MyInnerWorld

Random post + recall 5th anniversary

2015-06-12T22:51:00.000+08:00

I thought I have forgotten this blog for quite a period of time. However I noticed that my last post was on 8^th of March. At that time, it was the start of my second semester of year 1 in USM and now the semester has reach to the very last week. Frankly speaking, I wonder what I had done in this 3 and a half month. Time pass too soon until I have lost my way. This semester is not so busy and I slacked all the way through the semester. Sometimes of course I do feel guilty. Mainly what I did was preparing for the tests or quizzes at the very last minutes, skipping classes that I don’t feel like going, watching drama or movie once I have free time. The consequences are showing up now and I have to bear with it without complain. Currently I’m having hard time in preparing for my final especially the subject that I seldom went to class. Having to understand every concept by just reading the books and do exercises without any guidance is a challenge to me.

Apart of blabbering about my schooling stuff, I would like to bring out something might not be so interesting anymore to all of you.. :D. Yeappppy‼ It’s my relationship story again‼ Taadaa‼ :D. I’m happily to announce that we will be officially being together for 6 years in the coming 3^rd of July ‼. Woohooo..‼ I had flipped through my previous blog posts and found out that I had constantly updated my blog on every anniversary except last year! Last year was our 5^th anniversary (considered-as-a-quite-meaningful-year) but I turn out missed out the post regarding our precious moment. Let’s recall. Last year he brought me to Sunway Pyramid and he got me a couple ring. =). The present that he said he would not buy it for me until the right moment. Even though I have hinted or even told him directly that I would like to have a couple ring for n times, he still don’t give me any response until I fed up. Therefore the moment he pulled me into the shop and started to choose couple ring, I was like seriously? He said “Yes. We have been together for 5 years and I think this is a right moment to present you a ring. Though this is not an expensive one but a more precious one is worth waiting.” So I got my ring. =D.

This year is our 6^th year. I’m running out of idea on what present should I give it to my boy. Well, let’s see. =D

2015

2015-03-08T12:12:00.001+08:00

It's been long since I blogged. 2014 wasn't my year. It was quite a tough year for me. As mentioned in last post, I had kicked start the year with a part-time job in an accounting firm. Right after a month I had been there, I realized I was considered as a trainee and being paid RM500 for my basic salary. Mixed feelings coming up onto my mind and once I felt like giving up everything. However, I chose to continue on. Well, to be frank, I did pick up quite some skills on accounting and I guess I could apply it in my future life. So, I'm still feeling appreciate for the time being at there.

In the mean time of working, I have decided to further my studies at MMU taking Bachelor of Financial Engineering. It was not a familiar course in Malaysia but after I had gone through all the researches, I found that the course is quite interesting and it was the course that I'm seeking for. Without much of consideration, I applied for it and went for it. Study life there wasn't telly with what I have dreamed of before I went there. The environment wasn't nice and driving to and fro from University everyday made me feel sick. Life was dry. I was lucky to have my boy beside me.

Few months later, UPU notice had released. I got 2 offers. UTM and USM. I wasn't too attracted to those offer at first because I was too stubborn at that time. I wish to be a college student and could have a different lifestyle of being in a government University. On top of that, I had heard numerous rumors about the study style and lifestyle being in local U. I'm afraid and resist of being part of it. However, I have changed my mind seeing one of my friend accepted the offer and also taking consideration of my family financial status, I decided to go USM. The only Uni that came into my consideration.-the APEX University.

Things was going on smooth here at USM. Uni life was not as bored as I thought. Learning to be independent is the course that I was forced to learn after coming to Penang alone staying in hostel. It was not too bad. At least I could be more focus on my studies and explore my network in University. When I thought everything had finally settle down, I was wrong. Things do not stop at where we wanted it to be. Grandpa had admitted into hospital due to a fall. At the same time, my dad faced serious problem in China. Everything happened forced us to the corner and we have no energy to fight for it. My mother nearly broke down. Few months later, we attended my grandpa's funeral. The worst moment I had encountered in my life.

Until now, my family have no proper household income for nearly half a year. Savings are exhausted. I have no idea how 2015 will be going on. But I hope it could be nice to me and my family. At least let us get out of depression and face the sunlight once again.

Loved,

Cheng Li.

2014

2014-01-01T22:41:00.002+08:00

2014.

I don't know how should I start this post off but a simple 2014. So yeah. It's already 2014. Many things had changed.

2013. For the whole year I have been engaging myself into the busy school life. Going to school every weekday, attending co-curriculum, picking up some badminton skills, completing the assignments, making fun with experiments, outing with friends, joining the class trip and so on...

It was a busy yet fulfilling year. I have gone through round and round of examinations and felt the heart-breaking moment and joyful moment on the result release dates. I have survived from the hard time of exam periods and prayed hard for the better result. Many times there was a thought in my mind wishing the time to pass faster so that I can faster graduate and face no more of the schooling stuff just like a bird that is free from it's cage.

Few months before the year ends, I have already thought of the life after leaving school. I planned quite a lot and in fact I forced myself to plan for some reason.

And now, today, is the brand new year. Few days before, I received a call from my uncle that I'm going to interview for a job and I secured a job. That's working in a moderate size accounting firm. For me knowing nothing about account, I'm afraid. I'm afraid I couldn't help much without some basic skill. I'm afraid I couldn't cope with the working life. I'm afraid I couldn't make friends. I'm nervous. I panic about the time to wake up and go to work. I'm panic if there's a parking slot left for me. I'm even panic if I dress up properly and nicely. Maybe I sound exaggerated but that's the feeling for my first working experience. And yeah, tomorrow will be the day.

So, the first thing that welcome me to 2014 isn't the fireworks nor the holidays but a working life. I'm not sure how it will turn out to be but I wish everything will be fine and smooth tomorrow. Pray hard.

041213-181213 China trip

2013-12-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

It has been long time since my previous post. I was quite busy for the past 1 or 2 months due to the final exam. By the time I'm done with my exam, my holiday starts and I packed my December with full of activities.=D

So the first trip I went was to China. 2 days after my exam ended. The aim of this trip was actually to visit my relatives in China. So for your information, they are my mother side grandpa's mother's younger brother's sons. Okay, in short we are visiting my grandpa's cousins..haha

This is a very meaningful trip as most of the member of the family have joined this trip even my boy. We were in a large group with a total of 26 people.

The plane depart on late night 9.15pm and we reached there around 1.15am.

The night view of KL

051213 2nd day

We reached hotel by nearly 4.00am in the morning and we were to gather for breakfast at 9.00am. It's quite suffering though as we didn't get enough sleep. You know right, the seat of AirAsia plane was not really comfortable to have a nice sleep.Duh! Ah, I forget to mention that the weather there was winter and it was so cold my hand was shaking and my body was shivering right after I get out of the plane !! It was 10 degree celsius in the midnight.

Garden in the Hotel

Breakfast room

Relatives came

Aunt's family

I personally like this very much..<3

After breakfast, we went for a walk around the area.

Lakeside

I find this photo quite natural..=D

After an hour of walking, we stepped into another restaurant and gonna have our lunch on 12pm.
The first thing came out our mind was HAR? cause we were still very full, breakfast still inside stomach not yet digest..=.= okay..i know it's disgusting..^^
Anyway, we didn't managed to finished up all the food they ordered. Such a waste though.

This is so-called "rock" pau..quite unique and taste good..=)

After lunch, we went on to visit my great grandmother's village.

This is the place my great grandmother's live when she's young

her room

My boy was the camera man.

I bet urban people have never seen such large chicken before

posing

Dinner time

These are all the relatives we met

061213 3rd day

We had our breakfast at the same restaurant which located inside the hotel again.

Lunch

This is just part of the dishes..

I gained few kg after 2 days..duh!! We eat and eat and eat until I scared.

Darling popo

After lunch, we head to shenzhen to continue our trip.

It took us 1 hour+ to travel from guangzhou-zengcheng to shenzhen

Dinner time

071213 4th day

The temperature in shenzheng wasn't as cold as guangzhou as it located in south of China, near to hongkong.

After breakfast, we went to some kind of theme park in shenzhen to have fun.

Guess what, this is the first time my boy sit on marry go round...xD

The roller coaster is made out of wood.

Show time !

Dinner time

It's my grandpa's birthday !!

081213 5th day

It's time to say bye bye to China..

It's a short yet meaningful trip

ShenZhen new Airport.

Well-built

luggage

This was a quick update of my trip to China without much description but I guess photos would speak it all.
I would try to update my trip in December as long as I have enough time to do so..
So guys..see ya..^^

Graduation night

2013-09-17T22:32:00.002+08:00

I had attended my 6th form graduation night on last Friday. It was a memorable, great and wonderful night.

Human's mind is so unpredictable. We complained about the others on the previous minute but yet we started to treasure and appreciate them on the next minute. The very first day when I entered this class, I could feel that my classmates had separated themselves into gangs according to their previous schools. Though there was no serious argument or fighting going on in my class, I still feel that my classmates would never blend well with each and everyone in the class. We lived in our own gang and blended with our own "friends".

I was wrong. The graduation night was a great successful event that act as a blender. Yes. It blended us into a real harmony class that we are supposed to. We gathered the class to attend the event, we planned for our graduation night performance, we practiced our performance whenever we have got free periods and lastly we dressed up ourselves and went up to the stage performing the best we could do. The applauds from the people under the stage meant a lot to us because it showed that we had made it, we made our performance a success !

People come and go. Form 6 life is short yet it's meaningful. I thought I was isolated in this class and would never gonna miss them after I have graduated. Now I know it's not going to happen cause I know I'll definitely miss some of them if not all. I'm learning to put things down and not being so stubborn on certain things. I appreciated the occurrence of them in my life. I learnt a lot within this year and became more mature.

Alright, photo time..=D

Our class..=D

The twins.

Performance time.

The more I see, the more I feel the guy in the middle looks like PSY..LOL!!

One of my great teacher. Ms.Foo.

She taught me a lot of things that we can't find in books !

Last but not least, me of the day..<3

Pursuing my dream

2013-09-02T23:44:00.001+08:00

I would like to continue my previous post, that is about my dream. I actually dreamed a lot but sadly non of them are of my ambition. Let me give you some examples to illustrate my point. A person who dreams of providing the others a safety shelter could consider being a civil engineer . A person who dreams of providing the others a comfortable home could consider being an architect or designer. A person who dreams of saving the others life could consider being a doctor or enroll to the medical field. A person who dreams of producing a bunch of intelligent generation could consider being a teacher or a part of the educational field. Of course these are huge dreams and not easy to be achieved. However, having all those dreams would eventually drives you to the nearest possible level of your dream. Let's see this way. If a person's dream is to provide the other's a safety shelter, they are not necessarily to become an engineer if they have no the ability to do so. However, they can consider to become a constructor instead. Ain't a constructor plays an important role in building a safety shelter? Indeed yes. I think I have made myself clear here, right ?

So now, the first question after typing a whole long passage that I ask myself was what do I want to contribute to the society, or rather to myself ? The question that I haven't ask myself before. Frankly, I not yet thought of the answer.

I have been thinking and asking around the few courses that I'm interest in. It's all related to the math. But then again, do I really like math or do I only like the fact that I always get high marks on the subject? I have never doubted my ability in understanding the syllabus and the ability to solve the questions. Classmates consider me as a math pro or whatever. To me, it's actually the practice that made me up to who I'm now. The willingness to sacrifice most of my time onto the subject is the main reason I got such a high marks. After round and round of thinking process going on day and night. I guess I do really like math..HAHA.. I know right, I thought useless thing.

Moving on, it's time for me to decide which subject to study for my tertiary education, that is the University. Though I have made up my mind to move towards the math core subject, there are still lots of choices for me to choose. I'm having a hard time to choose the subject that I really wanted due to the fact that I'm afraid of I'm not capable and ready for the challenge. One word-coward.

Great, I shall stop here. To be continue..xD

Dream

2013-08-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

Do you dream?

Thomas Edison and CCY

2013-08-20T23:45:00.001+08:00

I started off the topic with a well-known scientist I bet everyone would know him very well. He was honored for bringing the world out of darkness. That is by inventing the light bulb. =)

Well, I'm not intended to write his biography over here cause I'm still half way through the book.

This is the book I mentioned. So why would I suddenly into this kind of book which I'm definitely not buying. You know right, I'm not a reader or someone who likes to read a lot. I only read the romance series in the past. =D. Teenager's favorite series, especially girl..xD . This kind of book is just too boring for me. Anyway, I'm now reading it, that the main point right? =D

This book is actually a present from my math teacher. Well, I don't know exactly the reason he gave me this book, maybe to encourage me to read more or hoping me to get some inspiration from the book? I don't know. He was giving out 2 books yesterday. One for me and another one for my classmate. The book she get was the biography of Albert Einstein I guess. This special treatment surprised me. I have never received any book from my teacher and he is the first one who present me a book. For this reason, I'll make sure myself to finish up the whole book and keep it properly.

I would like to talk about this teacher. He is nearly 60, which considered as a senior teacher in our school. He is in the committee of Lembaga Peperiksaan for math subject and had been in there for quite some time. Whatever is it, he is being called as CCY in our class.* the short form of his name *. The first day I came into this school, I had caught his attention I don't know why, maybe because I do give 100% focusing in his class which is what I used to do. His teaching style is very different unlike the other teachers. He don't emphasis on the answers but the thinking process towards the questions. He has never present one full question on the board until my classmates doubt his ability. I guess they couldn't follow his lesson so there was once they complained about him and wanted to change teacher. Luckily the school never made any changes or else I wouldn't have him guiding me all the way till now. Well, to be honest he treated me good. I mean compared to the other students cause I appreciated him a lot and never ever fell asleep during his lessons and completed most of the work he gave. Most importantly ,I have the passion towards math and he noticed it. So, this is basically the relationship between me and CCY. * I'm actually being loved by every math teacher I had and I'm proud of it..xD *

Friends

2013-08-15T00:09:00.001+08:00

I was having a hard time doing my revision. Since I'm on my lappy now I decided to blog something else.
As the title suggest, I think I would like to talk about friends..=D * sound exciting huh? *

Tadaa....these peeps are all in my gang xD

Well I know some of you may look ~~not so nice~~ in these photos but this is the best one I could chose from my gallery. Just keep in mind that next time we should take more photos together so that I could post the best one out of all..xD. And by the way I had a hard time choosing the photo with everyone of us inside. I guess there's only this 2.

I don't know if I'm the only one who treasure this relationship a lot but frankly speaking, most of the time, I would rather sacrifice my everything just to have a gathering with them especially now when everyone is pursuing their studies in different places. Meeting them even it's just a 2 hours lunch I will be satisfied.=D. Despite the fact that everyone of us are now living far from each other and having our own social life, I believe that doesn't break our friendship bond. We could have met new friends in new environment, but after all, when we feel like wanting to have a talk, we would eventually find someone in our gang instead of our new friends. Like what Min posted in our group wall : Talking, chatting and bullshitting with our friends is the best thing because we don't have to afraid if we said something wrongly, accidentally step on one's toes or being hated. This is really true and I agree it to the max cause I feel the same.

I hate myself sometimes in a way that I focus too much on my best friend among all and eventually pay less attention to the others. If I hurt you or made you all feel bad then I'm here to apologize. I didn't realized I did this until one day my boy told me about it. You know, I'm really bad in observing the situation.

I'm sucks in socializing I bet most of you get to know from my previous posts. However having these crazy people as my buddies is enough for me.=D. Frankly, I was in dilemma when we left high school. I was thinking how long would this relationship lasts or would I lose all of you. But time proved me wrong. We are still together and we have gathering from time to time. I admit I feel jealous over you all whenever your face appear in a photo of a group of people that I don't know. To be exact, that is with your new friends. I know I'm sensitive but that means how I care about you all. I know right, I don't look like such person that would have this strong feeling..xD Anyway, I have already get used to it and accepted the fact that we meet new friends. Even myself, I also have friends and fun over here. So I have no right to jealous over you all.

Sooner YQ is going to US and she won't be back in few years time. I sincerely wish her best luck and all the best in pursuing her dream. I know she would one day become a successful person. Believe me, my friends are all intelligent in their own way..=D

I would like to tell her something over here since she is the one who made me start off this post. To my dearest Yan Qi, I know I'm not the best friend of you and sometimes i didn't pay much attention to you but you are still one of my best buddies. The fact that you are leaving soon actually make me feel uneasy as we couldn't see you in few years time and that means you couldn't join our gathering in this few years. I remember at this moment how you shout in the K-box room without boundaries and your voice is vibrating our ear drum we could hardly hear anything but your voice..haha !! I'm so sorry we couldn't make your last gathering a wonderful and memorable one but I promise we will plan a big one for you once you come back here ok? Hug.

Guess I would stop here. Last but not least, I love you all..<3

Holiday

2013-08-11T22:08:00.001+08:00

I have dragged my life for a full week !!

Alright. It should be I've been enjoying my first week of holiday by doing nothing. Yes, nothing. =) and I'm proud of it. xD Holiday is meant to be fun and relax, isn't it?

Basically, like every holiday, I would spend some time with my boy at KL. For this 2 weeks of holiday, I spent exactly 1 week there and do nothing besides slacking, eating and sleeping. Only on the last 2 days, which was when the Raya started, I did some shopping and bought myself some dress. Not forgot to catch up with my buddies too. =D

I have no idea what to type actually, I just wanted to update a random post to keep my blog alive. Instead of wasting time now, I guess I would update later when I have some inspiration to type something else..=)

Move On

2013-07-28T13:38:00.001+08:00

Well, I was intended to type my trip to Penang last week with my boy. Unfortunately, a lot of things happened in between so I am forced to postponed it.

I guess this trip of mine to Penang was just so so, I mean nothing much interesting besides having my boy by my side. He brought me to walk and shop in Penang city and we enjoyed it.

The most important that happened recently is the absent of my grandmother. To the word absent, I mean she had passed away. I received a lot of condolences from my friends which is quite touch. Actually we, family have already accept this tragedy to happen few months back when my grandma was sent to the medical centre. Anyway, I still wish her to has a better life over wherever she's.

I couldn't think much of what to write now. I guess I'm going to stop here..=)
By the way, I'm alright..=)

Sem 2 result

2013-07-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

The result has been released 2 days ago and now only I'm here to write something about it.

My result was averagely okay, that is within my expectation for some of the subjects.

Well. This is the first time I make my blog so transparent that I actually post my result on it which is something I wouldn't do on the past.

As compared to the first semester, I actually get one grade lower in overall which is quite disappointed. Anyway, this is not the end of this semester as I'm going to retake both Physics and Chemistry. I know I could do better in the previous syllabus.

Even though my final result are supposed to be added up for all the three semesters and assignments, and I believe I could score well on it. However I would like to do better for the sake of my result and ego. Frankly speaking, those syllabus aren't difficult, I opt to do the second round since I'm given a second chance.

I felt so down the day I get my result. I constantly think that I didn't improve and degrading myself. I know it's a very passive thinking, but that's how the situation I actually gone through. But now, it's totally different. I know I can't compare. Different semester has different difficulty. This kind of result reminds me I should work harder in order to get my desire result in the coming semester. =P * trying to be optimistic *

Nothing much to share, gonna end here..=)

The Ship

2013-07-16T21:15:00.001+08:00

I have a lot of posts pending actually but I chose to continue writing something about my love life as I have started it in the previous posts. I just couldn't afford to not type about this trip cause love is overwhelming in this month !! =D=D * feeling so excited *

As the title and photo suggested, he brought me to "The Ship" restaurant at Batu Ferringhi, Penang for a dinner. ^^ . He actually has a job over there supervising his worker on the progression of the work. So, he brought me over there for a short trip. We went to have a walk along the seaside and managed to get into the sea for a little moment. Unfortunately the weather is not good plus the water waves is so huge until we were exposed to a dangerous situation whenever we are in the sea.

After we had cleaned ourselves up, he brought me to the restaurant I mentioned above to have our dinner. I bet most of you know this restaurant well as this is one of the best steak restaurant in Malaysia and they actually have a few branches all over the country. Those steaks and foods there aren't cheap at all compared to those normal steak house. I was so excited by the time even though I know this dinner would cost us a bomb. Since my boy insisted to treat me a good one, I happily accept it and we just walked into the restaurant. As expected, the dinner costed us RM200+ never mentioned we ordered their set dinner.

He has been spending a lot on me recently and all these little piece of moments actually pile up to become a great memory and celebration of our 4th anniversary. I actually did ask him why, why would he willing to spend this much on me. He told me, I have been together with him for 4 years and he actually never cares more about treating me a good one, so he wished to do something after 4 years. <3 . The interpretation of his explanation I get was, we were too young when we get together and he couldn't afford to actually treat me a good one. But now, since he has the ability, he is willing to spend on me no matter what.

People may wonder if our relationship is this perfect as like what I type. Actually it depends. Different people would have a different perspective on looking at a matter. It's on how I look on my relationship. I wouldn't be typing happily over our moments if I only remember the negative side of it. Indeed, sometimes we argue or I should say we have our own stand on certain things, but most of the times we solve it though discussion instead of exaggerating it. We do face problems but that doesn't mean we don't love each other anymore. I doubt on how long would a relationship lasts without facing any problem. To me, that means over-toleration on each other, which has no difference as a stranger.

Oh well. I bet I should stop on my love story which not everyone would like reading it but I don't care cause I type it for my own sake but not anyone else..=D

Last but not least, thank you bibi for making my life interesting with you and you actually fulfilled another dream of mine, that is having a "candle-light" dinner with you..xD * feeling satisfied *

Sweet anniversary

2013-07-11T22:24:00.000+08:00

So I would like to continue my anniversary post by updating the latest news of it.

Nothing much actually, it is just that my boy actually took my words into account and kept it in his mind. Now I realized how much he cares about my words. I remember I typed something like this in the previous post :

These dates are important to me but anyway I wouldn't insist him to give me surprise or bring me out for a candle light dinner as like those in dramas.

Last Saturday he came over. I met him after my tuition has ended. He reacted quite differently as he insisted to have our lunch outside but not simply eat home-made-dishes by my mum. I agreed. So we went out right after I dumped my tuition stuff onto the sofa. As we approached to his car, he reluctantly opened the passenger seat and handed me a bouquet of roses. I was so surprise until I just don't know how to react. * If there was a camera recording the scene, I must be looking stun ! * I was happily jumping and cheering around holding the bouquet of flowers after getting back my conscious. Of course I didn't forget to plant a kiss on his lips!

Maybe to some of the couples, buying or receiving flowers are not something big or worth to cheer of as they have already used to buy or receive it. But to me, this is not something common, in fact, this is the first time I receive flowers from my boy after being together for 4 years. People may wonder why. Actually I have been requesting and asking him to buy me flowers whenever I am jealous of others who received flowers. But he just don't give me a darn. He told me he would want to keep this moment until a very special and memorable day. He said I would not value and treasure it if I constantly getting flowers from him. I listened and so I didn't request for it anymore. That's why the presence of flower touched me that much since I'm not expecting it to happen.

Back to that sentence I quoted, yeah, he actually reluctantly asked me whether do I want a candle light dinner with him..xD He was so cute !! He actually wanted to fulfill my little dramatic dream..=D. Anyway, we didn't went for a candle light dinner cause I think we are still not affordable for those extra expenses. We went for sushi as our lunch instead.

Sometimes memories are just simply pile up by little little sweet moments that trigger your heart and make your heart blossom until you will just smile over these little things whenever you thought of it. Love is just this simple.=)

4th anniversary

2013-07-02T00:08:00.001+08:00

As I told I'm going to write something about my boyfriend in conjunction of our 4th anniversary. Yes, you never see it wrongly, 2 days later will be our 4th year anniversary.

We get together when I was 15 which was my PMR year. Just like every teenage couple, we faced a lot of problems, especially family's problem. We hide our relationship from our parents, went out for a date secretly and so on. I'm so proud to say that we don't argue over small matter, we don't simply request for break up unlike most of the teenage couples. We tend to tolerate and love each other ever since the day we get together.

I bet people around me know us well on how we treat each other, how we maintain our relationship and of course how we get together..=) I have been typing posts about us every anniversary ever since we get together. I'm still keeping those posts but I'm not sure if I'm going to republish it cause it's kinda awkward to do so..=P..The post I typed last year has gained 100+ of page views cause I posted the link on my fb page. I have been telling the whole story about us from the beginning till that particular day.

Since it has been a year apart, I'm going to type things that happened between us within this time frame.

We have been in a long distance relationship for about 1 and a half year since I moved to my current house. I'm quite surprise that we can actually overcome this matter easily..=) Indeed, things ain't always perfect. Few months back, I did something ridiculous and hurt him deeply. I didn't tell anyone else about the actual reason why would I do so, even him. I chose to avoid myself from being ask and lecture by the others, I chose to keep it to myself. All of this is just because I don't wish to hurt him anymore. I didn't mean to bring this topic up cause I know he will sees it. But at this moment, I choose to reveal the actual reason of me doing so after so many rounds of fighting between devil and angel in my mind. - the loneliness - That's it. Even though this incident hurt him, he didn't really angry and mad about me. He in turn concerned about me and afraid of me being deceived. He teared.

I know it is impossible for him to be with me every moment but I treasure the effort he makes to spare as much time as he could for me. After that incident, our relationship bond actually get stronger. We talk to each other more frequently and share our lives just like a pair of new sweet couple. The feeling of wanting to see him and miss him appear more frequently in my mind which surprised me a lot. A sweet greeting message every morning, a phone call before and after nap and also before sleep has become a habit. All of this is just simply because of the ripple of love reemerge in my heart. I didn't mean I don't love him anymore before this but when time gets long without something special to trigger the feeling, the relationship will actually go downhill. Thanks to this incident, it strengthened my relationship bond and encouraged my future relationship endeavor.

Last month, we had a family trip to Philippine. He was with us. Many people was wondering how could he cope with my family and could even go for a trip with us. The answer is very simple - time - . The period of time we are getting together proved that we are serious towards this relationship. The period of time he interacts with my family proved that he is reliable and also proved his personality. Nevertheless, his sociable skill enable him to get along with my whole brunch of family. I'm proud of being with him. =)

I feel warm and touch when my family concern and ask me about him. All of these means they treat him as part of our family. For instance, my dad actually asked me whether he would want to join us in the coming trip to China with the Liew's family. I was shock at the moment and feel warm when I get back my conscious. =)

3rd of July in this year falls on Wednesday, which means we couldn't celebrate our 4th anniversary on the exact date. These dates are important to me but anyway I wouldn't insist him to give me surprise or bring me for a candle light dinner as like those dramas. What I want is just very simple- to have him by my side, have his image appear in front of me for the very first sight I open my eyes, bring me to have some dessert I love to eat, and the moment I always looking forward is to silently walk through streets in the middle of the night with our hands tightly hold. Despite all this requests sound simple but how many guys would actually spare their time out for all this stuff instead of a sweet dream.

I love the moment when he wakes up early in the morning just to accompany me for a breakfast and then fetches me to tuition class. I love the moment when no matter how he is tired of me, he wouldn't leaves me alone. I love the moment when he scolds me stupid yet still continue teaching me the badminton skills. I love the moment when he actually feels how I feel. I love the moment when he backs me up when I'm mad with my friends. I love the moment when he always brings me to places that I wish to go. I love the moment when he kisses my forehead before he goes to work. All these little pieces of moment made up our lives and these are what matters in a relationship.=)

There are lots to go if I want to write everything about us. Anyway, I think I have wrote enough for this post.=)

Here comes a series of recent photos of us ..

Last but not least,

Happy 4th anniversary my dearest baby..<3

The friend, the change

2013-06-27T00:30:00.001+08:00

I could stop myself from thinking about the post constantly after viewing her blog.

I have a habit of viewing blogs that I followed everyday. A random post pop up on top of the update list telling me she has updated her blog. Undoubtedly, I clicked in and read. To my surprise, the post is related to me.

She talked about how we were best friends in the past and how the things went on for us to become in such awkward relationship. Frankly, I couldn't really recall what has happened in between. Anyway, that's not the main thing I would like to talk about. The word that lingered around my mind all the day until I rather use my study period for blogging are about friend. - I know, it's about friend again.-

I wasn't intended to make my blog full of these bullshit but here is the only place I could pour out my feelings. Ever since the day I posted about how I felt for my social life, I was so sensitive about everything goes on around me, especially friends. Some incident happened last weekend made me felt really upset about them. My boyfriend was there and he observed everything- how they treated me and how transparent I am in the group of people. The feeling of being ignore by someone you trusted or the-so-called-best friend I should say is just so unbearable. The mixture feelings of upset, disappointed, angry...came up to my mind all at the same time. Luckily he was there with me.

After that incident, my mind has been working constantly for a solution to ease my feelings. What I have concluded was I'm a failure. I don't blame anyone but myself. Constantly being dogmatic makes my personality become very weak until I could be ignore without reasons. My boy has been lecturing me about how to become someone with strong personality. I listen to his suggestions but that's not something I used to do.

One's personality is shaped since young. It takes time to reshape one's personality.

I'm not going to change myself because of anyone. I will only change for the sake of my better future. Now I know my weaknesses, so I try my best to make a change.

As for them, the so-called-best friends, god bless you all. You don't worth anything from me anymore.

*To the one who silently following me, thanks for your suggestions and concern towards me. It's indeed warm to get to know someone is supporting you without you knowing.

The other side

2013-06-18T21:25:00.003+08:00

So, after I have posted the previous post, those who read it would feel that I'm lonely and get to know all my weaknesses. In fact, I didn't share my blog link to many people or rather expose it through facebook. I only share it to some friends around me whom I trusted. Sometimes I just want this blog to be private when I share my feelings but sometimes I would like it to be exposed when I share my life ! I used to post my blog link on my facebook wall informing others that I've updated my blog but now not anymore. I don't wish my friends around me know me too well and take whatever I typed as a joke or put themselves into the situations I mentioned in my blog. By that, I couldn't type whatever comes up to my mind anymore when that case involved any of them.

I was thinking to type something aside of my friends and my school life. As the title suggest, I would type something different, the other side of me..=)

I believe god is fair to everyone around the world. One couldn't be perfect in every single field. I'm weak in socializing but I'm good in my studies. My relationship with my family is just so-so but I have a darling bf. I'm weak in languages but I'm good at sciences. I love to discover new thing but not being confined. All these aspects shape up my personality and thus make me who I am. I love myself more than anyone does.

In order to improve weaknesses, effort should be employed.

" All of us have the potential to succeed. However, we cannot expect success to come knocking at our door without us lifting a finger. We ourselves must posses the right attitude and endeavor to do things in a certain way to achieve success."

I copied this text and paste it on my wall to remind me what I should do. The "right attitude" to me is being positive towards everything, including my weaknesses. Therefore, I try my best to overcome the setbacks in my life. I would complain and being moody whenever I meet a problem. I could be either keep on complaining non-stop about that matter or being absolute silent for the whole day until I realize and wake up from my bad attitude. After that only I will think of the solution to that problem. Perhaps my way of solving a problem is not the most effective way but I need time to digest before taking the next step.

In other's eyes, I'm a good and obedient student. I able to follow teacher in class even though the syllabus is tough. I manage to get good results in every test. I'm not saying I'm best in my class but at least I'm above average. I'm just like the others. I do complain how hard the paper is and tell others how do I feel for that paper. I will upset if I couldn't do as well as I expected on myself despite I know my result is better than most of them. Here comes a lot of sarcasm. For instance, I told my teacher that I did badly in my sem 2 test on that particular subject when she asked me about it. My friend heard it and he said " Don't lie la. Teacher, don't believe her, it's impossible." I just kept quiet. Deep down in my heart, I know myself well. When I say I didn't did well means I really didn't did it well and it is not up to my expectation !

Alright, I typed a lot about my studies again which is out of the topic !!

Never mind. I'm gonna make a post about my bf once I'm free..=P

New start

2013-06-14T00:16:00.001+08:00

The moment I decided to recreate my blog, I know I'm going to spare my time on it.

What makes me have the idea of recreating my blog and start blogging all over again since I know I wouldn't have much time for it? Frankly speaking, I wished and wanted to start blogging since long time ago, just that I have no time for it and lazy to make the first move. Every time when I face a problem or when I have no one to share my life with, I would then think of blogging. Maybe to you, this is not the right path to pour out all your feelings as whatever you typed will be exposed to everyone around the world ; but for me, I'm alright with it. Perhaps writing a diary or note down all the events in those downloaded apps would be better instead of blogging since it is private, anyway, there are pros and cons in between which I'm not going to further elaborate it.

Social life of a 19 years old girl is very important. The way you communicate with your classmates, the way you make friends, the way you jump into a group conversation and so on are all about your social skill. Since long time ago, when I was in my secondary school, I do always felt lonely and unnoticeable. My friends around me are all outstanding person where all the teachers and other form's students would easily recognize them and tell out their names, especially her-my bff. ( no offence ah bo, I'm just telling the feeling deep down my heart ) She was so outstanding and sharp that people would only notice her but not me when we are together. I don't meant to be as sharp or famous as her but at least, please remember my name. I'm not someone's friend. I'm me. So this was what I felt for my social life when I was in my secondary school.

Now, I'm in my form 6. I tell myself, I want to become someone in this school but not anyone. So, I came into this school with an outstanding result which made me started to emerge as someone in my class. Teachers started to notice me on the very first day of school which made me special. The next thing I tell myself, I want to be socialize, make friends with everyone in the class without boundary. So I tried my best to join the other's conversation. Indeed, I get to mix along with all the classmates very well where I could just pop into any group of them and join their conversation.

When I think my social life in form 6 is far more better than the past, one of my classmate told me today that I look pity and seem to have not much friend. The scene was so awkward. I don't know how to answer him but just crapped over the statement.

I stood alone on the assembly ground and thought quietly : Am I really like what he told me?

The answer came across my mind was yes. The one who I really could get along with is just my deskmate. Indeed I could jump into any conversation of the others but sometimes it is just too awkward to comment on the others when you are actually not in their gang. Maybe this is what called ego. So I seldom chat with the others or join them in their conversation or group discussion. Most of the time I'm just hanging around with my deskmate and that's all. By now, since she has a bf, the moment I'm getting alone in the class steeply increases. I don't blame anyone but myself. My personality is just too weak for me to overcome all these inbuilt ego. I'm just too weak in socializing and I just don't know how to.

People are seeking for a partner to join the coming badminton competition. I thought I would be involved in any of the categories few months back. I was happily told my bf that I'm going to join competition later and started to prepare myself. I know I couldn't be the best but at least I'm better than the other girls. I was hoping and expecting someone would call me up and ask me to be their partner. You know what happened. =) . So yeah, I'm not involve in any of the categories and would be doing job like umpire or linesman on that day like a dog. I don't mean to be rude but the incident of someone looked down on me pissed me off. I don't think my badminton skill and understanding of rules are way lower than you but in fact I know and could play better than you ! The incident was she asked me to become the partner of the opponent because she wanted to train together with her partner. So I agreed. Before I could start my first ball, she was subtly chasing me out of the court and asked another girl to join in cause the girl plays better than me. I know she doesn't mean this way like what I'm thinking of her but her act really pissed me off as if I don't have enough quality to become her competitor. Fine ! ( f.y.i, she is one of my friend. )

I know chances and opportunities are not falling from the sky. I should have to chase for it but not sit and wait for it to come. I was so touched that one of my classmate came over and ask me to join him for a game when I'm sitting alone on the bench. I wondered if he's pity me or concern about me but anyway it doesn't matter anymore.

After all, I'm still who I'm.