The AB Enquirer

Some reflections on that final

2011-10-29T11:00:00.000+01:00

A week on and I really should post some thoughts down on the GREATEST GAME OF ALL TIME (though it wasn't really, was it?).

As the only person in the world who thought it would be a tight game and that we would have to play big to win, I feel pretty damn good. With everyone fit, we're a brilliant team. Without Carter, we're a great team. Without a fully fit McCaw, we're a good team. A good team without any incisive attacking ability, no cutting edge. The three knock-out games showed just how limited our attacking abilities were. We scored just four tries in those three games and that is with home advantage. Had those games been played in the northern hemisphere, we probably would have lost. Don't get upset, just saying that's all.

So anyway, here's what I noted about our RWC:

It was a bloody hard game. And we were right to think that the French would play dirty. It was pretty obvious bad things had happened during the game. There was bugger all shaking of hands at the end, no polite words spoken, and no swapping of shirts. Rougerie gouging McGod at the end was pretty disgusting and he is damn lucky this came to light after his plane had departed Auckland. Can't imagine he would have avoided a lynching at the hotel had it been made public earlier. I shouldn't mention their behaviour at scrum time either but I will. Poux was constantly bearing in on Franks during the scrums. The early penalty which was given by Joubert ended with Poux at right angles to the rest of the scrum. Cheat. I had to listen to the itv commentary tell me that Franks should be penalised for collapsing. Madness.

It was tight but we deserved it. Unlike the papers around the world who have decided that we were lucky, or even worse bribed the ref, I thought it was a close game but that the French didn't do enough to win. The game was mostly played around the half way line, and they only got into it by a few moments of madness by Piri. There were few periods of sustained pressure in the 22 by either side. To pretend that the French were loads better is just plain wrong. Watch the replay.

Forwards win games, the backs decide by how much. Our backs determined that we would win by 1 point. This isn't good. We appear to have a lot of problems cutting through the opposition this year and the search for new nos 9, 10, 12 and an 11 need to continue.

Weepu is human after all. Poor chap. Nobody should have to shoulder as much as he did in the knock-out games. Calling the plays, taking the kicks at goal, positional kicking, marshalling the forwards. Thank god Henry spotted him falling apart and substituted him before he completely lost us the game. Played well earlier in the tournament though and everyone should applaud him for standing up and being counted. Nice bloke too.

Have we become the new England? Reliance on a spectacular pack, a no.10 that kicks for position, a hard tackling midfield, no confidence in our wings. Sounds exactly like the 2002-3 England team. *head shaking*

Is Stephen Donald the new Allan Hewson? When I was a boy (hahahaha, who'd ever thought that you'd be old enough to utter that statement?), Mr Hewson was the AB pariah. Everyone hated him for being too small, and light enough to blow away in a decent Wellington gale. Not a proper fullback in the style of Don Clarke or Bryan Williams. Allan was a deadeye with the old goal kicking though and his simply awesome penalty from 400 metres out in the third and final test against the touring '81 boks to seal the series was something I and all other kiwis will remember for all time. When that went through he became a national hero (despite the fact that he pretty much gifted two SA tries to Ray Mordt). Beaver did the same thing last weekend and memories of that awful game he played against the ockers in Hong Kong last year will hopefully be erased. However, my previous post about Stephen's atrocious kicking ability unfortunately has become my most visited story ever... oh dear.

Dan Carter is an unreliable ****. That's three world cups now that he has let us down in. I'm hoping that we don't have to rely on him for another one. Finding a decent no. 10 is a massive priority now. Still can't believe we allowed Nick Evans to play in England. And why are first fives getting hurt so much? Carter, Cruden, Slade, Cooper, Priestland ... there were probably more but that's a world of talent that didn't last the tournament.

Brad, the WoodCOCK, Jerome, Richie, Kev, Mr Reid, the Franks', Big Sam, You always score with the Hore. Thanks for throwing it all on the line.

Conrad Smith. Immense. Tackling from the gods. I heart you.

It feels so good to win. An unbelievable weight off the shoulders. Not just for the team, for everyone in the country. Personally too. It seems bizarre. Why are we so tied in to the success or otherwise of sporting teams? I wasn't at the game or even at home during this but the emotion was massive. I cried like a little girl who'd just watched her pony get shot. The relief at winning. The joy. Watch this and relive the passion again, it's taken from the fans viewpoint. Or don't, it will make you cry.

Are they the best All Black team of all time? 'course not. The '87 team had more talent, the '95 team was magnificent in every area. The 2005 team will never be touched. But this team will probably be the best remembered of all the great AB teams as they won the cup and won it at home in such a tense final.

I really don't care about who coaches the team next if Henry steps down. The game seems in good hands and if it is Gatland or Hanson, then we'll do ok. There are backline issues to sort out and that is probably where the coaching needs to be focussed on.

We have to sort out a few other issues too like possibly looking at picking overseas players (provided they play at least five times for a super or NPC team in a given season), arranging super rugby so it fits in better with the NPC, fixing our international games so we get more proper, hard rugby, and working out a decent Southern Hemisphere tournament that can replicate some of the RWC and six nations pressure. But all that is for other posts in the future.

At the moment let's just glory in being World Champions.

WORLD CHAMPIONS

2011-10-24T08:48:00.001+01:00

Oh God, the Relief.... Congratulations All Blacks. Champions of the World.

The 7 steps to beating the French and winning the Rugby World Cup

2011-10-23T08:31:00.003+01:00

1. Take our kicks
We better have practised kicking all week. Piri and Mr Cruden are going to need to be in 100% form. Wales forgot to bring a kicker and now they are 4th and therefore nowhere. Kicking is likely to win this. Let's kick our opportunities and WIN.

2. Remove hope
Hope is France's big motivation. With hope they can be brilliant, dashing, and enigmatic. Without it they are the cheese-eating surrender monkeys we played in 1987, 2003, and earlier this tournament. Don't get Hope out. Don't dangle her attractions to them. Otherwise, they will have her away, wining and dining her in a candle-lit restaurant, before whispering naughty 'language of love' words in her ear, and taken her home for a damn good rodgering while polishing their RWC gold medal. Remove hope. It is 1940, there are a 1000 panzer tanks bearing down on them. It is war and they have no hope, just despair.

3. Play Big
Everyone has to play big. Not just Richie, Conrad, Piri and Brad. Everyone. Just like last week. It's one game. Legs grow back, you only need one eye, and Jonah has got by on no kidneys for years. You can recuperate later. For the rest of your life in fact, while you sip cocktails on the beach and nuzzle in the bosoms of vestal virgins, mulling over the contract to be the new spokesman for roofing tiles or whatever. Win this and you'll never have to work again Mr All Black. If I don't see a defibrillator on the field at some point during the game, I will know you're not trying hard enough.

4. No Neutrals
Neutrals are scum. They sit on the fence for ages and then suddenly when they see a side winning they throw their weight behind them. Like the poms at Twickenham, 1999. If you see a neutral, remind them that a) they are in our country and b) you hate them. They must pick a side. If they pick the French then so be it, what happens to them afterwards will be their own fault. I will be turning into the new Simon Wiesenthal after the game, watching slow motion video of the crowd, and with CSI sound analysis and the POWER OF GOOGLE, I will track any 'Allez les Bleus' singers and END THEM. There is only one song allowed today, it has two words, 'ALL' then 'BLACK'. Repeat ad infinitum. Sing it loud, Sing it proud. Simples.

5. Prevent skulduggery
Don't allow them to do their sneaky drop goals and dodgy intercept tries. Those are not part of rugby and when I am RFU commissioner and therefore ruler of the world, they will not be allowed. If you have dropped a goal because you are not good enough to score a try, you are a cheat. If you are running in our backline and intercepting passes that would have led to us scoring a try (Stirling Bastard Mortlock), this is plain bandit behaviour.

6. Engage in skulduggery
Let's do some drop goals and intercept tries ourselves for a change. If you can't change the rules, play to them. Embrace the power of Charlie Sheen and do some WINNING.

7. Believe
If we all believe we can win, we will. Belief is a powerful thing. If the power of 300 passengers in a 747 can make 200 tonnes of metal take off the ground and fly around the world, then 4 MILLION KIWIS can make our rugby team win. Easy. Kia Kaha boys.

Please let us win. Please.

Semi Final 1 - Wales v Alain Rolland & France

2011-10-15T16:26:00.000+01:00

Well, there was no time to do a post before the game. We all know what I thought would happen anyway. France would get smashed by the dynamic, exciting, daring-do of the wannabe South-Sea Islanders of Wales and then go on to meet the mighty ABs in a titanic clash of the hemispheres with a super amazing display of rugby abandon the likes of which we may never witness again.

HOWEVER....

Hands up if you love Alain.

No-one accounted for Sam Warburton getting carried away and Alain Rolland opting to join the 'Wayne Barnes Club of Refereeing Skills for the Blind and Disadvantaged'.

A red card! How? Why? What for? Sure it was a slightly naughty tackle but without malice and no real intent at hurting Clerc. A yellow I thought as I watched it again in slow-mo. Hang on. Is that a red card? I think it is. No it's not, I mean why would referee Alain Rolland of French descent do that? Is it because today he is suddenly a lot wealthier than yesterday?

Balls. Bugger and bum balls. Game finished as a spectacle you'd think. And yet, the Welsh kept trying. Just the 14 of them manfully trying to beat the French with their 15 men and referee mascot. God, why didn't one of those kicks go over? The terrible drop kicks were embarrassing, the Stephen Jones shave the post was excruciating, but the Halfpenny kick from halfway had me running around the room cheering for a minute until I realised the damn ball had gone UNDER THE BAR. Where's a puff of wind when you need one?

France, who are now the luckiest side in the history of sporting events, have been beaten twice (three times if you count today), and have played just 40 minutes of proper rugby in the tournament (against the Poms). Their players must be super rested and are going to be mega 'up for it' next weekend. That is if they can interrupt their holiday long enough to bother turning up for it. God I hope justice prevails and whoever they meet in the final absolutely tears them a new one. They are easily the most crap major team in the history of RWC rugby. I mean this is indefensible what has happened.

Thanks Alain, you have destroyed the World Cup and denied us all the final we deserved. I hope you're happy with yourself. You toss monkey.

Quarter Finals Part Two - Boom!

2011-10-09T06:33:00.001+01:00

After yesterday's pulsating games, today's promise to be slightly easier to predict.

South Africa vs Australia
Before the tournament you would probably have said that the dazzling Australian backline had too much for South Africa. Quade Cooper (or the messiah as Australia had got to calling him) was looking amazing and controlling everything. Now though, his confidence appears to have lessened. Hopefully, in part to the absolutely torrents of abuse the NZ crowds have directed his way after his multiple clashes with our Richie. And shorn of Digby Iaone they have lost the form finisher in world rugby. They look a little human again. Multiple injuries later and they look thoroughly beatable (as the Irish found). South Africa started weakly too in their game against the Welsh but have slowly improved as their pack have found their feet in NZ. In Brussow the Boks have found their champion. Massive that bloke. They too are slowly falling to injuries and the mighty other Steyn Francs has had to go home. That will hopefully prevent a recurrence of the crap we have faced with him kicking penalty goals from his own 22 (or close to that). I think their pack will have too much for the Aussies eventually, the kiwi crowd will get on Cooper's back again and he'll fall apart, and the gaps will start opening up eventually. Boks by SIX. Or not. I don't know really.

ABs vs Argentina
Four years ago, maybe, just maybe. What? Who am I kidding. Four years ago we would have killed them then too. Without Hernandez they are short a first five. Lobbe is busted and out. Contepomi is an old man and looks it now. His kicking is wayward and his decisions are safe instead of brilliant like they used to be. Their pack is full of old men lumbering around. Yep, they took England to the wire. But everyone has taken England to the wire this tournament and they are / were a terrible team. I'm not suspecting any surprises and we should win by FIFTEEN. Slade to step up and nail a few penalties to boost the confidence early doors, and the whole world will get off his back. God, I hope so. We have Kieran Reid back at last and ready to show the world what they've missed the last six months. Plus the gorgeous Conrad Smith for whom I have no greater love at the moment. Can you give me an Amen? I said can you give me an AMEN? Lordy.

Quarter Finals baby - Day One

2011-10-08T06:36:00.003+01:00

So we all know where I think the final will end up, a Wales v ABs ball-flung-round excitement special.

Up to then though, we've got to get through the Quarters this weekend and they promise to be the most epic set of encounters in world rugby ever.

First up, Wales v Ireland.

Ireland have been plucky, massive up front, and in Ferris, O'Brien and Heaslip they have the tournament's stand out loose forward trio (so far). At 10 they have goal kicking prowess in Mr O'Gara so should pick up points but I'm picking Wales to win and by at least FIVE. They've been so dynamic in their play and the forwards have been young, mobile and just as big as Ireland's. They've seen off the might of Samoa and brutalised Sth Africa for 75 minutes. They have three quality no. 10s in Priestland, Hook and Jones and in North and Williams absolutely superb finishers. Plus they have the will to finish moves not just plunder up the field to within kicking distance. If their scrum can hold Ireland's and I expect it to hold up for 80% of the match, then the Welsh finishing skills should ensure a quality victory, although maybe a bit battered and bruised afterwards.

Later, today we have the least interesting of matchups...I shouldn't even bother writing about it....

England v France.

I mean it should, judging by history and tradition, be interesting. France are the unknown force of rugby, they have talent bursting out of every vessel and fibre of their body. They should wipe the floor with most opponents. Yet, at this tournament they appear to be on holiday. I guess that's ok, NZ's a great place to visit. Lots of things to see and do. A sporting man's adventure holiday land if you will. But they've probably not picked the best time of year to see everything. It's generally a bit wet in Autumn as you've seen on your tv screens watching the games. Better to come back in Jan / February and get a bit of a tan at the same time as visit all the sites and you wouldn't have to play rugby at that time of year either.

England while at least having bothered to turn up in some of their games appear to have left their dull, dull kicking boots at home and Messrs Wilkinson and Flood are completely at sea without those. The poms' only know one game, a 10-man game and with their no.10s shafting it completely they have little idea left. They've trundled round the park in their first four pool games and bored the other sides to tears. I expect them to do the same today, and with a call of 'pass it to Chris' (their only decent player), at the end of the game, they will score and break French hearts and win by ONE.

We'll do it all again tomorrow too. As americans would say, "I'm excited, are you excited?, I'm so excited!"

Dan, Dan, Dan, where for art thou Dan?

2011-10-02T07:43:00.000+01:00

Dan, missing lady action at home, has frigged himself into such a frenzy
that he has broken his nether regions. This is bad.

Well, as predicted Dan Carter will not have to be relied on to win us the World Cup. Dan the most outrageously gifted first five we've ever had will again not be around as he's busted. Again.
Cruden's been called up. The few tests he's played have been dire probably due to his youth so can't imagine we'll see him playing at all. Now this is an occasion when the selectors should've addressed this situation a year ago. Nick Evans (the best no. 10 who isn't Sth African) should've been asked to come back a year ago and settle back into the line-up as cover for the inevitably injured Dan. Harsh on Slade maybe, he's done nothing wrong, he just isn't as good as Dan or Mr Evans.
I see the Weepu experiment continued in the second half against Canada. He looks good at 10, but he doesn't have the length, breadth and depth of experience at that position yet. He looks easily the most creative player at that position in our side though and probably will hold down the spot come the big games from here on. Doesn't say much for the other players in the NPC though does it?
Whatever - we have a decent squad and one player has never won a World Cup on their own. Step up boys, everyone can be the national hero now.

My prediction of a Wales v NZ final continues to look fairly safe, well at least on the Wales side of things. We have the tricky task of probably having to beat South Africa who have improved significantly since the tournament began. They have their injury worries too though with the other Steyn being sent home with lady shoulder disease or something.
The Welsh have a huge task against Ireland which I think they will overcome although battered and bruised a bit but should have more than enough to beat whoever blustered around enough to win the England vs France quarter. Both those teams couldn't have done anything more to play less rugby - like watching paint dry. Pity they can't both be eliminated in that quarter.
That'll do for today. You could write novels on this RWC. It has been so blinking good. Amazing games featuring Samoa, Tonga, Canada, the dramas of Scotland vs England and Argentina. Such great rugby on display - the highlights reel will look like one huge string of Kirwan tries strung together. Magic.

France in the RWC - let's not **** up this time

2011-09-23T21:42:00.000+01:00

On the morrow our destiny arrives, for France await to break our spirit or fill our hearts with glee.

I can count the number of really bad days I've had on two hands. Days where I've wanted the world to open up and swallow me, so I didn't have to deal with the reality unfolding in front of me. Two of those days have involved the French rugby team. In 1999, heart filled with pride and a skip in my step, I trundled up to Twickenham with ticket in hand to see the boys get handed the most embarrassing slap in the face of all time. Forgetting to play for 20 minutes of the game, the ABs allowed 33 unanswered points in that second half. The entire crowd (but for us few thousand kiwis) all sang 'Allez les Bleus' for the whole 40 minutes of the second half. The English are a terribly evil bunch at times and I shall never forgive them for their turncoat nature. We fought for them in two World Wars but it counted for nowt as they turned on us and cheered every try the 'cheese eating surrender monkeys' scored. Tana Umaga had the single worst game of any player in the history of the world as he allowed Dominci to piss all over him every time he ran by. Evidence gathered since showed just how into the game 'the predator' was:

That's him there. So involved in the game, he has time to text some bullshit to someone. Meanwhile Merths and Lomu look angry enough to tear someone a new one. Blokes that good at rugby should never have had to put up with what happened that day. John Hart and co. effed up so badly with selections and playing guys out of position it wasn't funny. It's all been analysed before and none of us want to go through it again. The whole game is here. Don't watch it.

In 2007, our run to the final was curtailed in the quarters by the French due mostly to Graham Henry's mental rotation policy which meant that none of the players had ever actually been on the field together before. However, it should be remembered that Dan Carter was busted that day too and we were victims of the worst refereeing display of all time by any official in any sport in the history of the universe. I was watching at a pub in Thame and walked out 10 seconds past the touchdown from the forward pass, refusing to believe that it wasn't being brought back for a scrum. I crawled home livid, not watching the last few minutes or so, unable to believe what had taken place. Astonishing that a team like that had lost their heads and couldn't adapt enough to drop a goal with all the pressure we had. Dropping goals is easy. Just watch this Bok bugger nail a bunch.

In the 15 years of running this blog on our mighty sporting endeavours, those two occasions of French dismay have easily been the lowest ebbs the blog has seen. Yet, the mightiest sporting occasions were easily the All Whites draw against World Champions Italy in the 2010 World Cup and The ABs massive first tour victory over the boks in '96. Let's remember those now and draw on the power and guts displayed to will the boys on to a massive, no holding back, good old-fashioned, pants down beating tomorrow.

I'm not confident of any sort of result. We all know by now that the French take rugby very seriously, especially against us. Let's just cross fingers, pray to whatever religious deity we think might do the job, and cheer the boys on to victory.

COME ON BLACKS!!

The RWC comes back home

2011-09-09T08:20:00.001+01:00

Today's the day. 24 years on from the year our cup was won and it's back home again. Some (me) would argue that the intervening years have been a fairly terrible time for NZ rugby. The birth of the tri-nations, emergence of super rugby, the abolishment of the NPC, the removal of tours, yearly trips to play England at Twickenham. All appear to have left us with an All Black team that is invariably dominant over others in all but tournament rugby, (ignoring 1995 when the greatest all black team ever was robbed of victory by food poisoning). Overseas teams virtually never come to visit us any more and if they do they send teams full of kids that get thrashed. Then they only play a couple of tests too and disappear. No proper tours either, gone are the days when you could watch the mighty Bay take on the Wallabies. We play too much unimportant, pressure-less rugby as a nation against teams that don't care half as much as we do and we play the same teams too often. The last important games outside of a World Cup were on the tour to Sth Africa in 1996. That was momentous, magic and historic.

Somehow after this latest World Cup is either won or lost, we have to get into the mindset of playing important games again. The relentless Tri-Nations series is junk, has too many games and needs to be reformatted to include more teams and be played less often. We need tours back again so players understand how hard it is to win 7 games on the trot. We should be visiting more nations and actively spreading the game with big tours. We must encourage teams to visit us. We should stop stealing the island nations best players and encourage them to play the game themselves. The NPC needs to come back and be a proper league format without mental divisions. Super rugby shouldn't have anything to do with franchises but should be the best four teams from each of the country's leagues that year. Encouraging real competition in each league. Loads more I could write but it's sounding like a rant now.

If we are to win this World Cup, what we need is a big dose of luck, Richie fit for all the games ('cos for some reason we haven't managed to find one other no.7 in the whole country who can be his backup), some super biased refereeing, Dan's kicking boots on for the whole tournament, and JK back again. God I miss JK.

Cricket World Cup or Rugby World Cup?

2011-03-28T10:12:00.000+01:00

What if we live in a mutually exclusive world? Can we have our cake here and eat it too in the rugby world cup later in the year? Or will we be using up our proportion of luck, skill and talent to have success in the CWC?

What if the success of our cricketers is going to be equally mirrored by the ABs going out early doors again in the RWC? Are we stealing our Ying here to have Yang removed later on?

What would you prefer? An AB victory in the RWC or the Blackcaps as champions of the world?

Semi Final Baby

2011-03-27T10:55:00.004+01:00

It's been an awesome World Cup for us. The overwhelmingly huge defeats we inflicted on the Associate nations just put us in a mood for more good cricket. And once on a roll we've seen ever better performances. I've no idea if our second game against the quite brilliant Sri Lankans will be better than the first, but at least the boys have given their all and actually achieved.

It's clear that the new tactics of batting ourselves in, setting down roots for the first 30 overs and trying to restrict wicket losses to 3 or 4 is definitely helping (it may even help the guys play better in the tests too). It also helps that the team clearly appear to have formed into a close knit unit and have thoroughly enjoyed the underdog tags that we took into this World Cup. Sure, our form was awful going into this but should the media really have been so surprised that we beat Kenya, Canada and Zimbabwe so comfortably and by huge margins. Those results gave us the momentum to believe in better things. Winning is just important, no matter who it is against and how you achieve it.

Rossco really does look the bees knees out there now. I've been guilty of calling for him to spend a bit of time on the bench to reflect on how poor he has been for 18 months. But his form now is bang on. Importantly he has learned to hang in there (even if he has to rely on the opposition to help him).

He still has a bit to learn about the game and is terribly leg-sided in his approach (why aren't teams setting 2-7 fields to him?) but his striking of the ball...wow. Add to that a resurgent Oram, glorying in being an elder statesman now, smashing the ball with no pressure on his shoulders and rolling in his dobblys to great effect. Things look good.

The game against the Saffas was fantastic. Here's a great recap from the live text service provided by the telegraph.

I'm a bit dismayed though at the reaction of the media and the South African fans themselves who seem disgusted and equally amazed that they lost to us. Read some of these posts by other bloggers:

http://www.cricketwithballs.com/2011/03/25/how-south-africans-might-feel-after-that/

http://paddlesweep.net/a-south-african-and-an-australian/

Totally dismissing the Blackcaps in the lead up to the game, the Proteas just expected to win. But the victory was earned by bloody hard work, top fielding, great batting and some super tight bowling. They have nothing to harp on about at all. No injuries, no terrible umpiring calls, no sickness. In fact all of the hardships were being dealt to us. Playing in heat that is basically alien to NZ dna, with our best bowler missing (although he did some wonderful sledging - which is apparently illegal now??!!! tell that to Ponting and co.), and our skipper a basic hologram of himself as he limped around the field, we overcame adversity to deliver our best one day win ever.

Here's my early prediction of victory:

God I was excited. Here's the tweet from when the 9th SA wicket fell.

And to the obnoxious loser who posted this:

Hahahahahah, no-one likes you, and you're rubbish at cricket.

Can't wait for the semi-final. Whatever happens it's all been worth it. Nice one Blackcaps.

Disaster Looms - Aus v NZ - World Cup game 2

2011-02-25T07:02:00.000Z

As I write we are staring a massive hiding in the face and asking it for more. Nathan and Dan are at the crease trying to hold it together and we are 138-7 after being 73-6 earlier in the innings.

Nathan has just swung and missed at 4 of the last 5 Tait deliveries. Things are not looking good.

There's no easy way to accept this - we are going to get smashed.

Me, deliriously happy,
with Dan at the prizegiving,
Bristol - 2008

But maybe hope still exists, I went along to Bristol a few years back and we were rolled for 180 by England but got back up to knock them over for 162. Maybe, just maybe if we can get over 200, we can look to contain them and watch pressure do its work late in the innings. Maybe, just maybe Watson, Ponting, Clarke, Hussey and White will all fail.

You'd think though after the terrible things that happened in Christchurch this week that the ozzies might show some charity and let us win this....

CWC off with a bang

2011-02-20T07:19:00.000Z

Have woken up early this morning expecting to see us struggling against one of the minnows of world cricket Kenya. Normally this would be the sort of game where we make part-timers look amazing, one of them will tonne up and we will be chasing some enormous score just to stay in the cup. Not today. Oh no - we have come up with a smashing.

I'm up at 6:30 fully expecting to see the end of the first innings yet the damn thing is over. Kenya all out for 69 and McCullum and Guptil have smashed the cover off the ball to win in 9 overs. Nice. Super Nice. That's the sort of cricket we haven't played for a very long time.

Good start to the tournament. Bennett looking confident with his four and Southee who has invariably been atrocious this Summer with three. Well done boys. Please don't let this be the highlight of the World Cup though...

30 Years Ago Today ... this happened

2011-02-01T09:19:00.001Z

If a NZer ever needed a reason to hate Australians, then the following should be in their top 5.

I remember it like it happened yesterday. It still burns. They are scum. Never forget.

ABs 26 - Poms 16

2010-11-07T15:22:00.000Z

Not quite the victory we were looking for. In fact, lucky to hang on in the end, being a man down, the appalling refereeing by Frenchman Romain Poite who attempted to whistle us off the field. Allowing the try after Ashton was five metres offside chasing the kick down and then the double movement from Hartley to 'score' was something even fellow idiot referee Wayne Barnes would struggle to justify.

Just a couple of headlines to come out of the game:

Shontayne Hape

That traitor boy was called Shontayne Hape. Not only was Shontayne gifted with a girls name but he also doesn't like being tackled, claiming that Toeava was a big meany for tackling him and not letting him score in the corner. Perhaps now we know why Shontayne had to go and play in England.

Andy Ellis - not good enough. When he came on for new boy Matthewson, we started to fall to pieces. Watching Carter get crap passes and start to fall to pieces then subsequently begin kicking like Donald was not good. By the way if you think I'm hard on hopeless Stephen Donald you should read this article in the Herald about him.

Failure to react to pressure - we look like headless chickens again when the opposition have the ball. Especially in that last 10 minutes. All the hallmarks of the same problems we had in 2007. When McCaw and Carter are tired no-one steps up to fill in the gaps.

Sonny Bill Williams - or SBW as most of the rest of the world know him. Virtually anonymous. Would prefer to have Conrad Smith back to be honest.

Henry may be doing some mad things on this tour, but nothing quite so mental as RSA coach PDV describing his victory against Ireland as a game of 90 minutes - what the hell? Does he think he's playing football too?

We need a much, much better performance in the next few games.

Smashing Time - ABs vs Poms 6/11/2010

2010-11-06T14:41:00.000Z

Late to post on this (its been a busy week). But two seconds before kickoff and sitting at computer now. Got the feed from the iphone hooked up to the big screen so we've got it live in the house.

Can't see any way at all that the poms can win this one. No matter how bad we were against the aussies last week, I can't see the poms being able to play at the same level that the wallabies did. Besides they have no real class out wide and to beat us you have to go round everybody. How is England going to do that?

Who is this kiwi boy playing in white? I thought the days of traitors had ended...

Stephen Donald - A Graphical Analysis

2010-10-31T08:34:00.002Z

Venn Diagram - Chance of Success with Stephen Donald in All Black team

Kicking Capabilities of Stephen Donald

Tired and Emotional All Blacks downed 24 - 26 in three men and a dog watch thriller

2010-10-31T07:51:00.013Z

After witnessing the mighty ABs hit the 'aimless wandering' button and take an injection of 'this game is already won', our illustrious leader had this to say:

"I thought they played some brilliant football early on and we were just hanging onto their coat-tails," said Graham Henry. "We pulled it back, got some ascendancy but we didn't finish the last 10 minutes well."

Has Henry had the ABs training with this ball?

Does Henry know we are playing rugby not football? Is this where things went wrong?

Doubtful. I bet any half decent football player would have been able to make touch in the dying seconds of the game. Poor substitutions Mr Henry - Toeava and Donald continue to be non-international class.

And what happened to the crowd? What's the point of travelling the world to 'spread the game' if bugger all people can be bothered turning up to be spread on?

I hate to say it but are we witnessing a repeat of the same thing that happened last RWC? Domination in the year leading up to it and then a gradual loss of form as other teams time their peak performance to perfection. Too many poor decisions and bad handling yesterday for my liking. It reeks of an AB team taking it easy.

I'm back baby!

2010-09-25T10:18:00.000+01:00

Put the kettle on - I'm coming round to yours again. Hang on. Stuff the kettle. I'm a bloke. Get us a brewski - cold one and we'll have a chat.

Anyway, getting the blog back together again. Decided in my wisdom to get a bit more focus and have put the AB Enquirer back to its original purpose - NZ sport and my life. After all there's a RWC coming up next year and it wouldn't be the same if the AB Enquirer wasn't giving the All Blacks a bit of verbal stick to remind them of their duties to the NZ public.

I'll dig out the old posts from the 90s if I can and put them up along with some of the original AB Enquirer 'features' such as old grumpy bastard.

I've moved the investing / savings / chucking money away blog posts over to another of the team dave network blogs - simpleinvestingadvice.blogspot.com. It's mostly about my attempts to become a millionaire and investing in the UK stockmarket. Join in if you like that stuff.

Anyway, see ya later and we'll have a natter about how the boys are doing soon.

NZ 185/8 (50.0 ov, JS Patel 2, DL Vettori 10, NW Bracken 3/38) - Cricinfo

2009-02-01T12:47:00.000Z

NZ 185/8 (50.0 ov, JS Patel 2*, DL Vettori 10*, NW Bracken 3/38) - Cricinfo

Wooooohooooo!!!!
Victory is ours

Aus 59/4 (13.5 ov, DJ Hussey 2, MEK Hussey 10, LL Tsotsobe 2/28) - Cricinfo

2009-01-30T09:52:00.000Z

Aus 59/4 (13.5 ov, DJ Hussey 2*, MEK Hussey 10*, LL Tsotsobe 2/28) - Cricinfo

Just loving the fact that the Ozralians are getting slaughtered again today.

Of course, we have to go there in two days time to face their wrath.

Ozralian Fixes Plasma TV With Baseball Bat

2009-01-24T09:05:00.002Z

Ozralians. Bloody annoying people.

When they're not beating up tourists at tennis courts, they're at home practicing on the their telly. Watch the above dishing it out american stylee to his telly, while two ozralian harpies cuss the living heck out of each other in the background. Funny as.

Mr Bananarama!!!

2008-12-15T22:43:00.001Z

NZ Herald - New Zealand's Latest National, World, Business, Sport , Entertainment News and Weather: "Foreign Affairs Minister Murray McCully will talk with Fiji's self-appointed Prime Minister Voreqe Bainimarama this afternoon in a bid to defuse an escalating diplomatic stoush. Cdre Bainimarama sen"

I love this - the self appointed leader of Fiji is named after the ever changing 80's girl group Bananarama!

Mrs. Bananarama - all three of them, the naughty bigamist man.

Geoffrey Howarth - where are you?

2008-12-09T23:24:00.003Z

Just spent the last 15 minutes looking for childhood hero Geoffrey Howarth online, former cricket captain of NZ and fellow resident of the Bay of Plenty. Was mostly looking for Geoffrey's finest moment, his awe inspiring 'Fresh Up' advert from the early 80's. From memory it involved him tonning up against the Windies, and then swigging down some Fresh Up, Apple & Orange flavour. Man did I love that stuff growing up. And seeing that ad never once failed in getting us outside to smack the tennis ball round the driveway.

Anyway, it's not online anywhere so today's post will have to be some other slice of advertising genius from home - Tip Top's undies ad. Never did understand dick pointers myself. But you'll love the ad. Remember the rule, you must be able to see water to wear them.

How Big is Will?

2008-11-24T08:27:00.002Z

Want to make yourself feel better about life? Push the play button - you're gonnna love it!