the subsequent ones that came to mind (and were asked) were "If you're stopping yourself from shining, why in the world would any of your clients believe that you can see it in them? How are you modeling what you strive to do with others?"

It's not about ego or conceit. It's about allowing yourself to do everything in your power to make a difference.

Many practitioners need a script or a framework within which to work with their clients, staff, students, whoever your target audience is. I maintain that in order to do our best work, we need to get out of our framework and enter theirs to understand where they are to see their capacity and potential. It's working from within their story, not yours.

Are you getting in your own way of being remarkable? What would the global impact be if all the extraordinary people we know (or heard about) held themselves back?

What's Your Excuse?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 16:43:00 +0000

Great leaders don't look for excuses why they can't do things; they look for all the possibilities that will support their goals and dreams and those of their staff. Here's a great video to remind us of just that.

What "reasons" do you have to let go of?

John Spence Speaks on "The Most Important Thing I Have Ever Learned"

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 19:11:00 +0000

John Spence is a Human-Based Leader extraordinaire. It's not only what he says and does...it's the core of who he is. His story in my book in Leaders, Their Stories, Their Words has inspired people around the world.

This TED talk is yet another indication of he not only turned his life around but how he deeply and profoundly impacts people in a myriad of ways. It's an honor and privilege to know him.