:: Make poverty history!

Neverending Story

2026-04-13T01:06:00.000-07:00

See pare, I don’t mean to sound like *that guy*—pero honestly, I probably am. Because the way I see Philippine politics right now? It’s giving group project where I’m the only one who actually understood the assignment, and everyone else is just… designing the cover page.

Like hello?? The flood control situation? Embarrassing. As in, billions spent tapos one heavy rain lang, suddenly we’re all cast members in Survivor: NCR Edition. Streets flooding like it’s a water feature. And the government’s like, “We are monitoring.” Monitoring what exactly? The aesthetic ng baha? Because clearly, hindi yung drainage.

And don’t even get me started on global affairs. There’s literal tension involving the United States and the Middle East—which, last time I checked, affects oil, economy, everything. But locally? Deadma. Zero intellectual engagement. Parang, sorry, are we not part of the same planet or…? Because I swear, I have more geopolitical awareness while half-asleep.

Meanwhile, inside the country? Same tired political rivalries. It’s not governance, it’s branding. Not leadership, it’s PR. Everyone acting like they’re the main character, delivering monologues, dropping statements like they’re auditioning for Best Actor. I mean… if I wanted drama, I’d at least expect better writing.

And then—this is my favorite part—out of all the pressing issues… the energy goes to arresting shirtless men in public.

I’m sorry, what??

So while the country is literally sinking, economically and physically, the focus is… abs management? Public torso surveillance? Are we serious? I cannot. The misalignment is so loud it’s almost offensive to people who can actually think.

Like sure, decorum matters. But let’s be real—if priorities were a person, ours would be that one classmate na nag-highlight ng title page pero walang laman yung essay.

Honestly, if I were running things—hypothetically lang, relax—you’d at least see coherence. Direction. A sense that someone in the room has a functioning brain.

Because right now? It’s chaos pretending to be structure.

And I hate to say it—but actually, I don’t—

I could literally do better.

I'm Right All Along!

2025-11-21T19:14:00.000-08:00

See pare, the katutubo economy is not just drowning — as in, hinahawakan na ng ankles and being dragged pababa ng system, tapos the government is like, “Oops, sorry ha, thoughts and prayers!” Gano’n ka-wild yung kabobohan, swear.

Tapos eto pa, bro — our congressman neighbor? Grabe, if may Olympics for delulu politicians, gold medalist siya. As in, every time he posts a “working hard for the people” selfie, pare, alam mo na agad:

red flag yan.

Like clockwork.

Kasi after that post? Boom. May bagong sasakyan sa garage pare, may bagong “business trip” to Europe. Business trip saan? Sa Gucci? Sa Louis Vuitton? Sino siya, ambassador of clout? Funny no?!

And dude, the audacity ha — he walks around the village like he owns the whole barangay. Nagpa-power strut pa na parang runway sa Paris Fashion Week. Pero behind the scenes? Luh. He’s calling his assistants kasi “the wi-fi is too slow daw” and he can’t upload his inspirational quote for the day. Nakakabaliw pare.

Meanwhile the katutubo communities? Nagkakandarapa looking for actual support while these clowns are busy making pa-fall sa public with their curated political thirst traps. Like bro, paano nagkaroon ng “softboy era” ang mga politiko? Who allowed this?!

And the best part? Kapag may scandal na lumabas, ayan na — “I was misquoted,” “fake news,” “taken out of context.” Pare, in what universe? May receipts nga eh! The duality, pare. The delusion. The drama. Parang teleserye pero walang redemption arc.

Honestly, if the Philippine economy had a Facebook status, it would be:

“It’s complicated — mostly because of stupid decisions by men who think they’re the main character.”

Eh they're just existing as extras lang naman in my perfect world no.

03.23

2021-03-22T12:44:00.003-07:00

Just a quick update pare. Been trying to share something for quite some time na. I was busy lang with my business. Also sad lang ako pare because my friend Jan recently died. Oh fuck! I forgot pala to cancel my hotel booking. Will share the deets next time. Ciao!

Update

2016-07-18T01:52:00.002-07:00

Just wanna make update lang for being MIA for so tagal. Shit! So passe na pala blogging here sa Pinas. I have so daming kwento pa naman. Maybe some other time pare. Daming kainis lurking here at Starbs.

New Ipad Mini Unveiled

2012-10-24T01:54:00.001-07:00

Shit pare! I'm palpitating na right now just thinking about the new Ipad Mini. I was like not informed by my so called friends kasi of the Ipad Mini unveiling at the California Theater. I'm kinda tired na rin kasi of using the New Ipad. Its big and Im not comfortable bringing it with me specially when I'm at some chichi places. I mean, people might think I'm also an orc. Shit! I hate that when it happens.

Whats happening with the world na ba? When I visited Greenbelt recently, almost everyone is using an Ipad na. Even those who doesn't look the part pare. I mean, what the fuck? Even the mahirap natives can now afford pricey gadgets like the New Ipad. Good thing I have a keen eye pare in identifying the posers from the real blue blood. Well, they can all rot in hell for all I care dude. basta I'll make sure na I'll get my hands on the Ipad mini next week. I'll call my Tita to buy one for me and have it ship ASAP sa pinas dude.

I did some thinking yesterday pare. It must be with the installment plan being offered by the major credit card companies. The idea just dawned on me dude. Shit! It makes perfect sense now. Good thing I am paying in cash nowadays. I'm that cool kasi dude. I'm always bringing cash with me anywhere I go. I mean admit it dude, I can always flaunt my money in front of those baho natives and all they can do is to drool and be inggit that I have cash and all that they have are those maxed out credit cards from loan sharks. I bet they only pay the minimum pa of their amount due. So pathetic pare.

Cards are now out. Cold cash are in. So in order to see if someone is really rich pare, just look at their wallets. If you see thick moolahs, yep, that's a certified glitterati if all you can see are the cards and even some suki cards and prepaid call cards, posers yun dude. Beat the crap out of that shit and help me in my effort to clean the metro of yaman-wannabees.

Anyways, that's all for now muna pare. I need to go pa to Starbs to meet my future wife. Later dude!

Avengers

2012-05-16T18:47:00.002-07:00

Dude!!!! I sooo effin' love this movie. Shit! I need to buy na some collectibles aside from the Petron crap.

Back sa Pinas

2012-04-19T04:20:00.000-07:00

Shit pare! I think I just made the biggest mistake of my layf!!! I got back here sa Pinas at the most init time! My mom kasi was making kulit always to visit them here. Eh I was like trying to gather the broken pieces of my life kaya abroad. So many bad things happened to me pare and I was like totally parted na from the good vibes. I think I'm losing na my instant access to my kaluluwa lately.

Badtrip pa the plane I was in. The guy sitting right next to me was like taking photos at almost all the clouds. So I was like really asar at all the movements he was making. So baho pa naman his underarm pare. Really not cool. Buti na lang I was able to hand carry my cologne. So I was able to make spray at him while he was busy making papicture sa plane. Good for him I was not in a confrontational mood no. Anyways, I just covered na lang my nose kasi his BO was over powering the cologne.

Okay dude, I know it has been a while since the last time I posted. Just like what I've said, I was like really busy trying to make buo lang something. I was hit head on by karma kasi dude! Buti na lang I was like good at carrying myself in public. All of my friends pa are like busy din. I have dami friends but not even one of them are available for a talk. Its their chance pa naman to hear my rants pare. I mean, its not everyday that I feel this way no. Oh hell, its their problem na. I'll just make linis lang my aura for the next few days. Then I'll make another post.

Also, I deleted na lang all the comments set for moderation pare. So dami na kasi. I think I needed a brand new start and look for another blog na tahimik. I left na nga blurty because of them.

Ahhh! Its hard to find inner peace pare.

The Drowning Katutubo Economy

2010-06-08T21:52:00.000-07:00

Tangina pare. It has been quite some time since the last time I made kwento here at my blog. Been busy kasi energizing my aura due to some tanginang moments that happened. I will not share na lang para wala ng katutubos to comment pa on them. The hell no!

Ok here's the deal pare, just got back here sa pinas from an uber long vacation at my aunt. Bad trip kasi my mom for messing my life with that pasosyal na girl eh. Its obvious naman na I dont like her no. Shit talaga. She was too clingy pare. Good thing I made takas before they ruined my life completely. Yeah.. THEY pare! It was really a conspiracy theory. I really don't know na nga who's on my side na. I think they are all ganging up on me. I was like muntik ng maging criminal pa because of that bitch. Since the kwento is so haba pare, I'll just cut it short na lang. I made sakal the clingy bitch because I couldn't stand her feeling my wife na agad attitude. So kapal dude diba?

Anyways, I wasn't able to vote pare. Pero its ok lang. I think all the candidates that ran for some pwestos are all trapos naman eh. I mean, come on dude?! I think you katutubos already learned from your past. Ok, its given na that some of you primitivos are stupid. Pero don't tell me dude that you gained another quality from the recent election? Memory gap... Confabulating much? Sheesh! Pathetic natives!

Ok, I'll just try to remind you lang ha. Below are some politicians who ran in the recently held election.

Manny Villar: C5 at Tyaga.
Erap Estrada: Edsa 3, Anyone care to place their bet at the jueteng currently being played at the boracay mansion? As in now na!
Noynoy Aquino: Mama, Papa and Sis of the Hacienda Luisita. Not to mention the highest rated candidate of Pulse Asia of which by the way is owned by HIS relatives: Rafael Cojuangco Lopa, Antonio Cojuangco, etc. Obviously, he ran on nothing but the memory of his parents.
Lito Lapid: Leon Guerero anyone? Or is it Guerrero? O come on pare, lets not QUARRY este quarrel about this.
Ralph Recto: The author and defender of the EVAT LAW. Need I say more?
Ferdinand Marcos Jr.: Martial Law and Edsa 1.
Bong Revilla: Before doing the lame ochocho, care for some Kap's Amazing Photos? Click here. And here pa.

Shit pare, dito na my stoopid driver.. I'll try to write some more na lang later.

February Update

2009-02-20T10:39:00.000-08:00

Ok pare, remember the girl I made kwento last time? Well for some effin reason I cant seem to shed her out of my life. She's like glued na to me pare. I know Im hot and all pero pare this is something different, shes acting like im her property na no! What the hell! Nobody owns me pare! Pero don't get me wrong ha. Im not bakla pero I dont have any feelings talaga towards her eh. But thanks to my pakialamera mom, I think Im stuck na with Cheska. I mean I'd still choose my ex lesbo girlfriend Ysabelle if only shes still single and not married to that gay Bobby dude.

Just like what happened last week after the wedding of my cousin. Some guy friends invited me over to have coffee at starbs Harbor Square. And since I'm with my gf, no choice pare but to tag her along at starbs or else Hilariously Stoopid will make sumbong na naman to my stupid mom na Im not being nice to Cheska. I made iwan kasi her the last time we watched movie at ATC because she really made me pikon.

Eh puta pare, she's like mas malala pa kay Claude when it comes to being maarte and all. Here's the scenario pare: since im still not allowed to drive my car, Hilarously Stoopid drove us to Square Harbor to meet up with my friends there. We never bothered changing getups pa pare. Since we all look cool naman sporting our fine barongs. But since im with Cheska, I have an extra baggage with me. I have to be extra nice to her or else my mom would cut my LAST card. Shit talaga pare! Its like conspiracy theory talaga. Im feeling like Mel Gibson na trying to make isip on how to free myself from the unwanted setup. So yun na nga diba, after Hilarously Stoopid parked the car, Cheska refused to get down from the car. It was raining a bit kasi pare. Pero it was like a bit lang talaga. Pero the fucking Cheska doesnt want to get out of the car because she was afraid daw that her Manolo Blahnik might get ruined by the water. Tangina talaga pare! Eh I was like salivating pa naman for a cup-of-chino that time. So I was like really muntik ng i-tie around her neck the shole she's wearing. Buti na lang I saw a group of wet baho natives seeking shelter from the rain along the restos near the parking area. So thats more than enough reason for me to also backout from the caffeine convention and head back inside the car. Hirap na pare. Who knows if those natives are infected with some kind of airborne disease diba? Good thing we are like 10 meters away from them. Funny nga how those orcs got basa eh. Siguro it was divine intervention na for them to make ligo no. They all look so baho na kasi eh.

Thats all muna for now pare. I'll just make lipat lang my files to the external drive I bought kanina. ciao dudes and dudettes.

Its 2009 na!

2009-01-04T08:18:00.000-08:00

Im back to my blogging pare. It has been quite a while since the last time I wrote something here. Putangina naman kasi all the moronic people around me. They are like pampasira ng aura. My perfect tune with nature always gets disturbed na lang. Its hard to get peace na talaga nowadays. Man, if I weren't so at peace with the world, i'd run them over with my new car. Good thing I have a girlfriend now pare. But she's just the up-to-sawa type. Meaning shes my gf until the time im sawa na.

My mom kasi always makes pakialam to my diskarte pare. She and her amiga are the ones who arranged the relationship. So I made sakay na lang their trip. My girlfriend now kasi looks good pero shes really annoying. She like wants me to text her always my gig. Can you believe that? Its making me sakal na. Labo talaga nya. It really fucking gets me everytime dude. Sometimes nga I made Hilariously Stoopid reply to her text messages na lang. Funny thing, I dont even care pare what they are texting ha. Hilariously Stoopid even asked me before, "Sir maganda ba itong textmate ko?" I just said, "Yeah. and please dont forget to send her love quotes ha." Hahaha!

Anyways, enough for the sharing pare. I just turned a year older. And shit man, now lang Ive noticed na I'm getting hotter and hotter pala. That explains why people are always making papansin when im at chichi places. But even given the location pare, the orc infestation are like spreading na. So Im attracting even the unwanted baho masa. The hell!

I guess thats it na muna dude. Need to finish something lang.

It's About Time Pare

2008-07-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

Shit! Can't help talaga but smile for the past few months on whats happening to the Pinas pare. The quasi-shortage of rice, the neverending gas price increase, the transfer of the controversial ZTE star witness as head of SSS, the supposedly billions of pesos katutubo/masa funds and the unstoppable growth of the orc community (May gathering ba pare?). Im waiting na nga lang for a "For Sale" sign that they will make sabit sa Malacañang. Hopefully pare, U.S. will jump at the opportunity of buying it to save the natives from further bouts of katangahan. It's pretty obvious naman kasi pare na the crisis are all made up stories lang to hide something diba? And I'm not going to elaborate more pa pare. Its about time for you to use naman your noggins. Sayang kasi ur small na, pea-sized brain pa inside if unutilized. Baka kasi mabulok pa.

So ayon na nga diba... The only good thing I'm seeing from all these is the fact that all the burdens are shouldered by the baho natives. They are starting to feel the stress na of leaving this country to work as slaves of other bansas. Typical pare. Katutubos are synonymous to muchahos, muchachas, Dh, orcs and contruction workers. My tito told me that there are lots of opening abroad for those jobs. So that would mean, it'll save pinas a couple of hundred thousands of natives to feed. Meaning, bawas the quasi-rice shortage. Hehe. By the way, hope the price of gaso would reach 100 bucks per liter para bawas na rin the traffic. So dami kasing obsolete cars sa kalsada that needs pahinga na.

Also, some fucktards hijacked my friendster and yahoo account before. Hope you guys drop dead na no. You know who you are. Thats really not cool pare. Hope you all make pakamatay na. Good thing I have a paid yahoo account so they changed my password immediately.

Anyway, I'll like go na muna. I'm going to buy something lang at Rockwell for my date later. No press releases na muna for now pare. I'll share next time na lang.

It's vacation time na dude.

2008-04-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

Ok pare, its official, I need to beach in with the guys way down under pinas. Kasi after all the scheck that happened, I really need some serious cleansing of my aura. Tapos sumabay pa the incident yesterday where Hilariously Stoopid went head on (again!!!) with my car onto a poste. Good thing my auto dentist was really good talaga to undo the damage. Or else, I swear talaga up to the old native's last hininga that I'll charge him for the damage. Of all the empty carparks along Greenbelt, why pa park B.F.E. (Beyond Fucking Egypt)! Why naman kasi up to now, wala pa roll call for the missing cast of Dead People 3 para matawag na my old katutubo driver no. Im sick and tired na rin kasi of him slowing me down pare. I think Im aging na nga eh. Pano na lang if theres no obagi?

So yun na nga diba. I was in Serendra pala kanina with Claude and Andrew, and puta pare, it was really crawling with unwanteds. God, kadire talaga the orcs. Hope they all transfer na to another bansa. Because they are seriously devaluating the chic value of the place. Fuck!

Well, i guess that's it muna for now, I need to call pa some chicks to invite for next week.

ROYAL MANCHESTER FIVE Scum bags!

2008-03-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

Puta pare! I really wanted to kick this person's ass for the past couple of weeks. No matter how I tried to make linis my aura, I really can't pare. My energies are exhausted pa because I've been sending negative psychic messages to this shit. This fugly loser kasi stole almost 7 Million from my mom and 3 Million from my own account. So kapal naman the face diba?! I should have followed my gut feeling pare the first time I saw that guy! My stupid ermats kasi really made kulit that the company was legit daw and that some of her amigas are already earning a lot from the forex scheme. Then all of a sudden he disappeared agad like parang bula. The hell talaga! And the nerve of the fucktard to raffle pa BMW's at one of his parties, hindi naman pala his the money. Shit! Shit! Shit! To think na they are selling pa the tickets for 500 gran each ha and what made it worse pare, I bought two! Good thing I never told that to my mom or else she would think I'm also stupid like her. Im not stupid pare, Im just vulnerable diba. Tangina! His days are numbered na talaga dude! Because I already hired someone na to track this person down. I really can't wait to make sipa his face. Shit! Im kinda lugi pala, his face was sira na. Baka mainfect pa my foot.

Still, I swear talaga pare, once i'm done with this guy, he'll be begging to die na.

For any information regarding the whereabouts of this fugly thief, kindly contact the numbers below:

National Bureau of Investigation
NBI Building, Taft Avenue, Manila, Philippines
Tel. No. (+632) 523-82-31 to 38

Securities and Exchange Commission
Compliance Monitoring and Enforcement Department (SEC-CED)
Tel. No. (+632) 724-7650 or (+632) 727-2267

I'll end here muna for the meantime, i'll just go fix my aura.

ADDENDUM:

I'LL GIVE A GENEROUS SUM OF MONEY TO ANYONE WHO CAN SHOW ME THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE FUCKTARD ABOVE. EMAIL ME AT IHATECOFI@YAHOO.COM.

Baho Streets

2008-03-01T08:35:00.000-08:00

Tangina pare the traffic last Friday! I mean what the fuck are they trying to do ba? All the streets are full of baho jologs and katutubos. Good thing I am inside my car or else I would have suffered death by baho. Lord knows naman that those jologs and katutubos don't make ligo no.

Also, what's with the ZTE Broadband deal ba. I think there's nothing wrong in having some vested interest at any deal pare. Admit it no, all people are corrupt. The saints are all dead or patay na! Also, stop the whining diba pare? Tutal this whole katutubo government thingie naman is a big joke. Why not let the Americans or other neighboring countries run our country diba? That is the only way to stop another corrupt native from bringing this country deeper into poverty.

Give it a rest dude. All this rally and traffic is really not good for my aura.

So ayon nga diba, it was really smelly and baho na at Makati so I decided to cancel na lang the appointment I have with Kimberly Hotel, Tagaytay. I'm inquiring kasi for a bachelor party for my cousin Dave. I think will just have it na lang at Peninsula. Can't stand kasi all the squatters tapping their fingers at my car. As if naman I care no.

I better go to bed muna pare... Im feeling a bit depressed kasi.

Splendid at Starbs

2008-02-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

Tangina talaga dude the ultimate poser I've seen at Starbs greenbelt kanina. I was with Claude kasi making pakinig na naman to all the litany of the drama princess. The bitch kasi broke up na naman with her quasi-boyfriend. Eh my head pa naman was like really sabog because of the tons of business projects i'm drafting right now. So when she asked for my advise, I just told her to just have sex na lang with a dog no. Tutal she's a total bitch naman so it wouldn't make any difference. And besides pare, there's no difference naman between dogs and her native boyfriends. Shes after the dicks lang naman so it doesn't really matter if its an orc, a native or a dog. And the ingrata made simangot lang tapos made lambing na for me to treat her daw. And being the sweet friend that I am pare, I made pauto na lang so I got her free water by the cup. The hell no! Hahaha. So yun na nga diba, going back to my story dude, when I made pila na to order, lo and behold pare, there was an oily orc infront of me that was talking to another orc. Eto ka dude, speaking in loud dollars talaga! Kaya naman kumulo na naman my blood. Another balat mahirap trying hard to fit in at Starbs. I mean, wala na ba nescafe and free hot water at 7-11 for them to invade my space pa? Also, I even wondered why that oily orc is still alive pare. An old friend once told me kasi that Oiliness is next to Ugliness. Ugliness is next to Death. Therefore, OILINESS is DEATH! So why the hell an oily orc was still alive?! Ever heard of beta-hydroxy acid pare? Good thing I have my hanky with me so I made takip na lang my nose. Hirap na pare to inhale death no! So yun na nga diba? It was torture talaga dude listening to the boses-pekpek na voice of that oily orc... Perfectly matching the ridiculous pekpek-shorts getup. It was really disguting talaga pare I tell you. Not attractive at all. The only thing she was attracting are the flies from outside. As in!

Good thing one barista noticed me and asked for my order of double tall non-fat extra-dry cup of chino agad or else, I would have ran out of Starbs and transferred to Coffeebean agad with the crying Claude on the side. Eto ka dude, the oily orc made singit with her pekpek voice and made galit at the kawawang barista. Tangina, no rights pare! No rights at all! So I made tingin sama at the orc and said politely right in her face, "Excuse me miss, you don't look the part so spare the poor barista!" The bitch's face turned red tapos she went outside na. Right decision pare because Claude was at my side na or else she'll feel the wrath of the bitch goddess a.k.a Claude. Hahaha.

Eto pa pare, while waiting for our drink, another orc asked for some splenda from the baristas. Here's the scenario:

Orc: Meron kayong SPLENDID?
Barista: SPLENDID sir?
Orc: Yeah SPLENDID. Yung sweetener.
Barista: Ahhhh.. Splenda sir.
Orc: Yeah, that's what I've said.
Barista: okaay.

Claude: OMG! A whole new world? Shining, Shimmering, SPLENDID!
Moi: Zip it Jasmine. Hahaha.

December Update

2007-12-27T11:49:00.000-08:00

Dude pare! Tangina! It has been quite some time na since the last time I posted an entry here at my online dicklit. The past few weeks kasi was major sa pagod pare. It was like really draining talaga the left and right galas and fund raising that my stupid mom FORCED me to attend. Tangina talaga dude the schedule that I had. Tapos my native secretary pa was like bobo in managing my time. Why naman kasi when the El Supremo made pasabog some katangahan here sa Earth, her katutubo mom ata was making sahod using some large basins eh. Was really itching na talaga to fire that native. Double shithead talaga pare I tell you. Kumulo talaga my blood just yesterday lang. Tama ba naman to approve an appointment at Alabang around 3 pm tapos my next sked would be at Quezon City at 3:30 pm!!! Shit talaga dude! I'm not like Silver surfer kaya to finish everything and still have time to travel to QC. All I have is an old hilariously stoopid driver which is lapit ng mamatay tapos bagal pa the driving skills. I mean, he can't even do the drift pare down Rufino towers.

Also pare, just kanina lang when I checked my friendster (ihatecofi@yahoo.com). Tangina, now ko lang na notice some baho orcs made some nasty comments on my profile. I mean, how lame was that? As if naman they'll change the idea that they are still stoopid for having such a no-brainer job. Here's a sample pare:

* ako
* Posted 12/27/2007 3:22 pm
* touche!

nice rants.... for an idiot who suffers from delusions of grandeur... :) try seeing a shrink once in a while kiddo... it could really help you get off those fantasies of porsches and shit... and unlike you, those stupid call center agents as you call em are contributing alot to our GNP inasmuch as they have somehow helped their families... :) but anyway, this is a free country... so, i'll respect your opinions on call center agents... ur ignorance (or should i say, mental incapacity) is beyond forgivable... but really, you should consider my advice on seeing a shrink... I mean, a session or two won't cost that much considering you mentioned that you take your girlfriend out for a ride on your porsche... :)

But anyway, I'm (surprisingly) glad to have found your friendster page... I find it rather amusing... cheerio... :) cough cough poser cough cough

Sino daw she called mentally incapacitated? I bet she was referring to herself dude. I mean, the "thing" or whatever she(?) is speak for itself. I rest na my case pare.

Btw,that came from this native orc named Precious... Yes dude, remember Smiggle/Smeagol/Gollum from LOTR? Yep, thats her pare. She's now here sa pinas. Go check her out! Precious a.k.a. Gollum on Friendster!

Also find some "latest" LOTR characters at my friendster profile pare --> http://www.friendster.com/cofibean. Of course im not referring to all the uber cool dudes and dudettes who made nice comments on my profile. Just the "mentally incapacitated" ones lang. As in -- Dai orcs! Dai!

Facial Foot Spa?

2007-09-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

Tangina pare.. been itching na rin to write for quite some time now. Been busy kasi with lots of stuff lately. Tapos my aura was like drained pa most of the time because of the right and left stupidity of some of our employees. As in shit talaga!

By the way pare, just wanna suggest pala Chi, The Spa at Edsa Shangri-La. They have this uber nice na spa package which I availed yesterday - The traveller's retreat. So nice talaga the place and the treatment. The biodroga aroma *whatever-is-it-called-again?* wrap is a must pare! Sad thing Claude wasn't available na naman to enjoy the uber relaxing experience. Don't want naman to make libre Hilariously Stoopid that was waiting for me outside for a treatment. I mean, its only 6k pesos lang naman pero diba pare, im not that stupid to waste my money on another stoopid katutubo. They made my ulo soo sakit na nga at the office tapos I'll make libre pa. As in asa pa them pare. Siguro if my mood was good that time, I could have treated him pa for a foot spa sa face. As in! Tangina kasi naman the face of that old guy. I mean there's this cheap native chayote naman for instant face lift diba? Hehe. I remember kasi my yaya once cooked tinola while I was still in Baguio. Tapos she was making hiwa the chayote when I accidentally made hawak to the slices she made. And shit talaga the feeling pare. It was like the balat of my hands was treated with Botox with matching instant peeling pa! I was like crying talaga, so my yaya was like really taranta na that time on what to do. E I was like soo young kaya and beaming with innocence pa. Kaya naman when my mom called I told them that yaya made lagay lason sa food kaya it was sticky. And since I have a paranoid mother for a momma, she fired nga agad the stupid candy-ass maid and announced pa na I was like a hero because of what I have discovered. Hahaha. So funny talaga that scenario pare.

Also pare, I chatted recently at Yahoo chat (The Hot Tub) and shit! I think I have a cyberstalker pare! Below is a log of our chat:

You are in "The Hot Tub:3" ( Come on in for a soak [Notification: We are currently recording IP addresses of all Yahoo! Chat users.] )

Ihatecofi: Any hot chinita chick from makati for coffee tonight? Beautiful chinks only pls. NO maids, gays, citizens of Orcville and jologs! Males, FUCK OFF!

UglyBitch: Hi. Im a Filipina but not from mkti. Is it ok if im not beautiful. Just alluring. 27f/pque/CSR

Ihatecofi: No. Its not ok. Shoo!

ladylou4u joined the room
lincolncyfan joined the room

lincolncyfan: ANY FEMALES FOR CAM CHAT????

lincolncyfan: ANY FEMALES FOR CAM CHAT????

UglyBitch: Alam mo u are stupid. Dont you know that alluring is a synonym for beautiful? I am beautiful. Stupid.

Ihatecofi: You know what? You are the one who is sooo fucking stupid. Just because one is seductive doesnt necessarily makes her beautiful. You should go back to grade school and brush up on your english vocabulary. Now scram, you're messing my style.

sexxy_karina_750: hey guyz

UglyBitch: Really? No its not!@ I have a dictionary with me right now and it said here that alluring means beautiful.

Ihatecofi: Duh! Its not relative! Alluring is somewhat vague and abstract. And its meaning is limited only by pathetic orcs like you. So go pack your lame dictionary and get out from this channel.

UglyBitch: E TANGINA KA PALA SIGURO BAKLA KA! PIKON KA NA BAKLA KA PA! ANG PATHETIC MO! BAKA PAG NAKITA MO AKO MAGULAT KA NA AKO PALA ANG HINAHANAP MO!

Ihatecofi: I'm really sorry to burst your inflated katutubo ego, but I know what I want and ITS NOT YOU! And if ur not stupid, you'll get a hint na agad. Now I'm having doubts na nga if you are really a girl.

UglyBitch: BABAE AKO! Kahit tawagan mo pa ako ngayon!Bigay ko sau cp ko to prove that I am a girl.

Ihatecofi: Thanks but no thanks. The way you conduct your conversation suggests that your social strata is that of the native muchachas. I'd rather catch ebola and die than disgrace myself. So fuck off!

UglyBitch: Sige na nga my frog prince, i'll kiss you na lang and lets forget the fight. So, would you like to meet up with me?

Ihatecofi: Nutcase alert!

- End -

For Our Children's Children.. Tehe...

2007-08-30T16:43:00.000-07:00

As in I asked myself literally pare... What daw she said?!

Shit Pare.. Sayang the Cars!

2007-08-18T14:26:00.000-07:00

Claude called me yesterday to inform me about the Subic Bay cars. She made sabi lang that one of his tito daw owned one of the unclaimed luxury cars. I mean, why on hell would the government crush such precious rides? Are they insane na ba? I mean those cars when auctioned could sell for millions pa diba! It could even feed and clothe thousands of natives that are lurking the streets of metro wearing ukay ukay shirts lang. Tangina! I was like muntik ng mahimatay when I saw the video clip on youtube. My heart talaga was really aching seeing the BMW X5's and GTO sports car being crushed to zero ground level. I think I said the word shit a thousand times while watching the clip. As in shit talaga! Shit! Shit! Shit!

I remember asking my dad to call Commissioner Morales to at least save one of the remaining luxury cars para saken kasi my car was like sira na. I even heard kasi Congressman Suarez even offered 8 million for one of the luxury vehicles. E my dad was like richer naman than that congressman no. I mean, I've seen his collection of cars and its nothing fancy naman pare. My late Tito Archie has a nicer collection of muscle cars before sa California. I personally liked his 1965-1973 Classic Mustangs Collection. I wonder what happened na to those cars. I'll call nga my tita tomorrow.

Anyways pare, going back to the luxury cars. I was like making hinayang talaga to the thing they did to those precious rides... My aura literally left my body pare upon seeing those uber cool cars being smashed to like oblivion. Tangina! Are they blind ba pare not to see that those are priceless? Just one car is worth daan libong katutubo lives na? I mean, there are many squatter areas worth bulldozing dito sa pinas, why pa the cars? E diba nga mother earth is helping na get rid of all the baho masa by means of sunod-sunod ng storms here sa pinas. Shit lang talaga that the baho natives have power grips kaya naman its so hirap for mother earth to wipe 'em clean na eh. The gorvernment should read na those natural signs pare. Its about time na. I think they should divert na their attentions from being stupid into being matalino by putting an end to poverty. Its obvious naman kasi that the streets are flooded because of the filth these people generate everyday.. clogging most of the sewerage systems dito sa pinas.

Smash na lang those orcs to pieces. Wag lang the rides. Sayang kasi the cars eh.

Rotten Orcs!!!

2007-07-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

Its not everytime pare that I get to watch tv. Pero just recently lang I can't help talaga but laugh at a religious show I've seen on TV. As in literally laughing talaga pare. I even heard my yaya speaking to one of the native muchachas if I was high daw ba on drugs. Tangina dude, why are they making pakialam diba if I'm laughing alone no. I mean, the show was really kakatawa naman talaga. Kasi pare, there was this old lady who was making a live testimonial that she was totally healed by a certain miracle guru that only made ihip and hawak her forehead tapos she got himatay lang, then after that, she was claiming na she was totally healed na daw. As in literally dancing and prancing pare. Prior to that, she was bed ridden daw because of excruciating pain on her back. It was some sort of cancer ata that rendered her invalid. Tapos, when a friend accompanied her to the gathering to get healed, she was complete pa with props -- wheelchair and alalais. Anyways, the funny thing was when the guru made ihip on her forehead and she literally dropped to the floor like a wilted veggy. I thought she was patay na or something kasi I figured the guru must have that uber baho breath that made everyone he spoke to as in up close and personal be like patay na. The weird thing lang pare, after a few minutes, the lady was making kisay pa. Tangina that breath talaga! Just imagine, with just a single ihip lang pare, the person in front of him will drop agad and was making kisay pa! He is special alright. Gifted with special baho breath with healing powers. What made it even funnier was the fact that after the kisayan incident, the old lady stood up as if there's no pain on her back na agad. Ang cool diba? And you know what I think pare? I think they are just making it up that they are healed na. Kasi its obvious naman na it was kahiyaan na diba. It was aired ba naman on national TV pare. So it'll be kahiya if they don't act that they get healed diba? T'was a bunch of crapolas pare. They are just faking it kaya. If you will try to look closer, its obvious naman na they are in sooo much pain while trying to get up and walk eh. Some of them are making ngiwi pa when trying. Tapos you'll never hear from them again after a couple of days because they were all like patay na. How fucking stoopid is that pare?!

Ok dude, im not trying to act as an anti kristo or whatever no. Was just airing my opinion on these shitty programs on tv. Eh its obvious naman na the people behind these programs are earning a lot from it eh. See how their lives remarkably changed from being a busabos preacher to instant millionaires? Tangina, thats what you call as pure panloloko pare. Capitalizing on religion to gain material wealth is soo fucking panloloko pare. They should rot in hell for doing so. Its soo obvious naman na the driving force behind them is Taning diba? I mean, they are not even God's gift to mankind like me. And they don't have what it takes eh. Kaya can't help it talaga but to laugh whenever these shows are on TV pare. Believe me, stand up comedy at its finest! Really good stuff dude. Good thing I'm not that tanga to believe in those gago no. As in asa pa them diba.

Anyways, just got my Iphone. I'm sad land lang kasi it is network locked pa.

The Peninsula Manila Privilege Card

2007-07-19T23:41:00.000-07:00

Ok pare, I know its kinda tagal na rin since the last time I posted something here. I was kinda busy rin kasi juggling my schedules lately. My stupid secretary kasi was like bobo rin in managing my time. Anyways, just got home nga pala from a night out with my mom. Actually, t'was all purely coincidental that we had a date kanina. Just got kasi my privilege card from Peninsula a couple of weeks ago and I have this complimentary dinner with them (also a special room night). Unfortunately, I made my reservation sabay sa event of my mom with her other fabolosa kalachuchi friends. I called my mom's group, the circle of the kalachuchis because they all smelled like one pare. We have kasi that tree at the back of our farm house in Batangas, so I could easily make the comparison. Tangina talaga pare, my mom kasi coerced me to make mano pa and beso beso with her friends eh. So I was making timpi lang not to wipe agad my face with my hanky because the smell was like really disgusting talaga. And besides, its their reunion no and I'm not a part of their circle kaya. So I just told my mom that I have to leave them because I have a reservation pa at the Nielsen's. They were are the glass atrium lobby kasi. So yun na nga diba. Just bought lang saglit a sourdough bread at the Peninsula Hotel Bakery because everything was like discounted na. Then I called Hilariously Stoopid to pick them up, as usual, the old native was like nanginginig na naman when he got inside the hotel. He's not used to that kind of setting daw kasi. Ang pathetic no? I mean, he's not going to have an overnight stay there or something naman.. I just asked him to pick up the bread and thats it. Ambisyoso old fool no?

Anyways, I just presented my card and told them that I have a reservation made by my agent, June Lopez. The attendant directed me to my table and the rest was history na pare. The buffet spread was really good talaga. I literally pig out kanina. Good thing I ate alone or else I wont enjoy the food as much as I did kanina. Tanga kasi all the people I invited eh. I remember texting a dozen of my friends and none of them replied back. Probably all of their fones are lowbatt na pare. Kasi I even called 3 of my friends, ilang rings lang then busy tones na agad. When I tried to call them again, cannot ba reached na. They've missed out on a great treat pare. So bobo kasi nila for not charging their fone diba. I mean, its not everytime that I call.

Anyways, when I got out of Nielsen's, I thought of checking muna G4 since mukhang tagal pa matatapos my mom. So, I texted Hilariously Stoopid to make me hatid muna. I waited for 15 minutes but no native driver came so I called him instead.. Tangina pare, he was out of reach daw. So yun na nga diba. Since nasa kanya the valet parking ticket I have no choice but to walk na lang papunta to Glorietta. Of all tanginang koopal dude, Hilariously Stoopid was outside lang pala near the cascading water thingie of The Peninsula Manila chatting with one of the native guards. Ciempre diba, I was really infuriated talaga so I made sigaw na to the matandang koopal what on hell was he doing there eh I was texting him kaya like forever. Tapos the native guard pa made tingin at me like sama. So I shouted nga ulit at Hilariously Stoopid in pure english pare. I said na lang, "Are you natives ba planning to take a dip in the cascading thingie? Well, I guess you should! Both of you are really smelly na. I can smell you guys from inside ha! And believe me, its really shitty talaga!" So yun na nga diba, since I was really intimidating while shouting at the top of my voice, the native guard talaga was really pahiya. I'm like a VIP member kaya of Peninsula no. And they should make tabi whenever I pass through. Shitty minimum wage earners. I made galit na to Hilariously Stoopid infront of the baho guard to show him that natives are below me no. So yun na nga diba. Since I'm walking na naman, I just told him to please find a signal na lang for his mumurahing phone. I will check something lang kasi at Glorietta. Been drooling na kasi over the next Harry Potter book.

So there pare, good thing, he made sagot agad when I called him. I was like inis pa naman when I found out that the book is not yet out. Probably I'll make balik na lang ulit on Monday.

Compared to Them, I Am a God Pare.

2007-06-05T23:39:00.000-07:00

Ok pare, as usual, i was uber busy na naman for the past few weeks. I was coerced kasi by my stupid mom to support kasi my uncle who ran for Senate last election. I mean, it was pretty obvious naman na I don't like that guy tapos my mom was making pilit pa to support him. To hell with them both no. I don't like kaya how the natives conduct their politics here sa pinas. Its soo effing dirty. The vote shaving and padding was like really obvious na. Good thing, natalo that moron. Or else, for sure, he'll be bragging na naman on how galing he is pare. Just like my quasi-cousins who are all shallow. Empty nutshells talaga I tell you.. I mean, its waaay better pa talking to my uber cool self than converse with those fucktards eh.

Anyways, I was browsing gov.ph last week when I chanced upon this thread at the forum. Basahin mo na lang pare to fully understand why some politicians are willing to spend millions of pesos just to win a spot sa senate:

Interview with the effing cool Miriam Defensor Santiago.

Ok, enuff na with bs pare. Just wanna make uber bilis kwento lang on what happened for the past few weeks. Just recently lang, I've been receiving uber daming emails from people informing me of a certain blog thats been dissing my blog daw. Now, heres what I have to say - to hell with that tanginang kupal dude. I have no time to check the totally rip-off site of a major faggotron. I am a busy person pare. Let them adore me. Better yet, let them kiss my ass. They can never attain the level from which I can instantly access my kaluluwa. I mean, come on.. Admit it pare... I AM THE BEST! And besides, I don't talk shit.

So yun na nga diba. I spent almost half my week making bura some 200 comments of natives comparing me to that site. Aside from that, I've been an office-bahay guy lang. Been convincing my dad na nga to get a SOHO na lang for me. Para naman I don't have to deal na with a stoopid driver, some bobo native muchachas and the everyday trip to office while debating to myself if I should make agaw na the manibela from Hilariously Stoopid and try to earn some points by hitting some orcs making lipana around Makati.

Also, had dinner lang with Claude and Tim Yap last week at Serendra. So there.

Spidey is a Wuss!

2007-05-05T01:42:00.000-07:00

Tangina pare! Spiderman 3 was a total disappointment. I've watched it last May 1 and how I wished I stayed home na lang that day than make pila pa along with the natives and orcs at the Mall of Asia. Good thing most of our katutubo store employees were all like nagkakagulo pa to kiss my ass so I asked na lang one of them to buy the ticket for me. So yun na nga diba? That was the first time I sashayed deep into that masa infested mall. Eto ka pare, I just learned lang that day that there's a Calvin Klein store pala at that mall. And it was really lapit lang pala to our boutique! The only dissapointing thing lang about their store pare is that their shopping bag is kinda substandard. The Stores Specialists, Inc. ad and promo head should talk to me to get some pointers on product presentation pare. I'm like really good at that kasi. My dad kasi invited pa Jane Werner from the Fashion Institute, New York last year to conduct a seminar for our boutique. So diba pare, I learned from the best thats why I'm like a master na rin when it comes to merchandising and retail operations.

So yun na nga diba, going back to the movie pare, I suggest for you to bring a box of tissue paper because the movie was made entirely for crybabies and losers! Tangina pare. Sayang lang my money for that crappy feel good movie. I mean, I think I know better than the creator of that film. I'm a collector kasi of Marvel comic books before and I even have an Xmen 1979 Christmas issue as part of my collection. And the hell talaga pare they did to the Venom character. They made him patay agad that soon! And whats with the flying sand pare? Duh! Sands dont have wings naman diba? So how come they are flying?!!! Shitty plot talaga I tell you. They are talking trash pare. I mean its all about love, forgiveness and other mushy crapolas. Tangina.. I enjoyed pa nga more my granola bar than the movie itself. Eto ka pa pare! I chose pa a seat that was infront of the screen so I was like point blank watching the movie and para walang natives to disturb me while watching. Tapos there are some part pa that they made patawa.. The hell talaga pare.. all the natives was like laughing na.. but not me pare.. HELL NOT ME PARE! I mean, I have good taste dude. And I know a good movie when I see one. And that movie was like tangina talaga. So kakainit ng head. And that Tobey Maguire guy was really irritating. Always trying to make pacute eh he's not even cute pare no. Specially when he made the pacool dance pare. Feeling cool runnings as in! My butthole is waaaaay cuter than him kaya. Really creepy pare I tell you. Good thing talaga I have my box of granola with me or else I'm already dead na pare. Because the movie literally bored me to death. So there.

Korean Invasion

2007-04-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

Just recently lang I went to Big Buddha, GB3 with a friend to sample their food there. We ordered lang for the soft crab thingie and the Szechuan shrimps. The food was ok but not that great pare. Sayang nga eh, I forgot to ask for a comment sheet from them to at least let them know what I think of their food no. I should have told them that I am by far mas magaling na cook than their generic chef. Well, thats my opinion lang pare ha and I think I have the right naman to tell them that diba? I mean, I paid naman for the food I ordered so I might as well comment on it. Nothing lang pare. I felt kasi something lang was missing on the food I ate eh. So there.

After Big Buddha, we had coffee lang at Starbs near Cafe Havana where all the native pokpoks and chixilogs are making lipana. Hoping to catch some lasing ng foreigners who would 'do' them in exchange for some katutubo bucks. My aura got sira pa nga pare dahil most of the tables were taken na by the natives drinking free water or milk lang naman in mini cups. To think pare na I complained na before from the baristas that they should make tago na the cups to minimize some orcs from enjoying freebie drinks no. Kawawa naman kasi some paying customers like me na walang maupuan eh. To hell with the lazzaronis' pare! How come theres no racumin when I need one?

Eto ka pare! While enjoying my regular cup of chino, I noticed lang one thing - Makati was like punong-puno na of Koreans! As in everywhere you look dude sa Pinas. North, east, south, west.. It was like Korean invasion talaga! No kidding pare. Mamatay man Hilariously stoopid and all my maids together with all the orcs sa Makati. What's with pinas ba right now that we are being invaded na by Koreans? And then I figured, it must be with the boom of crappy Korean Telenovelas on local TV pare. I mean, those Koreans must have thought that they have a showbiz career here sa pinas so they are making padala na by batches their citizens here. Like, yeah right. Sandara Park where are you na ba?!

The pungent and yucky Kimchi.
To sum it up, I had an uber busy boring week pare that I'm noticing the Kimchi-eating chinks na.

Related articles:
- Inquirer.net's Korean Invasion
- Life Less Ordinary: Korean Invasion.

To Hell with Death

2007-03-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

Shit talaga sa hassle pare. I mean, death really sucks. And bigtime at that! Just imagine, my fave uber cool tito who was really healthy and with no hint of lapit ng mamatay just died last month due to heart attack. I mean, of all my bobong relatives pare with whom death could choose, why pa my uber close tito diba? We have like daming relatives kaya who's near death na. Just imagine pare, I have sooo fucking many stupid na, kupals pang quasi cousins, plus pa the amoy lupa ng brothers and sisters of my late grandmama and grandpapa who are just waiting na lang for a roll call from heaven pero they somewhat managed pa rin to make kapit to their pathetic boring old lives no... Also, what about the fucking Hilariously Stoopid who cheated death last December lang. Tapos andami pang orcs na naglipana sa pinas. Why not one of them?! This is purely unacceptable pare... Eh why nga tito Archie pa was chosen? Its unfair. Fuck death talaga pare! It was like I'm watching Final Destination in the flesh pare. Been trying to figure nga the pattern eh. I mean, there must be a pattern diba pare? If Hilariously Stoopid cheated death, then my uncle must be the next one to die. And he died pare! Now, the fucking question remains... Who's next kaya? Shit pare.. I'm having goosebumps na just trying to decode the pattern. I played with my Tarot nga kanina just trying to predict who will die next eh. Pero I've only managed to test pa lang two of our native maids. And scary talaga the outcome, according to the cards... Tatanda pa daw those two bobo natives. Shit talaga.

Also, my 3rd degree uncle is running for senate. All I can say is.. Goodluck na talaga to the future of this country if manalo that guy no? I mean, the reason why I hate this country is because of corrupt people like him who did nothing but just papogi lang sa office. Kaya naman I'd rather die than vote this coming election eh. Don't want to take part in the patuloy ng paglubog of this lubog ng third world country no? Siguro, I'll just vote na lang if they really exert some effort to change the image of Pinas. If wala nako ma-sight na eyesore sa kalsada like the baho slum areas. I mean, I would vote for the candidate who have the balls to bulldoze those barong barongs to oblivion. Thats the candidate for you pare!

Well, if I am given a chance to handle the Commission on Elections (COMELEC) office, I would change na agad the very traditional way of voting here sa pinas. I mean, its pretty obvious naman na uber daming flaws ng native system diba? I think one best way to sort the best candidates would be to do it the cofibean way... Why not put all the senatorial candidates sa Bahay ni Kuya, Pinoy Big Brother style. And let the masses and TFC subscribers decide who will be voted out and who will remain as the big winners for senate thru text and vote cards. Then every week, there will be an elimination night to remove the most bulok from the candidates. Tapos their tasks would be to build/renovate as much schools as they can using the money they've accummulated through the years from the native taxpayers. I think kasi its about time na to educate the baho masa about things para I won't have to deal with another bobo native again. Kinda irritating din kasi at times eh. Also, once implemented... It'll be a lot.. and i mean A LOT cooler elimination process diba? Promises are boring pare. I think I saw one pa nga crying on TV. And that was really pathetic pare. A desperate measure to earn some pogi points from the masses. What the natives need right now are men and women suffering from an acute case of Hernia. As in, men and women with VERY HUGE BALLS pare! Of course dude, don't be so bobo to identify women with Huge Balls with the chixilogs (chix with itlogs) of Greenbelt and Makati Ave no! Action not words pare. Stop being a Filipino orc. And if that happens... Our country will be known worldwide pare because we will be included sa Guiness Book of World Records for the uber cool election ever held. I'm thinking big kasi eh. Unlike the politicians who are all just pangako.. And masasabi ko lang bout that is.. Uhm... Yeah right!