Wearing My Wowsers Trousers

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 16:05:00 +0000

I think I've lost my mojo for this blog.

I have joined twitter this week. Basically, I was boring myself going on about how stuuuupid it is so I thought I should give it a try.

I may be back.

Definition of Half Arsed

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 11:08:00 +0000

I could write about how I'm going to New York at the end of March and I'm bamboozled about where to stay. So very many options.

I could write about buying two shades of nail polish which give me a little thrill to look at my fingertips.

If you're wondering, they are Sally Hanson's Back to the Fuchsia and OPI's Save Me.

I could write about how I'll be working on a big festival in the city and how relieved I am to have a job.

I could write about having attended a 'Gong Bath Workshop' on Sunday afternoon. Thought we'd each have a go on the bowls, but instead, we lay on the floor and a lady walked around, gonging in our faces. I was a little worried when she started off by saying things like "Your heart is your secret place. I want you to connect with your heart now". Mainly because I lie there thinking "How? Am I connecting now?" and concentrating really hard on it like an idiot. But she stopped talking and it was actually pretty great. Amazing sounds and really relaxing. I'd do it again!

I could write about Saved By Cake by Marian Keyes arriving this morning for me at work and how thrilled I am to read her and laugh and cook at the same time. I've just had a flick through and everything looks absolutely divine. And I never use that word!
.
I could write about discovering how to use hair thingys to make a big fat bun on top of my head.

I could write about downloading The Mindful Way Through Depression audiobook. I love it because it's based on real academic evidence, it's kind, practical, enlightening - and yer man Mark Williams has a lovely voice. I mean, the first disc basically explained how I think when I go into tailspins. I think it's going to be very helpful.

I could write about how I'm not eating chocolate or white bread for my non-religious lent ("Putting the Abs into Abstinence")...although I caved and had a biscuit on Sunday.

I could write about how I started using a (non-latex) sponge to put on make up and it actually makes a big difference. Who knew? Not me. Who cares? Not many.

I could write about how I'm finishing therapy because I can't afford it anymore. It feels a bit abrupt, considering my mini-meltdown the other week. But how are you supposed to finish therapy anyway?

I could write about, at 30 years old, how angry I am sometimes, with my mum and dad and wonder when they're going to say sorry for all the crap and the stuff they told me but I did not need or want to know.

I could write about how I found a place that offers great, cheap art workshops and I'm determined to go to life drawing and maybe ceramics.

I could write about signing up for a 10K run in Killarney. I haven't jogged in two weeks and really should start and it's going to be beautiful to run there in July, rain or shine.

I could write about how it's Spring and what a difference some more light makes to everyone. Aah greeeen!

But I wont.

Leonard's Corner

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 23:28:00 +0000

Extreme Makeover: Ted Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 10:36:00 +0000

Ted: Before Surgery

Ted: After Surgery

This is Ted. He was given to me from a teenage neighbour when I was born, so he's about 45 years old. The patterned material is my old pyjamas that he was mended with 20 years ago. The brown marks across his chest are from when he was left too long in the hot press to dry out and got singed.

Ah sure he's in flying form now.

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 00:53:00 +0000

Last week, in a PMS / PMDD / WTF haze, whilst brushing my teeth, I decided to cut my half-dried hair. I had bought a hair scissors a while ago, thinking it would be super handy for trimming my fringe.
Big Mistake - Huge!

So now i look like Wurzel Gummage.

I dont know what i was thinking. I really hacked at it without any sort of caution or care. I jst wanted my fringe out of my eyes! i also lopped aboiut two inches off the rest of it. instantly regretted it when i saw how badly i had done and had a small scale tantrum about looking "like a stupid BOY!".

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Last time I gave myself what I called a "Suzie Quatro Special". I'm such a tight bitch.

Ps. im sick of starting all sentences on this blog with "I". cant imagine how boring it is to read. must find ways round that

Things I'm really into right now

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:53:00 +0000

Grimes. Her music is hypnotic and I'm obsessed with this song. Haven't actually watched the vid yet but play it all the time...

ehhh.....GLASS STRAWS. I dont know why. I saw this and I wanted one instantly. I don't even use straws very often but I just think they are COOL

Marian Keyes wrote on her site again after a two year absence and apparently she's almost finished her new book. I can't bloody wait!

ESTHER C.WERDIGER

I love this woman. She makes the most amazing and funny cartoons here and a monthly podcast which I have started listening to and would highly recommend.

Also, this lady Lisa Hanawalt who does hilarious illustrated recaps of films. She's brilliant.

This lady's blog Hey, Stop It aka http://youdonthavethis.tumblr.com/

Lastly, my friend Katie and her friend Lisa have set up a new blog Handsome & Pretty which looks like it will get veerrrry inteerrrestssting. And I'm going to Belfast on Wed to visit Katie and her kiddles and I can't wait!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:28:00 +0000

I trying not to spend money at the moment. I don't have any to spend anyway, but Nathan got us flights to New York for my birthday and I need to get some cash together for the trip in March. So, this weekend's highlights included

Watching The Forsyth Saga in bed on Saturday morning and having tea brought to me.

Drinking but not getting drunk. Went out for my friend's 30th and had a couple of Proseccos and 3 bottles of Coors Light. This was weird for me because I'm not a big beer drinker but unless I'm broke and I would only buy pints usually, under the logic was more beer, cheaper = better. Even though I don't really like the taste that much and hate the way it goes flat near the end. So I felt very la-di-dah ladylike for choosing smaller doses of alcohol for a nicer drink.

Making Beef Stew for the first time. Nice.

Walking here yesterday. Drove up, singing very loud in my car and just decided to pull over and walk the bog road. It was cold and damp but not raining and there were big frozen puddles. I passed one couple, a man and his dog and the solitude was great. I thought it might make a brilliant place to run one day. I love when there's nobody around for miles except the sky and the hills and you walk for 10 mins and then realise you have been completely immersed in daydreams. There's no time like it.

Em...why is the hell of PMT so underestimated?

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:26:00 +0000

So. Last week I really thought I might be seriously clinically depressed. Or bipolar. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I needed something to scrape me off the floor.

I asked Nathan, do you think I'm depressed? and felt stupid and useless and awful for asking. He didn't know (of course) and asked how long I had felt like this. It felt like forever even though I knew it wasn't. I couldn't even think straight and hadn't for weeks. I was walking around with a heavy crushing sadness and couldn't do....anything really.

That night, whilst googling bipolar disorder, I wondered if it could be at all hormonal. The thought had crossed my mind before but it was far too early for PMT. Or so I thought. I found info on PMDD and just reading it was a relief. Depression? Check. Fatigue? Check. "Brain Fog" - check.

I mean, I really don't know. I can't afford to go to my GP and get a new pill - and I'd also have to find a new doc because mine is a friendly but really bad with female probs - and I can't afford to go to an acupunturist, as recommended by a friend. I've decided instead to load up on GLAs in the form of 4 Evening Primose Oil tabs per day.

Since I got my period on Sunday morning a bazillion times better.

And of course it's only NOW that I come across articles like this one on xojane (which I now read complusively 10 times a day). And I speak to three close friends who can relate.

Surprisingly, this has surprised me a lot. I felt SO alone and ashamed and idontknowwhat and now it turns out friends were feeling the same?

So, me and Silvia made a lunchtime trip to the health shop to buy ladypills - got two for the price of one!

Lady Huffinpuff

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:28:00 +0000

One of my "hobbies" is huffing. stuff that smells amazing.

If I find something I like I get a bit obsessed. The problem is, most of the best smelling stuff is the most expensive! So I spend a lot of time online-coveting and dousing myself in luxury perfumes in shops. Here are my smelly obsessions:

I tried on Laura Mercier Creme de Pistache perfume and hours later, my nose was still glued to my wrist. I just didn't want to stop smelling it! So it's almost TOO good if you know what I mean? The perfume is really expensive, about €60 so I bought the (still expensive) hand lotion for about €19 and reapplied it about 50 times a day until I ran out.

Korres Thyme Honey hand lotion is deeeeelishous too and actually a better hand cream than the Laura Mercier. I love honey-smelling anything. So wholesome and pure whilst decadent and sweet. It's made with actual honey, not just perfume and it's mouthwatering. It was about €8 in Harvey Nichols.

Scented candles. But not just any old Yankee shit: Neom Candles. I got one as a present last year and I've been buying them pretty regularly since. They are €16 in Brown Thomas which seems like a lot for a little candle but they last for ages and are all natural - don't smell synthetic at all. My favourites are the Serenity (Vanilla and Sandalwood) and Refresh (Sicilian Lemon and Basil). You can actually get a whiff of them when they're unlit sometimes.

Bobbi Brown Beach perfume. It smells like this mixture of coconut and gardenia and suntan lotion and the seaside. It might be my favourite smell ever and I covet anything with this scent. It began with Ambre Solaire sun lotion - they started making high SPF oils last year and I fucking love them. I noticed "monoi" on the label, and so began my obsession. Elemis Frangipani Monoi Moisture Melt is high on the list.

So. Yeah. That's what this post is about. Smelly stuff.

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:58:00 +0000

I make lists all the time.

I have a To Do List - which is what I should have done today, things that are long overdue or simple tasks that I haven't got around to and that I feel bad about and lie awake thinking about. There is the To Do (General) List which consists of things that can wait. There is the Wish List, Gift Ideas list, Places to Go list, Stuff to Read. At the moment I'm not getting though any of them.

I'm trying to be careful about myself and not do things that will fuck me up and make me feel bad. And I am. I finished work on Friday and went home and had two glasses of wine.

However, on Saturday, the my car alarm fob stopped working and I didn't know what do to so I sat in the spare room and sobbed silently for Ooooh, about twenty minutes. Later, I replaced the battery and fixed it.

And yesterday, I got up late to find to my lovely boyfriend doing the washing up and hoovering and went back to lie on my unmade bed in my dressing gown, with tears running down my face for a half hour. It's a crushing feeling.

I have been so GOOD. I've been walking to or from work a lot more, eating low GI foods, not smoking (well, rarely) and cooking nutritious, cheap food and eating leftovers for lunch. I've been going to therapy (on time!) and writing in my diary and trying to read more. I will be making progress and then suddenly I'm wiped. I can't keep up. I'm overwhelmed and come to an abrupt stop. I tune out.

I have not worked today at all. Like, at all.

In the past, I used to find swimming very relaxing. When I was 12, I used to go over to the local pool almost EVERY night (for a while) and swim, swim, swim. In Melbourne, I found a lovely genteel pool with skylights for afternoon dips. I always found time and places for swimming. Maybe I should do it again. The thought of having to wear a swimsuit in public, with other (slim, fit) people around. And the fact my recently-refurbished local public pool has floor-to-ceiling windows and unisex showers....

Anyway. I will start posting again. I have ideas. IDEAS I tell you! I can't promise they will be any good but this blog exists as my own personal show and tell to everyone and no-one.

ps Depressing January post now ticked off my list.

Angie Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 11:38:00 +0000

I have been trying to recall a certain song that really scared me as a child - probably about 6 or 7. It was a tape of my mum's, and I have tried to get her to identify it with the bits of it I could recall: it was about a girl who listened to the radio, and someone disappeared. I was convinced it was the Carpenters. Then, last night, I found it and it's flipping brilliant and still creepy:

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 15:39:00 +0000

I just realised last night that I always thought that vampires had straws built into their fangs. To drink the blood.

I turn 30 on Wednesday and I'm pretty pissed off about it. I've been working so hard and long that I haven't had time to organise anything. I never bother doing anything much for my birthday but I really wanted to have a party this year. I was hoping that someone might throw me a surprise but then realised last week that was genuinely not the case. So instead I'm going to the pub for a few drinks. It's all quite depressing and I feel quite sorry for myself about it.

Whilst I was working from home yesterday, Nathan was trying to annoy me by pelting me with stupid questions from the couch. He asked me if I had a girl band, what would I call it. And I came up with The Fanny Pack right there on the spot. Fucking Genius.

I don't need his love, I really want him, right?

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 21:50:00 +0000

I played this song about 27 times yesterday. Bopping around with my headphones on at work.

I read a description elsewhere that this song has "lyrics that are about every guy’s dream girlfriend". Obviously written by some twit of a man who completely missed the point. That really bothered me and was going round in my head a bit too much.

It's written by a GIRL about HERSELF and her love. It is not written about a man's ideal girlfriend you idiot. She is doing "exactly what I want when I'm with him and when I'm not".

It's a simple song about love and I wish I had written it and I CANNOT STOP PLAYING IT.

these guys are so good/funny/serious

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 00:44:00 +0000

Just got the best of Depeche Mode after deciding I love and need this song.
I might have a thing for Dave Gahan in king mode. Maybe it's the crown.

They're basically a pack of adorable nerds.

another boring jogger

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 21:44:00 +0000

View 20 minutes in a larger map

I just jogged for twenty minutes. Three kilometres. A few weeks ago I was jogging for one minute intervals. 20 minutes, non stop. I can't believe it. Wouldn't call it running now, it's definitely jogging that I do.

I am so surprised and proud of myself. I have never been sporty or athletic in any stage of my life, and I'm still not. I have always avoided sports, because I was so self-conscious and felt incapable and stupid.

And on another weirder level, I think I was afraid how it would put me in a vulnerable position. If I'm wheezing, out of breath, sweaty and red faced, how will I defend myself and look like I couldn't give a shit and think fast if I'm being laughed at?

Can you tell I'm in therapy now? It's the bee's knees.

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 23:40:00 +0000

I think I'm officially a grown up: a little girl I used to babysit is now engaged. Jaysus.

taking care of bidness

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 09:15:00 +0000

As you all (hahahhaa) can see, I am not much of a committed blogger. I've been busy and really, trying to write in an offline, private diary for myself. Even though there's nobody much reading here, scribbling in a journal is so different. Nobody else will read it. And that means I can write the MOST embarrassing, fleeting, dramatic, cheesy thoughts and feelings in it.

Our living room was flooded on Saturday. Now we are living on a damp concrete floor. It's not the worst, nothing was damaged. I keep threatening Nathan with going the whole minimalist hog - concrete floors, exposed brick walls, lots of chrome and glass. Yeah right, I am way too hoardy to be minimal.

Work colleagues just pointed out that's three things this summer: car crash, flat burgled, floor flooded. It sounds really bad but honestly, it's wasn't. Nobody was hurt in the crash, although my new old car is nowhere near as good as my old old car. I don't have much valuable stuff to steal, although I had cool stuff saved on my ipad. They didn't take my laptop, thankfully, which still has loads of photos I haven't saved to hard drive. Lucky!

And the flooding only damaged the carpet and is a bit of a pain. Gosh I sound so positive I might make myself sick. But I except for throwing a bit of a huff about the state of my nice flat on Saturday, these things haven't really gotten me down.

I've started jogging and I'm apparently doing a 5k "fun run" on Saturday morning. I'm actually quite proud of myself, that I have been doing it. Actually JOGGING. I mean, I started last month, did it three times a week for oh, a whole two weeks. Then I stopped for a month. But I have jogged 9 times in the last two weeks. I did a run on Sandymount Strand the other night - 3 x 5 minutes. That is huge for me. Sad but true!

And I've been back in weekly therapy. I had a month break, cos I was away and working, but I'm back. I've had quite mixed feelings about it. You know, like, what am I wasting my money for, there's nothing wrong with me, feeling like a greedy spoiled child because I'm paying to talk to someone. Wondering if it's helpful, what the point is? But I'm glad I'm going. It's different from any other relationship, being so intimate and so distant. I'm glad I'm doing it. It's about time.

This blog post struck chord with me. I'm trying to get better at avoiding doing things that make me feel shit. Reading more, drinking less, exercising more, being with friends. Cut down on compulsive behaviour (like online window shopping, buying moisturizers and way too much food) and leaving work at the proper time.

It's good advice.

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 20:57:00 +0000

Our flat was broken into this Monday afternoon. Someone kicked the front door in whilst we were at work. They took more of nathans stuff than mine: the techy man-cave that he saved up to kit out is now quite empty. Poor thing! Gonna see if I can buy him a new playstation. Wouldn't that be a nice thing to do?

The thing I miss most is all my bookmarks are gone. I had some brilliant recipes and things I meant to read and a wish list.
How utterly dreadful for me!

Recently purchased

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 18:24:00 +0000

The Perfect Glasses?

*Update: No. No they are not the perfect glasses. They are horribly Harry Potter on me and I will not be wearing them.

*not me (I wish!)

Update: This is a stronger colour than I thought but I like it. Haven't got a clue where I can wear this. It fits nicely but I need to lose weight from my arse to make it hang properly.

Very Autumn. Now I just need the boots.

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 18:17:00 +0000

I can't WAIT for next week to be over. I have been working on a week long event and not a very glam one at that.

Sometimes it's tough to do a job like this, where you can make endless lists but there's nobody to tell you if you've forgotten anything on it.

I've seen a therapist 7 times now. We're going to "review" next week. I veer between feeling glad I'm going and wondering what the hell I'm doing it for? But I like her and I'll keep going. It's strange and new to me to say to a persons face that I didn't want to meet her and felt like inventing excuses or obstacles and reasons why it would be better not to come.

I thought I might buy a journal and write in it from time to time, l like I did when I was 16 - 20. It's far more private and emotional than blogging. It's venting. It's pretentious. It's cringy. Sometimes I write things I don't mean, make imaginary decisions (I am NEVER talking to her AGAIN!). Nobody can hold you to anything you write in a diary. Haven't actually got round to buying the perfect notebook yet.

*update 1st sept: I stopped googling "leather notebook with lock" and bought a notebook in paperchase. I have written in it once.

Caherdaniel, Kerry

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 23:33:00 +0000

Three Nights in Kerry, June

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 23:28:00 +0000

Kilcoole to Greystones

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 23:20:00 +0000

Easter in Berlin

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 23:04:00 +0000

Good Friday, Kreutzberg, heading to the Canal

At the Sunday Market and public afternoon karaoke.

Brilliant band playing when the market's finishing

Lift home, sardines in back of camper van

Easter Monday

Spa Break, Westmeath, May

noreply@blogger.com (Kate) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 22:50:00 +0000