PARENTING AUTISM HELP

Happy New Year

2017-01-04T16:34:00.003-08:00

How time flies. Almost 3 years ago I got sole legal custody of Dane & Allyson. Their mother met a man online and stole them to hurt me. After 5 weeks of hell, 2 lawyers and a determined family to find the children and get them back. Their mother has not seen their faces in all that time. Was this man really that much more to her than to watch our children grow up? Apparently it was because she got remarried last February. Only a few weeks after his previous marriage ended in divorce.

Dane is 11 now. I know I've stepped away from writing about what my life consists of. This is truly a way to release the tension on my brain that bothers me so much. I really wanted to blog and be of help to parents out there who are raising a special needs child.

School is going well for Dane. He is making some friends. He is in normal classes but has his own special education classes to help with some things. He still gets occupational therapy. His speech therapy stalled because the school didn't think it was necessary to continue. They are probably right. I can understand him but at times he is slurring his speech. My dad has a hard time hearing him and he gets mad at his Grandpa for having to repeat himself so many times.

There is a new woman in my life as well. She is very loving to the children. We do things together I only wished to do with my ex wife. The family things I always wanted from her that she would never give me. Her online video game addiction and talking to guys and stepping out and away from the people who loved her was more important. What would possess someone to lie, cheat, hide and steal from everyone? To give up seeing our children grow up? A life 1300 miles away from her own family and to live with a guy she met online. All I can say is, time does heal wounds. Emotional pain brought on by those you think love you. I want to forget the past on live in the moment and look forward to a better tomorrow.

Divorce

2015-06-13T08:33:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe how fast time goes since I last posted anything. They say the number of divorces are greater raising a child with special needs. I confirm this because I am in the divorce club myself.

My story begins on March 13th, 2014. I arrived home from work at 2:30 p.m. to walk into my home and notice that the floor by the entry way was filthy. As if my children were running in and out of the house without taking off their shoes. I turn to see the desk I picked up around the block and brought home was gone. The rabbit cage next to the desk was also gone. It hasn't hit me yet. I know my wife was talking about moving that desk into the basement.

I walked into the living room and the new 42" television is gone. I run back to my bedroom and my queen size bed, dresser are gone. The children's bunk beds are gone. All the toys, clothes and 2 of the 3 cats are missing.

I go up to the school and my wife had not taken them that day. I went to her place of work. She quit her job. I went to the police station. She went there saying she was leaving town in case I go looking for them. The cop tells me it's civil and they can't get involved. My life is upside down. Where are my children?!

3 days go by and still no call or known where she is with our children. I've called everyone. Only her dad would talk to me and he said, "She couldn't have gone too far." He asked me how my truck was. He gave my wife $1500 to fix the transmission. She lied to him to get money from him. She filed our taxes and routed all the money into her account.

I call the principal and plead with him that my wife is gone with our kids and I don't know where they are. I ask if any kind of transfer comes in he needs to tell me. I am trying to get her for truancy.

2 weeks go by and I get a voice mail at work. The message says that my children are being enrolled in a school out of state..1300 miles away! I call my dad and he is in total shock as am I. My sister was on vacation with her husband and my father told them over Skype where she is and they can't believe it.

Now that she is out of state the police are willing to help me. There is an investigation that takes place. In this point of time I have gotten a lawyer to get me joint custody and placement not knowing where she is. Now that I know what shes done I go for full custody of our children. I go to court and she doesn't show. I won full custody and placement of our children. It will take 3 more weeks and another lawyer in that state to help me get my kids back home. We wait for the court order to be domesticated and my family and I are on our way to get them home.

I knew my wife was up to something. Always on her phone or the computer..smiling and laughing. Locking herself in the bathroom or daughters bedroom. She would tell me she had work seminars to go to and be gone for up to 5 days. I believed this. I supported her. If this was a way to work up the latter so be it. "Have a good time," I'd tell her. Little did I know she was flying halfway across the country shacking up with someone she met on the internet.

It was 5 weeks to the day my family took the 19 hour drive. 3 stops to refuel to get them back with us. We got to the lawyers office. He had the court order delivered into their court system and we were off the that school she enrolled them in. By the next day they were back in my arms in the principals office in tears of joy. We made a little vacation of the ordeal because there was the process of serving her more court papers and another hearing involved.

It has been a over a year since this nightmare took place and they are happy and doing very well in school. My life is no different without my lying, cheating, narcissistic wife. She never contributed financially or emotionally to me or our kids. I've been a single dad for years and never realized I did all the work to raise my family. All I wanted was as happy family and now I have it without the likes of her. A year in April and she has never attempted to come back to see them or even send home some of their personal possessions. I couldn't imagine not seeing my kids grow up. It doesn't seem to bother her much. She is so selfish and we are so better off without her. Dane has not had any major meltdown since hes been home. She was the cause of all the drama in my household.

May 4th the final judgement for divorce was finalized. I was awarded sole custody and placement again. She never attempted to come back to the state. Was an affair really worth it? Apparently to her it was. She's only sorry because she got caught. The court has allowed her phone contact with our children and supervised visitation. I don't see anything other than that of phone contact. They have talked to her about 10 times in the past couple weeks now. All they wanna know of her is when she's coming back and where is their stuff? Pretty sad they'd rather have their personal items back instead of their mother. They are angry with her. I don't blame them. What kind of mother abandons their children?

Elementary Xmas Program

2013-12-10T17:54:00.000-08:00

There have been several cases of whooping cough going around school. Earlier in the week Allyson was getting feverish and complaining of a stomach ache. As of yesterday, Dane has had a fever and they both missed 2 days of school. Being that the weather has been so damn cold out and the kids are sick they did not sing for their Christmas concert.

Allyson was looking forward to singing in front of the gym. Dane, not so much. Last year Dane got a Santa hat from his Grandpa and he wore it in the concert. He was the only one wearing a hat. He stood in the center of the stage and did awesome. He learned the moves of the music they sang and liked being involved. I wish he could have been in the local paper. It seems like they always put some brat who's parents are involved in the city or have money always get the spotlight. That's horseshit!

The kids had dentist appointments the other day. We have been having mixed thoughts about the local dentist and took them to another one 30 miles away. Needless to say, the last time Allyson had her teeth cleaned the dentist said she had 3 cavities. This new dentist said she didn't have any. WTH?

The last dentist supposedly gave Dane 4 sealants. According to this dentist, he only had 2. WTF! Dane also has some kind of skin growing between his top front teeth. This dentist who has a orthodontist on hand and they specialize in children. They say that skin should be okay to leave and that it shouldn't affect his mouth any. The other dentist said he should have it removed. Gosh dammit, it's like choosing a mechanic who is trustworthy. Seems like everyone is out to cash in your insurance and drain the pocketbook.

Christmas is going to be pretty skimpy this year. I've been working overtime trying to catch up on these bills. Everything is so outrageous in price and it seems like ends never meet. I just had to stick 300 bucks in my truck on a stupid wheel bearing. The labor was 50 and the part was 245. What a crock.

Tooth Fairy

2013-12-03T18:06:00.000-08:00

Dane turned 8 years old in November. He has lost 5 teeth so far. The newest loss was a top front tooth. It was really loose and bothered him very much. When he would try to speak he would bite on it. He would wiggle and twist it but it wouldn't come out.

It's getting to a point where he is starting to get when I'm joking with him. I'd say something like. "We can tie a string to it and slam the door." He asked if I could pull it for him. I said he should just keep wiggling it and eventually it will pop out. He'd say, "If it doesn't come out then I'm not going to school! That's fair because I didn't want to go to work after having a 4 day weekend for Thanksgiving.

In the morning he was sleeping in bed with my wife. His mouth was open and I saw his tooth sticking way out like it was going to fall out. I shook my wife awake to check on his tooth so he didn't swallow it or choke on it in his sleep. She rolled him on his side.

In the morning, Danes tooth was gone. He was upset and thought the Tooth Fairy wouldn't come and leave money under his pillow. Dane and my wife looked all over and didn't find it. When my wife was walking to the bathroom she felt something sharp stuck in her foot. It was his tooth. That cheered him up.

Normally when Dane gets upset it's like he hyperventilates. He breathes rapidly through his mouth. When trying to explain a situation he yells, "NO!" It takes some time but he calms down eventually.

It still sucks when he has a meltdown and goes into the mode of slamming and kicking doors and hitting his sister. It has gotten better. It used to happen several times a day to maybe once or twice a week. It was a very stressful time for the wife and I. Still is actually. We are still working opposite shifts. :(

It's hard to get Dane to sit and watch a movie. But for some reason, he loves "Back to the Future" He's watching it right now as I write this. I can see him knocking on peoples heads in school and asking, "Hello. McFly anyone home?"

Anger

2013-06-23T19:46:00.001-07:00

Dane has been very agitated the past several days. Nothing seems to please him. All he wants to do is pick fights and talk back to us. We need to keep him and his sister, Allyson, away from each other or things get ugly.

The kids love the splash pad at the park. It's a 25 minute drive and cost 50 cents a person to get in. It's cheap entertainment for them. Its fun and relaxing watching them play in the water. Summer is finally here and now we are starting to get some hot weather. The only problem now is that it rains all the time. A lot of farmers are having trouble with their crops because everything is flooded. Most the fields are being re planted.

I've finally got Ally some training wheels for a bike we had around. She's doing pretty good for her first day riding a big girl bike.

After visiting my parents for awhile I decided to take a bike ride with Dane down to the neighbors farm and let him see the cows. Its was chore time and he got to feed some calves with the bottle and give an I.V. to a sick cow.

After arriving home I decided to mow the lawn. Dad stopped in with Danes shoes that he washed off cause they were covered with cow crap. Just then my lawn mower ran out of gas and wouldn't start again after I filled it. I had to push mow the rest of the lawn.

During that time Grandpa and the kids went for a walk and made a new friend with one of the neighbor boys. I also uprooted a maple tree and transplanted it in the front yard.

Back to work tomorrow. In 3 weeks I finally get a weeks vacation. I want to take the kids to the zoo and maybe the lake. I hope the weather is nice that week.

1st Grade Teacher

2013-05-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

To get right down to the topic, Danes doesn't like his teacher. I wish I would have knew more throughout the school year of what his teacher was doing. With only 12 days left in the school year he is not liking school very much. He likes his Special Education teacher and his Speech Therapist. They are very nice. His teacher for this year is not very nice to him I am thinking.

One day my wife was coming back to his class to tell him something. She noticed that the desk police gave Dane a ticket for not having a clean desk. The teacher kept him in from recess for that. He has been asking for help. I think that he is thinking that the top of his desk is clean and he doesn't understand how it can get any cleaner. Needless to say that he has been missing out on classroom movies and other recesses for "catch up" on his homework.

At parent teacher conference I told her how he can not concentrate and totally hates his homework. She crossed off half of the work hoping that would make it easier for him. It has some days. Other days I did the homework for him just to make sure he gets to go outside at school. But now I am finding out hes staying in for catching up? WTH! Is she making him do the homework she crossed out or what? Recess is one of the biggest parts of his sensory needs.

I almost am thinking that his teacher belittles him in front of class and uses him as a scapegoat. In thinking, what if she is telling her class something like, "Now class. Dane didn't do his homework so Dane doesn't get to watch the move." Or, "Dane didn't clean his desk so Dane isn't going outside for recess." If she is doing that to my boy I'd have a field day with her and the principal. It is so hard getting answers out of the little man.

Last night I gave him a haircut. Ugh, I totally loathe cutting his hair. He screams and doesn't sit still. He squinches and jumps out of the chair even before the clippers touch him. I had to hold his head with my hand and tell him how good he's doing. It gets nerve racking but he's done and looks much better. I told him how much cooler he will be now that it's getting so hot out.

Dane is still pretty observant. He notices anything that is out of the ordinary and hears everything. He still loves pinwheels and things that spin. He will spend lots of time bending and taping broken off fins to make them all work again. He's not happy till they all spin.

My wife is working as a CNA and she had to go out of state for a seminar on treating Dementia patients. She says that some of the stuff they said to do can help with cases of autism. How a person needs to get to their level and ask what's bothering them. I'll have to get more input from her on what she all learned.

So much to do. So little time.

2013-03-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

Allyson is sick. She has a clinic appointment at 1:30. Dane gets out of school at 3:25 and I am at work. I get a page to come to the front desk. Phonecall for me? I receive the info on what's going on with Allyson. She missed her clinic appointment by 5 minutes and they said she couldn't get treatment. The receptionist tells my wife that we will have to take her to Urgent Care 25 minutes away. Instead she got scheduled with the Mennonite doctor at 3:30.

I arrive home at 2:20 and decide I better get the oil changed in the truck. I have time. Afterwords I can pick up Dane, come home and get Allyson and take her to the Doc.

After the oil change at the Quick Lube station I pulled onto the highway. Something wasn't right. The oil light was on. I had no power. I pulled into the nearest gas station and checked the dip stick. It's dry! WTF! Isn't the part of having an oil change to have oil in the vehicle when leaving?! Oh sh*t. Now what do I do?

I call the guy who just did the oil change and he said he put oil in it. He came and towed me back to the center to look at it. He said he seen a oil vapor on the highway as if something came loose. I didn't see anything. It would have been a big spill of oil and noticeable. Anyway..I seen him tighten something under the vehicle. The plug maybe? Then 5 quarts of oil got dumped in and my truck seems to run fine.

I get home and call the wife who is on her way to the doctor with Allyson and Dane. I have to now drive there to pay for the checkup. Turns out Allyson was okay and not getting strep throat. She sounds a little croupy and whatever she has is starting to loosen up a bit.

I take the kids to my dads who's last day of work was today. I let my wife to home to get some rest from working a 12 hour shift the night before. Before she leaves she tells me about the snow build up on the house.

A couple hours later I get home and it's getting dark. I take a shovel and a rake and try to lighten up the piles of snow and ice build up on my roof. We got 5 more inches last night and their calling for another 13 by Monday! This time last year it was in the upper 60's. I am so sick of winter.

8:00 I get into the house and my wife takes the kids to the store to buy some cough syrup. I get to take a shower and get out of my work clothes at last. That was a long day. I'm basically learning 4 different jobs at once at my job and to have vehicle problems and a sick kid. It all worked out and thankful everything worked out.

New Job

2013-03-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

I started training for a different position at work. Today was day 4. The first part of the day is hard but as the day goes on it gets easier. It's a pretty fast paced forklift job and I'm always moving. The good thing is that I am not so physically exhausted after working all day like I am on my usual job. The bad thing is having a sore bum because of sitting all day doing circles around the plant.

It's nice to come home now and have energy left to do things around the house and play with the kids. I tried to play Candyland with them the other night. That was a lot of drama. Allyson was way ahead of Dane and I. Then she got a card that sent her way back to the beginning. She cried that she hated this game and wanted to start over. Dane wasn't taking the game too seriously and kept messing around not paying attention. It got kind of nerve racking because they started fighting. Dane likes to push Ally's buttons and make her cry. He's been biting and hitting her lately over nothing. I'm sick of it. Time out's don't work with Dane. When he's bad he gets disciplined. Usually he gets something taken away or he doesn't go with to the store. That's the only thing that seems to work making him understand that there are consequences for not listening and being naughty.

I'm tired of the disrespect from my kids. I don't know where they learn to talk and act the way they do when they can't get what they want. Dane has been a handful since he was an infant. I am thankful he is high functioning but his attitude sucks some days. I try to tell him something and he says he hates me. One day he kept saying, "Hate you. Hate you. Hate you." WTF! What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment from my 7 year old? I guess it's better then him physically having meltdown's and uncontrollably thrashing my house and throwing things. It still makes me feel bad. I could have a great day and something like my kids disrespecting me can really jinx it.

This snow needs to go! March 12 and we got another 10" last night. I am getting cabin fever really bad. Being couped up all winter with noting to do but watch my kids fight and not listen to me. Things have gotten a lot better since the wife went to part time. The family has been happier and we got a handle on our lives a bit. She's happier with her job and we spend more time as a family. My new job that has been working out for me has me feeling better. The factory situation still blows but it pays good and its benefits of working there. Someday I will be free and have a good job that I truly love...I just have to figure that part out.

New Job

2013-02-25T17:56:00.002-08:00

On Valentines Day, I was offered a back-up position at work driving forklift. That was almost 2 weeks ago and I still haven't gotten my safety training pertaining to the job. I am still stuck on my job with the same loose strings. I want out bad. All I know is that the job is offered and I got it! 9 years it took me to finally get into another spot. I hope its better then what I do now. I also hope I don't have to work with bunch of lazy old jag offs who don't amount to jack squat. Just do your job and go home. Don't just stand there and complain about others who aren't even in this department...dumbass! Mind your own beeswax..shut up, do your job and go home. Misery loves company they say so I just shrug my shoulders and look at the others in my work area, laugh and roll our eyes and go about our business. Funny how it works. If you don't let that person get to you yelling about God knows what it only makes them angrier.

Around 7 pm I am totally drained from the day. Now I have to watch my 2 little monsters. They take turns being happy and crabby. Now that they are both in school they usually both have short tempers. For once Ally wanted to go to her room and lay in bed on her own. Thumbs up. Dane also wanted to go to his room and lay by his heater. Hey, whatever works to give me some tranquility kids. By the way...Thank you Lord for the peace and quiet I deserve at this very moment. No screaming and fighting. This is nice.

I can't believe the math homework Dane brings home. For first grade this is really hard. No only is it hard for him but they do the math way different then I learned. It takes practically half a page to show the work. How stupid. Just teach the kids how to add without all this extra pointless work. By middle school all the kids will have calculators.

Getting Dane just to do 2 problem solving questions was like pulling teeth. His attention span is very bad especially when he's overtired. How many more apple pies are then then cherry pies? The answer was 3. Trying to explain this and getting the answer is crazy. Just write 3 down and go play. Daddy's tired. I have to expain that daddy is tired and cranky after work. They ask "why?" I just am...just listen to me when I tell you to do something and don't whine and please don't fight.

Hopefully tomorrow will be the day they pull me into my new job to train. I am going to watch my now work area from afar and laugh when they are all swamped with too much work because they will be fighting over who does what. You really have to be in my situation to find out how this would be funny but it is.

Folic Acid / Dexterity

2013-02-20T18:50:00.001-08:00

On the way to work a.k.a. "Satan's A**hole" I was listening on the radio and they were talking about a study with folic acid. The study claimed that pregnat women should consume less of it to lower the risks of autism. I like how study's always say..."May" reduce or "May" cause this and this and that. How about science gives us a no doubt...less folic acid = lower risk of autism. Hmm, that doesn't sit right with me. Does it lower the risk? Yes, great...but there is still a chance of ASD?? Apparently.

Let me dwell a bit. Dane was born full term. My wife didn't smoke, drink and stuck on a pretty healthy diet accordingly to her pregnancy books. Coming at the age of 2, Dane didn't speak and screamed at everything. He was fixated on fans and spinning spoons, saucers, matchbox tires and his favorite toys were sandbox toys that spun when sand or water went down the funnel.

Now, on the other hand. I have relation, married into relatively speaking, who smoked cigarettes and marijuana their whole pregnancy and their children seem fine. Well, to a point right now they appear like they will be okay. What about 5 years from now? Will they have learning disabilities? Probably. It just makes me sick to see people, especially family, not take care of themselves or their unborn child during the term of pregnancy. Not only this but to hear about them bragging about how they smoked and their kid is so smart.

How does this happen? Do everything right and have a child with a disability. Don't give a rats ass and to ignorant to give up bad habits for the health of a child and have a child born healthy..no signs of autism and is developing normally? Really? Why and how can this be possible?

Now, Dane is 7 years old. He has overcome a lot of obstacles in his life so far. His speech is growing and he is talking more. He interacts more with children his age instead of sitting off in the corner by himself lining toy cars up. We can take him into the store longer without a sensory overload. A crying baby seems to set him off. Checking out he hums and when he starts going into overload he bangs his head on me.

Accordingly to his latest report card from school he is doing good. He has sensory breaks when he needs them. He is making friends. He sits in front of class on a bumpy cushion so he isn't so figgity. He has prescription glasses he wears and knows to leave them in his desk so he doesn't break them.

His handwriting is bad and he can't button his pants or tie tie his shoes. His fine motor skills are poor. His gross motor skills are excellent. He even learned to ride a bike last summer.

He is getting into video games. He used to be obsessed with angry birds but now he's getting more into Sonic the Hedgehog. I'm pretty sure he like all the spinning Sonic does and how fast he runs through the loops. He also has been playing against his sister with Super Smash and the old school Mario games on the Super NES. These games bring back a lot of memories and it's awesome teaching my kids how to play them. These newer systems and their outstanding graphics and huge too many buttons on a controller game they need to teach me how to play. My kids are growing like weeds and I could not imagine life without them.

clutter

2013-02-03T08:52:00.002-08:00

Papers keep piling up. I seem to can't find my credit card statement. Bills are due. What needs to be paid on time and what ones can wait? Will they take a smaller payment option? Should I set up a payment plan? UGH! Where did I put that statement!

I just spent the last hour de-cluttering mail piling up over the past several months. What do I save? Will I need this later? It's hard to keep up with all these appointments and IEP papers, report cards, artwork from the kids. What do I need to save? This is cute now but I will probably throw it out later because I am so sick of clutter.

I have a couple garbage bags full of donations to give to Good Will when I go grocery shopping later today. If I don't need it or look at it, I get rid of it. End of story.

It's bad enough to watch Hoarders on the television that gets me into "Cleanup Mode." I feel like I am constantly nesting...yes I got that to when we were expecting the unexpected torment of kid drama. "Daddy! Dane called me poopy!" OMG! What a terrible thing to say..right? I wish I had little kid problems instead of adult problems. Growing up sucks! Responsibilities to uphold. So many burdens so little time...or none at that just to chill. Serenity NOW!

It does in fact feel good to get rid of stuff I don't want/need. I like to donate when I can. They're are many less fortunate people out there who need my no longer needed.

The flu has hit the household over the past 2 days. Allyson started throwing up and didn't stop overnight. Now, Dane has it today. It must be a 24 hour bug...I hope. They seemed to have the same symptoms. Low grade fever and intense vomiting. I can handle watching throw up but the smell almost made me barf. Yuck.

Cabin Fever

2013-01-29T18:33:00.000-08:00

Winter sucks unless your an avid skier or own a snowmobile. I've seemed to have been cooped up for the past couple months. Very strange weather lately. Thunder and snowfall. Freezing rain, sleet and the temperature raised up to 35 degrees. Last night we got about 5 inches of snow and now they are calling for more tonight. The kids haven't had the chance to make a good snowman yet. Not enough snow or the snow that don't pack. At least they can make snow angels...then cry because they get snow in their hats and boots. It's an easy bribe getting them back in the house...Hot Chocolate!

A couple nights ago we had a family night of shopping and going out to eat. It has been a long time since we went to a place that serves us. Never tried iHop and the kids wanted pancakes. Go figure. I've never had a bad pancake...bad service is another story.

We got seated about 6 o'clock. Ordered about 6:20. Got our drinks about 6:35 and our food around 7! For as long as we had to wait the kids were pretty well behaved. I ordered a raspberry ice tea and when I got a refill without asking, brought back was a Mt. Dew. Okay...Wth is that? Is that mine...I don't get it. Oh well, I'll drink it...no big deal.

When we got the food my hashbrowns were not brown. They were burned black. The rest of the food was okay. My wifes omlet the cheese wasn't even melted but at least the kids pancakes were good. Dane devoured his and Ally ate half. Like I say...I've never had a bad pancake. Goodness, I could have bought a box of bisquick and fed the whole restaurant before I got my 2nd unrequested wrong drink of a refill. Needless to say, the waitress said "Sorry it was so bad" We didn't even say anything and she gave us the kids meals free...which was nice. All our cloths also smelled like bacon grease so they had to get washed asap. I don't think I will be back there for a while. Again, the kids were good. Dane was getting edgy and saying out loud "I'm Hungry!" and "Wheres Food!"

Dane finally got a long awaited haircut. I tried to cut it with the clippers but he struggles and twitches and plugs his ears. He cannot sit still. I tried just to trim around his ears with a scissors and nipped his ear. That really freaked him out so I let him calm down over the next couple days. I let my wife cut his hair. That is no walk in the park being just a bystander. 50 minutes later he was done and really upset. She cut his hair to a 1/2 inch. Very short. Too short for my liking but I guess it will probably be another 6 months before he lets us near his hair again.

homework

2012-12-05T17:58:00.000-08:00

Dane is in the first grade. He just turned 7. Every night he brings home math homework. Something I didn't find out till a couple nights ago is that Dane doesn't get to go outside for recess if he doesn't have his homework done. Why was I not informed of this? Dane needs that time to unwind and be a child. It has been awful getting him to concentrate just to do a few problems. He knows the work but he does not want to focus. After school he's very overtired and cranky.

I have started more every night getting him to do his homework. The teacher crosses off at least half the work. I cannot imagine all this kids at this age doing this much every night. I don't think it's fair. I went to a private school during elementary and I don't remember bringing any homework home until at least the 3rd grade.

Dane in 1st grade outside Occupational Therapy

Its true. Kindergarten is like first grade now. They want the kids to tie their own shoes and show their work on their math. Are we growing smarter or just pushing our kids too hard?

I have to admit, I'm tired from working all day. It's good if I can get a half hour nap in so I can be able to read and help Dane with his math homework. There has been a night or two where I am just like..oh, screw it and I fill in the numbers for him or just tell him the answers. All I can tell myself is that...hey...his work is done now let the boy go outside for recess. Don't coop him up in class all day and punish him.

We got a review of Danes goals from the school today. He is coming along on his reading. He did poorly on his writing. I can see this. He needs to work more on his finger muscles to improve his fine motor skills. He has troubles still buttoning his jacket and zipping up his coat. Tying his shoes is not an option right now and we got the school to accept that he needs his velcrow shoes. He has come a long way and I am so proud of him.

Danes teacher sent home a slip for an after school program. I don't think so. His day is long enough. I don't want him to hate school this much. No way do I want him staying there any longer then he has to. Just like me getting out of work. My job is done...I'm going home.

back to blogger/1 in 80 ASD

2012-12-03T15:31:00.000-08:00

For the past year I had a domain name. Would I have liked to keep it? I guess but paying for it didn't make me want to keep it. I was getting weird emails about the name and saying I'd have to spend x amout of dollars to keep it. Basically it was spam trying to scare me that if I don't act now that someone else could have it...so be it. I will stick to my free blog and try to enjoy writing what comes to mind.

Dad updated me the other night that on the news, probably FOX, that they had a report saying that 1 in 80 are now affected with autism. There was a politician who wants a federal investigation to find out why the numbers are growing. From what my dad told me was that this guy has a child/grandchild who got 9 shots in one day. Afterwords, the child acted differently.

Dane on Newsline 9

My attitude is starting to change about these shots containing Thermosol. You can request to have shots without the preservative in. The shot will cost more. Is it worth it? I don't know the answer. For a child not getting affected with autism, my answer would be a definite YES! We still don't have a scientific answer proven that shots are linked. Will we have an answer someday...? More importantly, will it be the truth of what is happening to our children?

I would also like to add that Dane had his first TV interview. Not about his autism but about the Green Bay Packers. The news reporter came up to him and started asking him questions. All she really got out of him what that he liked the Packers. A very short clip on the news but I was so very proud of my little man.

It's been a while

2012-11-30T17:36:00.002-08:00

I'm Back! Yeah, I deleted this blog thinking I have some kind of a writers block. To catch up to speed...Dane was diagnosed with ADHD on top of his autism. Not a very big surprise there. During his re-evaluation of his autism symptoms he barely was on the spectrum. I think they tested him on a good day.

Dane is doing well in school. He hates homework! I don't blame him. He has homework every night. At the teacher conference I mentioned how bad it is to get him to do it. The teacher decided to cross off some of the math problems. He basically has to do half of what the other kids are doing.

He has made a couple friends as well. He has problems asking for help when needed yet and are still working on that. We got him on a reward chart for every day of the week and when he reaches his goal he gets a surprise. Nothing big. Just something that tells him how great he is accomplishing his goals. He's a little behind his peers still. Noises and fine motor skills are his weaknesses. He still concentrates on spinning objects and banging his head on me for stimulation.

Angry birds has been a reward system for him. He is very good at it and keeps him happy. It is part of his routine to play it after school.

Time out's have never worked with Dane. We always had to take something from him to show him that bad behaviour doesn't deserve a reward. "Do Not Reward Bad Behaviour!" As I was saying, the sticker/reward chart was one of the best things that helped him understand what his goals for the day are.

I put of the Xmas tree last night. Hours before he was being really naughty and not listening to anything. I know he has a processing disorder and when he gets tired he's bad. I said if he didn't stop that I was not going to put the tree up. That did it. He calmed down and the tree went up and he was happy.

His meltdowns have gotten better. Instead of demolishing everything in his path, he cries. It's a new emotion for him to get used to. Sadness. I feel so bad and heartbroken when he's like that but it's better then him trashing my house not having to try and restrain him from hurting himself.

All of Danes guinea pigs died. We had two females together in a cage. 1 male in a separate cage. Somewhere along the line one of the females had 2 babies. Ally was a little rough with one and it lived for about a day. The other baby I tried to find a home for it. Then, the male got sick. We thought Ally hurt it because it wouldn't eat and it would bleed out the bung hole. Then in a week or two, it died.

I went to the hardware store where they sell rabbit food/guinea pig food. I bought a 40 lb. bag for 20 bucks thinking that would be okay for the guineas to eat until I got paid to buy them Guinea pig food. Then, one of the females died. Then the baby and at last, the mother. That sucked for Dane. I think the food was tainted or something. They were pellets. I would think they could have eaten pellets for a week...I guess not. We do however have the bunny that is still alive and well..for now. Hopefully it will grow and die of natural causes. I've buried enough wild rabbits, chipmunks and guinea pigs by my garage.

summer

2012-07-08T15:53:00.001-07:00

Finally the brother in law moved out! 7 months of lazyness is enough. You would think that taking in someone under your wing without a job, car or license would be more respectful. Danes attitude was getting very disrespetful and angry all the time. It seems like all the therapy we were doing for him was going down the drain. Dane was regressing big time.

Dane had an assessment a month back only to find out he has adhd. That was not a big surprise.

My wife took the kids to their old day care to see how shes doing. She ended up bringing home another female guinea pig a and a rabbit. Great, more burden. It hasn't been too bad. The rabbit is really tame and the kids seem to take care of it alright.

It has been so hot out for the past week. Roads were buckling all over the state and backing traffic up for miles.

All I can think of right now is how much better my house is now that the in law and his daughter moved out. As if I didn't have enough stress with my own kids. Sorry if your reading this Donny but you need to get your life in order. God helps those who help themselves. I wish you luck.

Neural Psych. Evaluation

2012-06-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

We were referred to a neural psych evaluation when Dane turned 6. I didn't see the point at the time but as he got older I thought it would be the right thing to do.

It was to be another long day for Dane. 6 hours of testing. We told his therapists that we didn't want him to do a bunch of tests he didn't need. He was done in 3 hours.

They rated him on a bell curve. They wanted him to fall within the 85% range. During the first few fazes of testing which was very verbal, he fell way below the average. Once they took away the verbal portion of the testing which was pretty much tests done to deaf children, his average shot way up into the 85%. This means that he is very visual.

Danes fine motor skills and gross motor skills have gone way up. He is starting to gain control of writing his own name and coloring within the lines. His speech has grown much as well. Some words are hard to tell sometimes. He will say "baff" instead of "bath."

At the end of the test they determined that he has ADHD on top of the autism. Not a big surprise because it runs on my wifes side of the family. The therapists are concerned on how much he is learning at school. Is medication the option???

Dane has been complaining a lot about headaches from school. At home he has been really bad behaved. The therapists think it's because he holds it all in at school. At the end of the day he's overtired and takes out his frustration on us.

School is almost over and he will be in the first grade this fall. The pre-K teacher who Dane liked very much may be his teacher in the fall again. That would be great.

Very Bad Behaviour

2012-05-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the deal is. Okay, so Dane's uncle, Donny and his 3 yr. old daughter moved in with us in January. Maybe Dane feels his home space is being violated. Maybe he is just so tired out from the long day at school. Anyways, Dane has been terrible to deal with.

Up to date! My wife quit the factory and went back into nursing in an assisted living facility. She is much happier with her life. We are dealing with a lot of stress. Hmm, an autistic son. A 6 dollar pay cut, the brother in law and daughter, work. It's boiling down.

I was having marriage troubles in August last year. My wife moved out on me for a day and rented an apartment. She realized how nuts she has been going not seeing me and practically raising our children by ourselves. It reached its boiling point and now it's all out on the table what we don't like. Needless to say, her quitting the shitty factory with bitchy women was a major plus. I missed my happy and bubbly girl I fell in love with the first time. We felt like we were falling in love again. It felt like the end of our marriage was near. I lost 20 pounds and she is rail thin. She looks good and I've had some turn around looks at work I never seen before. Some old bags but I can still feel flattered in such a way.

About Danes behavior. He was down to once a week therapy for one hour. He is now being booted back to 2 days a week for 1 hour.

At school he has been making friends and learning how to read. His teacher tells me what a good day he had. I am starting to think that he started to "hate" school when during one of his teachers deleted Angry Birds off the school Ipad in front of him without any warning. I guess he was being unattentive and now he needs to earn the game back as a "privilage."

For the past few weeks now he has such negative things to say. "I hate you, I hate school, I hate Donny and Bella, I hate this show!" Hate Hate Hate...I don't get it.

I never watch violent movies. I watch my language (sometimes the f bomb slipps) Not too often. But he comes home and talks about hand on hand combat. That I know he is not learning from home.

I was thinking while mowing lawn tonight. He's around loud noised and flickering flourescent lights all day. The lunch room is especially loud. Kids in the halls talking and running are loud. His teachers and therapists say how good and well behaved he is. Is this the same kid? Ever since Angry Birds was deleted in front of him without warning...he's been awful getting up and out to school. He has been late lots of times because he won't get dressed. When he does get to school, the whole class yells his name and give him hugs. He loves school!

My wife went to visit the babysitter from the earlier years. She brought home another guinea pig and a bunny rabbit. Dane was so proud he took it to school for show and tell. He was very popular that day. I wasn't too thrilled about the critters but as soon as I pet the little rabbit..I melted.

Only 3 more days left and he will be in the first grade. He's very happy because his pre-K teacher got promoted to 1st grade. He likes her very much.

Today Dane had a field trip to the zoo. His teacher told me the chaparone had nothing but good news and how well behaved he was during the trip. I don't think the parent he knew he had autism even. Lots of people don't.

On Fridays and Sundays I have to drive 50 miles one way to trade my bro in laws daughter with her mother. Especially working all day, I am beat! I want to get there and back as fast as possible. I mean, the guy has no job, license, car..not a pot to piss in and he has been with us since Jan. 1st. I already have my marriage on the line, Danes therapy, a sassy daughter, now this? I am up to my eyes in stress and trying to manage everyone elses lives instead of mine.

I can see why Dane is acting out. He needs his space as well as me.

Headaches

2012-04-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

Dane has been hating to to to school lately. He does not cooperate getting dressed and out of the door for my wife. A lot has been going on and I need to catch up to date . About the headaches, he says he gets them in the hallway and in the cafe during lunch break. He says he doesn't get them at recess. I put his earmuffs the school gave him in his backpack today thinking he would know to put them on when he needs them.

My wife quit the factory and got back into working at an Assisted Living with 34 residents to take care of as a CNA. She took a 6 dollar pay cut but she enjoys her job and wants to be a nurse someday. The time is now to figure out what we want and what I want is for her happiness. Now for me to get on the ball and figure out a fullfilling career move for me.

My brother in law moved in with us with his 3 year old daughter and theres been drama. He has no license, job, car and fighting for custody of his kid. Not to mention his ex is preggers again and hes a 1/4 candidate of it being his...or not. I am doing my best to stay out of it. I have my own family and my own problems.

Dane also got prescription glasses. He uses them in school and no where else. At least he knows how to take care of them like a big boy.

The tranmission on our 06 Escape has been acting up. I talked to the mechanic today and he says it may be a neutral switch. It skips 2nd gear and goes from 1st to 3rd and the rpms reach almost 5k before switching gears. He cant rule out the the tranny may be going out.

Dane is crazy about Angry Birds and he is really good at it. He really concentrates like he is calculating in his head how to slingshot the bird and get the green pigs. He gets past levels that I can't get past. It's amazing but I have to use it to my advantage to ground him from the game when he hits and swears and doesn't listen. He needs to understand the the game is a privaliage and he needs to earn it by being good at home as well as school.

A boy in class wanted a play date set up. I talked to the father and we met at Mc|Donalds. That went good except there was a birthday party and lots of loud kids running around.

Comming up is a neurological evaluation that the state passed that we do NOT need a doctors reference. We have been having trouble twice getting a referral for Danes services for this test. Now he has a date set from 9 in the morning to 3 at night. Thats going to be a long day for the little man.

Things haven't been easy having another kid and grown adult who acts like a kid in my home. On the contrary Dane has had less meltdowns since they moved in. When he does have a meltdown it has been pretty agressive. I think hes holding it in and then unleashes the dragon when enough is enough already.

Fixatin on pinwheels never stops. It seems like he gets one and breaks it to fix it and then whine about getting more pinwheels.

Dane is the leader in school tomorrow so I bought some cookies for his class and he needs to take something to school for show and tell. Im guessing it will be a pin wheel this time. The good news is that Danes class really likes him and looks up to him. One day I got him out early to take him to his therapy and the whole class ran out to say goodbye. I think a little hispanic girl has a crush on him
also.

My brother Jeremy sold his house and is moving closer to my sister. The way things are going in my town I may just throw in the towel at my dead end job and sell my house and move there as well. The only thing left for me here are my parents. Dane loves them so much and it would really break his heart to move.

What Meets ASD Criteria

2012-04-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across contexts, not accounted for by general developmental delays, and manifest by all 3 of the following disorders...

1. Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity; ranging from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back and forth conversation through reduced sharing of interests, emotions, and affect and response to total lack of initiation of social interaction,

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction; ranging from poorly integrated- verbal and nonverbal communication, through abnormalities in eye contact and body-language, or deficits in understanding and use of nonverbal communication, to total lack of facial expression or gestures.

3. Deficits in developing and maintaining relationships, appropriate to developmental level (beyond those with caregivers); ranging from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit different social contexts through difficulties in sharing imaginative play and in making friends to an apparent absence of interest in people

Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities as manifested by at least two of the following disorders...

1. Stereotyped or repetitive speech, motor movements, or use of objects; (such as simple motor stereotypies, echolalia, repetitive use of objects, or idiosyncratic phrases).

2. Excessive adherence to routines, ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior, or excessive resistance to change; (such as motoric rituals, insistence on same route or food, repetitive questioning or extreme distress at small changes).

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus; (such as strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

4. Hyper-or hypo-reactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of environment; (such as apparent indifference to pain/heat/cold, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, fascination with lights or spinning objects).

5 Symptoms must be present in early childhood (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities)

6. Symptoms together limit and impair everyday functioning.

Change

2012-03-05T16:05:00.000-08:00

My wife got hired as a CNA at a local nursing home. The interview went really good and they will call her on Monday. She needs to get out of the factory 3rd shift. She feels unappreciated and does not like at all what she's doing. The women are mean and crabby and all talk shit about one another. It does feel like a prison. The office doesn't care about us. We are just a number. I will not ever try to voice my opinion again. They don't care. They don't do my job and yet they think by doing it this way will be easier. Whatever. I need to find myself as well. Factory life is hard work unless you supervise and just watch everyone else break their backs.

I am back to getting the kids up in the morning. I have to drive my brother in law across town and then take his 3 year old daughter and my 2 to work with me. My wife get's off work, gives me her keys and then we go our own way. I go to work and she goes home to watch the kids.

The past several years have been hard. I soon had to realize about my depression and anxiety and I needed help. Antidepressants have help me a lot the past few months.

Dane hasn't had too many meltdowns in the past month. I think his uncle and cousin has been on his level to play around to his liking. He has been doing amazing in school. A mother wrote the teacher a note to have me call her and set up a play date with her son.

Over the past couple weeks my niece who is residing with us was sick. So it goes, Dane and Ally got sick and had to have breathing treatments every 4 hours. A nebulizer inhaler on all 3 kids. My wife missed a week of work with FML to get them back to health. All three have lost that bad cough.

Today the theater burnt down. It sounds like 1 firemen died in the blaze. I took my kids down to the corner to see the fire. Lots of firetrucks and a helicopter. This theater was a historical sight. I remember I first saw E.T. and Ghostbusters here. I took Dane and Ally to see Cars 2 and Alvin and the Chipmunks, Chipwrecked here. Now it's gone.

Anxiety

2012-02-23T17:31:00.000-08:00

What a stressful new year it has been so far. My brother in law is staying with us and his 3 year old daughter for a while. He has no job, car, license and a girl pregnat which possibly may not be his child. Poor guy. I really wish the best for him. The good news is that I don't have to load up the kids at 5 in the morning and haul them to work with me to exchange them with their mother.

Dawn is sick and tired of 3rd shift at the factory. People are grumpy and disrespectful and lazy. Not to mention the management is terrible. She deserves better and wants to go back into nursing..soon. But right now she just wants to get off the graveyard shift.

Thank the heavens for Prozac. I have been on it for the last couple months and has really took the edge off the stress of raising kids like a single father. Things between my wife and I were awful. I guess we really had to hit bottom to realize we need help. We are now very happy again. We realize how much we need each other and do love each other. We felt like we grew apart for the past several years.

At Danes last therapy treatment I talked to this single mother who has been taking her 5 year old to therapy 3 days a week for 3 years for behavior. She had an IPad with her and let Dane play Angry Birds on it. I have never seen an IPad that close before. I was amused how much attachment Dane took to it. He tells me that school lets him play with one and he wants one. I don't blame him but he just wants to play angry birds on it.

Happily though my brother-in-law got a job interview and orientation at a local meat packaging plant. He will start at 7 which means the kids can sleep in until my wife gets home, take him to work and then take Dane to school and come home and hopefully get some sleep in.

I have been waiting to get a picture of Danes "squeeze machine" his case worker gave us. He really likes it. I will have to get a picture on soon. His therapist also had him made a body sock. He knows when to get in it for his own sensory break but the first night in it he hit his head on the table. Ally, my daughter likes to get into it and say she's a ghost. "Ooohhhh" she moans...so funny.

Goals of an IEP

2012-02-14T16:51:00.000-08:00

These are a couple links with IEP goals with and without objectives for students with autism. Some pretty good information to glance at.

Goals with Objectives: http://www.specialed.us/autism/05/g_o.htm

Goals without Objectives: http://www.specialed.us/autism/05/gwo.htm

Liquid Timer - Calming Attachment

2012-02-08T15:33:00.000-08:00

Dane found an old liquid timer in my old bedroom at my parents house. It's one of those, well, it's like an hour glass that you flip over and blobs of liquid colors spin gears inside the thing. It is so old that the colors faded and it just looks like water. Now, he has an obsession taking this with him everywhere.

The first night home with it he was getting tired. I was thinking that it wouldn't surprise me if he watched it until he fell asleep. My assumption was correct. It must have taken 45 minutes of him flipping it and watching the little wheels spin and eventually he fell asleep on the couch. He has always has a visual attachment with spinning objects. Maybe some day he will be a disk jocky spinning records or maybe he will design roller coasters. He says he wants to be a scientist and a fire fighter or a teacher. Its fun to hear him say these things. Up until he turned 5 I didn't think I'd have actual conversations with him. His replies are short yes or no answers but he has been asking "Why? I have to keep my answers short because I see the confusion in his eyes when I talk too much.

His meltdowns have been short to none lately. He still has no control of hitting his sister when he's mad. Allyson does bring on the situation when she interrupts him or takes something from him. Other then that they play really good.

Next Tuesday Dane doesn't have therapy. I made him his first eye doctor appointment. Before I go in with him I will show him a video of someone getting their eyes checked or pictures of what will happen. This will be so he is aware of what will happen. I will show him an eye chart and possibly the eye drops to dialate the pupils. Then I will show him that thing that goes in front of your face where you look into and the doctor tells you which one is blurry. 1 or 2?

I think Dane needs glasses. He squints just like I do without my glasses. If he does get glasses I want them to have a special tint to them so he won't have to wear sunglasses in certain stores that freak him out. He goes crazy over the ceiling fans when we walk into Menards. That's the first department walking into that store. For some reason it makes him happy so I always make a quick stroll through.

Before I go into a store like that, I have to tell him that we are Not going to look at the fans if we are in a hurry to avoid a stressful situation. Telling him before hand what I expect from our shopping experience really helps a lot. Like, "were just here to look." "We are not getting any toys or candy for you." "If you are really good you get a treat when we get home." He replies with an "Awwww man" Which is better than an embarrassing tantrum from a 6 year old. Therapy has been helping him a lot. He has come a long way.

I have always had Dane around kids his own peers to learn from. Picture schedules were a godsend and Baby Einstein videos were a life saver when he was a baby. His little sister has helped him learn how to be more social as well. All the kids in his class really seem to like him and his teachers love him.

Explaining Death Again - R.I.P. Gizmo

2012-02-04T13:40:00.000-08:00

Another one bites the dust. Gizmo, the black and white guinea pig was killed in a tragic accident. I could have probably prevented it by telling the kids to put the pigs back in their cage while I got ready. Both Wubbzy and Gizmo were squeaking happily and the kids were petting them.

Dane opened the door and said he was going outside to put Gizmo in the grass. I thought that would be okay for the next couple minutes while I took a quick shower. I was wrong. I got out of the shower with a towel on and Allyson said to me that Gizmo wasn't moving or playing. I was like, "What?" I walked around the corner and to my disappointment, there was Gizmo. She was laying on top of the garbage can on her back, lifeless. Dead as a doornail.

I admit to myself that I did not much like cleaning up after these pets. All they do is eat and go to the bathroom. We got them to teach Dane some responsibility. He does good keeping them fed and watered. I need to remind him a lot to look over them. Not to mention that Dane makes quite the mess taking care of them. Always spilling pellets everywhere and putting more food dishes and moving the water feeder all the time. Dane cannot get comfortable with any set spot the food and water are in. He's always rearranging them.

Okay, so I ask what happened? Dane said that Gizmo is dead. "Yeah, I see that. How did Gizmo die?" It took some time but Dane told me that he threw the poor thing. I don't know if he was playing catch with it or dropped it or sat on it. I asked Ally and she said she didn't know.

It was an accident and Dane wants another guinea pig. I had to explain death again to which he has no concept of. I say that Gizmo is with Jesus and he's in a better place. Either way, a pet killed by rough play cannot be replaced like a toy car. We need time to show Dane that Gizmo isn't coming back. We tell Dane that he needs to take extra special care of Wubbzy now. We told him that he cannot throw, sit or cover the guinea pig. He needs to be very nice or the same thing will happen to Wubbzy as Gizmo. The problem now is that Wubbzy is depressed and not eating. I hope it doesn't starve itself to death. My wife wants it to have company or it probably will die from starvation. Who knows.

I wrapped Gizmo up in a small towel and my wife told Dane to tell Gizmo goodbye and that he's sorry. Dane showed concern but didn't cry. I don't think he realized what he did. Accidents happen and it happened so fast.

My wife went to get the kids ready to go shopping. In the meantime, I dug a quick hole by the garage and buried Gizmo.