Open Window

2011-12-05T18:53:00.001+05:30

Don't trust alarm clock of ur cell phone...

2010-12-22T00:52:00.000+05:30

12:30am Wednesday morning

“Tomorrow is my meeting at 8am with VP of the company; wake me up at 6am, be precise” said Hitesh to me before we both were dozing off. I thought, there are others ways to ask for this. I murmured this to myself. I set the alarm on my mobile and slept.

5:59:30 am…

5:59:50am…

6:00:00am…. The alarm didn’t ring…

It’s 7 am and the school van of my neighbor’s kids is honking like the driver’s finger is fixed with fevicol to the horn. I looked at Hitesh who was in dreams land where he might be meeting his dream girl (I thought this because there was an arc of smile on his face which he used to have when we were dating and of course! at that time I was his dream girl). I didn’t want to wake him up… I was just looking for the magical lamp and called all deities in a second to save me from the anger of my husband. Finally, I murmured the name of lord Hanumana and tried to bring my hubby to this real world.

“ Honey, Sweetheart…my honey bunch wake up…wake sweets…its morning…it’s the Wednesday morning…baby, today you have a meeting with your VP…wake up..Don’t be late honey dew…” As I reminded him about his meeting he opened his eyes with a brisk (and I thought he know that he is late). He kissed my cheeks and asked me that what the time now is… I tried to ignore his question and was making my way to go to kitchen but he held my hand and pulled me towards him to ask “what is the time my love? “

Why is he so sweet with me today morning? Why didn’t he show this romance daily when my cell is on time? Is it my bad day or I should break my cell? All these questions were going on my mind but Hitesh was looking into my eyes with a cute smile as he is still dreaming. I need to give him shock of life, other wise he will kill me soon.

“Baby its 7:05am and if you don’t get early soon then you would be late” I told this to him. I have never seen such a drastic change of color of face as I saw just now; he left my hand and picked up his watch from the side table. And the first word from his mouth was “M I still dreaming”. I replied in empathic tone “don’t think so much, just get ready”.

“Are you kidding me, Ambika?” That’s mean, now I am Ambika, few seconds before I was sweet heart, baby and what not… (again voices of my head!!) I took the deep breathe… and told him that it wasn’t intentional. “The alarm didn’t ring because my phone was out of battery and this is again your fault. I have asked you so many times to buy me anew phone as this phone is giving me battery problem but you never paid any heed to it.” I replied back in an apologetic voice.

He looked at me as I am a wasp and he is allergic to insect’s sting.

I went to kitchen and he started getting ready. We weren’t talking. He want even ready when I served him his favorite toast with scrambled eggs and milk. “ I am not hungry” said Hitesh.

“Don’t show your anger on food” I replied.

“I would be late” Hitesh said this

“You are already late” I replied this and looked at Hitesh. I realize I have increased his furry. He looked at me “Ambika it’s more than enough. First I am late because of you and now you are the one who is taunting me” I didn’t accept my fault and told him “you also have a phone and damn it I am your wife not a servant.” No one of us in the mood of negotiation and even weren’t stopping our argument. He was late.

It’s 7:30am … “ Eat this breakfast and I wont ever ask you to wake me up.”

“Fine” … “ And make your breakfast by yourself now onwards” I exclaimed.

“Great, at least I would be on time” said Hitesh

“Then make your lunch and dinner” my counter attack.

“Now you aren’t getting late” I asked!!

“Where is my wallet and cell phone” he asked

I gave him both things.

“F**k it has 10 missed calls of my boss” Hitesh said this exasperatedly.

He called him back and when he was quiet on the call. I was nervous. “What has happened? It’s my entire fault and he is paying for it. I am feeling guilty. Even I didn’t accept my fault. Would he lose his jobs” I was thinking all this and suddenly Hitesh said “Ambika”

I asked him what happened. Before he replied, I told him that “I am really very sorry. Now, I will set alarm in two clocks as well. And I won’t argue for the wrong things.” I was not stopping and saying lots of things. And I was about to cry. Finally, Hitesh broke his silence and said “meeting got cancelled and my boss was calling me since 6:30am to give this news and he told me that if I want I can take an off today.”

Open Window: " Why I am not Lucky like others"

2010-12-21T23:51:00.000+05:30

Open Window: " Why I am not Lucky like others": "Once Amma told me “Never compare your self with any one, God has given everything what one deserves.” But..."

" Why I am not Lucky like others"

2010-12-20T16:37:00.001+05:30

Once Amma told me “Never compare your self with any one, God has given everything what one deserves.” But I find it always a good thought to ponder when I lose an opportunity or meet a failure in life. In reality, I always think, “why I am not lucky like others.” It is not that I am jealous of everyone but I question my luck from God every day and night. And I know he would not punish me because Amma told me that I am the child of God. He takes test of me to make me stronger than others. I never told Amma about this that it pains me when I try something and I get the failure. It doesn’t make me stronger, it breaks my faith on Him, then I again ask, “why I am not lucky like others.”

I, surely, know that people out there also think that way that others are lucky but I still ask the Almighty that “ why I am not lucky like others.” It’s not the way that I didn’t get anything in life. I got many things but I desire for more, I guess.

Today was my birthday and I turned 12. I thought it would be the special day for me and my family as it was my last year before touching teen age. But no one gave it attention as I thought. Everyone came up to me and told me that I am a big girl now. Chacha jaan gave me a bag so that I can carry my books in that but I asked from him an I-pod. Abba and Amma gave me lots of wishes and gave me encyclopedia so that I can increase my IQ. These are not the things I wanted for my special birthday. Why others don’t think the way I think for myself? Ameena, my elder sister, got cycle (that too of her favorite color) from Amma and Abba then “ why I am not lucky like others”.

The life is not fair to me. The Almighty listens to everyone when they want but not of me. I say so many things in a day, I wish for so many things in a day.. But why I don’t get them. If they are not meant for me, then why these thoughts are originated in my mind? Why He made them important for me? Why when I don’t get them, I feel cheated from Him? I asked these questions from him but never got any reply and again I think “why I am not lucky like others”. Would that day ever come when I will feel lucky like others??

She hates it..She likes it...

2010-11-16T20:10:00.000+05:30

Sherya, like always, was in the dream land. She is happiest when she dreams. In her dreams she has everything and anything. She was flying in the air. But suddenly so many loud voices woke her up from her world and she finds herself standing in the woman's compartment of Delhi metro. She felt that each and every person in the metro was looking at her. But soon she regained the realm of reality.

Her phone wasn't working properly that's why she wasn't hearing any music. She was entertaining herself by listening to other girl’s conversation. A girl with a thick brows and long brown hair was yelling on her co-worker for not able to open the computer..She was weird in her ways of conversation. Shreya thought - What's her problem? Why she was angry so early morning? Would she be like this whole day? Or she was generally like this?

When Shreya was engrossed in these thoughts, suddenly metro stopped at the Udyog Bhawan and she lost her balance. She bumped over a girl who was Miss Prim 'n' Proper kind. Shreya felt embarrassed. She looked at the girl and then she looked at herself. This girl was holding LV bag, she wore CK jeans..she was smelling great..her hands and feet were manicured with the pink nail paint which was identical with her hot top..Sherya looked at herself and frowned with the thought that what she was wearing? She thought, "was she in the sync with the world around?" She was in her favorite bottle green kurti n black pajamis with kohlapuri and she couldn’t remember when she last used nail paint.. But that was the way she liked herself. But today, she was embarrassed and startled. She suddenly found that all girls were prim ‘n’ proper and better than her. She didn’t understand her flow of emotions. She wondered why her favorite clothes suddenly became the worst according to what others were wearing. She was feeling many things at that point but her change of taste was amusing her. She never liked being prim ‘n’ proper. It was her choice of clothes but now everything suddenly lost meaning.
She again felt the jerk in the metro but this time she didn’t fall on anyone. This is the time when she has to get down at the Rajiv Chowk.
As usual the station was cramped up with people. She came outside because of the flow of people and those who wanted to catch the metro they went by this same procedure. But when she came out she heard a girl shouting. Sherya turned back and she found that Miss prim ‘n’ proper was yelling on someone. She was shouting because a guy (not intentionally) pushed her out from the metro and this incident damaged pressing of her hair. It never happened before but suddenly Shreya felt good when someone was disturbed. Shreya moved on towards exist of the metro station with a witty smile on her face. She forgot the plethora of those new emotions which she felt when she was in metro. She didn’t have an extra-ordinary day at work but she still manages to have that witty smile whole day.

A new series to begin...

2010-11-13T13:18:00.000+05:30

A man is nothing without emotions. Emotions, in my words, are the stir which can be of any type but it shakes us off. Emotions define man's action. All the decisions in life are based on some or other emotions. But generally we all try to run away from the fact that our decisions are based on emotions. Except love, we all try to run away from talking about any other emotions. But the truth is that the permutation and combination of various emotions only led us to move - it can be forward as well backward.

My upcoming write-ups would be the culmination of such emotions. They not only talk about the emotions which we share with our family, friends, spouse but the one which we share with ourselves. I am not saying my write-ups going to be true for all but I'll try to show you the pictures which are observed and some are felt by me. I am not limiting myself with one or two emotions...hope you all will relate to some part of what I'll write. I would appreciate that you would share your opinion on what I write and what has happened with you..

Will write soon... :)

Value the Relationship...

2010-09-27T11:13:00.004+05:30

This is not my story but read it today morning only and thought to share with everyone. Whole of our childhood we all wait for the one who can love us and be ready to stay with us till eternity. Ironically, after meeting such person we start getting bored or start questioning that how could I get him or her...nah..it's not possible...lets try out something more..its no fun to get the dedicated lover or spouse..my this story proves the same...read this if you ever felt that why your partner changing ....

I cheated on the person that I loved the most. I’m not going to tell you my name nor am I going to expect you to empathize with me. I just need to tell my story because no one will speak to me anymore.
We were happy together. We had been together for 3 years. I would say the most content 3 years of my life. She took care of me. I took whatever she gave me. I was beginning to feel restless. I didn’t like the routine we had settled into. I wanted new things. It’s not like she would deny me excitement. I wanted something different. This hot woman at work hit on me practically everyday. She didn’t know I was with someone. I never told her that either. One night we were working late and I had to give her a ride back home. On the way, we started speaking and she confessed her attraction to me. The next weekend we went out of town, I told my girlfriend that it was a business trip, that the company was sending me somewhere. I had the two most exciting nights with the lady from work. I never felt guilty about what I was doing. I decided to break up with my girlfriend. I told my colleague that I was with someone, but I was willing to leave her for a new relationship. Before I finished what I had to say, she was out. The next day I found out that she quit. She never wanted to see me again. It turns out that my girlfriend’s friend saw my colleague and me. When I came home that evening, all my girlfriend’s things were missing from my room and a box filled with my things were lying broken on the floor with a sheet of paper that said, “Fu$% you! Don’t bother showing me your face again.”

I’d like to say that I don’t care about what happened, but that would be a blatant lie. I never see my girlfriend anymore. I shouldn’t really call her that anymore either. She looks through me when I see her on the road. My colleague told everyone at work that I’m a cheating loser. I will be quitting in a few days. My family won’t speak to me, neither will my friends and my job is basically depressing.
My story is the truth, eventually the truth will emerge. Cheating hurts everyone. If you want something different, break up with whoever you’re with rather than causing such pain.
I’m a loser, I’m all alone and I don’t want the same for you.

He realized it too late that what he did..But my question is what is the fault of that girl who changed for him and who loved him without expecting new fun or getting bored with monotonous life. If the human nature is to get bored with everything then why to enter in any relation. For one person it is just a new beginning for the other it can become end. Playing with toys or gadget can be a fun but what about playing with the one who loved you with no looking back.

I just want to conclude with this only that -

Cheating may or may not end the way you want it to. But in the bargain, know for sure that you’re always going to be hurting someone, inadvertently or otherwise. In the end, the risk is just not worth it.

No one ever remained happy after hurting anyone....Just love...Life is small to love but a big punishment to cheat...One day everyone realizes this..

Mythology or Truth - a tale of love...

2010-07-30T00:25:00.004+05:30

Once again I churned my mind to write about something. And my head and heart, both indeed, are full of many thoughts about which I would like to write..but this again doesn't solve my problem of making the choice...( i am a confused mass & I admit this without any pride- so mind it..)In the fight of what to write - should I listen to heart or head, after the long battle, no one won...alas!!

Finally after so much thinking I decide to tell you again a story on my favorite moon..(it's not my fault that I am romantic and moon is the epitome of romance). I don't know whether any one has any interest in mythology but my story is from the mythology of Kenya. So it goes like this...

In older times, the sun and the moon lived together as married couple, both of them were equally bright. There were complaints from the earth that the nights are too dark. So they requested them - could one of them move over to night? The kindly moon obliged. However, the earth-dwellers now complained that they could not sleep because of the brightness of the moon. So again they requested - could either the sun or the moon reduce his/her shinning power? The sun proposed that the two run a race and the loser would would shed power. The racetrack, however, led through water and in a hurry to win, the moon plunged ahead. And that water quenched all the fire (again our moon got tricked..). She realized that the sun had tricked her, and she now takes revenge by blocking him out whenever possible.

According to Kenyans, this is the reason behind solar eclipse. I don't know whether this is true or not but again my lovely moon got tricked. I hope no one gets any influence by jealous sun and make any tricks on their lover..:(

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Relation between Dreams n reality...through an amateur's mind..

2010-07-21T01:04:00.003+05:30

I heard a lot about 'Inception'.It was not only from critics but from many..So, finally I saw the movie today and believe me no one was exaggerated..wow..it was some movie to watch..all the pain to watch (i hate rain & today it rained profusely...gosh..) but this movie was worth while..now don't think that I have dedicated this blog post to Inception. But, of course! I dedicate this blog post to dreams.

Yes, I am talking about those good, bad and ugly dreams which sometimes we see with close eyes and mostly with open eyes ;) For some dreams land is the ultimate truth (like Mal in Inception - she forgets the difference between reality and dreamland) . I have always wonder about this - that what is the difference between dreams and reality and what for this difference is there? Why can't the reality becomes dreams or vice-a-versa.. But, lets think if this happen then will a man will be happy or sad?? I don't think we (the people) ever want this gap of dreams and reality fill-up.

Dreams are the devil's corner. In dreams, each of us wants to be what we are not in reality or which we can't get in reality. Dreams are the staircase to reach to some level of satisfaction. And that might be the reason that Christopher Nolan (writer, director, producer... of Inception) made dream or an idea as the plot of his latest flick.

Di Caprio (Cobb) wanted to control the world by planting an idea(but his bad, his experiment failed) and that led to fail of many events and gave a rise to many new events.. He tried to play with the most inner-self of a man. A dream is something which is very personal but still can be told.

Dreams and life are intertwined with each other in the way that no one is able to understand it but still they can't exist together. Same is the case with dreams and reality. They are part of each other but to realize when we have to forget the other. It's not fair...I wish to live in both parts at the same time..It would be amazing to have the best of both world...i think I again starting dreaming ( i think i need the kick ..lol...)

I still prefer the reality over dreams land..dreams are more dangerous when they go out of control but reality is still controllable..

Do you know moon was in love also....

2010-07-13T12:34:00.004+05:30

I heard this story a few weeks back and from that time I wanted to share with all... The epitome of love and the masiah for the married women (karvachauth - for long life of husbands) - our dearest Moon was also sad like most of people. And it is quite funny that the reason is LOVE...no money for guessing this...this is more like heart wrenching story but dear to me...

It's a very long back in time, moon was in love with Coacuatchoo..they both were mad for each other..but the twist is that a trickster had an eye on the Moon. He wanted to get moon and was jealous of Coacuatchoo...one fine day he played his trick (for which he was famous for)...he told Coacuatchoo that the Moon asked for flowers from the world of trickster (i.e. earth)...our love smitten Coacuatchoo didn't think even once and did what trickster has told him to do...in his anticipation to make his lover happy, Coacuatchoo forgot that if he ever leaves the spirit realm then he cannot return to it...he can only see his lover , MOON , but never ever can touch it again...

the trickster was successful in his trick..from that day till now and centuries to come the moon will remain alone...her heart will ache for his lover and same is the case with Coacuatchoo....

this was the story of our lovely yet lonely moon..do you know what Coacuatchoo meant ???

it means the WOLVERINE...

now can you relate that why wolverines looks at the moon and howls at it....

this is the story for our epitome of love...who lost her love because someone was jealous of their togetherness...i wish one day they will meet as there are no sad endings in love..what say???

Why we need anyone??

2009-03-18T00:09:00.009+05:30

Is having some one in ur life is the question of of dependency?? Or is it that u feel meek or weak in any moment of ur life that u need someone's shoulder to rest???? Why we need anyone?? So that we can linger upon them..

I am not saying that all of us want some to depend on fully but at certain level its a sheer but bitter truth that we need someone to share happiness, sorrows, anxity, anger n all... n it can be anyone either your mother, brother, sister, boy/girl friend or your spouse n children..

I am wondering by writing this have I got the answer to my ques that to share our emotions we need someone.. No I dont think so. I still think my question is unanswered..

Why we need other person to share the emotions which we have? Why cant we depend upon ourself..if you are feeling happy then you should treat yourself and the same as when you are sad or angry why not keep such private emotions with yourself???

Why we want to discuss or want someone else to come and seep-in in ourself and think about what all we are feeling, why we want such thing?

This is the only reason of all misery in the world- people depend on others either materialistic things or other people.. Why this dependency??? What is the use of it.. We will find dependency a great relief when we sad, angry or lonely but its a sign of weakness & low confidence. Someone said this - "in this world only 10% people care when you are in problem other 90% don't even care."

Why we want to tell the other person that he has more power than us that he can solve our problems why he has the solution of all our pains n greivances??? Why Why Why??? May be I am sounding like anthropophobic but I am not.. My only concern is that this dependency is the seed to all the plants of pain and problems..

We all remain more happy if we only depend upon ourself. We should remember that we come alone on this earth and will go alone. Thats the tuth!!!

Do we require - emotions??

2008-10-09T22:12:00.015+05:30

Emotions emotions..what are they ?? Are they meanness or weakness of our heart?? Or are these emotions are some kind of biological juice/current which tell us that we are angry, happy, sad or in love???

Its really difficult to define our emotions but look at the irony these emotions are the one who define us.. Whether its anger, love, sadness, fear or whatever - people are defined by the actions which are driven by our emotions and they are judged by it only.. People get carried away by them without realising whether what they are doing is appropriate or not..

For example - the most talked about emotion - Love. This is that strong emotion which make people mad for each other. This emotion has the power of surpassing the conscious of anyone who is in love. Lover build Tajmahal for their beloved or they die for their beloved or do many kind of sacrifices.. But if we ask the same person to define love then they are quiet as they cant define it.. It's strange!! The emotion which rules the mind & heart but at the time of explaining it one feel scarcity of words.

Same is with other emotions like anger.. People kills their loved ones because of this destructive emotion. So many relation dies under this emotion.. When it over takes someone then a person forgets the one who is standing in front of him/her is their father/mother/brother/friend or the same person for which once they wants to die..

These emotions are inseparable part of our life. How much we try but it's become difficult not to let them surpass us.. These emotions makes us helpless & mindless as well.. There is no control of one to their own emotions..

Why this happen?? Why the emotions we are not able to understand over power us?? Why we are not able to deal with them?? Why because of our own emotions we have to lose the one we love the most.. It's not only anger which increase the distance between two people even - jealousy, doubt, possessiveness, passion.. and many more.. Will it ever happen that we are able to control them instead of losing our loved ones ??

I doesn't want to say all emotions are destructive but take the example of any emotion even the most beautiful emotion - Love which even makes the man helpless. If we lose the one we love then one dies because of seperation or if they meet then other emotions enter & this emotion is curb by other emotions... It's a whole web of emotion you start with one & never realise when you are in mid of all. It's really impossible to live without them and even it's not easier to live with them...

Milestone..

2008-09-17T21:04:00.003+05:30

Algebra trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th century. The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 10**53(10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera 10**12(10 to the power of 12).

Tolerating Delhi

2008-09-13T21:51:00.007+05:30

New gosssip around the corner - Blast in Delhi at all market places !! This would be a nice for the delhites to discuss, even better than discussing saif-kareena wedding bells.. I m not being sarcastic but this is the truth ..

This is the best way a common man react- 1st hear the news, turn on the tv / radio then say something against the system, say some word of condolence for the people who lost their loved ones, then turn to their fav serial & then they go to bed with the thought of cribbing against the system.
But when the next election come, the same common man wont go for casting vote because he thinks whosoever come nothing will change. N what if one man don't cast his vote, what a great deal... this attitude is the reason behind these meek people to get so powerful & become terrorist..

I mean it by saying them weak as its only our fear which have made them that strong enough that they can even reach our homes, our nation.. It should be shame for us.

Its like someone is raiding our home & how can we allow anyone to enter our house. It's not the way when we react when it happens to our own house then how can we allow these people in our country..

We all need to wake up & understand that only we can bring change, no angle will come.. No politician or government can bring the change, change can be brought by us.. we all need to raise the voice, passing by attitude won't help us to come out of any problem.. Any problem can only be solved when a common man realise his worth & understand that vessel is filled by drop of water..

My plea to all common man wake up & react to what all happening around us, we are part world biggest democracy - our country is sovereign socialist secular democratic republic (this is in our preamble) - why we forget these important things. We have all the rights to have the answer of all the questions. And its our duty to remind those who forget the value & intrigity of our country...

Today it was someone else who lost their loved ones but if we remain quite then tomorrow who knows whose turn ....

Lessons of Life

2008-09-13T00:49:00.001+05:30

A week back everyone was celebrating Teachers Day (5th Sept), the market was over flooded with the appreciation cards for the teachers. In schools & colleges many functions were also organised. Students did many things to show their appreciation towards teacher but some did the same things for buttereing the teachers (remembered school days!!).

Now my question - are we all thanked the correct teacher?? It doesn't mean anything offended towards any teacher or even I am not asking to thank any my favorite teacher.. With due respect I feel teachers are the 2nd parents but still my question remains the same..

Just try to recall who being your real teacher in life - is it our school / college teachers or parents or our own life lessons / experiences ???

Life has given us many lessons in every phase of life - childhood, adolescence, adulthood & even oldage. Our teacher since prep classes till now has changed & they all taught different lessons but our teacher of experiences is always the same - Life..

As we grow it always helped us to cater the intricated situation in better & strong ways. Our past experiences make ourselves that strong that we can face the thorny journey of surviving in better way. Our experiences are our lessons which sets some standard for us & these standards help us to lead in even a difficult situations.

Life experiences are the continous teachers, we can get tired from them but they are never. They keep on teaching us till the end & if some people learn some lessons then after their end, they become example for others.

Teaching from life should be taken seriously, every lesson is a important & its teaching always help to achieve the milestone in life.. Those who took the lessons as fun or a memory to forget, at the time of their exam by situation / circumstances they have to face failures.

Our experiences are those teachers which make us learn the hardships of the life & people around us.

whats more imp - love or money

2008-08-30T22:26:00.001+05:30

This is the most common & contested question, everyone knows the ans but still not ready to accept... Its very difficult to accept that money has more importance to lead a life than love.. Its monotonous to say that money cant buy love but can anybody give any example of a couple who are in love but are not well financial sound.. I don't want to say that love only blossom or survive when the couple go out for movie or candle lit dinner or blah blah...

But to live a relation you need to do such things which only money can buy, it can be anything... Money is like blood in the veins called Love.. If u want a good n healthy body u need the sufficient supply of blood otherwise we all know the consequences..

I don't have philophobia but the life is not spent in dreams, life is full of hardships & tough times neither its child play nor a commitment by teenage boy to a teenage girl.. Love run away from window when problems & misery knocks the door.. I know many will contest what i wrote but those who will do this are people who live in dreams n want a fairy life which is again a dream...

Its up to a person what he/she wants to accept in life, a person get thousand chances to understand the reality but love as it says is blind never allowed a person to see n accept what good or bad.. Life can't live without money & at times love is also required. You need someone to share your happiness & a person can do this with the only one to whom we love..

Its difficult to choose between the both but in life everyone has to make the choice.. but my question remains to you all - what is more important for you - love or money? I made my choice now its your turn...

beware of jealousy

2008-05-20T22:00:00.000+05:30

Who has discovered this word-jealous?? the person must be a unhappy & unsatisfied from his life. This feeling let every person befall wheather its in professional or personal front. The only way to not to fall in this obnoxious category is to believe in your own abilities & living every moment as it comes. Life is full of swings it will be great challenge to accept the as it is..
Go ahead & leave all the negatives terms to the dictionary, stop using them in your life..