Mommy Has A Headache

Mayhem in Madras

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Fri, 27 May 2016 16:39:00 +0000

I'm back and am pleased to report that I did not get the shits in Madras. I didn't really want to leave India at all, the only downside being that the toilets left a lot to be desired.

We went over for our friend Sanjay's wedding (who's from Madras but now lives in the US), but because he is quite private I promised not to post pictures of the couple getting married, even though they are pretty spectacular.

Still, it was all so amazing I am posting some pictures. And here is my diary....

Day 1

Ever wondered what happened to Noddy? He eloped with Big Ears and now lives in Madras.

Shop like J Lo

Now, I am not a power shopper. I like a leisurely stroll through a couple of department stores, then a coffee, then lunch, then maybe I buy a pair of shoes. So on Day 1 in Madras I felt a bit like a movie star when I embarked on my shopping spree, because I was surrounded by an entourage - Sanjay's aunt, his fiance Abhilasha, plus the driver, plus John, my husband. We were to buy all the outfits I needed for the wedding. I didn't insist on dressing in Indian outfits, but they decreed that three outfits was the only way to go, one for each day of their Hindu wedding. No arguments, they were paying. And since there are few department stores, you drive from tiny store to tiny store. At a jewelry store where I bought some anklets, the shopkeeper was tearing up saris and removing the silver threads from them. He was going to melt down the silver threads to make silver jewelry. That was the first thing that struck me - the total recourcefulness, out of necessity, to reuse every single object. There is very little waste, and even rich people don't throw away food.

The first day was hair raising because no one follows any traffic rules or stops for traffic lights. The pollution burns your lungs and you watch in awe as the driver negotiates the traffic, often passing a hair's width past a motorbike, and narrowly avoiding cars that are casually cruising the wrong way up the street. Against a deafening cacophany of horns, babies and kids sit on the front of motorbikes without helmets. Madras is a lawless city and yet has an easy vibe. People are not stressed. There is no road rage or screaming in the street, people just drive in a very leisurely fashion. Sometimes you see a pile up, but it always ends well, with the motorbike drivers getting up, brushing themselves down and going on their merry way.

We went from shop to shop until I had a sari, one long skirt and a top embroidered with sequins (sharara) and one casual outfit, a long dress over baggy trousers (churider), plus jewelry. Plus they bought John two outfits. Everyone in the shops looked at me like I was part creature from outer space, part Amazonian. I am probably twice as heavy as most of the women there, with their narrow wrists and tiny bodies.

It is nine pm and we are still shopping and I can't believe the sheer amount of clothing that is being bought. The bride has eight different saris for the occasion. It seems that here weddings are quite a big deal!

Day 2

So amazing to see the hotel guests smoking cigarettes at breakfast. Whenever I see smokers in non-regulated environments I get a bit of a kick out of it because smoking anywhere these days is almost akin to shooting up heroin in public.

Took a trip to a gruesome crocodile zoo

and then, after a visit to a Hindu temple

I wondered lonely as a cloud...

pondering what fake ice cream might be...
until I was accosted by a bunch of Indian boys

Not sure what they were after but I think it may have been my cash.

Part Two to follow .....

A Real Life Mr Darcy?

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Sun, 02 Mar 2014 22:51:00 +0000

Fans of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice have always known that Mr. Darcy is a fine man. Now scientists have proof. In scientific lingo:

The pheromone that attracts female mice to the odour of a particular male has been identified. Named ‘darcin’ by researchers writing in the open access journal BMC Biology(after Darcy, the attractive hero in Jane Austen’s novel “Pride and Prejudice”), this unusual protein in a male’s urine attracts females and is responsible for learned preference for specific males. – Science Daily

But seriously, even though we can only imagine what he might have smelt like ... Mr Darcy has been a perennial fave with the ladies both because he said many romantic things as well as being able to work a wet shirt while emerging from a lake.

But hang on one ticketyboo moment, while Mr Darcy may encapsulate romance to so many, unfortunately....he isn't real.

SIGH

So it was wonderful for me, who is somewhat cynical about love, romance and all that jazz, to hear that a blogging buddy called Charlotte Harborne, who after getting divorced met a lovely well mannered gent who she calls Mr Darcy. She told me all about the witty little exchanges she and he have and before I knew it I had cast my cynicism aside and penned the pictures to her adventures. This is one soap opera I will enjoy following ......watch this space and read all about it on her blog.

Would love to know what you think about my first cartoon for this series. And what about you ...do you ever wonder what your fella is talking about down the pub?

Let Me Gently Probe your Mind

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 02:05:00 +0000

We're snowed in up to our eyeballs here in Baltimore so time to switch on the computer for some light relief.

So, I got challenged by another blogger to share 11 things about me

My 11 questions are:

1. What advice would you give your brand new blogging self now?

Don't air all your dirty laundry in public.

2. What four words would you say to your 18 year old self?

David Bowie is never going to marry you.

3. What three things do you think define you as either a Brit or American?

Obsession with strong cups of tea or lack thereof

Ability to go for long walks in icy rain and enjoy it because it is 'bracing'

Deep and abiding love of the Eurovision Song Contest especially the year Bucks Fizz won.

4. Which TV show character are you and why?

Well I am definitely Eddie from Ab Fab because I love to drink a lot of wine and natter inanely. Also, we are kindred spirits in that I have never been on a diet for more than half a day.

5. Apocalypse Now or Mary Poppins?

I haven't seen Apocalypse Now so it's Chim Chim Charoo all the way for me!

6. Are white lies okay to tell? Please elaborate!

Yes of course. If you are getting ready to go out and your friend has poured herself into an outfit that does her no favors, maybe like these green leggings ....

and she maybe asks you, 'do I look fat in these?' then the answer is always NO so as not to hurt her feelings. And then you can say something like 'Although that color does make you look a bit washed out' and help her pick something from her wardrobe that makes her look less like a stuffed courgette.

7. Whether you are a parent or not, what are the three most important things about raising a child?

The greatest gift you can give your child is time.

Children will make a lot of mess and break all your furniture. Get over it.

Sometimes it is easiest to feed your toddler spaghetti and meatballs in the bath for easy cleanup.

8. Favourite swear word and why?

I have so many favorites it is impossible to choose.

9. If you could have one super power what would it be?

Eating a lot of cake and staying slim.

10. Worst holiday experience ever.

I think it might have been when I was 15 and went on an overnight ski trip with my mum in a coach and I drank a bottle of whisky with some lads in the back and threw up all over myself and passed out and when I woke up in the morning with the mother and father of all hangovers and my mum explained what had happened I said, "Why didn't you stop me doing that?" and she said, "Well I wanted to teach you a lesson." Lesson learnt. I cannot touch whisky since that day.

11. Elevator pitch to the Huffington Post, no more than 30 words, for your blog…..

When this London City Chick swapped life in the fast lane for the slow pace of Baltimore, USA she decided to blog about it. Follow her ups and downs as she swaps crumpets for crab cakes.

Now I have to:

• Acknowledge the nominating blogger by linking back to their blog – thanks Claire at http://ukdesperatehousewifeusa.com/

• Invite 11 more bloggers to take up the challenge and give them 11 questions to answer.

Here are my questions:

1. If you could go back in history who would you most like to meet?
2. What was one of the most embarassing things your kid said in public?
3. If you were an animal what would you be and why?
4. Have you ever eaten Haggis? Did you like it?
5. What's the stupidest thing you have said in a job interview?
6. Do you believe in friendship between men and women?
7. Is Kate Middleton someone you look up to or someone who seems awfully nice but basically completely uninteresting?
8. Do you feel like you are a slave to technology?
9. Have you ever had a chip butty? If not would you like to?
10. If you were on a desert island what one record from the 80s would you bring with you?
11. Do you understand the rules of American football?

Okay, so, the nominees are…

http://www.veryboredincatalunya.com

http://www.metropolitanmum.co.uk

http://honestmum.com

http://mother.wife.me.com

http://thelifestylista.com

http://slapdashmama.blogspot.com/

http://www.blogiota.blogspot.com/

http://www.theamericanresident.com/

http://i-say-tomato.blogspot.com/

http://lostinthepond.blogspot.com

http://gladley.blogspot.com/

Linking up with #AllAboutYou Linky Party:

Great Expat-ations

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Sun, 09 Feb 2014 21:14:00 +0000

I was asked to contribute an expat tip for the HiFX Expat Tip page. And this got me thinking that actually I have a lot of useful info to pass on for peeps looking to move from UK to USA so here goes ....

10 things to bear in mind when moving from UK to USA

1. Your British accent will go down a storm. Some people even ask you to say a sentence so they can hear your accent. You will feel like a celebrity.

2. You will laugh at how Americans complain about the cost of gas as it is three times cheaper than in the UK.

3. The weather is a lot nicer.

4. I had watched so many episodes of Jerry Springer, Maury etc. I thought America might be awash with women who didn't know who the father of their child was! In fact, the reality is quite the opposite. Marriage is a huge deal in the USA with only 10% believing it is an outdated institution.

5. People in US are very sensitive towards race and religion to the point where I really don't really like to talk about it because I'm not sure if I'm going to offend people. Religion in the UK is for most people just a background murmur but many people here are religious and actually go to church. That religion should be mixed in with politics is something I still can't get my head around - they even have prayer breakfasts in the White House. Some people believe in creationism, showing that the bible can be taken pretty literally.

6. If like me you did not drive before you arrived here then you will have to learn. Public transport is dire in all but the biggest cities and people drive absolutely everywhere and by that I mean they often drive the kids to school even if it is a two minute walk. It is something that is hard to get one's head around.

7. You will not realize how much you love a decent cup of tea until you move to the USA. You rarely find a good cuppa at a restaurant and I once got steamed milk on a cup of tea - of course, being British I didn't complain and just drank it. But be warned - if you want a good cuppa you will have to make it at home.

8. TV is a nightmare with commercials every five minutes. For this reason I no longer have Cable TV just Hulu and Netflix.

9. Don't try and do all the things you used to do back in England. You can't spend your time bemoaning the fact that in the USA people don't spend all Sunday in the pub eating a delicious roast. You have to get out and experience as much as you can of your local area. I am lucky in that I live 2 hours from a ski resort and 3 hours from the beach and that there is always something to do outdoors.

10. You will be thrilled at how much bang you get for your buck when you do buy a house. On average houses in USA are cheaper than the UK equivalent!

If you are an expat give me some of your tips!

Linking up with the All About You Linky Party. Come join the fun and link up your posts:

Diary of Popcorn the Pardoned Turkey

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Sat, 30 Nov 2013 18:54:00 +0000

Hi my name is Popcorn and I am a turkey living in Morven Park's Turkey Hill Farm in the good ole US of A.

This is my diary from last week:

Monday 25th November

Minding my own business pulling my feathers out of my ginormous breast at the turkey farm. Every turkey knows that Wednesday will be their last day on earth so we're all going a bit crazy. Everyone's hysterically flapping their wings and shrieking "Carpe Diem!"

I have no idea what they're talking about. Apparently some eggheaded turkey explains it means 'seize the day.'

Everyone was running around like headless chickens trying to do stuff they had always had on their Bucket List. For me that involved propositioning a hot turkey called Citronella. I've loved her from afar these last two months. "Hey Citronella!" I squawked, posing nochalently like Ashton Kutcher. "How about a quick snog before we reach our final destination?"

All I got for my trouble was her violently pecking me on the head.

Carpe Diem - what a pile of crap.

Tuesday 26th November

Someone from the White House turns up and starts checking out all us turkeys. I'm bricking it because I reckon he's come to check out which one of us Obama will have on his presidential table come Thanksgiving. He plucks a mate of mine, Caramel, and myself from the throng.

In an amazing twist, we are not to be stuffed. The nation votes on twitter for Caramel or myself. Like in 'The Hunger Games' movie we are both going to be saved. The excitement sweeps the nation.

Wednesday 27th November

All the other turkeys are being packed into trucks ready to be escorted to the Great Golden Turkey Baster in the sky.

Goodbye Citronella! You evil witch!

(how soon love turns to hate)

Thursday 28th November

We have been pardoned by Obama and will not be beheaded. But we have so many fans on twitter and facebook already! Believe me, becoming a celebrity is no walk in the park! Now everyone knows that my favorite song is Halo by Beyonce and that I have irritable bowel syndrome. But in the end it is all worth it. We are now bona fide celebrities and are invited to the White House to meet the Prez and Bo although I'm not keen on dogs.

Friday 29th November

What a week. Caramel and I are looking at properties in Beverley Hills. We have personal assistants to polish our feathers. We are buying bling. We have groupies.

Thanks so much for everyone who voted for us!

We will now be known as Dr Pop and Lil Caramel. Laters suckers!

I'm so famous I'm even being featured on the Moonshine Grid Weekly Challenge:

Novica Handmade Gifts $50 Giveaway (Ends 9/10)

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Fri, 23 Aug 2013 00:01:00 +0000

I have been wanting to show you this batik robe I fell in LOVE with from Novica and am adding to my boudoir collection.

The robe is made by a talented artisan in Bali and one of the many beautiful creations found on NOVICA, a company that works with National Geographic to give talented artisans around the world a place to express their artistic talents and provide access to the world market.

When you order one of these unique products Novica don't just have them stockpiled in a warehouse. The product will come direct from the artisan, in a lovely drawstring bag (if it is jewelry) with a note from the person who made it. A lovely touch don't you think?

I must say I have spent quite a few hours ogling their site and can just imagine myself lounging in my batik robe on one of their amazing double hammocks....the breeze ruffling my hair.....

Romancing the Crone

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 16:38:00 +0000

If any of you out there are newly solo and rushing to join a dating website, let me offer you a word of caution before you dive in. There is a new breed of man out there looking to hook forty plus women. He will whisper words of utter delight in your ear, he will look like a God and will immediately be smitten by 'your beautiful smile.' The downside is he's a Romeo Scammer, and, as a mature friend of mine told me, they are wriggling all over the dating website scene, like woodworms in wood!

Yes, in tough economic times people are no longer responding to spam emails promising to grow your penis three extra inches or from melodramatic Nigerian government officials asking to lend them money which you will get back soon with 400% interest. These days you need to have the time, and a certain amount of talent to lure gullible people into parting with their cash.

For the woman of a certain age it all starts when a sexy young under thirty guy connects with you on a dating website and sends you a hunky photo of himself. You might initially think what the heck, even if this guy is a tad too young for me he is smokin' hot, you go girl! If you live in America this guy will claim to be American but alas, he will always live at least a hundred miles away. He'll tease and torment you with his emails at first which are grammatically unsound but you think, well, he does say he's a contractor working in Nebraska, so what if he spells like someone who has just learnt English. When the heart finds that perfect soul mate who cares if he can't spell for shit?

The scam goes on in that the guy never gives you his phone number or asks for yours, starts IMing like a love sick schoolboy and sooner or later arranges to fly over to meet you until a glitch occurs, he claims finances are tight, could you please wire over the money for the flight my dearest darling girl, so we can be together? My friend is au fait with the procedure as she sometimes likes to toy with these Romeo Scammers for kicks. And when she checks their IP addresses they are always (quel surprise!) located in Africa.

If there are any documentary makers out there I'd love them to find out if there are call center type places called Romeo Towers or Passionate Plaza in Africa where these Romeo Scammers ply their trades. Just imagine the conversations when a new guy comes on shift:

Romeo 1 "Where are you up to with that lady in Baltimore?"

Romeo 2 going off shift: "Well, I having warm her up nice hot and you can go in for killing. I have told her I am ready to be flying out to Baltimore from Nebraska seeing to her give one. I telling her in last email: Waiting you the playing sweet music love the making me. Cannot wet to your stroke soft skin and shower the perls over you."

Priceless!

All I'm saying is don't be caught out by the new Romeo Scammers out there. If a young toy boy with abs of steel is immediately smitten by you be assured he may want to plunge, not into your hot body but deep into the crevices of your wallet.

*******************

Also you must check out my pal Claire's (aka UK Desperate Housewife USA) blog. She is a Brit in Columbia who is a flip flop wearing, cowboy hat totin', sunworshipper who has already sampled a lot of US cuisine including corn dogs and crab. She did me the honor of interviewing me so check it out!!

The Kings of Summer

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 01:35:00 +0000

Yesterday I was lucky enough to see a preview showing for an amazing movie called The Kings of Summer. Luckily the movie did not need time to warm up. The audience were screaming with laughter from the first second and the laughs kept coming. The movie is about three clueless teenage boys who run away from home one claustrophobic summer, build their own house in the woods, try to hunt rabbits, grow their own terrible moustaches and try to get to First Base with the Ladeez with little or no success.

This is a very insightful look into the lives of teenagers and it takes you back to those heady days when you thought you knew it all and were convinced your parents were old farts. Back to the days when you were coursing with hormones that made you either tongue-tied or say really gauche things to the opposite sex at discos like "I like your jumper."

If you want to scream with laughter make sure you check out The Kings of Summer which opens in USA this Friday. Let me know if it tickled your funny bone! And check out this amazing infographic with scenes from the movie.

Wordless Wednesday: Memorial Day Picnic

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Wed, 29 May 2013 00:07:00 +0000

Smores and Firepit and Sunset oh my!

Join in the fun and link up here:

The Next Big Thing

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Thu, 02 May 2013 17:48:00 +0000

Thanks a bunch to the lovely Pauline Wiles for tagging me to take part in The Next Big Thing. This involves me yacking on about myself and my books while also spreading love to other authors that I admire!

Like me Pauline is a British ex-pat, and when she left the UK eight years ago she was not quite sure how she was going to survive without afternoon tea, historic homes, the local pub and oodles of rain but is now living in California with her British husband and getting her head around the constant sunshine and cheerful people! She calls herself a “trailing spouse” so that's what I will think of myself as herewith.

I beg of you please take a peek at Pauline’s engaging debut novel, Saving Saffron Sweeting. It is about Grace, an English woman living in USA with her husband and living a charmed life until she finds out he's doing the dirty on her. Unable to stomach the betrayal Grace flees back to her homeland, and somehow lands in the clutches of the quaint village of Saffron Sweeting....

Buy the book and find out what happens next and be aware that the book will leave you yearning for English treats like sticky toffee pudding. So do yourself a favor and get stuck in!

_____________________________

Now, onto my Q&A section:

What is the working title of your book?

Cocktails at Naptime - A Woefully Inadequate Guide to Early Motherhood.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

Once upon a time...two mums who really should have been doing housework wrote a book together....they called it "Cocktails at Naptime" and some nice Australian publishers called Finch Publishing laughed out loud when they read it on the train home and thought their readers would laugh out loud too on their trains home, possibly startling some fellow passengers along the way (read more here)

What genre does your book fall under?

Pregnancy and Childbirth Humor.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

That the book will become a movie is something of a given - two bloggers meet over the blogosphere and write a book. The plotline is marvellous. Once Hollywood comes a-calling the question will be who will play Gillian and who will play Emma?

Emma (me)

I am a kind of bossy no nonsense English type but frankly Emma Thompson's getting a bit long in the tooth to play someone as stunning and vivacious as me so I'm going to have to put my thinking cap on here. I am also one of those clumsy types with no sense of direction so I am thinking maybe Tamsin Greig?

Gillian Martin

Gillian is a plain speaking Scott so maybe Michelle Gomez who played that Scottish woman who was bonkers in Green Wing? (although Gillian is not really bonkers)

Sue White (Michelle Gomez) and Dr Caroline Todd (Tamsin Grieg) in Green Wing

But here are some other options:

Kath and Kim

Rennee Zellwegger and Julia Roberts

Meryl Streep and Judi Dench

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

There are secrets that no baby book will tell you, and stories that no parenting magazine will touch with a set of forceps. Thats a shame because out of postnatal nastiness and the struggle with sleep-deprivation, couch stainage and perineum bruising, comes forth humour lots of it!

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

The book was first published by Finch Publishing in Australia but we would be over the moon if a British or American publisher wanted to publish it too. You can purchase it on Amazon here.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

A few months of emailing eachother, gallons of Chardonnay and a very messy house (as the housework didn't get done)!

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

The book was written by two authors who met via the internet. Gillian lives in Aberdeen, Scotland and I live in Baltimore, USA and we have never met! We are both successful bloggers who wrote the book in cyberspace and have been promoting it all over the internet ever since.

Cocktails at Naptime tackles the first year after birth for first time mums in a way that will have you in stitches. Go here for chapter headings and extracts.

The book is also like stand up comedy on a page and includes off-beat stuff about how Mothers of History (including Queen Victoria and Marie Antoinette) dealt with getting their figure back as well as an essential guide to transforming your partner into a sex symbol using only household bleach and a pair of rubber gloves.

If you want to know how Marie Antoinette got her figure back post birth read Cocktails at Naptime.

___________________________________

Now to continue this series of author-self-interviews, I would like to tag:

Jill Smokler aka Scary Mommy who lives somewhere in Baltimore although I have yet to meet her. Her latest book is the side-splitting Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies) Check out her amazingly popular confessional on where you can let it all hang out and not feel judged.

Joanne Clancy is a fabulous writer from County Cork, Ireland. She is an avid reader, self-confessed Kindle addict, and tea fiend. Joanne was a quarter finalist at the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards 2013, with The Secrets and Lies Trilogy. She has also written The Wedding Day; Unforgettable Embrace; My Love, and Watched.

Nikki Kneppler is the author of Moms Who Drink and Swear: True Tales of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind. Blurb: Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts.

____________________________________

Other books you can buy written by me (and make me very happy) are Seductive Viennese Whirl and Her Ten Year Itch. You can also connect with me on Facebook and Twitter.

We're Not In Kansas Anymore

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 14:09:00 +0000

Hurrah!! My entry for the Expat Culture Shock Competition has won!! Thanks to everyone who voted for me.

We're Not in Kansas Anymore
by Emma Kaufmann

I was whisked by taxi from my flat in central London in the early dawn. Giddy and slightly nauseous, I thought of my boyfriend waiting for me on the other side of the Atlantic.

What the heck was I doing?

I had waved goodbye to my French flatmate Jean-Claude who was a total Americanophile. A passion for all things American, had, like Borat's been ignited by a passion for Baywatch and had taken Jean-Claude on many jaunts to San Diego where he had ridden waves and bedded beach babes who went nuts for his accent. A recent attempt to emigrate to the USA had bombed and now Jean-Claude was somewhat miffed that I was off to his version of the Promised Land.

Read mine and all the entries here:

Winners of the Expat Culture Shock Competition

Happy Caturday

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 20:31:00 +0000

Happy Caturday to you all!

I'm linking up with a Cat Like Curiosity for this feline blog hop.

I am a cat fanatic and had cats all through my childhood even though I am somewhat allergic to them (although right now I am catless and just have the two guinea pigs). I would love to be reincarnated as a cat.What could be better than lying in the sun all day and sitting on laps and getting tickled behind the ears?

I just did a picture of a ginger cat who looks like he's just eaten a canary or bitten the tail off a mouse and is just sleeping it off:

Things I am grateful for:

1. Spring is in the air and I can wake to the sounds of birds chattering.

2. I don't have to scrape snow off my car.

3. I finished the last of my horde of Easter chocolate so I can now start Operation Cram Myself into a Swimsuit by Eating Less.

4. There are lots of flowers in my garden which makes me feel very cheerful. Hopefully my sunflowers will bloom this year as they sometimes decide not to.

5. I am pleased that my daughter has started mowing the lawn so I don't have to.

What are you grateful for?

If you are cat crazy please link up here:

Cooking with the British Bint

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 16:48:00 +0000

Aaah! We thought it was spring but then on Monday opened our curtains to see this:

Very beautiful to be sure.The kids strapped themselves into their snowpants and spent the day shrieking with excitement that there was no school. And then sledded all day while I kept busy in the kitchen.

The rest of the week was grimly cold so I stocked up on carbs. I am obsessed with food but I get a bit sick of these self confessed foodies who will only use the highest quality goat's cheese where the goat was organically milked or who won't use a common or garden rotisserie chicken unless it has lived a healthy life in a close community of other chickens. That's fine for some people who are loaded I guess, like Gwyneth Paltrow who has her kids on a carb free diet (that puts a new meaning to the term deprived childhood doesn't it?)

No, I reckon the real skill is finding a bunch of wrinkled old vegetables, some past their sell by date herbs, and a few odds and sods in the back of one's cupboard and then bunging them together to create a delicious okay edible meal. Are you with me?

So that's what I did. I made some pizza dough. I slopped some barbecue sauce on it. I put some bits of roast chicken on.

It's not rocket science.

But it is delicious.

Barbecue Chicken Pizza - it's really hard to make (not)

Don't get me wrong. I am a total food voyeur. I love to peruse pretentious foodie markets and nibble on bits of organic Camembert and inhale the scent of freshly made chocolates. But I'm not going to shell out for it, because I'm not daft.

On a recent trip to New York I realized most of my photos were about food.

Trip to Food Paradise aka Chelsea Kitchen:

Is that Gwyneth Paltrow? No it's me!

Heaven on earth (Dim sum in Flushing):

Oh yes I did - asked for a fork in a dim sum restaurant


Live fish at a supermarket in Flushing

Where was I?

Anyway the week ended on a high note. Today has sunshine flooding down on us and even the guinea pigs are romping free in the grass.

So tell me this: are you a foodie or just a culinary genius like moi who can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear? Isn't it just pretentious to always have to have to source the wierdest, most obscure ingredients to put in your stew? Yes I mean you Fearnley-Whittingstal l and your placenta stew.

Trifecta Challenge: I Should Be So Lucky

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 19:32:00 +0000

Here's my piece for Trifecta Week 70 using the third definition of Lucky

LUCKY (adjective)

1: having good luck
2: happening by chance : fortuitous
3: producing or resulting in good by chance : favorable

I Should Be So Lucky

That morning their mother tried to shake Celeste and Sheena awake but they were locked in a deep restless sleep.

Weird and incomprehensible words streamed from their mouths.

Hammer-time

Harem pants

Shell suits

Rainbow legwarmers

Celeste sat up and screamed.

"What is it?" her mother asked.

"We went back to the nineteen eighties."

"But how could you?" said their mother. "That's totally impossible."

Sheena sat up and stared at her sister.

"I don't understand. What was that?"

"Oh God! All we wanted was to find out about fashion."

"We shouldn't have been so curious."

"I feel violated."

"So much spandex."

"All those shoulder pads."

"It's just a nightmare," said their mother, as she watched their pale, sweaty faces contort in agony. "It's going to be okay."

The night before, Sheena and Celeste had belted themselves into the time machine located at the back of their closet, behind piles of identical breathing suits in shades of beige and grey.

The question that burned into their brains night and day was,What was fashion? That was what the sisters were dying to find out.

Yet the machine they had built would not travel back from the present 2257 to pre-2050, to the time when people lived on Earth, until global warming made the ice caps melt and the rivers rise, until pollution was so thick it burnt the insides of their lungs and they had no choice but to move to Mars or die.

As the time machine juddered into life Sheena noticed that her pet rat, Bleepers, had gnawed through some of the wires. The time dial was spinning like it never had before. The sisters shrieked with excitement as they watched it race back in time: 2045, 2025, 2000 ....

Oh my God! It was their lucky day. Yes indeed, maybe Bleepers would change their fortunes.

"Thank you Bleepers!" Sheena shrieked, slamming her fist on the dashboard. "We're heading to 1982! This is it Celeste.We're going to find out what fashion really means! Woohoo!"

Trifecta Challenge: Big Screen and Little Screen

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 18:49:00 +0000

This is Week 69 of the Trifecta writing prompt which asks us to use the definition below.

The word is INFECT.

3a : contaminate, corrupt b : to work upon or seize upon so as to induce sympathy, belief, or support

BIG SCREEN AND LITTLE SCREEN

There was a time when I would

Watch the Big Screen

And before I knew it

I would have a terrible craving for

Nembutal

Big Screen told me it would make my edges go fuzzy

And it did

What fun it all was

Some days Big Screen would infect me

And I'd find myself

Rollerskating in white shorts during my period

Like a zombie

In the evening Big Screen whispered to me

That to win my husband's love

I should scrub my private parts with Lysol

It was a most effective strategy

Big Screen became like a lover

And I turned up the sound

Drowning in Big Screen's voice

Until I was so busy watching

Big Screen

That my husband left me

And my white shorts got too tight

I was buying too much KFC

And scrubbing with Lysol played havoc with my skin

Decades have passed

And I don't let Big Screen boss me around any more

Like he used to

Now I don't let Big Screen tell me what to do

I carry Little Screen with me

In my pocket

And talk to her often

She is my best friend

With a constant stream

Of chatter in my ear

I suppose it's just a different

Sort of prison

Because I can never switch her off

*********************************

Don't forget! There is still time to enter my Limerick competition and win a large Easter Egg!

Competition: Pen a Limerick - Win an Amazing Chocolate Egg

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 17:08:00 +0000

The Easter bunny above (called Paisley) and I are extremely egg-cited about the launch of my Easter Limerick competition (although you can't see his expression under all that fur).

Yes, I am looking for your finest Easter themed limericks. And naturally there is a prize from chocolatiers Hotel Chocolat for letting your creative juices flow onto paper or rather computer screen! So read on if deluxe chocolates are your drug of choice.

As I write I am chomping on a lovely gift from the peeps at Hotel Chocolat who sent me some of their Classic Egglets (below) which are smooth, creamy and delicious. For these are not just any chocolate Easter eggs. Oh no. These babies come as a clutch of seven mellow egglets and come filled with super soft Salted Caramel, smooth Pecan Praline, dreamy Vanilla Truffle and melt-away Hazelnut Praline.

Hotel Chocolat have a strong ingredients philosophy and use only wholesome, real ingredients and their overall mantra is Less Sugar, More Cocoa. All their products are vegetarian.

Have I got you all excited yet?

Well if you want some chocs you'll have to pen the verse.

First I'll answer any questions you may have floating about:

Q: What is a limerick?

A: A limerick is a humorous verse of three long and two short lines with a rhyming pattern of AABBA.

Example written by me:

There once was a cat called Babbitt
Whose lust for Easter eggs became a habit
Chomping through dark, milk or mint
Her egg consumption left her so skint
She had no choice but to marry the Easter Rabbit

Q: Aren’t limericks usually obscene?

A: If you are even slightly familiar with limericks, you’ll likely be aware that they are often bawdy and/or vulgar. You are perfectly free to come close to vulgarity, even hint blatantly at it, but personally I prefer innuendo over blatant vulgarity (although you are free to experiment either way).

The theme is Easter. Bunnies, eggs, chirping chicks. The whole shebang.

Q: What can I win?

At the end of the contest, Paisley the bunny and I will choose a “Most Favored” among all limericks submitted. The author of the Most Favored Limerick will win:

An Egglet Extra Thick Easter Egg

Both half-shells are cast from their special 40% cocoa house milk chocolate. And inside – 12 mini eggs, gorgeously decorated with colourful flourishes and filled with liquid caramel, smooth hazelnut praline, strawberry ganache and more. 12 pieces.

Q: How do I participate?

A: Just post your Easter themed limerick in the comments section below.

Q: Can I enter more than once?

A: Of course! Crush us with your rhyming prowess. You’re welcome to enter as many times as you like, but please enter only one limerick per comment (unless your limerick is multi-versed).

Q: When is the deadline?

A: Monday March 25, 2013 at 11:59pm Eastern.

Yippee! Let the Easter Limerick Party begin!

Submit your Limerick:

Just use the comments section below to astound us with your creativity

Forcing the Dead to Eat Chocolate

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 19:37:00 +0000

You've got to feel sorry for dead celebs these days, because their image can be manipulated to sell seven shades of consumer pap.

For example would John Lennon really have sold out to this degree while alive to sell a Citroen while a) bemoaning the nostalgia for the 60s and 70s (in a clip from 1968, not to mention the fact he was dead by 1980) while letting (b) his voice be done by an impressionist who has obviously never heard John Lennon speak.

I blame Yoko for this faux pas.

And what possessed Charlize Theron to appear in an ad for Dior perfume where Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe and Marlene Dietrich pop up from the dead in full face makeup? Creepy, gruesome and just, well, in such bad taste. I mean don't these divas smell a bit rank after having been dug out of the ground years after their demise?

Poor old Audrey Hepburn is the latest product of post-death digital manipulation. It's hardly believable that chocolate ever passed the sacred portal of Hepburn's lips, since Audrey was as skinny as a matchstick. And if it had would it really have been a Galaxy bar? Ooh this is bad...evidently Hepburn was brought back from the dead, forced to ride a bus and eat Galaxy brand chocolate. I just can't imagine her doing this tacky commercial in real life so surely this is disrespectful?

Don't the dead have any rights? Or is this the definition of celebrity hell, having your image regurgitated and forced to do tasteless tricks until the end of time?

What's next I wonder? A commercial with Princess Diana advertising Weight Loss Pills or Anna Nicole Smith advertising Spanx? The mind boggles!

Tuesday's Tea Party

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:36:00 +0000

We all know blog hops are a great way to gain more followers, meet other bloggers and help each other grow. Don't forget to return the favor to those who follow you. Every Tuesday you can be sure this shin dig will be going on, so be sure to come on back.

Alice @ Adventure Into Domesticland & Simply Mad About Beauty

Emma @ Mommy Has A Headache Alicia @ Moms Don't Say That! Sarah @ Enjoying the Epiphany

1. Follow the host and co-hosts
2. Link up! - Your blog, Facebook, Twitter and/or Pinterest.
3. Grab the badge, place it on your sidebar or link party page.
4. Keep coming back to link up each week!

As a special thanks for following the blog hop, we are giving away advertising space!
Make sure you enter on the Rafflecopter below.
Click any of the below ad space banners for more information about that pages marketing packages.

Winner receives:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Please be sure to link up under the right category!

NOVICA Fair Trade Artisan Gifts Giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 19:45:00 +0000

NOVICA is one of the leading fair trade artisan websites. They work with National Geographic to give talented artisans around the world a place to express their artistic talents and provide access to the world market. Novica offers thousands of top fair trade corporate gifts, accessories, jewelry and home decor items on their website.

There are an amazing selection of artisan products including a stunning home decor range. I love these amazing geometric cushions called Crimson Riddle:

And check out this lovely Cotton kente shoulder bag, 'Ashanti Prosperity'

I'm a jewelry fanatic and immediately fell in love with the designs of Jaipur based designer Bhavesh. I ordered his Blue topaz dangle earrings, 'Blue Flow' and was impressed by the craftsmanship and quality.

When Novica send you the earrings they also include an artisan story card, giving the background of the designer, which is a lovely touch had it been a gift. For example Bhavesh says:

"I come from the enthralling city of Jaipur where I was born and brought up. I was raised by a single parent, since I lost my father when I was barely two and half years old. He died in an accident. Since then, my mother worked so hard to bring us up. After my schooling, I received a bachelor's degree in commerce and also did a short term course in the French language."

"Jewelry crafting is our family tradition, dating back to the ancient time when Jaipur was brought to its present structure by Maharaja Sawai Jai Singh II. During that time, my ancestors were jewelers in the kingdom of Jaipur. Since then, the tradition and art have been handed down from generation to generation."

Next on my list of things I want from Novica is this amazing handblown vase, 'Fiery Topaz'

Golden topaz and fiery crimson surge upward from a crystalline base. Enveloped in crystal, the colors swirl in a vase of seductive beauty. Talented artisans craft it by hand of molten glass, employing glass blowing techniques brought to Brazil from the island of Murano in Italy.

I love their stuff and you will too! Enter today to win!

NOVICA $75 Gift Certificate Giveaway:

One lucky reader will receive one $75 Novica Gift Certificate.

Novica Giveaway Dates: January 11 - January 31, 2013 Midnight EST

How to Enter: Enter through rafflecopter- just sign into the widget and click the entries you want to complete.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received a Novica gift card that I used towards my purchase in the hopes that I would share my honest opinions. I did not receive monetary compensation and the opinions expressed are my own.

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The Pitfalls of Going Walkies

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 18:22:00 +0000

I am lone walker in a sea of joggers

Hello, pleased to meet you. I am a walkaholic. No, not a workaholic, I'm definitely not one of them. But to me walking is just amazingly therapeutic and fun, especially in a place like Baltimore. The only time I don't like to walk is in the summer when it's 100 degrees out and you can fry an egg on the pavement but the rest of the time I walk as much as I can.

The problem?

Americans just don't get walking.

The only people who walk around here are joggers. So okay, that's jogging rather than walking. In fact, there is a rather strange man, a doctor, who jogs to work come rain or shine in just cycling shorts and no top. He also has a plait down his back as he jogs carrying his medical supplies. He is a bit eccentric but it is good to know he could give me the Heimlich Manouver if I choked on some chewing gum or summat.

The only other people who I see when out walking are bag ladies with trollies full of magazines and tin cans. Also a woman who I think is schizophrenic who walks all over the place in snow, hail and rain but doesn't look that shabby so I think she has somewhere to live.

Um, hello? Where's the snow?

The other people who walk are 'power walkers' who swing their arms around like lunatics, like walking is a serious sport rather than a method of getting from A to B. And don't get me started on those people who walk with Nordic poles like they're fake ski-ing. Hello? Have you noticed there's no snow?

So apart from mad people and sports fanatics no one walks. Basically Americans seem to think you should walk on a treadmill at the gym if at all. Also there are not that many sidewalks so sometimes I risk my life on the edge of a road to go walkies.

Still I persist in walking. Although many's the time a friend has pulled up next to me in her car and said 'Are you okay? Do you want a lift?' And I have to say, 'Actually no, I'm fine, I like to walk.' And they look at me like I'm crazy, especially if it's raining. But I mean, haters don't hate, it's not my fault I have straight English hair that doesn't frizz!

Maybe I am. Crazy I mean.

I'm actually thinking of getting a dog because it will make me look less like an eccentric English person walking around Baltimore if I had a furry friend by my side.

Another person or rather animal who desperately needs to walk is one of my guinea pigs, Marshmallow. I bought Peanut and Marshmallow both guinea pig harnesses for Christmas but Marshmallow does not quite fit into hers as she has rather been putting on the poundage. I will have to make the harness a bit bigger.

And then I can take both of the guinea pigs walkies.

Because that won't make me stick out at all, will it?

BOOK GIVEAWAY: To Bliss and Back

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 17:04:00 +0000

HURRAH THIS BOOK IS OUT TODAY!!

To Bliss and Back (Life Well Blogged) by Abbey Fatica and Monica Merrill-Mylet

What's it all about?

Now you may be a new blogger or you may be an old and jaded one. But whoever you are, fact is, you have to wade through a lot of crappy blogs to find some funny nuggets. So how great is it that these two editors Abbey and Monica have actually trawled the internet for hilarity and pulled together some of the most hilarious posts they’ve come across and compiled them into an anthology of sorts?? They have a multi-part series of eBooks that feature some of the top funny blogging women out there…..(including MOI)

To Bliss and Back is the 2nd book in their series.. the first book is No Laughing Allowed

And, their next book… will be Holly Daze: Underachiever Extraordinaire

But back to this book TO BLISS AND BACK

So....you know I'm in it.

So isn’t that reason enough to rush out and buy it?

No?

What do you mean NO??

Well, how about that fact that you're probably cranky as hell rushing around buying cheap crap for your kids and you want a laugh and you want to get the warts and all funny take on marriage? Laugh and cry at other tales of marital woe.

Here's the dirt:

To Bliss And Back explores the hilarity that we all experience when confronted with the ups and downs of relationships and marriage. Join the thousands of readers that enjoy these stories posted by the titans of the blogging industry on a daily basis. What could be better than a personal time-out to read and wrap yourself in laughter this season?

So buy one for anyone who wants a giggle about marriage. I mean, marriage, well, it's unnatural innit? Swans are some of the only animals that mate for life and they're cranky little sods aren't they?

So what are you waiting for? Grab your copy and laugh yourself hoarse.These books sure don’t break the bank @ $2.99 and, these ladies are doing a few really nice things. Fifty % of the proceeds are being donated to Sandy Relief Efforts and they will also being giving away a Kindle Fire as soon as they hit 1000 downloads (this series has just launched this month!). You just have to sign up for their newsletter for updates on new eBooks in the series. Newsletter Sign Up can be found here

And if that's not enough. Do you want to win one?!! If so, read on.

GIVEAWAY – I’ll be giving away this Kindle ebook to FIVE lucky readers! All you have to do is leave a comment and you’ll be entered into a random drawing! The drawing will take place at the beginning of January, or whenever I get over my holiday hangover!

Seasons Greetings my lovelies.....

Liebster Award

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 19:07:00 +0000

Thanks to Samantha Stroh Bailey, the divinely talented author of Finding Lucas, for nominating me for the Liebster award.

Nominees need to do the following:

When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.

Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)

One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.

One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one’s own blog!

One pastes the award picture into ones blog. (You can Google the image, there are plenty of them!)

Here are 11 Random Facts about Me!

1. I am obsessed with my guinea pigs and have made youtube videos of them (please don't judge me).

2. I wrote a Judy Blume type book when I was nine where all the words were American (even though I was living and am born in the UK) like diapers etc. It was about me being the head of a family of six kids. I actually only wrote the first chapter and sent it to Jackanory. They said they liked it but I needed to finish it. I will get round to it....

3. I once wrote to Jimmy Saville on Jim'll Fix It to get him to arrange for me to meet Abba. My wish never came true and I was gutted at the time but after all the allegations I'm now quite glad I never met Jimmy.

4. I once dyed my hair orange with Hydrogen Peroxide (it was the eighties).

5. I am an only child but had many imaginary friends.

6. My favorite kids' show was Roobarb and Custard.

7. I love pickled onion flavored Monster Munch even though it gives you stinky breath.

8. I had a massive crush on Rupert Everett as a young adolescent (don't think I had twigged he was gay at the time).

9. I am obsessed with crocheting animals and have a blog about my crafty side side here.

10. I am the only person in the USA who does not own an iPhone or even a Smartphone. I have a dumb phone.

11. I love having my nails done in different shades and patterns.

Here are the questions from the lovely Samantha Stroh Bailey:

1. What is the best costume you've ever worn?

I once went to a Halloween party as a kid as a box of cornflakes.

2. What's the best gift you've ever given?

The gift of life and I have the stretch marks to prove it!

3. If you could be invisible for a day, where would you go and what would you do?

I would love to be a fly on the wall at Will and Kate's place, if only to find out how the deflowering really happened - although I have my ideas

4. Who's your Hollywood crush?

Don't really have one except maybe Al Pacino in Sea of Love. Hawt.

5. What movie always makes you cry?

Bambi

6. What book can you read again and again?

Only cookbooks really like Nigella Lawson's How To Eat.

7. If you could live in the home of any television series, which would it be?

Ten and a Half Men but not now, when it has Charlie Sheen in it. Yeah I wanna be beachside in Malibu! (btw have you read how the 'boy' in it now thinks the show is filth)

8. What is something you have always wanted to try?

Being a workaholic.

9. What's your favorite food?

Chip butty.

10. What's your favorite song?

Win by David Bowie.

11. Describe yourself with one adjective.

Anxious.

Questions for my Nominees:

1. Have you ever Googled yourself and been surprised at what you’ve found?

2. Who would play youin a movie of your life?

3. Have you ever been naked in public?

4. If you could travel in time...where in time would you go? Why?

5. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

6. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

7. What did you have for breakfast?

8. Who or what has made you believe in yourself as a writer?

9. What habit or habits do you need to stop?

10. Do you have tattoos? Is so what motifs are they?

11. Have you started Christmas shopping yet?

Here are my wonderful nominees: UK Desperate Housewife, Salem Patterson, Sibel Hodge, Expat Mum, Note From Lapland, Joanne Clancy, The American Resident, About Last Weekend, Honest Mum, Slummy Single Mummy and Mum in the South.

If I haven't added your name, it's because I know someone else nominated you first!

Who will be nominated next?

From Tantrums to Tiles - A Spiritual Journey

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 18:07:00 +0000

Excuse my absence but I have been busy modelling. Well remodelling really. One kitchen. One bathroom. One new deck. One complete nervous breakdown!

This has been a bit of a learning curve for me. Let's put it this way: I am not a morning person. Usually I need three cups of strong coffee to kick start the motor before even doing a Neantherthal grunt to the spousal unit. But, believe me, having a bunch of men in your house blasting Thin Lizzie in your earholes while bashing down walls with a sledgehammer at seven o'clock every morning will push you to the limit - and beyond.

I mean look, I simply don't get those shows like Hell's Kitchen where the chefs are asleep in a room (with six others) and som Kitchen Hitler comes in at three in the morning and bangs on a steel drum and toots on a trumpet and everyone has to get up immediately and skin a cow and make an entree out of its entrails. And the thing is, everyone seems to do it without going ballistic.

How? Will someone please explain?

Well, I have had the remodellers in for two months and yes it was a bit of a shock to the system. To be fair they are a nice bunch. But I don't find it easy to talk about the texture of wall tiles or the size of lightbulbs at the crack of sparrows. But you know what, I have managed it. I have become a nicer person. I cannot bite the head off a contractor at seven in the morning or they might retaliate and sew a dead rat behind one of the walls...or something worse!

And what about the strain on one's marriage? Fifty thousand mind blowingly boring discussions about shades of paint have been conducted with Mr Mommy Has a Headache. "I want beige paint for the trim!" "Well I don't! I want oatmeal!"

"Okay, how to you feel about perlescent tiles?" "I don't give a fig for perlescent tiles."

It becomes a tug of war about every little decision. So in the end it's like SURRENDER. You choose the color of the deck and I'll choose the light fixtures. If you don't try and be mature about it you can see yourself ending up in a scene from War of the Roses.

I'm just pleased to say that we are now on the home stretch. For some, alas, things did not end so well. Including this note left by a husband at the close of a remodel project in the 70s was rediscovered recently behind some wainscoting [via Found mag]…

So tell me all about your remodelling experiences. I've heard of awful, drunken contractors who put up wonky walls. So do dish all...if you dare....

The Wacky World of Hello Kitty

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 14:35:00 +0000

As a self confessed Hello Kitty freak and Halloween fanatic I decided to combine the two interests to make a Hello Kitty Witch this year! And if you feel like joining in then you can get the pattern here.

Hello Kitty makes me so mad. She's been going strong for 35 years and still has fur as dewy and unlined as a kitten. But as time has passed and her marketing people have found new ways to exploit her charms, things have inevitably gone, well, a little tasteless.

Let me know if any of these products tickle your fancy. Would you buy:

1. Hello Kitty Assault Rifle

2. Condoms

3. Condom Holders

Surely this is the ultimate turn-off? You might want to keep this handy by the bedside as the ultimate in birth control. The ick factor will make you not want to have sex full stop. Plus she's staring at you the whole time. Seriously freaky.

4. Tooth caps

I mean, come on, who wouldn't like to have Hello Kitty’s face implanted permanently in their mouth?

5. Urinal targets

This one sends a bizarre message. I mean if you were a fan you wouldn't disrespect Miss Kitty by weeing on her now would you, although she is telling you to. Which could mess with young minds a tad.

6. On your Sausages

Makes me think of that Meatloaf song. "I will eat anything for love ...but I won't eat that."

7. Hello Kitty Airplane

Taiwanese Eva Air has a Hello Kitty airplane that flies between Taiwan and Japan.

8. Fake Nails

This Kitty's got claws ...miaow! I'm a self confessed fake nail fanatic but these are just plain wierd.

9. Becks Beer

Who is the target market for this?

10. Pizza

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little....

So what do you think? Have I converted you into a Hello Kitty maniac? What other products do you think would be perfect stamped with a Hello Kitty?

Raising Global Nomads

noreply@blogger.com (MommyHeadache) — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 13:57:00 +0000

I was panting away on an exercise bike the other day reading an article in Glamour with Victoria Beckham . No, I don't mean Vicky was pedaling away beside me, she was actually in Glamour talking about her kids.

She was like "Me and Becks are so proud of being British but the kids are American. They're always telling us 'oh you're so British.'"

And my jaw literally hit the floor!

I mean God, yes, of course this resonated with me. Vicky and I are both global nomads, raising our children in foreign lands and doing our best not to culturally confuse them. But the difference is I don't think my kids feel American, so that's where me and Vicks differ.

Not a lot of people know this and I don't like to brag, but Vicky and I go waaay back and even went to tap dancing classes together* before she became famous, moved to LA and basically wouldn't return my calls.

It's a shame that we lost touch as the parallels in our lives are simply staggering:

Vicky creates clothes for her fashion line, while I create crocheted rabbits

Vicky is a size 0 and I was once a size 0 (okay I was nine years old at the time)

Vicky has a blog and I have a blog

Vicky is married to a man with a high pitched Minnie Mouse voice, and ....my husband once sucked on helium and did a funny voice.

Sorry. Where was I?

I was going to talk about whether I think my kids (born in USA) are hopelessly confused about their cultural identity or not.

Well unlike Vicky I actually have relatives - or rather my husband does - in the USA so we celebrate all the holidays just like Americans. So that's that cultural box ticked off. Vicky probably has to have her Thanksgiving catered and that's just not the same.

One other thing - my kids don't see themselves as British, American or Irish (husband is Irish) they just see themselves as a 'bit of everything.' Also they only have a slight American accent which is somewhat odd but there you are.

The other thing to note is - and here's a tip for Vicky - maybe you need to employ a cultural translator for the family as I had problems initially in getting my kids to understand what I was on about.

For example when I first told my daughter to 'put a sock in it' she got a sock and said, 'okay mum where do I put it?'

It was hard for the kids to understand that when I said, 'stop farting around' or 'stop pricking about' I wasn't really talking about farting or pricking.

But as I explained the intricacies of English slang to my progeny I found they ultimately embraced many of my phrases while acknowledging that stuff like 'now you're as clean as a whistle' didn't make any logical sense.

So, there you have it. I feel that Vicky and I have now branched off into difference directions: her kids are American while mine are hybrids, but I still respect her and would gladly model something off her clothing line on this blog as long as it had an elasticated waist.

But enough about Posh. What about you? If you are bringing up kids abroad do you think they are culturally confused or do you think it is broadening their horizons?

*This is a bald faced lie

Linked to the My Global Life Link-Up at SmallPlanetStudio.com