Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy

How's Your Day Going?

2009-09-24T10:51:00.007-05:00

Do you have Autism or a family member who does? Your day is about to go sour:

Wanna protest just another PSA in a long line of offensive PSA's? Tell them Autism Speaks DOES NOT speak for us.

Join the Facebook group protesting this type of propaganda.

Visit I Speak of Dreams for a wealth of information. Who to write to, what to say, who is angry... Autism will not tear people apart. It will unite us. There's more to do to combat ignorance.

Hm... how about that for a group "Ignorance Speaks"? We won't let them defend themselves either.

Thanks Bev, for the awesome posters you came up with---you rock.

ASAN's response...The REAL Advocates for those with Autism.(Autism Self-Advocacy Network)

Blog it and pass the word like others.

When Depression Hits

2009-07-30T13:01:00.001-05:00

I am going to tackle a controversial topic here, my dear families. Depression, mental disorders… the idea that staying at home could cause damage and sadness.

When I started homeschooling I had just come straight from Corporate America. My older sons had done two years of public school and though my younger of the two was struggling with behavior issues, the idea never entered our minds to bring them home to educate them. We were raised in public school and despite a series of devastating occurrences (for myself) we felt that the struggle was a ‘life lesson’ meant to be experienced. We worried about the socialization. We worried about our expectations–could we meet the criteria set before us and educate our children? We weren’t certified teachers. We weren’t even familiar with life outside of work and daycare.

READ MORE

Finally...Churches Are Recognizing a Need

2009-07-17T11:39:00.001-05:00

Special needs Sunday Schools on the rise
By Andrea Higgins
Jul 30, 2008

RIDGECREST, N.C. (BP)--Special needs advocates are fond of pointing out that Jesus spent much of His ministry among people with disabilities.

However, the message of His ministry was for everyone, said Carlton McDaniel, special needs specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention.

"The second half of that story is that by meeting the needs of those He helped and gravitating to people in need, He really modeled love to the able-bodied," McDaniel said during the July 11-14 Sunday School Week at LifeWay Ridgecrest Conference Center near Asheville, N.C.

Considering that attendance at special needs conference sessions has quadrupled from past Sunday School conferences, churches may be getting that message.

"I see people with disabilities being more visible in the community, more included in life and not shut behind doors anymore, praise God," said Jo Ann Banks of Weaverville, N.C.

For five years, Banks has led a special needs Vacation Bible School during Sunday School Week and for 25 years has led a special needs ministry. At Woodland Hills Baptist Church in Asheville, she teaches a class of adults with special needs.

Increased attendance at the conference could be due to churches seeing not only the need -– but the opportunity to provide Sunday School options for individuals with special needs, Banks said.

Banks' daughter Kelly, 28, has mild cerebral palsy and a developmental delay.

"God has shown me we have to look at their abilities and not their disabilities," Banks said.

McDaniel said there is hesitancy among churches, mostly because of the unknown in beginning a special needs ministry.

"We've heard people say, 'I don't feel equipped,'" McDaniel said.

The sessions at Sunday School Week varied from understanding learning needs and learning styles of individuals with special needs to introducing tools and materials to help special needs ministries.

LifeWay developed its "Special Buddies Bible Studies for Kids" curriculum, released in the fall of 2007, with an adaptable format geared to developmental levels that allows for plenty of repetition, application and review of biblical concepts. LifeWay also has added a new VBS line for children with special needs.

"Pastors are very interested, but it's an incredible responsibility to take on a ministry that is this labor-intensive," McDaniel said.

For Banks, leading a Sunday School class for adults with special needs also is an outreach to the group-home workers who accompany residents to church.

"We've found that 98 percent of group-home workers are not believers," Banks said. "I have a good rapport with the workers. Sometimes the only exposure they have is watching how you behave on Sunday."

Having a ministry in place also provides natural opportunities for individuals with special needs to feel needed, Banks said.

"They want to serve. They want to feel like they're part of society and they have a purpose for being here." Banks said her daughter Kelly "has such a servant's heart. She does better to serve others than to be served."

Starting a special ministry requires a "people-centered" outlook rather than one that is people-driven, McDaniel said.

That's what happened at Thompson Station Church in Tennessee, adult Sunday School teacher Mike Yates said. When he noticed two couples in their class seemed to "tag-team" coming to church, he found that the reason was both couples had a child with special needs, with the spouses switching to provide care on alternate weeks.

From there, the church started a special needs Sunday School along with a monthly respite program to give a night out for parents of children with special needs.

Reagan Wagoner, youth and missions pastor at Thompson Station Church, said in the short time the program has been operating, at least 25 different families have been reached.

"If you go into the schools, there are specially trained people -– even one-on-one attention -– for the kids with special needs," Wagoner said. "Why should the church be any different?"
--30--
Andrea Higgins is a writer in Raleigh, N.C.

© Copyright 2009 Baptist Press

Original copy of this story can be found at http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?ID=28569

I am still here!

2009-05-12T17:39:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to let you know that I am still around but am finishing my Spring semester of college and wrapping up the last few weeks of homeschooling for the year! (Plus hubby came home so we've been enjoying having him around!)

I will be MIA from the blog for a while longer!

Love,
Angela

A Visit to an International Festival

2009-04-15T19:11:00.009-05:00

Click on pictures to enlarge.

An Irish Folk Singer

Milan and I trying on the henna at the India table.

after it dried--should be off in a week or two I think.

Columbia!!

Local Native Indian Tribe Table

The Taiko Drummer from Japan

This is the first demonstration we saw--The African Dancers--and our favorite!

When Chocolate is the Only Answer.

2009-04-09T19:38:00.005-05:00

Only the best way to show love, right? I have to admit something--I am a comfort feeder. No, not so much a comfort eater as much as a 'sympathetic' one. From the moment my babies came into this world every tear was met with nursing...when they outgrew nursing it became cookies, fruit and lollipops...

It's the Italian in me I am pretty sure. The kids are spoiled rotten, but thankfully have the metabolisms of jack rabbits. (Also thankful for very, very good teeth and dental hygiene.)

So this week I have been involved in the 'A Woman Inspired' conference and surrounding that I have had massive amounts of homework to attend to. This has led to many meltdowns, tears, temper tantrums and screaming matches. (I admit...sometimes it was even the kiddos!)

It rated chocolate for all.

Aren't they lovely? You can find the recipe HERE.

Entrecard

2009-04-06T13:48:00.002-05:00

I got rid of my Entrecard widget. Sorry for the inconvenience to those who wanted to post their blog on here. I just do not like the direction the company has started to take.

Thanks for understanding!

This One Always Brings on the Happy Tears

2009-04-03T00:56:00.000-05:00

Over at Heart of the Matter today..

2009-04-02T14:13:00.004-05:00

For the next 7 days I'll be posting Easter crafts and at-home Easter fun over there..

Day 1: Easter Bingo

In Case You Were Curious...

2009-03-31T23:03:00.002-05:00

I mentioned on March 12 that my son had swallowed a bouncy ball.

For your information it took 19 days for that to pass. Yes, you read that right. My son burst into my bedroom this morning to announce the return of his beloved bouncy ball. Thankfully he did not retrieve it, but promptly flushed it.

Catastrophe averted once again.

*Sigh*.

Pledge to BAN the R-Word

2009-03-30T22:10:00.005-05:00

I challenge you to sign the pledge today and find a way to pass the word. We have stood up and not accepted racial slurs, religious slurs as well as many other OFFENSIVE names. This is no different...unless you consider the fact that 9 times out of 10 when a person uses the word 'retarded' against another they do not realize that they have been heard--and understood.

As a mother of a child with special needs I challenge you to rise above the casual use of the r-word.

As a parent of a child with special needs I will tell you that it hurts deeply when you refer to something or someone as retarded.

As a parent of a child with special needs I will tell you it hurts deeply when someone refers to my child that way. That's right, we are not immune to it in our lives. I have stopped my older boys from going after your children who have repeated you. I guess you should know, it hurts them too.

A Real Life Monster

2009-03-25T00:21:00.005-05:00

I had all of the kids draw a picture of their own 'monster' today. The idea was they would create and then I would make a softie out of it. I have seen people all over the internet doing this very thing and just had to try it! What a great way to capture their creation!

Here is my first one (in order of who gave me their's first)--Xander's:

He was very excited about the process of making this little guy...can't wait to show him the finished product in the morning!!

Photofunia: Photos and Fun

2009-03-20T22:02:00.004-05:00

Bored? The kids and I had lots of fun playing here!

Wordless Wednesday: Xan and Milan's "Sleepover"

2009-03-17T23:05:00.002-05:00

When You Have a Chewer

2009-03-12T19:30:00.005-05:00

When your children are babies you painstakingly go over your entire house to make sure it is baby proof so that your child will not choke on anything. (Okay, baby proof...enough) My children found every item I missed:

army men
marbles
legos
pennies
k'nex

With the exception of the army men--all were saved from being swallowed. And actually, make that an army man. (Think Toy Story--a two year old can easily swallow one of those suckers, did you know that?!)

Which brings me to the exception of children who are predispotioned to chew. These are the children that go into high school with mangled pencils and pen caps. The ones that sit in their third grade class chewing on the end of a wad of hair. They may chew their fingers, their shirt collars or random plastic items. You know what I mean...you either know/knew a person like this or are one.

Xander, my 7 year old, is a chewer. He has sensory integration disorder and Autism. This is where a quirky habit can become dangerous. Today he swallowed one of these:
This particular picture is from Oriental Trading. I don't know if the bouncy ball came from there or one of those .25 machines they have at grocery stores. I mention that only so the proper credit is given to the picture.

Now, a 7 year should know better, but when you have a child with special needs it is important to keep an eye on what they are chewing. It could be poisonous or dangerous. We are lucky that this ball did not become lodged in his throat cutting off his airway. When I realized he swallowed it and was talking and not struggling to breathe I knew the drill...and did not worry. Lessons I learned from the army man: they cannot detect plastic on an x-ray and they would tell us to bring him in only if his stmach became hard or he started having severe cramps. Otherwise, we would have to wait for it to pass. The doctor told me the army man could take up to two weeks because of its shape. The ball on the other hand could be freed in a matter of days.

I was reminded however to give Xan the "no batteries, no magnets" speech. These two things can kill a child. Make sure you have this talk with your children.

I am off to go find the thing Xan *is* allowed to chew on.

Didj by Leapfrog

2009-03-12T11:09:00.003-05:00

Have you met the Didj? I was asked to try out this great invention last Fall and from the moment it came out of the package my kids were hooked! They were amazed at how much it 'looked' like other video game systems and surprised at how good the graphics were for a LeapFrog (AKA kid's game).

My husband quickly installed the Learning Path program and made an individualized site to track each kid's progress. It must have been successful because now every time my kids play their games and upload to the site I get a personalized email that shows their strengths and weaknesses in their age brackets. I love this feature!

Something else I particularly love is that in order to progress through the levels in each game, the kids must accomplish whatever learning goal (math, spelling, etc.) is set before them before moving forward. This is a great incentive for them to do well! The system also allows them to use their points on their site to earn new characters and accessories.

So, you understand why I love this game system... but there is more! It is an award winner!

Parenting Magazine - Mom-Tested Toys of the Year Award 2008

Parents Magazine - Best Toys of the Year Award 2008

My top three recommended Didj games:

1. LeapFrog: Didj Custom Gaming System: Indiana Jones for Ages 7-10

Did your kindergartener or first grader come to you last year begging to see Indiana Jones? Both of mine did, but let's face it, not all movies fall into their maturity level. The Indiana Jones game on the other hand is all adventure without any of the adult content.

This is a math game and they will be learning addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.

2. LeapFrog: Didj Custom Gaming System: Star Wars, The Clone Wars for Ages 6-9

Star Wars...where do I begin? I mentioned "Star Wars Crafts" one time on one of my blogs and the traffic from that phrase has been unlike anything else that I have ever spoken about. I am amazed at how popular the series is three decades later. This game is no exception. My boys love it and begged for me to buy it the second it hit the shelves. It has been played so many times that I cannot believe it has lasted this long. Best feature of the Didj when this is played for hours on end? The volume button that shuts off. (You would think that for a woman that spent her early years wanting to be Princess Leia I would be more tolerant.)

Another great math game: Decimals, percentages, place value, shapes, and fractions.

3. LeapFrog: Didj Custom Gaming System: Spongebob, Fists of Foam for Ages 6-9

Okay, I was a skeptic too...but this game was soooo worth it. Like the math list above for the Star Wars game? This game has the same list, but appeals to those SpongeBob enthusiasts. My 5 year old loves this game and is excelling in her math practice well above her grade level. Yes, it is silly. Yes, it is nonsense. But they love it! They love it so much that on Saturdays when they have free video game playing the Didj is always in use. They have no idea how much they are learning on their day off. And I won't tell.

As We Draw Closer to Easter

2009-03-11T15:01:00.003-05:00

I received this video in an email today and I cannot possibly think of a better message to reflect on as we get closer to Easter. Before you watch, a few questions to think on:

1. Is there anything weighing heavy on your heart right now?

2. Do you know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus died for you?

3. Do you feel forgiven?

Pray about it. Listen to what God is trying to speak to your heart. Watch the video.

By the way, my email is on my profile page. If I can help you this Easter season by praying for you I would be honored to do so. Just shoot me an email.

When the Kids Get a Crash Course in Blessings

2009-03-05T22:51:00.008-06:00

We had a wonderful day at the zoo today. The weather was perfect, the zoo was uncrowded. The kids were excited! We even got to see a three-toed sloth--AWAKE. They were especially excited about that because as many times as we've been we have never seen it move. We always talk about how it sleeps 23 hours a day and try to guess when the two hours might land. (It was approximately 3:00 in the afternoon, by the way.) Look--eyeballs!:He hung out like that a few minutes and then had to adjust back into a cradle-like position to go back to sleep. That takes a lot of energy apparently. One of the waterfalls was half ice and by the time I got this picture I forgot about getting it in the picture more than this. There are many outtakes with 4 kiddos.

Catching snails and playing with the fishies.

The day was so good I decided to take the kids to their favorite restaurant for dinner--IHOP. Oh yes, it is their favorite. Where else can you have chocolate chip pancakes with a whip cream/chocolate chip/cherry face? For dinner, no less. The kids colored their menus and selected their meals. Harley led the prayer. The waiter came out to inform us that Xander's meal would have to be changed as they were out of mac n cheese. Xander quickly selected the chocolate chip pancakes and waited patiently while his dinner was prepared. Meanwhile the rest of us were busy salt & peppering, passing syrup, etc. Xander's meal came and we all chowed down. An elderly couple with their backs to us were chatting with the manager about their grandkids and the restaurant was fairly empty and quiet. It was really nice.

The couple left and the manager approached us to let us know that the couple had thought the kids were so well-behaved that they paid for out entire ticket! I was shocked and touched, but not nearly as shocked as the kids were. The manager continued to talk about how they earned the kindness because they were so well-behaved and how you don't see that very often anymore. She told us to enjoy our meal and walked away.

The kids were much more quiet than I would have expected after such a compliment. Harley and Jagger began to speak first about what a kindness that was and how they would never expect something like that from a stranger. We hadn't even seen their faces.

This was my window of opportunity.

I explained to them how blessings come and go and should be remembered. I suggested that perhaps they should remember simply so that when they grew older they could pay the favor forward when they saw a young family in a restaurant. They would never know if they blessed a family who was living paycheck to paycheck.

I also got the opportunity to tell them about the summer Jagger was born. It was May of 2000 and the Texas weather was already scorching. Inside our home was around 90 degrees because our air conditioner had died a few weeks prior. Harley was 2.5 at the time. I called a service man for an estimate because we honestly did not know what we were looking at in terms of cost. The man arrived at the door and was about the age of my grandfather. He had a tiny dog that followed him around the yard while he checked our unit. When it came time for him to give us a quote I asked him if he did any kind of a payment plan. That man must have had a daughter or a daughter-in-law somewhere because he sized me up pretty quickly. He looked for a moment at my very pregnant belly and said 'don't worry, let's get this fixed...I have been there.' And he serviced our a/c the entire summer for free.

The couple tonight blessed us--for no reason--I told the kids. Remember that. Be those people.

And then I ungrounded them for the absolutely horrendous way they acted in Kohl's an hour earlier. I figured if a couple could pay them such a compliment and bless our family in such a way I could ease up a bit.

A Woman Inspired Conference 2009

2009-03-03T02:02:00.002-06:00

Learn More Here:

The Last of the Bunch

2009-02-25T19:39:00.004-06:00

Mom, I don't have a fever.. your hands are just cold.

Mom, I think I have a sunburn.
Mom...no pictures while I am sad.

MOM...DON'T PUT THIS ON THE BLOG!!

An Autism Success Story From GMA

2009-02-25T08:26:00.002-06:00

Couple Lives With Autism, Comfort of Each Other

Love Bloomed After Socializing Was Learned

By THEA TRACHTENBERG and LINDSAY GOLDWERT

Feb. 25, 2009 —

David Hamrick, 29, and Lindsey Nebeker, 27, look like a typical couple in love, but what's not apparent is how hard they've worked to be together.

Hamrick and Nebeker live together in a Jackson, Miss., apartment, yet they have separate bedrooms, eat meals apart and spend most of their time focused on their own interests.

This unusual setup is how Hamrick and Nebeker, who are both autistic, make their relationship work.

About 1.5 million people in the United States have autism, with varying degrees of severity. Many people with autism struggle with the most basic social interactions, so finding love may seem like an impossibility.

Hamrick and Nebeker are high-functioning but, since childhood, both have found it difficult to make friends and even harder to keep them.

"All of her socialization had to be learned, usually by hard experience," said Nebeker's father, Gordon Nebeker.

Autistic people can also be hypersensitive to touch and sound. Hamrick can't stand when the room is too warm and cringes at certain sounds; Nebeker can't take florescent lights; and both are profoundly uncomfortable with small talk, said Lynn Harris, who profiled the couple for Glamour magazine.

Learning to Interact

Despite their difficulties, they both kept trying to reach out and connect with others. Nebeker learned to make friends by reading Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Hamrick had tried to untangle the rules of dating by reading self-help books.

"No one teaches you to flirt," said Diane Twactman-Cullen, editor in chief of Autism Spectrum Quarterly. "Individuals with autism would really be at a loss. So there might be some missed signals."

When Hamrick and Nebeker met in 2005 at an autism conference, Hamrick was smitten.

"I pretty much liked everything about her," he said. "She was very sweet, easy to talk to, and a good listener."

But Nebeker was unsure.

"In my early 20s, I had decided I was no longer going to seek a relationship," she said. "I was mainly going to focus on my career and my friends that I had been able to make and keep."

They became friends. Then one day when they were at a café, Hamrick knew he was making progress when he put his hand on hers.

"My heart was racing," Hamrick said. "I was fearful it might not work out the way I had anticipated, but the fact that she didn't pull back and she was able to hold my hand there for at least five minutes, I was very touched by that."

Living Together With Separate Needs

After two years of dating, they took the huge step of moving in together, despite their unique and separate needs.

Nebeker admits that it seems highly unusual for a typical couple to agree to separate bedrooms.

"We both understood the importance of an individual with autism needing their own space," she said.

When they are in their apartment, they are rarely together. Hamrick, a meteorologist, is often in his room on the computer or absorbed in the Weather Channel while Nebeker, a musician, can get lost for hours playing the piano and working on her music.

A romantic dinner for two presents major challenges.

"There are a number of sounds that are unpleasant to me," Hamrick explained. "Such as chewing sounds and crunching sounds."

And Nebeker has many complicated eating rituals. Her napkin has to be placed just so and her meals prepared in just the right way.

"Sometimes Dave will spontaneously ask, 'Hey, you want to go out for dinner tonight?' And I break into sobs and I say, 'I am so sorry, I just can't. I just can't,'" Nebeker said.

The couple's parents have seen their children struggle with their disorder and are in awe of the way the two care for each other and express their love and devotion.

"Being high functioning is almost more difficult than being low functioning," said Gordon Nebeker. "You are so close to there, and yet not quite -- and that is heartbreaking."

But for all the compromises, the couple's love story is actually a pretty traditional one, one of deep understanding and acceptance.

"When I have had a bad day at work or just a bad day for some other reason -- and I come home, I don't even have to say anything, he senses it. Dave will come up to me and start cuddling up to me and that's really all I need," Nebeker said. "I know that I am with a partner who is not going to judge me for certain eccentricities I have."

I Will Be Back...

2009-02-24T15:24:00.001-06:00

But for now all three boys are sick and I am taking advantage of the quiet!

Please pray they feel better soon and that me and the girlie don't get it!

Be back on here soon!

Painting ala Pollock

2009-02-18T19:00:00.005-06:00

Okay...sort of... I let the kiddos do marble painting tonight and it was a huge hit! Except for Milan...she cried. She said it was too messy. She said it was nothing but scribbles.

She ran to her room, threw herself on her bed and cried some more.

When she finally emerged the kids and I took a web trip to visit the art of Jackson Pollock. II had to prove that he was real--that people actually loved his work and paid big bucks for 'scribbles'.

The boys on the other hand were just happy that their project was quick so they could go back to their video games.

It's a Love/ Hate Thing

2009-02-12T17:28:00.004-06:00

Dear Military,

Stop sending my hubs away. My jeans have no room for expansion. And another thing... I have had it with Ben & Jerry being my Valentine's Day stand-in.

3 years now...*3 YEARS NOW* --you hear me? He's missed various birthdays, holidays, Sundays... I have seen him 12 weeks TOTAL since last June.

Keep it up...and my children who climb the walls when he leaves are going to be your problem.

I kid you not. Expect a BIG box with air holes that sounds like an army of screaming banshees..Give them some ice cream.

Disgruntled Dependent Spouse

Put Some Fire Into Your Marriage Giveaway!!

2009-02-09T09:33:00.003-06:00

Read the following and GO TO Heart of the Matter to enter!!

"With Valentine's Day approaching, we couldn't think of a better time to introduce new MONTHLY giveaway's from Heart of the Matter! These will be bigger and better than our previous weekly giveaways. Although loving our spouse should be daily on our minds, February is synonymous with LOVE and ROMANCE. This month, we are giving away a package that is guaranteed to delight you and your sweetheart. You will receive":

Fireproof DVD, featuring Kirk Cameron

Love Dare, the book featured in Fireproof

To Love, Honor and Vacuum, by Sheila Wray Gregoire

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, by Dr. Laura

A selection of goodies, including chocolate, candy and popcorn, for a romantic movie night.

"Red Hot" Pamper set for the bath.

To enter...tell us three things that you can do (outside the bedroom) that would show your spouse just how much you care. Big or small, there is no better time to look past your own desires and speak your spouse's love language! Leave your comment before Monday, February 16th at 10pm EST.