Ed Vogue's World

Arrr me hearties, it be international pirate day...

2020-09-19T17:35:00.001+01:00

Today would have been my Grandad’s 100th birthday. Unfortunately he never made it through the century and the excitement of receiving a birthday wish from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. My grandad died at the notable age of 92 back in May 2013.

I’m not sure what Harry Maurice Eve would have made of the last 6 months, his generation had lived through much worse times than we are currently enduring but I’m sure the lockdowns and social distancing would have irritated him.

So this Blog today is dedicated to a man who quite literally I wouldn’t be here without and who is missed by all who knew him.

My Grandad shares his birthday with an international awareness day. The 19th September is International Talk like a Pirate Day! In a world which is often so serious this day can add the suggestion of some levity.

This day was the brainchild of two Albany, Oregan gentlemen called Mark Summers and John Baur. The story goes that whilst playing racquetball in 1995 one of them exclaimed ‘arrrrh’ and the day was born.

The celebration of pirates could be seen by some as controversial. Modern day pirates are dangerous murderers and criminals, armed with machine guns and other modem weapons causing fear, intimidation and misery amongst honest seafaring travellers. The organisers of International Talk Like a Pirate day are keen to distance the day from these pirates and instead mark the romanticised view of the Golden Age of Piracy 1650-1730. The time of pirates such as Blackbeard, Jack’Calico’ Rackham, Anne Bonny, Mary Read and Captain Kidd.

Jean Leon Gerome Ferris

Captain Jack Sparrow of Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean films is probably what most people would associate the golden age to have been like, without of course the supernatural elements. In reality life on the high seas would have been hard with long periods of boredom, disease, risk, betrayal and of course the very high risk of being caught and executed. Most of the pirate captains were well educated, they needed to be able to read maps, communicate and maintain ledgers. The crew needed to be kept content to ensure the ship sailed and fought well avoiding possibilities of mutiny.

On board Queen Anne’s Revenge Edward ‘Blackbeard’ Teach, commanded a crew of over three hundred managing between them forty cannons. To keep a large number of people fed, watered and paid required great skill, organisation, discipline and rules.

So today, to remember these romantic villains who often sailed on both sides of the law depending on which country or royal was in control, it is time to learn some pirate sayings.

Here are a few taken from: https://reference.yourdictionary.com/resources/pirate-terms-phrases.html to help develop your piratical vocabulary.

Pirate Greetings and Exclamations

Learn to say “hello” the pirate way!

ahoy - hello
Avast ye! - Stop you!; pay attention!
blimey - something said when one is in a state of surprise
heave ho - instruction to put some strength into whatever one is doing
Savvy? - a question that means, “Do you understand?”
Shiver me timbers! - an expression used to show shock or disbelief
Sink me! - an exclamation of great surprise
yo ho ho - possibly from yo-heave-ho, a chant when doing strenuous work, but also can be used to call attention to the speaker

Pirate Insults, Threats, and Dark Omens

Need to threaten or insult someone in pirate?

bilge-sucking - an insult indicating someone drank dirty bilge water from the bottom of the ship
black spot - a death threat (found in Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson)
blow the man down - it possibly means getting knocked to the ground or killed (found in a 19th-century sea shanty)
cleave him to the brisket - cut a man nearly in half with a sword
dance with Jack Ketch - to hang (Jack Ketch was slang for the hangman)
dead men tell no tales - the reason given for leaving no survivors
give no quarter - show no mercy; pirates raised a red flag to threaten no quarter
landlubber - a person who is uncomfortable, or not incredibly skilled, at sea
lily-livered - an insult for someone who displays cowardice
keelhaul - a punishment in which someone was dragged back and forth under the ship
mutiny - a situation in which the crew chooses a new captain, sometimes forcibly removing the old one
scallywag - an inexperienced pirate, considered an insult
scurvy dog - an insulting name
shark bait - If you're made to walk the plank, chances are you'll be shark bait. Also, a dying sailor whose body will soon be thrown into the sea
son of a biscuit eater - an insult
walk the plank - A punishment, probably more myth than truth, which entails making someone walk off the side of the ship along a plank. The person's hands were often tied so he couldn't swim and drowned (and then fed the fish).

But if you want some more you can check out the pirate translator at https://lingojam.com/PirateSpeak.

Finally for today back to my Grandad. He could well have been a pirate. He lost his arm during the war and had a false arm that he could attach different implements. He had a knife, a hand, a handle for fishing. Perhaps he had a hook and an eye patch???

'ay grandad. 'appy 100th birthday. Me mate.

The Autumnal Air Arrives

2020-08-31T20:07:00.001+01:00

It is now over two months since the summer solstice, June 20th. Now all of a sudden we seem to have sped through the summer and are just about to screech into September.

The scorching hot days, the late night swim in the English Channel, the fast melting ice cream cones and the sunburnt neck all seem to be a distant memory. Waking up this morning the heating (the thermostat turned right down) kicked in with the gentle whumph of the boiler ignition. I’m not sure if whumph is a word but it is exactly like the onomatopoeic word for my boiler.

Just like the start of Mary Poppins the wind has changed, there is a chill about the place. Autumn is fast taking the place of Summer. As the children prepare to go back to school Christmas suddenly doesn’t feel that far away.

There are many other signs of the seasonal change, apples fallen from the branches, conkers exploding from their casings under the horse chestnut trees, the worm-casts on the lawn in the softer ground and the first sight of geese flying in formation across the sky.

Barbecued meals have been replaced by the Sunday roast with the resurgence of crumble and custard. Relaxing out in the late evening Sun has been replaced by sitting on the sofa in front of a roaring fire. Open-toed sandals on the dog walk replaced with timberland boots. T-shirts and shorts replaced with jeans and jumpers.

Back in 2000 a-ha sang, “Summer moved on. And the way it goes you can’t tag along”. Well it appears that Morten Harket was right. Over the last few days Summer does indeed seemed to have checked out of the seasonal motel.

It’s ok. I don’t want to tag along. I’m happy to embrace the change of season. Bring on the breezy afternoon walks, the Sunday roasts and the new season TV shows. Bring on the fallen leaves and the smell of damp woods. Bring on the dew covered grass. Bring on the first frost.

But before all that let’s just have one last day of warm weather. The last huzzah, a beautiful warm September day which reminds us of the season just gone and finally ushers in the run up to winter.

We Are All Already Time Travellers

2020-08-27T20:49:00.001+01:00

I have been fascinated by time travel ever since watching Back to the Future when I was young. I always wondered what it would be like to go back in time, to see how buildings, towns and cities looked in the past, to smell the smells and experience the lives of the people living in the same space but a different time.

Of course as a kid I also watched Dr Who and although when he, now she, travels in the TARDIS this never really felt like pure time travel, as the Doctor also moved about in space visiting different planets, except during the reign of Jon Pertwee, where perhaps the lack of a BBC budget marooned him on planet Earth in a yellow car called Bessie.

No, I was more interested in how time affected one place. Perhaps the best example of this is in the 1960’s classic film telling of H.G. Wells The Time Machine, where George travels in time from his Victorian conservatory workshop through the First and Second World War’s watching as the local London scene changes ravaged by time. I love this part of the film, the rest of it not so much. Incidentally, this sequence and others won the film an Academy Award for Special Effects.

Of course in The Time Machine the inventor travels forward in time. I am more interested in travelling back.

When I was at University I had a holiday job as a guide in a castle. As a guide you get to tell visitors about the objects, the fabric of the building and the people who lived there. As a guide you needed to make the history of the place come alive. You needed to tell a good story. There were times when you would be on your own in a room in the castle and during those times you could start to get a feel for what it might have been like.

Yesterday I visited a castle. A building that is still lived in and beautifully maintained and a building that surprisingly has tremendous importance in the history of England through the Wars of the Roses and the Tudor dynasty. Some of the building is now in ruins; most spectacular ruins. As I stood in the Sun looking at these I wanted to go back in time to experience what it was like.

And that’s it really. If I could travel in time it would be to go backwards never forwards. I wouldn’t want to disturb the fabric of time, to cause an effect on the future even to get anywhere near the grandfather paradox. I would just want to be present, just out of phase, like a ghost. I don’t want to interact, I just want to observe but not be observed myself. To see what it was really like. It’s something that Mrs Vogue and I share. We talked about just the other day as we drove through a beautiful, historic area of North London.

I don’t need to travel back to the medieval past, to witness some historical moment. I would be delighted just be to able witness those moments in my own lifetime again. To watch my children being born again, to stand in the rain to celebrate my wedding day, to see how my house looked when it was first built or to ride my bike through the streets of Victorian London...

If you read or google about the possibility of time travel you will find theories suggesting it could be possible. But these are just theories involving crazy physics ideas bending time and space, wormholes, infinite time cylinders and cosmic strings.

An argument against time travel is that if it was possible that sometime in the future humans would have discovered it and travelled back and if they had we would know. Perhaps they have and perhaps we don’t. Perhaps they are out of ‘phase’ as I suggested I wanted to time travel. Perhaps ghosts are actually time travellers, people observing, just out of reach of our dimensions. Or perhaps you can’t travel back to a time before the time machine existed. Perhaps these questions are destined never to be answered. Or perhaps they are in the future...

We are already in some way time travellers. When we look at the night sky we time travel. We look back in time whenever we look at the stars. If you go outside tonight and search for Polaris, The North Star, you will be looking back in time!

(Picture takes from https://uxdesign.cc/your-2020-north-star-48af59723b22)

According to Wikipedia the calculations on the distance between Earth and Polaris put it at a distance of 433 light years. Let’s take this measurement as absolute. This would mean that the light takes 433 years to travel from Polaris to Earth. If you were to look at that star tonight in 2020 you would be looking at light generated by that star in the year 1587, 433 years ago. You are looking at what that star looked like in the year 1587. You are a time traveller.

In 1587 Mary Queen of Scots was executed, beheaded for treason. Incidentally on display in the dining room of the castle where I was a guide are the rosary beads that Mary was holding when her head was severed from her body...

So this is the thing. If I could travel far enough away from the Earth, perhaps 2 years and 150 light days. If I were to turn around and point an incredibly powerful telescope towards the hills just North of Lyme Regis in Dorset I could peer through the rain and once again witness my wedding day. And if I could I think it would be apt to have Huey Lewis and the News playing in the background.

The Oxford-like dictionary of Coronavirus Terms

2020-08-20T17:17:00.001+01:00

I was talking to my son the other day about how big world events often have some lasting legacy and change peoples lives in small insignificant ways and sometimes more substantially. As time moves by and one generation becomes the next these changes become ingrained in the day to day world. They become the ‘new normal’.

My son was born after the attack on the Twin Towers in New York, on that day as I along with millions across the globe watched the shocking scenes of these man-made Goliath's falling to the ground people could feel in their bones that this event would change the world. And so it did. To my son’s generation this is just how the world is.

Trying to explain to my kids how the world was before one of the most influential inventions, the internet, is a futile. How can they even imagine how normal life could carry on when the internet and all its magic is so ingrained in their lives.

As we are all painfully aware we are living through one of those moments in human history where there will be a shift. The shift may be helpful, unhelpful or a bit of both, only time will tell us.

The way we shop, the way we travel, the way we holiday, the way we work, the way we exercise, the way we eat, the way we communicate, all of these things and more will change. For our children and grandchildren to come this will be the ‘new normal.’ The face-mask may become the new essential accessory and will remain essential when travelling on public transport or shopping in the high street.

Since lockdown one of the small changes that is already evident relates to the popularised words and terms associated with the virus. There was a time near the beginning of this back in March 2020 when the frequency of the use of the word unprecedented was, well unprecedented.

I have listed some of the words and terms that I have collected in no particular order below;

Unprecedented - an event or events that are out of the ordinary.

Social distancing - where the population are not allowed to come in contact with each other and when out of the home have to stay 2m apart. Or is it 1m with extra precautions?

Lockdown - where people are asked to stay at home and not go out unless they are shopping for essentials, having to go to work or exercising. This can be also be on a smaller scale described as a local lockdown.

Home schooling - with the enforced closure of schools all students in the country do their learning at home. Some parents discovered how difficult teaching actually is.

Key worker - a person who has to work during the lockdown. Especially health workers, delivery drivers, food shop workers and teachers.

Exercise - an activity that helps everyone to maintain their physical and mental health.

Stay at home - a directive given by the government to prevent the transmission of the virus.

Contact tracing - when a person tests positive for Covid-19 it is possible to identify the people they have recently been in contact with who are potentially at risk. The contact tracing app is still under testing.

Self isolation - a requirement to stay away from others when exhibiting the symptoms of Covid-19.

Respirator - a sophisticated piece of medical equipment that supports the breathing of patients who are suffering badly from Covid-19. These are now being produced by the likes of Dyson and McClaren.

PPE - Personal Protection Equipment - masks, gowns, gloves, overalls and goggles used by NHS staff and others caring for the sick to prevent transmission of the virus.

Super spreader - A person identified to have inadvertently caused the infection of many other people.

Contagious - how easily the virus is passed from person to person. The more easily it is transmitted the more contagious it is.

Lag time - the time it takes for the effect of measures such as social distancing to have an effect on the number of infected people.

Infection Rate - the number of new people infected with the virus per day.

R-factor - a more complicated number than it should be that helps describe how quickly the virus is reproducing. Any number of 1 suggests the virus is spreading. The government aims to keep it below 1.

Quarantine - to isolate infected people from the wider population. Fourteen day isolation appears now to be the norm.

Furloughed - where a person is given temporary leave of absence from their job but is still paid.

Pandemic - when an infectious disease has infected a number of people in many different countries across the world.

Flatten the curve - a term used by scientific advisers and politicians to describe the effect of social distancing and lockdown measures where the infection rate is slowed and prevented from increasing.

Exit strategy - a political term used to describe the measures that need to be taken to safely remove the lockdown measures without causing an increase in infections.

Zooming - to Zoom is to call on line. Zooming seems to have replaced the term FaceTiming.

U-turn - a term often coined by the media when describing the governments handling of certain political decisions.

Algorithm - a word associated with a statistical modelling process that results in utter chaos and U-turns.

The dictionary needs updating where is Samuel Johnson when you need him?

A-level Angst and Anger

2020-08-18T17:33:00.001+01:00

It’s been a few days since my last blog when I wrote about the issues relating to using data and statistics and as a result anomalies in the patterns will always be present. Yet in the case of the statistical algorithm used to determine the exam grades the outliers were individuals with hopes, dreams and aspirations. Young influential people starting out in life not statistical anomalies.

These ‘outliers’ have made their voices clear over the last week and as they have it has become apparent to all that perhaps they were not outliers after all, instead they were the norm. It appears after analysis of the results, by people much more qualified than myself, that a significant number of students have been treated unfairly compared to other groups. Due to the nature of how this algorithm works it appears to have favoured private selective schools due to small group sizes and stable historical results. Schools and colleges with larger teaching groups and more ‘volatile’ past cohort results seem to have been downgraded.

Of course the disappointment of not getting the results deserved gas been devastating for many but is only part of the story. For a large number of individuals this ‘fiasco’ as it has been described has also resulted in at worst an uncertain future and at best a compromised way forward.

Late yesterday afternoon the government (under enormous pressure) performed one of the most spectacular u-turns in recent political history and reverted the grades to those originally decided by the teacher.

The obvious knock on effects have now occurred. Students who are now in possession of the grades quite rightly banging down University admissions tutors doors and asking for a place.

The question now occupying the nation, ‘Who is to blame?’. A cock-up of this magnitude quite rightly deserves an inquiry, it deserves someone to say I’m sorry and I need to go away for a bit. The apologies have come all day but the resignations? No! They remain absent from the public eye.

What is currently happening is one group blaming another and whilst this is allowed to happen we will ultimately witness a stand-off. All stand-offs result in an outcome of some kind.

To determine the grades of thousands of students was always going to be a nightmare. Even with exams it is uber difficult thing to do. Everyone in education agreed with that. The unions accepted that a standardised model was appropriate. But when it was obvious it was going wrong, at the point when the Scottish results were criticised so strongly, at that point surely it was time to put the brakes on and change direction? But the way forward was bodged. Last minute announcements late at night led to greater confusion and for some students false hope.

The exams regulator may have put too much faith in the algorithm but the DFE was overseeing the whole operation and the management of the process was simply poor.

Poorer still was that these students had already had the end of their school lives severely compromised and the uncertainty that has led to anger and angst has been potentially damaging. These students are the next generation of doctors, lawyers, vets, entrepreneurs, managers, shopkeepers, teachers and all the jobs which are vital for society. These students are the people who will look after the current generation when we get old. These students are the people who will take this country forward in the years to come.

Let’s hope that in the coming future these students remember this experience and when they are the politicians running our country that they draw on the experience and do better!

8 out of 10 cats...believe statistical modelling should be treated with caution.

2020-08-15T08:25:00.001+01:00

Over the last months throughout the pandemic we have heard a lot about statistics and statistical modelling. Statistical results are often held up to be absolute and are often reported in the media without the levels of uncertainty that naturally accompany them.

A good example of this was the statistic being banded around that bald men were more likely to become hospitalised with Covid-19 than men with a full head of hair. This would have caused a degree of alarm for the follicly challenged members of the population. It would suggest that there is a causal link between hairloss and Covid-19. Now perhaps there is I have not accessed the original information from where this came perhaps to do with male hormones?. However it is more likely that this is just a correlation and that the cause is age. Older men are more likely to have complications with the virus and statistically more older men are bald compared to their younger counterparts. Notice that I used the term statistically in my argument against statistics! Interesting.

The point, the statistic still tells you something it just needs to be treated with caution.

Consider a game of dice where the aim of the game is to throw two dice and get a total of 7. I throw the dice, what are my chances of getting a 7? The probability is 16.67% (6 combinations out of a possible 36). The chance of throwing a 2 is just 2.78%. Now try throwing two dice 36 times. Do you throw a 7 six times? Do you throw a double 1 once? Probably, but not definitely. The more you throw, the bigger the sample size and the more likely your actual results fit the statistical model.

The important difference between a correlation and a causal relationship is demonstrated when looking at data surrounding the occurrence of people seeking medical support for hay-fever in the UK and the number of ice cream sales from ice cream vans. Both sets of data show spikes in early April and again in June, July and August. If one was careless with this data one might suggest that having hay-fever increased the desire for an ice cream. Or that in some way buying an ice cream brought on the symptoms of watering eyes and sneezing etc. Of course this is ridiculous. It just so happens that at these times of the year the release of pollen accompanies nice weather when children are in school holidays. This causes both these factors at the same time.

Opinion polls are another example of statistical modelling that recently have shown that this uncertainty can make predicting events very difficult especially when these events are full of complex variables. How many times has a political election gone against the information provided by the polls? I’m sure someone can provide a statistic on that.

Used properly statistics are important. They help us make judgements that keep us alive. They are part of the decisions we make all the time when we consider the risk of a particular action. It’s just that we don’t actively ‘do the maths’. Statistics are everywhere. They can be used to predict and can be used very successfully. But predictions are not always correct they have a degree of uncertainty and this is where the flaw lies.

I believe that the big issue with statistics is that it generalises and although tries to account for outliers these are difficult to deal with when trying to model complex human behaviours. The outliers are people not just numbers.

So, it was inevitable, when applying a statistical model to exam grading in the UK the model would be flawed. The data used would not be able to take into account all factors about individual students and their schools.

Remember the outliers are real people with their futures ahead of them.

The outliers are students who have seen their results drop by 2, 3 or more grades

The outliers are schools that have cohorts that would have performed much better than in previous years.

The statistical process has apparently failed these individuals by applying generalised criteria.

The use of this mystical statistical algorithm has led to real sadness and anxiety for a large number of our 18 year olds that will be hard to rectify. A group of young people who have already been significantly compromised by the pandemic.

And it’s set to repeat next week.

As Mark Twain wrote, ‘facts are stubborn things but statistics are pliable,’. Perhaps the government will learn and allow more pliability in the statistical modelling? I hope so for the sakes of all those young people.

In Hot Water!

2020-08-11T17:01:00.001+01:00

As I write these words today I am reflecting on the fact that Ed and his Vogers should have been returning from a holiday on the Greek Island of Kefalonia. If you haven’t been then this island is a must, it is still fairly quiet and undisturbed by the party atmosphere that can inhabit those parts of the world. The food everywhere is deliciously simple, fresh and homemade. I have never found grilled sea bass better anywhere else I have eaten it. The pace of life is relaxed and good service can be found everywhere.

The real gem regarding this particular Ionian island is its coastline. You can find a beach to suit every member of the family from gentle shallow warm waters to the crashing coastline of one of the top 10 beaches in the world.

It is a place that you can see I hold dearly in my heart. This year was to not be. Even though as a family we were the most organised we could have been in this post-pandemic era our holiday had to go by the wayside. Of course in hindsight we would have been able to have gone. Currently Greece remains open with no restrictions governing quarantine. Although at the time of writing I see that this could change imminently with new cases being seen in the country. However due to uncertainty and a huge potential cost without getting the holiday we expected, with heavy hearts, we cancelled the trip.

Today’s convoluted script is not, however, about missing holidays or seeking sympathy from those of you that have read this far. What has transpired is that the immediate Vogue family have found ourselves for the first time the most spread out we have ever been. We are all doing our own things for reasons I will not bore you with here. Safe to say everyone is having a great time doing what they are doing.

I’ve made it to the beach with my eldest son. We have lucked out and some dear friends have allowed us the use of their beachside flat. When I say beachside I literally mean on the beach. The tide is currently in and the sea is gently lapping away a mere 10 meters from the window. As well as being so close to the water the country is experiencing a hot spot. The temperature again today is over 30 degrees so it feels very much like we are hanging out in Greece. We have spent most of the day by on in the sea but have had to retreat from the temperatures and the ineffectiveness of our suntan lotion.

After all that preamble I want to leave this entry with a question. This enquiry has been formed due to a common observation that I make when ever gingerly entering the sea in England. I note that there are always colder areas of water and warmer areas of water. Why is this? I used to be told as a kid that this is because the fish wee! This is as unsatisfactory as the reason why the moon looks bigger lower in the sky. If you google today’s query you find answers about thermoclines and mixing of currents and volcanic activity. I’m not asking about these large geographical events.

So, why when you walk a foot to the left the sea feels like a bath and a foot to the right it feels like you have placed your entire body in a bucket of ice?

Answers on a postcard please - well I am on holiday!

BBQ Brilliance

2020-08-05T15:40:00.001+01:00

I wrote some eight years ago about the great British BBQ. My views on outside cooking over hot charcoal have not changed. I still believe that the BBQ is a brilliant invention. Since that time I have learnt a lot about the art of this kind of cooking in that time and have been witness to watching and tasting some delicious grilled foods.

As soon as the Sun looks like it’s going to show it’s face the BBQ’s across the nation start to come out from hibernation. First they need some tender loving care to clean off the rigours of the winter season, to clean off the burnt on pieces of burgers and sausages left from the previous September, to remove the spiders that have set up home amongst the old charcoal ashes and to wash off the splattered bird poo from the lid.

Once this is done it is time to let the cooking commence.

Lighting the BBQ is an art in itself. The interweb is full of examples of people setting themselves, their loved ones and their garden sheds alight using a poorly chosen inflammable liquid. As an aside what is the difference between flammable and inflammable?

I have discovered that a few pieces of kindling piled in an organised fashion and a firefighter gets seats the fire and then carefully adding the charcoal soon gets the coals ready to go. I have also recently seen the professional use of a homemade chimney to get the charcoal started. The important part of lighting is to get the air moving to provide the oxygen. As all good scientists know heat, fuel and oxygen are the three ingredients for combustion.

It is interesting that around the country when the BBQ is ready to go it is predominantly the men of the household that grab a beer, don the apron and get cooking. Of course this is a massive generalisation so apologies to any households where this is not the case. I have learnt that the secret to a BBQ is to cook slowly over gentle heat but most importantly to spend time preparing the food before it gets anywhere near the grill. Trying to cook over too fierce a heat results in a blackened crispy inedible outside and an uncooked salmonella potential poisoning inside. You can get away with it if serving in the dark but it will come back to ‘bite’ you and your guests over the next few days. It is not a surprise that the incidence of food poisoning doubles over the summer months.

Last night our BBQ was in action making a twist on a Tuna Niciose salad. The grill was used to cook strips of courgettes marinaded in olive oil, dill and tarragon and to lightly toast pieces of sourdough. Then to cook pieces of tuna steak and corn on the cob as a side dish. This was cooked over charcoal and wood. The key to this fish is the smoky flavour that is absorbed by the food as it cooks over the burning wood.

This was all then expertly assembled and served to the delight of all.

Delicious.

A Golfing Adventure

2020-08-03T19:29:00.001+01:00

A have to admit that I am partial to watching a bit of golf on the telly box. There is something fascinating about following the players on a tournament like The Open. As an armchair admirer you get to see all the action. Every important shot can been seen with the commentary alongside that, on occasions, is as amusing as the Test Match Special of days past.

Members of my family, friends and work colleagues are all golfers and love the game. I have to admit to being intimidated by the whole thing. Golf is full of technical ‘things’. By ‘things’ I mean rules, etiquette, equipment, clothing and words. It’s all a bit too much. This is before I even get into the technique of a golf swing. Those people who know me will understand that I’m not the most coordinated of people. I can throw a ball pretty accurately and pretty far but the coordination involved in catching it completely foxes me. As far as I can tell the golf swing is incredibly involved, coordinating the movement of shoulders, bottom, arms and legs whilst holding the head still and managing to grip the club in the correct manner, not to mention hitting it in a certain direction. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt.

Saying all of that I can see the appeal of spending some time on a beautiful course early in the morning hitting a white ball around trying to sink it into a small hole.

The closest I have ever come to a game of golf is a game of adventure golf. This is something I really like to do. The thrill of getting a hole in one is possible at every hole and too he honest not a lot of orchestration. This week the kids and I played 18 holes at the local Adventure Golf which claims to be London’s largest.

It boasts two courses and a footgolf course. We played the Amazon course. It was quite busy, made more difficult by the social distancing aspect. 18 holes of adventure golf in the sunshine.

Each hole has its own particular way to play it. The shortcuts very rarely work and sometimes playing for these will leave you in trouble. Playing conservatively will often win the game. I was playing against the children. Those of you that are parents will know that this means you need to be on your game. The stakes were high.

Luckily, the adventure golf gods were with me on the day. Narrowly missing trouble like falling in the fast flowing stream and bouncing out of bounds. It was a good round. The only issue was a few flying ants but not enough to distract.

I finished the game on 41. Par for the course. A satisfactory result. Crucially I came out on top.

I’ll take the green jacket now. Thank you.

Market Merriment

2020-08-02T19:42:00.001+01:00

If you read yesterday’s blog offering yesterday you will have been subject to my views on internet shopping. As I discussed shopping online has its place but it certainly doesn’t beat the hustle and bustle of the real market place. In these current viral times an open air market may well be a safe way to shop if you are able to maintain the required social distancing measures.

I love a market. I love the sights and smells of the marketplace. At a food market you can probably manage to eat an entire meal by just snacking on the free samples that are provided. Slightly annoyingly I have noted that since the markets have reopened the ‘new normal rules’ seem to have curtailed the frequency that these little morsels are made available, leaving me with a slightly empty feeling.

There are a number of great markets in London. By far my favourite is Borough Market adjacent to London Bridge and the Shard. This is a food lovers haven. Gorgeous products including meats, fruits and vegetables, cheese, doughnuts and more cheese can be found amongst the sights and sounds of delicious street food. All there to tempt the senses.

The sounds of a market are also unique. The market sellers have a very particular sound. They speak in a particular way that encourages you to engage and hopefully for them to make a sale. I like to imagine that this particular dialogue has been passed down through time and that if I was able to venture back to the 1600’s the scene would be similar. Just smellier and muddier!

Today Columbia Flower Market in Hackney was a riot of colour, noise and smells. Every Sunday Columbia Road is closed to traffic and the market sets up. All manner of flowers and plants can be found there. In the streets all around people can be seen carrying bunches of brightly coloured blooms or larger vegetation all ready to be arranged in a vase, planted in the correct spot in the garden or located in the corner of the patio, terrace or roof garden.

Arguably the best time to visit a market is in the last hour. Although some stock may be low, at this time you can always haggle to get yourself a bargain. No florist wants to take stock home to wilt to become next years compost when at least some money can change hands.

Today we bagged ourselves a couple of plants and found a delicious sourdough toastie for lunch and just enjoyed the atmosphere even if wandering around the market had to become a one way route event.

Supreme Sofa Shopping

2020-08-01T17:04:00.001+01:00

For many years the early adopters of online shopping have ruled supreme. The likes of Amazon and Ocado have had the market sewn up. It is easy to look for things in the shops and then find the same item cheaper from the comfort of your own home and have it delivered without having to move from the sofa.

Many companies over the years looked longingly at these pioneering and successful enterprises and wanted to get some of the same action. As the years have gone by every retailer has had to consider their online presence. Whether this is through an in house bespoke solution or piggybacking onto another. The result is that you can now buy nearly every item you could desire online and have it delivered to your residence or place at work or even have it gift wrapped and delivered to your buddy.

During lockdown with the shops closed this online retail became even more important. At first the supermarkets could not cope with the demand. They prioritised the elderly, vulnerable, key workers and existing customers. As far as I understand Amazon were able to meet the demand switching their working patterns to emulate the pre-Christmas rush.

The smaller entrepreneurial businesses were quick to adapt to the ‘new normal’ and starting selling online. A local bar started selling cocktails in line and delivering them to the alcohol starved local community. Farms started selling their produce direct to customers and smaller supermarkets reclaimed the market by providing home delivery in their immediate vicinity.

As the country has started to unlock larger companies are starting to question the need for physical shops as they have seen the profitable side of the online sales. This will result in the further decay of high streets and the inevitability of job losses. A sad price to pay for the convenience of sofa shopping.

It is also so easy to buy online. To get carried away. To buy items on a whim that you don’t really need. Thankfully it is also getting easier to return. I have recently taken to buying new clothes online (to take account of my lockdown weight loss) and discovered an app that means you don’t even have to pay for 30 days. Brilliant. It’s like free clothes.

It’s dangerous. Handing over hard earned cash at the till is much safer.

Keep the shops I say. Nothing like browsing a good store.

It’s too hot I’m having a breakdown!

2020-07-31T14:50:00.001+01:00

It is predicted to be possibly the hottest day of the year so the Vogue family made a decision to head out of town to the coast to visit some friends by the sea. This is preferable to me than blowing up and filling the paddling pool in the garden.

The car was packed with all the items you need for the beach. We navigated our way through the post lockdown Friday traffic of North London and joined the M25.

The music was banging out of the speakers and as I drove I dreamt of my seafood platter lunch and delicious fish and chips for dinner staring out at the big blue.

The temperature on the dashboard revealed a steaming 40 degrees outside but the air conditioning was doing a great job of keeping us all cool.

As we neared the M3 the traffic slowed for an incident ahead and as we slowed down to stop the engine stalled and then failed to restart. We had broken down on the M25 just before Junction 12 - in the middle lane!

Mrs Vogue immediately made a 999 call to report our predicament. We were told to stay in the car and await the arrival of the police. We also contacted the RAC who mercilessly were only a short way a way and as we had kids and a dog in the car we were high priority. The breakdown gods appeared to be on our side.

Fifteen minutes later and we were still waiting stuck in the car in the middle of the Surrey stretch of the busiest motorway in the country. I was nervously watching cars behind move out of our lane and pass by on either side. We discussed whether we should get out and try to get to the hard shoulder. No options seemed safe.

Following another 999 call by Mrs Vogue the police arrived without incident, they closed the road, apologies if you were in this queue, and pushed us to the hard shoulder.

Directly the RAC man arrived and quickly diagnosed a problem with the fuel pump. After taking the back seats apart and fiddling with the power connection the car started fine and the fuel pump was fixed. Brilliant. He told us that he thought we were safe to continue but wasn’t sure why fiddling with the connection should have made a difference. He advised us that to be on the safe side to have a new fuel pump fitted in the next few weeks. Just for peace of mind.

He then followed us to the next junction to check that all was well, our road test, the car behaved impeccably and we waved goodbye to this very nice man as he peeled off the motorway.

Hurrah, slightly delayed but back on our way to the sea.

Well, not quite. This is my view now. I am currently sitting on the side of the A3 watching the traffic go by waiting for an RAC tow truck to take me back to London. The fuel pump in question didn’t quite make it to Guildford.

The day trip for Ed is over.

A stupid breakdown shouldn’t disrupt everybody’s fun. So as I wait what could be four hours for support, Mrs Vogue and the Vogers have continued their journey to the sea by taxi and train. Which is I think is fantastic by the way. And me? I’m looking forward to a ride in the cab of the RAC van. I’ll let you know how I got on...

Brilliant Breakfasts

2020-07-30T23:04:00.001+01:00

Eggs, bacon, mushrooms, beans, black pudding, fried bread, grilled tomatoes alongside others all important components of the traditional Great British breakfast. This is a meal that can be piled high on a plate served with white toast, marmalade and a pint of tea at a roadside cafe or presented neatly on the finest porcelain alongside starched white napkins in a fancy London restaurant.

I love making breakfast. Often nothing beats a simple poached egg on toast with a side of smoked bacon grilled until the edges are crispy. Since coronavirus however we have been experimenting with some delicious recipes. With lockdown we have had more time to spend on this well deserved meal. I would like to share three of my favourites.

The first recipe is a Tom Kerridge recipe from his book and TV series of the same name Get Fit and Lose Weight. This recipe is called Green Eggs and Ham. The green is kale, spinach and peas, these ingredients alongside garlic and spring onions are scrambled together with eggs and creme fraiche and served on a piece of sourdough. This is then topped with cooked shredded ham hock and sprinkled with grated Parmesan cheese and seasoned to taste. A real favourite of the house.

The second is a recipe from a cookbook that I received for my birthday. The book in question is full of recipes from the restaurant Dishoom. The breakfast that caught my eye is that of a scrambled egg recipe called Akuri.

This requires a mixture of green chilli, turmeric, tomato, onion heated together with olive oil for a few minutes and then eggs added and the mixture scrambled together served on toasted bread garnished with coriander alongside a grilled tomato. Simple and a delicious twist on the normal scrambled egg.

The final recipe, like the first, involves the use of kale but in this case pairs this humble green with delicious mushrooms. The mushrooms are halved and fried with spring onions and garlic until soft and brown with. The kale is then added and cooked for a couple of minutes. Two eggs are then cracked into this mixture with a little nutmeg and seasoning.

A lid is placed on the saucepan and the heat turned down. This is then cooked until the eggs are done with the yolks still just soft, and voilà mushroom and kale baked eggs.

Delicious dishes guaranteed to provide a great start to the day. Good morning.

Damson Delight

2020-07-29T21:26:00.001+01:00

Today’s blog is a recipe inspired by the bounty of damson fruit ripening on the tree in our garden. So what to make when the damsons are in season? Usually I would make some chutney. Today was not a chutney day. Too early in the year. Interestingly the damsons are early this year perhaps the warm lockdown March and April is responsible for this.

The recipe needed today needed to reflect the summer...

1.8 kilograms of damsons allows for two different recipes, a damson jam and a damson fool. Excitingly the jam recipe requires our special book. This has been well thumbed and the pages are stained with various fruit juices and vinegars.

There are some lovely recipes in this book. I very much recommend it if you want to make jams or preserves.

The damson fool recipe required a google search and luckily my favourite food writer of the moment Felicity Cloke of the Guardian has written an article on the Perfect Damson Fool.

She has to take credit for this recipe. See link above.

Take 1kg of damsons (stoned) and add 250ml of water and four tablespoons of light brown sugar. Gently simmer for 15 minutes until the fruit is softened. Pass the mixture through a sieve pushing as much purée through as possible. Add the juice of half a lemon and then set aside to cool. Whisk 4 tablespoons of icing sugar with 600ml of double cream until it reaches the soft peak stage. In another bowl whisk two egg whites until stiff. Carefully fold the eggs into the cream and then swirl in the damson mixture. Spoon into individual sundae dishes or jam jars and refrigerate until ready to eat.

Serve and enjoy. Perfect for a summer evening.

Are You a Cat or a Dog Person?

2020-07-28T21:10:00.001+01:00

This question is one that has been posed many a time. It can be asked in a frivolous Facebook type of question or asked in a serious job interview. I guess the validity of the second example depends upon the position applied for. If you were interviewing for a position as a financial director of an investment bank then it would be, to say the least, a bit odd. However, if you were interviewing for a position at the local Pets R Us, then then in this case it might be a reasonable line of enquiry.

Are YOU a dog or cat person?

It is a deeply personal question.

It is a question that perhaps divides the nation. It can be a dangerous question to ask on a first date, but I would bet good money that more than likely a discussion about pets comes up during this occasion. It is a make or break question. The answer could result in the date ending in a ‘would you like to come back to mine for coffee and to see my...cat’ (even I have to keep these blogs decent) or ‘let’s get the bill and never see each other again!’

When I was growing up we had a dog, which I don’t remember, but from the stories I have been told it would appear to be the most disobedient but loyal dog ever. Following the dogs death three cats, one of which was born as a kitten that I was lucky enough to keep - I won’t tell you his name as you might crack one of my memorable answers, ‘What was the name of your first pet?’ What I will mention about him was that he was the best hunter of grey squirrels. He killed nearly all these creatures in the neighbourhood, devouring them entirely but leaving their tails like some trophy keeping serial killer.

Then we had a dog, a black and tan dachshund. A fab dog who was never the same after being kicked during a burglary. Following that hideous event leaving her paralysed for a few weeks no unknown visitor to the house received a friendly welcome. I believe that Her Majesty’s Post Office was close to blacklisting the house.

We have a dog now. Another dachshund. He is fabulous. The most gentle loving dog. As I write this he is currently sitting at my feet waiting to come up into the sofa for a cuddle. I can literally feel his eyes boring into me. In the morning he greets us with a bow and a smile. He picks up a stick on a walk and encourages us to chase him and whenever we leave the house he gets up to join us. When I get home for work he wuffs at me until he engaged be in a playful game. He is one of the family. Incidentally I have given in and he is now on my lap with his chin resting on my leg.

What about cats I hear you ask? This week my friends cat went out for a walk, hunt, lady cat time, whatever they do. Then didn’t come back that night. Or the next. Or the next. Or the next. During that time my friend couldn’t think straight. He was filled with worry. He knocked on his neighbours doors asking them to check their sheds. No luck.

Then he turned up. Walked straight in, purred and ate food then walked out again.

Charming.

I wouldn’t stand for it.

That is why I’m a dog person.

Fantasy Football Ends with an Exciting Super Sunday

2020-07-27T17:35:00.001+01:00

Yesterday marked the last day of the English Premiership Season so its time to hang up the boots and reflect on my Fantasy Football experience..

To tell the truth I have never really been into football. As a youngster the nearest big club was Brighton and Hove Albion and my friends and I never made the trip to the terraces and as a result I never felt the club spirit that so many people talk about. I wasn’t sporty as a kid, never played myself and my lack of interest meant that when the big national events came around I wasn’t that bothered as to who won or lost.

I do remember the FA Cup being a big thing though. It would nominate the live kids TV on a Saturday morning the in early summer and always seemed to be a red team playing against a blue team.

As a student in Leeds, before the premiership, I did go once to Elland Road in the 91/92 season. This was when they won the first division ahead of Man Utd. These were in the days of Gary Speed, Gary McAllister, Lee Chapman, Gordon Strachan and Eric Cantona (na na - as I perhaps mistaken my believe the chant used to go).

Up until recently if people asked me which team I support I would say Leeds, but to be honest I had no idea how they were doing...but it would usually shut down the conversation!

Knowing about football does provide a social advantage, of that I am sure, whenever there is nothing to talk about football can usually bring some flair to a foundering conversation. Until this year I managed to bluff my way through a football conversation by listening to Radio 4 sport news on the way to work. This usually provided me with something intelligent to say that provided me with an ounce of football credibility.

However, this season a few things have happened that added together have increased my knowledge greatly. First my stepson has me interested in football. He decided that as a family we would support Spurs. This is a controversial decision living where we do in North London as on the whole Arsenal (or The Arsenal - as I have come to understand) are the preferred choice and to say the rivalry is strong is as understatement for sure. However my interest in the team has developed a wider knowledge of the premiership.

Secondly my Arsenal supporting best man took me to The Emirates to see The Gunners play my old team Leeds in the 3rd round of the FA Cup. The excitement of the game opened my eyes to what I was missing.

Most importantly this year was the invite I received to join my workplaces’ Fantasy Football league. Through this game I have followed the ups and downs of the football season. I have learnt who the best players are, the injuries, the importance of penalty takers and the goal scoring midfielders. Importantly I can now speak with some authority about certain players. For instance I know that De Bruyne of Man City now holds the all time record (with Thierry Henry) for the most premier league assists in one season (20) getting his 20th assist alongside two goals in the 5-0 final game against Norwich. I also know that Tottenham’s strong finish to the season and their inclusion in the Europa League next year was down to the number of goals scored by Harry Kane since returning from injury and lockdown. He scored to help secure the draw against Crystal Palace that with the loss against Chelsea by Wolves secured European football for Spurs next year. Also Leeds secured their place back in premiership football next season.

See. I know about football.

So how about the Fantasy Football league?

This is my team in the final week. Not a good result of truth be told. It all rested on a poor decision made a couple of days ago. My most prolific player this year has been De Bruyne, I mentioned him earlier.

He has been my captain for most weeks but recently he has not always started on the pitch. He did play in the week before. There was a big risk that he would not be in the starting lineup for the last game. As his fellow midfielder teammate was benched last Wednesday I made the decision to swap him out and replace him with Mahrez instead and in turn making Sterling my captain. That decision cost me 21 points. Gutted.

Even so I maintained third place in the league and happily joint third with my close rival. Third is not first I hear you cry but it’s not bad for a football novice.

Bring on the 12th September I say!

Early Morning in North London

2020-07-26T17:01:00.001+01:00

When people ask me where I live and I tell them London they think mostly of busy, traffic filled streets with crime on every corner. What people don’t consider are the small village areas punctuated by parks, wild spaces and woods, the varied and diverse culture that is on offer bringing with it interesting food shops, restaurants and people, convenient and cheap transport options and the buzz of living in arguably the greatest city in the world.

Ok, I admit it can be busy but it depends on where you are going. Since the lockdown the roads have been much quieter and even as easing as occurred the traffic has not been at the levels that it was before. Areas of central London can be touristy and this equals busy. You may have to queue for a tube and stand shoulder to shoulder taking in the aromas of your fellow passengers once on it but this is the price to pay for having so many lovely things right on your doorstep.

Just like any city though if you arrive at the right time you can have it to yourself - everything might be closed - but there is some kind of beauty in the deserted nature of the place.

This morning I took a cycle ride from my house around North London cycling up through Hampstead down to Regent’s Park, along their canal to Camden and then back home through Hornsey and a disused railway line to Highgate and then back. Just a gentle 20km and to be fair not horrendously early either. Although I must add that my gentle bike ride is nothing like some of those serious bike riders on a Sunday morning that whizz past me on the way to completing a 100km ride before breakfast.

By the time I had worked by way up to Hampstead the high street was still empty, by lunch time a large queue of people (socially distanced) would be forming to get their mouths round the world famous crepes.

Down the hill into Regent’s Park and on to the canal I would have this stretch of London all to myself later this will be packed with runners, families walking their dogs and other cyclists.

Then a few 100m along the canal I reached Camden Lock and the market. At the weekend this is one of the busiest areas in London packed for of the young and trendy types eating street food, drinking beer, getting tattoos and purchasing vintage clothing. But at twenty five past eight on a Sunday morning it is deserted.

After working my way steadily back up the incline towards Muswell Hill. I was able to find a nice viewing point above the rooftops to look back towards the city The only thing missing from this view is the sea...

Hurrah for Geeks and Nerds

2020-07-25T13:08:00.001+01:00

Whilst ruminating on the subject of today’s post I was reflecting on the names that I have been called in the past and occasionally still do although that I am well into my middle age.

The first that has followed me around through the years is of a cartoon character; the sidekick of one of the 80’s British cartoon superheroes. The superhero in question is Dangermouse, a cool, sophisticated cowardly crime fighter who was supported in his exciting escapades by his nerdy sidekick Penfold. Penfold was a spectacle and suit wearing hamster. He is particularly known for his catchphrase of ‘crumbs’ whenever trouble reared its head.

I must have looked like Penfold when I was younger because when I met people for the first time and the conversation started flowing they often were reminded of Penfold!! I knew it was coming when they would say, ‘who do you remind me of?’. I would then wait for the penny to drop.

I am pleased to say that this has not happened in recent years, perhaps that is because as I have aged my face had become less chubby and my hair has started to grey? I suspect though that it is more to do with the fact that Dangermouse is not regularly aired on terrestrial TV anymore.

Photo (https://www.comedy.co.uk/images/library/people/180x200/d/danger_mouse_penfold.jpg)

You may have noticed that I myself referred to Penfold as ‘nerdy’. This and other related monikers have been attributed to me over the years. Being studious, good at maths, knowing a bit about lots of things and liking science has probably contributed to this phenomenon. As I guess has been my general sensible, rule following nature, not to mention not knowing much about football (this has changed in recent years).

When I was at school being ‘nerdy’ was seen as a negative. If you were nerdy then you were seriously not cool, you most probably were bullied and didn’t have a girlfriend.

But a few years ago this all changed...

Along with gin, beards and waistcoats being nerdy or geeky has become somewhat popular, I might even go as far as being actively encouraged. Being a geek is cool (nowadays, sic, dope, lit or Gucci). Young people even buy fake glasses to make themselves look more geeky. Geek chic is here. Take a look at this WikiHow https://www.wikihow.com/Category:Geek-Culture and don’t forget Alessandro Michele’s Geek Chic direction at Gucci in contrast to the Tom Ford look.

Perhaps this geek obsession is a result of the world modernising. Those people who are good with computers, updating IPhones and their software, know how to share the screen on Zoom, can stream Netflix to a TV or just know a lot of stuff about viruses and vaccines are thought to have a new evolutionary advantage. These skills have therefore become attractive and the geek culture has been embraced.

I don’t think that I am or have ever been a nerd. Although when I googled images of nerds this image was high on the list and even Ed has to admit it does show a strange resemblance to yours truly... But a geek I could accept.

Having researched the terms geek and nerd (as any self-respecting geek would do) I found some interesting definitions for these terms. It is much more complicated than you might think. It appears that a nerd is not a geek and they should not be associated together.

There is a useful table on the Urban dictionary that describes the difference between the terms, normie, nerd, geek and dork. This defines these groups of people based on their technical and social skills. I summarise below...

1. Normie - has no technical skills but has social skills

(They are normal people)

2. Geek - has technical skills and social skills

(An outwardly normal person who has taken the time to learn some technical skills). They have a good social life and you would only know about their geekiness once you talk to them about their interests.

3. Nerd - has technical skills but no social skills

(Socially awkward and their technical knowledge makes it hard for normies to mix with them)

4. Dork - no technical or social skills

Obviously these definitions should be treated with caution, segregating people into groups is almost always never good and name calling is a horrid thing to do. However with this caveat in mind I think I would probably make it into the geek category - I guess my post on tide times earlier this week is evidence for this.

Hey though that’s ok. I’m proud to be a geek...

Now we can all be Superheroes.

2020-07-23T23:49:00.001+01:00

It is widely known that superheroes wear masks to protect their identities. But not all. Superman wears no mask, all he has to do is take his glasses off, put his pants on the outside of his lycra leggings, run some brylcreem through his hair and he is somehow unrecognisable to his nearest and dearest.

On the other hand Spider-Man and indeed Ironman wear a full face covering that hide their identities. Those who know the Marvel films will understand that in the case of Ironman this is not actually to protect his identity. Tony Stark goes out of his way to ensure everyone knows that ‘he is Ironman’. His helmet is all about the heads up display to help him catch the bad guys, but for Spider-Man anonymity is all important.

Somewhere in between these extremes lies the half mask that Batman wears. His mask covers the top half of the head leaving nostrils and mouth bare but this seems enough, with the added aid of a gravelly voice, to confuse everyone about his real identity. His identity may be safe but with his airways exposed his health is far from safe from the coronavirus.

Today, Friday 24th July, marks the day when in England it becomes mandatory to wear masks in supermarkets and other shops, transport hubs, banks and post offices and whilst queuing for takeaway food. Failure to comply with this law could result in a £100 fine.

The guidance states that the face coverings should cover the mouth and nose.

Spider-Man and Ironman are fine. Their masks mean that they more than comply with these new regulations but Superman and Batman have a problem. They could fight crime, catch criminals but not get a Costa Coffee. They like the rest of us will need to carry around a mask with them. Not a problem for Batman with his utility belt but where will Superman keep his? I can only suggest tucked into his pants!

These caped crusaders have no need to worry as a quick google search reveals that you can buy face-masks with Batman or Superman insignia.

In fact in my googling I have discovered the whole new burgeoning industry of facemask fashion. In the last few days Hello and GQ Magazine have run articles and there is even a website, https://facemaskfashion.co.uk/. There is an amazing variety out there ranging from about £3 to £90 a mask depending on the material and the label. If money is no object I did find this Givency mask in a list on GQ magazine for £425, I guess this does include the cap!!

Perhaps a good solution for Batman?

From today all of us can don our masks when shopping for our weekly groceries and in true superhero style no one will have any idea about our true identities. Not only will we reduce the transmission of the virus but at the same time we will become our alter egos. All we need to do is decide what our superhero power will be!

Stay safe, wear a mask, protect your identity.

Joe Wicks takes a bow and duck walks out for a well deserved rest

2020-07-21T15:30:00.001+01:00

Way back in the last week of March lockdown started in England. The government told us to stay home and schools were closed. As a family we decided to try out an advertised HIIT workout programme which would be streaming live on YouTube, Body Coach TV.

We tuned in on that first day and were introduced to PE with Joe and the HIIT workout.

As a family we whole heartedly jumped in. The guy, Joe, was engaging and enthusiastic. It was hard. Three days later we could hardly walk up and down the stairs. Joe told the nation that was normal. He told us this was because the muscles were being worked and that it was temporary and we would get stronger.

He was right.

By the end of the week we could walk again and we were getting used to the exercises. A month in and Joe Wicks had become a national phenomenon. He was being talked about on the radio and TV. People used his name as a synonym for exercising.

He had also introduced us to his family with his wife and kids joining him on screen.

I noticed something was happening, I was getting trimmer and stronger. My resting heart rate had dropped below 60 and the exercises were becoming easier. I was getting fit. I could do more press-ups and hold a sumo squat... I didn’t even know what that was before!

The Body Coach had anticipated this. The workouts got harder, they included the dreaded duck walks and were more intense, longer times with shorter rest periods and finishing with a 5 minute abs exercise.

During this time Joe’s media presence increased he made it to Desert Island Discs and the Observer Magazine where we learnt about his life and childhood. He raised money for the NHS and showed what a decent, determined man he is.

So, now after 19 weeks and over 78 sessions, and £580k raised for charity today was the last live PE with Joe (for the time being) before he gets on his motorbike and tours Scotland.

He leaves behind him thousands of people around the globe who are fitter and healthier. He has been a stable, positive constant throughout the global pandemic and I would suggest just as important and remarkable as the amazing Captain Tom.

Joe deserves a medal and a knighthood.

Happy holiday Joe, thanks for the abs and the serotonin rush. I have as you have suggested subscribed to your YouTube channel so when you post a new session I can get involved. Until then I will pick my favourites to continue to keep active.

One thing before you go, I never want to see your duck walk biased wheel of fortune again.

In and Out

2020-07-21T15:17:00.001+01:00

Sir Isaac Newton first explained how the tides are caused by gravitational effects in 1687. Of course for him to be able to explain these he needed first to have explained the phenomenon of gravity itself.

There is evidence of philosophers in earlier times de cringing the effects of gravity on the oceans. For instance Seneca the Younger a Roman philosopher (4BC to 65AD) recognised that the tides were in some way linked to the Moon. He wrote, In point of fact, their growth is strictly allotted; at the appropriate day and hour they approach in greater volume or less according as they are attracted by the lunar orb, at whose sway the ocean wells up.

This attraction that he speaks of is what Newton described over 1600 years later.

To understand the tides we firstly need a working understanding of gravitational force. Gravity is a non-contact force. This is a force that acts between two objects that are at a distance as contrasted by a contact force such as friction.

Every object in the universe is made of ‘stuff’ and this ‘stuff’ has mass. This mass attracts all other mass, this is gravity. The greater the mass the more gravitational attraction that the mass exerts. This means that when I jump up in the air my mass attracts the Earth and the Earth having its own mass attracts me. The Earth has considerably more mass than me so it’s gravity is much stronger and therefore I get pulled towards it.

In our Solar System large objects such as the Sun and the planets all exert gravitational forces that control the orbits and movements of the objects.

Ok so that is gravity. All we really need to know is that massive objects pull other objects towards them.

So what has this ho to with tides?

Well, we need to consider three massive objects. These are the Sun, Earth and Moon. The Moon is the principle player in the tides. It is the least massive of the three celestial bodies but it’s relative closeness to the Earth means that it’s mass exerts a gravitational pull on the Earth.

This pull is strong enough to literally pull the fabric of the Earth towards the Moon. Large bodies of water like the planets oceans being fluid are affected more strongly and are pulled towards the Moon causing a lump or bulge. This is a high tide.

Figure 1 (https://www.timeanddate.com/astronomy/moon/tides.html)

Consider the picture in the Figure 1 - the Moon is on the left hand side of the Earth and is pulling the water towards it causing a bulge on that side of the Earth. That makes sense. As the Earth spins on its axis once every 24 hours then this ‘bulge’ moves across the Earth’s surface producing rising and falling tides. In the diagram the tides at 90 degrees to the Moon are low tides.

What is more difficult to explain is the high tide on the opposite side of the Earth to the Moon. At this point the water on this side is ‘feeling’ the least amount of gravitational pull from the Moon. As often with physics everything gets a bit complicated as other forces are involved. The net result of the interaction of this forces is that the force exerted on the water on the opposite side is in the direction opposite to the Moon causing a high tide on this side as well. This is explained in detail by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Agency (NOAA) https://tidesandcurrents.noaa.gov/restles3.html

As the tides rely on the Moon this means they follow the lunar orbit. This is longer than a 24 hours as the Moon orbits the Earth in the same direction as the Earth rotates on its axis. This fact means that there is approximately 12 hours 25 mins between adjacent high tides.

The tides are also affected by the size of the waterways, coastlines and channels. This causes the water to flow differently, moving quickly in some areas and more slowly in others this means that the size of the tides and the speed of the currents change depending on the location.

Finally we need to consider the role of the Sun. The most massive object in the solar system, it’s distance from the Earth results in a smaller gravitational effect. It is still significant.

When the moon is full or new the positions of the Sun, Earth and Moon are aligned and this means the gravitational effects are combined and the effect is bigger high tides and lower low tides. These are known as spring tides. When the moon is half full the Sun and Moon are at 90 degrees to each other and the effect is reduced. These are known as neap tides.

So that’s tides.

It is amazing to consider that this phenomenon also affects the Earths crust. These are called land tides and can change the surface of the Earth by 30cm a day and can be responsible for triggering earthquakes or volcanic eruptions.

Negroni the Perfect Cocktail

2020-07-21T08:46:00.001+01:00

It is widely thought that in 1919 in the Caffe Casoni in Florence, Italy a gentleman by the name of Forsco Scarselli was asked by his customer and friend to sharpen up his favourite cocktail the Americano. He did this by adding gin instead of soda water. In that moment a new cocktail was born that has become legendary. This drink was named after the barkeep’s friend a certain Count Camillo Negroni.

The origin story of the Negroni is not without its variations and as Jennifer Boylan of the New York Times reported in June 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/12/opinion/negroni-2019.html citing a further reference, that the drink was in fact created in Senegal in 1870 by one General Pascal Olivier Comte de Negroni.

Whatever the drinks origin not many will argue what a fine cocktail it is. However, as with all classic food and drink recipes the actual ingredients and ratios will be up for debate and subject to personal taste.

The basic recipe involves equal measures of gin, Campari and sweet red vermouth. This gives the drink a bitter but sweet and refreshing taste. The liquid ingredients are poured over a generous amount of ice in a tumbler. At this point my good friend stirs it with his special spoon, 12 times I think, and then it is garnished with a slice of orange.

There is no argument about the Campari,but when it comes to the gin and vermouth the decisions are more complicated and subject to personal taste.

Gin

For me the gin needs to be a citrus variety. It shouldn’t be heavily flavoured as this upsets the balance of the drink. For instance a gin that I own flavoured with Kaffir lime overpowers the vermouth. A staple like Bombay Sapphire works well but I have found a couple of my own favourite gins work really well. The first is a gin made on the outskirts of the New Forest called Conker Gin and the second is a gin made from an original recipe in North London called The Old Bakery.

Vermouth

There are many sweet vermouths on the market each and as a 1/3 if the drink the complexities that they provide affects the taste. Most recipes suggest good all rounders such as Carpano Antica or Martini Rosso. My favourites include Cocchi Americano Di Torino which produces a smooth well balanced negroni or the extra bitter Punt E Mes which was bought for me recently. An interesting English vermouth is a spiced variety produced by Sacred Spirits of Highgate, London. This provides a fabulous complexity to the drink adding the taste of thyme, cloves and wormwood whilst strengthening the orange citrus flavours.

Whatever you us once you have mixed and imbibed your first negroni all other cocktails will feel inferior and you will drink them wishing you had had a negroni.

Bottoms up...

Just how intelligent is a seagull?

2020-07-20T17:25:00.001+01:00

Apparently measuring the intelligence of a bird is quite a difficult thing to do. It depends upon how one decides to actually do this measurement. There have been many studies into bright birds but from my limited reading it seems that the crow family (the corvids) and the parrot family (the psittacines) hold the top spots.

However perhaps bird intelligence should be based on how successful a bird can be at grabbing an unsuspecting humans ice cream or fish and chips at any British seaside resort you care to mention.

If it was measured in this way then the European Herring Gull (Larus argentatus) would definitely be in with a shout.

These birds are experts at stealing food. They sit high above the beach surveying the crowds or fly low across the heads of the sunseekers looking for the tell-tale signs of crispy batter and salty chips.

Their call is a mocking laugh, throwing the head back and calling out in defiance knowing that they are truly above the law.

Once they have spotted a weakness; a toddler holding an ice cream too far away from its mouth, a packet of fish and chips with the lid carelessly flapping in the sea breeze, a parent distracted from their snack whilst wiping sand from a child’s feet, then they swoop.

It’s a classic snatch and grab, a dominant gull leads the attack and suddenly the gang is fighting over the chips that have spilled to the floor or the melting ice cream dripping from the broken cone.

This method of stealing is not the only way in which the herring gull can attack. They can also pick pocket. In this method they watch for a family eating on the beach and then slowly, slowly sneak up behind the people who are staring thoughtfully our to sea. Whilst they are distracted the gull will enter the picnic area and drag out a packet of crisps or a half eaten sausage roll getting way with the prize. a well rehearsed heist.

The seaside authorities try to prevent the gulls from attacking with signs and special bins which just reinforces how successful they are.

It appears however from a study by the University of Exeter that if you stare out the gulls, and show them who is boss, then they are less likely to steal your chips giving you a valuable 27 seconds to protect your lunch. You can read the research here, https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rsbl.2019.0405

But to stare out the feathered fiend you have to spot them first...

Stay Alert, Spot the Seagull, Protect Your Chips

The elusive Scomber scombrus

2020-07-19T23:38:00.001+01:00

When I was a youngster I was very privileged to have parents that owned a boat. Of course when I was a youngster I had no real appreciation of how lucky I was to have parents who owned a boat. The boat in question was a 29ft Westerley Konsort called Reefknot.

We sailed from her home port on the Sussex coast to places as far away as Devon, Cornwall, Normandy, the Channel Islands and Brittany.

Often when on a long sail to keep us youngsters interested and to give us something to do out went the mackerel line. This consisted of a fishing line with feather lures attached that simulated the small prey fish of the mackerel, Scomber scombrus.

The line was trolled behind the boat with an excited finger hanging on to it feeling for the tell-tale vibration which indicated that a fish had taken the bait. The line would be pulled in and the mackerel would be unceremoniously dumped into a bowl in the cockpit. Incidentally this bowl also had another use as the receptacle for nauseous sailors on particularly rough journeys. Upon reaching the safety of the next port the fish would be gutted, cooked and devoured by the hungry crewmates.

30 odd years later I recall these memories as I have once again been fishing for these fabulous creatures. And once again they have eluded my best efforts. Perhaps the fact that I don’t have a boat is a major factor in my failure. Without a boat I was forced to cast off the beach and wind in using jerky motions to enable my feathers to mimic the movements of my quarry’s favourite food. Without luck. Many casts later and with an aching arm the excitement of having a fish on the hook did not materialise. However, standing on a Dorset beach in perfect weather with the stunning view of the Jurassic Coast on both sides with a clear view end to end of Lyme Bay definitely made up for the disappointment of an empty bag.

There was also some satisfaction that the other anglers socially distanced along the beach came up empty handed as well.

Oh well, as they say, ‘there are always more fish in the sea!’ and ‘tomorrow is another day’

Perhaps just one more cast...

The Pervasive Plastic Problem

2019-10-25T23:46:00.001+01:00

Speak to an archaeologist about some of the significant eras in the human population of these British Isles and it is likely that they will speak about the importance of the Bronze and Iron Ages.

In history we also learn about the industrial revolution and how the use of fossil fuels to produce steam alongside important economic changes fundamentally affected society.

But what about now? What will define our contribution on Earth? When archaeologists look back at our current time period undoubtedly it will be known as the plastic age. (1). The plastic won’t be hard to miss. Any archaeological trench that gets dug will most probably contain pieces of plastic that originated from the significant number of items that our modern world demands.

As I compose this article and look around the room I can see examples of plastic everywhere from my clothing, glasses, television, water bottle and even the iPhone that I am typing on, plastic has found its way into all aspects of our life. So much so that developed countries would struggle to survive without it.

Horribly most of the plastic items that we use are disposable and all that plastic ends up in some shape or form in a bin.

According to an article published by the National Geographic in December 2018 out of the 8.3 billion metric tonnes of plastic the world has produced a whopping 6.3 billion has become plastic waste with only 9% of it being recycled. The article goes on to say that ‘If present trends continue, by 2050, there will be 12 billion metric tons of plastic in landfills. That amount is 35,000 times as heavy as the Empire State Building.’ (2). That is some statistic and really exemplifies the scale of the issue. In fact plastic is such a disposable commodity that a study by Professor Roland Geyer of the University of California at Santa Barbara concluded that half of all plastic currently used is thrown away within a year of production. (3).

Most of this plastic ends up in landfill sites where it will remain buried but a significant amount finds its way into the planets waterways, streams and rivers, and as a result into our seas and from there to every corner of the world causing environmental consequences that we are just starting to comprehend.

To understand the issues regarding plastics it is useful to have a little knowledge of the chemistry behind these molecules. Plastics are an example of a group of molecules called polymers. Most are produced from chemicals called alkenes which are derived from crude oil, a non-renewable material that has its own environmental concerns. Under the right conditions these molecules (or monomers) can be encouraged to react with each other to join together to form long chains called polymers. By changing the monomers used, the conditions and incorporating different additives a huge range of plastics can be produced with a variety of properties for a myriad of uses.

The polymers themselves have strong bonds between their atoms which require a large amount of energy to break them and additionally as these chemicals are not found in nature living things are unable to break them down. This means that the plastic molecules are non-biodegradable and once produced persist and pollute our planet.

Evidence of this persistence has been witnessed in the last month when plastic waste was found at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, the deepest place on Earth at a depth of 11km, this is 2km deeper than Mount Everest is tall (4). However, you don’t have to go nearly that far to see plastic in the ocean. A trip to the nearest beach will provide ample anecdotal evidence of the issue.

As a child I was lucky enough to spend many of my holidays on the beaches of Southern England and Northern France looking for crabs, shrimps and other creatures living in rock pools.

I still love the beach and try to get to one whenever I can. Just today I spent a bit of time crouched over some rock pools on a North Yorkshire beach. Looking carefully I could see evidence of an active ecosystem. Under closer inspection the rock pool also contained an incredulous amount of plastic waste. The beach itself seemed clean. In fact the shoreline was incredibly clean, I saw no evidence of plastic bags, bottles or other litter. Indeed the beach itself had been awarded a 2018 blue flag award (5), however closer inspection revealed the real issue.

Within one minute of looking through the rock pool I had found a handful of small pieces of plastic. Evidence that the sea is full of it. The fragments of plastic were of varying colours and were all of a size that could be eaten by a variety of sea creatures looking for a tasty meal -see photograph.

This is the issue that has been highlighted by Sir David Attenborough, arguably Britain’s most famous naturalist (6). Plastic in our oceans is a huge problem. It is everywhere. Large pieces of plastic like bottles and bags are mistaken by predators such as dolphins for their prey and can kill these majestic creatures.

The smaller and microscopic pieces of plastic are ingested by smaller animals and enter the food chain slowly poisoning the animals as the chemicals increase in toxicity in a process called bioaccumulation. This affects the fragile ecosystem from the bottom up slowly destroying the entire food chain.

We are the problem, you and me, the consumers, the human beings who use plastic everyday and every day just throw it away without thinking.

So what are the solutions? How can we stop the damage that we are doing?

Well, we could stop using plastic altogether. This is a pretty extreme response and would be difficult to do. As we have already considered plastic is pervasive it’s in nearly everything we use. Plastics have unique properties that we would struggle to replace with other materials. Currently without alternatives removing plastics from our lives would fundamentally affect how we live, it would be hard for society to make that change.

How about biodegradable plastics? They exist, they are already part of what we are doing, but are they the answer? The jury is out. These plastics do breakdown naturally in the environment when they come in contact with oxygen and water but some evidence suggests that as they decompose they persist in the environment as micro-plastics continuing to poison the ecosystem (7).

The third option is, as consumers, to be more aware of our consumption of plastic items and be responsible both as individuals and as a society of production, use and disposal of plastic items. Maximising the recycling and reuse of plastics will slow down further production and the release of these harmful polymers into the environment.

The science will catch up. Eventually more effective biodegradable polymers will be designed that will be truly environmentally friendly. Perhaps some clever people will come up with a completely new alternative material. Until then all of us have a responsibility to help clean up our world and prevent the plastic age irreparably affecting our planet.

We all need to be determined, on it all the time, to reduce the amount of plastic we consume. We must consider our use and find alternatives where we can. When we buy items we need to take note of the packaging and avoid goods with excess plastic.

Importantly, we all need to make a concerted effort to reuse plastic items; bags and bottles especially. And when these items have had their day we all need to dispose of them appropriately . This means ensuring that plastic waste that can be recycled is recycled.

Simply put that’s the message. That’s what you, me, all of us can do. It’s an old message but an important one.

Reduce, reuse and recycle.

Not much to help save a planet!

Bibliography

Are we living in the plastic age?, Danny Lewis, Smithsonian.com, https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/are-we-living-plastic-age-180957817/ last accessed 26th May 2019
A whopping 91% of plastic isn't recycled,Lauren Parker https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/07/plastic-produced-recycling-waste-ocean-trash-debris-environment/ last accessed 26th May 2019
Production, use, and fate of all plastics ever made, Roland Geyer, Jenna R. Jambeck and Kara Lavender Law, Science Advances 19 Jul 2017:Vol. 3, no. 7, e1700782, https://advances.sciencemag.org/content/3/7/e1700782.full last accessed 26th May 2019
Deepest-ever dive finds plastic at bottom of Mariana Trench, Euronews, https://youtu.be/0CTbfy6R2iQ last accessed 26th May 2019
Blue Flag Beaches, https://www.blueflag.global/ last accessed 26th May 2019
Global Cause, https://www.globalcause.co.uk/plastic/sir-david-attenborough-plastic-and-our-oceans/ last accessed 26th May 2019
Biodegradable plastic ‘false solution’ for ocean waste problem, Adam Vaughan, https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2016/may/23/biodegradable-plastic-false-solution-for-ocean-waste-problem last accessed 26th May 2019