All About Evey

The Many Faces of Kannon Roscoe

2012-01-25T19:28:00.000-05:00

This baby cracks me up.

This is my little nephew. Look at those big eyes!

He just turned 5 months old in these pictures.

Oh! He's so sad! Life is a tragedy!

"Why?! WHY?! Life is so tragic!"

"You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!"

"Really? Is that really the choice you wanna make? What would your mother think?"

"The more I think about it, the more I must conclude that fingers really are the tastiest things in the world."

Nick's Growin up!

2012-01-24T18:44:00.001-05:00

Last night I took Nick's pictures at the theatre. He's growing up so fast!! Look how tall he is now!

This is a picture of him at our sister Kim's wedding back in 2005. He had decided at the beginning of the summer to not cut his hair at all that summer. And then he got transition lenses. We call this his John Lennon look-a-like phase.

He's in college now at BYU studying International Relations. He decided to live in the German house so he could nail down his German. He will have just a year of college left to go when he comes back from his LDS mission. He will put his papers in soon.

I think he will make a happy ambassador for Jesus! But in looking at these pictures, a mystery presents itself.

How did his teeth get so purty? Interesting...Also--please note that he is wearing the same tie.

Phillip the Acting Dog

2012-01-20T14:48:00.000-05:00

I'm directing To Kill a Mockingbird at Midvale Main Street Theatre. The show goes up Feb 16th. Come and see it!

These are the talented kids playing Dill (the future Truman Capote), Scout (young Harper Lee) and Jem... (who is someone wonderful too, I'm sure.) The kids playing Scout and Jem are brother and sister in real life. I have funny stories about these three, but I'll save those for later.

This is a picture of some of the gentlemen in the cast. The guy playing Atticus is a rhetoric professor at UVU. Bob Ewell is played by Tom Drury, a great old actor and banjo player!

But this entry is about a dog.

One of the guys in the cast, Joe Puente, has a little dog that is 13 years old. The dog's name is Phil. Phil is old, wise, and near deaf. Joe brings him to rehearsal every night. The dog wanders across the stage at will, which I frankly love! The play is about a little southern town and most of the scenes take place outside, so watching a dog walk across the stage at random moments just cracks me up.

There's a scene where the kids tell Calpurnia about a mad dog coming down the street. Calpurnia goes up to the Boo Radley house and says, "Mad dog! Mad dog's coming!"

And like clockwork, Phil comes trotting onto the stage EVERY TIME she says this line. He enters from the right entrance and everything. It cracks me up! And the kids and Calpurnia all react appropriately running from the dog and screaming "Mad dog!" and so Phil, who is generally perfectly quiet, picks up his head and barks.

It's a riot.

And that is generally how rehearsals go.

There are serious moments, but most of the time, we're just having a wonderful time laughing and working.

If you can make it, I'd love to have you see this show!

Honesty

2011-12-30T19:40:00.001-05:00

I deleted this post. The name is this blog is All About Evey--not all about the drama of Eve's friends.

If I wanna air my dirty laundry--I will--but despite wanting to figure out things about this friend--and writing this was helpful and I learned a lot--I don't think it's fair for me to keep published a story about someone else's life.

So I'll keep to stories about my own drama. And to make sure that I'm posting on a more regular basis, I'm going to go out and create lots of horrible and exciting drama!

Pet Sitting

2011-12-22T18:38:00.005-05:00

I am petsitting to make some money to pay the rent.

Here are the glorious details of this beautiful adventure.

Bloo is part black lab/part siberian husky. She's still a puppy really. She has giant paws with sharp nails. She likes to jump up on me to show me that she loves me. She loves to play ball. Sometimes when we play I am standing and she bounds towards me with the ball, crashing into me with her teeth, her claws and her whole body. I have all sorts of scratches all over from this fun pasttime.

I have adapted the game in order to preserve my life. Now I sit in a reclining love seat and watch tv. I open up the doors. I throw the ball down the hall. The dog bounds off after the ball and brings the drool covered tennis ball back to me. I make her release it so that it will roll towards my hip. I do not grab the ball from her snarling mouth. Then I throw the ball again. The funny part is that she is so much like the little dog on Toy Story 3. She'll trot towards me with the ball and then see another toy she wants to play with. She'll drop the ball and play, then go after the ball, but see something else she wants to play with.

The game consists of Me: Throw. Sit and watch some random tv show. Bloo: Bounds towards ball. Plays with bone. Plays with piece of wood. Plays with chew toy. Brings ball to me. Me: Throw. Sit and watch random tv show.

It is enjoyable for both of us. And less painful.

The cat.

The cat is very old and suffering from a kidney disorder that makes her pee and poop everywhere. She is confined to one room. This room is smelly. Every morning I clean up the pee and the poop and feed her. That's pretty much it. When I agreed to do this, I was most concerned about the grossness of dealing with a litter box. I shouldn't have been concerned. This is worse. Much worse.

But I'm making money over the holidays during a time when I can't substitute. So I am indeed grateful for this chance to make some money.

Driving with Girls

2011-12-21T00:19:00.000-05:00

My sister Bethany is learning to drive and because I'm the only person she knows who has an automatic--I'm the lucky girl who is teaching her!

Teaching someone to drive is the scariest thing in the world. Scarier than predatory birds. Scarier than clowns. Scarier than evil toddlers.

She studied long and hard before we got behind the wheel and is sufficiently humbled by the task, but she has sooo little experience driving. The other thing that scares me is that I'm responsible to make sure that she is a good driver once she gets her license. I don't want to forget to teach her anything!

We started off driving around Rose Park. We drove around the neighborhood, parking lots, and practiced three point turns. The next trip--I took her out at night and we want on bigger highways and practiced left hand turns at lights. We drove up 300 West, around the Capitol, past the temple and back to her apartment.

The next trip we drove from 600 North and Redwood Road down to 4500 south and over to State Street and back up State Street. It was 1pm, so traffic wasn't too bad, but it was still pretty busy.

We practiced changing lanes and she did a great job turning left on some pretty scary roads. I didn't drive on anything that complicated until later in my driving, but the girl lives in downtown SLC, so she's gotta get used to the busy roads.

The next trip--we drove on... THE FREEWAY! We went down to the Kmart on 90th South. She was great! I thought I would die. It was so scary. But we made it! And she did a great job! Then we drove back! And she did that too! Wahoo!

Tonight was all about learning to navigate. We drove to the airport--through the airport, and then went west almost to Tooele. I thought it would be good freeway time, but also I wanted her to learn to follow the signs at the airport, etc. By the time we got to the exit for Tooele, my nerves had had it. She's a great driver, but she forgets to keep her foot on the gas. And I was scared. So I drove home. I figured a trip through the airport and out west was enough for one day.

This Christmas, I don't have money for gifts. But I'm trying to give the gift of my time. I'm trying to give words and gifts that are reminiscent of the kinds of gifts Heavenly Father gives to me. Hope, inspiration, love. I'm really not cheap, but I want to focus on giving meaningful experiences and memories. These driving lessons have been a wonderful opportunity to give my little sister a useful life skill and I get to spend time getting to know the sister I barely knew until last year. It's been a real gift for me.

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T00:00:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving.

My mom is an amazing cook. A... mazing. Everything she cooks, tastes like heaven, and turns to magical calories inside my belly. The turkey was delicious. And the mashed potatoes were beautiful.
The stuffing was gorgeous. Her pie was so tasty. That's right, I said pie. As in singular. Only one.

Granted, there were other desserts, cherry crisp dessert, homemade kit kat bars, a strawberry cheesecake jello that was incredible.... but still... ONLY ONE PIE. This was sad to me.

I have a desire to make another pie. Pie is wonderful. Hmmmm... Perhaps tomorrow.

My brother brought his friend Hegon home with him. It was great having a guest from Korea at home for the holiday. And my mom gave me a bunch of new/old books! My mom is finally taking the time to get rid of some of the stuff they've kept over the years.

One of those things is their car. It's a gorgeous hybrid! If you wanna save loads of money on a good hybrid--the car is only $11,999. It's such a beautiful car. My dad works with cars for a living and they kept copious records. They are the original owners. So if you're a commuter and you wanna save money visit this link on KSL:
Honda Civic Hybrid

Thanksgiving being about gratitude...

I am grateful for my cpap machine. It helps me breathe! And I am ever so grateful to breathe!
I am grateful for my friends. It seems that whenever I feel most lost, some random friend calls. It's uncanny.
I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and for my Savior. Sometimes I'm not good at keeping up a relationship with God, but then He inspires someone to call, to write... and I am overwhelmed that H still remembers me.
I am grateful for my talents. They help me to feel like I have something to contribute to the world.
I am grateful for my family. They are so patient with me. I wish I had better lived up to their expectations. It's hard when you plan on growing up to do so much, and it turns out you end up just being a regular old adult with regular old adult problems.
I am grateful for my future. I am grateful for those precious moments when I am wise enough to still have hope in that future.
And I'm grateful for the present. Sometimes I wonder if our lives don't manifest our true desires. Perhaps my present is merely a reflection of the true desire to just enjoy a piece of pie, a good show, and the company of funny friends.

Auditions for To Kill A Mockingbird

2011-11-23T05:52:00.001-05:00

Eversince losing my job, life has been continually busy, just without the promise of a steady paycheck.

I was offered a position to teach voice and acting lessons at Midvale Main Street Theatre and I am directing their next production of To Kill A Mockingbird.

Tonight we had the main auditions. It's times like these that I wish I could create a show to include all of the talented actors that come to audition for me. It's hard to turn down actors that are so talented. Because this show is without music, I can't just cast actors as "chorus". It's going to be very difficult next week. I already had to send a couple of rejection letters tonight. It made me so sad because they were such talented girls... uggggghhhhh!!

I want to see if I can make a living teaching voice and acting lessons, directing shows, and substitute teaching. I also want to start teaching college classes again. Wanting something and making it happen are two very different things. I'm trying though! Probably not hard enough...

I have an amazing production team working with me on Mockingbird. Miss Heather is my dramaturg and there isn't anyone in the world more qualified. I feel so lucky to have her on board! Tammy is producing the show, Jan is my costume designer and Cassidy is my set designer. Now we just have to find the perfect Atticus and Scout. We saw some talented actors tonight, but I am looking forward to call backs.

If this all works out, I am going to love my life. As it is right now, my stomach is in knots. I need a little guidance. I feel like wonderful opportunities are mine for the taking if I prioritize my time well.

Dad and Matt's Visit

2011-11-21T00:01:00.001-05:00

Last weekend my dad and my brother came to visit. My dad met Kannon for the first time.

We had a great time visiting. It was great to see them. I'm so glad they came from Iowa!

Popop and Kannon. He's such a serious baby. Such a seriously CUTE baby!

This is my brother Matt. He's found his calling as the birdman of Alcratraz.

These are my step-brother Nathan's cutie pie little girls. I remember when these two were born! They're such little angels!

Must Find Silverlining

2011-11-09T21:06:00.001-05:00

I lost my job. Whoopie.

Today is my 2nd day without employment. And I'm officially bored.

During the past three months, I've been working full time, preparing to play Mrs. Lovett and acting as musical director for one of the most difficult musicals...

And now I'm unemployed and the show is up and running.

I've applied to unemployment, I've pumped up my linked in profile, I've self-promoted up the wazoo...

And now I'm watching tv and eating pizza that my dear friend Miss Heather bought for me.

There are a number of things that have gone wrong over the past year... but really... that's just sooo not what I wanna be about.

Here is a list of blessings. Because I came to Utah....

I have been able to get to know my little sister Bethany and her new baby Kannon.
I have been able to spend quality time with my little brother Nick before he goes on a mission.
I got to sing at my cousin Maren's wedding.
I got to stay with my grandma and get to know her better.
I got to play two dream roles--Nurse Rached and Mrs. Lovett.
I have made lifelong friends and reunited with other lifelong friends from days past.

I need to get a new job, but I'd like to make the most of the unemployment time. I'm going to start teaching lessons and substitute teach whenever possible. And I'm going to keep acting! Wahoo!

The Sweeney Reviews are IN!

2011-11-09T20:46:00.002-05:00

This was just posted in the Deseret News. Follow this link.

Blair Howell said this about me: "The showstopping comedic number, “A Little Priest,” doesn’t disappoint, as Dale is partnered with Eve Speer as Mrs. Lovett, Todd’s accomplice. Speer, in fine voice, plays Mrs. Lovett as a barrel of laughs."

He also criticized my opening number--but the night he saw it, I had to use the bathroom, and I ended up running on stage out of breath. It was enough to give me a grand ol' panic attack. But everything else went swimmingly.

This was posted at Backstage. Click here.

And this is what Robert Easton said: "Eve Speer, who played the diabolical pie maker Mrs. Lovett, was also a standout in this show. Despite an early stumble where it appeared to me she momentarily lost her breath during her first song, Ms. Speer didn’t miss a beat the rest of the night, holding her own opposite Jim Dale’s enthralling Sweeney Todd. Although obviously much younger than the role she was playing, Ms. Speer brought great energy to her darkly comic role and her accent was well done."

This was posted on UTBA. Click here.

And here are the kind words of Tony Porter: "Eve Speer was fantastic as Mrs. Lovett. She had a believable accent and the right mix of humor and deceit to make her character quite endearing. She was marvelous in “A Little Priest” and “By the Sea.”

I am so thankful for the friends who have come to see the play! An older woman came up to me and paid me the most lovely compliment. She is a jazz singer. She and her friend said that I was the best Mrs. Lovett that they had ever seen.

I fairly floated home that night.

So happy. So very happy.

Render Unto Caesar

2011-10-05T04:19:00.004-04:00

I just read the following article.

Scout's Honor--written By PETER ZUCKERMAN

In the article, the writer outlines a horrific account of how a young scout leader in Eastern Idaho got away with molesting 27 boys over several years, despite countless warnings that he was a pedophile.

The argument was that his Bishop vouched that he had taken proper steps towards recovery and that he was a returned missionary now.

If you want the full acount, read the article.

After reading the story, I began to ponder a sticking point I have within LDS communities, and perhaps all religious communities--although I can't pretend to know about others since my experience is pretty limited in that regard.

Too many times, we forget that spiritual crimes are also against the laws of the land. But within religious communities, we believe that by simply trying people within spiritual courts that justice has been served. A man who has gone through a repentance process with his Bishop has certainly undergone a spiritual trial of sorts, but it does not excuse his obligation to face his responsibilities as a citizen of the land, as well as a member of a church community.

Render unto Caesar... separation of church and state...

Justice must be served. The bishops job is to help the criminal to find peace, forgiveness and to change through the power of Christ. While spiritually we believe that only God will judge his crimes and know his heart--I believe true repentance can only come after a person pays their debt to society by acknowledging their sins in court and paying for their crimes in order that justice in the land might be served.

So why is it that so many sexual offenders get such limited sentences?

This is one example. I can think of several examples of similar instances where someone guilty of sexual abuse never paid for their crimes within the justice system.

So my soap box tonight is this: when a man or woman breaks a law of the land-- how can they possibly have repented of their crimes until they have paid their debt to society by admitting their actions in court and paying the price that the laws of the land demand?

Healing

2011-10-03T02:08:00.002-04:00

I have had a struggle with my weight for years. When I was 12, I weighed 130 pounds. That doesn't seem like a lot, but when your friends are freaking out because they're over 100 pounds, it's enough to give you a bit of a complex.

I gained 40 pounds my 9th grade year and found myself around 170. I hovered between 170-190 throughout college. On my mission I was about 230. My senior year of college, I got back down to 200.

In 2008, I was about 270. I dropped to 230. In 2010, I was back up to 270. I dropped to 230 again. In 2011, I'm back up to 270.

I don't feel unattractive, but I feel squashed. I feel like all of my organs are squished together.

I feel like the weight gain comes as a result of being easy on myself because everything else is hard.

I know how to lose weight--obvioiusly--but I'm horrible at keeping up with those choices.

I know the rules, I have a bunch of diet food from the last diet. I have my reasons, but I have got to stop hiding from it, stop telling myself "tomorrow" and just do it already.

The big bummer is my 15 year high school reunion is in two weeks. I wonder how much weight I can lose in two weeks! (hardee har har)

Between the weight gain, the heart break, the feeling that I'm in limbo--I haven't felt great. I went to the temple on Wednesday. I spent the whole time trying to find what I needed, and the only thing I could think to ask for was just healing. I just needed healing. My chiropractor described microtears in my muscles that had weakened my back causing it slip out of alignment. I feel like my heart is filled with microtears. I just don't have the strength to carry heart ache the way I could before. My muscle in my heart just isn't strong enough. I went seeking healing.

I'm not quite there yet, but I'm getting closer. Last night I went out with a nice guy. Before, I would have allowed myself to "go with the flow" in order to make myself more attractive to him. I would have laughed at his innuendos or taken his suggestion to go to his place to "cuddle". I like cuddling and he wasn't unattractive. But I didn't need what he had to offer. He wasn't right for me, and rather than just going with the flow, I said good night. No good night kiss--no nothin. He wasn't happy with that. But I felt stronger. I felt the microtears in my heart healing a little bit as I stood up for my own needs.

I need to extend my healing from dating to exercising my will power and my power to make healthy eating decisions.

It's only been a few days, but I can feel myself healing, little by little everyday.

Sweeney Todd

2011-09-28T13:52:00.000-04:00

While I was in All Shook Up, Tammy and Holly mentioned that they wanted to do Sweeney Todd.

I told them I would LOVE to help direct the chorus.

Of course, I wanted to be in the show too.

So right now, I am enjoying one of the most stressful responsibilities I have ever faced. I have spent the last four weeks teaching the cast some of the most difficult music in all of musical theatre history. If you doubt it, listen to this particular gem on youtube:

A Performance "The Letter"

In addition to that, I am playing Mrs. Lovett. I adore this part. It is incredible, but I am at my wit's end trying to find a way to direct the music and play this amazing part at the same time. So far, so good. This is the part of life that I feel I'm good at. I'll post about my lesser strengths later.

Come and see it. It will be amazing. This cast is just wonderful. We open October 28th and play through November 12th. Visit Midvale Main Street Theatre for tickets and information.

Last night, our cast performed The Letter. I was amazed. We still have a month left, but the music is perfection right now. There are other parts of the show that need some work. "God That's Good!" is still kicking our little tushies. I swear Sondheim changes the key 10 times during the song. I sit there plunking away at the piano, and realize that the key signature no longer has 5 flats, it's now got 6 sharps. It's at this point that I begin randomly swearing and screaming. The cast has grown accustomed to my vulgar fits. They're so sweet.

But really--6 sharps? And then on top of that, he throws in random double flats and double sharps.

Throw the tenor treble clef in there where I have to transpose all their music down to the bass clef and I'm ready to throw a hissy fit.

Oh! And forget trying to figure out if it's 4/4 or 6/8. Half the time it's in 5/12! (It's a wonder I don't leave rehearsal with a migraine.) But we usually manage to feel things out and luckily when I'm ready to explode, one of the cast members will step forward and help me find the right counts. It's such a privilege working with this group.

Las Vegas

2011-09-28T13:05:00.003-04:00

Last week, my company took a large group of us to Las Vegas where we stayed at the Pallazzo. We watched Cirque du Soleil (my first time), I went to the spa, I read by the pool, danced, ate amazing food, and read by the pool some more. The suites were gorgeous! It was an amazing experience.

On Saturday night, I didn't make any plans. At 5pm, I left the Cabana by the pool and wandered over to the spa. I spent two hours wandering in a giant plush terry cloth robe from one room to the next. One room would have giant lounging chairs to read on. Another room was stone with heat oozing from the stones. Another room had chairs in the shapes of waves that you could lay back on and watch reflections of water rush in around a drain, over and over again. The Igloo room provided a cool herbal shower. The Crystal Steam room was hot and steamy. The Swedish Sauna was hot and dry. One room had showers: carribean storm, tropical rain storm, and some light rain option that I can't remember. And of course there was the hot tub. I was a happy little nudist bouncing from one room to the next.

After the spa, I went to find something to eat. Instead of saving money, (which I should have done), I decided to find a nice restaurant. I wandered into Emeril's restaurant and asked for a seat at the bar facing the kitchen. I spent the meal reading and watching the chefs run like mad around the kitchen. The food was incredible. I enjoyed a filet mignon and a banana cream pie. The chef across from me began to chit chat amicably after the rush died down. It was amazing to watch him cook my steak from start to finish. So cool! I was the only one at the counter, because everyone else was in a large party, laughing and enjoying the food at a table. I feel like I enjoyed the better experience though. Sometimes being alone has its definite perks.

Friday night, we ate dinner at a beautiful Italian restaurant. I enjoyed homemade pasta. It was incredible! The company paid for everything. My coworkers enjoyed unlimited amounts of red and white wine. I enjoyed unlimited amounts of water! :)

After dinner, we all dressed for the club and went to Club Lavo. The club was okay. It was packed to the hilt. And we were packed in like cattle. I loved the theme. As you walk into the club, there are beautiful old faucets running. It's difficult to describe. At the club, ladies in Grecian robes pretend to bath themselves in front of you. And of course, the cocktail waitresses were all in black lingerie, because what else are you going to serve drinks in?

It was an amazing weekend.

Moab

2011-09-10T23:46:00.001-04:00

From Drop Box

Moab was wonderful. I haven't been load all my pics to picasa yet because my phone is being bratty. But I will! More to come!

Update August 2011

2011-08-16T02:59:00.003-04:00

This past week has been crazy.

1) I had a sleep test and I am positive I have sleep apnea. So, yippee for me! The doctor just has to confirm it, but the med techs are positive, and they know their stuff.

2) I started and ended a relationship with a very nice guy. We had dated back in May a couple of times, but I didn't think we had enough in common. Then three weeks ago, we started talking again. We went out a few times. I like him a lot. He's just a nice guy. But after I told him I didn't wanna date him in May, he went and got engaged to another girl and she broke his heart. So, even though there's a mutual liking going on--he's still healing... So things are on pause right now. It makes sense. But it's gonna be tough to let him go this time. It was fun going to the baseball game and holding hands and just enjoying time spent together. Ah patience.... I hate you.

3) I spoke in church yesterday! Ack! It was such a nice opportunity to study the gospel and learn something new. I talked about the need for prophets. I realized that living prophets give us a rich opportunity to practice faith in times of difficult. That practice can help to sanctify us and we can learn the love of the Savior.

4) I'm sleeping with oxygen every night. Holy hannah, what a difference that makes!

5) I'm still at a loss as to what to do with my life/career. I just wanna be right now.

The fact is, I have been waking up 3 to 4 times a night every night for ages. I've been absolutely exhausted throughout the day. Finally, I have the health insurance to pay to diagnose and treat the sleep apnea that I believe I've had for years. So, I may have given up a better career, but I would never have been able to get this problem diagnosed back in DC. I am here for a reason, and if the only reason is to get this treated so I don't die of a heart attack at 40, then that is a good enough reason for me.

And FINALLY:

6) My half-sister Bethany had a little baby boy! Kannon Roscoe Banks! He's a cutie patootie! She's sooooo young. She's only 18. And the daddy is only 21. But they love eachother, so that's good....

So that's a little update.

I start on Sweeney Todd next week! I am helping with music! I'm so excited!

My Hurt Back

2011-07-20T22:15:00.003-04:00

I threw my back out. It is just swell. But it has reminded me of all the people who care about me. It's been very lovely.

Here's the story. I will make it as magical as possible.

First, I went to bed at 6:30pm Sunday night because I was tired. At 9:30pm, I woke up and watched some stupid television until 11pm and then dropped off to sleep again. I was tired!

I woke up at 7am--a half hour earlier than usual. I happily hopped up and got in the shower. As I was tossing my hair forward to put it in a towel, I felt the lower left side of my back go out.

No biggie! I'll just do some yoga! I got time!

So I stretched and stretched and waited for the back to just pop back into place. Back into a happy happy little place!

This didn't happen.

I decided to go to Walmart to walk around and pick up some fruit and veggies.

Then I went to work and I was still in a swell mood--albeit, I couldn't walk.

I made an appt to go and get my back adjusted at lunch.

I thought I would just go in and he would pop it into place.

He massaged my lower back with an awesome massagy thingy. I was so happy. Sooooo happy.

And then he stopped.

He casually said, "Okay! Get up!"

I couldn't. I sat there and tried to move. I couldn't move my hips. I felt paralyzed. He asked if it was painful. It didn't seem very painful. I just couldn't physically move. I think it was painful, but it didn't feel sharp. Tears streamed down my face. He had me lay back down and he did the massagy thing a little longer.

And then instead of getting up, I rolled off the table and crawled like a baby out of the office.

Dear Heather came and took me to my apartment. The doctor prescribed rest. He gave me a cool note.

Then Joe brought me a heating pad and ice and ibuprofen.

Then Kristi brought me my book from work.

Tuesday, Katie and Joe came over and helped me get my car from the doctor's and we went to the pool so I could relax the muscles there.

Then Roger came over and took me to the grocery store.

Today Gabriel came over with a book on how to heal the back.

That's 6 people in three days who took time out to help me out. I am pretty helpless right now. Movement is limited to say the least.

But hopefully I will heal soon enough. The doctor says I have these microtears in my muscles and it makes it difficult to just pop things back into alignment without causing further damage to my muscles. I just have to relax. Apparently moving 4 times in a year isn't great for the back.

It sucks being out for the count, but it's lovely being loved.

Dating Narcissism

2011-07-18T00:14:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I found out that the guy I was dating earlier this year--well he's now engaged.

He told me that he wanted to wait three years before marriage. He wanted to wait a year before even CONSIDERING marriage.

I made the mistake of laughing at that and saying, "Sure! whatever!"

And this why he is NOT engaged to me.

I thought about being sad about this. I thought about a few of the guys I've dated and how they are happy with other people now.

When you're dating, you say, "I love you! You're amazing! I wish I could be with you forever!" and then they go off and actually spend forever with someone else.

And regardless of who it is--when they find someone else--even if I really wasn't that into them--I feel jilted.

It's ridiculous! I can't be with every guy I date! There is no truth to this kind of pain. It's stupid! I can't be with everyone. Why shouldn't they find happiness?

It's a kind of narcissism. It's a way of seeing yourself as the center of everyone's universe.

Well, I'm clearly not the center of anyone's universe.

blah.

I have been going out with a nice guy for the past three weeks, but I just don't know. I'm not feeling it. But I tell you, after we break up and he finds someone else and gets engaged--I guarantee I'll feel it then. Silly narcissistic me.

Silly silly me.

I'm Making a List

2011-07-13T00:59:00.003-04:00

I am doing my best to whittle away the problems that weigh on my mind.

Which is way more than I've been doing.

So here are the steps I've taken--this isn't interesting--but it's cathartic.

1. I went to the doctor last night to check out my unhealthy feelings. I'm going to have a sleep test to see if I have sleep apnea. And I have medicine for other stuff.

Check... One step closer to happy.

2. I ate a Fiber One bar, brocolli, dairy free shepherd's pie, cherries, a half a piece of chicken, tortilla soup, and grapes and apples with walnuts.

You will note:

NO Ice cream!!

Check.... another step to bliss.

3. I went for a walk!

Check.... shika POW!

4. I ate dinner with two very good friends. It was a nice evening. I mentioned to Gabe that I was going to try to lose some weight.

Brace yourself....

He replied,

"Why?"

Check.

Random Self-Portrait

2011-07-10T00:06:00.000-04:00

I don't have a clue when I took this. Sometime in May I think.

During May I started dating a really nice guy. It was really nice. It made me think that maybe there was a really nice pot of gold at the end of this horrifying rainbow.

He was great. So sweet. We started dating when he told me that he was afraid of how much he liked me. And he told me he thought I was so pretty.

It was great.

And then he told me he wanted me to lose weight.

And then he told me he felt claustrophobic.

And then I told him to go away for a week.

And then he told me that he felt like it was over.

And it was.

Sooooo.... yea.

I still go out probably once or twice a week with random guys. Some nice, some interesting.

I'm doing my best to play the game and to be open to whatever glorious love life has to offer. But honestly, dating is just not fun anymore.

I'm so wary of getting hurt for the 50 zillionth time again. So I don't really even see the point.

In other personal news, I have a large bone spur on the right side of my jaw. It's weird.

And another little health concern that I'm going to the doctor about... it's too gross to share online. But I'm sure it's no big deal.

Oh, and I'm peeling from my time at the pool last weekend.

In other news, I'm a huge fan of Doctor Who now thanks to the nice guy I dated in May.

Picture From the Wedding

2011-07-09T23:56:00.000-04:00

Maren and Jake dancing at the wedding. I wish I knew how to enter these pics in a group... oh well. Technology... there was a time when I cared enough to get to know how to work all this stuff.... now....

I just don't.

More Family Reunion

2011-07-09T23:53:00.000-04:00

Little Jossilyn playing with her grandma--my Aunt Mary Lou. Bethany--my baby sister-- is having a baby in August. My Nana and Popop are both nearly 90. They're in really great shape for their age. I come from good peeps.

My cousin Maren is absolutely one of the most beautiful people in the world. She looks like Pocahontas. And her daughter is a cutie little red head with the whitest little jiggly thighs... she reminds me of me. tee hee hee.

Family Reunion

2011-07-09T23:49:00.000-04:00

My Aunt Nancy holding the new batch of grandbabies. Aren't they cutie patooties?

Drop Box

2011-07-09T23:47:00.000-04:00

I went to see Harry and the Potters at the Salt Lake City Library. It was lovely!