Mommy Has A Headache

The Next Big Thing

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Thu, 02 May 2013 17:48:00 +0000

Thanks a bunch to the lovely Pauline Wiles for tagging me to take part in The Next Big Thing. This involves me yacking on about myself and my books while also spreading love to other authors that I admire!

Like me Pauline is a British ex-pat, and when she left the UK eight years ago she was not quite sure how she was going to survive without afternoon tea, historic homes, the local pub and oodles of rain but is now living in California with her British husband and getting her head around the constant sunshine and cheerful people! She calls herself a “trailing spouse” so that's what I will think of myself as herewith.

I beg of you please take a peek at Pauline’s engaging debut novel, Saving Saffron Sweeting. It is about Grace, an English woman living in USA with her husband and living a charmed life until she finds out he's doing the dirty on her. Unable to stomach the betrayal Grace flees back to her homeland, and somehow lands in the clutches of the quaint village of Saffron Sweeting....

Buy the book and find out what happens next and be aware that the book will leave you yearning for English treats like sticky toffee pudding. So do yourself a favor and get stuck in!

_____________________________

Now, onto my Q&A section:

What is the working title of your book?

Cocktails at Naptime - A Woefully Inadequate Guide to Early Motherhood.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

Once upon a time...two mums who really should have been doing housework wrote a book together....they called it "Cocktails at Naptime" and some nice Australian publishers called Finch Publishing laughed out loud when they read it on the train home and thought their readers would laugh out loud too on their trains home, possibly startling some fellow passengers along the way (read more here)

What genre does your book fall under?

Pregnancy and Childbirth Humor.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

That the book will become a movie is something of a given - two bloggers meet over the blogosphere and write a book. The plotline is marvellous. Once Hollywood comes a-calling the question will be who will play Gillian and who will play Emma?

Emma (me)

I am a kind of bossy no nonsense English type but frankly Emma Thompson's getting a bit long in the tooth to play someone as stunning and vivacious as me so I'm going to have to put my thinking cap on here. I am also one of those clumsy types with no sense of direction so I am thinking maybe Tamsin Greig?

Gillian Martin

Gillian is a plain speaking Scott so maybe Michelle Gomez who played that Scottish woman who was bonkers in Green Wing? (although Gillian is not really bonkers)

Sue White (Michelle Gomez) and Dr Caroline Todd (Tamsin Grieg) in Green Wing

But here are some other options:

Kath and Kim

Rennee Zellwegger and Julia Roberts

Meryl Streep and Judi Dench

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

There are secrets that no baby book will tell you, and stories that no parenting magazine will touch with a set of forceps. Thats a shame because out of postnatal nastiness and the struggle with sleep-deprivation, couch stainage and perineum bruising, comes forth humour lots of it!

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

The book was first published by Finch Publishing in Australia but we would be over the moon if a British or American publisher wanted to publish it too. You can purchase it on Amazon here.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

A few months of emailing eachother, gallons of Chardonnay and a very messy house (as the housework didn't get done)!

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

The book was written by two authors who met via the internet. Gillian lives in Aberdeen, Scotland and I live in Baltimore, USA and we have never met! We are both successful bloggers who wrote the book in cyberspace and have been promoting it all over the internet ever since.

Cocktails at Naptime tackles the first year after birth for first time mums in a way that will have you in stitches. Go here for chapter headings and extracts.

The book is also like stand up comedy on a page and includes off-beat stuff about how Mothers of History (including Queen Victoria and Marie Antoinette) dealt with getting their figure back as well as an essential guide to transforming your partner into a sex symbol using only household bleach and a pair of rubber gloves.

If you want to know how Marie Antoinette got her figure back post birth read Cocktails at Naptime.

___________________________________

Now to continue this series of author-self-interviews, I would like to tag:

Jill Smokler aka Scary Mommy who lives somewhere in Baltimore although I have yet to meet her. Her latest book is the side-splitting Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies) Check out her amazingly popular confessional on where you can let it all hang out and not feel judged.

Joanne Clancy is a fabulous writer from County Cork, Ireland. She is an avid reader, self-confessed Kindle addict, and tea fiend. Joanne was a quarter finalist at the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards 2013, with The Secrets and Lies Trilogy. She has also written The Wedding Day; Unforgettable Embrace; My Love, and Watched.

Nikki Kneppler is the author of Moms Who Drink and Swear: True Tales of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind. Blurb: Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts.

____________________________________

Other books you can buy written by me (and make me very happy) are Seductive Viennese Whirl and Her Ten Year Itch. You can also connect with me on Facebook and Twitter.

We're Not In Kansas Anymore

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 14:09:00 +0000

Hurrah!! My entry for the Expat Culture Shock Competition has won!! Thanks to everyone who voted for me.

We're Not in Kansas Anymore
by Emma Kaufmann

I was whisked by taxi from my flat in central London in the early dawn. Giddy and slightly nauseous, I thought of my boyfriend waiting for me on the other side of the Atlantic.

What the heck was I doing?

I had waved goodbye to my French flatmate Jean-Claude who was a total Americanophile. A passion for all things American, had, like Borat's been ignited by a passion for Baywatch and had taken Jean-Claude on many jaunts to San Diego where he had ridden waves and bedded beach babes who went nuts for his accent. A recent attempt to emigrate to the USA had bombed and now Jean-Claude was somewhat miffed that I was off to his version of the Promised Land.

Read mine and all the entries here:

Winners of the Expat Culture Shock Competition

Happy Caturday

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 20:31:00 +0000

Happy Caturday to you all!

I'm linking up with a Cat Like Curiosity for this feline blog hop.

I am a cat fanatic and had cats all through my childhood even though I am somewhat allergic to them (although right now I am catless and just have the two guinea pigs). I would love to be reincarnated as a cat.What could be better than lying in the sun all day and sitting on laps and getting tickled behind the ears?

I just did a picture of a ginger cat who looks like he's just eaten a canary or bitten the tail off a mouse and is just sleeping it off:

Things I am grateful for:

1. Spring is in the air and I can wake to the sounds of birds chattering.

2. I don't have to scrape snow off my car.

3. I finished the last of my horde of Easter chocolate so I can now start Operation Cram Myself into a Swimsuit by Eating Less.

4. There are lots of flowers in my garden which makes me feel very cheerful. Hopefully my sunflowers will bloom this year as they sometimes decide not to.

5. I am pleased that my daughter has started mowing the lawn so I don't have to.

What are you grateful for?

If you are cat crazy please link up here:

Cooking with the British Bint

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 16:48:00 +0000

Aaah! We thought it was spring but then on Monday opened our curtains to see this:

Very beautiful to be sure.The kids strapped themselves into their snowpants and spent the day shrieking with excitement that there was no school. And then sledded all day while I kept busy in the kitchen.

The rest of the week was grimly cold so I stocked up on carbs. I am obsessed with food but I get a bit sick of these self confessed foodies who will only use the highest quality goat's cheese where the goat was organically milked or who won't use a common or garden rotisserie chicken unless it has lived a healthy life in a close community of other chickens. That's fine for some people who are loaded I guess, like Gwyneth Paltrow who has her kids on a carb free diet (that puts a new meaning to the term deprived childhood doesn't it?)

No, I reckon the real skill is finding a bunch of wrinkled old vegetables, some past their sell by date herbs, and a few odds and sods in the back of one's cupboard and then bunging them together to create a delicious okay edible meal. Are you with me?

So that's what I did. I made some pizza dough. I slopped some barbecue sauce on it. I put some bits of roast chicken on.

It's not rocket science.

But it is delicious.

Barbecue Chicken Pizza - it's really hard to make (not)

Don't get me wrong. I am a total food voyeur. I love to peruse pretentious foodie markets and nibble on bits of organic Camembert and inhale the scent of freshly made chocolates. But I'm not going to shell out for it, because I'm not daft.

On a recent trip to New York I realized most of my photos were about food.

Trip to Food Paradise aka Chelsea Kitchen:

Is that Gwyneth Paltrow? No it's me!

Heaven on earth (Dim sum in Flushing):

Oh yes I did - asked for a fork in a dim sum restaurant


Live fish at a supermarket in Flushing

Where was I?

Anyway the week ended on a high note. Today has sunshine flooding down on us and even the guinea pigs are romping free in the grass.

So tell me this: are you a foodie or just a culinary genius like moi who can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear? Isn't it just pretentious to always have to have to source the wierdest, most obscure ingredients to put in your stew? Yes I mean you Fearnley-Whittingstal l and your placenta stew.

Trifecta Challenge: I Should Be So Lucky

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 19:32:00 +0000

Here's my piece for Trifecta Week 70 using the third definition of Lucky

LUCKY (adjective)

1: having good luck
2: happening by chance : fortuitous
3: producing or resulting in good by chance : favorable

I Should Be So Lucky

That morning their mother tried to shake Celeste and Sheena awake but they were locked in a deep restless sleep.

Weird and incomprehensible words streamed from their mouths.

Hammer-time

Harem pants

Shell suits

Rainbow legwarmers

Celeste sat up and screamed.

"What is it?" her mother asked.

"We went back to the nineteen eighties."

"But how could you?" said their mother. "That's totally impossible."

Sheena sat up and stared at her sister.

"I don't understand. What was that?"

"Oh God! All we wanted was to find out about fashion."

"We shouldn't have been so curious."

"I feel violated."

"So much spandex."

"All those shoulder pads."

"It's just a nightmare," said their mother, as she watched their pale, sweaty faces contort in agony. "It's going to be okay."

The night before, Sheena and Celeste had belted themselves into the time machine located at the back of their closet, behind piles of identical breathing suits in shades of beige and grey.

The question that burned into their brains night and day was,What was fashion? That was what the sisters were dying to find out.

Yet the machine they had built would not travel back from the present 2257 to pre-2050, to the time when people lived on Earth, until global warming made the ice caps melt and the rivers rise, until pollution was so thick it burnt the insides of their lungs and they had no choice but to move to Mars or die.

As the time machine juddered into life Sheena noticed that her pet rat, Bleepers, had gnawed through some of the wires. The time dial was spinning like it never had before. The sisters shrieked with excitement as they watched it race back in time: 2045, 2025, 2000 ....

Oh my God! It was their lucky day. Yes indeed, maybe Bleepers would change their fortunes.

"Thank you Bleepers!" Sheena shrieked, slamming her fist on the dashboard. "We're heading to 1982! This is it Celeste.We're going to find out what fashion really means! Woohoo!"

Trifecta Challenge: Big Screen and Little Screen

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 18:49:00 +0000

This is Week 69 of the Trifecta writing prompt which asks us to use the definition below.

The word is INFECT.

3a : contaminate, corrupt b : to work upon or seize upon so as to induce sympathy, belief, or support

BIG SCREEN AND LITTLE SCREEN

There was a time when I would

Watch the Big Screen

And before I knew it

I would have a terrible craving for

Nembutal

Big Screen told me it would make my edges go fuzzy

And it did

What fun it all was

Some days Big Screen would infect me

And I'd find myself

Rollerskating in white shorts during my period

Like a zombie

In the evening Big Screen whispered to me

That to win my husband's love

I should scrub my private parts with Lysol

It was a most effective strategy

Big Screen became like a lover

And I turned up the sound

Drowning in Big Screen's voice

Until I was so busy watching

Big Screen

That my husband left me

And my white shorts got too tight

I was buying too much KFC

And scrubbing with Lysol played havoc with my skin

Decades have passed

And I don't let Big Screen boss me around any more

Like he used to

Now I don't let Big Screen tell me what to do

I carry Little Screen with me

In my pocket

And talk to her often

She is my best friend

With a constant stream

Of chatter in my ear

I suppose it's just a different

Sort of prison

Because I can never switch her off

*********************************

Don't forget! There is still time to enter my Limerick competition and win a large Easter Egg!

Competition: Pen a Limerick - Win an Amazing Chocolate Egg

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 17:08:00 +0000

The Easter bunny above (called Paisley) and I are extremely egg-cited about the launch of my Easter Limerick competition (although you can't see his expression under all that fur).

Yes, I am looking for your finest Easter themed limericks. And naturally there is a prize from chocolatiers Hotel Chocolat for letting your creative juices flow onto paper or rather computer screen! So read on if deluxe chocolates are your drug of choice.

As I write I am chomping on a lovely gift from the peeps at Hotel Chocolat who sent me some of their Classic Egglets (below) which are smooth, creamy and delicious. For these are not just any chocolate Easter eggs. Oh no. These babies come as a clutch of seven mellow egglets and come filled with super soft Salted Caramel, smooth Pecan Praline, dreamy Vanilla Truffle and melt-away Hazelnut Praline.

Hotel Chocolat have a strong ingredients philosophy and use only wholesome, real ingredients and their overall mantra is Less Sugar, More Cocoa. All their products are vegetarian.

Have I got you all excited yet?

Well if you want some chocs you'll have to pen the verse.

First I'll answer any questions you may have floating about:

Q: What is a limerick?

A: A limerick is a humorous verse of three long and two short lines with a rhyming pattern of AABBA.

Example written by me:

There once was a cat called Babbitt
Whose lust for Easter eggs became a habit
Chomping through dark, milk or mint
Her egg consumption left her so skint
She had no choice but to marry the Easter Rabbit

Q: Aren’t limericks usually obscene?

A: If you are even slightly familiar with limericks, you’ll likely be aware that they are often bawdy and/or vulgar. You are perfectly free to come close to vulgarity, even hint blatantly at it, but personally I prefer innuendo over blatant vulgarity (although you are free to experiment either way).

The theme is Easter. Bunnies, eggs, chirping chicks. The whole shebang.

Q: What can I win?

At the end of the contest, Paisley the bunny and I will choose a “Most Favored” among all limericks submitted. The author of the Most Favored Limerick will win:

An Egglet Extra Thick Easter Egg

Both half-shells are cast from their special 40% cocoa house milk chocolate. And inside – 12 mini eggs, gorgeously decorated with colourful flourishes and filled with liquid caramel, smooth hazelnut praline, strawberry ganache and more. 12 pieces.

Q: How do I participate?

A: Just post your Easter themed limerick in the comments section below.

Q: Can I enter more than once?

A: Of course! Crush us with your rhyming prowess. You’re welcome to enter as many times as you like, but please enter only one limerick per comment (unless your limerick is multi-versed).

Q: When is the deadline?

A: Monday March 25, 2013 at 11:59pm Eastern.

Yippee! Let the Easter Limerick Party begin!

Submit your Limerick:

Just use the comments section below to astound us with your creativity

Forcing the Dead to Eat Chocolate

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 19:37:00 +0000

You've got to feel sorry for dead celebs these days, because their image can be manipulated to sell seven shades of consumer pap.

For example would John Lennon really have sold out to this degree while alive to sell a Citroen while a) bemoaning the nostalgia for the 60s and 70s (in a clip from 1968, not to mention the fact he was dead by 1980) while letting (b) his voice be done by an impressionist who has obviously never heard John Lennon speak.

I blame Yoko for this faux pas.

And what possessed Charlize Theron to appear in an ad for Dior perfume where Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe and Marlene Dietrich pop up from the dead in full face makeup? Creepy, gruesome and just, well, in such bad taste. I mean don't these divas smell a bit rank after having been dug out of the ground years after their demise?

Poor old Audrey Hepburn is the latest product of post-death digital manipulation. It's hardly believable that chocolate ever passed the sacred portal of Hepburn's lips, since Audrey was as skinny as a matchstick. And if it had would it really have been a Galaxy bar? Ooh this is bad...evidently Hepburn was brought back from the dead, forced to ride a bus and eat Galaxy brand chocolate. I just can't imagine her doing this tacky commercial in real life so surely this is disrespectful?

Don't the dead have any rights? Or is this the definition of celebrity hell, having your image regurgitated and forced to do tasteless tricks until the end of time?

What's next I wonder? A commercial with Princess Diana advertising Weight Loss Pills or Anna Nicole Smith advertising Spanx? The mind boggles!

Tuesday's Tea Party

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:36:00 +0000

We all know blog hops are a great way to gain more followers, meet other bloggers and help each other grow. Don't forget to return the favor to those who follow you. Every Tuesday you can be sure this shin dig will be going on, so be sure to come on back.

Alice @ Adventure Into Domesticland & Simply Mad About Beauty

Emma @ Mommy Has A Headache Alicia @ Moms Don't Say That! Sarah @ Enjoying the Epiphany

1. Follow the host and co-hosts
2. Link up! - Your blog, Facebook, Twitter and/or Pinterest.
3. Grab the badge, place it on your sidebar or link party page.
4. Keep coming back to link up each week!

As a special thanks for following the blog hop, we are giving away advertising space!
Make sure you enter on the Rafflecopter below.
Click any of the below ad space banners for more information about that pages marketing packages.

Winner receives:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Please be sure to link up under the right category!

Beardo Wierdos are US

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 17:10:00 +0000

I am currently reading a chick lit book called Little Lady, Big Apple in which the heroine is dating an American hunk called Jonathan who like every American male in a book written by a British author (in this case Hester Browne):

- has John F Kennedy massive wavy hair

- has enormous straight teeth like Chicklets

- always wears impeccably tailored chinos or a suit and is styled like someone out of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

- has a waxed chest

- has abs of steel

- has a golden tan but no skin cancer

- trims his nasal hair

- uses a lot of mousse on his hair

- but is not gay

HELLO??? Where are these guys in the real world outside Soap Operas? The only impeccably turned out American guys I have met here have been lawyers or bankers. Most men do not put styling mousse on their heads and while their teeth are straighter than the average UK guy they don't all have glow in the dark teeth.

Believe it or not some men - even men on TV - don't have super straight teeth (like Anthony Bourdain). And even though he has to don a suit for the TV show 'The Taste' he usually looks like something the cat dragged in (but in a good way)

Anthony Bourdain without 5 hrs in hair and makeup

Can I just point out that for the younger generation of American men we are in the in the grips of a beard epidemic like never before.

I'm not sure why, but American men are sporting beards in droves. Even though some of these men really shouldn't be sprouting beards because they are growing in patchy clumps

They're also sporting skinny jeans. Yes skinny jeans with beards. That is the look of the typical American male. I bet some of them are going 'au naturelle' all the way and refusing to wear the giant braces that every American teen seems to wear.

But do you ever see this more shabby US male reflected in romantic literature written by British authors? Like heck you do.

It is always a character called Brad or Chuck with a mega-watt smile and tons of dosh who uses more hair mousse than the lady in his life. If he has chest hair it has probablly been waxed.

Believe me this man does not wear hair mousse

It's time to stop the lies!

While it is true that Americans in general have superior personal hygiene to Brits, I can also say that it is time that the real Amerian male be pictured in chick lit in all his glory.

I mean come on, even Brad Pitt has a beard and he can afford to have someone shave him every day.

So if you're a British author writing about an American hunk remember the younguns are trying to emulate us Brits these days. And since tanning is out these days consider giving your hero a pale-skinned shrunken chest, no muscle definition to speak of, crooked teeth, lank greasy hair and a misshapen beard. It's the look many of the hipsters here are aiming for.

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NOVICA Fair Trade Artisan Gifts Giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 19:45:00 +0000

NOVICA is one of the leading fair trade artisan websites. They work with National Geographic to give talented artisans around the world a place to express their artistic talents and provide access to the world market. Novica offers thousands of top fair trade corporate gifts, accessories, jewelry and home decor items on their website.

There are an amazing selection of artisan products including a stunning home decor range. I love these amazing geometric cushions called Crimson Riddle:

And check out this lovely Cotton kente shoulder bag, 'Ashanti Prosperity'

I'm a jewelry fanatic and immediately fell in love with the designs of Jaipur based designer Bhavesh. I ordered his Blue topaz dangle earrings, 'Blue Flow' and was impressed by the craftsmanship and quality.

When Novica send you the earrings they also include an artisan story card, giving the background of the designer, which is a lovely touch had it been a gift. For example Bhavesh says:

"I come from the enthralling city of Jaipur where I was born and brought up. I was raised by a single parent, since I lost my father when I was barely two and half years old. He died in an accident. Since then, my mother worked so hard to bring us up. After my schooling, I received a bachelor's degree in commerce and also did a short term course in the French language."

"Jewelry crafting is our family tradition, dating back to the ancient time when Jaipur was brought to its present structure by Maharaja Sawai Jai Singh II. During that time, my ancestors were jewelers in the kingdom of Jaipur. Since then, the tradition and art have been handed down from generation to generation."

Next on my list of things I want from Novica is this amazing handblown vase, 'Fiery Topaz'

Golden topaz and fiery crimson surge upward from a crystalline base. Enveloped in crystal, the colors swirl in a vase of seductive beauty. Talented artisans craft it by hand of molten glass, employing glass blowing techniques brought to Brazil from the island of Murano in Italy.

I love their stuff and you will too! Enter today to win!

NOVICA $75 Gift Certificate Giveaway:

One lucky reader will receive one $75 Novica Gift Certificate.

Novica Giveaway Dates: January 11 - January 31, 2013 Midnight EST

How to Enter: Enter through rafflecopter- just sign into the widget and click the entries you want to complete.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received a Novica gift card that I used towards my purchase in the hopes that I would share my honest opinions. I did not receive monetary compensation and the opinions expressed are my own.

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The Pitfalls of Going Walkies

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 18:22:00 +0000

I am lone walker in a sea of joggers

Hello, pleased to meet you. I am a walkaholic. No, not a workaholic, I'm definitely not one of them. But to me walking is just amazingly therapeutic and fun, especially in a place like Baltimore. The only time I don't like to walk is in the summer when it's 100 degrees out and you can fry an egg on the pavement but the rest of the time I walk as much as I can.

The problem?

Americans just don't get walking.

The only people who walk around here are joggers. So okay, that's jogging rather than walking. In fact, there is a rather strange man, a doctor, who jogs to work come rain or shine in just cycling shorts and no top. He also has a plait down his back as he jogs carrying his medical supplies. He is a bit eccentric but it is good to know he could give me the Heimlich Manouver if I choked on some chewing gum or summat.

The only other people who I see when out walking are bag ladies with trollies full of magazines and tin cans. Also a woman who I think is schizophrenic who walks all over the place in snow, hail and rain but doesn't look that shabby so I think she has somewhere to live.

Um, hello? Where's the snow?

The other people who walk are 'power walkers' who swing their arms around like lunatics, like walking is a serious sport rather than a method of getting from A to B. And don't get me started on those people who walk with Nordic poles like they're fake ski-ing. Hello? Have you noticed there's no snow?

So apart from mad people and sports fanatics no one walks. Basically Americans seem to think you should walk on a treadmill at the gym if at all. Also there are not that many sidewalks so sometimes I risk my life on the edge of a road to go walkies.

Still I persist in walking. Although many's the time a friend has pulled up next to me in her car and said 'Are you okay? Do you want a lift?' And I have to say, 'Actually no, I'm fine, I like to walk.' And they look at me like I'm crazy, especially if it's raining. But I mean, haters don't hate, it's not my fault I have straight English hair that doesn't frizz!

Maybe I am. Crazy I mean.

I'm actually thinking of getting a dog because it will make me look less like an eccentric English person walking around Baltimore if I had a furry friend by my side.

Another person or rather animal who desperately needs to walk is one of my guinea pigs, Marshmallow. I bought Peanut and Marshmallow both guinea pig harnesses for Christmas but Marshmallow does not quite fit into hers as she has rather been putting on the poundage. I will have to make the harness a bit bigger.

And then I can take both of the guinea pigs walkies.

Because that won't make me stick out at all, will it?

BOOK GIVEAWAY: To Bliss and Back

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 17:04:00 +0000

HURRAH THIS BOOK IS OUT TODAY!!

To Bliss and Back (Life Well Blogged) by Abbey Fatica and Monica Merrill-Mylet

What's it all about?

Now you may be a new blogger or you may be an old and jaded one. But whoever you are, fact is, you have to wade through a lot of crappy blogs to find some funny nuggets. So how great is it that these two editors Abbey and Monica have actually trawled the internet for hilarity and pulled together some of the most hilarious posts they’ve come across and compiled them into an anthology of sorts?? They have a multi-part series of eBooks that feature some of the top funny blogging women out there…..(including MOI)

To Bliss and Back is the 2nd book in their series.. the first book is No Laughing Allowed

And, their next book… will be Holly Daze: Underachiever Extraordinaire

But back to this book TO BLISS AND BACK

So....you know I'm in it.

So isn’t that reason enough to rush out and buy it?

No?

What do you mean NO??

Well, how about that fact that you're probably cranky as hell rushing around buying cheap crap for your kids and you want a laugh and you want to get the warts and all funny take on marriage? Laugh and cry at other tales of marital woe.

Here's the dirt:

To Bliss And Back explores the hilarity that we all experience when confronted with the ups and downs of relationships and marriage. Join the thousands of readers that enjoy these stories posted by the titans of the blogging industry on a daily basis. What could be better than a personal time-out to read and wrap yourself in laughter this season?

So buy one for anyone who wants a giggle about marriage. I mean, marriage, well, it's unnatural innit? Swans are some of the only animals that mate for life and they're cranky little sods aren't they?

So what are you waiting for? Grab your copy and laugh yourself hoarse.These books sure don’t break the bank @ $2.99 and, these ladies are doing a few really nice things. Fifty % of the proceeds are being donated to Sandy Relief Efforts and they will also being giving away a Kindle Fire as soon as they hit 1000 downloads (this series has just launched this month!). You just have to sign up for their newsletter for updates on new eBooks in the series. Newsletter Sign Up can be found here

And if that's not enough. Do you want to win one?!! If so, read on.

GIVEAWAY – I’ll be giving away this Kindle ebook to FIVE lucky readers! All you have to do is leave a comment and you’ll be entered into a random drawing! The drawing will take place at the beginning of January, or whenever I get over my holiday hangover!

Seasons Greetings my lovelies.....

Liebster Award

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 19:07:00 +0000

Thanks to Samantha Stroh Bailey, the divinely talented author of Finding Lucas, for nominating me for the Liebster award.

Nominees need to do the following:

When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.

Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)

One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.

One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one’s own blog!

One pastes the award picture into ones blog. (You can Google the image, there are plenty of them!)

Here are 11 Random Facts about Me!

1. I am obsessed with my guinea pigs and have made youtube videos of them (please don't judge me).

2. I wrote a Judy Blume type book when I was nine where all the words were American (even though I was living and am born in the UK) like diapers etc. It was about me being the head of a family of six kids. I actually only wrote the first chapter and sent it to Jackanory. They said they liked it but I needed to finish it. I will get round to it....

3. I once wrote to Jimmy Saville on Jim'll Fix It to get him to arrange for me to meet Abba. My wish never came true and I was gutted at the time but after all the allegations I'm now quite glad I never met Jimmy.

4. I once dyed my hair orange with Hydrogen Peroxide (it was the eighties).

5. I am an only child but had many imaginary friends.

6. My favorite kids' show was Roobarb and Custard.

7. I love pickled onion flavored Monster Munch even though it gives you stinky breath.

8. I had a massive crush on Rupert Everett as a young adolescent (don't think I had twigged he was gay at the time).

9. I am obsessed with crocheting animals and have a blog about my crafty side side here.

10. I am the only person in the USA who does not own an iPhone or even a Smartphone. I have a dumb phone.

11. I love having my nails done in different shades and patterns.

Here are the questions from the lovely Samantha Stroh Bailey:

1. What is the best costume you've ever worn?

I once went to a Halloween party as a kid as a box of cornflakes.

2. What's the best gift you've ever given?

The gift of life and I have the stretch marks to prove it!

3. If you could be invisible for a day, where would you go and what would you do?

I would love to be a fly on the wall at Will and Kate's place, if only to find out how the deflowering really happened - although I have my ideas

4. Who's your Hollywood crush?

Don't really have one except maybe Al Pacino in Sea of Love. Hawt.

5. What movie always makes you cry?

Bambi

6. What book can you read again and again?

Only cookbooks really like Nigella Lawson's How To Eat.

7. If you could live in the home of any television series, which would it be?

Ten and a Half Men but not now, when it has Charlie Sheen in it. Yeah I wanna be beachside in Malibu! (btw have you read how the 'boy' in it now thinks the show is filth)

8. What is something you have always wanted to try?

Being a workaholic.

9. What's your favorite food?

Chip butty.

10. What's your favorite song?

Win by David Bowie.

11. Describe yourself with one adjective.

Anxious.

Questions for my Nominees:

1. Have you ever Googled yourself and been surprised at what you’ve found?

2. Who would play youin a movie of your life?

3. Have you ever been naked in public?

4. If you could travel in time...where in time would you go? Why?

5. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

6. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

7. What did you have for breakfast?

8. Who or what has made you believe in yourself as a writer?

9. What habit or habits do you need to stop?

10. Do you have tattoos? Is so what motifs are they?

11. Have you started Christmas shopping yet?

Here are my wonderful nominees: UK Desperate Housewife, Salem Patterson, Sibel Hodge, Expat Mum, Note From Lapland, Joanne Clancy, The American Resident, About Last Weekend, Honest Mum, Slummy Single Mummy and Mum in the South.

If I haven't added your name, it's because I know someone else nominated you first!

Who will be nominated next?

From Tantrums to Tiles - A Spiritual Journey

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 18:07:00 +0000

Excuse my absence but I have been busy modelling. Well remodelling really. One kitchen. One bathroom. One new deck. One complete nervous breakdown!

This has been a bit of a learning curve for me. Let's put it this way: I am not a morning person. Usually I need three cups of strong coffee to kick start the motor before even doing a Neantherthal grunt to the spousal unit. But, believe me, having a bunch of men in your house blasting Thin Lizzie in your earholes while bashing down walls with a sledgehammer at seven o'clock every morning will push you to the limit - and beyond.

I mean look, I simply don't get those shows like Hell's Kitchen where the chefs are asleep in a room (with six others) and som Kitchen Hitler comes in at three in the morning and bangs on a steel drum and toots on a trumpet and everyone has to get up immediately and skin a cow and make an entree out of its entrails. And the thing is, everyone seems to do it without going ballistic.

How? Will someone please explain?

Well, I have had the remodellers in for two months and yes it was a bit of a shock to the system. To be fair they are a nice bunch. But I don't find it easy to talk about the texture of wall tiles or the size of lightbulbs at the crack of sparrows. But you know what, I have managed it. I have become a nicer person. I cannot bite the head off a contractor at seven in the morning or they might retaliate and sew a dead rat behind one of the walls...or something worse!

And what about the strain on one's marriage? Fifty thousand mind blowingly boring discussions about shades of paint have been conducted with Mr Mommy Has a Headache. "I want beige paint for the trim!" "Well I don't! I want oatmeal!"

"Okay, how to you feel about perlescent tiles?" "I don't give a fig for perlescent tiles."

It becomes a tug of war about every little decision. So in the end it's like SURRENDER. You choose the color of the deck and I'll choose the light fixtures. If you don't try and be mature about it you can see yourself ending up in a scene from War of the Roses.

I'm just pleased to say that we are now on the home stretch. For some, alas, things did not end so well. Including this note left by a husband at the close of a remodel project in the 70s was rediscovered recently behind some wainscoting [via Found mag]…

So tell me all about your remodelling experiences. I've heard of awful, drunken contractors who put up wonky walls. So do dish all...if you dare....

The Wacky World of Hello Kitty

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 14:35:00 +0000

As a self confessed Hello Kitty freak and Halloween fanatic I decided to combine the two interests to make a Hello Kitty Witch this year! And if you feel like joining in then you can get the pattern here.

Hello Kitty makes me so mad. She's been going strong for 35 years and still has fur as dewy and unlined as a kitten. But as time has passed and her marketing people have found new ways to exploit her charms, things have inevitably gone, well, a little tasteless.

Let me know if any of these products tickle your fancy. Would you buy:

1. Hello Kitty Assault Rifle

2. Condoms

3. Condom Holders

Surely this is the ultimate turn-off? You might want to keep this handy by the bedside as the ultimate in birth control. The ick factor will make you not want to have sex full stop. Plus she's staring at you the whole time. Seriously freaky.

4. Tooth caps

I mean, come on, who wouldn't like to have Hello Kitty’s face implanted permanently in their mouth?

5. Urinal targets

This one sends a bizarre message. I mean if you were a fan you wouldn't disrespect Miss Kitty by weeing on her now would you, although she is telling you to. Which could mess with young minds a tad.

6. On your Sausages

Makes me think of that Meatloaf song. "I will eat anything for love ...but I won't eat that."

7. Hello Kitty Airplane

Taiwanese Eva Air has a Hello Kitty airplane that flies between Taiwan and Japan.

8. Fake Nails

This Kitty's got claws ...miaow! I'm a self confessed fake nail fanatic but these are just plain wierd.

9. Becks Beer

Who is the target market for this?

10. Pizza

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little....

So what do you think? Have I converted you into a Hello Kitty maniac? What other products do you think would be perfect stamped with a Hello Kitty?

Her Ten Year Itch Free on Kindle

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Sat, 13 Oct 2012 16:45:00 +0000

Hurrah! My new novel Her Ten Year Itch is out now and if you want to sneak a peek at chapter one then pop over to Chick Lit Goddess who also has a fabulous interview with moi over at her place. Here's how it starts:

Describe yourself in five sentences? I’m a teller of tall tales. More than anything, I love to entertain. I can resist anything, apart from temptation. Cream cakes are my weakness. I’m half British, half Austrian – an Austrish

Tell us about your writing/editing/publishing journey: Well I started by writing erotic novels, but after a while I ran out of steam or erotic scenarios and so segued into chick lit. I then published Seductive Viennese Whirl and now Her Ten Year Itch. I also wrote a hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime with a woman in Aberdeen, Scotland who I have never met so it was an adventure in cyberspace.

Read more here.......

REMEMBER Her Ten Year Itch is available FREE on Kindle tomorrow 14th October so snap it up and let me know what you think!! Go get it on Amazon here. And if you love it please leave a review on Amazon.

Muchos gracias

Emma
xx

Best Fall Entertainment for the Kiddies

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 14:55:00 +0000

Naomi Esterly is a mom of three kids. Sounds challenging, right? But she’s found that it’s easier to lure kids into watching television, good television, than chasing after them. In this guest post she shares some fall entertainment for the kiddos. When she’s not busy manipulating her kids into do something, she bakes and writes freelance for 1800WheelChair.Com

The fall weather makes many adults want to curl up with a hot beverage and a good book, but kids do not care about the changing seasons. They still want entertainment and need fun activities to keep them busy. Fortunately, there are many things kids can do by themselves or with the whole family during the autumn months.

Water slides and amusement parks may be winding down during the fall, but farms are opening their doors. Apple orchards, pumpkin patches and petting zoos are great places to spend a warm fall afternoon. Kids can pick pumpkins, drink cider, go on hay rides and more. This is also a great photo opportunity for parents. Look for events in your area that advertize mazes, animals and fall foods.

If you feel like staying at home, there are other ways for kids to work out excess energy. Raking leaves is a treat for parents and children. Kids learn about chores and enjoy jumping in the leaf piles at the end. Parents have less yard work to do because leaves will be somewhat organized even after kids play.

Having a campfire in your backyard is another low maintenance home activity. Use a grill or fire pit to safely light a fire, and gather around the heat. Kids can make s'mores, sing camp songs and tell ghost stories. This gives kids the fun of camp but lets them warm up indoors when it is over.

If your child needs something to do after school, then look into school and local activities. Choose a fall sport or select an after school program. The parks department, YMCA and other organizations usually hold fall themed events to keep kids busy.

Planning for the time kids spend indoors is especially important because activities stop kids from getting too restless while trapped indoors. Pull out board games and cards to start a competition between the entire family. Kids will get so caught up in the games that they will not notice the time passing.

Keep kids engaged while you attend to other matters by finding fall craft projects. This lets children show creativity and amuse themselves while everyone else is occupied. Projects can be purchased or be as simple as printing out coloring pages and using materials in the house.

If the fall weather is extra chilly and kids need a special treat, then bring the fun of camping indoors. Clear a space and allow kids to build a fort inside. Reading books, playing games or watching TV seem more fun from inside a blanket creation.

When all else fails, TV and movies always catch a kid's attention. Take your children to the theater for "Wreck it Ralph" or "The Hobbit". "Wreck it Ralph" follows a video game character that was created to destroy things but wants to be a hero. "The Hobbit" takes the whole family on an exciting journey through Middle Earth. Older children can read the book after, and parents can narrate it to younger audiences.

TV has endless options for children, but some programs are sure to get and keep their interest. ABC Family runs original shows and old favorites throughout the season. "Hocus Pocus", "The Nightmare Before Christmas", "The Addams Family", "Monster House" and more will air, and shows like "Switched at Birth" and "Pretty Little Liars" will have fall themed episodes. ABC has cartoons, family favorites and teen programing meaning there is something for everyone.

A prime time favorite is also a great choice for kids and adults. "Touch" centers around a single father whose son has trouble communicating normally. The father learns to interpret his son's messages, and they become closer by finding the connections between all people and making the world a better place. The excellent acting, intriguing storyline and beautiful messages will enthrall the whole family.

The fall can seem hectic, but parents who offer options will ensure everyone enjoys the season.

Raising Global Nomads

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 13:57:00 +0000

I was panting away on an exercise bike the other day reading an article in Glamour with Victoria Beckham . No, I don't mean Vicky was pedaling away beside me, she was actually in Glamour talking about her kids.

She was like "Me and Becks are so proud of being British but the kids are American. They're always telling us 'oh you're so British.'"

And my jaw literally hit the floor!

I mean God, yes, of course this resonated with me. Vicky and I are both global nomads, raising our children in foreign lands and doing our best not to culturally confuse them. But the difference is I don't think my kids feel American, so that's where me and Vicks differ.

Not a lot of people know this and I don't like to brag, but Vicky and I go waaay back and even went to tap dancing classes together* before she became famous, moved to LA and basically wouldn't return my calls.

It's a shame that we lost touch as the parallels in our lives are simply staggering:

Vicky creates clothes for her fashion line, while I create crocheted rabbits

Vicky is a size 0 and I was once a size 0 (okay I was nine years old at the time)

Vicky has a blog and I have a blog

Vicky is married to a man with a high pitched Minnie Mouse voice, and ....my husband once sucked on helium and did a funny voice.

Sorry. Where was I?

I was going to talk about whether I think my kids (born in USA) are hopelessly confused about their cultural identity or not.

Well unlike Vicky I actually have relatives - or rather my husband does - in the USA so we celebrate all the holidays just like Americans. So that's that cultural box ticked off. Vicky probably has to have her Thanksgiving catered and that's just not the same.

One other thing - my kids don't see themselves as British, American or Irish (husband is Irish) they just see themselves as a 'bit of everything.' Also they only have a slight American accent which is somewhat odd but there you are.

The other thing to note is - and here's a tip for Vicky - maybe you need to employ a cultural translator for the family as I had problems initially in getting my kids to understand what I was on about.

For example when I first told my daughter to 'put a sock in it' she got a sock and said, 'okay mum where do I put it?'

It was hard for the kids to understand that when I said, 'stop farting around' or 'stop pricking about' I wasn't really talking about farting or pricking.

But as I explained the intricacies of English slang to my progeny I found they ultimately embraced many of my phrases while acknowledging that stuff like 'now you're as clean as a whistle' didn't make any logical sense.

So, there you have it. I feel that Vicky and I have now branched off into difference directions: her kids are American while mine are hybrids, but I still respect her and would gladly model something off her clothing line on this blog as long as it had an elasticated waist.

But enough about Posh. What about you? If you are bringing up kids abroad do you think they are culturally confused or do you think it is broadening their horizons?

*This is a bald faced lie

My Best Book About Me

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 14:15:00 +0000

Damn those crafty Swedes! First they introduced us to the piquant pleasures of pickled herrings, then supergroup Abba made us pull on our flares and sing Fernando, and then budget furniture store IKEA got in on the action and soon a flat pack frenzy was spreading the globe. Now those fab Swedes have done it again with Swedish publishers Fill and Tell getting in on the action with a refreshingly modern take on the keepsake book of memories for your baby. This amazing book is filled with adorable illustrations that your child will love, and has plenty of pages for recording all those precious first memories.

Yes, My Best Book About Me is quite seriously the cutest baby book I have ever seen. The pages are thick and it has a lovely handcrafted feel about it. The book was originally written in Swedish but has now been translated into English. Hurrah! I'm sure if the rumours are true that Kate Middleton will already have snapped up one of these stylish books for her royal embryo.

The headings for bits to be filled in cracked me up too, such as “Mummy put on ___ pounds when expecting me and Daddy put on ___ pounds”, and “Music that made me dance…” as well as “When I reached the terrible twos we mostly argued about…”

Take it from me, this is a must have for all your pregnant friends. So pick up a copy today! And US customers can order the book from huset-shop.com too.

Spend a Night In With the Kids

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Mon, 10 Sep 2012 17:14:00 +0000

It's a modern fact of life that working parents often find it hard to squish in quality time with their kids, even at weekends. For the kids themselves, the week is chock a block with classes, games and homework, while parents find themselves juggling long commutes and mundane tasks, both in and out of the office. Late evenings are the ideal time to catch up with our kids, by watching a fun movie together, playing a board game or even better, rustling up a yummy dinner together.

It's less hassle than you might think to invite your kids to help make a great evening meal by encouraging them to try their hand at a few essential but relatively harmless tasks. It may at first be quite tough to deal with their childish enthusiasm in trying to learn everything at once or their offers to help with the difficult tasks. If there are many kids in the family, then there could be real trouble on hand. Parents should work out an amicable schedule or delegate the tasks, so that each child gets to enjoy their time in the kitchen.

Encouraging children to help out with cooking and cleaning enables them to understand and appreciate the value and the goodness of homemade food, and to realise that home cooked food is as interesting and tasty as that from a restaurant. The experience also allows them to use kitchen tools safely and confidently, and learn how to prepare food for themselves and others.

Children can experiment with several simple recipes to cater to their tastes, while at the same time helping their parents to prepare a special dinner. Tempting meals usually contain a decent dose of butter and cream, making the meal really sumptuous. Dinners are no exception. Experimenting with a cheese and onion pie with a dash of Anchor butter, and Anchor dairy real cream or pepperoni pizza served with cream dips and a delicious dessert of Banana bread is a great way to spend an evening with the kids, getting them both to help prepare these recipes and relish them as well!

Fancy an Outing with the Kids?

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 15:31:00 +0000

To prevent meltdowns on day trips the key is: PLAN AHEAD!

Doesn’t your chest swell with motherly pride when you get complimented on the best behaviour of your kids? Blatantly yes! But you probably think that it isn’t entirely true. Even at church, your friends and parishioners will comment on your children’s good behaviour during service. Let’s accept you’re not that super mom who can wangle anything, especially since your kids misbehave all the time. You should consider it fortunate that most children tend to be more than shy if not less, around strangers and unfamiliar places.

That being said, most of your friends will ask you how you manage your little rugrats in public. So here are some handy tips you could use, which works for most mommies, at least it certainly does for me! The cardinal rule is to plan. A plan of action charted well ahead of the actual do, always goes that extra mile. Simple rule, applied to almost anything and everything in life. Here’s an armour to battle your cheeky, screaming and irritated adorable little monsters.

Tip number one to avoid throwing a spanner into the works is to pack homemade healthy snacks for all picnics, camping trips, almost everything. You’ve stacked all their favourite energy packed munchies and this can prove very handy on extra long journeys. Sort individual bags for special church services or places when you need your little ones to sit quiet in pin drop silence. Your little boy loves his interactive sticker books, your baby doll loves her dolls and fairy colouring books, so you’ve got horses for course there. Let dining out to a pub or any American eatery like McDonalds, KFC’s etc be a once a while special occasion. Take a kid to a place more than twice, he’s au fait with it, that it! They’ll slowly slide into their comfort zone with familiar surrounding and be the big bad cheeky monkeys they are at home all the time!

Next word of advice, label everything from the juice cans to the sarnie tiffins. This way you get no fights, each child knows what’s theirs and how much they can have and nothing over done. Easy Peasy! Have exciting games for the kids on your outing. A fun filled game of Bingo can be just what you need. Assign your eldest to call out the numbers and if you’ve got the time on you, design some bingo kid cards with stars, cookies and fairies of the sort. Everything going hunky-dory, Bob’s your uncle!

And lastly you get home knackered for some me-time. Unwind with a hot bubble bath, vino and an exciting online Bingo game (like those you can find on 888ladies), making some quick quid in the process.

Defo not a mommy with headaches, are you?

Right mommies, fancy a cuppa?

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 16:52:00 +0000

Time to bung that unending to-do list, diapers and crockery! Time for your exclusive day out! Let’s not get too chuffed to bits my love. We mommies can’t really have a wholesale day to ourselves now, can we? So let’s see how we can fit bits and bobs of your ‘me-time’ into our busy day without harbouring a slacker.

Cook up a storm with a power packed energizing brekkie which will keep you up and about geared for the day to come. A sprinkle of flaxseeds in your cereal blesses you with your share of essential Omega-3 acids. Wash out all negative thoughts and welcome everything that’s positive including words and thoughts! Banish words like stressful, knackered, and difficult from your personal dictionary. Make way for mentally stimulating time with the children by singing along with them, even if it’s just a ‘The grand old duke of York’ or ‘Peter Hammer,’ you’ll be surprised by how wonderful this experience can be. Stock the light flowery air conditioner to suit and relax you. Fragrance can refresh and relax you giving you that spa aromatherapy effect. Have a chin wag with a lady as you pick up the laundry. A little talk and bonding is extremely vital. Engage in a small mental escape with a little dreaming at midday. Make tea time an auspicious celebration. Out with your best Royal Doulton teapot with your double cream & jam scones with chocolate chip muffins on your flowery cake stand. A good old cuppa will relax you and help you rise high above the day. Get down and dirty playing and jumping like a kid with your kids in the garden. Do not leave any muscle uncorked.

And while the lovely day turns to dawn, have a butcher online at some fabulous Bingo games (Big Brother Bingo is a great place to start playing and getting free cash and gift certificates), for excitement, fun, friendship and strike gold with some big wins. It’s the Mutt’s Nuts I say!

So don’t wait for Christmas! Chivvy along and make hay while the sun still shines!

Why Publish Your Book via Kindle?

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:05:00 +0000

I have never really understood the attitude of unpublished authors who receive many rejections for their manuscripts and blame publishers for not wanting to take a risk by publishing their novel. I don't think publishers are evil, they simply have to put their money where their mouth is. If they publish your novel, they have to invest a certain amount to have it edited, produced, promoted and driven to various bookshops. That means they are very picky about what they publish, albeit not in a way that makes sense to the lay person. Sometimes their most hyped up book might sink, and sometimes it might swim, and sometimes it all goes pearshaped and the publisher goes bankrupt.

But don't blame the publisher for not wanting to take a risk on you. Get out there and do it yourself! Is there any more wonderful invention than the Kindle for the adventurous author who wants to get her book out there? Publish your book as a Kindle and it costs practically nothing, so you're not exactly plundering your retirement fund to get it into print.

Remember the dark days of self publishing, when you had to order several thousand copies of your book, which went moldy in your garage and no one bought off you, not even your gran? And if you ever saw them in a public place it was in the local dog pound lining the kennels? The other problem, apart from wasting your money, was you never got back any feedback on your book.

But now if you Kindle your book, you get readers without even really trying. Additionally, on the days you give it away free you will have about 10,000 people reading it. The down- or upside to all this is you will get a lot of feedback on your book because many people are reading it. For a fully paid up narcissist like myself, this kind of feedback is like manna from heaven.

When I published my novel Confessions of a Cake Addict as a Kindle, I was soon inundated with people telling me what they thought of it.

Some of it good like this:

"The title of Confessions of a Cake Addict was the first thing that struck me about the book. It instantly made me smile as I completely empathised with Kate, the protagonist, as I am a self-confessed chocaholic. Kate is the quintessential geeky girl with a great big heart. There were so many times during the book that I just wanted to hug her. We've all been where Kate finds herself in life; single, chubby and just a little bit lonely."

or this:

"This such a riot of a read! Grab this book and cozy up on the couch in the sunroom and just read! I found myself just laughing like silly. It's funny, improbable, but it's not exactly the fluff I was expecting. There is something very smartalecky about this that I really enjoyed."

While others said the book was fluff, but not in a good way, like Laila454:

"This was just total fluff. I expected more from but all I got was a quick beach read."

Well, I'm sorry Laila454 if you thought a book with a pink cover and a cake on it was going to be an indepth exploration of alienation and loss, possibly told from the point of view of a Husky dog Tinker who climbed up Mount Everest with his trusty owner, octogenarian, Mable Smithers. In the course of which, Mable loses her toes to frostbite, Tinker loses his tail to a rabid wolf and they hobble to the bottom of the Mount only to be gunned down by an assasin with cataracts.

No seriously, Laila454, I don't mind what you think as long as you're saying it!

So, if you're thinking of Kindling your book, just go for it!! Fifty Shades of Grey may well owe part of its success to it being available via Kindle so that horny mums can read it on the sidelines of their daughter's soccer games without anyone being the wiser.

Also another book that's selling well in Kindle and paperback is The Life and Death of an Unknown Celebrity by Darren Cockle. It's a tale of how Darren coped with life after his wife died of breast cancer and it's raw, moving, honest, funny and uplifting.

So if you're feeling brave, I urge you to put your book out on the Kindle. I guarantee you won't regret it!!

One Drop Uses Poker to Improve Lives

noreply@blogger.com (EmmaK) — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 13:39:00 +0000

Poker on TV is a fad that I have never really gotten into to. I've tried to watch the programs on TV, but it is hard to relate to those who regularly put up $10,000 at a time in the hopes for winning big money. However, there is an event that will be coming up that I may take the time to watch called The Big One for One Drop.

The Big One for One Drop is a charity poker event that was held earlier this month at the World Series of Poker. It was the first event ever to cost players $1 Million to event. I know, some of you wonder why I would watch this after talking about live and online casino players putting up just $10,000 in an event, but this event was a bit different because it largely supported an important charity.

The Big One Drop is tournament that was the brainchild of Cirque De Soleil founder Guy Laliberte and the event supports One Drop, an organization that helps to provide clean water to developing nations. Water is our lifeblood and having clean water is key for proper growth and development.

The $1 Million tournament I mentioned was important in that out of every $1 Million, 11.11 percent was taken out for One Drop. A total of 48 players entered the event which meant that over $5.3 Million was raised for this wonderful organization. Several players also pledged a portion of their winnings to One Drop.

In addition, the company spent a lot of time and effort in educating players not just in the event but also at the WSOP about their cause. From what little research I have done since hearing about this event, I have discovered just how generous that poker players are and have learned that they are not as ego-driven and money-obsessed as I once thought.

When ESPN plays the final table for this event, I will be among those watching. It will not be to pick up any casino strategy or to obsess over the money being thrown around, but rather I will be watching to support a event that will ultimate impact countless lives.