Solitude

Things Not To Say To Your Child

2020-04-18T05:58:00.000+01:00

Things Not To Say To Your Child

Parenting is no easy job. And the most important — yet difficult part of parenting is learning to talk to your child. Children take everything literally and the way you talk to them goes a long way in building their personality.

As a parent, however, while in the middle of juggling tasks, you might end up reacting to your child, at times even speaking out unintentional words.

Unfortunately, a child’s mind is not developed enough to understand that these were unintentional and as a result, it cripples their little minds.

And from all the experiences and research, one thing is clear — the only way we can avoid this from happening is, by carefully monitoring what we speak to and in front of our children.

Which is easier said than done. But with a little bit of effort and strong will, we can make a better of us and minimize the mishaps.

So here are the things that you should definitely refrain from saying to your child.

1. ‘You are a bad boy/girl’

Never feed your child with negative thoughts, it kills his/her self-esteem.

Kids are innocent and believe in goodness. Always tell them to be good, happy, and positive.

Explain to them that some words or actions are bad and might hurt or harm somebody. But don’t tell them that it makes them a bad boy/girl.

In fact, give them a positive comment like “you are the best/cutest/brightest child in the world”. Chances are that they would never want to let you down again.

Teach them what is right and wrong, and to value good things over bad.

2. ‘Why can’t you be like your brother/sister?’

Never compare your children with their brother/sister. It makes them jealous. They will feel left out. It drives the feeling of failure in your kids and develops dislike between siblings.

3. A straight ‘NO’

A straight ‘no’ is too harsh for your little prince/princess.

If kids hear ‘no’ all the time, they lose confidence and faith in their parents. If you don’t approve of your child’s action, try giving options.

For example, instead of saying “No shouting,” try “Talk softly, please.”

Instead of “Don’t play in the house,” tell him/her “Why don’t you call

4. ‘You can’t do this!’

Never shake your child’s self-confidence.

There will be times when children would want to do something that you know they won’t be able to do. Just remember to give them a chance as long as it doesn’t harm them.

When my son thinks he can lift a heavy chair, instead of ‘you can’t do it,’ I tell him, ‘try if you can do it or I will help you,’ or ‘You might hurt yourself in this attempt. So let me do it for you.’ The best alternative, however, is ‘Let’s do it together!’

Kids learn through trial and error. However,they’ll never try anything new, if you’ve made them afraid to try.

5. ‘Don’t talk to me’

Never ban the channel of communication between you and your child

Never ask children to stop talking or arguing. Let them question and share their opinion freely. Rather talk to them if you want them to stick to your advice.

Tell them what they are supposed to do and why it’s important.

Convince them with your words, tone, and expressions. Yes, keep talking and listening till they buy your point.

When my child doesn’t buy my point, instead of asking him not to argue, I make a sad face and say ‘Okay, do whatever you like, but I am upset.’

This may start the conversation again and you have a chance to bargain or win the argument. Try arriving in a win-win situation.

6. ‘Girls/Boys don’t do that’

A child is a child, so let him/her be. Don’t create gender-biased rules.

Let kids decide for themselves — whether to be more like a girl or a boy when they grow up. Don’t stop them from exploring things they may be curious about or good at.

When my son was three years old, I bought him a kitchen set and was prepared to see people surprised. Who said boys shouldn’t cook?

7. ‘Leave me alone!’

You are everything to your kid.

Never say you will leave him/her alone, or demand to be left alone.

Never say things that will hurt children to an extent that they feel they aren’t loved or wanted.

It’s a big no-no even if you feel like pulling out your hair, or just want to be alone.

Talk of kids teaching us patience? Yeah!

8. ‘Let Daddy come and I will tell…’

This common mistake by parents is a double whammy. It instils anxiety and fear in your child — especially of the person who you’re going to tell about whatever happened, and it shows you’re incapable of handling your child or the issue.

Also, don’t make it an everyday threat. There are things your kid may do unintentionally, or irresponsibly. You may want to tell your spouse about it.

In which case, ask your kid, “Do you want to tell dad, or should I explain it to him and give the reason?” Let your child take ownership of his/her mistakes and actions, but do so respectfully.

9. ‘No one wants a kid like you’

A ‘problem child’ doesn’t exist by its own, right? We are the ones to blame if kids become problematic.

They are a reflection of the parents.

They have learnt everything from their parents, family, friends, and surroundings.

So if you think your child isn’t behaving properly, remember, he/she didn’t choose to be in the world that surrounds.

You chose that world!

10. ‘You are too big to do this!’

Don’t deprive your kid of childhood.

Kids will grow up, what’s the hurry? Instead, be like them and see if it makes them more comfortable and happy.

So when my 8-year-old wants to jump on the bed because India won a cricket match, what do I do? I start jumping too, and love to see him happier!

As a parent, it’s our responsibility to make them happy, secure, and confident to face the world.

Coronavirus : Anxiety? : Coping with Stress, Fear, and Uncertainty

2020-03-25T17:02:00.001+00:00

Coronavirus : Coping with Stress, Fear & Uncertainty

Fears about COVID-19 can take an emotional toll, especially if you’re already living with an anxiety disorder. But you’re not powerless. These tips can help you get through this stressful time.

For many people, the uncertainty surrounding coronavirus is the hardest thing to handle. We don’t know how exactly we’ll be impacted or how bad things might get. And that makes it all too easy to catastrophize and spiral out into overwhelming dread and panic. But there are many things you can do—even in the face of this unique crisis—to manage your anxiety and fears.

Stay informed—but don’t obsessively check the news

It’s vital to stay informed, particularly about what’s happening in your community, so you can follow advised safety precautions and do your part to slow the spread of coronavirus. But there’s a lot of misinformation going around, as well as sensationalistic coverage that only feeds into fear. It’s important to be discerning about what you read and watch.

Stick to trustworthy sources such as the WHO and your local public health authorities. Limit how often you check for updates. Constant monitoring of news and social media feeds can quickly turn compulsive and counterproductive—fueling anxiety rather than easing it. The limit is different for everyone, so pay attention to how you’re feeling and adjust accordingly.

Step away from media if you start feeling overwhelmed. If anxiety is an ongoing issue, consider limiting your media consumption to a specific time frame and time of day

Be careful what you share. Do your best to verify information before passing it on. We all need to do our part to avoid spreading rumors and creating unnecessary panic.

Focus on the things you can control

We’re in a time of massive upheaval. There are so many things outside of our control, including how long the pandemic lasts, how other people behave, and what’s going to happen in our communities. That’s a tough thing to accept, and so many of us respond by endlessly searching the Internet for answers and thinking over all the different scenarios that might happen. But as long as we’re focusing on questions with unknowable answers and circumstances outside of our personal control, this strategy will get us nowhere—aside from feeling drained, anxious, and overwhelmed.

When you feel yourself getting caught up in fear of what might happen, try to shift your focus to things you can control. For example, you can’t control how severe the coronavirus outbreak is in your city or town, but you can take steps to reduce your own personal risk (and the risk you’ll unknowingly spread it to others)

It’s natural to be concerned about what may happen if your workplace closes, your children have to stay home from school, you or someone you love gets sick, or you have to self-quarantine. While these possibilities can be scary to think about, being proactive can help relieve at least some of the anxiety.

Write down specific worries you have about how coronavirus may disrupt your life. If you start feeling overwhelmed, take a break.

Make a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. Try not to get too hung up on “perfect” options. Include whatever comes to mind that could help you get by. Focus on concrete things you can problem solve or change, rather than circumstances beyond your control.

After you’ve evaluated your options, draw up a plan of action. When you’re done, set it aside and resist the urge to go back to it until you need it or your circumstances significantly change.

Stay connected—even when physically isolated

Isolation and loneliness can exacerbate anxiety and depression, and even impact our physical health. That’s why it’s important to stay connected as best we can.Make it a priority to stay in touch with friends and family. If you tend to withdraw when depressed or anxious, think about scheduling regular phone, chat, or Skype dates to counteract that tendency.That said, be mindful of how social media is making you feel. Don’t hesitate to mute keywords or people who are exacerbating your anxiety. And log off if it’s making you feel worse.

Don’t let coronavirus dominate every conversation. It’s important to take breaks from stressful thoughts about the pandemic to simply enjoy each other’s company—to laugh, share stories, and focus on other things going on in our lives.

Take time out for activities you enjoy. Read a good book, watch a comedy, play a fun board or video game, make something—whether it’s a new recipe, a craft, or a piece of art. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it takes you out of your worries.

As a quote circulating in Italy reminds us: “We’re standing far apart now so we can embrace each other later.”

http://www.facebook.com/honeymanu/posts/10157420085457773

Stop Complaining.. 5 Excuses that Make you Fool !

2015-03-12T05:31:00.002+00:00

Complaints/Excuses that’s Make you Powerless and portray you as a Fool !

Are you a complainer?

Are you constantly “unsatisfied” with most people, places, and things?

Does it seem like the world is just one being chore constantly getting in the way of your plans?

Do other people become obstacles to your successes, rather than harmonious assistants to them?

Have you ever stopped and thought for a moment that YOU may perhaps be a larger part of the equation than you care to admit?

Below are five popular excuses which do nothing except rob you of your personal power (while simultaneously making you look like a fool):

5. I Don’t Have Time for That!

Really? You don’t have time for constructive activities that better not only your personal quality of life, but that of those who associate with you?

If you don’t have time to increase the quality of your life, then what the hell DO you have time for?!

You don’t have time to take care of your body, cook real food, or establish meaningful relationships with new and exciting people because, why again, exactly?

Because you’d rather play Xbox for five hours a day instead of going outside for a 30 minute walk or run?

Because you’d rather stay late and talk with co-workers about drama instead of preparing a delicious, nutrition-packed dinner for yourself (and/or your spouse)?

Because you’d rather sit on FaceBook and artificially communicate with people who live two houses down from you – and then wonder why you feel empty and despondent inside so often?

Do you compound this issue by using kids or rowdy siblings as an excuse?

Remaining up to your ears in pseudo-busy work is a convenient – and sad – method to avoid facing the truth.

4. I Don’t Have Money for That!

This might be the only semi-legitimate excuse on this list, but it’s still flawed for a few really good reasons.

First of all, money will appear to control your life from all sides until you learn to disconnect your emotional detachment from that which it appears to secure.

In English, this means becoming conscious of the fact that money isn’t what’s actually “buying” you anything; it’s the value you provide to society which produces and provides your income.

This value you provide is the result of the job you do.

Your job isn’t giving you money.

People who find value in what you do are giving your employer money, who then takes their rightful cut, and then pays you with some of the remainder.

Jobs don’t create income.

Value creates income.

You don’t need a job to provide value. This means you don’t need a job to generate income for yourself, either.

This is one of the most insidious aspects of social programming; mutual exclusivity.

If you find yourself constantly short on money, reevaluate your current position.

What are you providing to the rest of humanity? Are you genuinely doing work in a field you feel inspired by, or are you just defaulting to uninspiring work out of fear of failure, to avoid debt, etc?

Now, a deeper question: is money the driving mechanism behind why you’d choose one field of work over another?

If money is your prime motivator, it’s no wonder you find it difficult to get out of your current stuck-ness.

Money by itself is an incredibly weak motivator (yes, even for people who claim it’s a strong one/their biggest motivator).

You know this is absolutely true, because if I offered you a choice between two jobs paying the same rate, and one involved your passion, you’d choose that one instantly. The other path will pay you the same, but the work – the state of being you’ll be occupying – for 8 hours a day is entirely different.

It’s actually this state of being you’re after – NOT money.

Money is secondary to following your path with a heart.

You can deny this all you want; go ahead and live another 5 years exactly as you have been, and get back to me with how that works out.

If you want to earn more money, you need to begin providing more value.

Nobody is stopping you from succeeding in this life. You and only you are your greatest asset and liability. The more you learn to control your assets (such as conscious awareness, choice, and intelligence), the less you’ll be liable to boring, stale, and uninspiring circumstances and situations.

If you still think this isn’t feasible, keep reading…

3. The World is Unfair. There’s No Point in Trying.

The world isn’t unfair.

It’s YOU who isn’t consciously strong enough to embrace how that naturally-occurring external resistance is necessary for fulfilling growth.

The world only appears to be unfair because there are billions of human beings, all at different levels of conscious awareness, all striving for different goals in different ways.

This naturally leads to instances where people with more courage and/or a thicker skin will accomplish things some people might never even attempt in a million years. Nothing is stopping anyone from either group from working on themselves and conquering their fears.

The former group is just behaving as comes naturally to them, while the second group often views such people as greedy, lacking empathy, and acting inhuman.

The former group also sees the latter group as being timid, cowardly, and terrified of their own shadow. Grossly exaggerated stereotypes abound from both sides, making it even more of a mess to sift through.

The world is full of people who insist that things are falling apart.

These same people are almost always the people who keep showing up to vote, blindly obey authority figures, continue to buy products and services which reinforce the social prison (that they apparently only have the eyes to see) – and then bitch endlessly when things don’t change or continue to get worse.

Talk about unconsciously choosing to perpetuate.

“Assume, Consume, Resume” may as well be their campaign mantra. (Hmmm…maybe I should make some t-shirts)

2. I Don’t Know How

This one’s almost the top excuse.

I say almost, because people love to make this one a mess by insisting that money needs to be involved.

The issue here is, in the information age, “I don’t know how” isn’t a valid excuse anymore.

You most likely have a phone in your pocket that’s more powerful than the best computer available in 1990. You have a portable search engine on you 24/7…and you still “don’t know how”?

Of course, we are not implying that you educate yourself via your cell phone (it’s possible, though!); my point was there’s an internet connection at most places, and you can get a damn good head start on just about any topic by making use of it.

If you can’t learn it on the internet, the internet will point you to a source that will allow you to learn it.

This doesn’t even take into account formal education, which is still always another option.

Another favorite excuse is to use your particular field of knowledge as a reason to procrastinate:

“I just gotta wait six more months until I can get into that over-booked nursing program”, and/or “I can’t do anything until July, so I’m just going to sit around and waste time until then – instead of getting a head-start, filling in the cracks of my current knowledge, and possibly come to the realization that this isn’t even the field I want to be in”.

Nobody is stopping you from increasing your current levels of knowledge other than yourself. You can throw all the external blame around that you want, but at least be mature enough to recognize that this solves nothing.

But when all else fails, there’s always one good old reliable excuse to fall back on…

1. …But, But, But…The Government!

It’s the Government! They control everything! We can’t truly be free until we prevent GMOs, RFID chips, and a one-world oligarchy! Wake up, you stupid sheeple!

Does the above sound familiar? These are the all-too-familar rants of conspiracy consciousness, of which far too many people become ensnared.

As is a common trait of becoming more conscious, people at this level naively assume that other people haven’t thought of or noticed the ills of the world to the degree that that have. They can’t fathom how intelligent people can be aware of potential dangers in the world, and just keep right on living their lives.

There’s a reason it seems like nobody cares for conspiracy theories.

This is because it’s not the government.

It’s YOU.

This is the number one complaint on this list, because people assume it’s reasonable to project your dissatisfaction with life onto an authority figure, then complain when said authority figure does nothing about it.

This is convenient…because it lets you avoid having to take full responsibility for your life.

“If only the government could get the deficit problem solved, then I can really get going on my goals!”

Look at it this way: if there was a huge conspiracy, one of the greatest threats to it would be people refusing to allow it to interfere with their own personal/spiritual evolution.

All of that stuff is one huge distraction.

The people who complain about the world like it’s a boxing match that needs to be won before we can sit down and eat our meals, are in truth absolutely terrified of their own power. You know this is true, because they display the blatant, most basic signs of psychological turmoil.

Being afraid of your own power is the root cause of all the symptoms which create complaining in the first place.

Solution

Subconsciously fearing your true power is the biggest barrier for most people.

You can laugh all you want at that, but I guarantee somewhere deep inside, you actually fear what would happen if you became a millionaire.

What would your family think? How would they treat you? How many of your friends would suddenly only start talking to you when you could throw them a few grand? What about people who don’t think you deserve that kind of money? How will you handle that sort of criticism?

The easiest way to handle that level of criticism is to avoid it entirely. Since this is the easiest option, avoidance is precisely what everyone does.

This avoidance is also why so many people end up depressed, listless, and apathetic toward life in general.

The issue here is that the more you fear your own power, the more you’re going to rationalize not taking action in exciting and empowering directions in this life.

You can give up your ability to choose, but you can never give up your responsibility for doing so.

You and you alone must endure any and all consequences and results you create in this life, so why leave those results up to other people with other agendas?

Why would you let a conspiracy (if there is one) stop you?

If the ship’s already sinking, as so many claim, why wouldn’t you begin prioritizing your own growth?

Are you using the excuse of altruism to “take care of the rest of the world first” before working on yourself?

Don’t you realize that the secret to changing the world lies in first changing yourself?

If you’re not working on yourself for the betterment of both you and humanity at large, what are you doing…?

Are you waiting for permission to get started? Get going!

by Jason Demakis

How to handle Difficult (Even Impossible) People !

2014-10-15T08:13:00.001+01:00

How to handle Difficult (Even Impossible) People !

Difficult people do exist everywhere. We have all met people who are so prickly and difficult that no one wants to handle them. In most situations, walking away is an option, and you escape with no more than ruffled feathers. But some situations are inescapable. They come in every variety and no workplace is without them. How difficult a person is for you to deal with depends on your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your professional courage.

Dealing with difficult people is easier when the person is just generally obnoxious or when the behaviour affects more than one person. Dealing with them is much tougher when they are attacking you or undermining your professional contribution.

Difficult people come in every conceivable variety. Some talk constantly and never listen. Others must always have the last word. Some coworkers fail to keep commitments. Others criticize anything that they did not create. Difficult coworkers compete with you for power, privilege and the spotlight; some go way too far in courting the boss’s positive opinion – to your detriment.

Some coworkers attempt to undermine you and you constantly feel as if you need to watch your back. Your boss plays favorites and the favored party lords it over you; people form cliques and leave you out. Difficult people and situations exist in every work place. They all have one thing in common. You must address them. No matter the type of difficult situation in which you find yourself, dealing with difficult people or situations is a must.

Why You Must Deal With Difficult People

It because otherwise your situation won’t get better; left unaddressed, it usually gets worse. Unaddressed, necessary conflict simmers just below – and often erupts counterproductively above – the surface at work.

Initially, people go into shock when they are treated unprofessionally, so if you take some time to understand exactly what is happening to you, you are not alone. Once you are fully aware of what is happening, deciding to live with the situation long term is not an option. You become so angry and feel so much pain that your efforts to address the situation become irrational. It’s far better to address the difficult person while you can maintain some objectivity and emotional control.

Constant complaining about the coworker or situation can quickly earn you the title of whiner or complainer. Managers wonder why you are unable to solve your own problems – even if the manager’s tolerance or encouragement of the situation is part of the problem.

Worst Case Scenario If You Fail to Deal With Difficult People

Most importantly, if you are embroiled in a constant conflict at work, you may not only get blamed for being “unable to handle the situation like a mature professional,” you may be labeled as a “difficult” person, too. This label is hard to escape and can have devastating consequences for your career.

Finally, if the situation continues to deteriorate over time, the organization and your boss may tire of you. The boss may decide you are a “high maintenance” employee, easily replaced with a more professional or cooperative person, and you could lose your job.

Dealing With the Difficult Co-worker

Many experienced workplaces in which all sorts of dysfunctional approaches to dealing with a difficult coworker have been tried. Putting an anonymous note in the person’s mailbox is not an option. Placing a can of deodorant on a hygiene-challenged coworker’s desk is not a productive option either. Confronting the bully publicly can often lead to disaster. Putting dead bugs in his desk drawer can leave your boss no option other than to fire you. So, let’s look at more productive ways to address your difficult coworker.

Here are some tips for dealing with difficult people at work.

Don’t get dragged down—The old saying is “Misery loves company.” The most important thing is to be aware of who the Debbie and David Downers are in your company and to make sure they don’t suck you into their world of negativity. Keep your guard up!

Listen—It’s tempting to just tune these people out, but this rarely stops them. If anything, they’ll talk and argue more forcefully because they’ll think nobody cares about them. The best thing to do is to use good, normal active listening techniques, as you would for anyone else.

· Use a time limit for venting—Remember that there is a difference between being a perpetual pessimist and having an occasional need to vent. Everybody has tough times, and sharing our feelings can make us feel better. Use the “5-minute rule” when it comes to this. Let your colleague vent for five minutes, but after that, assume that he’s entered Downer mode, and proceed with the next steps.

· Don’t agree—It’s tempting to try to appease Debbie Downer to make him or her stop and go away. As the person complains about benefits or the boss or whatever, you might be inclined to give a little nod of your head or a quiet “yeah” or shrug a “what can we do?” Even though these responses seem harmless, they just throw fuel on the flames.

· Don’t stay silent—If you are clearly listening but say nothing, Debbie Downer will interpret your silence as agreement. Worse, if others are present, they too will assume that you agree. Whether the complaint is about the boss or the benefits or the client, silence means you agree with the complainer.

· Do switch extremes into facts—Negative people often speak in extreme terms that match their worldviews. They talk about “never” and “always.” Your first goal is to switch them to fact-based statements.

In other words ...must take responsibility for your part of the interaction. Animosity is created in your own heart. Even the most impossible person had a mother. He was loved by somebody. If you can deal with your own reaction and take responsibility for it, no step is more productive. Detachment is always the best response, because if you can interact without having a reaction, you will be clear-headed enough to make progress in relating to this difficult person.

Next, try to name what specifically causes the difficulty. Is the person clinging, controlling, competitive? We all tend to use descriptive words loosely, but it helps to know exactly what is going on.

Clinging types want to be taken care of and loved. They feel weak and are attracted to stronger people. If desperate, they will cling to anyone.

Controlling types have to be right. There is always an excuse for their behavior (however brutal) and always a reason to blame others. Controlling people are perfectionists and micro-managers. Their capacity to criticize others is endless.

Competitive types have to win. They see all encounters, no matter how trivial, as a contest. Until they win, they won't let go. Having identified the type you are dealing with, don't do what doesn't work:

Clinging types cannot be handled with avoidance. They are like Velcro and will stick to you every time you get close. They ignore a polite no, but you can't use direct rejection without making an enemy. Neutrality hurts their feelings and makes them feel insecure.

Controlling types won't back down if you show them concrete evidence that you are right and they are wrong. They don't care about facts, only about being right. If they are perfectionists, you can't handle them simply by doing a better job. There's always going to be something to criticize.

Competitive types can't be pacified by pleading. Any sign of emotion is like a red flag to a bull. They take your tears as a sign of weakness and charge even harder. They want to go in for the kill, even when you beg them not to. If you stand your ground and try to win, they will most likely jump ship and abandon you. Because these behaviours don't work, what does?

Clinging types can be handled by showing them how to deal with situations on their own. Give them responsibility. Instead of doing what they want, show them how to do it. This works with children, and clinging types are children who have never grown up (which is why they often seem so infantile). If they try the gambit of saying that you do the job so much better, reply that you don't. The stronger and more capable you act, the more they will cling. Finally, find situations where you can honestly say, "I need your help." They will either come through or walk away. You will probably be happy either way.

Controlling types can be handled by acting unintimidated. At heart, controlling types fear they are inadequate, and they defend against their own insecurity by making other people feel insecure and not good enough. Show you are good enough. When you do a good job, say so and don't fall for their insistence on constant changes. Be strong and stand up for yourself. Above all, don't turn an encounter into a contest of who's right and who's wrong—you'll never outplay a controlling type at his or her own game.

Competitive types are handled by letting them win. Until they win, they won't have a chance to show generosity. Most competitive types want to be generous; it improves their self-image, and competitive types never lose sight of their self-image. If you have a strong disagreement, never show emotion or ask for mercy. Instead, make a reasonable argument. If the discussion is based on facts, competitive types have a way to back down without losing. (For example, instead of saying "I'm too tired to do this. It's late, and you're being unfair," say "I need more research time on this, and I will get it to you faster if I am fresh in the morning.")

There are times when you cannot handle difficult people and must distance yourself. But even this isn't black and white.

Self-important people: Let them have their say. You can't shut them up. Mostly you can ignore their contribution, however. They tend to forget what they said very quickly. If they domineer to the point of suffocating you, stay away. The best strategy—the one used by those who actually love such types and marry them—is to sit back and enjoy the show.

Chronic complainers: These people are bitter and angry but haven't dealt with the reality that the source of their anger is internal. Your only option is generally to put up with them and stay away when you can. Don't agree with their complaints or try to placate them. They have endless fuel for their bitterness and simmering rage.

Victims: These people are passive-aggressive. They get away with doing wrong to you by hurting themselves in the bargain. If they arrive half an hour late at a restaurant, for example, they had something bad happen to hold them up. The fact that you are the target of the inconvenience is never acknowledged. The best tactic is to get as angry as you normally would, if called for. Don't take their victimization as an excuse. If the victim is a "poor me" type without the passive-aggressive side, offer realistic, practical help, rather than sympathy. (For example, if they announce that they might lose their job, say "I can loan you money and give you some job leads," instead of "That's awful. You must feel terrible.")

In the short run, most of the everyday difficult types want somebody to listen and not judge. If you can do that without getting involved, lending your ear for a while is also the decent thing to do. Being a good listener means not arguing, criticizing, offering your own opinion or interrupting. If the other person has a genuine interest in you—most difficult people don't—he or she will invite you to talk, not simply listen. Yet being a good listener has its limits. As soon as you feel taken advantage of, start exiting. The bottom line with practical psychology is that you know what to fix, what to put up with, and what to walk away from.

Phobias & Fears

2014-04-23T09:07:00.001+01:00

Phobias & Fears

Symptoms, Treatment, and Self-Help for Phobias and Fears

Almost everyone has an irrational fear or two—of mice, for example, or your annual dental checkup. For most people, these fears are minor. But, when fears become so severe that they cause tremendous anxiety and interfere with your normal life, they’re called phobias. The good news is that phobias can be managed and cured. Self-help strategies and therapy can help you overcome your fears and start living the life you want.

What is a phobia?

A phobia is an overwhelming and unreasonable fear of an object or situation that poses little real danger but provokes anxiety and avoidance. Unlike the brief anxiety most people feel when they give a speech or take a test, a phobia is long lasting, causes intense physical and psychological reactions, and can affect your ability to function normally at work or in social settings.

Several types of phobias exist. Some people fear large, open spaces. Others are unable to tolerate certain social situations. And still others have a specific phobia, such as a fear of snakes, elevators or flying.

Barbara’s fear of flying

Barbara is terrified of flying. Unfortunately, she has to travel a lot for work, and this traveling takes a terrible toll. For weeks before every trip, she has a knot in her stomach and a feeling of anxiety that won’t go away. On the day of the flight, she wakes up feeling like she’s going to throw up. Once she’s on the plane, her heart pounds, she feels lightheaded, and she starts to hyperventilate. Every time it gets worse and worse.

Barbara’s fear of flying has gotten so bad that she finally told her boss she can only travel to places within driving distance. Her boss was not happy about this, and Barbara’s not sure what will happen at work. She’s afraid she’ll be demoted or lose her job altogether. But better that, she tells herself, than getting on a plane again.

A phobia is an intense fear of something that, in reality, poses little or no actual danger. Common phobias and fears include closed-in places, heights, highway driving, flying insects, snakes, and needles. However, we can develop phobias of virtually anything. Most phobias develop in childhood, but they can also develop in adults.

If you have a phobia, you probably realize that your fear is unreasonable, yet you still can’t control your feelings. Just thinking about the feared object or situation may make you anxious. And when you’re actually exposed to the thing you fear, the terror is automatic and overwhelming.

The experience is so nerve-wracking that you may go to great lengths to avoid it — inconveniencing yourself or even changing your lifestyle. If you have claustrophobia, for example, you might turn down a lucrative job offer if you have to ride the elevator to get to the office. If you have a fear of heights, you might drive an extra twenty miles in order to avoid a tall bridge.

Understanding your phobia is the first step to overcoming it. It’s important to know that phobias are common. Having a phobia doesn’t mean you’re crazy! It also helps to know that phobias are highly treatable. You can overcome your anxiety and fear, no matter how out of control it feels.

“Normal” fear vs. phobias

It is normal and even helpful to experience fear in dangerous situations. Fear is an adaptive human response. It serves a protective purpose, activating the automatic “fight-or-flight” response. With our bodies and minds alert and ready for action, we are able to respond quickly and protect ourselves.

But with phobias the threat is greatly exaggerated or nonexistent. For example, it is only natural to be afraid of a snarling Doberman, but it is irrational to be terrified of a friendly poodle on a leash, as you might be if you have a dog phobia.

The difference between normal fear and a phobia
Normal fear	Phobia
Feeling anxious when flying through turbulence or taking off during a storm	Not going to your best friend’s island wedding because you’d have to fly there
Experiencing butterflies when peering down from the top of a skyscraper or climbing a tall ladder	Turning down a great job because it’s on the 10th floor of the office building
Getting nervous when you see a pit bull or a Rottweiler	Steering clear of the park because you might see a dog
Feeling a little queasy when getting a shot or when your blood is being drawn	Avoiding necessary medical treatments or doctor’s checkups because you’re terrified of needles

Normal fears in children

Many childhood fears are natural and tend to develop at specific ages. For example, many young children are afraid of the dark and may need a nightlight to sleep. That doesn’t mean they have a phobia. In most cases, they will grow out of this fear as they get older.

If your child’s fear is not interfering with his or her daily life or causing him or her a great deal of distress, then there’s little cause for undue concern. However, if the fear is interfering with your child’s social activities, school performance, or sleep, you may want to see a qualified child therapist.

Which of my child’s fears are normal?

According to the Child Anxiety Network, the following fears are extremely common and considered normal:

0-2 years – Loud noises, strangers, separation from parents, large objects.
3-6 years – Imaginary things such as ghosts, monsters, the dark, sleeping alone, strange noises.
7-16 years – More realistic fears such as injury, illness, school performance, death, natural disasters.

Common types of phobias and fears

There are four general types of phobias and fears:

Animal phobias. Examples include fear of snakes, fear of spiders, fear of rodents, and fear of dogs.

Natural environment phobias. Examples include fear of heights, fear of storms, fear of water, and fear of the dark.

Situational phobias (fears triggered by a specific situation). Examples include fear of enclosed spaces (claustrophobia), fear of flying, fear of driving, fear of tunnels, and fear of bridges.

Blood-Injection-Injury phobia. The fear of blood, fear or injury, or a fear of needles or other medical procedures.

Common phobias and fears

Fear of spiders
Fear of snakes
Fear of heights
Fear or closed spaces
Fear of storms

Fear of needles and injections
Fear of public speaking
Fear of flying
Fear of germs
Fear of illness or death

Some phobias don’t fall into one of the four common categories. Such phobias include fear of choking, fear of getting a disease such as cancer, and fear of clowns.

Social phobia and fear of public speaking

Social phobia, also called social anxiety disorder, is fear of social situations where you may be embarrassed or judged. If you have social phobia you may be excessively self-conscious and afraid of humiliating yourself in front of others. Your anxiety over how you will look and what others will think may lead you to avoid certain social situations you’d otherwise enjoy.

Fear of public speaking, an extremely common phobia, is a type of social phobia. Other fears associated with social phobia include fear of eating or drinking in public, talking to strangers, taking exams, mingling at a party, and being called on in class.

Agoraphobia (fear of open spaces)

Agoraphobia is another phobia that doesn’t fit neatly into any of the four categories. Traditionally thought to involve a fear of public places and open spaces, it is now believed that agoraphobia develops as a complication of panic attacks.

Afraid of having another panic attack, you become anxious about being in situations where escape would be difficult or embarrassing, or where help wouldn't be immediately available. For example, you are likely to avoid crowded places such as shopping malls and movie theaters. You may also avoid cars, airplanes, subways, and other forms of travel. In more severe cases, you might only feel safe at home.

Signs and symptoms of phobias

The symptoms of a phobia can range from mild feelings of apprehension and anxiety to a full-blown panic attack. Typically, the closer you are to the thing you’re afraid of, the greater your fear will be. Your fear will also be higher if getting away is difficult.

Physical signs and symptoms of a phobia

Difficulty breathing

Racing or pounding heart

Chest pain or tightness

Trembling or shaking

Feeling dizzy or lightheaded

A churning stomach

Hot or cold flashes; tingling sensations

Sweating

Emotional signs and symptoms of a phobia

Feeling of overwhelming anxiety or panic

Feeling an intense need to escape

Feeling “unreal” or detached from
yourself

Fear of losing control or going crazy

Feeling like you’re going to die or passout

Knowing that you’re overreacting, but
feeling powerless to control your fear

Symptoms of Blood-Injection-Injury Phobia

The symptoms of blood-injection-injury phobia are slightly different from other phobias. When confronted with the sight of blood or a needle, you experience not only fear but disgust.

Like other phobias, you initially feel anxious as your heart speeds up. However, unlike other phobias, this acceleration is followed by a quick drop in blood pressure, which leads to nausea, dizziness, and fainting. Although a fear of fainting is common in all specific phobias, blood-injection-injury phobia is the only phobia where fainting can actually occur.

When to seek help for phobias and fears

Although phobias are common, they don’t always cause considerable distress or significantly disrupt your life. For example, if you have a snake phobia, it may cause no problems in your everyday activities if you live in a city where you are not likely to run into one. On the other hand, if you have a severe phobia of crowded spaces, living in a big city would pose a problem.

If your phobia doesn’t really impact your life that much, it’s probably nothing to be concerned about. But if avoidance of the object, activity, or situation that triggers your phobia interferes with your normal functioning or keeps you from doing things you would otherwise enjoy, it’s time to seek help.

Consider treatment for your phobia if:

It causes intense and disabling fear, anxiety, and panic.

You recognize that your fear is excessive and unreasonable.

You avoid certain situations and places because of your phobia.

Your avoidance interferes with your normal routine or causes significant distress.

You’ve had the phobia for at least six months.

Self-help or therapy for phobias: which treatment is best?

When it comes to treating phobias, self-help strategies and therapy can both be effective. What’s best for you depends on a number of factors, including the severity of your phobia, your insurance coverage, and the amount of support you need.

As a general rule, self-help is always worth a try. The more you can do for yourself, the more in control you’ll feel—which goes a long way when it comes to phobias and fears. However, if your phobia is so severe that it triggers panic attacks or uncontrollable anxiety, you may want to get additional support.

The good news is that therapy for phobias has a great track record. Not only does it work extremely well, but you tend to see results very quickly—sometimes in as a little as 1-4 sessions.
However, support doesn’t have to come in the guise of a professional therapist. Just having someone to hold your hand or stand by your side as you face your fears can be extraordinarily helpful.

Phobia treatment tip 1: Face your fears, one step at a time

It’s only natural to want to avoid the thing or situation you fear. But when it comes to conquering phobias, facing your fears is the key. While avoidance may make you feel better in the short-term, it prevents you from learning that your phobia may not be as frightening or overwhelming as you think. You never get the chance to learn how to cope with your fears and experience control over the situation. As a result, the phobia becomes increasingly scarier and more daunting in your mind.

Exposure: Gradually and repeatedly facing your fears

The most effective way to overcome a phobia is by gradually and repeatedly exposing yourself to what you fear in a safe and controlled way. During this exposure process, you’ll learn to ride out the anxiety and fear until it inevitably passes.

Through repeated experiences facing your fear, you’ll begin to realize that the worst isn’t going to happen; you’re not going to die or “lose it”. With each exposure, you’ll feel more confident and in control. The phobia begins to lose its power.

Successfully facing your fears takes planning, practice, and patience. The following tips will help you get the most out of the exposure process.

Climbing up the “fear ladder”

If you’ve tried exposure in the past and it didn’t work, you may have started with something too scary or overwhelming. It’s important to begin with a situation that you can handle, and work your way up from there, building your confidence and coping skills as you move up the “fear ladder.”

Facing a fear of dogs: A sample fear ladder

Step 1: Look at pictures of dogs.

Step 2: Watch a video with dogs in it.

Step 3: Look at a dog through a window.

Step 4: Stand across the street from a dog on a leash.

Step 5: Stand 10 feet away from a dog on a leash.

Step 6: Stand 5 feet away from a dog on a leash.

Step 7: Stand beside a dog on a leash.

Step 8: Pet a small dog that someone is holding.

Step 9: Pet a larger dog on a leash.

Step 10: Pet a larger dog off leash.

Make a list. Make a list of the frightening situations related to your phobia. If you’re afraid of flying, your list (in addition to the obvious, such as taking a flight or getting through takeoff) might include booking your ticket, packing your suitcase, driving to the airport, watching planes take off and land, going through security, boarding the plane, and listening to the flight attendant present the safety instructions.

Build your fear ladder. Arrange the items on your list from the least scary to the most scary. The first step should make you slightly anxious, but not so frightened that you’re too intimidated to try it. When creating the ladder, it can be helpful to think about your end goal (for example, to be able to be near dogs without panicking) and then break down the steps needed to reach that goal.

Work your way up the ladder. Start with the first step (in this example, looking at pictures of dogs) and don’t move on until you start to feel more comfortable doing it. If at all possible, stay in the situation long enough for your anxiety to decrease. The longer you expose yourself to the thing you’re afraid of, the more you’ll get used to it and the less anxious you’ll feel when you face it the next time. If the situation itself is short (for example, crossing a bridge), do it over and over again until your anxiety starts to lessen. Once you’ve done a step on several separate occasions without feeling too much anxiety, you can move on to the next step. If a step is too hard, break it down into smaller steps or go slower.

Practice. It’s important to practice regularly. The more often you practice, the quicker your progress will be. However, don’t rush. Go at a pace that you can manage without feeling overwhelmed. And remember: you will feel uncomfortable and anxious as you face your fears, but the feelings are only temporary. If you stick with it, the anxiety will fade. Your fears won’t hurt you.

If you start to feel overwhelmed…

While it’s natural to feel scared or anxious as you face your phobia, you should never feel overwhelmed by these feelings. If you start to feel overwhelmed, immediately back off. You may need to spend more time learning to control feelings of anxiety (see the relaxation techniques below), or you may feel more comfortable working with a therapist.

Phobia treatment tip 2: Learn relaxation techniques

As you’ll recall, when you’re afraid or anxious, you experience a variety of uncomfortable physical symptoms, such as a racing heart and a suffocating feeling. These physical sensations can be frightening themselves—and a large part of what makes your phobia so distressing. However, by learning and practicing relaxation techniques, you can become more confident in your ability to tolerate these uncomfortable sensations and calm yourself down quickly.

Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and muscle relaxation are powerful antidotes to anxiety, panic, and fear. With regular practice, they can improve your ability to control the physical symptoms of anxiety, which will make facing your phobia less intimidating. Relaxation techniques will also help you cope more effectively with other sources of stress and anxiety in your life.

A simple deep breathing relaxation exercise

When you’re anxious, you tend to take quick, shallow breaths (also known as hyperventilating), which actually adds to the physical feelings of anxiety. By breathing deeply from the abdomen, you can reverse these physical sensations. You can’t be upset when you’re breathing slowly, deeply, and quietly. Within a few short minutes of deep breathing, you’ll feel less tense, short of breath, and anxious.

Sit or stand comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the
other on your stomach.

Take a slow breath in through your nose, counting to four. The hand on your stomach
should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.

Hold your breath for a count of seven.

Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight, pushing out as much air as you can
while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in
as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.

Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you feel relaxed and centered.

Try practicing this deep breathing technique for five minutes twice day. You don’t need to feel anxious to practice. In fact, it’s best to practice when you’re feeling calm until you’re familiar and comfortable with the exercise. Once you’re comfortable with this deep breathing technique, you can start to use it when you’re facing your phobia or in other stressful situations.

Phobia treatment tip 3: Challenge negative thoughts

Learning to challenge unhelpful thoughts is an important step in overcoming your phobia. When you have a phobia, you tend to overestimate how bad it will be if you’re exposed to the situation you fear. At the same time, you underestimate your ability to cope.

The anxious thoughts that trigger and fuel phobias are usually negative and unrealistic. It can help to put these thoughts to the test. Begin by writing down any negative thoughts you have when confronted with your phobia. Many times, these thoughts fall into the following categories:

Fortune telling. For example, “This bridge is going to collapse;” “I’ll make a fool of myself for sure;” “I will definitely lose it when the elevator doors close.”
Over generalization. “I fainted once while getting a shot. I’ll never be able to get shot again without passing out;” “That pit bull lunged at me. All dogs are dangerous.”
Catastrophizing. “The captain said we’re going through turbulence. The plane is going
to crash!” “The person next to me coughed. Maybe it’s the swine flu. I’m going to get very sick !”

Once you’ve identified your negative thoughts, evaluate them. Use the following
example to get started.

Negative thought: “The elevator will break down and I’ll get trapped and suffocate.”
Is there any evidence that contradicts this thought?

“I see many people using the elevator and it has never broken down.”

“I cannot remember ever hearing of anyone dying from suffocation in an elevator.”

“I have never actually been in an elevator that has broken down.”

“There are air vents in an elevator which will stop the air running out.”

Could you do anything to resolve this situation if it does occur?

“I guess I could press the alarm button or use the telephone to call for assistance.”

Are you making a thinking error?

“Yes. I’m fortune telling, as I have no evidence to suggest that the elevator will break down.”

What would you say to a friend who has this fear?

“I would probably say that the chances of it happening are very slim as you don’t see or
hear about it very often.”

It’s also helpful to come up with some positive coping statements that you can tell
yourself when facing your phobia. For example:

“I’ve felt this way before and nothing terrible happened. It may be unpleasant, but it
won’t harm me.”

“If the worst happens and I have a panic attack while I’m driving, I’ll simply pull over
and wait for it to pass.”

“I’ve flown many times and the plane has never crashed. In fact, I don’t know anyone
who’s ever been in a plane crash. Statistically, flying is very safe.”

Anxiety: What is it? What causes it? What can I do about it?

2014-03-25T09:18:00.001+00:00

Anxiety: What is it? What causes it? What can I do about it?

What is it?

Anxiety is a general term for several disorders that cause nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worrying. These disorders affect how we feel and behave, and they can manifest real physical symptoms. Mild anxiety is vague and unsettling, while severe anxiety can be extremely debilitating, having a serious impact on daily life.

People often experience a general state of worry or fear before confronting something challenging such as a test, examination, recital, or interview. These feelings are easily justified and considered normal. Anxiety is considered a problem when symptoms interfere with a person's ability to sleep or otherwise function. Generally speaking, anxiety occurs when a reaction is out of proportion with what might be normally expected in a situation.

Anxiety is a natural response to feeling threatened or unsafe. Consider that early Human beings date back over 2 million years. According to historical data it is generally accepted that advanced civilisation began to flourish around ten to twelve thousand B.C. The relative safety and security we enjoy today is recent. For our ancestors dealing with truly life threatening situations was an everyday occurrence. Historically that might be predatory animals who see us as a meal, warring tribes, famine, drought, plague, pestilence, ice age....you name it...as a species we've endured it! Why is this relevant? Well, it's simple. The human being has a powerful built in warning system to deal with these very real threats. This warning system is primitive in nature since it has been with us from the very beginning. In many ways one can say it is a part of the "animal body" and indeed the area of the brain that is associated with the warning system response is often referred to as the "mammalian brain". When we feel threatened in some way, then the warning system is activated and we experience fear, anger or depression.

Fear/Anxiety - Fear is the feeling that tells us to either leave a situation or to not go into that situation in the first place. The assumption by the animal mind is that we are in danger. By design therefore fear is necessarily extremely uncomfortable because its purpose is to get our attention so we take evasive action! This is fine when the danger is real, but is crippling when the anxiety/fear mechanism is responding inappropriately to everyday situations and stimuli which really don't require evasive action.

We can experience anxiety in response to single stimuli (phobia) or we can experience generalised anxiety too (Generalised Anxiety Disorder). Panic is a form of extreme fear which is caused by a build up of anxiety over a period of time which is suddenly released causing a "panic attack". Panic does not exist in isolation (without anxiety generally being present). If you are experiencing panic attacks, then you can take it as a given that your anxiety generally is far too high.

What causes it?

Excessive stress is the primary cause of anxiety. We experience stress when we feel overwhelmed and any number of factors can cause us to experience stress. Stress is very subjective, and our individual tolerance to stress also varies greatly. Here are just a few of the most common forms of stress, but this list is by no means exhaustive. The first bullet point here is perhaps the most important cause of stress.

· Disempowerment - A lack of power or influence over one's life.

· Poor sleep (Also a response to stress as well as a cause).

· Victimisation (Being bullied).

· Losing a loved one (Bereavement or the loss of a relationship)

· Family difficulties (Children, sex, divorce, lovelessness)

· Boredom/Lack of direction in life.

· A lack of time or energy to do everything that needs to be done.

· Poor self-image/Lack of self-worth.

· Negative Thinking

· Negative Outlook

· Guilt, Blame and Shame.

· Financial difficulties (Debt!)

· Misuse of drugs/alcohol.

· Work pressure.

· Illness

· Loneliness

· Failing Relationships

We might have included past stress and trauma here too, but I wish to highlight a very important point here. It is true that past hurt and trauma does affect us in the present, but the assumption that we feel terrible today because of something that happened in the past is often misleading. What happens in fact is that what we think and feel today is based on what we have learned in life through past experiences. We experience stress and anxiety when our lives are not working in the present. If however past experiences have taught us that we are powerless in certain areas, then this sense is carried with us into the future. This is known as "learned helplessness", and it contributes strongly to our sense of stress on a daily basis because if we feel "powerless" in any area of life then it means that at a deep level we also feel vulnerable and if we are feeling vulnerable, then we are feeling "threatened". Follow the logic and you will recognise that this is exactly what the "animal mind" is responding to...feeling threatened. In other words, feeling vulnerable creates anxiety. Further though, if we are feeling anxious the unconscious mind seeks to pin this feeling on something. Since the nature of this mind is to search back through past experience for something which pattern matches to the feeling of anxiety it invariably comes up with an image of the last time we experienced a terrible time. Thus, we can easily then make the erroneous assumption that this memory of a terrible time is the cause of our problem when in fact the true cause is that we are lacking control in the present. So it's really important to recognise that although past experience needs to be acknowledged (and possibly worked through therapeutically), it is just as important to make sure that our lives are functioning well in the present, and what this means in real terms is making changes which will bring about more control.

Anxiety disorders may be caused by environmental factors, medical factors, genetics, brain chemistry, substance abuse, or a combination of these. It is most commonly triggered by the stress in our lives. Usually anxiety is a response to outside forces, but it is possible that we make ourselves anxious with "negative self-talk" - a habit of always telling ourselves the worst will happen.

Environmental and external factors

Environmental factors that are known to cause several types of anxiety include:

§ Trauma from events such as abuse, victimization, or the death of a loved one

§ Stress in a personal relationship, marriage, friendship, and divorce

§ Stress at work

§ Stress from school

§ Stress about finances and money

§ Stress from a natural disaster

§ Lack of oxygen in high altitude areas

Medical factors

Anxiety is associated with medical factors such as anemia, asthma, infections, and several heart conditions. Some medically-related causes of anxiety include:

§ Stress from a serious medical illness

§ Side effects of medication

§ Symptoms of a medical illness

§ Lack of oxygen from emphysema, or pulmonary embolism (a blood clot in the lung)

Substance use and abuse

It is estimated that about half of patients who utilize mental health services for anxiety disorders such as GAD, panic disorder, or social phobia are doing so because of alcohol or benzodiazepine dependence. More generally, anxiety is also know to result from:

§ Intoxication from an illicit drug, such as cocaine or amphetamines

§ Withdrawal from an illicit drug, such as heroin, or from prescription drugs like Vicodin, benzodiazepines, or barbiturates

Genetics

It has been suggested by some researchers that a family history of anxiety increases the likelihood that a person will develop it. That is, some people may have a genetic predisposition that gives them a greater chance of suffering from anxiety disorders.

Brain chemistry

Research has shown that people with abnormal levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain are more likely to suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. When neurotransmitters are not working properly, the brain's internal communication network breaks down, and the brain may react in an inappropriate way in some situations. This can lead to anxiety

What can I do about it?

There are really three options available.

1) Change your circumstances - If your circumstances are such that you are practically unable to manage them (even if you were not stressed), then those circumstances need to be changed. This might be a tough decision since your choices might involve loss or sacrifice in order to gain your peace of mind, but here it is a question of priorities. Personally I always put my peace of mind at the very top of every list of priorities. Money is no good to us if we're too anxious to enjoy spending it. So working a stressful 70 hour week so you can buy that Audi is a poor trade off if you're too ill to enjoy it! In most peoples lives the choices may be more practical, and it is true that many people face extremely difficult practical situations, but the advice here is to put your mental and emotional health FIRST, and then to seek practical solutions to the situation. Pretty much it's always possible to find a solution when we make a commitment to doing so. Remember the principle of constructive selfishness. Sometimes the seemingly selfish thing to do (putting yourself first for once!) is actually the selfless thing to do, because by making sure your needs are met, you are ensuring that you remain healthy and available for others in the future. Often the problem is that we are soldiering on and kidding ourselves that we can cope with the situation as it is, when actually we can't. Courage can help here. It might be uncomfortable to make changes and yes, other people might not like that you're not willing to be a doormat any more, but trust me...they'll adjust and you NEED to do this for yourself! Enlist help if you need to. Delegate tasks. Ask for support from loved ones, friends, or colleagues. Explain you are struggling with circumstances as they are. Someone else might be able to suggest a solution you can't see because you're too enmeshed. Talk it over with someone. Seek solutions. Practical solutions. You might be surprised how much support is available when you ask for it. Don't be too proud to ask for help. Your mental health really is your wealth in life, and it's too important an issue to feel like you shouldn't bother anyone with it. If you are struggling with your circumstances, do something! Even setting the wheels in motion towards a way out often alleviates a great deal of anxiety. We always feel better when we are working towards a solution even if that solution will take time to achieve. The mind can cope with stress when we know the end of the tunnel is in sight, but what it can't cope with is no movement towards solution at all. In other words, things don't have to be perfect for us to be anxiety free, they just need to be moving in the right direction!

2) Change the way you view/feel about yourself and/or your circumstances - If you are sure that your circumstances are practically manageable, but you are just responding to them poorly, then the problem can be addressed internally. This basically means that your emotional mind (animal brain) is overdoing the response. The first thing to do is to consider ways in which you can practically reduce negative emotional arousal in your life generally. So even if you are finding your negative responses are taking place at work, it can still be due to the fact that there is fundamental stress at home. In practice it's probably both, but again it is important to understand that your general levels of emotional arousal will be feeding directly into whatever difficulty you have. In practical terms this means being disciplined with yourself with regards to how much negative thought and introspection you allow to be present in your awareness on a daily basis. If you were for instance to spend all day thinking about how so and so wronged you last week, you are absolutely creating more negative emotional arousal because the animal brain responds to what is imagined in a very similar way as it would to what actually is. So if we repeatedly imagine a confrontation with Mrs S, then the brain tells the body to get ready for a fight. If you do this thirty times a day, then your body has created fight mode thirty times, and all that arousal doesn't just go away...it sits in your nervous system for the rest of the day (and can overflow into the next day too if our sleep mechanism can't cope with it all!). What this means in practical terms is an increase in emotional arousal which means (when the anger has subsided) .....yes...more anxiety! Let's be clear. We can choose whether we will go over and over something or not. So anything you are continually re-running at the mental level which provokes negative feelings has to go! It may take time and practice to become proficient in learning to let things go but it IS the way out of anxiety. If you want out of your anxiety, this step is CRUCIAL!

Sometimes, we feel genuinely blocked with regards to how we are seeing a certain situation. Then it is not only about introspection (the things we are choosing to focus on) but it is instead being generated from the deeper levels of awareness - the unconscious mind. Here we have that principle of past experience impinging on our feelings. The unconscious mind automatically scans current experience against past. If the message it holds from past experience is that the current situation is threatening, then anxiety is produced to create an avoidance mechanism and we have a sense of disempowerment. Changing the way we think and feel about things is really the basis of recovery from anxiety. A very important area to consider when healing anxiety is developing kindness and compassion towards ourselves. If we are at war with ourselves; If we have a fundamental dislike for ourselves, then we have a problem, because disliking oneself causes terrible internal conflict. Being unwilling to forgive oneself for something that has happened or something you have done is a sure fire way of becoming anxious. Having an internal war going on at any given time also creates a feeling of being unsafe, and then to top it all off as a result of all the internal hatred we are experiencing we can have self-punishment thrown in for good measure! Solutions are discussed in the "help" section of this site. This is another area where the help of a good therapist can make all the difference. 3) What we truly cannot change we must accept- This really needs little explanation as a principle. We have to take our cue here from inspirational people, and remember that people are extremely resilient when they choose to be. There is always a positive perspective available if we choose to open ourselves to it...even if that perspective is purely philosophical. It is a difficult fact of life that there sometimes exist tragic circumstances. We have to find a way through such things. It is our will to accept what we cannot change that will dictate the depth of our suffering and our peace. As difficult as the situation may be we must recognise that non-acceptance will only add to our suffering. Again, commitment to healing is what begins the process.

Anxiety Attacks & Anxiety Disorders

it’s normal to feel anxious when facing a challenging situation, such as a job interview, a tough exam, or a blind date. But if your worries and fears seem overwhelming and interfere with your daily life, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. There are many different types of anxiety disorders—and many effective treatments and self-help strategies. Once you understand your anxiety disorder, there are steps you can take to reduce your symptoms and regain control of your life.

Understanding anxiety disorders

Anxiety is the body’s natural response to danger, an automatic alarm that goes off when you feel threatened, under pressure, or are facing a stressful situation.

In moderation, anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, anxiety can help you stay alert and focused, spur you to action, and motivate you to solve problems. But when anxiety is constant or overwhelming, when it interferes with your relationships and activities, it stops being functional—that’s when you’ve crossed the line from normal, productive anxiety into the territory of anxiety disorders.

Do your symptoms indicate an anxiety disorder?

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder.

§ Are you constantly tense, worried, or on edge?

§ Does your anxiety interfere with your work, school, or family responsibilities?

§ Are you plagued by fears that you know are irrational, but can’t shake?

§ Do you believe that something bad will happen if certain things aren’t done a certain way?

§ Do you avoid everyday situations or activities because they cause you anxiety?

§ Do you experience sudden, unexpected attacks of heart-pounding panic?

§ Do you feel like danger and catastrophe are around every corner?

Signs and symptoms of anxiety disorders

Because anxiety disorders are a group of related conditions rather than a single disorder, they can look very different from person to person. One individual may suffer from intense anxiety attacks that strike without warning, while another gets panicky at the thought of mingling at a party. Someone else may struggle with a disabling fear of driving, or uncontrollable, intrusive thoughts. Yet another may live in a constant state of tension, worrying about anything and everything.

Despite their different forms, all anxiety disorders share one major symptom: persistent or severe fear or worry in situations where most people wouldn’t feel threatened.

Emotional symptoms of anxiety

In addition to the primary symptoms of irrational and excessive fear and worry, other common emotional symptoms of anxiety include:

§ Feelings of apprehension or dread

§ Trouble concentrating

§ Feeling tense and jumpy

§ Anticipating the worst

§ Irritability

§ Restlessness

§ Watching for signs of danger

§ Feeling like your mind’s gone blank

Physical symptoms of anxiety

Anxiety is more than just a feeling. As a product of the body’s fight-or-flight response, anxiety involves a wide range of physical symptoms. Because of the numerous physical symptoms, anxiety sufferers often mistake their disorder for a medical illness. They may visit many doctors and make numerous trips to the hospital before their anxiety disorder is discovered.

Common physical symptoms of anxiety include:

§ Pounding heart

§ Sweating

§ Stomach upset or dizziness

§ Frequent urination or diarrhea

§ Shortness of breath

§ Tremors and twitches

§ Muscle tension

§ Headaches

§ Fatigue

§ Insomnia

The link between anxiety symptoms and depression

Many people with anxiety disorders also suffer from depression at some point. Anxiety and depression are believed to stem from the same biological vulnerability, which may explain why they so often go hand-in-hand. Since depression makes anxiety worse (and vice versa), it’s important to seek treatment for both conditions.

Anxiety attacks and their symptoms

Anxiety attacks, also known as panic attacks, are episodes of intense panic or fear. Anxiety attacks usually occur suddenly and without warning. Sometimes there’s an obvious trigger— getting stuck in an elevator, for example, or thinking about the big speech you have to give—but in other cases, the attacks come out of the blue.

Anxiety attacks usually peak within ten minutes, and they rarely last more than thirty minutes. But during that short time, the terror can be so severe that you feel as if you’re about to die or totally lose control. The physical symptoms of anxiety attacks are themselves so frightening that many people believe they’re having a heart attack. After an anxiety attack is over, you may be worried about having another one, particularly in a public place where help isn’t available or you can’t easily escape.

Symptoms of anxiety attacks include:

§ Surge of overwhelming panic

§ Feeling of losing control or going crazy

§ Heart palpitations or chest pain

§ Feeling like you’re going to pass out

§ Trouble breathing or choking sensation

§ Hyperventilation

§ Hot flashes or chills

§ Trembling or shaking

§ Nausea or stomach cramps

§ Feeling detached or unreal

Generalized anxiety disorder

If constant worries and fears distract you from your day-to-day activities or you’re troubled by a persistent feeling that something bad is going to happen, you may be suffering from generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). People with GAD are chronic worrywarts who feel anxious nearly all of the time, though they may not even know why. Anxiety related to GAD often shows up as physical symptoms like insomnia, stomach upset, restlessness, and fatigue.

Anxiety attacks (Panic disorder)

Panic disorder is characterized by repeated, unexpected panic attacks, as well as fear of experiencing another episode. Panic disorder may also be accompanied by agoraphobia, which is a fear of being in places where escape or help would be difficult in the event of a panic attack. If you have agoraphobia, you are likely to avoid public places such as shopping malls or confined spaces such as an airplane.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterized by unwanted thoughts or behaviors that seem impossible to stop or control. If you have OCD, you may be troubled by obsessions, such as a recurring worry that you forgot to turn off the oven or that you might hurt someone. You may also suffer from uncontrollable compulsions, such as washing your hands over and over.

Phobia

A phobia is an unrealistic or exaggerated fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that in reality presents little to no danger. Common phobias include fear of animals such as snakes and spiders, fear of flying, and fear of heights. In the case of a severe phobia, you might go to extreme lengths to avoid the thing you fear. Unfortunately, avoidance only strengthens the phobia.

Social anxiety disorder

If you have a debilitating fear of being seen negatively by others and humiliated in public, you may have social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia. Social anxiety disorder can be thought of as extreme shyness. In severe cases, social situations are avoided altogether. Performance anxiety (better known as stage fright) is the most common type of social phobia

Post-traumatic stress disorder

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an extreme anxiety disorder that can occur in the aftermath of a traumatic or life-threatening event. PTSD can be thought of as a panic attack that rarely, if ever, lets up. Symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks or nightmares about what happened, hypervigilance, startling easily, withdrawing from others, and avoiding situations that remind you of the event.

Self-help for anxiety, anxiety attacks, and anxiety disorders

An easy-to-follow recipe for feeling safe and reducing anxiety.

Not everyone who worries a lot has an anxiety disorder. You may be anxious because of an overly demanding schedule, lack of exercise or sleep, pressure at home or work, or even from too much coffee.

The bottom line is that if your lifestyle is unhealthy and stressful, you’re more likely to feel anxious—whether or not you have an anxiety disorder. So if you feel like you worry too much, take some time to evaluate how well you’re caring for yourself.

§ Do you make time each day for relaxation and fun?

§ Are you getting the emotional support you need?

§ Are you taking care of your body?

§ Are you overloaded with responsibilities?

§ Do you ask for help when you need it?

If your stress levels are through the roof, think about how you can bring your life back into balance. There may be responsibilities you can give up, turn down, or delegate to others. If you’re feeling isolated or unsupported, find someone you trust to confide in. Just talking about your worries can make them seem less frightening.

Self-help for anxiety attacks and anxiety disorders #1: Challenge negative thoughts

§ Write down your worries. Keep a pad and pencil on you, or type on a laptop, smartphone, or tablet. When you experience anxiety, write down your worries. Writing down is harder work than simply thinking them, so your negative thoughts are likely to disappear sooner.

§ Create an anxiety worry period. Choose one or two 10 minute “worry periods” each day, time you can devote to anxiety. During your worry period, focus only on negative, anxious thoughts without trying to correct them. The rest of the day, however, is to be designated free of anxiety. When anxious thoughts come into your head during the day, write them down and “postpone” them to your worry period.

§ Accept uncertainty. Unfortunately, worrying about all the things that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more predictable—it only keeps you from enjoying the good things happening in the present. Learn to accept uncertainty and not require immediate solutions to life’s problems.

Self-help for anxiety attacks and anxiety disorders #2: Take care of yourself

§ Practice relaxation techniques. When practiced regularly, relaxation techniques such as mindfulness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing can reduce anxiety symptoms and increase feelings of relaxation and emotional well-being.

§ Adopt healthy eating habits. Start the day right with breakfast, and continue with frequent small meals throughout the day. Going too long without eating leads to low blood sugar, which can make you feel more anxious.

§ Reduce alcohol and nicotine. They lead to more anxiety, not less.

§ Exercise regularly. Exercise is a natural stress buster and anxiety reliever. To achieve the maximum benefit, aim for at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise on most days.

§ Get enough sleep. A lack of sleep can exacerbate anxious thoughts and feelings, so try to get 7 to 9 hours of quality sleep a night.

When to seek professional help for anxiety disorders

While self-help coping strategies for anxiety can be very effective, if your worries, fears, or anxiety attacks have become so great that they’re causing extreme distress or disrupting your daily routine, it is important to seek professional help.

If you’re experiencing a lot of physical anxiety symptoms, consider getting a medical checkup. Your doctor can check to make sure that your anxiety isn't caused by a medical condition, such as a thyroid problem, hypoglycemia, or asthma. Since certain drugs and supplements can cause anxiety, your doctor will also want to know about any prescriptions, over-the-counter medications, herbal remedies, and recreational drugs you’re taking.

If your physician rules out a medical cause, the next step is to consult with a therapist who has experience treating anxiety attacks and anxiety disorders. The therapist will work with you to determine the cause and type of your anxiety disorder and devise a course of treatment.

Treatment options for anxiety disorders

Anxiety disorders respond very well to treatment—and often in a relatively short amount of time. The specific treatment approach depends on the type of anxiety disorder and its severity. But in general, most anxiety disorders are treated with behavioral therapy, medication, or some combination of the two. Sometimes complementary or alternative treatments may also be helpful.

Behavioral therapy for anxiety disorders

Cognitive-behavioral therapy and exposure therapy are types of behavioral therapy, meaning they focus on behavior rather than on underlying psychological conflicts or issues from the past. Behavioral therapy for anxiety usually takes between 5 and 20 weekly sessions.

§ Cognitive-behavior therapy focuses on thoughts—or cognition—in addition to behaviors. In anxiety disorder treatment, cognitive-behavioral therapy helps you identify and challenge the negative thinking patterns and irrational beliefs that fuel your anxiety.

§ Exposure therapy for anxiety disorder treatment encourages you to confront your fears in a safe, controlled environment. Through repeated exposures to the feared object or situation, either in your imagination or in reality, you gain a greater sense of control. As you face your fear without being harmed, your anxiety gradually diminishes.

Medication for anxiety disorders

Is anxiety medication right for you?

Anxiety medications can be habit forming and cause unwanted side effects, so be sure to research your options. It’s important to weigh the benefits and risks so you can make an informed decision about whether anxiety medication is the right treatment for you.

A variety of medications, including benzodiazepines and antidepressants, are used in the treatment of anxiety disorders. But medication is most effective when combined with behavioral therapy and anxiety self-help strategies. Medication may sometimes be used in the short-term to relieve severe anxiety symptoms so that other forms of therapy can be pursued.

How many calories one should eat !

2013-10-30T10:13:00.002+00:00

The number of calories you should eat each day depends on several factors, including your age, size, height, sex, lifestyle, and overall general health. A physically active 6ft 2in male, aged 22 years, requires considerably more calories than a 5ft 2ins sedentary woman in her 70s.

How many calories do I need per day?

The Harris-Benedict equation, also known as the Harris-Benedict principle, is used to estimate what a person's BMR (basal metabolic rate) and daily requirements are. The person's BMR total is multiplied by another number which represents their level of physical activity. The resulting number is that person's recommended daily calorie intake in order to keep their body weight where it is.

This equation has limitations. It does not take into account varying levels of muscle mass to fat mass ratios - a very muscular person needs more calories, even when resting.

How to calculate your BMR

Male adults
66.5 + (13.75 x kg body weight) + (5.003 x height in cm) - (6.755 x age) = BMR
66 + ( 6.23 x pounds body weight) + ( 12.7 x height in inches ) - ( 6.76 x age) = BMR

Female adults

55.1 + (9.563 x kg body weight) + (1.850 x height in cm) - (4.676 x age) = BMR

655 + (4.35 x kg body weight) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age) = BMR

You can use our BMR calculator below to work out your BMR.

BMR calculator

Applying levels of physical activity to the equation

Sedentary lifestyle - if you do very little or no exercise at all

Your daily calorie requirements are BMR x 1.2

Slightly active lifestyle - light exercise between once and three times per week

Your daily calorie requirements are BMR x 1.375

Moderately active lifestyle - if you do moderate exercise three to five days per week

Your daily calorie requirements are BMR x 1.55

Active lifestyle - if you do intensive/heavy exercise six to seven times per week

Your daily calorie requirements are BMR x 1.725

Very active lifestyle - if you do very heavy/intensive exercise twice a day (extra heavy workouts)

How much should I weigh?

As with how many calories you should consume each day, your ideal body weight depends on several

factors, including your age, sex, bone density, muscle-fat ratio, and height.

BMI (Body Mass Index) - some say BMI is a good way of working out what you should weigh. However,

BMI does not take into account muscle mass. A 100-metre Olympic champion weighing 200 pounds

(about 91 kilograms), who is 6 feet (about 1mt 83cm) tall, who has the same BMI as a couch potato of

the same height, is not overweight, while the couch potato is overweight.

It has been discovered that even factors such as how you eat your food can influence how many calories get into your system. The longer you chew your food, the more calories the body retains, a team from Purdue University found.

Recommended daily calorie intakes vary across the world. According to the National Health Service (NHS), UK, the average male adult needs approximately 2,500 calories per day to keep his weight constant, while the average adult female needs 2,000. US authorities recommend 2,700 calories per day for men and 2,200 for women. It is interesting that in the UK, where people on average are taller than Americans, the recommended daily intake of calories is lower. Rates of overweight and obesity among both adults and children in the USA are considerably higher than in the United Kingdom.

The NHS stresses that rather than precisely counting numbers (calories), people should focus more on eating a healthy and well balanced diet, being physically active, and roughly balancing how many calories are consumed with the numbers burnt off each day. If you eat your five portions of fruit and vegetable per day you will probably live longer, Swedish researchers reported in the American Journal of Clinical
According to the United Nation's Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), the average person's minimum calorie requirement per day globally is approximately 1,800 kilocalories.

Over the last twenty years, sugar has been added to a growing number of foods we consume. Unfortunately,food labels in the USA and Europe do not include details on how much added sugar there is . Dr Aseem Malhotra, a cardiologist, wrote in the BMJ (British Medical Journal) in June 2013 that "(it has become) almost impossible for consumers to determine the amount of added sugars in foods and beverages."

Timing as important as how many calories you should eat

A big breakfast helps bring your weight down or keep it down - researchers from Tel Aviv University explained in the medical journal Obesity that a large breakfast - one containing approximately 700 calories - is ideal for losing weight and reducing your risk of diabetes, heart disease, and high cholesterol.

When we eat our food probably matters as much as what and how many calories we eat, team leader Prof. Daniela Jakubowicz added.

What is the difference between calories and kilocalories?

Scientifically speaking, one kilocalorie is 1,000 calories. However, the term calorie in lay English has become so loosely used with the same meaning as kilocalorie, that the two terms have virtually merged. In other words, in most cases, a calorie and kilocalorie have the same meaning.

A kilocalorie is the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of 1 kilogram of water from 15° to 16° Celsius (centigrade) at one atmosphere.

A "small calorie" refers to the traditional scientific term of calorie, meaning one-thousandth of a kilocalorie.

Internationally, most nations talk about food energy in kJ (kilojoules). 1 kcal (kilocalorie) = 4.184 kJ.

In this article, the term "calorie" means the same as "kilocalorie" or "kcal"

Portion sizes

In industrialized nations and a growing number of emerging economies, people are consuming many more calories than they used to. Portion sizes in restaurants, both fast food ones as well as elegant places, are far greater today.

The average cheeseburger in the USA 20 years ago had 333 calories, compared to the ones today with over 600 calories

The human body and energy usage

For the human body to remain alive, it requires energy. Approximately 20% of the energy we use is for brain metabolism. The majority of the rest of the body's energy requirements are taken up for the basal metabolic requirements - the energy we need when in a resting state, for functions such as the circulation of the blood and breathing.

If our environment is cold, our metabolism increases to produce more heat to maintain a constant body temperature. When we are in a warm environment, we require less energy.

We also require mechanical energy for our skeletal muscles for posture and moving around.

Respiration, or specifically cellular respiration refers to the metabolic process by which an organism gets energy by reacting oxygen with glucose to produce carbon dioxide, water and ATP energy. How efficiently energy from respiration converts into physical (mechanical) power depends on the type of food eaten, as well as what type of physical energy is used - whether muscles are used aerobically or anaerobically.

Put simply - we need calories to stay alive, even if we are not moving, and need calories to keep our posture and to move about.

Waist-hip ratio - this measurement is said to be more accurate at determining what your ideal weight

should be, compared to BMI. However, waist-hip ratio does not properly measure an individual's total

body fat percentage (muscle-to-fat ratio), and is also limited.

Waist-to-height ratio - this new way of determining ideal body weight is probably the most accurate one

available today. It was presented by Dr. Margaret Ashwell, ex-science director of the British Nutrition

Foundation, and team at the 19th Congress on Obesity in Lyon, France, on 12th May, 2012. It is also a

very simple calculation; easy for lay people to work out.

"Keeping your waist circumference to less than half your height can help increase life expectancy for

Every person in the world."

Put simply, to achieve and/or maintain your ideal body weight:

"Keep your waist circumference to less than half your height."

If you are a 6ft (183cm) tall adult male, your waist should not exceed 36 inches (91 cm).

If you are a 5ft 4 inches (163 cm) tall adult female, your waist should not exceed 32 inches (81 cm)

How do I measure my waist? - according to the World Health Organization (WHO), you should place the

tape-measure half-way between the lower rib and the iliac crest (the the pelvic bone at the hip).

Techniques for happy and fulfilled life

2013-10-12T12:26:00.002+01:00

It seems that everything comes in a list format nowadays. “Wash, Rinse, and Repeat” or “Open box, Remove Contents, Try and Assemble”. Maybe it is because when we see things in a list format our brain interprets them as a set of instructions - rules that must be followed.

The proliferation of articles about happiness as of late has been astonishing. Everybody is coming up with the magic formula for finding happiness. I don't know about you, but I need to keep things simple and in perspective at all times.

Wouldn't it be great if there were a simple set of instructions for living a happy and fulfilled life? How about an instruction manual for life? Something along the lines of “Enjoy childhood, Explore young adulthood, Engage in a rewarding career, and Enjoy life.”

Unfortunately, things are not that easy. That doesn’t mean there aren’t techniques and tips you can use in your everyday life that can help you find happiness and fulfillment as you go through the journey of life. Here's how:

Keep life simple.
Far too many of us are always over analyzing and looking for the most complicated way of doing things in life. Sometimes life was meant to be simple – a walk through the park, a simple yes or no answer, or a quiet evening with the family. Don’t try and clutter your life with unnecessary decisions by making everything complicated and complex. Keep it simple!

Practice being satisfied.
How many times have you heard someone say, “If only I had a few more dollars I’d…” or “If I just had another day off I could….”? Many people don’t know how to be satisfied with what life gives them. They are so busy wanting more that they squander what life has already given them.

Beware of indecision.
Nobody said life is easy, and sometimes you have to make the tough choices. Never put off a decision that you can make today. You may miss some of the best and most exciting opportunities in the world because you were indecisive. Successful people didn’t get where they were at by prolonging or going back and forth on decisions!

Practice cheerfulness.
You’ve heard it before, and you’ll hear it here again – it only takes a few muscles to smile! You would be surprised at how well being cheerful to others can spread like wildfire. We live in a society where it seems that glumness is the rule of order. A simple smile or kind word can spread through our culture like wildfire – not only will you feel better, but those who interact with you will feel better!

Learn to like people.
You don’t have to love everyone you encounter, so learn to like people – especially those who are different than yourself. Often you won’t agree with everything they do, or maybe all of their beliefs, but by learning to get along with them you will open your mind up to change – a critical trait that is absolutely necessary in today’s world.

Live and let live.
Is it really your concern what the guy across the street wants to do with his life or who he wants to share his life with? Learn to live your life to the fullest and let others live their life to the fullest. None of us is above anyone else, and none of us should think we should be allowed to dictate how another person should live their life.

Adversity teaches.
Adversity can be one of the most powerful teachers we will ever have in our lives. You will learn so much about life by overcoming adversity and learning how to face it head on. Adversity often comes dressed in many different outfits, but you will change your life by learning how to deal with it and prosper from it.

Don’t take yourself so seriously.
Here is a secret: it’s ok to be a little goofy now and then! You only get one shot at this life, so make the most of it. Have some fun and show your children and those around you that you know how to have fun. You aren’t the greatest gift to mankind this world has ever had – so don’t act like it! You may find you add years to your life, not to mention a ton of laughter!

Have a sense of humor.
Laugh, joke, and now and then pick up a cream pie and throw it! Laughter has been shown to help people live longer, reduce their blood pressure, and help them relate to people from around the world.

Practice objectivity.
Be objective in your decision-making and risk-taking. Know the facts and avoid letting racial, social, or any other type of bias influence your decisions. Great leaders perform their best when they act based on facts, not on emotion or prejudices. Become a great leader in your life.

Tolerate your own mistakes.
You will make mistakes – in fact, you will make so many mistakes you will never be able to list them all. Learn that mistakes happen and the best thing you can do is to learn from them. Don’t spend your entire life dwelling on a mistake you made years ago – learn from it and move on. The world isn’t going to wait while you live in the past.

Forgive yourself.
Stop beating yourself up over things that happened in the past - things you did or didn’t do, and mistakes you may have made with others.

Forgiving yourself is a skill so few of us have the ability to accomplish. It's such a shame that we spent a lifetime living in the past and never make it to our full potential in the future. Forgive yourself – and just as importantly, forgive others.

It may seem like a rather long list, but I encourage you to read it and then refer back to it every now and then. You’ll see each one ties into the others in some fashion and that these simple steps really do help you live a more meaningful, happy and fulfilled life.

Life happens. Be a part of it.

Dream with eyes wide open

2013-10-12T12:04:00.001+01:00

Your mind is nothing but dreams — of the past and future, of how things should be, of great ambitions and achievements

Think that all phenomena are like dreams. The mind is nothing but dreams and dreams — dreams of the past, dreams of the future, dreams of how things should be, dreams of great ambitions, achievements. Dreams and desires, these are the stuff the mind is made of.

“Phenomena” means all that you see, all that you experience. All that can ever be experienced is all phenomena. Remember, not only are the objects of the world phenomena and dreams, but also objects of consciousness. They may be objects of the world, they may be just objects of the mind. They may be great spiritual experiences. You may see kundalini rising in you: that too is a phenomenon — a beautiful dream, a very sweet dream, but it is a dream all the same. You may see great light flooding your being, but that light is also a phenomenon.

You may see lotuses blooming inside you and a great fragrance arising within your being: Those too are phenomena, because you are always the seer and never the seen, always the experience and never the experienced, always the witness and never the witnessed. All that can be witnessed, seen, observed, is phenomena. Material phenomena, psychological phenomena, spiritual phenomena — they are all the same.

There is no need to make any distinction. The basic thing to remember is: That which can be seen is a dream. Think that all phenomena are like dreams... This is a powerful technique. Start contemplating in this way: If you are walking on the street, contemplate that people passing by are all dreams. The shops, shopkeepers, customers and the people coming and going, are all dreams. The houses, the buses, the train, the airplane, all are dreams. You will be surprised by something of tremendous import happening within you. The moment you think “All are dreams” suddenly, like a flash, one thing comes into your vision: “I am a dream too.” Because if the seen is a dream, then who is this ‘I’? If the object is a dream, then the subject is also a dream. If the object is false, how can the subject be the truth? Impossible.

If you watch everything as a dream, suddenly you will find something slipping out of your being: the idea of the ego. This is the only way to drop the ego, and the simplest. Just try it — meditate this way. Meditating this way again and again, one day the miracle happens: you look in, and the ego is not found there. The ego is a by-product, a byproduct of the illusion that whatever you are seeing is true. If you think that objects are true, then the ego can exist; it is a by-product. If you think that objects are dreams, the ego disappears. And if you think continuously that all is a dream, then one day, in a dream at night, you will be surprised: suddenly in the dream you will remember that this is a dream too! And immediately, as the remembrance happens, the dream will disappear. And for the first time you will experience yourself deep asleep, yet awake.

Once you have seen your dream disappearing because you have become aware of the dream, your quality of consciousness will have a new flavour to it. The next morning you will wake up with a totally different quality you had never known before. You will wake up for the first time. Now you will know that all those other mornings were false. The dreams continued — the only difference was that at night you were dreaming with eyes closed, during the day you were dreaming with eyes open.

The habits of very happy people

2013-10-12T11:37:00.004+01:00

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Highly happy people all share happy habits. It’s as simple as that. The happiest people I know share 7 very obvious habits. If you’re looking to expand your general happiness you may consider adopting these habits in your own life.

Be a Part of Something You Believe In – This could be anything. People may take an active role in their local city council, find refuge in religious faith, join a social club supporting causes they believe in, or find passion in their careers. In each case the physiological outcome is the same. They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in. This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.
Share Time with Friends and Family – A happy life is a life shared with friends and family. The stronger the personal relationships are and the higher the frequency of interaction, the happier a person will be.
Reflect on the Good – Quite often people concentrate too much of their attention on negative outcomes and leave no time to positively reflect on their successes. It’s natural for a person to want to correct undesirable circumstances and focus closely on doing so, but there must be a healthy balance in the allocation of personal awareness. It is important to mindfully reflect on the good while striving diligently to correct the bad. A continuous general awareness of your daily successes can have a noticeably positive affect on your overall emotional happiness.
Exploit the Resources You DO Have Access To – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness. How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy? The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have. Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
Create Happy Endings Whenever Possible – The power of endings is quite remarkable. The end of any experience has a profound impact on a person’s overall perception of the experience as a whole. Think about reading a fairly well written, thought provoking novel. Now imagine the ending totally sucks. Even if the story was captivating up until the ending, would you still be happy recommending the novel to a friend? People always remember the ending. If the ending is happy, the experience creates happiness. Always tie loose ends, leave things on a good note, and create happy endings in your life whenever possible.
Use Personal Strengths to Get Things Done – Everyone possesses unique personal strengths. We all have different talents and skill sets. Emotional happiness comes naturally to those who use their strengths to get things done. The state of completion always creates a sense of achievement. If this achievement is based exclusively on your own personal ability to get the job done, the physiological rewards are priceless.
Savor the Natural Joy of Simple Pleasures – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the best things in life are free. They come in the form of simple pleasures and they appear right in front of you at various locations and arbitrary times. They are governed by Mother Nature and situational circumstance and captured by mindful awareness. It’s all about taking a moment to notice the orange and pink sunset reflecting off the pond water as you hold hands with someone you love. Noticing these moments and taking part in them regularly will bring unpredictable bursts of happiness into your life.

Child development 2-3 years

2013-07-25T08:20:00.000+01:00

Child development 2-3 years

Toddlers between two and three really want to find out about themselves and what they want and don’t want.

Because they are beginning to talk in sentences, and sometimes say things in a big and definite voice, we can be tricked into thinking that our toddlers are more grown up than they really are.
The most important thing to remember about your children at this age is that they are still babies.
‘The Terrible Two’s’ is a well known phrase that is often used because of their ability to sometimes do a good imitation of a grown up bully.
They can wait a little while but not for long.
They can hold their strong feelings inside a little bit, but their feelings can easily burst out in a rush of excitement, fear and frustration. Losing control of such big feelings can be very frightening for them and they need lots of physical contact and reassurance that they are lovable.

Social and emotional development

Your two year old is learning about relationships.

They are sometimes able to imagine how other people feel, but most of the time their own feelings of jealousy and loving passion for the people in their family are so strong that they don’t have room for imagining other people’s feelings.

They are starting to try and keep their feelings inside and can feel very bad if they think they have done a wrong thing.
They can often play together for short periods but easily get upset and cross with each other.
A two year old is still learning to see himself as a separate person and therefore often wants to say ‘No’.
He knows what he wants and may appear quite bossy and become cross when he cannot do something or is stopped from doing something, because he hasn’t really learned to manage feelings yet. As a result temper tantrums are quite common in this age group. A two to three year old may play with other children for a short while but he cannot share. He acts in response to what he wants and may grab and push.
A two to three year old finds it hard to wait or make a choice.
A two to three year old cannot yet understand reason or control his impulses – he may know what you want him to do but he can’t yet make himself do it if he wants to do something else.
Your child loves to copy what adults do and the way you look, e.g. making houses out of boxes and rugs, dressing up, digging in the garden.

Developing understanding

The world is a big and complicated place, and between two and three children are trying to understand the ‘rules’ and how it all makes sense.

Because they are only in a position to see a little bit of how it works they fill in the rest with their imagination, so their understanding of the world around them is a mixture of ‘real’ and imagined.
They will be greatly helped by simple explanations of things, often in response to their questions why.

Be careful about your adult talk around your toddler. Their understanding of words is beyond their understanding of the world and overhearing adult conversations about relationships; themselves or people they know can be easily misunderstood and can be very worrying for them. It is important to introduce the world to them in bits that they can cope with.

A two year old does not know that her mind is separate from those of other people. She thinks that her parents know what she is thinking. At three years of age she will have more of an understanding of herself as a separate person.
Two year olds have difficulty with reality and may blame the path if they fall over, or believe a vase fell because it wanted to. Your child does not understand the difference between things that are alive and can think, and things that are not, e.g. she may think of the sun and the moon and the wind in the same way that she thinks about people and pets.
Two year olds don’t yet understand that all of their body belongs to them, so may be frightened of losing part of themselves when they see broken bodies, e.g. on TV.A two year old has little understanding of what is real and what is not real, e.g. on TV programs.
Before two or three, children think in ‘black and white’ e.g. they think of themselves as good or bad, not as a child who is sometimes good in some ways and sometimes bad in others.

Three year olds have difficulty in seeing a situation from others’ point of view – this is not selfishness, it is because they still think that everyone thinks and feels the same as they do. Your child will enjoy some make believe play and be able to play out little stories e.g. bath the doll, then feed it and put it to bed.Three year olds can usually do some scribbling, lots of lines, dots and circles, but not yet a picture

Physical skills

Your child is much more confident now with his physical abilities but he doesn’t have a very good idea about ‘when to stop’. Some toddlers are shy and careful but it is common for them at this age to test the limits. They love to run (often in the opposite direction from you!), swing and climb and ride on toys they can push with their feet (they cannot manage pedals yet), but they can easily get it wrong and bumps and minor falls are common. Don’t let them run too far or climb too high without bringing them back. They need to know that you know the limits of what is safe even if they don’t! They cannot keep themselves safe even if they can say what they can, or cannot do. You can help them develop their skill by providing chances for them to play on safe equipment, in sandpits and parks. As they can’t be left to play unsupervised but have lots of energy it can be very demanding and tiring helping your two to three year old develop his physical skills.

Between two to three years:

children will learn how to climb up stairs, and down them, learn to kick a ball (but not usually in the ‘right’ direction), start to be able to jump off a step.
they can start being able to get undressed and can often start to be able to get some clothes back on.

Language development

Your toddler’s language is probably developing very quickly between two and three.

You start to get some idea of what is going on in your child’s world inside her head. You are two separate people who are beginning to communicate through a conversation and this can be very exciting.
Often her words or sentences don’t make sense to you, but clearly the more she is successful in getting her message across the more she will want to communicate with you.

Try to watch your own use of language, particularly the use of negative words like ‘no’ and ‘don’t’, as it will have a powerful effect on your toddler’s view of herself and the world. You don’t want to paint a picture of a world where nothing is allowed but rather a positive picture where many things are possible.

So, in guiding behaviour, try to suggest alternatives and explain dangers as simply as you can. You will know the words you use most to them and whether those are positive or negative words because those are the words you will hear most often when they are speaking to you!

By two many children are naming lots of things such as dog, ball, drink, and by the end of this year most are saying short sentences (e.g. ‘look mummy dog’).
Around two many children are able to follow an instruction such as ‘bring your shoes here’ and by three most children can follow more complex instructions such as ‘go and get your shoes from your bedroom and bring them here’.
They will still get ‘you’ and ‘me’ mixed up sometimes.
Most children of this age will not be able to say all of their words clearly. Some sounds are much harder to say than others.
If you are able to understand her, repeat what she said clearly, then answer her. She needs to hear her words clearly, but she will get cross if you try to make her say things clearly.

What you can do

Encourage your two to three year old in his attempts to explore the world while keeping a firm eye on what is safe for him. Remember that they are only little, offer them alternatives, talk about feelings and give them individual attention for some time every day. If we want them to believe that the world is a positive place to live in and they can live in it successfully, we need to create small opportunities for their success and notice when they achieve – no matter how small these achievements might be.

Two to three year olds love simple picture books with familiar things and simple stories. Read aloud to them and talk about the pictures. They usually want the same book over and over. This helps them to learn that some things stay the same.

Talk with your child and ask questions about what he is doing. Answer his questions. Show a real interest in what he is doing and saying and in this way you will help him to be confident about talking.
Play is important for your child’s development as he learns to experiment, create new things and gain skills such as sharing and waiting.
Your child will enjoy copying household tasks, e.g. using the telephone, sweeping, ‘playing house’ and digging in the garden.
Provide toys for stacking, things for pulling apart, blocks, simple jigsaws, toy cars, animals, dolls etc.
He will begin to enjoy playground equipment, e.g. slippery dip, sand pit, paddle pools (under supervision).
Encourage his skills in dressing, eating and washing himself.
Your child may enjoy watching a suitable television program for his own age group and during this year may start to sing along with the presenters, especially if you sing along too.
Music can help your child with rhythm and sounds.
Don’t expect him to do all of the things you ask him to do, especially if he is doing something he enjoys.
He will need to have a warning that he will need to stop something he likes soon, but he will usually protest.
Many children cry and shout when they have to leave a playground for example. This is normal for a child, and distressing for parents.
Try to remember that he was having fun doing things with you, so don’t stay away from playgrounds. They are fun and good places to learn skills such as climbing and running.
Sometimes it helps to entice with something else interesting, e.g. we are going home to see daddy

What to watch out for

Children by three usually can:

run fast and stop without falling over name many objects and show they understand the words (either with words or by making sounds or using signs)
say many words that you can understand even if the words are not clear
be having less tantrums and being able to accept that they cannot have everything that they want
play imagination games, such as pushing cars around, giving you a ‘drink’, playing with dolls or getting dressed up to be ‘mum’ or ‘dad’.

If your child cannot yet do these things check with your family doctor or child health nurse.

Toileting

It is usually in this year that your child shows you that she is ready to use the toilet and finish using nappies. However this is not always the case and some toddlers will still be clinging to their nappies at the end of this year or they may want to return to their nappies if a new baby has come into the family.

Try to walk with them at their own pace and encourage them to take responsibility for whatever they feel comfortable doing. For instance if they want to use their nappy to do a poo they might be happy to help you put it in the toilet, which is where it will always go one day. Children who are ‘fussy’ and like to have things perfect are sometimes anxious about using the toilet in case it all ‘goes wrong’.

If you do not make progress with helping your child to learn about using the potty or toilet, stop for a while until she is a bit older and try again. She may just not be old enough to manage. If you start to feel angry that she can’t do what you want her to do and there is tension between you and your toddler over using the toilet, get help from a health professional because being tense, anxious or cross makes it harder to let wee or poo go into the potty or toilet. Although it is a great relief to be finished with nappies, and for some of us that day can’t come soon enough, we can promise you that it will definitely happen in its own time.

Summary

Social and emotional development

By two and a half years, children are usually:

trying hard to be independent, saying ‘no’ a lot, or ‘me do’ (but they are still very dependent on their parents)
unable to control their feelings, tantrums are common especially when tired or frustrated
unable to share with others
starting to play imagination games, such as putting a doll to
bed or driving a car around on the floor.

There may be a problem if the child:

is having tantrums very often
does not play with adults or older children

By three years, children are usually:

trying to copy adults, and may be able to be helpful (e.g. help with putting toys away)
playing lots of imagination games and starting to join in with other children’s play.

There may be a problem if the child:

is not playing imagination games (using toys the way they are ‘meant’ to be used, e.g. pushing a car along a ‘road’ rather than mostly focusing on the wheels)
is mostly ‘in his own world’ rather than interacting with others.

Motor development

By two and a half years, children are usually able to:

climb on and off furniture
run smoothly and climb on some play equipment
kick a large ball gently but not usually in the ‘right’ direction
climb up stairs
throw a ball in approximately the right direction.

There may be a problem if the child cannot:

run smoothly, especially if the child has a limp
a child is not able to safely climb stairs or onto low furniture.

By three years children are usually able to:

push or pull large toys around to where they want them
walk alone up and down stairs
use the pedals on a pedal toy
stand and walk on tiptoe
kick a ball forcefully
throw a ball and catch one on extended arms.

There may be a problem if the child:

is not able to run as smoothly as other children of the same age
is not climbing skilfully.

Daily activities

By two and a half years, children are usually:

able to feed themselves with a spoon and cup
able to help to dress and undress
very active, resisting attempts to stop them doing things
and have no idea about danger (even if they can say that
something is dangerous)
many, but not all, develop to the stage that they can manage
toilet training.

There may be a problem if the child:

is far more active or less active than other children of the same age
is not yet managing to feed himself most of the time.

By three years, children are usually:

able to undress and put on some easy-to-use clothes
able to eat with a spoon and fork
most, but not all, have reached the stage where they can
manage toilet training. Some children will not manage this until
they are nearly four years old.

Speech and language

By two and a half years children are usually able to:

use well over 100 recognizable words, but many of the words
will be unclear as they cannot say all of the sounds in the words
put the words into short sentences
follow simple instructions
talk during play with more of the words understandable
let people know what they want using words.
There may be a problem if the child:
is not using words to let others know what they want
is not talking clearly enough for the primary caregiver to
know what they want some of the time
seems to be in a ‘world of his own’, not responding to th
talk of others.

By three years, children are usually able to:

talk clearly enough that strangers are able to understand at
least some of what they are saying
using words such as ‘me’ and ‘you’ correctly
ask many questions starting with ‘what’, ‘where’, ‘why’
listen to stories, demanding favourite stories repeatedly
making up long stories while playing.

There may be a problem if the child:

is not using words to let others know what he wants
is not talking clearly enough for the primary caregiver to
know what he wants most of the time
seems to be in a ‘world of his own’, not responding to the
talk of others.

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Warning : This document is published as general information. You should always consult a health care professional for diagnosis and treatment of any health conditions or symptoms.
Disclaimer: The advice and information contained herein is provided in good faith as a public service. However, the accuracy of any statements made is not guaranteed and it is the responsibility of readers to make their own enquiries as to the accuracy, currency and appropriateness of any information or advice provided.

(Produced by Child and Adolescent Health Service Western Australia Department for health)

Appetite Loss in Toddlers, Reasons and Solutions

2013-04-18T07:37:00.000+01:00

Appetite Loss in Toddlers

Feeding a toddler can be a challenge. Seemingly overnight, your good little eater turns into Mr. Picky. As you watch him push away foods that used to be favorites, turn up his nose at anything green and absolutely refuse to try anything new, you wonder if he can really survive on what seems like a handful of food each day. Most of the time, a decrease in appetite in toddlerhood is normal, but if your child is pale, lethargic or tired all the time, sees his doctor.

Why Appetite Drops

A toddler doesn't need to eat as much or as often as he did as an infant. His appetite drops because his growth rate slows. If he kept up the growth rate of the first year, when he tripled his weight and doubled his height, he'd be around 60 pounds and 5 feet tall at age 2. Since he'll grow just 3 inches and gain 3 to 5 pounds between the ages of 1 and 2, his appetite will decrease. To achieve this gain, he needs to consume between 1,000 to 1,400 calories per day, according to the Kids Health from Nemours website.

Parental Perceptions

If you're expecting your toddler to keep eating like he did the first year, you might interpret a normal decrease in food intake as a lack of appetite. The average toddler needs just 2 ounces per day of a protein source, 3 ounces of grains, 1 cup each of fruits and vegetables and 2 cups of milk at age 2, according to KidsHealth. Fruit juice counts as part of his fruit intake. If you add up everything he eats during the day, you might realize that he's getting the nutrition he needs, even though it doesn't seem like he's eating much.

Normal Appetite Loss

Your toddler might simply be too busy to want to eat. The world begins to open up to a toddler, who's generally mobile under his own steam. With rooms to explore and mischief to make, your toddler might be more interested in keeping going than stopping to eat. Make it easier to keep up his calorie intake by putting out a mini-smorgasbord of food that he can eat on the run. Use a muffin tin to hold cut-up vegetables, healthy cereals, pieces of fruit or tiny sandwiches. Toddlers often do better with grazing than sitting down to a full meal, pediatrician and author Dr. William Sears explains.

Other Causes

The most common medical cause of appetite loss in toddlers is iron-deficiency anemia. A low iron count is common in toddlers who don't eat enough iron-rich foods, such as meat or fortified cereals. Anemia can cause lack of appetite as well as a decrease in energy and paleness. A blood test can diagnose anemia. If he's still drinking bottles, he might be getting too many calories from cow's milk, which contains no iron and also decreases his appetite for other foods. Too much juice can have the same effect; limit juice intake to 4 to 6 ounces per day and milk intake to 16 to 24 ounces per day.

Appetite Slump in Toddlers

There are times when your child may have lost his appetite, or does not want to eat at meal time. This can be discouraging and concerning. Still, there are simple ways to make meal times an enjoyable time for you, your child, and the entire family.

The eating habits your child develops as a toddler can determine his habits for the rest of his life. Poor eating habits are hard to break. Eating in a healthy, positive atmosphere helps children to develop healthy attitudes about food and themselves. Eating together is one way to help your child develop healthy attitudes about food.

Causes of an appetite slump in your child

Illness sometimes causes loss of appetite. If your child has a sore throat, rash, or fever or other symptoms, your child may be sick. Contact or see a doctor if your child seems unwell or is not getting better.

If illness is not the cause of the appetite loss, there are several reasons why your child may not be eating. The causes may include:

· your child is eating between meals

· your child is drinking juice or other liquids (other than water) between meals

· your child is exerting less energy than usual

For children over 1 year old, appetites increase and decrease according to age, energy levels, periods of growth, and temperament.

If your child appears healthy and happy, there is probably no reason to be concerned about a temporary slump in appetite.

Fuel your child’s appetite

There are some ways you can encourage your child to eat.

Make meal time fun

Meal times are important social times for growing children. Try to make this time of the day more enjoyable for your child. Offer your child different foods and have them choose which foods they will eat. Try not to focus on what your child is NOT eating, but rather focus on what they ARE eating. Show by example that eating is fun and enjoyable.

Division of Responsibility

Some health providers encourage parents to adopt a feeding theory called “division of responsibility”. According to this theory, parents are responsible for providing the “what” of feeding and the child is responsible for “how much” he will eat. That means the parent is in charge of offering food to the child and helping the baby or young child become calm and organized during feeding. As the child grows older, the parent chooses and prepares the food, provides regular meals and snacks, makes eating times pleasant, and provides a good role model for the child by enjoying food at mealtimes. Parents should forbid eating between meals or snacks. Between these times, try to encourage drinking only water. This theory helps parents trust that their child will get enough nutrients from the food he chooses.

Serve small portions frequently

Children have smaller stomachs than adults. They do not eat as much at meals. Five or six smaller meals or snacks may better meet your child’s caloric needs. This may also cause less trouble at mealtimes.

Vary your child’s menu

When you prepare your child’s meal, try to include food from each of the four major food groups:

· Whole grain products such as breads, pasta, rice, cereals, and other grain products enriched with iron,

Folic acid and other B vitamins, including niacin, thiamin, and riboflavin.

· Offer your child lots of vegetables and fruit in bite-sized portions.

· Milk, yoghurt, cheese and other dairy products offer a balance of proteins, carbohydrates and fats, calcium and vitamin D.

· Lean meats, poultry, and fish, as well as tofu, beans, and lentils provide your child’s body with proteins, fats, vitamins and minerals (such as iron).

Your child may have his favourite foods, but new foods can be introduced little by little. Be prepared for your child to reject new foods at first.

Do not force-feed

Mealtimes should be a pleasant time for the entire family. It is not a good idea to coerce your child to eat against his will. It may discourage your child from eating that particular food in the future. Ordering your child to finish everything on his plate may have the same effect. Refusing food may be a way for your child to assert his independence. Health providers say that most children will eat what they need.

Avoid distractions

Do not feed your child with the television blaring nearby. Other distractions like toys or books should also not be brought to the table while eating.

Other helpful tips to make eating more enjoyable:

· Prepare your child for mealtimes. Let him know 10 or 15 minutes before you serve the meal.

· Encourage your child to help prepare meals. He can wash vegetables or stir ingredients.

· Serve drinks only after the main course so that your child does not fill up on liquid.

· Put some newspaper under and around your child’s chair to avoid tiring clean-up after the meal.

· Model healthy eating habits for your child. Make sure to eat nutritious foods and eat slowly.

· Give fun names to those foods your child does not like (such as “yummy tree broccoli”).

· Never use food as a reward or punishment.

Key points

· If your child appears healthy and happy, there is probably no reason to be concerned about a

Temporary slump in appetite.

· Follow the “division of responsibility”: as a parent, you are responsible for the “what” of

Feeding—breast milk, formula or food. Your baby is responsible for everything else—when, where, how much, how fast.

· Make mealtime fun.

· Serve small portions frequently.

· Vary your child’s menu.

· do not force feed or use food as a reward or punishment.

· Avoid distractions at mealtimes

How to Increase a Toddler's Appetite

When a toddler doesn't want to eat, it is frustrating to parents. They want their child to be happy and healthy, and lack of appetite can cause a child to have slowed development. By being patient and diligent, parents can help picky or challenged eaters to get back to eating healthy meals daily.

Start by keeping a journal of the items the toddler does enjoy eating over a couple days. Make notes on what time the toddler seems hungrier than others and the foods the toddler seems to enjoy more than others.

Have the toddler help select items at the grocery store that they enjoy eating to help them feel connected to the food they will eat. Make sure to continue offering the toddler three main meals daily along with 2-3 snacks during the day. Try not to pressure the child to eat. Instead, allow them to determine how much they would like to eat at meal times.

Integrate natural herbal items into the toddler's diet that will enhance their metabolism and aide in helping boost their appetite. Ginger, Borago officinalis and Emblica officinalis are herbs that can be found in local health food stores and can be added into a toddler's diet to increase healthy metabolism.

Get creative with food and try to have fun food items available at meal times. Turn sandwiches into faces or make meatballs in interesting shapes. Avoid high fat and salt food items and provide healthy choices for the toddler as often as possible.

Educate the toddler about food and what it does for the body. Take the toddler on field trips to local food producers such as a dairy farm to teach the child about how food is created and where it comes from. This may encourage their eating habits.

Make sure to set good eating habits by eating by example. Have family meals where everyone sits at the table and eats together. Allow the toddler to feed itself by providing finger food options. Give the toddler juice or homemade or store bought smoothies as drink options at meals, which offers healthy nutrients along with needed calories.

Iron: Guidelines to Improve Your Child's Intake

Iron is a mineral everyone needs to keep their body working at its best. Iron works by forming hemoglobin, which is an important part of red blood cells. Hemoglobin carries oxygen to all parts of the body.

When the body does not have enough iron, a child can develop iron-deficiency anemia. This means the body cells get less oxygen. This causes the child to look pale and feel tired, weak, and irritable.

What causes iron-deficiency anemia?

To be healthy, growing children need a constant supply of iron, otherwise their iron stores become low. Iron deficiency can occur in babies and children if they have a diet low in iron-containing foods, or if their bodies have trouble absorbing iron.

Possible causes of iron deficiency are:

Drinking a lot of milk (more than 20 ounces, or 570 mL, per day) or juice (more than 4 ounces, or 115 mL, per day) every day. Children fill up with these low-iron fluids and do not get the amount of iron that their body needs.
Drinking from a bottle after 2 years of age. These children are at a higher risk of iron-deficiency anemia than those who stop bottle-feeding earlier.
Eating a diet poor in iron-containing foods

Getting enough iron at different ages

Babies

Breast milk contains enough iron to prevent anemia for the first 4 to 6 months of life. After this, babies need other sources of iron in their diet, such as iron-fortified cereal or meat.

If you choose to bottle-feed, use an iron-fortified formula until your baby is at least 1 year of age. Do not use "low iron" formulas. These formulas do not contain enough iron to meet your growing baby's needs.

To make sure your baby is getting enough iron, babies who are exclusively breastfed until 6 months of age can be offered meat or iron-fortified cereal as a first food.

· An iron-fortified infant cereal can be introduced at 6 months and can be continued until your child is 2 years old.

· Meat is an excellent source of iron. Meat dinners with vegetable have more meat, and therefore more iron, than vegetable dinners with meat.

· If you choose to offer your baby a vegetarian diet, try medium or firm tofu, peas, lentils, and beans.

Children and toddlers

Children and toddlers who drink a lot of milk or juice are at risk for iron-deficiency anemia. To help children over 2 years of age get enough iron, you should:

· Remove all bottles and offer milk from a cup.

· Limit milk intake to 2 cups (16 ounces, or 450 mL) every day.

· Offer iron-containing foods every day.

How is iron deficiency treated?

Oral iron supplements (ferrous fumarate) are required to treat iron-deficiency anemia. Supplements should be taken as prescribed by your doctor. Iron supplements are absorbed best when taken with a source of vitamin C, or on an empty stomach. They are absorbed poorly if taken with meals. Iron supplements should not be taken with milk or dairy products.

Please speak to your doctor, dietitian, or pharmacist for more information about taking iron supplements.

Preventing iron deficiency: Tips to increase iron intake

Providing children with foods high in iron can increase iron stores and prevent iron deficiency from occurring.

· Limit cow’s milk to 2 cups (16 ounces, or 450 mL) per day.

· Limit juice to 1/2 to 1 cup (4 to 8 ounces, or 115 to 225 mL) per day.

· Serve beef, pork, lamb, chicken, dark turkey meat, or organ meats every day.

· Select cereal, bread, rice, and pasta with the words "enriched" or "fortified" on the label.

You can also try:

· Serving citrus fruit (orange, grapefruit, tomato) with iron containing foods to increase absorption: for example, hamburgers with orange juice to drink, orange wedges with meat, chicken wih broccoli, or spaghetti and meatballs with tomato sauce.

· Add dried peas or beans to soups and casseroles.

· Using liquid from canned peas and beans for gravies, soups, and stews.

· Serving liver pate or sardines on whole-wheat crackers or toast.

· Making liverwurst, canned corned beef, or sausage sandwiches.

· Sprinkling dried fruit (dates, raisins, prunes, apricots) on cereal.

· Adding raisins to lunches, favourite desserts, and hot cereal.

· Using oats, whole-wheat flour, and bran when baking.

· Adding blackstrap molasses to muffins, baked beans, gingerbread, and cereals.

· Adding beef to tomato or pasta sauce.

· Adding chunks of ham to macaroni and cheese.

· Serving baked beans with pork and tomato sauce.

· Using kidney, lima, or navy beans with cooking.

· Using whole-wheat or enriched breads and cereals.

· Serving cream of wheat or oatmeal for a snack.

· Offering water for thirst in between meals and snacks.

Key points

· Iron is a mineral that forms hemoglobin, which carries oxygen to the body.

· Without enough iron, a child can develop iron-deficiency anemia. This means the body gets less oxygen, causing the child to look pale and feel tired, weak, and irritable.

· Your child’s doctor may prescribe supplements if your child has iron-deficiency anemia.

· Eating certain foods can also increase your child’s iron levels

Courtesy Suzanne Robin, Demand Media & Sheila Jacobson

Dealing with child anger

2013-03-11T08:04:00.002+00:00

Anger is a normal and useful emotion. It can tell children that things are not fair or right. But watch out for children's behaviour becoming out of control or aggressive because of anger.

Don’t be afraid to explore the causes of angry emotions.

Helping your child learn to deal with anger healthily has many benefits. In the short term it stops anger from causing your child and your family distress. In the longer term, it helps them learn to solve problems and cope with emotions.

Do not judge children for their Anger

Team up with your child to help them deal with their anger. This way, you let your child know that the anger is the problem, not them.With younger children this can be fun and creative. Give anger a name and try drawing it. For example, anger can be a volcano that eventually explodes.

How you respond to anger can influence how your child responds to anger. Making it something you do together can help you both.

Identify the early warning signs

Work together to try to find out what triggers the anger. You'll learn to recognize the early warning signs that anger is starting to rise.

Talk together about strategies you and your child can use against anger. You could encourage your child to count to 10 or walk away from the situation.

When you see the early warning signs, give your child a gentle reminder that anger may be trying to sneak up. This gives them the chance to try their strategies.

Have a specific goal

Have an agreed goal to work towards, with a way of recognising what you’re achieving together. You could have a star chart on the wall and reward your child with stickers for keeping anger away for a whole hour, then gradually move to half a day, then a day and so on.

Praise your child

Positive feedback is important. Praise your child’s efforts and your own efforts, no matter how small. This will build your child’s confidence in the battle against anger. It will also help them feel that you're both learning together.

The more time you spend on praising their efforts, the less time there is for punishment for failing.

How to recognise anger in children

Changes in your child’s thoughts and feelings will lead to changes in their body language and their behaviour. These could include:

· clenched fists

· tightness or tenseness in their body

· verbal outbursts

· a particular facial expression

· hitting out

When anger takes over, it can come in different forms, from a verbal outburst to being physically aggressive and causing damage to furniture.

Anger can sometimes make children act in a way that's harmful to themselves or others. For example, punching walls or hitting out. Try to make the surrounding environment as safe as possible if this happens.

If you’re concerned that anger is taking over your child and your family, don’t hesitate to talk to a GP, health visitor, school nurse or psychologist.

Helping Children Deal With Their Anger

Anger is like the mercury in a thermometer. When left unchecked the intensity of the emotion increases from frustration to anger and then to other things like rage and bitterness. As the intensity builds, people shut themselves off from others and relationships close down. Having a plan to deal with anger can limit the intensity and prevent much of the destruction anger tends to cause.

Most families don’t have a plan for anger. They somehow just continue on, hoping things will get better. Many families don’t resolve their anger, but just keep trying to start over. Starting over may be helpful at times, but it tends to ignore the problem rather than address it. Here are some ideas for dealing with anger in your family.

1. Anger is good for identifying problems but not good for solving them.

One of the problems people face is the guilt they feel after they've gotten angry. This further complicates the situation. God created us as emotional beings and emotions are helpful for giving us cues about our environment. Anger, in particular, points out problems. It reveals things that are wrong. Some of those things are inside of us and require adjustments to expectations or demands. Other problems are outside of us and need to be addressed in a constructive way. Helping children understand that anger is good for identifying problems but not good for solving them is the first step toward a healthy anger management plan.

2. Identify the early warning signs of anger.

Children often don’t recognize anger. In fact, many times they act out before they realize what happened. Identifying early warning signs helps children become more aware of their feelings, which in turn gives them more opportunity to control their responses to these feelings. How can you tell when you’re getting frustrated? How can your children identify frustration before it gets out of control?

Here are some common cues in children which indicate that they are becoming angry and may be about to lose control:

• tensed body

• clenched teeth

• increased intensity of speech or behavior

• unkind words or the tone of voice changes to whining or yelling

• restlessness, withdrawal, unresponsiveness, or being easily provoked

• noises with the mouth like growls or deep breathing

• pouting

• squinting, rolling the eyes, or other facial expressions

Learn to recognize the cues that your child is beginning to get frustrated. Look for signs that come before the eruption. Once you know the cues, begin to point them out to your child. Make observations and teach your child to recognize those signs. Eventually children will be able to see their own frustration and anger and choose appropriate responses before it’s too late. They’ll be able to move from the emotion to the right actions, but first they must be able to recognize the cues that anger is intensifying.

3. Step Back.

Teach your child to take a break from the difficult situation and to get alone for a few minutes. One of the healthiest responses to anger at any of its stages is to step back. During that time the child can rethink the situation, calm down and determine what to do next. Frustrations can easily build, rage can be destructive, and bitterness is always damaging to the one who is angry. Stepping back can help the child stop the progression and determine to respond differently.

The size of the break is determined by the intensity of the emotion. A child who is simply frustrated may just take a deep breath. The child who is enraged probably needs to leave the room and settle down.

4.Choose a better response.

After the child has stepped back and settled down, then it’s time to decide on a more appropriate response to the situation. But what should they do? Parents who address anger in their children often respond negatively, pointing out the wrong without suggesting alternatives.

There are three positive choices: talk about it, get help, or slow down and persevere. Simplifying the choices makes the decision process easier. Even young children can learn to respond constructively to frustration when they know there are three choices. These choices are actually skills to be learned. Children often misuse them or overly rely on just one. Take time to teach your children these skills and practice them as responses to angry feelings.

5.Never try to reason with a child who is enraged.

Sometimes children become enraged. The primary way to tell when children are enraged is that they can no longer think rationally and their anger is now controlling them. Unfortunately, many parents try to talk their children out of anger, often leading to more intensity. The child who is enraged has lost control. You may see clenched fists, squinting eyes or a host of venting behaviors. Anger is one of those emotions that can grab you before you know what’s happening. The intensity can build from frustration to anger to rage before anyone realizes it.

Whether it’s the two-year-old temper tantrum or the 14 year-old ranting and raving, don’t get sucked into dialog. It only escalates the problem. Talking about it is important but wait until after the child has settled down.

6.When emotions get out of control, take a break from the dialog.

Sometimes parents and children are having a discussion about something and tempers flare. Mean words often push buttons which motivate more mean words and anger escalates. Stop the process, take a break and resume the dialog after people have settled down.

7.Be proactive in teaching children about frustration management, anger control, rage reduction and releasing bitterness.

Model, discuss, read and teach your children about anger. There are several good books on this subject available, which are written for children at various age levels. Talk about examples of frustration and anger seen in children's videos. Talk about appropriate responses. Work together as a family to identify anger and choose constructive solutions.

8.When anger problems seem out of control or you just don’t know what to do, get help.

Sometimes a third party can provide the helpful suggestions and guidelines to motivate your family to deal with anger in a more helpful way. Children can begin to develop bitterness and resentment in their lives and may need help to deal with it. Unresolved anger can create problems in relationships later on. Children do not grow out of bitterness, they grow into it. Professional help may be needed

5 Easy Cooking Tricks to Simplify Your Life

2013-02-26T11:47:00.001+00:00

Want to make cooking easier and more enjoyable? Try these fun and surprising tricks I found in my foodie travels this week, from my two favorite new (and still under-the-radar!) sites.

1. YouTube it with experts.

Why cook and screw up when you can learn from the chefs themselves? Newcomer ChefDay (A fun start-up that delivers pre-measured fresh ingredients you need to cook chef-designed recipes) features step-by-step tutorial videos with chefs walking you through the recipes. (Stri-fried Green Bean Vermicelli or Parmesan Veal Milanese, anyone?) Most dishes take around 30 minutes total to prepare, and they’re sorted by level of difficulty to make things easier for even the most amateur chefs.

2. Get creative about salt substitutes.

I always thought the only swap for salt was, well, saltless salt. Until now. In talking with Sodium Girl Jessica Goldman Foung, my eyes were opened to a slew of awesome alternatives. Did you know that air chilled chickens make for great, low-sodium roasted meat? To brighten the flavors in salads, soups or roasted veggies, use a lemon or other citrus fruit. And when making pancakes, trade high-sodium milk for low-sodium coconut milk or even some Greek yogurt. Oh, and to serve with that brunch,how about salt-free Bloody Marys?

Photo courtesy of Jessica Goldman Foung of SodiumGirl.com

3. No veggie peeler? No mallet? No problem!

Chef Jehangir Mehta shares on ChefDay, “If you don’t have a vegetable peeler, use the back of a spoon to peel root vegetables like ginger and turmeric.” And Chef Victor Laplaca advises, “if you don’t have a mallet you can use the bottom of a pan to pound the veal. The large surface of the pan makes the process quicker than with a mallet. Place a plastic wrap on top of the veal before pounding.”

4. You can cry over spilled milk, but smile over re-used boiled water.

“Keep the nutrient filled water in which you cook asparagus in order to boil other veggies, noodles, or rice. It will save you the time of boiling another pot of water and your dish will be healthier and more flavorful,” suggests Chef Mehta.

5. Make the most of leftovers

Don’t stress yourself whipping up a new dish from scratch. Cooked grains can last in the fridge for up to a week, and who doesn’t have a few portions of rice from previous meals hanging around? Sodium Girl offers a variety of creative ways to turn that ubiquitous leftover into a meal. Some easy options: Toss it in some broth with tortilla strips, lime and avocado for a quick tortilla soup; stuff it in mushrooms with ground meat for an easy app; roll it in a lettuce wrap with whatever other produce is in your fridge for an easy-breezy spring roll

by Perri O. Blumberg

What Is Alzheimer's?

2012-10-01T11:31:00.000+01:00

Alzheimer's is a type of dementia that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior. Symptoms usually develop slowly and get worse over time, becoming severe enough to interfere with daily tasks

Alzheimer's and dementia basics

Alzheimer's is the most common form of dementia, a general term for memory loss and other intellectual abilities serious enough to interfere with daily life. Alzheimer's disease accounts for 50 to 80 percent of dementia cases.

Alzheimer's is not a normal part of aging, although the greatest known risk factor is increasing age, and the majority of people with Alzheimer's are 65 and older. But Alzheimer's is not just a disease of old age. Up to 5 percent of people with the disease have early onset Alzheimer's (also known as younger-onset), which often appears when someone is in their 40sor 50s.

Alzheimer's worsens over time. Alzheimer's is a progressive disease, where dementia symptoms gradually worsen over a number of years. In its early stages, memory loss is mild, but with late-stage Alzheimer's, individuals lose the ability to carry on a conversation and respond to their environment. Alzheimer's is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States. Those with Alzheimer's live an average of eight years after their symptoms become noticeable to others, but survival can range from four to 20 years, depending on age and other health conditions.

Alzheimer's has no current cure, but treatments for symptoms are available and research continues. Although current Alzheimer's treatments cannot stop Alzheimer's from progressing, they can temporarily slow the worsening of dementia symptoms and improve quality of life for those with Alzheimer's and their caregivers. Today, there is a worldwide effort under way to find better ways to treat the disease, delay its onset, and prevent it from developing.

The most common early symptom of Alzheimer's is difficulty remembering newly learned information.

Just like the rest of our bodies, our brains change as we age . Most of us eventually notice some slowed thinking and occasional problems with remembering certain things. However, serious memory loss, confusion and other major changes in the way our minds work may be a sign that brain cells are failing.

The most common early symptom of Alzheimer's is difficulty remembering newly learned information because Alzheimer's changes typically begin in the part of the brain that affects learning. As Alzheimer's advances through the brain it leads to increasingly severe symptoms, including disorientation, mood and behavior changes; deepening confusion about events, time and place; unfounded suspicions about family, friends and professional caregivers; more serious memory loss and behavior changes; and difficulty speaking, swallowing and walking.

People with memory loss or other possible signs of Alzheimer’s may find it hard to recognize they have a problem. Signs of dementia may be more obvious to family members or friends. Anyone experiencing dementia-like symptoms should see a doctor as soon as possible.

Microscopic changes in the brain begin long before the first signs of memory loss.

The brain has 100 billion nerve cells (neurons). Each nerve cell connects with many others to form communication networks. Groups of nerve cells have special jobs. Some are involved in thinking, learning and remembering. Others help us see, hear and smell.

To do their work, brain cells operate like tiny factories. They receive supplies, generate energy, construct equipment and get rid of waste. Cells also process and store information and communicate with other cells. Keeping everything running requires coordination as well as large amounts of fuel and oxygen.

Scientists believe Alzheimer's disease prevents parts of a cell's factory from running well. They are not sure where the trouble starts. But just like a real factory, backups and breakdowns in one system cause problems in other areas. As damage spreads, cells lose their ability to do their jobs and, eventually die, causing irreversible changes in the brain.

Two abnormal structures called plaques and tangles are prime suspects in damaging and killing nerve cells.

Plaques are deposits of a protein fragment called beta-amyloid (BAY-tuh AM-uh-loyd) that build up in the spaces between nerve cells.

Tangles are twisted fibers of another protein called tau (rhymes with “wow”) that build up inside cells.

Though most people develop some plaques and tangles as they age, those with Alzheimer's tend to develop far more. They also tend to develop them in a predictable pattern, beginning in areas important for memory before spreading to other regions.

Scientists do not know exactly what role plaques and tangles play in Alzheimer's disease. Most experts believe they somehow play a critical role in blocking communication among nerve cells and disrupting processes that cells need to survive.

It's the destruction and death of nerve cells that causes memory failure, personality changes, problems carrying out daily activities and other symptoms of Alzheimer's disease.

Signs of Alzheimer's	Typical age-related changes
Poor judgment and decision making	Making a bad decision once in a while
Inability to manage a budget	Missing a monthly payment
Losing track of the date or the season	Forgetting which day it is and remembering later
Difficulty having a conversation	Sometimes forgetting which word to use
Misplacing things and being unable to retrace steps to find them	Losing things from time to time

Early Symptoms of Alzheimer's

· Memory loss that disrupts daily life
One of the most common signs of Alzheimer's is memory loss, especially forgetting recently learned information. Others include forgetting important dates or events; asking for the same information over and over; increasingly needing to rely on memory aides (e.g., reminder notes or electronic devices) or family members for things they used to handle on their own.

· Challenges in planning or solving problems
Some people may experience changes in their ability to develop and follow a plan or work with numbers. They may have trouble following a familiar recipe or keeping track of monthly bills. They may have difficulty concentrating and take much longer to do things than they did before.

· Difficulty completing familiar tasks at home, at work or at leisure
People with Alzheimer's often find it hard to complete daily tasks. Sometimes, people may have trouble driving to a familiar location, managing a budget at work or remembering the rules of a favorite game

· Confusion with time or place
People with Alzheimer's can lose track of dates, seasons and the passage of time. They may have trouble understanding something if it is not happening immediately. Sometimes they may forget where they are or how they got there

· Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships
For some people, having vision problems is a sign of Alzheimer's. They may have difficulty reading, judging distance and determining color or contrast, which may cause problems with driving.

· New problems with words in speaking or writing
People with Alzheimer's may have trouble following or joining a conversation. They may stop in the middle of a conversation and have no idea how to continue or they may repeat themselves. They may struggle with vocabulary, have problems finding the right word or call things by the wrong name (e.g., calling a "watch" a "hand-clock")

· Decreased or poor judgment
People with Alzheimer's may experience changes in judgment or decision-making. For example, they may use poor judgment when dealing with money, giving large amounts to telemarketers. They may pay less attention to grooming or keeping themselves clean.

· Withdrawal from work or social activities
A person with Alzheimer's may start to remove themselves from hobbies, social activities, work projects or sports. They may have trouble keeping up with a favorite sports team or remembering how to complete a favorite hobby. They may also avoid being social because of the changes they have experienced.

· Changes in mood and personality
The mood and personalities of people with Alzheimer's can change. They can become confused, suspicious, depressed, fearful or anxious. They may be easily upset at home, at work, with friends or in places where they are out of their comfort zone.

How to maintain your sexual health

2012-09-18T07:34:00.002+01:00

Top 11 tips to maintain your sexual health

Your mom might have hidden this information from you, but this is a universal truth: A healthy sex life is extremely beneficial for you!

It helps boost immunity, relieves stress and let's not forget the good mood endorphins. But, what's important to understand is to know how to maintain and improve your sex life day in and day out. Take our relationship advice and read on to know about the top 11 tips to maintain your sexual health and have a healthy sex life.

Perfrom Kegel exercises for a better sex life. Kegel exercises strengthen the PC muscles by increasing the flow of blood circulation in the pelvic region, thus improving their tone and sensitivity. Strong PC muscles result in stronger sensations during arousal and orgasm. Squeezing them during sex can enhance the orgasmic pleasure for women.

Here's how to perform Kegel exercises. To start with, sit in a relaxed position with your legs slightly apart or lie down on your back with the knees bent and feet flat on the floor. Now focus and start contracting the PC muscles as tightly as you can, 30 to 50 repetitions in rapid succession. Breathe freely throughout. After this, contract and hold the PC muscles for 5 seconds and then relax for 5 seconds, gradually increasing this to 10 second contractions and 10 second relaxation. As you master this, keep introducing variations by holding the contractions for longer durations with equal rest intervals.

Never treat sex as a burden. The key lies not in thinking about ways to deny it to your partner, but to think of ways to be enthusiastic about your sex life. It should be an active de-stressor in your life. After all, who wouldn't love a good sex life? Talk your partner into it if you are in the mood for it tonight. Let things like cleaning, making dinner, attending work calls all be attended well in time. Candle light dinners are passe, we say dress down for it, take a shower together and let the passion unfold!

Top 3 foods that will help boost your sex life:
Raw oysters. Identified as one of the top ranked aphrodisiacs, raw oysters help in setting the mood. They are known for increasing the quantity of sperm in men. Some say that if you incorporate raw oysters in your foreplay session, the sticky, slimy flavour of raw oysters is enough to get you in the mood.

Strawberries. Enough has already been said about how the colour red helps in igniting passion. This red wet, drippy fruit makes for an excellent foreplay fruit. Drip the juices over your partner's body and you'll do just fine.

Avocado. Full of unsaturated fats, they are rich in folic acid which helps in metabolizing proteins in the body thus giving you more energy. They are indeed excellent for your heart health and if they are good for your heart, they have to be good for your sex life. Isn't it?

Say NO to smoking for a better sex life. Nicotine in cigarettes is known to be the biggest reason for damaging veins and arteries. Smoking leads to the damaging of blood vessels - yes, even to the private parts of the body. Medically speaking, acute vasospasm, contraction of the penile tissue, and restricted blood flow to the penis are all dreadful effects of smoking. In fact, cigarette smoking can also lead to male infertility, by reducing the quality of semen.

Make small gestures at the right time. Aging emotions, psyche and lack of interest in sex can negatively impact a person's sex life, if left unchecked and untreated. As age advances many people start taking stock of their life. This may lead to unpleasant feelings such as existential anxiety, stress and depression.

Thus, it is important to do simple things at the right time to reveal to her/him that you are still interested! Play with her while she is busy cooking, or send him an erotic message from your phone while he is busy finishing some last minute mails at night, snuggle with each other when you are watching television together.

Don't assume that he or she is the expert. More often than not, men like to boast that they are experts at sex because they are often ashamed to admit their insecurity and inexperience. So, do not assume that he's the expert. And, all the men out there, you should also not be kept under the false illusion of her being the expert all the time. Communicate your desires with your partner and ensure that it isn't always him or her leading.

Sex therapy can also work to maintain your sexual health. Before you come to a decision to see a sex therapist, take the time to dig in and explore whether it is truly what you need. Sex therapy will not teach you how to have sex. Instead, it helps remove anxieties, change attitudes and behaviour, so that normal response is not inhibited.

Now you may ask what happens in a sex therapy session. Lots of people come to sex therapy after personal behaviour therapy fails, to help them with their intersexual problems. In most cases sex therapy deals with emotive issues, which hamper fundamental sexual problems. It also applies behavioral proficiencies to deal with the physiological symptoms.

Don't forget to enjoy foreplay. Even though you may be anxious or excited, do not jump to it. Take your time and give the other person time to warm up by indulging in extended foreplay. Make sure you are amply aroused before intercourse. Else sex can be more of a pain than pleasure and it can really be a disastrous experience.

Manage your aging sex life effectively. Your desire for sex may plummet because of the low levels of testosterone in your body or because of age-linked health conditions. Medically, it is suggested that you should not be focused on achieving orgasm, but you should start enjoying each other's bodies and compatibility.

Don't rely too much on unnecessary drugs and always make it a point to talk to your doctor before starting any new medication routine, as it may have an adverse affect on your sexual desire.

Masturbating, sensual massages, kissing, cuddling and maintaining open channels of communication are all essential to revive your interest in sex.

Enhance your sex life if you are depressed. A few ways to overcome depression to enhance sex life are:

- Talk out your concerns with the partner and try to think of mutually acceptable and workable plans.
- Tell yourself that this is just a phase and your sex life will be back to normal once you deal with depression.
- Take psychological treatment for depression.
- If you do not wish to have complete sexual intercourse try indulging in activities such as hugging, kissing and cuddling as these may bring back the excitement gradually.
- Do not pressurize yourself into sex as this may make you feel worse.
- If you are on depression medicines, inquire about the possible side-effects on your sex life from your doctor.

Exercise for that spicy sex life. Exercise is known for many health benefits and one of them is definitely sex. It helps rev up your blood circulation by keeping your cardiovascular system hearty and happy. Health experts all over the world believe that a boost in the level of endorphins in the body helps love-making; not to mention, being toned would obviously make you and your partner feel sexier leading to a more pleasurable experience.

Hemophilia

2012-05-28T07:02:00.003+01:00

Hemophilia

Introduction:

Hemophilia is an inherited disease in which your blood does not clot. People with hemophilia lack or have low levels of one of two blood-clotting substances, known as factor VIII and factor IX. As a result, they may bleed for a long time after an injury. They may also experience internal bleeding, especially in the joints. There are two types of hemophilia -- type A and type B. Hemophilia is the most common inherited bleeding disorder. About 17,000 people in the U.S. have the condition.

The blood of someone with hemophilia will not clot normally. Bleeding may occur spontaneously or following injury.Hemophiliaoccurs in 2 forms, hemophilia A and B. In both forms, a gene is defective. The defective gene interferes with the ability of the body to produce the clotting factors that allow for normal clotting. The result is a tendency for abnormal, excessive bleeding.
· Hemophilia A occurs in 1 in 10,000 people. Hemophilia B occurs in 1 in 40,000.
· With either disorder, you may show a mild form in which bleeding occurs only under severe stress, such as major injury.
o Moderate cases rarely will have spontaneous bleeding but will bleed after surgery or trauma.
o Severe cases will exhibit spontaneous bleeding-that is, bleeding without any recognizable trauma. Spontaneous bleeding can occur in any part of your body, but it is usually in the joints of the fingers, wrists, feet, and spine.

Hemophilia Causes·
Men have only one X chromosome. If that chromosome carries the abnormal hemophilia gene, the man will have the disease hemophilia. Both hemophilia A and B are linked to the X chromosome, which means they primarily affect men.

Women have two X chromosomes. Even if one of the X chromosomes carries the defective gene, the normal gene on the other X chromosome will protect the woman from hemophilia. The gene does not affect them, but they carry it and pass it on to their children.
If a woman is a carrier, she has a 50% chance that her sons will have hemophilia. Likewise, she has a 50% chance that her daughters will be carriers of hemophilia. This assumes that the woman's partner is not a hemophiliac.
A man who has hemophilia has a 100% chance that his daughters will be carriers, since they must inherit the defective x chromosome from the father. His sons will not be affected if the mother is not a carrier.
·The transmission of this gene to offspring accounts for 70% of the cases of hemophilia. The remaining 30% occur from spontaneous changes in genes responsible for causing hemophilia.

Hemophilia Symptoms·

If a toddler has hemophilia, bleeding often results from falls. The bleeding may repeat if the fall disrupts a clot.
Blood in the urine (hematuria) commonly occurs with hemophilia.
Many people will have microscopic blood in urine, not visible with the naked eye.
Gross hematuria, blood you can see in urine, also is very common and may mean a bladder infection.
You cannot see bleeding into muscle tissue and joints if you have hemophilia. But you will have pain and may see swelling.
Bleeding into a muscle usually follows trauma. Common sites are the thigh,calf, and forearm.
Bleeding into joints is the most crippling aspect of hemophilia as well as the most common site. The disease most commonly affects the knee followed by the elbow, ankle, shoulder, and wrist.
You may feel a warm prickly sensation before you develop pain and swelling in the joint. The degree of swelling does not match the severity of your bleeding. You may be bleeding significantly but show only a little swelling.
Bleeding into a joint not only makes that joint more likely to bleed in the future but also leads to progressive stiffness. This joint, which is now more prone to re-bleeding, is called the target joint.
Bleeding into the central nervous system can be life threatening. Usually only severe hemophiliacs exhibit such bleeding, but it may occur in both moderate and mild hemophilia. Bleeding may occur in or around the brain (intracranial) or into the spinal cord (intraspinal), depending on the situation.
Injury to your head or spinal column normally causes this bleeding. Your injury may seem minor.
Adults are more prone to having intracranial bleeding without injury (spontaneous bleeding), accounting for nearly 50% of the cases.
Headache, nausea, vomiting, and seizure often accompany bleeding into the brain.
Backache or even paralysis can accompany bleeding into the spinal column.

Signs and Symptoms:

People with hemophilia may have the following signs and symptoms:

Joint pain and swelling, frequently in the knees and elbows

Heavy bleeding, or bleeding that lasts a long time, from an accident or other injury

A delay in the start of bleeding

Large bruises

Swelling under the skin and between muscles, with fever, skin discoloration, and pain

Internal bleeding in the abdominal region, airway, or central nervous system

Bleeding of the mouth and gums, tooth loss

Blood in the urine

Digestive problems

Nose bleeds

What Causes It?:Hemophilia is an inherited disorder that mostly affects men. Women rarely have the disease, but they are carriers of the condition and can pass it on to male children. About 30% of patients with hemophilia have no family history of the disease, and it seems to occur as a result of spontaneous mutations.Who's Most At Risk?:Hemophilia affects people from all ethnic groups. The daughters of men with hemophilia will be carriers. However, even if hemophilia runs in the family, only about half of the sons of carriers will have hemophilia.What to Expect at Your Provider's Office:Health care providers usually diagnose hemophilia before birth through a blood test. After birth, the first sign of hemophilia is often deep and easy bruising as an infant is learning to crawl. For male children, heavy bleeding after circumcision may be the first sign of the condition. Your health care provider may diagnose cases of mild hemophilia even later, after a tooth extraction or following surgery. During a physical examination, your health care provider will take a family history and check for deep bleeding, muscle spasms, limited joint motion, joints that are warm and enlarged, and bruises. Blood tests can show whether clotting factors are low or missing. Your health care provider may request computed tomography (CT) scans and magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to find bleeding in the joints.

When to Seek Medical Care·

Call your doctor after any significant physical trauma.
Call your doctor also if you cannot control external bleeding with simple pressure.
Because you may have internal as well external bleeding, always err on the side of safety and call your doctor.
Be particularly concerned about bleeding into your joints or your central nervous system because of long-term complications and the possibility of death
Because hemophilia treatment involves blood products, you often may need to be treated in an emergency department or other health care facility, especially if you have severe hemophilia.
Your doctor should evaluate any head or spinal trauma.
A severe hemophiliac should be evaluated at a hospital's emergency department for any bleeding whatsoever, because his or her blood will not clot adequately on its own in these situations:
Oral bleeding
Bleeding from skin that does not stop with simple pressure
Bleeding from muscles and joints
Any person with hemophilia who has significant trauma anywhere on the body should be evaluated at a hospital regardless of the severity of the disease
Treatment Options:

Hemophilia cannot be cured, however, patients who start prophylaxis early (mean age of 3 years) show a better muscuoloskeletal outcome and fewer joint bleeds. People with hemophilia should take the following precautions:

Avoid taking aspirin and nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs).

Get vaccinated (including infants) with the hepatitis B vaccine.

Administer factor VIII or IX (see below) on a regular basis, to help prevent bleeding and joint damage.

Avoid circumcising male infants of women known to be carriers until the baby has been tested for hemophilia.

Carry information at all times identifying the person as someone with hemophilia.

Exams and Tests

A family history of bleeding disorders aids in diagnosing hemophilia. But certain tests help quantify the disease.
Pronounced bruising at childbirth or bleeding with circumcision may suggest a case of severe hemophilia.
A moderate case of hemophilia may become apparent during the toddler years when falls are common.
A mild case may not become evident until adulthood when you need surgery.
Blood tests can be performed if you have any reason to suspect hemophilia.
Blood may be checked directly for certain factors.
Test results will be low depending on which form of hemophilia you have.
In either case, your activated partial thromboplastin time (aPTT), a measurement of the clotting of blood, will be prolonged.

Hemophilia Treatment-Self-Care at HomeMost often people with hemophilia require medical treatment if bleeding or an injury occurs. You can take the following simple actions at home.

Avoid aspirin and anti-inflammatory agents such as ibuprofen (Advil) because they may further interfere with blood clotting.
If you have blood in your urine, drink plenty of fluids to ensure hydration.
Apply direct pressure to any site at which you are bleeding externally.
Apply ice and put a splint on affected joints after bleeding to provide relief from symptoms.
If you have the training on the disease process, you can give yourself factor replacement therapy. But you should do so under consultation from your doctor
MedicationsTreatment of hemophilia aims to stop your bleeding. Doctors stop bleeding either by overcoming the deficiency in the clotting factors or by aiding in blood clotting.
Giving a medicine called DDAVP (Octostim) may increase levels of Factor VIII (8) temporarily. But the medication will not be effective in severe cases of hemophilia or in hemophilia B.
Aminocaproic acid (Amicar) and tranexamic acid (Cyklokapron) assist your clotting by slowing down the ongoing destruction of clots. These medications are useful in oral bleeding in either hemophilia A or B.
You may be given an IV infusion of factor.
You are given purified Factor VII or IX (9) depending on the type of hemophilia you have.
Doctors determine the amount to give you by where your bleeding occurs and how much you weigh. The site of your bleeding also will determine the number of days you must be given the factor.

Outlook
With proper medical care, people with hemophilia can expect to live full and productive lives. Yet complications still occur.
During the late 1970s through 1985, up to 60% of severe hemophiliacs had contracted the HIV virus (the virus that causes AIDS) from blood products. Because of the development of genetically engineered factor and improved purification processes, no case of HIV transmission from clotting factors has been documented since 1986.

Those using blood-derived products are still at risk for getting hepatitis.
Hepatitis A can resist some purifying methods, but no hepatitis C transmission has been reported since 1997.
Doctors recommend that all people with hemophilia receive the hepatitis B vaccine.
Despite current treatments, people with hemophilia still undergo degenerative changes due to bleeding in the joints.
When repeated bleeding occurs, chronic swelling results in that joint. The swelling leads to degeneration of cartilage and bone.
Ultimately this process will cause chronic joint stiffness and pain.

Treatment Options:

Prevention
Hemophilia cannot be cured, however, patients who start prophylaxis early (mean age of 3 years) show a better muscuoloskeletal outcome and fewer joint bleeds. People with hemophilia should take the following precautions:

Avoid taking aspirin and nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs).
Get vaccinated (including infants) with the hepatitis B vaccine.
Administer factor VIII or IX (see below) on a regular basis, to help prevent bleeding and joint damage.
Avoid circumcising male infants of women known to be carriers until the baby has been tested for hemophilia.
Carry information at all times identifying the person as someone with hemophilia.

Treatment Plan

The primary treatment for moderate-to-severe hemophilia is factor replacement therapy, which replaces the blood's deficient clotting factor. You may receive the treatment to stop bleeding or to prevent bleeding from starting. Regular infusions of clotting factor several times a week reduces the risk of bleeding. You may get infusions at home. Your health care provider may also prescribe pain relievers. If internal bleeding has damaged joints, physical therapy or, in severe cases, joint replacement may restore function.

Drug Therapies

A health care provider may prescribe the following medications:

Factor VIII or IX replacement therapy
Pain relievers other than aspirin or NSAIDs (Aleve, Motrin, ibuprofen), as they decrease the blood's ability to clot
Topical medications to control bleeding
The drug desmopressin (DDAVP) may be used in mild cases of hemophilia A to stimulate low levels of clotting factor
Somatic gene cell therapy

Surgical and Other Procedures

Certain types of surgery may become necessary, including:

Joint replacement
Removal of an uncontrollable, expanding hematoma (partially clotted blood under the skin that resembles a bruise)

Complementary and Alternative Therapies

Hemophilia requires conventional medications. When you are bleeding or have joint pain or swelling, get medical help immediately. Some CAM therapies may be helpful when used with conventional care for certain symptoms. For example, some mind-body therapies may help relieve stress and anxiety, which can reduce bleeding. Studies even suggest that hypnosis may reduce (but not eliminate) the need for blood transfusions.

Self Hypnosis

Several preliminary studies suggest that those who have learned self hypnosis need far fewer blood products over an extended period of time (2 - 3 years) than those who have not learned the technique. One study included relaxation training along with hypnosis. Published and unpublished reports on individual patients also suggest that hypnosis may help blood clot better and may reduce the need for blood transfusions.

Nutrition

No studies have examined the link between nutrition and hemophilia. However, you should avoid vitamin E and fish oil supplements if you have hemophilia, as they seem to increase bleeding time by keeping platelets from clumping. Vitamin K plays a role in normal clotting and may be useful either from dietary sources or in supplement form, but research is needed in this area. Do not take vitamin K supplements without first talking to your doctor.

Herbs

No studies have examined the value of herbs for hemophilia specifically, and you should never use herbal therapies without your doctor's supervision. However, based on their own experience, health care providers may recommend the following herbs to strengthen blood vessels and act as astringents (causing contraction) to make bleeding less severe. In addition, people with hemophilia should avoid the following herbs, which tend to make bleeding more severe:

Ginkgo (Ginkgo biloba)
Garlic (Allium sativum)
Ginger (Zingiber officinale)
Ginseng (Panax spp.)
Horse chestnut (Aesculus hippocastanum)
Turmeric (Curcuma longa)
White Willow (Salix alba)

Since herbs can affect clotting in one way or another, people with hemophilia should take herbs only under a doctor's supervision.

Homeopathy

Few studies have examined the effectiveness of specific homeopathic remedies. However, several case reports found that the following remedies were helpful for people with hemophilia and even reduced their need for blood clotting substances like factor VIII. Before prescribing a remedy, homeopaths take into account a person's constitutional type -- your physical, emotional, and intellectual makeup. An experienced homeopath assesses all of these factors, as well as any current symptoms when determining the most appropriate remedy for a particular person.

Arnica -- for internal or external bleeding immediately following an injury. It is helpful for shock or trauma.
Carbo vegetabilis -- for people with pale skin and weakness who are extremely frail, even listless, but like cold and fresh air.
Crotalus horridus -- used when there is bleeding into the muscles and when blood appears thin and dark. This remedy is most appropriate for people who are tall, thin, and pale and have diarrhea and an aversion to warm food and drink, or may have fears of being alone and death.
Hamamelis -- for bleeding from a cut or wound, especially useful in nosebleeds, hemorrhoids, and broken blood vessels in the eye.
Lachesis -- for heavy bleeding that is dark in color, especially in red-headed individuals who are jealous and depressed.
Millefolium -- for internal or external wounds with significant bleeding and poor clotting.
Phosphorus -- for frequent, heavy bleeding. This remedy is most appropriate for people who have cold sweats and desire to drink alcoholic beverages. The person may also feel as though clothing aggravates the throat.
Secale -- for bleeding that is worsened by heat and lessened by cold.

Acupuncture

Acupuncture is not recommended for people with hemophilia because of the risk of bleeding. If you choose to try acupuncture, work with a trained, licensed acupuncturist who has experience dealing with hemophilia. Laser acupuncture or acupressure may be better for those with hemophilia.

Physical Medicine

Regular exercise can build strong muscles and help prevent joint problems. People with hemophilia can exercise safely, although they should avoid contact sports. Physical therapy may also play an important role in reducing joint problems caused by repeated bleeding in those areas. Your physical therapist may recommend the following exercises:

Stretching
Movement exercises
Resistance training (such as weight lifting)

Work with your health care provider to develop a program that is best for you. You should use the routine for at least 6 - 9 months to treat chronic joint inflammation and to prevent severe bleeding.

Prognosis/Possible Complications:

Most people with hemophilia can manage their condition and lead normal lives. In people who do not receive factor replacement therapy, however, complications include the destruction of bones and joints, life-threatening cysts, bleeding in the brain, gangrene, bleeding into muscles causing damage to nerves, long term bruising, and anemia. Sudden bleeding can occur with emotional stress. Although contracting HIV from blood products is rare, about one third of people with hemophilia (between the ages of 21 - 60) are infected with HIV. Elderly patients with hemophilia may have more co-morbidities and problems with daily living, but similar cognitive status as age-matched controls.

Courtesy includes : Dr. Troy S Cutler, MD, also University of Mary Land Medical Center

Fever in Infants and Children

2012-05-17T06:24:00.000+01:00

Because young children are not able to hold a thermometer in their mouths, their temperature may be checked rectally or axillary (under the arm). Axillary temperatures are usually 1^o lower than rectal temperatures, and rectal temperatures are the most accurate. All temperature guidelines listed in this chart are rectal. Temperatures above 105^o (oral) can be dangerous, and need immediate medical attention.

SYMPTOMS		DIAGNOSIS	SELF-CARE
Begin Here
1. Is your child two months of age or younger with a fever of 100.4° or higher?	Yes	This may be a sign of a serious INFECTION.	Call your child's doctor.
No
2. Is your child older than 2 months of age with a fever of 102° or higher that is unresponsive to fever-reducing medicine?	Yes	Go to Question 14.*
No
3. Does your child have a low-grade fever (up to 101°) and a runny nose, and is he or she tired and cranky?	Yes	Your child's symptoms may be from a simple VIRAL INFECTION, such as a COLD or FLU.	Treat your child with nonaspirin fever-reducing and cold medicine. Make sure your child drinks plenty of fluids and gets enough rest. Chicken soup may also help relieve cold and flu symptoms by breaking up congestion. See your child's doctor if your child's symptoms persist or worsen, or if your child is complaining of ear or throat pain. Also, be sure to contact your child's doctor if your child's temperature continues to climb.
No
4. Does your child have a low-grade fever (up to 101°) and a harsh, barking cough?	Yes	These may be symptoms of CROUP.	Mild cases of croup can be treated at home. Make sure your child gets plenty of rest and lots of fluids. See your child's doctor right away if your child is having problems breathing or swallowing, or if your child develops a blue or grayish color around the nose, mouth or fingernails.
No
5. Does your child have a low-grade fever with nausea or vomiting?	No	Go to Question 8**.
Yes
6. Is your child also complaining of stomach pain?	Yes	Pain in the mid-abdomen that moves to the right lower area, along with fever and vomiting, may be signs of APPENDICITIS.	URGENT Contact your child's doctor immediately.
No
7. Does your child have watery diarrhea and a low-grade fever?	Yes	Your child may have VIRAL GASTROENTERITIS, an intestinal infection.	Diarrhea and vomiting can quickly lead to dehydration. Give your child an oral rehydration solution to prevent it. For the fever, give your child a nonaspirin fever-reducing medicine. Call your child's doctor after 24 hours if the fever continues to climb or if your child cannot keep down any fluids.
No
**8. Is your child pulling at his or her ear, and is he or she irritable?	Yes	Ear pain may be from a middle ear infection orOTITIS MEDIA. In younger children,TEETHING PAIN may radiate to the ear.	A warm, moist cloth placed over your child's ear may help relieve the pain. If your child's symptoms last longer than 24 hours, see your child's doctor.
No
9. Does your child have a rash, cut or wound that is red, swollen and tender?	Yes	Your child may have an infection of the skin called CELLULITIS.	See your child's doctor right away. This condition needs to be treated with antibiotics.
No
10. Does your child have a low-grade fever and sore throat?	Yes	Your child may haveSTREP THROAT or PHARYNGITIS.	See your child's doctor right away. Strep throat is usually treated with antibiotics. If your child has a viral infection, antibiotics won't help. Give your child lots of fluids. A warm salt water gargle may also help soothe your child's throat.
No
11. Is your child experiencing shortness of breath?	No	Go to Question 15***.
Yes
12. Does your child also have a severe sore throat, problems swallowing, and are his or her skin or lips turning blueish?	Yes	You child may have EPIGLOTTITIS, the swelling of the airways.	EMERGENCY See your child's doctor or take your child to the emergency room right away.
No
13. Does your child have a slight fever, along with rapid breathing and wheezing?	Yes	These may be symptoms ofBRONCHIOLITIS orBRONCHITIS. While bronchiolitis produces a dry cough, bronchitis cough usually produces a yellow-green mucus.	Give your child a nonspirin fever-reducing medicine and be sure he or she drinks plenty of fluids. A cool-mist vaporizer may help ease congestion. See your child's doctor if your child can't keep liquids down or is breathing very fast. Also be sure to seek medical attention if your child's skin is turning blue, especially around the lips, nose or fingernails.
No
*14. Does your child have a high fever with shaking chills, along with chest pain, and is he or she coughing up greenish or yellow mucus?	Yes	Your child may havePNEUMONIA.	See your child's doctor right away.
No
***15. Is your child feeling very ill, complaining of headaches and vomiting, and does he or she have a stiff neck?	Yes	Your child may have MENINGITIS, a serious infection of the membranes and fluid around the spinal canal and the brain.	EMERGENCY See your child's doctor or go to the emergency room right away.
No
16. Does your child have blisters scattered over his or her face, back, chest and stomach?	Yes	Your child may haveCHICKENPOX, an extremely contagious viral illness.	See your child's doctor right away.
No
17. Did your child's illness start with a high fever and cold-like symptoms, with a red rash appearing on his or her face 4 or 5 days later?	Yes	Your child may have PARVOVIRUS INFECTION, also calledFIFTH DISEASE.	See your child's doctor right away. Treat your child with nonaspirin fever-reducing and cold medicine, if needed.
No
18. Did your child's illness start with a sore throat and fever, with a red rash with small bumps that spread from the face downward appearing 3 to 5 days later?	Yes	Slightly larger bumps may be from MEASLES. Small "sandpaper" bumps may be from SCARLET FEVER, a strep infection in the blood. Other symptoms of scarlet fever may include vomiting, abdominal pain and muscle aches.	See your child's doctor right away. Scarlet fever is usually treated with antibiotics. However, antibiotics are not effective in the treatment of viral infections such as measles. If your child has measles, make sure he or she gets plenty of rest. For the fever, use a nonaspirin fever-reducing medicine.
No
19. Does your child have swelling under the jaws on one or both sides?	Yes	Your child's fever and swelling may be from the MUMPS.	Call your child's doctor right away. Mumps is a viral infection, so antibiotics aren't effective in treating it. Apply ice or heat to the swollen area to help relieve the pain. A warm salt water gargle, soft foods and lots of fluids may also help.
No
20. Does your child have either a runny nose or diarrhea with a high fever?	Yes	Your child may have a simple VIRAL INFECTION, even with the high fever.	Call your child's doctor. He or she can rule out other causes for your child's symptoms.
No
21. Does it hurt or burn when your child urinates and does he or she or have back pain?	Yes	Your child may have PYELONEPHRITIS, a kidney infection.	See your child's doctor.
No
22. Does your child have a fever following a recent immunization?	Yes	This may be a REACTION TO THE IMMUNIZATION.	Treat the fever with acetaminophen. If the fever is higher than 105° F, see your doctor right away. WARNING: Don't give children aspirin without your child's doctor's approval due to the risk of Reye's syndrome.
No
For more information, please talk to your doctor. If you think the problem is serious, call your doctor right away.

This tool has been reviewed by doctors and is for general educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical advice. The information in this tool should not be relied upon to make decisions about your health. Always consult your family doctor with questions about your individual condition(s) and/or circumstances.

Can We Slow Down Time?

2012-04-10T08:48:00.001+01:00

Daydreams and flying time are kissing cousins....

Mathew*, a twenty year old college student, Terri*, a thirty-three year old who works in finance, and Pete*, a fifty-nine year old granddad, might not have much to talk about. But they have at least one thing in common: they all feel that the days, weeks and months are speeding by too quickly. “I barely have time to breathe,” says Terri. Mathew echoes, “I can’t seem to find a minute just to think.”

The theory that I have always heard (and one underscored by scientists like neuroscientist David Eagleman of Baylor College of Medicine and Warren Meck, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University) is that, for a number of reasons, time seems to go faster as we get older. But these days it’s not just the over-forties who are complaining. Speeding time seems to be afflicting us all, from small children to folks in their mid-nineties!

It seems that life is moving too quickly. There are plenty of theories to explain the problem – some blame the internet, some the recession, some the political climate, some, as in a piece on NPR the pace of life, and some the programming of our brains But there is even another, less obvious reason that we feel life is speeding by: the gap between our daydreams and the reality of our lives.

In the New York Times, Todd G. Buchholz and Victoria Buchholz write that the American dream that children will be more successful than their parents, has “been turned on its head” by a combination of the downturn in the global economy and the rise of online social networking. They cite Harvard researcher John Della Volpe, who “reports that young people want to stay more connected with their hometowns,” even when it means that they cannot pursue their dreams for the future. Says Della Volpe, “I spoke with a kid from Columbus, Ohio, who dreamed of being a high school teacher. When he found out he’d have to move to Arizona or the Sunbelt, he took a job in a Columbus tire factory.”

The problem for these youngsters, however, may not actually be their failure to make a physical move as much as it is a fear that following their dreams will not lead them to a more satisfying life. Many of them look at the adults in their lives and think, “What is the point?” They see members of the older generation, some of whom have even lived out the daydreams of their youth, who are still not content. For example, many of these young people know from first hand observation of their parents that a young girl’s daydream of a story book romance and picture perfect wedding is not a prescription for living happily ever after. And then there are the findings that money, in fact, does not buy happiness – for example, one study has found that people making more than $100,000 a year were often much less satisfied than people making under $40,000.

So what can we do about flying time? Pay more attention to our daydreams! Obviously, we can’t slow down reality; but we can make the minutes feel richer and the hours less pressured. According to neuropsychologists, our brains are wired not only to recognize increments of time but also to have a certain kind of elasticity around how long any particular experience seems to last. If we can recognize that all daydreams do not have to come true, we can also spend more time on the here and now. And thi will help make the quickly speeding days feel more manageable. Here are six simple suggestions for doing just that.

1. Enjoy your daydreams, and use them to guide your life when and where you can (I’ve written about this in my book, in several articles, and in several recent posts.) But remind yourself that fulfilling those dreams is not necessarily the road to happiness.

2. Be realistic about the goals you set for each day. You may daydream about a perfect life; but if your expectations are not based in reality, you will always feel disappointed.

For example, if you’re a mom or dad with a job outside the home, you have an overload of responsibilities almost by definition: maybe today you have to get one kid to school and another to the doctor, accomplish umpteen tasks for work, get to a soccer game and oversee homework, and oh yes, you need a haircut and some exercise…and when did you think you were going to start that diet? Can you really cut something out? It may seem impossible, but look hard. There may be a couple of things you can pass off to someone else; one or two things that can wait for another day; and something that simply does not ever have to be done (maybe cleaning out the mess under the sink? Can it wait till your kids go to college?) Whatever tasks you choose, try to let them go with a breath of air, and then release yourself from guilt. An unaccomplished goal in this day and age may actually be a success story!

3. Whatever your long term hopes, try to be fully present in every moment as you live it. I know this one is much easier said than done, but here’s an example of what I mean. Shortly after my son was born, it became clear that I could not have more children, so I wanted to make the most of every possible minute with him. (Especially because everyone warned me that he would be off to college in the blink of an eye.) I had to work for financial reasons, but also because I love my profession, so I was never a full-time at home mom. But rather than berate myself for my time away, I focused on appreciating my moments with him as much as possible. That did not mean I loved the screaming tantrums of the terrible threes (we somehow missed the terrible twos), the sometimes mind-numbing games we played seven thousand times in a row, or the frustrating arguments over homework and curfews; but I tried to accept these experiences as part of the package. And now that the college years have passed in yet another blink, it is, I think, much easier to enjoy where we are now than it would have been if I had spent that time worrying about all the things I was not doing, and everything else that I was doing wrong.

4. Breathe. It may seem hackneyed, but truly, the practice of taking four deep, rhythmic breaths in a row can help you slow down physically and mentally. And slowing our bodies down, relaxing our muscles and our brains, is a sure-fire way to slow down the passage time.

5. Take care of yourself. I know I’ve said this before, but I’ll repeat it because it’s important: the idea of putting on your own oxygen mask before you help someone else is a valuable metaphor for life. It is a way of ensuring that you will be there for whoever and whatever needs you. Taking care of yourself can be relatively simple, once you put it in place. Eat healthily, not too much or too little. Get a little exercise, and enough sleep, or, if you cannot sleep, at least make sure you rest at night. If you drink alcohol, do it in moderation. Get psychological support, whether from friends, family or professionals. Keep your mind active. The list goes on, but you get the idea, right?

6. Connect with other people in whatever ways that you can. Talking is good, in fact, very important. But it’s not the only way to bond. In a poignant essay in More Magazine, Diane Ackerman writes of a change in her life after her husband had a stroke and could no longer communicate in words. She writes, “I needed to find a way for us to communicate again, wordlessly, in part to offset the strain all the care giving added to my busy life.” It took time, she says, but eventually they found it together. Part of that process involved physical contact. She says, “One morning I began a custom that eased the fabric of our lives…I start the day with cuddling, snogging and generally being slow and cozy together for 30 to 45 minutes before work.” Ackerman says this ritual has become so important that she will set her alarm early to have time for it even on days when she has an early morning appointment.

*names and identifying information changed for privacy and confidentiality

F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W. in Off the Couch

Natural Ways to Stop Feeling Depressed

2012-03-30T13:08:00.000+01:00

Life is a drag.
What’s the point of anything?
I’ll never be happy.

Do any of these gloomy thoughts sound familiar? It’s likely they do. The occasional case of the blues is perfectly normal, but that doesn’t make dealing with it any easier. If you allow them to, negative thoughts can fester and lead to serious depression. That’s why it’s important to take action early to bust yourself out of a slump.

While these suggestions won’t eliminate your problems, they can help you break a negative thought pattern and stop feeling depressed. If you think you might have a serious mental health problem, don’t hesitate to see a medical professional.

1. Understand the emotional cycle – Life is an emotional roller coaster. Some days you feel like nothing can stop you. Other days you feel utterly hopeless. Most of the time you’re somewhere in between. Understanding the pattern of positive and negative emotions will help you put your feelings in perspective. Next time you feel down, just remember that it’s a natural emotion that will inevitably pass. Knowing that a feeling of depression is only temporary makes it less dreadful.

2. Spend time with positive people – Nothing affects the way you think and feel more than the people you interact with. Thoughts (both positive and negative) are contagious. If you are surrounded by negative people, it’s only natural that you’ll start to think and feel the same way. To improve your outlook on life, spend time with positive people. Search them out and try to understand the way they see the world. Chances are their happiness will rub off.

3. Reflect on past success – In the wake of a colossal failure, it’s easy to forget everything you’ve ever done right. Take a few minutes to remember your past accomplishments and build yourself up. What made you successful before? What are your strengths? Frequently, this exercise will build self confidence, help you figure out what went wrong, and generate ideas for success in the future.

4. Focus on gratitude – It’s human nature to measure ourselves against those ahead of us on the social ladder. Studies have shown that people care more about being richer than their friends than actually making more money. When you consider everything good in your life and compare it to the problems of less fortunate people, the issue that’s making you depressed won’t seem as serious.

5. Change of scenery – One of the best ways to change the way you feel is to change your environment. When you get in a slump, you start to associate your problems with everything around you. It can get to the point where your environment is a constant reminder of your problems. This can be a dangerous cycle. The solution is to change things. Change doesn’t have to be radical. Cleaning up, adding more lights, or including pleasant decorations can completely change the mood of a room.

6. Break your routine - Going through the same routine, day after day, can be monotonous and depressing. It often leads to getting caught in a rut. To get out of it you need to temporarily change your routine. If you can, take a day off from work. Do something you don’t normally have time for or something you’ve never tried. In the long run, taking a day off every now and then to get out of slump will make you happier and more productive.

7. Interact with animals and nature – It’s funny when you consider how humans put so much importance on their own tiny problems. Animals don’t think this way. A little bird doesn’t mope around because it isn’t an eagle or because another bird beat it to a tasty seed. Animals live in the present moment and they show love unconditionally. Observing and interacting with them will help you get over your problems.

8. Get moving – As Johnny Cash famously suggested, “Get a rhythm, when you get the blues.” Moving to a beat makes everyone feel better. The same is true for movement in general. Hitting the gym or going for a walk will help you shed the lethargy that comes with feeling depressed. The more enthusiastic your moments, the better you will start to feel.

9. Think about the big picture – As Carl Sagan made evident with the Pale Blue Dot, we’re insignificant creatures living in a vast universe on a tiny planet. In the long run, everything we do will probably be forgotten. Some might find this depressing, but it shouldn’t be. It means that all our problems are illusory. In a million years no one will remember what you did or didn’t do. What matters is the present moment and enjoying every second of life that we’re blessed with.

10. Do something to help yourself – Above all, the best way to stop feeling depressed is to take action. What is your biggest problem? How can you alleviate it? Once you decide to stop moping and start moving forward you won’t have time to feel depressed. Action will occupy your mind and give you something to look forward to. Once you get some results, you’ll build momentum and positive thinking will keep getting easier.

curtsey : Pick the brain - grow yourself

Common fight starters in couples.Ways to avoid it

2012-03-29T08:57:00.000+01:00

Here are top six things that cause clashes among couples; if you want to live happily ever after, avoid them like the plague

when interact with couples facing relationship problems—some of them have been in the relationship for years, while others have just begun their lives together. The one thing that is common to them is that they are past the novelty and freshness of the relationship. The feeling of anticipation before meeting the loved one, the butterflies in the stomach before approaching each other and the first kiss have become distant memories. They are now facing the concerns inevitable to an intimate relationship, causing friction and fights.

It’s like someone said, “All relationships are happy. It’s trying to keep them together that causes all the problems.” While every relationship is unique, there are certain common issues that ignite the fire and fuel fights. I list them here so that you can watch out for them and throw them out of your relationship.

Too busy to get cosy

One of the biggest issues that cause concern in a relationship is lack of time for emotional and physical intimacy. Work pressures, family commitments, kids/parents can take up a lot of time and effort…leaving a couple with little energy for each other. This can cause major friction.

Ambition can also be a killer. Aspiring for a promotion and setting goals is good, but running after a work objective at the cost of your relationship is unfair to your partner and can be detrimental to the relationship. Ultimately, the issues in the relationship spill over at work, which further compounds the problem at home.

What to do: Switch off your mind from your work once you are home. Spend at least an hour with each other every evening before going back to your late night work calls [do away with them if possible]. During that hour, switch off your cell phones, shut down your laptops and focus on communicating face-to-face. Talking about your day; discussing your concerns about each other can prevent many a fights. Just being together, sharing chores and cooking together can do wonders for your relationship. Emotional intimacy needs to be nurtured and needs time to grow. Uninterrupted time together helps.

I wish you were more like him/her

Comparisons spell doom for a relationship and are a big reason behind all the bickering. If you have ever been compared to another man or woman, you will agree with me. Comparing your partner to another person, overtly or covertly, is an absolute no. It can be the start of insecurity, anger and resentment…everything that should not be part of a loving relationship.

What to do: Understand that your partner is a unique individual like you. Show respect and accept his/her uniqueness. All of us have some exceptional qualities. Focus on those and learn to accept the idiosyncrasies. When you feel tempted to compare, check yourself.

My family is always right

Any discussion regarding respective families of the couple is like walking on egg shells. It is yet another source for fights between couples. It is not unusual for each of us to defend our own families till we turn blue in the face. Any perceived criticism from our partner could trigger this reaction.

What to do: Examine the reasons why you get so defensive about your family—are you merely speaking out of loyalty for your family or have you assessed the situation objectively?

If your partner is the one who’s getting touchy about his/her family and you are in a fight, try detaching yourself from the fight and give an unbiased and impartial opinion. You can’t change how your partner feels about them. But, a patient hearing and looking at the issue from your partner’s perspective will go a long way in avoiding future blow ups. But before all, refrain from taking cheap shots at your partner’s family members.

I can’t do anything without you

That is such a romantic line. But hidden within it is emotional overdependence and clingy behaviour, which can manifest fights. A healthy relationship is about two whole persons coming together. Fights will be a constant companion if one or both partners seek reassurance and approval all the time. My friends faced a similar problem. They met in college and the relationship took off on the basis of the man being the protector for the helpless woman. It went well for a few years till the man got tired of protecting, providing and mothering his partner. He started shielding her less and expected her to become more self-reliant. She thought he was rejecting her and the insecurity increased, making her more demanding and clingy.

What to do: Realise that it is impossible for another person to make you whole. Talk to someone or work with a therapist to address your dependency issues and then see your relationship scale new heights.

I need my space

The exact opposite of being clingy is extreme independence. Being self-sufficient and assertive about one’s distinctiveness is a desirable trait. But when this quality is all pervasive, the relationship suffers. The concept of your space, my space and our space is a better precept for the relationship. ‘My space’ needs to be compromised to accommodate ‘our space’. But if you are not prepared for this, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship.

Most of the couples I see seem to face this issue. Mayank fell in love with Bharati because she seemed so sure of herself. She had an opinion and voiced it. She was also independent in her day-to-day activities. Bharati came from a broken home and had an insecure childhood because of parental disharmony.

The only way to deal with the hostile world was to be independent and firm in her views. Marriage to Mayank did not change her responses. Mayank started feeling that he was not wanted, that she did not need him for anything. Slowly, this led to discord.

What to do: While independence is desired, it can sometimes make your partner feel that he adds no value to your life. His presence or absence is of no consequence to you. Learn to observe what signals you are giving out and how your responses affect your partner. Try to include your partner in your space, while drawing healthy boundaries.

Marriage of chalk and cheese

Opposites attract but building a rock solid relationship on basic value differences is difficult. Values by themselves are not right or wrong but if you stand on opposing sides of the fence, then you might perceive it as such.

A person who believes in thrift will have difficulty understanding why her partner needs to spend so much money on the latest gadgets/clothes or accessories. Try juxtaposing ‘hedonism’ and ‘voluntary self-denial’ with each other. Will a self-indulgent person ever understand the concept of simple living and vice-versa?

What to do: At such a juncture, it is important to recognise the differing values and to accept them. You should agree to disagree. Being tolerant and looking at things from a different perspective helps. If you continue focusing on the differences and label them as detrimental to a relationship, you will be fighting all your life. Everything in moderation is healthy. Simple living with a healthy dose of self-gratification could give you the best of both worlds. Try it sometime.

Fights are good for a relationship. They help clear the air and pave way for a calmer and smoother journey ahead. In fact, a lack of disagreement should alert you to something amiss in your relationship. But take care to avoid unnecessary and potentially dangerous friction.

Mind Your Body : Walk This Way

2012-03-26T10:37:00.000+01:00

No need to envy marathoners. Walking is just as good for your mind and body.

A Mighty Heart

Biking and rowing may get your heart racing, but a low-intensity stroll in the park five to six times a week is actually more effective in preventing obesity and eliminating heart risk factors including insulin sensitivity, total cholesterol, and blood pressure. Walkers trimmed their waistlines more and shed more weight.

A Walk to Remember

Walking improves memory. Subjects who walked on a treadmill were better at correctly identifying which numbers were repeated in a series of digits read aloud. Walking also improves attention, bolstering your ability to ignore distractions—probably because walking activates brain regions associated with attention.

A Spring in Your Step

Your gait reflects your emotional state: Sad people walk slower and take shorter steps than people who are angry or joyful, and push off less with their calves with each step. By assessing speed, heavyfootedness, stride length, and arm swinging, observers can also identify sadness, anger, happiness, and pride.

Don't Talk the Talk

Half of all pedestrians on phones engage in dangerous road-crossing behavior, crossing when cars approach and pausing at the roadside when traffic comes to a standstill. Talking on the phone requires active engagement, drawing your focus away from your environment.

I'll Walk How She's Walking

A woman's walk correlates with her ability to reach orgasm. By observing stride length, fluidity of movement, and hip swaying, sexologists were 82 percent accurate in picking out women who could reach vaginal orgasm, according to a study in The Journal of Sex Medicine. Their tell? Orgasmic women had "free, unblocked energetic flow from the legs through the pelvis." As for men, you can often tell their sexual orientation by their walk, according to a study at UCLA. Gay men sway their hips, while straight men swagger—as do lesbians.

Unmistaken Identity

We can identify friends by their walk. Observers did better than chance at identifying themselves and acquaintances by observing speed, rhythm, bounciness, arm swing, and length of steps.

Walkers with Walkers

How fast you move is influenced by unconscious factors. When elderly people were primed with positive-aging words ("wise," "astute"), they walked 9 percent faster.

Advice for the Ambler

Walking is an art. How to get the most out of your stride:

Make the grade. If you want to burn fat, incorporate an incline. Whether you're outdoors or on a treadmill, choose a hilly route.

Eyes on the prize. Keep your eyes forward, trained on a spot roughly 20 feet in front of you. Keep your chin parallel to the ground to minimize strain on your neck and back.

Posture, posture. To get the ideal posture, try shrugging once, then let your shoulders fall to a comfortable position.

All about the arms. Your arms deserve as much attention as your legs, since arm speed determines leg speed. Bend your arms 90 degrees to create a pendulum motion as you speed up your step.

Roll with it. Strike with the heel, roll through the step, and give a good push off with your back foot. To walk faster, don't lengthen your stride; rather, increase the number of small steps you take

- Mina Shaghaghi

Like to Save Your Brain..

2012-03-21T08:25:00.001+00:00

Whether you get dementia, scientists now believe, is mostly a matter of lifestyle. That includes what you eat every single day.

When it comes to aging, life can be cruel. There's plenty to...well...let's come right out and say it: think about. What will happen to my looks? What will happen to my body?

Will I still be able to pursue my interests? What will happen to my mind?

That last question is now the second leading health concern (after cancer) among adults in at least four Western countries—France, Germany, and Spain, as well as the United States—according to a recent survey by the Harvard University School of Public Health and the Alzheimer Europe consortium. Fear of developing dementia would likely stir even more concern if Americans didn't mistakenly believe a cure for Alzheimer's disease exists (more than 45 percent of U.S. respondents think there is an effective treatment). Despite the lack of a cure, great progress has been made in the past three decades in understanding the disease.
The most common cause of dementia, or severe cognitive decline, and the sixth leading cause of death in the U. S., Alzheimer's disease is marked by difficulty storing new memories and recalling recent events, loss of ability to track day-to-day information, a disrupted sense of time and space, social withdrawal, irritability, and mood swings. The neurodegenerative condition typically manifests after age 60. Life expectancy in the U.S. is currently about 78 years and rising. The 5.4 million Americans who suffer from the illness include 13 percent of those over age 65.

Scientists attribute the debilitating disorder to the gradual accumulation between brain cells of a toxic protein, beta-amyloid, that blocks the transmission of information from cell to cell, wipes out synapses, and disrupts basic neuron function, leading to cell death. Inflammatory processes are also involved in memory loss.

The vast majority of Alzheimer's cases—over 99 percent—occur spontaneously; they are not linked to genetic factors. But they are linked to obesity. Researchers find that the same lifestyle choices that lead people to become obese or develop heart disease also increase the risk of developing dementia.

It comes down to this: Choices we make throughout life about what we put in our bodies may protect against Alzheimer's, or delay its onset. At the very least, says neuroscientist Gary Wenk, "We can slow down the time that it takes for someone to get symptoms." Professor of psychology, neuroscience, and molecular virology, immunology, and medical genetics at The Ohio State University, Wenk is author of the book Your Brain on Food.

Heading off dementia, he insists, starts with what we eat. Food should be thought of the same way as the drugs we put in our body. They're all made up of chemicals. Everything we consume prompts a reaction in the brain. Picking the right foods can minimize damage to neurons and preserve a healthy mind as you age.

Public Enemy Number One

It's oxygen—you know, the molecule without which you can't live. We have a complex relationship with the element: We desperately need it to breathe, and it is absolutely essential for metabolism, that is, converting the food we eat into energy. However, it causes us to age.

Proteins, fats, and carbohydrates are made up of chains of carbon atoms bonded together in a variety of ways. The body is built to break down the chains into the basic sugar glucose, which actually fuels our cells. Left over are carbon bonds that are cleared out by every breath we take—inhale oxygen, which binds with carbon to escort it out the body, exhale carbon dioxide. Biology 101.

Unfortunately, rogue, unbound oxygen molecules—free radicals—that invariably form during energy metabolism are toxic to body cells, essentially causing them to rust over time. Normally, the hemoglobin molecule in blood regulates oxygen levels throughout the body so that cells are not overexposed to it. Aging also weakens our natural defenses against free radicals, putting all our cells (including neurons) at risk.

Antioxidant molecules are abundant in nature; plants maintain elaborate systems of them, and they are found notably in colorful fruits and vegetables (compounds like vitamins A, C, and E, beta carotene, and capsaicin, the spice in chili peppers). A diet rich in antioxidants combats the oxidative stress we are constantly under.

In the brain, antioxidants slow neurodegeneration. "The chemicals that give fruits their color are exactly what we want to protect us from oxygen," says Wenk. In fact, by eating foods rich in antioxidants, we're taking advantage of the way another life-form has devised to defend itself against environmental harm. From their own sources of proteins and carbohydrates, plant cells synthesize the chemicals we recognize as antioxidants as shields against bacteria, viruses, and the oxidative stress resulting from exposure to ultraviolet light or the toxin ozone.

Because of the basic similarities of evolved life processes, the plant protectors can also help human cells from showing the wear and tear of existence. Blueberries, broccoli, grapes, prunes, strawberries, spinach, artichokes, apples—all contain large amounts of antioxidants, as do herbs and spices like rosemary, turmeric, thyme, and oregano. Bright, yellow-orange turmeric is a classic ingredient in the curries that are a staple of Indian cooking. Please note: The incidence of Alzheimer's disease in India is one-sixth that of the U.S.
dding antioxidant-rich foods to your diet is a fine hedge against dementia. But you need to add more than one. There are thousands of antioxidants—scientists haven't even come close to discovering them all, although they are now testing some of them, including turmeric, as therapeutic agents. Each has a unique combination of chemicals that fight oxidative damage in a distinctive manner.

Regularly consuming a battery of antioxidants through daily diet negates the need for vitamins and supplements, which, Wenk points out, offer little protection against Alzheimer's disease. "There's a parallel between our health and cancer, which, we've learned over the past 50 years, is something people get when they're exposed to low doses of something day after day," he says. "Every day, your brain (and body) ages a little bit, and every day there's an opportunity to help it not to."

What Your Brain Wants

First thing in the morning, after several hours of sleep, the brain is running low on glucose. Once awake, it's on the hunt for exactly the foods that deliver heaps of glucose. In short, it's jonesing for fries.

Fast carbohydrate sources prompt bursts of insulin, a peptide (or small protein) secreted by the pancreas in response glucose. Insulin's job is to get glucose into cells; in the brain, it ushers glucose into needy neurons. Exquisitely sensitive to glucose levels, insulin rushes into the bloodstream; rapid spikes in insulin levels in response to sugary foods are followed just as quickly by rapid declines in the hormone, as it pushes glucose into cells for energy. The result: You're hungry again a couple of hours later. So, you snack. (A bag of potato chips, perhaps?)

Eating big meals loaded with simple carbohydrates (high glycemic meals), a common practice in the U.S., can, over time, undermine the insulin system. So critical is this metabolic mechanism that the health of the insulin system predicts how well you're aging. When insulin signaling isn't working properly and glucose isn't getting into cells—insulin resistance—neurons are deprived of the fuel they need for cognition and self-control. Insulin resistance is correlated with increased formation of toxic beta-amyloid in the brain and with type 2 diabetes.

Eating several big meals a day compounds the risk. Instead, Wenk suggests eating only one big meal a day, and its timing is crucial: a varied breakfast. Edibles providing a variety of nutrients that are digested slowly yield sustained energy for the day in a way that minimizes wear and tear on the body. That way, you'll require only small refueling bites the rest of the time you're awake. Envision a breakfast that marries complex carbohydrates, such as oatmeal, a whole grain bagel, grapefruit, or low-fat yogurt; a burst of antioxidants, perhaps in the form of orange juice; and eggs or, say, turkey sausage for protein. You could even throw in a doughnut to give your brain the simple sugar punch it so desperately wants.

Don't forget to add coffee or tea. Your brain will also crave caffeine when you wake. Throughout the night, levels build up of the neurotransmitter adenosine, and that buildup blocks the function of neurons that make another neurotransmitter, acetylcholine, which is critical for paying attention and learning. Caffeine frees up acetylcholine neurons to make you more functional. Coffee and tea also contain antioxidant and anti-inflammatory compounds known as flavonoids.

Coffee protects your brain against aging in yet another way. People who drink five or more cups a day are 85 percent less likely to develop Parkinson's disease, which, in addition to its trademark tremors, can also cause dementia. The downside to a lot of caffeine is insomnia, jitteriness, and stomach problems. Good for the brain. Not so good for the body.

A Nibble Here or There

After breakfast, Wenk recommends, graze every hour or half hour, as needed, on fruit or nuts; due to their fiber (fruit) and fat (nuts) content, they release their payload at a stately pace and are metabolized slowly. There's no rush of chemicals to the brain. Lunch, Wenk says, should be low-fat and colorful. Think: chicken salad or fish and steamed vegetables. The afternoon should hold more nibbles followed by a small dinner.

Free yourself from the notion that dinner consists of appetizer, entree, and dessert. Most calories should be consumed up front, to give the brain the energy it needs to get through the day. Dinner, Wenk explains, is an opportunity to load up on compounds not eaten earlier—foods with omega-3 fats, such as salmon, kiwi, or walnuts, which help neurons maintain their structural integrity. Says Wenk: "As far as the brain is concerned, the purpose of eating after 5 p.m. is to get enough nutrients to get you through the night without waking up."

All in Moderation

Even with the damage oxygen inflicts on the body, you can't not eat. That said, one very workable strategy for avoiding oxygen overexposure is simply to eat less. "Then you don't have to eat so many other things to protect you from the foods you did eat," Wenk observes.
Caloric-restriction diets (eliminating up to 40 percent of food intake per day) not only slow the aging process but offer cognitive benefits. The trade-off, however, is less energy, less activity, weak bone structure, and frailer musculature. To benefit from such a regimen takes a little experimentation. If you typically eat 2,000 calories a day, try cutting back to 1,600 and seeing whether you still have enough energy for some exercise. Since exercise requires energy—and, thus, oxygen—Wenk recommends two hours a week of aerobic exercise, or as little as three 20-minute walks per week.

When epidemiologists interview older people, those who maintain good mental and physical health often don't report being extremely active, which could cause long-term joint pain that also contributes to aging. "What people tell us is they were frequently active, did a little something everyday, and that seems to have biased them to live longer," Wenk explains. "They didn't tend to overeat, they didn't tend to overexercise. In fact, they didn't tend to live lives of extremes at all. It was always the moderation."

The Age Factor

Your age might also influence the zeal with which you consider adopting Wenk's brain-saving lifestyle. It is, he insists, like investing in the stock market: "If you start early, in your 30s, then you've got time to do the right things. In your 60s, there's less time to invest in your health."

Genetic makeup is a consideration in when to adopt a brain-saving diet. Heritability of Alzheimer's disease, though rare, appears to travel through the female line, Wenk points out. Anyone whose grandmother, mother, or aunt has developed dementia should consider the protective power of immediate lifestyle change.
Since metabolism slows with age, leading many to gain weight later in life, your best brain-saving regimen may be dropping the number of calories you're taking in. Taking weight off is a crucial step in saving one's brain. "The sooner you get started the better," advises Wenk.

In general though, thirtysomethings might begin to incorporate more colorful vegetables into their diet, or shift the bulk of their food intake to earlier in the day. By the time people hit 60, they might do well to remember the lyrics to the Rolling Stones' hit "Ruby Tuesday":

"There's no time to lose, I heard her say/Catch your dreams before they slip away/Dying all the time/Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind/Ain't life unkind?"

What About Our Vices?

Don't assume that a brain-saving diet forbids goodies such as alcohol and chocolate. If consumed in moderation—of course—even daily, such indulgences can be beneficial.

Epidemiologists have evidence that alcohol protects against Alzheimer's disease. It's a powerful solute that helps dissolve fat in the body, offering cardiovascular protection that benefits the brain as well. The trick is not to consume so much that the liver becomes fatty. Red wine contains, in addition, the antioxidant resveratrol, effective against aging. Prefer beer? The hops that give beer its color also have antioxidant properties. Have a bite to eat first; it helps slow absorption of alcohol so you don't get drunk.

That bite could be a small bar of chocolate. "There's no better compound in nature in terms of flavonoids," says Wenk. Dark chocolate is best, due to its high cocoa content. Men who eat chocolate regularly, in fact, are known to live longer than men who do not.

As we age, our bodies don't harness the anti-inflammation powers of chocolate and other foods as well as they once did. There is, however, a substitute, shown to protect against Alzheimer's disease among people in their 60s and 70s. It's marijuana, studies in Wenk's lab show. Inhaled, the chemicals in marijuana travel easily into the brain, where they reduce inflammation and also stimulate neurogenesis, the birth of new neurons, another ability that attenuates with age. Wenk finds that a puff a day is sufficiently anti-inflammatory, although he doesn't encourage anyone to start smoking weed. Aside from the fact that it's not legal in most of the U.S., "it might cause the munchies," he says, "and that's not going to help."

What to Ditch from Your Diet Now

Obesity is the leading cause of preventable death in the world. According to actuarial charts, body mass index is the most accurate predictor of life span. The excess food it takes to make the normal person obese uses a lot of oxygen for processing. Says Wenk: "First fat ages you, then it kills you."

Once excess calories are turned into fat and stored, fat cells release cytokines, little proteins sent out by the immune system to destroy such interlopers as bacteria. They attack by causing inflammation, which eradicates the foreign bodies. Like much warfare, however, there's collateral damage; neighboring cells are caught in the cross fire. In the brain, inflammation abets dementia—so much so that arthritis sufferers, who typically down lots of anti-inflammatory drugs, tend to bypass dementia.

Taking megadoses of anti-inflammatory drugs has its own risks: gastrointestinal bleeding. Far safer to decrease the size of your belly. A recent report fingered the foods that most lead to long-term weight gain: French fries, potato chips, sugary drinks, red meat, and processed meats such as hot dogs. Eaten regularly, they cause obesity, upping the risk of high cholesterol levels, type 2 diabetes, and dementia

Coutsey- Nikhil Swaminathan

Sensible food choices

2012-03-21T07:53:00.001+00:00

Giving healthy food to their children is a constant concern for parents no matter what social status they belong to. But not all parents are aware of what constitutes healthy nutritious food. The Human Development Report (2009) prepared by the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) reported high rates of malnutrition among children in slums, and the urban elite. Malnutrition among slum children is not a surprise as they do not have access to nutritious food. This report highlighted the co-emergence of malnutrition and overnutrition where rich urban children eat excessive calorie rich but nutrient empty food (devoid of minerals and vitamins). Intake of palatably tasty but nutritiously poor fast foods, aerated drinks, foods high in trans fat, saturated fats and sugar (such as pizzas, burgers, sodas and colas, cakes and pastries, samosa, French fries) do not provide the necessary minerals and vitamins required for daily intake although they may provide the necessary calories. Obesity with micronutrient deficiency and protein energy malnutrition is on the rise among children and adolescents in urban India.

There is an urgent need to inform parents and children of healthy eating habits by giving them information and urging them to make sensible food choices. The Youth Health Mela was conceived with this objective to create awareness among young people about healthy food choices and the damages of unhealthy injudicious eating.

Little things matter

Micronutrients are the little things that matter as they are needed in little quantities and are vital for the proper functioning of the body.

Sodium - is responsible for maintaining the proper fluid balance in your body; it helps fluids pass through cell walls and helps regulate appropriate pH levels in your blood.

Manganese promotes bone formation and energy production, and helps your body metabolise the macronutrients, protein, carbohydrate and fat.

Magnesium helps your heart maintain its normal rhythm. It helps your body convert glucose (blood sugar) into energy, and it is necessary for the metabolisation of the micronutrients calcium and vitamin C.

Iron helps your body produce red blood cells and lymphocytes.

Iodine helps your thyroid gland develop and function. It helps your body to metabolise fats, and promotes energy production and growth.

Chloride helps regulate water and electrolytes within your cells, as well as helping to maintain appropriate cellular pH.

Getting enough micronutrients in your diet isn't hard. Eat a balanced diet including plenty of nuts, whole grains and green leafy vegetables, colourful fruits and vegetables, like red cherries, purple grapes, yellow bananas and orange carrots.

The more colourful your diet, the better.

The Big Four

Healthy protein

Healthy fats

Healthy carbohydrates

Healthy liquids

How well do you eat? (Give yourself one point for each)

Eat atleast five servings of vegetables a day (one serving is half a cup of cooked veggies)

Eat atleast two servings of fruit a day (one serving is a medium piece fruit)

Have two servings of milk every day

Eat high fibre cereal or wholegrain every day

Eat a small serving of meat, chicken or fish or two eggs or some legumes or nuts everyday?

Limit deep fried foods to once a week or less

Limits high sugar drinks such as soft drinks to once a fortnight or less

Score:

6-7 – Congratulations! You are eating well.

4-5 – There is room for improvement in your eating habits.

0-3 – It's time to rethink your eating habits seriously.

Unhealthy eating habits

Skipping breakfast

Eating before bed

Bingeing

Starving

Eating while working and watching TV

Eating too fast

Not drinking enough water

Healthy eating

Eat a healthy breakfast

Avoid snacking between meals

Watching portion sizes

Eat seasonal and locally available foods

Eat slowly and savour each mouthful

Listen to your body and not the clock

Eat when hungry and stop when full

Fast food fast tracks to ill health

5 Foods to look fabulous at 40-plus

2012-02-12T07:27:00.003+00:00

5 Foods to look fabulous at 40-plus

Even after the baby, the French President's wife Carla Bruni sports a body that can put many young people to shame.

Carla's "a little of what you fancy" approach to dieting is very popular in France. Here's how eating like her could help you too.

No dieting
Only 10 per cent of French women are overweight. Fullfat foods can actually keep you slim for two main reasons. They keep you fuller longer. Foods such as butter switch on 'full' signals in your brain but 'diet' foods, which are nearly always full of preservatives or sugar make you hungrier. And fullfat foods are difficult to binge on. It's hard to eat too much strong cheese or dark chocolate.

Food from scratch
In France, 76 per cent of women eat meals prepared from scratch at home. Meals from scratch usually contain less salt, sugar and preservatives. So prepare as many meals at home as you can. Don't add ready-made sauces to pasta or stir-fry dishes, just add fresh, natural flavour with some chopped tomatoes or chilli, garlic and ginger.

Portion control
Although they don't diet, French women do watch their portions. A University of Pennsylvaniasurvey compared serving sizes in restaurants and supermarkets in Paris and Philadelphia, and discovered portion sizes in the US were 25 per cent bigger. They also found a supermarket soft drink in America was 52 per cent bigger than in France and a standard carton of yoghurt 82 per cent bigger. The bigger the serving, the more you're likely to eat, regardless of how hungry you are, so smaller portions definitely help with weight loss. Protein (chicken, fish and meat) should be the size of a pack of cards and you should never eat more carbs (that is, pasta, bread and rice) than what fits in one or two hands.

Long mealtimes
A typical French woman spends two hours over lunch. If you're always scoffing food, slow down and you'll lose weight. Try to make each meal last for at least 30 minutes and chew each mouthful well. You'll feel fuller quicker and the more you chew the more nutrients your body gets. If you find it boring to sit around eating slowly, ensure your meal turns into a social event. Turn it into family time at home or an opportunity to really catch up with old friends. Make the conversation long and interesting. Ever noticed that French spend a lot of their time hanging out at cafes and restaurants?

Five foods...
To help you look fabulous at 40-plus

Eggs: They are rich in vitamin E, which helps your body absorb calcium better, which is vital for strong, youthful teeth and bones.

Dates: They're a great source of vitamins A, B and C, and help digestive health - so they reduce a bloated stomach.

Almonds: Packed with wrinkle-fighting vitamin E, snack on a small handful every day (no more than nine or 10 at a time).

Berries: All colourful berries (from blueberries to strawberries) are full of antioxidants that protect the body against ageing.

Avocados: Full of antiageing vitamins C and E, they help keep your skin looking peachy and plumped up.

Five things...that just won't help
Smoking: Puffing away speeds ageing internally and externally.

Alcohol: Booze is one of the biggest agers, it dehydrates skin (causing wrinkles), slows your metabolism and causes fat deposits around your waist.

Sugar: Refined white sugar breaks down the collagen in your skin, which speeds up the appearance of wrinkles.

Stress: Studies say that stress and anxiety speed up cell ageing. Lesserstressed women always look much younger.

Fizzy drinks: Preservatives in some fizzy drinks can leach calcium from your bones making them prematurely age