Ranting and Raving, Saskatchewan Style

I've moved!

2014-04-07T12:21:00.001-05:00

I wanted to give everyone the heads up that I have moved my blog. You can find all the old stuff as I was able to import it all. Please look it up and follow along. Have a great day!
http://randrsaskstyle.com/

100 days of happy...Really?

2014-03-24T20:55:00.001-05:00

Well it's a good thing that my 100 days of happy don't start until tomorrow.

http://www.100happydays.com

Because today -not so good.

This is my arm today. I've stopped caring what the kids think.

Remember the hives last week...

The DR told me to stop taking the anti seizure pills last week when I got hives.

I had to wait until the hives got completely better. And then I had to start taking the pills again. (Torture, I swear!) So today I took the pill again. I took it at 10 am this morning. And by five, I looked like this. One pill, one time. God, its like getting pregnant, it only takes once. Insert several swear words here.

I have been getting sicker for about a week now. Feeling like I did in the fall. Dizzy, nauseous, overall achey, really tired and sick. And then it is really hard to get out of bed. So I try not to. And now I look pretty gross again so I won't be leaving the house anytime soon.

I have ordered a Lyme disease test out of California last week in order to rule out that as well. Canada only tests for one strain and there are actually four. A lot of the symptoms really add up, especially the ones that the DR's don't really want to listen to or brush off with a different diagnoses or blame on my age. So we will see.

I will keep you all posted. For now I am going to have an oatmeal and lavender bath. Then I will slather up with more lavender and lay under a blanket and try not to move. If by chance you want to get some lavander feel free to follow the Young Living link up at the top of the page. I love it and you never know when you will get hives twice in two weeks. It happens, like pregnancy. Even after jumping jacks...too far...yeah too far...sorry my bitterness this evening is seeping out. I better go.

Thank you all for reading and more importantly for caring.

Amazed and Blessed: What I wish I could have said

2014-03-23T10:05:00.001-05:00

Amazed and Blessed: What I wish I could have said: (I had my speech ready but was too sick to actually go and deliver it this evening. This is what I would have said.) Good Evening Everybody...

Chemical Laden Babies-Say it ain't so!

2014-03-21T12:57:00.001-05:00

This is how ranchers move cattle. With horses or ATV's, dogs and usually their families.

I have been thinking a lot lately about healthy eating lately. And I have been watching A LOT of TV. So there is definitely conflicting data (and I use that term loosely) of what is good and what isn't. I have to say that the ones that show the babies really bugs me. I am not in the business of calling out baby food companies so they will go unnamed. But I will say this. It doesn't seem right. I can choose, babies can't.

Here is what I know. Potatoes are potatoes. I mean real potatoes. Not instant. I mean potatoes that you peel, cook, add butter and milk to and mash. I personally think they are good for kids to eat. And they are cheap. Like 20 lbs for six bucks cheap. There are a huge amount of vegetables and other food that kids can eat, even as babies, that are good for them.

My kids only ate baby food from a jar for a couple months and only ate that when I needed to give them something on the fly especially when we were travelling. My kids ate scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes and gravy, cottage cheese, you get the picture. They not only survived but grew up healthy and strong. One hundred years ago, toddlers lived on table food. ONLY! And babies lived on boobs. It's true! Hard to believe, I know but true.

We need to start questioning our purchases more. Do we really believe that we need to give our babies drinks or food filled with sugar, corn syrup and salt? Our children just need to eat what we eat. Period. Now if you don't think what you eat is good enough for a baby, you have a different problem. And what, pray tell, did said baby eat whilst in the womb? Delivery? Take out?

Do you realize that these commercials start with words like "Worried they aren't getting enough..." "Picky eaters..." Do you know why baby food advertisement's do this? To make you buy their product. To make you doubt yourself and then buy their product. TV ads are incredibly expensive. So is farming. Farmers spend their money buying land, seed and equipment to grow potatoes for you to eat. They don't have very much money left to try to convince you to feed your kids potatoes. They have to trust that you will want to do that on your own.

But wait you say, "I don't want to feed my kids chemical! They spray those potatoes in the field and on their way to the store. My baby will be filled with chemicals." Yeah because there are no chemicals in these types of foods. (insert sarcastic eye roll here.) I'm just saying there is a whole list of things that are in store bought toddler meals. I don't even know what they all are but I know that in a bag of potatoes the ingredients are "potatoes" And if you don't want to risk chemicals or spray, eat organic. And if you want to be sure, grow your own.

Do you want to eat beef? Call a rancher. They all know their animals. And I am not talking a big feedlot. I am talking about a rancher. A guy who calves out his own cows, checks his cattle himself, that remembers what each calf looks like and from sight will know which bull it's off of, even if it's the neighbours. A rancher that runs his own herd and doesn't use steroids or growth hormones. There are lots of them out there. A good rancher will be able to sell you a beef that has never had a shot of antibiotics even. From farm to fork not enough, so how about conception to fork? Does that seem like enough? How about two or three generations back? Is that enough?

We all vote with our dollars. Use yours to vote in the way that you value. You have not heard the last of my ranting and raving about food, where it comes from and what we need to know about it. We all need real food. Real food. We need only real things in our life, relationships, people, and food. Today vote with your dollars. Vote real!

My week, month, year

2014-03-15T14:40:00.000-05:00

So I am going to tell you all about my week. But in order to really capture it I need to take you all on a short look back.
I will sum it up for you all as to the best of my memory. Just the high points.

March 21, 2013, I woke up with a pain in my hip.
March 23-Ladies Night Out spring auction
April 30- Finally went to DR. Thought the pain would go away.
May-XRays
May 13-told that I have the beginning of bone degeneration and a raised ANA levels. That this could be rheumatoid arthritis. Referred to rheumatologist. I went into survival mode. Started planning how life would be now. Pain started spreading throughout my body. Ankles and hips became the worst.
June- Rheumatologist.
July-Bone scan and Rheumatologist the beginning of twitching in my left hand
August-The pain had worsened steadily and was beginning to overwhelm me. First visit to hospital because I was stumbling into things, dizzy, brain fog. One MRI
September-week in hospital, spinal tap, celebrex, they took me off of my migraine pills for the time in the hospital, unbelievable migraines, throwing up several times daily, finally refusing celebrex on day 4, left hospital with low dose of amitryptilyne that didn't work even with an increased dose, could no longer work, 2 more MRI's. Worsening tremors.
October-fairly certain I was going to die. I wish I was kidding. More appointments, sick everyday. Could hardly stand. If I had someone stop by, I slept for days after. EEG's etc. Tremors turning to a convulsion type episode.
November-change of pills. slowly started to regain some strength, more appointments. Because my tests showed nothing, no DR is willing to treat me for anything. All they did was manage my pain. Started Lyrica. Finally some relief of the pain.
Dec 18-EMG in Saskatoon. Painful test. DR lost original transcripts. As best as he remembered 3 months later, anyways. After I called 3 times for test results. SAD!
January-No DR would see me until results of EMG. See above. I also got psoriasis on my hand and on my legs. I got large itchy sores.

This is not me. My kids refused to allow
me to put my picture on my blog.

Not Cool.
Feb 28. Neurologist appointment. Said he still didn't have test results from EMG. See Above. However he was willing to try one more thing. He thought that maybe I had something called PKD.
He put me on anti seizure medication. This medication was supposed to stop the tremors. If it worked that would mean that I had PKD. And it also left the second diagnosis of fibromyalgia.

So here is where I will start off. My DR told me that within 3 days I should start to see a difference. He would do botox for my migraines on March 11. I agreed. The attacks that would happen to me were worsening. While having an attack my teeth were now starting to grind. I was unable to walk during them. I retained consciousness through out. I had one about every 3 days. I did not believe that the pills would work. By this time I had given up hope really.

However after 5 days, I began to notice a difference. I had not had an attack. I was starting to notice my hands were steady. My steps were more sure. I finally allowed myself to hope. By March 9 I was over the moon. The pills worked. I had a solid self diagnosis. PKD and Fibromyalgia. I was going to get better. I started toying with the idea of going back to work within a couple of weeks.

And then it came crashing down. I went to the hospital on March 11 to get my botox injection. I showed my DR my steady hands. I was excited. So was he. He assured me that he would do whatever he could to help me. He injected the botox into 31 locations on my forehead, between my eyes and all around my head and neck. He found a lymph node in my neck that was swollen. He made an appointment for it to have an ultrasound the next day. (like I need more stress.) And I left.

I drove home happy that everything was coming together. Stopped had lunch with a friend and headed home. Finished out my day and went to sleep.

During the night I thought my skin was dry. It was so itchy. I woke up Wednesday morning after a very restless night. And looked in the mirror. WTF! I was covered in hives. Head to toe. Incredibly itchy itchy hives. I called the DR office. Apparently I am the first person in ten years that has had a reaction to botox. She said she would mention it to the DR and to take an antihistamine. Five minutes later the DR called me back. He was very concerned. He was unsure how to approach it. He decided that there was a possibility that the anti seizure drug was causing the hives or possibly the combination of the drug and the botox as he had never had a reaction to just the botox. I was to stop taking the anti seizure drug and see if the hives went away.

Again, not my hives but similar to this.
compliments of
http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/picture-of-hives-urticaria

And now I had to drive to Regina to get my lymph node checked. The woman asked if I had been sick recently and I almost lost it.

By Wednesday night I was even worse. When I woke up on Thursday I was still covered and just as itchy. I was starting to tremble again. Get this, there were hives in my psoriasis. What kind of cruel joke is that? I spent all day trying not to think of anything that might result in scratching. I was tired, itchy, trembling and sore. And then the worst part. I got my period.

Now if you are a woman you will understand this. I almost cried. What more could happen? WTF!!! I told my husband that I was only missing a cold sore. That would complete the oozing horror story my life had become. How in three days I went from elation to complete devastation is beyond me. I simply do not know what the hell had happened.

So that is my week. Well five days really. And we start at the beginning again. As soon as the hives go away I have to start taking my anti seizure drugs again and see if I get hives again, so they know what I am allergic to. It just keeps getting better and better.

Wow sorry this was a long one. I will go into PKD more another time. Just because I would be bored if I were you. Hope I didn't bore you too much. Thanks for reading!

Why I started wrapping my kids gifts again

2014-03-13T16:46:00.000-05:00

My daughter has her fifteenth birthday coming up. To me this feels like a big deal. She doesn’t think so. She can’t wait to grow up and leave all of this behind. I remember the feeling of being a young lady (girl, what’s the word now??) I couldn’t wait to leave the farm. I’m sure she can’t either.

When my boy turned 15, it didn’t seem the same. His 15th didn’t seem like such a big deal. But now that it’s the girl, it feels different. Maybe because I had another kid coming up through the ranks. Maybe because he was the boy? I’m not sure.

When the boy turned 16, he got his licence right away. We had planned for it. We had a vehicle for him to drive. I brought him home from getting his licence. He climbed out of my car and into his and drove down the laneway. And I was standing there watching the taillights leave and feeling odd. It was an instant separation for me and a liberation for him. I remember the first time I drove out of the yard with my licence, screaming the whole way. (Right D.C.) I was picturing that feeling for him and I wasn’t sure I was ready for it. You see, he was, I wasn’t.

But when I see the girl at 15, I see her pulling out of the yard at 16. It feels weird. Like I may be trying to put spilled milk back in the glass. Like I have been doing it for years but just didn’t know I was. Because when she drives out of the yard, I won’t have another child to turn to. It will just be me and him. And he’s pretty entertaining but I don’t know if he is THAT entertaining.

I have spent a lot of years getting my kids ready to leave my house. They have done their own laundry for years, do the dishes every night, have chores they need to complete. I have taught them to time manage, how to be someone else’s spouse, and how to be confident in them selves. It has only begun to dawn on me that time is drawing near. I did a lot of talking that I am now having to face head on.

I stopped doing some things when I was busy and I didn’t think the kids would care. One was wrapping the kids birthday gifts. I bought them stuff, put it in a gift bag if I remembered but usually, and I am kind of ashamed to say, left it in the bag I bought it in, took off the tags, rolled it up and gave it to them. I didn’t realize what I was taking away from me. I missed the memories of them tearing open birthday gifts. They don’t think they missed anything, but I did. I missed the moments of wrapping the gifts, preparing them for them, picturing them opening them thrilled, I missed that. And I am not going to take those moments away from myself anymore. Those little moments were my whole life with them. And the moments were only a few more moments I could work. And now I am regretting those choices. And I am not going to make the wrong one anymore.

BEING THE HERO IN OUR LIVES

2014-03-08T10:59:00.000-06:00

Do you remember when we were kids and our birthday was coming up? We lost sleep, hoped for good gifts and poured over the list of people who would be invited to our party. I was the oldest of four kids and definitely not popular so my list had to be short, usually just a couple of kids, so my party was not going to raise my status at all. When we were kids our gifts where modest. Mom and Dad were ranchers which meant the income was modest too. And we were happy with it.

I'm not sure exactly what happened to shift the expectations of a party. Maybe the start of Pintrest? I really think that we seem to view our child's party as a status symbol of our own. Have you ever looked in your child's goodie bag and sniffed in disgust at what was in there? Be honest. Have you dropped a kid off and stuck you head in the door to check out the decorations? We all judge each other. And I am here to say :"That's stupid". It really is. It is a huge waste of our energy. I can't think of a way to say it in a more politically correct way. We have to stopl. We judge at every turn. Even if we don't put it into words. We see dust on a ceiling fan, eat dry brownies or see a little girl with her hair un-brushed, and we judge. The lines runs across our brain. "I would do better." "I would be better." "My kids would never leave the house like that."

A lot of these expectations began in a very different time. A time when mothers stayed home and made popcorn balls and tended huge gardens and canned everything in sight, including the chickens tended in the yard. Those mothers judged the first woman that worked outside of the home. "huhmd, she didn't plant a garden. She is going to buy store bought vegetables this year. Can you imagine?" And our grandmothers has immaculate houses and we thought we should "be" that.

And then we see mothers on the other end now. Moms that work in the home that is well off and have more timed for planning and organizing. They use their time and resources to throw wonderfully decorated cakes and decorations type parties. And then we think we should "be" that.

Thanks to Creating Couture Parties

And then we see the high power CEO woman that has a cleaning lady and a personal assistant. She gets her nails done, her hair cut on time and exercises daily. She is a gracious and kind mother that breezes into a room and lights up with her calm demeanor as she works a room. And we think we should "be" that.

And we aren't. We work at Walmart, or a legal office, or a drug store. And we are so far down the ruler we use to measure ourselves that we don't ever register. And that is wrong. Our lives count! We matter! And the life that we build is worth more than one grade three birthday party. Our love is all consuming. And our respect and love for each other should come through. We are women. We should love each other and stop the judging, even if it is in our head. We need to disagree with that voice until it becomes silent. We need to teach our girls that mothering is about love, not scrubbing the ceiling fan.

Mothering is listening to the small voice in the dark that says "I'm scared. Can I sleep with you?" And we throw back the covers and feel that small body climb in . That moment should be the one we remember. The moment when we are the one that can fight monsters, scare away the boogie man and slay the wicked witch. We are enough. We are everything we need to be. We need to stop the madness that is causing us nothing but anxiety and stress. We need to treat each other with the kindness that we would appreciate. We are the hero in our own lives. We need to save ourselves.

Physical And Emotional Sickness

2014-03-05T15:58:00.000-06:00

One of the things that I have noticed with being sick is how much time is devoted to simply being sick. I spend hours on the couch or in bed. Which really is the only thing that is comfortable now. Being in bed. I have a specific way of placing my pillows, propping up my leopard print pillow, putting my legs at an exactly appropriate angle. My remotes must be within an easy reach. My heater control on my bed side, my Young Living diffuser running, TV on to some sort of mindless drivel, my laptop or hubbies ipad on my lap and me in my comfy PJ’s. The end.

My new favorite thing-My Young Living diffuser

This is how everyday starts and finishes in my house. Yeah me! (Insert sarcasm here) Don’t you think my husband won the jackpot. I’m sure having a woman that wanted to spend all their time in bed was high on the list of qualities he wanted in a woman. I just don’t think this was quite what he was looking for.
I was a huge pusher. Nothing was ever perfect enough. Nothing was ever done enough. I wasn’t smart enough or good enough.
And here is the kicker. I have been doing even less than nothing for about six months now. And I am still here. I have however, had to find other things about me that are literally worthy. I had no idea how wrapped up my work, home, parenting had in my self worth.

What They Are Thinking I Have

There have been a lot of physical symptoms but the mental has been no hell either. It was something I was not expecting. I know that I have talked about this before in my blog but that’s because it is a really big deal that I am still getting my head around. I thought I would be back to work by now and everything would be hunky dory by now. But it’s still not happening.
I had a neurologist appointment on Friday. They gave me an anti-epileptic medication that has been shown to help a condition
Called PKD not the kidney PKD the other one. I had to get him to write it down. Who can remember that. In 14 days I will know if itp works or not. Maybe even sooner. If it doesn’t work, then my dr has agreed to help me go south because this is the last idea he had. This is the first time I have been treated for anything in a year. How crazy is that. So here’s hopin’!

Amazed and Blessed: Forever Friends Ladies Night Out Auction!

2014-03-03T11:02:00.001-06:00

Amazed and Blessed: Forever Friends Ladies Night Out Auction!: As we approach the auction, I am aware that I have not blogged as much as I did last year. Although I am not working it seems as though I c...

Odd Bedfellows, It hardly seems possible

2014-02-27T08:35:00.000-06:00

Image courtesy of dream designs /FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As I sit in shock and awe of the health system, insurance system and my own health I notice that none of the three have the same interest. This is something that honestly surprises me. I really didn’t think that this was the case. Sure I’ve heard some obviously “crazy” people talking about how bad the system is in Saskatchewan. I just didn’t think that one day it would be me.

I have decided that it is true. But here is what else I know. If you have had a kid break a leg, been in an accident, or had appendicitis attack and you still have your house, it’s not that bad, right? I have even heard some people with cancer have excellent care. I am not willing to speak of any other story but mine. I have a wise friend that says, “If healthcare is free, just remember, you usually get what you pay for.” It seems to be true. Funny part is I always thought I did pay for health care. I seem to pay dearly. At least if my income tax is any indication. But it’s not.

I had a dream in my imagination of a puzzling case of unknown diagnosis. In that dream several doctors sit around a large table with copies of test results spread amongst them. In this dream…maybe I should say fantasy… maybe I’m splitting hairs…ANYWAYS…the doctors are trying vainly to figure out what is causing a young woman’s crippling pain and loss of mobility. (Hey it’s my dream I can be young if I want to!) They toss around ideas, come up with some logic ideas, run a few more tests and bambooee!!! Diagnosis. That is how I always thought it would work.

It doesn’t.

The health care system wants me to be better. They really do. They want me to be off of their list. And as they work in the system, I assume they don’t want me to die, so I’m going to go with- better. The powers that be just really hope that I get better and get off the list. However they are not willing to speed up said list so that I can get better quicker. They just hope that I call, cancel an appointment and declare my full return to health.

My insurance company is a little different. They have declared me better. “I dub thee healed.” Return to work, get off my docket. The insurance company has to hedge their bets. They need to make money in order to pay their shareholders. I get it, I sell insurance. Property insurance mind you. It’s much easier to prove a sewer back up.

So I am in the weird position to try to fight with the doctors to make them see that I still have something wrong with me and fight with the insurance company for the same thing. ODD! I know.

I have one more neurologist appointment on Friday. We will see how that goes. I’m not holding my breath but I can’t help but be hopeful. Maybe we will know more on Friday.

5 Things I hate about being a truckers wife

2014-02-20T18:24:00.000-06:00

This might not resonate with all of you but I don't feel like keeping quiet.

Being a truckers wife has some good points but a lot are not so good. There are a few things that you just have to get used to if you and your husband want to live this life. They advertise in my area for truckers on the radio. They need lots of them especially in the upcoming years. More of the guys that have been doing it for their whole lives are retiring. I hope that the kids that are up and coming don't enter that occupation. It's not what they advertise.

Tractor part of a semi

5. Trying to feed them is impossible. They eat horrible food while driving. They cannot eat healthy. The only places that they can fit into are truck stops. And those don't usually carry too much by the way of healthy food. Especially in the case of an allergy to flour...

4. No plan EVER. It's awful. You can't ever count on them for anything. First they go on an overnight trip. Then the place they were going doesn't have any of the stuff they were going to get. So then they have to go to another place to get the stuff they were supposed to get. Then they call that they are an hour away so they want you to save them a spot and then they get pulled over in the scales and don't show up. They are never on time. They are never on time EVER.

3. No help ever. I am a fairly independent woman. I don't mind figuring some things out on my own. But sometimes it seems as though the trucker God works against us. Why a perfectly good tire decides to go completely flat 3 hours after he leaves is beyond me. It is like the house waits for him to leave until a tap starts to leak, the furnace goes out or the toilet stops working. While he is here, everything runs along tickity boo. As soon as he leaves, all hell breaks out.

2. Schedule. I like a normal, in my opinion, regular schedule. On Monday night this week, I made an omelette for my husband at 11:30 PM. Not because he asked me to but because he had just got home and hadn't really eaten anything hot in two days. So there goes a schedule out the window.

1. Alone time. There I said it. I'm lonely sometimes. My kids are teenagers. The only times they want to spend anytime with me is when they need money. And sometimes I would like my husband to come home at 6 PM every night and help dry dishes and hold my hand when we watch TV. We have tried that life but a 1A life is quicksand. The more you try to get out the faster you sink.

Don't get me wrong, I love our life and I know that trucking got us here. But some days are harder than others. I would love to see changes to the lifestyle of trucking. It would be great for my husband to make a decent living and be able to sleep at night. Those two things don't seem to run together.

Being Sick-Coping with my illness

2014-02-16T21:17:00.001-06:00

Strange things happen when you get sick-people look at you a bit different. I walk with a cane now and that adds a certain spark to the look in peoples eyes. I am 39 years old and walk with a cane. Who would have guessed?

I have wonderful people in my family. Sometimes you don't see extended family as much as you wish and you underestimate the amazing help just being around people that have known you forever. No sorrowful looks there. Plenty of emotion, but none are sorrowful. Emotion boils out in rants about the health care. We could draw a Venn diagram of people who don't like the health care system in Saskatchewan and people who have never used the Saskatchewan health care system. They don't intersect.

Don't get me wrong. I am terribly grateful for the system we have in some ways. My kids have broken numerous bones and had some wicked brushes with some rough stuff. And until now if someone would have asked, I would have said we had it pretty okay. Now that is a bunch of hooey.

I am not a really difficult person to please, I really am not. I enjoy being a fairly happy person. I have a touch of the Pollyanna complex. The problem that this creates is that most people think that I am okay with everything that has been going on. I am NOT. I hate how I have been treated. I hate how many doctors appointments I have left in tears. I hate how much time every single little thing takes. I feel like they are stealing my life two weeks at a time. It's not fair. Quite simply, it just isn't. It isn't fair to keep people waiting while they get sicker and sicker. How much damage are my tremors causing? Are they going to ever go away? As long as my pain is under control no one really seems to care.

I am not okay with this. There are only 1 million people in our glorious province. We should be able to look after ourselves. Do you want to save millions of dollars a year? Get the computer system up and running. For the love of God it is 2014 and I have waited 2 1/2 months now for my test results. That is unacceptable. And frankly down right cruel.

So to everyone who thought I was okay with my illness and coping alright, I'm really not. I just don't want to dwell on it. I also don't get to talk to people very often so I don't want to scare you away.

In my boredom, I have been working on a new website. This is the link. Nothing would make me happier than everyone going over and having a look!

http://randrsaskstyle.com/home.html

Thank you again for you all reading my blog! There are thousands out there and I thank you for caring about me!

A Big Secret You Should Know About Me

2014-02-11T11:54:00.002-06:00

I am about to admit something to all of you. It may change the way you feel about me. I hope not but it might. I have harbored this secret since I was about 12 years old.

I love politics.
There I said it. I love them. I secretly aspire to be a politician. I'm not sure I would ever really do it. But I love the idea of it.
When I was young I was in the Saskatchewan Youth Parliament. I loved it. The feeling when you walk in the legislative building is amazing. I think everyone should tour the Parliament/Legislative buildings at least once in your lifetime. To me it was awe inspire-ring.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:PrestonManning.jpg

This is Preston Manning. He was a Reform Party big wig in the '80's and '90's. He was a strong push behind the idea that the West didn't really get any attention to what we needed because our population base isn't big enough to warrant it.
ANYWAYS
I loved him. I loved the idea of the West getting "what we deserved". And to my 16 year old brain it sounded just right. It was a perfect outlet for my ideas. With a hint of rebellion tied in that suited my teenage years perfectly. (I was a lame teenager.)

And one day, my friends dad, who was helping with the handshaking part of Preston Mannings job in our community, arranged to have him speak to our class. I got to ask him a question. I got to meet him. I even got to shake his hand and I was forever enamored! I think one could say I swooned.
To this day when I think of it my heart races. I don't think that I have gotten any cooler as I grew up.

I will continue to follow politics. Reading about it, listening to it, and watching on tv will for now satisfy my craving.
I would love to hear from other political junkies out there. I can't be the only one...can I?

Cold-Saskatchewan Style

2014-02-01T17:12:00.000-06:00

We Canadians have been hearing a lot lately about the polar vortex, the icy cold in places like LA, and we have even been blamed for this vortex. We Canadians and especially we Saskatchewan folks want to send out a big pshaw!

We have existed in cold weather forever and will forever more.

My husband and I watched this clip a few days ago and this prompted me to write this. Thanks Jimmy Kimmel! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HDhmQuSLRg

SERIOUSLY! 60⁰ Fahrenheit is the equivalent of 15.5⁰ Celsius. Room temperature is 20⁰.

Saskatchewan weather should not be mistaken with weather in provinces like B.C. We are a vast country with many different weather systems. B.C. has the ocean on its side so that gives it a different weather system. The Yukon is much closer to the north pole AKA Santa’s house, therefore has a different weather pattern. I am not saying that we are the worst off. I know we aren’t.

But I do know that I will not pretend to understand heat. Here if it gets to 30 ⁰ C I am whining. I won’t speak for everyone but I am. That is 86 ⁰ F. (I know this thanks to this page http://www.goodcooking.com/conversions/temp.htm )

Our relationship with temperature changes with the seasons. In the spring we will typically begin wearing shorts and flip flops at approximately +5 ⁰C. (41 ⁰F) We stop wearing them at about +15 ⁰. (60 ⁰) We get a touch antsy as we get tired of our six month winter. And then the approaching dread of winter forces us into full leg pants.

Residents of LA, and all the cities just like you, feel free to come on up and join us for a real cold and windy day. Feel the twinge of frost bite when the temperature and wind chill reaches -50 ⁰ C (-58 ⁰ F) and see how wonderful living within the four walls of your heavily insulated home can really be. I will gladly show you around. Or better yet, maybe just send your newscasters so they know what real cold and wind can be!

And I can only hope to be introduced to your heated winters someday. You will know which one I am. I will be the one griping about it being +86 ⁰!

Just for fun, I would love to see pictures of your winter, wherever you are. Post them in the comments or send some links to them. Pictures like this, taken in Indian Head last April. And yes I know that April is usually spring, just not spring 2013. Have fun!

My First Product Review-Blomberg Dishwasher-My Pet Peeve

2014-01-31T12:37:00.000-06:00

I am going to let you in on one of my biggest pet peeves. I have a fairly simple life. Now especially, because I never really leave the house. My biggest pet peeve is my dishwasher.

I know that most people won’t care about my pet peeve. I am airing my soul so if no one reads this that is okay.

We bought a Blomberg dishwasher 4 years ago when we re-did our kitchen.

At first I loved it. It was stainless steel inside. (The last one was white inside and stained and gross.) I thought it was going to be awesome. It was so shiny. We live on an acreage outside of a town of about 2000 people. We are very lucky because we are on a town waterline that has been ran throughout the area to service the farm yards in an area where having your own well is almost impossible.

The water isn’t really the problem. The problem is the only way we can load the dishwasher looks like this.

This is the pet peeve problem

If we load bowls on the bottom, the items on the top don't get totally clean. They get sort of clean but then there are layers of crud that have been picked up and redistributed in the bottom of all of the cups and glasses on the top row.

So if we only load the bowls and the glasses in the top shelf this is how the dishwasher looks all the time. Sometimes we have more plates and straight type things so the bottom rack isn't so empty but this is how it looks every morning.

I start my day by unloading the dishwasher and then re-loading it. So this is how it starts everyday. Then we put the flat dishes on the bottom and the day before glasses and bowls in the top rack. Then the top rack is filled again. Enter in frustration.

So I am sure you are asking yourself-How can these poor people live like this? Don't worry! We seem to be getting by day by day.

My point is, if I was to buy a dishwasher today, I would not buy this one. I have tried different detergents and different rinses. We add vinegar to each cycle. We have to rinse everything which to me seems like a huge waste of water and time, but that may be just me. I think if you have a machine to do something, that machine should do its job. I mean if you buy a lawn mower, you don't expect to pre-cut the grass with scissors, so the lawn mower works, right?

This is just how I feel. I will not by this particular dishwasher again.

Just my opinion. Nothing more.

Blogger Advice-Just Not From Me

2014-01-26T14:22:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I tried to take some advice from a blog I read that talked about how to expand your readership.

I spent the evening trying to find out how to do one thing. I just tried to add another button to my blog. That’s it.

But in trying that I was lead in various directions. It took me to a great number of different blogs. Some were good and then I couldn’t figure out how to follow the blogger. So I learned not to do that. Some were okay and some were not that good, in my opinion. I want to set the record straight about a few things.

Everything I read gave some sort of tip I could use. I am not really sure what this blog is going to evolve into. There are, however, several things that I know it will not be about.
1) Housecleaning-I don’t do a very good job of my own so I won’t tell you how to do yours.
2) Housecleaning Manuals-Again, I am not going to tell you how to make a manual on the times, plans, and procedure involved in making a cleaning manual including washing machine clean out day, ever.
3) Motherhood- This is a personal journey. I may share what worked for me but I don’t think you want to read anything sanctimonious for fun.
4) Crafts-I HATE them.

I may, on occasion, bake something, refinish a piece of furniture, or take you on my wellness/illness journey. I hope you read it. I hope it amuses you. I really hope that sometimes it makes you laugh out loud. I would love it if you followed my blog in any form. Feel free to follow me, friend me, or comment on my blog. Consider this your call to action. (Thanks advertising speak for begging.)

I never really figured out how to put the button on my blog. But I did read that sometimes companies send you products to try and then review on your blog. That’s pretty cool, you know, if you like it. It would be awkward if you hated it.

However, I did figure out how to open my china cabinet. Therefore I was committed to remove a wine glass. I successfully achieved this goal. I poured a glass of problem solving wine. And then I proceeded to drink it. And then another. And then I was too tired to do anything but go to sleep. And that was that. Success!

So this is my favorite wine.

And if Barefoot wants me to test any product, I will. The reviews will be better if I’m asked about white or blush products as red isn’t usually my cup of tea or wine I suppose. I do have friends though so we could do a group review. Just throwing it out there.
Thanks guys!

Unwelcome Facts

2014-01-25T15:25:00.002-06:00

Unwelcome Facts

As many of you know, I haven’t been doing too well this year. I try very hard not to focus on my health too much on here because I don’t think that anyone needs to hear me whine. Although complaining about my facial hair probably wasn’t something anyone wanted to hear about either, but that’s what TMI means right? Good with the bad.

It has come to my attention that some of you are interested in how I am doing. Here is the update. I have had more tests. What they can find isn’t terribly normal. The rheumatologist doesn’t want to diagnose because of the neurological nature of my situation. Tremors are usually caused in the brain. The neurologist doesn’t want diagnose anything because there seems to be no neurological cause for my tremors.

This leaves now three specialists trying to decide what to do with me. And this opens up the next situation. If you don’t want to hear me rant, stop reading now.

Still here, Good! My test results that were done in Saskatoon on December 18, 2013 have not, as of January 10, 2014, been sent to my doctors. And I can’t make an appointment with some of the specialists until they have the results. The woman from Saskatoon said that tests around the Christmas season usually take a long time. She told me not to get too worried until after about four weeks.

Too late! I’m already worried. I have to ride a scooter in Walmart and Costco. My store selections are limited by the stores with a scooter. I am not 40 years old yet. I take handfuls of drugs to combat the pain. I twitch randomly and excessively, sometimes in public. My episodes last for minutes, the longest one so far, 15 minutes. Some days are good. Some days are horrid. I am tired. I am frustrated. I just want to go back to work. I just want my life to go back to normal.

I am not thinking that I am special in any way. However, four weeks to get a piece of paper from Saskatoon to Regina seems a bit of a stretch. The pony express could beat that. I just don’t really understand. I know that I am not an IT genius. I know that the logistics to on online systems are pretty complex. I know that the Government of Canada has one, and SGI has one. I think that the ground work has been laid in one fashion or another. (I’m sure that the guy who is hopefully working on a system would disagree with me but again, this is just my opinion and therefore my rant.) But here is what I know for sure.

Dear Saskatoon Hospital,

Email takes 4 seconds to complete. 4 seconds. Put the paper in a scanner, send to email, add the three doctor’s names, and click send. The end.

Thank you.
Sincerely:
A concerned citizen.

PS Please clean your bathrooms. This is disgusting.

PSS This picture does not capture smell.

So all in all, I am doing okay. I think that I will get better sooner if I have a good attitude. The insurance company disagrees. They want to make me miserable so I stay sick longer I guess. But that is a different rant altogether. And I can’t stay mired in frustration any longer.

If you ask how I am, I will say, “Good.” Some of the time I am telling the truth.

Moustache

2014-01-23T22:07:00.000-06:00

So I am about to tell you too much information. I am warning you. If you don’t want to know, stop reading now.

I found a gray whisker in my moustache. And I am a girl. I don’t want to hear anything from anyone else on this simple fact. Period.

I never thought I would be one of those waxing, overly concerned women. I will let you in on a secret. I took a stand against eyebrow waxing when I was young. It hurt. I didn’t like it. I wasn’t going to do it.

I didn’t wax my eyebrows until I was 37 years old. I didn’t dye my hair for the first time until I was 30. I admit that I like the look of my eyebrows now and my hair stays dyed because of the gray hair that multiplies exponentially. I always thought I was pretty untouched. Now that I think of it, maybe not terribly pretty…Anyways, back to the story.

It has been my understanding of life that as we age, weird things happen to us. I know that my moustache has been filling in faster than a 15 year old boy. Once upon a time, I had one chin hair. Now I allot time in my schedule to pluck my chin hairs.

The bottom line is that I noticed, and proceeded to pluck, a whisker from my moustache that was gray. It was a dark day in my life. I am still not over it completely.

I guess it was bound to happen. Maybe walking with a cane has been aging me faster. Maybe being sick has sped up the process. However I refuse to believe that as I knock on 40’s door, this is a permanent addition to my life. That is my stand now. Hair Be Gone!

Now I have to go…wax something…Later everyone! Have a good night!

Underwear-A Lighter Topic

2014-01-07T09:02:00.003-06:00

Being sick has changed a few things in my life. Some that I was not expecting.

When I was young I had cute underwear. Even as I aged pretty underwear. I will admit that as I aged, pretty and cute got bigger. I am not the same weight as I was when I was pre-kid. Shocking I am sure. So my pretty and cute got bigger, pretty and well…just pretty. Now that I think of it, cute is under question as well.

Cute was something that I think left too. Replaced though with sexy and a confidence that being 20 and tiny cannot find. When I was young I always thought that people who said things like that were just trying to make up for getting fat. (I admit to being young and dumb) Now I realize the truth.

As we age we do grow. Sometimes up and sometimes out. And it doesn’t matter. I am at an age where I exercise for my health, I eat what I like, except for anything with yeast or raw dairy, and I wear what I want and my husband thinks I am sexy and he is the only one that matters. God that’s freeing. If only I could bottle that and sell it to all the folks that are chasing a wisp of their past.

But I digress. Underwear. I admit to period underwear. Every female person that is past the age of menstruation has these. After being sick for a while, I know have “test“underwear. This is designed for maximum coverage while still allowing for any test required. Obviously there can be no metal. You need to be able to move about at will. Lay in uncomfortable positions for several minutes at a time. They must not be the creepy crawly kind.

Coverage supplied should be from roughly the bottom of the rib cage to mid- thigh. Now that has a different kind of sexy built in. The kind of sexy that says, I’m going to be here for many more years. As we age everything changes. Even the things that fill us with that good, truly happy feeling.

Thanks, all for the reads. I really appreciate it.

Today I Am a Grown Up

2013-12-31T15:28:00.001-06:00

When I was young, I was very disciplined all on my own. I would decide on something and then make it happen. One year I wanted to be able to do the splits so I stretched for 15 minutes every night. I think I was about 13? One summer I wanted to be in good shape so I worked at our half mile laneway until I could run it, both ways. Maybe I was 15?

When I was about 14 I decided I wanted to be a better writer. I made myself write every day. Before I let myself go to sleep at night, I made myself write. It was really kind of a journal of my life, but in short story and poetry form. I wrote into the Western Producer and some of my work got published in there. I still have the clippings. It made me so proud. But it also helped me make sense of my world.

Yesterday I felt like a grown up, for the first time really. I felt tired and worn in a way that sleep can't fix. It was one of the longest and hardest days of my life. It turns out that I still try to make sense of my world by writing. But some stories are not mine to tell. My emotions have no right to what I see. The way I feel merely dips a toe into the pool of grief. So I write.

Quiet

The quiet seeps in,

For months the quiet

licked at the doors

surrounding the six

Until the quiet retreats

leaving them five.

The hollowness surrounds them

mired in their souls

Heavy hearts and feet

trying to fill the space

the quiet left behind.

Memories of happiness

are all that is left to find

Joy eludes, it's return unknown...

The quiet retreated

and left them five.

As we enter into 2014, hold your loved ones close. We only have a tentative grip on what we think is our life as we know it. Don't pay this lip service. Instead of focusing on the external, like a new diet, maybe resolve to cook with your family each night. Planning menu's, shopping trips, learning new skills, trying new recipes and preparing meals together accomplishes so much more. And probably accomplishes the weight loss goal in the process.

The things you have no time for are your choice. Don't make the assumption that because you are there that your family knows you love them. Tell them. Make 2014 the year that your family learns and believes how much you care. They are not one in the same. Make them believe. (This is especially difficult with teenagers. I know I have two and they don't see any value in anything I say. Getting them to believe is the hard part.)

I believe in humanity. I believe in hope. I believe in trust. I believe in spirituality.

I believe in love.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Danah

Without Me

2013-12-29T16:59:00.000-06:00

This year I looked at things in a different way. And I have learned a lot. Being sick was truly an experience that, although if I get through I never want to do again, that has changed a lot in my life. It has opened my eyes to what I thought I knew some of. And it turns out I did know some, some I had no clue about.

This is one of the things I did not know. Roles in a family are not static. It may seem like I was a bit on the slow side not to realize this, but I didn’t. I saw my role as a wife and mother as something that was unchanging. You are always a wife and mother right? You know why young kids don’t want their mothers to leave their sight? It’s because they sense at an instinctual level that mother figures are the glue that hold everything together.

I thought that even if I couldn’t do the meal cooking or the cleaning that I would still be a wife and mother right? Wrong. What ends up happening is the kids (teenagers in my case) begin to look after themselves. They cook a few meals, make their own plans and start telling you what they need you to do. “Come pick me up at six. Don’t forget and if you are going to fall asleep, be sure to set your alarm.” Poof there goes my hold the kids.

“I need you to sign this, no I filled it all out, you just need to sign, it’s for my field trip remember?” “I’m leaving at eight. Don’t forget.” “I just cleaned the microwave; don’t forget to put a cover on stuff.” “I need more hangers, I just finished the laundry.” Poof there goes motherhood.

My mother reads this so I can’t go into what happens to the wife part but rest assured it suffers. Everyone is doing their best to get through. And I will be forever grateful for how my family has pulled together. I am amazed at how well my husband and kids did with everything that needed doing. They did all this while going to school, work and attending to the rest of their lives.

I saw my control slipping away. And it scared me. Really scared me. On days when I didn’t feel like death warmed over I noticed that they seemed to need me less. The kids started getting Derek to sign stuff. They all started to make their own decisions without a consult. That felt odd.

We all know that being a wife and mother has a certain element of control that most women I know have. Some women won’t let their kids do laundry or dishes because they won’t “do it right”. I was never one of those women. I thought that if something was done wrong, it meant they needed more practice. But it still felt like I was slipping away. Not something that I would have thought was going to happen.

I am really glad that I taught my kids a lot over the years. My kids knew how to cook and do laundry. I didn’t have to teach them while I was sick. The one that I dropped the ball on was my husband. I did the shopping and the banking. I did the meal planning. I made the phone calls. I organized. He had a lot of things to learn. And I had to learn to let a lot of things go. I installed the same password app on his phone as mine. I copied all of the passwords to his phone. It became apparent to me that I had to adapt.

We say things like “I don’t know what they would do without me.” “This family would fall apart without me.” I realized that my family should be able to go on without me. In fact that should have been my goal. It was with my kids. I was preparing them for the “real world”. But my family was ill equipped and it was my fault. I hope that now that I have learned these things that I can move on to teaching my family. They need recipes written down. Pictures organized. Old stories retold maybe recorded. My husband needs to know passwords, where our insurance policies are and everything else it takes to run this house. I need to let go.

I have to teach my family how to go on without me. My family should not fall apart without me. They should be able to pull together and do everything, and I do mean everything, that needs doing. I hope it doesn’t happen for a long time, but none of us know when that is. We all need to face the reality that our people are going to need to know how to function without us. Make sure they know how.

Hidden Wisdom-Really Really Hidden

2013-12-14T11:34:00.003-06:00

And here I sit. Friday night in old lady town. The line starts just behind me. Oh wait no line, I'm in bed at 8:10. And actually quite happy about it. I have apparently reached the age where this is a pretty good night.

Sometimes I think back over the years. When I was young and in an endless pursuit for fun. When my kids were young and I questioned whether or not I would ever have fun again. When I worked to build a business until the days ran into each other and my world was about other people having fun. And now I sell insurance which is the kill joy of everyone else's fun! ( LOL Kidding. I really like my job.)

Life changes on us and we lose track of time. I never notice it until there is a milestone with the kids. This week my youngest passed the test for her learners. I can't figure out where the time went. I know we all go through it. My parents said it and I'm sure their parents did. When my boy got his licence, it seemed like life sped up. Now as the second one draws closer, I think we will be going at Mach speed.

Graduations, wedding's, first born's you name it. All the stuff I never really gave much thought. This is the crazy part. I feel just as clueless as I did before they were born.

I still say stupid things, get pimples, lose my temper, cry for no reason like a teenager. I always thought I would get wise and respectable. Instead I'm me. LOL

I am on a mission to think in a more positive way. To live without judgment. I am hoping that it will continue to open my life up to opportunities. I am pretty sure what I am going through now will end up helping me along the way. Maybe I will end up wise...

It sounded better in my head!

2013-12-01T12:07:00.000-06:00

I know lots of you have been asking about how I have been doing. Here is a brief update. I have tried Lyrica which does appear to help with the pain some. I have been able to sleep now with some night time Tylenol or Advil and the opposite in regular whatever. (Do not try this at home. After 20 years of migraines, I consider myself a professional.)

My tremors are the same or worsening it depends on the day. When I am really tired the tremors get worse. My shoulders come up off the bed, my knees will lift. Sometimes it’s like I have a contraction in my stomach (?) I know it sounds weird but this will pull one leg up and the opposite shoulder towards each other. Like a sloth doing criss-cross crunches. I tell you this for three reasons, one to let you know how I am doing, two let you know what I am doing if you see me in public flopping like a fish and three to explain the following story.

As you all may or may not know, I am very involved in a charity called “Forever Friends of Hope”. We had a large function on Thursday night. It was awesome. We had entertainment, a fantastic meal, beautiful prizes and a great time! We had a great turnout with lots of the partners of FFOH. These are people that have worked with us in the past, like Helen from The Pink Tree in Regina.

One of the women that attended is active in the Saskatchewan Breast Cancer Connect. She will know who she is. She is a wonderful and gracious lady who approached me to ask how I was. So I told her. I was explaining the tremors and how animated I get when I relax. I have always had a sense of humor and this time of my life is no exception.

So here is how it went down. In my head at the end of my story, I sarcastically said, “I must be really relaxing to sleep with.” What came out of my mouth was “I must be really good in bed.”

I have embarrassed myself before. I will again, I’m sure. But I wanted her to know that I usually hide my perverted sense of humor a little longer.

Have a great day everyone!

Solving Life's Problems

2013-11-11T14:20:00.002-06:00

I heard a lot of hubbub over the last major holiday we had, you know, Halloween. Stores were filled with decorations, kids have to have store bought everything and the days of being a punk rocker or a hobo are long gone. There was not a paper bag robot to be seen. Naughty sailor outfits and vampires lined the shelves. Gluten free and peanut free snacks were in every home. Our culture says Merry Christmas with controversy but can dress up like a naughty police officer and celebrate a pagan holiday with no problems. And the hottest question debated was "When is a child to old to trick-er treat?" Seriously?

I have no desire to enter a debate about things. I grew up in a time of homemade costumes and trick-er treating from farm to farm because that was our community. We were not allowed to go in town. We were allowed to go out trick-er treating until we were 12. And our parents let us take a bar of soap and write our names on windows of homes if the people were not home. This is because we knew our neighbours. And a prank was harmless and funny for all involved.

Here is my view of Halloween. We have made it a shopping holiday like all the rest. Extravagant decorations, perfect costumes and not a homemade treat in sight. I live in a small town. I do not believe that the average person that is on the library board with me is going to put a razor blade in my kids treats. I know, I know, in the city we can't trust anyone. Razor blades and horror stories unite! Maybe we should make it a practice to know our neighbours so we don't put our children at risk. Maybe just maybe, if we met our neighbours we could let our children out to play street hockey again.

But alas, I digress. I was going to solve life's problems. Here is how you know if your kid is too old to trick-er treat. When they are smokers. If your child takes a pack of smokes with them when they leave the house, costume or not, they are too old to trick-er treat. Period. I watched a pack of older teens come down the street trick-er treating in the local businesses and one of the girls could not go into our towns bakery because she had a smoke hanging out of her mouth. TOO OLD. PERIOD! And I knew I had solved the only apparent problem of Halloween.

The end.

Vegetarian Meals, I think not!

2013-10-31T14:43:00.005-05:00

So I thought that I should update everyone on my update free zone. The doctors have run pretty much every test that a neurologist and rheumatologist can come up with. I still have a few more to go and then after that, a second opinion I guess.

The latest happening in my fun wander through the system is that I have exceeded my drug allowance for my year. And my pain pills are apparently $141 dollars now. We live on a budget. That took up the dog food, entertainment, and half the grocery money. So if you see one of us on the street please do something entertaining so we have something to talk about and then slip us a can of dog food.

One of the things I started doing even when I was working was planning our meals. I found it so much easier to come home and know what I was making and have all the ingredients I needed. Occasionally I get too lazy to do it and then spend a week hunting for ingredients. And then I remember how easy it is to plan and I begin again.

We get our meat from the farm. We are lucky to get this. Sometimes we run out of meat before the next beef is ready. When this happens we eat more chicken and fish. This time I planned for a vegetarian meal. Apparently I broke some sort of meat lover’s law. It was called Popeye Pasta in one of the Company’s Coming cookbooks. Angel hair pasta, roma tomatoes, feta cheese and spinach, yummy stuff. My son looked at the meal and said “No meat! Is this even food?” My daughter said “You know what would make this awesome, chicken and bacon!” To which my husband responded “ Sounds like some people need jobs!”

He sounds all supportive this time, but a few years ago I ate vegetarian burgers some times and I enjoyed them. So I brought home some tofu dogs, and veggie burgers for supper. I didn’t tell anyone but just put everything on the table and everyone started eating. The kids were eating the hot dogs not saying a word. My husband says “What’s wrong with these hotdogs?” I replied, “Nothing” coupled with a “look “, which apparently he missed because he took another bite and said “Seriously are these old or something, they taste weird. Should we keep eating them?” I replied with a nastier “look” “I tried a different brand.” Response, “I don’t know about these. What do you think kids? Are these okay”

Stopping half way through eating the kids said, “Yeah these do taste weird.” And they stopped eating. So I had to admit to the tofu dogs mostly to get my husband to stop talking. The kids could not be talked into another bite. And my dream of healthy eating went up in barbque smoke.

I wish everyone a happy Halloween! Have a great day!!

PS We really don’t need dog food but the entertainment can’t hurt!