Need A Hook?

Need A Hook?: "The Immaculate Erection"

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 02:33:00 +0000

Need A Hook?: "The Immaculate Erection": A few months ago, me and my wife were at a doctors appointment of mine. Now, I've had my fair share of medical diagnosis over the yea...

Need A Hook?: "Grunt Man Just Grunt"

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 14:52:00 +0000

Need A Hook?: "Grunt Man Just Grunt": My wife is a "Direct Support Professional". But, in my words, she takes care of 3 retards. She doesn't like when I put it that way. ...

Need A Hook?: The King of What?

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 04:46:00 +0000

Need A Hook?: The King of What?: One day my kid brother who is kinda naive. He's just not like a joking around type of person, ya know. When he says something he mea...

Need A Hook?: "Grunt Man Just Grunt"

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 00:43:00 +0000

Need A Hook?: "Grunt Man Just Grunt": My wife is a "Direct Support Professional". But, in my words, she takes care of 3 retards. She doesn't like when I put it that way. ...

The King of What?

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 02:33:00 +0000

One day my kid brother who is kinda naive. He's just not like a joking around type of person, ya know. When he says something he means it. Anyway, me, my mother, and him we were talking. And my brother looked at my mom right in the eyes with all seriousness. And he says "mom did you know Michael Jackson used to be black?" Now, I truly can not tell you how serious he was about this statement. However, he is kinda right. I mean the fucker is more white, I guess. I don't know what the answer is. Is the fucker white or black? Or, is he a fucking chameleon? Who fucking knows. Some "off white" gothic looking freak. What a scary mother fucker though, and of course he "just loves little kids". I mean if I was a kid and that freaky mother fucker approached me I would get the fuck away. And probably wonder if I just had a close encounter with something from some freak ass planet called "Jacko". Like "Hey kiddies want to come to Jacko's house to play". Fuck no, not unless jacko finds a plastic surgeon that works on humans cause I just can't hang with that alien looking mother fucker. I probably would just get stuck staring at him. Thinking "what is this fucking thing". Who created such a freak? I just want to know where was he trying to go with that fucking nose. Looks like he had a mason chiseling away at it. A little more off the left, oh and a little more off the right. Oh shit, now what I don't have nothing left to chisel. Just a big point at the end. It's pretty much voodoo to become the king of any fucking thing. We had the "King of Rock" Elvis Presley he goes out as a fat, outta shape, junky slumped over the shitter. Then, the "King of Pop" transforms from a young black superstar to a frail, white, alien looking mother fucker. Who by the way, might molest young Johnny. Oh and a junky also. Fuck being the king of anything. But, maybe being the king of something a little off track wouldn't be so bad. Well, a lot off track but who cares. Maybe something not in musical entertainment but in another form of entertainment. So, how about the "King of Dildo"s". Because seriously if I attain that who can trump it? I'll start a god damn "dildo empire". I will be the creator of the greatest and real as it could possibly be dildo. Why not? You know one that senses real emotions and reacts, talks, walks, and more. You start talking too much during sex and dildo gets limp. But rub that bastard right way and you got a dildo that's jacked up on viagara ready for action. Make that fucking dildo mobile. Crawling like an inch worm, ya know. You got your friends over "hanging out" and your dildo just happens to crawl up on to them. How fucking weird would that be? Like Amber, Is that a cock that just crawled by me. Looking like the realest penis you ever saw. Just have cocks crawling all over the fucking place. Amber, your dildo has a boner and it won't leave me alone. Well Jill, he likes you. If you start bitching he will crawl away. Little dildo just crawling around the house no big deal. I mean I always say it's 2012, I see some of these toys they make for kids these days. And I know it. We have the technology. We cam make this boner move. "Get a long lil' boner". So what do we call our top of the line 2012 "All Star Dildo"? How about "Tickle Me Boner"? Sounds quaint. Now, this cock would be programmed to say things like, "no your not fat, baby". "Your but looks good in those jeans". "No baby, I wasn't at the titty bar with the other dildo's, I swear". You know all the bullshit you feed your wife. I would advertise the shit out of my dildo. "This beautiful dildo will even stay up and listen to your annoying ass after sex. It's the one part of your man that you needed without the attachment of your man. Besides, you couldn't stand that asshole anyway. Think of this, your just sitting their in your seat. Your at the theatre, watching a movie or even better, your favorite comedian. And in crawls this real as real gets penis. Just inch worming his little head closer to you. You look over, and think god damn is that a penis? What the fuck? That is a god damn penis. Honey look, there's a penis crawling on the floor over there. Well, what's it doing? she replies. I don't know babe, but a god damn cock just crawled right by me like a god damn inch worm. What do I say to that? I just want to know what a person says to something like that. Then I would just let loose a god damn "flock of cocks" or, a "Cock Flock". Let them boners roll up in that theatre and see what kind of reactions we get. Parents would be rushing their kids out of there kids saying "mommy what were those things?" Honey, it was rats, or mice, just don't worry about it. Conspiracy theorists would be saying "I knew it the mayan calendar said something about a cock invasion in the end times". Women would be reluctant to leave. Yeah, maybe I'll just slip one in my purse real quick, got it". Guys, you know we would be out the door saying "damn this shit turned into a damn sausage party. Everytime I get a girl I got fight off 500 other penises, nothing new.

"Grunt Man Just Grunt"

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 04:55:00 +0000

My wife is a "Direct Support Professional". But, in my words, she takes care of 3 retards. She doesn't like when I put it that way. So whatever, 3 mentally challenged individuals? Is that better, honey? Anyway, she brings one of these retarded bastards home one day. And probably the biggest pain in the ass they got up there. He's running all over the fucking house grunting, moaning, and you know just being a retard. So the goofy fucker runs up on me all grunting and shit. So, I say honey what does this fucker want? Because, I haven't been schooled in the "Grunt" language. I don't speak grunt babe what's he want? She replies, "Oh he has to poop". So she shows me this hand gesture. She says do that and let him in the bathroom. So, I walk up to this fucker I do the little hand gesture she showed me. And this nut looks at me serious as all hell and gives me the "jerking off" gesture. I'm like what the fuck? Honey, does that mean he needs to "jerk off"? Or, is this nut calling me a jerk off? I don't know, can't we just go back to the grunting? That wasn't as weird as this scene is, maybe we can make more progress grunting. She says, no it's fine, he's just got to poop. So, what does old Willy do when he's got to piss? Does he strap on some chaps and a pitch fork and start the whole jerking off shit again? Grunt Willy, Grunt your retarded little head off. I'm just saying, where does she find the patience for this shit? I mean all day 3 retards running around the house grunting, moaning, pissing, shitting, "air-jerking"? What a group of winners boy. I mean it's like a little posse of monkeys running around throwing poop at you doing "God knows what else". If I had my way I would take the retards, the amish, the midgets, and just so they would have a leader Barrack Obama. And I would send them packing to some far off remote island. Give them, I don't know, a month. Then, come back and check their "progress". And their you could find yourself a retarded-amish-midget running wild. Grunting their weird little head off all damn day. And for Barrack, he would just be "not doing well at something else". He does well with that despite the surroundings.

Need A Hook?: It's an "Automated Wonderland"

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 00:12:00 +0000

Need A Hook?: It's an "Automated Wonderland": Don't you just love the fact, that reaching a human being on the phone these days is "mission fucking impossible"? I know they made a...

"The Immaculate Erection"

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 05:14:00 +0000

A few months ago, me and my wife were at a doctors appointment of mine. Now, I've had my fair share of medical diagnosis over the years. For one I'm a "certified Nut". I've had ADHD and so on. And they always seem to have a pill for everything that doesn't do much of anything. Well, I take that back the "anti-nut" pill I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. So, my beautiful wife decided to chirp at this appointment and put me and my limp dick right out on Front street. She threw me and limpy right "under the bus". So, good old Dr. Dildo says we can give him a pill for that, too. Well, we go home I take this pill Viagra and this pill created a boner that could knock out Mike Tyson. I mean, you couldn't chop this "woody" down with a chain saw. I could probably hop on out to the flower bed outside sprinkle some of this pill and have a boner popping out of the ground in 20 minutes. So needless to say, me and the "old lady" had quite a fun night with this new found "immaculate erection". But, as any good pill does my "boner meds" ran out. Then, an "all points bulletin" went off in my mind. Actually, it went off in both my minds. And what this alarm was saying was that now the "immaculate erection" is the preferred boner. And I'm sorry mother nature just can't hang and I mean just can't hang with that kind of boner. I mean this pill could get a 90 year old man who forgot that he had a penis out "hunting for pussy" in his walker. So, as cool as it was, when the bottle ran dry. I realized I had a "pussy pleasing problem". Your damn right the 3 P's that no man alive ever wants to face. Talk about take your "manhood" .

Now, I knew I didn't have enough time to keep the "pussy at bay". Before I could get back to the doctor for some more "boner medication". So, let this be a lesson gentlemen if you ever take one of these pills and run out you better be ready for the "Now you need a pill to get hard" lecture. And this just so happened to be an all night lecture that took place with my neighbors posted up right on the other side of our cardboard wall. And of course, with the "old miser" screaming at the top of her lungs. Talking about her "tapped out by Viagra" limp dick which by the way is hunched over in her hand, at the moment. Limp as all fuck, with the most disgusted look she ever gave me or my cock. So, I was "punked" with the ultimate let down that no man wants especially when broadcasted live throughout the apartment complex. Now, every time I leave the house I try to change my appearance. I know my fucked up neighbors, they were listening why the sudden interest in giggling at my mid section? You just can not run the fuck out. Unless, you got a damn good plan on how to keep the 3 P's at bay. What was so great can make a man so insecure. Basically, it just took what made me a man and turned me into "the artist formerly known for an erection".

Now, my neighbors mumble "limpy" when they see me. Good looking out Viagra. With all the warning labels they put on medication you would think that they would give you a big heads up by stating, "Don't Run the Fuck Out". Or, you'll have no head up and the 3 P's are gonna get your ass. Don't lie to yourself either. That fucking pill could get a Clydesdale hard. And shit, after you "break bread" and take one for the first time. You better set aside the time for a 4 hour fuck fest with your girl. Unless, you like walking around banging into shit "cock first". I tried to open the refrigerator and my cock made it in before me. It was like my cock was driving my body all over the house like "I would leave your ugly ass behind if I could". It's the most unnatural boner you could ever imagine. I didn't know what the fuck to do. I kept saying to myself "what am I gonna do with this fucking boner?" I just needed somewhere to put this thing. Fucking pill has my cock bumping into shit. So eventually, I went outside and dug "a boner hole". Yeah, I just layed face down with my boner in the hole and pretended to sun bathe. I was just trying to get a nice tan on my backside.

Need A Hook?: It's an "Automated Wonderland"

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 01:07:00 +0000

Need A Hook?: It's an "Automated Wonderland": Don't you just love the fact, that reaching a human being on the phone these days is "mission fucking impossible"? I know they made a...

A Joke for the "Naive and so very dumbfounded internet browser" we all know at least one

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 08:08:00 +0000

The Internet for idiots:

You know I'm one of those people who sometimes gets "over his head", with some of the things I try to accomplish on the Internet. But, nothing compares to dear old, "bless her heart" naive as fuck momma dukes. So don't want to throw my mom "under the bus". But, oh well, what the fuck that's what she does to herself every time she is confronted with a keyboard and mouse. And seriously after many fucking attempts I have never succeeded on her figuring out how to open the browser. That alone confuses the fucking piss right out of her. I mean technology and old school mother fuckers just don't jive, baby. I tried believe me I put every god damn browser known to man on their so every fucking icon was a browser - she still finds a way to fuck that up. What? You all know one so I know everyone can relate to this shit. Just that old school way of thinking has no computer savvy at all. I mean it's 2012 can't we just get a box to pop up for specifically our old school "left behinds"? I mean just give some raw old school shit right off the bat. Like, please don't try to sound good and rate the "TRUE SEVERITY OF YOUR INTERNET ILLITERACY" and hopefully illiteracy isn't too big of a word. Rate this shit 1 being I'm stupid but i can open the browser. And 10 being I am completely fucking confused seriously I thought the Internet was a person. Some times you just gotta get raw with our old school peeps. Ah shit, see I can't say peeps cause they don't know what the fuck that means either. And one final way to figure out just how far behind you been left. How many How-To for complete Idiot books are in the house right now? Be real mother fucker or your just gonna stay left behind. Maybe even have a Samuel Jackson voice to sound off these what these pop-ups are saying in case your illiterate or deaf or both. Sammy boy sure seems to scream every damn thing he says, so I thought he was a good fit for this shit. Okay, that's all I got. Now, since I seemed to be busting up momma dukes a little believe me it's in good old fun why? Because my mom knows she's the most thorough person and she enjoys laughter and knows I'm just playing. I love my mom to death. I owe her for raising a kid who truly does have morals and respects his momma. Despite my jokes they aren't meant to be offending anyone. That is if you realize its just a joke.

A little poke at midgets........

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 06:39:00 +0000

A little poke at midgets........

How many of you when you think of "horse racing" think that's a weird kinda already "outta place" type of sport? I know I think football, baseball, and other things when I think of sports. And I was thinking the ingenious idea for all the jockey's to be midgets made that sport even a bit more cooky. And me I have always been fascinated by midgets. Everytime my fiance asks what I want for x-mas or my birthday I specifically state "I want a midget". Just to torment when I am having a bad day. You know occassional bitch slaps without warning. Make him on a constant mission to reach items that are well over six feet above his head. You know what I'm saying just to make life more amusing. I have always wondered "do they have a black market where they sell these fuckers? Like is there a store called the black market that I don't know about? Come on what's the secret to owning one? Anyway, it would have been awesome to be "the fly on the wall" when a bunch of redneck horseracing folks came upon the conclusion "midgets are aerodynamic little bastards". Who would of thought. It's kinda creepy when you see a collaboration of midgets. Like they come from some weird midget planet where they all must be avid equestrians. So, they took an already awkward sport strapped a bunch of midgets to the back of it and made it totally freakin' weird. I love you midgets for being so much more aerodynamic than us less fortunates. Written by David L Leiby

America’s Poor Credit Score/Comedy

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 04:36:00 +0000

America’s Poor Credit Score

Well we finally have elected our first black President. Wait, I must be socially and now politically correct. This is our first “African American” President. I got to be careful you never know when the Rev. Al Sharpton is going to pop up on cnn trying to ban you and your word. He sure did a number on the “N” word. Well we should have seen it coming we elected our first black president and now we got bad credit. Ain’t that a bitch. The world’s most powerful country and we can’t even get a god damn loan. Shit, I don’t even know if we could get a “bad credit loan”. Part of the problem came from his ingenious idea of “I’ll just print more money” that’s easy. We all know if it’s too easy there is always a catch to it. Easy shit always has consequences. I filled out a credit card application a while back. I was seriously done with the application and approved in a minute maybe two. I thought how the fuck did they check my info out that quick. Well, a week later the card arrives along with a 49.9% interest rate. They tell me I’m lucky because they usually do 70%! I thought you got to be hoping I’m a god damn illiterate fucking asshole to activate this fucking thing. Needless to say now I’m up to my fucking eyeballs in debt over that simple ass shit. Too easy, I’m telling you if it’s that simple stay the fuck away. I’m telling you #1 country in the fucking world. But, sorry bad credit score. And you know those Chinese bastards are loving it. Instead of cooking up some General Tso’s and asking if we want fried rice instead it’s “you need loan? You know bad credit gets bad rate, so sorry”. But we still fluff pillow for you. We want you to be comfortable while we fuck you. Now. We are like that pain in the ass cousin that always calls looking to borrow some money. Don’t lie, you know what the fuck I’m talking about. The mother fucker gets a 5 grand tax return and needs to borrow 20 bucks the next day. I’m like what the fuck where the fuck does it go? Are you a crackhead or something god damn.

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:18:00 +0000

I wrote about america's deficit ordeal awhile back. And here I just so happen to know it's still a very scary and relevant topic of discussion. Have you ever looked at the government as just a legalized ponzi scam. I sure have had a lot of thought into this subject. If our deficit tops or hits the ceiling too hard you will see just how much they don't care about the american people and our way of life.

Need A Hook?: America's Deficit Problem: "Our Own Creation"

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 03:36:00 +0000

Need A Hook?: America's Deficit Problem: "Our Own Creation": " America is currently in yet another deficit 'crisis'. Obama and 'lawmakers' met for over an hour at the white house sunday, fox news r..."

America's Deficit Problem: "Our Own Creation"

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 03:33:00 +0000

America is currently in yet another deficit "crisis". Obama and "lawmakers" met for over an hour at the white house sunday, fox news reported. Of course, there were talk of tax increases, medicare, and medicaid decreases. Which I believe strongly has become the status quo, when america faces any type of financial issues. Can they not see some of the bigger underlying issues? Take for instance, these so called "lawmakers". How much money do we really need to pay these individuals per year? I have come to notice so many aimless state and federal job positions over the years. They have a job title for anything these days. I am a true believer that alot of the problem starts there. We employ so many federal and state jobs that we cannot afford their salaries. And that is just on the issue of jobs. Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to bash all state and federal workers by any means. I am just saying we spend a vast amount of money on these salaries. What about the money spent on Federal grants and state grants? All of that money gets put to good use right? However, have you ever seen a list of federal and state grants and programs? If you have, then you know they have some "off the wall" programs that are funded by the federal government. Maybe, it is time to take a deeper look. Or perhaps, Obama could take a look across the table. At whomever that might be, and think: How much money does he make?

Some Came Running. Some didn't

noreply@blogger.com (needahooknow) — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 05:31:00 +0000

Reuters Business recently reported that ebay spent 2 billion dollars purchasing e-commerce services firm GSI Commerce in May. This is an attempt by Ebay to attract customers to their online auction site and to veer them away from Amazon. Hasn't it yet become clear to some of these online retailing "giants" that the internet is a much more effective tool by use of collaboration, not "duking it out" blow by blow. Its such a costly move in an already unpredictable economy. I hope Ebay is still considering "long-term" gain. As they say "Time will tell".